Call Her Daddy - 7 - Sliding into the DMs - It’s Time to Get Laid Boys

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Alex and Sofia give men the ultimate guide to DM success and break down the do's and don'ts of their social media habits. They elaborate on dirty talk in the bedroom, and why girls with hair extension are an easy f**k

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy all right it is october thoughts holy shit okay it's october 24th it's been october for a while okay well we've been blackout the entire month of october because taking on this job it's like okay i can't be sober i thought it was september up until yesterday well it's not i do it's almost halloween bitches if you guys are looking for a costume a last minute costume i'll be a little narcissistic and say go for it be Sophia and I for Halloween that would actually be the easiest costume because all you'd have to do is throw on a long blonde wig and then a medium-haired brown wig and dress like a total slut and boom there you go Alex and Sophia back

at it again trick-or-treating I love that so what's up everyone it is Alex and Sophia back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. If you are just joining us and this is your first episode, well, you're listening to the wrong fucking episode. Go start episode one. Everyone else, hello. It's episode seven. Oh, my God.

Seven. How did we get here? Hi. I have actually no idea. Literally blackout. So we want to give a shout out to all the girls with that bomb voodoo clam hi ladies and all those guys pulling gdrs left and right and for those of you who don't know a gdr is a good dick review maybe even a great dick review i have faith in you guys dude

you guys are no they're savage it's like we read our dms first of all we want to let you guys know we read everything we have no lives so we read everything you guys are savages like you guys are taking it up a notch you guys are telling us you're on your way to fuck your ex and give him the gluck gluck and then guys are over here being like i'm about to go do the hummingbird on this bitch's clit and we're like unbelievable loving the spirit loving it you guys are living it and you're feeling it and that's what this whole podcast is about live laugh love so thank you um let's talk about our weekend because we always do little reek and we was that english we always do weekend recaps so this past weekend sophia and i went to a pretty upscale brunch this past i would say so very upscale guys we're starting to make money so

we can treat ourselves on this shit so So we go to this upscale brunch. It was on the Upper East Side. If you guys don't live in New York City, the Upper East Side is exactly what you've heard it is. It's Gossip Girl. It's bougie as fuck. And so Sophia and I go to this brunch and we sit down. There's like eight women sitting next to us. They're all waspy.

They've got their Chanel designer shit on. They're drinking their bellinis. They're eating their macaroons. They've got tea time and they're talking about their fucking book club meanwhile sophia and i are talking about dick and we're like hello happy sunday just your normal call her daddy outing i mean i don't even remember what we were talking about but it was completely inappropriate we were sitting there with our mimosas we had two sips maybe and the hostess walks over to us and says we just had a table open up for you please follow me and we're gonna take you that way now mind you sophie and i had literally just sat down we were we were sitting at our designated table right we were waiting we were like getting

ready to order the appetizer right so then something came over me where I was like, oh my God, do they recognize us as the Call Her Daddy girls? Like, wait a second. Is our podcast like actually taking off? Blowing up. I mean, are we low key? Do they think we're kind of famous or what's happening? I'm like, Alex, buckle up, baby.

We're going to the big house table. Oh my God. Yeah, bitch. You thought. Listen up, guys. We're going to the big house table. Oh my God. Yeah, bitch, you thought. Listen up, guys, because we were sadly mistaken. We are escorted over to what would probably be considered as the dungeon table. And when I tell you guys, we literally are sitting, we might as well have been sitting in the fucking men's bathroom because we are sitting so fucking close.

Every time the door swings open, I am getting nailed. Every time a guy came out after he takes a massive dump, I'm like, hello, smell it all. And my head is getting passed through this fucking door. This table was in like the farthest corner. It was covered in cobwebs. The crib keeper lived there it was so dimly lit i couldn't even read the menu i'm like what are we doing back here like what happened and all we knew it was because the stupid ass ladies next to us had complained

and you know what to that i say ladies i will be fucking your husband later okay i want to come hi hi alex and i will both be giving your husband the gluck luck later imagine alex name a better goddamn duo to give the gluck luck to your husband we will wait yeah i didn't think so all right moving on let's talk about dms we have gotten so many questions guys asking us what is the best way to DM a girl? What is proper etiquette for DMing girls? I just want to say, newsflash, DMs work. Like, low-key, I think people sometimes doubt DMs. I have dated multiple guys that have first slid into my DMs. So that's just a little insight over here that we want to give you.

Also, not to get sappy with it but all i can say is everyone out there that isn't shooting their shot because they're afraid they're going to get rejected left and right or they're going to get left on scene fuck that dude yeah who gives a shit guys go for it you legit have nothing to lose nothing i mean think about approaching a girl in person that's scary getting rejected when you're in person. That's scary. If I was a dude, I would be sending DMs like it was my job. Legit, you should be firing out 20 days.

I will unsend it and then resend it. Legit. Like, what? You're just, you're on a phone. Who gives a fuck? So let's talk about, okay, Sophia and I are like talking about this. There's a couple things that we want to give guys a little bit of insight in here. Okay.

What can guys do? The first thing that is imperative for them to possibly get answered if they send a DM. Go. First thing is your profile. Profile baby. Within seconds of you sending the DM, the first thing she's going to do is go and look at your profile. That's the first thing.

Think about yourself. When a guy is sliding into a girl's DMs, he's like, let me see what this girl's ass and tits look like well the girls do the same fucking thing right so hello they need to make sure you're not a serial killer etc absolutely okay so profiles so we're gonna give you guys the do's and don'ts of profiles really quick yes my number one thing do not post a picture of your fucking car Jesus Christ I don't want to see your mazda all right i just i just don't want to see it even if it's a goddamn maserati no i do not want to see what kind of car you have leave it up to my imagination when you pick me up on the first date motherfucker alex how many times the picture with the guy like lean back on the hood of his bmw i'm like

die i am deceased i am dead get the fuck out of my face if you ever post that i'm getting out of there yeah i don't want to see it it's the worst form of a flex guys no one gives a shit what kind of car you own i don't care or really any inanimate object that you own okay yeah your hats your shoes the fake rolex oh even if it's a real rolex again i don't care no oh the wad of cash get the fuck out of my face. Next thing is what we were talking about, how you're just saying, you know, a guy sitting on his car. Let me just tell you guys, male photo shoots, unless you are a goddamn IMG model, I do not

want to see you posting solo shots on Instagram. It is not cute. Yeah. You're not doing an ad for Fashion Nova. Like, I know there are thoughts on Instagram, but that is where us thoughts live and we breathe and we make money maybe. It's just a fact. Girls can do certain things on Instagram that guys absolutely have no business doing.

They are guys that are posting solo shots of themselves and they're having their friend or whoever. I don't honestly know who takes these pictures. Even a selfie from a guy. Okay. Yes. You know, let me just tell you guys if you're like, well, I i don't know i'm telling you right now to go delete every single solo shot because when i tell you sofia was sleeping with this guy and we thought he was kind of cool i

will never forget there was a morning sofia and i both woke up and we woke up to seeing that he threw up a goddamn solo shot we both dm'd it to each other at one point that morning. And we walk out and you literally verbatim said, I will never sleep with that man again. This picture made it so clear to me that this guy will never be entering me again. Ever. So stop with the solo shots. It ruined it.

Next, let's talk about the fishes. Okay. Okay. Fucking knock it off with the pictures of the fish you caught. Okay? I'm done. Pick one. We're going to allow you to post one fish picture.

Pick the biggest fish you ever fucking caught. Pick the biggest fish. And if you really feel the need to have all of them, put it in your little fishy album and take it to bed with you, okay? And give it to your grandmother. Give it to your family. Get a fish tank. Yes.

Get a fish tank. All, get a fish tank. All right. Don't fucking post it on Instagram. Okay. Moving on. So there's a lot, okay, we're shitting on guys. Listen, there are things you can do

that can be positives. And first I want to say, and this is something we both agree on, if you guys are posting pictures with friends, with family, showing you have a goddamn motherfucking social life, throw that shit up, okay?

That shows one. Let me tell you, girls look to stalk you and it's like, okay, are you hot? Are you cool? Are you whatever? But when they also go to your profile, they're looking to see if you have friends that their friends can also hang with. So whenever I go, I'm like, oh, Sophia, like who are you talking to? Is he hot? And then you're like, yeah, look how hot his friends are. I'm like, okay, damn, like, like let's talking to? Is he hot? And then you're like, yeah, look how hot his friends are. I'm like, okay, damn. Like, let's go out with them. That's what girls naturally think about. So, guys, if you can post cool pictures with your friends when you're out,

whatever you're doing, just post pictures. Also, though, do not please throw up every picture of you guys at a fucking frat party with alcohol at your keg with your fucking Bud Light. Right. We don't want to be like oh well my future husband who will be in prison i know within a year i should have seen that he was an alcoholic real quick so let's not do that either let's talk about the wardrobe we were listen we do some research sometimes we were stalking on instagram and some guys have no fucking idea what no clue and that's

just because like dude i already told you i swear to god my brother would not be dating the girl that he's dating right now had it not been for me helping him out no way to wear i think the because like dude i already told you i swear to god my brother would not be dating the girl that he's dating right now had it not been for me helping him out no fuck to wear i think the number one thing with your wardrobe is get a pair of well-fitted jeans yeah that's huge get them in every color and rock them well you know what sophia can we talk about what pants not to fucking wear oh okay oh god khaki pants khaki like khaki shorts or pants leave me and my family alone literally get the fuck out of my face who wears khaki pants knock it off knock it off every person right now if you own khaki pants or not i don't know if it's burn them i don't know is it because you

had a high school dress code well i don't care whatever private school you're going to you shouldn't have been going there if they were making you. Drop out. Because I don't care. Loafers. Done. Knock it off.

Get out of my face. High top Jordans. Knock it off. Knock it off. Okay. High top Jordans at a bar with khaki pants. I've seen it and I want to die. I want to die.

Who the fuck is putting on high top Jordans and khaki pants? There's just. Clearly someone. Yeah. There's no way. That is horrible. Get yourself a nice pair of jeans. And I think if I was. Okay i was okay listen i'm not gonna shit on people that wear button downs because i know people in the south are way more preppy yeah i personally think it's so fucking hot where when a guy wears like a v-neck t-shirt me too or if he

throws on like a casual like long sleeve hoodie type yeah or like a crew neck something and keep it casual the button down especially in like a bar setting no i'm like realizing alex girls and guys guys have to almost worry about their profile more than girls because all guys care about is how hot the girl is that's so if the girl has no picture with friends doesn't matter it doesn't matter she could be a serial killer only pictures of herself doesn't matter ass is great we're ready to go she could be wearing the most hideous outfit ever doesn't matter that's actually she could post a picture of her fucking car that she's been driving since high school that has a broken window doesn't matter you're right so guys if you're actually struggling with your outfits when you're going out to bars

you're going to date what i did with my brother dm sofia and i asked pictures of what you're about to wear and we'll probably answer you because we have nothing else to do with our lives so hopefully that gives you a little bit of insight of what you should be wearing okay let's talk about what to say what to say i think the number one no no is saying hi dude hi the amount of guys that have slid in are like hi no unless you have a blue fucking check mark the high will never work and let's be honest none of us have a blue check mark all right like people will say hi or the worst one that i think it's so obvious that i can see through it when they're like um hey i i need you i need to ask you a question oh obviously all you want me to do is

accept your dm and you don't have a question you're just trying to clickbait me yeah i know what clickbait is motherfuckers and i'm not responding to it alex does clickbait all the time okay so let me also tell you guys sexual sexual sexual comes with time do not first dm them a sexual dm yeah guys this is what you need to do the humor is where it's at with oh totally agree and i'm more of a sucker for it than most girls like i told alex and she's like what is wrong with you an example because this happened to me not that long ago and i want to give a shout out to my friend phil i will be texting you soon this guy sends me this dm and it ends with you know what i've got the bill you've got the phil wait because his name is phil i fucking hate that but like low-key phil that's kind of savage but at the same time i hate it

i personally probably wouldn't fucking answer that but sophia will so everyone just thinking about it sophia is like what did the guy do someone sent into sophia's dms about the beaver oh here's another one that i thought was brilliant he said girl are you a beaver i was like no and he was like because damn sofia you realize the pickup lines you think are the most endearing literally you just google like a beaver damn i know i know what you're fucking saying i'm telling you that you can just double check you can double checking okay no i agree though the humor i had a guy slide in once and it was like a it was like a big melissa mccarthy coming down the slide and he like said something about oh i'm sliding in yeah shit's funny jif is always great but can i say i personally think of all the dms i've ever gotten

i think the most effective way to d DM a girl is responding to one of her stories oh yeah like that is the way to do it yes it's way it's it just makes it less creepy automatically less creepy but also more personal because you're you're having to respond to something that she is obviously doing with her life and you can make it funny yes and you're acknowledging something that she found like interesting or something she found funny and it's almost like you're agreeing with it absolutely yeah so i'm sorry if this section wasn't as crazy but i think we had to address yeah we had to like this i mean this shit is real life guys i have dated multiple people from dm's this isn't made up all right let's talk about hair extension sophie and i both can agree if you are fucking

around with a girl with hair extensions you are guaranteed probably to get fucked way faster and if you're not fucking with someone with hair extensions well let's go not for the reasons you think not for the reasons you think okay well first of all let's just say i know every like the minute we said hair extensions every guy was like oh no fuck this i'm about to pass forward okay but then they heard you say that you will end up fucking her so maybe they are still low-key this section is literally for you guys if you are down with the hair extensions girls listen all right girls we've all been there you do not want a guy to reach into your hair and feel your tracks you will do literally anything to avoid him feeling your extensions you will end up forcing him to finger you before he touches your goddamn weave okay let us explain agreed all right

let me paint the scene paint it you are back at this guy's house you guys are making out things are getting hot and heavy and he goes to put his fingers through your hair oh my god all right and you know goddamn well that you have a nasty ratchet ass situation back there you have some extensions for days okay and you do not want this guy feeling what type of weasel you've got living in the back of your head all right at that very moment your fight or flight response yes kick the fuck in and at that very moment you literally will redirect his hand yeah anywhere but your scalp do you know how many times i've grabbed the guy's hand and literally inserted it inside of my pants and onto my vagina because for fear that he would feel my weave i have literally pushed him down onto the bed and somehow my face is at a zipper and

i'm about to give some great fucking gluck luck actually because i'm like not today are you gonna find out that i've got a weave in my head no and. And I know we sound psycho, but I need girls to DM us and tell us we're not psycho. It's the goddamn true. Oh, my God. It's like, the funny thing about it is that guys are so shocked because there was not meant to be any, like, sexual advances at that point. There is literally, all of a sudden, you could be on your first date. Like, guys have to understand.

There is no timeline for this. It doesn't you could be on your first date. Like guys have to understand. Yeah. There is no timeline for this. It doesn't matter if it's our first date. You will be entering me if it means that you are possibly able to find out I have a weave. Oh, no, no. You're fingering me before you touch my head. No. And that's just what it is. It is.

Because and I know sometimes let's just I've I've seen their face. They can be shocked. It's like I was not ready for that. But at the end of the day, we are also shocked. Oh, I they're shocked. I'm shocked. I'm'm like i wasn't planning on getting fingered at 1 30 this afternoon 20 minutes after our coffee date but you went to you know you went to my scalp you went to run your fingers through my hair and i had no other choice but to get finger fucked okay so that's a quick way for guys if you ever want to get to third base with a girl, boom. No, no.

Okay. What we're trying to say, guys, just don't go for the hair. No, Sophia. No. We got to play both sides. Guys, if you have any inclination that this broad has tracks or any type of hair extensions, you go for them because two seconds later, your fingers will be in her vagina. And we hit third base.

Let's go, baby. So let me get this straight, Alex. We're telling men that if you are talking to a girl with hair extensions, to try to feel them because you will have to redirect your hand inside of her vagina. We got to support both sides. Girls, do what you got to do. Guys, do what you got to do. Also, literally one of the guys I dated for almost two years,

and he never knew I had ventricles. I know. That is the craziest thing to me. Because girls are psycho. And if you have clip-ins and you wear them occasionally, like I would wear them to events and shit. I would fucking whip out. I'd be like, babe, I got to pee. I would whip that shit out of my scalp so fast.

Shove it in my purse. Shove it in my pants. Throw it in a closet. So I guess, you know, even more advice is if you don't want to get fingered on your first date, just use clip-ins because then you can just throw them in your purse and avoid the whole fingering situation. Right. Then you don't have to get finger banged, which is cool too, unless you're trying to

speed up the process and then go for it. Keep them in your head. And then you can get fucked. Okay. Moving forward. While we're on the topic of getting fucked when are we not on that topic okay let's talk about dirty talk okay holy shit all right listen the noise level oh jesus christ all right sophia and i were talking about this the other day i have been with guys that are completely silent yeah in bed and when i say like silent i mean mute me too it's like you're fucking a mind you're legit fucking around with i'm like art do you have a pulse

nothing what's happening and so let me just say like it is so unattractive for 15 to 20 minutes you're in bed with this guy and there is no noise you're the only person making the noise you're talking to yourself you're having like what the fuck yeah and so i want to say we got a dm from someone this is kind of what brought it up we got a dm from someone and they said are you supposed to moan cuss breathe like you're running the mile because sometimes i can't tell if i'm breathing too heavy or if they like it i think i can speak for all women that we love some indication that you're enjoying yourself absolutely we don't want to hook up with a guy that's totally silent like no throw in a cuss word just throwing in a

fuck so hot if you're grunting moaning whatever it's hot like we want you to do that we just don't want the neighbor oh my god okay it's like you walk out and we don't want the neighbor to know that you were fucking katie we want the neighbor to know it was david that like it's like okay because the guy was screaming so fucking loud yes but now everyone knows katie's name and not david's name david shut the fuck up and let katie scream my god my god or what about the sound when they're actually coming okay because honestly no i understand that it's a little bit involuntary okay it's like it's just your body responding listen and you only have so much control over it we get it everyone has their response when they come yeah it's what it is however i have literally hooked up with guys

and if they were putting in work for that 20 minutes whatever how long it took it's a it's a gdr great dick review is about to come his way the minute he comes i sometimes have looked up at a guy and been terrified because he's like and i'm like what is going on? What is happening? I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like an exorcism. Literally.

Like they're possessed. They're like it's like like that shit happens. Like you look up at a guy and he is having a full blown melt out. We don't want this song

Zombie Nation blasting while you're blasting. Get your shit together. like you look up at a guy and he has having a melt out we don't want this song zombie nation blasting while you're blasting okay together i it's the scariest thing and his face too guys just try to keep it together reel it in all right we're all adults here we don't need some like okay holy shit okay so on the topic of that don't worry girls we didn't forget about you we're not just gonna shit on guys we gotta shit on girls too we're also not saying that we're doing this perfectly either so no let's talk about talking in bed for girls now i think there's a huge misperception or misconception sometimes because of porn we all grew up watching porn and porn is crazy and everyone's like oh my god let's go fucking crazy and how the porn stars do it, we should do it. Yes. So.

Okay, you guys, porn is not realistic. It's just not. No. Okay. I'm sorry if I'm crushing souls out there. It's not. But the MILF coming home to fuck you and then the step sister, it's just not real. Okay.

So with that said, my friend told me a story. Okay. He hooked up with a girl last week. Okay. my friend told me a story he hooked up with a girl last week and he said that the tip hadn't even gone inside of her fully and she started screaming bloody murder like he thought he was like did someone get shot because i haven't even like you're like oh i'm not even what happened because i but the tip is grazing the labia and started screaming like a porn star so what we want to say is listen girls we understand that porn is like you want to be crazy for your man and you want to make noises

but low-key guys also can read through that shit it's like they don't want you to act like you're putting on a performance make sure it sounds fucking genuine dude be genuine and obviously be vocal if something's feeling good let them know either if it's you moaning whatever absolutely but like don't put on a goddamn show with that being said though and i want to say men are like dogs ladies men are like dogs in the way that imagine a puppy okay he's running around you're gonna clap you're gonna be like yes come on you're doing great you're doing great come on here we go you are literally chanting them on you're going to clap. You're going to be like, yes, come on. You're doing great. You're doing great. Come on. Here we go. You are literally chanting them on. You're giving them props for what they're doing when they're doing things right. So you need to give them pep talk. So

yeah, conversation or any type of communication in the bedroom is huge. Guys think it's a huge turn on. It's just the amount that you're trying to use. Absolutely. Okay. So let's talk about how, okay. Cause we've had people write in being like, what the fuck am I supposed to say when I'm in the bedroom with my guy? Yes. And I think we can absolutely talk about that. It's really simple. You guys think about the inner workings of a guy's brain. Disgusting. Disgusting. Okay. So when you're about to start some dirty talk, be 10 times instinctively dirtier than you normally would be. Absolutely. So let me give you an example.

Hi. If you're going to say, I want to suck your dick. Guys, that's amateur hour. You're not going to say that. No, no, no. You're going to say, I wish I was taking your whole piece down my throat until my eyes water and my mascara is down on my chin. Okay. down my throat until my eyes water and my mascara is down on my chin okay you gotta get descriptive

with it baby and make them really believe in what you're saying oh my gosh poetry poetry okay i love that we had a girl write in and she said though like legit during sex she wanted to say and sophia you can help her out here what does she do when she wants to say fuck me but how does she take it up another notch oh that is so simple oh of course all you have to do all you have to do is add fuck me like you're slut fuck me like or or treat me like a slut or whore that's a good one too pretty much if you're telling a guy that you're his yeah and that he owns you and then you throw in a slut boom i think a huge one is like if you tell them like i'm gonna fuck you like it's yours they're like i just came already or if you're like fuck me like i'm your

whore blah blah that goes a long way ladies it really does and so our producer is hiding a boner right now tom's like what the fuck is going on? There are so many girls out there that have written in and said, I want to spice it up. But if my boyfriend just comes home or my husband comes home and randomly out of nowhere, I'm like, fuck me like I'm your whore. Who cares? No, no. But think about it.

I understand where they're coming from. Like they can get a little nervous. First of all, I don't mean to encourage being intoxicated yeah but i know i totally agree with you alex i think if you you know want to have a few shots maybe a little hit of the joint if you're in california or wherever it's absolutely wherever it's legal then i think that can make sex awesome and i don't take the edge off i don't think there is a thing better than high sex i'm just putting it out there only in the legal states but i suggest if you haven't done it and you're trying to spice things up with your partner you should both get a high try it out it's a great time thank you for

that advice alex you're welcome only in california but also if you guys want to take drink whatever you got to do to get yourself in the mood now let me also tell you we also talked about the two hand double hand twist with the gluck gluck because you want to make your man feel big no matter we said no matter how small the dick is it's never too small to do the double hand twist when he is fucking you if you want to throw in a word because sometimes girls are going to be like oh my god i don't want to say oh my god fuck me like you're your whore yeah what you can do is give him descriptive terms to let him know he's hitting it right okay for example if he's fucking you and you tell him how deep he is or how wet you are great one thank you great one don't

you agree absolutely i've heard from every guy friend i know that if you kind of like push back on his hip when he's fucking you and you're like oh my god because he's so deep they they're gonna be like well i'm in love now because he's gonna feel huge okay i'm just saying we kind of also need to err on the side of caution all right porn has fucked with our minds so much that now people are saying like come on my face and then punch me after and then steal my wallet right just come on her face don't steal her wallet just beautiful work like for example we were listening to a podcast oh and on the podcast the girl asked um what was the dirtiest text she ever sent she sent a guy a text saying i want to suck this skin off of your dick okay what that is not hot that is literally like saying i want to suck your clit off your vagina. I'm in fucking pain.

I mean, who would find that sexy? I want to suck the skin off of your dick. Ow! Ow! Can't wait. Can't wait. Do you want to chew on my dick after as well? And crunch my balls?

Like, what the fuck is this? So, no, girls. I think you need to be really fucking careful when you're, like, getting descriptive. Make sure it's hot. It's not like you're going to eat his dick like a monster. That's scary. Okay. Okay.

So here we go. First of all, I was going to say, let's get into story time. But I think what we should just start saying is it's Sophia story time. It's not story time. It's Sophia story time. You know, I thought we were on equal crazy playing field, but I guess no. No, dude, I thought I was crazy until I met you. So let's get into your story, Sophia. I feel great about myself. All right, here we go. crazy playing field but I guess no no dude I thought I was crazy until I met you so amazing

let's get into your story so I feel great about myself all right here we go well first of all let's preface it with we're crazy we lie a lot I mean what did I say the other day to you you told a guy your parents were getting a divorce and then how to say they were getting back together to get out of a date well I actually wasn't even gonna bring that up but yes I did say my parents were getting a divorce so I could get out of a date. But that's neither here nor there. I was going to say when you came out of your room and you were fighting with a guy and I like texted you what to lie to him. And you're like, oh my God, the minute I said the lie you told me to tell, he like believed everything. And I was like, little white lies, Sophia, are what kept me through my day.

It's just how you got to live your life. You word for word said that. Little white lies are what get me through the day and i was like okay in honor of celebrating how much we lie let's talk about one of the great times that you lied yeah and the extent you took your lies yeah well it's partly my fault partly the doctor's fault okay get right into it so i missed work and it was this day that I could not miss under any circumstances my boss had told me I can't miss it okay and this is when you were in Utah working for a financial firm yep got it it was a very very important day I had a presentation etc I decided to go out the night

before because well why not so when in Rome when in Utah same thing you know what I mean okay so I woke up at like lunchtime okay all right I wake up with all these texts I go into a full-blown psychosis okay I hurry and grab the guy I was dating at the time and I drop to the floor on my knees and I say I will be fired if you don't punch me in the face right now and he was like what and i'm like just knock me out please and then drive me to the hospital and then get me a doctor's note because it's over for me and he was like you're psycho and i was like please punch me just give me a black eye just anything please just knock me out please i'm begging you and he's like you're scaring me i'm leaving i'm give me a black eye i'm gonna break

up with you this is like i was i was grasping for anything that i could just casual tuesday morning i'm like i was in my mental state i was like oh my gosh if i go with a black guy like they won't even ask any questions i'll be good i'll be good to go but he you know he denied me oh like come on like a good boyfriend would do if you asked him no a good boyfriend would have i'm not gonna say that okay we don't we do not agree with domestic violence okay okay got it okay i'm running around the house his um roommate was wearing crutches at the time i grabbed those bad boys and i was parading around the house seeing if i could pull it off that i needed crutches and i had gotten a car accident or something whatever convenient and it just didn't work I was like there's no way I

can pull this off for an entire day or an entire week or two weeks how long would I have to keep up that lie okay you know I would end up just like walking to the bathroom on both my feet right and be like oh shit I need my crutches okay so the crutches didn't work the punching of the face didn't work no then. Then what did you do? So then I start going through my list of friends and I'm texting them and I'm like, are you a doctor or do you know a doctor who can write me a legit doctor's note? People are telling me no. Finally, this guy's like, oh, Sophia, like I can get you a doctor's note.

We just need to hang out. Let me just look at your pussy real quick. And I was like, absolutely. Absolutely. Like, of course we'll hang hang out just give me the doctor's note and he's like okay but like you promised i'm like i promise babe of course we're gonna hang out never saw the man again but i did get the doctor's note okay and this is the thing about asking for a doctor's note the doctor gets to decide what diagnosis you're gonna have i love how you so casually like guys this is the thing about when you get a doctor's note sophia i don't think many people are like

soliciting they're like hey listen i'll hang out if you can get me a doctor's note usually i've actually had a few doctor's notes that were forged for me not even forged for real doctors that gave me doctor's notes but well you know we can talk about the other ones on a later episode because they think their penis is gonna get sucked and then they never hear from you this particular doctor's note okay he decided to give me a MRSA diagnosis okay it's m r s a i don't know what it stands for but pretty much it's a flesh eating bacteria jesus christ okay okay this next part isn't gonna make sense but then it will make sense. Okay. I told my boss that I had MRSA, the flesh-eating bacteria, on my vagina.

Okay. Why did you have to say your vagina? And this is why. And this is not exaggerated. That's exactly what happened. Okay. I was trying to figure out how you can get MRSA. Okay. Because and this i have no idea what that is me and me and this particular boss we were really close we were close enough to the point that she would ask me like what the fuck yeah how do you have

mursa you know anywhere okay so i started researching it you get it you can get it from sharing a razor with someone that has it oh okay okay i see it is summertime okay it's so fucking hot in utah i was wearing a tank top and a skirt every day okay so me and this boss are close enough where she would ask me to see where the mercy got it i know for a fact she'd be like can i see it and i'm thinking what parts of my body do i shave that i won't be able to show her legs i can show her armpit i can show her the vagina i cannot show her brilliant do you get it now that's why i have a show with you i was thinking i was like oh my god i'll just say my butt i'll just say my stomach i don't shave my butt i don't shave my stomach i do shave my bikini line.

And lo and behold, I ended up going to work and telling my boss that I had a flesh eating bacteria on my pussy. All right. Goodbye. Good night. It's over for me. That's some Sophia Franklin style shit. And she believed you.

Oh, that's the thing, Alex. The second you tell someone you have a flesh eating bacteria on your vagina they have nothing else to do but to believe you you're like okay yes anyways go back to your desk you know why they know that someone in their right mind would not come up with a lie like that that's true why would you be proud to strut in there and be like yeah so i have mercer on my pussy no she's like no and guess you continued to work at that financial firm for two more years i did all right but i swear to god haven't you told me that you've lied with other doctor's notes you just said that you said you won some jewish award yes i went on a birthright trip i lied at work and i said that I received this award in New York that I had to go.

I had to go, like, receive it in person. Okay. You won a Jewish award in New York. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I got to New York. Okay.

And my manager was like, oh, my God, Sophia, you have an award? Oh, my God. Like, congrats. That's amazing. You throw in the Jewish card. They can't say shit about anything about religion so that's another way for sure you'll get away with it so you honestly guys talk about religion or pussy and you can get away with pretty much any lie you have all right so i'm in new york and my mom

texts me she's like let's go to the dominican republic and i'm like you're psycho i already took three days three days off of work for an award that doesn't exist you're just chilling in new york having fun she's like, but why not? Let's go to the Dominican Republic. And I said, you know what? I'm in a fuck it kind of mode. I'm going through a breakup. Let's just try it.

So I reach out to my friend that lives in New York. He writes me a doctor's note. Simple. It says I was at the surgery unit at New York Presbyterian. Boom. Okay. And you were going to be out of work indefinitely the doctors said i'd be out of work indefinitely so i only took at this point okay this financial firm and my boss and my managers and the people around me think i am deathly ill

and i will die at any moment you have a month to live at this point. Like this bitch has MRSA. She's in the fucking ICU in New York. We don't know when we're going to lose her. My God. I mean, I pulled out all this stuff. Honestly, I only have respect for you. I mean, I think you've definitely taken your lies really far as have I, so I can only respect it. We would love for you guys, if you want, write into the callherdaddy.com website tell us your crazy ass stories we legit read all of your questions every week so i think right now is a perfect time to segue into reading a couple of your questions yes my favorite part no i'm gonna start it off with a great one this is gonna be good for us sophia yeah so just curious do you guys have a plan as to what you're gonna say to your next boyfriend's parents

when they ask you about the podcast jeremy boyfriends are not in the cards for us anymore i think we've made that very we lost that privilege a long time ago if i somehow get pregnant it's from immaculate conception we don't know what is dating us no one is touching us anymore thank you for rubbing it in jeremy thank you next one how many bodies is too many bodies as in people you've had sex with don't ask oh my god don't ask why do people okay dude we've had guys that have written into us being like how do i tell a girl how many bodies i've had first of all any girl that is asking a guy how many girls he has fucked what are what are you thinking i mean even vice versa i remember when i was a little bit younger i would ask that question it's just an immature thing because once you hit a certain age you never ask that and i was gonna

say think about it if they say too many they're gonna be like oh they're a man whore they're a slut and if you say too little it's like oh they're inexperienced never fucking answer that question it doesn't matter there's no magic number that the person's gonna be like oh right babe i knew i loved you exactly i knew i loved you 23 that's my lucky number wow let's get married no yeah no all right so fuck that so never ask that question next it's she goes hey guys so i hooked up with this guy and he ended up staying the night to my fucking surprise he snores so loud this lasted the whole night and I almost had to sleep on the couch any tips to telling a guy he can't stay over and you just want him to make you come and then to get the

fuck out oh oh my god let me take this one over go you hand him his pants and you thank him for his services you walk to the door you you open the door. And watch him leave. Watch him walk out. And if he's being awkward, he's like, oh, I thought I was going to say it. Like, no, no, no. Sorry, that's not how this works. Like, I'll definitely let you know next time I want to see you. Goodbye.

And if you're at his house, you leave like a thief in the night. Like a thief in the night. You don't even need to tell him you're going. No. You just leave. I think people overthink it. It's like, oh, my God, how do I kick him out out you literally stand at your door and you wait for him to leave i mean nine times out of ten i'm not trying to sleep over no i don't even know you you're not a time we come

we just fucked but i don't even know you okay yeah next if a guy texts you hey at three in the morning and you don't open it until you wake up do you just ignore it because it was probably a booty call or should i respond what the fuck is a protocol let me take this one okay yes as i told you all before turn on your motherfucking red receipts you do not respond to anyone that texts you past midnight i would say and you wake up and you read that shit and then he's gonna see that you read that shit and you don't answer. And you wait for him to double text you. Because no one, no girl and no guy, we are not answering 3 a.m. texts. Absolutely not. I'm sorry.

The next day, things are different, all right? It's a new day. It's a new dawn. It's a new life. Whatever is that Michael Bublé song? That's it. You're one with the Lord. The birds are chirping.

And that's it. And that's how we're doing it so i hope to god we all learned a little something i hope guys and girls well guys mostly i hope you guys learned a thing or two about dms i hope all of you right now are actively going and deleting every fucking solo shot you've ever taken every car picture you've taken every fish picture girls i hope if you are in a rut with your man or you want to just spice things up you are telling him how good he feels how big he is whatever we just talked about with talking dirty tell him you are in fact his little whore

now beautiful beautiful that is it for today's episode of Call Her Daddy, episode seven, guys. Wow. Next week, as we always say every fucking Wednesday, we are coming out with a new episode. We may be talking about butt stuff. I don't know. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows?

So thanks for hanging out with us today, guys. We love your support. Make sure you go to iTunes, rate us, leave a little review if you feel us. And we will see you guys next week on wednesday thank you guys love you guys love you