Call Her Daddy - Birthday Sex & Strip Clubs

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

Daddy Gang, get comfy as we wrap up Season 3 with a solo episode featuring Father Cooper. Big Al spills the tea on her extravagant week-long birthday celebration in Miami, complete with all of the stories from her trip to the strip club. But that's not all—she gives all the details of how her birthday sex took an unexpected turn, involving acrobatics and concussions. Despite her own chaotic life, Alex is here with some fatherly advice. She shares her insights on whether it's ever a good idea to pursue a romantic relationship with a guy friend, how to handle a friend who can't let go of their ex, and how to navigate sex with someone new after a long-term relationship. Big Al also dives into what to do when a friend deliberately cockblocks you and, even worse, when they intentionally flirt with your boyfriend. Enjoy!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Daddy Gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I am so excited. I decided it's another solo week. I feel not refreshed. I was about to say, I feel great. I don't feel fucking great. I'm so hungover. I have an ear infection. I'm fucked refreshed. I was about to say, I feel great. I don't feel fucking great. I'm so hungover. I have an ear infection. I'm fucked up because I just got back from celebrating my birthday in Miami. And when I say I got back, I didn't, I'm not home actually.

I'll explain that in a minute. Where the fuck am I? I was just in Miami celebrating my birthday. I had too much fun. And I know I've said everybody that keeps their birthday going for a week I fucking hate you I hate myself too it just so happened that people I was seeing different people throughout the week and we were having different parties and it was very fun I had some old friends with me actually one of them is for the first time in my life if you guys have never been to 11, neither

have I. Okay. And I had a full experience. I show up and it's basically a full club and strip club, if that makes sense. So we show up and the first person that comes up to me works there and she's like, daddy, like I'm such a big fan. I love the show. Can I give you a massage? It's so cool. You guys, these women give people massages. And I'm like, oh my God, no, like I have chronic neck pain. Like I don't want to, I'm like such a loser. I'm like, oh, so sorry. No, I have chronic neck pain, herniated disc.

Like you don't want to touch my back. And then I see Lauren in the corner just like taking shots. I'm like, but my friend Lauren would like a fucking massage. So Lauren sits her ass down and starts getting the most sexual massage they're like going down her body oil on me I didn't know that they put oil on me so Lauren is literally sitting like this oh and I'm watching Lauren having the time of her life to which then I turned to the girl like wait how much is this gonna be I had no cash on me and she goes oh every 15 minutes is a hundred dollars I'm like get up Lauren let's go I hand her like. And I'm like, that will be enough for

Lauren. Lauren got a nice little massage. I love strip clubs. They're a great time. And it overall was a really good birthday. I will say the one really, there's a lot of incredible things about being engaged, but the one really incredible thing about being engaged is like you can get so drunk and blackout and when you get home you can essentially make a fool of yourself or do the craziest shit that you can possibly think when you enter that bedroom and I'm gonna usually wake up and Matt's gonna still love me I get I stayed at the club for an hour longer than Matt Matt's like babe I I gotta go I gotta go I'm like I totally get it like I'm I'm with one with the strippers I get home and Matt is kind of half asleep and I walk in to which he describes as a rageful beast and now when I look back so one of my friends that works with me, Jordan goes, I heard you leave in the club saying to Matt on the phone, I need three things when I get home. What was it? A tampon, a vibrator, and water. I'm like, Matt, I need a tampon, a vibrator, and water. Classic Matt's like, okay, baby, like I got you. I'll see you soon. I come home. I rip my

clothes off. Like it's not even sexy. I rip my clothes off and I'm like, let's fuck. Matt throws me on the bed. He's like, okay, this is fun. Whatever. We start having sex. And the minute his penis enters my vaginal walls, I start screaming. Like it's just so not cute. Like this is not cute. It's dramatic. I get it. And Matt's like, what, what, what? what and I'm like I definitely have a tampon in like you need to take it out first like I don't want to get toxic shock syndrome like Lauren always has had tampons get stuck in her fucking stomach she's always like it was one time it was one time Lauren I remember the story Lauren's like something's not right something's going on and I will never forget Lauren teaching me the lesson of like you better not fuck with a tampon in because that's even worse than it just like getting stuck up there

that dick is gonna shove that shit up until your titties okay I don't recommend it okay so I like have this like really big fear and there's just like I just have a big fear of it who wouldn't okay so I start screaming at Matt and he I'm like put your fingers in there and he's like what I shove my fingers up I start trying to get my tampon out I feel he I'm like, put your fingers in there. And he's like, what? I shove my fingers up. I start trying to get my tampon out. I feel nothing. I'm like, Matt, I open my legs as if I'm in the gynecologist's office. And I'm like, Matt, get in there. And Matt's like, I really don't see anything.

Like, I didn't even feel anything with my dick. I'm like, get in there. Matt starts putting his fingers inside of my vagina, fishing around. But it's not like cute. I'm like, do you feel it? He's not like cute. I'm like, do you feel it? He's like, no. I'm like, do you feel it? I say, get your phone, turn on your flashlight app and inspect it. Inspector gadget, find the tampon. So Matt's like, Jesus fucking Christ. He gets the phone, full flashlight, legs up in the air. I'm like, do you see anything? Like,

what's going on up there? He's like, beautiful like I don't see anything but this is TMI so finally Matt claims that he doesn't Matt claims Matt claims I think about Matt's mom watching this like just like drinking her morning coffee being like all right we're done don't watch it this week um so Matt finally doesn't find a tampon in me we proceed to have sex and I find myself in very acrobatic situations when I'm feeling drunk like I with Matt usually have like my three go-to sex positions it's either what are they Lauren's so creepy in the corner any for me and my boyfriend no very classics usually it's gonna be him off the bed me from behind something doggy style. I love the, from the side spooning position, but like him up on his knees, if that makes sense, like not him spooning me, but him on his knees, me spooning. And then another one,

it could possibly be like me with my legs over his shoulders. Just visualize it, get turned on, get your vibrator because this isn't hot actually so I do the position I'm sweating already I proceed to do the position where my legs are over his shoulders and in this moment to just so you guys understand like yeah for sure Matt and I will have some kinky sex here and there and then like we'll have normal sex then we'll have kinky sex leaving a strip club the inspiration was flowing do you know what I mean? Like we got in there and there were these two women specifically just like AI looking women. They had a Star Wars helmet on their body and like just beautiful breasts and body. I'm so creepy, but I couldn't stop staring.

I was waiting for like a lightsaber to come out. And then the other women were like twirling, obviously on the pole. And like a lot of women were giving lap dances where their legs were going over men's heads and shoulders and all the things like kind of like circus delay, but like stripper vibes, just like hot as fuck. So when I got back, when I'm telling you guys, I chose to do the legs over the shoulders. It wasn't the classic legs over the shoulders. It was giving, I'm going to ramp it up velocity 500. Like I'm going to like twist and turn them around his neck and like try to take my toe and like give him a little ear massage with my big toe. Like I'm pulling out all the stops. It's going like this, but it's like, Ooh, like how can I get in the crevice of that ear canal? And like,

how could I like wipe his forehead? And then like my shin is like giving his cheek a caressing with shots. Like I was trying my best to really lean into the acrobatic things that I saw at 11. And so I have my legs around him in the position that I really like, but again, at that 500 velocity, ramping it up to do a little extra kinks. And because I was really focused on my limbs, not only my vagina and my body, I was giving it all. And because I was so focused on that, my legs were really flailing like around. And then all of a sudden, little did I know we were backing up further and further and further towards the edge of the bed which then what I didn't remember is the Soho house has this thing where like the board on the outside of the mattress is not directly on the mattress it's like six inches out so like your phone can drop through like your socks like my retainers you know you

guys wear retainers too right and? And so I wasn't thinking, and I'm flailing, I'm moving, I'm giving the acrobatic, I am stripper, I'm one with the dick. And all of a sudden he thrust too hard. My legs flip over. My body and my head smashes on the wood board and my legs flip somersault back over and I'm laying directly on the floor as I'm basically concussed and I'm out I didn't get concussed but I do have like a little bruise on my head. Matt, oh, maybe this camera could show, was like this. Alex! I'm out. And I wasn't out because of concussion.

I was like, I'm going to sleep. If you know me, which you guys do, but you don't know me in like a sexual way, or do you? I guess you do now at this point. I'm one where wherever I land after sex when I'm drunk, I'm sat. I'm done. Don't touch me. Let me go. Let me live. That was the worst part. This is too much TMI, but like, here we are. As I fling off the bed, Matt's coming and going, Alex, Alex. And as I'm fully on the floor, Matt is coming and checking

if I'm like, okay. And, or if I'm deceased and his ejaculation is sprinkling onto me like picture Matt fully just like oh my god so if you are inspired usually we come out here to get inspired like alex like give us that sexual energy again like teach us how to do those sex moves this is more of like what not to do for your birthday sex but i did have a lot of fun and it's a good story to tell so just be careful helmets next time and just like keep it 100 on your birthday um what else happened in miami wait what's the jean shorts when kate bailey fully fucking got me not allowed to get into my live for whatever. Let's bring it up. So someone that I work with, Kate Bailey.

I love my publicist, but she is a lovely bitch. How do we say it? Kate, you are the loveliest bitch I know. Kate and I like to play pranks on each other. Kate and I have a very interesting relationship. I'm sweating. I need to take this off before I tell the story. You guys met Kate in Milan.

She is my publicist, my pimple popper. She's all the good things. But in this moment, she's a fucking cunt okay so we're all drinking at dinner before we go to 11 Miami and Kate is like you're gonna love this place you're gonna have so much fun at this place like I can't wait for you to go I hate that there's video footage of this but we're gonna do it so we show up in two different cars Kate's in a car with a bunch of our friends and then I'm in a car with a bunch of my friends and I show up and I'm waiting for Kate because she's

the one that organized the table and we're standing outside of 11 and finally Kate goes to the front of the line where like the table people are and she's like oh a table for us and these men look at me up and down from my toes to my eyeballs and they say, she's not allowed in. And like, I'm drunk. Okay. And I'm like, wait, why? And they're like, guys, I'm still a little wounded. So if I'm coming off bitter, it's because I am. So I'm standing there and I'm like, wait, why? And they're like, you can't come in with that size. It sounds so weird now that I'm saying it. You can't come inside the club with with that size denim short. Are those your boyfriends? To give you guys context, I will put up a photo. I was wearing, trying to be trendy, trying to switch it up from fucking body suits and jeans. I was wearing, um, the, like a long jean short, like over my knee, but like, and also baggy, like a baggy

jean short with like a little top. Like it looked cute. You guys, I promise. Like it looks cute. Okay. Anyways, I'll post a photo. So he's like, yeah, your shorts are so big. We can't let you in with those denim, big shorts. There is video footage, which I will play and I want to die. This is me when he says that. Really? I'm looking down at my shorts like so insecure. Please show me the video so I can remember what I'm doing. It's so embarrassing. You're getting a lot of baggy shorts in there. Do you have a dress code?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't get in. No, they're very baggy. They're all baggy shorts in there. I'm sorry. It's like the trend. What'd you buy? His shorts?

You guys go. I'm done. I'm done. I'm going to leave. I'm fine. It's fine. It's fine. No, it's You guys go. I'm done. I'm going to leave. I'm fine. It's fine. No, it's okay. You get in the space.

I'm going to go to Arby's. I'm going to get a snack. And I was like, oh, so you're basically saying I don't look sexy enough in these. Like, do you want me to take my pants off? And so they start objectifying me. Okay. And I'm like, what if they were just baggy like pants? And like, it's just the short.

And I'm like, so then, oh my God, I think there's a point where I roll them up past my kneecap. And I'm like, is it hotter if you see my knee and so I then I'm like it's okay you guys go in and I'm like so sad I'm like really want to go in the strip club I'm like okay you guys go in and then Kate Bailey looks at me and she goes it's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke. I wasn't in the headspace for a joke because I was already insecure about the shorts. Okay. I was trying to be a fashion girly in that moment. I was already insecure about the shorts and Kate is wheezing and all my friends are there wheezing, laughing. And I turned to Matt, of course of course poor math and I am like this and I'm like did you know and Matt's like Matt's like no no I'm like you must have known and like poor Matt is like no I

didn't know like because to be fair Matt at one point was like let's fucking go like who gives a fuck let's go fuck like I'm over this place anyways let's go and i'm like no i want to go see the strippers and finally matt's like no i didn't know but i could tell once kate started laughing and filming you then i knew and i was too drunk that i didn't notice i thought she was filming it so we could like upload it and be like they discriminate against big shorts i thought we were filming it like you know how on tikt TikTok people upload things where it's like, we will show you 11 Miami that like my big shorts are cool and fuck you for not letting me in. So I thought she was documenting on my side. Little did I know this fucking whore was just

using me for her content. So I said to Kate, I said, Kate, watch your back. I said, now it's on. You prank me. I'm going to prank you and you will least expect it. And we agreed that our pranks can go like this. If you're the last one that pranked, you can't just keep prank No. Um, Kate, it's on. So now that we've gotten my big, the pant sagas done or the shorts on the jorts, where am I? this is the last episode of season two okay and what is the point of season two versus season three I just make it up you know know what I mean? When I signed with Spotify, I had season one was year one. Season two is year two. And season three is my final like year of like my first deal with Spotify. So I figured like, why not just make it fun and more like a TV show. And I hope each season you guys feel it gets better. Season one

premiere was I glucked my way to the top sucked so much dick to get to where I am today gluck gluck 9000 season two premiered with Hayley Bieber which was fucking insane broke every possible record it could break and now season three I am in an undisclosed location which you'll soon find out in two weeks, I am recording with someone that is going to be the guest of season three premiere. How I can describe seasons though to you guys, because in my brain, there's a lot of things that change, but for you guys, every season I like to change my cover art. I like to change a little bit of like the vibe of the studio, maybe a little bit of the color changes, but my cover art for season two it's gonna be a no for me dog it's

gonna be uh I couldn't have looked worse I don't know what the Debbie Ryan face is but apparently everyone was annihilating me on the internet being like you literally are doing the Debbie Ryan face and so everyone was roasting me and I was gonna reshoot my cover art daddy gang but this is the thing you know I am busy like I can't just be like oh I to reshoot my cover art daddy gang, but this is the thing. You know, I am busy. Like I can't just be like, Oh, I'm going to do another cover art. So I was like, I'll just wait. And so season two, the content was great. The cover art was so fucking shit. I'm embarrassed. I look like I'm an untasseled realtor. I'm giving, I'm giving like take the blazer off you fucking whore. You are still in your twenties. You can like still put your tits out and like have a good time. But for some reason it's just giving nothing. So season three, I will have a new cover art

and I think it's going to be, I have no idea what it's going to be, but it's going to be better than season two. What was season one? Oh, season. I'll put all my seasons up here. Well, you season three will be a question mark. Season one two okay you guys i'm just currently editing this and i'm sitting here and i'm like i am a dumbass because it's not season three it's season four i have been completely off on my seasons not that any of you really give a shit but it does help me keep time i am just completely neglecting the fact that I had season one was still with Barstool when I started doing this show solo. So we have season one cover art here. Season two cover art here.

Season three cover art here, which is the one that I'm like, what was going on there? What was going on? And then season four, well, that's not revealed yet oh my god look at henry if you guys are watching this episode there you go oh my god so i'm about to say so season three is coming it's season four but you know what you don't listen to what i say anyway so just pretend i never said it season four is coming when i'm referring to season three it's season fucking four and it doesn't even matter but yeah okay goodbye ignore me so season three is coming new cover art and the first episode what can I give you guys there's a tiny tiny tiny little hint about season three

first episode who is the guest let's just say and I'm gonna bleep it out if this gives it away but I am exhausted from trying to keep up with this person okay that's all I'll say hi daddy gang so we're back I want to just hang out with you guys and like i said this is the last episode of season two it really means nothing for you guys it's just for me creatively i just like to like change things a little bit like i said but i want to spend it with you guys alone today so i well i guess lauren's here alone what am i you are i'm your most repeated guest of season two it's true it's so fucking true and Lauren when I say I'm alone I'm not alone like Lauren's here but like you guys get

it like it's like we're together we're alone we're I'm here for emotional support and some logistical support yes so I'm gonna have Lauren read some of your questions daddy gang because I figured it's sometimes nice for me to not fully see them before. So I gave Lauren my phone. She screenshotted a bunch of your DMs and I want to like actually, cause sometimes I like read through them and I think about it, but I just want to genuinely react as if it's like, I'm your friend. I'm hearing it for the first time. What comes to mind? Let's get into it. I'm not going to do the whole thing because I will start sweating. But question love the motherfucking week.

Let's go. Laren, Daddy Gang's first question. Go. Question one. I've gotten super close with one of my guy friends over the past few months. We always have the best time together and I genuinely love being around him. But lately, the vibes have been getting really flirty and he's been making jokes about us hooking up i'm conflicted i'm kind of into it but i'm also

worried that if we do anything i'll totally ruin our friendship what should i do okay this is like the worst question ever because i feel like there's only one answer always when it comes to hooking up with a friend or a best friend specifically this is your best guy friend is like if you're gonna do it the goal is you guys end up getting married right it's like it worked we were both in love I fell in love with my best friend but for the most part it's like it usually doesn't end great because the feelings have to be so fucking mutual and if you're such good friends I feel like a lot of the times one party is usually so happy with that

friendship my only concern is that he has been joking saying like we should hook up and that leads me to believe he could be testing the waters because I don't think he would say that unless he actually genuinely meant that clearly since you guys are friends so my question back to you is how do you feel about him are you sexually attracted to him do you like him I think the topic of hooking up with your best friend is always I get it written so often daddy gang and I guess the only thing I can say is like just know it will never be the same again again goal is sure you both fall in love and you're married. But for the most part of everything I've seen, my experience is like

one person is way more invested. And if you tell that person you have feelings for them or you go for it or you fuck one night and you wake up, it's never going to be the same and you have to be OK with that. So I have people write in saying I'm so in love with my best friend. I need to tell them I need to act on it totally. But just recognize that you can't be then upset by the repercussions, because that also does put someone else in an uncomfortable position. If they have no feelings for you, the relationship is just going to be different. Right. I mean, what do you think, Lauren? I've never been in love with any of my guy friends. Me either.

It's just too much of a sticky situation where like, I think sometimes like, especially depending on your age, which I always hate using age, but like, if you're in college, like, I think sometimes people just like want are like more reactive with like their like physical emotions of just like oh I'm horny like he is hot she is hot like I kind of want to go for it and you just have to really pause and think like if this is like you're in your 30s this is your best friend he's your only friend or she's your only friend in San Francisco you guys live there together you have your lives are entangled but like and this would be like someone you want to marry one day like I just I don't know. Oh, I do have a thought actually. Go ahead.

I think the circumstances can be a factor. Like if you are in a phase of dating and like you're in a rut right now and you've gone on like a string of bad dates and like you're in that phase, you're just like going on those painful first dates and you're having awkward conversation. And then like maybe you're leaving that bad date with a guy and you're going to talk to like meeting up with your guy friend and you're having easy conversation I think taking the circumstances into like fact like into consideration like am I kind of looking for something that's already familiar and comfortable because I'm feeling bad about striking out in other places yeah and just because you can have good conversation with someone doesn't necessarily mean like you should go for them I love that and I also think like

sometimes when you I agree if you're single and you just like are in that rut friends can start to look real good or if like you saw them get with someone that's hot and you're like maybe I haven't been seeing them in the right way like you need to make sure you're not clouded by your horniness and you're just like your desperado vibe like which I've always been and I've like maybe I haven't been seeing them in the right way like you need to make sure you're not clouded by your horniness and you're just like your desperado vibe like which I've always been and I've like people start looking real good like the guy started hooking up with my junior year of college it was like where was I I was desperate and he just started looking good because he lived down the hall and I was like oh Jeremy his name wasn't Jeremy but you know who you are it just shouldn't have well hopefully you don't watch this because it should have never happened but I guess take the shot if you want but I love

you and daddy gang just know I personally think it's always better to not act on it than to act on it unless you are 100 sure that you're like I cannot live my life unless I tell this person I love them so much and I'm okay if our friendship ends because it's so painful to me to be in a relationship with this person as a friend if I we can't have more than I I have to get away because I can't stop thinking about them if it's not that dire then like come on there's other dick around let's let's move on next question you know when like you read in like class and you're like I'm a good reader and like I know how to read like when you're reading for class you're like, I'm a good reader and I know how to read. But when you're reading for class, you're like, oh, I forget. Is English my first language? I'm like, Lauren, go.

I'm like, Lauren, go. Okay. My best friend is still hooked on a guy that broke up with her four years ago. She constantly compares every single guy that she gets with or even has potential with to her ex. She is very fragile, so i don't know how to approach the situation but she's closed herself off to new opportunities and i want her to be happy how do i tell her it's time to move the fuck on you don't you don't i i totally hear you it's

so fucking annoying if you have a friend that's still not over that ex and they go on the date and they're like it was good and you're like well what was bad about it nothing he just like he's not like jake and you're like jake literally broke your heart four years ago never liked you you fucking whore move on but it's like i think sometimes everyone has to figure it out on their own and i think let's play it out so what are you gonna do you could let's role play you could be like listen I feel like I keep seeing you trying so hard to go on dates and you're always comparing them to Jake and I love you so much you deserve so much better like think about it like he broke your heart you don't want someone like him like you deserve so much better you can only do so many of those pep talks daddy gang you can of course

you should at one point hype your friend up remind them they're better than that last ex but I also think when people are heartbroken you kind of just have to let them figure it out for themselves and I feel like a lot of times the only way for them to actually get over that person that they were so in love with is when they find someone new so I would say for your friendship be her hype man I get it's annoying as fuck that she probably is like another bad date and you're like I don't want to hear about it and you're like close your door because you're like I bet what he's not as good as Jake I also think there's just like block her out support her be like oh I'm sorry well you'll get the next one like keep trying girl like because what then you're just going to be the friend that's like you really need to get over him

like he's not shit like no you're not going gonna be the one that helps your friend like be there for her but I think sometimes girls we have this like frustration when a friend can't get over it bitch you'll be there in two fucking months when Brad breaks up with you you're gonna be crying about Brad for the next fucking six years until you find the next right person. So let everyone grieve in their own timeline. I think sometimes it makes it even worse in the beginning when you're trying to start dating and you can't help but compare the comfort of an ex, even if they were a fucking asshole, at least they were predictable and you knew who they were. So just give her some fucking time. Okay. I know you said it was four years ago, but it may feel like four days for her. Okay. She's on the struggle bus. Let her ride it until she's done next question I just got out of a long-term relationship and I'm starting to get

back into dating it's been years since I've had sex with someone who isn't my boyfriend and I'm so nervous how do I begin having sex with new people oh it's so hard because I feel like unless you are someone that like goes out immediately and fuck someone and you're like, woo, I got back on the horse. Like I'm ready. You do overthink it and you have to try to not, but I also think you should give yourself some grace of like, no matter again, if the relationship was toxic or healthy, it's not easy to be intimate with someone again, especially if you were in a long-term relationship, you get so used to the sex that you have with your partner you know each other's bodies you know you know how to make out like we were talking about this the other day Lauren and I were like how

weird when you do start hooking up with someone new how annoying it is to go in for those first few date makeouts because like you're like are they going upper lip lower lip how much tongue do they fucking use like there's a lot of room for air and makeouts like i think sexism was easier yes like making out is like fucking awkward at first because oh my god i remember when i met slim shady i was like i have to teach him i have to teach this man how to make out because he's clawing at my face he's biting me he doesn't use tongue his lips are this wide open and i'm like let me in there like you gotta work it. So I would say when you're getting back out there, be patient because you're going to overthink and you just

have to realize like it's going to come. But I think it's actually being just faking your confidence of like every they're feeling the same way too. They're figuring out your body. Just go for it. If you start overthinking things, you're also going to like prohibit yourself from just getting out there have a couple bad fucks have a couple bad makeouts have a couple bad kisses it's okay who cares what they're gonna judge you it's okay you're gonna be fine it doesn't really matter something um like kind of like hot and like comforting that someone said to me it was one of the first few people that I had sex with after getting out of my seven year relationship and he was like that sex was so great and I can't wait for the next time and the next time when we get to know each other and what we like more yes and I was like yes yes that's what's crazy is like I feel like the first time you fuck with someone like unless there are those moments

where you're like whoa that was like one and that was wild and holy shit but a lot of times if you know weirdly like you're going on dates and you're talking this person it's not like out at the club there's like this like feral energy where you're like I need to fuck this person this is gonna be insane when you're going on dates and you're talking it's almost like you put more pressure when you get to know the person a little bit because you care what they think of you so if you're putting yourself back out there just remember it's going to feel a little weird at first but once you get back on that fucking horse and giddy up smooth sailing don't overthink it it's not all on you baby girl okay you could just lay there and i was just gonna say if all starts going south just lay there and be like go downstairs go downstairs do a little like hip movement.

Hump his face a little bit. You're going to be good. Okay. Next. Next question. One of my friends has turned into a total cock block. Every time we go out, she tries to get in the way of me talking to guys. So either interrupt me or drag me away to a different part of the bar.

When I do end up going home with someone, she gets mad at me for ruining girls night I don't think I'm ruining anything I want her to have fun obviously but to me part of fun is flirting with guys how do I talk to her about this okay that's like a red flag sorry but like I'm trying to like be empathetic and come from her perspective. My one thought is like maybe she's jealous of you in terms of like are you the person that's always going home with the guy and like what's her social life or like her dating life like like is she kind of in that rut where like I could see her being like I never get to go home with anyone. So if I can't nobody does that's just a bad mentality. But like I'm just thinking maybe that's why. I would say number two, which could be controversial, but like she could be in love with you. Like I have seen people do that where it's like they're so fixated on the person's dating life and they're so obsessed and blow on their friends. And it's like, well, they're obsessed with you and they love you and like they're jealous.

But let's pretend that's not the case. The one thing that I don't fuck with is her verbalizing to you that you're ruining girls nights. It's like it's one thing for you to see like she's trying to like keep you at the bar and then you go and then she drops it. But to say in the morning like, yeah, you just like ruin our girls nights because you always leave. It's one thing. Don't you agree, Lauren? If you're sitting at a girl's wine night you're always hanging out in apartments you're kind of like having nights like that and she's constantly leaving the nights where it's supposed to be more chill and she's like gotta go get that dick I'd

be like yeah you're a fucking dick rider you need to fucking give your vagina like a night on ice and fucking chill for a second you fucking whore like you can stay in with the girls for one night but if you guys are going out that's the fun of going out when you're single and like finding guys finding girls to hook up with I guess you could just approach her and say one thing of like hey I love going out together I feel like our group is thriving recently we have so much fun but I do want to bring up to you that I feel like recently you've made a couple comments to me the morning afters of just like me ruining girls night and stuff. And I just want to kind of clear the air because obviously that kind of statement

makes me feel a little icky and I love you and I want to make sure we're good of like, what's going on? Like, obviously, like I love hanging out. And then like, if I find a guy, like I'm so excited, like I want to like end the night on a like a fun note and try to hook up with someone and find someone like, can we just talk about this and then kind of put it on her and see what she says if she's like yeah I just feel like you're like always ditching the girls for guys it's like well I like love hooking up with people and I'm there the whole night and then at the end Becky we're not going in bed together and like licking each other's clits like I need I need Kyle getting down and dirty on me

or I need Samantha that I met at the bar getting down and dirty like we're not doing that together so I am trying to get my nut like respectfully like I know you love your vibrator but like I I want a good dick or another vagina but you're not leaving 30 minutes in I used to hate my friends sometimes that would do that I was gonna say like if it's like an hour in and you're like inviting the guys over it's like an hour in and you're like inviting the guys over it's like an hour in and so you're like i gotta go that ruins the vibe like i i could get that i guess timing is important here like if you're have a small group of girls too if it's like four of you and one of you 30 minutes in bounces with a dude it's like oh fuck like that does kind of ruin the vibe because you

need that group energy that you plan to go out with so just um yeah but i think a cock blocker is usually a sign of insecurity or jealousy and i think you can nip it in the butt like it's not that fucking deep like let's all have fun let's all get ours and like yeah i may be getting more frequently i'll help you let me wingman you you can't cock block me if i'm trying to get a fucking dick shove up your asshole like let's go come on the girl's like taking notes and she's like i'll get you a dick up your asshole okay let me go talk to her about that it'll feel great just do a little double p together oh a threesome next time you're leaving be like i know you want to come let's go and you just bring her in fun okay next question my friend keeps flirting with my boyfriend in front of me it's super obvious and makes me and him so uncomfortable i don't want her to think i'm accusing her of

anything but how do i tell her to stop girl girl we gotta talk that's not a friend if my friend was flirting with my boyfriend that is just not a girl's girl. That is like someone that's like intentionally. That'd be like you learn when we were living together, like walking out and like your little thong booty shorts and be like, Matt, like I didn't know you were going to be here. And like it's just giving like fucked up and like not being a good friend. I would say it's giving trying to put you down and that I just need his attention and validation and like trying to like intentionally which is crazy that she's not that she's doing it in front of you which like I was gonna say is there any

chance that they fucked and then I was thinking for a second no because I feel like if they fucked they would be so skittish and like awkward around each other because I don't know you didn't learn anything from Sandoval oh you're so right like her jumping on his back okay this is what I would say I think the first conversation actually could be with your boyfriend because I've we've already established this girl is not really your friend sorry but like if your friend is fucking flirting with your boyfriend in front of you there's like no respect unless this is just like a no actually to get back when people like she's just a flirty person I don't care that's just you have to have some self-awareness or why would you want to be friends with someone that's like so unselfaware because then that is someone that

fucks your boyfriend I would have a conversation with your boyfriend being like, babe, I know obviously like I trust you, but no, we actually don't trust fucking anyone. You're right. Scandival told us everything we needed to know. You're going to be like, imagine you do it in front of both of them. She goes to flirt with him. Pause. Pause.

Nope. Pause. What was that? What was that? Are you trying to fuck Ben? Wait, let's get real realistic here. Okay. Let's imagine me, you and Matt. Pause. What was that? What was that? Are you trying to fuck Ben? Wait, let's get real realistic here. Okay. Let's imagine me, you and Matt.

Okay. I, oh my gosh, they can be like cringe thinking about like flirting with Matt. Me too. I like put my knee, my hand on Matt's knee and I'm like, Matt, you just look so good tonight. Like Alex, doesn't Matt look like amazing tonight? What would you say in that moment if I did that? Lauren, can I talk to you for a second privately?

Boom. No, I'd say, Lauren, can I talk to you for a second privately? I would pull you aside and be like, listen, I love you and I love our relationship so much, but this isn't working for me. And you would be like, what? I haven't said anything because obviously I'm always trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I love you. You're my best friend. But like you're blatantly flirting with my boyfriend in front of me. And that's not really cool because I would never disrespect you like that.

And it is giving full disrespect. And then say, can you please explain what is your intention here? What's your intention? And if she's like, oh my gosh, Alex my gosh Alex like babe no and she's just like gaslighting all of her little energy into your face you remove yourself from the situation if it doesn't stop if she's like I am so fucking sorry I'm so awfully single and I will just admit I flirt with everything that has a pulse and this is so fucking embarrassing and I promise you this will never happen again I'm so embarrassed and I apologize.

But if you get that response and it never happens again, I guess let's give her the benefit of the doubt. But if she's like, babe, what? Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like, no, like I think you're reading into it. No. Cut her. Cut her.

I'm like triggered over here in the corner. The only other thing you could do is I personally would never date someone that also wouldn't stand up for our relationship like if that was happening to Matt and I addressed it with him like I would say to Matt privately every single time she flirts with you I need you to verbally say something back to her and if you don't it just makes me look like an idiot and it looks like you don't care more on you though because it's your friend it is but it's also the respect of like, Matt can also is in a relationship. He can also stand up and he can make her like, feel like a little uncomfortable.

Like, so why are you saying that? Yeah. Like, Hey, I'm sorry. That makes me really uncomfortable. That makes Alex and I very uncomfortable.

Please don't make those comments like something like that. And then just don't hang out with this fucking cunt anymore. I'm sorry. But like people that just go like, there's so much fucking dick on this planet. It's like everywhere you can't get away from penises like go find a fucking other one and if you can't not my fucking problem but you don't homie hop onto my boyfriend's fucking dick thank you next people are being deviant this

week we got fucking girls cock blocking girls We got girls trying to fucking fuck other girls' boyfriends. Yeah. Daddy gang. I kind of want something funny. Guys, my housekeeper Diego is the most amazing man in the world. And every time Diego comes and cleans, he's like, he's like, oh, I always have to like make sure all your sex toys are cleaned. And I was like, Diego, what?

And so he says to the person that Matt and I are working with Alex and all of her toys I'm always cleaning up her toys and I was like what and he was like fully like oh yeah and like you know Diego like he doesn't leave one fucking part of the house like unscathed like he is scrubbing every corner like Diego's fully like scrubbing the butt pugs like scrubbing the vibrators and he's so happy to do it and he like puts them in order and like makes them look all beautiful for mat night and so like Diego I didn't realize has been fully cleaning my sex toys if you think your housekeeper is better than mine try again okay daddy gang that is it for not only this week's episode but this season when I look back on this season I'm overwhelmed I think with how many different like formats and things that happened and musical artists started coming on.

We had our first musical artist sing and now we have people that come on and like perform on the show. To this day, I can't thank you guys enough because I literally wouldn't be able to sit and meet some of these people and have conversations with them if it wasn't for you. So just know that season three, we're only getting better. We're only getting bigger. And it's't for you so just know that season three we're only getting better we're only getting bigger and it's because of you so thank you for listening to my ass every week on Wednesdays hanging out with me looking forward to things because truly I know I've now been doing this for five years oh my god color daddy started in. I've now been doing this solo for, this is going on my fourth year and it literally feels like yesterday I started this thing. Like it's just getting better. I love doing this for you guys. I love doing it for myself. This is so

fucking fun. I feel like I have the dream job and I can't thank you guys enough for holding it down with me, going through my crazy fucking transitions of life and content and all the things you really are the best I could ever fucking ask for daddy gang truly the strongest fucking I don't even want to say podcast gang in the world well the gang does give a negative um we are the strongest gang in the United States. No, we are the strongest gang in the world. It's giving, you know what I'm saying. We are solid gang members together. We are the strongest fucking gang. I truly could not ask for better fans, followers, listeners, all the fucking things.

You guys are the motherfucking shit. And I will not see you fuckers next Wednesday. I will see you fuckers in two Wednesdays for the season premiere of season three let me just be clear you are not fucking ready I love you guys goodbye Outro Music