Call Her Daddy - Alexis Ren

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

This week, Father Cooper sits down with Alexis Ren for a raw and vulnerable conversation where Alexis shares stories she has never before discussed. The duo discusses Alexis’ upbringing being homeschooled and overcoming the loss of a parent and toxic relationship. For the first time, Alexis details what actually went down in her infamously known Instagram relationship. The interview concludes with the pair discussing an instance of sexual harassment Alexis faced in the workplace early on in her career. Join Father Cooper post interview for a continuation of the conversation. * Trigger warning * - This episode includes discussion of eating disorders and sexual assault. Please keep this in mind when deciding if, how and when you’ll listen. For resources on these topics, visit spotify.com/resources.

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy daddy gang what the fuck is up daddy gang it is your founding father for another episode of call her daddy hi Hi. How are you guys doing today? Welcome back to the world of Call Her Daddy. Today, we have a guest joining us. Her name is Alexis Wren. Alexis Wren is an accomplished social media personality and model, and I'm most excited for you her career accomplishments, but also for her as a person and all that she's overcome in her life. She was, as you're about to hear, willing to share things in this interview that she's never shared before. While I was listening to Alexis as I was editing this episode, I realized I keep hearing stories with the same themes from many of the women that I'm

interviewing, including my own story. And I keep hearing the same theme emerge. Men taking advantage of their power and acting inappropriately. And it's not okay. We've seen it so often. Okay. And I know this isn't new information. Like this is literally fucking everywhere. But I think in listening back to this and editing it and like sitting with this interview for a minute, I'm realizing it's definitely fucking time to come together to continue to push for change. After the interview, I come back on and I share more of my thoughts. So daddy gang, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to stay after the interview so we can start a discussion that I know is just the beginning. Enjoy. Hello. Hello. My voice is back.

I like lost my voice this weekend. And I like. Don't you kind of like it when it's like raspy? Yes, but when I've been losing it, it's bad luck. I like lost my voice this weekend and I like don't you kind of like it when it's like yes but when I've been losing it it's been like I like every other word it's like coming in and out and I'm like I have a podcast I need to be able to speak okay Alexis Ren yo I'm so happy to be sitting with you today I was thinking about it you are like the first face I like know to be like when I think of Instagram it's your face oh wow but it's true and I'm sure you probably have a lot of people that say that to you yeah there's so

much to your story that I feel and I know you've shared like hasn't really been told and I'm excited to talk about that side today and get to know that side of you yes of course you were like a recognizable face from Instagram, but unlike most of us, you never spent time in a classroom in elementary school. You were homeschooled. What was your relationship to boys and everything in life back then? When you said elementary, I was like, what are you in that? Like, I don't know. So you're just like homeschool. Like there's no difference in like middle to element like middle to element okay okay so like what was your relationship to boys since you were literally homeschooled like back when you were younger the thing was is that because I was homeschooled I

had this like strong pull to want to be social to want to go to school to want it so I was super young and my mom was like you'll understand later why I didn't put you in school and I was like I don't understand everyone's having fun and like they're learning new things and she's like well you're having fun you're learning new things like trust me this is just a different way I want to put you through I always found it was funny like we think homeschooling we think like social awkwardness but because I didn't get that socialness all the time I was just always I always wanted it right and so like I would I would meet a friend and then I could kind of like dabble at all of the school's like parties and gatherings so I'd be like I'd be like what's up Pally like people would know me but like I was just this like thing like this

magical thing that would just like would pop in and out yeah in and out and so I wasn't a part of any of like the downside of being in school, like that drama and that consistent, like, can we all just like tell the truth? It's so crazy. You're saying that. Cause I remember school when you're younger, where like you go from a phase of like, not even having any self-awareness of like, what do I even look like? Like what bullying, what is that? And then all of a sudden it's like sixth, seventh grade, you understand like the dynamic of boys and girls. And then you understand the dynamic of boys and girls and then you understand the dynamic of like oh she's prettier than me or the boys like her more than me that trips me out always when I like when I started because that happened like a little later for me I think

um the first time I was like oh I need to like change my physical appearance right like 17 ish okay but like I had all of that time to just be like I'm amazing I love myself so your first passion in life was ballet yeah how did ballet affect your body image and like your relationship to eating dude I was fine I swear to god I was fine until I got into modeling I was always like I would be around girls in ballet class who like I had one of these one of these girls like she passed out on the floor and I was just like, you good? Like I didn't register in my head that like she hadn't eaten all day and she was like trying to create this this image that she only thought she could be if she wanted to be a ballerina. And so I was, I was just like, I was always curious about it, but like, I was really lucky in the sense that like my mom, we only had organic food. We never, I never had fast food. It was like the biggest street ever to have chicken nuggets from Carl's Jr. I was like, Oh my God.

So like, I never had any of that like toxicity buildup that a lot of us have because our food, did you know, weird fact, um, the reason why like a lot of people who eat a lot of junk food don't have stomach problems is because the junk food like lines their intestines with this like slime goo so me so me so thank you so the reason they're numb is because everything's just leaving their bodies the farther you get away from and like i'm not trying to like you at all you're, you're fine. You're fine. This is like how I feel.

I have a really bad sweet tooth. I know. No, I mean, too. But like, what people don't understand is like, you don't have to give up your sweet tooth. You don't have to eat burgers. Like, maybe just not have a burger that like, doesn't like, has like, a chicken leg in it. Like, we just don't know what's in that.

And like, I don't really consider that food. And so like, the longer I've been away from like, that. It's easier to avoid the Cheetos. I just, yeah just yeah because I'm like it doesn't look like food to me oh wow I literally look at and I'm like but that's not food when I see broccoli I'm like that's not food that's a plant and that's like literally what I see in the forest like I can't know I grew up in my household like I didn't have the healthiness so I was like not that my parents were like here like eat Oreos every day but it was like it wasn't really a stress so for me it's never been like something I think of so that it's just interesting that like people especially everything is how you were raised affects everything in your

life but then I also think like there is it scares some people to be like I don't want them to have an overemphasis on food that then that becomes like their entire self-worth and being I know but I also think we come into this world like choosing our poison already like we demand contrast like our brain literally needs contrast otherwise it'll create contrast like we create our own problems essentially so like oh yeah we do if someone's gonna choose that like food is their poison and their contrast and something they're gonna have to learn and evolve from like let that be it right yeah because we can't we can't like it's so weird like this whole like I feel like it's LA especially but we're like our trauma our trauma I'm trauma

like this is from my child and I'm just like but yes but it's like why I am like I've been starting to just like own my mask and my trauma like I'm starting to kind of like rebrand that in my head because I'm like yo my trauma is this shit like I would have no motivation if I didn't have the contrast like blaming everything my dad you know not being there for me I was like dad and now I'm just like amazing like I had so much fire to like want to prove to him and that may not have been healthy we and didn't you move out at 15 yeah dude pretty wild and were you financially independent yeah dude I was like so I felt like I really figured this life thing out at like 14 because I went from like don't we all for sure I think around like yeah around the time I quit

ballet I immediately got thrown into the modeling world and like for me I was just like I'm making how much a day yeah I'm gonna be in like a basement for nine hours a day doing front side back and my face is cut off but like whatever like literally I'm making enough money to like treat my friends and like do all these things how the fuck did you get into modeling again um I think I just I always loved being in front of the camera and so I think that just manifested as I'm walking down the street and a girl's like hey do you want to model for my store and so it just like it it man it just it manifests I don't like I didn't even it just happened and I think

like all the best things in life just fucking happen so you move out because you were making money and you started modeling so I wish that was the case oh oh tell. I moved out because my mom, like, well, my mom, she got, uh, she started just get, she's just, just got sick from cancer. And so I needed to like, find a, like, I think my heart and soul just didn't want to be in the house when she was like, when her health was deteriorating. So I wanted to like visit her and like spend time with her as opposed to like being around her 24, seven. I think like in my head it was rationalized, but now looking back on it, I wanted to like visit her and like spend time with her as opposed to like being around her 24-7. I think like in my head it was rationalized. But now looking back on it, I really wish I just would have stayed home and like been there for her.

For a while I was just like, why did she get sick? She was literally an angel. Like she was an – but then that's what clicked. I was like, oh, she literally like never, never took care of herself. It was only for everyone else. And so like, that was a hard one to see. And so when I moved out, I just, I just said, I guess I just didn't want to see her go from like this angel to like her deathbed. Like it was just really hard to watch that. And so me and my sister, well, since I was under 18, my sister was like, I'll put my name on the lease

and you pay for it. I was like, okay. god so we got this like little place in Inglewood and how did you tell your mom you were just like we're gonna go she was fine with she was fine with everything yeah that's that was what was so interesting with her as a human being she would always be like well I raised you so you're gonna be good you're gonna be fine because I raised you yeah and so it wasn't like she she never questioned the things that I was doing she just validated that if I felt like I needed to do it if I felt it was right then I should do it my relationship with my dad really did sculpt all of the relationships I've had prior to him because that is like the first male relationship you have in your life right so like I thank him a lot because I'm, I literally have not,

I would have not been able to evolve at this young of an age this quickly without him not being the perfect father, ironically, but there is, it was hard because my father didn't want to be a father. And I think that's really interesting when you have like a parent or, but that they didn't want to have kids and now they do. And so there's almost like this, like you're in the house running around as a child. Everything's like a Disneyland at this point. There is no rejection. And your father's looking at you like, what the fuck are you doing here? Like for your entire childhood. And so, and, and he has like the reverse narcissistic complex where it is like the very typical, like, Hey, you just met me,

but I'm going to tell you my whole life story and all of my problems because everything revolves around me. Cause I'm oblivious to anything else because like we both have this, everyone has the same, the right idea. Like, yes, everything does revolve around you, but that goes for everyone. Right. So like, it has to be both. And so like, that's what he taught me. He was like, so oblivious. He's still, I love you, dad, but you still are very oblivious. And he would agree with me. That's the thing. It's weird. Like they get to different levels where they're like, he's like now super into like yoga and healing and dah, dah, dah. But he's still very like narcissistic in that. He's like, yeah, I went to yoga the other day and he's like, let show you this pose and like he taught me this so you should focus and

I'm just like yes dad that's amazing it's literally like a little child you're like yes dad that's great good for you like yeah that's amazing so you have to kind of like edge the mom in the right direction which that must have also been weird though as a child like no how did did how did you know that did he just say that he didn't want kids to you guys um it was yeah it was more so just like him always complaining that we were taking up all of mom's time got it and so it was just like a constant like mommy never takes care of me and did that because my mom and dad had a very like mother son complex, which also isn't healthy. I would say that's one of the worst ones because it's like they literally can't fend for themselves

without like any like literally like after my mom died, my dad was like, who's going to make me breakfast? And I was like, I don't know. We're children. We have to take care of your six year old son right now. Like there's three like teenagers trying to like raise a son that you're like don't want either um so like that was kind of the breaking point for me I think that because because it was like when my mom was passing away I was just like dad please just show up please like please and then of course instead of him showing up he was like you guys just would have you guys he's literally said this to me multiple times he's like you wish that I would have been the one to die don't you like da da da da and it's just like when you say shit like that yeah but like I'm asking you to show up because I you're you didn't so you're here and so like but when you keep playing this narcissistic victim all the time it's really hard for me to be

okay the fact that I don't have my mom you know and like so for a while I just couldn't be around him um and but now I've separated this like because I think we have this like like I don't know contract feeling vibes with our families when in actuality like I really don't think that's like how humans should evolve where it's like well it's your family it's like yeah it's your family but like we are all our own person we're all taking care of ourselves and but if if there's not that energetic even exchange going on where it's like I'm taking care of you and then you're taking care of me then you don't owe anyone anything like that it needs to be both like you both need to show up otherwise it's gonna just be a toxic relationship for the rest of

your life and so as much as like you can't just be like fuck you parents I'm leaving you can energetically do that it's also right it's like you can just be like I'm not opening myself up for you being a voice in my life that has weight. That relationship with your father, like feeling like not wanted now in romantic relationship. It manifested as fame. Isn't that interesting? What do you mean by that? Like me just literally not being seen by my dad at all.

I was like, well, I need to be seen. And then it manifested in like fame. I was like, whoa. So that's why I kind of was like, I wouldn't, I don't regret any of it because it's, it was always meant to be this path. Like it always was. Do you remember the moment when you went from like Alexis Ren, like homeschooled kid from Cali to like Alexis Ren, like internet sensation? I do um it was when my ex posted the first like lifestyle video that we did I didn't really know what he was doing with the camera I was like okay like we'll just like do these things and like okay I'll like sit on the skateboard and like ride it and film something

you know like trying to get like the slow cam and like I don't know we were just like screwing around and then we woke up the next morning to like every single um news channel like talking about it and I was like what the fuck I mean I wouldn't even say it was like an overnight sick I mean yeah it was it just like people didn't know what to do with it at the time like I feel like now when people like blow up really because they happen it happens all the time it's like yeah and then it's like here's the agent here are the deals here's the teeth whitening thing everyone knows it's like a package thing yeah everyone knows how to like do that and so like at the time people kind of looked at me like a little alien like why are you why are all these people wanting to take photos with you I was like I don't know right like why are you getting chased down at the Athens airport

I don't know and like that was it was like this weird like I was just constantly looking for someone to tell me what the fuck is going on and like lead me I didn't feel like it was me that was the famous thing I thought it was like the relationship which I was correct I think yeah um and so I have to make sure that I'm the best girlfriend like I can I can like be the perfect girl for him and like do all these things because then no one will like me if I don't and so and he and I felt like he wouldn't like me right if I don't which you know it was it was set up fail. But at that time it was just like, I literally, people would call me like the perfect girl. And I was like, Oh shit. The perfect Instagram. I was like, wow. You guys like perfect is such a weird word, which now I guess in hindsight, I feel like

as social media has gotten bigger, like everyone first, I think now things like, Oh, that relationship is fake. Like back then nobody was questioning that. I feel like in the beginning it was like, Whoa, this is so cool that we get to watch people like in their relationship and their lives and they're traveling the world. And this is so glamorous and this is so cool. And I thought I wanted that, you know? Um, but I wanted, I wanted the validation of that image. I didn't necessarily want that life. It, it was literally like we were two kids with an unlimited amount of power. Um, and in a relationship that wasn't, that was amazing at first, like it was, it was such an amazing relationship at first. And I genuinely, and I genuinely do think he loved me and I do

think it was real for a little bit bit but then when the business of our relationship became bigger than the connection itself that's when it started to deteriorate I his belief was very much so like there's not enough for everyone like I have to fight for what I for for my place I have to fight for my money I have to and so it's this constant like scarcity feeling whereas I've never experienced that because my mom was very much like, everything's going with your stream and like, trust the universe. It was kind of like he was on that, like, not like survivor mentality. It was, no, it was survive. It was a survival. And so it's like, it wasn't, it was, it was out of survival. So of course it was justified. Like, that's the thing with like the bad guy in society.

It's like in their mind, they're not the bad guy. Like it's a justification of, of survival, a fight or flight. Where did you guys meet? He, he DM me like,

uh, yeah, he DM me. And then he was like, come out the line. I'm like, okay. Oh,

to Hawaii. Okay. So like you were living in LA modeling at the time you randomly like got a DM you go and meet this guy we'll call him Mr. X you you Mr. X is like hey I'm in Hawaii and you were like down yeah and you just go to Hawaii what like my sister oh my god your sister went with you yeah oh my god and dude I was like mortified because um during that trip I got a UTI that's all girls are cringing right now they're like oh and I didn't I was so embarrassed that's another thing I'm why why are you embarrassed because it's like I don't want to be like hey

my vagina is infected like we have to go to the emergency room. Like with a guy that I don't know. I was like, Oh my God. Sometimes I feel like giving anyone advice, listening, you got to look at those moments, big. Okay. Wait, hold on. Everyone is going to go through those moments and you got to be like, you know what? Use it as a bonding moment. We have a UTI. It's not I it's we baby. Right. Okay. So, but I get that. You're like on your first trip and you're like, mother fuck. Like, of course I have a UTI. I right okay but I get that you're like on your first trip and you're like mother fuck like of course I have a UTI I get that I get that my sister was like it's okay like I I'll like I'll say it's me and so she like oh my god we need to stop at the pharmacy and then my ex was like why and he she was like I need green tea so she like went into cvs and like got the azos and stuff what do you think initially

attracted you to this person um well the the lifestyle was really like the like i loved he seemed very connected to nature and like that was that was just, he was always, you know, talking about like love and like dah, dah, dah. And then when we really got to know each other, um, I found out that both of our moms had passed from cancer. So like, there was this connection that I was like, oh my God, he gets me. He sees me. Um, based off of what he was telling me, not that there was an actual real connection. I think like you realize that you can have similarities with the person. You can even be on the same path as a person, but not necessarily have a connection. Like a one, like we were both amazing lessons for each other. Amazing. Um, and like we serviced

each other to the best of our capabilities. Like truly believe that um but we've known this story for a very long time in society when money and power becomes like the main purpose then the connections become collateral damage and so it's like that's what i don't get with people i'm like i don't care how many times you don't fucking alaska if you treat people like shit you're not spiritual right like you're not spiritual like I so that was like what ruined it per se because it it was literally like you know I just I just remember like hearing like from like one of my friends being like he's like staying with you just for this one last job and then he's gonna like leave and like it was true and like he was

but then like another job would come along I just like kept postponing this like and so then it became like very manipulative like I just need her to be in this relationship to just like maintain the business and that was terrifying because I genuinely did not look at us like a business I literally was like this is my like you're gonna be my husband like that was truly like so deeply to the point where it's like baby girl like I just I just like I could cry just like thinking about how deeply I loved and like still to this day I'm just like you go girl you still fucking love deeply oh every time I get hurt I'm just like yeah I love like a motherfucker like I think that's a really good way to look at

it in society women are deemed so emotional and it's like she was a wreck when it broke no I hope that you're a wreck when you go through a breakup because that shows that you actually were genuinely in it and you yeah love and you love that person so okay I have a lot of people write into me being like of course there are negatives to trauma bonding and like when you look back is there any advice to those negatives that you now look back and you see oh my god there's so many um butterflies not they're not a good thing you don't want them I know we feel like we want them but like sure on a first date to have butterflies is fine but if you're six months into a relationship with someone and you still get those butterfly anxiety feelings as if you're trying to grip onto something that's

slippery I know it's exciting and I know you're like constantly trying to be better for them and constantly trying to like look prettier and like be but it's just like it's a slippery slope so just be careful like I think a true relationship is when you're you're always ready to let them go I'm thinking about this one toxic ex that I had there would be times where he would come in the door and I would get that butterfly anxiety feeling of like oh my god what do I look like we're a year in almost and I'm like that's not like a good feeling that means you're literally anxious and you're not you think it's survival yeah it's fight or flight it's the same like I remember like every morning I would be like up so much earlier than him just to like put on my makeup

and like make sure that like I always look this way and like I don't even know if he knew but like I was convinced he didn't know I wear makeup I just like always look this perfect and I'm sure we all feel this like this is all something of course been there you know oh my god I've gone through that in college I would get up in the morning and like quickly put it on and I'm like you it's like sad because they're not doing it like that's the fucked up thing like no guy is like rushing to the bathroom to like fix his hair in the morning. It's just us. Like,

and that's what I like. I hate that. It's like, wait, no, like you shouldn't have to be feeling that way. But then it is, you feel very alone when you're doing that.

Cause those moments alone in the bathroom and it's like 6am and you're exhausted and all you want to be doing is laying in bed, but you're like, but I have to put this concealer on and I have to fix like what if that's like that is a dark spiral that's the red flag like I know red flags are pretty and all but like yeah I'm like but red flags are so pretty like that's my thing I'm just like in relationships like you had a hard time speaking up or no when I was afraid to lose them yes okay so that's the that's the main paradox of love you get to have them because you're willing to let them go was there a moment

in your heart where like in that relationship you knew like oh this is off the reason that that ended was um because there was like a lot of business legal stuff that came up. Like it was really sad to literally have your friends be like, he's like trying to keep you until this job is done. Right. To like he has, he owns a percentage of you for the next six years. Like that was like, I was like, what? You're like, I'm a prisoner. And so I actually spent like two years after that relationship with litigation lawyers and pretty much lost everything I had because I had to get out of that.

When you have a relationship with someone and their vibration doesn't match yours, I'm not saying it's lower or higher because that's like an ego complex. It just doesn't match yours. Any connections that you created through that person usually have to leave as well. Like the first manager I ever had turned out to be a scam artist, which sucked. I know. I was like, oh, my. And so.

And he partnered up with my my ex. And so I was just like, holy shit. Like I have to cut all of these ties. Who ended it? He did. I was so committed to him that I was just like like you thought you were gonna marry that person yeah like it was so sad I just remember like being in Italy and just like we had to finish this job but it was like the jokes out like he doesn't want to be with me I knew

it and so like I just remember like crying on the stairs and him like grabbing me with his like like I was just like crying so bad that he like grabbed me and put like my hands up against the wall and started laughing in my face and I was just like oh my god this was all business to you wasn't it like holy shit and it just like was so sad I just remember like we were sleeping in separate bedrooms I was gonna ask like where where yeah and how did that even come about like Like, so did you confront it? Like when you're sleeping in separate bedrooms, it was just like at one point where you like, what are we doing? It was more like when I say he broke up with me, it was more like he like pushed me to the point where like I had the meltdown to be like,

I'm done. I can't, I'm done. And done and he was just like okay I still remember like when I screamed I was like we were at an airport and I was just like I'm done I can't do this I'm done I'm done and there was no emotion in his face it was so scary I was just like what the fuck is happening like who are you he's just like okay yeah it was just like okay whatever and like when you say like I'm done like what were like what were those things that made you feel that? This like feeling as though there's this other part of him. I had, you know, people around me kind of starting to be like, Alexis, he's not who you think he is, at least not anymore. And so you need to get out of that so he can either work back to like getting back to who he is or like you're gonna be the collateral damage and I ended up being collateral damage which was

fine you know whatever but I was gonna ask like what did your friends think of him it was one of those relationships where like it kind of like iced it everyone out so like I didn't really I was gonna I'm like you're like literally across the world yeah like i didn't really like my sister my sister my god sister was the only person um that i would talk to i had to come to her to be like i think something's wrong so you had like no one around you except for like kind of his friends so if you were feeling anything like oh my god yeah i had um our videographer who to this day has a very special place in my heart because he's like he was there for me through so much um oh my god I'm getting emotional um he was the only

one that like saw the abuse and was like Alexis like he would take me on like when we lived in Hawaii he would take me on these like 7 a.. Cause I would be like, cause he used to run like, um, like cross country. And I, and I really wanted to learn how to run. And he was like, I'll teach you. And so in the mornings he'd take me on like an hour, an hour and a half run. And it was like the moments where he would be like, you're not crazy. Like I see it. I'm like, it's okay. And I would just like break down because he was like the only person that was like, that would stop my ex and be like that's not cool you have to stop and um like can you give me an example like in those moments like on set the thing the problem with that is like I think a part of me is still kind of like I don't remember oh wow I have like disassociated I I remember moments of like that. Like I remember that where he grabbed me with the hands and like, but I don't, I've like

completely disassociated from that. I just remember like the feeling, which is so weird because that's what I also find really interesting and how the body has such an intelligence because I do not care about this person anymore. I really don't. Like I wish the best for him, but I really don't care. Like as in like I just, I really don't want anything to do with you ever again. Right.

And I wish you all the best. Right. But just like. Namaste. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? But I saw, I think it was like a year ago, I was at Erewhon.

Shout out. Shout out. Fucking kale bean salad um and I was eating on the side and he walked up with a crew in my entire body he didn't see me my entire body was like this and I was like shaking what the fuck like you good Alexis like you good it's been like four years like you good and so I had to I had to leave and get in my car and I had like a full-on like it wasn't it wasn't a and then it became an emotional reaction but it was a body reaction it was almost like my body was like we're not safe we're not safe and I was like whoa and so that's what's also like when people say like your body your body is the first to know and like the last to forget it's true so many people will be able to relate to when you're saying

I blacked that out and you have those like and it's how you survive yeah it's literally your body being like I'll protect you so like don't think of you not remembering as this like I'm broken thing it's not like it's literally your body being like I got you don't worry we're gonna we're gonna just this didn't even happen had your family ever met him no all right well um he met my family once at the cheesecake factory the fact that you were like it was one of those relationships that really isolate yeah that is such a scary place to be in but once again I literally learned what my mother lived I learned through the toxic relationship got out of the toxic relationship within two years my mom married the toxic relationship so we're doing a lot better I'm really proud of us I'm like honestly like we

gotta give ourselves more credit so you now can like recognize a toxic situation. I can. I can. But we also have to be careful not to swing so far the other way. So like when it comes to being in a toxic relationship, if we get out of that, then what we do is we flip over to the best friend archetype is what I would call it, is where you date someone that feels like a best friend, that a best friend but I wouldn't be I wouldn't consider it a soulmate and so then we swing into this like it's safe and reliable and like this is what I want right and so those two extremes we have to experience like all of us as a collective we have to get through those extremes so we know what we want do you look back on those years like

do you have anything you can think of specifically that you like regret posting oh yeah I do have this one regret because it was like the one thing that I was like Alexis like I was being so mature about everything and it was all good but after I found out that like he was gonna have a percentage of everything I made for the rest of my life I was like fuck this person so you you posted something that I I said on Twitter um and he has a small dick I was like really Alexis and so I posted and of course that's what gets picked up in all of Cosmopolitan yeah and I was like fuck like because was so angry. It was like the moment I found out. It's kind of iconic. I know it was, it was, I, it was, I was mad. Cause I was like, damn it. Like Alexis, like you were handling that mature, like you were doing a good job about it, but I was just like, but I feel like you're so mature, but also it's kind of like, but that is

the one thing like, sorry, but then like, the reason i said it was because like i knew like at this point in his evolution like his dick mattered a lot yeah like that was like the one thing that he was like holding on to this is it's my dick i'm a man like oh yeah and i've seen it and it's tiny so now what oh so it was more like it wasn't like me being immature it was like it was me being immature but it was like the only way I knew how to trigger him is through that, those little, because he was so, I think 19, 20 years old, the men are like, I'm a man. Like, what does that mean? Big dick energy.

Even though that's like not what masculinity means. Masculinity means like protection and like structure. That's masculinity and so I was just like I just I said it because I knew it would piss him off not that I meant it um which it did like he was like he was so angry he was so mad he like threatened me all of these things and I was like oh shit oh shit I'm and then one of my um like one of our one of our mutual friends was like I'm obviously gonna like talk him down but like you need to like not do that and I was like I'm sorry and then I deleted it but it was too late you know I do respect the tweet though a little bit because

like I feel like I get where you were coming from it's like he had taken you understand me I understand you Alexis and honestly I would have done something like that I feel like especially at that age are you kidding me small dick can't fuck like I get that so it was just like I just I also it just it was like it scared me how much people idolized him and how how it's like it was feeding the side of him that I didn't want it to grow. And so like, and like, I have no idea who he is now. So like, I hope that he's evolved, but like, I was just like, this image is going to be really bad. Like this is, he's going to crash and burn in this image. Like, Oh no. And so a part of me was just like, he's not a saint. You guys, he's not this, like, he's just not, maybe he will be, maybe that's like what he's trying to evolve to. But right now he's using that saint you guys he's not this like he's just not maybe he will be maybe that's like what

he's trying to evolve to but right now he's using that image that like we're all one like i'm gonna skydive and slow-mo out of the plane slow-mo yeah like i did dmt and i had this amazing experience it's like you're in that space because you want to look you want to be looked at as a god i just feel like sometimes people really lose the the idea of like you do understand that like they're editing these videos he's not going to put anything like that makes him look at all shitty in it so it's like so yeah I lose perception of like reality here people yeah like what you see on YouTube is like perfected for hours to make it look like the best life or whatever so what I came to that conclusion is like weed for hours to make it look like the best life or whatever. So what I came to that

conclusion is like, we love Instagram and we love it so much still to this day because it's our God complex. It's the version of us that we feel most God-like. Um, and so that's why it fulfills this like ego, like thing, you know, every time I get on Instagram I'm like what am I looking for because I constantly seem like I'm looking for something but I don't know what I'm looking for and then I like will go on my page to be like do I like this like version of myself you know it's like it's like because we can truly be whoever we want on social media because it's just this like immortal version of us. Right.

You're literally just crafting it to make it look exactly like what you want it to look like. Exactly. And so that's like amazing, right? Because it's like fun. We can play with that. It doesn't have to be toxic. But because we're not a healed society, because we're all like, we're getting fucking damaged,

which is fine. Well, and it's also because we're not acknowledging that it is fake. Yeah. There's still a perception that it's real so the goal would be for it not to be fake but as but essentially it just be maybe a version of you because it should literally be like video games like how you see like the avatar screen like it's like okay let's make you what do you want your Instagram to look like like that exactly like it's I'm getting to the places my social media where I'm like there's no way that I could ever show someone who I am and like I spent years trying to figure out how to like be like I'm here I'm here I'm here and now it's to the point where it's like

if you want to know about more about me you will yeah but other than that like this is three percent of me I know you have you've been open about like your relationship to your body and food and that journey how has your relationship to your body like evolved in the past few years um for me I think the biggest the biggest thing that helped me with my eating disorder is learning how to cook for myself. When did you know you had an eating disorder? Uh, I don't know. Maybe like, I feel like you only realize you had an eating disorder when you're not in it anymore. Almost like you don't know. Like, like I knew I had an eating disorder, like in the last like year or two or two years or three years ago. But like I was in an eating disorder like in the last like year or two years or three years. But like I was in an eating disorder for a very long time.

I just thought it was normal. You haven't been like fully open about it, but like your transition from like having an eating disorder and then like loving your body post that, like what has that journey been of like losing weight, then gaining back weight? Yeah. I mean, well,

I'll definitely tell you something that like, I really have to own everything that I've done. And I think when I hit my eating disorder, my only goal was to get as skinny as possible. And it was life or death. It was like, I'm getting as skinny as possible or I can't work and I won't be able to do what I love. And what happened was I lost so much body weight that like I lost my boobs. I went from having Ds, almost double Ds, up until I stopped eating. And it literally just like I even had like skin that was like loose skin or whatever, like around my boobs. And I was just like, oh, my God, I was so mortified.

I was so sad. And so this was like around the time, like right after me and my ex like ended and it was like this whole thing. And I was going through all these litigation wars and whatever. And then I finally started to get back on my feet again. And I remember like the moment I was like talking about it, I was in Fiji with my con sister. Um, and I was just like, I know this sounds crazy, but like, I think I want to get a boob job, but like, I'm, I'm scared because like, but I really want it. And like, I just miss my boobs and I love boobs and like, I don't know.

And she was like, babe, do it, like do it for yourself. Just do it for yourself. And I was like, yeah, but what will people think? And she's like, babe, you know, we can't live like you're not spiritual if you live like that. And so I was just like, babe, you know, we can't live like you're not spiritual if you live like that. And so I was just like, OK. And so like I went and like underwent that procedure. And like it was like actually one of the best decisions ever.

Like I was so happy. I was just like, I feel me again. And like this is amazing. And like any cosmetic surgery, one does not make you less spiritual. And also it should just be like any other surgery. It's just making you live a happy and healthy life. Like, yeah, it's just like it's to make you happier. Like this is an avatar. Like the real spirituality is you being like, yes, I'm changing and making my body however it wants to,

because I know this is my avatar, because I know we're in a game, because I know this isn't real. How is that different from, you know, you being like, wow, her body's amazing. And then me being like, yeah, but she goes to the gym. Like if we really if we're just gonna go down that line like let's go down that shit because it's like I don't care if I'm right I would rather be better than right and so I'm down to move with the evolution of technology and cosmetic surgery or whatever it is because why the fuck not like I I'm spiritual but I also don't want wrinkles and that's okay and like before even coming onto this podcast I was like how can I take ownership of this part of myself?

And I'm like, well, maybe it's because I did never come out about that. And then like, there is this like image that I'm trying to upkeep where it's like, well, she's natural, beautiful. She's naturally beautiful. It's like, yes. And I did this and this and this. God was like, you have to talk about this. Cause it's been hanging over my head because it's like, I can't let, I can't let anyone be whatever they want until I can be whatever I want.

And so like, I have to just like let it out. Yeah. And this is what I really hope people can understand is like, we're not watching these young famous people grow up. We are raising them. I mean, I have so much love for Billie Eilish I'm like really like I feel I don't usually feel protective over because I don't I have like there I have a weird feeling about her almost like she she's she's clearly a child of God we all are but like there's she's so um special in the sense where it's like we we have we have to keep her alive. Like let's make sure that

we're not, cause we're killing these people. Like do people really understand like cancel culture is killing people. So that's why when we think of like reality TV stars or like even TikTok stars, we, we have this, like they're, they spiral really quickly because they are the thing that's famous. And that's what happened to me as opposed to no, songs are famous no my acting is famous this role i played is famous like whatever so like separating yourself like finding yeah finding that art where you can just be like no this is famous are you dating right now i am like one person or like just dating around one person oh i know how i'm trying to keep it like super fucking quiet the quietest I've ever been um okay so you're dating you're happy has it been like a

while or yeah it's been like almost two years I want to ask you because again like so many young women are listening to this podcast and when I was doing my research I looked at your YouTube channel and on a video you released in April you described a photo shoot you went on when you were 18 years old at a loft in downtown LA for those of you who haven't heard the YouTube video, I'm referencing, I'm going to play the audio for you right now. Um, okay. I was shooting with this one guy who I will not say. And in the middle of shooting, he pulled his dick out. Yeah. And then I just like, just stood there in shock and, and I left. Yeah. Can you explain that experience? Yeah. I mean, I think as like a young girl, you really want to prove that you're a woman. And so a lot of older men are like, okay,

you want to prove that you're a woman. And so they kind of like use that being like, oh, you're a woman now. Like, you know, let's like see how you are as a woman. And so I just, I think I just, I wanted to be seen as a woman. I was, I forgot how old I was. It was 18. Okay. Um, and I went to my agency, set up this thing where I like went to a photographer's loft and then like after the photo shoot it like became very sexual whatever and like that just happened and I'm like ah details about but what I learned was that it is always 50 50 in any scenario because there is also my ego being like, I know I'm only 18, but like, look at my body. Like, I'm a fucking woman and like, I'm this and I'm that. And so like, I almost like invited that energy in for him because I was trying to prove to his camera, look at me.

And so that was like mistaken as. So you were on a photo shoot. In your YouTube video video you just said he whipped out his dick um I said that so quick I mean it was just like I mean it's not like he was like like like karate dropped it okay yeah because I was like wait that's literally how it sounded like I was like wait so you're at it like was it a situation where you felt extremely uncomfortable? Um, I would say yes. Yes.

But like, also there's this, like, is this normal? Like you just, there's an adult in the room. Like he's the adult. So like whatever he's, so it was like a very like slow, like, like, like he was shooting me and then he would like take off his pants and then he would shoot me and get closer. And then like slowly he would like, no, that's not okay. And it was just like, I was like, whoa. Like at first I was like, you know, I'm sure a lot of girls, if you've, you've had these scenarios, it's like you it's weird. You're almost like, did what, was there a script that like I didn't read?

Like what is this? What the fuck is this? And so I just politely was like, I'm sorry. Like I think we like misread the situation and I'm going to go. And so that was kind of – and then I've like – and there's so many other scenarios like that. I just remember – and this comes to like the whole like me too movement and stuff right I've definitely I've had multiple scenarios where like you know producer meets me and he's like oh like you know

saying all these things he want to put me in he was like whatever just make my dreams come true and then suddenly you know he's sending me photos of like me and like a risky bikini being like when are you gonna wear that for me baby like weird risky bikini being like, when are you going to wear that for me, baby? Like weird shit. And I'm just like, can I like share this? Like who should I send this to? Like I literally sent it to my manager and I was like, is this okay? No, that is not okay. And then Alexis, that is not okay. You want to hear something crazy too. And I can't say names, but like I was my like old agent was like, okay, there's this like guy that owns this brand or whatever. It's a big brand, but I don't want to, I'm not trying to cancel anyone. Well, you know, keep that in mind.

Like it's not canceling someone if they're sexually harassing and assaulting people. Yeah. I mean, he, it wasn't like, it was like a, it was like kind of like a, like read between the lines. This is kind of like how you have to do it so like he was kind of just like you know I gave him your number and he was just like make sure that like you make him feel loved like kind of a thing and I was like what does that mean what does that mean what literally what does that mean oh and that was your manager at the time that was that was my agent so it was like weird but I think I think a lot of the times like we're we're we're kind of like

and not even it wasn't even it's like we're we're dealing with like children and so like it's also like he was saying in that in the sense of like make him feel seen and like wanted and like desired because he's this like older guy in the fashion industry that's constantly around these like beautiful people and he wants to feel like that beautiful person as well and so like in order to do that like the the beautiful people per se have to like desire him back and that's how he like feels like that's how he thinks a connection is real that's how he strokes his ego exactly exactly so but but a lot of the times people think that like ego is connection. If someone, if someone, um, isn't it imbalances my ego, then that's a real connection. Cause they see me. Right. So like, it was that as well of just like this, like we have to like baby these like older men. Cause it's like, Oh, don't let them know that like they're not wanted anymore. And it's like, you're not wanted because you're a dick. It has nothing to do with you being old. Like it really doesn't like when you look, cause I'm like, Whoa, Whoa. Like this is awful that you've had to go through these experiences. Like this is not okay. This is not normal. Like that moment you're 18.

But they're very few to be honest. Like I will say like these couple that you've mentioned, there's been like three and like, that's amazing for how long I've been in Hollywood. Like, you know what I mean? Cause there's going to be children. There is just, it's just, we want to have one day be like, you've never experienced one of these things. Yeah, exactly. That's the goal.

Correct. When you look back advice for a woman being like, cause I know a lot of people probably would freeze and be like, I don't know what to do. So you left and you just got out of there. Like, did you tell anyone? Did you report him? Like what did, what was the steps after that? No, I didn't, I didn't tell anyone. Um, and maybe I should have, but it was more so just like, and this is, this is why, like, I, I really want to teach females to let their guts speak and their heart speak because when we're constantly in that like but

I don't want to seem rude or I don't want to seem like not nice or like whatever the knife and you slice off his penis that he just pulled out and you're like oh my god I'm so sorry self-defense why is that thing out I didn't ask for that this man is disconnected from his femininity and his masculinity and like how can we not punish him and this is how I feel about even like our system this man is disconnected from his femininity and his masculinity. And like, how can we not punish him? And this is how I feel about even like our, our system with like the jails and stuff. I'm just like,

these people are sick. They're not bad people. This man is abusing his power. Exactly. And putting you in a really sick. Exactly. He's sick. Like he doesn't understand.

He's justifying it in his mind. But I do have to say like the men in these positions are abusing their power. And unfortunately for most of these men, it is not about connection. It's about power. Like men that take advantage of women. It's about that power dynamic. They probably wouldn't be turned on if it was consensual. I have a puppy and she has no, she comes into a room and she's like like this is me it's like it's all about me but it's unfortunate for them because unfortunately these puppies can just go to fucking jail I'm genuinely so sorry that you've gone through that oh thanks it's okay

Alexis Ren thank you so much thank you Alex hello it's me First, I want to say thank you fucking hard it is to sometimes sit in front of a microphone and tell your not only life story but whether it's trauma or insecurities or whatever it be like I have so much respect for every guest I have on because they open up to me and they're willing to share it with the world I'm so fortunate to have this platform because I know every episode hopefully is at least touching one person and helping someone in their life. So thank you, Alexis. I mentioned in the beginning of a conversation that I hope will I want it to continue through the season as I continue to have on various guests with their own unique experiences um I want to address when Alexis shared her stories of a man pulling out his penis during a photo shoot or being instructed by her agent to make sure an old fashioned mogul feels loved. My reaction was, what the fuck?

For what? So he can fucking feel masculine for a second and maybe get a fucking hard on while you're discussing your business deal? Fuck no. Fuck no. And like, sadly, I know, we know this happens way too fucking often in all lines of work it's not just one fucking line of work but I think what really hit me was Alexis's rationalization or um understanding like why those events happened. When Alexis was describing as a young girl, you want to prove that you're a woman. What does that mean? Like who wrote the guidelines to show that proof?

Like who are we supposed to prove we're like what? And she goes on to say, I invited that energy in for him and it was mistaken. No. Like, it's so fucked. And then because Alexis takes responsibility for her 50 percent of all the not at all 50-50 fucking dynamic. She's 18. This is an older man in a professional fucking setting. And she apologizes saying, I politely said, I'm sorry, we misread the situation again. No. And I want to be so fucking clear. This is not on Alexis. I refuse to blame anyone but the offender. And unfortunately, we live in a misogynistic society that in most cases protects those abusers. Whether you're a fucking big Hollywood producer or a no-name fucking photographer in a loft in LA

or a fucking manager at a goddamn fucking fast food restaurant. Somehow all of these men are getting a fucking pass and it's wrong. Alexis said, we need to give men a manual to explain how to act. Nope. No. That they're puppies and we need to treat them like children. Again, no. I can't be more clear. Men have written the script for the world we live in and you can be very sure that they benefit the most from it. And thinking back to my previous interviews and so many of the women that I've had on, it's the same theme. Where is the outrage and the fault for the men in these situations? When I think about Mia Khalifa, she's been through so much shit and it's like, wait, why did no one get mad or give shit to the man that was in that video with her?

Holly Madison, people glorify Hugh Hefner for building this amazing brand. But then look at the women that were a part of that brand and deem them as sluts and weak and money hungry. What the fuck? I get that this is not a new conversation, but it's still obviously an unresolved one. So I'm going to keep fucking talking. And I think until it's resolved, we need to get louder. My favorite fucking thing to do. Daddy gang, if there is anyone who is going to be able to push this conversation forward, I truly believe it's the daddy gang.

I'm still trying to figure out what exactly my role is and how can I make a bigger impact in progressing this issue. But what I do know and what I'm certain of, I will continue to make space on this platform for people to come forward and share their stories without judgment. So what is the first step? You're all like, all right, let's fucking go. You got us chomping at the bit, Alex. Like, what the fuck is the first step? I will come back to you.

This has been a lot. We're all digesting it. I will come back to you. But here's the fucking thought. This has been a lot. We're all digesting it. I will come back to you. But here's a fucking thought. Let's ask ourselves this. Why are men making laws dictating what women can do with their bodies? Here's the answer. Men should not be dictating what women can fucking do with their bodies. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.