Call Her Daddy - Dealing With Body Image Insecurities

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Father Cooper is here with a solo Sunday episode. Alex takes us on her personal journey as she strives to implement new habits in her life. She's breaking free from the grips of her phone addiction and urging the Daddy Gang to join her in a digital detox. When was the last time you went a whole day without checking social media? When was the last time you watched a movie without reaching for your phone? In the pursuit of health and wellness, Alex also asks herself, did she really need that fourth drink last night? Waking up without a hangover is truly a wonderful feeling. Shifting gears, Alex delves into the topic of body image. She opens up about her own battles with insecurities, sharing the crazy lengths she went to in high school to mask them. Alex reminds her listeners that they are not alone in their battles with body image. So get comfy, grab your favorite beverage (non-alcoholic, if you're following Alex's lead), and tune in to this fun and introspective solo Sunday episode. Call Her Daddy apparel is here. Shop at ⁠⁠⁠shop.callherdaddy.com

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. It is your founding father, Alex Cooper. Cut it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. Happy Sunday. I am so happy to be here i'm gonna try to do this a video episode i'm in a room in my house right now i want to start doing solos with video more but at my house i don't have my tech equipment so i'm trying to use my vlog camera and i apologize if you hear the little chain noises bruce just ate dinner so he's really feeling himself. Oh, and he's growling. Oh, and he's barking. Bruce, we're in the middle of a pod. Relax. Take a nap. I'll see you in 30. so I was just scrolling on my phone I was downstairs in my kitchen and I'm scrolling I think I was on TikTok or fucking Instagram that's about to be a point of the story that I can't even tell you what fucking app I was on and I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling. And all of a sudden, my phone dies. And my first knee

jerk reaction was like, holy fuck, get a charger. Like, I love how it's also dramatic. Like, I'm not on the phone with someone important. Like I'm just scrolling endlessly as I have been for the past few hours. And so at first, my reaction was, oh my god, grab a charger. And then that was like for two fucking not even two seconds. And then all of a sudden, I was like, this is fucking great. This is great. This is so good that my phone died. Because apparently, I don't have the strength and I don't have the ability to stop myself and cut myself off and be like, hey, you've been on your phone too long. And so I'm sitting there eating my fucking tuna salad, which I feel like I feel like people hate tuna salad.

I actually feel like people get a really bad rap. The people that rep rap. I feel like people don't like when people like tuna salad. And I'm here to admit today and maybe it's embarrassing, although I don't know why it would be. Is mayonnaise embarrassing? Is that like a premier condiment like mayo? I like mayo, mustard, ketchup, ranch, chipotle, aioli. Like I like it all. Fuck off. And I like tuna. So mix it together. So I was eating my tuna fish. And once my phone died, I just sat in the kitchen alone in silence eating my fucking tuna salad. And I know this is like, okay, what's the big deal? I'm just like been really annoyed with myself lately because I feel like I've been on my phone

way too fucking much. And I've been trying to adjust a couple things in my life lately to just light alterations to make myself a little happier. So once my phone was dead, I just decided to spend time with myself. What a concept. And I have now had my phone dead for an hour. Now, some of you may be wondering, you know, like, what if someone needs to get a hold of you? I don't fucking care. I really, I'm so over my fucking phone right now. I really don't care if someone needs to get a hold of me. If they really need to, they'll figure it out. I don't know how because math out of town. Yeah, let's do a little life update. Okay. Aside from me being addicted to my fucking phone, which is not an original concept, I think fucking probably everyone listening to this

is addicted to their phone. This is just a gently reminder, you can have some strength and you can have some say over your life to stop looking at your phone. It doesn't, you know, it doesn't need to be a 24-7 thing, even though that's literally my life right now. So current updates of my life. Matt is out of town. He's in Europe and he is starting filming a movie soon. So he's with the director and they are going and they're scouting locations and they're just kind of finalizing everything because they just signed new actors to be on this movie and so he has to go to Europe and I was going to go with him but something in me last minute was like you know what I'm gonna stay the fuck home I'm a homebody I love being home I love being with my dogs being with my

fiance being with friends and family but like I just I love being home. I love being with my dogs, being with my fiance, being with friends and family. But like I just I love being home and I fucking love spending time alone. And I just saw it as an opportunity because I have to go to Europe for work next month. I figured, you know what, spend a week alone with yourself and really try to like implement these healthy fucking things that you're trying to do into your life while you're alone. You have no distractions. And what are these healthy things that I'm trying to do with my life? I have a really bad tendency of going through waves of working out for like a month and then taking three to four months off and I'll go super hard for a month and I'm like, okay, I'm back.

Like, let's go. Like I'll do Pilates. I'm going to like down to the gym like whatever it is and then I will I will fucking drop off and I'm not kidding for like five fucking months and I just went through a period of not working out for five months and I just feel like shit about myself I'm like what what what could I be doing that's so important? Overworking out just moving my body a little bit like I've been having neck problems because I'm fucking editing all day sitting at my computer. I'm like, why can't I just get up in the morning? Mac gets up every single fucking morning and works out. Why can I not get up with him and go work out? And I don't have the answer. I think for a while, my answer was like, because of everything that

happened in college with like working out and soccer, I was like, taking a break. And I like, just I triggered me. Now it's been how many fucking years since I graduated college, like, bitch, get on the fucking treadmill. Actually, I hate the fucking treadmill and never get on the treadmill. But you know what I'm saying? Like, go out. At least move your fucking body. And so I try I'm trying right now to start with doing two workouts a week and I'm doing them not alone. So I'm trying to either do them with a friend or with Matt. And so far I have done it for two weeks straight and I'm really proud of myself. I feel better.

I feel I have more energy already. Maybe that's actually not true, but I'm making it up. I'm tricking myself into believing this is making me happy so that I keep fucking doing it. I'm also just trying to be better with waking up early in the morning and doing my workout and then finding time at some point throughout the week to not watch TV before I go to bed, but to actually read a fucking book. And this is the worst. I'm really just trying to stop looking at my fucking phone all the time. So there's a couple little tweaks that we're trying to make.

And I'm feeling I'm feeling better. But yeah, I think the point is I'm happy my phone is dead because I don't want to look at my phone and I feel like, aka focusing and looking at other people's lives and actually being present in my own fucking life. And I know this is like a conversation that everyone fucking has every day, but it was just on my mind that I'm like, damn, I don't know the last time that I was happy that my phone was dead. And I guess that's a great sign

that just means like I'm finally actually listening to myself of like, get off your fucking phone. Enjoy the people around you. Make efforts. How about that? Like some nights I'm like, no, I'll just stay in. And it's like, would you stay in if your phone was dead? No, you'd fucking go out because you would be bored. And it's like, like oh when's the last time I actually played a movie and watched the whole movie without looking at my phone when's the last time that I didn't go on social media for a whole day how about that can't tell you cannot tell you so you know not trying to be depressing but just food for thought what else is happening I went to my friend's birthday party last night which which was very fun. Oh, that's another thing I've been trying to do. I don't what is happening to me. I don't know. But I'm trying

to drink less. And I'm not saying I'm not drinking, but I am so sick of waking up hungover and feeling anxious and depressed and weird and just not good about myself. And for the past couple weekends, I have made a conscious effort to not have that third martini or to not have that fourth whiskey. I can genuinely feel a very big difference in my life. I'm like actually happier when I wake up and I'm not hungover. That's not a fucking hot take. But it's just me realizing I feel like I've been drinking a lot lately. I go to a lot of dinners during the week. I'm going to dinners on the weekends. And I'm like, wait, I almost drink every single fucking night that I'm going out. So I'm almost drinking like four nights a week. And for the most part, I would say three times I'm waking up hungover. And I don't like it. And I don't like the way it's making my body feel. And so I've tried to

drink less. So I went to my friend's birthday party. And I only had one tequila and I purposefully drove to her birthday party, because I knew it would hold me accountable to not drink. So I had one drink at the very beginning of the night. And then I didn't drink for the rest of the many hours of the party. And I had a great time. And I don't know if anyone has not played charades in a really long time, but just a reminder, charades like the best fucking game ever. But I woke up that was last night and I woke up this morning and I was so fucking happy that I didn't that I didn't really drink. I promise isn't like a whole gonna be a whole episode. I mean, also do questions. I'm gonna answer your questions. We're gonna lift lift up a little bit. But I'm just kind of ranting about things that are happening in my life. I'm really happy. It's just certain things I'm like becoming more conscious of and I am not happy about them. That's life, right? We're all fucking unwell. Life's fucking great. I'm going to open some questions of the week because you guys were writing into me and you guys have some really, really great questions. And since my phone is dead and you have my full

attention, not that you don't usually, but you know. Okay. Someone said, can you do a new episode on body issues? How to better view our bodies in a positive way girl girl girl I think this is such a hard topic because it's never gonna be we're never gonna fully it. And I understand that some people struggle more than others, but I don't know anyone that I've ever met that doesn't struggle with body image. I don't. I think everyone is so insecure about something. And I know I am. I could literally list 10 things in a fucking millisecond to you that I hate about

myself or I'm insecure about that I've worked to like. And I think that it's really, really hard because especially as women, we really struggle because obviously we've been fucking taught from such a young age that like most of our worth, even though no one says it we're taught it is built up in the way we look and you have literally you can like gain social equity if you look a certain way and you like you're a certain thinness or you're like whatever it is um I think I really have struggled and I also want to say that I again we all struggle in different ways but I think what's helped me work through things that I hate about myself I need to stop saying hate about myself but it's true like I don't want to like I don't want to sugarcoat it like that's the truth I'm sure everyone feels

that way you can look in the mirror and someone standing next to you would be like what are you talking about and you're like what what do you mean? Like, you don't notice this. We're all our own worst critics. I think we all want to be liked and we want to feel happy with the way we're presenting. And we want to feel confident in ourselves. But it's really, really, really fucking hard when you keep looking to your left and your right and you're comparing yourselves like comparing comparison is not just about looks it's in every fucking facet of life but specifically with looks for women every fucking 10 years decade there's a new fucking body image that someone needs to conform to like I remember oh my this is the most embarrassing story I remember being in high school and I remember these guys making fun of me because

I had no butt and it was any dress someday I would wear sweatpants to like cover up my like tiny disgusting in my mind skinny gross bony legs that people would make fun of me for and I had no butt and um I remember these boys uh like this junior and senior in mind you I'm like probably a sophomore and this group of guys gather around they're like look look like she's got no butt and this is so fucking embarrassing but I'm just gonna say it I will never forget it I was standing in the student center and there was a table near us. And as they're like, wait, look, look at her butt. So the guys are going to try to get a view of my butt. I fall to the ground. I go underneath the table and pretend that I dropped my fucking pen. And I was looking for my pen. And they're like, Cooper, what are you doing? And I'm

like, oh, sorry, I've dropped. Hold on. I dropped my pen. And're like Cooper what are you doing and I'm like oh sorry I've dropped hold on I dropped my pen and then I just scooted out under the table then I just sat on the floor and started texting and like they didn't equate it to the fact that I was so insecure that they were making fun of my lack of because that was the era of like butt and like hips and like hourglass and I'm like every fucking body is beautiful but when you are not at a certain standard I get it listen I have a naturally like I hate talking about body but like I think it's really important to say that my I'm I my mother genetically is very thin and has to like try to eat a certain amount a day in order to stay healthy because she has a hard

time gaining weight I understand that's the most infuriating fucking thing for some people to hear I get it the other people on the spectrum that have this problem and have been made fun of their whole life for looking anorexic or being called malnourished. Like you get it. We all fucking are struggling, whatever. And so I naturally am. It's genetics that I'm thinner and I understand that I'm like, I should be really happy and blessed for that. And I am, but it doesn't negate the fact that when I was younger and still to this day, like people will make comments about your body and we hate, we all hate a part of our fucking body right we all want to change something and so no one is 100% happy with their fucking body and I just remember that day I was so insecure and and for the rest of my days in high school

I wore sweatpants and oh my no this is is the most embarrassing thing. Here you go. I'm just fucking telling it all. I after I started wearing sweatpants every fucking time to dress on days, even if it was fucking summer and I was sweating and I was so uncomfortable. And I went on fucking I don't even think there was Amazon at the time. So I went on like eBay. No, are you guys fucking ready for this one? Here you go. Because I tell you guys everything and I want to fucking die um I went on Amazon and I ordered like um spandex shorts that had built in butt pads yep never thought I'd share this I don't think I've ever told anyone this here you go and I know it sounds so fucking stupid but when you have guys that you are like when you're in social settings you can't deny the

fact that you want people to I wanted those guys to be attracted to me I wanted them to like me and and talk about me like the other girls they talked about were hot so naturally when you're getting so verbally bullied about something they're like look at her she's got no ass like and all the time it was when I was playing soccer on the soccer field here you go I would fucking switch sides I would ask my coach if I could play on certain sides and I would like make an excuse of why we need to play there so I could be farthest away from the student like stand section I was closer to just like the women's side with all of the players because I was so insecure being in shorts with my legs at my butt when I was playing in high school near all the guys and then club soccer when it was just all

the girls I didn't care because it was just like whatever but there was like a social insecurity and I was so bullied for it that I was like, I hate I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And again, I understand that like everyone has their one thing. I'm just sharing this so you episode about ways that I have adjusted in moments to try to hide myself and to be and to just try to distract away from the thing that I was getting called out for for my body and I think it's just fucking disgusting, specifically for women, how many fucking people are fixated on our bodies and feel comfortable commenting on our fucking bodies. And it's really disheartening because you would think we've gotten better, but I actually

just think it's gotten worse because of social media and people just feel that they can comment on, oh, she's gotten this done. Oh, she's gotten this done. Oh, she's gotten that done. Like it's just, it's so detrimental to people's health and, oh, you look skinnier. Oh, you're looking fatter. Oh, you're looking at, there's no winning. There's no winning. And so what I have started to try to do in therapy is work on daddy gang. Listen to me. No one is ever, ever, ever going to make you feel beautiful, seen, happy with every single thing about your body, make you feel like you're good enough except for you. So until we actually start to be like, you know what? I'm going to fucking rock the fact

that I am this, this, this, or or this and I'm good with it because this is what I refuse to do is it almost goes back this is I don't know if I love this like example but it's like when you see older people in their 80s in their 90s and their 70s and whatever when you when you listen to these people and looks fucking fade right I don't want to look back and be like I didn't go to parties I didn't go to certain events because I was so insecure about something looks wise like actually think about that we are not living our best happiest lives because our body is making us feel like we can't walk into a room that we want to walk into but because we're so insecure about something about our look or our body we're not

going to go somewhere we want to go because we're afraid of what other people are going to fucking think what the fuck what the fuck it it makes me so sad because I look at my younger self and I'm like, there are certain days like I remember. Oh my god, I would always try to play sick on days of what the fuck was it called a field day when I was in middle school. And trust me, I was like, I'm an athlete. So like, I wanted so badly to participate in field day. It's when like you do all those different activities and the whole school participates and it's like tug of war and like water balloon tosses but it's in the middle of fucking almost the summer and no one would be caught dead with fucking sweatpants on they would be like do you like what why why why you'd get bullied for wearing fucking sweatpants and I remember being so fucking sad because I would fake sick every year on field day almost because I didn't want to fucking go and have to be in the gym shorts and get made fun of and it's like what what and I think what I what my other thing is like with working with body image is like okay if I can look back at that younger self that didn't do things she wanted to

do where are those people now like who gives a fuck at the fucking guys that were making fun of me like why did I care so much I get it because that was my social circle and those are the people that were I was valuing myself in like my social equity of like where am I on the scale of like a bill whatever but it's like at the end of the day we in order to actually be good with ourselves we have to stop giving a fuck about what others are viewing of us like we have to and it's this is like we could do 10 hundred million episodes on this this is like ingrained from the start and again for women it's like how will we ever feel good about our bodies when men just have historically objectified us like i was having a conversation and mini is going to come out

um in a few weeks about like you literally like can get or don't get a job based off of like your weight as a woman like and no one would say it but you fucking know it like I have spoken to I have spoken to women that are like I know for a fact because I was this weight like I got the job or I didn't get the job and it's like I got into the club because I was it's like it's so disgusting and no one ever fucking does that to a man I just said never I don't want to say never but like for the most part that's not happening to a man it's the same I don't want to say never but like for the most part that's not happening to a man it's the same fucking thing when men are not considered unattractive if they have a fucking beer belly because they've got whatever else they have going because they have the masculine energy

and they've got you know money or status or whatever the fuck it is or even if they don't that no they're not considered ugly but we as women oh my god you're not even desirable if you don't have you know what I mean it's like it just um it just sucks and so I I want you to start feeling better. And so yeah, it's I thought I was gonna fucking have a the answers I I know I come on here and I'm trying to give obviously advice but like I don't have all the answers I'm just hoping that if I'm talking about this you guys can relate maybe have a thought and I would love you guys to write in if what's worked for you with body image I think we're too hard on ourselves as women we're trying to do too much we can't we can't love ourselves and try to please everyone else we just can't and so we

have to choose one and I hope daddy gang because this is I'm gonna work on it you're gonna work on it we gotta fucking choose ourselves I think we have full control to the way we talk to ourselves the people we surround ourselves with the things that we choose to ingest content wise on social media, in movies, in television shows, the things that we choose to read, the things we allow to stop us from being happy. Like that really is on us. And what's exciting about that, see, trying to ramp up the party here, not to leave you guys all with the fucking Sunday scaries, Jesus Christ. What's exciting about that is we don't have to fucking rely. Oh, I just lost the fucking video. Sorry, guys. We don't have to rely on anyone else. We don't. We don't have to rely on anyone else to fulfill us, to make us happy, to fucking give us what we need. We have to start with ourselves and we have to stop looking for

fucking outside validation. We have to stop letting social media dictate our worth. We have to stop letting social media, everything from fuck body image for a second. If you're not out on a Friday night and people are posting and you feel like a loser that you're in like we're letting other people dictate how we fucking live our lives and if we wake up when we're fucking 70 60 80 whatever the fuck I don't want us to look back and be like why the fuck did I not live my life authentically and happy because all the people that I was insecure about and feeling like I couldn't go to the party because of this or I didn't want to post on social media because this person, where are they? Half the time, you don't even know the people that you're insecure by.

You know what I mean? Like these people don't matter. And if you have someone in your life that's making you feel insecure, that is a person that matters to you. You are hanging out with the wrong people. You are not surrounding yourself with people that are going to actually help you live a happier life. And as I'm saying this, I'm preaching to myself because this is something I'm working on right now. And I want all of you to obviously do whatever the fuck you want. But I hope this maybe helps a little bit of like

it's a little scary obviously when things are stressful of like it's out of our control of course some things are out of our control but the way that we feel about ourselves it it is in our control daddy gang there's certain things that we can fucking do to make at least lightly alleviate some of that pain that we're feeling and a lot of the pain comes from external forces so cut it the fuck out get off your fucking phone stop scrolling and comparing this and this and this today stop go read a fucking book journal relax go for a fucking walk hang out with a friend call a fucking family member okay I need to stop I love you guys and I don't know um if this I'm not even gonna say that I think this is important to talk about and I hope that this was able to resonate with some of you and I also am so open to comments on this topic

or if you want me to keep talking about it or even if you have any advice for the daddy gang of what's worked for you I would fucking love that because I think it's like if we can all fucking help each other it's gonna get fucking better but we gotta start there so I love you guys and um yeah I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.