Call Her Daddy - 4 - Nudes Never Die

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Alex and Sofia discuss sending nudes and an important technology hack they have discovered- one they guarentee will save the credibility and integrity of your nude. Also, they dive into the 'porn test challenge,' shaving your vagina at 3 am, and guys spitting on girls backs to fake an orgasm.

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy good morning everyone it is alex and sophia back at it again for another episode of call her daddy we hope at this point you're all calling yourself daddy in the fucking bedroom or at least forcing your partner to so let's do a quick recap of last week a little update on our lives so i left sophia unattended for a week and i went to paris um before we get into that, Sophia, how was your week without me and Lauren, our other roommate? She was in Iceland. So your department to ourselves, yourself, sorry. Tell me about it. Go. Honestly, at this point, I've been single for so long. I am finding myself

sexually aroused by anyone that will make eye contact with me for like more than two seconds. I fell in love with a homeless man on my way home from work like you're like I love you have a man bun let's fucking go legit I don't even know anymore like if I'm genuinely attracted to these people or not it's like I just I don't even know I'm just so horny everything looks hot no and that's fine honestly I've been checking you out over here you are I fucking the cameraman Sophiaia sophia i know what are you doing after this by the way cameraman he's like okay i'm getting harassed at work anyways so like i said i was personally in paris with a guy um you know you're expected to fall in love when you go to paris

except for the fact that i didn't fucking find love there was no fucking love found more so let's just say my vagina was drier than a fucking dryer sheet okay it was an extremely interesting trip to sum it up let's just say i left the guy and i escapade to the fucking airport without telling him um i would want to i kind of want to elaborate but at the same time i feel like it's too ripe and i kind of want to just too soon yeah too soon let's leave the details of the paris trip to another um podcast however i know you were thinking about me well i was in paris no no all right here we go so sofia text me when i'm in the middle of my paris trip and i remember i was laying in bed and i get a text from Sophia and in all caps she's like emergency you need to come home and I'm like oh my god at this point I want to leave the fucking trip so anything like you

need me to make a taco for you I'm there baby girl however you text me and you emergency you need to come home and then you follow it up I think you're in the hospital and you followed up with i need you to come take a nude for me dude it was a fucking emergency like taking nudes is no joke it's a form of art it takes a village the tit shot is so easy i could fucking do it my eyes closed at this point the ass shot however it takes flexibility, creativity, stamina, concentration. And while my girlfriend, you, Alex, you were gone, I found myself in pain, like trying to contortion my arm around my back. And I was just like, holy shit, I need someone to take this for me. I need Alex.

Dude, I understand where you're coming from. And I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't there for you in your time of need. So I apologize. At the end of the day the day though I think I did help you out you did you did Alex you sent me a few nudes that you have stored a few examples handy and ready baby handy and ready and you're gonna die I was so desperate at this point I was like I need to fucking learn how to use photoshop because I'm about to fucking color your blonde hair brown and play it off as my own. I'm not fucking with you. At that point, I was like, if I threw on an emoji of a brown hair, whatever on this picture, like what would the guy do? Honestly, what would he do? Honestly, guys are so fucking nasty.

They may for a split second be like okay like the emoji's kind of weird but whatever i'm about to go take myself to my room and take care of myself like i know i can 100 100 i could put a fucking like emoji like the kissy face and they would still be like i'm gonna go take care of myself jack off whatever babe i'm trying to help you the fuck out yeah like i would honestly just play it off like, babe, I was trying to be artsy. I don't want to send you, like, any typical run-of-the-mill nude. I'm going to add emojis. I love you.

An emoji over my fucking face, and it might as well be Sophia fucking Franklin. Yeah. At this point, guys, rate this podcast five stars and leave a positive review. And if you do, let's send them a fucking nude yes if you leave five stars leave a comment i will personally send you a nude it may be me it may be alex it's up to your imagination have fun no you know what this is something that sophia and i were talking about so when sophia i came home and she's like you know you i want you to take a nude of me i'm wondering to guys what do you guys think if they get a nude from a girl and clearly

they did not take the fucking nude? Oh my God. Is it weird? Like, do guys, an ass shot is an ass shot, whether it's taken from someone else or not. You see that? You know what I mean? I really don't think they would care. I'm going to buy you a brown wig and we're going to do a photo shoot.

It's happening. And if a guy honestly was like, Sophia, that's not your butt. I will be like you greedy motherfucker you got a picture of a beautiful bodacious butt and who gives a shit if it's mine fucking hashtag be grateful goodbye be grateful motherfucker you're graced with an ass take the ass or leave it yeah no couldn't agree more. While we are on the topic of nudes, because I know everyone's listening close because who isn't sending nudes at this point? Okay.

Sophia and I have a fucking public service announcement. Legit. If you weren't listening before, listen up now. We are about to drop some fucking knowledge that will change lives all right pause here we go listen in nudes and the iCloud do not mix I state that because listen up folks if you send an old nude and the person saves it, which they 1000% will, they can see the date that you originally took the photo. Okay.

So, okay. If you took it back in December, they will see it and you are exposed game fucking over folks. So let's break it down a little bit more. Okay. Imagine the situation. You are in bed. You're telling this guy you're thinking about

him and you need to send a nude asap okay things are getting heated you've got your fucking pimple cream on your glasses are on lights are out you're ready to knock the fuck out all right Sophia what do we do we and everyone else listening result to sending that old nude that you know is great everyone has that fucking old fire ass nude that they have ready to go locked and fucking loaded all right so you find your old nude and you're ready to send and then what all right so this is the most important part and everybody listen up it is fucking imperative that you screenshot the original nude and then proceed and go send the screenshotted version of the nude with the new date or the cloud will fuck you wow uh okay i think at this point

you need to fucking explain to them how we found this genius revelation out how did we find out all right let me let me explain so how we found this out is my ex called me the fuck out because he was basically said he was saving the pic he was saving it to his ipod and then he went to look at it and he couldn't find it in that date because his shit was in the memory option where it goes by date so he's trying to scroll the fuck up and meanwhile i was no longer in that month i was chilling in fucking january ass out and i'm like oh fuck and it was so fucking awkward holy that is so rough it was horrible and he was like what the fuck was that pic for another guy oh my god are you reusing nudes blah blah blah and of course i'm a fucking psycho.

I came up with the most genius response and he's an idiot and believe me, and it doesn't matter. I'm sure. But now, I think it's so funny. You and I were talking about this the other day because guys have now sent me pictures and the other week specifically,

a guy sent me a pic and I saved it to my phone and he, I saw, the poor guy doesn't know that we're see this is what the problems are people don't know we're this psycho and we're this calculated so the guy sends me a pic and it was really hot as shit I'm like oh my god you're great I save it and the poor guy I realized he sent it he took the picture a week before okay well aka god only knows how many girls got that goddamn picture within that week. Yeah. So, you know what?

The moral of the story is be fucking careful and watch your credibility, people. Yes. Like, don't get sloppy here, people. I mean, I know half the people you are probably sending it to are, like, so dumb that they wouldn't even notice. But protect your name out there, folks. No. It's scary out there.

I think it would be really fun to test this. So, everyone go i want you to save pictures that people have sent you even if it's selfies etc go and click the memories options and see if you can catch any fucking people that were faking that date i want everyone to check and if you find people and you're exposing them, please go right into callherdaddy.com and let us fucking know. Dude. We are about to ruin relationships straight up. No, no, we are.

People are going to be like, what the fuck? My girlfriend took that two fucking years ago and it's her go-to. And I love how we just fucking breeze past the fact that your ex was so open. Like, hey, I'm going to save this. If you think that your nudes are not being

saved to the ipad ipod my ipod touch my apple watch my kindle the fucking hard drive to the hard drive back up the hard drive the hard drive of the hard drive exactly it's so true it goes back to the truth that guys worship these things okay they will never ever ever ever ever ever ever delete the motherfucking nudes and i'm telling you this even and i i feel bad because at least we we're we're fucking jaded over here the thing is girls and i hate to break your heart if you're in a committed relationship it doesn't matter guys are keeping those nudes and even if they have to send that shit because if you're a nosy girlfriend they're gonna send that folder to one of their homeboys and they're gonna keep it for his them but at the end of the day those

nudes exist and they're here to stay hashtag nudes never die like guys are literally like god take my eyes but not my news a guy will lose his family photo albums government issued id social security card passport birth certificate before he fucking loses and deletes all of the nudes in the secret album on his phone it's just life dude yeah like we talked about the other day my fucking ex told me the first thing he did when he broke up is he deleted my nudes. L-O fucking O. Die. Literally, needless to say, we kind of had a sexual reconnection

for a hot minute a few months after, and he sent me a picture of myself, and he wrote, and he was like, oh my God, this is my favorite fucking one of you. Meanwhile, I'm like, bitch, you said that shit was gone. Good try. Nudes live on forever, and fuck that shit. Okay, the boyfriend that I got caught cheating on.

Episode two, always plug. Go listen to it. Yes, it's fucking amazing. He came across one of my nudes and guess what? It brought him right the fuck back. He's like, my God, I'm never going to talk to Sophia again. She's fucking suck. Oh, I remember that. back he's like my god i'm never gonna talk to sophia again she's fucking so oh yeah oh i remember

that okay let me text her no it's so fucking true okay let's talk what we're talking about that the v people are like what have you shaving the mother okay so the other week sophia and i were talking about i think every girl specifically listening to this podcast will be able to relate to this and guys are probably gonna maybe be shocked so we're talking about this you go you're going on a date or you're going out it's not a single decision it is a collective decision between you and your girlfriends am I shaving the v tonight or not it's more of like an announcement you're just like guys I refuse to shave this because I will not be hooking up with someone. You know, the really cool thing about that is you end up in a random person's shower at 3 a.m.

with a random razor fucking shaving that shit off in a blackout. That's what happened. Then you fucking wake up in the morning. Let's not discard that. You wake up in the fucking morning. You're like, happen oh shit you look down it's a fucking bald eagle down there you're like wow how did that happen how many girls please write in and let us know you have been in that fucking shower finding that fucking dirty ass random ass razor it could be a guy's razor and you are taking it to the v like a champ because you know goddamn well you're like i have a mission i'm gonna do this tonight and i don't care what my sober self

was thinking it's going down literally wake up the next morning you're like oh i don't think we hooked up and then you look down there and it's fucking like bald and shaved and you're like i am now 99.9 sure something happened something went in and out. Guys don't understand, like, we use it almost as a protection shield. It's like pure strategy. Once you get hammered, you start to forget your morals. It's like, and then all of a sudden, the bush is what brings you back. Oh my God, that's poetic. The bush brings you back to remembering, oh wait, I promised myself I'm not going to fucking

hook up with this guy. Wait, let's think about it. Because we know we have kind of like 50 50 listeners how amazing is it we're sitting here talking about this there's no fucking guy in history he's showering getting ready for his date or his night out and he's in the shower and he's like hell nah I'm not gonna shave that shit I don't want to get my dick sucked tonight I don't want to move that fast I don't want to get my dick sucked tonight. I don't want to move that fast. I don't want to fuck this bitch. It's like, how fucking no? I'm like dying right now. No guy. A guy could be like, I literally just worked out, fucking walked through the Sahara desert. It's disgusting down there. And they're like, still, can I put it in your mouth? But shit. So fuck that. But I think honestly, the difference is between guys and girls. At the end

of the day, we're the ones that can get fucking pregnant and so i'm just gonna be honest let that kind of brings me can we talk about condoms uh i fucking guess i feel like we should i mean i don't even know how to answer that because are they still around no exactly condoms do they even fucking exist anymore i don't know so sophia and i were talking about this god we talk about so much shit we're so inappropriate sometimes we're go to 99 cent pizza we're out late night and we just start talking we're like i hope people know that this podcast also translates into our everyday life yeah this is not a show folks no this is how we talk and we talk to lauren about it too and lauren's like no i don't think that way yeah

oh my god are we really gonna go there go for it the other day we were meeting with someone Yeah, like, we're sizing guys up. We're sizing guys up. Oh, my God. Are we really going to go there? Go for it. Go for it. The other day, we were meeting with someone. No, yeah, don't say who. Obviously, we were meeting with someone, and I left the meeting, and we were getting pizza, and I was like, oh, my God, doesn't blah, blah, blah have a huge wiener?

And without hesitation, Alex goes, absolutely. Like, it wasn't even a question it wasn't like what's happening in his pants it was just like yep we think the minute we meet guys we're like bigger smaller in between even we've said there's no way he's in between he's either tiny or he's fucking packing what is wrong with us and we bring it up to our roommate lauren and lauren's like yeah we're like lauren do you ever just like you know like when you're fucking getting pizza and the pizza man like you obviously size up his dick, right? And she's like, you know, I honestly don't do that.

And so we were like, ew. Oh, we're like, oh, okay, yeah. No, yeah. Normal person. Normal person. Fuck, right, right, right. Normal thoughts. Okay, so we need to reel it in.

So anyway, so Sophia and I were talking about this the other week with regard to condoms it's crazy because all right so you and i we've both dated guys that are older in like their 35 range um and then we compare that to a guy that's more in our range like in their 20s older guys usually will always have a condom on them yeah and then the younger generation fucking forget it like they don't know what a condom is they don't they don't know what i don't understand i don't know how to put one on no no meanwhile you and i are still over here like we can't even get to the condom talk because we were like okay so we had a date um we had one date which means that we can go to first base and now like how long until we get to second base and i know people probably like there's no way, but the fact that we, we still talk about bases. Why?

Why? Can you imagine if on the fourth date, you and the guy go back to his room and you fucking put a little lotion in your hand, grab his wiener. And you're like, this is about to feel great. And you're like, okay, we're hitting second base, a hand job. He would tell you to get lost. Dude, meanwhile, Sophia, wake the fuck up. No one has given a fucking hand job since 1999. Let's just let that.

Dude, honestly. I would love to hear people's comments on this. This is a topic about condoms that Sophia and I have been, we've been kind of talking about it for a few weeks now. So girls specifically, do you feel this way with guys? Like no one is really bringing condoms around anymore, like fucking idiots. And guys, do you have a reason as to why you don't, don't fucking write it and say because it feels better. We know that.

But I mean, logistically, like we've heard from some guys saying like you don't want to come off as the minute you start hooking up and then you whip this fucking condom out. It's like, okay, so bitch, you thought, bitch, you thought you were about to sleep with me. It's like spread your legs. Girls get all freaked out because they're like, oh, so you brought a condom. So you were prepared. So you thought you were going to fuck. So we're not fucking because we thought we were fucking. Now let's transition. First and foremost, I think we should answer some questions people wrote into the site. Again, we love including you guys into the podcast.

Yes. So Bea and I have, well, first of all, we're fucking brilliant. We love having our little own moments. But you guys really make it fucking enjoyable. The questions you guys write in, I, genius. Die over them. Die. We lay there in bed together and

we read them and so if you guys want to be featured on an episode of call her daddy go to callherdaddy.com and you can write us questions write us stories or really anything that comes to your mind just write in and we will probably hopefully feature you on the next episode so so this is from Megan. The guy that I'm hooking up with is constantly asking me to eat his ass. He also wears a man purse. I'm like 100% sure he may be gay. What do I do to find out for sure?

My answer right now might put you guys into fucking shock. Do it. You hit him with a porn test. Boom. Tell him what the porn test You hit him with a porn test. Boom. Tell him what the porn test is, Sophia. The porn test. You literally find the hottest gay porn you can. There's a lot out there.

Get after it. Two guys. And then you get it on your phone. You go over to him. You press play. You graze his dick with your hand. And if there is any movement while he's watching that porn he's gay yeah boom done done it's so simple we've done it to someone i will never forget sophia and i

we're in a different state i won't expose him because you know who you are because i love you listen to the podcast but we were like dude he's not trying to hook up with you what's going on we go into the fucking bathroom we whip out the porn test and this poor guy's like oh what's going on he passed he passed i was convinced he was gay i was like there's no way that's happening but he passed he passed but i swear to god guys flying colors all right next one so this is from lexi she said do you think guys think less of you if you fuck them on the first date i'm going on a date with a guy who i'm really attracted to but also want to be taken seriously i have a feeling he's of course going to ask me to go back to his apartment is this a bad idea help okay without being like too

serious yeah really as women we need to stop that We need to stop putting so much emphasis on the guy. Like, if you're in the mood, if you're feeling it and it feels right, like, go for it. Agreed. I've had relationships that, like, just started off as fun. Yeah. And they ended up being, like, my serious boyfriend. To me, also, and then there's the complete retrospective of I've also, guys have been like, okay, we're on our 10th fucking date bitch can you

show me what your neckline looks like like i am making these guys with the fucking luber term in your hand and then basically you can do whatever the fuck you want you can either do it on the first night do it three months later mix it up mix it up don't overthink it because at the end of the day are guys overthinking it a guy guy wants to fuck, he wants to fuck. And then if you guys like each other, keep going. Whatever. Okay, I'm going to read this one. This one's great.

Okay. This one put me over the edge. Like, I was laughing about this for hours. Jack, you are my hero. I want to marry you. Can we hang out? Okay. Jack, thoughts on going many rounds in a row?

As a guy, I'm really content with one round, but some girls want like five rounds in a row. One time, I even spit on her back pretending to cum because I was all drained. Thoughts. Holy shit. I don't know if we just blew out your fucking ears on your headphones. I'm sorry. Holy fucking shit. No,'t know if we just blew out your fucking ears on your headphones. I'm sorry. Holy fucking shit. No, that is fucking incredible.

I'm sorry because the amount of orgasms girls fake while they're getting fucked. I'm sorry I'm putting it out there. Girls, you know you feel it. We all do. We all do. Honestly, Jack, I applaud you and keep it going. Next, Ryan said, I found it's a lot harder to organically meet people now. And when I do match with people on dating apps, I've been told my Insta isn't full of fun pics with friends, and that's a red flag.

How important do you think social media is in today's dating scene? I'm cutting you off. I know. If that is the case, that people are looking for how many friends you have in pictures. I already know what you're going to say. I am never getting a fucking date because my Instagram has zero fucking friends on it it's just me and my fat ass fucking head so okay I'm single for life I honestly no aside from that guys with Instagrams I always look like what are they working with

because to me guys that have all pictures of themselves are not as attractive I'm like thinking about it now easier I'm having a revelation girls can get on instagram and just poke like the selfie pics of them being hot like guys no how do guys do instagram i don't get it like pains me i remember when i'm on this new dating app that i'm not allowed to speak about when i see pictures of them and they're like posting selfies i immediately click no oh to me the thought of a guy posting a selfie i don't know why it's like his mental state like i've never dated a guy that I've ever seen. His mental state.

His mental state. What is he doing? What are you doing right now? He's unwell. He's unwell. Listen, think about it. You and I are sitting on our fucking couch in our apartment, and I'm like, dude, is this guy hot?

What's the thing you always say? You always say, dude, look how hot his friend is. True. And then we stalk his friend, and we go, yeah, let's go hang out with him. But also, we get mad if they take selfies selfies but then we also don't like when they fucking post a picture of the fish that they caught in fucking cuba or stop taking a fucking picture of your car making your abi bitch i don't want to i don't want to date a car i want to date you and your dick okay alex stop okay next one this anonymous girl has written and she said please help me in all caps

i've only had sex three times with three different guys and i'm 21 i lost my virginity like a year ago so i feel like i'm a starfish like i kind of just lay there and take it how do i not do that okay okay sophia honestly help our girl help And I'm going to be serious again. What the fuck is up with me? I'm all in my feels today, people. Wow. When we get her there, we know. Yes. I'm going to start crying pretty soon, honestly.

I'm tearing up. I'm tearing up. Please don't. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for you, homegirl. Yeah. Like, honestly, you should. How can I say besides masturbate? No, but fuck it.

Say it. Yeah. It's true. Like, people are so awkward about this. Yes. Like, masturbate, touch yourself, see what feels good to you, and then incorporate that into fucking sex. Like, that's what it should be.

Like, stop focusing so much on the guy and focus on yourself and what feels good. I agree. No. And then on top of that that gyrate on his dick also fucking throw that ass back and throw that ass in a circle baby we have one more i'm changing it no why because the last person that's coming on to the podcast it's not bethany okay ready we're bringing in sophia's mom lola fucking lola wow lola i know you're listening i love you so much okay so the other week tell her tell people what she was oh i know exactly what you're referring to okay when i recorded the first episode my mom

really contemplated disowning me she was a little bit um in a state of shock she was like not into it she was like Sophia what the hell are you doing and I'm like you know what mom take a nap we're moving on okay so Sophia is at work one day I'm at home she puts us in a group chat and she says girls dot dot dot and I'm ready to get ripped a new asshole about your horse you're doing this what are you doing oh my god oh wait me too I was like should I block my mom you know I love blocking can I block my mom she slides the fuck in and she goes girls I think I need to be a guest on the podcast sooner rather than later what what what the fuck mom you weren't supportive and then bam yeah and she wants to be in and around the episode what a little wow wow you know what mom fame will get to you fame

will get to you bitch i tell my mom a bitch we were laughing because obviously everyone's asked oh my god what do your parents think about this what you guys are saying what you're doing listen they all want a piece of the thing wow i think i think we gotta end it there i know we promise i know we promised people we were going to talk about butts anal etc and we were going to talk about how to give the girl gluck gluck 3000 but let me just say something with regard to at least anal um guys we're in the beginning stages of this relationship this is episode four we're like first base approaching second base like come on even though i just told him how to give the sloppiest fucking blow job in the downtown region but fuck me right okay so anyways thanks so

much for listening guys this is what we're gonna do we really need you guys to rate this podcast five stars but i mean i'm going to tell you how many stars. Five stars. Hold up your hand. How many fingers? Five. Five. Okay.

So rate us five stars. And then also give us an honest, positive review. And I repeat, honest, positive review. If you guys can slide down on our channel. I don't really actually know what it does, but I think it's a really big deal if we get great reviews. And so we can keep making this podcast. we can keep explaining ourselves right just rate it five right just rate it five so we can keep talking about dick and anal and whatever else

also we're gonna be giving away a call her daddy sweatshirt at random so we're gonna go through all the comments and whoever leaves a comment that we really fucking like you're gonna be sent a call her daddy merch sweatshirt i can't wait who the fuck doesn't want to match us boom i can't wait yes everybody thank you so much for listening to call her daddy episode four and we will see you again listen every fucking monday we are making it great again baby yes we'll see you next week bye guys Bye.