Call Her Daddy - 54- The Walk of Shame

Episode Date: September 25, 2019

In this week's episode, Alex and Sofia are giving health and wellness a good ol' fashioned try. You heard that right! The girls discuss the importance of “having your own life” in a relationship and where so many women go wrong- especially WAGS, (wives and girlfriends of professional athletes). They also discuss the most cringe-y thing a guy can post on his dating profile (no thanks), clout chasing, and most importantly WALKS OF SHAME. Otherwise known as a stride of pride for a true daddy. Enjoy! 

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy what's up guys you're already being annoying it's alex and sophia it's so get it again it's alex guys what's up it's sophfia it's alex guys it's sofia um sofia's out for the night it's actually just sofia today i'll be doing a monologue guys we're back we're in the studio we're here everything's fine um everything is not fine everything is not fine according to i just want to warn everyone right off the bat. Right off the bat. I don't know how this recording is about to go down.

Yeah, this episode is, we're just in a... I'm fucked up. Okay, yes. I feel, I woke up drunk still, and I currently just feel unwell. Un-fucking-well. I don't know if I'm drunk. I don't know if I'm loopy. I don't know if i'm drunk i don't know if i'm loopy i don't know if

i'm just tired i just feel all around fucked up and so i just need everyone to know that and anything i say on this episode cannot be held against me on the other hand i'm feeling great i went to the gym this morning for the first time in a while really getting that ass back where it needs to be got myself a a coffee. Showered. I come stumbling in this morning and you're fresh out of the shower. I'm like, did you go to the gym? You're like, yes. You had a Starbucks.

Cleaned my room. Yeah. Because I'm planning on getting fucked up this weekend, not in the middle of the week. Oh. There's two kinds of people in this world. I love how I'm trying to sound really, really, really holy. Anyway, so we live in New York City, if you guys didn't know. And I think that New York City is really different than how people envision it if you don't live here.

People think that they're supposed to stay in the touristy areas like people are in fucking Times Square and shit. OK, let me just break down Times Square for people. Can we just start there? Absolutely. Times Square is fucking horrifying horrifying i cannot walk across the avenue without getting coming out with gonorrhea all over your body okay i don't think gonorrhea works that way but if it did it would that's what it was elmo pretty much just walks around time square ejaculating on people over people and trying to sell cocaine underneath his little mask absolutely he calls it nose candy i know what nose candy is elmo okay and then the

transformer is trying to kidnap their kid so um time square you should all come by come see it but so now that we moved we moved and we thought so alex and i have complained about the 301 more times than i can fucking count yeah r.i.p we're out of our old shitty rat infested apartment so we thought we upgraded yeah we did we upgrade in some aspects and then in other aspects we fucking downgraded i didn't think it was even possible but it is ladies and gentlemen whoa whoa whoa i know what we're about to talk about and some people are gonna be like this is the most entitled privileged white girl first world problem i don't fucking care don't care it's a big issue in my life traumatic uh-huh listen up so back in our old apartment we had to walk upstairs three flights really not that hard no we were like we want to upgrade to an elevator well it's really good

because we just fucked ourselves and now i'm missing the stairs worst decision of my entire life so if you outline what the elevator situation is in our building so the elevator in our building is actual torture oh let's say i need to go down to the lobby and grab packages great example it's a fucking 45 minute round trip round trip round round trip we get to the elevator and you know 10 minutes roll by 15 minutes roll by the button is lit up we're just waiting for the elevator alex and i start profusely sweating looking at each other we're like holy shit we start playing like mind games because we're like should we take the stairs i know we're on the 30th floor but like should we just do it you start to think about risking it all we don't have air conditioner in the hallway nor in the elevator yeah so things get a little

fucking sticky when i say that the elevator proceeds to stop at every fucking floor guys 29th 28th 27th like every single floor and it is moving at snail fucking pace it is so slow it's as if someone's lowering us down with the rope from up above a pulley i'm pretty sure it's a pulley system they just don't want us to see the doorman is downstairs cranking the lever that's what it feels like. Guys, because everyone's waited for the elevator for so long, when you get to like, let's say the 25th floor, that person's not fucking passing up this opportunity. No. They will squeeze their body into this elevator if it's the last fucking thing they do. So we're all real fucking comfortable.

Real close. People are certainly, what is it? Crowd surfing in there. We got fucking babies on the ceiling. That's so funny. it's the last fucking thing they do so we're all real fucking comfortable real close people are certainly what is it crowd surfing in there we got fucking babies on the ceiling that's so funny you can fucking tell the people that got on on the 40th floor like by the time they get to our floor they have taken their shirt off they have grabbed a chair like fucking sat down they're like wringing out the sweat out of their shirt i literally never okay that's a good i need to stop saddest thing is is we really noticed like how we were kind of living like scum when we went to visit lauren our old roommate we're so excited to see our new place

and we get in the elevator and we skyrocket it was a rocket ship launch we were up we were at like the 50th floor within milliseconds and we were like is this how these things are supposed to ride i was like so i'm like okay this fucking side and then lauren proceeded to tell us everybody knows that if you are going to move in new york in new y knows that if you are going to move in New York, in New York, that if you are going to move into a high rise building, it needs to be a luxury building where the elevators can, you know, move with finesse and speed and glide.

It sounds like we're talking about a horse. It's an elevator. They glide through the air. But she said that and we were like, oh. Dude, we looked at her with, we literally had wide, like our eyeballs are just like blinking we're like huh i was like oh so we upgraded to an elevator but because it's a high-rise building and it's not a luxury so it's just a fucking disaster so sophie and i have just been like really in bad moods every morning yeah because it's just a hassle i know and i don't know if we're talking about this and you guys are like,

shut the fuck up. Where's the dick in the pussy? You guys want to hear about the real drama in New York? What's that? The rat infestation. No, no. I just said they want to hear about penis and you're like,

fine, we'll give them the real shit. The rats. I'm like, no, no, unless that's to do with things. The gangs of rats.

It's like the gangs of New York. They're rats. Yeah. Oh, there are, there are rats and gangs of New York. They're rats. Yeah. Oh, there are. There are rats and they are hanging out and they are hooking up. And I want to put this out there. They are forming gangs and they are fucking people up. So just be careful.

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Yeah. And we thought that that was all fine and dandy. And we thought you guys accepted us for who we are, which is fucked up individuals. But apparently wrong in the head. Apparently sometimes people, some people have had enough, enough,

enough with the crazy enough with the bullshit they want. They're like, they want a little health. They want a little celery next to the donut.'re the donut they want the celery mix it up girls yes they said mix it up balance they want this podcast to get goddamn balance it's about time and you know what alex and i are some multi-faceted women and we're about to give you some help. So today we're talking about girls that need to get their own fucking lives. That sounds that already sounds unhealthy. No, no, no. Back it up. Girls, we really got to respect ourselves. Yeah. So go ahead, Alex. All right. Let's get it started. I how do we how do we explain it okay

we can't get healthy i'm like what do we do how do we do this alex and i just can't seem to get it right let's go back to unhealthy apparently it's too much to take on i'm gonna i'm gonna start i'm okay you're gonna start yeah okay are you sure? Alex is a goddamn cleat chaser. No. No. No. I'm kidding. Alex has dated a professional athlete before. That's fine.

Yeah, that's fine. There's nothing to be ashamed of. No. I think it's great. Yeah. Amazing. I'm great. Keep going. Alex dated a professional athlete and you were exposed to the lifestyle of the wags.

Yes. Yes. And a wag is not a tail wagging on a dog it stands for why girlfriends women and women and no it's wives and girlfriends a professional athlete yes so and this segment isn't going to be about the wives per se but it's going to be a precursor into what we want to talk about word for you yeah thank you so guys first and foremost i want to address that what i'm about to say this is not every single wife and girlfriend of a professional athlete no no no i really i did in all seriousness meet a lot of great women that don't fit this mold but i'm going to say the

majority okay specifically i'm just going to talk about baseball wives because that's what i was dealing with of baseball wives or girlfriends dedicate their entire fucking lives to the men that they're with and they have no life of their own so i just i'm already repulsed stop why i'm just kidding it's fine that's what we're saying okay so baseball wives so essentially these women are 100 on their man's time they consider their career essentially to be a baseball wife i said in the past episode that they even introduced themselves like hi i'm a baseball their instagram bio is baseball wife right of Instagram bio is wife of at Jeremy Scott. Is that a designer?

I think that's a fashion designer. But whatever. You get the point. I'm sure there's an athlete named Jeremy Scott. So every single day, I'm just going to kind of walk you through these women's lives. Every single day, the men leave for the field if they have a night game. They leave for the field at noon. And the wife sits there, goes to her yoga for yoga class does whatever and then gets ready does all of her makeup puts on a fancy outfit and goes and sits

at a baseball game for four hours so you have the morning together and then they get home at 11 30 or 12 o'clock at night usually so you literally have a morning breakfast together and then you're going to sleep so these wives are just waiting around all day for these men. And I would rather fucking die. Die. No offense. No, like love the game. Respect it till the day I die. But actually, fuck that.

It sucks. And so these wives essentially live on their man's schedule. And then the husband goes on the road and they either stay home or they travel with them and it's so sad because i know a lot of the wives will legit pick like a year essentially that they travel to every single city with their boyfriend or their husband so and they'll like post like this is our year we travel to every city together how many cities is this in a year they oh my god they go they stay somewhere for two to three nights and then they go to another city another so she literally dedicates her entire life for a year and is she flying with these guys absolutely not

what do you mean she's getting on her the plane by herself not what and the guy's on a private plane yes the team is on a private plane and she's getting on a regular plane. So let me just get this straight because what I'm imagining is this fucking girl like schlepping around carrying her fucking roller bag. Yeah. And she's like, honey, I'll meet you at the hotel. Don't worry about me. Like I'm getting in this fucking Uber.

Yeah, that's how it is. And it sucks. Actually, it's really sad there is though one trip of the year that the wives and families slash girlfriends get that they get to fly on the plane with the people with the team and do they treat it like it's their fucking wedding day so they're like oh God, I'm doing the whole 30 diet for 30 days. And people are like, oh my God, like what's going on? Are you guys going on vacation?

Do you need me to swimsuit? And she's like, no, I'm actually traveling to Milwaukee, but I'm going to be on the plane. The wives, when I was on the team, the wives thought that the girlfriends weren't allowed to go on the plane. Oh my God.

Because they were like, only if you have a ring on. And then there was an issue. One of the girls that was engaged, they said no, because you're still not a wife. Like it's not official yet. Just a newsflash ladies.

A ring doesn't mean shit. And you're all getting cheated on. If anything, the girlfriend has a more secure situation than the wife. Probably. Yeah. This whole life. The athlete I've dated has,

they explain their life as groundhog day. Every single day is the same for these men and so essentially these women are a part of groundhog day and i hate to say it and this is so fucked up and this is the only unhealthy thing i'm going to say in this but i low-key get why athletes cheat if they do have like wives or girlfriends because they're just fucking sitting right in the apartment or in the hotel right and so literally these athletes will come home and be like hey babe like how was your day and she's like okay so i got bubblegum pink on my toes and it was crazy it was the best pedicure ever and then pilates it was wild and then he's like okay so tell me like was the food better at this stadium or the other one like that's literally the gist of it.

And so I feel bad. But these women, by centering their lives solely around these men, they're not interesting. And the men are like, holy fuck, I want something a little different. And no offense, I am from Draper, Utah. Yeah. But like they're going to the lamest. They're in Milwaukee. Fucking cities in the world. They're in milwaukee cities in the

world they're in milwaukee they're in ohio right like it's not fun and these girls are just like really taking in milwaukee this weekend this fucking swamp is awesome honey i'm gonna go lay out by the swamp literally while you're at no one of the guys i dated was like you're being so annoying because i was like i'm only gonna go to a fucking city that i can do shit like la new york i'll stay here obviously or go to like fucking miami yeah you cannot pay me to go somewhere with nothing i'm not trying to go swamp swimming i don't even know there's swamps in milwaukee i don't think they're going swamp swimming so anyways this is the moral of the story you're all asking why are we talking about this these women they give up their lives and their careers if they had one in the first place

to become essentially a stay at home girlfriend or a wife. And a lot of times these relationships are driven extremely by insecurity. And so they overcompensate by having dinners ready and have getting crazier in bed for them. What women don't understand when the power dynamic is off like this is by you cooking that dinner and being so up his asshole. Really what you should be doing is doing the complete opposite, right? The complete opposite. So this isn't just for athletes. Absolutely not. This is for every female listening. What we were doing is we were kind of just showing an example of like a very heightened version of this the issue is not having your own fucking life yeah the key to a healthy relationship is having your own life and still

having independence and being super in love with that person that's great we're not right no and you can cook him a pie still yeah absolutely but what we're saying is you should be able to break up with them yep if something were to happen and still be okay your life should not be in fucking shambles yeah like you are a nothing without this person i think that's such a good point to bring it back to the um wags it's like most of the time when these athletes cheat on these girls everyone's like why is she staying with him oh is it for the money well yes but to break it down what it really is is these girls are sitting there well yeah and they're like when he cheats it's like what do i do i don't have a career right i i use all of his money and you're

just stuck all of these women feel stuck and i i do kind of feel bad because you're like, I'm so deep in it. What the fuck would I do? I go to the field every day, live his life. I don't have a life. Right. What's my life? What's my identity? And you're also not going to feel very good about yourself.

Yeah. To be completely honest. Yeah. It's true. You're going to start losing sight of who you are and like what you were before the relationship. You're right. It really is an imbalance. And so if I could give women any advice and girls in college, high school, it goes for all of you that you're like, why am I so I'm just up my boyfriend's asshole.

If you have a mentality that you don't need him, you want each other, but you don't need this guy. That mentality is going to radiate into the relationship and make it healthier that reminds me i was at a dinner not that long ago okay i was talking it was like an older lady okay and she had she has the cutest fucking marriage the best marriage okay give us their tips they're both like the hottest couple she like told me they still have like great sex yada yada yada and we were talking about it and i was like do you have any tips and she's like sweetheart sweetheart no i heard about your show there's tips that i give you can fucking save you or land you

a man that wants to marry you and i was like you're like thank you can you just tell me the goddamn tips bitch because i'm gonna try to swing a healthy episode this week. Right. And she told me, she was like, the thing is, is sometimes women get married and they're like, oh, I'm set. We're set. I'm good to go. I have the ring on my finger.

Here we go. Right. And she was like, the thing is, is I'm not scared of a fucking divorce. Oh. She was like, I'm more than willing to get a divorce. If my husband is going to do anything inappropriate or anything that upsets me, I have no fear of getting a divorce. And he knows that.

And she's made that clear. She's made that very fucking clear. He's like, she's like, he doesn't think that he just completely has me. That's amazing. And it's, I see how that would work. I think that girls, if you are so up your boyfriend's asshole, literally he moves, you move. He breathes, you breathe.

And the minute he stops breathing, you stop breathing. I would fucking cheat. I'd be like, I need a fucking break. I don't want the fucking peach cobbler. I want to go to a fucking bar, have a beer and rail a fucking two. That's not going to be fucking with her pearls okay okay nobody marry alex nobody marry me understand i'm just a fuck no just kidding imagine you are the breadwinner because that will be a low income household and that's all i have to say

but yes but you're the breadwinner and every fucking day you come home with all this shit that happened and you walk in and he's fucking sitting there playing video games. He's like, hey, babe, how was work? And I'm like, great. It was great. How was your day? And he just does the same thing every fucking day. I couldn't.

It's not fun because then you're going to start going to work events. If we had work events, you'd go to work events, meet guys that are successful and doing shit with their life and interesting and i would straight up cheat how about that i know it's not i know it's not pleasant to say but i would yeah h-e-a-t cheat there you go and i wouldn't care i think we should start spelling like you know how parents will spell so the child doesn't know what they're saying you and i should spell when we want to be unhealthy to the daddy game yeah ease people and sneak it past them that we're being unhealthy i'm like c-h-e-a-t sophia like they can't spell but guys listen ladies and gentlemen alex and i don't mean go out there and have like the most badass job and like no bringing in a huge income we don't mean that you can still be a stay-at-home mom and be

like a great mom and not have a career and still have your own life yes oh my god i'm like is this it's like something that you know your your good old friend Alex is always out and getting it okay okay sorry please dating apps dating apps I have okay I have something I want to bring up to you if anyone is on a dating app and they preface it to somebody saying you know i'm always out and getting it do not take a do not follow alex's example aka in my bed double chin looking down at my phone like cookie crumbs i've seen you in action i've seen it okay it's not the point okay i'm not shitting on myself today sophia i'm shitting on someone else oh i was on the dating app and I saw Zac Efron shut up sounds great right no you did you're like this is really an opportunity and you didn't tell me

well I'm telling you right now sweetheart cuz get ready okay so I'm like wow this is like I actually was like a little shocked I go to match with Zac Efron no shit and I'm like damn this is like goals all of a sudden though I go to click the heart and I see that Zach's name is Michael I'm like is it a lookalike and I'm like no no no no it's Zach Efron and I'm kind of like oh it's like he is he playing like an alias like is he trying to flex on us and all of a sudden i do one more look at the picture really trying to understand why the fuck zach is calling himself michael and i realize as i scan this picture sofia there's one other person in the picture shut up and the fucking person standing right behind zach efron is fucking michael no okay so this man on this dating app has zach efron as his profile picture

and he's behind zach and he chose this i had no idea you're about to go that way i thought you're gonna say someone put him to be funny was it okay was this guy being funny absolutely not listen guys essentially what i'm saying is this guy was trying to play it off. Like he and Zach may have been like kind of friends. Because listen. Okay. And I know what you're saying. I have seen before on dating apps. And I do think it's funny.

Guys, do it to be funny. I saw one. It was like a Kanye West picture. He was like with a bunch of people in a picture. And this kid was in the actual nosebleed background. And he circled his own head with like a red marker and put it up as his profile picture that's hilarious so he's being funny i've seen guys do it where they'll like caption it something funny they'll be like no the other one or like yes they posted like

ironically absolutely i love that however this was not ironic this was dead ass this was wow this was this man trying to use zach as a way to get girls like me. Dumbass Alex was like, Zach? Oh my God, on Raya? It wasn't Zach on Raya. I am not going on a fucking date with Zach Efron, everybody. And fucking Michael. That was in close proximity to Zach Efron at one point.

Michael, two shoes trying to slide the fuck. Two shoes. Okay, that is two shoes. Okay. That is so embarrassing. Yeah. I need to say this. Okay. If you take a picture with a celebrity,

you're a fucking loser. Nope. No, I said that wrong. I said that wrong. No, if you take a picture with a celebrity trying to play it off, like you are friends when you are clearly not, you are a loser. Guys, Kim Kardashian.

There is a guy I've also seen on this dating app and he has his profile picture with Kim. Oh my God. Now, I know immediately he's trying to get people to stop and be like, oh, who is this guy that knows Kim Kardashian? I'm pretty sure his profession said like he was a model. However, when I'm already like, right. But when I start going through his pictures, dude, all of a sudden he looks way fucking younger in the Kim Kardashian picture. And he's aged.

It's been like five years since the Kim picture. Oh, no. But he still uses it at his fucking picture because he's like, people think maybe we're tight tight. I know exactly. I can see right through that shit. Do you want me to break it down? Break it down. Because I can break it down.

Break it down. He posted the picture. I'm doing a full analysis on this bitch. Psychoanalyzation on this bitch boy. He posted that picture with yep to try to be like look at how successful i am i am so established in my modeling career that i was on a set with kim k and it's like you were on the set with kim k in 2005 when kim was like fucking pushing sketchers or like shape up shoes or whatever and he's clearly 17 and he sat down next to her when she wasn't looking and then she noticed he took the picture

and she was like you you're gonna delete that right you need to sign an nta you're gonna delete that and he was like yes and then he posted it as his profile that was like so over the top but that's what it is that's what it is if he looked 17 the sketcher ad the model slid down did self timer got the picture literally he put his phone in like a discreet place and he quickly like slid down onto the bench took the picture and now when you go to every social media platform, dude, I was about to say, you know, it's bad when they use that exact picture as their profile picture for everything. We're hitting up LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Venmo. I met Kim like on his bank account.

Somehow he puts the profile and you're like, it's one thing to take pictures pictures with celebrities but to put it on your dating fucking profile and to try to like pretend like you guys are friends even colleagues right she doesn't know you i will excuse people that are mega fans i would love who would be your one celebrity you'd want to take a picture with? Oh, shit. Because I know mine. I think mine would be. Oh, my God. This is hard. Mine would be Baby Alessi. I had no idea you were about to say that.

I was going to say you're either Emily Ratajkowski or like Bella Hadid. Fuck no. Baby Leslie. So I could look like an actual one and a half on a scale from one to ten next to them. No, thank you. Let's actually. No, thank you. Let's confirm.

The other week when we were talking about the college shit, some people didn't understand the difference between when we were saying like, I'm a 10 at a homeless shelter and a two at arizona what was the example you were giving me when we were sitting at home together it's like out it's like what tell them that in there tell them i walk into a homeless shelter i'm a nine to a ten yes the crack heads are matching up are making me look great absolutely thank you right and thank you guys well because people were like oh so alex so you went to bu so you think so you're a four walk in the homeless shelter these fucking meth heads are not looking great they're making me look my best and that's what it is and i look candace swanny opal level you're a nine candace swanny opal decides that she wants to go to the homeless shelter okay the world implodes okay people are like what's happening i quickly

within milliseconds go from a 10 to a 4 yes because she walked in the room yes and it's like the beachfront property has now gone inland and it literally has lost all its property value and it's now nothing no and the market has crashed and you're fucked that's a good point thank you for clarifying yes anyways back what was what was my point oh baby alessi oh yeah you want to take a picture with baby i want to take a picture with her what give me a one through ten if lauren would let me hold her baby dude she's gonna have us arrested soon i'm not gonna lie guys after last week's episode when we were shitting on co-watches bang energy and saying that the baby i was like we need to keep lo low key low profile this week there are snipers dude well we're saying that a stripper was jizzing on a baby's face like oh no i could kind of see

where as a parent and doing like coke but we were nervous that we were gonna get sued so every time that like barstool reached out to us and was telling us like hey we need to have a meeting i was like do you think we're getting sued do you think the brands reached out do you think that baby lost these parents oh my god i remember it i was laying in bed and dave texted us and he was like you need to come into the office for a meeting asap asap in all caps and i typed out do i need my attorney present and then i literally and i was like wait sofia don't send that but also like alex get him on the line we are now dude literally i was i then i followed up and i'm like is this about being energy you know when like you have a party when you're younger and your parents didn't know

about it and then they're like alex come downstairs and you're like is this about the lamp and they're like they're like a kid accidentally like did some shit to the lamp and then you think you're caught i'm like is this about being energy and dave's like i don't know what the fuck you're talking about no i wanted to talk to you guys about this intern and we're like oh right right of course me mom like sweating right and then like someone else in the office is like girls can i just talk to you for a second we're like oh my god is this about being energy it's about being energy isn't it and they're like isn't it and they're like what is being and they're like hey guys we just wanted to like get a picture for

you for the instagram we're like oh right right right yeah no just ignore that paranoia at its finest at its finest have any of you had a walk of shame because i have drum roll let's say it together. One, two, three. Walk of shame. There are different types of walk of shame. Like, I'm just going to paint a scene. Paint it. Because maybe there are some amateurs that have not walked a walk of shame. I think they wouldn't be amateurs.

It's no cakewalk. No, I don't think it's amateurs. I think it's like classy girls. Oh. We're like, who the fuck hasn't done this? I'm like, oh, you know i'm like oh you know like girls that alex you know i just really put me in my fucking place you're like amateur all right you thought you were gonna call it a night somehow your friends convinced you to

go to the bar you have 12 tequila shots you wake up in a foreign place and there's a man snoring next to you. And you don't remember him at all. And yes, you do not. You can't find your phone. You can't find your underwear. There's a condom on your forehead. Classic. But you just need to get home.

It is like mission impossible. You need to get home. Operation get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Do or die. Yep. This is a very great topic because I, as a woman of the people, can give a quick little personal story that happened not too long ago. Share with the class.

The other weekend, there was a guy in town. So I went to his hotel room. We hanging out we like hooked up and so it's like is it good no i was actually it was actually horrible oh my god that's why i wanted to get out so wait you told me about this yeah yeah yeah it was that one so it was one of those where i knew there's no way i want to wake up next to this fucker in the morning i creak open the door and I slip the fuck out. I rushed to the elevator. I get the fuck out of there, call myself an Uber and come home. Now, the thing is that I want to point out, you will be able to tell in a walk of shame

what situation the girl was in based on how fucked up she looks you can tell by looking at a girl on her walk of shame what type of guy she's fucking so in that case yeah i didn't have a second to look at my hair look at my makeup right i was all out you were so desperate to get away from that man that you were gonna risk looking i didn't care some type of fucked up out in public yes sofia i ran out of the hotel looking like i had a fucking gunshot wound to the fucking head like i ran out of there like it was a fucking chinese fire drill and it was my one shot and it's all i got baby and i fucking booked it and then there are the walk of shames you have where like you don't mind the guy because a walk of shame isn't necessarily with like a one night stand yeah and sometimes you fucking look in the mirror and you're like all right I just

gotta fix myself I look like a prostitute but like you clean yourself up right like I've had believe it or not a classy walk of shame oh my. I know people are thinking that's not a thing. I love that for you. Like I've had it where, you know, I was, I liked the guy enough and I was close enough that like, you know, I kind of cleaned up the eyeliner underneath my eye where I looked like Jack Sparrow. Yeah, a concept. And even though I was wearing heels at, you know, 7am with a trench coat while people

are walking to work. Right. With the briefcase i still kind of looked somewhat put together right it was an obvious walk of shame but a put together one i love that and i think it's very telling it's like you see the girls on campus and you're like wow like maybe that girl and that guy like you know are gonna have a future right and then you see the other girls and you're like holy fuck she just got railed and she has no idea that there's cum in her hair there's also the condom is on the back of her fucking leg she has no clue she is like stuck and she was terrified of the man she needed to get the fuck out so i have a personal story before i get into it okay i have a question for you okay i want to

know what is worse okay wearing heels during a walk of shame or wearing his sneakers because i've done both oh i've seen you they are both fucked up beyond belief sophia has come home in a man's size like 13 sneakers i have a size five and a half foot by the way i have small feet yeah and i look as if i am about to hit up the cert the local circus for clown tryout circus soleil here she comes clown of the year let's get it dude she flops it and she's got like boat shoes on her feet like bananas fucking shoes on her feet fucking flippers she's trying out for the swim team no i get that yeah yeah well i'm gonna say his shoes are better i agree heels are worse i agree heels during the walk of shame

there are walk of shame heels and then there are like i'm going to work heels yeah you know what i mean you like you can't you can't blend in with the people that are like i'm going to work heels yeah you know what i mean you like you can't you can't blend in with the people that are about to like go to city bank and goldman sack no you've got the lace all the way up you have the red bottom seven inches tall like it's so obvious that's actually a really good point i agree with you i think the heel i think heels are worse because you might as well be walking down the street with a sign that says, I just got fucked. Fucked.

Pretty much. Fucked. So tell us your story. You're trying to deflect. You've been saying all these things and you're trying to look. She's hiding underneath her baseball cap. No, I'm not. Okay.

So. I got a train ran on me i went to this place okay a warehouse i'm so scared to tell this story that i'm just already tripping over my tell us i got invited to go to this really fancy event with this guy I really liked. Okay. And it was fucking freezing in New York. And I was putting on tights and they completely ripped. And I had two seconds to get out the door. And so I ended up leaving for this event.

You were there. Yep. In a dress with no tights on, like a shorter dress with no tights and like open-toed heels it was one of those days where the weather app said like unhealthy conditions yes like to go outside it was that cold like even even completely covered like not burka and like moon boots like it was still unhealthy and i hopped out yep and you on your way i was like bye sophia you look so cute meanwhile so a i went to that event and and i was i'm like super into this guy and a lady comes up to me and she was like ma'am are you okay are you not completely freezing i hate and i wanted to die because you

know what you know what the question is is wow you really are that much of a slut that you're willing to risk being fucking freezing in that outfit. That's what, that's essentially what they're saying. Dude, I fucking hate those people that are, when they ask, are you cold? Bitch, if I was cold, I'd have a fucking jacket on and I'd have, but also, yeah, I am cold. But also I drink myself a sweater and I took seven fireball shots. Get the fuck out of my face before i you're saggy pussy oh my god all right so anyways anyways back to the healthy episode anyways the guy

witnesses that whole thing go down i'm like horrified okay the next morning i'm like i need to get the fuck out of here also another reason that sometimes you want to flee the scene is because you really like the guy and you don't want him seeing you look some type of fucked up. Fucked up. So you know what that means. Yes, yes, yes. So I'm like, I need to get the hell out of here. I pull up my phone and I get an alert and it says the coldest day in New York.

Legit. The coldest day in new york the weather forecast was like this is actually the most cold it will get in the city of new york this winter people weren't having to go to work that day yes like new york was closed yes new york was had frozen over and i was about to go frolicking around with my vagina hanging out okay uh-huh so i call an uber and i cannot for the life of me find a way out of this fucking neighborhood and you know what's so funny about this the fact that i'm telling this story right now is i was talking about this specific neighborhood to someone last night and without me even saying anything the person last night was like oh that place is a fucking maze so that's just confirming how this neighborhood is okay

you little Sophia naked around running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get out of the neighborhood it took me 30 minutes there are women and children like people on their way to work or people dropping their kids off at school and i look like a full-blown prostitute full-blown and it's freezing and it's the cold did anyone say anything to you and i got borderline hypothermia and that's not a joke i almost was just gonna tell the uber driver you know what so you might as well just fucking drive me to mount sinai because my my toes are purple and my fingertips are purple as well you might as well bring me right down to the hospital because this bitch is right when i got in the uber the guy goes are you okay no i'm not when someone says are you okay it's the worst no of course i'm not i am unwell i am

unwell sir that's what i am that's what it is can we confirm that i'm so sorry i like just got cold thinking about it can i confirm though yeah of all of these options i'm gonna have to say the worst is when it is nowhere near halloween time and you went to some fucking themed party in the middle of fucking march and you walk outside in your themed party outfit looking like a fucking yeah leprechaun a fucking leprechaun and it says kiss me I'm Irish on your asshole and your skirt is ripped in the back and it's flopping from side to side and every time you move they get a glimpse of the asshole with kiss me I'm Irish on my asshole and everyone's going to work Kesha green glitter all over your pussy and your face and it's like and you're wearing literally a cloth and you have to make it home and everyone's going to work no reason

that you should be looking like a leprechaun and the thing is is like in new york you could you would hope that you would blend in with the homeless people but even the homeless people are like what the fuck is wrong what's going on what's wrong that is the worst yeah a walk of shame from a themed party there is nothing like it it is the fucking worst so shout out to all my leprechauns all right alex you tell us a walk of shame okay there's gotta be i to be one. I could do a college one. Oh. Of course you could. What does that mean? I mean, you're on the soccer team.

Big fat. You look the way you do. Going to be you. I can only imagine. Trains were ran. Yes. Okay. No, I actually. Oh, okay.

This is actually probably the worst one that happened to me. I, at the time, I think this was like my sophomore year. Well, first of all, I want to bring up that the worst fucking thing is when your phone is dead when you wake up with a guy that you don't fucking like. And you have to ask them to call you an Uber. And they call you the Uber and they say, go ahead, it's downstairs. And I've had it where then i go down with my dead phone no and i can't find the uber and he can't get a call in a hold with me and this happened to me i was just in like a very like fuck it stage trying to hook

up with someone outside of school you know how you get the little rebellious moments so i'm hooking up with this guy that lives in like fucking downtown Boston. So I end up in his apartment naturally. And I remember I went out on a Thursday and I had an exam on Friday and I woke up. I asked him to call me an Uber. I was freaking out. I was going to be late for the exam. And I'm like, I'm going to have to show up to my exam in my going out outfit. But at least I had a ginormous coat. I know he calls me an uber I run downstairs I can't find the uber I sit down on the curb in my stripper heels just start bawling my eyes out I've been there a man and his son came over and he was like ma'am are you okay and I'm like freaking out he ended up being so nice he called me an uber I got it directly to my class and you know if i had any

fucking bit of luck it would have been a ginormous lecture not today sweetheart so i was taking my sign language exam which had a total about i would say like 15 people in the class wow we all have to sit with the desks in a u so we can all see each other signing oh perfect alex takes a seat clits on the seat i've got my little mini dress on Stripper heels Yours was actually on the seat It was this time Because you probably left your underwear at his house

Oh god And so I look down My legs are actually orange and white Because they're streaked of my tanner Because I spilled God knows how many A tiger A tiger

And class started Professor Anthony Shout out He would go around and sign to all of us hi how are you and you just have to give a quick explanation of how you're feeling and he gets to me and instead of asking like he did every other person how are you he signs to me are you okay oh okay no I'm not okay no I am not. I think that might be the worst class to have to go to. Well, then and then imagine this.

Time's up. I have to walk all the way down East Campus in my strappy stripper outfit as I pass all of my peers, multiple teachers on their way. Hello, Professor. Hello, Professor. Nothing to see here. Hello, Professor Bledlin. Things are fine. We're working professor. Hello, professor. Nothing to see here. Hello, Professor Bledzen. Things are fine. We're working out.

It's fine. I'll be there at 3 o'clock. Just need to go change my outfit and maybe take a shower. Like, literal, actual walk of shame. So Alex goes back to the olden days in a walk of shame. Hello, sir. Good day, sir. It was an entire almost mile and if anyone went to be you

you know like the mile strip wow i had to walk it like there were multiple group threads going talking about like did you fucking hear that i'm like laughing but i also couldn't laugh because i'm genuinely feel bad you're upset you kind of want to give younger alex a little hug guys are so lucky they are fuck all of the men you men you you don't even know how lucky you are the closest thing they have to a walk of shame is if they like lose their fucking shoes um i also want to add i love how girls just wake up the next day and they are fucking entitled to any piece of your wardrobe that they feel they need it's like that i have that is something i have literally i have gone home in a guy's shoes socks pants shirt and hat yes i've been like thank you and he's like okay so

that's like kind of like 300 bucks and you especially if you're never going to see them again. Oh my God. Peace, love, happiness. Thanks for the Nike. I'm going to sell them on eBay. Like literally. It's kind of incredible. Guys.

I'm sure men don't love it. I'm sure the daddy gang has so many. I'm sure you've had this. I'm sorry to cut you off. When a guy texts you the next day and he's like, those are like my favorite sweatpants. I need those back. And you literally like laugh out loud and you're like, you will never see these sweatpants again. Yeah, you will never see these again.

Oh, good. They were your favorite? Maybe you'll see them on my Instagram story when I'm cuddling at home eating popcorn. Not with you. But you won't be wearing them. Dude. Guys, the walk of shame in college I thought was bad, but really when you're out of college, you go through that stage where you're like, why the fuck am I still doing this?

Why am I doing this? Right. College years are supposed to. But honestly, walk of shame is anywhere. They never end. They never end. They never end. Let's move on to questions.

Questions. Questions. Of the day. Questions of the way. Questions. Questions. end let's move on to questions questions questions questions questions questions okay whoa all right here we go okay please help i have never came before and i am not interested in masturbating i like sex but as soon as it gets intense and i feel myself getting closer to climaxing i want to push the guy off and stop i don't know why i have this problem i wasn't raised religious or taught that female pleasure is wrong but it's like my body really doesn't want me to orgasm for some reason i feel like i need to go to sex therapy or something lmao have you girls ever heard of this kind of thing before if

so do you have any advice okay that breaks my heart i know exactly what she's talking about me too because sometimes and i think a lot of girls do that when you get close to orgasm yeah you get in your head yep and you kind of like freak yourself out and you stop yourself from coming yeah why is that it's because we like feel a pressure to come yeah i think it's like something about women and because it's already hard to orgasm it's like you get so in your head in your head and you start overthinking it and then you're like oh my god wait and then it's gone like wait i can't do it now i know this may not be the most healthy advice but i actually i think it was in college i was going through like a dry spell where like I wasn't I wasn't having orgasms like

with the guys I was fucking. I was like, what the fuck is going on? And literally I would smoke weed. Oh, and masturbate. And what happens is when you smoke weed, your body gets just so fucking relaxed. Yeah. And I was just immediately I snapped out of it. Right.

Fucking one masturbation session a little high and I was back to immediately i snapped out of it right fucking one masturbation session a little high and i was back to it i actually fucking love that yeah i think it's great so if you do smoke that's a good one but she did say i'm not interested in masturbating okay which i don't understand then yeah then i don't that's that's strange to me because that would be the go-to that i would yeah so she's just relying on sex with men to masturbate to come. Well, I would never rely on a fucking man for anything. Anything, let alone an orgasm. An orgasm.

That's the top of the list. You can't rely on a man to get you a fucking cup of water after you fuck. He's getting himself a cup of water and not you. Right. So if I were you, I would get interested in masturbating. Yeah. I don't get why she doesn't want to. And then I guess my advice is if you really don't fucking want to for whatever reason i would make sure you're having sex with a guy

you're super comfortable with yeah and stop putting so much pressure on coming so what if you don't come right that still feels amazing absolutely and you're good to go boom and also just have sex for three fucking hours with this guy make him go down on you make him do the whole shebang and you'll probably end up coming at some point shove his face down there keep him down there lock and load yeah okay what should i do if i dm a girl on instagram and it says she hasn't seen it yet but it's been like two weeks i have been waiting to fucking address this for so long because so many people ask this goddamn question and let me tell you exactly what it means because i do it to every fucking guy that i'm trying to ignore when a when a girl is avoiding opening your dm it's because she doesn't want to fucking

talk to you she's not even opening it yeah you got to take that as a sign literally take it as a loss and move on yeah it's almost worse unless she has thousands and thousands of followers and she didn't still know because if the girl cares about you like i get quite a few dms and i know the men that i actually care about that are dming me i go and check if they've even dm me like i think for people if you if they are leaving you unseen that's a message but i do think almost not opening it is a bigger message because you see them active on instagram and then they're not opening your shit it's because they're like oh my god i feel so awkward i don't want to open their shit because like i don't want them know i i'm ignoring them but really what it means is they're ignoring you more than ignoring ignoring

yeah sorry i completely agree with you unless unless this person has tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of followers they're really bad at Instagram I was about to say unless they're challenged with Instagram because you're looking at her right here I was gonna say my dms are fucked up right now well yeah I was gonna say sometimes I send you dms and I keep looking and you don't read them and I'm like are we in a fight and I didn't know it's just that like my dms are fucked and then I'm like screaming across the apartment so if you open your fucking dms and then I go search yeah so maybe they're bad at instagram but that's probably not the case actually but she's actually probably like disgusted by you yeah she probably thinks

you're literally disgusting and you should probably just move on and actually like just you know you should deactivate your instagram yeah you should really enter the witness protection program and change your name because that's fucking embarrassing that is so embarrassing who the fuck that is so embarrassing she hasn't responded hi daddies love you guys so much i recently started seeing this guy after we bonded over the show and we have some bomb sex but he has a mullet he loves it and he thinks it's hot but i think it's very ugly alex what would you suggest i you've dated someone with a mullet what i'm just kidding wait haven't you? What the fuck? Wait, I swear you have.

Bullet Mark. We used to call him that. Sophia literally just... Bullet Mark? What the fuck is Bullet Mark? Dude, I swear. Dude, I swear. mullet mark what the fuck is mullet mark dude i swear okay girlfriend we're okay alex can't breathe we're fine um mullet mark so i've never fucked a mark that's on my to-do list but if i dated a guy or i was fucking a guy that had a mullet

cut it the fuck off he goes to sleep no no not tell him to cut it off like you grab scissors and cut it off in the middle of the night after you guys get fucked up you literally get him so fucked up and in the morning you say oh my god i did a whoopsies you know how a kid goes yeah mommy i did a poopsie yeah you go oh i did a whoopsie and i accidentally went to cut off your fucking tag off your shirt and i accidentally cut your entire mullet off that's that's really the way to do it mullet mark okay help i'm getting played oh we don't like that i started fucking this athlete three months ago and i've only been fucking him and he made a big deal about me only fucking him saying shit like you know i won't

fuck you if you're messing with other guys and he's very serious like he doesn't fuck around and it's kind of scary almost lol anyways he says he's only fucking me i was helping him clean and i saw a can from the night before with lipstick on the top side note the night before he went out i was supposed to go over and he was too tired so then i was like oh so he's fucking other girls so when he left for practice in the morning i went through his trash and found a dirty makeup wipe i couldn't confront him because i went through his trash and that's so crazy right lol i brought over a bunch of condoms the first couple of times we fucked now we go raw and i also saw now a condom rapper in the trash okay how dumb is this fucking literally how do i confront him i left the rapper

there so maybe i could freak out on him the next time i go over what do i do see i don't think she confronts him i'm trying to think okay i think fuck that i think go ahead i don't know i don't think she confronts him i'm trying to think okay i think fuck that i think go ahead i don't know i'm i don't have the answer yet but i'm thinking i'm like if this was me i think there's two ways it can go down all right i'm gonna give you the two options all right let's lay it out she could grab a poster board okay she could grab the makeup wipe condom can all of it fucking super glue it to this poster board. Super glue the poster board to his front door and be like, you're fucking dead to me.

Dead. Reasons you're a piece of shit. And then all the little things are stapled on. Every single thing is there. All the evidence is there. Oh, I like that. And he will freak the fuck out. And then he walks in his entire apartment.

It's trash. Yes. Yes. And you stole all of his like belongings that are very expensive. Absolutely. You deserve that, girlfriend. Right. That's yours now.

Okay. You take that. That's yours. Yes. Yes. The better way to go about it. Oh, there's a better way. There is.

Is he will never fucking hear from you ever again. Yeah. And it is going to fuck with his brain. It is going to fuck with his head in a way that I cannot explain. And in a way that nothing else could fuck with his head more. Yeah. When you show that you're angry, you show that you care and you show that he has a chance.

When you fucking disappear and this guy is so mind fucked and he's like, where did she go? What's happening? I'm worried. What's going on? That's when you're really gonna fuck with him okay yeah i have chills as well it's just too good it's too good i don't even need to say anything that's the answer that's it that's it that's what you do i would go with plan b right he never hears from you again that's so right that's why we have this show because sometimes you give me chills down my spine i know a little tinkly tinkly yep girlfriend you got it woo

guten tag daddies oh love that i'm curious about your sexual experiences with european men last semester last semester i studied abroad in berlin and let me tell you those dudes are kinky i was talking to this guy on tinder and he asked me to spit in his face for money is that even weird i know i do it all the time i ghosted him but is that even a fetish i also hooked up with another dude in a club bathroom and he bit my clit that hurts when people say that anyone that bites i'm like oh i think i just have bad luck but i'm sorry to say now i'm scared to hook up with foreign dudes so that's so interesting this is very interesting because last night i was hanging out with my friend who said German guys are like the kinkiest fucking guys ever.

I can attest. Oh, right. Okay, so I never fucked him. So guys, I went on a date with this guy that I matched with on Raya and he was German. And it was the weirdest thing because I have never really dated a foreign guy. And so I was like, you know,? I'm going to expand my palate. And I remember I went on the date. And within like 10 minutes,

he was talking about how he would put me down on the table and rail me so good and how he knew how to fuck women. And I was just like, and it was hot. But then the way he talked about his sexual experience was just so, yeah, it was very open, which I did like. I was like, Oh,

do you have a type of woman? And he was like, I like a woman with like big tits, like literally said it like that. Big tits. I like them to be thin and tall and long legs. And I like blondes. And I'm like,

wow. Okay. So you have a, you have a really specific type. And then he was just like, yeah. And you know, I'm going to fuck you.

And I was like, what the fuck? This is all in the first date. I remember that. And I i came home kind of like stunned and like kind of turned on he was great at making out he was a little shorter for my liking than i usually date but i was still into it and he took me on a couple dates and he was like calling me baby and like just super lovey and then for our fourth date he wanted to take me like to he was gonna get like a house for us up in like the mountains of new york and i with my fear you know me i thought that's where i was gonna be killed instead of i do i was like oh wait he could kill me like why would i go up to

the mountains right man like there's just something about a guy asking you to do anything that just anything along my kill flag and the thing is is not only i think are the german men super sexual but they're also just very aggressive when i told him i wasn't sure and i joked about that i thought he was going to kill me because i told him yeah he wrote me a two-page email of his background and why i should go with him and said you should show this to your parents and wrote essentially my parents i kind of am liking this stuff though i kind of yeah but then you met him remember and you were like okay he's also fucking racist well yes he did make an interesting comment and so if he was like what the fuck like oh but but no so my experience i i haven't dated a guy

since that's foreign but yeah i thought you were gonna say i haven't dated a guy since he really fucking german really fucked her up i like a part of me wanted to fuck him just to see what i want you to fuck him but and that's something i wanted to also know we have to talk about it in an episode uncircumcised dick oh we do and that whole thing because that in itself is a different ball game and it changes things you should yeah not for the worst of the best it's just i it's different you gotta you gotta go about the dick a little differently you do this is an interesting one i don't know if i totally agree but i just want to read it so daddy gang listen to this in my experience the best way to return to an old person that you used to hook up with or used to just talk to and you want to

make a comeback and everyone always awkwardly doesn't know how to reach out what i do is i make a joke about us not being in contact for a while and i blatantly ignore the fact and what i'll do is say i haven't snapped out in them in months i will send him a selfie saying sorry i was gone my phone died or like something stupid like that like sorry i was taking a nap like i was in the shower and guys always think it's funny they eat that shit up and boom you get to go fuck them again you're welcome and it's funny and it's a funny way to slide back in i i don't know about that exact example but i agree i think if i am gonna reach out to like an old hookup i would probably do something funny yeah i love that i think that's

really smart that's great and the snapchat thing and even if he is like, did you mean to send that to me? Like, absolutely. I like that. Yeah. My phone's been dead for literally five months. It's the craziest thing. Anyways, what are you doing tonight? What are we doing tonight? I fucking love that. So daddy gang, if you want to, you know, rekindle the flame. Yeah, that's good i had um a guy that i didn't respond to him like forever yeah and he sent a follow-up message that was like i hope you just haven't responded because you're a really slow reader and i thought it was really funny and i went on a date with him boom boom my boyfriend has a female friend and her profile picture on multiple social media sites is with him whoa she always posts kind of touchy pictures with him people from their school comment things like you guys

should get married or dating yet question mark we've been together for a long time multiple years this really pisses me off am i crazy psycho or is he probably cheating it is time to cut that bitch i don't i don't necessarily think he's cheating but i think that she fondles his balls on a regular basis he may not be touching her but she is definitely touching him in a little econ she's got her fucking hands down his sweatpants this would this would drive me um insane no if you have made it clear to your boyfriend that it bothers you and the girl is still doing it yeah then you gotta cut the cord yeah you're done you gotta cut the cord and put the it's either her or me yeah if i saw my boyfriend i know ultimatums aren't good but

sometimes yeah that ultimatum is absolutely good if can you imagine you literally have a boyfriend and a girl's commenting where people are commenting oh my god are you guys married yet no you know what oh my god i would freak the fuck out i would go and report the comment to instagram slide her page slide into the girl's dms and be like your car is going to be keyed your car actually has been keyed yes yeah no i girl that's the thing about keen cars yes gotta be yes yes yes i've actually never done that have you either i want okay well no let's not admit no no but if we need to i can do it for you if usually we say like to go after the guy yeah i think in this circumstance you absolutely bring it up with your boyfriend but if this girl is his best friend she obviously is going to know that he has a girlfriend and she's

showing blatant disrespect by posting those pictures i would like probably say something to her i was going to say the thing is is we always talk about the other woman when they owe you nothing right this however is different because it's his best girlfriend which means that she should honestly respect for you risk respect for you and also be one of your friends absolutely you know so if she doesn't if she's not being sensitive towards your feelings then again like sophia said in the beginning she is fondling his balls and they are on the path to fucking he's not fondling her but she is fondling absolutely so get it right and get it tight and get your man in line and if not throw him to the fucking

curve i would let him get married why don't you go ahead and post a picture on your social media with the guy that's actually down your throat yes how about that power to the fucking pussy i like that one all right daddy daddy we love you so much what a world every wednesday it just gets better and happier and stronger and hotter and sexier and raunchier and oh we talked about some crazy shit this week but all i know is we did one healthy segment so we're good for the next like 20 episodes we don't have to be healthy it's time for me to go my hangover is kicking in now yeah guys we love you so much have the best fucking wednesday i hope all of you have great weekend plans i hope you guys pre-game to call her daddy and also every wednesday you guys should be like hanging out with your friends and have it's like a book book club but call her daddy club and

you listen together i fucking that would be so fun i read someone's comment on the internet shots every single time we say the word dick, pussy. Ooh, you're going straight to the hospital. Dude, I read someone on the internet was like, I was on my way to class and I forgot my headphones. So I am streaming Call Her Daddy out loud on my phone, just walking to class and I have no fucks given. That's the kind of fucking daddy gang energy we need.

We do. All right, guys, We love you so much. Subscribe, unsubscribe, subscribe again. Rate us five stars if you can. And if it's going to be a one, get the fuck out of here. Love you, daddies. Love you, daddies. See you next week.