Call Her Daddy - Chelsea Handler: Getting High as Fuck (FBF)

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Chelsea Handler joins Call Her Daddy to get high as fuck. After Alex attempts to grill Chelsea on the details of her recent breakup they contemplate Chelsea’s dating prospects … Elon Musk? Lil Wayne? Chelsea is here to give her honest and unfiltered take on a variety of topics. What’s the deal with “nepo babies”? Is there ever a good reason to resuscitate a dead friendship? Is going to Disney World as an adult without a child a good idea? When is it ok to post your significant other on social media? Alex and Chelsea debate their biggest airplane pet peeves (bare feet and hard boiled eggs) and Chelsea reveals one of her biggest insecurities … people going through her phone.

What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. I haven't smoked in so long, I always just take edibles. Oh god, you better not now. No, I'm going to. You better help keep your shit together. I'm not even going to ask you a question. I don't have time to fucking carry this interview for you. I'm gonna be fine. Okay, but we only have one later.

So don't hog it. I guess we can just we'll just start. Fuck it. My name is Chelsea Handler, Joy, Chelsea Joy Handler, and I'm at Alexandra Joy Cooper's house and we're recording her Who's Your Daddy? Fuck you. Call her daddy.

Call her daddy's podcast. And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me about hating you the first time I met you. That is not true. Yeah, you were. This is what happened. No, no, no, no, no.

Why don't I tell my version and then you can tell your version. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, you go first. So I came over to your ridiculous house that had no parking and that was so and again today no parking. So I went over to this house that you said, don't worry, this isn't my house, like I care. And then you told me to lie down on a couch. I was about to get examined by a gynecologist.

And so I had to put my feet up like a little girl in nursery school and sit there and be interviewed. And I was like, who is this person? Because my PR team was like, you have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. She's the it thing. She got some ridiculous deal and you have to go do an interview with her.

I go, sure, no problem. And then the whole time you're like, do you hate me? Oh, okay, first of all. Which is so annoying when people say that. Yeah, like, do you hate me? Oh, that's all people say to me is, do you hate me? Just to be fair, I'm a big fan. I was so nervous.

I was shitting my pants. Well, now I'm a big fan. I was so nervous. I was shitting my pants. Well now I'm a big fan of yours. Oh thanks. Now the rules have switched. Okay, question. Where did you park today? Well, funny you say that because I was driving myself today

because it's raining and I don't trust anyone to drive in the rain, even my driver. I'm like, listen, buddy, I actually think it's fun to drive in the rain in LA because everybody's such an idiot. Pussy. And I like the rain. So I actually think it's fun to drive in the rain in LA because everybody's such an idiot Pussy and I like I like the rain so I tried to park on the street and then there were about

40,000 signs that were deterring me from doing that and then I saw Alec my publicist and I said can she please open the fucking gate to her garage or driveway so I can park in the driveway and then he's like Oh, it's not open and I go. No, it's not. So I can park in the driveway and then he's like, oh, it's not open. And I go, no, it's not. So did you park in the fucking driveway? Yeah. So you have a fucking parking spot. Yeah. Well, that's typical for a guest

when you invite them over. You want to know- Is to provide parking, asshole. I'm going to tell you the truth of what happened. I was- Why am I going like this? I'm already stoked. Yeah, bring your shit.

I'm not going to like sit like a hobbit. I've been sitting like this the whole time. We're like, hey, okay, listen to this. Last time we recorded, which was almost a year and a half ago. Excuse me. It's okay, how long? You did that to me on your podcast. You were just coughing my face,

and then I got COVID after it. Oh, I just got COVID too. You gave it to me. No, I got it on Christmas. Oh, I had the flu. I was getting over the flu then. You had monkeypox. I had monkeypox, and well, yeah, I got it on Christmas. Oh, I had the flu. I was getting over the flu then. You had monkeypox. And I had monkeypox and well, yeah,

a couple of other things. Okay, listen to my side of the story. I'm sitting waiting for you, shitting my pants. I hate this. I hate that you would feel that way about me. I was just nervous. I know. You're Chelsea fucking Handler.

So it's like one of my first big interviews. And so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden, my assistant at the time is like, Chelsea Handler's there and I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway, because I had a driveway and I moved my fucking car for you. By the way, don't add, like, I had a driveway. I have a driveway. That's so cool.

I'm so privileged I have a driveway. Okay, fuck you. So then I walk out and at the time, none of my team could be there, so it was all virtual. I walk out and I'm looking for Chelsea, and Chelsea's nowhere to be fucking found. And I'm like, can you call Chelsea? Have her team call her like she's not in front of my house.

Your high ass was three houses down, parked in front of another fucking house. I walk up to Chelsea's car. Also everyone. Oh yeah, I remember that. That's funny. I was high at that time. Fuck you.

Everyone picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Hindler for the first. I was high on that test. Fuck you. Everyone picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Hindler for the first time and have her on your show. I'm all of you watching, shitting my pants, and I find this woman in a car, and I'm like, is that her car? I go to the window and I knock on her window. Was it a Subaru Outback?

Mm-hmm. And you open the door, and I just get hit with a bunch of just absolute paraphernalia. And I'm like, and you're like, absolute paraphernalia and I'm like, and you're like, hey, where am I? I'm like, hi, I'm Alex, so nice to meet you. I think you thought I was the assistant. You're like, I'm going to a show.

I'm going to my show, bitch. And then we went in and then I wanted to make you cozy, but you were a fucking dress and you were a slut and you were like sitting like this and I was like, we need to, so it all went well. And it went well. But I did ask you if you knew who I was. You didn't even know where you were.

I didn't know where I was. You think I knew who you were? But I know who you are now, and it makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about me in that way, in that regard. Because I just, I don't know, I become shy. But I'm glad that we're friends now. Me too.

And I respect you, I want you to know that. And I'm really like impressed with everything that you've done. Thank you. So now that you have my attention, we can have a more prosperous interview. Total wrong use of prosperous. Like what am I, like I work in it,

like we've had a prosperous, like we've yielded prosperous grains this harvesting. That's what I almost sounded like. I really appreciate your attempt to integrate the word. Prosperous? Yeah. Yeah, I know, that was sad. You sound smarter than me.

So. Well, what does that mean though? You're like, watch yourself. Okay, we did your podcast the other week. That was fun. Oh yeah, that was fun. That was really fun. Okay, we did your podcast the other week. That was fun. That was fun. That was really fun. And now we're here.

Congrats on your new Netflix doc. Not special. It's a standup special. I know it's a special. I said doc. Sorry, now I'm already high. I'm a doctor, first of all, and you should know that. And all your viewers and listeners

should also know that I am a doctor. I'm a farm to table gynecologist. And I perform all sorts of, I can do so many things medically. I prescribe medication, drugs. I've injected about four or five of my friends with Ozempic because I realized I didn't want to use it because it's silly, like I, it's, you know, for heavy people.

I had people coming over to my house and I was like, okay, I can see you at one, I can see you at two. Can you believe the amount of people in LA that are using that shit? Everyone is on Ozempic. I have someone that- It's gonna backfire, something bad is gonna happen. It's gonna be bad.

It's a miracle, it's too good to be true. You can just make people who've struggled with their weight, their entire lives thin, it's a miracle. You know what's fucked up though is I have someone in my life that needs it medically and it's completely sold out. Tell her to come over to my house, I'll inject her. Tomorrow, what time does she free? I can, I'll open house, I'll inject her. Tomorrow, what time does she free?

I can, I'll open it. I will inject her. Do you have it at your house? I have a semaglutide. Well, so my doctor, my anti-aging doctor just hands it out to anybody, right? And obviously now I can't say her name, but she, I didn't even know I was on it.

I went to dinner or I went, she said, oh, if you ever want to drop, cause went she said, Oh, if you ever want to drive because I said she goes, if you ever want to drop five pounds, this is good. And I came back from a vacation and I injected myself with it. And I went to lunch with like a girlfriend a few days later. And she's like, I'm not really eating anything. I'm so nauseous. I'm on a zempik. And I was like, I'm kind of nauseous, too. But I had come back from Spain. I thought I was jet lagged. I had been gone for like a month, and white privilege. And I was like, oh, I'm nauseous too.

And then I'm like, but I'm not on Ozempic. And she's like, are you sure? And I'm like, well, what is it? I go, I'm on semaglutide. And she goes, that's Ozempic. You look fucking great. No, I'm not on it anymore. I stopped taking, that's too irresponsible.

I'm an irresponsible drug user, but I'm not going to take a diabetic drug for, like, I tried it. Yeah. And I'm not going to do that. You're not going to do it anymore. No, I don't. That's not for me. That's not right for me.

This is just that we're starting essentially the episode with just, like, disclaimers. I'm on it right now. You're not a fucking doctor. No, I'm not a doctor. But go to Chelsea's house if you want to get on a Zempik. Yeah, make an appointment with Alexandra. Okay, so your Netflix special.

Revolution. Sorry, revolution. What is the joke that people are loving the most? I think my brother telling me that he had to have children. I said what to my brother, like, why are you even a father? You're not very good at it. And my brother's turned into quite an asshole as he's gotten older.

And he was like, Chelsea, I had to think about my legacy. It's like, who is behind you, Abraham Lincoln? What are you talking about? Your legacy, you think people are thinking about what's going on with you after you're dead? I'm like, no fucking way, buddy. No one's thinking about what you're gonna leave behind except for you, you know?

I'm like, your legacy is that you're my fucking brother. When I saw that clip, let me be so clear, I clipped it and sent it to my fucking brother. I'm like, don't you fucking forget it. I said I'd tell my whole family. Yeah. Like, it's a good one. The whole thing is amazing.

Well, thank you so much. It was a really fun special to shoot like I love it It's very hard for me to watch myself in anything and when I saw it I was like, ah, this is great Like I was like, yeah, it worked out, you know Even when you're confident you're insecure, you know, it's all you know, it's all one big hot mess all the time I got it. Look I was confident yesterday what happened? But yeah, it was fun to do that because my brother had seen my set.

I was running it for like 100 shows. And so my family had seen me at various times. And my brother's like, oh, you sure do a lot of material about Simone with the sun and the moon. And I looked at him and I go, would you like me to do some material about you? No problem.

So then I incorporated that joke. That must be so terrifying to be related to someone that does stand up comedy because it's like, you're at the crossfire and you're just like, just wait for your turn. Like I would be terrified. I'm sure my siblings are terrified that I talk about them on the show,

but I don't really. But like, if you want me to, I will. And then I can't promise obviously what's gonna happen. I've made a lot of mistakes doing that. Like talking about people without their permission. Yeah, and I think that would be a good piece of advice actually for you to rethink about that because I definitely like, you know,

if I didn't think it was a big deal for somebody, I just assumed it wasn't a big deal. And like some people are really sensitive. Can you give us an example? Oh God, there's so many. I mean, where I've just kind of told someone the truth that couldn't handle the truth and not in a mean-spirited way like I want to be honest with you because you're a woman

and I want to be honest and loyal to women and I'll always tell you the truth. I'm never gonna lie to you and people don't like that. It's abrasive and I know I own it. It is abrasive. It's not welcoming. You know? So you have to watch yourself a little bit more. Yeah. I mean, just be a little bit more mindful, just in a nice way. Not to be a cunt.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm a cunt. And I have to sometimes remember that other people are not like me. They are very sensitive to criticism or even like, you know. And it's an invasion of their privacy. My family has no choice. I mean, they just don't have a choice. Like, they understand, I'm not going to abuse you,

but I'm going to call you out. I'm never going to lie. I mean, they say I lie about everything, but they're wrong. But I've crossed that line before. Of course. With my family members, and I don't cross that line where it's mean-spirited. I get that.

OK, fair. Your ex directed the special and he did it while you guys were dating. Then you guys broke up and the special came out. How has the breakup affected the way that you feel about your special? Oh, like sweet. You know, it's sweet.

It's like one of my favorite moments of my career and I got to share it with somebody that I was madly in love with. It's like one of my favorite moments of my career. And I got to share it with somebody that I was like, you know, madly in love with. It's super sweet. It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done. Like, in turn, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet. Why did you guys break up?

Well, I just don't want to really comment on it any further because it turns into a headline. And I'm not promoting a breakup from six months ago. Like, you know what I mean? I'm here to talk about all the other things I'm doing. And I understand people are interested, but it's just like it's run out of gas. I get it. I respect that answer. So you're single now.

I am. How is it going? That's funny. Why? I haven't, listen, I have, I have like a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last Few years when I've realized like the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around I've actually meaningfully spent time by myself to see what was up with myself, right? And I've really genuinely enjoyed getting to know me and I have a lot of

respect for that time where you are out of a relationship or right before you're going into a relationship to really be mindful of that time and the space that you have so that you can show up in like a really good way for any relationship you're in and to know when to take a timeout. A lot of people don't seem to know that it's time to take a break. Isn't that so that I feel like that period everyone has that moment of like, oh my god, I hung out with myself for so long and I actually for the first time fucking enjoyed it and I got to know myself and I was like, oh, this isn't this isn't bad.

Like maybe I don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. I feel like everyone goes through a purity of their time where they're like, I'm so comfortable with myself I don't even want anyone unless they're like great to add on to my life. Yeah Well, I think you have to always set your standards where you want people to meet them like if you don't have any self respect which so many people seem to suffer from like, you know What do you think you're attracting? Other people who are going to disrespect you. Like when you think highly of yourself, you attract a higher vibe. That's just the way it is.

And like, it's better to have a high vibe. Like, I've been low vibe. I know what that's like. And it's infective or like infectious. No, it's infecting. I can't speak tonight. We're infected. We have STDs.

We're at the doctors. My vocabulary is everything and it's just far, boo boo boo! It's okay, it's okay. It's invective is what I meant to say. And yeah, so it's like, it's good to just like get to know yourself. Like I went to, I remember going to Whistler, I bought this ski chalet on FaceTime because I was so scared Donald Trump was going to get re-elected. And I went to Whistler, I got into Canada, they were so strict with the quarantine because they wanted, they

think Americans are disgusting, and they don't want us there. So I got a work visa, I got everything so that I could go to Canada and ski. Like all I cared about, I flew my dogs and I there. We get there, we get down, we land in Canada and we land, I had chartered a private plane. I can't tell this story Why because this is illegal. Oh You can share all of this but I'm not gonna continue this story what happened was illegal Okay, and it wasn't because of me Best fuck this is so classic. This is so classic. You have no idea. You know what happened?

So I get to the airport and this guy is like, oh, they're turning planes around in Canada, in Vancouver. We could get turned around. I go, well, who are you? And he was like, I thought he was a customs agent. And he had me on the phone with customs. I was talking to them about my work permit. I'm like, I did everything by the book.

I hired an immigration person. This is going to get me in. What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't by the book. I hired like an immigration person. Like, this is going to get me in. What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't think we're going to get in. I don't think we're going to get in. And then finally, I realized he was the pilot. So I had been listening to this fucking pilot tell me that I had to call this person and this person

and show my paperwork. And I go, wait, what are you? You're the pilot. You have no jurisdiction over what's about to happen right now. Just like you're flying the plane, let's go. And he was like, I can't, we can't go up there. And I go, look at me.

I need to get to Vancouver. You're gonna fly this plane to Vancouver. And if we get turned around at the border, then that's on me. And then unfortunately I have to fly all the way back with you. So I promise you, I am gonna get into fucking Vancouver. And then we got there and the customs guys

came on the plane and they were like, welcome Chelsea, we missed you. Yeah. And you got in easy. Oh my God, yeah, because Canada's awesome. Canada's awesome. And they know that I'm, yeah, I support them. They just want to get along with everyone. So you left out the illegal part.

Yeah. OK, good. You know what's really interesting is when you said, I can't tell the story. But I really want to tell the story. I want to hear it. So it's very, I'm having a difficult moment right now. Because it's such a good story.

But I can't. But we want you to like. This is what I mean about getting people in trouble. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I can't do it again. We're not gonna do it. When you were about to say,

but like if you wanna do it, no, we don't wanna do it. You can tell me after. I need something to, is this my drink? Yeah, yeah, pour your water. You know what's interesting? Pour your water. Pour your water in your glass.

I should have done that for you. I felt like I was in nursery school for a second. Pour your water. It's interesting when you just said that about like, oh, I can't tell this story. You were saying like, I chartered a private jet and you said, oh, I can't tell the story. I thought because you're like a successful woman and I guess we just always get shit on. You were going to say, I can't tell it because it's coming off as too like privileged rich dick. Well, I'm not going to lie. I did. I mean, yeah, I do charter private planes. Not all the time, but yeah, I'd love to fly privately all the time.

I like the honesty. I mean, now we're a little, are you high? Yes, very high. I'm very stoned. Me too, I'm trying to focus. And especially with you, it's very dangerous territory because you're like, you think you can get in there. I can see what you're doing and I'm like, no bitch.

I saw your face when I asked you about the relationship and immediately your demeanor went from like, I'm just at Alex's house to, well, then you were like, fuck, I don't wanna talk about this. I had to ask. I wouldn't be doing my job right now. But we're having such a good time. Why bring something like that up?

You know what I mean? It's like, wait, why? Because the people wanna know. I know. I have to be half friends, half journalist. OK, well, obviously, I'm going to have to fuck somebody else publicly pretty quickly to get everybody to move on to the next conversation.

You do. Do you have a pattern with a specific field that they're usually in? Oh, everything. I mean, I've dated every. I have dated the most random people. There is no type. I've dated.

Look at the people that I've dated. There's none of them have anything in common. And I look at them all and I'm just like, you know, what's the connection? And you haven't found it. No, I haven't. I don't know. What do you think it is?

I feel like you're very like at the moment, you'll maybe you're looking for something and you need it and you go into it with that person and then you leave and you're like, I didn't fucking need that. And then you meet someone very different. You're like, maybe this is what I need.

But you're all you need, sweetie. Yeah, thank you. Okay, can you write that down in my notes section? Do you have my notes section? Alex says. You're all you need. And then put it in quotes. And then write, call her daddy. I think that's the worst advice I ever gave.

Yeah, that was stupid. That was fucking stupid. Okay, let's talk about settling, okay? Because you're single, we all have a friend who is either settled and we're like, oh, well, fuck them, that sucks. Or they're on the path to settling because they'd rather be in a shitty relationship

than no relationship. What advice do you give to women who feel like being in a bad relationship is better than being alone? Oh, I don't know. That's really hard for me to even understand. I think that's, how could you be doing that? That's like, you don't have any self-respect

and you could be so much happier. Like that's so desperate. Yeah. It's like they need to get on the path to being comfortable being alone because then you'll see like... Well just don't settle for anything. Like why? You don't have to settle for anything.

You have to raise your game and then everything meets you where you are. You... I mean people think about things ending or like, I don't know, like breakups and stuff. Like it's always a good opportunity. Everything is a good opportunity, the good experiences and the painful ones. And if you didn't have painful experiences, you'd be really fucking boring. The only difference is now everyone shares every experience, you know? So that used to be different.

Like most people wouldn't be like talking like I talk and be open. But I've always been open because I'm not trying to hide anything. You know, if I'm doing like I talk about whatever I'm what's going on with me. If I'm into therapy, I talk about that. If I'm into drugs, I talk about that. If I've been to rappers, I talk about that. You know, like I'm not there's no mystique. Like I'm not trying to like keep anything away.

You should go back to some rappers. I know I should. I'm in the mood for a good rapper that would be fun who though oh let's line it up you are due for a good rapper iconic so I feel like the only person I could top him is like Lil Wayne. You see that happening? Me and Lil Wayne? That's funny. Or what about like... I don't know. Yeah what am I in the... I think I need to go somewhere I haven't been before. Where haven't you been? Like an adventure. You know? Have you ever dated a doctor? No, but I would love that. Yeah I would love that for you. Thank you. What about the pilot? Was he single?

You think I was interested in him after the way he behaved at the airport? But you know when sometimes you fight and then you realize, no. No, I'm not like that. I'm not trying to fight with him. You weren't the girl picking on the kids in class, the cute guy. I want to know about your relationship with your boyfriend.

Yeah, I do. Who's interviewing you? I'm interviewing you. What's the dynamic there? Because I have to tell you something. When I saw you at the AmFAR event, I was surprised to see that you had a long-term boyfriend. I kind of judged you in a way, not in a bad way.

I just judged you as the type of person that wouldn't be in a long-term relationship. Why? I don't know. Explain. Get to the deep of the core of it. I'm just now asking myself that very question. Because I was like, oh, yeah.

I mean, what does he do? He produces movies. OK. And he knew your friend. Uh, Esti. Who gave us the mushrooms. Ah! We were at a really nice gala, and Chelsea and her friend

were indulging and offered my boyfriend and I some chocolate mushrooms. Which I highly recommend for any gala. I really love that for you because I was like oh like I've never done mushrooms I've never done mushrooms. Oh really? I was like I don't think at Amphar it's the first place and Chelsea's like oh I'm going and I didn't even know you were fucking hosting. She was going up and like she was like giving a full speech two seconds later after I see she's on fucking mushrooms. Chelsea's on stage at Amphar being like hello everyone I'm like I wouldn't be in a fucking hole cradling myself well I'm

gonna try mushroom yeah I know well you're pretty amped up to begin with so I don't know yeah maybe because you would be like you wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up on my oh yeah I would hate myself also I'm having to interview you when I'm high I'm usually silent, I'm having to interview you. When I'm high, I'm usually silent, but I'm having to like force, I'm forcing myself to speak. Don't you think it's more fun to be high and social? I mean, I love to be high alone too,

but I like being high and social. I don't know, I think I'm really more of a high alone. Oh, and what do you do? Like, do you play games or something? Or like, are you playing Fortnite? I'm playing my Xbox and jerking my boyfriend off. Are you on Atari? Do you play Atari?

What the fuck is that? No, I'm by myself watching a movie. Like, a normal movie. I mean, that's me every night. I totally look at that. Maybe if I ever do mushrooms, I'd do it with you. No, then you'd probably never be my friend again. Oh, no, no.

Let's not do that. OK. OK, moving on. Why do you think you. No, then you'd probably never be my friend again. Oh no, no, let's not do that. Okay, okay, moving on. Why do you think you're so normal? Because I like normal. It's more interesting. I think normal is very interesting because nobody's really normal.

I mean, nobody's really boring. Everybody has something going on. Fair. I mean, some people are really annoying and so it's hard to figure out what that something is or you don't have the patience to even deal with finding out. But everybody has something to say,

and people's past and their childhoods, I find everybody to be pretty interesting. I agree. I could talk to anyone and just interview them all day long. I just saying I do like that about you, that I feel like you're somehow living a seemingly normal life,

and you're pretty fucking famous. Well, I mean, I'm flying privately with my dogs to Canada to a house I bought on FaceTime. So obviously, it's not that normal. I like to have things outside of just my professional career. It's taken over a lot of my life for a lot of many years. And I really needed to time out also to be by myself. And now I'm ready to rum like by myself and now I'm

ready to rumble again like and when I'm in the mood to work then everything works it's easy you know so I had to really arrive at a moment where I got it back and I'm hungry and I have ambition because for a couple years I really did not give a shit I was like I'm just gonna go to Spain and hang out at my, you know, other house. Fuck you. That we have to edit out. That we have got to edit out. Fuck no. Do you know how that goes back to when I was saying like, oh, the private plane. Do you know how few people are have self like you're self-made?

You've come up. You've made it on your own. Self-made. My father was a used car dealer. What are you talking about? No, like you're goddamn. So do you know what I mean? I think you have the right to, I'm kind of sick of people being pissed when people. I know, just don't lie or pretend you're not, whatever.

I'm not like, I mean, I'm not gonna even say anybody's name that I could think of, some wealthy millionaire. No, I just have a really nice life. I'm not not like a you know. And you're not gonna hide it? No and I'm in love with Elon Musk. Okay let's talk about that. That's the that's the most fun thing that's happened. That's your next man. I can't stand Elon Musk. That's your next guy. Would you ever go on a date with that man? No. When does this come out? February 1st. February 1st.

Okay, so I'm about to host The Daily Show. I'll be about to host The Daily Show. I specifically asked the EP of The Daily Show if we could roast Elon Musk physically. I'm like, he is such an asshole that we were allowed to actually go after looks. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Because he's so repugnantnant of a person you know what I mean yeah oh and what they say no no they were like let's go for it oh that's nice um okay this will be fun for you while we're high on that chair it's fine oh no it's I did we're moving offices Alec would you mind grabbing me some lip

balm I feel like I'm about to swallow my tongue. That's why I was so... I think I've now been just talking to you like this. I like the way that you twitch around while you're talking. You're like... I can't... You like start talking. I don't know if you're mimicking what I'm saying. Are you saying that in Tourette's? Yeah, you have a tic. Do I? I'm trying to get cozy, these chairs when I'm wearing real pants. By the way, this is a great, You haven't moved at all. This is a great episode.

This is great, we're flowing. It's awesome. We're vibing. Yeah, we're gonna have to do this once a year. Once a year. So listen to this, on your show, we did like, let's answer some questions. I figured I could give you some topics

and I wanna hear your take on them. Okay. That's fun, right? Yeah, I mean, we'll see. Okay, what is your take on posting your significant other on social media? You're like, stop talking about that. No, I like doing that. I've never done that before, so that was fun for me.

It was funny. Like I knew how annoying it was, but like I liked it. You did. Because I've never done that before. So that was fun for me. It was funny Like I knew how annoying it was but like I I liked it It was it because I've never been public like that and I felt that way and you know, yeah, so why not? It was kind of cute. It was like very Unexpected well and it's also sincere because I'm not you know full of shit. I mean if I'm doing that I mean it What do you think about when people get nervous that their partner won't post them on social media? Like that's annoying. Anything that you're arguing about with social media is annoying.

End statement. Yeah. Absolutely. I also yeah. Put that in my notes. Right. Chelsea Handler. And then what was the other quote we came up with earlier? You can you only know what you can do. No, it was like you only know what you can do. I said you only know. No, I said you only know. I didn't say that. You're all you need. You're all you need. That's the title of this episode.

You're all you need. You're all you need. That's the title of this episode. You're all you need. You're all you need, sweetie. I didn't say sweetie. Anyway. Do you get nervous when people come over to your house and you have to introduce them aside from me? Like, are you? No, I don't know why. I don't know what's wrong with me. But nothing in me gets like nervous.

The only nerve I get is to make sure that I like do a good job and I give my audience like an entertaining episode. Obviously if I'm having to talk about some like serious job and I give my audience an entertaining episode. Obviously, if I'm having to talk about some serious shit, I actually get off on that. I'm like, let's go. Like my breakup? Yeah.

So why the fuck did you, you're like, please stop. Yeah, I was excited, but then I'm swerving, right? I'm being respectful. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you wanna give undertones. What the fuck is going on over there? Yeah, oh. Yeah. But like if you want to give undertones. What the fuck is going on over there? Oh, my God.

I'm like, are you what's happening? Oh, yeah, that looks nice. That's a nice color. What is that? I don't know. Sounds like you just ate it. I did. I swallowed it. OK, your tape. That's how you put lipstick on. You didn't know that. You just put it in your mouth and swallow it.

Okay what are your thoughts on reigniting friendships with people you've had a fallout with? Oh, that's a good one for me because I have a lot of friendship endings. And like, yeah, I always go from people, like I go from group to group to group and I do that a lot. Reigniting, yeah, with the right people for sure, yeah. Because you know, you do grow up

and like whatever you fought about or disagreed about, you know, you mostly forget about and then you're just hanging onto the energy. So I definitely believe in reignition. Why are you? Reignition. Do you see, I keep looking at the camera every time I say.

What is that song? Every time I say, stop it. Every time I miss say a word, I look into the camera. It's been like multiple times. I know and it's so not me because I'm so like vocabulary. Like I read everything and I care about fucking words. Yeah, try to convince us now, but it's not. I'm really smart, you guys.

Yeah, we can tell. Why do you think you're bopping from friend group to friend group? What does that mean? Oh, I mean, I've done that my whole life. I've been multiple friends groups, not friend group to friend group, just having relationships end.

Got it. You know, and not being, I don't think that's such a bad thing either. You know, like people move on, people grow apart, some people grow back together. But I don't think French, like, I think it's an evolution. Everyone has their own evolution. And if you're not on the right kind of frequency, you're not. I don't know. I just think people have like fantasies and like they're romantic. You know what of frequency, you're not. I don't know, I just think people are like fantasies and like they're romantic, you know what I mean? Like you and your ex. People wanna see something play out.

Yeah, I think, and people are really, you know, one of the cutest things was like, people would come up to me like screaming or us on the street, like, oh my God, you renewed our, like my faith and like love and I believe I'll be in love now and I believe that everyone has their person. I was like, I believe it too. I mean, if I fell in love like that,

like I mean, then anybody can. Do you think you can fall in love like that again? Yeah, now that I'm open, I'm like, I'm in bloom. I'm just like, let's go. With Elon Musk. With yeah, I'm having Elon Musk's baby. I'm actually having triplets. What is your take on when people post crying videos on the internet?

Well, I mean, I think when it first started happening, it was interesting, but now it's like too much. Right. I don't like the internet. I'm scared of the internet. I just don't. It feels like it's a black mirror. I just feel like we're living through black mirror

and at any moment the world is going to implode because people are just fucking crazy. Everyone's crazy, everyone's hooked up to a device. Things, people aren't normal after the pandemic. It's just, the world's on fire. I mean, I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but we are about to blow up. It's not looking good.

It's not great. Better to be in a good mood about it, I guess. Right, like go down smiling. Yeah, I don't wanna be like living in fear. Write down, don't live in fear. And write down, go down smiling. Yeah, right below, don't live in fear. We should come up with our own dictionary of phrases.

The quotes that we're spewing this episode are. Are gonna be really hard for me to come back from. Football. Oh. I know. I'm not into it. I'm not into football. I wrote these being like, we're gonna be,

this is like the upper section. No, I was saying I was writing the take on, like it was gonna be an upper section. We're like, we're in Black Mirror, we're literally gonna die, everything's falling apart. Well, that's a real fun topic by the way, so thanks for bringing that up. I know I need to, I'm trying to end up,

I'm like, um, dry January. Yeah, seriously, you wanna talk about Harvey Weinstein next? I mean, why not just fucking? Oh! Dude, are you doing Try January? Try January? No, I'm not drinking because I'm hosting the Critics' Choice Awards,

but this will air after that. Wait, why aren't you drinking before that? Just so I look great. Yeah, it's more for the looks. Yeah. Not for the feel. No. Yeah, I tried it.

I lasted four days. Then my boyfriend and I, the other night, I was like, have a fucking drink with me. It's so fun to drink. Don't overdo it so you don't ever have to give it away. Just don't ever overdo it so you don't have to stop doing it. One of my boyfriends wants to say that to me. That's a great bit of advice.

I'll keep that one. What is your opinion on adults who go to Disney World with their partner and they don't have kids? Oh, definitely against it. That's so stupid. I don't understand. When I was insulted as a child going to Disney World, I was six years old and I was like,

oh really, I'm supposed to believe that there's a bunch of grown mice running around trying to take photos with us that are also in a good mood? Fuck you. I'm like, I thought Disneyland was a sham when I was six years old. I went off on my father. I was like I don't want to come back to this place. I'm like it's a joke. I'm like this is like Valentine's Day. I mean I couldn't believe and they don't have alcohol there. Even at six I was looking for a cocktail. I was like I can't survive this place without a drink. I love this

answer. Also my next question is gonna be your take on Valentine's Day. Think we covered that one. Oh my God. You can't ask that, be asking that question to people. Why, what do you think about Valentine's Day? Do you know how many people love it? You can't be asking that question.

What if I was sitting here, how about this? What if I was like, oh, wow, Chelsea, like I really like Disney World and I also really like Valentine's Day. I wouldn't give a shit. You would just be like, yeah, fucking sucks. Yeah, stop talking about it, please. I don't, it's like people talk about Burning Man.

I don't like to hear about that either. Oh my God, do you ever go to Coachella? I went once, but I wasn't there. I just was with the A's off, so I was backstage. I didn't go. Another relatable moment. Yeah, I feel like that just is awful. Have you ever been to Burning Man?

No, no, I'm not down with that. I don't want sand blowing in my face while I'm tripping on whatever drug I'm on. I want a sand, you have to wear a gas mask. And it's so ridiculous. I mean, people show me pictures and I just, it just seems like some place you go to have an affair. Right?

And then like have communal living or something. That's what my takeaway is. Can't relate. Okay, when I was bringing this- Have you ever been a Burning Man? Absolutely not. No, no. Things like that, concerts like that,

or whatever that is, that's not a concert. I'm terrified of concerts. I can't, I just don't wanna do it. Yeah, I feel, I mean I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go to concerts. I guess I'm terrified of concerts. I can't, I just don't wanna do it. Yeah, I feel, I mean, I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go to concerts. I guess terrified was a little aggressive. I just would prefer not. I want an assigned seat.

What would you feel if you saw someone get proposed to in the middle of Disney World? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I would like to. I love that after I tell you

that I will never go to Disney World, you ask me the next question is, when I'm there, what I'll do if someone is proposed to? I like proposals, I think that's sweet. I like, yeah, I do, I think that's sweet. Like, I mean, in Disneyland, obviously that's ridiculous, but whatever, I don't care enough about any of it. Would you be upset if someone proposed to you at Disney World? Well, nobody would do that.

Right, because you wouldn't even go. No, I wouldn't go. They're trying to propose to me, but I refuse to go to Disneyland, so they can't propose. Oh my god. So you're okay with public proposals? Well, not for me. I mean, I don't want that, but. But they can have it.

But yeah, if you want, a lot of people like that stuff. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. The same girls that want to talk about Valentine's Day. Want to get publicly proposed to. Well, not everyone wants publicly, but everyone.

I mean, not everyone, but most women want to be proposed to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just mean like in public. want to be proposed to oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I just like in public Yeah, right. No, that's like at a sporting event. I would say no no, even if they were the love of my life No, no, definitely not. Yeah, absolutely not. How do you feel about shower sex? Oh No, not into it me either last time I did I got a yeast infection. Oh yeast infections are the worst Okay, what do you think about nepotism babies? I couldn't give a shit about that. Everyone is so bored. Like obviously if your parents are both actors you're probably gonna be an actor. It's so stupid. It pisses me off so much. I'm like why do you care? And it's in every industry

that like anyone would... yeah sorry I interrupted you. No no off so much. I'm like, why do you care? I bet. And it's in every industry that like anyone would, yeah. Sorry, I interrupted you. No, no, I interrupted you. I wanted you to keep going. You're being funny or I don't have much to say. Oh, I mean, it's just ridiculous. Like obviously, you know, if your parents are both fucking rappers, you're probably going to be a rapper.

I mean, it's just unbelievable that people are so bored and that this is a topic of conversation. It's so lame. I agree. Like when you and Elon have children, it's not... Elton. Our first baby is going to be called Elton. Okay? Elon and Chelsea with little Elton, obviously Elton's going to be swinging the big black platinum card. Yeah. Well, by then we won't even use credit cards. Elon will figure it out. First of all, it's going to be a middle life

to elderly pregnancy. I'm 47, so the baby might take a little bit longer to cook. So let's give it like a three year window. I'm not really good at cooking anyway, so I'm sure mine will be a little bit off. I think scientifically that just actually made actually quite a lot of sense. What my question is, is this, why do you believe anything we're saying makes sense?

I don't think any I don't know even what I'm saying. I think nepotism babies, you're so right. What do we want them to do? I've been seeing a lot like pay a fine. Right. Literally. What are your thoughts on kids sitting in first class? If they're not annoying, that's fine. Yeah. But parents paying for their kids to fly first. Yeah I mean I would put my kids in coach. Me too. Middle seat motherfucker.

I'd say that now but maybe I wouldn't. They're gonna be flying on the PJ. Yeah. How are you? They're just not coming. They're not coming on any. You'll send them to Disneyland. Yeah they go to Disneyland every other weekend. What kind of traveler are you? Like, are you an anxious traveler? Like, when you're at the airport, what's happening? I'm trying to picture you. No, I'm not anxious. You're not.

Not at all. Traveling is a relaxant, actually. I love it. Oh, really? I like being on planes. I mean, I don't like being going to the airport, but I like being on planes. And I like reading.

I read lots of books when I'm on planes. I never can get on the Wi-Fi, so I don't have to worry about being involved in any of that. So I'm away for four hours, and I either watch something or I read it. The other day I was flying somewhere at Philadelphia to Vancouver, and I read an entire book, this book called The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah.

And it's like 600 pages, and I read it in one flight. And I was like, fuck yeah. And then I read another book the next day because I was like oh yeah I want to read another book because you forget how great reading is like it's just so good to be lost in a book that has nothing to do with anything you'll ever experience in your entire life and you get smart every time you read a book you get smarter like you understand another world or you have a glimmer into that. Back to airport, sorry I'm swerving back. What is the biggest sin someone can commit on an airport?

I have a barefoot on there, a bare feet. It's disgusting and it should be illegal. And I wanna make a video for all airlines cause it's like, it's not fair. People, my DMs are filled with bare feet on planes. People send them to me like 30 people a day send me a barefoot on a plane or in an airport or on a train or on a bus. One flight attendant DM'd me and told me that a guy brought mussels onto a plane and he had the shells and he put them in a plastic bag. He was

eating mussels on a plane next to a person. Like there are rules that need to be said out loud. and a plane next to a person. Like there are rules that need to be said out loud. And I found out, Catherine, you met her, she's my co-host on my podcast here, Chelsea, Catherine, who I love, until she revealed that she travels to the airport with a dozen hard-boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. I almost stabbed myself in the vagina.

I could not believe her. And I looked at her and then I looked at her husband and said, what do you have to say for yourself? She's with you and you didn't say anything about this? He's like, she loves eggs. And I was like, hey guys, you can't do that ever again. You can't bring 10, 12 egg, you can't have any hard boiled eggs

when you get on the plane. Eat them if you like them so much. You can't bring those on a plane. And she was someone who would also have seen someone with a bare foot and been like gross. So I- Did she still work with you? Yeah, she still works with me, but it's caused a chasm.

And- It hasn't been the same since. Well, I just have to keep an eye on her now because I don't know what other shenanigans she's up to that she thinks is cool. I think that's a cardinal sin. It's pretty... yeah. Try to say the word. Go ahead. I can't. I can't say it. I can't. We're going to say volatile. Nope. It was a V. No.

And it wasn't vagina. No. Well, there are other words besides volatile and vagina that start with a V. Virginia. Okay. listen up. I need to recalibrate my brain. How about this? Ready for this one?

Yeah, I'm ready. You're known for being very honest. What's the hardest thing you've had to tell someone? Oh God, all the time. But like a hard one, where you actually struggled a little bit and like clenched and then released. Before just releasing.

I mean, nothing that made me like clench. It's never that hard. I mean, there've been harder ones, but nothing where I, things I've put off that I was like, I'd rather hope that this disappears so I don't have to address this. Like, and does it usually include you or are you just a bystander witnessing for a friend or a family member?

Both, both. Yeah, if it's about someone else, I tend to be a little bit more hot. Really? About the defense of that person, yeah. As opposed to it being about you? Yeah, I'll put up with a little bit more than I'll let my friends put up with, I think.

Oh, maybe we'll be friends one day. I need someone to. Stop threatening our friendship. You know what? You've been like this ever since we met. No, I'm saying I want you to be my friend. But we are friends. We are?

Well, yeah, we're friends now. I just wanted you to say it. But stop fucking threatening it. It's so annoying. I want you to defend me. Just now we're in a friendship. I can flow. Yeah, it. But stop fucking threatening it. It's so annoying. I want you to defend me. Just now we're in a friendship. I can flow. Yeah.

I get all nervous. It's exciting. OK, listen to this one. I'm just saying that to myself the whole time because I can't read. OK, I got it. I was with Jennifer Hudson at the talk show, and she was like, they had the blue cards

right behind my shoulder. And it was so funny because I remember it reminded me of doing a talk show. Like I did Jay Leno the first time and he was like talking to me, like I was that lamp behind you. And he'd be like, yeah, so what'd you do for this summer break? And you're like, hello.

At least I'm making eye contact, right? Yeah, no, well people are much better interviewers, but. Yeah, but back in the day, I'd be like, hi Chelsea, how are you doing? You're like, I'm over here. What personality type complements yours the best strong and confident good answer What's an insecurity you've dealt with? someone checking my phone Can I tell you a fucking story? Mm-hmm Yeah

when we were doing your podcast, I remember we got asked a question and there was a girl being like, I went through his phone, he's got prostitutes and it was a big story. But your answer immediately, I noted it, that you were very adamant, which of course it's not good to look at someone's phone, but you were like, I could tell there was something personal about how you were like, don't fucking check his phone. I also want to be like,

Chelsea, let's use that phone a little bit. You're like, you don't ever check someone's phone. And I could tell though. I was like, is this something personal going on? And I could tell someone had checked your fucking phone because the way that you answered, I could tell it was coming from personal experience that it's a huge violation of privacy and you were frustrated about it. And I've also checked someone's phone I've been that person when I was younger and I've done

that and that is no way to behave it is not dignified and you're gonna find whatever it is you're looking for. Yeah. Did you find out the person checked your phone or did they tell you? It was revealed to me. Because they had something to confront you about? Yes. Isn't that interesting though? Because that dynamic, I've done it also,

I've checked someone something, but it's so interesting because who's in the right though? Because it's like, no, no, no, it's almost like Nolan Boyd, whatever you're bringing up, because you checked my fucking phone and went and had my phone. Right, right, right, right, right. So anything you're saying, I could have fucked you on yesterday, it doesn't matter.

No, but also if you're looking, you're gonna misinterpret almost everything and think, I mean, I know I did that. I had a boyfriend where I was so, he was cheating on me, by the way, and I found plenty of text messages to confirm it. Like, that's my own problem, you know what I mean? I should never be in a situation where I have to look at someone's phone. My friend was joking yesterday and she said,

she was looked through her daughter's phone and she goes, I have to read her phone every night after she goes to bed. And I go, oh my God, but as a mother, I totally get it. But as like a lover, it's really pathetic Well, yeah, because do you think you were giving vibes? No. No, I was up to nothing ever never I don't have the personality to be a liar or a cheater I don't have the end. I barely have the energy to be in one relationship

I am very into being alone as we've discussed So it's very hard for me to even give that up. You know what I mean? But I tried and that was a good example. I'll do it again, you know, but I don't remember what I was even talking about. Doesn't matter, you're just, you're doing great. Yeah, yeah, write that down.

You're doing great. You're doing great, sweetie. I think that's a Chris Jenner line, so don't quote me on that. Okay, I'm in. By the way, did Chris Jenner send you that pajamas? Her pajama set? I'm not on the list. Well, you need to get yourself on that list. Yeah, she sent me this silk pillow. It's like the softest thing I've ever slept on a good word for me now that you know,

we're close. Okay, give her a little like, she's a nice girl. Okay, well, I just forwarded her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her on Instagram. So she's it was this girl Anna Reussman. She's really funny. Oh my god, by the way, the color daddy girl is nice. All right. Yeah, I'll definitely mention that the next time I bump into Chris Jenner. What is an irrational fear you have? That everyone hates me. Really? Yeah, I can get like that where I think the whole like, like, oh, everyone thinks I'm bad or not, or too difficult or whatever. I can confirm that's not true. Oh, that's really very sweet of you. But you know, while everyone's listening, I want people to know that those thoughts that you have about yourself are like, they happen to all of us. And

we all have moments of insecurity, no matter how confident you may think I am listening to this or that, or you are, or whatever, whoever in your life you would look up to and admire, know that like, you know, we all have that voice in our head that tells us we're not as good, we're not da-da-da. And then the other voice is the real voice,

is like when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable and that you bring something to the table that nobody else brings. Like listen to that voice. That was really wise, Chelsea. Oh, really? Love it. You gave me a lot to think about. I thought that was very, yeah, it's like relatable to every single person listening. Oh, yeah, good.

This was pretty fun. I know. So out of the two times we've hung out, this is my favorite time. Oh, three times! We saw each other at the Amphar thing. So, that's like, you know. But this is my favorite time. So we'll do this every year. I'll come every year.

Yeah, oh yeah, definitely. You should be getting high all the time anyway. Good today. What's next for you? In the next minute? Not like right now. I know you're driving home in the rain. I'm going to host the Daily Show for a week. That's so fun. Not like right now. I know you're driving home in the rain. I'm going to host the the I'm

going to host The Daily Show for a week. Yeah, I am. I am. I'm thinking that I would I'm really interested in getting back into the late night game. And that is the perfect vehicle for me. And if everything goes

the way that I think it's going to go, you know, that might be a more serious conversation. I can speak for everyone. We would fucking love to see you on television again. Yeah, and I'm in the mood. Well, if she's in the fucking mood, it's gonna happen. Chelsea Handler, thank you so much for coming.

I'll call her daddy. Oh my God, I'll call her daddy. Woo! Dude, that was fucking great. It was, that was really good.