Call Her Daddy - Cancel Diet Culture

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

This week, Father Cooper is joined by life coach and body positivity expert Susan Hyatt. Susan breaks down the prevalence of diet culture in today’s society and why it is so toxic. She provides tangible lifestyle changes that can lead to healthier and more fulfilled lives. How does your environment affect your mood and eating? What message is your closet sending to you? Summer often leads to anxiety around body image and Susan is here to challenge and shift our current mindset. She teaches us that it is possible to love our bodies as they are while also working towards healthier habits. Enjoy!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Let's get into it because I'm so excited. So to anyone listening, I am here with Susan Hyatt. I came across Susan's TED Talk, and I just immediately knew that you guys would love her message. So Susan, your talk is titled, If We Want a Better World, We've Got to Kill Diet Culture. You're a life coach and you help your clients to live healthier lives, but not through dieting. So let's start. Can you outline for us what is diet culture? So diet culture, literally no one can escape it. It's in the air that we breathe. It basically is the culture or the structure that we live within, part of a tool of the patriarchy. And so diet culture is the media. Diet culture is stories that your mom and your grandma told you diet culture is an $80 billion industry. That whole goal is to keep women distracted and buying products and working towards shrinking ourselves instead of expanding our lives.

And so it's not just one thing. It's an entire attitude of a culture that wants to keep women busy doing other things. Can you provide some examples that people may not even recognize are diets that they're doing? Well, the shorthand for that is it's basically any way of eating that you could do wrong. So if you are eating according to a set of rules that you can mess up, you're on a diet. And that doesn't mean though, that people don't have real health concerns that you adhere to for your own health. But what I'm saying is that it's a slippery slope. So if you're, if you're doing intermittent fasting, if you're on keto, if you're eating according to paleo, if you're doing Weight Watchers, these are all diets because it's a set of rules that you can mess up and do wrong. I think it would be interesting to hear you explain. Statistically speaking, do diets provide a longterm solution to weight loss? Absolutely not. 95% of people who attempt dieting,

and by the time a woman is my age, a woman has attempted to diet 60 plus times in over 30 years of her life because the average age a girl starts dieting is eight years old in this country. Oh my God. Right. And so when you think about that, 95% of people who attempt dieting gain the weight back and more. And so it's the most insane thing that we do over and over and over again, thinking that it's going to give us happiness or acceptance or whatever it is that we're taught that being literally taking up less space will give us when actually what women think they're going to get from dieting, they can actually get from becoming devoted to their own pleasure. It's just this constant feeling like you are not good enough and your body is not good enough.

I'm interested for you personally to know what was your enough is enough moment in regards to dieting? I had so many moments, but one that like sears in my mind is my daughter, Cora, who is now 21. She was six at the time. And she got a new camera, like a little kid camera and wanted to take pictures of me in my bathing suit. And I remember she snapped some pics and showed them to me and I wanted her to delete them. I was embarrassed about them. And I remember in that moment seeing that like the crushed kind of disappointed look on her face, like she didn't understand. And in that moment, seeing that like the crushed kind of disappointed look on her face, like she didn't understand. And in that moment, I thought I'm going to have to do something different here. I'm going to have to model a different kind of behavior. I'm going to have to figure out my own issues here because I never want her to be ashamed of how she looks to the point that she's like,

get rid of that picture. And listen, we all have done that, you know, in the age of social media in particular. And so that was a big moment for me, seeing this little face look at me and not understand, like, why was I upset? It was a happy moment up until I saw my photo. The photo, right? The photo is such a huge thing, I think, especially like you said for social media now. Is there any way to avoid being exposed to diet culture in America? like all is lost because obviously the work that I'm doing and many other people are doing to, to talk about body positivity or at least body neutrality and true self-care and, um, exposing diet culture for what it is, change is happening. There are people who will come to me and say, Oh, I've never dieted a day in my life. and I wasn't raised in a household that was worried about dieting. Listen, there's no one who hasn't had a conversation with another human about losing weight.

And if you're female, you would be hard pressed to visit any dressing room in any department store and not over here in other dressing rooms, women criticizing their bodies or being upset about how something fits them. And so there's no way to escape it. But what you can do is become awake to it and understand where it comes from and how to talk to yourself in a way so that you can become a woman who is proud of herself regardless of her gene size. So when working with your clients, you provide them a variety of lifestyle tools instead of prescribing any type of regimented diet. And I want to discuss a few things. So the first thing you advise your clients is to clean

up your environment. Can you explain what you mean by this? Sure. So while we're so concerned about what we're putting in our mouths and like, you know, let me count these calories and macros and all those things, what we really need to be concerned about is what's coming at us through all of our senses. So what do we see? What are we reading? What are we viewing? What are we hearing and listening to? And that could be music, podcasts, conversations that we're having. And then yes, your physical environment has an effect on your mood. And so typically what I encourage people to do is go through their life like an investigative reporter and every day, like pay attention to your surroundings, what you're reading and listening to and experiencing

and how is that affecting your energy? And so typically clients come back and they'll say like, I had no idea how draining my coworker was who's always gossiping or tearing other people down and like, wow, I don't know why I was just allowing myself to listen to the terrible music at the gym. Like I'm taking my earbuds now and listening to great music while I work out. There are so many things that we're on default mode about that we actually have control over. And if we can shore

up those energy leaks in our environment, then we can start to create capacity to make change in other ways. So you also advise clients to add pleasure into their lives. What impact does this have in relation to eating? Basically, what's so fascinating is that our bodies are wired for pleasure from head to toe. And unfortunately, another facet of our culture is that it's like dessert after you eat or play after you work. And what we tend to do with that sort of upbringing is deny ourselves pleasure all day long. And then we never get to it because we're overworking and overeating and all those things. And that's why people are turning to food in the first place. And so what I know for sure from my research is that if you're allowing yourself to experience pleasure in a variety of ways throughout the day, then all of

a sudden everything changes. Your metabolism and hormones level out. your cortisol decreases, the good feeling hormones increase. And so pleasure could be spiritual pleasure. It could be aesthetic pleasure. It could be yes, physical touch. There are a variety of ways to experience pleasure on a daily basis. And I work with clients to like ramp that up so that they're not always turning to food in the first place. What would you say to a client who says to you, Susan, I'm overeating because I'm weak? Well, women, this is another lie we're fed is that if we just have more willpower, we would be as thin as we wanted, you know, fill in the blank. And what I know for sure, most girls and women, I know what

we're putting up with. We have all kinds of willpower. And so we really don't. That's a lie. You have plenty of willpower. You are not weak. It has nothing to do with that. And it has everything to do with depriving your own needs and like elevating the needs of others, including culture at large, like trying to comply to some cultural standard for the male gaze is a great way to rob your life of joy. If someone is like, oh my God, but Susan, I'm craving an entire cake right now. Like I need this cake. Like what would you say to that client? So I just coached someone right before this podcast who finds herself busy all day long and she comes home and like plows through the kitchen, which is what I used to do.

And it's mostly sugar, chocolate, things like that. And what I would say is no, like cravings are fleeting and it's okay to have some cake. But the reason that you feel like you're so desperate for sugar and are craving this is because of all the other things happening throughout your day, that by the time you get home, your system is in fight or flight. And it's like, let me consume this cake instead of really dealing with the emotions that are coming up. So it could be emotional eating, but it also could be physiological. My client's not eating all day. So then by the time she comes home, her body is screaming at her

to consume as many calories as possible. Considering this mindset that you're talking about, why is it problematic? Because I definitely have done it and I know a lot of people do it, especially now with like how so much social media going on at all times, you're peeing and you're holding your phone in

your hand. It's like we can't do anything without it. Why is it problematic to scarf down your lunch or your breakfast or your dinner while also responding to emails and catching up on social media? Listen, I had a client tell me that she was eating a chicken chop salad on the toilet while on her cell phone. And I'm like, this is like a no on so many levels. But here's the thing is that when you are distracted while you're eating, what happens is that your brain doesn't have the opportunity to understand that satiation is happening. And so it's like, if you can just take a breath, if you can just turn your phone over, get out from behind your computer screen and actually just take a few extra minutes to let your senses understand that this is what this food tastes like and smells like and looks like.

And, oh, OK, I'm chewing it and I'm swallowing it. Then your brain is like, oh, OK, we don't need to be in fight or flight anymore because we're actually getting some nourishment. Can you explain the concept of the hunger scale and how it relates to eating attentively? Absolutely. And so the hunger scale is really tuning into your body, which we're really not taught to do where food's concerned. We're taught to weigh it, count it, hate it, assign moral value to it, whether it's good or bad. And the hunger scale is really turning towards your body and understanding the nuanced sensations that your body gives you when it's hungry, when it's had enough, when it's over full.

And so the hunger scale is really assessing, okay, this is what it feels like, say in the middle of the scale, I'm at zero, I'm at neutral. That's kind of like when you're like, I could eat, but I'm not really hungry, but I'm also not full. I would say like a negative two on the negative side of the scale is when you're starting to get a twinge in your stomach. It's when you really are like, you know what? I need to start planning what I'm going to eat. Because if I get too far on the hungry scale, I'm going to get hangry. I'm got all reasons going to go out the window. I'm just going to eat whatever's presented to me. It's typically what happens to me. And on the positive side of the scale, when you get to a positive two, it's like, okay, I have had enough. My body's good here.

And if we want to keep eating, that's usually where it's like, OK, why do I want to keep eating this? I know I've had enough. I know I'm, you know, I'm satisfied here. Is there another reason why I'm continuing to eat and just exploring that? How would you respond to a client that says, OK, but Susan, I am the type of person who just needs to count calories, points, carbs, etc. I need structure. I need accountability. What do I do? I would ask like, OK, what are you so afraid might happen if you don't do those things? And then what's so bad about that? So we're taught not to trust ourselves. And my

approach is to use the hunger scale and to tune into your body and what feels like love, as opposed to needing to count calories and macros and weigh food and do all those things. I think that we're taught that we can't trust our bodies. And therefore, we need this external plan outside of ourselves to keep ourselves in check. And it's rooted in like, you have to say, stay a certain weight and a certain size. And the beautiful thing is when you release the burden of needing to track yourself into oblivion, then what you unleash is creativity and expanding your life and all those things. I mean, think about the amount of time you could save if you like decluttering the closet. And if a client comes to you and is like, what do you mean? What does my closet have to do with my weight? Like, can you connect those two?

Most women that I'm working with have a couple of different things happening in their closet. They'll have ambition sizing happening where it's like clothes that don't fit them that they're going to get back into that are just like mocking them and like making them feel bad every time they look at that thing they can't get into anymore. And or I also used to have like stacks of multiple sizes of jeans that were like, well, I can't trust myself to get into this ambition sizing. And I also can't trust myself not to gain a bunch of weight and need larger sizes. And what was missing was clothes that actually fit me right now that looked great.

And so it's this attitude that until we get to this aspirational size, we don't deserve to adorn ourselves in ways that look and feel amazing. And women are typically hiding and not expressing their true selves through fashion. And so there's so much that can happen in decluttering the closet where it's like, nope, let's just have stuff that fits you right now. All kinds of worthiness issues come up when you challenge people with that. So with social media, there's all, like you mentioned in the beginning, there's all these photos that are getting taken. And if a client came to you and said, you know, Susan, I'm not really feeling comfortable with my body going into this summer.

I've asked my friends, my family, if it would be okay for me to not be in any photos or on upcoming vacations, like just keep me out of those things. How would you respond? I would challenge my client to be seen. I think that women in general are constantly deleting themselves and from photos, like I attempted to do from opportunities and women tend to wait until they're a certain size to like really go for it. Whether it's the relationship, asking for a raise, getting new headshots for their website or their business. And the more I can challenge a client to allow themselves to see themselves,

but then also allow themselves to be seen. And just while it's uncomfortable, deal with that discomfort and move through it, the better off they're going to be because we can't only think that we're worth being seen when we look a certain way. We're going to be waiting forever. Have you seen a lot in your experience with clients like women holding themselves back and not like leaning into their professional opportunities or social opportunities just because of their insecurity of their body? Every day. I mean, every day. I just had a client not go on a huge, she won a huge trip. She's a top performer for her company and she won a huge reward trip and all the top performers were going and she didn't want to go because she didn't want to be in the pool scene. Like there would be,

you know, pool parties and beach stuff. And she was like, I just don't want to go. And it's like, what are you talking about? There's all kinds of deals to be made and networking to be had. And you're going to stay home because you don't think you look good enough in your swimsuit. Are you out of your mind? Come on. You think any guy is not going like even if he just keeps a T-shirt on, like he's not going to be as self-conscious because these body standards haven't been put on men as much. I agree with you. I mean, you know, I do think that certainly men have eating disorders and body dysmorphia and things like that. But the percentage-wise of women having these issues compared to men pales in comparison. And I do think that women routinely, it's not the exception, it's routinely the rule

that women hold themselves back because of appearance. The big question is, why is it so difficult to stay consistent with healthy habits? Well, I think a variety of reasons. So I think that habit and consistency is a muscle that's built. And I think that the culture that we live in, particularly because listen, we all have survived a worldwide pandemic that's still happening. And I think that it's easy to lose motivation if you're not keeping your mind right. And a huge part of the work that I do with clients is helping people create, cultivate, and maintain, sustain high quality thinking. And so over the years, I have developed healthy habits and habits that

keep me going no matter what. I certainly have my moments, but I think it's difficult because we're not taught the skill of how to think, which is what creates motivation. What would you say if someone says, I've reached a point in my journey where I feel much better, but my weight isn't changing? Well, I would invite them to really explore why does their weight need to be different. I was coaching someone this morning who legitimately she was pre-diabetic and felt that she's exhausted all the time. She hurts. And so there were some real health reasons why she felt like her natural weight would be different. But the first question is like, why do you think you need to lose any weight?

And often it's just an idea that they have from culture at large. But secondly, like if there is a reason, there are all kinds of things for a woman to check into in terms of hormone health and lifestyle changes that have nothing to do with like, oh, if you were just stronger, you would eat less and you would be smaller. So there's a lot of things to explore. But I always am kind of going back to the like, why do you think you need to lose any weight? And then one of my last questions is, if someone is wondering, how can I say I love my body and I want to lose weight at the same time? Is that hypocritical? No, I don't think it is. I think you can have a goal like I can love my marriage while at the same time work to make it better.

You know, like go to couples therapy and work on some things. And I think it's the same with your body. You can love and be so grateful for this amazing body that you have while at the same time, like right now, I'm learning how to stand up paddleboard. I'm not the most coordinated person in the world. I'm doing it. But like, I have a goal to get a stronger core so that it's easier for me to stand up paddleboard. Like that doesn't mean I don't love my body. Right. Yes, you can love your body and also have goals related to your body. Just make sure

you understand why you have those goals and that it's not just for the male gaze. I love that. And I think like as we wrap up this summer, OK, let's just like all the women listening that are so stressed out about going to the beach with friends and guys are going to be there and girls and everyone's just going to be there and girls and everyone's just going to be together. And all this person can think about is like, oh, my God, I need to find a good cover up that makes me look OK. And they're stressing about what they're going to wear to these social events. What do you say to that? I say let's develop a high quality thought like I'm about to bless this pool with this body. I'm about to bless this beach

with all this. You know, if you can start to get to a place where you're not trying to hide, like perfection is boring. People are beautiful at all sizes and you've got to start embracing like the experience that you're going to have, take the focus off of how you look and put it on the experience of what you're going to do, the conversations you're going to have, how great it's going to be to go swimming and all those things instead of making everything about how big or small you are. I guess last question is just around all the photoshopping and everything we see of all these perfect models on Instagram like what would you say to the young women listening that are trying to figure out like how do I get a waist that looks

like that model like I don't even I would have to get surgery I guess and like remove ribs like people are getting to that point like what do you say oh my gosh this is so this is so this was a moment in my parenting um journey is that my daughter Cora was the one who said, you know what you should include in your bear process. She was like, let's curate our news feeds with people who are real. And she removed all sorts of inspo accounts like that because she noticed it was affecting her mental health. And so I would say it's the wrong goal. You don't need to have a goal to have the waist like somebody else. Okay. Like that is not a life goal. And I would say, I mean, we all intellectually know that it's, there's Photoshopping and filters and plastic surgery and all sorts of things happening, posing, lighting that makes that perfect shot

look like that. Susan, this is going to help so many women. Like truly, I can't thank you enough. And what you're doing is incredible. I have so much respect for you because again, diet culture right now, it's like you see influencers like go buy this tea, go eat this, go do this. And it's so saturated and it's not healthy and it's not right. So I really appreciate you coming on and speaking. I appreciate you for having me here. And I just hope that everyone listening got something out of it. And there are free resources on my website. If you want to check that out, we can put that in the show notes. But we're really out here trying to just

help girls and women expand their lives.