Call Her Daddy - A Guide to the Female Orgasm

Episode Date: May 15, 2022

This week, Father Cooper is joined by sex therapist and relationship expert Dr. Laura Berman. Daddy Gang, if you have never had an orgasm…you are not alone. If you are unsure if you’ve ever had an orgasm…you are not alone. If you’re only able to orgasm while masturbating, I once again repeat … you are not alone. In this episode, Dr. Berman breaks down what an orgasm is, how to know if you’ve had one, and gives VERY specific step by step instructions and advice. So Daddy Gang, whether you’ve never had an orgasm or you’re popping off O’s on the daily … I guarantee you will learn something new this episode. Enjoy!

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy well well well we are back at it again for another call her daddy mini episode hi guys i hope you guys are having a really lovely Sunday. I love that we do minis on Sundays because it's like a quick little moment to just ingest some call her daddy, whether you're cleaning your apartment, you're like, keep that to yourself, Alex. I don't want to clean shit. I'm hungover, You know, to each their own. However, you're listening to this episode, just know I love you and I'm not judging you for what you did last night and how you ruined your life. Okay. So today we are discussing a topic near and dear to

my heart. Orgasms. If you have never had an orgasm, you are not alone. If you're unsure if you've ever had an orgasm, you are not alone. If you're only able to orgasm while masturbating, I once again repeat, you are not alone. This topic is one that I receive countless DMs about daily. I also have friends that still ask me about this. And I just want everyone to know you are not alone if you are confused about the female orgasm. Okay. So daddy gang, I thought I would call in an expert in this episode. I am joined by sex therapist and relationship expert, Dr. Laura Berman. Dr. Berman breaks down what an orgasm is, how to know if you've had one, and gives very specific step-by-step instructions and advice. Listen, Daddy Gang, whether you've never had an orgasm or you're popping off O's on the goddamn

daily, I guarantee you will learn something new from this episode. Enjoy. Dr. Laura Berman, thank you so much for being a guest on call her daddy. I've started to talk about why every woman needs to experience an orgasm and I've shared my personal stories and tricks, but we need to hear from an expert. So I feel like there's so much shame specifically around women. Absolutely. And also I feel like for men, like we've just been raised where we know how easy it is for a man to ejaculate and you have visual proof that a man has come. And so for men, like we've just been raised where we know how easy it is for a man to ejaculate and you have visual proof that a man has come. And so for women, it's been this like national treasure question of like, how do we do it? Am I, are you supposed to see something from me,

et cetera. So I want to ask you, how do you define an orgasm? Technically, physiologically, an orgasm is an intense contraction and release of muscle tension. And it feels very pleasurable and it incorporates the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system. And it's a really fascinating physiologic process. But what's also really interesting and important to consider, you know, and you mentioned this when you're talking about how easy it is for guys versus women, is that we also are bombarded with all of these images, not just from porn, but from general media, movies, everything that not only are orgasms supposed to be automatic. And if you watch porn, you know, you just have to come in her face and you have an orgasm.

You don't even have to get near her clitoris, but also women really believe that they're supposed to have orgasms through vaginal penetration or else it's not, you know, but there's this idea that the Holy grail or an orgasm doesn't really count unless it happens during intercourse and even better if it happens simultaneously, like it does in the movie. And so there are all of these kind of myths around how it's supposed to happen, what kind may be better than another, that it's supposed to happen every time that if you're just with the right guy or girl or partner, then you will have an orgasm. You know, there, I hear this stuff every day. It still is really prevalent. There's so many myths and hopefully we'll be able to debunk a little

bit of them today. When it comes to the female orgasm and the male orgasm, how do they differ? First of all, women very naturally, the good news is we're naturally capable of multiple orgasms. Men can become capable of multiple orgasms through tantric training and learning to do something called retrograde ejaculation, but it doesn't come to them naturally. Women are capable of having multiple orgasms. Men typically have what's called a refractory period where they get soft before they get hard again. And the older he gets, the longer that refractory period is. The other is that, you know, for men, there's basically one kind of orgasm. For women, there are clitoral orgasms, vaginal or G-spot orgasms, and blended orgasms, which are a combination of the two. For someone who has never orgasmed, how do you

advise a patient who is confused about how do I have an orgasm? Like when someone comes to you and is like, I've literally never had one, what do I do? Well, I'll take you a step back beyond that. I can't tell you how many people say, I'm not sure. Have I had one or not? Basically, you know, the best I can liken it to is when you really, really, really have to sneeze and it's coming, it's coming and coming. And then you sneeze. It's like that kind of release, but really pleasurable. Let's just talk about the steps to having an orgasm. Step one is learning about your anatomy. So you look, you know, I have plenty of books on it. There's lots of resources out there, but you get it in front of it. You get your genitals in front of a mirror and you identify

where the clitoris is, where the labia minora, labia majora, you, the clitoris has more nerve endings in it than, you know, the entire penis combined, just that little external part. And the clitoris actually goes internal as well. It's much more than meets the eye, but you first learn the anatomy so that you know what you're touching and what you're exploring. And then the best way to really learn to have an orgasm is to learn to do it on your own first. So you start with manual stimulation, or even with a small external vibrator, you start with the lowest hanging fruit, which is the clitoral orgasm. That's the easiest for women to have. And by the way, there's no orgasm that's better than another, you know, most women, even women who have orgasms through intercourse,

only 30% of women have orgasms through intercourse. And it's usually because they're having clitoral stimulation at the same time, because the position they're in or they're using a toy. So you learn on your own how to have an orgasm. And then once you've had them and you're really kind of in control of it and you know how to create it in yourself, then you can start to replicate that with a partner by stimulating yourself in the same areas with toys, with positions, with manual stimulation or oral stimulation from them. But it really starts by learning about it yourself first. Part of loving your genitals is knowing the correct, you know, really calling them correct terms. What you see on the outside, the labia,

the clitoris, all of that is the vulva. The vagina is that internal canal. And what you see externally is the vaginal opening, right? But if you aren't willing to look at your own genitals, how can you expect anyone else to, if you aren't willing to touch your own genitals, how can you expect anyone else to, if you aren't willing to love your own genitals, how can you expect anyone else to, I hear this every day from women who, you know, and I'll talk to 50 year old women who don't even know where their clitoris is because they've never looked and they've never read or looked at something that explains where it is. How are you going to experience pleasure? If you don't love that part of yourself and not knowing even where it is,

like you have to begin that exploration period. So can you explain to someone that even you saying like there's 50 year olds that still don't know where their kid is. Can you walk us through the different types of female orgasm? Because it's, I think still people are still confused. Yeah, it is. It is. A lot of people are confused about it. And it is important that a lot of us were raised with stories that nice girls don't do that. And none of that is true. You are being prescribed by me. It is good for your health. It is good for your body. And by the way, even if you can have orgasms, it's important to continue self-st, manual, oral, or grinding, you know, against someone or using a toy on the clitoris. A vaginal orgasm comes from what's called G-spot, or, you know, it's from G-spot stimulation. So to identify the G-spot, it's about a third of the way into the

vagina on the belly button side. So on the top side, if you're lying on your back and the way that it's manually stimulated, you know, most easily is through two fingers doing a little come here motion, but it can be used. You can use a, you know, a G-spot stimulator that's curved in the right way. You can, you can use your partner's peanut, you know, there's, but if you want to have a G-spot orgasm, once again, like I talked to lots of women who, yeah, I can have clitoral orgasms, but I've never had a vaginal orgasm. Okay.

You have to learn to do it on your own first and then do it with a partner. Because if you try, you know, and this is the other thing that a lot of guys don't know and women have to teach them or they have to learn another way. You know, you could be a guy and be with a hundred women and still not know about the clitoris and the G spot because no one ever taught you. And the way that most men learn to have intercourse or even like to have intercourse is with vigorous pounding. Let's just say, which doesn't necessarily stimulate the clitoris or the G spot. No, not at all. In fact, the best position for a blended orgasm is what, you know, I call at least in my books, the cat, the coital alignment technique

is the, is the formal word for it, but basically it's a variation on the missionary position. So she's on the bottom. If we're talking about heterosexual couple, obviously he's on top and then he's inside her vagina, but then he kind of lifts up and forward so that his pubic bone is pressed against her clitoris. And then he's rocking slowly back and forth so that his penis is stroking her G spot and his pelvic bone is pressing and rubbing against her clitoris at the same time. And she's using those Kegel muscles, those muscles we use to stop the flow of urine to squeeze around the penis to create more friction or on her G spot, which by the way, the penis enjoys as well.

There are so many things you just said that are brilliant and I need to unpack so many of them quickly. So can you talk about the benefits to orgasm beyond just pleasure? Well, it washes your brain with dopamine and oxytocin, which by the way, you know, that's the chemical of attachment, but it also, that's why you shouldn't have great sex with someone you don't want to fall in love with because you might get attached. And it also is really good. Just sex in general, orgasm is even better, but sex in general is amazing for your immune system, for your cardiovascular system, for your mood to stave off depression for sleep.

Orgasms are wonderful for period cramps, menstrual cramps. They're really good for migraines, even though during cramps and migraines, the last thing a lot of people think of is wanting to have an orgasm. It actually really helps. I mean, my boyfriend's going to be like, I listened to your episode and every time you're on your period and you have your cramps, we have our solution. The other thing is the G spot. I feel like there's so many myths around the G spot. Some people say it's not even a thing. Some people swear by it. Like, what is your opinion? It's a thing. I mean, you can feel it. If you put, if you feel it yourself, you will feel that the tissue feels a little bit different there. It almost feels like you're touching the tip of your nose and it gets swollen with stimulation. And

you know, you're kind of in the right spot. If you feel like you have to pee a little bit because it's stimulating the urethral nerves, what, you know, the urethra where you urinate through. And when you say you may feel like you're, you want to urinate to anyone listening, that's like, um, okay, Laura, then what do I do? Like, would, do you say go for it? Like let like release and just like, let yourself go there. Well, if you didn't pee before sex and you had a full bladder, you know, you might actually have to pee. But if you did, if you don't have a full bladder, if you've gone to the bathroom recently, keep going with it because that's a sign that you're in the right spot.

I asked my listeners before we got on, I'm like, what do you guys want to know? And a lot of women are like, okay, number one, when I orgasm, is there supposed to be fluids or discharge? And then number two, the whole concept of squirting and that's ejaculation, right? And it's gotten, I am just so sick of the word squirting because really from porn and it's, and it's, I wanted, I know it's fake. I have friends that are in the industry. Oh my gosh, Charlie, if it gets squirts, it does not squirt across the room. No, they've got some water gun hidden in there or something. Exactly. So, but it's helpful to understand, like, I actually love that you're call it ejaculating because it helps a listener be able to connect. It's similar to what a man does.

And by the way, it doesn't really matter. Women who do ejaculate and sometimes do, sometimes don't do say that with ejaculation, the orgasm is more intense, but those women also often have a refractory period. They need a little break before they can have another orgasm. So for people, let's break it up into the two, the people that can, the people that have never, what would you say to someone who can't feels like they can't control it? Like I've had girls say like, Oh my God, I just ruined this guy's mattress. Like, what am I doing? How do I stop this?

Is there a way to prevent it? Well, first of all, it may be, it shouldn't be so much. Usually it's a few tablespoons at most. And if it is so much, it may be that you're peeing a little bit too. So urinate before you have sex. Got it. First of all. Second of all, if you don't want to ejaculate, and by the way, thanks to porn, plenty of

men find it unbelievably sexy. Plenty of men don't, but most men do now because of being, um, then in those cases, if you don't want to, and I don't think you need to not want to, you do the opposite of what you would normally do and squeeze in and up with your Kegels, tighten in your vaginal area and squeeze your pelvic floor rather than open and push, which is what the natural ejaculators are probably naturally doing. I've only done it a few times and it was involuntary. You probably were pushing. Yes. Is there any specific techniques for someone that's like, Oh, like I want to try to do it, but I haven't been able to.

Yeah. I mean, try to do it on your own first. Cause once you're with a partner, you know, the pressure's on, you're depending on their kind of G-spot stimulation. They aren't as good at it as it, cause they're also dealing with their own pleasure and stroking in the way that feels good to them. And it's not as consistent. So like learn it on your own first always. And, you know, practice when you're not in the middle of orgasm. Like a lot of times I work with women around training the pelvic floor, and it's not just about tightening it. Although we all need to do those Kegel exercises, which are those muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine and also the transverse abdominals, the core exercises. And if your Kegels are strong and

you're in control, you should be able to squeeze in, squeeze in and up and then back and even isolate side to side if you can. And that's just control. Right. But then the opposite of that. And you can do this right now is like you can take a really deep breath in. And as you breathe out, we're going to breathe out really hard. Imagine opening your vagina, like as wide as you can stretch it open. Did you feel that is what you want to do? We're opening our vaginas. I'm like sitting here. Well, cause like Kegels, like how often should we be doing Kegels? Well, Kegels are great because they not only are good

for, you know, preventing prolapse later in life, but the stronger your Kegels, the stronger your orgasms, the more friction you're creating against your G spot. You know, remember what I said, it's an intense contraction and release of muscle tension. So the stronger your muscles are, the stronger the orgasms are. So ideally you should be doing a couple of hundred a day, but don't get stressed because it's like, we can do them right now. You know, when you're in traffic, it's just a habit to get into when you're in line at the grocery store or whatever, like you do a hundred of quick squeeze, release, squeeze, release, squeeze, release, and then a hundred of squeeze, hold, release, squeeze, hold, release. And then you're doing yoga or golf or whatever it is that

exercises your core. It's the transverse, those core muscles that pull up and back and things like that. Okay. So everyone listening for the rest of this episode, start doing your Kegels. Yeah. I'm going to remind everyone. Yeah. We're doing this is the other thing. A lot of people do them wrong because you have to leave your butt relaxed. Got it.

So if you squeeze all everything and now open your tush and keep the front squeezed, that's the correct. Guys, we're doing them on zoom right now together, staring each other in the eyes. I'm like, wow, did you get yours? Okay. No. And that is really, really, yeah. Because people always talk about key goals and I feel like I'm sure a lot of people are doing them wrong. So thank you for explaining that. Let's talk about what is edging. Edging is sort of skating on the edge of orgasm. And, you know, I find for women, especially women who can have multiple orgasms, you know, the more aroused you get and the more you edge before orgasm, it does heighten the intensity

and the excitement and the arousal and maybe make the orgasm more pleasurable. But if you have a partner who, you know, doesn't end the scenario, once you have one orgasm, you don't really have to edge. I actually think that edging is more helpful for guys. And I think men in particular, you know, and as a mom of three boys, I try to talk to them about this a lot with, with the availability, extreme availability of porn. And so early in adolescence, a lot of them don't even know how to fantasize anymore. They don't know how to use their imagination and it's changing the brain pathways. And I'm seeing more and more young guys who can't even either can't reach orgasm with a partner, an actual live partner, or who reach orgasm too quickly because they've kind of

trained themselves accidentally to do that. And so learning to edge for a guy can really help with ejaculatory control. There's a lot of women that will write in and be like, okay, I'm trying to have an orgasm. I've got my vibrator and then my clit, or I just get too sensitive and I just can't go there. And I just pull away and I'm done. And I get frustrated. Like people will be like, it can happen in literally 30 seconds. Like I start to get excited and then I just can't keep going. Like, what do you say to that? This is something that a lot of guys, certainly who don't have vaginas don't understand about women, but a lot of women who have vaginas don't understand about themselves, that most of our stimulation comes from indirect stimulation of the clitoris. And so if you are someone who that it gets too intense, too fast, you need to pace yourself. If you're using a

vibrator, you have it on, even though you really enjoy it, pop it off, back on, pop it off. Like you're teasing yourself and you're kind of edging yourself that way, but you're allowing the arousal to continue. An orgasm, the way it goes is sort of arousal, plateau, and then orgasm. It's just sort of a peak. The plateau is where a lot of women stay stuck. Like there's this wall that I just can't get over and I'm really aroused and I just can't. And the way, one way to guarantee you're not going to have an orgasm is to obsess over having an orgasm because you're not even in your body anymore. And that's also in relationships, especially in relationships with men. I see a

lot of women, you know, do the mercy fake because he's trying so hard and he's not, it's not going to end until she reaches orgasm. So she fakes an orgasm, but then she never gets to really have an orgasm because he doesn't understand. And she's not practicing with him. What really will deliver her to orgasm? That's the worst. Like so many people wrote into me and were just like, I've gotten in such a routine with my boyfriend. I, I, how am I supposed to look him in the eyes and be like, for the past three years, I've been taking all my orgasms and we need to switch it up. Like it's so bad when you do that. Heartbreaking. Well, first of all, I, oh my God, I've had so many couples and, and, and he's not

only traumatized and embarrassed, but he's like, holy crap, you are such a good liar. What else have you been lying to me about? Like there's all this trust issues and we have to repair all of that before we can even get her having orgasms again. I'm not usually a proponent for kind of hiding the truth, but in these situations, unless you're going to get into therapy, what, you know, sex therapy with this person, I would just say, this is my little trick is you say, listen, I'm noticing that my sexual response is changing, even if it's always been this way. And it's much harder for me to get aroused. You know, I'm just having a harder time reaching orgasm. And I thought maybe we could work on it together and we could try some new things.

And that's how you kind of bring in the shift rather than saying, listen, dude, you've been rolling over all pleased with yourself for three years and I've been faking it every night. So you mentioned the cat as like one of the positions that can help, um, to achieve orgasm. Is there any other position specifically that you found when you're helping your clients that helps women achieve orgasm during sex more? Is there any other position specifically that you found when you're helping your clients that helps women achieve orgasm during sex more? Yeah. Well, so the cat would be great for a blended orgasm, right? If you want to have a

clitoral and vaginal orgasm, or even just a vaginal one, if you want to have an orgasm, just in general, through intercourse, any kind of position that allows for simultaneous manual or vibratory stimulation. So it could be spooning. It could be doggy style. It could be her on top. It could be reverse cowgirl. You know, I don't care whatever it is, as long as it exposes the clitoris to someone's fingers or vibrator that will help with orgasm as well. How do you feel about vibrators? Like some people think they're the death of us and others are like, I love vibrators. I have a whole line of them that I designed for women. And some of them are hands-free. So it can strap around the base of his penis and you have hands-free

clitoral stimulation during intercourse. Some of them are just really small little bullets that she can use on herself or he can use on her during intercourse. And, you know, I think if you're nervous about it, like keep both skill sets alive, use the vibrator sometimes and use your fingers or the tongue or something else other times. But I think, and certainly once you hit your mid to late thirties, your hormones and blood flow is changing in a way where you are definitely going to need added stimulation. So make the vibrator, your friend. I see this a lot in guys who, you know, got started in sexual relationships really late in life. And so for a long time,

they were dependent on self-stimulation and often there was some real stigma or shame around that. So they basically took care of themselves as quickly as they could to make sure that nobody caught them, or they developed some inside outside twisty thing on themselves that no vagina could ever replicate. And it went on for so long that once they're finally with a woman, she can't replicate that. And I think the same thing theoretically could happen with a vibrator, if she's only using that. And that's the only kind of stimulation she uses. And she does it every single time. And no penis can compete with the vibratory stimulation of a vibrator.

But when I've looked at what the most sexually satisfied women have in common, and I've done a national study on this, you know, it's orgasms are great when they happen, but the key to their sexual satisfaction was the connection they felt with the person they were having the orgasm with, or just having sex with. So it wasn't as important to have an orgasm every time. And it's important for women to know that most women don't have an orgasm. It depends on where you are in your cycle and where you are energetically and where you are in your relationship and how you feel about your body and so many things. So it doesn't happen every time either. In your experience working with couples,

what do men really not know about the female orgasm? I think for guys, it's hard for them to wrap their head around what we're talking about with orgasms, not happening every time, because for them, orgasm is the punctuation mark. That's like, how could you not have an orgasm? You would call it sex, right? So, so they don't understand, you know, and they have to be educated. Like, listen, you need to know that my satisfaction, I love having orgasms, but it's about the closeness, the connection, the touching, the arousal, the sensuality. And there are going to be some times that I, you know, most women who are honest will say like, they know kind of go as soon as it gets started. Like it's not happening tonight. Like I'm really into it. I'm enjoying it, but we're not

happening. Yeah. And that's okay. And you just say that. I think the first step with a partner is probably like, if the more open you are about your sex life and like that arousal gap, hopefully if your partner is a giving partner, the guy is going to be like, Oh my God. Okay. So let me go down on you for literally like 15, 20 minutes and you get your vibrator out. So then when we start having sex, he can probably come in four minutes, but by that time you may be actually now more inclined to have an orgasm. Yeah. That's a great point. It takes the average woman about 20 minutes to reach orgasm

and the average man about seven and a half minutes. And so foreplay is super important. And for guys, there are two kinds of foreplay waiting to have their penis touched and having their penis touch. Like that's it. So when they go to do foreplay on a woman, they think, what would I like? Let me go to her breasts and her clitoris right away. And that's the opposite of what women like women like the slow burn and all the erogenous zones. And of course, if she's doing that to him, like, you know, kissing his neck or his inner thighs, he's like, when is she going to get to my penis? So it's about understanding, like even during foreplay, she can go directly for his penis, but he's taking his time warming. And it also takes women a little bit to kind of, because we're natural multitaskers in a way that men aren't, our brains are really busy.

So guys can go from zero to 60 really quickly. Sexually, they can kind of put the blinders on, but women have to get present in their body and sort of quiet their mind. So I think that's part of the 20 minutes, you know, that's such a good point. Are there any techniques of how you can help someone that just like cannot get out of their head? Yeah. I mean, I think it's really important in general, if you're not in control and this is, and it's really, I mean, during sex or other times either like really creating a mindfulness practice where you're practicing meditating and clearing your mind, even for three minutes a day is valuable for all areas of your life, but especially your sex life. And I also have women who really struggle with this create just like we, you know, they talk

about sleep hygiene. And when you have problems sleeping, struggle with this create just like we, you know, they talk about sleep hygiene. And when you have problems sleeping, you kind of create these routines around turning off technology and taking a bath and not having any blue lights and, you know, whatever. It's the same kind of thing here. So, you know, if you're someone who really has a hard time with this, create some rituals around it where you take 30 minutes before you know, you're going to have sex and you take a bath or you turn off your computer and you read a magazine or you ground yourself and meditate, or you get your partner. I mean, guys are always complaining, especially

in long-term relationships that she, you know, I have to give her a back rub every time we're about to have sex. The reason is that's what she's using to get back into her body and to get relaxed. Okay. Give her a fricking back rub and then you're going to get your dick sucks. Like in your experience, at what point would you advise a woman to visit a sex therapist if she's unable to have an orgasm? You know, anytime, I think a lot of people wait until all hell is breaking loose and the relationship is fractured before they go to sex therapy. Although I would say over the past decade, I'm seeing people earlier and earlier in the process, but if you feel lost, you know, you've done your own research and you really can't figure it out, or you've been

trying what you've been instructed to try or what you've seen online or in whatever in this podcast, and it's not working, get some help. You don't have to, you know, there's always help available and you don't have to struggle in silence. And if you don't have like a history of sexual trauma that's getting in the way or like serious inhibitions or major body image issues, it really won't take long for a good sex therapist to guide you through the process. When you've had clients not be able to orgasm and then they come in, they're like, Oh my God, it happens. Like, is there anything that you has stuck with you that they've come in and said that you're like, Oh wow. Like I need to pass that on. Honestly. I mean, I know this whole show is about orgasms and orgasms are important, but,

but in truth, I think we put too much importance on them and it does not have to be the Holy grail. And so when women have, you know, when I've seen that become a real issue in relationship is when it's affecting the relationship or she's so dissatisfied and frustrated because he's getting off every time and she, you know, could be scratching her elbow. And then once they learn and he learns the techniques and she learns techniques, then the level of intimacy and excitement and connection between them is really, I think what's most appreciated. I completely agree with you. It's like this pressure to get to the end goal is the orgasm. If you can just reel it back and really just be more in tune with like, you know what the goal is next time is just to enjoy the sex. I'm going to bring my vibrator. I'm going to use lube and

I'm going to enjoy it. And I'm going to try to get where I get when I'm masturbating. And I know I haven't had an orgasm, but the closer I get to that point during sex, maybe then eventually you'll be able to get them to the next step, but like taking it almost in baby steps rather than being like, I need to have an orgasm. And it's like, and I would even take orgasm off the table for a while and take the pressure off and just focus on sensuality and sensual connection and how good it feels when he strokes you here or kisses you there or licks you wherever. The key to getting to orgasm starts with being in your body. And most of us are not in our bodies 90% of the time, much less during sex. So really being in and being present with the sensations and the feelings and the communication and the connection and the

sensuality of it and the dance of it and the movement of it and the intimacy of it. Right. You know, starting there and then really enhancing what's feeling good and where the arousal is being felt. And then moving toward, you know, orgasm that way is what I find most successful for people. You talk about how women, because we are superior, are able to have multiple orgasms. Can you explain to someone that has been like, all right, I got the one orgasm down. What do you mean? I can have multiple orgasms. Like, what does that even mean? Just keep going. What will happen immediately after orgasm? Most women will have that sensation that you were just talking about before, where it's like too

much, like stay away from my clitoris. So what normally happens is that you just stop and maybe you cuddle or if you're lucky and they don't just roll over, but, but you, instead of doing that, you continue indirect stimulation. So now maybe he's on your breasts or your neck, or you're making out, or you're, you know, gently grinding against each other, but you're not having that direct intense clitoral or G-spot stimulation that got you to orgasm. And then immediately the arousal starts again. So you remember what I said, you go to arousal, plateau, orgasm, you're going back down to plateau and back up to orgasm. You're not going all the way down to resolution again.

So you're staying in that plateau area and going up and down in that higher level of plateaued orgasm, plateaued orgasm. So if you're masturbating and you're not having sex, you can, I've never done that. I've always, you absolutely can. And so then right after that, instead of putting the vibrator right back on the clit, you can continue to self-stimulate whether it's like rubbing maybe outside of the vulva or down lower around the vagina, not so close to the clitoris or, you know, indirect and then tell the arousal starts building, building, and then you go to direct.

Wow. I've got my homework cut out for me. Whoa. This was so helpful. I can't thank you enough. It's so incredible to speak to a woman that is so open about sex. And I truly believe like a lot of the issues of maybe why a woman can't, we all still have this as like a myth of like the orgasm. It will get better the more we openly talk about it and share our details. So thank you so much. The daddy gang is going to love you. You were amazing. I'm happy to be here. Thanks for including me.