Call Her Daddy - 72- Prisoners of Azkaban

Episode Date: February 12, 2020

Do you call him daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. Hello people, it's me. Hello earthlings. Greetings. Greetings. It's the call her daddy bitches back at it again.

I want to apologize. I didn't even do that on purpose. I really didn't. I want to apologize in advance for my voice because I kind of am losing my voice. But that's okay. We're going to power through. That's fine. And I lost my voice because of this bitch right here.

Yourself, yes. I understand. And that's fine. And I'm sorry, sophia you put yourself through something that required you to lose your voice were you about to say boys will like it boys will like it everyone else will hate it a little sultry a little a little like cigarette smoker but in a hot way ew so sophia's losing her voice because of alex no it has nothing to do with me Alex Alex forced me to go out okay and I also forced the alcohol down your throat kind of I would say so a little bit she wanted

me to rage until five this is the thing when Alex and I go out we go out everything has to be out and about until the next day there are no limits the limit does not exist and this is not even us being proud no we talk about it afterwards we're like why did we do that i'm regretting it even now it was about five days later yeah days later i think we should tell everybody step by step what happened because it made me lose trust in all men. Yeah. But we'll do that next week because we have way more important things to discuss. Yes. So Valentine's Day is coming up.

What are you doing for Valentine's Day? I like how it's on a Friday night because I do selfishly think because I've been single on Valentine's Day. I am fucking single on Valentine's Day. But if you don't have someone that you're like hooking up with, I think it's nice that it's on a Friday. You can like rage with like your girlfriend. Yeah, everyone that's single out there. Don't feel fucking bad.

It's the stupidest holiday. What I'm doing for Valentine's Day, I think I'm going to All-Star Weekend because if there's something that you guys didn't know about me, it's I love basketball. Fucking hole in one. Fucking pointer down the lane up and down the court hit him with a three-pointer hit him with a shooting star what's the one that's like from really far away three points yeah yeah yeah three point okay wait i love that for you i cannot i oh my god he really gets me he's like baby I've got something planned you're like what you're like expecting like a romantic getaway to a spa he's like

all-star weekend basketball you and me let's go I'm kidding it's it will be fun no yeah it'll be fun for you but I think what you were really asking me is like what i'm gonna get him and i already know and i don't you know because i don't know i wish you guys could see sophia's body as she's saying the whole valentine's day no no you thought i was saying like you naked like god she is gained and she is sloppy no i thought you were because i thought we were both thinking i'm in her laundry room and then i thought you were. Because I thought we were both thinking, I'm going to wear laundry. And then I thought you were about to be like, her body does not look good. And she's got to get it together.

No, I was saying your body language right now. Speaking. Dude, speaking. So the way she's speaking about Valentine'sine's day you're flopping your hands you look so defeated you look annoyed you're like god damn it i know the other week i asked sophia this question her mom was visiting we were leaving a restaurant and you know your mom was trying to figure out her valentine's day too we're all like what are you guys doing for valentine's day and sophia gets into this like manly walking urgent position and walks past both of us and what the fuck did you say i think i said that i am going to do what everyone does

wear lingerie and suck some dick in front of my mom you're like this is my favorite part the best your mom just kind of like stopped and looked at me everyone loves to find that she's fine she's fine no but you were so aggravated you're like i guess just suck dick and get that lingerie and fuck me you know because because i get it i will probably end up doing what every basic bitch does. Like, why do we have to make it so sexual? We don't. What if we were just sentimental? Why does it have to be so sexual?

That's true. Yeah, and that's actually such a good – I've been trying to work on that. I, with my therapist, was talking about love languages. Oh. Actually, they just mentioned that on The Bachelor the other night. Wait, this is funny because I know you don't watch it the girl goes up to um the guy and sit like goes and sits on his lap and she's like can i sit on you and she's like um physical touch is one of my love languages and i haven't had like physical touch with you in a while and she just sat her fat ass down like on his dick

what yeah yeah okay hold on because people might be confused there was a book released yes honestly i think it was released like in the 90s okay but then i think it like caught on and became really popular like a few years back right and it was it's called the five love languages and pretty much what it is, is it says that everyone expresses and receives love in one of five ways. Yes. And then this guy explains what the five ways are. And you're supposed to know how you give love and how you receive love. Yeah.

And I didn't know that until this year. year and i guess so the five love languages are physical touch words of affection quality time um gifts and then acts of service words of affirmation words about what did i say maybe affection dirty talk i don't know okay sorry alex's gifts and physical touch and then she wants like a cardiier bracelet next to the bed. Yeah, literally. That's what Slim Shady thinks. But no, I actually recently was talking about that with my therapist. And she was like, your two top ones that mean something to you, like that you want your

partner to show you, they could have complete different ones. So it's important to be on the same page as them of like what your love language is. I brought this up to suit man i only knew how to receive and i didn't know how i give love and he legit was like so that is kind of fucked up and you should probably know how you give love that is actually so sofia in a relationship i remember this is such a tangent but i remember sofia looked at me one day and is like, I could never date athletes like you do. And I was kind of like, oh, like why? And you were like, I could never be like a fan of someone supporting them.

I need to be the princess in the relationship. And all the attention is always on me. I stand by that 150%. I thought it was like, holy. I couldn't do it. So that makes sense. You don't know how to give. You just like to receive. I'm just saying, guys, if you try to find out what your love language is, then

know how you receive and also how you give. Because life really is about giving and receiving. I hate that I'm exposing myself, but I don't know how I give. That's what I'm saying. What what are your love languages i receive by quality time and words of affirmation oh my god those are my top two too really quality time is the first one words of affirmation and then physical

touch and then gifts and then acts of service okay bitch fuck you i'm not as fucking surface level motherfucking gold gold dig and digging as you thought. I just want to meet someone because I've asked this question before. I want to meet the person that's like, yeah, my number one is. I kind of thought yours were going to be amazing. When Sophia doesn't get a gift, she was like, if suit man doesn't get me this gift for Valentine's Day, we will be breaking up. I'm like, oh, my God. I will be. What are suit man's?

What are his? You know, he did tell me. Oh, he told me. No, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. It was, I already know Slim Shady's were, his was words of affirmation was number one.

And then number two was acts of service. So I'm out here like he was out for the day. That's not good for you. No, no. That ain't good for our friend Alex so I'm sitting there I'm like I'm supposed to do little things to show that like I'm partaking right you're like you're the least sentimental girl I know so that must be difficult so no it's been hard so like I remember when I left our trip I ended up like writing him a few notes and I left like one

on the bed I left a couple like in his clothing and he was like are you okay I'm like I'm really trying to put it this way guys when my birthday was coming up Alex turned to me in the back of an uber I'll never forget it and she she said can we just not do the present thing can we just not do the present thing because like I don't know what to get you and like it's just like who knows tell me you weren't happy i was so relieved and so happy what's wrong with us i don't know but i love that you said that and i think we should continue that tradition we had the conversation we should never ever please ever we sophia and i get gifts for all of our friends

and we were literally talking about the other day we were like we are so happy that the two of us have this amazing relationship where i'm like you're it's your birthday now fuck off exactly and happy birthday great and we move on and we so anyways love language this that here we go i think it's really interesting now that we just went through that i didn't even realize we've never told the daddy gang our whole thing about how we don't give gifts to each other and like i love that about us and i think it's interesting that like you and i are so different in our male relationships but with our relationship together it like couldn't be more perfect because people are like how the fuck do you guys live together and i have never in my life been more compatible living with someone it's it's wild like she's the ying to my yang no but she's like it's gonna smell like weed i'm like no worries like i'm just gonna have a panic attack

yeah no but the way we live together it's like we don't, when Sophia and I go into our rooms, we like are so good about personal space. We never bother each other. Our messiness level. Yes. But we're not so fucking disgusting. We're disgusting together. And then we decide to clean it up together. We're very respectful.

Look at us. So I guess we're just putting all the rumors to bed If you thought we hated each other We do, but living wise It actually really fucking works I want to talk about getting fucked Every whore in the world On Friday

February 14th You're going to be getting fucked You're going to be getting fucked Whether it's because you're gonna be getting fucked right you're gonna be getting fucked whether it's because you're single and you just want to go find a guy that is not also single or you're gonna be fucked because he stood you up and you're alone and you're gonna fuck a dildo or you're in a relationship healthy health and wellness yeah so there will be a lot of sex there'll be a lot of sex and i want to a lot of sex. And I want to talk about getting fucked from behind. And I want to give all the most romantic position. No eye contact.

Dick is in your ass. OK, so getting fucked from behind. I was talking about with Sophia. We want to give you guys some tips because tips of getting fucked from behind are always what a girl needs. Always what a girl wants. And also we're helping out the men out there because all of this is just to make your ass look better yep so i was while i was having sex i was thinking about call her daddy it was kind of cute like you were thinking about me that's kind of weird but also like i've thought about you before so i was getting fucked from

behind and i was like kind of paying attention to what I was doing. I wasn't blackout for the first time. And I realized that there was something I was doing with my feet and my arms that I want to share with the daddy game. Everyone assumes that when you're doing doggy, you have your hands on the bed like your palms. Yeah. And you're like kind of in a bridge position. Like when you were a kid and you would walk around pretending you were like a dog or a cow you know it's a perfect example then fast forward and now you're just getting fucked in that position when you get

older so i was realizing that every time i've been getting fucked from behind lately i haven't been on my hands um I've been levitating I'm out in this bitch levitating what okay okay so no what have you been on your face I just get real no okay so what I've been doing is I have been getting down on my forearms kind of like i'm doing a plank but like lower so right so basically my ass is up in the air and then the rest of my body is in a downward arch all the way down so that my i'm on my two forearms and my forearms are like right underneath my face. And then my face is like pretty much down. Yeah. The mattress.

Face down. Ass up. That's the way we like to fuck. There we go. And I know it's like a very basic little tip, but I do think that there are a lot of girls that are not doing this when they're getting fucked. Yeah. Your body looks so much better in that position.

Yes. Because a lot of times I feel like girls when they are just doing the regular doggy you see the memes where the girl looks like the hunchback of notre dame right you kind of like a cat literally scared cat if you can't take dick well also that's fine this actually position can make it easier for you to look like you're taking it even though it can still like maybe it hurts you yeah but you can't really have hunchback in that position i think the forearm is forearm is great the second part of this that i ended up doing that the guy went fucking crazy over this i took the top of my feet and i wrapped them around the back of his hamstrings while he was fucking me from behind I actually did that a couple weeks ago too

and it is okay how great it's great so great what the feedback I thought it was great but I didn't like it wasn't anything special to me it was more the guy's feedback of it after we had sex he turned to me and was like when you put your feet wrapped around my hamstrings I was able to kind of go even harder with my stroke because your legs kind of keep your bodies a little bit tighter and closer. And that way he is like kind of pounding you a little bit harder almost. And he has a better like grip on your body. He has a better grip on your body.

Whoa. Christian. Christian. Whoa. Christian. christian christian whoa sophia come back guys whoa holy shit i'm okay what the fuck was i saying you were saying he has a better grip on your body and and you have a better grip on him yes you don't feel like you're gonna go flying you don't you don't feel like you're just kind of an object that he is fucking you're kind of a part of the motion of threat yes you're part of the girls put your legs behind his hamstrings and latch the fuck on be a clingy bitch in this position this is the only time we're gonna say you can be clingy with the top of your feet she's doing it she's doing it look at you just doing it. Thank you.

Doggy is also one of my favorite positions. I've been doing it where I've been laying down, but the guy put a pillow underneath my pelvic bone. Okay. Yes. And because he did this, you, I mean, you can imagine it. There's like a curve in my back. Right. did this you i mean you can imagine it i there's like a curve in my back right and then my ass is like a little bit more up in the air and then it's curving back down and so like the entire emphasis is on my ass also what i did and i didn't even mean to do it which i only realized later in

the sex tape he took of me as i was watching my body in this that's actually not even a joke it's not a joke because she showed me so i know exactly what you're talking about i when we finished yeah he was like that was so fucking hot and i was like yeah i bet my ass looks good yeah i know my ass yeah totally and he was like no like obviously the ass looked amazing because it was propped up on the pillow. But your, and this is going to sound weird. And people are going to be like, you amateur. It's okay. He said that my back and like my shoulder blades looked so hot.

Okay. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, let me show you. He's like, let me pull up the sex tape. Hold on. And I looked back on the sex tape. And what I was doing is I had my arms. They were super close next to me.

And it looked as if I was about to do a push up. OK. But my arms were right next to me. I think when you were explaining it to me at home, you were saying you also were like grabbing the sheet. I was like gripping the bed. So like with every thrust and stuff, like you could see like my shoulder blades like engaged.

Yeah. And like it just showed like you are fucking me. I am holding on to the bed. Like it hurts. Yeah. Stop. Yes. It kind of did look like that.

So I think that's really hot. And Alex, you saw. Okay. Yeah. So kind of did look like that. So I think that's really hot. And Alex, you saw. OK, yeah. So you can maybe explain it better. Well, all I have to say is, my God, I mean, the ass on her in this position. No, Sophia's body. I seen you. Yes.

And you've got a great nice butt. Thank you. This made it look something I've never seen. It really. This made it look like what've never seen it really this made it look like what it's not what it's not yeah and you it literally made you look like you have like a fake ass yeah and then because your whole body when your arms are close up next to your upper torso like your shoulders yes your upper body looks so small and thin and narrow right keeping

and the waist too yes and then your ass looked up on the pillow looked ginormous yes yeah and i was like oh this is fucking great so women around the world everyone grab a pillow get fucked or get down um on your forearms this lovely valentine's day that's all i've got me too too sick for this shit um take a swig of your tea yeah while we move on to something that dude you sound like you're like operating like a like a roller coaster like a plane please take a swig of your tea while i ramp up the next ride and the next ride is about to be quite the ride Sophia and I ride Sophia and I have talked about the men we're talking to which I think we gotta stop I think

they're gonna be out soon we fucking hate I mean one in particular yeah um but Sophia and I have talked about our guys and we always read all of your DMs. We read all your questions as many as we fucking can. We're weirdos. And a lot of people are like, congrats. Like, that's so fucking great. How the fuck did you guys meet? Right. And I'm like, oh, child, that's a really good question.

We kind of tell you guys all about the sex. And again, in honor of 2020 feelings and more in depth of like realistic shit. We want to tell you guys that all three men that we're talking to right now and i say we because we're talking all of them you write my text i write your absolutely absolutely all of them were met on a dating app boom so all those people out there that you know try to talk shit on dating apps because i feel like a lot of couples are embarrassed to say we met on a dating app shut up be quiet just just be quiet i i remember there's so many people i've met that like whisper when i'm like how'd you guys meet and they're like oh i'm like why

are you whispering that's dope there's something about dating apps that people are so embarrassed still to this day to admit that they found their husband or their wife or their significant other on a dating app and it's like why I was at a dinner and this really cute successful girl was complaining about all the men out there and how she like can't find a guy yeah and I was like are you on any dating apps and she said no i i just don't do that fuck i don't fuck with dating apps i think they're ridiculous you're like oh well you're fucking single so and i'm like and then she really had no reason you know like she didn't have like a real reason to give me there's just like a stigma around it it's and it's so

annoying and so we just wanted to say stop the stigma because i get it it's more romantic to meet in person there's something about people wanting the serendipity of it of meeting in person yes like they want to be strolling into the grocery store with their shopping cart and they take a swift turn into aisle two and they accidentally bump into someone else's grocery cart. And it's like bumper cars up in this bitch. And there's a tall, dark and handsome man on the other end of the other shopping cart. And he says, wow, you get those organic eggs, too. And she says, yes, cook them for you.

I would love to cook you some eggs. And he says, oh, I could cook them for you sometime. I would love to cook you some eggs. And he says, oh my God, how about now? And then they check out together. And then they go back up to the apartment. And they end up getting married. Yes. That's what everyone. And then they're married.

And it's so cool. But that's what everyone wants. They want that movie where that shit happens. I don't know what movie it is. I think there is a movie like that. But the thing is, is just stop. I order groceries. Yeah, I don't go to the grocery store.

I don't leave my apartment other than to come film the podcast. So the dating app is the way to go. Yeah. So we both. So Sophia met Suitman on a dating app. And I think that you should really take us through the journey of how you met him because it's pretty fucking great. Okay. Like detail by detail and don't leave one out.

And if you try, don't worry. I'll come right in. Okay. Because I know it all. Let's start from the beginning. I'm in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm sitting on the couch next to my mom. I'm severely depressed for reasons I can talk about at a later date because that is not what we're

talking about now okay she grabs my phone and she's like i am so done with the douchebags you're dating give me the phone i am so done with the depression you're getting fucked and i'm yeah she takes my phone and she starts showing me guys and she's like, oh, what about this one? And of course, the guys my mom is wanting to heart. I'm like, get him out of my face. Disgusting. And she keeps like going through people and she comes across this guy and it says just

here for friends oh and as we've previously discussed that means that he thinks he's slick slick and he thinks that by saying just here for friends he can uh manipulate the situation and make the girl think that he just wants a friendship yeah he's christian and he wants a friendship but what he really wants to do is make you think that and then fuck your brains out and then leave you on the side of the road. Dive into the pussy and then throw you into the dumpster. All under the impression that he just wants a friendship. Get out of here.

Every man with that on your dating profile. Sophia and I have literally said we'll never match with people. here she is well i said no yeah i said mom he said he's just there for friends and of course my mom's like oh my god that's amazing he wants friends and i'm like mom get with the program you dumb bitch she's like he looks so nice oh god his profile things like i practice yoga oh meditation disgusting i don't drink alcohol i'm allergic to clubs pictures of his dogs pictures of his dog disgusting i told my mom that's a that's gonna be a no for me dog so then she you're like holding up the meme of randy jackson and you just stare at her no for me dog thank you mom oh she doesn't give a shit she gives him a big fat heart

she's just going through i'm laying there i'm sad she's like can i message him and i said no and she said i already did i was like okay can i see what the fuck you wrote she's like sexting him my mom my mom first of all sent the first message okay which i promise you after being on dating apps for years i never once was the bitch that reached out first no well no dude you don't even check your dating app when sofia was like really trying to be active on this dating app she would have when i tell you like 102 notifications and i'm like sofia and the only way sofia would ever interact with these people is if she like needed a night out. So I'm like, okay, no, Alex,

I know this is a tangent. Alex, I would you, I love how you say Sophia. Yeah. Cause Alex is doing the same shit. Alex and I would use dating apps essentially as a party party connection. Like you would message a guy. It would be Friday night.

We'd be like, Ooh, like we don't really have too many plans Sophia would be like hold on Let me reach out to at least 10 randoms On the dating app and let's see And we'd just say what are you doing tonight Yep and the second a guy responded with

Oh you know I'm not doing a lot Like would you like to go out to dinner Nope We're not answering him Nope Next guy And if one was like oh I'm going to dinner with friends Amazing we're coming Yeah We're not answering him. Next guy. And if one was like, oh, I'm going to dinner with friends.

Amazing. We're coming. Yeah. So that's kind of how we were networking in the dating app. We weren't really there for love. We were abusing it for partying. Yeah. We're like, do you have party favors?

And like, can we go to gospel later? Like, ooh, Casablanca. And they're like, I thought this was a date. And And like you're next to me or I'm next to you Fucking wasted Okay so back to Suitman Your mom messages him My mom messages him And she says

Too bad you're here just for friends Because I think you're hot And I'm looking for marriage Guys That is verbatim what my mother wrote suit man that was the first message he got from my mom aka thinking it was me so the journey begins that is so oh oh my my mom is out of control I'm like mom i'm here for marriage who would ever send that so and i'm sure you guys are wondering i asked him later on and i was like how are you not freaked the fuck out

why did you even respond to that and he was like normally when a girl reaches out first i think there's something wrong with her which i found interesting and when i there's something wrong with yeah he's like she wants something from me oh my girls usually are like getting it seems like a little bit of a personal yeah maybe deep-seated issue childhood yes so then he said the only reason he engaged with it is because he did find the message a little bit funny although creepy and because of the way i looked okay i mean that makes sense he was like i looked and i thought you were attracted so i was willing to take the crazy for a second i wanted to take they always fucking are yeah so there's like a

little conversation and then i don't respond to him for over a month beautiful you go you you because I wasn't partying no no I didn't need to because yeah you weren't partying one and you weren't with your mom anymore you're like I don't go on that app anymore my mom goes on it when I'm in Salt Lake I'm on it when I'm back in New York no and it was my mom talking to you right anyways I'm back in New York he reaches out again it's like a month later and he says I hope you're not responding to my messages because you're just a really slow reader. Although she is. Although I am. Not that slow.

Not that slow, buddy boy. So I kind of thought that was rude. But then I also thought it was funny. And I think I sent him one thing. Like, ha ha. Ha ha. Are you going out tonight? You partying?

He's like, I don't drink. I can't. Never mind. Absolutely. I remember who you are. Moving on. Another month goes by. So this is like two months.

OK. Since that fateful day that my mom. Yes. Tell him now. This is where the story gets good. I'm going to ramp it up. So this is like two months, okay? Since that fateful day that my mom messaged him. Tell them now. This is where the story gets good. I'm going to ramp it up. Everybody get ready. Here we go.

There is a guy that I grew up watching on TV. Yep. He's not that much older than me, but I had the, I remember having the biggest crush on him when I was like in high school. Okay. And we matched on the app. Okay. And we started talking and I was so goddamn excited. You were so excited. I was so excited. He, we kind of were going back and forth. Like we kept like not being able to like meet each other and finally we set the date yes and i i mean ask alex i got a spray tan i got the hair done yeah i was like she went shopping for an outfit yes scheduled the

spray tan nails done hair done yes and when i tell you this woman walked into our apartment our disgusting apartment she looked amazing yes you looked and you hadn't been eating for a week i wasn't eating i was like i was like no i think this guy like could be it she was you were so excited yeah i was so fucking excited basically like didn't work that entire day so you could get ready for the day yes yes and i was so excited for you yes and alex was like oh my god and i'm like oh my god i've had a crush on him for like 10 years yes wow he's gonna listen to this and be like he doesn't know who he is he doesn't even know what he did to you he has no fucking clue he has well actually there's another story about yeah that i'll tell later but anyways this had been the first guy that i was actually

really excited about i was still getting over my ex and you guys know how that is when you're you're still sad yeah until you meet a new person. Yeah. That really is how it works. So I I just had a lot. I had a lot set on this date. Yeah. Two hours before I'm supposed to walk out the door and meet him for dinner. I get a text message.

Read it. I'm going to pull it up. OK. Hey, I need to be a flake sorry i can't tonight sophia walks out of her bedroom i hands me her phone she sits down next to me has a panic attack i read it i start having a panic attack we're sitting there you were so upset i what a fuck on a level one through ten i was a ten no yeah so upset because i think because like you just said the the x thing you were this was the first guy you were excited about post x and also kind of like one of the first real dates yes with like a man and everyone knows how that is when you're getting over your ex

anything that goes wrong with a new guy it's fucking earth shattering also not to mention on top of that you had just gone above and beyond to make yourself look so fucking hot yes the fact that now it's like i felt humiliated yes you know did you respond i well alex after you know hours of deliberation we decided that I was going to respond and I just said, no worries. Okay. So that. To which he proceeded, you know, down the road to reach out several times.

I never answered him again. That's right. Dumb bitch. Dumb fucking bitch. You fuck with me one time, you will never, ever, ever, ever get a second chance. Absolutely. So i felt really really bad yeah and i was like i guess i'm just gonna sit in my room and go into like an actual scary deep dark hole of depression that i don't know if i'll be able to crawl out of and i call my mom

and she says you need to fucking go out. Yeah. You need to like do something. Go to the club. Go rage. Your mom knows. She knows. I get all my trusty handy dandy dating app, Raya. And I, you know, just machine gun send out 10 of the same message to 10 different guys. Machete message. What are you doing tonight? What are you doing tonight? What are. Machete. What are you doing tonight? What

are you doing tonight? What are you doing tonight? What are you doing tonight? And I had some guys that were like, Oh, like, you know, um, I don't really have plans. Like, what are you thinking of doing? I had some guys that said that they couldn't hang out. I had some guys that were like, I wouldn't be able to see you until way later i had one guy say i'm sending you an uber it will be picking you up at 8 p.m and we will have dinner and you know who that guy was what a fucking baller that just gave me chills i don't know why i've heard the story like 19 times but it's so good it's so good because every fucking guy like i don't know like would you want to it's like yeah it's like tell me what

to do yeah tell me what to do girls want to be told what to do some feminists are like fuck off but he took control yeah the fact that he's like you've got an uber coming at eight we're going to dinner be ready like that's so fucking hot yes so oh but even then i actually like called my mom and i was like mom that guy that you matched with wants me to go it doesn't drink with his dog yeah like i don't think i want to go um and she just said sophia you need to go yeah i got ready i went and the rest is history god he must have been like this bitch looks so beautiful for some reason tonight you're like i've been prepping for eight hours no this is just the way i look like not a bad deal okay that is such a baller example for men all around the fucking

world they'll listen to this podcast like when a girl wants to do something but like you know all the memes of how indecisive we are the fact that that he just gave you a date, he got you a car and he's like, this is where he already had reservations, I guess. That's just so fucking great. Right. And how wild because we I mean, we started talking in quotation marks two months prior. Right. So like for him, I came out of the fucking woodwork.

Right. He had not heard from me for two months right pretty much you guys are just sitting in each other's like dating app messages just like and it wasn't even like oh like hey how have you been it was like tonight what are you doing that was so beautiful i know which i guess he that night ended up canceling a super important meeting he had oh for the date for the day he had like a feeling he he said he had a feeling he was like i just like knew that there was something there i don't i don't even know how to describe it so i just did it guys that is just kind of like the beginning because

because then you thought he was a serial killer and we'll get into that one day the first few months of dating him is like just as bizarre and wild It's wild But I just wanted to tell that story because I mean we met on a dating app Well I also think that And that was serendipitous in itself Yes You know

That story is fucking awesome Yeah I also think that like anyone that is I've been there and I've told like some of my friends that are recently single Like there is just something sometimes about you look at your phone and you see someone in your dating app and they're asking you to go on a date and you're sitting and you're watching Netflix and eating food and you're like, would I rather do this than go on that date? Yes. Yeah. And sometimes it just takes you getting the fuck out of bed and going because had you

not been ready for that first date, you wouldn't be going, you wouldn't have gone on a date with suit man and you probably would have never met him. So it's like, if you are some nights when you're just like, I don't want to go force yourself to go because I promise you there are some nights that like I've gone and had the worst day, but then I also have gone and had the fucking best day. You're never, you won't have the best day unless you get out of your house. i literally met the canadian on a dating app too and i didn't want to go out that night when he was in town and i was like i don't feel like fucking going but i was like fuck it i'm just gonna go and i was in a bad mood and then the minute i got there and then there i was i mean and guys that's not to say alex and i did not have our fair share of going and meeting up with guys and being like i would

like to die i actually think we should talk we could talk about that next week yeah my series of dating and it was horrible because remember that like sophia and i have both had horrible horrible dates if you guys want us to talk about that we can we went through some fucking shitty ass time oh yeah i want to talk to them about how we both on separate occasions had guys follow us to our apartment and like try to get in oh just casual wait i know cash i'm like oh wait yes that shit was fucking horrifying and for me specifically yeah oh my god yeah let's talk about that next week okay oh man i can see it in your eyes so So I think we got to go to questions. Okay.

Do you want me to handle it? You take a nap. Please, for the love. Take yours tea as I enter into questions. Questions. Questions of the week. A-licky-licky. Ooh.

Zee. Kuddle. Questions of the motherfucking week. I like that. Ah. Ah. Ah. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee. Zee.-licky. Ooh. Zee. Kuddle. Ha. Questions of the motherfucking week. I like that. Ah. Ah. Chug. Oh.

That. So. Okay. All right. Let me grab my lube and we're ready to go. Fathers, I want to fuck my doctor, LMAO. How does one go about doing this? I'm sure that would seem pretty risky for him but can you think of any

scenario in which this could happen he's so young for a doctor and hot as fuck oh so this is the thing is if you're really gonna try to go for it I hope you have like a backup doctor Because yeah Because that could be awkward as fuck It could be really awkward and if he's not Feeling it you need to be prepared for that And he may ask to not have you As a patient see the thing is Again I don't know if you have like a medical condition

But it's hard because you don't go to the doctor That often so you kind of have like a One shot and then like see you in a Few months or even like a year kind of i.b but i get how it's inappropriate so like what could she do to make it like the least okay so my first thing would be if she's in the room with him try and make small talk yeah force it be like oh like are you from here you start small conversations i don't know how close you are with your doctor already then slowly you're like oh like are do you have a girlfriend just be fucking kind of blunt like that oh do you have a girlfriend and then he says no then i think like towards the end of

your appointment you just got to kind of do a hail mary and i think you can just maybe invite him to something you're doing yeah so that it's not like a date and even if you say something trying to keep it a little bit professional where you're like I do not mean to be super forward um but I would love to like grab drinks with you at some point if you'd be down for that I would leave my number and like feel free to like reach out yes I've been watching a lot of sex in the city lately oh because I am a basic hoe and I've noticed that a lot of sex in the city lately because I am a basic hoe and I've noticed that a lot of times when one of the characters is going to like meet a guy for the first time they do it so casually where the guy is like oh come stop by this event I'm gonna be at that's like I feel so New York

too though like if you live in Ohio it may not be like hey come stop by the right the that's true but like for new york big oh hey like my friends having like an art exhibit like yes stop by okay see because if you can do something like that that's like the most like hey do you like art or unassuming way to do it or music something yeah good luck girl i i've had a doctor i wanted to fuck before and you did fuck. I was like, are you sure you don't do gynecology? You promise you promise here. Just take a quick look. Let's see if you'd be good at it. Since Valentine's Day is coming up.

Can you guys talk about how to do the whole lingerie thing? It can get so awkward if you're shy. Like when do you put it on how do you walk out what do you say okay so this happened to me the other weekend i literally want to fucking kill myself because i literally am such a fucking idiot and i got so high out of my mind before i did it and i thought it would be a good idea because i'm like okay high sex is great sex but i didn't have the lingerie on so i looked at him which is i think a good like little i think i said like i have a surprise for you babe like hold on and then i started well no we started

you gave him the heads up before we started making out really heavily and we were like getting hot and heavy and then i just like stopped him and i was like i'll be right back i have a surprise for you and i think he was like what the fuck it is then i got into the bathroom which this is where it wasn't fucking hot i get into the bathroom i imagine you so high looking in the mirror like my face is morphing sofia you have no idea i was trying to latch on the garter thing to the fucking thigh highs and i had acrylic nails on and i was high and i'm trying to stick this thing into the fucking hole and time goes by so slow so you're like it's been 45 minutes dude i was like we're now kicking into the hour mark he's literally not hard anymore and he's asleep and i am in that bathroom and when i tell you guys i couldn't get the bra on it and then i

couldn't get the fucking thigh hats attached to the garter. The garter is the worst part. And I was so mad too because it was some of the hottest lingerie I've ever worn. So I was so excited. And it took me so fucking long. And I was having a panic attack. So what happened? I ended up just going out naked.

Like half of it on, half of it off no i went out there i didn't even latch on the back of the garter thing i was like fuck it but i at one point was gonna give a sloppy so i was just like dangling off he's like no i i really at one point was gonna say i quit and throw in the towel no i'm not kidding i sat down on the toilet at one point and was like, had a heart attack and then got back up and went back. I can imagine Alex is on YouTube. No, I'm not kidding. Like it got so sad. And, and then you're in there overthinking it. So if you are an idiot like me and you think that you may be intoxicated or high, or you just fucking can't get it on. Right. And you're just going to be nervous my um advice would be find a time like right when you know that you guys are going to be getting back to or like you guys would be hooking up okay and put on the lingerie if you're going out in an

outfit to dinner that you're like fully covered up and you have like a freaking turtleneck on and stuff wear it underneath but if your outfit obviously would show i would just find a time even just lie and be like hold on babe like my mom called me i need to take this phone call go into the bathroom fake the phone call like i always fucking do put the whole thing on put your hoodie back on and go back and hang out with him and then it's on and then when he tries to take off your clothes it's on because if not you're gonna be in that restroom freaking the fuck out well also part of. Well, also, part of her question was, what do you say? That is such a great question because when you walk out, I've been there. Yeah.

When you put your lingerie on, some girls are going to freak out and get nervous and be like, oh my God, I just want to get on top of him and like get. Hurry and like force him to make out with me. Yeah. And what I think if you got to find the confidence you walk into that room if he's sitting down you literally if he's laying on the bed like pull him up get him on the edge of the bed and i think you literally look at him in a really sexual way and be like do you like it and you you start rubbing yourself turn around let him

check your ass out i was gonna say do the turn around like show him like just like baby do you like this and then you lean down you start making out with him and then yeah yeah and like literally take his hand and like put it on you right we have a man writing in yes i need your help asap he dm'd and emailed us okay what so during the past week that i've been going to the gym i have noticed this lady she is a milf coming to the gym this is where it gets like a little confusing he says there hasn't been really any convo between us except just saying hi so that's interesting that they're already like they say hi i guess but there's been a lot of eye contact and smiles

i don't know maybe i'm biased but my sixth sense kind of tells me that she's down. So I want to know what would be the next move. How should I approach her without being awkward? Or how can I make sure that she's down to fuck? Also to mention, I'm 21 and I think she's about 40. Love you, Daddy Gang. I like stalked his picture and he like looks like a man. Like he's a 21 year old but he's a man

he's got like a man bun okay got it so we've talked about the gym before we've talked about how the water fountain is like a watering hole for people so that is the one appropriate time if you see her at the water fountain you could go over and pretend you're about to get water too and then try to strike up a combo there I was gonna say if she is a really avid gym goer yeah like a lot of those milfs are the ones that I'm imagining from like Draper Utah where I'm from it's like milf city yeah if you go up to her and this is gonna sound like the opposite of what we've said in the past but if you go up to her and ask her about her workout and what she's doing i think for some reason older women especially the ones that work out a lot they like that actually i think

that even if you if you're leaving or something and you bring up like hey like not to come off forward yeah but i do notice you like doing some like serious workouts like you look great like something like that milfs fucking love that shit and then you just got to be fast and to the point and be like, I would love to get a drink with you. Yeah. Because, again, these women are older. They don't have time for, like, the stupid bullshit. Yeah.

And so just be forward. And a lot of times MILFs want to fuck. Yeah. That's, like, the point. They have kids and they can't, like, be going out and going to Chili's and dilly-dallying. They're like, come sneak in through the back and fuck me. Boom. Alexlex this one i really need you for okay saying you're a little bit better at this than me oh fathers i'm wondering

if you have any tricks for reading your man's texts or snaps without the notifications going away my man left his phone in the room with me and I know his password my man left his phone in the room with me and I know his password multiple girls were snapchatting him and texting but I was hesitant to go through his phone because I didn't want the notifications to disappear from his lock screen and have him question if i went on his phone for that please help okay if you don't want the notifications to be gone and everything if you're in desperate need i would say go look at everything and then turn his phone off and he'll come back and be like what the fuck happened to my phone and then like he's like oh maybe it just turned off and like he

wouldn't think so you do your shit and then quickly turn it off that's actually like not the worst idea right because i really was like unsure then the other thing is on snapchat there is like a little hack that you can view someone's um snap without it fully showing you opened it yet and i i can't remember what it is like but it's you you press on it and i know you like move it to the side yeah but you don't go all the way yeah but that's for that person to not know I thought no no no it still shows that you haven't opened it because it's still waiting there for you oh okay so so maybe slide it a little bit but again snapchat's like a little riskier I would may not open I mean honestly though if you want to open like one and see if like if there's a bunch so you can kind of see

the nature of what you think is going on exactly so i was gonna say like try to see the stuff on the ipad or on something else or honestly sweetie if you have a really sneaking suspicion like who cares i was gonna say if you're at the point where you literally think that all these girls are like sliding in and you see these text messages then i think you just fucking open it also but if you go to your text like you can see the first like few words you can see like yeah you can see like the first two sentences so i think just open it and see if you see something like i want to suck the cum out of your fucking big fat i want to suck the cum dot dot dot right i would say open it or you don't even need to um but yeah i mean if you want to just really be ridiculous you could be like oh my god i swear i thought this was my phone for a second i was so confused

but then i read the dripping cum out of your cock and i realized you're a fucking piece of shit. I mean, who cares? Who cares? Just open it. It's fine. Trust me, guys. All the guys I've dated think I'm nuts. Or literally just, ooh, what about this? Go through and read all of them and then select, delete all of his text messages. And then it will, I've had that before when I open my phone and all of a sudden my, like

none of my texts are there for a second. So he may think something happened and malfunctioned. Not your fault. You read. You're good. He's not. Okay. Devil.

Okay. We have this one is just too funny. Okay. It's just so entertaining. Okay. Dear daddies, please help me my boyfriend of almost three years who we have had a really rocky relationship with him is coming out of his bachelor lifestyle and is trying to get into the commitment stages just told me that when he is older such as 60 or 70 he will live out his fantasy of having sex with a younger girl and having sex with a midget

I don't judge fantasies but of course as any girl would freak out I did he says that he wants to commit to me for life and he wants me as his life partner and only wants to be with me but he will live out those fantasies when he is older and near the end of his life it's hard for me to feel like I should stay with him if he's just going to end up basically cheating on me because I'm not okay with it or am I overreacting because at that age I probably won't care at that point or will I he told me that he's telling me this now so I could make the decision on it if I wanted to stay stay with him or not please help i'm gonna need some serious clarification when he hits so he's gonna be in a committed relationship when he hits 60 or 70 he needs to fuck a midget and he needs to fuck a younger girl and he wants to let her know ahead of time

can it be a younger girl midget oh put it like a little two-in-one combo yeah no it's got to be a young woman and a midget and it is on his it is on his list and there's no exceptions he will lose the love of his life if she's not down because he needs to fuck the midget and the girl went like what the fuck if i were you if a guy's ever giving me an ultimatum i'm gonna say fuck i'm gonna say fuck off but sweetie i'm sure he'll forget about that i know i'm like also i doubt when he is 70 he's like oof that midget i can't stop thinking about the young girl the midget also i just i i can't okay i never want to offend people what am I who am I kidding we offend people but I think they are supposed to be referred to as little people yes that's not our fault though because she wrote midget in the question um so I don't know I would fucking leave him he leave his

ass that just sounds like an annoying complicated complicated situation. I don't like it. Get rid of him. Okay. I'm going to ask a question that is extremely, extremely different than any question we read. Because I'm like, you know. Let's spice it up. Yeah. Let's hit him with a little different feel.

This person wrote, and he is wondering if we like country music if we want kids and if we only speak and understand english i do like this is the last question gonna be like and do you want to come to dubai he wants to shit on us i um i am 99 sure he wants to hire us for a night yes but we first that's okay do we like country music i i like kind of like the pop country music like i will fucking throw down to some shania twain taylor swift yeah taylor swift isn't country anymore i hate answering that's my least favorite question in the world if anyone knows one thing about me i hate when people ask me what kind of music i like this is a very random thing but like i have this like overwhelming anxiety when people ask me what kind of you don't

know anything no you like genuinely like don't know anything About music no I do I do Sophie You were playing motion city soundtrack Like their banger from 11 Years ago this morning I like the oldies the goodies Hey okay no but listen Fall out boy

She's been listening to fall out boy Where is your boy tonight I hope No but listen to answer your question sure i like country music yeah i think it can be fun what was the other question do we want kids yes yes i if you asked me two years ago i would have been like fuck off but i just not for a minute but i found a heart i think it's because of therapy yeah i do want kids not for a minute though do you only speak and understand english um i can do sign language oh that's cool i didn't know that about you because i don't ask i don't ask you never ask you don't even you know sign language

isn't just like pointing yes and like sofia okay people can't see my hands yeah i can understand spanish sofia i can't really speak no no no. We've gone places and you've whipped it out. It's like a little bit. It's like a Spanglish that comes out in the dark of the night. I think it's cool. I'm always like, hey, go say it. Like when we went to Mexico and you made me go talk to custom. Yes.

So yes, Alex and I will come to Dubai. You can poop on our chest. We will do that for you. Okay, guys, that is it for call her daddy this week the trail continues okay as we venture through the woods and it's a journey and it's and the personal accounts are really going to lead you to the trail but the trail is like starting and it started last week and now the trail continues. And there will be surprises every week. It's kind of like Lent or what is it? No.

No. A labyrinth? No. A maze? No. Oh, 25 days of Christmas? No. What's the calendar where you poke it out and you get a gift each day?

We need to get off of the microphone now. I think we're overtired. Okay, we love you guys. Guys, go follow us on Instagram. Mine is Alexandra Cooper. I'm Sophia with an F, Franklin with a Y. Okay. We need to go need to go we love you guys we love you guys we'll talk to you guys next week bye guys