Call Her Daddy - 49 - Stop Ruining Your Relationship

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Girls get more insecure after they get into a relationship. FACTS. This week, the fathers discuss why this is the case and how it leads to women doing bat shit crazy things... including Alex's most brilliant/insane behavior yet. They also get into a new sex position called “Time Out” for all you naughty hoes and how to get verified on Instagram REAL quick. P.S- Alex and Sofia reveal their personal experiences with some serious stalkers

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy what's up guys it is alex and sophia it's call her daddy back at it again baby oh we missed you guys yes we're recording early this morning. Fuck. We never get up before like noon. What the fuck? Noon? Me?

11. We're up by 11. Anything below like 9 o'clock is scary territory for us. Yeah. I think I'm just going to be blackout this entire episode. I don't even know what's going to come out of my mouth, but that's totally fine. Blackout from sleep, not even alcohol this time.'m proud of you sophia thank you i'm growing up so so last week we said that we were settling into our new apartment but we absolutely are not

absolutely not absolutely not guys we have not ordered furniture to sit on. And we literally, we brought the trash from our old apartment. And by trash, I mean the furniture. You guys know that. Yes, trash equals furniture. The furniture was found in the trash. Classic, classic. We haven't bought it.

Which is disgusting. Why are we bringing that into a new apartment? Because we have actual issues, serious issues making decisions. The moral of the story is the fucking 301 lives on sweetheart fucking lives on 301 i love how i just like casually say 301 so oh my god yeah you just said our apartment number what sophia and i realized we're gone now when we were living in the 301 we had some times daddy gang members would come drunkenly to our door oh my god and we were like i wonder how people know we live here it would be 2 a.m and people would be knocking just

being like daddy gang and we'd be like love it but also like sometimes not in the mood at two in the morning but like love you because i thought i was gonna get killed and so i realized at that moment we're like how do they know we live here? And Sophia pointed it out that at one point on my Instagram, I had a highlight reel and it was called 301 apartment. So, you know, Alex. Yeah. Well, and then naturally when you put your apartment number on your fucking highlight reel on Instagram. I mean, I think that was a major factor. I also think that filming an entire vlog of the apartment and of the outside of the building.

It kind of tipped them off. You think? Yes. And then also a few months later, a girl did comment on one of my pictures and was like, this must be their apartment number. And I was like, what could this picture be? And it was a picture of you, me and Lauren, who was our other roommate. And it just said 301 Fields.

So there were a lot of things. So I think we've learned our lesson moving forward. We're maybe not going to give out the number to our apartment. We also everyone's been asking what what happened to lauren she's not dead guys we didn't like leave her in with her boyfriend yeah she's like a stable normal person yeah she's taking the next step in a relationship and i are like ramen noodles and sitting on a box trap house for life and just fuck them all yeah yeah that's cool so anyways alex tell the daddy what you fucking did i was sexually harassing someone no i'm just kidding

i'm just kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding but kind of but kind of guys i was um last week we recorded a podcast and we were talking about lines to use when you're doing school girl role play like squeezing her little fucking with your cock. Stretching out her vagina. Let's just say it was like very graphic. It was pretty disgusting, but amazing. Anyways, so I had to, you know, update our editor on what we wanted in some of our videos. Just classic.

And I was like, okay, I'm going to pull some of this like sluttiest, grossest lines so we can throw up an Instagram. Yeah. And I'm sitting there writing line for line like, I'm going to like, Iuttiest, grossest lines so we can throw up an Instagram. Yeah. And I'm sitting there writing line for line, like, I'm gonna, like, I can feel your tight pussy, like, squeezing my cock when I'm fucking you. I want you to, like, come all over my,

and blah, blah, blah. I've been such a dirty slut at school lately. And I'm, like, on Gmail, like, do, do, do, do, do, and I'm realizing as I'm sending this email to our editor. There's no subject line. There's no like, hey, this is for the promos.

It straight up just goes into dirty talk. And I'm like, hey, Sophia, just a quick question. Do you think if someone read our emails, they could low-key say that this is sexual harassment to Tom? Poor Tom probably gets it. But also, you can't help but open an email and it's like, fuck, Tom like poor Tom like probably gets it but also like you can't help but open an email and it's like fuck your pussy is so wet I'm like this looks like Tom and I are low-key sexting via email like you could get fucked in court I could Tom could bring that

in and be like Tom's like I don't need I say more need I say more I'm like I'm thinking about your huge cock and I don't know I feel like Tom has a very interesting job Most men probably would love it But I also can't help but like think maybe You know if he had a girlfriend or even his mother Like a little uncomfortable We're not the most subtle girls When it comes to how we feel sexually

I think just for next time Just make sure you put a subject line This is intended for I'm pretty sure the subject line was This is intended for, you know, promo purposes. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. That's a better one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then fuck me is the subject line. All right. Sorry, Tom. Shout out to you, Tom. Thanks, Tom. You're great, Tom. It's an interesting job we have. It definitely is.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, listen the fuck up. Call her daddy. We always talk about being a savage, a fucking hustler, a goddamn daddy. But we're going to get a little into it here because there is a moment in time that everyone feels a little fucking insecure. And today specifically, we are talking about the times when women specifically get extremely insecure when they enter into a relationship. I know it well. I know it well. I know it fucking well. And it sounds backwards. Yeah. It sounds kind of weird. It does. It's like, well, wait,

you just got into a relationship. Why do you feel unstable? You should feel stable, bitch. Yeah. But it's not. Nope. If you really break it down, it's really not. It obviously can start right away or yeah, most of the time. And I would love to hear from women, but most of the time and i would love to hear from women but most of the time it usually is around the 8 to 12 month range you're ending the honeymoon yeah that year mark is hitting it really starts to feel like holy shit things are getting comfortable and you kind of feel like things are complacent and you're like oh can't let it get like that oh my god we're dating now i'm no longer his the fucking cool girl i'm no longer the new pussy i'm the old pussy the worn out the worn out pussy the stretched out pussy right and i just

want to clarify like a lot of times the guy does not think your pussy is old the guy is not getting over you it's just something it's all in your head convince yourself absolutely and i think a lot of girls are terrified of becoming that statistic where men say, oh, she was so fun before we dated. Now she's a drag. She's not fun. We barely have sex. I agree. And I also think especially in healthy relationships or when things are going super well for us, you can't help but start to get a little nervous, a little anxious. It's like you're waiting. You're waiting for something bad to to happen there is this thing that women do and i am the fucking queen b of this shit and i don't understand why when the relationship is going great i am like how do i

yeah sabotage the fuck out of it dude it's true why is it doing well right and i also think with that point it's like a lot the longer a relationship goes well the more i feel like anxiety builds up because it's like holy fuck i'm committing myself to this person i'm making memories with them they're meeting the people in my life we're growing together they know my family they know my friends and they're like you said there's more at stake I actually have a personal situation where this happened to me um it was about the whole getting insecure around the year mark so when I was dating this guy I went to a party in the very beginning of our relationship we were having crazy sex it was fun it was new um and there were actually victorious secret models

at this party now naturally you know you can feel pretty shitty about yourself when you see a six foot amazingly looking. Yeah. Yeah. You're kind of like, I'll go fuck myself. But because we were so new and fresh in the relationship, I didn't give a fuck. I could have been wearing a fucking hoodie and no makeup. You just felt like the hottest bitch.

Because like we were still trying new things in the bedroom. And I didn't give a fuck. Yeah. Fast forward to about a year later, we went to a similar party. Similar girls were there. And I have to admit, I'm not proud of it, but I found myself feeling insecure. I felt like he was, oh my god, is he looking at them? Is he looking at them? Is he attracted to them?

I'm pretty sure if Alessandra Ambrosio walked in, I would grab my guy by his balls and like drag him across the room and be like, we are over. And he's like, what just happened? I'm like, you know exactly what happened. He comes over with the vodka soda. He's like, here, baby, I got you a drink. And you're like, you fucking asshole. And he's like, wait, I you a drink and you're like you fucking asshole and he's like wait i got you what you wanted you're like it's not about that it's about the fact that

she's here and you're not fucking making me feel good you're here i'm here i can see the whole thing and he's like i don't know what you're fucking talking about fucking adriana lima walks in she still has me blocked on instagram i'm'm like, so you're following her though. I'm going to make us go to Barnes and Noble on the way home and get some self-help books because I'm pretty sure. I don't know where you're going with that. I'm pretty sure that there are some people listening right now that are like, so I don't feel, I don't feel that at all. Terribly insecure. But I feel like a lot of girls feel that way i completely hear you thank you the insecurity is a real thing it is imagine you switch the roles right a hot guy walks in what boyfriend is gonna be like oh my god his shoes look oh my god his outfit is perfect i should have worn

different jeans no guy feels that way i know it's you know it's so bizarre yeah fuck no so i completely hear you the insecurity is a real thing and the shit that starts to happen when girls feel insecure is they start to act crazy oh sweetheart sweetheart they start to act like straight jacket insane asylum out of their mind out of their mind yeah and there are two types of crazy i just like want to clarify that okay there are like the girls that will fucking key your car and pour gasoline all over your fucking lawn and light your house on fire and then there's like this super sneaky manip crazy, where it's like more understated, but it can almost fuck with a guy more. Oh yeah. Like you're like, baby, I don't know how like these boxers got in our

room. Like they have to be yours. You're like, there's no way he's like, those aren't my boxers. She's like, babe, I wouldn't do something like that to you. Manipulation. What are my favorite tactics? And so tell me about a time that you've been fucking crazy what i did with that guy specifically is because i was feeling insecure i felt like he had the upper hand in the relationship i didn't know what the fuck to do here's an example for you sophia okay some nights you know just to spice it up okay some nights i would get a call around like 3 a.m and i would keep getting calls 3 a.m 3 10 3 20 and the thing is sophia is those weren't calls those were my alarms that i had personally set for myself and i would shit dude i would change my alarm tone to make it my ring tone

so he straight up would think i'm getting a call at 305 310 320 and he eventually is like who the fuck is calling you and i'm like babe i don't know i'm so i'm sorry like oh my god i don't know meanwhile i'm a psycho bitch pretending someone's fucking calling my jaw has dropped to the fucking floor you're judging me i have not even thought about doing something like that psycho psycho she has done it again ladies and gentlemen no it's so embarrassing what if he like went to grab your phone and there's not one fucking flush it down the toilet i'm like what no i'd be like i don't know i i amber alert amber alert i you baby, no one was calling me. And he's like,

why didn't I get the Amber? He's like, since when is the Amber alert tune? Like do, do, do, do, do,

do, do, do, do, do, do, do, I'm like,

no, no. And you're like, yeah, yeah, it was. Or I'm like, I don't know.

Like it was, he's, I would try to make him think maybe like I have another app. Like, Ooh, maybe, maybe I have someone calling me on a different app. Like WhatsApp. Yes. Okay. Ooh, I like that one i mean i you could just say like i have no idea and then

he would probably just assume that you had deleted the missed calls so it's a win-win i didn't even take it there in my mind i was being that smart but now i'm like holy right and then he'll grab your phone and he'll be like why is there no there's no right call log of this and you're like baby i have no idea and then he like looks at my alarms go back to sleep honey go back to sleep honey babe i don't know you're tired just trust me you're hallucinating good night we're breaking gaslight the man a fucking revelation just came to me. I love when you get revelations. Please let me try to break this down.

She just saw Jesus. Wow. Guys, wow. That micro dosing, I'll tell you. Stop. You, okay, so girls in the relationship start to feel insecure because of how secure their man is feeling okay right yep yeah hear me out he knows he has you aka there's security in the relationship for him aka complacency so when that happens you want to ignite like feelings of insecurity in him because when he's insecure he's pursuing you he doesn't know what

you're up to he's scared of other guys he's scared of losing you oh sofia right yes so wait that's actually such a good way to put it so when the girl is feeling insecure it's because he's feeling secure and in order for you to feel secure you need to make him insecure yeah and then that makes you basically flip the role of control aka you feel secure you've got the power now what the fuck is wrong with us that's just the most fucked up dynamic ever but it's true there's a dynamic shift that you try to make in order for you to feel better yeah because then all of a sudden if he's like wait wait, is she fucking someone? Right.

When you mention, oh my God, randomly there's a pair of boxers. Or like, oh, you smell a little bit like cologne. You do this because you want his attention. You want him to pursue you instead of just feeling like it's an everyday, hi honey, we're boring, like let's go to bed kind of vibe. I'm trying to think of a time that I've done something. Something crazy. That shouldn't be very hard, Sophia.

I don't know why you're struggling. Well, okay. I'm trying to think of something I've done that was like super conniving and like construed and thought out but again I don't know why that's hard for you to think no no I have a lot of those but I can't try to pick which one I'm drawing a blank right now but sometimes it's as simple as like if I'm starting to feel insecure yes i will call up my boyfriend and i will be like remember that thing you did two years ago and he's like are you really going there again wait there's no way you're bringing this up like wait right now like there's no fucking way like what's going on two 365 days times two later and you're like do you remember yes because we're gonna talk about it just try to start a fight and i will

look like a psychopath and it's just fully stemming from insecurity dude i have another one i've had nights where like okay so when you get in a relationship and he's going out for boys nights the thing that sucks and i get where listen men always have sex in their mind so i think that's why women feel insecure it's like men want to fuck at all times of the day so you're constantly feeling insecure yeah so before you started dating you may have been a part of the boys nights you and your friends were all there and you were the group of girls they went out with right now that you're the girlfriend yeah he has boys nights and you're usually not involved in every single boys night so right if he's going on a boys night you're gonna think you're like a downer

yes you can't bring your girlfriend exactly so say you're not invited and you're home you're just chilling and then you're starting to get insecure whether you're just in your own head thinking about what could be happening can we just like quickly say that half the time that girls start to feel insecure is because they're bored oh my like if i'm if i'm working if i'm out with friends if i'm doing shit do i get insecure no if i have like more than an hour to myself that's when it starts it's true so say you're you're sitting at home you're bored and whether it's just out of nowhere or you see like one of his friends stories there's a couple girls in the picture and although you trust him you're getting a little insecure

I've had moments where I will be so drama and I'll text him something that requires him to shift his full attention to texting me I'll be like babe and come up with something that happened I I I'm so upset like something just happened with my family and he's like babe are you okay and meanwhile it's just it's really just so he gives me attention you're kind of trying to fuck up his night. Absolutely. You know what? It's fucked up. I have gone that route where it's the, like, I'm having an emergency. I don't feel good. Or tell me you haven't done this. Out of nowhere, you're like, I am so fucking wet.

Like, thinking about your cock. Oh, man, I'm so horny. And he's in a guy's night. And it's just, am I wet? No. Fuck no. I have zit cream on. And on and i'm like have cookie crumbs all over my tits and i'm in a row and you said in like an old video of you fingering yourself

like me right now come home and he's like whoa i do that because i just kind of just want to like turn the attention to me you're like no one's at the club fingering themselves right now but i'm home fingering myself you make the choice what do you want i agree with you once again alex let's just say it together men love the crazy they just do they just fucking do it's so fucking true and i feel that so the moral of the story the moral of the story i don't fucking know is we're absolutely insane is we're all fucked we're all fucked good luck i'm just kidding i'm sure there are healthy relationships out there but i think it's lol but i think it's i think it's very important for men to hear this segment men if you don't want her acting out yeah and acting like a

lunatic yep and keying your car yeah or calling you in the middle of a boy's night and being like i just threw up all over the house. Take me to the hospital. And then you get there and she's like, hi. Hi. I'm fine. I'm fine. I missed you. Then don't even for a second.

A second. A second. A second. Let this girl feel insecure. Under no circumstances ever, no matter if there's a gun to your head, it doesn't matter. Never. You're rolling out the red carpet every fucking day for this bitch. Yes.

You've got a job and you better do it well for the rest of your life. Yes. You don't have an off day. Be like, is your pussy getting tighter? Oh my God, baby. I didn't even know how it was possible. Whoa, babe. Wow.

Holy fuck. Did your tits get bigger this month? Your ass, your body. Who are you? You're Benjamin Button up in this bitch. You look amazing. She's like, okay. And then if you switch let's talk

about now two ladies listen if he is actually doing something to make you feel insecure like tangible shit run but if it's just in your own head i want to announce to women we always say men love the crazy and i stand by that but do not let the crazy be driven by insecurity let the crazy be driven by you wanting to spice things up and keep him on his toes occasionally. Because if it is driven by insecurity, it's going to eat you up and you're going to find yourself doing things. And it's going to fuck up your relationship. Absolutely. And ladies, listen, obviously the call her daddy in me, the gluck gluck of them all. I need to let you know, if you know that you're going to go through these fucking insecure stages and you're battling with your own fucking mental demons make sure you increase your oral dick

intake okay because it can really take the stress off him while he's dealing with your fucking unpredictable emotional ass he's like why is she always crying it's a balancing act psycho you put the dick in your mouth you put the dick in your mouth you're a loud talk psycho it's a balancing act psycho you put the dick in your mouth you put the dick in your mouth you're a loud talk psycho it's as simple as that it's a simple equation it's very it's jesus christ that's not very healthy but it's the truth it's a fucking truth so you know this is funny i'm already laughing um i sent you a picture yeah the other day a screenshot of someone's very very brilliant picture a very brilliant thing i sent you a screenshot of someone's instagram who had dm'd me and they have a podcast yeah and i went to look at their page yes and i found something very

interesting about their page. What is it, Sophia? What is it that I saw and I shared with you? This guy photoshopped a blue checkmark onto his profile picture. You literally can't make this shit up. To make it look like he was verified on Instagram. How the? I don't know if it's brilliant. I don't know if it instagram how the i don't know if it's brilliant i don't know if it's hilarious i don't know if he's being serious i don't know if he's kidding no no no there's no fucking way that he was kidding we i want to clarify that

this fake blue check mark was not done ironically like he was literally like trying to full-blown get away with it this is guys it's okay so when you have trying to bamboozle us all, he's trying to trick us. Yeah. Guys, imagine you look at your profile picture and what he did is he Photoshopped it in the very like bottom right corner. Yeah. So if you quickly glance. Right.

Like it's a quick little like one to action. You may for a minute be like, oh, he's verified. Like, who is this? Yes. But the truth. I fell for it. You did. I fell for it. I was like, oh, was like oh okay like what what about the thing and you were like did you not see that

it's fake I'm like it's covering the bottom part of his arm Sophia like there is a blue check mark in his profile picture can I ask you this because I actually am the worst with Instagram the blue check mark does not go on the profile no Sophia no, Sophia, no. You still believe it, sort of. I just don't pay that much attention. So what is he trying to get away with? Like, I'm extra, extra, extra verified. No, he's trying to appeal to idiots like you that will believe he's verified. You're always building me up.

Always building me up just to tear me down this is listen this i feel like this kind of um reminds me of the how people on the internet can kind of do whatever the fuck they want and can kind it's like a catfish situation it reminds me of the instagram girls that have public figure on their instagram now i just want to clarify for everyone that doesn't know Instagram as well. Anyone on the internet with an Instagram now, you can change your Instagram to a business account. Yeah. And you can choose what you want your label to be.

Here just for fun. Public figure. What's yours? Scientist. Because it's like a joke. Like, obviously, I would rather die than have public figure yours is like media or some shit let me just put it this way a public figure is not putting public figure thank you that's such a good unless you're walking down the street

and you have paparazzi tripping over themselves to get pictures of you you're not a fucking public figure and i feel bad because all these instagram girls are putting public figure and i'm like no you're not i think it's embarrassing it is it is you can tell who's the real public figure because they don't fucking put it in there george clooney's gonna make an instagram and put public figure in there in our caprio fuck no no selena gomez absolutely no i don, guys. The internet is getting crazy. Guys, Photoshop a fucking blue checkmark onto yourself. And you're in.

I mean, people are Photoshopping everything else. Why not? Fake tits, fake asses, fake faces. Throw on a fake blue checkmark. Fuck it. Who gives a shit? Fucker. Listen up, boys. Boys, men.

It is your turn. Everyone with a wiener out there, listen the fuck up. We on Call Her Daddy give women the best ways to slide up and down on your dick, to fucking suction cups, swirly sauce dip all over your goddamn motherfucking dick. Swirly sauce dip. So it's really naturally your turn to learn a little move. Men, it's time to pony up. Pony up.

We are bringing a new sex move oh oh oh and what is this sex move called dear to my heart it's called time out time out and it goes perfect perfect with our school girl discussion guys this fucking position is so hot you are fucking on the bed fucking her brains out okay your brains fucked You grab the nearest pillow and you suffocate that bitch's face. I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got excited.

Okay. Sophia's like, please stop. These jokes are funny to me. I don't know if they're funny to anyone. I know. But that's what it is. It's a joke. It's a joke.

You grab the pillow and you toss it or you walk it over to the nearest wall. So the pillow is up against the wall. Yeah. You grab the pillow and you toss it or you walk it over to the nearest wall. So the pillow is up against the wall. Yeah. You grab the girl. Grab her. You can pick her up. Grab her by her hair. Grab her by her eyelashes.

Grab her by her neck. Lead her. Grab her by her belly button ring. That shit better not be dangly, girls. You heard it here. You grab her. I just love saying you grab her. You take her. You take her. You walk her. I just love saying you grab her.

You take her. You take her. You walk over to the pillow and you say, get on your knees. Face the wall. Oh, my God. That's already so hot. Girlfriend. Girlfriend.

Girls. This is your moment. You take your position and you thank this man for being chivalrous enough to supply you with a goddamn pillow. I hope it's Tempur-pedic bitch and if you know he's a fucking asshole you should probably plan ahead and bring your goddamn knee pads maybe throw a helmet in there maybe some gloves a full-blown body fucking suit because you never know yes i want to point out in this position for men listen the fuck up also your body position in this you can really do a lot with it so when you're fucking her obviously when you're on your knees she's on her knees you guys are super close you can have both of your

hands on her hips you can put one of your hands up against the wall the other hand like grabbing her ass and on her hip yeah you could even put one hand around her neck and choke her out while you have your other hand up against the wall yeah you could wrap your arm around her and like rub her clit while your other hand is up against the wall giving you like that stability and then girls in this position this is one of those positions we always talk about how like girls you don't always need to make your body look so fucking hot in positions this is one where it's like you're so close to the wall you can't really arch your back that much so you're kind of just subjected to like taking it in this position and that's hot so hot it does something to the subconscious that it's

hot like you have nowhere to go you can't get away you have to kneel there and take it also you're kneeling exactly you are in like the pews at church kneeling praying to god okay while he's fucking you and i also think for guys it's a hot position because you kind of have full control it's like she's like a fucking object right there a toy and you kind of have all control of whether how close to the wall you want her if you pull her back a little bit it's as if this girl is in trouble it's as if she's getting punished it's as if she's in timeout and girls i want you when you're getting fucked in this position you can turn your head to the side and kind of like

put it up against the wall and start talking filthy yes like fuck baby that feels so good oh my god i'm so tight like i'm such a fucking slut such a slut like punish me and then obviously make sure you don't fucking go so hard you pound her head through the goddamn through the drywall through the drywall someone walks in and it's like this girl's head is literally through the wall she's like keep going i've been bad i mean like beat that pussy up but like don't like beat her up right right just the pussy not her oh my god i love that for everyone yeah yeah don't beat her up beat the pussy up um dude can you imagine if you're in this position and you both lose balance and you like

kind of topple over together i think and then you just keep bucking on your side you're like little worms on the side i love when people are having sex and someone loses balance well someone loses balance but like under no circumstances are they gonna get the penis taken out of the vagina. It's like we fucking till the death. We just keep going. Dude, I don't care if we're upside down. I don't care if we fell into a river. We're here for it.

Listen, I have had some fun in my day. Oh, we know. Oh, we know, sweetheart. We know. Thank you. I'm an angel. Shut the fuck up. I've had some fun, but it took until i was 27 years old

27 years this year was the first time that i was exposed to this move that's unbelievable so understand that very very very few men are out there doing this guys and if i had to guess a majority of people listening are probably hearing about this now for the first time absolutely so take advantage of this monumental moment take advantage of this bitch i'm just kidding no i totally agree with you men i cannot emphasize enough that like you need to take advantage of this moment and of this position and go fuck her in this because i promise you just like sophia didn't forget the man that did this position she's not gonna fucking forget you and your dick if you pull her over the wall yeah it's an unforgettable moment it is an amazing opportunity I mean I post dick appointment flashbacks from that all the time all day jeez I'm having one right now all day son I have an app I want to bring up okay it's a basic one

but it's the Siri well you are basic so are basic, so it makes sense. Okay. Oh, no. People are going to say we have growing tension. No. We're fighting. The Call Her Daddy girls are fighting. There's going to be a Reddit thread like, did you hear Sophia call Alex basic? My God.

There's beef and not their beef curtains. Those flabby giant vaginas they have. Thank you, Alex. You really. I love how you just bring me into it too well it's the truth okay so siri we all know siri love that bitch uh what a fucking gal what a time what a fucking gal so i was doing research because i was trying to be sketchy i actually did it to your phone while you were in the bathroom oh okay so i mean i'm pretty sure you know my password but i was just trying to be tricky okay i was just trying to like see if it

would work so supposedly there's this thing so everyone that's trying to catch their boyfriend or girlfriend cheating listen the fuck up so what you do is you can take someone's phone supposedly and when the phone is locked you can hold down or you can say siri and siri's gonna answer like hey siri hey siri okay even if it's locked and you can you've got to play around with it but specifically you can basically just be like hey siri who is the last person that i called and even if your phone is locked siri will be like, the last person you called was John Seymour. Okay. And so if you think your boyfriend's being sketchy and has been making some weird ass phone calls and you're like, hi, Siri, who have I called last?

And he's like, Candace Johnson. Okay. I have, I remember this. I think you can also be like hey who is the last person that texted me but you can also say what yeah is the last thing I texted to that person right so you can literally be like hey Siri what's the last thing Sophia Franklin texted me and then it's gonna be like god so even if it's Locked okay so if you think like Your boyfriend's cheating on you and he runs to the

He goes to the bathroom and his phone is Locked yes and you're like I swear to God like he is talking To Rebecca yes you Can say hey Siri yes what Is the last thing Rebecca said Or if you just know he's definitely been probably Texting her and you're like if that doesn't

Work you can just be like, Hey Siri, what is the last text I sent? Hey Siri. Um, dude, my phone and laptop are going fucking nuts. Oh,

they're, Oh my God. Dude, my laptop and my phone are like having aneurysms. Cause we've said, Hey Siri, so many times anyways, but listen,

this is the issue is you've got to play around with it. You should practice on your own phone, but there is a thing in settings that you can turn this off but people don't even really know that so only if you're really sketchy as fuck and you are looking up every single way to not get caught cheating most people haven't turned this setting off but if they have you're fucked but you got to play around with it because i've done it a couple times on my phone and you got to find out the right way to word the questions because sometimes it doesn't work. So literally sit in your room, practice it on your own phone. And then when fucking Steven goes to take a massive dump and he leaves his phone for

some reason. That's awesome. I'm thinking about my ex-boyfriend and the amount of fucking girls that he would claim to be his best friends. And I always just like wanted to see just a conversation just to see if it was flirty or if it was platonic or whatever and i could be like i could literally pull up my phone and say hey siri what did stacy say right what's the last text what's the last text stacy said oh i love that because people always write in because they're

always trying to get into people's phones right they. They always write in like, oh, you're either cheating or you're getting cheated on. Cheat or be cheated on. So just accept it, motherfuckers. But one of them is the facial recognition thing. Everyone always says, like, hold a picture up to their phone and it will open, which OK. You know, the other day. All right.

We were going to try this. I was excited. No, I was excited too because I've heard some people say, I think it works with the Samsung. Yeah. I don't know if it works with the iPhone, but you pretty much can use a picture of someone to bypass the facial recognition. Yes. If you hold up their face in a picture, you're in.

So Alex comes in and she's like, hey, Sophia. Hey, Sophia. Um, can I want to try this like could you just give me uh any picture you have lying around of yourself of yourself and I'm like what and she's like yeah just like any pictures you have and I'm like clearly clear you staring at the camera mouth closed eyes open but like yeah anything and she's like I fucking zoomed in high quality photo lying around I'm like Alex no I feel like sorry no i don't picture you're like a porch i walk into sophia's room she has a huge blown up picture of herself can you imagine like

crazy ass girlfriends that are like hey babe i just want to take a pic of you really quick you look so cute right now um if you could just face forward eyes open mouth closed no expression on the face i just want to take a quick pic and then you print it out and every time you go to your boyfriend's fucking place you have this huge giant picture of him in your purse and when he's not looking you whip it out and you open his phone the thing is the thing is is like we're we're getting so like technical technical and tricky with it yeah and it's like if you really want to be a fucking crazy bitch put security cameras legit in your house it's true and fucking film him you can film him putting in his password

zoom in on him filming yeah it's true go to a fucking spyware museum and get insane that's stalker vibe that's actually scary have you ever had a stalker um i've had like someone who like wouldn't fucking stop texting but that's not really that's just like your ex but i did like you know that's just an ex-boyfriend of yours that's not a stalker i did have a guy that it was like hundreds of text messages but then he stopped my mom i remember this is actually a really fucking weird story I just remembered. Tell us. When I was living in my old house in Utah, this guy, I think he was like working on our house or something. Okay.

And he like fell in love with my mom, like was obsessed with her. And one time I was putting on my underwear and this fucking guy i think he was like painting our house i don't know had wrote with sharpie all over me and my mom's underwear like sexy mama like you're so sexy like you're wet like i love you dude like actually scary and then my mom was this guy would call my mom from block numbers random numbers and just leave voicemails of himself jacking off shut the fuck up yes and my mom would like sometimes answer the phone and be like fucking stop it and he would just sit there like breathing heavily what yeah but i've never had a full-blown stalker i haven't either just fucking serving up people yeah

infatuation whoa obsession the closest thing i had to a stalker you were do you remember the there was a guy that would not stop calling me from all different numbers and block numbers and he would just put his phone up to the computer while it was playing porn i remember you were like laying in my bed one time and i got a call and he answered it and i was like ah and we're like thanks and then he would pause it and in a very very low tone he'd be like oh i remember that that was really creepy that was creepy but also like what's the point what's the point actually what am i talking about i am a full-blown stalker full-blown i know that but i feel like you have a story what am i talking about i am a full-blown stalker full blown i know that

but i feel like you have a story what do you mean okay i just mentioned how a guy i know you're a fucking stalker please but elaborate okay in my last relationship i would fucking call this guy and yes i had to say fucking before yeah emphasize i would call him until his phone would die and you guys are thinking like so what's the big deal you would call him a shit ton um the thing is is your phone is out of commission honey if someone keeps calling over and over and over and over so if he's like call call call no that's what i do i would call hang up call hang up call wait and what if he blocked your number i would just sit would call hang up call hang up call wait and what if he blocked your i would just sit there i wouldn't even look at my phone just keep pressing and if

he blocked your number oh sweetheart star six seven dial the number i have it memorized oh because you can't block a blocked number no and i would just do it over and over and over there was like one time that it had been i was doing it for over like two hours and he had to turn his phone off. He literally turned his phone off for the night because he's like, what's the point of having my phone? I can't use it. You can't use your phone if someone keeps calling you over and over and over and over again.

You sitting in front of me is an actual genius. I will call you until your phone dies. Wait, that's terrifying. You can ignore me genius. I will call you until your phone dies. You can ignore me, but I will call you. Wait, so shout out to every crazy ass girlfriend or boyfriend. If you think your person's being shady or just not answering in general. Or if you just want to get a hold of him and he won't answer you, ruin his fucking night and put his phone out of commission and just call it until it dies. Your evil smirk right now is terrifying.

All right. I love that, Sophia. Okay. Blocked. Questions of the week. V, V, V. Questions. Of the week.

Let's get it. All right, daddies. Here you go. Here's the first one sophia this is gonna upset you i'm a girl i'm already in a bad mood i'm a girl and i've noticed that my other girlfriends will swear that they do not masturbate and almost shame me for being open with them about can you please normalize this i'm upset i'm upset we are so sorry embarrassing i remember i brought this up to um sophia actually a couple i think it was like last year yeah yeah and you you didn't believe me i don't you're pretty slutty friends i guess because like growing up i did not have

one friend that was awkward about talking about it all of my friends have just been my one of my college um roommates actually was like so judgmental of everything sexually and i remember one of my um teammates on my soccer team would talk about it freely and the girl was so judgmental and would talk about her behind her back like we just like don't need to know that and meanwhile it's like god i want to know what vibrator you're using let's fucking wash it and share it right yeah girlfriend if i were you first of all get new fucking friends or two have them start listening to call her daddy i was absolutely gonna say that also what people need to take the stigma away from like self-pleasure it's healthy why why are people so awkward about it yeah you need to yeah you should not feel in any way that like you're in the wrong people that

are fucking weird like that like fuck off okay like you it's your body you should be doing it then you're gonna enjoy sex more yeah and i mean if you're ever feeling a little alone because you can't talk to your friends fucking turn call our daddy on yeah we're your friends we're here for you we absolutely condone masturbating sweetheart five times a day get it in okay hi daddies i love you and your show question keep me anonymous or call me carly or something like that okay carly i didn't even notice that part hello carly okay my boyfriend and i are doing long distance and he asked me to send him dirty underwear i said i'll think about this is this weird i thought this was only something old creepy guys in the deep dark corners of the internet paid girls to do. LOL. Should I do it? If yes, how?

If no, any ideas of something to do instead? Ha ha ha. Thank you, Illy. That's so normal. Um, I mean, I don't know if it's the most normal thing in the world, but if your boyfriend asked you to do that, would you do it? Yeah. But I would probably be like a little like specific and maybe like make sure they're

like kind of clean. Like I would have said in like't send him like dude the girl on my soccer team in college we would finish like the longest practice oh and she would take off her underwear and put it in an envelope and she would announce it to all of us like look what I'm doing we'd all be like what the fuck the girl from the other question needs to hang out with those friends and I was like fuck like she's such a savage she'd not give a fuck she's like no the dirtier the better wow and she was in a long distance but that's the thing alex is you're like i make sure they're kind of a little clean but you know what i bet you the guy is like yeah wear this underwear for four days because if they're asking for it yeah it means they actually want dirty underwear exactly

like it's not like he's like send me your underwear no he's like dirty send him the fucking floss thong that has been up your butt crack for four days and with a little snail trail have we ever talked about that no if you don't know what a snail trail is look it up what the fuck look it up but girlfriend i mean who fucking cares if it's creepy no he's your boyfriend he's into it send it to him that's great don't be a party pooper oh get it in okay listen to this okay pussy gods founding fathers alex and soph SOS. I love that pussy god. I have a dilemma. I've been tossing around in my head and I know a fuck ton of others have probably shared a similar situation.

Long story short, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me a couple months ago. And although and although we're civil, we don't talk at all. My 21st birthday rolled up this last July and I didn't get a message. Little bitch boy, I know. It's not that I was really truly expecting a big message, but it does make you kind of think like, damn, you couldn't even just send a blunt HBD to me. So my question is, do you text your ex and say happy birthday or completely ignore it? He decided to not text me. Will I look pathetic by showing at least one of us as a decent human being and text him about it? Love you guys.

All right. This is going to hurt your feelings. This is going to really hurt. This is really, really going to hurt you. But girlfriend, you are so off on this. This is like not. First of all, what have we said about birthdays? Pretend like you don't fucking have

pretend you never were fucking born moral of the story secondly i'm kidding secondly girlfriend listen up he owes you abso-fucking-lutely nothing he could go fuck your best friend in front of you and that's that and you can't well yeah not your best friend but he could go fuck any girl he wants in the world right now so for you to be sitting there wondering why he's not texting you on your birthday he's not concerned with you anymore he shouldn't even notice right you should that's the thing and listen exes are exes for a reason listen am i gonna sit here and act fucking all holy and above everyone absolutely not have i had moments after a breakup wondering if he's gonna text me absa fucking l Abso-fucking-lutely.

Yes. But am I upset when he doesn't? You can't be. No. All the strings are cut. Right. He owes you nothing. As far as you're concerned, he was in a fucking 24-hour fuck fest with six girls and he didn't

even have his phone because he was on so many drugs fucking in a fucking whorehouse. Okay? Yes. He owes you nothing. Yes. People have issues with that, I think think like understanding that an ex is an ex let this just be a blessing in disguise he is moving on you need to fully move on yeah it will be better for you in the long i know it hurts but when you're saying like one of us should be a decent human being it's not whether it's a decent decent human being the relationship's over if you want to tell him happy birthday do it if you don't don't it doesn't fucking matter i wouldn't yeah gotta get your ball

sack a little heavier there girlfriend love the show my boyfriend and i have tried almost every sex tip you have given love that we just save saving marriages and relationships one day at a time through sex yeah okay i told him about how you guys said no high-waisted swimsuits and he thinks girls shouldn't wear high-waisted anything he says guys think you are just trying to hide your fat or stretch marks and it's so much hotter to just wear normal short shorts and be confident in how you look oh this hurt me this hurt me this hurt me spitting the goddamn facts this morning i this is what i want to say okay because i were mad i'm mad she's a trick magic but she's magic oh my god you guys remember that okay throwback throwback i wear high-waisted jeans all the time okay why because that's what's in right now why

because fucking gg hadid was wearing them and if she's wearing them i'm doing it emily radikowski if she's doing blow i'm doing blow okay she's doing molly in the morning i'm doing molly in the morning yeah it's like the style it's the style but i will say that i do not wear them because they are flattering yeah because i know goddamn well goddamn well that my ass your ass looks like an elongated saggy long long saggy not shapely hanging fruit i don't even know what i'm describing down the highway sagalicious leaking fucking oil strand of piece of shit so um we're just describing my ass um just on your normal wednesday no big deal no i uh i have a really bad um announcement to let you know. What? Milf Hunter said the same thing. It hurts.

The high-waisted bikinis we said to never wear them, I genuinely just don't think those are cute. No, and I know that girls always got mad at us. They're like, what if, like, oh, my gosh, like, I'm not comfortable with my body. I literally said, a one-piece can be so fucking hot. That's the thing, is a one-piece is hot. Yeah, I get it if you're feeling fat or

bigger or whatever that day you're feeling bloated and you're like fuck i don't want to wear trust me i have my moments wear one piece they're so fucking hot guys think one pieces can be so hot women are always listening to this like well i don't dress for men that's fucking fine if you don't want a dick in your pussy or your ass that night i totally understand rock those high jeans okay i'm just gonna quickly read this one comment okay and then I'm gonna read a question because this is just so funny okay I found out my girlfriend was cheating through her period tracking app I didn't know what the app was until I was looking through it and I saw that she logged unprotected sex on the night that I was out of town oh my god dude that is that is so fucking funny okay girlfriend let the period tracker thing

slide for a month like you do not need to input you're like unprotected sex on this day gave the best blow job on this day swallowed two loads of semen on this day we're on track guys this girl should fucking never cheat again because she obviously doesn't know how dude it's so funny though the we've always talked about the amount of apps that you can get caught cheating on your fucking period tracking wow jesus christ okay here's a question sophia how do i mention to my girlfriend that the nudes she sends aren't good and how do i tell her how to make them better um that is fucking rough i would never ever ever suggest to do this but i but you're about to okay you're like never under any circumstances do this but what you can do uh gotta love a good butt yeah yeah but um i would maybe do a double tap

i maybe would i maybe would and kind of make her feel a little insecure oh you're an asshole this is what i think you should do actually you know what i'm gonna completely take that back all right because then she's never gonna want to that's what i'm you ever so what i would do is i would just text her back and be like that's so fucking hot i want more exactly i was gonna say if i were you dude what i would text her almost if you're sexting or something and again this is kind of like stupid but almost outline for her what the nude should look like yeah like literally be like i make it i want you to like spread your fucking cheeks and like have your finger in your butthole and your vagina at the same time at a like put the phone at this angle yeah maybe if you instruct her then it will be easier for her i think that's really smart or honestly what have her go listen to our episode

where we describe how to yeah talk how to take nudes yeah not the worst go listen to our episode where we describe how to take nudes. Not the worst idea. Listen to it with her. While you guys are cooking dinner, throw it on. Be like, oh my god, I would die if you sent me that. Yeah. Boom. Well, I was going to say, depending on how comfortable you guys are in opening your relationship,

maybe send her pictures of shit you think is hot. Yeah, you could. Some girls I don't think would be hot. My ex and I would send each other pictures of hot. Yeah think is hot yeah you could i mean some girls i don't my my ex and i would send each other pictures yeah look how that turned out traumatized from that relationship oh my god okay daddies oh my god fun it's been fresh some highs we've had some lows we laughed we cried and now it's time to move on guys if you are not getting fucked in the timeout position you're not living you're not breathing you're not thriving you're not surviving and

you're really missing out on an unbelievable opportunity for your dick and your vagina absolutely agree i'm excited to hear what you guys think about the position yeah you guys go please please pretty pretty please with a cherry on top cherry cherry hairy subscribe to the podcast and rate us five stars it helps us a shit ton it really means a lot to us we're trying to buy a couch and it's more expensive than i had planned it's really hard over oh my god daddy we love you guys so much get after it this weekend get fucked up get fucked you know the drill we will see you later bye daddy gang You know the drill. We will see you later. Bye. Bye, Daddy Gang.