Call Her Daddy - Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF)

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

Father Cooper sits down with Audrina Patridge. Opening up like never before, Audrina details the abusive nature of her relationship and marriage to ex-husband Corey Bohan. She recounts the serial cheating, emotional abuse and extreme manipulation tactics that left her isolated from friends and family. After surviving years of abuse, Audrina escaped. She filed for a divorce and a restraining order and began to rebuild her life as a single mother. This episode discusses adult subject matter, including descriptions of emotional and physical abuse, and is intended for adult consumption only. Listener discretion is advised. If you have been affected by domestic abuse, free, confidential support is available 24/7 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.7233 and online at www.thehotline.org

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy adrena patridge welcome to call her daddy thank you so much for having me i am so excited i have been an og fan of the hills congratulations on writing your book, Choices to the Hills and Back Again. What inspired you to tell your story? You know, what really inspired me was all the DMs from my fans. And just what I've been through throughout the years, they were always writing me wanting advice or to know how I got through this so they could relate to me. And at the time, what I was going through, sometimes it was so humiliating and I get so hard down on myself.

But reading that like lifted me back up knowing that I'm not alone. So that kind of inspired me to think, OK, well, this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place. Everything from the hills to my relationships to basically everything that's out there in the media or gossip or whatever that I've always bit my tongue. I never said anything. I just let people say whatever they wanted about me.

Well, this is my chance to really put it all in one place and set the record straight. Writing a book, I can imagine, is it's a huge process. And you in this book take the reader through trauma that you've been through was it difficult to relive while writing this extremely there were a lot of moments where I would break down and it was so hard for me and you know my ghost writer Jen Schuster who was amazing she was almost like my therapist through it all and I would cry and she'd you would talk through it and she's I was like I don't I don't I can't put that in there and she's like Audrina this you have to you know so it was very therapeutic

and I got through it and the more I talked about it and the more I kept having to read the book over and over and it's almost like I conquered something that I don't, I don't cry about anymore. It's like, it was very healing. I can imagine that too, because it's almost like you literally started this being like, I wanted to finally just say my piece. And then naturally there is a part of us that like, we always are like, wait, should I say this? And so it was kind of like, I love how your ghostwriter is like, Audrina, are we doing this or not we're going all in we're going all in and that's what I said I want to be vulnerable I want to be honest I want to be open so if I'm going to

do this I'm going to do it the right way well let's get into what you wrote about in the book because there's a lot let's take a sip here we Okay. We're going all the way back. How were you originally cast on the Hills? So I was actually, I moved to LA. I, so I was going to night school in orange County and I wanted to be a psychologist. Um, so I had to drop out of college, um, community college because I was going to get dropped. And I was like, you know what, I'm just going to move to LA and give it a shot. So the place I was looking at didn't have anything available. And I met these two girls in the elevator and they overheard me talking. They're from Oklahoma and they needed a roommate. So it was just that fell into place. So I ended

up moving in with these two girls I didn't know. And then we were laying out at the pool one day and Adam Develo, who was there scouting for Lauren and Heidi, came up to us. And, you know, I thought he was this kind of cheesy producer, like, here we go again. Some guy hitting on us like, what's your club? Right. But he was scouting for Lauren's Lauren from Laguna Beach, which I never watched. But I knew of her from tabloids and stuff. So he liked my story, liked that I had my go to nights in L.A. that I was very connected. And then we started filming two or three weeks later and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That actually makes a lot of sense to now looking back that you had your like connections already because I'm sure they wanted to make sure that

like Lauren and Heidi had a place to like plop in. Yeah. And you were like, oh, let's go to like Bootsy Bellows or whatever the hell it was called. And so like you knew what you were doing. Were you just like chilling at the pool in a bikini? Yes. Okay. I could see why you were like, hello, sir. I was like, hi, can I help you? You're like, hello, sir. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. So you decide to start with the hills. I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality TV,

immediately people are like, what did your family think when you're like getting followed around with cameras? They didn't know what to think. They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive. And I moved to LA because I wanted to do acting. So I was already auditioning for, you know, music videos and commercials and this and that. So I figured, why not reality TV? That's not even a thing.

I knew like the Jessica Simpson had a show. So that's kind of what I was like, well, it seems okay. Like it'll make me comfortable with cameras. It was very uncomfortable. I hated it in the beginning because it's not just one camera. There's like three and there's lighting and there's people staring at you. And it's a lot of pressure to be yourself and open up when you're just kind of thrown into that. I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style, like super edgy, the leather jackets, like worn t-shirts. Like I was obsessed with your style.

You were the cool girl and you love the bad boys. Yes. And we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby. When was the first time you saw Justin Bobby and what did you think about him? So I was actually the receptionist at Coyote Studios. And the first time we met, he was working there with Steven Mizell on a shoot for Madonna. And I was a receptionist. So he kept walking in front of my desk back and forth. And you could only go so far. And I was like, can I help you?

Like, he's like, oh, I'm just looking for some magazines. And I'm like, there's a stack of magazines on the table in there. And then he would come back and he wanted a drink. And then he would call the office all the time. And I'd be like, good afternoon, Coyote Studios. And he'd be like, make funny sounds and just call me to talk. And we just started hanging out. and that's like before the hills we know that reality television relationships can be fake or can be edited to look a little bit different what was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin I feel like you know Justin is a very mysterious man um yes he is you know with his motorcycle. Um, but you know, when we first

started dating and off camera, Justin has the biggest heart and he's so caring and he listens and he actually cares. And it's not just me, it's whoever he's talking to. He's truly connected and cares about what you're saying and wants to help. And, you know, I feel like when I brought him into the Hills drama, you know, he was kind of like that's not his. That wasn't even my circle that I would ever go into because I was never a part of drama. So bringing him into that where he was instantly just like put on the spot, it kind of made him act out a little bit in his own way. And then it's like he wanted, it was like he didn't care, but he did care. So I got to see the Justin on camera and the Justin off camera,

which they kind of captured both. And, you know, and after he watched the first or second season that he was on he didn't like how he behaved were you frustrated though by the edit of you guys ever yes because whenever there's cameras around people act different yeah um and i even going on other dates like they just change people but you know and justin and I were very immature we both played games with each other so I can't just blame it all on him because I was doing the same thing but I wish that they would have showed more of us just like hanging out they just wanted the action side of it the drama side of it because if we were just hanging out talking and talking about music or going and playing pool all the

time that's boring absolutely do you think that your relationship would have worked out had there not been cameras I don't think I've not in the beginning because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time and drinking and there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions but I think as we got closer yes we could have if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other to get a scene going so what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad? My very first impression of Lauren when I met her with Heidi at the pool and then we went out, she wasn't the friendliest person. She was very closed off. And as we started filming, I kind of started to understand why she was like that and why she didn't just welcome people instantly.

Because people used her a lot and like would throw her under the bus or you know and I now I understand why she was like that but in the beginning she wasn't as friendly or welcoming I mean she was doing this since she was in high school right and she started in Laguna I'm wondering like by the time you started filming the hills with her from what you observed like how did she handle all the cameras following her around she was so seasoned already I feel like she had that experience she was so comfortable with the cameras she knew all the good one-liners to say when the scene was ending what to do like she knew exactly what she was a professional she knew what she was

doing when you guys would shoot a scene okay you're done for the day, cameras are off. What was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling? We ended up living together. We had the best time together. We laughed. We did everything together. We had our ups and downs. Lauren is a very opinionated person and a very strong personality. If she doesn't agree with something or like something, she's going to say it. And that's very respectful. I liked that because I don't like the black or the gray. I like the black or white. But we we had some wild

times. I remember watching them. It was very fun. We actually watched an episode for our podcast and Brody and Frankie were like, oh my gosh, you and Lauren, like you don't even care what you guys looked like. You just roll downstairs after two hours of sleep because we had makeup down our face, our lashes, our hair. And I was like, we really didn't give a shit what we looked like. We just woke up and went downstairs to film. Did you guys ever like complain to each other about the process or like who hated production the most? You know, I think in the beginning we didn't really care. We were all for it. We were young, wild, willing to do anything and everything because we were out every single

night anyways. So it just made sense. Yeah. Follow us. And we would drink, meet guys like we had no responsibilities. So young, wild and free, you know, it's kind of the life to live. Yeah. What was your first impression of Heidi Montag? So my first impression when I first met Heidi, I met her at the pool and we instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly and like she oh she lives in her own skin you know she is who she is and we actually hit it off immediately and we'd go out all the time dancing and like she'd come to my apartment and we would drink and laugh and tell jokes and we had the best time can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are still together? I mean, that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them or her and Spencer is because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much.

And I mean, Heidi could have left him and had a whole different life, but she loved him and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it took to make sure that that worked. And yeah, they're still together. How do you feel now that The Hills is officially over? Honestly, I feel good about it. I feel like it ran its course. I think this past new beginning season, we all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines at this point. A lot of my real life wasn't on the show.

So I was all for the storylines where a lot of the people were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives. Like Heidi and I, you know, your real friendship gets put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show. But then you're trying to have their back. put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show but then you're trying to have their back but you're also trying to like do what you're supposed to do to make a tv show so that was really hard for me and Heidi and I we ended up talking it out at the end but in my mind I had to separate my job from my real life like this is our job like let's make a good show it must be like a little bittersweet though because you're like you've done this for so long like you now are the season one like you

met Lauren you're like you're a season now you're the one you're a vet you know exactly how to do it and now it's like you're moving on with your life and you're not gonna have cameras in front of your face and it you're not gonna be a part of these crazy storylines. It feels like it's like a settling moment, but also like kind of sad. I actually have a question for you. I don't know if you know this or not, but they just announced yesterday, I think, that there's a new cast for The Hills,

a new young cast. Wait, I didn't know that. That, yes, that they are, it's a new Hills of a new generation and it's more diverse and it's about addictions and dating in LA again and like what do you think of that would you I mean I want to watch it just because but I feel like I mean I think that that's really interesting I didn't realize that I think that as I've sat down with a like of reality television stars now, I just feel

there's so, of course, there's some positives that come from it. I mean, I've had so many people be like, I have my career because of it. You know, I have my platform. I make now money from it. And like, it's brought so many good things. But there is this like negative toxic side that I think maybe in the OG days, it was a little bit more authentic. I feel now like reality should literally be labeled like reality scripted television.

Yes. Because it's not going to be real. It's improv acting basically. Yes. And I feel like it's kind of detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the process of it.

And people are getting like death threats if you're the villain and it's like I'm not actually the villain they're telling me to say this line so like yeah I don't know how I feel about it I don't know if I I don't think I would ever do it now that I see this side of it in the past I'm like oh that looks cool but now I think that we see a different side it's so different I guess we're gonna have to tune in though I'm gonna have to tune in you have I know I sent it to Brody yesterday he has it wrote back I was like wait they could have named it something else like give this new cast a new name or like it's like the new Gossip Girl reboot where everyone's like it's not gonna be with Blake Lively and Leighton Meester it's just not the vibe

I know I know shit okay we need to watch it also like there's just when you compare things i'm like there's no way anything will ever beat the iconic moments of the hills like the the blank stare moment yeah like exactly like those moments that everyone like remembers like these poor people aren't gonna live up to that so give them a new name transitioning okay your book you open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex-husband, Corey. And I mean, there's so much in it. And it was incredible to like how much you opened up. I'm sure as hard as it was, there's so many young women that are probably reading this, like truly going to take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength. So I just want to say like, you're amazing. Thank you. Let's start from the beginning. What made you first fall for Corey?

You know, when I first met him through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin. And I just felt like I needed some like a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on. So when I met him at first, I never I didn't think of anything of it. He had a girlfriend, you know, a year goes by. This is when MySpace was a thing. Who was your top five? Tell me now. I know my song of the week. And, you know, our friend, it was just kind of happened organically just from hanging out. And then whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on MySpace. And Lauren and I decided to invite him to our Halloween party because we needed new guys. And we were hanging out with all these or I was with these professional BMX riders from X Games. And like, they're all hot and like, you know, or I was like, OK,

I know who to invite. Like we're inviting this group of guys. So that's whenever you first came on the show. And, you know, then we actually did have chemistry and I liked that he was respected and, you know, he was very healthy and all about his career. And he just had a whole different vibe about him than these L.A. guys. And then that wasn't the case. And you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating, which we've I mean, I think I can say a lot of us, most of us have been cheated on. And it's one of the worst feelings. Yeah. When was the first time you caught him cheating? Well, the you know, whenever he would go on these tours all the time, I would always get Twitter messages from my from fans that watched the show and they would warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night making out

with his friend and they love me and they just want me to know. So whenever I would confront him, he of course would say, they're just lying to you because they don't want you to be happy. They're fans. Don't believe other people. You're going to believe them over me. So then I started thinking, okay, well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And so I tried to block it out and constantly believe him because I didn't want to believe it. But I kept getting these messages. And then we were never ever dating like solidly, consistently for more than like six months ever at a time until I got pregnant. Because I was always filming or traveling and he was always gone traveling and had his life. So it was this off and on relationship where it's not a secret that it was toxic I mean there's pictures of me crying all the time on the street or

you know there's footage of it everywhere can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you experienced in your relationship with Corey? It's like, so I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love. I loved him and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy. That's a huge red flag. If someone doesn't trust you or they're constantly, you know know wanting you to delete your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages or you're not allowed to talk or go on or you can't even go have a girl's dinner without being blown up the whole time because you're being accused of going out to cheat or there might be a guy there that you run into like those are all

red flags run is it it almost I'm sure made you at times feel paranoid of like oh my god now I can't do any of this because he's gonna get mad and when you're thinking all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad like that's not yeah you're not even enjoying yourself so for me it got to the point where you know I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations and it wasn't just like a day fight it would string out over like a week or or something would happen and it would come back and like you know it was all projection and then if he thought I was cheating on him with one of my producers you know when I was on the travel show and I didn't call

him at a certain time when I was in bed like hell would break loose and then because of that I wouldn't hear from him for three or four days and then I'd find out he was with all these girls in his hotel room so it was this really toxic struggle it's like now girls that go through that and they see those red flags, like pay attention. You know, I think also something you said to anyone listening that I definitely have experienced is like the when they keep saying that you're the one cheating, that usually means they're the one cheating. Like you said, projection. Like, why are you so obsessed with me cheating?

I have not done anything to make you think that. And you usually start finding the truth out after like, and that's the thing with my ex and our relationship, I would forgive and then things would be amazing. And then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing. And it would be like, not again. No, like why can't it just be good? You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me yelling and cursing things like you're pathetic you're a failure you're a fake cunt yeah to what extent were your family and friends aware of the abusive nature of your relationship with Corey they weren't aware of

that. I tried to hide it from a lot of people because it's embarrassing. It's humiliating. And that's after, you know, I had my daughter and I wanted it to work. I had hope, but it just gradually kept getting worse. And I thought if I if we got married and now we have this beautiful child together like things would be great he could now know that I'm his like I'm not gonna cheat on him like stop worrying about that like this is my life now so again it was projection because coming home so late and calling me those names and making accusations and not having any self-control that was a huge red flag too and I hit it for a long time yeah I really appreciate you saying that because I think a lot of people can relate to that like feeling embarrassed to tell people and that's another sign right like when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most

that would accept anything that you come to them with like it but it's so hard to just open up about it because there's also a part of you that wants it to get better yeah and believes it can change you wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone yeah and I have personally experienced that. And literally your heart rips your heart out in those moments. How did you keep it together? and I would cry I I kind of started to learn how to block it out and like show up with a smile do what I needed to do and cry after like you just it's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras because otherwise and and I this happened with Heidi a lot I would always she knows me so like we would start talking barely in a scene and she'd say one thing and then I couldn't hold it together and I just start crying and they didn't show a lot of that, but it's like, I couldn't help it. So, um, yeah, it's hard. But whenever you see that,

it's hard. I cried. I was mad. You know, I yelled, I was like, get out of my house, get out of my house now. And he wouldn't leave. He would not leave. So I would go sleep in the other room and I would end up leaving my own house in the morning. And, you know, then he would be it's my fault because I wasn't giving enough attention or I didn't do this or, you know, so then it's like, what? Like, this is such a mind. Again, it's almost gaslighting like you just caught him doing something and somehow in two seconds it's turned around on you like well you don't give me enough attention that's why and he's justifying like him getting nude photos and

I remember you wrote about how you're like and then I would try to convince myself like maybe the girl didn't mean to send it to him and I know but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her and she would write me saying how he loves me so much. And they just talk about me all the time. And I'm like, yeah, but I saw your entire vagina and what you wrote to him. Like, how are you? And you're a fan. But like, you're going after my boyfriend.

Like, what? It's just it's weird. It's very toxic. Yeah. You write about when you found out you were pregnant and you talk about how Corey was like so excited he was so excited so ready to have this baby with you and for the future did you believe that Corey could change once he became a father I did like a hundred percent yeah and I remember he was, you know, there is these

ups and downs and especially once Kira was born, it's like the happiest I had ever seen him. And he was so excited to be a dad and just for this new chapter in our lives, you know, but things gradually got worse. It kept getting worse and worse and worse. Were you so lonely? Yeah. Gosh, I'm going to get like teary eyed. This is another it's like hard to go back. Yeah. I was but I had my family. So I sold my LA house because I didn't feel safe there. And I I took a break from TV and I was like, this is my life. Now I'm going to make it work. Like I am, I'm such a fighter and so determined. And, you know, my main priority was my baby and making it work with him.

And I moved in with my, you know, moved in with my parents. I was stayed with them until my house sold. I was back and forth. But I, thankfully I had my family and friends um so did they kind of then start to realize because now he's like not even a part of your pregnancy I mean they did but they also knew that his career he was in you know Budapest or he was in Australia for three months or he had to be here like that was his job but at least like don't disappear for four days and not even text

you back he wasn't even calling you were texting you were like so that drove me crazy and I again that's something I didn't want anyone to know either because I was stressing out but I I didn't want it to appear like that like I really wanted it to work so and because like when you're pregnant you that's supposed to be a time where you're stress free and you're trying to. So I can understand why you probably were just trying to keep it together because you're like the energy for my baby. I just need to be with my family and not focus on that. You kind of learn how just to change your focus, your priority. And my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes, no matter what happens.

Like this baby and do whatever it takes no matter what happens like this baby is my everything so once you gave birth was you write about basically like it was a struggle for Corey to be a good dad did you trust him to parent without you there you You know, when we were together with Kira, he was an amazing dad. You know, he made her laugh. He played with her. He'd bring me food. He'd, he was very helpful. Um, but he was gone all the time. He was always gone, but that, you know, he couldn't just be with her. He had to have all of his friends there and turn it into like a drinking fest. And it's like, can't you just be with your daughter one night or two nights just you and her and not make it a thing or like a friend thing I mean I can't imagine like I'm not a mother but I I can't imagine the anxiety you have the minute

you have your child and everything every step they're taking or breath they're having you're like oh my god I you need to focus on them and when you wrote about in the book how you walked in and your daughter had throw up oh yeah all over her over well she had it it was like stains all over the bassinet and when I got home that day I knew when I facetimed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room. The music was loud. I knew right then I was like, OK, your priorities are not right. Like this isn't happening again because she I think she was only four or five months. So, you know, you have to be you can't drink or have too much fun. You have to be there like mentally in case something happens or they wake up and they cry. You can't go drinking with your friends and then pass out with a baby upstairs. You then get married. What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day? Oh, there is so much. Um, and I got married, you know, five months after I had

my baby. And I remember my sister was there the night before and was even like, Trina, you don't have to do this. Like, let's get on a plane and let's go. Mom and dad will handle it. Like, I was like, I can't do that though like we've gone this far all of our families here from Australia from like everywhere is here like everyone's here on this island for a week and I was such a people pleaser at that point which now I mean I've done so much healing and I've grown so much if I could go back things would be different um but yeah I was I just kind of was in robot mode, kind of like jumped back into this like mode that I used to get in on the hills where almost like performance mode, like, OK, just get your makeup done, walk down the aisle. Everything's going to be fine.

Just get through it. Everything's going to be fine. It's so sad, too, because comparing it to the hills, it's like, you've learned to how to kind of like, just turn it on and off, like turn yourself off and turn on, like just get through it mode. And yet we're talking about like your life, like this is, this wasn't being filmed. This is your wedding. Like it's what advice would you give? Cause I know a lot of women that have written in being like I don't know but I'm getting married what advice would you give to someone who's waking up on their wedding day with a pit in their stomach knowing they don't want to but they feel like they should like

what advice don't do it because once you bring a baby into it into the world things don't get easier it gets harder and then marriage on top of that with finances and parenting and decisions like that all makes such a difference. And it's not just dating or having your space to go to anymore. Like you're together with someone forever. So don't rush into getting married. Take your time. Things kind of got worse. You write about a moment where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby can you kind of walk me through that moment of what you were feeling I it was kind of like that fight or flight mode like I kind of froze and I didn't know what to do but things kept escalating and And when I was pushed back,

you know, and Kira started screaming and crying and then I started crying and then he realized what happened and then he started crying. It's just like everything just spiraled and it got worse. And it's like, you know, that's when my family got involved and when the police got involved. And that's after going to therapy and trying to make it work. It's like you're not changing. You're not wanting to change. Like I can't do this anymore. Not only is it obviously not OK to shove you, but the image of reading it of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you it's

just like heartbreaking because it's going back to like the fight was wasn't it about he thought you were cheating yeah again well not that I was I knew that he was yeah and at that point I was so numb I didn't care I was kind of like and I talk about this in the book I got to the point where I was almost like I'm glad that you're cheating like go be with anyone you want just don't touch me like I don't want to be around you your energy like everything it just made me want to run I think it was very admirable how you wrote about how like you knew the minute you called the police, it was going to be kind of over. Yeah. Can you, if someone's listening, explain where you mentally

were at, where you knew like that you needed to do this for you and your daughter. I knew that that moment I called the police, that's the end of it. And and and I knew that after what had happened and just the he wasn't going to change and I gave him so many chances and once I had my daughter it's like I wasn't living for me anymore it was my life now is to protect her and to make sure she has the best life and and I knew that it would go all over the tabloids because it's public records, which it did, which I was dreading. And that's why I didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep our life private. And it did go everywhere. You know, it's humiliating. After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining order?

Yeah. So that kind of came after because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene. He kept calling. He kept showing up. And it's like, leave me alone. So, you know, after eventually my lawyer was like, Audrina, this is not right. There is enough evidence. She's like, I'm getting you a restraining order. And I was like, well, are you sure that's the right thing to do?

That's going to go public now. And like it was constantly like I had to stop caring about the public and what people thought and just do things for me and what was good for me and my daughter. Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point because how much farther would it go if you didn't? Yeah. So in my mind, that's where I knew this is it. It's time. And I was so depleted energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually. I was, I mean, everyone around me knew that something I was just, I lost so much weight. I was isolated. I wasn't myself. And I was trying to get back out there and smile and like,

but it just, I, it wasn't there. So I just knew like, it's time. You wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected how you viewed yourself. You wrote, when you're told you're a piece of shit every day, you begin to believe it. It becomes your reality. You stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside how did you get the strength to leave when you feel so depleted like so I got the strength through going to church I turned to God I literally me and Kira would go every Sunday I got into a small group I had support I had a support system and guidance and I would cry all the time. And like, I finally built up that courage and just kept

praying. And I was like, is this the right thing to do? Divorce doesn't, you know, at the time it didn't run in our family. Like you married, you, you like hash it out till the end, you make things work. So it was really, that decision was really, really hard for me to do. But going to church and just having faith and doing what was right for my daughter, like that's what helped me through it. And I think that was the best decision I've made. So I'm in such a happy, I mean, I'm in such a good place now. I'm happy. My daughter's happy. You know, she you know, she has the best of both worlds and she's with all of her family and her school. And like I I'm just I'm healed enough where I'm open to dating now. Since your divorce, have you been able to try to find healthier relationships and are there things you're immediately looking for and having boundaries now? Oh my gosh. Maybe

a little too hard of boundaries. No such thing. Okay. I love this. My friends are like, Audrina, your standards are up to here. Like, you know, it's like I love to flirt and whatever. But no, I it's like I'm not dating for me anymore. It's my daughter, too. So it's whoever I date next is it has to be the real deal. It's not just I'm not just going to bring them into my life to meet my family or my friends or it'll be someone that no one will really know I'm with until it's solid and it's good. And then people will be like, oh, wow, that's that's where I'm at right now. I love that for you so much. And you deserve that.

What do you wish people understood about what it's like to be inside of an abusive relationship? It doesn't have to just, it's not, sometimes when people say abusive relationships, they think physical, but abusive relationships aren't always physical. It's emotional. It's being called a piece of shit. It's, you know, being put down all the time. Internally, it takes a long time to recover from that and to get your confidence back and to feel like you're you again or like you are lovable, like someone will love you again. Like don't believe that you're never going to be loved again or you're not good enough like you are. So it's just, you know, it could be spiritually, physically, emotionally, any kind of abuse.

It's just that word doesn't necessarily mean physical. And it's toxic relationships. It's not right. You got to get out of it. You need support. Get yourself out. And it's not easy. Once you're in it, it's like you're swimming and you're trying to keep your head above water and

you're barely breathing and you need someone sometimes to come and pull you out you can't do it on your own adrina thank you so much for coming on i like i your book truly like i felt like it was such a journey to read and there were so many fun moments so many intense moments and it all really came together and i feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next because we've watched you for so freaking long. And I'm like sad that I'm not gonna be able to see you on TV, but you have a podcast now. Yes. The podcast with Brody and Frankie, it's a Hills rewatch, but we talk about other things too. It's not just the Hills. So is it fun for, do you think it's like a fun thing to rewatch or do you think no okay can I be honest

it is so cringy for me to watch I cannot watch it without having like a glass of wine like I didn't say that it's like what was I thinking like and then I think okay this is great like one day when my daughter's old enough I'll watch it with her and be like this is what you're not doing and this is what will happen if you do what I did like I truly don't know a world without the hills you guys basically like created reality television in a sense and it's it's gonna be sad for it to be gone but I'm excited for the podcast maybe when we're like old people again like give it another 20 years we'll be like 50 60 ready to do it again I don't know let me be so clear I would watch thank you thank you thank you Audrina thank you so much that means a lot thank you thank you