Call Her Daddy - Confronting a Controlling Boyfriend

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

In this Sunday Session, Big Al comes at you a little hungover after celebrating her anniversary with her fiancé. She takes you on a journey through the hilarious confusion of not knowing when their actual anniversary is and how they finally settled on a day to celebrate. Opening up, Alex gets personal about some difficult challenges she's been going through in her life recently. Responding to a listener question, she discusses the importance of letting go of shame associated with having a high body count, encouraging Daddy Gang to accept and embrace their past without judgment. Alex also delves into a classic example of a controlling boyfriend and provides the exact words to use when confronting the situation. Enjoy daddies!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Guten tag. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. It is your father, Alex. Hello. I am, I was going to say I'm in a really good mood, which is not the truth. But it's also this is not going to be a depressing episode, I fucking promise. But I also am like, I don't want to come on here and pretend I'm fucking thriving over here when things have been a little difficult. So I found a lump on Henry's leg. And recently, we found like a couple bumps near like his lymph nodes and stuff. And we had him go to the vet and the vet got them biopsied. And they're just called these like, I think they're called like lymphomas or something um and they're basically just like benign little fatty tissue

if you want you can remove them but like they're fine and then randomly this one appeared on his leg and it just felt a little different than the other bumps that I had been feeling out and I got really nervous and I told Matt and I was just like I just feel like I know we just went and had him do like his yearly physical but like I really think we should send him back in like I'm just nervous something just doesn't feel right about this one and we got it biopsied and it came back as cancer um so that was fucking terrifying just any type of fucking email or call that you get and someone's saying the word cancer you just want to vomit and cry and freak the fuck out and so matt and i for the past week have been um i guess the past two weeks by the time this comes out, have been dealing with what do we do?

Obviously, I want to get the best care for Henry and we want to get answers. So we've been going in between work. We've been taking him to different doctor's appointments and I've wanted to get as many different opinions as we possibly can. And unfortunately, the location of this like cancerous tumor is kind of like on like the joint where he bends his leg, which is not ideal because they need to go in and they need to try to get all of it out. But also we want to maintain the ability for him to fucking walk. That's what I've been dealing with over here. And it's just been like stressful because I don't even need to explain. Obviously, everyone understands how stressful it is. And I know it's a dog, but I think dogs sometimes are better than humans. Okay.

And so anyone that is a dog owner, you feel me on this one. and I just wanted to remind everyone that does have an animal like just checking their body um constantly and if you have a weird gut feeling even if like the the vet is like no he'll be fine like just get things checked because what's the worst that comes back he's healthy amazing you can sleep well at night but um poor Henry is gonna have to go in for surgery on this upcoming weekend. And I'm really fucking nervous and they have to put him under and do this surgery. And I literally have just been like so fucking stressed and crying and upset. And Matt and I are just like trying to not obviously like get too in our head and just

trying to stay present in this moment is what I've been trying to do is like, there was no point in stressing and crying and making myself upset and just trying to be calm for Henry and just whatever. So that's what has been happening. And I just wanted to tell you guys that because I just have like a little pain in my heart right now, just knowing, you know, he's going through this is not ideal but um hopefully everything is going to be okay we're I just ask you guys if you could keep Henry in your prayers and the daddy gang is quite powerful so if all of you can just send good thoughts for Henry before he goes into surgery I would really appreciate that now let's transition to a happier note because we got to keep it happy and you guys did not come here for me to be

sobbing on this week's episode. so hello um it was recently just matt and my anniversary which was very fun um i don't know if any other couples deal with this but like matt and i couldn't fucking decide when our anniversary was like do people do your first anniversary was the day you met do you do it was the first like date you went on do you do it where it was like the first time you said you love each other? Is your anniversary the first time that you were like, oh, we're boyfriend and girlfriend? Because for Matt and I, we never really like I don't even fucking remember the date that he said he loved me. Like I know the general timeline, but now it's too far away. Like we never like we didn't plan it in the moment. So now we're like years in and we're like, when the fuck is our anniversary? So it's not going to be the first time. And then I'm

like, well, we didn't say I love you at the same time. Matt said I love you first. Obviously, I'm no fucking simp. I'm just kidding. That's incredible. I'm so happy that he said he loved me first. And it made my whole week. I remember like I was laying in bed in New York City. And he told me. And then I don't remember. I think laying in bed in New York City and he told me and then I don't remember I think it was a couple days later or a week later I told him I also loved him but like so we can't have two fucking dates because when he said it or I said it so no I don't even fucking remember our conversation about us being boyfriend and girlfriend was literally like we're obviously boyfriend and girlfriend right like ours wasn't like back I

feel like in middle school in high school it was well no I didn't have boyfriends in middle school because I was fucking busted I mean high school high school when boys asked me to be their girlfriend and I would say yes to a fucking pole because I was so desperate but anyways it was more like you know bring me into the library or out at the fucking playground set or the fields or whatever the fuck you do in high school. There were no playgrounds in high school. We were out at the jungle gym and Jimmy asked me if he could have my fucking virginity. Like it just didn't happen.

So I feel like it was more clear, though. Like, do you want to be my girlfriend? This was like Matt and I never fucking decided. Like it was just like obvious so we decided for Matt and I the day that Matt and I met was the day that we never didn't talk a day after that like we didn't have a slow burn situation which usually I did in past relationships but with with Matt, I was like, oh, I fucking know. Like, I mean, I don't think he knew. I actually wrote in my anniversary card to him, which this is you guys don't need to know this, but I'm going to tell you this.

I was writing a really sweet card because Matt woke me up with like, I opened my eyes and he was standing over me. That sounds so creepy. I opened my eyes and Matt was just standing over me creepily. No, I opened my eyes because I heard Matt walking in and he was holding this huge bouquet of flowers and this really cute note. And he was like, telling me he loves me or whatever. And so I read the note and I was like, okay, I need to write him a really cute note today. Of course, I didn't have it written. You know, I just got to do it in the moment. Okay. It's okay. If I get such anxiety writing cards, because I will say I'm pretty superior with my card writing. Okay. And I need to feel inspired and I need to be in a good place. And I also wanted to read what he fucking said, because I need to one up, you know, so I went and I wrote him this card. And one of the things I was saying is like,

I remember that night, um, on our sushi date, I knew immediately, like, I'm going to fucking marry this man. But I knew the feelings were definitely not mutual because Matt had to, I was like, you had to scrub off the spray tan, take out my extensions, like throw out all my, like, um, throw out all my college crop tops. And then I think you started to fall in love when I started to be more myself. Which is the truth. I was like, really, I was like dressing for men and not dressing of how I wanted to dress, which then I wonder, does Matt regret it it because now I'm always in fucking sweatpants I'm like baby you wanted me to stop trying to impress let me live in my glory I shower once a week I'm just kidding sometimes anyways um so that was really cute we had an amazing anniversary and we

were gonna go out and we decided why don't we order from our favorite pizza place? Let's make martinis and let's get fucked up in the house together and like hang out and flirt and make out and fuck and have a great night. And that's exactly what we did. And now I woke up pretty fucking hungover. And we're going to get back after it today because what do you do when you're hungover? You got to start drinking. Okay, so I'm slurping a little something something while I'm recording this episode to try to numb the pain. So healthy, great coping mechanisms.

I always wonder if my therapist listens to this shit. So that was nice. We had our anniversary and oh, I'm going to the Taylor Swift concert hi Swifties I'm going to the Taylor Swift concert on August let me pull up my calendar I'm going on August 3rd I am so fucking excited because my best friend Jackie from um middle school is flying into town and she's gonna stay with me the whole weekend and we're gonna go together a lot of my friends aren't like swifties it's not like they don't not like Taylor Swift they're just not like die hard like love her music for me I really regress to like 14 15 16 year old Alex losing her virginity sobbing in the car like know, being like obsessed with boys that didn't like me back, like, you know,

hating my pimples and my braces and my awkward body and just being like, Taylor sees me. She gets me. Okay. So the only other friend that I know feels the same way about Taylor with me is my friend Jackie. So I'm very excited to go to the Taylor Swift concert. I think we have pretty good seats. And I'm actually more just stressing out like I forgot people like really go all out with their outfits to Taylor Swift concerts. I don't well, I don't really go to that many concerts. But I don't know if I'm gonna like do a theme like I feel like Swifties are like doing themes. So I'm gonna have to figure out and Jackie's been texting me all fucking week. Like what are we wearing? Like what what what what's what's the apparel? What's the attire? I don't know, you

know, and so DM me your thoughts and concerns because I have no fucking idea. Maybe I'll just do like cowboy boots and jean shorts and like a little cute top, which I don't even own. So I'll figure that out. But so we're gonna go to the Taylor Swift concert. And I'm excited. And I think that'll be really fun. And on top of it, something that's been very fun is Jackie and I both got engaged this year. Jackie got engaged first, and then I think I got engaged like two months after her and we've been kind of on this journey together of every time we have FaceTime dates because she doesn't live in LA we have FaceTime dates and we just talk about like how we're feeling what's going on like we were we both kind of had a feeling we were both going to get engaged um before we got engaged so we were talking about that um And then once we got

engaged, now we've started to talk about our weddings together. And it's been really nice to have someone that's kind of going through it with me. And we're also going to both get married at the same time, like a similar time. I think it's going to be one month apart. So I'm really happy to have someone going through it with me because your girl doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. And I can do if you guys are interested, please DM me. I can do an episode or a segment in a solo episode talking about wedding planning because I don't even know how to describe myself in this situation. Matt is just like, I love you. And I am just, I'm just going to follow your lead, babe, because my God, these couple first

few wedding planner meetings have been very entertaining and I'm just going through it. So if you guys want me to, I can break down for you the wedding process and what I have been up to over here. If not, I'll fuck off and it's fine. But anyway, so Jackie's coming and there's a dress that she wants to try on in LA, which is so exciting. I haven't. So I want to go and we're going to do all these fun things and whatever. It's just fun. And I never thought that I would fucking have fun with this shit, but I'm trying to have fun with it and, and not be stressed. And it's, it's cute. And it's, you know, it's, it's I

can't believe I'm even fucking talking about this. What is my life? I can't believe I'm getting married. And that's kind of my life updates. What am I doing? Tonight? I'm going down to Venice, my brother, I think I've told you guys, my brother lives in LA now. And Matt, my brother and I and some friends are going to go out and drink in Venice and get some dinner and hang out. And it's been really nice having a family member in California, because Matt's whole family's in California. And I for a while didn't have anyone. I was alone. I was weak. I was miserable. Just kidding. I love Matt's family so much. And I'm so lucky. They have really made me feel like family. And now we really are family. But it was like, damn, I wish some of my family could be out here. And now he is. My brother is

loving his life in California. And I'm loving that he's out here in California. So I'm going to go out with him tonight and the rest is up for debate. So without further ado, I would like to get into a little thing. I like to call. I like to call something that's very close to my heart. It's very close to my heart. I really like to go to this place. It's it's in France. It's in France cause we do our little thing. I like to go questions, questions questions questions

questions questions of the motherfucking week. What the fuck? It's not in France. It's like in the fucking south. We're going to questions of the motherfucking week, baby. Apparently, we're not in France. We're keeping it right here, homegrown in the United States, in Texas.

Here we go. Questions of the motherfucking week, baby. Questions of the motherfucking week. Oh, my god. I just made eye contact with Henry and Bruce and they're like, What the fuck is wrong with you, slut? Oh, you know, I just get a little excited when I get to talk to the Daddy Gang. We get to a little connect.

We like to like really talk to each other and I get to know what's wrong with the Daddy Gang and I can try to give them any advice that I have because life is so difficult and we're all going through it. So let's talk about it. Questions of the mother of the week version off my chest i was you know it was because i said i was gonna wear potentially cowboy boots to taylor swift and then it just got in my veins you know just that that vibe that southern twang um I think I'm starting to get a little loopy because it's fucking 80 degrees in my room right now and I don't know why but I haven't peed um in like an

hour and I've been drinking so much water so I'm like actively holding my bladder and as I'm actively sweating like pellets are coming off of my forehead. But I like the pain. You don't even like why don't I just really air conditioning? I don't feel like going up and standing up and doing that because then that also means I have to pee. So I'm going to hold my pee while I answer these questions. And if it gets more and more unhinged, just know I'm not on anything other than that adrenaline of like your girl's got to pee, but your girl has got a job to do. And that's to answer your questions, daddy gang. You are my priority. You are my, you are my people. You are my go-tos. You are my confidants. You are my ride or dies. And I'm going to put you before my own

bladder. When I wake up at 50 and just constantly shit and pee myself, that's on you guys. Isn't that a thing? Like if you constantly keep like holding your bladder when you get older, like you can't hold it, whatever, who gives a fuck? That's a reason why dappers were invented. A little depends. And you know what? We're good to go. Okay. Let's read some of your questions because you got questions and I hopefully have some fucking answers. And if not, well, you know, it's read some of your questions because you got questions and I hopefully have some fucking answers. And if not, well, you know, it's life. Okay, here we go.

All right, I gotta get it together. Here we go. Body count shame. Since growing up, I've started to develop a shame around having such a high body count. I'm talking 50 plus. Get it, girl. My boyfriend has never made me feel bad about my past whatsoever. I know my past stems from deep trauma and issues with my father. There's just a lot of deep regret and how I used to let men treat me and walk all over me.

Plus, having sex with a partner who truly loves me that I truly love for the first time has made me view sex in a different kind of light. Do you have any advice on addressing the shame and accepting my past? Okay, girl, listen to me. First of all, there is no shame in the dick game. If you sat on 50 dicks, you lived a little, okay? And I think that the fact that you are with a mature ass motherfucker who is not making you feel shame, check number one, because half the time I get women writing and being like, my partner is like, how dare you have slept with five men before me? You are a slut.

And it's like, OK, and how many have you hopped on? A hundred. OK, Jeffrey, fuck off. So the first step is you have such a supportive partner. Amazing. I would like to say I am so sorry about your relationship with your father. And sadly, I think it's really relatable. I think a lot of women have whatever reason it is, whether it was from their family or relationships when they were young.

We all have shame around sex. And it just is dependent on if we ever get over it. You know what I mean? Like we still as women are conditioned to feel gross and dirty from fucking. And it's like, bitch, I'm so proud of you for getting after it. Now, obviously, if this is coming from a place where like you're saying you were letting people walk over all over you and maybe you actually weren't really happy with the sex you're having, I get it. That's a different type of story. But again, I always try to look at the bright side of things to the fact that you're saying you have a partner that truly loves you and you're viewing sex for the first time in this

like kind, incredible light. Not that you need to go through the bad to get to the good, but sometimes you do. It's like you only know that this is kind and loving because you have something to compare it to and you will never fucking settle for anything less moving forward. Addressing the shame and accepting your past is just knowing you're a good fucking person. Motherfuckers can be manipulative. We have trauma from just being young women and touching ourselves and wanting to masturbate. And it's like, you're a whore, you're a slut. Like you are not alone. And so I would say, of course, if you are able to afford

therapy, that is the number one thing I always recommend is like, just start talking about it. And if you can't start journaling about it, because I feel like it's so cathartic. Journaling can help you separate a negative self thought from a reality, you having a thought that you are dirty or shameful or unlovable, but it doesn't mean those things are true. So I think writing them down, what if you also can talk to your partner or I don't know if you have a close relationship with a friend, like if you can start talking or writing about these experiences,

you're gonna start to feel less like you have to own these and you can actually start to just be like, that was something that I went through and I'm so much fucking stronger because of it. Listen, it just makes me so upset because this is a question that's written in all the time. And maybe it's not the specificity of the body count shame, but most of it is shame with women. And if there's anything that I can say today, because trust me, it wasn't until maybe I was like a little out of college. And

honestly, I would say call her daddy has helped me like by even in the very beginning days like just me being so outwardly open about my sexuality and my life and my sex life it kind of just felt freeing to be like I don't give a fuck if you guys call me a whore like these are experiences that happened to me in my life and I'm gonna fucking own it and I think you have to just start to be kinder to yourself. All of us have a past. All of us have done things that we regret, but I'm so happy for you that you're saying you're now in this amazing place that you're able to see, fuck, my past kind of makes me feel icky. And like, I don't really like that version of myself. And I don't like how I allowed men to walk all over me. Guess what? Fucking growth, bitch. You're not letting them anymore. So you should already feel less shame and more accepting of your past because

you've grown and you recognize what you didn't like about yourself when you were younger. But please don't be too hard on yourself. This is such a common thing and you are not alone. And I hope you feel less alone, especially by me saying so many fucking women write this in. But I love you and I get it. It's a fucking hard journey. But you're on the right track. I love you, daddy. Okay, next.

Controlling boyfriend. My boyfriend is very specific to what other guys I can hang out with, even in a group with other girl and guy friends I knew before I met him. The ratio always have to be the ratio always has to be more girls than guys, which is understandable. Not really. But he won't let me be with my girlfriends if he doesn't know all the guys there and says I can only hang out with his guy friends. Excuse you. Excuse you. It's gotten to a point where I have to decline almost every time my friends hang out. What do I do? Need help ASAP, girl. Listen, I'm going to be real with you.

This ain't it. This is just, it's not the energy. It's not the relationship we want. It's not the trust we want. It's not the supportive partner we want. It's not the chill, cool, fun vibes we want. It's just not it. It's giving nothing. It's giving absolute controlling freak. Okay. In all seriousness, I would say a controlling

boyfriend has nothing to do with you. If you are saying like you're constantly declining, you're just actually enabling him more than actually trying to set a healthy boundary. If you have cheated on this man multiple times, then this whole story gets flipped on its head and it doesn't actually apply. And I would have to give different advice. But from what I'm reading with my contextual clues in front of me, you are just Mother Mary over there. And he is just nervous Nelly turning into controlling boyfriend and being a fucking weirdo, not allowing a relationship to have trust. So what I would say to that is you need to sit this fucking man down and say, listen, babe, I love you so much. But in order for this relationship to work, you need to trust me.

I have never done anything that has made you doubt me. And if I have, please bring it up. But I'm worried that you are creating these scenarios in your head that I'm actually not able to help you. I'm actually not able to control this. This is like something that you are dealing with that I'm trying to be a really respectful and accommodating partner. But I started to realize I honestly think I'm being a little too accommodating. I'm passing up going out with my friends because only five of my girlfriends are going to be there and there's going to be six guys there I want you to walk me through what do you think is going to happen

and if you ask him what he thinks is going to happen he's probably going to be like well I don't if he if he fucking tries to pull the I trust you I just don't trust other men nope no sorry no that's still it takes two to fucking tango okay so that would mean you would actively be flirting with the sixth fucking man like no I think you have to say I love you but I don't know if this part of our relationship is allowing me to feel fully comfortable I love you I want to be able to go out with my friends and I'm just going out with my friends that's what it is and I need you to trust me because if we don't have this kind of trust I don't know how we're going to continue to build like it's making it really difficult for me to have time with my

friends and to also feel excited to come home and tell you stories of what happened like I'm not being shady I've never done anything to make you feel shady so shut the fuck up and get over it or I'm gonna fucking break up with you okay I'm feeling spicy so like maybe tone it down like two notches but you know what I mean? Listen, I have a lot of empathy. I've been in controlling relationships before and you get like afraid, like you're genuinely afraid to bring it up to them because somehow they are manipulative in the way that they make it feel like it's your fault. If you have never done anything to make this man question your loyalty to him or your honesty then this is

absolutely out of line and if he tries to bring up small things well well you don't text me like you you go ghost for 30 minutes 30 minutes yeah I didn't even get to take my fifth fucking sip of my drink you little piece of shit like I sorry I don't want to be on my phone all fucking night like girl you cannot allow yourself to compromise your happiness and your social life just for a fucking man because I have been in that situation and now that I'm in a healthy relationship I can't believe what I put up with it's like you start to become a prisoner in your own life and you become a shell of your own vert you become a shell of a human being And every step you take is the first thought is never about your happiness. It's always, how do I make sure he doesn't get mad? How do I make sure he's not feeling? How do I make sure?

You're not his fucking mother. You're his girlfriend. You should be able to have a fucking life. And he is a partner that lifts you up rather than is suppressing you down. We do not stand for controlling boyfriends. And the minute you listen to me right now, the minute anyone listening to this podcast is starting to feel like, damn, I'm kind of moving a little different because he's being, there's a difference between respect

and fucking controlling. And that shit can get so blurred because the controlling motherfucker, he makes you start to think it's respect. And you need to fucking speak to a girlfriend. You need to speak to a family member or you need to speak to your therapist or you need to write it in your fucking journal and you need to fucking speak to a girlfriend you need to speak to a family member you need to speak to your therapist or you need to write in your fucking journal and you to look at that shit you need to look at it as as unbiased as you can if your friend came to you with the

same information what would you say you would say Katrina this ain't it he's being a controlling motherfucker so stand up for yourself because the more that you give in, the more you will lose yourself. And so right now it's starting with he's saying like, don't go if there's not a certain amount of guys there. All of a sudden you can't hang out with any men. And all of a sudden you can't hang out with any of your girlfriends that are single because, oh, you two are going to go get gang banged at the fucking club. Like it's just going to spiral.

And then he's going to tell you what to wear when you're going out. And then all of it just you're going to become then depressed. And it just starts to slowly chip away at you. And I love you. And please don't let this happen to you. Daddy gang, it's so important to maintain independence in a relationship. And it's so important to have a partner that can actually allow you and be happy for you to be independent. There's nothing better than being two individuals that have a life together, but also have their own lives. Because if you're not your own individual in this relationship, you're constantly going to just be waiting for him to tell you what the fuck to do. Sweetie, we're not in kindergarten anymore. Our teachers aren't telling us to line the fuck up.

You're going to do whatever the... Our teachers aren't navigating our life. Our parents aren't navigating our lives. This is your life and your boyfriend shouldn't be dictating your fucking decisions and your boyfriend should absolutely definitely not be dictating who the fuck you hang out with if you're a good partner you know that and you deserve a partner that trusts you because you don't need to be fucking dealing with little ass motherfuckers that can't handle when you're around a little penis oh is your penis so so small Todd you're so scared Todd that she's gonna what have guys look at her and think she's hot yeah she fucking is get some balls and man up or get the fuck out okay um that was that was fun how did you guys feel about that

one um that was it for this week's episode, Daddy Gang. I love you. I'm not going to be a liar here. You know what? I'm going to literally pee my pants. And if I don't get in the shower and get the sweat off me, I am going to turn into a shell of a human being. So Daddy Gang, I hope you're enjoying.

I'm going to try to do more Sunday sessions with you guys, or just you and me. Okay. You and me connecting one-on-one. And yeah, write in if you want me to talk about anything because I am happy to discuss also you guys can go to collardaddy.com and there is a questions tab and that is where you can write in your questions I see you guys dm me but sometimes if I'm screenshotting in my dms I get lost in all my pictures all my nudes all my things that I'm keeping in my photo booth photo booth photo book uh so photo

album okay um so just go to the website and i can also put it in the description actually that's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna put the questions tab in the description so if you have a question please write in daddy gang and you know the motherfucking drill i will see you fuckers next wednesday goodbye And say goodbye.