Call Her Daddy - 80- How To Keep Them Interested During Quarantine

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

Kesha...The End .

Do you call him daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. Ha ha ha! we're gonna let you guys interpret that however you want um moving on moving on we are uh in a really deep dark mental state unwell unwell it's alex and sophia back at it again for the second time actually today it's call her daddy call her daddy um i think it was last week or two weeks ago we uploaded our episode and the sound quality was complete shit so we had to throw that in the garbage and re-record it um this week we went to upload our episode. I felt really, really good about it.

Only to see that the file said zero bytes. B-Y-T-E-S. What does that mean? I don't fucking know. Guys, we're re-recording literally for the second time today. And it is like, I can't explain to you the pain when i took out the sd card and i put it into my little editor and i went to start editing this audio and i said wow my audio is there but sophia's somehow sophia's audio on purpose no i didn't i swear

on my microphone no no because this puts me through pain too That I have to redo this So we're literally about to have to re-record another episode And it's like I don't want to let it out on them No But like I can't help but be frustrated No this is going to be a complete different episode Because I can't fucking sit here and say the same shit for another two hours No

So we're just going to have to really go with this one It hurts I can't even explain it No If you podcast for two hours and then you look and it's like yes alex just podcasted alone where is sofia and the other thing is like when we saw the zero byte file we said what is a zero byte file we spent the next six seven hours being like no no no no no we can retrieve this i was on the phone with geek squad we got on fucking up work

we were trying to reach out to audio technicians we literally were putting up our own money and we were like we will pay you four hundred dollars out of pocket if you can figure out what the fuck zero bites mean because i don't fucking know and um yeah nothing was recovered so here we are back at it again for another motherfucking episode of call her daddy but it's all right it's okay i think i'm losing it a little bit it's all right your eyes are bloodshot thank you thank you alex is doing especially bad i'm not doing my best um i'm dealing with a little thing i would like to call sleep paralysis why is there a light through our windows okay we're probably hallucinating I am

sleep paralysis um what is sleep paralysis Sophia I'm gonna take a quick nap you let them know so sleep paralysis is I've had it before okay it's a common phenomenon and what happens is you wake up in the middle of the night and you wake up completely petrified and you can't move your limbs and you can't make a sound. Yeah. And you're paralyzed. You lay there paralyzed. Yeah. And everyone experiences it a little bit differently.

Like for some people, it's like there's an evil spirit like up above them levitating. Yeah. I mean, how was it for you i literally last night two nights ago i woke up and there i believed was a man sitting on the edge of my bed just staring at me sleeping and i was so fucking terrified you guys paralyzed couldn't move the whole thing and then for the next like now few nights i haven't been able to sleep because it's this terrifying feeling of oh my god if i go back to sleep is this gonna happen again yeah sometimes what happens is if you i'm regretting this if you partake in uh partying like there

are like drugs at the party and you decide to partake sometimes you will have sleep paralysis like a few days later well i'm not under like specifically mdma like a couple days later i don't know are you from experience a confessional just tell so it feels like so when i take mdma i literally i'm like all fucking off my rocker for a few days if anyone's taking ecstasy or molly please be aware that this could happen a few days a little disclaimer okay trying to slide that right by me okay well i'm sober and i'm fine but i will say i think a lot of people are having bad dreams right now like very vivid dreams because of corona i actually tweeted about that because i had a dream when i was asleep that um all have you ever had this dream all of your teeth fall out yes i feel like everyone experiences that

and i guess some guy wrote and told me that it's when you are experiencing extreme anxiety and going through a change either in a relationship or your job um and i guess obviously right now it applies to corona too like the unknown so i guess well actually you're reminding me of yeah how are your dreams over there so a few days ago this is really weird i had a dream that i was putting like living things in the microwave and i woke up in the middle of the night like so scared and like feeling horrible you were putting living things in the microwave i think fuck is wrong from what i remember what the fuck is going on over there from what i remember i was putting like babies and like little animals guys i'm not a serial killer i woke up feeling bad it was very

strange i don't know what's going on someone dm me and tell me i don't fuck with you anymore that's weird shit anyways anyways so sophia and i were thinking about this we feel really bad yeah we feel really bad for all of the high school seniors and the college seniors because we see a lot of you are not able to partake or grad school in graduation and all those fun senior week activities yeah and it sucks and i think a lot of you are upset like i saw these daddy gang girls were having prom on zoom like they're literally getting in their prom dresses and they're getting on zoom and it fucking sucks yeah but i just want to say um you know having gone through high school and college and having made it out alive i know it seems like the most important thing in your life right now

but life goes on it's really not we've never really talked about did you graduate high school are you fucking kidding me i feel like you're the type of person that would get their ged not that there's anything wrong with that but why do i feel like you got your ged the fact that you just looked me in my eyes and asked me if i graduated high school we never talk about high school i barely graduated there we go there we go so you were a degenian high school oh i was so bad what kind of high school did you go to i went to a private catholic high school i went to a this was a fucking twist i went to a private boarding school and i know people would look at me and be like oh you rich bitch no absolutely fucking not i got a scholarship to go there i okay play soccer

which sounds weird to play wait so boarding school yes a boarding school so like we had straight up borders and day students and like people would like fuck in the dorms and shit it kind of was like a college in high school if i lived in the dorms in high school you would be dead oh my god i would know so you graduated but barely i barely graduated in high school it was like it was the type of thing i I started out with flying colors. Like I remember when I started out, I was like in AP classes. This is how bad it is. I started high school, two math classes advanced from my freshman year grade.

Senior year of high school, I was one behind of everybody else like I don't even know how that happened a huge drop off okay so you really slid back you really you really went back yeah um that's great so what about you I I I didn't do great in high school either I remember my um graduation specifically our dean of students had just like been so done with me and I was missing my tassel for my cap and I was wearing the wrong gown and he just came up to me he was also so fucking hot and he came up to me and was like where is your tassel what is going on how are you wearing the wrong I don't know I don't know I like grabbed your sister I don't remember why I don't I know it's fucked up and he just looked at me and was like I don't know I don't like grab your sister I don't remember why I don't I know it's fucked up and he

just looked at me and was like I don't care what you do anymore Alex just fucking graduate wow he wanted me gone I thought you're about to say he wanted me well also kind of that okay so then college what was your college situation did you go to your college graduation? I did, but it wasn't like what everyone imagines it to be. Like I literally was like pissed the whole time. I like sat through the whole thing and I like threw my diploma in the back of the car and I was like, can we get the fuck out? Yeah. Dude, college graduation, especially if you go to like a big university.

I remember not wanting to go to mine. I only went for my parents. I actually barely graduated college too. Oh, okay. Good. That's another one. Started off with flying colors. to mine i only went for my parents i actually barely graduated college too okay good that's another one started off with flying colors i started at this amazing wonderful college outside of san francisco california incredible ended up at community college and you shut up

sofia we love to see it why what? What happened? Too much degeneracy? Yeah. I think I got like a ticket for underage drinking. I don't fucking know. Yeah. And your mom was like, come home. Yeah. She was like, I'm not paying this tuition.

I feel like we had very different college experiences. My college experience was like, I couldn't get in. I had to keep getting in trouble on the down low because obviously I would have lost my scholarship if I got in trouble. I couldn't get get an underage i couldn't like all that shit i um will never forget i for a final exam i was really struggling in this one class and i knew he was a huge fan the teacher the professor of one of the the guy i was dating at the time an athlete was a professional athlete and i bribed him and i got him a signed ball and tickets and in exchange for me to not have to take the final exam and for an a like how how pathetic am I but also like come on hi come on Alex low I showed up with a

little bag you all in tickets and he's like here's your a you fucking cunt that's I think that might be the craziest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth but you gotta do what you gotta do um yeah right well that professor is probably getting fired no like he's a great guy we still stay in touch actually um but then with the rest of my college experience I know I have I have never talked about this but um well you know but the daddy gang doesn't fully know my experience with college i had a full scholarship to play division one soccer at boston university you know started out brag i worked my whole life for it um and i played only for three years though my senior year i got to keep my full scholarship but but I did not have to play. Are you getting into it?

No, no. That is a story for another day. Okay. I was going to say like, whoa, this episode is taking too long. No, we'll tell that story one day. But yeah, so I mean, anyone that college, high school, life goes on. I mean, look at us. I mean, we almost flunked out of high school and college. And look at us now with the most degenerate podcasters.

Yeah. We're like, show your parents us now. Look at this. They're like, no, that's the opposite of what our children to aspire to. I know. We're like every parent's worst nightmare. They're like doctor, lawyer, accountant. Podcaster.

No. No podcaster. Welcome back to the show, folks. So I don't know know we just wanted to say shout out to all of you guys um happy graduation get fucked up with your parents get fucked up on zoom together and just don't worry you'll look back and yeah you'll be like whatever it's so much fun graduating on zoom that's so depressing. All right, moving on. Let's talk about something else here. A little something that's pretty spectacular. Okay.

This is the thing. This segment is for people that want to keep their love interest interested during quarantine. Yes. That's what it is. Yes. That's a big problem right now. Big problem. For example, my cousin was talking to me actually about this the other day. So my cousin met a guy at a bar that she really hit it off with a few days before.

Oh, shit. And she's extremely picky. So this was like a really big deal. OK. and she's extremely picky so this was like a really big deal okay and now naturally she's freaking out she's calling me and she's asking me for advice on what the fuck to do right about this guy which which i get because your cousin's wondering like how do i keep this connection alive because right now for the foreseeable future like we don't know and we'll ever see another human again yeah she has no fucking idea what to do.

Right. And, you know, what I want to say is I think a lot of people that are in the same boat are having the same anxiety. And the problem is that because of the anxiety, they're overdoing it. They're scared this person is going to move on and so they're like blowing up that person's phone and making sure that they are in constant contact with that person and that is the worst possible thing you can do right now the the worst worst yes daddy gang if you take one thing from this episode the worst so so motherfuckers well the fucking daddy we did a lot of trial and error we did research extensively on my life she's using me as the guinea pig and we believe that the answer and what you guys should be doing is disappearing disappearing and i know a lot of you are unhappy

just hearing that just hearing that throwing Just hearing that. They're like throwing their phones. Yes. Anxiety went through the roof. Panic attacks. Explain it to them. Okay. I actually have an example from my past. Okay. I remember it was a few years back.

Okay. I met this guy during Sundance. So for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a film festival that they have in Utah. So it was the second I met him it was like fireworks we ended up spending i think it was like three nights back to back to back together did you fuck alex i don't kiss and tell oh you slut what tell us i i did hold off until um the second day You're like, I held off for 24 hours and then it was go. Can you please let me finish? Okay.

So sex was great. It was amazing. Then he had to fly back to the East Coast. I was stuck in fucking Utah. So you can imagine how depressing that was. And it was one of those things where I could not stop thinking about him. Yeah. And I started freaking out because I'm like, no, no, no.

This is my husband. He doesn't know it yet. But like, I really think this could be the one, the love of my life. He like didn't even know your last name. He's like, what? Oh, no. He felt it too, bitch. Oh, right, right, right.

Okay. No, of course. Of course. So anyway, so in the beginning when he flew back, we were texting. Okay. And then obviously we stopped. Yes. And then what happened was a couple months would go by and then I would slide in or he

would slide in. And every time it was like we picked up right where we left off. Beautiful. Okay. Beautiful. And the thing is, is that I did not see him for the next, I think it was year, maybe two years. Oh, wow.

And he slid in one day and was like, Hey, you're coming here to come visit me. I'm buying you a plane ticket. I hopped on a plane and went and spent the weekend with him. That is so good. That's so good. So what I'm saying is we would only talk every few months. Yep. I did not see him in person for a year to two years.

And we still like rekindled that old flame. That's so brilliant. So you little quarantine bitches complaining about a few months. Get at me. That's such a good fucking point, Sophia. So you lived it, you breathed it. And there can be a fucking month. There can be two months.

If they like you, you're going to be fine and you can slide the fuck back in. And that I think I want to highlight because I think specifically during this time, the alternative to disappearing for bits of time, it doesn't have to be as dramatic as yours was, is talking to them every fucking day with nothing substantial to say. Okay. What I've been noticing is right now, every single day is groundhog day. Oh, it's so every single day. I can't even stand to fucking look at you.

I'm like, you look the same every day. Literally. No, but it's true guys. It's like, you're doing the same shit Over and over right now And I can guarantee you

Motherfuckers that if you don't Talk to these people for a month And then you pop the fuck back in And you ask them the same question that you Asked them a month before hey what's up They're gonna give you the same fucking answer They're sitting on the same couch cushion Eating the same bag of fucking Doritos

Watching the same goddamn Netflix show they're not going anywhere so you forcing dumb conversations every day every day it's it's dumb and it's diluting the relationship diluting the relationship that's what it is i'm dealing with this right now it's fucking you know it's hard it's i'm i i know you're dealing with it because we're dealing with it yes um so i'm dealing with this right now i am talking to this guy from la and i don't really think i've talked about him on the podcast jesus how do you keep track no kansas guy canadian guy california guy michigan guy no we bought an LA guy we got an L so um I have to say I'm I'm crushing on him hard I he's like the I think my ideal man yeah I've already talked to you about this when we were drunk from the physical aspect to the personality like he really is the

full package and we're really vibing and so I began talking to this guy and we were at that point where the next step was for me to get on a plane and go see him yeah you were about to buy a ticket excuse me he was about to buy a ticket and then quarantine hit right so everything kind of got fucked up And now where I'm at right now in quarantine is I'm just trying to figure out how to balance talking with him and then not overdoing it. So I want to kind of share my technique that Sophia and I have created for this system. But it's working. It's working.

So I am doing the pop in and pop out every few days technique. Okay. I like that so but only when i do pop in i'm sending something of substance that's interesting and that warrants conversation i'm not just texting this motherfucker hey what's up every morning okay i'm so glad you brought that up because listen if you are a bad texter i really need you to like look inward and realize that about yourself and if you are a bad texter then you absolutely need to be the ghost yeah you need to be using this little disappearing occasion totally and actually even if he is a bad texter

you should ghost this is the thing is that generic conversations you're gonna end up shooting yourself in the foot yeah and it really does take two to fucking tango right you guys both need to be interesting well because that's the thing and and it's not like he doesn't like you or you don't like him if you're a bad texter there are people that are so good in person and such shitty text yeah maybe texting isn't his strong suit, but he's like a fucking animal in the sack. Yeah. Great.

But either way, just disappear. Disappearing is better than having stupid conversation. I agree. And, and I want to give you guys like concrete examples. So what I was saying was when I do decide to slide in every few days, what I'm doing is I'm coming in with entertaining shit.

And what I mean by that is, for example, the other week, Sophia and I, we were playing Scrabble. I remember it fondly. And you and I had spelt out the words like slut, sly, sex. You know, a classic call her daddy Scrabble board. And so we were laughing our asses off we were having fun and so what I did is I took a picture of the board and those words and I came up with a funny joke and I sent it to him and what was the joke I kind of forget

and then he ended up sending me back a picture of what he was doing and it was a great conversation I'm pretty sure that you sent that picture with the joke to multiple men in your phone book. Right. I remember. I did do that, but I think that's more so. It just saved the brain power. There's only so much content that could go around these days.

True. So you got to maximize it. Send it to seven people. Right. Copy and paste that shit. Right. Don't waste energy. That's another tip right right do you

make sure however to talk about what you guys are going to do when this whole quarantine is over that's a good one yeah just so that you're like putting that out into the universe and like you don't have to be detailed you can just say something simple like oh my gosh like when this is over we better go for a walk on the water like jesus walk across the water you never want him to talk to you again you can say that um i'm gonna go ahead and say no we're gonna still try that again um okay you you guys can come up with something better but you get my point you get my point yeah I think that that is specifically smart in quarantine if you have one conversation about that it allows you then almost even more leeway once you do kind of disappear and fall back a little bit from right

to them because it's like you let them know you're interested post quarantine hanging out but for right now I'm not interested in having this conversation that is the same every day. Yes. I know that this is super hard right now because everyone is sitting at home bored. Yeah. And so I get that. But honestly, pick up a fucking hobby instead. Okay. All right. We're moving on.

We have a few tips. We're going to rattle them off. And these are good-ass tips for good-ass ho tips for good ass hoes. For good ass people. For good ass times. In the good ass days. The first tip. You get an STD. Okay?

Happens to all of us. Happens to the best of us. It really does. No judgment here. Because you know. Really happens to all of us. So. You get an std and you don't want your boyfriend or your girlfriend or the person you're just hooking up with to know that you either a have an std or b gave it to them

yes in comes the threesome trick everyone let that sink in for two seconds threesomes threesomes menage a trois oh we really hit them usually this is where i would say you're all swerving off the road but no one's on the road no you just swerved off the couch you're like whoa yeah that's right the threesome tip listen motherfuckers this is the thing and it's beautiful and we always say it's okay to lie it's okay to manipulate here on this podcast that's are you the one in your life getting finessed or are you finessing people and i'll call her daddy we're finessing so what you're gonna do is all of a sudden when you find out you have that scd you're gonna go babe something just came over me yeah we gotta have a threesome i want a threesome

and i want it now and i want it tonight yep because god forbid you go and fuck him and then he fucking goes and gets tested for some reason right he has chlamydia it's on you bitch but when you bring that third in what happens sophia oh you gotta blame all five stds on that third party that you invited in so fucked up and this is the thing people are like this is so over the top i mean call her daddy like to reel it back in but let me phrase it this way you decided to do a little cheat scooting boogie and you cheated on your boyfriend. No, please listen. And you cheated on your boyfriend. And you got the clap. What's worse? You having a little threesome with your boyfriend and then blaming it on the hoe?

Or you having to go to your boyfriend and say, hey, I cheated on you. And I gave you an STD. I'm going to go ahead and say threesome up in this bitch up in this bitch and this is the beauty i can see people being like but i don't want to normalize threesomes i don't want him to think i'm gonna do that all the time that's fine this is a perfect in and out move right here you you throw you you you I'm losing it you throw the pussy you get the threesome and you throw the two pussies at him

and then once you guys find out that she gave you guys both an STD you say we're never having a threesome again fuck that fuck this never mind that was too risky back to the two of us lock the doors no one's ever allowed back in the bedroom guys you can backpedal after three yes but what you

can't do is backpedal after he finds out that you gave him fucking chlamydia no or all right there's a couple things with this okay yes so if it's a very serious std like a life yeah if you're fucking with like hiv yeah this i going to go ahead and say absolutely not. Don't do this. This is the shit you can solve with like a pill and shit. The minor STDs. Second thing. Some of you might have to do a threesome that night.

Okay? You've been holding out sex for two weeks because you're like, my God, I am about to give him HPV or whatever it is. Right, right, right. So you have to hire an escort. Yeah.'s the only way the only way yeah that's how you're gonna get a last minute girl to come up or a guy yeah pick your poison you could do a threesome with two girls two guys whatever absolutely your boyfriend might be like hey i think we gotta wrap it up and use a condom respectable guy gotta respect it yes but that totally fucks your plan up it fucks you what do you do let me just say something a guy is never as vulnerable alex you can agree with me on this as when he is hard and he is horny and he is

about to ejaculate so true he is never as vulnerable as that moment ever you quickly whip off the condom and fucking slam your pussy onto the dick it's like whack-a-mole but with your vagina and his dick is the mole you're like babe look left you go right you swipe off the condom you pop down and then you put her on his dick and then he doesn't know and he either won't know or if if there's no way you can get away with that right okay you're not as smooth as some of the rest of us slick and smooth like us then what you can do is and this is so fucking easy because i know every guy i've ever hooked up with would fall for this okay babe babe her pussy feels so fucking good you could be fingering her pussy yeah great it feels so good I want you to

feel her and then you could even turn to the bitch and be like I want you with your mouth to take his condom off turn it into sexual foreplay turn it into something sexy mind he's ripping the condom off and cutting it up and blowing it up like a balloon and flicking it out of the window and voila there you go you all got chlamydia and who gave it to who we don't know and it's not on you anymore and the whole thing is done so that's just like a little tip that's just like a little tip that we wanted to give you guys no but like actually straight up if you are really scared throw a threesome at your boyfriend or girlfriend yeah and then boom who knows and you blame it on the third or if you're like newly talking to someone telling him that you got an std from dirty dick or dirty vagina a month into like dating nasty not a good look you know what is a great look threesome boom

show him you're a kinky bitch show him what you got okay next let's talk about facials yeah i have a lot of bitches in the dms hey girl hey girl wondering how exactly can you tell us what my face is supposed to look like and my body is supposed to look like when i'm getting a facial how do i receive a facial in the best way possible and it's and i respect you all for really wanting to give your man that show so here we are he's jacking off or you're sucking his dick whatever the fuck it is he's about to give you a facial yeah i want to make sure everyone understands open your mouth thank you when a man is going to come on your face you open your mouth you want to make him think that you are hoping that you get to eat it all ice cream you want that fucking good ass milky ass milk you want it okay yes the second part is that i suggest you

put your tongue out how far is up to you? I personally just kind of have it cover my bottom lip a little bit. Like I only put it out a little bit. I'm not doing, you don't have a wagging tongue. No, not the wagging peace sign. Like, yo, what's up? I'm in seventh grade again. Um, but you could, I also, um, it depends what you, where you are, if you're on the

ground or whatnot, but what you're going to do with your hands is up to you. Push your tits together. You could take your hands and like kind of pull your hair back. You could lean back on your hands. Super hot. So then what you're going to do is close your eyes, close your eyes. And now you're all wondering, but when? I'm pretty sure it's pretty like you can see when a man is about to come.

You know when he's about to come. You know. There's pulsating in the dick. The moaning is getting a little more intense. The minute you think he's about to come, close your eyes. Yeah. And a lot of guys will announce, I'm about to come. And I think the thing that some girls are super self-conscious about is like looking dumb.

They're like, wait, so I'm putting my tongue out. I'm closing my eyes and i'm under his dick looking up and just going like like also girls make that noise okay it's kind of hot let me ask you this what would you rather goggles or what would you rather you sit there with your mouth closed eyes blinking just fucking waiting for a cum shot to the fucking eyeball i don't think so no i don't think so so you guys mouth open tongue out eyes are open until you feel he's about to come and then you close them yeah the thing is is like go watch porn if you're at all confused it's going to be a way more intense version a lot of them are going to keep their eyes open because these are professionals they want to risk it but girls you will never look more beautiful to a man than when

his cum is glazed over your face right donut crispy cream crispy mother the way you feel about that donut is how he feels about you and then once he's finished take your fingers wipe the cum up put it in your mouth let him look at you and then you can go take care of yourself yeah i think i think sometimes girls are like well is he supposed to shoot it into my mouth or is he supposed to shoot it onto my forehead all over all over all over and you're just hoping that a little drip goes into your mouth that's what it should look like yep that's it that's it that's it tip number three tip number mother this is going to help you spice things up during Corona. If you're already in like the sexting game with this guy, there is this thing that you

can do and it does not involve your vagina, your tits or your asshole. Love it. You guys are like, what in the world? What could it involve? It involves your fingers. And let me explain okay you sending a video to a guy a quick little clip of you licking your fingers and sucking on them like you are just imagining it's a dick is gonna put him over the edge right over the way that i've done this well i'm like

thinking about it and i sent a video like this pretty early on with suit man or and i like horror that's good that's how we know okay um how i've done it is i will grab two fingers again this is like get creative i know some girls maybe you want to stick your whole fist in your mouth let them know you can take it to the right for me personally i like to do the two fingers i take the pointer finger and the middle finger and i'll hold them up and there will be like a little slit in between like read between the lines bitch got it and i will lick up the middle so you can kind of see my tongue poking out and then i will go back down onto both of my fingers with my entire mouth like it's a blow job and then

suck it back up. Usually you're going to want to make sure your fingers are wet before this. For example, if you want to kind of ease your way into this or come up with a reason why you're sending this video, what you can say is, baby, I've been thinking about you and I've gotten so wet and I'm going gonna lick my wetness off my fingers i want to show you so hot something like something like send the video boom make fall in love make him fall in love corona love make him fall in love baby baby baby make him fall in love baby baby 101 lick the fingers okay there you go i think that's so fucking smart sophia and i appreciate

you and i don't think it's very common for girls to do it so i don't think so either but try really hard to make sure that your fingers are wet and i do and another tip um last for this one is i think sometimes girls get in their heads um it's kind of similar to the facial thing um taking a video sucking your fingers my biggest suggestion is we always say fake it till you make it but in these situations you can but if you can actually be like genuinely turned on yeah that will show through in this video and in your facial etc so if you're getting a facial and you need to be rubbing your clit or if you're licking your fingers and you need to be masturbating right before it's like method acting method acting i mean the joker okay here we go yes

joaquin phoenix yes he fucking got into that character so hardcore. He said he went a little crazy. Yeah. This is where you channel your inner porn star. Yes. Make yourself believe. Believe. That your fingers are a dick. You know what I mean?

Yes. Because it will play off differently if you're looking at it like that. And I think that's brilliant. Even if you are a Mary Beth, if you're a sweetheart, you can still turn out and be a freak on your fingers. You know what I mean? So just believing and seeing kind of like the Santa, the, you know, Santa wins. And I was going to say Santa Claus.

Anyways, moving on. Okay, guys, this is I'm excited. Our last tip. And this is the biggest one. We saved the best for last this is a big fat huge reminder for you all that you are just a hole at the end of the day you are just a hole that sounds harsh but you are just a hole specifically you're three you are just three holes and he's trying to figure out which one to put it in.

We've said it once and we'll say it again. Why are we bringing this up, Sophia? I would say the majority of submissions we get from daddy gang are from a girl saying, my fuck boy is just using me for sex right now. How do I make him want to wife me up and the thing is you don't you don't you don't why are we getting what what have have we taught you nothing have we taught you nothing guys you don't you don't and if you want him to if there's any hope you got to even also act like you don't want him to thank you if you're acting like you want your if you have the

mentality that you want your fuck boy to wife you up you are trash you are nothing get it through your fucking head guys this was kind of also brought up because on top of daddy gang writing in sophia and i were watching a reality television show vanderpump rules yes i want this is a little homework for you guys all right you guys are going to go to season season eight of Vanderpump rules and you are going to watch the first two episodes in the season. Episode one and episode two of season eight. And you are going to specifically focus on this girl named Sheena Shea. Sheena Shea is the definition of everything we do not want you to do here on.

She is a definition of a walking hole, pretending she's not a walking hole. Yes. Okay. That's literally it. Sheena in her mind believes every word that every fuck boy says. Yes. And then when they fuck her over,

she's the girl that shows up at the bar crying, saying, Jeffrey, what? But you said that you love me. Yeah. He wanted to fuck you and he wanted to fuck you right and then you got annoying as fuck and you got clingy and you got in your mindset that you

thought that you that he owed you anything other than dick so much so that the guys when the cameras are turned to them and she's not there they're all talking about how she's a stage five clinger okay can you imagine if you were being called a stage five clinger that should be your goal in life to ensure that you are never called that because i think of men that could be maybe possibly the worst fucking insult and listen we're talking about sheena shea we're talking about the daddy game right i i have forgotten my place in this world as a whole absolutely i've done it i've been in a situation where i've tried to convince myself that the relationship was something more than it was i've done it alex has done it

we've all done it yeah but the sooner that you can accept that you're just a whole the quicker you can move on to a guy this is me being honest yeah a guy that will see you as a hole with a face a hole with a face like it's so fucked up but it's so also poetic and beautiful you're like he may see you have a face holy shit a glorious day for all of us daddy gang yes it's so fucking true guys um one of the scenes in the fucking show this guy that was is a complete fuck boy. Fucks like the entire staff at the restaurant they all work at. She got Sheena got emotional and Sheena believed all the sweet nothings he was whispering. Right.

I just care so much about you. She on in the scene, she's she pulled up the text messages and started reading them back to him. She's like, but you said this. Yeah. And he literally is like, no, I didn't. Yeah. She starts reading a fuck boy, the things that he was saying. And you almost want to shake the girl and be like, he said he liked you because he wanted to fuck you.

Can we explain that a little more? Yes. to fuck you can we explain that a little more yes what happens is this guy starts texting you stuff like i've been thinking about you all day i can't stop thinking you're different you're different than all the other girls you're beautiful i just want to hang and chill i miss you i miss you i love just laying and chilling with you like you're such a chill fun girl and then what happens is these girls take comments like that and think that there is all of a sudden a future and unfortunately what it is is it's them wanting to fuck your pussy fuck your pussy that's literally it that's it guys will say anything to get in a girl's pants milf hunter has literally told

us in the the milf hunter episode we go okay what if a girl says that she loves you and he's like i say i love her right and we're like what he's like yeah i'm not ready to lose the pussy i'll say whatever i need to to ensure that i get the pussy these men are throwing around the l-o-v-e men are only willing to lose pussy on their terms. And so they are going to continue to say whatever the fuck they want in order to keep fucking you. And it is your job to make sure that every single thing that man says to you goes in one ear and out the other. Selective hearing. Selective hearing.

Guys, I'm not kidding like until this guy sits you down and is like i want you to be my girlfriend yeah i want to be exclusive i want us to be in a committed relationship you gotta let everything else he says go in one ear and out the absolutely i i think that um especially in quarantine i've been seeing bitches writing in like it's just so annoying he only answers me when like i send him something sexual if you can't get a fucking text back in quarantine you are not shit you are bottom of the motherfucking barrel you're like half a hole oh half a quarter of one i'm gonna just be very open and vulnerable and honest here because this is what we do here on Call Her Daddy.

When I was a sophomore at Boston University. Here we go. Here we go. Here she goes. I've never. I think I've heard this story 78 times. Here we go. Because it's so fucking pathetic.

Alex has not fully recovered. No. No. Well, you know what it is too? And I want everyone. It is good to encounter a fuckboy. It is. Because. well you know what it is too and i want everyone it is good to encounter a fuck it is because and there's a lot of times you can encounter them but there will always be that one that literally

changed the trajectory of how you look at men and sometimes you need that to wake you the fuck up so i was a sophomore and i started dating a red socks player that was 13 years older than me. 13 years older than little sophomore Alex. And I thought I had it all. In my mind, we were together, living and loving and cherishing. You were together every other Tuesday. I'm sorry. So pathetic.

He was a professional baseball player on the Red Sox and you were a sophomore in college and you thought. I thought. That you guys were something. I had nothing. Something. I had nothing. This is the thing.

Like, I remember that experience. One, I understand like it's hard sometimes as women, especially how emotional we can be. Like, yeah, when you are infatuated with the fuck boy it's really hard to fucking see shit you've blinders on yeah and i have been there and sophia and i are not better than any no what we have done is we've learned from our experiences and that's why we have this podcast i remember with my fuck boy yeah i was the girl he would text every time he broke up with his girlfriend oh i would literally just be there waiting and you would take him behind his house and i just

remember i really believed i was like oh but one of these times like i'll be the girlfriend i just know it you're like it's coming and it's like no my day is coming he's made seven girls his girlfriend and not you so that's probably not gonna happen through your fucking head wow yeah and at the end of the day until he looks you in the face yeah and he says be my wife be my wife be my let's okay we can dumb it down a little be my girlfriend yeah and when i say that i need you to you need to be badgered about please be my girlfriend it needs it needs to be the 10th time he's asked see if he really fucking means it yeah if he's gonna work a little for it last thing i'm gonna say sometimes you just gotta take the l and move on take the loss move on

because a lot of times too with fuckboys if you disappear your chances of the fuckboy coming back around are way fucking higher than you being the annoying ass cunt that won't fucking leave his side and he's like jesus christ i could run this bitch over and she'd be like but i still love you it was an accident right johnny no johnny two shoes fucking hates you yes we don't want to give you guys false hope but if you want even a fucking fighting chance then you gotta disappear ghost and move on temporarily take the l all right let's get into a little a little we're gonna take a trip to france and we're gonna do a little thing i like to call questions questions of the white barb questions of the motherfucking wake okay okay here we go this one i'm gonna kick it off

uh hi bob i'm just kidding oh god okay daddies I thought this is just a quick little hack for girls in quarantine I thought this was cute and I think I've done this before she said sometimes on days where I feel like my body looks great I'll just grab some of my hottest underwear and bras and stuff like that and I'll take pictures in each combination of the lingerie stuff or just cute little outfits that look good together and then i'm set for pictures for weeks great time during quarantine i think that's so brilliant i have been so mad at myself at times if like i got a good spray tan i got my hair done and i'm like why the fuck wasn't i in my lingerie taking pics so that when he slides in at 2 a.m and you're sexting and you're ready to

send him picture and you look like a fucking degenerate disgusting you could just go back to that new so i think that's a really good idea if you especially in quarantine if you guys are bored right pick one day right now a lot of us have a ton of time on our hands where we're just sitting in our rooms like have a little photo shoot yeah that is such a good point yeah stock up greeting poppies i need some advice on dealing with ego issues i guess my ex and i broke up after two years in december the breakup was amicable and if anything i wanted it more i heard he started dating someone new at the beginning of the year and was happy for him. However, I just found out he's quarantining with this new lady because he posted a picture of them both together.

And she is a knockout. 10 out of 10. Victoria's Secret looking bitch. I got so jealous and instantly obviously hated her. How do I deal? Thanks. Oh, OK. Really tough. I got so jealous and instantly obviously hated her how do I deal things oh okay really tough when you break up with someone I think that you should unfollow them I agree so that you don't even need to worry about something like this happening out of sight out of mind and obviously

that for some reason because I know some people that would create a lot of drama. You can mute people's posts and stories. Okay. Never see their shit. Brilliant. You need to be doing that at least. Yes. Then on the flip side, because I don't want to be a complete hypocrite. Yeah.

Alex and I both have been there where not only do we still follow them, but we go and look for the new girls that they're dating. Yep. I've done that before and you just got to be ready for something like this because if she went and looked at this girl and this girl would have been busted as fuck would you care would you laugh you would laugh you would feel better exactly you would feel better about this just because she's fucking hot and it sucks yes and i mean also girly you this is very superficial so what he's with like a super hot

girl if it makes you feel better convince yourself that she sucks in bed yeah and she's an idiot she's boring as fuck and also everyone in fucking quarantine right now if they're quarantining with someone that they're not like fully in love with i'm sure that relationship is gonna end regardless they're gonna break up yeah they'll be bored and also you have to just think about it like you know him so well you know what that girl is getting from him and it wasn't enough for you so it's probably who cares what she's getting because it wasn't enough for you and like that's that yeah and you gotta just like own that and like go focus on yourself but i get it it's i fucking get it too it is we stalk like motherfuckers and it can hurt and then you you honestly talk the way sophia and i talk about it find a friend that will let you just fucking talk about it into the ground

yeah and then you got to move on yes yep okay this is so smart okay men need to listen okay this girl wrote in said hi daddies just wanted to say that as a single girl swiping on tinder when a guy stands next to a taller guy in one of the pictures it makes him look short it doesn't matter if he's six one and the other guy is six seven the six one guy still looks shorter and it's not attractive i've swiped left on multiple guys after thinking their faces were cute because i was afraid they would be shorter than me just me love the podcast keep being sexy and amazing ladies brilliant brilliant if you this happened to me the other day. Even if you're a short guy or a tall guy, it's all about ratio. And do not stand next to your fucking basketball player friend. Dude, we've literally said it to girls on the other end.

Like, don't fucking stand next to your friend that looks like Megan Fox. Right. And you look like a troll under a bridge. Yes. Maybe pick an uglier friend or just be by your fucking self. Yes. Guys, it's so funny you brought this up i was on the dating app the other day and i this guy's first picture was him and he looked really cute he was

a hockey player no fucking shocker there click on to the next picture he's walking down the rink um hallway and there's two of his teammates with him and they are and i'm like hold on this guy looks like he's so and again there's nothing short with there's nothing wrong there's nothing short with short guys there's nothing wrong with short guys no the issue is is there it's not making you look manly manly and masculine like why are you picking a picture of you that you look like the little guy I mean come on when you're on a dating app it's all superficial at first and put your best foot forward yeah okay yeah I agree just that is a good tip for guys not just us being honest yeah there's absolutely nothing fucking wrong with short guys no just don't over emphasize right

it's just that would just be weird and if you're six one you're gonna look like you're five five if you're standing next to like you know that's a good lebron james right boom hi fathers this question is honestly so gross but i desperately need an answer i spend the night at my boyfriend's house at least five to seven days a week and I practically live there usually if I really need to go the bathroom I just go back to my apartment and make an excuse however there's times where I just can't specifically obviously in quarantine this is usually not something I'm too embarrassed about but because we have been together for so long when it's the day after drinking or even worse i'm on my period we know how bad that can be lol there's no way around it i know everyone shits and it's not a huge deal but i low-key

want to die whenever i have to go at his house i just don't know what to do can i get your guys thoughts how do you go about this oh we love we've talked about the infamous poo situation at males places but i can imagine it never gets any easier and the post drinking oh yeah oh yeah so i'm not kidding you we've we've talked about it they should fucking sponsor us the poo peri spray yes i actually ordered some off amazon that are mini purse size ones in case i go visit a guy when i tell you that they work smell it smells like a flower smell flower lemon scent and i obviously girl i mean like haven't we've said like well fuck what if they're like why does it smell like would you rather him smell lemons or your shit yeah and we'll leave that up to you that's up to

you i'm gonna go ahead and say a little strawberry fragrance yeah it's cuter than a little bit of diarrhea and and you gotta just be patient because what you're supposed to do is spray it into the toilet before you drop a deuce and then spray it after i mean listen especially post-drinking i like to call it the the code red rumble the code red rumble the code red rumble is something that it doesn't matter if you're trying for dear life to hold that in when you gotta go you gotta go and if you've got the spray sofia's done with me if you've got the spray i swear to god you won't you won't have anxiety yeah and maybe turn the the sink on my friend was telling me that she will light a match. I think that's,

and that completely gets rid of the smell. And I'm like, what were you doing? I'm like, that is, you're asking him to be like, were you burning something in the bathroom? Were you lighting up in the bathroom without me?

You're like, yeah, I need to get so fucking high before I fuck you. Because my God, that sucks. Okay. We love you, daddy.

We feel for you. Thank God. I'm just with sophia in here okay okay but i'm not thankful about code red rumble code red rumble i've been meaning to talk to you okay all right daddies oh my gosh so um go follow us on instagram sophia with an f franklin with a y alex Alexandra Cooper. You heard the beginning of the episode and we feel annoying. Just tune in next week. Yeah, yeah.

Tune in next week. That's it. That's it. That's it. We love you. Tune in next week. We fucking love you guys. The fathers.

We're out. Bye.