Call Her Daddy - Chelsea Handler

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

This week (and the start of the exclusive season with Spotify) Father Cooper sits down with Chelsea Handler. Alex recounts a vivid memory from the first time she met Chelsea, an instance Chelsea has absolutely no recollection of. The duo discusses topics ranging from cancel culture, the evolution of comedy… and drugs. Daddy Gang, get ready for an epic launch to a new era.

Hello, Daddy Gang. It is your father. Before we begin this week's episode, I just want to remind you that now you're only hearing my voice on Spotify. From here on out. It's a great day, okay? Make sure you follow Call Her Daddy. You're in Spotify right now? Amazing. Make sure you press follow on the Call Her Daddy page and're in Spotify right now? Amazing. Make sure you press follow on the Call Her Daddy page and on your other favorite podcasts, but more specifically and more importantly on

Call Her Daddy on Spotify so you get all new episodes right in your library. There's also a little bell that you guys can click so it will give you notifications when I drop a new episode or when anything Call Her Daddy related happens. You don't want to miss out on any tea or any new drama. Okay? Spotify, me, you. Press follow. I love you guys. Here we go.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father,lex cooper with call her daddy hello hello hello what the fuck is up daddy gang it is your founding father for another episode of call her daddy happy mother fucking wednesday wiener holes how are you all feeling today it's a glorious day everybody we're in on a we're in on a little secret we're only listening to this on spotify today right yes i'm so proud of you guys that you found me and you figured it out after I told you guys 19 times. Spotify, you, me. So, you little shits, the day is finally here. You guys know that I carried that infamous cum-stained restoration hardware cloud couch from New York City to goddamn Hollywood, okay?

But what you didn't know is that before Laryn moved to Chicago for that Midwest dick, she helped me carry that bitch to my garage, which I have now transformed into my podcast studio, which we will now be calling, Daddy Gang, the dad pad. Oh, it's got a little sexy ring to it, the dad pad is where these next few episodes are going down. And I won't be alone. Daddy gang, I give you Chelsea fucking Handler. Chelsea, I'm so excited that you're here. I'm so excited that you're so excited that I'm here. That's so cute.

I know. I know. I've never had someone back here to podcast with me. This is like... Really? Yeah, I've never done a podcast back here. Oh, why? Where do you normally do it?

Like sit in my bed. Oh, really? Talk to myself. Or I go to like... I like get a studio. But for you, I was was like let's be intimate yeah right okay so that's why you want me to face you I see now right you get you can totally face me shoes are fine on the couch that is okay good yeah no that's good that's good vibes oh we've

got Henry this is perfect how do we sound you sound like a lot like Whitney Cummings has anybody ever told you that no do you know who Whitney is? Of course I do. Okay. Yeah. You guys sound alike. Really? Yeah. Is that a compliment or is that? I don't know. Is it a compliment? I mean, it's really what you think of it.

You know what? I'm going to digest that. Okay. And think about it. Okay. Copy that. If you start sweating, raise your hand and I'll turn on the air conditioner but it's a little loud okay and I want to get like the clearest yeah Chelsea version of you yeah I think I'm I think we're gonna get through this without the AC okay and that's a big commitment for me because I really fucking love air conditioning oh I have I have waters for you I had lukewarm and I walked

in oh my god that's an affront someone when someone hands me a warm bottle of water chuck it back I want to stab that person with a fork so that was gonna be me this morning yeah you're lucky with a fork are you ready yeah I'm ready okay okay here we go okay Chelsea Handler is a legend in comedy who helped pave the way for many working comics like myself today through her willingness to broach subjects that many find taboo in a way that is authentic and hilarious. Chelsea, you are an icon. I'm very excited for your upcoming Vaccinated and Horny Tour this summer, your iHeartRadio podcast, dear Chelsea, and Jesus Christ, this list is long. You're making me look bad. Your HBO special that is out now that I watched the other week,

Evolution. Hello, Chelsea. Oh my God. What an introduction. I know. Tell us about all of this. Tell me everything. I'm also like, how the fuck do you have time to do all of this? Well, we all have to work, right? You know, I mean, we got to make a living, we have to make a living. And I like to make people happy and laughy and silly. And I like people to get a little braver when they're around me be a little bolder, you know, really like kind of, and not take yourself so seriously. So this is a great time to spread that kind of message. You know what I mean? We've got optimism in the air, things are opening up. I want to be part of the reason why people are getting together and going in to large crowds for the very first

time. So like being on stage is so natural to want to do in this moment. Every comedian is, you know, hard up to perform. And also, it's a really great time to be doing comedy, you know, think about where we are, like socially, politically, everything that's gone on in the past couple years. You know, we're, we're, it's a good time to make some social commentary. It is a great fucking time. Can you please tell me about the STD name that you coined that's going to be happening this summer? Yes, that's called Co-Verpies. I predict there will be a new strain of a new STD that we haven't had yet and the vaccination will not cover it. I am so excited. Like, is it fucked up that I want to get that? I feel like people this summer are going to want to have that badge of honor to show like,

oh, I've been putting in the work this summer. I have got co-herpes. COVID herpes. What is it? It's co-herpes. And it's going to be mainly taking place in Florida. So on the beaches of Daytona Beach. Yes, exactly.

They were the first. That's where it will originate. That was where the first strain was shown. And then it spread. I think that's great. I think everybody everybody go watch i watched evolution the other week you are hilarious um i liked your little jumpsuit that you were wearing lots of flexibility when you were like doing lunges i like how you do like a lot of physical movement in your show thank you thank you well i like to remain spry as i transition into a middle-aged slash elderly woman. I like to make sure I can keep my bounce up. And also, I like to wear white.

I was wearing a white jumpsuit during this special because whenever I'm expecting my period, I like to wear white because there's no reason men should not enjoy my period as much as I do. I think that's so beautiful. And that was perfectly said. Everybody moving forward this summer, we're wearing white when we're bleeding. Yes. And then just bleed out. You know what I mean?

Just bloodlet. Like fuck the tampon. We don't need fucking tampons this summer. We're letting it go. Okay. So Chelsea, it's just been so long since we last saw each other. And you probably have no idea what I'm talking about because I saw you but you didn't exactly see me okay go with me here um it was April 12th I just looked this up my parents bought

me tickets to your life will be the death of me tour in Philadelphia at the Met Theater and I was sitting in the fucking nosebleeds literally I was up in the fucking nosebleeds. Literally, I was up in the fucking nosebleeds, could barely see you. And I remember leaving that day saying to my parents, like, damn, I hope I can meet her one day. And now two years later, we're sitting in my back house in California on my couch together. Oh, that's a great fucking story. How crazy is that? Awesome. I love it. But I was going to ask you because I'm like, all right. My first thought was to be like, well, first, do you even know who I am? Chelsea shows up. She's like, oh, yeah, like had a nice little hit. I'm ready to go.

I'm like, I was going to ask you what your perception of me was. But then I was like humbled myself. I'm like, do you know who I am? Do you know where you are right now? Well, I know that your podcast is is called call her daddy that's good that's a good start so I know that much and I know that you're a comedian oh and that's pretty much all I know and I honestly respect it because I was thinking and I'm like I think I gotta just ask her let's like break off the band-aid like does she even know who I am do you know even

where you are I respect that thank you I'm a huge fan I hope one day you become a fan of mine I'm already a fan of yours I'm already a fan of yours I've listened to your podcast so I listened to one episode yes when they sent it to me my publicity team okay to say we want you to do this and then they send me a podcast so I mean they sent me a sample um so yeah I'm not familiar with you, but I would say already upon meeting you that I like you very much. Okay, that's fucking great. Because I know, aren't you working on being like less cunty in therapy right now? Well, I was. I was.

I'm on a cunt loop, actually. So I go from being very, very, very sweet. And then I have a period of time where I have to get away from people. And that's usually about three months. And I have to just do like a hardcore physical exercise during that time and then I can come back and be nice and kind again it's just like a little bit of a bitch loop you know what I mean you have to know when to remove yourself from society and from people and you have to know when to like spread the joy you know like if I'm not spreading joy and sunshine then I should be

but by myself yeah you should be in solitary so I'm catching you on kind of the cunty rave, but you're vibing with me a little bit, which is really fun. I'm vibing with you. You're just probably intimidated by me for some reason because I give off that intimidation vibe when I'm not trying to. Right. Well, you're wearing sunglasses high in my house, and I've never met you, and I'm a huge fan.

So yeah, no, definitely intimidating. However, let me bring us down to equilibrium I'm from Pennsylvania oh and I know you're from Jersey yeah where are you from in Pennsylvania you know what every time someone asks me where are you from in Pennsylvania I'm like do you know anywhere in Pennsylvania but I know you would see um Bucks County like okay I know PA okay I know I know but I've heard of Bucks County for sure because my grandparents used to live in Chambersburg which was the most boring place on the planet they're like out on the cornfields oh yeah we would go there and I was just like this sucks so bad and then you're from Jersey so we come from the same water right exactly okay is that the Atlantic

Ocean you're referring to is that the body of water it is but I was trying to make us feel a little bit more condensed like we're in the PA New Jersey right right like we don't fuck with the Floridians and you know what it's good neither one of us has that accent that you know that mayor of East Town accent where you say pantyhose and and how do you think do you think she's doing it well yes I fucking love Kate Winslet like I if that show could be on every week for the rest of my life it would just be perfect that's all I want is that show and I won't watch anything else I was kind of terrified because I don't even know if I can do the accent and I'm fucking from there

and then the minute she started doing it it like brought me back to the roots but also made me realize like I'm so happy I don't sound like that that is one accent that I do find incredibly like irksome you know that that panty hose and moist or water water can you pass me some water I also did not give I didn't give Chelsea any water because I know that she doesn't like she only has room temperature water dude I'm like a freak fan over here I'm like I know that Chelsea doesn't like lukewarm water like why do I know that about you you're also like wait what's your last name anyways it's fine I was thinking about your career creatively you could get on a stage back in the day and you could say some fucking crazy shit which I'm sure you did and you could kind of maybe take creative risks because like there was no social media no one's going to be

like filming and be like haha look what Chelsea said how has the process of creating comedy evolved for you I learned you know a few years ago I would say that I was I would I was used to balancing many things at one time in a mediocre way. And I made a lot of money doing it that way, but I wasn't satisfied with my work creatively at that pace and at that level. I was throwing caution to the wind. And now when I do something creatively, I'm intensely focused and I actually take it seriously. And I take the whole process of standup much more seriously than I did before, which yields much different level of work, you know? So even though calm standup is funny and you're making people laugh, you know, it's good to take that seriously as your job, instead of just kind of cashing a check and

saying yes, because the opportunity is there instead of cultivating the opportunity to do something creative and after this last special on HBO I was able to actually show a part of myself that many people didn't know existed um you know myself included so you know now coming back to stand up after taking like kind of six years off of it I have a I have a different grounding now I'm. I understand what the responsibility that comes with the idea that you're going to be, you know, performing in front of four or 5,000 people. I get that. And I take that on with like, you know, I welcome that responsibility. Why do you think that changed for you? Do you start to just like respect the craft more? I just started to respect myself more and what I do more you know for a long time um you know I was just working

very fast and a lot all the time and saying yes to everything and books and tours and tv shows and it was this cycle of like seven years and I was fucking exhausted And so in order for me to maintain interest in doing creative stuff, I need to really like take care of myself when it's not all creative. And this isn't my, you know, it can't be my whole life. Yeah, that's interesting. You know, for a certain period of time when you're starting out, you have to do that. But I don't want to be, I don't want this to be my only defining stuff, you know? I'm interested to know, like, obviously you would have adapted, but like, how differently

do you think your career would have been if you were like in the age of social media and that was like the way to get seen? Well, I mean, I don't, I mean, I haven't given that, you know, I haven't given that much thought. I think you have to, you can't resist whatever time you're in, right? You have to be like social media is burdensome a lot of the time to have to operate on that, you know, and that, and, but you have to get into the movement of it. You have to get into the rhythm and embrace it. That's what's happening. So you resisting something only

prolongs your, you know what I mean? Bad relationship with it. So you just kind of got to get on board with what's happening. So me coming up like when I did when we didn't have social media, quite honestly, I would have to say it gave us so much more time to focus on what we were doing. Right. Because now social media is the crux of it. Like you do make a name for yourself on social media. So like that is the main that is the main point before the main point was doing stand up. Like, yeah, if I had been of the time, I would have been

doing bits out of my bed, you know, like you, I would be doing that kind of stuff. But now for me to do that, you're like, Oh, it, you know, you would think, Oh, that's so funny. Like, you know, what if I do that now after everything? And so's interesting to talk about and it's probably not far from being you know from happening no I respect also your social media I love following you because I'm like you are very good at social media um yeah I mean I've leaned into it like I like you know I like I like to have a good vibe about stuff instead of being like, I hate this. It's so fucking annoying to hear somebody complain. It's like, no, nobody wants to hear that.

And nobody wants to, you know, be like that. So in the beginning, you know, first of all, I love Twitter because I just like sounding off and stuff, you know. TikTok is harder for me because, A, I cannot dance and I cannot sing and I have no rhythm. So I can only just sound off on there too. And Instagram, yeah, I've totally worked my way around it. I have fun with it and I try not to, well, I don't try not to, I don't take myself seriously in a beauty way. Do you know what I mean? so anytime I'm nude on Instagram, it's not trying to be sexy. I'm being silly. Like I'm being stupid, like skiing down with a joint in one hand and a margarita in the other in a bikini bottom and topless is very funny to me. I think it's good that you don't take yourself too seriously. And I kind of wish that everyone else would take a

little page out of your book. Cause that is what I think my, I know my generation is like so focused on putting up like that perfect picture and like oh fuck I have to like facetune this and I have to look perfect and I have to look like every LA bitch and it's like chill the fuck out like relax it's gonna be okay if like you're breaking out you're human you can post the fucking picture with a pimple on your face if anything I think that's almost more attractive now than to be like fully a glazed fucking donut and like have face tuned all over you yeah have you ever face tuned a photo I don't know no I have never done that ever my friend Leah Remini lemony and lemony let's call her

lemony actually I was over there the other day and she we took a picture and she's like okay let me do my thing I go don't fucking touch my face she goes come here come here I'm gonna just show you what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna soften I go stop it I go you don't fucking touch my face. She goes, come here. Come here. I'm going to just show you what I'm going to do. I'm just going to soften. I go, stop it. I go, you look like that's exactly like a glazed donut when you do that. She's like, no, I'm getting better. I'm getting better. It's an addiction.

And I think it's hard because you start to like lose facial features. I respect that, you know, like you look better. That's also good for you. You look better with no Photoshop than Photoshop. You're like, I don't know if I said that. Fuck off. You're like, hold on on I don't think I said that but I'm sure I do look better but I mean it's just I can't do that right you know what I mean I'm not down with that it's too much time and effort you can really go into a dark hole yeah okay not to like take things too

serious down but I want to kind of know your view on cancel culture. I think that when people make an apology and it's sincere, that that should count for something. why they need to apologize and actually address the issue head on instead of trying to like, you know, get back in under the door. It's like, all you have to do is say you're sorry and mean it. Why is that so fucking hard? So it's a learning curve for everybody. And it's frustrating on many levels. Some for, you know, for white men, especially they're like, what the, why is the party over? Why is the fucking party over? We can't rape you guys anymore you're gonna tell on us it's like uh party's over everyone's telling on you now like and you know so the answer to that is if you're a man and you know it's just if you're talking to if you're a man talking to a woman about sexism or if you're a white person talking to a person of color about

racism the only responses are thank you yeah thank you for telling me yeah thank you for spending your time explaining this to me and I'm sorry that I didn't know better has anyone ever tried to cancel you oh I don't know probably I mean like every day sweetheart but you know like like evolution like you know my my special is called Evolution, but, like, the word evolution applies to most people. Most people grow and learn. And, you know, mine has fortunately been very well documented. You know what I mean?

I talk about it all. And I've always been open and honest about where I'm coming from. And you have to be able to admit that you've been wrong or that you're, you know, and that you didn't know. that you're, you know, and the, you know, and that you're, you didn't know, you know,

when you know better, you do better. It's fucking, it's true. And it should be, it should apply to everybody. And so I think there is going to be a moment after all this cancel culture, where there is going to be a real togetherness with everybody and people are

going to be more supportive and more mindful because if it's taught us anything, it's that people are fucking cunty and we have to behave better like we all have to decontify I have to wake up two hours early every morning just to decontify I'm like wait what is the decontify well I meditate and then I'm just alone I read but I'm like I have to be up at like five just so I'm like hey you're gonna be really really sweet to every single person you meet today you're never gonna lose your patience and you're never going to lose your temper with anyone. Am I the first person you're seeing today?

No, I've seen a bunch of people today. I start early. Oh, OK. So I'm like not like the first person you're like, oh, I'm still a little cunty. Like you're kind of like. Oh, no, no, no. I'm good. I'm good.

OK, good. Can't you feel the magic? Oh, totally. You're you're wearing a dress and your legs are spread on my couch no her legs are closed um they're about to open they're about to slow they're slowly opening through this interview slowly um I I respect that we I want to ask you now like when you go to do a stand-up like has it changed because of the times um yeah yeah I mean I just announced my tour Vaccinated Horny which we talked about so

i've done about i've been warming up this new hour that i've written um there's a lot of talk about how idiotic white men are to not understand what's happening and to not get on the bus the world is getting browner and gayer so you better hop aboard or you're gonna fucking miss the bus get on bitch so there's a lot of hey, don't make us tell you this again. Yeah. We are trying to explain to you how to work with us so that you don't become fucking extinct. OK. There are species of animals that are procreating without men.

We are a thousand years behind animals. So if men are not careful, we're going to learn how to fucking do it without them. And then they won't be here. I don't want that for men so that's why I'm trying to explain to a good threat it could happen it could it could happen unless they prove themselves to be a little bit more useful in more meaningful ways than they have been up until now yeah there's a lot of self-deprecation there's a a lot of like, you know, sexual frustration due to COVID. I had a sexual, I had a, like a COVID testing kit at my house. So once I realized that this was going to go on for months, I was like, all right, I'm just going to have guys over and give them the test. I would give them the nasal swab, put it in the kitchen and it would take 20 to 30 minutes to get the results back. And in that

time I'd go back out on my patio and hang out with them and if they said anything annoying or mentioned one of their balls then I would tell them that their test was positive wait how can I ask you how the fuck do you find guys like are you on dating apps yes I am I'm on Raya I've definitely used Raya and do you try pretty much the only one I use but I'm not I'm open to dating apps I just oh totally why not wait do you do you try to stray away from anyone that's famous yes but then do you trust people that aren't yeah I don't care about that listen like this is the package I am who I am I can't do anything to change that it's not like they can meet me like

20 years ago that's not realistic so they better like it. You know what I mean? Do you think you when you were in your like 30s, 20s, did you get nervous about trusting people or now? And now you think you're just like, I don't give a fuck. This is I've never really had a trust issue. I mean, I may be trusting men romantically, but trusting people. No, I like I like people. And I always kind of. Yeah, I like come in like, let's do it. Yeah, I always have strangers around. Like, yeah I always come in like let's do it yeah I always have strangers around like you know I have like a group of core people that are always around me yeah but there's always strangers like coming in and out and they all know right away whether someone's here first you know yeah permanently or temporarily got it so they're always like oh

yeah Chelsea loves her now give her two months. Right. They'll be like some new person that's floating around. Do you prefer high sex or not high sex? I know I like morning sex. Oh, OK. That's what I've been. I like when everything's alert. Like I like nighttime sex, but in terms of like feeling time of day, like all of that, it's nice to be super sober. Right. OK. OK. okay yeah I agree okay so then are you having these people over your house in the morning or they get to stay no no no no of course not okay no you're not like 8 a.m raya date coming on over come on over so we can go yeah split a coffee a cappuccino and then no you don't want to talk to them for that long no please no no no do you are you dating anyone like like like no exclusively no okay

Chelsea please get out of my face when did you get into therapy I'm not in therapy currently I was in therapy for about two years and then you know like I just felt a big big big shift and I thought oh okay I should take a break from therapy now and see if I can incorporate all the stuff that I've learned into my life without a therapist and without being like you know codependent did you feel like you were getting coded like you were getting dependent on your therapist? No, but I just mean like two years is a good run for therapy. You know, I got a lot out of it. I changed a lot and I thought, okay, well this is good. And then, you know, eventually my therapist will start to annoy me. So I was like, let me get ahead of that. You know, like, I don't want to

like, I don't want this to explode this relationship. I would like to end it nicely and calmly. But I will definitely go back to therapy when I feel the need to speak to somebody about something. But it's been nice to take all of the stuff that I learned in therapy and apply it to my life and do it. I feel like a fucking adult for the first time in my life and I'm 46 and I've always had everyone kind of pampering or taking care of me for a really long time so this is like a kind of stage of real independence for me like so I know when a relationship you know has run its course yeah we without being and also don't be upset about that right that's okay so you felt like you actually got a lot from those two years of therapy oh completely changed my life it was like the

best investment I've ever made in my life that's what I've said like I'm in therapy and I'm like it is literally the best investment you can ever make hands down because it just helps you like be so much more aware of why you are the way you are right right you're just basically paying somebody for the transaction of telling you what's way you are. Right, right. You're just basically paying somebody for the transaction of telling you what's wrong with you. Yeah. Like what your shortcomings are. Like I would like a straight up report, you know,

like if it could be that simple and you could just print it out and say, oh, these are your personality defects and defaults. I would be like, great, that's what I can work with because I'm very linear. So I was like that. I would be like, hey, just tell me what my problem is. It's so crazy because I know there are some therapists that like really try to play the long game and they like won't tell you.

And I've had friends be like, I start to look at them, be like, tell me the fucking answer. Like, what the fuck? Like, I know, you know, and sometimes I guess it's like through therapy, they try to like get you there. But I know a lot of people are like, I don't want to get there. I'm paying you to fucking tell me. Right, right, right. Did you have moments in therapy where you're like, isn't it Dan?

Yeah, fast forward. I was like, land the plane, buddy. You know, come on. Like, how many times do we have to circle around this drain? Yes. Yeah, I did have moments like that. But I had major breakthroughs. And he said a lot that I needed to hear.

You know, my brother died when I was nine years old. And I just didn't have the brain power at that time to digest it in an adult way so I've always had this kind of little girl part of me that felt abandoned and alone and wanted attention and to make sure that I was super secure that's why I'm not married that's why I don't have children because I never wanted to have to rely on anyone else ever again you know that makes sense and it's deep stuff that you don't even think that you're um applying to your life but you are because of you know it's like delayed grief it's repressed emotion it's all of these things and unless you're down to get real with yourself

those things are going to fester and faster until they're ready to bubble up and then they're going to disturb you do you agree that you can't like force someone to go into therapy like you have to be ready to do it when you're ready to do it like maybe you wouldn't have been ready to get into therapy in your 20s like it kind of takes like you knowing like all right I'm ready how did you decide to get into therapy um I think uh you know I did try to go to therapy many other times I mean I think I remember sending my assistant to the therapist once because I went twice I was like this woman is ridiculous I go you have to go and then the next week I was like can you go again and then finally she was Karen who was my assistant at the time she was like

actually I've been getting a lot out of it I'm like great you're like you keep going I'll keep paying and then also get the answers for me while you're there right so that's fucking iconic I was like are you guys talking about me or are you guys talking about you and she's like mostly you but I'm learning a lot I'm like great let me know what you find out but uh yeah what made me go to therapy I don't know probably the election I think that set me over the edge I went like I lost my marbles there for a while I couldn't believe that people voted for Donald Trump I couldn't believe it I was like what what you were like wait I couldn't believe it. I was like, what? What? You were like, wait, I can't leave the house. No, we're no one is safe. I was like, people can't be this this bad.

Dude, you're a bit about going into the fucking airport. The Fox News Lounge. You're just going off on Republicans for being Republican. And then when you were like, and one day there, I didn't even have a flight. And there I was. I'm like, OK, so, yeah, I'm glad you got into therapy. Are you doing a lot of self-reflection still? Or now are you like, all right, I did it. I'm glad you got into therapy are you doing a lot of self-reflection still or now are you like all right I did it I'm moving on well I've done a

lot I think I'm definitely on the exit phase of the self-reflection you know what I mean like you can only self-reflect for so long before your own head is up your own ass you know do you ever like look back I'm just curious at like old like Chelsea Lately videos like I okay I can't even go back and listen to my old episodes my voice Chelsea you would die I will play it for you after maybe my voice was so affected like in the beginning when I started this show I was like this me too me too when I started Chelsea Lately my voice was like this I would talk like this and so I mean I still do it I have to modulate it all the time and go shut up you're fucking screeching right now right like you're annoying yeah be

self-aware no one wants to listen to it so painful to listen to yourself it is so it gives me literally I I die inside a little bit every time I hear it and so but one of the segments that I think I'm going to implement into my new show is I want to do like exposing the archives and I want to play old clips from my old episodes because like I used to say crazy shit I was like if you are a five or a six you need to die for that dick like if you're not as cute sorry but you need to be 10 times nastier on the dick because the nine or a ten like yeah they can lay there like a dead fish but if you go in ham on that dick then the guy's gonna like you more like fuck the nine or the ten like but you gotta put in that extra work and so I'm realizing like maybe I should go back and like

listen to some of the psychotic shit I said and almost like recap and see if I still like agree with myself because do you think you agree with everything you used to say no of course not but I can't sit through my old stuff oh my god. Oh, my God. That sounds like such a nightmare. You'd be back in therapy. No, I had to break up. My boyfriend, when I was on E, was the president of E. And I would come home, and he would have me on the TV. After I had just come home from filming in my own show, he would expect me to watch it.

And that was one of the reasons we broke up. I go, honestly, you're killing me with this. I go, I cannot walk into the bathroom. He had TVs installed into the bathroom. So the mirror, they were inlaid in the mirror and I would basically just come home and see her myself I'm like oh my god you've got to be joking I guess it's like a compliment that he was like a huge fan but you're also like shut the fuck up like if I have to see myself after I can't stand my voice some days I'm like I can't listen to myself I know have you ever I'm like selfishly doing this now sorry guys do you have ever been

obviously in like a creative rut and like what do you do when you're in a creative rut oh yeah that's a good that's a good question creative ruts suck because that feels it feels so hopeless but it's so not I guess the thing to remember is, A, everything is always moving, right? Like, nothing, so you get creative flows and bursts, and then you get creative, like, where you're, I mean, I have certainly spent, like, you know, multiple days watching television during COVID when I could have been doing something creative,

like write or, or write or write or write right or right but like literally just gotten to bed and watched like eight episodes of a show you know and been like in a total rut because it's like why work where are we going nothing's happening you know what am I gonna write about I felt humorless for so long you know there was a lot of like a lack of nothing was funny nothing I mean people are dying every day. It's like, how can you be laughing at, you know, during that time? So creatively, I just don't beat myself up. Like I give myself the space to work on stuff, but I don't berate myself anymore. If I don't do it, I don't have self loathing. I'm not like you should have done that. I don't do that ever.

I know because that, you know, that dialogue you have with yourself has an impact on you but my question I have a question for you are you so what are you going to do a performance in front of people I don't know like I have never done it and people want me to do it and obviously my agents are like get on a fucking stage and like perform but I'm like I don't know if I I don't think I'm like I don't know if I'm a stand like stand-up comedian like I don't well you got to try it and see if you like it right love it true um do you have a moment that you will never forget or like something that sticks to you did you ever like flop yes oh god wait tell me at the Montreal Comedy Festival I don't remember what year it was like at nine o'clock p.m. I was wearing a blue skirt I was like supposed to be like the hot ticket of the festival

like everyone was talking about this new up-and-comer and I was likem. I was wearing a blue skirt. I was like supposed to be like the hot ticket of the festival. Like everyone was talking about this new up and comer. And I was like, I guess I was in my late 20s. And I had a room set late that night. Like there was it was filled with industry, like 100 agents and like TV execs and studio execs and everything. And I bombed and it was devastating. I was, it was 24 hours of me. Just like, I didn't call anyone in my family. I didn't talk to anyone. My friend, I think Zach Galifianakis was with me and was trying to console me for a little bit, but I could be confusing him with somebody completely different, but I think it may have been him. Yeah, it was. And I was just like, fuck, I can't believe this and then like what is that feeling like when you're on stage so awful but this is a great story to tell because this for everybody who's listening

who is a creative person I bombed I everyone who's in the room was not going to give me a deal and on the Monday following that Saturday where the show was or the Tuesday night I did a show at Luna Park and the two executives that weren't at the show came from NBC and some other place and I killed and I got my deal and that was 72 hours after the worst feeling in the world I got the biggest opportunity of my life at that point so that's a really good story for everybody to know to be true. That's inspiring. It's like you can have like the worst fucking day in that moment. Like you could get down. You could be like, oh, fuck, I can't get back on a stage like that's paralyzed.

Right. Of course. Yeah. All those things. All the things. I know you have done some potty humor obviously like shitting your fucking pants I will never forget like you're saying you bombed I released one episode that I think is one of the worst episodes I've ever released it was not funny to people but to me and my friend it was fucking hilarious because so she was a teacher at the time and she told me that she would crop dust the fucking kids.

And I was like, what is crop dusting? It's when you fart next to someone and you like walk away. So she was like, I was crop dusting the kids left and right because I was really gassy one day that I was teaching. And then I made a comment being like, God damn it. Like, I hope it wasn't an egg fart. And people got, you know what an egg fart is when it smells a little eggy yes yeah and people were like that is so disgusting Alex I mean I know what an egg fart is for sure so I like the specific I like the specificity of the reference yes you can smell

that yeah okay so you're not upset by it no no I'm not. I would never get upset about it. You said you can tell. I mean, obviously, I'm assuming you're like kind of joking. But you said you can kind of tell when like what kind of drug people would be like good to use. Tell me. Okay. What do you think? I mean, not cocaine for you. And not, I mean, probably not Adderall either because you seem pretty high energy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're like shut the fuck up. seem pretty high energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, shut the fuck up. Please calm down. But just like edibles probably. You probably love edibles, right? Do you smoke weed? I do.

And I haven't like actually smoked like a joint in a while. But like edibles is the one thing that I do. Yeah. Like at night always go for. Yeah. Your ayahuasca experience. I want to do it. And I'm so fucking nervous because I'm not really a big drug person but I've heard someone said to me the other day they were like I literally had gone I've

gone done it twice now they said and they were like the second time I'd gone through all my therapy like I'm fucking good now so now I can really go in there and she was like I left with like the entire marketing plan for the next two years of my company. And I was like, I will do anything for my brand. So like if I can see the vision of Call Her Daddy in this ayahuasca experience, like I want to do it and like find the creative. Like, do you recommend it? I do. Okay.

I do. But, you know, like you also can't, you have to talk to an actual medical professional. Well, you don't have to. But if you're on any sort of antidepressants, you do. You know, if you're on any sort of like, because some people do have bad experiences with ayahuasca but I think if you're pretty open-minded like you really have to go into that with an intention of like having a positive experience and being open and not fearful so I mean you don't strike me as a very fearful person so I think people when they go into with drugs and they're so scared you know it really does impact your experience so you have to really be free like a

free spirit and you didn't shit or throw up I did not shit I vomited once and that was I first of all I knew I wasn't gonna shit my pants because I'm a fucking professional I'm not gonna have diarrhea in the middle of a like fun high yeah I'm not gonna all of a sudden ruin that for everybody and myself right uh so I didn't think that was gonna happen anyway but I was prepared to get sick but you know with even with the vomiting like you just purge like it's instant you're not nauseous for a long time how long does it last you can have it you kind of are, you, you are in charge in a certain sense. I was in my experience. So I kind of was able to steer it. And when I was done,

I was done, but I could have easily gone on for a couple more hours and, you know, try to tap into some other stuff. But I wasn't, I just kind of wanted to, I was, I was, I got what I was going to get out of it. And I was like, all right, let's go downstairs and have a drink. Is there something now when you look back at like your big relationships, is there a theme as to like why a lot of them ended? Yeah. I've only had like three serious relationships. Okay. Romantic relationships.

And they know they all ended for different reasons. Oh, that's good. Yeah. But I ended them all. I mean, I, you know I you know I yeah there's I haven't had a serious relationship in a while yeah why do you think that is I don't know something must be off you're like fuck I gotta go back into therapy shit no the more annoying thing about being single is having people ask you if you're if you're dating anyone or if you do go

on a date with somebody, your friends over amplify it and want to tell me about him. It's like, I don't know anything about him. I'll let you know if there's anything to know. You're like, I don't even know his last name. I'm just going on a date. That doesn't mean anything. I'll tell you when I'm six dates in and I like someone.

That is annoying. I don't like to sit around and talk about boys. Well, I don't have any boys in my life to talk about right now. But yeah, something must be off because I haven't had a lot of um male um uh I haven't had a relationship in a while I am very much where you know very independent and very um into my alone time too so yeah and that only gets worse as you get older like you become less and less tolerant of other people's like in your space. Yeah. And you're also quite busy.

You're just casually coming out with books and tours and you've got podcasts. Let's talk about your podcast, Dear Chelsea. I think it's interesting because I have a segment also in my show where I give advice and I'm always like, why do I? It's not like I have a degree in like making sure. Why do you think you can give advice? Yeah. I'm like, why do we give advice? And I think like, I would love to hear your answer. Cause I think we're probably gonna have a similar, like similar intertwining of like, I'm so brutally honest that maybe sometimes to a fault that people's feelings get hurt. But I'm like, sweetheart, like if he didn't fucking call you back like he never wants to see you again and like don't take it to heart like it is what it is there's a lot of dicks in the world like you're gonna be fine from your vibe I respect you so much because you're very blunt why do you think you give good advice well I give honest advice so maybe it's not good but I definitely tell people the truth and I find that most people just really

need a nudge in the right direction. Like I am, you know, like a big sister. I am going to tell you what to do for that's best for you, you know, to take a risk, to be a little bit more brave or, you know, to live out loud a little bit without sounding so corny, but like be bold. You know, we're only here once, like get after it. You know, what are you, what, what are you looking for and go get it you know try everything and and be fearless and you know sometimes you need somebody in your corner just to say that so it's kind of like that you know we have silly people that call in with kind of stupid

problems or you know one guy this guy Shane called in and wanted to do you know he was too stoned all the time he couldn't get high anymore so he and I did a 30-day detox and in that 30 days he's like oh my god he came out to his parents as trans. I mean, I'm like, only shit like you think some of these problems are simple, and then you uncover them. And it leads to this domino effect or this ripple effect. And you're like, Oh, wow, this is like important. And, and I want to be like people's best buddy. Like I'm not I don't have any skin in your game. Of course, I'm going to tell you the truth. And I also have more empathy and more like, you know, compassion now in my life. I understand it more. And I know to be gentler with certain people when

they are fragile. So it's like being in someone else's shoes, thinking about what it's like to be, you know, a black woman instead of your own experience, thinking about what it's like to be, you know, the person that works at the grocery store and what their life is like really being empathetic or or knowing someone's going through a difficult time and trying to think about what it must feel like to be dealing with all of that so it's just a little bit deeper than sympathy you know do you think that that's like kind of helping now in this dear chelsea podcast yeah definitely definitely that's kind of cool yeah and i am you know like i am that for people for my friend that person and I am you know like I am that for people for my friend that person for my friends you know when there is a crisis they do call me

that is where I am good at you know where I where I thrive I should say yeah um like I'm just good at helping someone get out of a situation or calm down a situation you know and I fight like you know I'm very fiercely loyal to the people and to the people I don't know like for any woman I would do that for you know um and and uh I like that used to be a quality that I didn't understand I thought I just like drama I was like oh you just want drama you know you just love the drama it's like no actually I'm a protector I want to protect protect people it has been an honor sitting down with you I really Appreciate you coming to my house again Guys go watch her well first of all the

HBO I already watched it so I'm obsessed But if you guys want go watch evolution It's fantastic it's like a little over An hour right yeah and also guys if you Want go listen to dear Chelsea it's an I heart radio right production heart Yep and then vaccinated and horny baby that's right she's coming to us Chelsea do you think that you could get me tickets she's like fuck off

I think I can get you tickets okay that would be cool yeah I would love it I'll be the one in the back with my face painted cheering I'm Chelsea remember you came on your podcast and you're like throw that girl out I don't know her um thank you so much I really appreciate it oh thank you we did it you guys all right daddy gang that is it for this week's episode what a fucking experience honestly getting to sit down with Chelsea was unbelievable I truly never thought I would be sitting not only sitting down with that woman but sitting in my house with her just like casually talking um it was pretty fucking amazing and next week it's just continuing daddy gang prepare yourselves to laugh your fucking ass off we have another legend coming to the dad pad next week i will see you fuckers next Wednesday.