Call Her Daddy - Chelsea Handler: Getting High as Fuck

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Chelsea Handler joins Call Her Daddy to get high as fuck. After Alex attempts to grill Chelsea on the details of her recent breakup they contemplate Chelsea’s dating prospects … Elon Musk? Lil Wayne? Chelsea is here to give her honest and unfiltered take on a variety of topics. What’s the deal with “nepo babies”? Is there ever a good reason to resuscitate a dead friendship? Is going to Disney World as an adult without a child a good idea? When is it ok to post your significant other on social media? Alex and Chelsea debate their biggest airplane pet peeves (bare feet and hard boiled eggs) and Chelsea reveals one of her biggest insecurities … people going through her phone.

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy i haven't smoked in so long i always just take edibles you better not i'm going to you better keep your shit together i'm not gonna be able to ask you a question i don't have time to fucking carry this interview for you. I'm going to be fine. Okay, but we only have one later, so don't hog it. I guess we can just, we'll just start. Fuck it. My name is Chelsea Handler, Joy, Chelsea Joy Handler, and I'm at Alexandra Joy Cooper's house,

and we're recording her Who's Your Daddy? Fuck you. Call her daddy. Call her daddy's podcast. And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me about hating you the first time I met you. That is not true. Yeah, you were.

This is what happened. No, no, no, no. Let's tell the story. Why don't I tell my version and then you can tell your version. Yeah, you go first. so I came over to your ridiculous house that had no parking and that was so and again today no parking so I went over to this house that you said, don't worry, this isn't my house. Like, I care. And then you told me to lie down on a couch like I was about to get examined by a gynecologist.

And so I had to put my feet up like a little girl in nursery school and sit there and be interviewed. And I was like, who is this person? Because my PR team was like, you have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. She's the it thing. She got some ridiculous deal and you have to go do an interview with her. I go, sure, no problem.

And then the whole time you're like, do you hate me? Oh, okay, first of all. Which is so annoying when people say that. Yeah, like, do you hate me? Oh, that's all people say to me

is do you hate me? Because just to be fair, I'm a big fan and I was so nervous. I was shitting my pants. Well, now I'm a big fan i was so nervous i was shitting my pants well now i'm a big fan of yours oh thanks now the roles have switched okay question where did you park today uh well funny you say that because i was driving myself today because it's raining and i don't trust anyone to drive in the rain even my driver i'm like listen buddy i actually think it's

fun to drive in the rain in la because everybody's such an idiot pussy and I like I like the rain so I tried to park on the street and then there were about 40,000 signs that were deterring me from doing that and then I saw Alec my publicist and I said can she please open the fucking gate to her garage or driveway so I can park in the driveway and then he's like oh it's not open and I go no it's not so did you park in the fucking driveway yeah so you have a fucking parking spot yeah well that's typical for a guest when you invite them over you want to know is to provide parking asshole I'm gonna tell you the truth of what happened I was like going like this I'm already stoned yeah bring your I'm not gonna like I sit like a hobbit sitting like this the whole time we're like hey okay listen to this last time we recorded which

is almost a year and a half excuse me it's okay how long you did that to me on your podcast you were just coughing my face and then I got COVID after it oh I just got COVID too you gave it to me no I got it on Christmas oh I had the flu I was getting over the monkey pox and I had monkey pox and well yeah a couple of other things okay listen to my side of the story I'm sitting waiting for you shitting my pants I hate this I hate that you would feel that way I was just nervous I know Chelsea fucking Handler so it's like one of my first big interviews and so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden my assistant at the time is like Chelsea Handler's there and I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway because I had a driveway and I

moved my fucking car for you by the way don't add like I out of a driveway like I have a driveway that's so cool I'm so privileged I have a driveway okay fuck you so then I walk out and at the time none of my team could be there so it was all virtual I walk out and I'm looking for Chelsea and Chelsea's nowhere to be fucking found and I'm like can you call chelsea like have her team call her like she's not in front of my house your high ass was three houses down parked in front of another fucking house i walk up to chelsea's car also everyone oh yeah i remember that that's funny i was high that day fuck that too. Fuck you. Everyone picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Handler for the first time and have her on your show. Like, I'm all of you watching, shitting my pants.

And I find this woman in a car. And I'm like, is that her car? I go to the window and I knock on her window. Was it a Subaru Outback? Mm-hmm. And you open the door. And I just get hit with a bunch of just, like, absolute paraphernalia. And I'm like, and you're like, hey, where am I like absolute paraphernalia and I'm like and you're

like hey where am I I'm like um hi I'm Alex so nice to meet you I think you thought I was the assistant you're like I'm going to a show my show bitch and then we went in and then I wanted to make you cozy but you were a fucking dress and you were a slut you were like sitting like this and I was like yeah we need to so it all went well and you it went well yeah but I did ask you if you knew who I was I didn't even know where you were I didn't know where I was you think I knew who you were but I know who you are now and it's very makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about me in that way in that regard because I'm just I it just makes I don't know I become shy but I'm glad that we're friends now and I respect you I want you to know that and I'm really

like impressed with everything that you've done so now that you have my attention we can have a more prosperous interview total wrong use of prosperous like what am I like I work in it like we've had a process like we've yielded prosperous grains this harvesting. That's what I almost sounded like. I really appreciate your attempt to integrate the word. Prosperous? Yeah, I know. That was sad.

You sound smarter than me. Well, what does that mean though? You're like washed yourself. Okay, we did your podcast the other week. That was fun. Oh yeah, that was fun. That was was really fun and now we're here congrats on your new netflix doc not doc special it's a stand-up special i know it's a special i said doc sorry now i'm already high i'm a doctor first of all and you should know that and all your viewers and listeners should also know that i am a

doctor i'm a farm to table gynecologist. And I perform all sorts of, I can do so many things medically. I prescribe medication, drugs. I've injected about four or five of my friends with Ozempic. Because I realized I didn't want to use it because it's silly. Like I it's you know, for heavy people. I had people coming over to my house. And I was like, Okay, I can see you at one I can see you at two. Can you believe the amount of people in LA that are using that shit? Everyone is on Ozempic. I have someone that. It's going to backfire.

Something bad is going to happen. It's going to be bad. It's a miracle. It's too good to be true. Yeah. You can just make people who've struggled with their weight their entire lives thin. It's a miracle. You know what's fucked up though is I have someone in my life that needs it medically

and it's completely sold out. Tell her to come over to my house. I'll inject her tomorrow. What time does she free? I can. I'll open. i'll open i will inject you have it at your house i have a semaglutide well so my doctor my anti-aging doctor just hands it out to anybody right and obviously now i can't say her name but she i i didn't even know i was on it i went to dinner or uh i went she said oh if you ever want to drop because I said she goes if you ever want to drop five pounds this is good and I came back from a

vacation and I injected myself with it and I went to lunch with like a girlfriend a few days later and she's like I'm not really eating anything I'm so nauseous I'm on a Zempic and I was like I'm kind of nauseous too but I had come back from Spain I thought I was jet-lagged I had been gone for like a month and uh white privilege and I was and I was like oh I I'm nauseous too and then I'm like but I'm not on ozempic and she's like are you sure and I'm like well what is it I go I'm on semaglutide and she goes that's what it is you look fucking great no I'm not on it anymore I stopped taking That's too irresponsible. I'm an irresponsible drug user, but I'm not going to take a diabetic drug for, like, I tried it. Yeah.

And I'm not going to do that. You're not going to do it anymore. No, I don't. That's not for me. That's not right for me. This is just, we're starting essentially the episode with just, like, disclaimers. I'm on it right now. You're not a fucking doctor.

No, I'm not a doctor. But go to Chelsea's house if you want to get on Ozymphic. Yeah, make an appointment With um Well with Alexandra Okay so Your Netflix special Revolution

Sorry Revolution What is the joke That people are loving the most I think my brother My brother telling me That he had to have children I said what to my brother

Like why are you even a father You know you're not very good at it And my brother's turned into Quite an asshole As a father? You know, you're not very good at it. And my brother's turned into quite an asshole as he's gotten older. And he was like, Chelsea, I have to think about, I had to think about my legacy. It's like, who is behind you, Abraham Lincoln? What are you talking about? Your legacy, you think people are thinking about what's going on with you after you're dead? I'm like, no fucking way, buddy.

No one's thinking about what you're gonna leave behind except for you you know i'm like your legacy is that you're my fucking brother when i saw that clip let me be so clear i clipped it and sent it to my fucking brother i'm like don't you fucking forget it i sent it to my whole family yeah like it's it's a good one the whole thing is amazing well thank you so. It was a really fun special to shoot. Like I love it. It's very hard for me to watch myself in anything. And when I saw it, I was like, oh, this is great. Like I was like, yeah, it worked out, you know?

Even when you're confident, you're insecure, you know? It's all, you know, it's all one big hot mess all the time. I get it. You're like, I was confident yesterday, what happened? But yeah, it was fun to do that because my brother had seen my set. I was running it for like 100 shows. And so my family had seen me at various times.

And my brother's like, oh, you sure do a lot of material about Simone with the sun and the moon. And I looked at him and I go, would you like me to do some material about you? No problem. So then I incorporated that joke. That must be so terrifying to be Related to someone that does Stand-up comedy because it's Like you're you're at the

Crossfire and you're just Like just wait for your turn Like I would be terrified I'm Sure my siblings are Terrified that I talk about Them on the show but I don't Really yeah but like if you Want me to I will and then I

Can't promise obviously what's Gonna happen I've made a lot Of mistakes doing that like Talking about people without their permission. Yeah, and I think that would be a good piece of advice, actually, for you to rethink about that because I definitely, like, you know, if I didn't think it was a big deal for somebody, I just assumed it wasn't a big deal.

And, like, some people are really sensitive. Can you give us an example? Oh, God, there are so many. I mean, where I've just kind of told someone the truth that couldn't handle the truth and not in a mean spirited way. Like I want to be honest with you because you're a woman and I want to be honest and loyal to women and I'll always tell you the truth. I'm never going to lie to you. And people don't like that. It's abrasive. And I know I own it. It is abrasive. It's like not welcoming, you know?

So you have to watch yourself a little bit more. Yeah. I mean, just be a little bit more mindful, just in a nice way. Like not to be a cunt. You know what I mean? Like I'm a cunt. And I have to sometimes remember that other people are not like me. They are very sensitive to criticism or even like, you know.

And it's an invasion of their privacy. My family has no choice. I mean, they just don't have a choice. Like they understand I'm not going to abuse you, but I'm going to call you out. I'm never going to lie. I mean, they say I lie about everything, but they're wrong. But I've crossed that line before. Of course.

With my family members. And I don't cross that line where it's, you know, mean spirited. I get that. Okay, fair. Your ex directed the special and he did it while you guys were dating. Then you guys broke up and the special came out. How has the breakup affected the way

that you feel about your special? Oh, like sweet. You know, it's sweet. It's like one of my favorite moments of my career. And I got to share it with somebody that I was like, you know, madly in love with. It's super sweet. It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done.

Like, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet. Why did you guys break up? Well, I just don't want to really comment on it any further because it turns into a headline. And I'm not promoting a breakup from six months ago like you know what I mean I'm here to talk about all the other things I'm doing and I understand people are interested but it's just like it's run it's it's run out of gas I get it I respect that answer so you're single now I am how is it going

that's funny why I have a listen I have I have like, a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last few years when I've realized like, the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around. I've actually meaningfully spent time by myself to see what was up with myself, right? And I've really genuinely enjoyed getting to know me. And I have a lot of respect for that time where you are out of a relationship or right before you're going into a relationship to really be mindful of that time and the space that you have so that you can show up in like a really good way for any relationship you're in. And to know when to take a

time out a lot of people don't seem to know that it's time to take a break isn't that so that I feel like that period everyone has that moment of like oh my god I hung out with myself for so long and I actually for the first time fucking enjoyed it and I got to know myself and I was like oh this isn't this isn't bad like maybe I don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. I feel like everyone goes through a period of their time where they're like, I'm so comfortable with myself. I don't even want anyone unless they're like great to add on to my life. Yeah. Well, I think you have to always set your standards where you want people to meet them. Like if you don't have any self-respect, which so many people seem to suffer from, like, you you know what do you think you're

attracting other people who are going to disrespect you like when you think highly of yourself you attract a higher vibe that's just the way it is and like it's better to have a high vibe like I've been low vibe I know what that's like and it's infective or like infectious no it's infected it's one of them we're infected we haveDs. We're at the doctor's. Oh my God, but my vocabulary is everything and it's just fa-ba-ba-ba. It's okay. It's okay. It's invective is what I meant to say. And yeah, so it's like, it's good to just like get to know yourself. Like I went to, I remember going to Whistler. I bought this ski chalet on FaceTime

because I was so scared Donald Trump was going to get reelected. And I went to Whistler. I got into Canada. They were so strict with the quarantine because they wanted, they think Americans are disgusting. And they don't want us there. So I got a work visa. I got everything so that I could go to Canada and ski. Like all I cared about, I flew my dogs and I there.

We get there. We get down. We land in Canada. And we land. I had chartered a private plane I can't tell this story why because this is illegal this is oh it's illegal you can air all of this but I'm not going to continue this story what happened was illegal okay and it wasn't because of me this is the best fuck this is so classic oh this is so classic you have no idea you know what happened so i get to the airport and this guy is like oh uh they're turning planes around at canada i mean at in vancouver you know we could get turned around i go well who are you and he was

like i thought he was a customs agent and he had me on the phone with customs i was talking to them about my work permit i'm like i did everything by the book. I hired like an immigration person, like this is going to get me in. What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't think we're going to get in. I don't think we're going to get in. And, and then finally I realized he was the pilot. So I had been listening to this fucking pilot telling me that I had to call this person and this person and show my paperwork. And I go, wait, what are you? You're the pilot. Why do you have, you have no jurisdiction over what's about to happen right now. Right.

Like you're flying the plane. Let's go. And he was like, I can't. We can't go up there. And I go, look at me. I need to get to Vancouver. You're going to fly this plane to Vancouver. And if we get turned around at the border, then that's on me. And then unfortunately,

I have to fly all the way back with you. So I promise you, I am going to get into fucking Vancouver. And then we got there and the customs guys came on the plane and they were like, welcome, Chelsea. We missed you. Yeah. And you got in easy. Oh my God. Yeah. Because Canada's awesome. And they know that I'm yeah I support them they're they just want to get along with everyone so you left out the illegal part yeah okay good you know what's really interesting is when you said I can't but I really want to tell the story I want to hear it so it's very I'm having a difficult moment right now because it's such a good story but I can't we want we want you this is what i

mean about getting people in trouble you know what i mean i can't do it we're not gonna do it when i when you're about to say but like if you want to do it no we don't want to do it you can tell me after um i need something to is this my drink yeah yeah pour your water you know what's interesting for your water your water in your glass i should have done that i was in nursery school for a second pour your water it's interesting when you just said that about like oh I can't tell this story you were saying like I chartered a private jet and you said oh I can't tell this story I thought because you're like a successful woman and I guess we just always get shit on you were gonna say I can't tell it because it's coming off as too like privileged rich dick well I'm not gonna

lie I did I mean yeah I do charter private planes not all the time but yeah I'd love to fly privately all the time. I like the honesty. I mean now we're a little are you high? Yes very high I'm very stoned. Me too I'm trying to focus. And especially with you it's very dangerous

territory because you're like I saw your face. You think you could get in there like I can see what you're doing and I'm like no bitch. I saw your face you think you could get in there like I can see what you're doing and I'm like no bitch I saw your face when I asked you about the relationship and immediately your demeanor went from like I'm just out Alex's house too well then you were like fuck I don't want to talk about this I had to ask I wouldn't be doing my but we're having such a good time why bring something like that up You know what I mean It's like wait

Because the people want to know I know I have to be half friends Half journalist Well obviously I'm going to have to Fuck somebody else publicly Pretty quickly To get everybody to move on

To the next conversation You do Do you have a pattern With a specific field That they're usually in Oh everything I mean I've dated every I have dated

The most random people There is no type I've dated Look at the people That I've dated There I have dated the most random people there is no type I've dated look at the people that I've dated there's none of them have anything in common and I look at them all and I'm just like you know what's the connection and you haven't found it um no I haven't I don't know what do you think it is I feel like you're very like at the moment you'll maybe you're looking for something and you need it and you go into it with that person and then you leave you're like I didn't fucking need that

and then you meet someone very different you're like maybe this is what I need but you're all you need sweetie yeah thank you let me okay can you write that down in my notes section do you have my notes section Alex what was that you're all you need and then put it in quotes and then write call her daddy I think that's the worst advice I ever gave yeah that was that was fucking stupid yeah okay let's talk about settling okay because you're single we all have a friend who is either settled and we're like oh well fuck them that sucks or they're on the path to settling because they'd rather be in a shitty relationship than no

relationship what advice do you give to women who feel like being in a bad relationship is better than being alone oh I don't know that's really hard for me to even understand I think that's how could you be doing that that's like you don't have any self-respect and you could be so much happier like that's so desperate yeah it's like they need to they need to get on the path to being comfortable being alone because then you'll see like well just don't settle for anything like why you don't have to settle for anything you have to raise your game and then everything meets you where you are you i mean people think about things ending or um like i don't know like breakups and stuff like it's always a good opportunity everything is a good opportunity the good experiences and the painful ones and if you didn't have painful

experiences you'd be really boring the only reason difference is now everyone shares every experience you know right so that used to be different like most people wouldn't be like talking like I talk and be open but I've always been open because I'm not trying to hide anything you know if I'm doing like I talk about whatever I'm what's going on with me if I'm into therapy I talk about that if I'm into drugs I talk about that if I've been to rappers I talk about that you know like I'm not there's no mystique Like I'm not trying to like Keep anything away You should go back To some rappers I know

I should I'm in the mood For a good rapper That would be fun Who though Oh Let's line it up You are due

For a good rapper I mean 50 Was like iconic So I feel like The only person That could top him Is like Lil Wayne You see that happening

me and lil wayne that's funny or what about like i don't know yeah what am i in the i think i need to go somewhere i haven't been before where haven't you been like an adventure you know have you ever dated a doctor uh no but i would love that yeah i would love that for you thank you what about the pilot was he single you you think i was interested in him after the way he behaved at the airport but you know when sometimes you fight and then you like realize i'm not like that i'm not trying to fight you weren't the girl picking on the kids in like class the cute guy i want to know about your relationship with your boyfriend. No, no, no. Yeah, I do. Who's interviewing you?

I'm interviewing you. What's the dynamic there? Because I have to tell you something. When I saw you at the Amphar event, I was surprised to see that you had a long-term boyfriend. Like I kind of judged you in a way, not in a bad way. I just judged you as the type of person that wouldn't be in a long-term relationship.

Why? I don't know. Explain. Get to the deep of the core of it. I'm just now asking myself that very question. Because I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, what does he do? He produces movies.

OK. And he knew your friend. Who gave us the mushrooms. We were at a really nice gala. And Chelsea and her friend were indulging and offered my boyfriend and i some chocolate mushrooms which i highly recommend for any gala i i really love that for you because i was like oh like i've never done mushrooms i've never done mushrooms oh really i was like i don't feel like at amphar it's the first place and chelsea's like oh i'm gonna and i didn't even

know you were fucking hosting she was going up and like she like, she was, like, giving a full speech. Two seconds later, after I see she's on fucking mushrooms, Chelsea's on stage at Amphar being like, hello, everyone. I'm like, what the fuck? I wouldn't be in a fucking hole cradling myself. Well, that's. I gotta try mushrooms. Yeah, I know. Well, you're pretty amped up to begin with, so I don't know.

Maybe I should chill it down. Yeah, maybe, because you would be, like, you wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up on mushrooms. Oh, yeah. I would hate myself. Well, also, I'm having to interview you. When I'm high, I'm usually silent. But I'm having to like. Really?

I'm forcing myself to speak. Don't you think it's more fun to be high and social? I mean, I love to be high alone, too. But I like being high and social. I don't know. I think I'm really more of a high alone. Oh. And what do you do?

Like, do you play games or something? Or like, are you playing Fortnite? I'm more. What do you do? Like, do you play games or something? Or like, are you playing Fortnite? Playing my Xbox and jerking my boyfriend off? No. Are you on a tour on Atari? Do you play Atari? What the fuck is that? No, I'm by myself watching like a movie. Like a normal. Yeah, yeah. That's I mean, that's me every night. Maybe if I ever do mushrooms, I do it with you. No, then you'd probably never be my friend oh no no let's not do that okay okay moving on why do you think you're so normal because I like normal it's more interesting I think normal is very interesting because nobody's really normal I mean nobody's really boring everybody has something going on you know I mean some people are really annoying and so it's hard to figure out

what that something is or you know you don't have are really annoying and so it's hard to figure out what that something is or you know you don't have the patience to even deal with finding out but everybody has something to say and like people's past and their childhoods like I find everybody to be pretty interesting I agree like I could talk to anyone and just interview them all day long I just saying I do like that about you that I feel like you're like somehow living a seemingly normal life and like you're pretty fucking famous. Well, I mean, I'm flying privately with my dogs to Canada to a house I bought on FaceTime. So like, obviously, it's not that normal. I like to have things outside of just my professional career. It's taken over a lot of my life for a lot of many years. And I really needed a time out

also to be like by myself. And now I'm ready to rumble again, like and when I'm in the mood to work, then everything works. It's easy. You know, so I had to really arrive at a moment where I got it back and I'm hungry. And I have ambition. Because for a couple years, I really did not give a shit. I was like, I'm just gonna go go to Spain and hang out at my, you know, other house. Fuck you. That we have to edit out. That we have got to edit out. Fuck no.

Do you know how, that goes back to what I was saying, like, oh, the private plane. Do you know how few people are, have self, like, you're self-made. You've come up. You've made it on your own self made my father was a used car dealer what are you talking about no like you you're goddamn so do you know what I mean like I think you have the right to I'm I'm kind of sick of people being pissed when people I don't still lie or pretend you're not whatever I'm not like I mean I'm not gonna even say anybody's name that I could think of. Some wealthy millionaire. No, I just have a really nice life.

Yeah. I'm not like a, you know. And you're not going to hide it. No. And I'm in love with Elon Musk. Okay. Let's talk about that. That's the next.

That's the most fun thing that's happened. That's your next man. I can't stand Elon Musk. That's your next guy. Would you ever go on a date with that man? No. When does this come out? February 1st.

Okay. So I'm about to host The Daily Show. I'll be about to host The Daily Show. I specifically asked the EP of The Daily Show if we could roast Elon Musk physically. I'm like, he is such an asshole that we're allowed to actually go after looks. Oh, okay, okay, like looks because he's so like repugnant of a person you know what i mean yeah oh and would they say no no they were like let's go for it oh that's nice um okay this will be fun for you while we're high on i think i just

asked on that chair it's fine oh no it's i didn't we're moving offices alec would you mind grabbing me some lip balm i feel like i'm about to swallow my tongue that's why i was so i think i've now been just talking to you like this i like the way that you twitch around while you're talking you're like i can't i can't like start talking you i don't know if you're mimicking what I'm saying are you saying that yeah you have a tick I'm trying to get cozy these chairs when I'm wearing this is by the way this is a great you haven't moved at all this is a great episode this is great we're flowing it's awesome we're vibing yeah we're gonna have to do this once a year once a year so listen to this on your show we did like let's answer some questions I figured I could give you some topics and I want to hear your take on them okay that's fun right yeah yeah I mean we'll see okay what is your take on posting your significant other

on social media no I like doing that I've never done that before so that was fun for me it was funny like I knew how annoying it was but like I I liked it it was good because I've never been public like that and I felt that way and it you know yeah so why not it was kind of cute it was like very um unexpected well and it's also sincere because I'm not you know full of shit I mean if I'm doing that I mean it what do you think about when people get nervous that their partner won't post them on social media like that's annoying anything that you're arguing about with social media is annoying end statement yeah absolutely I also yeah put that in my notes right Chelsea Handler exactly

and then what was the other quote we came up with earlier you could you only know what you can do no it was like you you only know what you can do i said you only know no i said you only what i didn't say that you're all you need you're all you need that's the title of this episode you're all you need You're all you need That's the title of this episode You're all you need You're all you need sweetie I didn't say sweetie Do you get nervous

When people come over To your house And you have to interview them Aside from me Like are you No I don't know why I don't know what's wrong with me

But nothing in me Gets like nervous I get The only nerve I get Is to make sure That I like do a good job and I give my audience like an entertaining episode obviously if I'm having to talk about some like serious shit I actually like get off on that I'm like let's go like my breakup yeah so why the

fuck did you you're like please stop uh yeah I was excited but then I'm swerving right I'm being respectful yeah yeah right yeah yeah but like if you want to give undertones. What the fuck is going on over there? Yeah, my God. I'm like, are you? What's happening? Oh, yeah, that looks nice. That's a nice color.

What is that? I don't know. Sounds like you just ate it. I did. I swallowed it. Okay, your tape. That's how you put lipstick on. You didn't know that?

That you just put it in your mouth I swallowed it. Okay, your tape. That's how you put lipstick on. You didn't know that? That you just put it in your mouth and swallowed it? Okay, what are your thoughts on reigniting friendships with people you've had a fallout with oh that's a good one for me because i have a lot of friendship endings and like yeah i always go from people like i go from group to group to group and i i do that a lot um reigniting yeah with the right people for sure yeah because you know you do grow up and like whatever you fought about or disagreed about you know you mostly forget about and then you're just like hanging on to the energy so I definitely believe in reignition why are you ignition do you see I mean I keep looking at the camera every time I say I I every time I say miss if I stop it every time I miss say a word I look into the camera.

It's been like multiple times. I know and it's so not me because I'm so like vocabulary like I read everything and I care about fucking words. Yeah try to convince us now but it's not. I'm really smart you guys. Yeah we can tell. Why do you think you're bopping from friend group to friend group? What does that mean?

Oh I mean I've done that my whole life. I've been multiple friends groups not friend group to friend group just What does that mean? Oh, I mean, I've done that my whole life. But multiple friends groups, not friend group to friend group, just having relationships end. Got it. You know, and not being I don't think that's a bad. That's such a bad thing either. You know, like, people move on, people grow apart, some people grow back together. But I don't think French like, I think it's an evolution. Everyone has their own evolution. And if you're not on the right kind of frequency, you're not. I don't know. I just think people have, like, fantasies.

And, like, they're romantic. You know what I mean? Like you and your ex. People want to see something play out. Yeah, I think. And people are really, you know, one of the cutest things was, like, people would come up to me, like, screaming at us on the street. Like, oh, my God, you've've renewed our like my faith and my love and I believe I'll be in love now and I believe that everyone has their person I was like I believe it

too yeah I mean if I fell in love like that like I'm I mean then anybody can do you think you can fall in love like that again yeah now that I'm open I'm like I'm in bloom I'm just like Elon Musk with yeah I'm having Elon Musk's baby. I'm actually having triplets. What is your take on when people post crying videos on the internet? Well, I mean, I think when it first started happening, it was interesting. But now it's like too much. Right.

I don't like the internet. I'm scared of the internet. I just don't. It feels like it's a black mirror. I just feel like we're living through a black mirror. And at any moment, the world is going to implode because people are just fucking crazy. Everyone's crazy. Everyone's hooked up to a device.

People aren't normal after the pandemic. It's just the world's on fire. I mean, I don't mean to be a debbie downer but we are about to blow up it's not looking good it's not great better to be in a good mood about it i guess right like go down smiling yeah i don't want to be like living in fear write down don't live in fear and write down go down smiling Write below, don't live in fear. Okay. We should come out with our own dictionary of phrases.

The quotes that we're spewing this episode are... Are going to be really hard for me to come back from. Football. Ugh. I know. I'm not into it. I'm not into football. I wrote these being like we're gonna be this is

like the upper section no I was saying I was writing the take on like it was gonna be an upper section we're like we're in Black Mirror we're literally gonna die everything's falling apart well that's a real fun topic by the way so thanks for bringing that up I know I need to I'm trying to end up on like um dry January yeah seriously you Want to talk about Harvey Weinstein next I mean why not just fucking are you Doing dry January dry January no I'm not Drinking because I'm hosting the Critics Choice Awards but this will air

After that wait what uh why aren't you Drinking before that just so I look Great yeah it's more for the looks yeah Not for the feel yeah not for the feel no yeah i tried it i lasted four days then my boyfriend and i the other night i was like have a fucking drink it's so fun to drink don't overdo it so you don't ever have to give it away you know just don't ever overdo it so you don't have to stop doing it one of my boyfriends once said that to me that's a great bit of advice. Yeah. I'll keep that one.

What is your opinion on adults who go to Disney World with their partner and like they don't have kids? Oh, definitely against it. That's so stupid. I don't understand. When I was insulted as a child going to Disney World, I was like six years old and I was like, oh, really? I'm supposed to believe that there's a bunch of grown mice running around trying to take

photos with us that are also in a good mood? Fuck you. I'm like, I thought Disneyland was a sham when I was six years old. I went off on my father. I was like, I don't want to come back to this place. I'm like, it's a joke.

I'm like, this is like Valentine's Day. I mean, I couldn't believe, and they don't have alcohol there. Even at six, I was looking for a cocktail. I was like, I can't survive this place without a drink. I love this answer. Also, my next question was going to be your take on Valentine's Day I think we covered that one oh my god you can't ask that be asking that question to people why what do you think about Valentine's Day do you know how many people love it you can't be asking that question what if I was sitting here how about this what if I was like oh wow Chelsea

like I really like Disney World and I also really like Valentine's Day I wouldn't give a shit you would just be like yeah it fucking sucks yeah stop talking about it please I don't it's like people talk about Burning Man I don't like to hear about that either oh my god do you ever go to Coachella um I went once but I wasn't there I just was with the A's off So I was like backstage I didn't go Another relatable moment Yeah

I feel like That just is awful Burning man Have you ever been to burning man No no I'm not down with that I don't want sand Blowing in my face

While I'm tripping On whatever drug I'm on I want a sand You have to wear Like a gas mask And it's so ridiculous I mean People show me pictures

And I just It just seems like Some place you go To have an affair Right It's so ridiculous. I mean, people show me pictures and I just, it just seems like someplace you go to have an affair, right? And then like have communal living or something. That's what my takeaway is. Okay, when I was bringing this up. Have you ever been a Burning Man? Absolutely not. No, no.

Things like that, concerts like that or whatever that is, that's not a concert. I'm terrified of concerts. I can't, I just don't want to do it. Yeah, I feel, I mean, I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go to concerts. I guess terrified was a little aggressive. I just would prefer not. I want an assigned seat.

What would you, what would you feel if you saw someone get proposed to in the middle of Disney World? Oh, what would I do? I love that after I tell you that I will never go to Disneyland World, you ask me the next question is, when I'm there, what I'll do if someone is proposed to? I like proposals. I think that's sweet. Really?

Yeah, I do. I think that's sweet. Like, I mean, in Disneyland, obviously, that's ridiculous. But whatever. I don't care enough about any of it. Would you be upset if someone proposed to you at Disney World? Well, nobody would do that. Right.

Because you wouldn't even go. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't go. They're trying to propose. They're trying to propose to me, but I refuse to go to Disneyland. So they can't propose. Oh, my God. So you're okay with public proposals?

Well, not for me. I mean, I don't want that. But they can't propose oh my god so you're okay with public proposals well not for me i mean i don't want that but they can have it but yeah if you want a lot of people like that stuff really yeah really yeah the same girls that want to talk about valentine's day want to get publicly proposed to well not everyone wants publicly but everyone like i mean not everyone but most women want to be proposed to oh yeah yeah yeah i just mean like in public yeah right no that's like at a sporting event i would say no no even if they were the love of my life no no definitely not yeah absolutely not how do you feel about shower sex oh no i'm not into it me either last time i did i got a yeast infection oh yeast infections are

the worst worst okay what do you think about nepotism babies i i couldn't give a shit about that everyone is so bored like obviously if your parents are both actors you're probably gonna be an actor it's so stupid it pisses me off so much I'm like why do you care and it's in every industry that like anyone would yeah sorry I interrupted you no no I interrupted you I wanted you to keep going you're being funny or I don't have much oh I mean it's just ridiculous like obviously you know if your parents are both fucking rappers you're probably gonna be a rapper I mean it's just unbelievable that people are so bored and that this is a topic of conversation.

It's so lame. I agree. Like when you and Elon have children, it's not... Elton. Our first baby is going to be called Elton. Okay? Elon and Chelsea with little Elton. Obviously, Elton's going to be swinging the big black platinum card. Yeah.

Well, by then we won't even use credit cards. Elon will figure it out. First of all, it's going to be a middle life to elderly pregnancy. Oh. Because I'm 47. So the baby might take a little bit longer to cook. So let's give it like a three-year window. I'm not really good at cooking anyway.

So I'm sure mine will be a little bit off I think scientifically that just actually made actually quite a lot of sense what my question is is this I don't believe anything we're saying makes I don't think any I don't know even what I'm saying I think nepotism babies you're so right what do we want them to do I've been seeing a lot right pay a fine right literally what are your thoughts on kids sitting in first class if they're not annoying that's fine yeah but parents paying for their kids to fly first yeah i mean i would put my kids in coach me too middle seat motherfucker i think i'd say that now but maybe i wouldn't they're gonna be flying on the pj yeah yeah how are they're just not coming they're not coming on we'll send them to disneyland yeah they go they go to Disneyland every every other weekend how do you what kind of traveler are you like are you an anxious traveler like

when you're at the airport like what's happening I'm trying to picture no I'm not I'm not anxious you're not not at all traveling is a relaxant actually I love it oh really like being on planes I mean you know I don't like being going to the airport but i like being on planes and i like reading i read lots of books when i'm on planes i never can get on the wi-fi so i don't have to worry about being involved in any of that so i'm like away for four hours and i like either watch something or i read it like the other day i was flying somewhere philadelphia to vancouver and i read an entire book this book called the great alone by kristen hannah and it's like 600 pages and i read read it in one flight. And I was like, fuck, yeah. And then

I read another book the next day, because I was like, Oh, yeah, I want to read another book, because you forget how great reading is. So good. Like, it's just so good to be lost in a book that has nothing to do with anything you'll ever experience in your entire life. And you get smart. Every time you read a book, you get smarter. Like you understand another world, or you have a glimmer into that back to airport sorry i'm swerving back what is the biggest sin someone can commit on an airplane i have a barefoot on their bare feet it's disgusting and it should be illegal and i want to make a video for all airlines because it's like it's not fair

people my dms are filled with bare feet on planes. People send them to me, like 30 people a day send me a bare foot on a plane or in an airport or on a train or on a bus. One flight attendant DMed me and told me that a guy brought mussels onto a plane and he had the shells and he put them in a plastic bag. He was eating mussels on a plane next to a person. Like there are rules that need to be said out loud. And I found out, Catherine, you met her. She's my co-host on my podcast here, Chelsea. Catherine, who I loved, until she revealed that she travels to the airport with a dozen hard-boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. I almost stabbed myself in the vagina.

I could not believe her. And I looked at her, and then I looked at her husband and said, what do you have to say for yourself? She's with you, and you didn't say anything about this? He's like, she loves eggs. And I was like, hey, guys, you can't do that ever again you can't bring 10 12 egg you can't have any hard-boiled eggs when you get on the plane eat them if you like them so much you can't bring those on a plane and she was someone who would also have seen someone with

a bare foot and been like gross so does she still work with you yeah she still works with me but it's caused a chasm and it hasn't been the same sentence well i just have to keep an eye on her now because i don't know what other shenanigans she's up to that she thinks is cool i think that's a cardinal sin it's pretty yeah try to say the word go ahead i can't i can't say it i can't we're gonna say volatile nope it was a v no and it wasn't vagina no no not yeah well there are other words besides volatile and vagina that start with a v virginia okay listen i need to recalibrate my brain um how about this ready for this one yeah i'm ready

you're known for being very honest what's the hardest thing you've had to tell someone oh god all the time but like a hard one where you actually struggled a little bit like clenched and then released before just releasing I mean nothing that made me like clench it's never that hard I mean there have been harder ones but nothing where I things I've put off that I was like I'd rather hope that this disappears so I don't have to address this like and does and it doesn't usually include you or are you just like a bystander witnessing for like a friend or a family member both both yeah if it's about someone else I have tend to be a little bit more hot really about the defense of that person yeah as opposed to it being about you yeah like i'll

put up with a little bit more than i'll let my friends put up with i think oh maybe we'll be friends one day i need someone to stop threatening our friendship you know what you've been like this ever since i want i'm saying i want you to be but we are friends we are well yeah we're friends now i just wanted you to say it. But stop fucking threatening it. It's so annoying. I want you to defend me. Just now we're in a friendship. I can flow.

Yeah. I get all nervous. It's exciting. OK, listen to this one. I'm just saying that to myself because I can't read. OK. I was with Jennifer Hudson at the talk show and she was like, they were, had the blue cards right behind my shoulder. And it was so funny. Cause I remember it reminded me of doing

a talk show. Like I did Jay Leno the first time and he was like talking to me. Like I was that lamp behind you. And he'd be like, yeah. So what'd you do for the summer break? And you're like, hello. At least I'm making eye contact. Right. Yeah. No. Well, people are much better interviewers, but yeah. but back in the day i'd be like hi chelsea how are you doing you're like i'm over here what personality type compliments yours the best strong and confident good answer what's an insecurity you've dealt with someone checking my phone can i tell you a fucking story yeah okay when we were doing your podcast I we remember we got asked a question and there was a girl being like I went through his phone

he's got prostitutes and your it was a big story but your answer immediately I like noted it that you were like very adamant which of course it's like not good to look at someone's phone but you were like i could tell there was something personal about how you were like don't fucking check his phone i also want to be like chelsea let's ease up on her a little bit you're like you don't ever check is this something personal going on and i could tell someone had checked your fucking phone because the way that you answered, I could tell it was coming from personal experience

that it's a huge violation of privacy and you were frustrated about it. And I've also checked someone's phone. I've been that person when I was younger and I've done that. And that is no way to behave. It is not dignified. And you're going to find whatever it is you're looking for

yeah did did you find out the person checked your phone or did they tell you it was revealed to me because they had something to confront you about yes isn't that interesting though because that dynamic i've done it also i've checked someone something but it's so interesting because who's in the right though because it's like no no it's almost like Nolan Boyd whatever you're bringing up because you checked my fucking phone and went right right right right right so anything you're saying I could have fucked Elon yesterday it doesn't matter no but also if you're looking you're going to misinterpret almost everything and think I mean I know I did that I had a boyfriend where I was so but he was cheating on me by the way. And I found plenty of text messages

to confirm it. Like that's my own problem. You know what I mean? I should never be in a situation where I have to look at someone's phone. My friend was joking yesterday and she said, I look, she was looked through her daughter's phone and she goes, I have to read her phone every night after she goes to bed. And I go, oh my God, but as a mother, I totally get it. But as like a lover, it's really pathetic. Well, yeah, because do you think you were giving vibes? No, no, I was up to nothing. Ever. Never. I don't have the personality to be a liar or a cheater. I don't have the I barely have the energy to be in one relationship. I am very into being alone, as we've discussed. So it's very hard for me to even give that up.

You know what I mean? But I tried, and that was a good example. I'll do it again, you know. But I don't remember what I was even talking about. Doesn't matter. You're doing great. Yeah, yeah. Write that down.

You're doing great. You're doing great, sweetie. I think that's a Kris Jenner line, so don't quote me on that. Okay. By the way, did Kris Jenner send you that her pajama set? I'm not on the list. Well, you need to get yourself on that list. Is it good?

Yeah. She sent me this silk pillow. It's like the softest thing I've ever slept on. Put in a good word for me now that we're close. Okay. Give her a little like, she's a nice girl. Okay. Well, I just forwarded her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her her a little like she's a nice girl okay well i just forwarded

her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her on instagram so she's good it was this girl anna roisman she's really funny follow up oh my god by the way we call our daddy girls nice all right yeah i'll definitely mention that the next time i bump into chris jenner what is an irrational fear you have uh that everyone hates me really yeah i can get like that where i think the whole like like oh everyone thinks i'm bad or not or too difficult or whatever i can confirm that's not true oh that's really very sweet of you but you know while everyone's listening i want people to know that those thoughts that you have about yourself are like they happen to all of us. And we all have moments of insecurity, no matter how confident you may think I am listening to this or that or you are whatever, whoever in your life you look up to and admire.

Know that like, you know, that we all have that voice in our head that tells us we're not as good. We're not. And then the other voice is the real voice is like when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable and that you bring something to the table that nobody else brings. Like, listen to that voice. That was really wise, Chelsea. Oh, really? Love it. I thought that was very, yeah, it's like relatable to every single person listening. Oh, yeah.

Good. This was pretty fun. I know. So our top out of the two times we've hung out this is my favorite time i think this is good oh three times we saw each other at the amphar thing so that's like you know but this is my favorite time so we'll do this every year i'll come every year yeah oh yeah definitely you should be getting high all the time anyway good today what's next for you uh in the next minute? Not like right now.

I know you're driving home in the rain. I'm going to host the Daily Show for a week. That's so fun. Yeah. Are you excited? I am. I am. I'm thinking that I'm really interested in getting back into the late night game.

And that is the perfect vehicle for me. And if everything goes the way that I think it's going to go, that might be a more serious conversation I can speak for everyone we would fucking love to see you on television again yeah and I'm in the mood well if she's in the fucking mood it's gonna happen Chelsea Handler thank you so much for coming on Call Her Daddy oh my god Call Her Daddy that was fucking great. It was. That was really good.