Call Her Daddy - 76- Sorry for the Shit Show

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

do you call him daddy do i call her daddy call her daddy what's up guys it's alex and sophia we're back on the track this week and we're just giving you a few tunes for your morning commute this morning and just raise that volume get your metal pedal to the metal get that pedal to the metal folks cruise into that left lane and drive we're hitting you right now with what's called the call okay we're here we're here guys hey it's alex and row row row your boat gently down the stream the The trail is coming. The trail is coming. Life is but a dream. Hello.

Folks, the trail is coming. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the motherfucking show. Stick with us. Stick with us. But it will be coming soon. Anyways, anyways. There's a little story that people have been wondering about. Yeah.

That we've never discussed. And it's the fact thatlex and her ex-boyfriend dated for i don't know however many years right and then you guys did not speak to each other for however many years in between and then all of a sudden randomly you guys started talking again and people want to know how did you guys start talking. How was that old flame rekindled? Yeah. How was that past brought to the present? How was that seed grown into a tree?

How was that relationship killed and then nourished? How was it killed and then brought back to life? And I'm here to tell you. And how did it happen? So, can we say that in english because i don't know what that was we're just discussing how alex and her ex-boyfriend started talking again because let me remind you breakup wasn't pretty nope quite the opposite really detrimental to one's health really horrifying so not a good breakup and then so how

did you guys start talking again so we matched on a dating app dude it's so fucking funny when i say it um it's really crazy it's a funny story i'm just gonna quickly tell you guys so we had lost touch for a few years and by lost touch I mean we blocked each other on every form of social media every form of email phone number you name it we did it um we changed our addresses like bitch we couldn't find each other all right it was good it was real good and so I'm on this dating app while we're single ready to flamingo and. And all of a sudden, I see him. And what do I do? Love to stir the pot.

I click a big fat heart. You're like, I find you. I'm back, bitch. And all of a sudden, we connected. There he is. Slim. Slim shady. Slim the slim.

In the flesh. In the flesh. Who reached out to who first? I actually sent the first message because I knew. That's my girl. I knew he was not going to do it. And so on this dating app, you have to have like what your profession is. Okay.

And being the very slick woman I am, I don't really want to give the men. You don't want to be like I talk about sex on a show I kind of want to hide that I have the podcast and like hope they're like oh like what does this girl do so naturally I say I'm a scientist because very believable I know fuck yes your picture in a red bikini that's pushing up your tits with scientists underneath. Very believable. So he also has a different work profession. He's trying to hide his profession, too.

So we kind of have that in common. So I kind of play off of that. So his says like he's like an accountant or some shit. And he's clearly not. You see his pictures. So I go and I play off that. Should I just read our conversation yeah because it was pretty interesting because what ended up happening is we kind of pretended we

didn't know each other that's cute it was cute and kind of hot kind of hot I said hi I'm Alex I see you're an accountant I'm a scientist looks like we'd get along so you're playing it off like you guys are meeting for the first time for real he goes hi alex you look familiar have we met before and then he goes uh maybe what kind of scientist are you alex is looking up science what types and then i said some stupid shit about astronomy. And I go, my specialty is astronomy. These are so, I'm so embarrassed. No, I think this is kind of fun. I said, and according to my findings, it appears you and I may have met in another life.

But time and new memories will really only tell. This is so cheesy, but also I'm loving it. Okay, then he calls me out and he goes, not gonna lie, astronomy sounds like a snooze fest. I'm like fuck i should have gone with the chemist he goes lol new memories huh you think so and i said lol you won't be snoozing or sleeping trust me oh and i said but i feel new memories are usually best way to start in a quiet private let no one know kind of way you know it's more fun that way he goes what makes you so sure i tend to get distracted but i agree it'll be our

little secret and i said distracted seems to me the people occupying your time just aren't getting the job done i can assure you that won't be an issue with me you're in very good hands and then he said you are a slut he's already fucked me sideways upside down. You are a slut. But that's the thing with your ex you can be. In the best way. When I call a girl a slut, it's like, you go girl. And then he goes,

well, let's see if you're up to the challenge. And I said, time and place, your call. And then we- You might as well have been like, my pussy is open for business

for your dick specifically. No, literally. Okay. No, I, so we ended up after that kind of going back, like being like, what are you up to? And then we ended up meeting up two days later. Wow.

And fucking. That is so crazy that you guys started talking because you found each other on a dating app. I think it's, yes. Yeah. Also, I totally get why you decided to slide in with like that whore mentality. Well, A, because you are a whore. Right, right, right. And then B, because like, what are you supposed to go in there with like all the heavy shit like hey like so glad like we were able to reconnect like i've been wanting to get this off my chest no so it was it was interesting

but now i don't know slim shady's back not back in it in the game not in the game um he's a great fuck we haven't decided what compartment we're putting Slim in yet I think at first I kind of came on here and was like oh my god like I I could be falling back in love but I think as time has gone on they've kind of like taken a back seat yeah to back. To the salmon cookers, the Canadians, the art dealers. Right. Yeah. So I don't know. It's ever changing.

It's ever flowing. And I think it's fun. We'll see. Do I need to give an update about my guy? Yeah. Why not? What's going on with the suit man? We're fine.

We're fine. It's fine. Like we're fine. I had therapy yesterday and i was like listen listen linda linda we're gonna call her linda linda all right i was like my trust issues i joke about them on the podcast but it is really becoming so clear to me that like i would like to discuss them in therapy because they're so out of control and she was like i could not agree more she's like please absolutely i've been waiting yeah so i'm working on that in therapy um yeah

i think that well because the other night sophia had like a moment where she was feeling insecure and sorry i'm blowing up your spot but i think it's it's guys guys guys are you there let me just quickly break it down like this okay i was in chicago two or three weeks ago with soup man soup man man tomato soup tomato soup okay and don't get it twisted and don't okay so we were in chicago i was posting about it on my story i gotta go to kanye Kanye Sunday service that was so fucking cool although I was doing laps looking for Kim and I could not see her because it was very dark in there so I was a little upset about that yeah that's the only reason I would want to go I know that's like really wait that's so I regret saying that people you guys are fucking embarrassing

don't care it really was very moving um i felt inspired okay great okay so you were in chicago so i was in chicago which is not the story i was about to tell but like oh but you're you're gonna make a point well you know there's really just a plethora oh of trust issue stories that include me acting crazy okay i'm excited issues okay no i went to the art institute of chicago oh my guys god the culture that he is infusing you with because dear god okay we're looking at paintings they got some big names in there i'm not even gonna lie picasso's monet don't get it twisted. Flex on those hosts. Jason Hockney. I don't even think that's his first name.

Anyways, I'm in the museum. I'm looking around pretending like I know what the fuck. Superman's like, oh, how does this piece of art make you feel? And I'm like, honestly, I can't even put it into words. You're like, this just hits different. He's like, how does it hit? You're like, just different. I'm like, if I start talking about it, I'm't even put it into words. You're like, this just hits different. He's like, how does it hit? You're like, just different. I'm like, if I start talking about it, I'm going to cry.

Let's just look at the other paintings. You're like, this compared to all the other museums I've been to is like, it's a lot. Like, it reminds me of the Museum of Sex. Have you been there? He's like, what? Okay, so you're looking at paintings. We're looking at paintings. And I go up to Suitman.

And he's looking at a piece of art. paintings and i go up to suit man and he's looking at a piece of art and i was completely genuine in this question okay i was like do we know for sure that these paintings are the original paintings and they're not fakes and that is a testament to my trust issues because God damn. All right, moving on to our next segment. What the fuck? Sophia, I don't think that made any sense. You're like, so the art on the walls at the museum, like I was questioning that.

So like trust issues, me, men. That's a huge issue in the art world. I wish you could have given a way better. You're like the art on the walls i just couldn't chalk it up to them being real you know what suit man's a liar these paintings are lying like what i'm sorry the paintings are symbolic of that's what it is you like start to get mad at him right there in the museum ask the art dealer ask him please because i still don't know i think that they're completely real and i'm not going to ask him that question because

I could literally end my relationship with him. He's like, you're a fucking moron. Anyways, can we move on? I don't know what we're saying. Me either. Okay. We're going to talk about social media. Okay.

And we're going to talk about Instagram. And I'm going to try really hard to not sound like I'm ranting and just like screaming and I'm upset. But insert rant but like i'm just so sick and tired of the fucking facade and fakeness of instagram i'm over it okay and what i want to talk about is sugar bear hair we got an ad with sugar bear hair guys no i'm just kidding you think they would give us an ad? I don't think so.

No, dude. With our hats? No. They're like, okay, but you girls will be required to show the top of your heads. We're like, don't think we can do it. Sorry. No. Okay.

Back to social media. So this is the thing. Is I love Kylie Jenner. Hot. hot amazing i love her relationship with stormy i think it's so cute yeah she's kind of just like an icon she's an icon um what i don't appreciate is when she does advertisements for sugar bear hair and let me just say and clarify it's not just sugar bear hair it's any of those like. And clarify. It's not just sugar bear hair. It's any of those like. Hair vitamin things. Yep.

And the reason it bothers me. Is because she will be holding up. A bottle. Of the sugar bear hair vitamins. And be like. My hair is so like. Luxurious. Luxurious.

Lux. Yeah. Lux. Lux. Lux. Luxurious. Luxurious. Smooth sailing.

The hair is not smooth sailing. Slinky smooth. Cru cruising down the freeway slings to the face you name it that's another reason why they're never gonna advertise they're like you guys are talking about literally a car anyways sugar bear yeah she will be holding up a bottle of sugar bear hair vitamins and be like thank god these vitamins saved my hair all while she's wearing a fucking wig while she was wearing her willy wonka short black bob okay well that haircut we can talk about another day you guys all know what we're talking about the willy wonka it's yeah it's a black bob that curves in at the bottom towards

the face that needs to go it needs to go it only lasted like a few weeks anyways anyways yeah i think it's pathetic she'll be wearing her hot pink wig she's like guys this hair is fucking amazing this week because of this vitamin and it's like that's not your hair i bet it's obviously not just kylie jenner no yeah there's this other girl i follow and she did like a similar advertisement and she had the most obvious hair extensions in her head and i'm like what the fuck are you doing she she literally wrote in the caption like wow like i could have never dreamed of having hair this like long and thick and healthy but because of sugar bear hair and i'm like i know for a fact you have extensions in you literally had a bob three days ago. Your hair did not grow 10 inches.

Okay. But sugar bear hair swiped the fuck up. No, I swear to God she had a pixie cut and then posted with the sugar bear hair three days later with extensions saying it was because of the vitamins. I, I, yeah. It just needs to stop. I agree. Because also no shame to people that wear extensions i wear extensions there yes i put them in i take them out i wave them around whips them around she pops them in when she needs them she pops them out but you don't see alex being like guys guys

sugar bear hair right saved my life while she's wearing her extensions alex wouldn't do that and i wouldn't allow her to no i just say go get your i feel like you're bad for the brand knock it the fuck off right okay i'm gonna bring up something else something we've been talking about in our apartment quick this will be quick yeah when has it ever been quick i know i'm gonna try to keep it okay smooth quick and efficient there is one girl in particular that alex and i both follow on instagram and she is our favorite person to follow and i wish so badly daddy gang that we could tell you her name but it's like we've we've hung out with her in real life we've hung out with her like friend group yeah and like her friend group is like

loosely our friend group and it just it could really it would just be really fucked up and usually we don't care but i i guess maybe we don't care as much it would just be a little bit uncomfortable if we ever run into them in new york and they're like so you let millions of people know. And we're like, what? Right. Her name is. But we actually gave her a fake name like 10, 20 episodes ago. It was Christina Georgiansen. And what did we call her out for for that? Because every single thing she posts on her story, she will put hashtag ad. Yep.

Every post, every story. And she will tag the place. And at this point, it's just so obvious that those people are not paying her to do an advertisement. Her entire Instagram is an ad. Yeah. So she did an unboxing the other day. If you guys don't know what unboxing is, it's when influencers will open up a package they've either purchased or received. So she had a box from Chanel.

And she has the audacity to say, Thank you, Chanel. Thank you so much for sending me this. This is the best present I've ever received. Thank you. Thank you. We're fucking it up. Thank you. received thank you thank you we're fucking it up thank you

guys every time she says she's in soho it's not soho it's so she's in soho she's in i'm sorry what's wrong with us today i'm going to chanel and soho and she calls her boyfriend beb okay okay sorry we shouldn't be doing no we're just like in a shit talking mood today i don't give a fuck about our podcast so let me just break this down one more time she is trying to pretend that she did not go into chanel and her boyfriend and her boyfriend's rich yeah her boyfriend's rich she's trying to pretend that her boyfriend didn't buy the Chanel bag for her she pretends like Chanel was like putting their PR list together which I don't even think Chanel sends I don't think they send it to Kylie Jenner I don't think so either and she's pretending like Chanel was like we need to get

Christina on the case and that's not her. And that's not her name, but. That's not her name, but we're going to call her Christina. She's trying to pretend that Chanel was like, if there is one fucking gift that we give out today, it's got to go to Christina Jorgensen because I know we have access to women that have tens of millions of followers But there's something About Christina's You know humble and modest 100k of purchased Followers side note I'm pretty sure That she bought them yeah me too There's just something about that crew

That we really Need to make sure this gets in the hands Of Christina Georgiansen and we want to get On that page because the last 79 posts have been ads quote unquote ads for places like walgreens and pizza hut toys rm 7-eleven things that really really just mix well with the chanel brand so we need that and if you guys can't hear the sarcasm joking we're joking so this has got to stop She's not the only girl that's doing this.

If you guys are out there, influencers are trying to be an influencer and you are buying things and thanking the brand. Thanking the brand and trying to pretend that the brand sent it to you for free. It's really, really embarrassing and we can see right through it. Yeah, it's like why are you thanking them for you? Okay. What I'm saying is, why the fuck is she thanking Chanel for the 10K she just spent? They should be thanking you. They should absolutely be thanking you.

Like, thank you so much for your boyfriend for dropping him out of money. Honestly, how much cooler? How much cooler would she come off if she unboxed this Chanel and she was like, good God, I must suck that dick. Real great for my boyfriend to buy this for me. Exactly. And that's such a good point maybe we're alone in that but like what if yeah i would rather her pretend that she bought it yeah i agree i

actually agree with that because we know she did it but i agree that would be baller you're literally making it up no one's paying and everyone can see right through it it's so transparent there's certain brands that you can like fucking pretend right if she did it with sugar bear hair i'd be like okay fine but there's tea yeah yeah there's certain brands like chanel and birkin birkin birkin is never ever ever ever ever going to send someone a free bag in exchange for them to throw it up on instagram those bags can be like 40k right oh more more yeah so so i don't i just you know and that's good so moving on that's that dating apps we want to fucking talk about dating apps in in a very open way to let everybody know why do people shit on people that met on dating apps why do people shit on couples if it's like oh we met on tinder why is it like a taboo yes there's like shame surrounding it we're fucking done with it

we are we want to talk about dating apps every fucking person out there listening to this if you have matched with your boyfriend your girlfriend your wife your husband your lover whatever the fuck it is and you're ashamed or you're nervous to like tell people when you're in public like oh how did you guys meet on a dating app knock it off no I don't get why there's all of this like shame about a dating app my friend actually got married not that long ago she had met her now husband on tinder oh my god and do you think that that was ever announced at the wedding or do you think their parents even know oh my god no they like they like made up this entire story about how they met and i'm like why see that's the thing it's like i feel like we're getting a little bit

closer to people accepting it because it's really a thing now but i feel like at least like a couple years ago it was like you guys met on tinder right everyone that ever says that to you, everyone look back and then be like, yeah, hell yeah, I did. I will say I do understand why dating apps get a bad rap, even though I think they're amazing. The reason they do is because sometimes they can come off creepy as fuck and creepy as fuck because there are guys on there that are gross. And their first DM is like, would you like a dick pic? And it's like they're either sending unsolicited dick pics or, hi, the catfish. Like, is this low-key a rapist trying to come for me?

Right. Or I think a third reason is like certain dating apps are kind of cheesy. Like they come off cheesy. Oh, OK. Sophia, on the same page, I was helping my brother he's recently single okay shout out to all the daddies no and so over christmas break he was like alex help me with my dating profile and i was like i got you i'm gonna set the whole thing up and i'm looking at these dating apps and i forget

which one it was specifically but one of these dating apps absolutely fucks you oh you have to fill out a questionnaire. You have to pick, I think it's like five or six questions out of like, they give you so fucking many. That sounds. And it's horrible. And what's even more horrible is the questions that they ask you to answer are so fucking corny. Oh, that it's like, I'm going to read you guys a few just to like give you guys an idea of what i'm talking about okay should i try to answer them let me first read because they give

you what like a um a generic response could be so i want to like oh okay so they provide an example of how you can answer it like number one is i'll brag about you to my friends if and then their answer example would be you can speak a second language and never skip leg day never skip leg day what dude even this is so also actually no both of those can you imagine if you were like Sophia like tell me about like this guy you're and I was like let me just say let me just put it this way two languages fluent also has never missed leg day so also Alex this one's never missed leg day so let's just put a motherfucking check next to his name so Alex if you have any more questions let me know drop the mic drop the

motherfucking mic please you would be like uh what what why do you know he never said okay so i get what you're saying it's so dumb and you and you're forced to answer we need to literally start a dating app like this is pathetic like i'm pissed off that people are getting subjected to this horrible okay now let's have you answer a few oh fuck okay well are you gonna okay try to no i'll try to do it serious okay i'll introduce you to my family if you have 12 zeros in your bank account naturally i would want to be like if you got a good job okay and then i would put lol but no no guys would not find that funny i would be like, if you got a good job. Okay. And then I would put LOL. No.

Guys would not find that funny. A guy would be like, you're a fucking gold digger. Okay. Okay. See, that's the issue. This is the thing. Let me try to pretend like I am Martha, Margaret, Madison. Beatrice. Beatrice.

The holier than thou. Holier than thou. Okay. I'll introduce you to my family if. What if you just put like, you something about like a good like you you nope i was about to really embarrass myself what about something about like a good personality and sense of humor or something but i wouldn't want to put pressure on the guy to feel like he needs a good person yeah what if he's dry as fuck but he's great in the sack you know what i mean right it's. It's just like, you can't. I don't know. I'd be like, get ready.

Wait, say it again, the question. Okay. Guys, we're struggling. I'll introduce you to my family if. You're ready to crush a beer with my dad, Greg. I feel like a guy would want to hear that. Actually, that's not that bad. Do you think?

Wait, Sophia. Then I think a guy would be like, oh. Wait, that's actually a pretty good one. Okay, I like that. I like that. Or like, shoot the shit with my great grandma yeah earl earla okay how about this one i'm weirdly attracted to what would you say very significant features like a big nose sometimes wait like Javier Bardem wait what the fuck would you say maybe like um I'm weirdly attracted to I don't know these are awful mine was good okay distinct features okay true no but do you see how

these are horrible they're horrible weirdest gift I've ever received worst idea I've ever had unusual skills do you see how this could be problematic I would never answer answer I would never answer truthfully yeah how can we like give advice so number one i think that girls can answer some of these in like a dumb way and men really don't give a fuck they're looking at your pictures okay actually i was you know i was sitting here over sweating bullets i was stressed i was like i don't know what my answer is no you got a pussy a man uh does not know even read these questions if i said cheeseburgers and fries the most generic generic, basic ass bitch answer, he doesn't care. My titties are out and I'm looking good. Or on the flip side, if you're a dude, I would want him to answer at least like one or two funny.

Oh no, I totally agree. Even answering like, what the fuck are these questions? No, literally, if you can think of one funny thing. And then the last thing I think you made a great point, Sophia. These dating apps are kind of setting you up for failure in the sense that they can be corny and creepy. So my biggest advice is use the corniness to your advantage. And I know that sounds really fucking weird, but hear me out. I think that, I think this is Hinge. Hinge is fucking all of you. so what you need to do is you need to make a joke out of it this is a perfect opportunity to use these questions as a conversation starter yes basically pick one of his questions and comment on it or vice versa men look at her

question and comment on it message her and be like please for the love of god do not judge me off of those questions like they were the worst because it's so you can essentially bond a conversation starter you're right bond over the corniness and then i think that using the corniness all the way to the end when you guys are trying to transition off the dating apps my go-to is always like i hate this app like i'm so bad at checking it text me And then you give them your number and you're on your fucking way to pound town. So don't be afraid of dating apps. Embrace them. Fuck on them.

And just to close this off about dating apps, every single day I still receive the same DM and it's from girls being like, can you please tell men to stop acting so horny and scary and predatory on dating apps? Because it's still, like, a huge thing. Well, that's why also they get a bad rep. The dating apps are full of creepy people with their dick pics. Right. The second a guy's profile has anything that makes him come off like he wants to fuck, I'm out. You pretend you don't want to fuck until you're hard and you have a condom on

yes and you're inside of her all of a sudden yes boom god that's so wrong all right sex sex sit back relax and because you got this because we got the blow jobs coming forward okay i'm gonna let you take the reins what dot mouth do you know we've referenced the lollipop in previous episodes but we've never talked about it and sophia and i thought today we would give the daddy gang a little bit of an explanation of what the lollipop pop is sometimes a penis can look like a popsicle in front of you if you envision it if you have the creative imagination if you let your mind get to that place where it looks yeah if you're doing daddy daughter yeah especially give me my popsicle daddy exactly i want to lick your lollipop it's a fun game we play it's a fun fucking game okay we just upset some people but it's okay it's just role play

it's fantasy so so anyway um so the lollipop pop is something that has been lollipop are we in a broadway podcast dude we have such adhd today okay all right the lollipop is a an amazing blowjob tip that we want to bring to you guys because it's used frequently in my everyday life and it's used in sophia's everyday life and we just haven't even fucking told you guys and what kind of friends what kind of older sisters what kind of pals what kind of fathers are we to not are we did not share so what you do is you put the dick in your mouth step one put the dick in your mouth yeah all right all you whores out there put it in so what is the lollipop the lollipop is

i'm going to try to describe this as best as i can when you have his dick in your mouth and it's hard yeah and you're going up and down what you're gonna do is you are going to grab his dick and kind of forcefully pull it out of your mouth but you're gonna have it do a little side swipe pop and when it's coming out of your mouth you're gonna make that sound you're gonna do that yes sound you are essentially i think it's also good sometimes hold the dick almost with your entire hand yes the base yeah and you're coming off of it and your mouth is slowly coming up and kind of almost like it's an it's an 80 degree day on the beach you got your popsicle in hand and it starts to melt right and you do

one swoop down on it and then you come up and you're suctioning all of it off you're basically coming off of his tip and you're making like a pop sound and it's as if you're licking your lollipop and it's popping out of your mouth imagine you're in new jersey on the beach you're in new jersey you're in the eighth grade you got a bright red popsicle you're in your bikini and jeremy from math class that you've been wanting to fuck is sitting right next to you and you're like holy shit i could do shit to this popsicle right now that is going to make jeremy hard yes and want to fuck and you're gonna pop that shit out your mouth and you're imagine how you would play lick

and eat a popsicle if jeremy from eighth grade was right there i bet like a slut like a slut and that's what we're trying to say right okay so when you're pulling the dick out of your mouth yes i think that was such a good point you going to be gripping it almost with your entire hand, the dick. Like you're driving stick shift. Stick shift up in this bitch. Okay. And you're going to, when your mouth is about to release, instead of just like slowly coming off of it, coming off of it, you're going to do it a little bit more abrupt.

And you're going to make that sound. The sound is so important. Do the sound. It's like, yes, that's perfect like that yeah boom um i also think girls to get a little nastier with it what you can do too is like so say you do one of them then when with his hand with his hand no with your hand what do you mean you do one of them well like you come off of it and you do the little pop okay so then so you've done the lollipop you've done the lollipop pop what usually i will do is i think a lot of times it can startle a man he's like whoa what the fuck was that that was hot

so after you do the initial lollipop pop off you're going to keep your hand on his dick and you're going to kind of be giving him a hand job again this thing should be so fucking wet yes you're giving him a hand job around the base you're going up and down and what i've done sometime is i put my tongue completely out of my mouth so it like if the doctor's like say ah okay when he puts like that little wooden stick on your tongue right okay so you put your tongue completely out and then you put his dick on your tongue i like okay and you are gonna start making you're gonna make this is where you make eye contact with the man when you're giving him the

blow job you're gonna put the tip of his dick on your tongue and you're gonna be making kind of like a like noise and kind of rubbing it on there for a second looking at him as you're giving hand job i like and then you're going to go again you don't have to go all the way down on the dick just go kind of to the tip and suction pop off again i pray to god that makes any sense no um the tongue sticking out and making the ah sound and kind of rubbing the dick on your tongue. Like you're almost trying to go back, but you're not going all the way down. You're just focusing on the tip. It's like you're trying to get that jolly rancher to leave your tongue red.

Like you're rubbing it on there. You're rubbing the tip of his wiener on your fucking tongue. fucking time and i swear to god if it's super wet like we've said before sometimes like slap his dick onto like the side of your cheek yeah or um that's what i wanted to also point out is like that's another really hot thing is take his dick while it's in your mouth and really really press it up against the side of your cheek be so careful not to hit your teeth you have to be very careful but he should be able to see that his dicks making your cheek stick out like a chipmunk extendo patronum like a squirrel with its nut fucking yes carrying it in its cheeks you're gonna do that you're a little chubby ass bitch yes and again

this is something that makes him feel like his dick is very big you can barely fit it in your widdle widdle mouth it has to go into the cheek my lollipop okay um guys i hope this makes sense but i and if you're new to this podcast you need to go learn about all the basics of a blowjob. Yeah. This comes when you are a fucking professional. Because when you're giving a blowjob, we want it to be obviously sloppy, disgusting. We've said it before and we'll say it again. You guys already know the basics. You're going up.

You're going down. You're all around. You're swirling. Twirly tongue. A little sucky, sucky, blowy, blowy. A little down, a little up, a little deep throw, a little one-two, a little double twist. A Ferris wheel around and around. A little spit connected to your little tongue and then you out.

Maybe a ball comes in, maybe a ball goes out the door. Pop the finger up the ass in and out of the ass. One-two, one-two. A little side swipe, a little tongue on the side of his dick a little a little days anyways anyways you get it you guys get it? Anyways. Anyways. Blow job 101. Classic here. Oh my gosh, guys.

Questions. Is it? Do you have a question? Because I have a question for you. I have a very important question for you. Because I do. It's a question. A question. Is that a week?

Is that a week? A week? Questions of the week. of the week and some christian christian questions of the week questions of the week okay i don't know okay all right hi sophia i accidentally let it slip to my boyfriend that i am a psycho and check up on his new instagram followers people he follows i'm an idiot he got weirded out and said it was super intense and extreme we are long distance because military so i can't fuck or blow him to make up for it is there any way to bounce back from this so what happened was she accidentally let it slide that she's a crazy bitch and looks at his followers, et cetera, et cetera. Trust me, sweetie.

Sweetie. There have been times where I've been sitting next to Soup Man. Soup. And I've been on my fake account and I've opened my Instagram and it's been on the fake account. And I literally have like chucked my cell phone across the room and been like, oh, my God, there's a spider on my phone because i'm so scared for him to know like oh yeah suit man has a good idea of how crazy i am but like there are even now some things that i keep to myself totally because it's so extreme because it is so extreme so alex what advice do we have for this girl i think that you can't fully recover i think the only thing you can do is protect yourself moving forward yes as two crazy women sitting with one of the craziest

podcasts on the internet currently yes it is it is a craft it is a skill it is a hobby it is a passion and we're not going to tell you to not be crazy anymore you should absolutely be stalking who he follows and when he follows you have every right and it's not even a right you have every obligation to yourself and crazy bitches around the world to continue that and you know what if i were you you lie and you you apologize a little yeah i realized like i had a moment to think about it and like yeah that was so weird and crazy and i am so sorry and i promise i'm never gonna do that again and when you hang up you go right back and you do it again listen listen in the words of my idol paris hilton yes okay tell people what they want to hear and then do whatever the fuck you want

okay it was some version of that yeah and that has stuck with me to this day yep so this is what tell people what they want to hear, and then do whatever the fuck you want. Okay? It was some version of that. Yeah. And that has stuck with me to this day. Yep. So this is what you do. You guys are long distance. That doesn't mean you can't be a complete and total nasty hooker slut.

Absolutely. You send him a nude. You send him a fucking video with something in your pussy, and it is an active live. And you moaning and fucking getting wet all over the toy. Okay? You can't give him a blow job you do the next best thing you send him a video of you sucking on a toy and then sticking it in your pussy done done second thing second is you're gonna pull out a little manipulation

tactic and this is kind of scaring me that we are like this without even having to really sit down and think about the question you go to him and this is what you do. Baby, I thought about this. And I think what happened is I just had a moment of serious insecurity because of our long distance relationship. And I just had a moment of feeling really, really insecure and scared. Yeah. And I miss you. And I let the stocking get the best of me and i realize in hindsight that that's not healthy so

i'm never gonna do it again that's not fair to do to you and it's not fair to do to you and just so you know that is very very out of character for me and that's not who i am you get off the phone and you fucking go and quickly see who just started following him absolutely and you go back to basics and you go back to who you are but he doesn't need to know that no and you need to really reel it in and never let that slip again yeah that was a personal error that was a that when you are crazy you need to really decide, can you handle it? Can you be strong enough within yourself to embrace the crazy, live the crazy, and ingest the crazy, and not let your significant other fully see that other dark side of you?

Yeah. And, you know, Alex, I have to say, this guy is calling her out for being intense and extreme. Why does a part of me think that he was also aroused i agree right the crazy does something to a man like there's no way that he didn't kind of think of you in a sexual way yeah and start to kind of think about jacking off later to your little indiscretion and that's all we've got alex your turn no not one laugh that whole question but kind of so fucking honest and true okay hey sophia i recently got diagnosed with herpes okay obviously one of the worst stis you can get as it is not curable

but what can i do if you guys could please use your platform to end the stigma around more serious stis i would very much love it all right this was written in by a dude okay this is what i'm going to say about the hurt the hurt is it's way more common than you think yeah i don't know like the specifics around it but i know that there is a medication that people can now take where it makes if you're taking it on a daily basis it makes the chances of your sexual partner getting the herpes like three percent that's amazing or something that's amazing information and that's if you're not obviously using a condom right right um stis is that yeah okay the correct term now because what when did it change from well because it's not a disease it's an infection so stis the thing is is like i know that so i remember college, like girls would get chlamydia. I remember one of my friends got HPV and literally thought it was HIV.

Oh, my God. And she was like, it's like, I'm going to miss you guys. Like, this is like so sad. Right. I'm pretty sure I remember reading that over almost one in every two people gets HPV men will never know if they have HPV because there's no symptom but girls can get tested for it and almost every like every other woman is going to get HPV at some point in their life right chlamydia is super common I am not trying to normalize STIs but I do think that it's important because I want to make sure that everyone listening. Well, we did get one. Yes, we did. Yes.

When I had chlamydia that one time and I blamed it on the guy and it totally wasn't him. No, but Alex and I did talk about this. So Alex and I, it's no secret that we were both. We happily proclaimed it to the New York Post that we do, in fact, have had chlamydia. But Alex and I were talking about when we were younger and we both found out the diagnosis that we were positive for chlamydia we both thought our lives were fucking over dude i remember calling my friend andy and taylor yeah because one of my one of them thought they were pregnant and i had chlamydia and i was like yo guys i was bawling my

eyes out freaking out and they were like, oh, my God. And she thinks she's pregnant. And you, Clemenia, you're about to die. Like, this is crazy. And it is kind of scary that there is such a scary stigma around them, which they are scary. And it's a serious issue to get that. But like, I literally, when I found that out.

Yeah. That I had Clemenia. It wasn't even that I was scared for my health. I really felt like less than. Yeah. Like I felt really disgusting. And I just felt like as a woman, like I was never going to be as like full or as whole

or as like wholesome, you know? No, don't worry. You're always a whole. You'll be fine. You're fine. I'm always a whole. But I get what you're saying i mean alex and i let's just put it this way we you know had made jokes in the past like

oh haha like should we say on the podcast we had chlamydia and we would both be like obviously no right and we're like how could you and then finally we had this moment where we were like why why almost so many people get it and also it it's like, I think that one, you're giving more power to it if you like hide it. And also how many fucking people are fucking without condoms and then you just like barely don't get it. Right. Like the reason we. You're not better than the person that did.

So first and foremost, anyone that does get something like i just want you to hear from call her daddy like you're it's going to be okay like you are not diagnosed with terminal cancer and like you're about to die in a month um and even for this guy because he's like he's like can you talk about the heavier stds like a herpes yeah yeah you cannot live your entire life like around this infection you can't let it like consume you. And so. Right. And with the timing, as we just talked about, like you don't need to say it on the first

date. Maybe even the second or third. I think it's when you are starting to realize that this might be a long term thing. Then I think you bring it up. Boom. Okay. Okay. I had a couple girls write in the same type of question this week it is

when using a condom during sex am i supposed to suck dick with condom on too that's a great question i remember my mother tried to convince you you were supposed to she would always be like and you're alex if you're giving a blowjob, there's a condom on it. Right. And I'm like, yeah. And why did she tell you that? I have no idea. I think can you get you can get oral STDs? Maybe. I don't know.

Yes, I have never in my life. And I don't know if I'm I'm not proud of it, but I've never in my life given a blowjob with a guy with a condom. I mean, the I would understand it. Let's say you decide to give him a little blowy mid sex and like, you know, are you fucking kidding that latex in your mouth? I who care? Just Alex, you have had way worse things in your mouth. It's just disgusting. The fact that you just tried to bring up latex.

I know you've had a dirty sweaty penis in there dude i would rather that than latex i don't have an issue with latex but i'm just trying to understand a scenario in which you would maybe want to do that but like if you're gonna start off with oral put raw dog that shit raw dog that hot dog yeah i just think unless like you know you can visibly see that there's like a herp or something then you want have you ever given a blowjob with a condom on no maybe when i was younger actually when i was younger i think i did some weird ass shit that like looking back i'm like what the fuck were you doing you were like you're blocking it out now

yeah i think though you know if this guy if you just met him on tinder and his bio was like then don't put the dick in trying to get my 200th kill who wants to fuck um then i would maybe want to give him a blow job with a condom i would yeah i would just say just fuck with a condom and don't even give him head yeah okay hey alex and sophia love the show you guys are hilarious tell me more tell us i'm writing to tell you girls about this really cool couples sex questionnaire that helps couples discover things about their partners from we this is in quotation marks we should try it.com the way this questionnaire works is it presents each person with a ton of sex activities and scenarios and for each activity each person

answers with whether or not they're into it or if they'd like to try it out oh my god each person takes the test individually once each person has answered what they like and don't like the website will look through each partner's answers and show only what both people are into this quiz turned out to be a lot more fun than i thought it would be and i learned a lot of interesting things about my girlfriend oh my god i want a guy wrote in wait i want to do that right wait that sounds so fun so and i think this is so smart because the people are scared in their relationships to answer honestly because they don't want to be like i want a threesome so bad and their girlfriend's like oh you just want a fucking other girl and why don't you just go cheat on me and it's like no i just want you know threesomes turn me on wait so this quiz makes it so that the only things that you guys will both be able to read are

the things you both agreed on. The fantasies. I think that that is so fucking smart. Even if you have mind blowing sex with your partner, there is always room for growth and improvement. And sometimes it's hard to communicate it. So I think that this is a perfect fucking. Oh my God.

I want to go do this. Me too. Everyone try it with your significant other. That's like fucking dope. Yes. Thanks you're welcome okay the website is we should try it.com okay okay this is really interesting to me and i don't know how i feel about it so tell me okay hi father so i have a blowjob tip sophia mentioned on a previous episode that her guy used a vibrator on his tongue while eating her out and gave her an amazing orgasm so I decided to use the same trick while giving a blow job I put my vibrator on the tip of his dick while I also licked and sucked it I then would

take the vibrator and put it close to my lips or tongue and as close as possible and slide it up and down while i was giving him the gluck luck so that he feels the vibrations as i suck his dick this had him coming faster than anything i've ever seen he says it's magical and insists that i do it more often hope this helps spice up the gluck luckuck. Love you, daddies. The student has become the teacher. Oh, yeah. Wow. So, wow. Our young praying mantis has now become a large global sex icon.

Sex icon. And wow. I am kind of fascinated by this brilliant okay so let me just uh get my two cents because i was having sex and the man i was having sex with was wearing a cock ring yeah we've talked about those before it's not necessarily my favorite thing but i can fuck with it sometimes it's sometimes no okay it's not necessarily my go-to sex toy but we were using it and um i realized that the vibration that it was giving yeah obviously he's feeling it as well it's wrapped around his dick right so i ended up asking him after sex if he liked that sensation of the vibrating and he said 100 absolutely wow so he enjoyed the vibration so i can only assume if i were to incorporate that into a blow

job he would be blasted off into ecstasy wait right and all we can say girlfriend is alex and i are going to try this yeah let's make an oath right now to the daddy gang and to each other i will be doing this wait me too this weekend and i will report back i don't know if i can do it this weekend because i don't have dick to suck this weekend but when okay i do okay so you start first and then i'll fall through and i am sure we could find you some dick to suck but yeah i will let you guys know thank you so much for writing that's amazing amazing hey sweethearts need some help this is a different type of question alex okay i'm a 25 year old gay guy that lives in central illinois i know stab me and I'm looking for ways to meet guys going out to bars

around here does not work at all so I've been stuck with apps that pretty much suck as well I want to meet guys in other areas since the options here are extremely limited and I just want to know the way to go about this I'm down to travel and clearly don't want to spend the rest of my life here I'm just stuck on what to do next love you ladies okay at first i wasn't going to read this because i was like i don't really know the answer and i think you're shit out of luck and then i really started to think about this i know this is a serious problem from my really close gay friends that live in utah okay and they'll be like can you get me on Raya because at least with Raya it there's like it's not in a it's not a couple mile radius it's not like the circumference

that's around you right you will match with people that are cross-country or even in different different countries all together which can be annoying but I can also see why it's great yes yeah what I would say the only advice that i can think to give this guy is set the location on your dating app to somewhere you're wanting to travel i don't think you can do it unless you have it as a uh i think you have to pay you can't just pay for premium okay well then pay for premium i agree set the location to like some city near you that you've been like wanting to check out i agree i think that's something you can do and then b i'm sure well i'm not sure but if you have friends that live out of state that's a great point go visit them i agree and then i

also think instagram instagram is such a go on your following or go on your explore page and start looking up find a friend and then go through his followers and look through people and like slide in dm wise in different locations oh right because like use instagram as the dating app and slide into the dm absolutely totally you got to just get creative and i think like a lot of people are yes people can get stuck in their hometowns people can feel like you're in the middle of nowhere and feel like you're in a rut. And we're very fortunate that we live in New York City. We are very fortunate.

But we're also very fortunate with social media that you can essentially be talking to someone in a few states away. Right. Or countries. Countries. So I think what you have to do is, yeah, get more active. But also, I think that's a good point, Sophia. Go visit friends.

Yeah. I mean, he's in Illinois. Like, fucking go to, like, Chicago. Chicago. I'm sure there's people traveling there for work constantly. Constantly. Yeah. good points with you go visit friends yeah i mean he's in illinois like fucking go to like chicago i'm sure there's people traveling there for work constantly constantly yes this is really quick is it normal or humane in any way shape or form to suck a guy's dick after his dick has been in your own ass from anal oh oh my god what i'm gonna say no i'm gonna go ahead and say no i'm just gonna say no i've had times where it's been like a little close call right like a little

confusing a little i'm gonna say no but no i i think wash it or put a condom on it i agree and that's that that's the tea and that's the fucking show for this week all right we love you guys so much um we'll see you guys um we will see you guys soon and just fyi like when the trail ends it's just beginning yeah go follow us on our personal instagrams my name is alexandra cooper alex with an a cooper with a c mine's sophia franklin so if you with enough franklin with a y all right we love you guys happy fucking wednesday daddy