Call Her Daddy - All My Friends Are Having Kids
Episode Date: June 2, 2024Join Father Cooper for a Sunday Session recapping her chaotic Memorial Day weekend. Alex and Matt threw the party of the century that somehow ended up with literal shit in her pool. Then, she reflects... on this current stage of her life and how her two friend groups are in very different places - one is all married with kids and the other is single with no kids. Alex discusses what it’s like to be in the middle of both groups and how sometimes she feels both behind and ahead at the same time. Finally, Alex tells a hilarious story about the time she got so lost in high school she somehow ended up in New York City and her parents had to use a landline and Mapquest to route her back home. Enjoy!
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                                         Sunday morning, Father's calling.
                                         
                                         Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
                                         
                                         Every Sunday's Father's Day.
                                         
                                         Ah!
                                         
                                         What the fuck?
                                         
                                         That was pretty good, right?
                                         
                                         Daddy gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy.
                                         
                                         It is your father.
                                         
    
                                         We're here.
                                         
                                         We're back.
                                         
                                         We're ready.
                                         
                                         It's a good fucking Sunday.
                                         
                                         Let me just tell you a little something, okay? I am so goddamn proud of myself. I barely did shit, but I'm like, this is a day to celebrate.
                                         
                                         This is a win for all of us. If it's a win for me, if it's a win for you, we all fucking celebrate,
                                         
                                         okay? Because life is too fucking short. It's also too fucking miserable. And I got to just say,
                                         
                                         as a homeowner, a proud, I would say a fairly newly homeowner, I have to just be honest,
                                         
    
                                         I threw a kick-ass fucking party. And I usually wouldn't take credit for it because Matt's
                                         
                                         usually doing all the goddamn work and I'm just drinking in the corner, you know, shaking my tits,
                                         
                                         looking like a hot little bitch. But today, not today, a week ago, okay, about a week ago,
                                         
                                         your father showed up and showed out, okay? here's the thing matt and i bought this house uh i think it was like a year almost two years ago
                                         
                                         wow and it was a big step for us we bought a house before we got married controversial okay
                                         
                                         okay the people at the fucking church are like sinners you fucked and you bought a house before we got married. Controversial. Okay. Okay. The people at the fucking church are like sinners.
                                         
                                         You fucked and you bought a house before you got married.
                                         
                                         You little piece of shit.
                                         
    
                                         Listen to H's own.
                                         
                                         Matt went and saw this house and I wasn't able to go with him because I was working
                                         
                                         because I am a literal workhorse.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         You can't stop me from putting in that work, putting in that grind, making sure this podcast
                                         
                                         is a plus plus top of the charts. Okay, sweetie, we are swinging that dick around and around for the
                                         
                                         views and views and the views. So Matt, I remember when and viewed this house and we had seen three
                                         
                                         houses prior to this house. We were looking in the middle of COVID because I said, listen, Matt,
                                         
    
                                         I love Los Angeles, but really, I don't know if I do. You know, I love you. I love our dogs. I love
                                         
                                         the weather sort of, you know, I am a little dark dungeon bitch where like maybe I would prefer a
                                         
                                         little winter, a little brisk, little, I would like to see the trees change. Okay. But so I
                                         
                                         remember I was like, Matt, we live in West Hollywood. I need to get a little out of here.
                                         
                                         I need a little bit more space. I want to feel like I'm in Pennsylvania. Who would have ever
                                         
                                         fucking thought that, right? The girl that was like, get me out of this cage. Get me out of PA. Okay.
                                         
                                         Pennsylvania and Alex Cooper. I now look back and I'm like, thank God I was raised there. Right?
                                         
                                         Because if I was raised in Los Angeles, California, I probably wouldn't have made it because I would
                                         
    
                                         have been 14 years old, fucking putting the titties up online and going to casting calls.
                                         
                                         But thankfully my mother was like, no, no, no, no, no.
                                         
                                         You can do that when you're in your 20s.
                                         
                                         And so thankfully, I was home, you know, on the cornfield.
                                         
                                         I was fucking shucking the corn.
                                         
                                         I was I was eating my meat and potatoes in goddamn Pennsylvania.
                                         
                                         And what am I?
                                         
                                         Oh, the point was, is I started to miss Pennsylvania. Because the problem is,
                                         
    
                                         is like when you're in Los Angeles, it's very different from New York City. I thrived in New
                                         
                                         York City as it is well documented. But when I got to Los Angeles, I'm like, there's such potential
                                         
                                         for grass and nature and all the good things. I want more of that. Because this isn't this isn't
                                         
                                         okay, can I be honest? This isn't like the best city, you know, like, sorry. Oh my God,
                                         
                                         come for me. But like New York city, nothing compares. Right. And so if I'm not going to be
                                         
                                         in a full, full city, like let's just go motherfucking country, baby. So Matt and I
                                         
                                         started looking for a house that was a little less in the quote unquote city of Los Angeles.
                                         
                                         And I will never forget. I'm sitting in my edit booth and I'm editing an episode of Call Her Daddy and Matt calls me and he FaceTimes me and he's like, babe, I fucking found our house and I'm only
                                         
    
                                         standing in the driveway. And I'm like, oh my God. And Matt is so particular about things like
                                         
                                         he would never fucking say that. And a huge point of why he knew this was the house for us is it if I ever if I ever say the word forever home literally shoot me in the fucking head I
                                         
                                         wasn't about to say that I do want to say I was about to say like what is a saying for like you
                                         
                                         know you can fucking put your roots in your roots and you can like you can settle down here like
                                         
                                         maybe if I pop out a kid one day it's gonna be in this house you know what I mean and so that's what I was saying I
                                         
                                         wasn't saying forever home you fucking cunts okay that's you being cringe on the internet I don't
                                         
                                         own that behavior okay but anyway so Matt and I found our forever home and we just knew this house
                                         
                                         was going to be somewhere that like all of our family would come and congregate for holidays
                                         
    
                                         and birthdays and big moments. And so Memorial Day comes along and Matt and I look at each other
                                         
                                         over a cold glass of wine. No, we're cracking open a beer. It's about to be summer. And Matt
                                         
                                         and I are like, what are we doing for this long weekend? And Matt's like, why don't we throw a
                                         
                                         party? And let's not tell everyone a week in advance. Let's kind of tell them midweek so
                                         
                                         that like we don't have too many people that come, but let's have our friends and family over and
                                         
                                         let's throw a good ass motherfucking party. And I'm like, you know what? I love that because here's
                                         
                                         the thing. I need enough time in a weekend to relax so I can get ready for the week ahead.
                                         
                                         And usually that means that like Matt and I will go out on a Friday night or a Saturday night, but I can't do both. And also Sunday is
                                         
    
                                         completely for laying. Like I need to rot. I need to lay. I need to sink into the mattress. I need
                                         
                                         bed sores. I need to be Willy Wonka's parents plus 10. And I just need that. And Matt doesn't
                                         
                                         understand it. So he's always going golfing on a Sunday and I'm like, goodbye. Good day. I will be
                                         
                                         marinating, watching Grey's Anatomy, watching. Good day. I will be marinating watching
                                         
                                         Grey's Anatomy, watching Parenthood. I will be on episode 95 by the time you come back. And that is
                                         
                                         what a Sunday is for. Okay. But because it was a long weekend, I was like, he's like, are you sure,
                                         
                                         babe? Like, I don't, I know you've been super stressed. There's a lot of work stuff coming up
                                         
                                         and summer's coming up. So you're trying to get ahead. And I said, Matt, put me in. Let's go.
                                         
    
                                         Let's throw a party. Now,
                                         
                                         when we're about to throw a party, there's a lot of things that go into it. So because it was about
                                         
                                         to be the first kind of party of summer, Matt and I have like not gotten our house completely in
                                         
                                         order for summer. So Matt has people outside power washing the motherfucking house. I'm like
                                         
                                         trying to record an episode the other day and there was just shooters coming at me through
                                         
                                         the fucking windows. I'm like, boys, the door isn't, boys, the door isn't fucking closed. The house is flooding.
                                         
                                         Every fucking minute of the day, Matt has people at this house. Everyone is gardening, fixing. I
                                         
                                         look out, Matt's out there with his big boots and his gloves on. And I'm like, I'm not going to
                                         
    
                                         partake in like that kind of stuff, but let me know what alcohol we need. Okay. So Matt's getting
                                         
                                         our house ready for summer and for this party, which is fun. And we're bringing out like our lawn chairs and all the stuff,
                                         
                                         which is, I mean, as much as I fucking hate summer because I don't like the weather,
                                         
                                         it's fun to like think about, but then when you're living it, like, is it even that fucking funny?
                                         
                                         And I'm like sweating and I'm just like, okay, whatever. But does anyone relate? Like I'm a
                                         
                                         winter girl through and through I'm ice to the brim, ice to the cold, ice to the heart. And Matt is like, I just want summer. He's like, I'm a lizard. I can be in Palm Springs when it's
                                         
                                         110 degrees and I won't even break a sweat. Me, I have a spray tan on 24 seven and I can't be
                                         
                                         living that kind of life. You know what I mean? I can't even wear white because my entire dress
                                         
    
                                         will turn orange in like five minutes. So I need a little bit of an opportunity to just like
                                         
                                         have shade or get those Amazon things
                                         
                                         that are just like fans that I stick in my purse, which I did buy 10 of those. Very helpful girls,
                                         
                                         just get them for summer so you're not schvitzing. Now, the problem is, is that Matt and I first said
                                         
                                         to each other, okay, I think 15 people will come to this party. And for me, 15 people is a lot.
                                         
                                         Because again, when I was living in New York City you could barely fit 10
                                         
                                         people in an apartment you know so 10 on my barometer is like oh we're pushing it like oh
                                         
                                         max to the limit 15 you're like damn we're fucking at capacity 48-ish hours before the party we find
                                         
    
                                         out we're kind of hitting that like 25 30 mark and I'm like oh damn Maddie like we're gonna have to
                                         
                                         up the burgers up the hot dogs
                                         
                                         maybe I should go get some sandwiches too like we gotta beef this shit up and then all of a sudden
                                         
                                         24 hours before Matt sits me down and was like babe by the way we're really gonna be throwing
                                         
                                         a big party and I'm like I know it's so he goes no I just got confirmation that blah blah blah
                                         
                                         blah blah blah and blah are coming to the party. So we're pushing like 50 now.
                                         
                                         Now there's a couple of things that come to mind when you say that there are 50 people coming to my house. Number one, harder to escape because I feel like when people are at your house at that
                                         
                                         capacity, like people are wandering upstairs, you know, Oh, that bathroom was taken in that
                                         
    
                                         bathroom was taken. And the Aperol spritz is going to make me fucking shit my pants. So I was
                                         
                                         wandering upstairs and then people are in your bathroom. You know what I mean? And a lot of times during a party, if I'm hosting, I have this rule with
                                         
                                         myself, okay, where it's like I'm extroverted to a point, to a point. And so I'm going to need to,
                                         
                                         I'm going to need to reel it in a couple of times. And that is the best part of hosting.
                                         
                                         There's a lot of negatives about hosting, but let me say my favorites number one getting to escape in your home if I am at
                                         
                                         fucking Marty Smith's house and I gotta shit my pants I can't do that so I'm holding it in and
                                         
                                         then for the next four days Matt's not getting fucked because I'm backed up backlogged and my
                                         
                                         stomach hurts for four fucking days after also the best part of hosting is I am so fucking weather
                                         
    
                                         confused okay girls I will wake up and I'll walk outside and then I'll say, Matt, and he goes,
                                         
                                         what?
                                         
                                         I'm like, what am I wearing today?
                                         
                                         Matt is weather boy, okay?
                                         
                                         He'll be like, I think you're going to do jeans and a sweater.
                                         
                                         And every fucking time when I'm preparing to leave my home, I need literal options.
                                         
                                         I will put jeans on.
                                         
                                         I will put jeans on. I will put boots on. I will put an extra pair of flip
                                         
    
                                         flops in my car. I will put a tank top on plus a sweater on top and always have an extra jacket
                                         
                                         in my car because when people are hot, I happen to be cold. And when people are cold, I happen to
                                         
                                         be hot. I am fucked up. Don't get in my DMs being like, well, Alex, you should really check your
                                         
                                         thyroid and you should just don't worry about me. Okay. If we're going down, we're going down. It was fun
                                         
                                         while it lasted. Okay. Let's not make this a health thing. Let's just make this a surface
                                         
                                         level thing today. I wasn't planning on wearing these sunglasses the whole episode. Oh yeah. If
                                         
                                         you're not watching this, I have these sickening glasses on that. Some of you may make fun of me
                                         
                                         for, but let me just tell you, don't even bother coming in the comments being like, Alex, where
                                         
    
                                         are those sunglasses from? You want to know where they're from? Korea, Korea. My husband flew
                                         
                                         all the way to Korea to get me these black pink sunglasses that you can't get. I'm just kidding.
                                         
                                         He was there making a show, but he also was like, I went shopping, babe. And like everyone said,
                                         
                                         these are the coolest glasses. And I actually personally think they're pretty fucking weird,
                                         
                                         but I feel like you like weird glasses. So here you go, Alex. Boom. There we go. Okay. Now they're actually like kind
                                         
                                         of hurting my head because I have these, um, because I have these headphones on. So anyways,
                                         
                                         people start to come to our party and I am trying my hardest to be domesticated, which I feel like
                                         
                                         at this point, if any of you know me, if you're if you've listened to this podcast for, I don't know, two minutes, you can probably guess that there's a lot of things where Matt and I may
                                         
    
                                         fit into that classic hetero relationship where Matt's the man and I'm the woman.
                                         
                                         But I would say a lot of the things, it's like roles reversed, right? Matt is the best housewife
                                         
                                         and I'm not emasculating him. I think it's one of the best things about him because I don't do
                                         
                                         shit. And to be fair, that is a dynamic with my mom and my dad. You know, we love to
                                         
                                         repeat, you know, we love to repeat history. You know, we watch what we saw when we grew up and
                                         
                                         then we just fucking recreate it. And so Matt is taking care of everything and he's going and
                                         
                                         getting all of the food. He's picking everything up because some stuff was you had to preorder it
                                         
                                         because it was a big fucking serving of the salads and the everything. And I'm home. And this is where I was like, damn, like a college education,
                                         
    
                                         like this is what I needed to fucking learn. Like I didn't need to fucking learn about social
                                         
                                         studies. I don't even know, need to know about fucking algebra. I needed to know how to host
                                         
                                         a motherfucking party. Okay. I am am so fucking dumb I'm staring at all of
                                         
                                         the things that Matt went and bought all the decorations and all the things and I can't figure
                                         
                                         out like do I use tape do I use a fucking like like do I use a clothespin do I use like I don't
                                         
                                         know and I'm literally blindly wandering around my house and then Matt's mother shows up and she's like sweetie uh people
                                         
                                         are showing up in an hour like why are all the decorations on the ground and I'm like Lisa I am
                                         
                                         literally fucked please help me so Matt's mom starts helping then fucking of course Matt comes
                                         
    
                                         home he's like babe it looks so amazing meanwhile I'm like your mother did it okay I've just been
                                         
                                         trying to fucking figure out the utensils and the silverware to which I will say I was so embarrassed you guys Matt finally was like put put he put baby in the corner and he was
                                         
                                         like stand over there and just unwrap the the utensils and the paper plates and just put them
                                         
                                         outside in an organized fashion I'm a lot of things. I'm gorgeous. Although I'm not gorgeous right now,
                                         
                                         you guys, I'm having honestly a little bit of a panic attack. Okay. So I went to a different
                                         
                                         person for my Botox this time in my forehead and my right eyebrow usually dips a little bit lower.
                                         
                                         And the thing is, is I understand everyone's like, oh, they're supposed to be sisters,
                                         
                                         not twins. I want twins. But my right eyebrow usually dips lower. So I asked this woman
                                         
    
                                         like, hey, by the way, like, do you think we could pump up the party a little bit on the right?
                                         
                                         And she was like, just so you know, like it's risky. And I'm like, yeah, but I just want to
                                         
                                         give it a take a risk, take a chance. And I fucking regret it. Okay. Because my right eyebrow
                                         
                                         is now a little too high. So if you are observing this and you're seeing me look fucking busted,
                                         
                                         shut the fuck up. Okay. It's the Botox's fault. This is not natural. None of this is natural.
                                         
                                         Okay. This is the Botox fucking my shit up. And without the Botox, maybe I would be even uglier,
                                         
                                         but regardless, I just, I need to take a breath. Let me have a sip of my coffee. Wait, you guys,
                                         
                                         I saw someone on TikTok do this and I never do this. I put cinnamon in my coffee this morning.
                                         
    
                                         Your bitch is feeling like she's on some cocaine.
                                         
                                         Am I allowed to say that?
                                         
                                         Don't do cocaine.
                                         
                                         We don't do drugs here on Call Her Daddy, okay?
                                         
                                         Natural endorphins, sweetie. anyways so the party starts you guys and everyone starts coming and i'm having so much fun and i'm
                                         
                                         feeling good i love my outfit and you know fuck the whole setup process we figured it out matt
                                         
                                         kind of took it over and here's the thing back in the day lauren and i during covid would drink
                                         
                                         these margaritas that this one mexican makes. So you can get them for takeout
                                         
    
                                         and they are so sneaky good. It kind of reminds me almost of like the like a jungle juice from
                                         
                                         your you know, when you were in college or high school and people would make jungle juice,
                                         
                                         but the jungle juice tastes good. I feel like jungle juice was disgusting. And I feel like
                                         
                                         jungle juice was just like full roofies. But you know what I mean? Like the jungle juice is just
                                         
                                         this big slosh of something and you don't really know what's in it the good thing
                                         
                                         about these margaritas is they taste amazing but you don't really know how much alcohol is in them
                                         
                                         so we start drinking these margaritas and everyone's like oh my god like is there even
                                         
                                         alcohol these taste amazing the entire party gets so fucking shit faced off of these margaritas you
                                         
    
                                         guys and it was so fun we are all hanging out we're having the best time and then one thing leads to another and I look at
                                         
                                         Matt and I'm like this may be the best party that we have thrown I walk someone out because they're
                                         
                                         leaving and I hug and kiss them goodbye and I walk back upstairs and I'm approaching and something feels off. You know, the vibes just
                                         
                                         shifted from the greatest party ever to, huh, something's wrong. What am I missing here? The
                                         
                                         vibes were not immaculate. The vibes were stiff. Everyone was stiff. So I approach the backyard and I look at the pool.
                                         
                                         And there had been many kids in the pool.
                                         
                                         But now there is an adult in the pool with scuba goggles on.
                                         
                                         And he's holding one of my dog's poop bags.
                                         
    
                                         And his wife is standing on the corner of the pool with another poop bag leaning down.
                                         
                                         And everyone is kind of just staring in silence. And I go to Matt's grandmother, who is 100 years
                                         
                                         old. And I say, grandmommy, what's happening? And she goes, Oh, sweetie sweetie someone took a shit in the pool
                                         
                                         now to be fair i mean it's a great story you know but the logistics you're like oh someone took a
                                         
                                         shit in the pool one of the children took a little dooksy wooksy in the pool, but wasn't just a little like,
                                         
                                         just not like a little like shart, like a little, Ooh, like something. Lots of lots. I don't,
                                         
                                         I'm sorry. I don't want to gross anyone out, but just like many a sum, many of a, many of a
                                         
                                         something. And so the father of said child feels so bad. Okay, that he is scuba diving to the bottom of the pool to
                                         
    
                                         pick up said shit. And the kids are still swimming in the fucking pool. And I literally grab my
                                         
                                         margarita, douse it down my throat, run over to them. And I'm like, get out of the fucking pool,
                                         
                                         you guys. It is fine. Please do not worry about this. We will have someone come clean the pool.
                                         
                                         Everybody get the fuck out of the pool.
                                         
                                         And I love them.
                                         
                                         They are literally like our best friends.
                                         
                                         They're like, no, Alex and Matt, like we are fucking mortified.
                                         
                                         I'm like, I'm mortified that you're swimming in shit.
                                         
    
                                         I'm mortified that you're scuba diving under my fucking pool trying to find a kid's droplings.
                                         
                                         Like get out of the motherfucking pool.
                                         
                                         So they ended up getting out of the pool.
                                         
                                         And it was just one of those moments where I was joking. I'm like, I have such baby fever. But this is something I was
                                         
                                         thinking about that is kind of weird. And I want to talk about it with you guys because I don't
                                         
                                         know if anyone is at this point in their life. Almost all of my friends in Los Angeles have
                                         
                                         children or are pregnant. I have a friend that's pregnant and all of my other
                                         
                                         friends that were at this party have, whether it's infants, newborns, or full-on kids. And then
                                         
    
                                         aside from my LA friends, all of my like hometown friends and my friends that don't really live in
                                         
                                         Los Angeles, none of them have kids. And so I have basically these two friend groups that are at such different places in their life. And I will say it's so beautiful to have both of that because I can empathize like
                                         
                                         as women, we, I think we get to a point which I'm starting to feel it. And I hadn't really felt it
                                         
                                         until recently where I'm like looking around and when all of my friends in LA are in one place,
                                         
                                         I'm like, oh my God, I'm basically the only person without kids. And then when I'm with my other friends,
                                         
                                         it's like crazy that we even are all talking about having kids, you know? And so I'm grateful
                                         
                                         that I have these two different dynamics of friend groups that I can feel excited on one hand and
                                         
                                         then nervous on the other hand. Like I feel like I'm the one behind in my
                                         
    
                                         LA group, but then I feel like maybe I'm like the most ahead in my non LA group because I'm the one
                                         
                                         that's like even thinking about it. And I'm like the one that like, I was like the first one to
                                         
                                         get married in my friend group. And so there's just, there's this weird thing happening right
                                         
                                         now where it's really, really exciting, but it's also really terrifying.
                                         
                                         And I want everyone that's listening that is, you know, at this kind of state in their life,
                                         
                                         where like, I'm sure there are some people listening that are like, all my friends are
                                         
                                         talking about is going out and partying, whatever. And like, I kind of don't want to do that anymore.
                                         
                                         And I want to settle down and but I don't want to be the lame friend that like doesn't party anymore and then you may be on
                                         
    
                                         the other side of it where you're like oh my god like all of my friends have just like started
                                         
                                         these families and everything is about the kids and like what about girl time and what about
                                         
                                         still prioritizing like our individuality and ourselves and like where did that go and I feel
                                         
                                         like I know this is a complete bad example but it's almost it could be equated in a way less
                                         
                                         intense version to like if you're dating someone in high school and they're a year older than you
                                         
                                         and they go to college and you're still in high school you feel so disconnected and you feel like
                                         
                                         oh you're just like a kid and and your boyfriend in college like or your friends in college now don't have time for you because you're just the high school kid and
                                         
                                         I feel like that is how maybe some people feel when like their friends start having kids and
                                         
    
                                         families it's like you're getting left behind and you don't you're not in on the joke and you're not
                                         
                                         in on the things um and I'm just happy I'm experiencing all this right now because it's
                                         
                                         making me reflect a lot on like whenever I decide one day to have a
                                         
                                         family of like making sure my friends whether they're single or in relationships or if they
                                         
                                         don't have kids or if they have kids like you have to be so intentional about your relationships and
                                         
                                         making sure that people around you even though your life is changing like you still have to
                                         
                                         foster those relationships as your life changes then that means your friendships are going to
                                         
                                         change a little bit and that's okay.
                                         
    
                                         But I think we have to acknowledge that.
                                         
                                         Like I think a lot of times people just have kids or do this or people watch their friends have kids and think they're going to be the same.
                                         
                                         And it's like, of course not.
                                         
                                         Your relationship is going to change.
                                         
                                         And does that suck?
                                         
                                         It doesn't have to. You guys, I started posting on tiktok just food reviews one because i love food and i'm i feel
                                         
                                         like my foodie tastes are all over the place which i think could make for a good foodie influencer
                                         
                                         hi coming to you live i am a food influencer now goodbye caller daddy hello whatever the fuck come up with my food show
                                         
    
                                         name to be fair though I found this one sandwich shop that listen here's the problem with also the
                                         
                                         party is like Matt's entire family is from LA Matt is from LA so everyone is always like oh do you
                                         
                                         know this one street do you know this one shop and I'm like guys again I'm from Pennsylvania okay
                                         
                                         I still have to use maps sometimes if I take like a wrong road to get to my office.
                                         
                                         And Matt's like, how do you know?
                                         
                                         That's also not to be fair.
                                         
                                         Like, I don't understand.
                                         
                                         I'm very I'm very directionally challenged.
                                         
    
                                         Like this won't make sense to anyone, but anyone that lives in the northeast region
                                         
                                         or is in Pennsylvania.
                                         
                                         OK, to my OG Pennsylvanians.
                                         
                                         OK, listen, I will never forget. I got my license. I'm 17 at this point. And I'm like, okay, well, 16,
                                         
                                         I got it at 16. Right. That's when you get it. Okay. Whatever. I was fucking 16 or 17.
                                         
                                         So I'm young and I'm in love and I want to go to the mall and pick out an outfit for something at
                                         
                                         school that week. I think it was like a dance or whatever. And I'm like, mom, I'm going to drive to the mall by myself. I don't have my
                                         
                                         permit anymore. I have my license. I'm allowed to go by myself. And my mom was like, okay, okay,
                                         
    
                                         okay. You can go, you can go just do, you know how to get there. And I'm like, mom, I have literally
                                         
                                         been alive for 17 years. Like, of course I know how to get to the Oxford Valley mall. Like,
                                         
                                         of course I know how to fucking get there. You've brought me there almost every single other
                                         
                                         weekend. Like, come on. And she's like, okay, okay. Like, I just like,
                                         
                                         sometimes you don't really understand like, you know, I-95 versus like the turnpike. And like,
                                         
                                         sometimes you get it all mixed around and I'm like, it's fine. It's fine. So I get in my car
                                         
                                         and to give you context, to go from my house to the Oxford Valley Mall, which was like my local
                                         
                                         mall. Okay. We've got a lot of options in Pennsylvania. I don't want to flex, but we do have the King of Prussia Mall, which is like
                                         
    
                                         an hour away. But that was the mall that was like, if you want to go get a dress, you want to go get
                                         
                                         a dress for your school dance that will knock the socks off of Jimmy and Corleone and Sean,
                                         
                                         you're going to go to King of Prussia and you're going to get
                                         
                                         yourself a bandage dress from BCBG. Okay. But the Oxford Valley Mall, you know, they had Hollister,
                                         
                                         they had Abercrombie. Like we were working okay with like fine things. So that was like my go-to
                                         
                                         mall. So I'm going to the Oxford Valley Mall, which usually should take me about 12, 12 minutes to get there. I'm blaring Taylor Swift. Hair is out the fucking
                                         
                                         window. I am literally feeling like I am entering a new era of my life. I am feeling so confident.
                                         
                                         I feel like I own this bitch. Okay. I'm in my little Mazda. That was my dad's car. I didn't
                                         
    
                                         have a car of my own. Okay. Fuck you to my siblings. They each shared a car. I'm in my little Mazda. That was my dad's car. I didn't have a car of my own. Okay. Fuck
                                         
                                         you to my siblings. They each shared a car. I never got a car. Okay. So I'm whipping, I'm whipping,
                                         
                                         I'm whipping in the Mazda. And then I'm like looking at the signs and it's saying things
                                         
                                         about New Jersey. And to give context, the Oxford Valley mall is in Pennsylvania. And I've been apparently on the New Jersey turnpike
                                         
                                         for about 20 minutes. So I call up my mom and I'm like, mommy, I'm scared. And my mom's like,
                                         
                                         what signs are you seeing, Alex? Like, it's impossible to get lost. You just had to get on
                                         
                                         the fucking highway and just go three exits down. And I'm like, um, mom, it says, mom, I'm seeing signs for New York city. She's like, Alex, turn around. You're not in the right
                                         
                                         location. What the fuck are you doing? I'm like, how do I get off? She's like, put it in your GPS.
                                         
    
                                         But at the time I didn't have GPS. It was the actual like GPS thing. That's like lodged onto
                                         
                                         your air conditioner unit. There was no fucking iPhone slinging it right and left.
                                         
                                         Like this is like MapQuest.
                                         
                                         I don't have a MapQuest, first of all, because I thought I knew how to get to the motherfucking
                                         
                                         mall.
                                         
                                         And second of all, this GPS is like my dad's GPS.
                                         
                                         It is like ancient, ancient, ancient, ancient.
                                         
                                         So I would have to swerve over.
                                         
    
                                         So I'm on the phone with my mom.
                                         
                                         Then, of course, you know how they're on the landline.
                                         
                                         Also, just to shout out to my parents, you know how in movies like the landline, do people
                                         
                                         even know what a fucking landline is anymore?
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         I do have millennials on this fucking place.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         So a landline is the phone that's stuck into the wall.
                                         
    
                                         You little fucking shits.
                                         
                                         Okay.
                                         
                                         Be so grateful if you grew up and you only had iPhones.
                                         
                                         So the landline and ours had the longest cord, the longest cord.
                                         
                                         You could do a full lap around my my my first floor and you could still
                                         
                                         fucking make a little wiggle room in there okay so my mom's like brian my dad's like what she's
                                         
                                         like she's lost she's on her way to fucking new york city he's like where the fuck was she supposed
                                         
                                         to be going the oxford valley mall she's an idiot what the hell alex talk to me what do you see i'm
                                         
    
                                         like i see signs for the bron and New York City. Also,
                                         
                                         to be fair, how did I get this far? It's only because I was jamming. I'm like,
                                         
                                         it's a love story, baby. Just say no. New York City? What the fuck? So anyway, so my dad's on
                                         
                                         the phone. He's talking to me. He's talking to me. Again, no FaceTime, nothing back then,
                                         
                                         okay? It was the ancient times. It was the ancient eras, dusty crusty. So my parents are
                                         
                                         literally just trying to be like, read me the next sign, get off that exit,
                                         
                                         go here, go here. So I'm kind of having a mental breakdown. And then finally, I don't even go to
                                         
                                         the Oxford Valley mall because it takes me 45 minutes to get home. And I'm honestly just like
                                         
    
                                         shocked. And so the next time that I go to the Oxford Valley mall, my fucking parents made
                                         
                                         themselves drive with me and they map quested me and they printed out all these little things.
                                         
                                         I'm like, this is how you get to the local grocery store you dumb bitch I'm like I know how to get to fucking McCaffrey's and
                                         
                                         Gennardi's please you know who I did know who to go to I knew how to get to my first boyfriend's
                                         
                                         house and that thing was a windy windy road but I knew how to get there when you gotta get that
                                         
                                         pee licked you know how to get downtown anyways how did I get here? Oh, driving, driving, the driver's license.
                                         
                                         I got my driver's license last week. It's what we always talked about. Oh my God. Watch that be so
                                         
                                         good that I literally get copywritten. The car, the car to the mat, LA. Okay. So I don't know
                                         
    
                                         anything. I barely, okay. The point is is is I don't know LA and I don't
                                         
                                         know the streets whatever but when I figured out the sandwich shop for our party I was I was nervous
                                         
                                         because Matt was like oh like I've never heard of that place is it new and I'm like I don't know
                                         
                                         it's just like this good sandwich shop that I found on Postmates like let me live it's really
                                         
                                         good and then he tried it and he was like, wait, that was like an amazing sandwich. Oh my God. And so then I decided I'm going to get
                                         
                                         the sandwiches for the party. And I got so many sandwiches. I probably ordered a little too many,
                                         
                                         but that's okay. And Matt was like, you got so many sandwiches. I'm like, I feel like, you know,
                                         
                                         if people don't want to eat it, it's fine. Like we can have it for leftovers. And I put out three
                                         
    
                                         platters worth of sandwiches. There were, I think I ordered like
                                         
                                         35 sandwiches, but then when you cut them in half, it was like 60 something. So everyone
                                         
                                         could have a half and they were big halves. And I would say like an hour into the party,
                                         
                                         I have multiple people come up to me and they're like, by the way way Matt told us that you picked the sandwich shop and it is phenomenal
                                         
                                         all of them are gone Matt's like babe all of the sandwiches are gone no one's even eating some of
                                         
                                         the hot dogs and hamburgers because everyone is eating the fucking sandwiches and then I have
                                         
                                         Matt's uncle who is like LA native like knows everywhere is in the restaurant business and
                                         
                                         it's like Alex where are these sandwiches from they're so fucking good these put xyz one of their favorite places to the test. I'm sorry. I never do this.
                                         
    
                                         You guys, I'm editing this episode. I just have to quickly interject. I'm acting like I made these
                                         
                                         fucking sandwiches. I'm literally like, can you believe that everyone at the party ate my sandwiches,
                                         
                                         but you literally paid for them? Like, like I'm the pride I'm taking in the fact that like someone
                                         
                                         just like likes my food selection, the desperation to like find one thing in the hosting game that I
                                         
                                         like conquered. You picked up some good fucking sandwiches, Alex, let it fucking go. Anyway,
                                         
                                         sorry. Back to the story. I just felt like, listen, it's hard being around all these LA people
                                         
                                         that like know the ins and outs. And I just felt like,
                                         
                                         welcome to my fucking world. If I know one thing, if I know one thing in this, well,
                                         
    
                                         two things, if I know two things in this life, it's number one, had a podcast. And number two,
                                         
                                         it is motherfucking how to find good food in areas that I'm not from, but I will suss out the best fucking sandwich. I will suss out the best motherfucking frozen yogurt. I will get the
                                         
                                         best goddamn cheesesteaks. I will get the best goddamn burgers. I will get it all. And you can
                                         
                                         maybe tell me what's the best salad in LA. I don't give a fuck, Matt. Okay. Cause I'm not eating a
                                         
                                         salad. I'm going for the good stuff. I'm going for the grease. I'm going for the shit that will
                                         
                                         make me actually fucking happy. So anyways, yeah, it was actually like a really big successful
                                         
                                         weekend and yeah, kind of a, kind of a fabulous time. All right, Daddy Gang, that
                                         
                                         is it for this week's episode. You know, just just stay, stay humble, stay brave, stay strong and
                                         
    
                                         and stay with it. I hope you guys have a lovely, lovely upcoming week. Listen, I know tomorrow is
                                         
                                         Monday. Don't even have the scaries. Just go into it with
                                         
                                         a positive attitude and just fucking blackout honestly and just, you know, just cruise through
                                         
                                         the week because you know what I can say is my favorite thing about Caller Daddy being on
                                         
                                         Wednesdays is it breaks up the week. Okay. You have something to look forward to and I love you
                                         
                                         guys and you guys know the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers this Wednesday.
                                         
                                         Goodbye.
                                         
