Call Her Daddy - 62- Oprah & F*cking Your Friend's Ex

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

Yes. It is true. Call Her Daddy has been nominated for an award alongside OPRAH WINFREY. For what you may ask? It's not what you would expect! Make sure to tune in, Alex and Sofia are giving us all the details. Also this week, the girls go on a rant resemblant of an exorcism as they express their disdain for all things pertaining to the gym…specifically girls that get dolled up to work out- STOP WEARING YOUR HAIR DOWN. They also discuss the sensitive subject that is fucking your friends ex…should they always be completely off limits? Lastly, Alex is giving us story-time as she recalls a hookup she had recently where the guy did something…weird AF. Lots to cover! 

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy hello people men women children everyone around the world listen up it's call her daddy back at it again you guessed it it's wednesday it's hump day motherfuckers we got some riveting news this shit is actually fucking nuts i don't know if it's fucking nut well it's nuts it's wild it's unbelievable i don't know if it's insulting we were nominated for an award for an award and that in itself is like crazy i know i feel like i never got nominated for awards when i was back in the day i got voted most likely to live in my parents basement oh right i remember that so i'll get into that story another time um okay so we got nominated for an iRadio award for podcasting. So someone sends us the link,

and Sophia and I are like, wow, this is kind of, I mean, great, sure. So we go to look, you know, where are we on this nomination, and we're scrolling. So we're not nominated for best new podcast of the year. No. We're not nominated for best comedy podcast of the year. Yeah.

We are nominated for best advice slash inspirational podcast of the motherfucking year. And. And. And. The most important part of this whole story, the kicker is the other podcast sitting right next to us. It is also nominated Oprah Winfrey. You can't make this shit up. Sophia and I were sitting there and we're on the couch and we're like, no, I'm like

someone's either playing a joke. Right. Or someone is about to get fired from their fucking job. You're right. It's either someone that put us in that category is like, listen, these girls really are changing the culture of today's millennial generation or there's someone that's like put them in there because it's so fucking funny because they're next to oprah who's like live your dreams and be a great person and we're like you're a fucking hole we're like we're

like i'm just i can you guys please imagine our fucking acceptance speech if we somehow won this award? The nominations are up. Everyone's waiting. And what is it? California. It goes down and then they go. And the winner of the best advice and inspirational podcast of the year goes to Call Her Daddy. We walk up on stage.

What are we going to say? You know, the contestants in this category we've really got similar core values yeah very similar i can imagine us signing off and being like thank you so much to all the holes out there we're like the dicks out there all the penises the wiener holes we see you we respect you and we suck you when we'd be signing off we would be like cheater be cheated on then mantra bitches and it would just be such a disaster and such a joke that there's no way they could allow us to win dude there's no fucking way there's just it doesn't make sense guys why were we not in best ad read guys because i personally when i'm doing an ad i have a time

i just i don't know guys we were just laughing we're like imagine if you are in the best advice and inspirational podcast i'm assuming they're gonna put quotes somewhere up on a screen of you know things that we said that were inspirational and it's like you know happy cheater squirt five or six bitch if you're ugly you gotta die for that dick your head is getting into the drywall slammed in and that's just your fucking place so guys five or a six die for that dick just up on the screen as we go and accept our award yeah i just think that it's actually pretty fucking rude to oprah it is you know what i mean like we're out here and i'm saying that we're out here trying to inspire people to accept the holes they are and oprah is like so that is in my category i don't know guys guys i i mean i guess it's just a new times are changing you know

what but i'm convinced no matter how many votes we get right i agree they're not gonna let us win i think like they couldn't because they would you can't let us because if they let us win they're kind of being like we support a podcast that makes extremely offensive comments and jokes constantly. Constantly. And it could be like a bad one. We're literally, why are we doing this? We're like the core moral values of that podcast are so disturbing and disgusting to the human race. We can't let them get up on stage.

We're just fully shitting on our own podcast okay i know it's fucking hilarious yeah but so guys i don't know we're gonna just go vote for fun let's just kind of see what could happen can you maybe if we get enough votes like they kind of would have then they'll be like well maybe they really are inspirational we would like win and then we would like get disqualified for right because then the head ups of the head ups are gonna be like who the fuck? I'm reading the quotes we're supposed to put on the big screen for these girls when they walk up.

And it literally says, jerk him off on your face and make it rain, baby. These girls make jokes about incest on the regular. They're not allowed to represent fucking iHeartRadio Awards. Yeah. So anyways, yeah yeah people assume that this podcast is just us being sluts not really it's it's advice and not only that it's inspirational it's inspo okay okay we go toe-to-toe with Oprah on a day-to-day basis I don't think many people can say that Oprah let us know if you want to go get drinks or anything like oprah let us know if you want to come on the pod yeah i don't even know anyone else in the category i didn't recognize any of them because we're not

focused on inspiring or doing advice real advice okay so like respect all of the other nominees yes yes respect their work more than anything more than anything more than my own absolutely okay so all right let's get this isn't even like a this is just gonna be a very what are you saying this is gonna be a very general i feel like now after that intro how are we supposed to go forward with the rest of the podcast when we're like we are a joke we are disgusting you shouldn't listen to this and why the fuck were we ever nominated and this next thing we're going to talk about is really just only going to like solidify okay so this might sound weird but we want to talk about the gym

it's a place that you know we don't love to frequent it's a place that i don't go to that often right but in this past week or two yeah we've kind of like in the mood yeah and like we've kind of gone like twice a week and i really just like that was actually for one week don't give yourself that so if you're like we've gone twice a week i'm like it was on a monday and then like i took six days in between okay okay all right so the other week i tweeted about the gym because when i went to the gym it's good almost that we don't go often so that everything we see is very fresh and new and good for content so i go to the gym and I saw a girl wearing her hair down and I tweeted about it and fucking slut. Disgusting.

Okay. I tweeted about it and now I'm talking about it on my goddamn motherfucking podcast. Well, that's fine. This is a safe space. You know what I mean? Yeah. Safe for us. Torture for everyone else that's listening.

Get ready. You're about to get annihilated. If you've ever worn your hair down at the gym, you're about to get annihilated if you've ever worn your hair down at the gym you're a fucking piece of shit okay i'm gonna there's girls that wear their hair down i don't get it i personally like to keep my hair out of my face yeah when i'm working out and i don't want sweat getting into my hair right i don't also think you can really do a workout with your hair down but again but some people say otherwise yes what i really want to talk about is the girls that go to the gym with their there's the girls

that go to the hair go to the hairstylist in the midwest and get the uptos there are the girls that go to the gym with their hair down and then there are the girls that go to the gym in a fucking sports bra and little tiny spandex shorts and that is a different type of bitch that is that is a different type of female okay little cunty yep let me explain it because when I go to the gym I wear leggings and a baggy t-shirt and a baseball cap and no makeup and it's because I already know that guys are looking at me yeah and this is not me being like I am so beautiful that people are no we know you look disgusting I see you walk in there and I'm like I'm gonna take five steps back so I don't know if I'm there with you that's just what the gym is

men are there and they're looking at women like I swear to god I was doing hip thrusts oh those will get you the other day if you guys don't know hip thrusts it's when you literally hip thrust up into the air I was doing hip thrusts and I felt like I was on the set of a porno. Like a 90s style workout porno. Like I was just doing it on the floor and there were like five guys around me and I just felt like. They were trying to look inside the crease of your vagina. Let's set up cameras and like some lights. Dude, okay, this is the thing.

You're right. When you go to the gym, there's testosterone flowing and the men are constantly thinking about wanking it the minute they see any female. Yes, and I want to make it the least desirable experience for them yes i want to be like try to see the outline of my ass try this baggy xl t-shirt is from my dad's closet and it hangs to

the floor and you don't even know what i'm rocking with could be worn as a dress could so try to what size are my tits you don't know so i agree with you so the girls that are wearing this is our point let's get back to it we kind of went off the rails the girls then that are choosing when the men are already jacking off right in basically the girls that are choosing to basically go naked to the gym it is a different type of bitch that the type of bitch that goes into the gym dressed like that makeup on hair good that's the type of girl that's like honey can i make you a steak dinner and can i suck your dick under the dinner table while you're taking in that sirloin and then blumpkin after that's the type of bitch right and like i commend her right i applaud this you're just not her i

just can't do it i'm not her either i i also kind of hate her but i love you but hate you i agree i think that the hair down at the gym pathetic i'm sorry yeah i'm sure people listening to this podcast have worn their hair down i think it's stupid i think that maybe playing sports in my life like imagine me going onto a soccer field and playing with my hair down you can't do it imagine me trying to run at full speed on 10x on the treadmill you can't do it so to me it equates to girls that wear their hair down at the gym i don't believe they're fully working out and i truly and I truly believe also that like they're they are trying to look hot I remember in college I would go to when I would go to the normal gym if it was the off season I would go to the normal gym and see girls wearing full-blown like matching outfits

like you know the top matches the bottoms I can't even get my socks to match but and they're full makeup done and the full makeup at the gym i get it if you're coming off of work or something but you can tell when they're trying to not fuck the makeup up right and they're like kind of moving in that specific way of like it's like when you get a spray tan and you're like walking around like inching around like not trying to touch anything that's them with their makeup i get um i put on like a little bit of bronzer before of course i have done that yeah because i don't want to scare people makeup it's like you are going to the gym and you're like gyrating on the elliptical and you're like grinding on the bench have i ever worked out my entire life how would you gyrate on the elliptical and grinding

you're like flipping off like contortioning your body and it's like to be doing that to be doing that with your tits hanging out and your ass hanging out. Like, what do you expect? And, like, guys are taking, like, pre-workout. Pre-workout gives you boners. It's clinically proven. I'm just making shit up. I'm sorry. The pre-workout gives them boners.

And at some point during the gym workout they're going to jack off and if you're wearing that no no no cut out cut out we gotta act different now we're in the category with oprah we're we gotta be different now okay women wear whatever you want to the gym but disgusting let's keep going a few different other things whoa now there are those leggings girls will get a kick out of this there's those leggings that are um they're shaped so that they go inside of your ass crack and you know what i feel like do you know what i'm saying yeah i feel like a lot of times on this podcast we joke about like in and around the asshole no this is legit these leggings they are built to give you a wedgie girls have you ever seen it it's like the the crack on the leggings is like scrunched

and you're supposed to hike them up and slide them in the crack it's a thong yes it's a thong pant yeah and it's supposed i mean they do it so it just looks like two separate ass cheeks. Huge cheeks. And it's just like insane. So another thing I want to point out. Okay. This is going to be very different. Okay.

I almost bought a Bang Energy drink and I need to get it off my chest. Hold on. Rewind. You went to buy a banger. I know. Who are you? I know, Alex. It's a confession.

I didn't even want to tell you. Going against the core values. I was feeling really, really tired the other morning when we were supposed to go to the gym. Okay. And it did cross my fucking mind. Like you're like, I wonder if it really works. Yeah. And did I wonder if I should make a video of like myself humping the bang energy on the beach and be like fucking swipe up for

bang energy no no no but i did i almost wanted to purchase one right but then instead you went and did a fucking line of cocaine and adderall and you moved on with your life i just exactly so i sorry i was just gonna i was just to go off about bang for a minute, but I guess that's not the topic. I just have one more thing I want to say. What was the point of you bringing up bang? Sophia's like, I just wanted to admit it because I was thinking about it last night and I didn't tell you and I wanted to let you know I was thinking about it.

Because we said that we were going to like discuss some shit we've seen at the gym. I thought you were going to say, because we said we would be honest with each other if we ever drank a bang energy and i wanted to let you know i like opened sofia's bedroom door like hey you want to go and sofia's like underneath her bed drinking a bang like sipping it someone dm me and tell me if they really work and give you energy because i want to know um the other thing i think this is really the whole point of what we're talking about okay no one knows what we're talking about why are there 98 ellipticals to every one stair step so yeah we started on girls wearing their hair down and sophie's like the actual equipment at the gym is getting frustrating and let's get into it because i need more stair steppers. I'm sorry. Every gym I've ever walked into.

Yeah. There are rows and rows of fucking ellipticals. And there is one broken stair stepper. And that ass. That ass needs. And what I mean. Needs. Don't get me started on my fucking diaper of an ass.

Okay. A poopy diaper. A diaper with poop in it sagging low yeah um i feel you i feel like every bitch is always on the elliptical i fucking hate the elliptical i just don't get it i whatever it's so um i know i think everyone's like can you guys shut the fuck we're talking there's an elliptical problem dude there's an elliptical problem this sounds like a medical condition the elliptical infestation is getting out of hand the way we're talking about the gym the people at the gym the equipment it's like a different i don't know wait i want to

make a point because we're shitting on girls can i just shit on men oh they're the the most i didn't even know we had to shit on them they're i go ahead no you no you i forget you go no my point about the men is i think that every man goes to the gym and i've actually talked to milf hunter about it he's like i like when women are at the gym i'm sure like i like when women are at the gym i'm sure he does like when women are at the gym i'm sure he absolutely loves when women are at the gym but his point was actually a little different than what you would think he wasn't trying to fuck her behind the bench press section he was talking about how for men it like motivates them to like do that extra rep when like you just see

a girl even if she's not that hot just like having that type of energy okay they work harder okay half and then meanwhile i feel like at least for you and i if there's a guy near me i like want to stop working right and i have to leave early i'm not giving him material i'm not giving him a mental picture and material so he can go home and jack off. So I will risk it and cut my workout short because God forbid, I will fucking sit here and watch him do his reps and wait for him to leave. Okay. Jesus Christ.

What are we talking about? Okay. So the men though that go to the gym, that makes sense. I get that. Yeah. that go to the gym that makes sense i get that yeah but the men that go to the gym and wear the muscle t-shirt but it's not even a muscle t-shirt it's a slab of cloth that goes between their nipples a strip a strip of loincloth just hanging down the middle of their torso what are you fucking doing no it makes me think they're like such fucking losers exactly what you're talking about i think what it is because i'm just thinking

about this right no shirt no shoes no service i think they're like i really want to come in here and just not wear a shirt but like they're gonna kick me out so like i just gotta put on this song essentially on my upper torso it's disgusting and i think it's gross i think it's gross i think men when they're walking around like that with their hard dick it just sends me the opposite direction and i don't think it's hot no so no it's disgusting it really is so is there anything else we want to get off our chest? About the gym? I will say going to the gym makes me want to be a slut. Would you agree?

Wait, what? Going to the gym makes me, I think there's, you feel hotter about your body and then you're like more in tune with your body. Like, ooh, my ass is feeling kind of sore. Yeah. And also I do have to say, I'm pretty sure if you're having the kind of sex that call her daddy tells you to have, it's good if you work out. Because sometimes when I was on a kick of not doing anything and not working out, if I would have sex and I was like on top for a while, my hips the next day, I'm like fucking old grandma of the Midwest and I can't walk and I need a motherfucking cane.

Yeah. If you work out, your stamina for sex is better. So going to the gym does make you make yeah sluts happen yeah but just wear a bag yeah and don't uh last thing i'm gonna fucking say because people are like move on yeah please don't document your shit yeah no one cares no one cares don't put on your instagram story you're my fitness pal that you did fucking aerobics for an hour go fucking die whoa go die sophia is amped i know sophia thank you you fucking precious human being yeah it is not anyone's business no no one gives up i promise i promise okay from the bottom of my heart i pinky swear

that not one person that follows you gives a flying fuck fuck about what you did when people post their map my run or their spin class results on their instagram stories shut the fuck up have you i'm i really want to ask you have you ever paused on their story to really look into the details of their workout for the day? To be like three miles. What's the course they took? Let me do this tomorrow. Fuck no.

No. Knock it the fuck off. Not even your grandma cares. She doesn't. That's how much people don't care. She's like, right, right, right. Anyways, what's going on with the rest of your day? No one cares about anyone else's fitness journey.

No one. No, they do. If you're going to give them like the keys. That's the thing. Hold on. All right. OK, I'm going to wrap it up here. OK, people care about people's fitness journeys if they think that they're going to be able

to achieve the body by you posting the results from your spin class. What do we get out of that? I don't know. We're just looking at the equation of what happened and how far you went and no one cares it people feel proud about their accomplishment at the gym and it's like it's not an accomplishment no it's not you going and working out it's really not no like for yourself for it is yeah for anyone else no no no no if you win like the nobel peace prize then like throw it up lance armstrong. Yes. But throw it up.

If you're, you know, Johnny from the block. Run. Johnny two shoes. Johnny. Bring him back. Johnny fucking two shoes. If you think I fucking care about your little rumble boxing outing. Think again.

Johnny fucking running shoes. I don't need to see the fucking marathon you ran johnny johnny marathon sketch your shoes get out of here all right we really need to move all right we're moving on okay so um i'm fucking an athlete how do we okay um uh alex is having sexual relations with a man who does play a sport professionally. Now, this is the shocker to most. And it is exciting and new and fresh and fun. It's fine. It's fine.

Some people are into blondes. Some are into brunettes. Some are into athletes. It's fine. You literally go two hair colors and athletes. But is it really that different? No. I don't know. I'm on a colors and athlete like is it really not different no i don't know i'm on a kick and i like it so i am hooking up with this uh guy right now and he was in town and i want to bring up something that happened during our love making okay okay we weren't

making love he literally thinks i'm so weird all right we're having sex i like kind of told you this but i you did tell me a story but i don't remember it that well because i kind of tuned you out but now i'm really okay yeah okay yeah because you need to be the ears for the daddy i mean you're constantly having sex and telling me stories about it's like i just i'm kind of like okay you're like right right this is a different this is a different okay all right it's something weird that happened to me during sex and this has never happened to me okay in the history of caller daddy okay we're having sex i'm on top classic my bitch this is my bitch and as i'm riding him into the sunset, he takes both of his hands and lifts me off of his wiener. Okay.

And I thought we were in a great pace and rhythm. I'm like, what the fuck? And he looks at me when he pulls me off and he goes, I just came inside of you. Are you on the pill? I look at him and I'm like what first of all we were in the middle of fucking sex usually a guy's gonna give you some indication that he's about to come he none of that I'm literally like mid thrust I'm like bouncing up from the ceiling coming back down and he and I go what the fuck and he goes yeah are you on the pill and I'm like

yeah I'm on the pill but why the fuck did you just come inside of me right and he goes oh so you are on the pill i'm like yeah but i don't want you fucking coming inside of me right and at that point things start to kind of that's strange the whole thing is strange and you know how you can kind of tell if they came inside you because you like feel it yeah coming out i didn't feel that so things are starting to not make sense or you don't feel it coming out but like their dick starts to you know get lit right right right right and i'm he's hard as fuck right now and so i just look at him he's like i'm just kidding and then puts me back on top of him hold on okay you're writing a guy writing a guy he stops you mid-sex pulls you off of his dick says i just came inside of you are you on the pill yes to which

i say yes but why i don't want you fucking coming inside of me and then he says okay that's fine and then can proceeds to fuck you yes so he goes and puts me back on top of him i was intoxicated so at the time i was like I'll ask him about that later. Let's just proceed to finish and like, let me get mine. Yeah. Later I asked him, why the fuck did you do that? Uh, I would be pissed. I know.

I know. But I was like horny and I was drunk. So I was like, whatever. Yeah, of course. And this is what his explanation was. Listen to this. Okay. He proceeded to tell me that he's done this to

girls in the past that he thinks are a bit crazy i wonder where he got that first so why what you do not give up no right so thank you and he said the point is is he's like i make a he was joking but he's like i make a lot of fucking money and I when I'm going to fuck these girls, I like to see if they're fucking nuts. And if I tell them I just came inside of you, are you on the pill? And if she's like, no, but like, it's fine. Or if she's like, yeah, like whatever. If she's so down and OK that he just cream pie or fucking pussy. Right.

He's throwing her out of the hotel room. So he thinks that by saying i just ejaculated inside of you that a girl will like fess up like if she's on the pill and by her reaction he can tell if this girl is trying to get like an atm baby yes like if i had been like it's fine babe then he was gonna be like i didn't actually come inside you but like get out of my hotel room kind of thing i if a guy did this to me i understand you were intoxicated so then i didn't really know what was going on yeah if i was sober and a guy did that to me i would fucking slap him across yeah and be like what the fuck is wrong with you i think that so one he's like a pretty

funny guy so there was like humor to the way he was saying it and he was like i don't do this like that that's not funny it's not funny i mean to me personally i saying it And he was like I don't do this like that That's not funny To me personally I don't think it's funny I don't think it's funny I thought it was like pretty entertaining You know what you should do next time Is be like I have herpes And see what he says Be like oh my god I have herpes

I'm like oh my god is that okay I have herpes Like jump off of his dick Be like oh my god I have herpes And then be like too late and then jump back on. Wait, what if I went so crazy next time I see him and he comes in my mouth and I quickly get off his dick and literally have a cup right behind my back and spit into it. And I'm like, oh, thank you. And I run out.

And then hurt. Run to the bathroom and lock the door. And shove it up my pussy yeah i don't know i just thought that was very interesting because i get like you see in movies like um or like shows like these athletes girls are trying to like always get pregnant but he i mean he jokes about it all the time he's like you talk about it all the time you thought it was so funny i'm like i don't think it was funny i just thought it was like pretty fucking wild that you pulled right and i and i would have been so confused because i would have been like all right

you're like a grown-ass man and you're an athlete which means you've had a lot of sex and you accidentally just came inside of me right right right doesn't it was a very strange situation i just wanted to share because i don't think that this is happening to many people like i don't think i'm like so girls in college when he does this to you it was a very wild yeah another thing that happened though that i wanted to quickly bring up that's not as strange well it is kind of strange but um when we before we had sex he we were like doing foreplay and stuff and he pulled me up onto his face and like started eating me out oh and that's fucking hot and right love it yeah so i was sitting on his face and later when i was talking to him and facetiming him and just recapping all these events because most of them i forgot because i was blackout um um he had said well like obviously i

like you and i was like well i, how how's a girl to know? And he said, I let you sit on my face. And I was kind of like, right. Like you ate me out and I fucking sucked your dick. Like, right. We each get our own. And he was like, no, I don't just go and eat out every girl's pussy the first time we hook up. I have definitely I have heard this from

guys before too yeah so i think i wanted to bring that up because this guy's basically saying that there are certain girls just from the vibe of about to hook up with them for the first time yeah he's not gonna go down and eat them out he was like what if it fucking smells what if it's gross like i don't fucking want it in my face so i I know a lot of guys that will not do that on like a first hookup. It's just in general. And then I know guys that like they will if they like really are like into the girl or feel comfortable with her or whatever. Right. Some men are very specific about the pussy they're going to eat.

Yeah. Which is kind of fucked up. Honestly, it is. I mean, that's actually fine. But then we're not going to suck your dick. Right. How about exactly. So if we're not gonna suck your dick right how about exactly so if you're not gonna eat me out let me know yeah because your dick will not be wet by my mouth yes my pussy juice fine but not my mouth exactly so i agree with that so just

all in all this guy lied about coming inside of you yeah and then said that you should feel extra special because he ate you out and he sounds like a keeper i am obsessed with him i literally you've seen me i facetime him every night we are in love he sounds like a great guy he is he really shut up you've literally talked to him and you like him so i know he's great but like just like a little strange but so am i we're all a little strange right but i liked his strange i mean i'm not but right right right you're normal straight okay hooking up with a friend's past hookup whole did that make sense because i feel like hooking up with someone that your friend has hooked up with yes or did yes this is a topic we have never

talked about on call her daddy we have people writing in people want to know what's the formula what's the deal how can i hoe around if my friends already hoed down on that dick or that vv and we kind of are ready to break it down right and and people have asked us alex because like we do work together play together right people are like have you guys ever liked the same guy like how does that work and so we want to talk about it yes so let's start from the top from the top and work our way the tippy top down downtown if anyone got what that meant here we go so the first thing that sophia and i want to address is that when you are talking about going to hook up with someone that your friend has already hooked up with i think that the first thing to mention is that it really depends on your relationship right with that person that friend yeah are you best friends are you kind of friends are you long distant fucking memory friends are you half cousins like what's this relationship yeah i think i have a

really good personal story to go with this okay because i actually fucked your ex-boyfriend i never told you so last week things took a turn i'm, I'm kidding. Okay. Oh, my God. Did you see my face? I know. I'm like, he was in town. Okay. So I had a best friend in high school. Let's call her Mary. Mary.

Not Mary Beth. Not Mary Beth from last week. New Mary. Magdalene. Mary. And she, we were extremely close in high school and then jealous don't no one will ever compare to you so anyway okay we went to different colleges okay and after we graduated high school i spent the better half of a year or almost a year reaching out to her and trying to hang out with her.

Just like trying to like catch up with her and being like when I'm back in Utah, like let's hang out. Right. And she would blow me off. Wow. Mary Magdalene. Fucking whore. She would blow me off. she wouldn't answer my text messages and so it was almost like i want to say close to two years that i did not see her after high school

okay okay so she was my best friend in high school and then we went there was like a two-year period where she just wasn't having it got it okay she was not into drug dealer Sophia anymore. Her mom said, you hang around with that girl and you are going to get fucked. Yes. So she had to get out. So fast forward, I start talking to her ex-boyfriend. Okay. And you went there. I actually started seriously dating her ex-boyfriend okay and i did not feel bad okay because this girl mary magdalene thanks for fucking making me call her that i'm like trying to marry magdalene mary magdalene is no longer my friend right okay you have no loyalty and she actually ended up reaching out to me and was like Sophia I think this is so fucked up we used to be extremely close I was in love with this guy how could you do that to me and I was like Mary used to hey girl I tried to continue our friendship and you have blown me off and not given me the time of day for the last two years you are no longer my friend i no

longer have any loyalty to you and i will fuck your dad if i want to i don't give a fuck about our friendship you've never been anything to me fucking mary magna let's go to the earth okay fuck your dad fuck your brother fuck your family but eat your mom out that's what i'm saying like the status of the friendship we were not friends anymore right no that is such a good point all jokes aside like the loyalty yeah to this girl was gone you can't claim a guy no forever and ever and ever and ever no that's not how it works especially when you're not even friends with the person right now obviously if it's you and i and all of a sudden i fucking go and date your ex-boyfriend that you were in love with even in

high school right I mean you will go missing and people will not know what happened to you oh a little I dumped her in the Hudson River okay so now let's try let's just talk about break it down yeah because it can get complicated right so in that scenario the friendship was over and so at that point everyone is fair game yeah so now let's just talk about because most of the people writing in it's like this is one of their best friends yeah this is the first rule if your best friend was ever at one point in their life in love with someone that person's off limits i agree if you ever were in love with a guy i think uh forever thing i think so too yeah i think that if you were in love with a guy in high school fucking middle school college whatever it be if that is your best friend

and they were ever in love with someone absolutely fucking not there's a million people on this planet you do not go for someone that your best friend was in love with I agree And I think same goes to if they are Maybe not your best best friend But like a close friend Yeah No And I would go as far as to say Even if your best friend had feelings

Yeah For a guy I would say it's usually never okay Yeah Now This is where it gets really really tricky What if your friend just fucked someone? What if your friend was just hooking up with a guy?

Okay. Is it okay to go fucking hook up with them and go fuck them? And also, we're talking right now for girls. Because we're going to get to guys. Because guys are so different. This is for girls. You and your friends. I have another story that I think relates to this.

Okay. So for the fucking aspect. Yes. Okay. One of my best friends from my hometown was a fucking slut and i love that bitch i love love how slutty she was love a slutty bitch she's like my best friend she had hooked up with i swear to god half of the people in utah class okay got it and um i loved her for it right great but if i were to try and avoid every guy that had fucked her i would be a virgin still

okay oh yeah that's such a good point so there were a couple of times that i was talking to guys that she had hooked up with okay and in that instance like again it should be okay for me to be able to talk to them I think that is such a good point that you bring that up because we do have a lot of listeners in like high school and college and I think that specifically so Utah is a pretty small town that you were living in um college and high school are kind of similar to that if you have a friend that is fucking everything that walks on campus it's kind of it's kind of unfair to then even have any type of rules with that person because it's like well stacy if i don't fuck anyone you fucked I can't fuck anyone at school so like what the fuck it's very similar it is a good point I know in college

for me it was hard because being on a soccer team we like I remember being a freshman and you're supposed to have loyalty to your teammates and a girl that I was good friends with that was in my class freshman year was started talking to this guy that a junior girl had dated. But the junior girl was such a fucking bitch to us that there as much as we were teammates, my friend didn't feel really any loyalty towards her. And obviously the junior girl fucking freaked out and tried to ruin her life. But then also, if it's such a small school or a small friend group, it's there's going to be overlap. Yeah.

I'm like, we're on the soccer team. We're all hooking up with the athletes on campus. You all are hooking up with the hockey guys. We're all going to hook up with the hockey guys too. And unfortunately a dick you've sucked. I'm probably going to suck too. In a perfect world.

You should try your best to avoid yeah any guy that your best friend has had any relations with even if it was just fucking but like there are gonna be certain times that like especially if you're in like a very small community or your friend happens to be running around yeah sucking dick left and right getting dp'd getting airtight yeah that's three guys in one night that's not fair that's not oh wow you're gonna just make three guys off limits to me because you decided to go and get airtight and spit roasted and spit roasted donkey punch wait what is it what what do we call it the rotisserie chicken yeah maybe she could just have a rule like the only guy during the

dp or airtight that like went or vagina you only get a click right that's a good one anal and mouth are up for grabs but anyways um yeah because like okay alex you and i live in new york city so it's so it's extremely different i would be like really alex out of all of the men in new york city you couldn't find someone else out of all the fucking finance bankers surgeons like you had to go after like the one you know what I mean I know which one you're talking about you're like if you ever go for no not even not even him just anyone no I know what you mean I agree with you I think that Sophia and I always talk about it for us in New York it's so different go find a fucking guy Alex there's There's plenty of lawyers, bankers, athletes, surgeons, prostitutes, chefs.

Like, just go. Just go. OK, Alex, just go. Just run like the wind, Alex. But maybe there should be like a rule. Yes. Like a five time hookup rule. OK, that's going to be my little rule.

So if you have just fucked. OK, if your friend is just fucking someone but they have fucked this person more than five times yep i think you got to ask them i me too because here's the thing i think communication with your friends is way better if she finds out from someone else that you went behind her back oh it's way fucking better to just bring it up to her and just make it so casual and obviously if she didn't have feelings for him then it shouldn't be an issue and if she's being a fucking bitch though and just being territorial that's where you got to make the call like okay this bitch is being

yeah like relax like you you've gotten dp'd every night this week right okay so but that you know when that can get a little bit complicated is like when you're out at the bar and the guy is there and you guys are flirting and you like want to go home with him but he did fuck your friend sally like a year ago you know and it's heated the moment and like you're like what are you hurrying text your friend like can i fuck him or not yes or no i'm with him right now like give me the green light. Unless it's like your best friend maybe you just do it and then like you just say you were really drunk. This whole fucking segment.

It doesn't make sense. Just blame it on being drunk. Yeah. I will say it can be a lot of fucking fun to have sex with the same guy as your friend. It can. Because I've been in that situation Alex. It can be so fun because you can talk about it. You got to like go home and like compare notes.

You're like, it's so fun. And you're like, did he do this thing? And it's like, stop. He did that to you, too. Yeah. Wait, did you like when he did this? It's so fun. And it's like, stop, because he did that to me, too.

But he did the second time. When did he do the third or the first? Right. He did the first. So maybe he likes you more than me. Now let's talk about men. Disgusting. Disgusting men. did you the third or the first right he did the first so maybe he likes you more than me now let's talk about men disgusting disgusting men in our research most men if their friend has fucked a girl he doesn't care he will fuck her he will fuck her and they'll pass her back and forth that's the whole fucking lingo of eskimo brothers men love fucking sword fight over her face fight

over her face and talk about her pussy while they're playing video games eskimo brothers to men is like a trophy i actually knew a guy in college that i dated and he had an actual eskimo tattoo on his fucking chest with his two friends because they all fuck the same girl and he thinks it's like the coolest girl and he thinks it's like the coolest thing and i'm like that's how proud they are to be eskimo brothers that is it's hilarious i wonder why you guys broke up he sounds like a really he was a great guy husband material honestly so so guys most men if their friend has fucked a girl they're gonna go fuck her they don't give a fuck yeah however a lot of guys do have an issue if their friend fucked a girl yes

most men will not go and date that girl yeah like yeah when i asked um both guys actually that i'm talking to they were both like fuck no absolutely i will not go if their friend had fucked a girl they won't date they're not gonna they will not date her they'll fuck her but they're not gonna date her so and again that i mean there's exceptions but for most of the time they don't really love when their friend has been inside of your pussy and then it's like let's date and come home to meet my family but i do think that it's very interesting milf hunter told me that him and his friend group have this like system set up. It's like a rule. Him and his friends say for men, because they're always fucking 24-7, you can only have one girl at a time that is off limits.

So for women, for us, it's like all my ex-boyfriends are off limits to you for men it's more so of like a you can have one girl yes there's that one fucking person on their roster that's the lebron james that they're not willing to trade and the rest are expendable okay so and he said there is only one exception is when a guy can have two is with his B.M. His baby mama. I was going to say bowel movement. The girl he shit on on the chest. That's the keeper too.

No. So if you have a baby if it's a baby mama situation. OK. Then you can't fuck the baby mama and then they can have their one go to. And it's interchangeable. Sometimes the one girl will change for a man, but most men, because they fuck all the fucking time, they can't keep every girl.

So even a guy's ex-girlfriends are on the table for other guys. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, if that's not the one at the moment. Because Milt Hunter was just saying, you can't claim all of this pussy. And he did say most of the time, and it depends what kind of friend

group you are in because some guys are not as you know chill about it but milf hunter was saying his friend group they actually love helping each other get pussy from their old pussy so like if he is knows a girl that he used to fuck and his friend is gonna like go to the same school tour he's gonna link them up yeah he's like i love throwing my friend's pussy once i'm done with the pussy give him the other fucking fish you know what i mean it's like it's it's interesting it's really interesting because i'm sitting here and i'm trying to like think about the psychology of it and why girls are just more like territorial about i guess maybe because like sex is a bigger deal i think girls get more um emotional when once they have sex with a guy and feelings um arise and i think men we know it

they go and fuck something and they can walk away and they will literally go fuck another girl that day and not even remember the first girl or think about it. I will say this though. I think that if you cross the line and you hook up with your best friend's something. Like your best friend's ex that they were in love with. I think a guy is going to freak out way worse than a girl. I agree. I think a guy is going to like show up to your house and be like what the fuck dude. And like punch you and like go to jail. And that's the thing I when I was talking to

these guys they were saying I will fuck one of my friend's exes but it depends one how long it's been and two what is my relationship with that friend like yeah if we're just bar buddies and we see each other out and it's like he used to date this one girl and I fuck her like not a big deal but if it's your best friend and you go and fuck his ex-girlfriend like two weeks after they break up absolutely not so a lot of it has to do with time though but i think the moral of the story is like if you are so close with a friend yeah we all it's like the fucking stupid saying hoes over bros or like you know what i mean it's like why are you over chicks right right or whatever's like, why are you over? Right, right. Or whatever. It's like, why are you going to risk dick ladies over a super close friendship? And same with guys.

Guys aren't going to go fuck over their best. Well, actually, that's guys are going to fuck over their best dude for pussy. But girls guys will pretty much do anything. Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah. So, girls, I think it's have a have a little rule. And at the end of the day

orgies up the ass and fuck whoever you want yeah if you have honestly that's why it's good to not have that many friends you and i it's like i know who you fucked and you know who i fucked and those are the only people literally everyone else in new york city watch the fuck out yes questions of love why come son questions of the mother questions questions of the mother questions questions all right let's get it questions of the week motherfuckers

here we go all right hey daddy gang hey girlfriend so i was listening to last week's episode about learning to squirt and I hate it. Oh, no. But this was very interesting. Listen, hey, when guys find out or I warn them, it gets annoying because they constantly try to get me to squirt, which is OK. And it doesn't sound bad. But the way they are trying or constantly saying squirt for me baby oh it's like bitch you aren't even fucking me good enough or fingering me good

enough for that then i just start to get in my head and start focusing on squirting rather than enjoying myself and it makes it miserable okay i totally kind of get what she's saying it's little bitch boys that the minute they find out that a girl can squirt and this is i would say most men that are not as experienced because yes people are gonna fucking be like oh it's so cool that she squirts and i love it and it's hot but if you're an experienced guy you're not going in every time like i want to make her squirt i want to make her squirt it's also similar to just an orgasm yeah because if you start hooking up with a guy in the entire time he's like i want to make you come did you come is this gonna make you come are you coming is this like that's already annoying and then this is like the whole squirting thing and it's like

you're putting a lot of pressure on the girl right and you And, you know, she's kind of like, oh, fuck. Like, what if I can't? Right. What if I don't? Is he going to be disappointed? I agree. Men, it's so gross when you see in their eyes, they're focused on the one thing. And it's like, wait, are you even in me? Like, I can't even feel your pencil dick. Like, what the fuck is that? And then she's like, actually, no, now I'm even now I feel even extra pressure because I'm not not gonna squirt because you're not even doing a good right we're not even having good sex so how the fuck would i squirt yeah p oh i'm sorry girl that is kind of annoying yeah so that is true that is beyond him get it over with he'll think you squirted boom easy um guys christmas album coming soon would you guys listen to it okay this is just fucking weird my roommate of almost two years has a boyfriend who flirts with me sends me dick pics and talks

dirty to me without her knowing i know it's bad but he's really hot and it's tempting to hook up with him how would you guys handle this okay this goes exactly with what we just talked about like okay here's the thing initially i'm like what the fuck and then i'm like wait she says it's her roommate so maybe they're not even oh oh oh okay okay so if i were you go get a new roommate and then go fuck the fuck the boy well if you end up fucking the boyfriend before you get a new roommate you might come home and all of your clothes might be fucking cut up literally your side of the room may be on fire when you come back from that morning jog so if i were you i mean listen we don't love a good home record this is gonna sound real fucked up but like how kind of sexy i know if he like

is fucking you in your room like in the middle of the night like he's like babe i gotta go use the restroom goes into your room fucks you and then goes back into bed with his with his girl i mean it's fucked up but like i could see goes back into bed with his with his girl i mean it's fucked up but like i could see it being kind of hot wait me too and i mean we're like just like the little interactions like say like she comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel and she's like i didn't know you guys were here hi jason oh and hey melanie um fucking loser your boyfriend's dick is my background yeah i mean listen if there's no loyalty to the roommate and we don't condone homewrecking but absolutely go for it if you want

the dick and you don't have loyalty go fucking suck it when he's taking a bathroom break for fucking her okay i think that's that's where the whole best inspirational podcast is really doesn't hit home. All right. Here we go. Take it away. So hi, fathers. My boyfriend and I just broke up and he is pulling this. You're my best friend shit and is trying really hard for us to stay friends in hopes we get can get back together in the future.

Is this just a way for him to hover over me and stop me from moving on? He also asks for nudes and dirty talks me, telling me that what he's going to do to me the next time he sees me. This is weird because he's the one that initiated the breakup. I also want to hit up some of my old bodies in the city, but it feels wrong since I see my ex's face on my phone every day my ex is also unbelievable in bed so i'm scared i'll be disappointed please send help so initially my first go-to is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too he's the one that broke up with you he's making sure that you don't move on you need to start ghosting him he is out there fucking girls

and he also wants to continue to fuck you and is doing like a mind manipulation to her and it's fucked up and i don't i mean maybe i'm sure there is a part of him that like doesn't want her to move on but i think the bigger thing is like he wants to continue to fuck her right and he wants to continue having like that comfortability with her yep and then she expressed that she's like he's amazing in bed and i'm scared took up other guys because i'm scared i'm gonna be disappointed when i got out of my last relationship our sex was like out of control amazing and i remember being afraid of that and i can assure you life goes on you will not be disappointed you will continue to have amazing sex. But do you agree that you kind of need to stop having sex with that ex in order to fully move on and experience, I'm not going to say better sex, but in order to be like fully open and like throw yourself into the new sex and like embracing that because if you're still fucking your ex like on monday and then

you're going on wednesday to go fuck a new guy i can't help but think you kind of are thinking about your ex a little bit yeah yeah do i think it would be in her best interest to completely cut the cord yes but if you're not going to if she's not if she's not ready you absolutely at the very least need to be fucking other guys yeah especially that he's doing it yeah for sure he's fucking other guys he's fucking other guys all the time yeah okay cool hello daddy's quick story about my insane pedo i'm assuming that That means short for pedophilia. Oh. Piglet ex-boyfriend. I love when people are just like. Pedo piglet ex-boyfriend. Insane pedo piglet.

All right. Dope. Just your typical insecure crazy boyfriend that is acting that way because he is the one going behind your back. Okay. So this sloth. What is this for? I love this girl okay so this sloth went as far as to sleeping over at my house with me one night that morning i left before him for work so he fucking took it upon himself to walk this This story, just please just stay with me. Jesus Christ.

He took it upon himself to walk into my mother's bedroom butt ass naked with a stiffy on. Acting as if he didn't know he was naked and hard. My mom called me that day explaining she was scared, confused, and felt disrespected she literally explained to me that that she saw my boyfriend naked with a boner acting fucking weird the worst part is that he acted as if he had been sleepwalking and didn't know he did that i am all in for some milf and dilf action but to harass my own mother with your wiener just no okay guys sometimes when alex are like reading your fucking questions and stories we're just like the daddy like the daddy gang some of these are fucking wild this sloth this piglet walks in my mom fucking stop um so are we sure he wasn't sleepwalking how do i confirm that was my initial thing because that is fucking nuts like if he is into the whole

mrs robinson thing like i would think he would take a different approach to just walk in there with his fucking hard dick and just stare at her and then claim he's asleep. And the fact that her mom calls her. Can you imagine her mom like, Jennifer, your boyfriend just walked in here. I'm a little nervous. I love how her mom says, I felt disrespected. My mother. I don't even know what my mom would do that's like abusive and like terrifying right and i would maybe call the police wait i think so too

that's actually so terrifying a man just walks in and is hard and is staring at you in your bedroom and it's like the fucking guy that your daughter fucks dude this piglet sloth of a boyfriend needs to go to go to jail or go somewhere half pig half sloth fucking dude those are the kind of stories where i'm just like i'm like you should never see that person again and maybe get a restraining order you You're like my sicko boyfriend. I'm like, no, your boyfriend has fucking. I know. I love how she's like just your typical insecure crazy boyfriend. Wait, yeah.

See, there's nothing typical about that. I know. When you said that, I was like, okay, so he's being like super possessive because like he's psycho. No. No. He's like rubbing his hard dick all over his mom's furniture in her bedroom. And he's like, I'm asleep. but if you want to fuck with me here.

Dude. I'm sleep talking right now, but you could take full advantage of me. Whoa. Okay. That was interesting. Yeah. All right. I have one that that just it just hits home okay sexting typos can we talk about this i am sexting a guy right now my first dill's actually and i

accidentally said i want you to come on my fart ass instead of my fat ass what the fuck can you guys share some embarrassing stories of sex typos that you've made love you guys dude that's so rough that is so but i can't believe we've never talked about it it's so good because you literally try to black it out of your mind yeah it's one of those things where i think with sexting typos if you're really trying to keep the heat of the moment going i usually like if you did like the fart ass thing i would literally quickly follow up and just do fat and put the asterisk correcting myself and try to keep going unless it's like so bad or if it's like the end of a sex or if it was just the beginning then you make a joke about it but dude that shit is so rough i've

definitely done that before um i've well i actually sit there and fucking scan the text like 50 times before i send it because i'm so paranoid about that's true but i have i think the when the phone corrects fucking to ducking with a d yeah yeah i've had that happen and I'm like fuck so that's annoying but I agree with you I think that like you just do the asterisks and and fix your typo yeah yeah because if you point it out the sexting's done yeah let's have some perspective on this like is it embarrassing yeah is it gonna make him not want to fuck you no it's more so just it's in the moment it's really also it is embarrassing but it's also like, God damn it. Because the mood, you're like, fuck that.

I've had it where I've come up with such a good fucking text and I've sent it and then I see what I accidentally did and I'm like, it lost the luster because I fucked up and it almost, it like ruins the moment. Yeah. And it ruins the creative genius behind it. Totally. But I think our advice is to just move on yeah yeah don't point it out no that makes it worse right like haha oh my gosh i obviously didn't mean fart ass i meant fat ass like you want to fuck my fat they know they know what you meant but good for you that you're fucking adult is that it? Guys. Guys, we love you so much. The best inspirational podcast in the game.

100% true factual information here, guys. We hope that this episode really felt like an Oprah Winfrey type shit. Yep. You really got to know your inner core self. Your values are in line. It really straightened you right up. And we hope you guys feel inspired inspired we are shadow band so follow us on instagram i'm sophia with an f

franklin with a y and i am alexandra cooper all right guys we love you so much subscribe unsubscribe give us a rating and review five stars only If you're gonna give us one star Go fuck yourself in the asshole And we will see you guys Next week On Hump Day Dads