Call Her Daddy - Emma Chamberlain (Parts 1 and 2) (FBF)

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

Father Cooper is joined by Emma Chamberlain for her first official in-person sit-down interview. The pair discuss Emma’s high school days and cover everything from being an only child, her parents' divorce, and ultimately her decision to drop out and pursue Youtube full time (OH and they also discuss the classic high school dick pic). Alex and Emma open up and reflect on the fears associated with being a content creator... Who am I outside of the content I post? Is there any room for mistake? Can I do this forever? In response to all of this, Alex then asks Emma, “Have you ever considered just quitting?”. Emma recalls feeling used by other Youtubers in order to gain views and how she was burned by the people she once looked up to. The pair discuss feeling out of control of their public perception and the need to consequently address and debunk fake rumors. Emma describes the anxiety she experiences as a result of constantly being surveilled while out in public and the feeling of wanting to disappear. Let’s get into relationships and sex. Emma opens up about her struggles with her sexual identity, her ex-boyfriend, AND her new relationship. We also learn how Emma lost her virginity, what her favorite style of sex is, and what gives her the ick. Daddy Gang, enjoy both parts of this two-part interview with Emma Chamberlain. 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy are we ready when is the last time you did an interview oh my god not ever face to face i don't think i've ever done an interview face to face okay well let's start emma chamberlain hi alex koopy welcome to call her daddy koopy oh my god we're on like um nickname terms Emma welcome to Call Her Daddy thank you so much so my first question for you is you don't do interviews yeah why are you here okay well number one Alex yes I'm a big fan like I've I've been a big fan of you forever I don't know how like I wish I knew my discovery story of you the clock honestly like don't don't drag me like I did let me tell you like I I found you and things were

very sexual yeah and I learned a lot wow yeah that makes me so happy yeah so like that's how I found you I think I I was really just like looking for advice on how to be crazy. But then like in turn, I fell in love with you. Oh my God. So we're just, this is a big love fest. It's such a love story. We're about to just talk about how we're in love with each other. I know.

Quickly, to give people context that are listening of our story i was thinking about this the other day so emma and i have um were like represented by the same agency and this was like right when i started the show like the single father era of taking the show on by myself and i was starting to have guests on and i remember my agent was like do you want to meet with emma chamberlain and i'm like absolutely sure we get on zoom and we zoom for like an hour and a half and we wouldn't shut the fuck up and we won't talk about what we were talking about because it was like everything our publicist just kept being like this is off the record this is off the record this is off the record Emma don't tell her that I'm like I'm not gonna go say anything but so we just start talking but it was a weird moment

because I think my brand was still very sexual. Yeah. So we said we were going to potentially have like a collaboration. You were going to come on. It never ended up happening. It just wasn't the right time. Then the next time we saw each other was New York Fashion Week. I think that's what really like I was like, I don't even care what we talk about.

Like I need to do this because we just clicked so well. And we just like talked about so much random shit. And like we just clicked so well. Yeah, we were. It was kind of funny because we were to give people again context. It was like a 10 person dinner party. And Emma and I are in the corner while I was eating bread. You weren't because you're about to go to the Met Gala.

Getting a facial done and getting my toes done while I'm at the table. And we just were talking by ourselves the entire time about like life and the industry and how it's affected us. And it was like, I think that was when we're like,

maybe we are eventually now ready to sit down and just converse because both of our brands have evolved. Absolutely. And it's time. Well, I think it was one of those things where,

you know, I have been on the internet for so long that people know me as a teenager. Yes. And I'm 20. I'm about to be 21, which is still literally like a child. Like I still am like prepubescent. Like I know I'm 21, but whatever, or almost 21. But I've been really trying to grow like in the public eye in a way because I'm I can't stay a teenager in everybody's mind forever. But I think I needed to do some of that work on my own before I came on here and was like, let's talk about big girl stuff. You're like, so the Gluck Gluck. And I'm like, I tried the Gluckuck luck a year ago and you guys won't believe what happened impeccable result no it's true I almost got married six times that is helpful to hear you say and we're gonna get into that like the evolution of you and then the evolution also

of your brand because those are two different things and I think as creators like in a great way I think people have started to kind of peel back the layer and show people on the internet like what it is like to have an online persona versus like what is actually who you are versus that persona absolutely so here we go just like I usually do in every Call Her Daddy episode we're going all the way back okay all the way back where did you grow up so I grew up in San Bruno California which is actually where YouTube headquarters is which is ironic a little bit of foreshadowing I grew up with my parents I was an only child and when I was five we're like already getting into my drama no um when I was five my parents got divorced and my mom moved like 20 minutes away from my dad. And that was actually not a super bad experience because I was so young that I just didn't really know any better. I was definitely a really bored kid because I was an only child and like my parents were both like fully working parents. And so I had a lot of time by myself and I was very bored a lot of the time, which I think is good.

In retrospect, I think it was good because it made me a lot more curious, I would say, because I didn't have a lot of distractions. You know, it's the Silicon Valley. It's a big tech area. And a lot of kids there are super smart. And there's this crazy pressure to go to a really good college especially Stanford is like you know the big school there that everybody tries to go to and there's also a lot of wealthy families too and like so a lot of people assume that if you live there you're wealthy but that was not the case for me and my family at all but a lot of people there are very wealthy there's like a very big gap I would say between

it's like very very very wealthy and then like very like lower middle class and like definitely an in-between for sure but not as much an in-between it felt like there was a very stark difference but I I've you know my dad's an artist so like I felt more on the you know lower middle class side of it which was tough but yeah did you feel like your family didn't fit in for sure we're living in a one-bedroom apartment and all my friends at school are living in these massive mansions it was tough socially I would say I didn't want to have people over that's for. So your parents are in some of your content. Yeah. They seem very chill. How do you describe your parents? So we'll start with my dad.

My dad is very open-minded and creative, but also very wise. Dad, this boy is the love of my life. And he's like, Emma, that's the worst dude I've ever met. You're like, really? I'm like, Dad dad what the fuck no like he's incredible dad I'm like but he's so hot dad what are you talking about no but he like he's very open-minded and very sweet and very like creative and you know not super controlling or super pushy or anything like that. But he also is opinionated because he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom about things. So he's not sweet and creative in the way that makes him a pushover.

He'll tell me what he thinks. But he also gives me the freedom to make the mistakes. And he's always done that. And he never judges me. But a very, very cool cool man the coolest person I know I mean he like paints paintings and surfs every day and like that's his job is painting paintings and selling them and like started making YouTube videos before I did like he's very cool right my mom is how do I describe my mom she's like one of the girls you know what I mean she's very

it's lovable I tell her everything like everything and I have no hesitation like she knows everything I've ever done in my whole life got it um so I'm very very close with her but we're we're more like sisters I would say like you know we used to butt heads a lot when I was growing up and you know because she's picky she's very like likes to keep the house clean and like set things folded a certain way and she's very particular about things like that very meticulous woman about everything that she does which is a very admirable quality but when you're growing up and you know you don't know how to fold a blanket properly like it can cause some problems absolutely but no we at the end of the day we're very close and even when we do fight like literal sisters like she's always there yeah

I I'm really lucky that you know my parents have always been very not like traditional parents like they're very sibling Okay. And I think it's because they didn't even consider themselves to be the type to be parents ever. And so they had me because they wanted to, but they were like, we don't fit the parent mold. So we're just going to do it in our own way. And it's been great. I know you said like it you didn't know any different but do you now looking back like how did your parents divorce affect you well you know I think in one in one way and this is no one's fault right like I'm grateful for their divorce and I'll say that before I like go in and you know it was number one what was best for them and for their happiness. Number two, I never saw them fight. I never saw them argue.

They divorced before it could ever become traumatizing in that way for me. And that's really mature. And also, they're still friends and they talk all the time. I mean, I'm really lucky in that way too. They get along great. They talk all the time. And they're so supportive of one another. So it's not been a negative thing in that way. But I will say that

for one, not having a relationship to look up to when you're growing up does become a little bit jarring when you're older and you're like, okay'm in my first relationship what is this supposed to look like I don't know I've never seen it did you wish you had had siblings you know no because again like my relationship with my parents was so close because it wasn't there was nothing in the way of it right like each parent was not in the way of my relationship with the other parent and also I didn't have a sibling in the way of my relationship with the other parent. And also I didn't have a sibling in the way of my relationship with my parents. And listen, I think it could have been really fun to have a sibling. I don't know. I'll never know. Right. But I liked the friendship I was able to develop with my parents in the closeness. And I don't think I would have

had that if I had a sibling. What do you remember about signing up for your first social media account? I had two older cousins. Well, I have two older cousins. They're three years older than me and they were like my idols, you know, growing up. And they got Snapchat and they're like, Emma, babe, it's time to download Snapchat on the iPod Touch. And I was like, you got it, girls. Let's go.

And so I downloaded Snapchat. And, you know, we would just send each other silly stuff back and forth. Pretty soon after that, Instagram came out. And I was like, all right, here we go. So I downloaded that, too. I think my cousins told me to download that, too. And my first post was a picture of a mini bag of Cheez-Its with like some crazy ass filter on top of it and I think my caption was something like

crunchy yum like what the thinking back to like the first like couple like the first year of Instagram we would have like borders on our photos and like disgusting filters I know yes you would take a picture of like your shoe and you're like an extension cord yeah and be like life's long and you're like what am i saying it was dumb shit so weird like i would i would do anything to be able to find my old instagram i don't know if i would no i would i'm like traumatized i'm like what the fuck was i posting because i was like a little older and i was like trying to be cool. Okay. With the cute selfies.

Yeah. And those were not cute selfies. Those were scary and spooky. What did your, did your parents have any rules or guidelines when you like first started on Snapchat and Instagram? Or did they just kind of let you do whatever you wanted? Honestly, they didn't care. Okay.

Like really just never brought it up. Like they didn't care. Okay. Like really just never brought it up. Like they didn't care. Because were you getting in trouble as a kid? Like were you a good kid or? I was a really good kid. I had, because of my anxiety as a kid, I think I had a really strong conscience, which is good. You know what I mean I never did anything bad without my parents finding out about it 24 hours later got it so they knew that I would tell them like if I did something wrong my conscience would force me to report it back to them got it I don't know what

that stems from I don't know why that is but. I don't know why that is, but I was very transparent with them. And so when it came to things like social media, they were like, she's not, she's not, she's just not a bad kid. Like she's just not going to do bad shit on there. And,

and I did it because I just didn't even know how to do bad stuff. I'm like, I like didn't know what bad stuff was. Right. I did have a kick. That just reminded me. I had a kick that I used for like just kids at school, messaging kids at school. I forgot.

And then I would get like dick pics and kick and then I got super scared. Like so fucking scared. Was that the first time you saw a penis? Yeah. Terrifying. Oh, I was so fucking. I was like, I don't actually think I am sexually attracted to anything you're like I was I do I do not know what I like but I don't like that I don't like that and so like who knows what's next isn't that

so sad that like it when you if you get a dick pic and that's the first penis you see like you're like not attracted to it like I was terrified it makes you scared I was scared of penises until probably like I was 16 okay like seriously like I was like I did not scared of them but I was like that is such a for like it was so alien to me yeah because I didn't have siblings so it's not like I had a little brother where like I like saw him growing up and like I saw a boy like exist I didn't have a lot of guy friends like so to me like a peanut I was like I I can't I don't know what that is I get scared me everybody that listens to my show knows that I was obsessed with Hannah Montana growing up same okay because I was gonna ask you I'm like who were you idolizing and watching when you were growing up that you were obsessed with well i have to give a few from the years

give it okay my first youtube obsession was fred do you remember fred oh my iconic iconic i completely forgot about that well i like got on youtube super young too because like you know my dad was into youtube he was writing singing covers on youtube when it first came out and so he found out about it and was like emma this is great and we didn't have cable so he's like here you go little one you know you don't get cable but you do get this babe enjoy it's a pretty good trade no it was great i loved it so i got super into youtube super young loved fred then as i grew a little bit older it was j Brothers for me in Hannah Montana which one was your favorite it kind of teetered between Nick and Joe sorry Kevin honestly Kevin's Kevin's coming back no Kevin he's a fucking angel he deserved he deserved more he did he did have you ever met

them I met I've met Joe I went to the Hannah Montana concert where it was like half Hannah Montana half the Miley show and I remember the Jonas Brothers opened for them and I remember my dad being like I promise you in like a year everyone's gonna be obsessed with these guys and I was like no and then I was obsessed in a year I was like I love them and then when like Nick had the diabetes thing we were all like devastated and everyone was obsessed and it was like we were like we will do anything to save him like it was so dramatic no I know okay so you had Jonas Brothers you liked Miley I loved Hannah Montana Miley all of that um okay I have to bring this up because it's so fucking funny okay um but like when i was like 12 13 and vine

came out i was a huge magcon girl okay that's okay no it hurts wait why explain to why does it hurt yeah well you know let's let's explain this for people who don't know what magcon is basically there was a group of really hot well okay it's creepy to say that they're hot now that i'm 20 no it's okay but like at the time i thought they were the hottest guys i'd ever seen they were on vine doing absolutely nothing of substance right right which is fine you know like that's not their fault right um it's exactly like tiktok it's basically it was like a group of like really good looking kids that were on vine that were famous and they would like go on tours and do meet and greets and like meet all their young girl fans and like you know do weird

shit on stage that made no sense because they really if you think about it didn't necessarily have some sort of talent except for actually sean mendez was in madcon and he is like now sean mendez so like it worked out for some of them it was like Cameron Dallas and like Nash Greer you know what I mean I remember that yes I was obsessed with them like I and they had YouTube channels and I would re-watch their videos like every night before bed and I was like one day like I'll meet a Madcon boy and I'll be able to just date one of them they'll fall in love with me and like I was i think that's how a lot of people felt though oh for sure yeah but i will say that is like my crushes as a young person were all consuming like they were not like cute little mini crushes like i was obsessed feening for that i was feening i don't it was weird like in retrospect i don't it's so out of character right like people would not assume that

of me but I've always been somebody that like when I have a crush on someone I'm not creepy I don't like stalk anybody but it is all consuming for me I get that because then you go spiral down like you watch every YouTube video and you watch every single possible thing that you consume of that like interviews and everything every and then you're invested in their life yeah and they don't even know who you are no well now they probably do um let's talk high school yeah you go to a private school yeah i've seen the videos you're you're wearing a plaid skirt sort of plaid it was it was i don't even fucking want to think about it well yeah describe your high school because basically i was a really academically driven student okay and so i was obsessed with the idea of going to a super prestigious college and i was willing to do

anything to get there and so when it came time to choose what high school i was going to go to the public schools in my area were not great and I wanted to go to that I wanted to go to a braggy you know super prestigious like you know impressive school and I was like I can't get that if I go to these public schools so I was like mom and dad I want to go to a private school and I went and I toured this all girls Catholic school that had a really great education and I was like you know this could actually be good I really liked the environment when I toured the school and I was able to get financial aid so that I could financially go there because I would not have been able to afford it otherwise.

And so there I went. I went to all girls Catholic school and I hated it after the first year. And I was like, I made a big fucking mistake and I haven't seen a boy in a long time. Now those dick pics on kick. Suddenly I'm trying to fucking hack back into my kick to see those dick pics. Guys, anything. fucking hack back into my kick to see those dick pics guys anything um when you so when you started high school that's interesting to know you did have college goals oh yeah where did you want to go i my dream school was columbia which was like not gonna fucking happen but like you know actually i mean yeah i was a good student like i don't know how I was a good student okay why I like just knew how to do

school for whatever reason and so um I got really good grades like always above a 4.0 every year I listen I don't fucking know how it's possible okay it was flex I was like really just I and I don't think that school is a great measure of intelligence I I'll be the first one to say it. Because I'm a fucking idiot in a lot of areas. So, like, whatever. But I was good at school. So I was like, I'm going to use this. And, you know, I wanted to go into the medical field.

Like, I wanted to be an anesthesiologist. Wow. But, like, on what basis? One time I had anesthesia when I had a surgery and the anesthesiologist i see i can't even fucking pronounce the word it's okay no it sounds good whatever it sounds good enough yeah it is i dropped out of high school so it's fine that i don't know how to pronounce it okay like i didn't finish my education so you can't expect too much from me like i got a surgery once and was like oh this job seems chill and then i looked up how much they make a year and i was

like oh this job's super chill this is a good this is a good chill like you have to go to school for like 11 years but like eventually you'll get that check why not when did you have your first kiss like if you're not with boys like when did you have your first kiss i had my first kiss freshman year on new year's eve that's kind of cute no oh it was not cute. No. Actually, you know, in retrospect, it was fine. Like, it could have been a lot worse. Okay. But it was pretty bad. How did you meet the guy then if you were at an all-girls school?

Basically, the all-girls school had a corresponding all-boys school. Yep. Classic. And so we would kind of party with the boys from the all-boys school. And they had friends that they knew from middle school that were at other like co-ed schools. And then we knew other girls that went to other co-ed school. So it kind of all like congealed. But I think that the thing that made it possible for the boys and girls to be together was the fact that both boy and girl schools were desperate for each other you know what I mean yeah so and and you know there was like a distinct like okay

this is the corresponding boy school so it was like we didn't see each other every day but at football games we'd see each other and prom and things like that anyway I actually ended up kissing a guy from like a school that was probably 30 minutes away that like came to a New Year's party that we were throwing. Right. The two schools. And it was extremely set up. Those are the worst. You know, it was like, oh, he's outside waiting now.

OK, but you also have to like. That's so rough. Can we paint a picture? Like I was a super late bloomer. I mean, I had like no boobs. Like I looked really young. Like it boobs like I looked really young like it was like I looked super young yeah I always have I even now look kind of young a lot of people think I look young now so I felt super also I never felt like mature enough for like this type of behavior you know what I mean because mentally I felt mature

enough but physically I didn't I felt like I didn't fit the super feminine mold right where you like have like boobs and like you know you wear like a low top and like whatever I could not participate in that so I felt so uncomfortable when it was time to do anything with boys because I was like, I want to. And like I mentally feel ready, but outwardly I don't feel like I look ready. And I feel insecure of my appearance, even though I know that in my brain like I'm ready and that I like love boys and in fact I'm like quite obsessed with boys like but I didn't feel like I looked that way what were you most insecure about appearance wise I was super insecure about my boobs okay because which now I'm like I love having small boobs like it's the best thing ever. Like I don't care. But you know, when I was younger, I like didn't have any boobs.

Like it wasn't just like, oh, they're no, they're flat. And you know, guys in middle school used to give me a hard fucking time about that. Like calling me, you know, like a door, like whatever, like shit like that. And which is fine. Like whatever. i'm friends with those kids now like i forgive um but you know it's good to it's good to be forgiving but i also like didn't get my period until i was 16 and i felt like i wasn't a woman without it you know i was growing up i was

familiar with having a camera in my face because my dad is in the tv industry yes and so every single christmas or birthday there's cameras everywhere in my house and so naturally i knew i was the star and i know that's cringe no it's not great and i was like dad cue the cam here i'm meant to be right here what do you remember about your early performances on a camera well I was always really obsessed with YouTube because as I mentioned earlier I didn't have cable and so I watched a lot of YouTube and when I was like in fifth grade I tried to make a YouTube video on my iPad I wish we could watch it so bad I need to find that iPad because it has so much good shit on it. But my cousins and I were constantly making little videos during family vacations, during holidays, like whatever. Constantly making little videos.

There were these iMovie trailer templates that you could use. So you could make a movie trailer. But iMovie provided the template. So all you had to do was film little things and then they would plug it in for you and so we would do those all the time so I was familiar and comfortable in that sense where you know my cousins and I were always obsessed there is a big difference between recording something and then pressing upload on that shit like you gotta have balls to press upload for sure what compelled you to press upload on your first youtube video well my first youtube video ever i was in fifth grade and i was like i don't care i don't i didn't even want to like be famous like i never thought i could like get any like recognition from it i to this day i i've always like looked at fame as an impossible

thing so i was like i'm not going to become famous from this but i was like even just like a few people commenting will make me feel good post and then of course like nothing happened and then i deleted it like a week later that was my very first one but then the you know when i was 16 and i uploaded i honestly just i was in such a shitty spot that I was like I have nothing to lose like I'm so depressed I'm so unhappy I like I want to do something that makes me feel good and YouTube has always made me feel good so I'm I'm just gonna post on there did anyone from your high school when they saw that make fun of you or like say anything mean behind my back yes but never to my face and I heard about people saying

shit behind my back but it's like like what were they saying they were just like does she really think anything's gonna come of that which is you know what no listen fair enough like if I would have seen someone from my high school posting on YouTube, I number one, I would have said the same thing about them. I would have been like, really? Like what's going to come on you guys? Like it's not easy. But on the other hand, I was even saying that to myself.

It wasn't like people were, it wasn't like I was posting YouTube videos being like, I'm going to make it big one day. You know, I was posting videos like this is just a hobby for me and like even if I just get 100 subscribers like that's fun like I just a little community and also I enjoy making the videos I enjoy the process of it so what happened after I pressed upload it was more just like well at Well, at least it lives somewhere. When did you go viral? So about. About like. Two or three months after I started.

That's crazy. It was, you know, and it was crazy. But I also think that a big reason for that was I was uploading every fucking day. Like I was uploading every single day during the summer. And by the end of the summer I had like something like 50 videos and so I had such a collection already that it was easy it didn't take as long because I was grinding I mean every day I was like I need to make a video every day and then I ended up cutting it down and I was like three days a week and then I cut it down two

days a week and then I cut it down one day a. But it was like in the beginning I started and I was like, I just want to get as good at this as I can as quickly as fucking possible. And then when that one video did really well, I was like, it was this video where I went to the dollar store and I bought a bunch of like random shit and did like a fake haul. Like I was kind of like kidding around doing a haul. And I was really proud of the video and it like after two weeks it had like half a million views or something or maybe it was like it had a hundred thousand views after like yeah and what when that was happening what were you

doing like were you telling your parents what were you my parents my dad was like super interested he was like I think you could really do something with this actually and I was like okay I don't but thanks dad I was like dad like that is like one in a trillion like why are we why are we let's not go there because I'm just gonna get disappointed you know but he's like I don't know I'm like I think if you really get good at this like something could come of it when all of a sudden like so many people are watching you're like I actually cannot comprehend this number of people I can't comprehend the fact that all of a sudden now I'm making money you know I can't comprehend any part of this so I'm just gonna go robot mode and like just like I you know you stop at a certain point you stop processing it it's it's a really weird thing to try to explain too because it's not like you're a singer where

you're like filling a stadium for a concert so you're like making these things and pressing upload and then going to bed and like yet it's crazy to see that number but it still doesn't fully register that like whoa like half a million people just watched that video yeah it feels it's like a different metric in your brain yeah like it's like you're looking at it in a different you're not looking at it as real people but you're also not looking at it as just a number there's this like weird in-between way that your brain processes it yeah but it's it's kind of i think i knew subconsciously that if i looked into it too deeply and i thought about it too deeply that i'd psych myself out fuck myself over and ruin the whole thing so i was like i'm not gonna think i'm just gonna just

tunnel vision keep going and like i did that up until probably the last three months when and it has been really uncomfortable when when you really like wake up and realize like oh shit this is the situation it's like I finally turned off my tunnel vision and it felt like everything was like that had been building for four years was now right in front of me and I never looked at it you know what I mean yes and we're gonna get into that because yes but first yes why did you drop out of high school so the summer of sophomore year I started my youtube channel because I was depressed and I was like my my dad was like, you need a hobby. I said, okay. So I started my channel and by the end of the summer, you know, I was making money and I was like, and I've never made money, you know? And I was like, oh shit. Okay. This is actually pretty

serious, you know? And I was loving it. And people at school were like respecting me because I had they weren't being an asshole anymore some people still were but you know people were like excited for me and I was excited and junior year I was like okay I this is the year I take hard classes so I was taking like three AP classes and story short, it just was so I couldn't do schoolwork and YouTube. But I was like, obviously, schoolwork is more important. So I was like, OK, I'll just drop some of my classes and take easier classes. But then YouTube kept building and I was like. I already took, like, I'm just taking added shit to help me for college. And I started questioning, okay, am I even going to go to college anyway? Now that this YouTube thing is going the way that it is, I'm making an income now. I can support myself now.

All of a sudden, by the end of the summer, I was like, I actually could support myself. I don't, it changed everything. And I was like, I don't think I need to be working this hard because I don't think I'm actually going to college anymore. I might try to ride this out. And then when this doesn't work out anymore, then I can go to college, even if I'm like 30, like who gives a fuck, you know? And so I took one of those standardized tests and just left school. Like I kept basically dropping classes more and more until it got to a point where I was like I just don't need to be here because I'm not I'm number one I'm not learning anything that is necessary it was all stuff that was only really necessary for college I had already taken all of the classes that I needed to that were like normal

high school level I was just doing added shit what's the the point of that? I was like, this is stupid. So I was out of there. How did you tell your parents and how did they react? Honestly, it was kind of their idea. Ha ha ha. It was kind of like, it was not just my idea. I wasn't like, mom and dad, like, I want to leave school. They were like, you're so miserable in school, you know. Well, actually, at first we were thinking about homeschooling me.

Interesting. So actually, that was the first idea. They were like, you, this is not, this structure is not working, right? And so we toyed around with the idea of homeschooling me. But then after doing more research uh we were like okay actually just let's just cut it cut it because in in i you know i know that i i don't recommend people drop out of school and i think that my situation was very unique um because i was fortunate enough to get all of my like general high school education out of the way

in the first two years and that's a really like again like it would have been irresponsible to leave if that had not been completed and I and I always I actually have never said that out loud I don't think but I I know it's kind of fun to be reckless and be like, I dropped out of school. Like, fuck that. But it was it wasn't this super irrational, super irresponsible. I could have gone straight to college from that point that I was at. Got it. You know, so like I didn't need to. It wasn't fucking me over.

I completed my high school credits. I was done. You know what I'm saying? So how did your friends react when you told them like, were you close with a lot of completed my high school credits like I was done you know what I'm saying so how did your friends react when you told them like were you close with a lot of people in high school did you have a lot of friends the first uh year and a half of high school yes but towards the end no I only really had one friend and even and she like knew everything about, like she knew about how school was like affecting me negatively and how I just was depressed. So like I couldn't be social, you know, and I couldn't deal with the ebbs and flows of friendship. I just didn't have that in my, in me.

And so she understood that. And she was kind of kept up to date on like how things were evolving. But she, you know, she was like she had other friends like she was. So she was just like, peace. You know, everybody was just kind of like peace. I really just disappeared one day, honestly. If you could change one thing about that time in your life, what would it be? Nothing.

I really, you know, I have a lot of moments in my life that I look back at and cringe at and I have a lot of moments that I regret like for sure and not regret that's actually completely the wrong word I have a lot of moments that I'm like damn I would do that so differently now but I refuse to ever even think about how I would change things because every bad experience has just made me me do you have you ever been had one of those moments like a little jealous of that like classic college experience you see on TikTok people are at the frat parties do you ever be like okay yes what so you do is it more about like the social aspect that you kind of wish you could partake in?

I think the thing that I sometimes get a little bit upset about is like how quickly I had to grow up. And it sounds so, again, like just so like, Emma, shut the fuck up. But I don't think I realized when i left school and immediately started working how there's no leeway for me anymore you know what i mean there was no room for being a kid anymore like it was like okay no you have to get your fucking act together because you're you're saying you know that you can make a living on your own and that you're going to make this shit work and that you're going to make it last. And that,

you know, moving to LA is a good idea. And that being friends with other, you know, YouTubers is a good idea. And, you know, having to do your own laundry and do your own dishes and cook for yourself and taxes. Like there's so many facets of it that you're like oh shit you know I didn't realize that this came with this you know by quitting school and by just going straight into being technically self-employed I was also saying that I could handle all those other things. My parents were very helpful with the technical stuff, but emotionally, you know, there's no way to prepare. College is basically four years of you to be able to fake act like an adult. You don't really have much responsibility, but you are on your own.

And for you, it was like, oh, wait, no, you actually do have responsibility. Because if you don't keep uploading, like you don't have a job and you didn't apply to college. So like where are we going at 16 years old? You become famous on the Internet. How did people start treating you differently? I would say at first not much changed it was really interesting because yes i had a following on the internet that if you look at it you know like a hundred thousand subscribers that's a fuck ton of subscribers right but in the grand scheme of the world people didn't really they're like eh we'll see you at a million like you know this is yeah whatever my family was very skeptical like my outer family they were kind, they were kind of like, what is going on?

You know? And so they didn't treat me any different, but they were definitely just like curious. A lot of people were really curious, but I didn't really have any friends. So I didn't have any friends reacting to like what was happening to me. When you say you didn't have any friends, did you feel lonely? Yes, but I really wanted once I started to, you know, turn YouTube into my job, I started to feel like I couldn't really relate to kids in my high school as well. And so I was like, you know, I would still hang out with those kids and we would have fun. And like that was fine. But there was a disconnect. And so I started looking to find people that were in this space that could be friends with me. And I ended up finding those friends.

And that was really awesome. So like and we didn't live near each other, but I made quite a bit of friends on the Internet that were doing the same thing. And it was nice because there was a mutual understanding and also there was no weirdness there was no questions about it there was just like a unspoken understanding that was very special at the time there's always the moment when you start getting recognized in public yeah when do you remember like the first time you got recognized so I go to Maine every summer with my family on vacation. And I had like 6,000 subscribers when I went the summer of sophomore year.

Like 6,000 subscribers. Okay. Which to me was like, oh my God, fuck all y'all. I'm popping off. I'm popping off. Y'all don't know me anymore. I'm different now. No, but so I'm on off. I'm popping off. Y'all don't know me anymore. I'm different now. No, but so I'm on vacation in Maine and this girl comes up to me and like asks me for a photo.

Now I had 6,000 subscribers. I thought that this was a real interaction. My grandma set that up. No. You're like, oh my God, you guys, I just got asked for a picture. Your grandma. I'm already getting a big fucking head, grandma. Do not play with me like this.

Holy shit. No, but it was sweet. It was sweet. That's actually so cute. It was hilarious. Eventually, though, you did start to gain attention. How did you handle initially getting noticed in public and like the attention? At first, I've actually gone through phases with it

like in the very beginning I was stoked and I was like so I was like this is so awesome like it was you know my dream was coming true right it was so fucking cool and it was and then you know I've gone through ebbs and flows where it's made me a little anxious because I if I'm not in a good spot like I'll get anxious about not being in a good spot mentally and I'm like is this showing like I don't want I started getting anxiety about giving these people like the best experience they could possibly have meeting me and then that kind of got into my head but I didn't have that thought in the very beginning. So that came into play later. It feels like no one hates you.

And I'm going to take notes right now because I'm a little bit more polarizing. Why do you think you're so lovable? I don't feel that I am. And I think that. Really? I mean, I've gone through the ringer. Really? In what way well so there is like there's been chunks of time throughout my experience on the internet where I've been like widely disliked you know whether people thought I was annoying or people like or like it's interesting like there's just been periods of time when people have just not liked

me and the general conversation around me has been negative the thing that's really interesting about it is that i noticed this just from talking to other people in this space a lot of people they're so hyper focused on themselves as they should be we're human right um so like i perceive you and i'm like you're nobody fucking hates you. Right. But see you, because I'm not seeing people giving you shit. Right. Whereas like, you're not seeing people give me shit.

Everybody gets shit. And so everybody, their own perception of their own career and like general likeness is not right. Right. It's skewed in a, in a negative direction for everybody individually i look at any other personality on the internet and unless they're like genuinely yeah just a bad fucking person and everyone knows it unless that's what's going on generally like nobody's gonna see it except for you yeah like it's almost like you everyone ebbs and flows with hate and love yeah if you're putting content out there yeah and also everyone's

memory is so short on shit if people don't give a fuck no they act like they do because it's fun to like get together in a group and be like yeah let's handle this person but then in a week if they're like oh my god like you're doing this and then they love you and it just ebbs and flows but that is a good point to say like to hear from you saying like you do get hate yeah to summarize like what do they hate you for I mean I would say that like when I was a lot younger I edited in like a really like fast pace like a kind of you know flashy way and it was kind of like and I thought it was like funny and annoying and that's why I liked it I was like I think this is just like funny and entertaining and like it's not serious like whatever but some people just found

that annoying and were like why the fuck do people want to watch this which I totally get because that's not everybody was gonna like the style editing and my personality I was a loud kid I was a you know outgoing kid and people just thought I was annoying so that was like one thing but then also I think a big part of it was just like when you become successful people just are gonna nitpick just about anything yeah and so and I understood that I was like I get it like I'm you know I'm a target and I understand that and I think some of it might have been from jealousy and some of it just might have been from like people just simply not enjoying me and like that's fair but it doesn't make it not hurt you know I can't blame people I get the culture of

the internet but it still sucks it does suck you know well it's hard because then you get all these good comments and then you see one and you're like it sticks with you and then it's like wait all these people are actually like telling you how great you are they love the content then you see one and then you're like my whole day sucks it's always that way yeah you think you can and you might have a good moment where you're like oh this shit doesn't bother me but it always comes back is there anything that made you almost quit oh I will say there has been a lot of times where I've almost quit and how do you not like what are the what brings you back to not quitting well I'm in an interesting spot now where you know I'm 20 and I am in a spot where I'm ready to evolve things. And I don't really know

what that means for myself right now, but I need to like find what mediums and what things make me excited because I was in this hamster wheel of, you know, creating content every single week for four years. And the thing that kept me coming back was the fact that that's the, it's like literally like a disease. Like when you start doing YouTube or you start a podcast or whatever you do, which I, you know, I've been doing both now for like two years or so. Like, you're like, if I miss a week, I'm done. People are going to fucking forget. People won't care. And you, you like guilt trip yourself into pushing through even the roughest moments because I burped um because there's this stigma that like the second you take a break you're out but I'm done with that I've taken a break for the past few months I'm like sorry I'm done or two month or so not that long

but I was like I'm burnt out so I'm gonna take a fucking break when we talk about going through this hamster wheel process it's so hard to explain like a tangible feeling that it is and like I talk about it in therapy all the time like I started this podcast kind of like when you started YouTube and you didn't have anything in mind of like a start or end date. It was like, I'm just going to start this. And then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like, I've been doing this for years. And like, who am I without my podcast? Who are you without YouTube? Who is Emma Chamberlain? And it's like, there's no light at the end of the tunnel. It's also not like the type of thing that you can ever stop thinking about i've been thinking about youtube for four years straight there's not been

a day or an hour that has gone by where something about it has not come into my head and whether it's like how do i want to evolve my my videos you know what am i gonna film next like what are people gonna think of that video was that video? Like same thing with my podcast. Was this episode, did I rant too much? Did this episode like, was this episode fucking annoying? Like was I repeating myself too much? You know, it's like there's no end date. There's no room for a real break. There is, but you don't want to let yourself believe that, right?

And there's no room for mistakes. there's no room for mistakes there's no room for mistakes there's no room it just feels like you know your boss is humanity in a way like your boss is literally just like public opinion it feels like and that's fucking weird. And it's so out of your control because the court of public opinion evolves. It ebbs. It flows. It's not like you're reporting to one person and like being like, here's my work for the week. You just have to be constantly trying to guess what the people want.

And when you're living by that, it's like, what formula are you to follow? There's no formula to follow. It's like uncharted territory. And sometimes the people don't even know what they want. So if they give you an idea that might not actually work. Sometimes you have to predict what people want. And it's just this whole mind fuck. And listen, I'm not complaining about it because in every job and every, you know, know profession in life like there are elements of it that are just a nightmare and I think just with this it's like everything could just go away so quickly and I think the way that I've found peace in it is I'm like okay if it does then it does and I'll just get pregnant and have a baby this is Emma's pregnancy announcement right guys I'm pregnant like no

it's like goodbye no publicist said no I have never heard someone explain it like that where your boss is the public every single creator said does exactly what you just said you quickly say like and I'm not ungrateful and I'm not saying I'm not like so happy with what I have that's not it but in everyone's life you have your struggles and you have your adversity that comes totally and when you have millions of people every single day having not only an opinion on you but sort of a holdover whether you have a career or not right it is a lot to fucking handle as a young adult well the thing is too about it is that as humans you know we're not supposed to i mean this is just an issue with social media in general

but you're just not supposed to be exposed to that many opinions, that many people's successes, that many people's vacations, that many people's hot takes. You know, you're just like not supposed to experience that many people's lives, right? You know, we're programmed biologically to only have to compare ourselves and and listen to like a handful of people right i've watched a video about this like i'm not a fucking scientist but like i did watch a video about this yeah yeah um i'm citing my sources long story short like you're just not supposed to hear from that many people it's not like something that we're evolved to be able to comprehend. So it makes sense that, you know, for us, for example, like reading comments all the time from hundreds of different people, sometimes thousands, sometimes millions, that's just not a normal experience.

And so when our brains react in weird ways, it's like, what else did we expect? This is a weird situation and is not natural yeah and i hate when people say like then just don't do it yeah i i understand what you're saying but i i do love it i'm totally it's my passion so then you have to basically i think what we're both saying is like it is there is no book. Yeah. That gives you here's a guideline. Right. This is there is no one that can tell you like this is exactly how you act the minute you get this many followers.

Then this is going to happen. And then you talk to this therapist because they'll know how to like it. There's just no formula. Yeah. And so it's weird. You eventually moved to L.A. Yes. How did the change of scenery affect your videos and your life?

Should I go pee before I do this? Yeah. Okay. Let me go in the. Sorry. Sorry. Daddy gang. I'm pissing now.

No, I'm kidding. You don't want us to listen to you pee. Go down the. All the way down the hall. Anyways, Emma's back back how was your pee break hello hello check check um pee break was popping it was popping i hope there was toilet paper in there i don't like we could literally talk for six hours oh wait is this just like the podcast house this is the dad pad no way yeah it's kind of nice to

like not be in your own house it I used to do it from my bed all the time because where do you podcast from my bed yeah and like there's pros to that but I started to feel like I could never turn it off so I just yes I've been having that struggle recently because that microphone is sitting on your bed or near it you just keep being like should I start should I start should I start podcast I'm like I could record right now and it will be like almost midnight? I'm like, I could record right now. And it will be like almost midnight. And I'm like, oh, I have a thought. And I'm like, no, I need to like set boundaries.

Thank you. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. So I asked you, how did the change of scenery to LA affect your video and your life? Well, I think a lot of people who were following me at the time when they found out I was moving to LA were like, there she goes. You know what I mean I mean like there goes the girl that we fell in love with she's about to die you know what I mean like she's not gonna be here anymore and I think to a certain

extent that was a valid concern and I think well okay here's the thing it it was such a huge life shift in my foundation in my reality changed so much that my sense of identity kind of went out the window and I was having to like rebuild my new I mean and this happens regardless of if you're moving to LA and doing YouTube, or if you're just literally a teenager, you know, like there was a lot of shifting that was going on. It was like, I was making new friends. I was starting to try to date guys. Like I was like living on my own and, uh, like trying to figure out what that entailed. And like, there was so many life changes all at once that like a whole new group of people a whole new scenery it was just like whatever my sense of identity was fucked and so when it came to like making videos the shift from moving from home to moving to LA

took such a psychological toll on me that I don't think I was willing to admit to myself at the time, but it was so exhausting to, you know, find your footing in a new place, especially LA that like, I was very drained just from life itself. And so when it came time to like make YouTube videos, I was like, I am so fucking tired just from like existing here right now that I think my content at certain times throughout the first year and a half two years of being in LA like my content had moments of suffering because there were just moments when I was my life itself was a mess and not even a mess in a bad way, just simply a mess where I didn't feel like I had a foundation. Can you explain in your opinion, like the good and the bad evil parts of L.A. when you're talking about your experience? I think the good is that there are so many people here that are in a similar industry to me and to you it's so being here is

nice because there's a lot of people around that can relate because it's a very unique situation and it's comfortable to be around people that are in the same industry as you but, but, well, also another good thing about LA is that, you know, there's a lot more opportunities here and it's a lot easier. Like if you have to do a shoot for something, or if you have to do an interview for something, you know, everybody's in the same area. So it's just a lot more convenient to get a lot more done because everything's here. It's either here or New York. And usually it's here. Actually, a lot of people from New York fly here to do stuff. And so living here is very easy to get the most done. And I can't take that away from L.A. Also, L.A., you know, it's like the weather's nice and like, you know, you're close to the beach. Like there's great things about L.A., but I will say that there is a lot of toxic stuff about it number one being that you can't walk anywhere that makes me really upset number two that's like

the stupidest thing to complain about but it sucks um number two being around people that are in the same industry as you is also not always the best thing because there's a lot of competitiveness there's a lot of trying to you know use you to get farther and that's something i didn't anticipate you know it's great when you can find someone here who is in the same space as you um that like just wants companionship but that's actually more rare than you think yeah so there's a lot of room to get fucked over when you're being friends with people in your industry. And that's something that I really struggled with and experienced. When you say that, can you elaborate a little bit on like when was a, and you know, obviously you're not naming names.

Of course. But when was a moment that you realized like, I think I'm getting used right now? Oh, my God. It's, like, been so many times. I mean, like, I – and sometimes using is not always a bad thing. Like, sometimes you can even find yourself being like, well, yeah, they're maybe using using me but I guess I'm kind of using them too you know like in certain types of collaborations things like that but I think that's kind of different because usually when it comes to like a collaboration of some sort uh it's a mutual

benefit sometimes it's not though and in those moments you're like okay I'm not benefiting from this at all this person's like profiting off of me in some way and I don't feel number one like it's having a positive impact on me and number two like I don't think that they actually care about me and so that's when it gets a little messy is when it's not a mutual thing and you can tell that they actually don't even care about you at all and And, you know, it's a part of it. Again, like it's a part of it. And so I, in retrospect, now that I'm far away from all people or all things that could ever put me in a spot where I would be used or would feel taken advantage of in some way. Like now that I'm far away from those things and I can look back at that, those moments when I did feel that way and I was wrapped up in those things,

I forgive because I understand that, you know, it's like, we're all just trying to prove that we deserve to have dropped out of college or to have dropped out of high school or to have moved to LA. Like we're all just trying to make it happen right and so if somebody thought that they could benefit from me in some way yeah that's not nice of them but also I understand where their head was at and I'm able to forgive now when you say you're able to forgive so you've been burned by people

and like again so not saying so surface but not going to into actual detail like when you say burns like can you give an example like was it someone asking you to be in a video was it someone asking to come in your videos was it someone a brand deal like what are you referring to there was like a few instances where you know people would want me to appear in their videos, for example. And, you know, I would be like, I can't today because like I need to be working and I need to like I have to be. And they'd be like, you know, maybe because they were more successful than me in some ways or whatever. When they would be like, you have to. I would be like you have to I would be like okay you know and so I was young

and very yes man when I first moved to LA so if somebody and these like youtubers who are maybe more established they I think that they knew that they could kind of push me around a little bit not only on camera but off as well just by you know like they just knew that I was really also still kind of a fan of everyone I think they could sense that as well so a lot of people I think knew that they could take advantage of me and that it would be fine and listen again it's fine like I get it but I'm also like but it still sucked and it it made me a lot less productive and it made me depressed because I felt like just an object in some ways, which again, I don't think that was their intent, but I felt like I was just like that I was burned the most though, were like more personal ways. Like the ways that just like people who were like kind of bullies to me, like behind the

scenes, like you would never like, not necessarily on camera, but like most of the shit that was like bad was like behind the scenes where it's just like shitty friends. Yeah. Point blank. you know what I mean and and I feel like when you're also saying that would it also but it would always somehow tie back to content well I mean I think that our friendship was based in content yeah you know a lot of the times it was like what was our friendship without content yeah um like if we weren't friends like if we weren't making content together, would we be friends? It's hard to say. That's what I think a lot of people aren't able to obviously aren't privy to that information on the Internet. You see these people, they're hanging out. Oh, my God, they're new friends.

Most of the relationships that I have seen in L are transactional a thousand percent I don't know a lot of people that like genuinely when we're all home like for like holidays like those people are not conversing yeah being like hey girl like how are you doing like it's not like that it's all based on we're back in LA you want to shoot a TikTok yes and it and and you're promoting I remember doing it in the beginning of my show when I had a co-host It was like We were promoting Being like best friends

We had met like Three months before Of course And it was like But you sell this like Fun lifestyle And it doesn't look great I guess people think that

If you're standing with someone That doesn't have followers That's actually your friend From your hometown Right No one's interested in that But if you're standing next to If I'm standing next to Tana Mongeaujo that is logistically going to get more downloads and

views than if my friend jackie from home is going to be next to me like who the fuck is that bitch yeah so there is like an incentive to create these dynamics but it's really dark well it's interesting because actually some of the friendships were like quite close friendships where we were talking a lot. Some of them not, but like some of them genuinely were close like that. But the question still remains, would we be friends if we weren't making content together when we were together? Right. And it's like, that's kind of where it gets foggy right because it's like we were really close but if we weren't making content together like would we be hanging out would we even care to check in on one another you know what I mean where was the intent

when did those type of dynamics when did you wake up and they stop it happened like one by one I would say like I would have kind of realization about just and it wasn't like anything some of them there was like moments where it's like a blow up where I was just like fuck you you know like this is just like not like you are using me I can tell fuck you but then other moments it was like it was more just like a drift away where I was like you know what how is our friendship off camera and if the friendship was like not good then I was like you know what I'm just gonna back away and I've always been somebody where I'm like I don't feel much sadness if a friendship's not like positive I'm I will be the first one to fucking cut it off and just because what's the point you know even if

we're profiting off of our friendship even if we're not even if it's a private friendship both I will like walk away with no remorse if I feel like it's right and so that I kept that principle for all friendships you know throughout my teen years. Have you ever stayed in a friendship longer for fear of the public perception and the fallout? Yes. Like I've definitely like I've definitely struggled to cut off public friendships a lot more. Public friendships have always been harder to kind of back away from, even if it was like what needed to happen for all parties you know like it's definitely harder because you're like god like you know even if this ended civilly or even if it fucking didn't yeah we you know i don't want someone else the other party to get in trouble by the court of public opinion for our friendship ending because

even let's say they did the worst shit let's say they were such an asshole to me they're gonna pay enough with their own conscience yeah you know I don't think it's necessary to have the world knowing about that too what do you get anxiety about in general like what are the main things that give you anxiety I would say the main thing that gives me anxiety is the pub is something happening where my character is portrayed incorrectly and it being believed, right? And me not feeling like I'm able to say, this is not me. Because I know, like, I don't care what anybody says, I'm not a fucking bad person. And I know that.

And I know that because I have too much of a conscience. Like I, I, the guilt I feel about everything. I, I can't do bad shit. Like I, because I just, my guilt and conscience is so strong that like, I almost wish I had less of that because I actually feel guilty about things that I don't need to feel guilty about. And it sucks know like but I know that I'm not a bad person but I do sometimes fear that something will get in the somebody will even spread a rumor about me that's not real and that will become known as fact and I know how things work on the internet where it's like people aren't digging into every single story that they see so if like a bad story that comes out about me comes out people see it they're

just going to take it as fact and let's say a week later it's proven oh that's not true like Emma Emma didn't hit an old person in the street um like people are still going to remember the article that they saw where they said where they said that did. And that's what freaks me out is that, you know, I don't always feel like I'm able to defend myself. And I also don't always want to. Yeah. And I also can't go in and diffuse every rumor about myself.

I would be fucking, that's all I would ever do. Yeah. You know what I mean? If I went and address every fucking rumor or every fake blah blah blah about me you know i wouldn't that would be actually my full-time job so like i can't do it and so it's just like this process of trying to figure out like you know like i just feel so out of control of the public perception of me because somebody could go and lie about me tomorrow. And you know what? The other thing is, I don't, like, let's say I did

do something fucked up. Let's say I did push an old lady in the street. Let's say I was having a really bad day. Who knows? There's not a lot of room for having a bad day. There's not a lot of room for making a one-off mistake. And even if that's not something that reflects my character, how am I, I can apologize and say, this is not me, all I want. But everybody does that. And how do people even know that I'm being honest?

You know, so it's like, it kind of feels like a witch hunt in a way. And I think that in some areas, like criticism is necessary absolutely but I think that sometimes like people love it and so they want to feed the drama and I don't want to be the butt of that and listen it's happened you survive but it just fucking sucks and it sucks even more when it's not true or it's not a representation of you as a person and people make blanket statements like oh we we heard Emma did this one time Emma is now evil all around you know there was like a rumor that I was a bully in high school and I

remember I was like okay and I saw like a girl from my high school made a TikTok that was fully not true it was fully not true about like me saying some mean shit during class like made of this whole like fake story I'm like girl I we went to all girls school we were like nerdy like nobody was bullying each other in high school. Is there a chance that I excluded somebody in high school? Is there a chance that I maybe made a snarky remark to someone in high school? Fuck yes, there is. There's a great chance that I probably did that sometimes.

I woke up too early. I was in a bad fucking mood. Sure. But I never did anything evil. I know that for a fact. And do you know what? If I did, I'm sorry. I don't know. I don't remember. Do you fucking know what if I did I'm sorry I I don't

know I don't remember do you fucking remember what you did in high school no nobody fucking remembers and we're also kids it's like kids playing in a fucking knife drawer we're all learning how to be good people and you're gonna fuck up in that process but it's the fact that you know my identity is in the hands of like everyone who's ever met me and everybody who's ever seen me do anything. And I don't have control over that. And the psychological damage is quite it is crazy. But also I signed up for it. So here we are.

You know what I mean? Most people listening to this podcast right now are the ones that you're referring to as your boss my boss yeah they're listening to this and they're going to make a decision yeah do we like emma chamberlain right does the daddy gang like emma chamberlain and and i'm sure it's okay if you guys don't no and i'm sure vice versa there's going to be people that are like why there's people that don't like me and they'll be like why did emma go on Alex's show? And it's like, people are unforgiving and ruthless on the internet. And not only that, they are excited when there's drama. Like there have been episodes where people are like, I'm going to cancel you for having

that person on your show. But does it say more about me for having them on? Why are those episodes the most downloaded though? Of course. So that's actually you guys are listening. You are the ones ingesting it. You clicking on it i don't know i it's a it's a scary industry a little bit to be in right now i agree and i think the other thing is is that there's a difference between you know somebody doing something genuinely bad right and something genuinely bad and having

an intent that's like I actually like want to hurt people you know because that that happens yeah on the internet you know you see people fuck up and do things that genuinely directly harm people and they actually had the intent of harming people right I never on my whole time on the internet have ever posted something with the with a negative intent, right? Now, listen, if I do something that is perceived in a way where it's like, Emma, that's not right. And here's why that's fine. I'm willing to like learn. I'm always open-minded, you know, and I think criticism, constructive criticism, there's nothing wrong with it.

This could have been perceived in a way that was offensive and hurtful i totally get that then it's like okay we'll we'll go from there and thank you for letting me know let's move on like i i didn't have that intent but i totally understand where you're coming from i'm so glad that you know you let me know yeah i'm so happy to do better next time and to be more aware of how this could be perceived wrong but it's when people are like oh no you're done you're done because even though you had no idea what you were doing and even though it was a complete complete 200 accident you're still done because you made a mistake that is such fucking uncharted territory how are you supposed to predict it's like i could fucking like put on deodorant in a video and I feel like at

this point somebody's gonna be like you're offending people that don't want to wear deodorant like no literally you know what I mean it's like I understand that like you have to if somebody does something wrong holding them accountable is fair and in some actually places very good I've learned so much from being on the internet and from people being like, hey, when you talk about this like this, that's not cool. And I've been like, damn, I would have never known that otherwise.

Thank you. Like truly, like I'm grateful for that. But it's when it's like people twisting shit just for funsies and not giving me room to be like, it just discourages me. And it just makes me, yeah, it makes me want to disappear. You know? How has your brand evolved?

When I first started on the internet in general, I was just kind of copying what all the girlies were doing. You know, I was like, okay, I'll talk about makeup and clothes and things like that. And then that wasn't really lighting my soul on fire. So then I was like I'm gonna start vlogging and I just started vlogging and then I vlogged for years I mean I was like you know just like filming random shit like whatever I thought was like funny or interesting or random at the time I was just filming it and so um in some like more concept-based videos too

like stuff where I was like going to children's place and trying to pick out a cute outfit, you know, like shit like that. Yeah. Um, and just like having fun with whatever. I kind of had no, I was like my baseline theme on my channel is me. So like whatever happens, I'm just like the main theme of it, which I mean, what kind of like self-centered idiot 16 year old you have to be to think that that's gonna I know right I'm like damn it's about me I'm like it's about me okay

that's it my what's your channel about babe it's about me tune in I promise you'll love it no um but really that was it and then I think within the past like year or so I've been trying to kind of make my content a little bit more mature because I'm more mature you know so like on my podcast I've been talking about more serious topics and on my YouTube you know the last few videos I made were very like more just like chill and toned down and just relaxed and like not super based on like a gimmicky kind of concept like just kind of just me existing and doing whatever and like editing the videos myself in a way that I felt was like calming and more mature to watch I would say because I just don't think

that like I want to be making you know I have to evolve the things that I'm putting out or else I'll seem ingenuine they have to evolve with me or else it's like not gonna work you mentioned kind of having an identity crisis you have an entire life to live how do you see this public persona that you created basically as a child yeah evolving into adulthood this is something i've been thinking about a lot because i think that the last four years or whatever of me being on the internet, you know, I, when it came to my career, I was just in autopilot. I was just like pumping shit out and it was coming from my heart still, but it was like, I was just kind of like on go, go, go, go, go mode. So I wasn't thinking about anything too deeply and I also

wasn't thinking about I definitely wasn't thinking about my own personal identity when no one's around and I'm by myself and I look in the mirror who is that I was so focused on working 24 7 for the past four years that i was teetering between having no thoughts and being burnt out and just feeling like i was like dying because i just could not look at a final cut pro one more fucking time right um but then also moments of just like absolutely just busting shit out and like it was just like back and forth teetering that left no time for me to ever have a free moment to be like okay wait who am I outside of all this so for the fact for the past four years you know I've just been on the in this hamster wheel of working and working and working and working and working and you know kind of

exploiting myself at times to just do as much as I possibly could, especially because I started to get so many opportunities that I was excited about. I was like, well, I don't want to say no. You know what I mean? Like, I like, I want to do everything, but you can't do that. But I didn't know that at the time. So I was spreading myself so thin and giving myself no time to sit back and be like, okay, wait, who the fuck are you? Who the fuck are you? And within the past, I would say, honestly, especially two or three months, I've been having a lot of like psychological struggles because I'm like, I'm now having to figure out like refine my identity after like shoving it away for the past four years, ignoring it and just putting that on the back burner. It's like now I'm left being like,

I don't even know what fulfills me, what excites me, what, you know, makes me feel like I have purpose outside of my work. I don't know what it is because I've not let myself go there. I didn't have the time to go there. And so that's kind of what I'm figuring out now. And, you know, I've gotten to a place where it got so dark for me, you know, even recently that and if when I'm ready to come back to the internet fully and if when I'm ready to like you know get back into the swing of things like I if if people don't want to watch anymore people don't care anymore I need to do what I gotta do. It's impossible to develop your identity and be online at the same time. Because developing your identity means silence.

You need silence. You need alone time. You need to be intimate with people. You need all of these types of things that do not align with being a fucking youtuber or even being a podcaster at times you know i think podcast is like when it comes to personal identity it's easier especially too because like they can't always see you there's something nice about i don't know but with youtube specifically it's like trying to develop your

personality and simultaneously continue to be consistent on the internet it's like you cannot do both because you have to have a fully formed something to show. Did you ever watch Harry Potter? You know I did. Okay. Did you watch The Reunion? No. Emma, you need to watch it. I don't know if anyone listening is a Harry Potter fan, but some people may consider me like Slytherin. I'm more of like a Gryffindor Hufflepuff. You're giving me Gryffindor through and through and I'm like, and I don't say that about many people. People like Slytherin, but I'm like a Gryffindor Hufflepuff you're giving me Gryffindor through and through and I like and I don't say that about many people like Slytherin bitch I'm like no I'm Hufflepuff like no I'm not you're not Huffle you're Gryffindor anyways it is fascinating because Emma Watson Daniel Radcliffe and I think it was Ron who was like I love how I'm calling the see I'm even calling them by those names of course of course they literally said they were like when we stopped the movies

i genuinely felt uncomfortable when people called me my real name i didn't feel like i could even identify with that name totally child stars or child performers or now internet kids that come up on the internet they are losing some of their identity in the characters that they're portraying how did the growth of emma chamberlain stop when emma chamberlain the internet character was born you know i i wouldn't say that like my growth completely stopped because I, you know, it's like I was still growing. I, for the last four years, made my entire purpose in life to like, at a certain point, I was like, my entire purpose is to now succeed at this and take it as far as I can and enjoy it while I'm doing it. Right. And so I put away and threw away all other purposes that I had even brewing in me.

I was like, I don't give a fuck about anything else. I'm throwing all of my eggs in this in this basket. You know what I mean? I want to make this is my only purpose and then now I'm at a place where I've arrived at what I wanted to happen and now I'm left with this feeling where I'm like this is fucking amazing and I'm so happy that I'm here but I don't have any more goals in this area right I don't have any more goals in this area, right? I don't have any more thing. I don't want to get more followers. I don't want to get more views. I don't care about that shit anymore. You know, like at a certain point I was like,

I would love to grow this as big as I can, like whatever. Now I'm like, I don't really think it needs to go any bigger. Like I'm good. You know what I mean? I'm fine with it how it is now. So I'm having to like figure out now what things will give me purpose outside of this and it's a fucking hard pill to swallow I didn't I you know I'm like I'm 20 and I'm like

where I have to now I have to find a whole new purpose, but also everybody is looking at me and is like, look at that. Like, you know, but you, but you have this to look at. And I'm like, I need something bigger and deeper for myself that might not have anything to do with the internet. You know what I mean? I just don't know what that is yet. And so that's been something that I've been struggling with is like, you know, I haven't had time to like you know do hobbies or whatever but the other thing is is that I'm now in a routine where like I don't really have a lot of inspiration to do things that don't involve my work which is a weird thing that like because my work in my hobbies became one right right so like I don't have like the desire to do other little

hobbies that like my brain convinces me are pointless to do you know what i'm saying well and also your job yeah has flowed in not only to like your purpose and your hobby but it's also flowed into like your actual lifestyle and living every part of my life. You can't go. You're not even 21. But if once you're 21, you can't go to a bar and not get recognized. And what you do in that bar is a direct reflection on your job, which is your purpose. And so every single aspect of your life is wrapped up basically in your job. Yeah.

Which for some people is very normal and for some people it's like oh i work a 95 and when fucking friday hits i am a different beast on the weekend you don't have a weekend yeah it's it's honestly like everything in my life is melded into one where it's like my job my social life or lack thereof most of the time because I'm too anxious. But like, you know, every element of my life is all connected. You know, I don't have a separation of things. And because of that, it all feels like everything could fall apart if I just pushed the wrong domino. And it could just all fucking fall down like you know it's it's

everything feels very fragile which is why I'm now like okay I can't have all my eggs in this basket I want to continue doing this this is you know my passion and something that I I enjoy doing this stuff right but I have to find a life outside of it and solidify that life and like make that life something where I'm not so worried about what people think of me on the Internet. I'm not so worried about, you know, if this all went away tomorrow because I do have this life outside of it that's so rich that it doesn't matter. Walk me through social anxiety now with this platform. It is. I mean, of course, like I do love meeting people I mean I really do and I'm I am generally a social person I would say like I'm I don't really get social anxiety about talking to people like if somebody comes up I mean there's been moments when it's

been like kind of overwhelming or something just because it was like You know, I was late to something or blah blah blah. I always you know The actual interaction itself is always pleasant You know the only thing that i'm paranoid about is people who don't maybe like me and see me in public and they are like want to film me or Are like watching me and like making fun of me behind my back like it's the fact that I could be Anywhere and somebody might recognize me and I might not actually know that they know me. If somebody comes up to me and like says, oh my God, like what's up? You know, like that's sweet.

I don't actually mind that. It's, it's the fact that I don't know when I'm a not, when I'm just another human being drifting through the street or when somebody is watching me because they've seen me before that is what makes me anxious and that's what makes it hard you know because I'm constantly feeling like I'm being surveillanced whether I know it or not what are you doing though like tangibles in order to try to find and redefine and that identity that you're looking for um I think a big step in it was deciding like that I'm gonna probably step back from YouTube okay you know just because I will say that and I mean I don't know I'm not making anything definite right I'm just like this is just where I'm at now I take it day by day that's what I have to do or else I lose my mind but um I I do like for me doing a weekly podcast is something

that I can do because I mean it's very much me sitting in bed and like just talking um but I also think that by stepping back from YouTube I have a lot more free time so that I can figure out, okay, maybe I want to like, you know, who knows what I want to do. But like I might want to do something else that's creative that I can create for, you know, the world to hopefully enjoy if they decide to enjoy it. Like it gives me room to explore number one like what I could do next in my career but also it gives me more time to like develop friendships properly because I also you know don't like to have people in my videos or in my on my podcast or anything because I just gives me too much anxiety and I like it just to be me and so you know it caused me to push a lot of people away because I couldn't combine work and play you know I had to keep those very separate and so

because of that it was like I didn't hang out with people very often so I'm taking this time to just like have as much free time as possible and just let myself get really bored and like see what I do to entertain myself. I also hear when you're saying you're going to give yourself that freedom to find things you like, but then don't grab the camera and film it for content. Like, no, it's yours. Let it be yours. Let a hobby be yours.

And don't be like, oh, this would make a good vlog. Yes. Like you, there's gotta be a line for yourself like no because then you're working like do it for yourself I can already feel like the tension you're like fuck I know and I know I've done it too where I'm like oh that was such a fun moment and then I have to exploit it on my podcast and I'm like it's hard I and I think I have to be strict with myself and be like Emma like you know you can do your podcast yeah but you can't be posting videos and be trying to figure out who you are and what you enjoy to do when the camera's off if the camera's still fucking on every

week you just can't figure it out so you know i don't know like what's like yeah i'm constantly like changing my like i'm like oh now i'm doing, oh, now I'm doing this. Oh, wait, now I'm doing this. Like I'm all over the place, right? Dude, you're 20 as you should be. So it's like, but I just don't think, I also don't know if, I feel like there might be something else out there that might excite me career wise and might light me, light my soul on fire, you know, like there's something out there that I might be missing yeah and so I want to have a little bit of time to explore that and see like what I want to do next that's gonna be exciting to me um I think that's amazing so yeah in terms of growing up basically on the internet you have presented a very like pc brand and no sex no

like we don't even know like has emma chamberlain ever had sex has she ever kissed a boy has she ever given like we don't know right how has people's fascination with your sexuality affected your sexuality? Yeah. It's really interesting because I always I struggled with my sexual identity growing up as well, because as I mentioned earlier, like I was just a late bloomer and I just also wasn't like an ultra feminine girl and I've never been like a super stereotypically feminine woman but yet like I I am a straight woman like that's what I am but like no one ever like I've always gotten like shit for that you know and people have growing up too you know like people being like that's not true and I'm like you guys like why and and I mean listen like I don't ever

want to complain like sexuality is such a tough and like intimate and emotion filled subject that like I don't want to complain about people like you know questioning my sexuality because i know it can be so much worse and so much more complex um so i don't want to sound like i'm complaining but at the time i was like you know people like i remember my ex boyfriend uh was like we were dating and like one of his friends like was like dude like she doesn't actually like you like she i don't think she actually likes you like she's i think she likes girls like i don't think she likes you and then he came to me and told me that and i was like why the fuck would you say that like just why the fuck would you say that like why are you assuming

that like because that's not true and if if it was true, so fucking be it. But like, why is this like, why are people speculating? Like I'm like, I'm dating it. Like, why do you think he thought that? So he actually told my ex-boyfriend why he thought this. And it was because I didn't wear makeup and I did. And I wore sweatpants a lot. So all of a sudden now I'm like not allowed to like boys.

I was like, shut the, like, holy to like boys i was like shut like right holy fuck i mean seriously like just stupid and i mean i've always thought like i mean i get it we're humans like we're curious about other humans and so i don't think it's like i don't think there's anything wrong with within the privacy of your own mind to look at somebody else and be like hmm i wonder this this or that about their sexuality if you do that within the safety of your own mind totally sure but don't go to my boyfriend and be like dude like I think you're barking up the wrong tree here like that's so fucking rude did that affect your relationship then with your boyfriend in terms of psychologically for you was it always I was like well all of a sudden now I feel like I need to

start being like not myself like this is me right you know what I mean this is just who I am like trying to prove now you're straight like no I do like guys I do like you yeah and I'm like why the fuck should I have to prove that anyway nobody should ever have to prove shit about never it's like it's so incredibly nobody's business which is I think why like I've always kind of been afraid of getting into it is just because I'm like sexuality is also something that has ebbs and flows too like some moments you're like oh my god I'm on like a roll I'm just like hooking up with everybody and like I just whatever and sometimes you like, I literally can't remember the last time I felt like any kind of excitement about anything sexually. Like there's so many moments.

Things are constantly evolving there. But I also think that I'm just not somebody where actually let me rephrase because I was a very late developer as a young person and because I didn't get any attention from guys really for my appearance um I definitely like became used to getting attention from what I was talking about and like what I was and how I was behaving and like that was what I started to lean into more because I was talking about and like what I was and how I was behaving and like that was what I started to lean into more because I was like well people don't I don't have boobies so like nobody's looking at me for my boobies so you know I have to figure out some other way to get attention and so that kind of became muscle memory where I was like well now I just feel like nobody's

ever looking at me and is like looking at me in a sexual way. So in order to like get attention, I just have to like utilize my personality and then hope that like through that somebody will be able to be attracted to me in a more sexual way. Like if they maybe like like me personality wise. So that's kind of what i became used to but it always made me feel shitty because i was like i just don't think guys are looking at me and are like looking at me in a sexual way ever and that fucked with me because i was like but but why like you know what i mean i, this sucks. And even now that I'm older

and like, I, like my boob has grown, like maybe like this much, like, like a tiny little, little tiny bit. But now that I'm older, you know, it's like, even though like, that's not really as much of an issue anymore, it's still, there's a little trauma there, you know, where in the back of my head, I'm like, number one, I remember people always not believing that I was like that I was somebody who preferred dating men uh which like fucked with me but then also like I uh like have memories of like just guys not being attracted to me physically. And then on top of that, like I'm also just not a super outwardly sexual person. Like I never present myself in a very outwardly sexual way. I'm just not comfortable doing that. And I don't have, there's nothing

wrong with doing that. I just, it's never felt right to me um and I've always felt like well because I'm not an outwardly sexual person um like does that make me less attractive too in some ways you know what I mean so but like that's just it's so interesting though because the perception of me is is so interesting for me to like watch like people are like i've seen comments that are just like there's just no way like emma's ever had sex and i get it but i get it but then that fucks with me because i'm like i get why they think that so it like creeps me you know what i mean i will admit i'm a tomboy and I have been my whole life and so my brand is weird because I was so over sexualizing myself totally that I felt imposter syndrome sometimes where I'm like that's not actually the full truth like I don't I'm not incredible in bed every night that's the truth some days I'm really tired and like and so for me it was like weird to

acknowledge that but for you do you ever find yourself like pushing yourself to try to be more feminine so that you feel something like does that make sense a thousand percent I I mean my like experiences in throughout my life actually I haven't had like a lot of one-off experiences like I've mainly just been in relationships which I think was good and bad you know what I mean well I think okay I would say when it came to like any experience I've ever had in my life where it's been like a sort of one-time thing which hasn't actually happened a lot but every time that it has I feel like I've been able to kind of play a game where maybe I'm being a little bit more feminine because it's like it's just fun like it's just fun it's like I can just like be whatever the fuck I want

right now and it's like a fake confidence you give yourself just fun. It's like, I can just, like, be whatever the fuck I want right now. And it's like a fake confidence you give yourself. Yes. By acting it out, you're like, I can be this way. I am. But you can't do that in a relationship. No.

Because the fucking, the colors come out far too quick. So, like, I've never really been able to, like, play that game in a relationship. I definitely have done that in the few times that I've, like, again, like, so it's happened, but never in relationships.

But I found that in past relationships, I didn't feel as respected by guys that have dated in the past just because I feel like they kind of. Well, especially like one relationship in particular, but it was just like I just felt like, you know. He was very critical of the fact that i like maybe wasn't a super feminine girl and like sometimes he was like oh it's actually super cool and chill and then sometimes he was like he's like like if i'd like put on jeans and come over he would be like oh my god like you finally like put effort in like that's crazy like it was like and you're like and i'm like dude shut the fuck off like, or, you know, if I would be wearing makeup or whatever, it would be like a big deal. And like, it would be like, Oh my God, you're wearing makeup. Like, Whoa. You know what I mean? Or like,

or like you should wear heels tonight. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, I'm like, no, like I felt like I wasn't enough in And in like the areas that I was feminine weren't enough. So I felt like, you know, there was an effort to like make me more feminine to fit what they wanted. But just like, again, it's like we were fucking kids. We were all my relationships happen, you know, at such young ages that it's like, of course, there's going to be shit like that. Yeah.

But I would say I'm fully comfortable now in like what areas i'm more feminine and what areas i'm more masculine because i simply just getting into a relationship where my masculine and feminine traits are appreciated but also like you know dating somebody who like just doesn't care about that shit and is just like enjoys people for like being a person like that it's like in less about like and also it's like kind of similar to me in the sense where like maybe not the super traditional super masculine super feminine like that's not playing any roles in our relationship yeah you. You know? So and that's what it is. It's like anyone listening like sometimes it just takes finding the right partner that

you don't need to change yourself. No. You just need to find someone that like aligns with making you feel like you can be 100 percent authentically yourself around them. And when you do that it's a it's a beautiful place to be in. It really is. So this is call her daddy Yes I have had sex Alex

Can you tell me When you lost your virginity or no Yeah I was I've never talked about this on the internet This is so fun I also like in my personal life I talk about sex all the time That's why it's so fucking weird for me that i never talk about it like

i'm not like i talk about it all the time so it's like not and you're not saying in your show you just mean in real life yeah like in real life i'm i am like i talk about it all the time so it's weird that time you were talking about it with me. I'm not saying like even just sex. She's not like, Emma's not like a nympho. I have so much sex, you guys. But like, I was surprised, I remember on that Zoom, how naturally you discussed just like, oh yeah, like I loved that. Like I've listened to your show and I was like, oh shit, I had no fucking idea.

Your brand is very specific and it's not that you're avoiding it it's just it's not talked about well that's the thing it's like if something's not talked about then how are you supposed to like know how someone where someone stands on a topic and it's interesting because yeah I just like it's so bizarre to like talk about it but it's also kind of fun okay because I feel like I'm old enough now like I'm finally old enough where I get to talk about it I was like the Disneyney channel effect it was like when miley cyrus was like i have to go to such extreme and go like dance on a pole because like everyone sees me as a baby and i need them to not see me as that meanwhile she was like probably like fucking

smoking weed on set at hannah montana like you know what i'm saying like there's there's so many things that like the perceptions can pigeonhole you and it and then it does affect your identity and so I can feel you being like hey guys like I'm 20 yeah I can say I've had sex before yeah that's okay even though your publicist may be like don't say that I don't think but also like I yeah okay so oh Oh. I was 17. Great age. It was actually a really not bad experience. Like, it was with a guy that I was, like, seeing at the time that I was pretty comfortable with. And, I mean, he was definitely, like, you know, he had had sex lots of times.

And I obviously hadn't. But he was, like, great. He, like, really, like, I don't know. lots of times and I obviously hadn't but he was like great he like really like I don't know it was just like it was one of the most jarring experiences for me though in my entire life because it was one of those things where it was something I just like never believed was possible for myself because I you know growing up I had these experiences of people like you know doubting my sexuality you know I even had moments where like I was kind of like I don't even know if I like anyone like I went through phases where I was like I feel nothing towards anyone and like

I don't even know if like I'm ever gonna like somebody enough to you know let them in like that and and I also was like I don't feel like anybody wants to do this with me you know like I've never been nobody's ever looked at me in a sexual way before at least to my face so like I don't think that this is possible yeah um and so when it was happening I was like oh it was so it was I was like this is just like feels like everything's like shifting in my life you know because I was like damn this is like a new chapter and I felt I had weirdly like imposter syndrome with it right because I was like I don't feel like I'm like are you sure that you want to do this I'm like nobody's ever wanted to do this

so I don't know why you want to do this and also I had a huge crush on this guy at the time so like you know he's even more crazy for me um and in retrospect I can look back and be like no like I I like I was being hard on myself and I didn't need to be like that but um it I mean it hurt really bad that's all I don't, no one should ever be like, my first time was incredible. Like, no. It was so awful. We didn't even have sex.

Right. It's not sex. It's like a movement and then you're like, all right, we did it because it's like, one, no one has, you're not going to have an orgasm. Yeah. It's not going to fit. You're not experienced.

You don't know what you're supposed to be doing. You don't know what you're supposed to be feeling. It's almost like, let me just get through this. It's not in like a creepy way. It's more just like, no one's going to be relaxed you don't know what you're supposed to be feeling it's almost like let me just get through this not in like a creepy way it's more just like no one's going to be relaxed and chill it doesn't get fun until you're like older older yes and even like then like there's always more to learn always and really I think the weird thing is is like the as I've learned through my show is like it's really starts with yourself and a lot of people don't feel comfortable starting sexually with themselves

until you get a little bit older. Right. Because there's like a lot of weird shame. And especially if you haven't felt this like feminine sexual energy, you're so in your head that to even like be by yourself and masturbating, you're already thinking outside of your body about how you're totally, I'm not sexual. This is weird what am

i and you get in your head well you also are like it's so true i mean i've had moments like on a personal level but also like with other people like when i'm you know like where i've just been i i've gotten into my head and been like almost embarrassed where I'm like bitch you are not stop like stop being like like stop faking it like you're on top and you're like I'm this isn't this doesn't feel genuine I'm like I literally I'm like this is not it feels like out of character yes and it doesn't feel like it aligns with me and like and you want to do i hate going on top because i i'm like i don't want to have to fucking think about me no but i think i think it's okay to say in terms of like sexually it's hard especially growing up where they're i mean

i will admit like my show as much as it probably gave women confidence it also probably drew a big hole in people's sex lives being like wait i don't do that and like i i've never and then it's in you get insecure totally and again porn and everything makes you feel like you've got to be this like sexual deviant yeah and so when you're like again like a position like on top eyes are on you and you're like okay so i know i'm supposed to start like moaning and then like I should like throw my head back. And like but naturally right now, like I feel a little out of body imposter syndrome of like, yeah, I don't feel that yet. And it's so it's weird. But also like if you're like for me personally, I'm not like I don't fucking like want it. It doesn't excite me to like do crazy shit necessarily i just don't but it's like people are very judgmental about

if you're like i'm not i don't like i listen it's not like i'm not a sexual person there's definitely that side of me but i also like not a super sexual person and like there are times when i'm like i don't it doesn't need to be this whole crazy thing. It just is what it is. And I don't feel like I don't want to fucking perform. I don't want to. It just. And I think that the expectation to perform might actually end up being detrimental too at times.

Because you're like, it's all about figuring out what the vibe is. And if you're just like, well, the vibe doesn't feel like making really loud sounds right now, but I'm just going to do it anyway. Cause I saw it in porn yesterday. And then you get over that pattern. And then it's like, but then it's like kind of like, but then it takes away from the intimacy of it.

You should just disappear and like, not think and like, let it happen. And that's it. You just have to get out of your own way. I will also say to like, I think when, what you're saying is the majority and totally norm and and but people publicly don't admit that i know

and so it's like let's just say it i will admit that i like will enjoy but like it okay i know you're gonna hate i was just about to say something i'm gonna say wait but should i say it anyways what and then i'll cut it out on call her daddy i will admit that i enjoy vanilla sex i think that's okay like you're not trying to like like boring sex like you're not trying to like swing from the i think that's totally fine what's wrong with like fucking like like a good missionary and then like one other position go to bed what is wrong with nothing i don't need to fucking like literally do a helicopter background fucking right fuck flip all over i don't want to do that i also like feel like like i mean listen okay yeah there's moments when you can be crazy there's moments when you can be fun i get it that's like once in a blue

moon in reality it doesn't need to be like that and I think it's also like I'm thinking about like the sex I was having at 20 like I'm excited for you because it's like into at 20 I was faking things and I was performing and I knew like I it was it was all a game to me because I was like if I do this and he'll be obsessed with me and then blah blah and it was all right it kind of all corresponded to like a bigger goal of mine not just like the immediate bedroom but I do think as you get older and again as you get to know yourself sexually you begin to like actually find things that you know you like and then it's not even about vanilla sex it's like what works for you you can start to implement in the bedroom totally not like you're faking it but you have to actually find those things by yourself okay let's move on um case like i'm gonna what gives

you the ick i'm gonna do some rapid fire and then we're done i know this is going so long we need to go i know really go for six okay no no i know and i like that i agree dude i think that also like is is really yeah it's like real and it's not like jarring. I thought you were going to say something crazier. Then I was like, oh, that's a good answer. Emma loves anal. I'm kidding. That's the promo of it.

Okay, I'm going to go rapid fire and then we're done. I'm ready. What gives you the ick? With guys or in general? Oh, both. Okay. With guys, I get the ick when just like any kind of like cockiness and bragging and like trying to like signal that they're like successful to me.

This is not rapid fire with me. Nothing will ever be rapid fire with me. I'm so sorry um being cocky and honestly when people like just have bad taste in like clothing and fashion i feel um not that i know around emma right now stop with my outfit i'm like i'm not saying like if there's like a certain like but they're like braggy about it so like got it being cocky about like having bad taste that's really icky to me it makes me have the ache every time is that you that's not you you you're always hot you always like you don't you're not allowed so anyone wondering who we're talking to it's our mutual

publicist on the right side who's been crying this entire and who's also so gorgeous so gorgeous and dresses like the hottest. She's a full sweat outfit on with heels. Like nobody's cooler than her. Yeah, they're like flared sweatpants. No, she genuinely is slaying and nobody can tell me different. Anyways, okay. Have you ever been cheated on?

You know. Emma, you're like, it can never be short. It can never be short. But not technically, but like i've been in situations where it was maybe not right for people to be going out and they did fair you know have you ever cheated on someone no what is the longest relationship you've ever been in a year and like 10 months is that the one you're in right now i will not say um okay fine better question after that do you own a vibrator yes i have one downstairs it's in a box i got one when i was like 17 that's amazing who got who told you to get it you just got it yourself it was somebody i was

talking to at the time okay um what is the most hurtful thing someone has done to you in a relationship oh I would say like just like not be supportive of like things that I was doing like simple things like work stuff what I decided to order on a menu like just like being in a relationship where somebody was constantly disapproving of every little thing I was doing and like being genuinely mean about it good answer how is the relationship you're in now different from previous experiences with partners it's I mean so many everything about it I mean obviously being like best friends with your significant other is the best fucking thing ever and i don't think that that's ever been true prior also like just the most like not like incredible i i can't even it's just like it's almost like when you're in a good relationship it's like you found somebody that's like a missing piece yeah and like

they just have all the things that you wish you had and you learn from them and they learn from you and they treat you with respect and there's a mutual respect and it's like all these things and it's like also your best friend and then it all comes together and you're like I don't have any complaints and I don't know how that's possible. You know? Could you share what do you argue about in this relationship? Not a lot. We don't argue. Can I ask you how you guys met? Through the internet.

Why do you think fans have become so invested with gaining access and insight into your dating life I think that like even for me like as a consumer of the internet like things are interesting when there's mystery around them and because I don't ever confirm or deny anything that's why I think it's so interesting it's almost like if I were to share it it would become possibly less interesting but the problem is that I want to protect the people that I'm dating or the people that I'm like even just lightly talking to or the people that I'm hooking up with like whoever it is at whatever given moment like even at whatever stage it's at I want to give them complete privacy and I don't want my life to like affect them. Are you frustrated when you do see like if like God forbid like a paparazzi thing comes out of you? Like how does that make you feel?

I mean for me personally I'm like I don't care. Like I mean I it's more like I'm concerned about how it affects them. And I don't ever want to like lose an opportunity to like have a good connection with somebody because my life style creates them stress right um and that's something I've like worried about in like relationships that I've been in that have been positive I'm like I just like I'm scared that this is going to get out because I don't want them to feel violated and like they didn't sign up for this like you know what I mean and so that's why I keep it private but also if things come out or things are speculated about most of the time people that I've been with or people that

I haven't been with where it's been speculation and they're like this is silly right but I just decided to talk about none of it because I'm like if it's true or it's not it doesn't fucking matter because if I chime in about stuff when it's not true, then that means everything. I don't chime in about... Smart. I just leave it all to the imagination. And honestly, it's kind of fun to see what people assume. So, yeah.

Okay, wrapping up. In 30, 40 years, what do you hope people say about Emma Chamberlain? I would hope that people would say that in one way or another like something that I said something that I shared made them feel inspired or made them feel comforted in some way like that's my main goal is I want people to feel comfortable and heard by listening to me but also kind of like safe in a way too emma chamberlain thank you for coming on we did it we finally did it dude it's been a long time i'm sweating dude i am dehydrated my legs are cramping You're a mess You look great

Thank you I'm literally Well I mean that was This has just opened up A whole new chapter for me That was two hours and 42 minutes This is gonna be another Two part series

I can't Wait We needed this though We did I could've kept going too I do feel Yeah it was like therapeutic Yeah we need

Great work Thank you Alex Thank you for having me That was great That was great Alex, thank you for having me.