Call Her Daddy - Free Therapy and Drugs for All

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

This week, Father Cooper sits down with Laren (that bitch still hasn’t left) in an attempt for redemption. The girls have put down the bottle and picked up … a book? After reading (a chapter) of Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity, the pair get serious and analyze their own lives while contemplating the question, can passion and stability coexist in a relationship? The duo discusses a spectrum of dating topics ranging from being single to taking accountability within a relationship. It’s hard to tell where book club ends and girl talk (free therapy?) begins but this week every topic is tackled… dating, friendship and life. Spoiler alert…Richard is back and the girls have one final bender in LA before Big Al sends Laren home (for the sake of both her reputation and liver). Enjoy Daddies!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. Back at it again. I'm still here. Wow. Welcome. Thanks for housing me. You're welcome. Guys, as you can tell by our voices.

We're sober. Lauren and I are sitting on the couch. And for this episode, today, everyone sit in the circle while Mrs. Cooper reads all of you illiterate fucks a book. Today is going to be daddy daycare where I read you all a book and you all listen. No, sort of. Lauren and I figured we're going to have a little book club today. We're going to remind you that we do more than sex drugs and rock and roll absolutely after you spend time in Vegas and then you talk about it for 60 minutes on a podcast talking about blacking out and barfing I figure today it's like what is the

opposite naturally book club okay people balance sex drugs rock and roll and book clubs so in the spirit of not being high or intoxicated we figured why not bring take your molly before this so we figured why not throw a little fucking esther perel in here and really raise the level of education on this podcast today daddy gang you're currently joining lauren and i in book club i have been reading a book that has taken me seven months to read and I've read it in one day yeah Lauren quickly was like let me read chapter one and so we're starting with chapter one so if you fucks want to like catch up and go get this book it's called mating and captivity and it is actually pretty eye-opening as delirious as we are um it's pretty amazing and so we wanted to talk about some of it

and just discuss it because we have nothing else to talk about we've already told you all our secrets so here is the premise of the book in this book esther perel set out to quote know if it's possible to keep desire alive in a long-term relationship to avoid its usual where. And she wants to know how or if you can hold on to that sense of aliveness and excitement in relationships. When you look at dating, we are essentially walking contradictions. When you are single and you start to date, you're looking essentially at some point for safety and predictability and stability. But once you get that, you start to crave the novelty and the change and the diversity and the instability. And so basically, Esther is like, can you keep passion alive while having a relationship that's safe and predictable, which everyone wants also pursuing a relationship that is exciting mysterious and all inspiring in quote

those were not my own words yeah please don't even get it twisted let's start book club um if that made no fucking sense to you and you're like so confused already don't worry we are about to use our personal experiences and tie it into this book because I think that makes it more comprehensible Lauren and I were talking about how we both have kind of experienced these extremes because Esther is talking about the extremes like the extreme stable so like there is no passion left or the extreme instable that it's like it's so hot passionate sex but it's so unpredictable and Lauren and I feel like we both have those separate experiences yeah so Lauren's seven-year relationship was on the stability end he was your best friend he was never gonna cheat on you he was never gonna

like really hurt you but there was zero passion yeah I think the lack of intimacy in your relationship genuinely affected you yeah like although I was in a relationship and living with the person like I felt so alone and unwanted and to the point where it made me turn inwards and be like what's wrong with me what why doesn't my own boyfriend want me but I did get upset for you because didn't people dm you after that breakup episode yeah people dms me and were like you're the problem like what's wrong with society that love and that spark doesn't last forever that's a fantasy and that's not no that's not the case don't don't let people tell you like yeah like stay with someone like suck it up if you are not

like he's a good guy he's done nothing wrong to you how dare you leave him that just because they didn't quote unquote do something to you doesn't mean you ever have to stay if you don't personally feel it within yourself and you know that like in your gut like there's more or even if there's not more it's just not right leave yeah and that. And that's why I commend you. I think it's interesting because then I had been on the other end of it in a relationship where it was only the instability and the allure of like not the unknown and like the eroticism of like the unpredictability. I never felt safe in that relationship, which can make for great sex. But as humans, we naturally are going to crave more. We want connection, not just physical.

We want safety and security. But again, once we get that, then we want to go back to the unpredictability. So it's like this vicious cycle. I feel like, that Esther does a tendency to couple where you and your partner fill the need and take on the role that the other one needs you to be in that relationship and in the process you lose a sense of yourself and you lose that sense of otherness that unique quality that originally attracted you to your partner the term otherness was a term that orna garalnik and i discussed in my episode couples therapy if you guys haven't listened to that one go listen to it it was amazing and i remember the concept of otherness people started writing in being like holy fuck i'm realizing i'm literally being what my boyfriend needs me to be. And I no longer know who the fuck I even am.

I feel like, I mean, you opened up to me. Oh, for sure. That 100% happened to me in my last relationship. I don't think my boyfriend saw me as a unique individual of like a person. I think he saw me as the role that he needed me to be for him. And that I was filling. I was constant. I was constant. I was reliable. I was non-confrontational. I didn't question anything he did. I was always there smiling

and nodding and that's what he needed and that's what I was doing, but that's not who I am. And I think as your friend, and we can get into this later, like you, I think started to lose yourself more through that because you never were voicing your actual in that process I like internalized that's how to be in life like just passive yes and just go through the motions and like that was bleeding into all aspects of my life like you used to get I remember like you'd be upset about something share it with me about him and then all of a sudden you'd be like we're going to dinner and I'm like wait Lauren did you like tell him you're upset you're like no it's fine it's fine but I was doing that with everyone exactly yeah I think it's important to also recognize that as much as you filled a role for

him he was fully filling a role for you oh entirely like that's I think is the essence of this coupling process it's like a two-way street. Otherwise, why would you both be there? It's like, you literally look at your partner at times and they're just a blurred image and you like draw in what you want them to be. Exactly. And now stepping out of the relationship, it's so much easier to figure out who I am and my sense of self, like independent of anyone, of anyone else. When you told me the other day, you're like, who was I the past seven years of my life? Do you know who you are right now? No. Does anyone? No. Like I think, I think, I think that's what it is. It's like an evolution. Like we're not stagnant. We're constantly growing and changing and evolving. And like, I think it's good to have some touch and some connection to who you are, but I think you don't have to have the answers and no,

cause it's going to keep always changing. Dude dude the minute you figure yourself out when you're like 21 then all of a sudden 26 you're going to be a different person yeah so I think for you it's just important to not be like beat yourself up about like those past few years not to be completely disconnected to who I am as a person but I don't have to have all the answers facts she was talking about how this is arisen as a result of like modern things and I thought she's gonna say like social media and stuff but she was like people now are isolated like you grow up and it's very common to move away from friends and family and like you move away with a partner and you're in this new area just you and

your partner and then you start relying on that partner for everything. And there's no opportunity for like the not stable in in the case of like you're not stable the relationship the relationship every person I've ever dated I feel like confident in myself so I seek someone to like give me that thrill and that instability almost because like that's what I'm looking for and then I think this is the first relationship that I've ever gravitated towards something that is stable but I do think the otherness factor is something that like I keep pushing of like I need to make my own friends in LA I can't just morph into his my boyfriend's life right now or we will literally not have one thing that like we have for ourselves yeah and I think it's important where you have like I'm working on it in our relationship of explaining like that is not that's not a knock on you and me not wanting to be all with you all

times if anything it's me literally wanting this to be so it keeps working yeah like if I only hang out with you your friends your family and everyone in LA then how am I gonna feel good about myself like I don't have anything of my own. The book basically talks about how like when you're single and you're like starting to date someone, like you're so attracted to the instability. Every daddy gang, think about it. Like when you start the beginning dating phase is so fucking fun because you don't know when they're going to text you. And it's like, oh my God. And then as you start to be like, oh my God, I'm into this person. You crave a little bit more stability because you're like i have now something to lose i have

feelings in this but then all of a sudden it's like you can never win it's like you either want this instability so you're like oh i feel on fire and i'm excited i'm i'm turned on but then all of a sudden you get into the relationship and there's so much stability and then it's like wait where is that unknown and that like thrilling moment of not knowing what's going to happen and I'm hoping she's about to give us the fucking answer of like how do we find the in between but I do think that the otherness thing is get so lost on couples yeah you get into a rut of just like like coexisting and like working as one that the reason that you were attracted to each other is because of individual things about yourselves that were so different than the other I think

it's interesting too like what were we talking about with the whole concept of like being alone oh and like establishing like the concept of otherness I think I don't know this is exactly what she was getting at but it's what it's what it made me think of like the concept of otherness and like being alone and like I've been talking about that in therapy a good amount because my therapist's first point is you will stay in something too long if you're unable to be alone yeah um which I did I don't like being alone yeah and I'm trying to get better at being alone and she was like what is it you don't like about being alone initial response is like I get really bored when I'm alone did she give you any advice though of like well first she told me find

a hobby oh yeah I went through my hobby phase that's when you started learning how to like play jack blackjack yeah and then we have it oh in your cabinets in your house you have a knitting kit and you have a paint my numbers kit yeah like I thought you were losing your mind Lauren's like taking up like every different hobby and I'm like oh my god what is happening but like I get what she's saying like find something that you can do alone yeah you're the opposite it's crazy and I don't think people would expect that I love being alone I know I used to think it was so healthy but now as I'm in a relationship with someone, it's making me realize it's healthy to a point. And I've had my partner look at me being like, I love how independent you are.

It's what attracted you to me. However, my boyfriend has said like, we are in a relationship, Alex. And so I'm having to navigate like, why do I crave so much alone time I always just go like I feel like when we're having issues like you seek to just go out and like interact with humans and I retreat and I'm just I just need to be alone yeah and it's like everyone's different I'm sure and I'm sure whoever's listening to this right now like you can locate who are you are you the person that you hate to be alone or do you love to be alone I think for something for me and I think I remember talking about with this with Orna but like I'm realizing that I sometimes make

partners feel like rejected and unwanted because of how independent and alone I want to be and I'm working on that in therapy too. I've started to like do what you're doing. Like locate like why do I self like I just isolate. And maybe that's a defense mechanism. That's been the result of all these unpredictable and unstable relationships that you've previously had. Yeah. Like it's like by retreating and making them feel alone and insecure.

It's like, yeah, it's like protecting me. From the unpredictability because you knew you never knew what was coming next. Right. So if I remove myself first, like I'm fine. But I think you're working really hard to reverse and change that now. Totally. Like Vegas was a big step, I would say, for you. Yeah, I definitely feel like in the past, I never integrated.

Boyfriends always felt like I tried to keep them separate from like my friends and my family. And I think with this relationship, I'm really working hard to make my boyfriend feel like... The wall is like broken down. Yeah. And I think for you, it's crazy how like reversed we are like you never wanting to be alone last week I went to dinner alone dude that makes me so happy and I enjoyed

it where did you go um panera bread oh my god their broccoli cheddar soup no I'm like the bread bowl chicken noodle soup girl okay chicken noodle soup yeah that makes me so happy for you and like leaning into like I'm sure we both just experienced like a little bit of discomfort like me introducing even him to my parents I'm like I love this man but like so why is it weird to introduce him but like breaking out of my comfort zone it feels I'm sure you felt that at dinner you're probably like wow why was I so scared to like go to a fucking dinner alone speaking of breaking out of comfort zones that's actually something I've been working on in therapy recently and like our new like motto is kind of like if something arises in life am i gonna open the text message and respond in the moment or am i just gonna flip

my phone face down we elaborate what do you mean like literally are you saying like like like it started like literally but then it kind of came like a metaphor of like how am i gonna handle things in life oh interesting because you would because didn't you used to, like literally about a test? Like it started like literally, but then it kind of came like a metaphor of like, how am I going to handle things in life? Oh, interesting. Cause you would, cause didn't you used to say like you literally were at times would like fully avoid things that like. Fully avoid. Fully avoid. And so like.

That's interesting. Cause I, cause I know that's something. And like avoidance obviously is like a manifestation of anxiety. Right. For example, this sounds like something maybe small, but when me and you were living together, I went out one night and I lost your purse. You let me borrow your purse and I lost it. And I couldn't even say sorry because that meant addressing it at all. And I don't think I addressed it until like a month and a half later when like other things at that point

had happened. It was like that level. And now, and now if that were to happen, I'd be like, Alex, I'm so sorry. I lost your purse. Like I'll replace it and I if that were to happen I'd be like Alex I'm so sorry I lost your purse like I'll replace it and I'll pay for it I'm sorry like we're good I lost your purse but I'm acknowledging it I'll make it right and let's move the fuck on but I also think because I know you keep saying this about your therapist being like okay please be easy on yourself like confrontation literally is some people's like most debilitating thought of like to confront for me it was triggering fully because again it goes back to your past of like you want to be the peacemaker you want everything to be good you never want things to get i never want the like the boat to

be like rocked yeah yeah we are very very opposite in a lot of aspects yeah which i think is good for a listener listening they're like you hopefully are able to like locate who you are in that dynamic I feel like even just the going back to what we were saying like you in a relationship are craving stability I was you just read my mind I think at surface like in the moment currently I am absolutely craving intimacy and desire and all that like I was also trying to like when I was reading this I was also like I don't think I've ever been in love that's crazy is it do you think a lot of people have been in I'm 27 I wait no I'm 26 I'll be 27 in October I feel like you have you think that's crazy for me not to have been in love maybe that I've been in a seven-year relationship and I haven't been in love listen I don't think

it's crazy at all that you at the if we're going by age that by age 26 27 you haven't been in love I think it's and the word crazy is like stupid I think it's definitely a little more shocking shocking that you were in a relationship with someone for seven years and you weren't in love that is something but again there's so many more factors so anyone that's listening that's like I'm like fucking 30 or 35 and I haven't been in love like it's okay it's fine don't fucking force it I don't see myself falling in love anytime soon and I don't think you should no but I don't fucking force it i don't see myself falling in love anytime soon and i don't think you should richard rich no but i don't and i don't think you should unless it feels right like don't fucking force it because like i think that's the worst when like you feel like a pressure to fall in love yeah forcing it it's like no no it's okay go with like what feels right not just based off

like what society is making you think you have to do like i remember didn't you say to me like you were like you were joking but i could feel the undertones of like you actually meaning it and I kind of want it for you too you're like I want to get my heart broken like I did say that like Lauren has never felt like you've never cried on a bathroom floor over like a relationship like heart-wrenching like holy fuck I just got my heart dropped out of my chest like you've had trauma and family shit but you've never been like i'm heartbroken like that was a love of my life the closest i can think of like imagining is like high school but like yeah that doesn't even count it's so crazy too because like i look back that's the craziest statement I want to get my heart broken because you want to

feel something god you literally had seven years of you just said like going through the motions of going through the full motions sexually emotionally like mentally like oh that has been like I'm not gonna underplay like underplay that that has been a very jarring and scary realization I've come to in therapy recently. Really? Like very how much I slept walked through the last seven years of my life. I almost said to my therapist, like it makes me sad for myself, like did I just waste seven years of my life? And she was like, no, because if you were feeling everything that like you were potentially going to allow yourself to feel, like look at your list of accomplishments like look look what you've

gotten in life and like you couldn't have there's no way you could have done both at the same time so true but if anyone also has not listened to the season finale of call her daddy Lauren opened up about like trauma in her life and you've been you had you went through a very long stint of your life of like fully shutting off like dissociation dissociation and not feeling that pain and surviving and I think that's why you also stayed in a relationship that literally didn't require you to do anything that's why I'm so proud of you like I feel like anyone listening there's so many reasons people stay in relationships you know and like it's so fucking hard when you get out of one and I was just saying this to you today I was

like I don't know why I have this in my notes but I had written this down like like what what advice would I give myself like I always think that like Alex you fucking give people advice every day like what the fuck would you tell yourself and this is something I would give anyone that's going through a breakup we've all been there for a friend right like you watch a friend get go through a breakup and you're giving them like it's gonna be okay you're gonna get through this so I always think about this I'm like okay hold on think about the last friend you helped get through a breakup where are they now well if you look at me Lauren if you would help me through that breakup look at me now look at who I'm dating look how happy I am so I needed to like almost locate like if you you've

seen every friend of yours go through a breakup and then be okay and then when it's you it feels like the end of the world but be like wait hold on look at every friend you've ever had that's gone through a breakup what happens everyone always ends up okay if anything they usually find something better. So I always just try to think like, I don't know when it's you, I think it's hard, but you have to look around and try to like relate to other people that are close to you. Like, okay, everyone gets their breakup. If we're on the topic of breakups now, I get a lot of DMs post that episode. How do I like finally like make that decision? And my therapist gave me this really great visual metaphor that helps me do

things now oh like imagine yourself standing on the high dive like a really really fucking high high dive okay and like you're looking down and like picture it to the point where like you kind of like feel like your heart flutter a little bit right and you're like okay like i imagine like you're stepping forward like i want to jump off that high dive i need to like wait like oh like it's not the right moment right you're not ever gonna feel like at ease on that high dive so it's like a moment in yourself where you have to be like okay like one two three go and literally fling yourself into whatever you're trying to do and that's really good advice that's like been my mental visual that I've been using for like I'm trying to get better at like difficult conversations and

confrontation and like speaking up for myself but people dm me a lot that like i know i want to do this and i can't do it and i think that's really helpful that's amazing advice because if you think about it you eventually have to make a move so you can move forward and like prolonging it is only going to cause you more anxiety so yes you can sit and conceptualize whether you're talking about confrontation or a breakup or whatever we're talking about flinging yourself forward to finally take an action allows you to then start start to move forward yeah some things are never gonna get like maybe you get we're gonna be like okay i'm really ready to do this yeah like this is easy yeah so it's almost like you have to

just have that mentality of like whatever it is in life like if you're uncomfortable like lean into the uncomfort and then just be like there's never gonna be a moment where this feels comfortable go just go you know now you know what I'm thinking of what the conversation we were having earlier about just like leaning into like difficult conversations I guess this is kind of like related that you are my friend that I have like the deepest and closest bond to but the relationship that I have to put the most effort into that was crazy when you said that yeah because I feel the same like you and I have gone through so much and also like a lot to the point of like really having to like work for certain things. Yeah. And like I think it's definitely I mean, dude, people even wrote into us about like, how does your relationship work now?

Like like Alex is over here and you're over here and you two are in such different like places in your life. And like, how do you two like like we are definitely definitely in different places in our life yeah and like i mean there's some more obvious conversations we have to have too about like money and stuff yeah that's a good people are probably like how the fuck does that work and it's so true it's you just have to be like open like i actually before vegas and i'm like hey obviously we're gonna be doing things in vegas like i can't split the private plane with you right I want you to know I'm aware of these things I don't want you and I want you to know that I'm thinking of these things and acknowledging them and like like when it was the one dinner like all of us were like hey like we're all gonna

split this dinner and like it's it's so yeah that's such an interesting concept of like we I think people are fucking fascinated by that on the internet they're like how does this work like like what is a lot of therapy and communication so much we've done a beautiful job of like and i would encourage anyone friendship wise like i feel like we've gotten to like the most amazing place of both being like hey we both suck at confronting and we have we're having more conversations of like i don't want to say confrontation but like hey alex this thing happened and i didn't i felt a little weird by it

yes because i think in a lot of friendships you just brush those under the rug but the the i would say the more you're having these conversations the more healthy your friendship is and it's also and maybe we're lucky because we've also gone to a place where we're like both in weekly intensity yes and like and so we both know we're coming from such like good genuine places like hey I've talked to my therapist about this I put thought into this yeah let's discuss that with your job and with everything that's definitely like not a normal friendship but also I think it's the natural order I feel like specifically with childhood friends to like you go through life, you drift, you move, you'll be in totally different places in your lives at one point and then so on the same page as another. And like, I think it's just a matter of putting in effort. I think it's like 2021. It's like everyone can like like an Instagram picture and like call that a fucking friendship and like repost on your birthday but I don't think I know like that's not enough I think when you really have a friendship it's similar to a

romantic relationship in order to maintain friendships through years now like have the depth that yeah you're gonna be in different places but you have to want to work to maintain friendships like the love has to be there it's not gonna work like I would encourage everyone like pick up the phone like FaceTime that person like ask questions like listen to problems you're not have nothing to do with right like you're not always necessarily even gonna be able to relate like I feel like you and I like we can try to relate as much as we can but like I can't relate to what you've gone through in your childhood you can't relate to what you've gone through in your childhood. You can't relate to my job right now.

You know what I mean? Like there's some things that are so different, but that's what friends do. Like they listen and they're there no matter what, even if you can't relate. And sometimes it's better to also be like, talk to me. And I care. Exactly. But going back to speaking about like your job and like where you are specifically currently in life, that's a whole nother aspect of our friendship right now yeah which we've literally had to learn together

privacy moment yeah like hey Lauren like you can't post that or like hey like you're like hey Alex like I want to go out and be able to like do this and like not have people staring and like there's so many different things that like also we've grown up since second grade together so it's also like this weird like you weren't you weren't rich and famous in second grade we never had these issues like college like our drunken call like there's so there's a lot of changes in a beautiful way that I think that we're being forced to like confront yeah but I could encourage anyone that has like a friendship that means something I think that's another beautiful thing about me being single like I would hide in my relationship and wouldn't push my friendships as deep but now my friends are the closest people to me

and I want to really work on those relationships and deepen those relationships dude that's such a good point. I remember because there's two things. There's one part of you as a friend when you see your friend, aka when Lauren was in this relationship, I knew that this was not the person for you. I remember knowing and I never wanted to then like ever push you to break up with him. But I think it's hard at times when someone comes you would have moments of being so frustrated with him or whatever and then the next day you would be like

yeah we're going to the park together so what I what I'm saying is I think you're you were not able to progress in your friendships because on the other end us we couldn't go deep with you to even talk the realest shit of like yo what the fuck are you doing yeah so how are you then going to even have those type of conversations in any other fat like aspect of your life I know this goes back to my realization that's been like really heavy and it's just been like holy shit what the and I think it's hard because as your best friend like in those moments I wasn't making up with your boyfriend you were but the memories of all the shitty stuff that you had confined confided me and like shared with me the day before were obviously still present for me

and I'm so protective of you and then like you guys are off happy at the park but then I'm like okay this guy's a fucking asshole but does it really matter what I think like I don't know I think the goal if I could give anyone advice when you're like fucking a my friend won't shut the fuck up about how much her boyfriend does this this and this it's like I look at that and I feel like the goal is to just be a good friend and listen and in some cases like not hold grudges like because you don't want your friends to not come to you with the problems I don't know it's complicated and it can get messy but I think when I'm trying to be a good friend in moments like that I just remember like who's number one number one for me is Lauren not some fucking guy and I'm always gonna have your back so like

I'm just moving on your pace like whatever you're doing I'm there for you to listen yeah I remember during that entire process like you never once told me like you need to break up with him the closest you got to saying like it needs to end was me telling you like my concerns and you saying well if you decide to do this you have a place to go I love you I love you I feel like I'm finding the beauty and being like as much as I joke that I haven't had sex and as much as I joke everyone around me is in relationships like yes I would like to feel a little bit of some connection with someone right now but like I will firmly say like I'm not like dying and yearning fling type of like yeah thing like I'm at the point like I really don't want to have not that I don't want to have meaningless sex I would either have sex if I was really attracted to someone and like it was fun and hot in the moment but like I've gone on like a lot of second dates because that my therapist told me going second date and like I'm I'm so I'm so fine having sex on the first date yep and I haven't had

sex on these first or second dates so I'm just like I'm not settling for like yeah you're like yeah I don't want to have yeah like and I'm aware and I'm like I'm just no I think like I'm I think like what I'm trying to say is like I'm really leaning in and finding the beauty of being single and like and also getting to know yourself yeah like you just said it goes from your friendships to like your family you're like whoa hello i'm lauren and i'm back in society again yeah like you're like i you literally just like got out of a haze which is scary however like i always say to you exciting yeah you now literally have the rest of your life lauren and thank fucking god you did get

into therapy and realizing some people don't ever get out of this phase haze well because they don't because unfortunately like they may not have it is very very effortful i did not just wake up one day post break and be like wow i have clarity and i can see the world and like i know like like my therapist was like you out of like my clients like she's like I'm not trying to like blow myself no toot my own horn but she's like like I I go to therapy every week and like I come with a list of things I want to discuss and like I you're working I'm working and I think about that in between sessions and in between sessions something happens I write a list down I'm like this didn't feel right or Or, hey, my friend texted me this, that like she was upset.

And I didn't respond immediately. And like, I wasn't like there for her in the right way. Like, why did I do that? And I think it's beautiful because I think like you said, it is not effortless. It's not like, oh, yeah, I'm here. And listen, like, I think this is this can relate to everyone like I know I've talked to my therapist about like kind of like almost like identity issues that I've been having and I think it's like no matter who is listening to this everyone's got their shit of like feeling a little discomfort

with like who am I and like what do I want and I think especially in your 20s it's a lot the more that you like wake up and defog and kind of like open your eyes the more maybe judgment you might feel on yourself or like doubt or criticism because you're no longer coasting yeah like now my therapist always says that Alex please I don't want you to judge yourself yeah I look back on like some of the like the earlier call her daddy days or whatever and I'm like I fucking hate that shit that I like did some certain things or said like what specifically like it really bothers me when I see comments of people being like oh you're the definition of like misogyny and whatever and I'm like if you like knew who I am like if you really like and I'm like but I get it yeah I get there were

certain things that like we were portraying for a marketing ploy but I'm like that you know me like that's so not me you know yeah and so like it frustrates me to the core because I know who I am as a person and it it angers me that like do you think you were back then though were you yes and no I think like if you asked me like how to get a guy like I have the answers for you yeah I was in the moment like out of college like fucking around being like yo this is how it fucking works yeah now as I've gotten older though it a lot of that was a character so and I think it's hard like having social media like I'm putting an image out there that like I'm choosing to put out you know and I'm picking

parts of myself but then it does weigh on me when I see comments of like oh you're such a misogynistic whatever and I'm like oh my god like you don't get it I feel like ever since taking over this show on my own and kind of like not hiding behind the mask like I actually remember like we used to always like on the old show like we almost always said like we can get away with a lot more shit because like you can't really pinpoint it on one of us it's like we can just say whatever the fuck yeah now that I'm like it's my show like I own every word I say like it started to feel like oh then I really need to put more thought into it that's what I've kind of been doing ever since and I'm proud of it but it's also like I was 22 and now I'm 27 what the fuck who were you when you were 22 and hopefully I

pray to god none of you are that same person when you're 27 so growth people okay and you just watched mine I think it's very admirable that like you're looking back and like it shows tremendous growth and like evolution of like you and a character and I think it's really cool and amazing that like you're bringing this brand and the content like on this journey with you as like and I'm just really excited to like see where it goes and like have people get to know you more and more and more like the depth that I do because I can already feel from like this season especially and the single father era this show is so much more authentic it's crazy yeah I do feel so fortunate that we have each other though like do during this because like what did I I recorded something the other day and you were like are you okay you were like

you can't upload that you're sound depressed. You sent me that. I'm like, Alex? I literally called you. I'm like, before I tell you if I like this or not, are you OK? Yeah. I think, listen, I think anyone listening, it's a weird time in the world. Yeah. We just came out of a-

I was literally just going to say that. Right? We just came out of a fucking global pandemic. You were either so alone. You're not in a relationship. You're in your 20s. You're either in college. You're getting your 20s you're either in college you're getting out of college you're in a marriage like wherever you are listening to this you're in high school whoever you are it's a weird fucking time so if you're solo and you're

alone you're having a lot of thoughts of what you want and what kind of relationship you'd want and if you're in a relationship you're having a lot of either introspective moments of why am I in this relationship or like me I've definitely had a lot of moments of like have I been a fucking shitty partner at times yeah you called me like two weeks ago and you're like I just had a come to moment of like whoa I need to take accountability here yeah I this is the first relationship I feel like I want to put all I have into it and so there's you don't have that like I don't give a fuck it like whatever happens happens like oh fight bye mentality yeah I'm going to Vegas alone yeah you're in like the

mentality of like oh if something were to happen like I'm gonna fight yes that's what um not fight with him fight for us yes like I'm gonna fight for it and I'm gonna actually like look inward is this even a book club anymore I don't I don't think so esther's gonna listen to this be like i didn't say any of this what are you guys talking about you quoted me literally one line and i haven't heard one reference to the book esther we're obsessed with you but we just got in our you rejuvenated our brains you did i literally feel like so awake and alive that was the biggest detox i needed reading i have tea and soup literally directly next to me and I have Henry under my toes yeah and I have a blanket on me and we're laying on the couch and it's a beautiful morning

like this is the vibe um I guess as we're wrapping up also Lauren like because guys book club will be coming I do actually want to debrief it more but um on the wave of just like talking about our in our feels you had therapy this morning 7 a.m call time baby terrifying and I think your therapist gave some amazing advice about dating because on top of all of this Lauren was kind of like let down by someone she was talking to in her own mind kind of right like you built it up in your head yeah and if you go back and read text now you're like oh wait he was giving me no contextual clues that he wanted to do xyz I was like building it up yeah and what did your therapist say that is dating that in the process of dating you idealize someone and you fantasize what they could be because you don't really know anything about them yet

and quite often you're wrong and you're let down and it's disappointing but that's dating and in dating you have to be prepared to be disappointed to be let down to be hurt and if you can't handle that you're not ready to date but she looked at me and said you're ready big lair dude on that horse she yeah also you literally told your therapist you're not ready to date but she looked at me and said you're ready big lair dude on that horse she yeah also you literally told your therapist you're like i want to have sex she's like okay how did you say i was like you know like i haven't had sex in months and like i i really just want to have sex she's like okay what did she say so she was like you just want to fuck someone you're like yes yes I do and um she was like all right get out there girl see this is the thing

and I would like to wrap up on this everyone that's in the dating game right now when you told me that Lauren I told you in the car I relate to that so much in dating like specifically it brings back memories of when I started like first talking to the Canadian yeah I remember I was like so like give me the specifics that you told me this morning it was so great no give it though okay so I had like ended things with I was like on the rocks with door number three and slim shady and so i met the canadian and he is like a leo outgoing like so successful like net worth looks good on google like all of it was looking good and i'm not kidding you when i met this man i had literally gone on like two dinner dates with him while he was in town playing the fucking rangers and i started fantasizing about like oh my god he told me he has this lake house in

like right on the lake in Canada and like after his season is done I'm gonna go to the lake house and go on his boat with him and like this would be perfect because like my dad has always said like if you're gonna have a freaking if you're gonna date an athlete like date the hockey players they're the best guys and then I was like oh my god I'm gonna date a hockey player I had literally started planning started planning our life together I had not after two dates I had not even had sex with him yet been there fast forward we had like three more fucking FaceTime dates and I realized this guy's personality is annoying as fuck and I had literally pictured me in my bikini on his dog and I stopped Lauren's filming me and I was like this is gonna be my husband in what world was I living in the point is you now it's really realized like I'm realizing like damn when you start dating you literally

immediately start to like you go home after that date night. And if you liked them a tiny bit, you start to literally go on a rant in your head of how it could work and what would work about it and where you two could go and what could happen. And all of a sudden you need to look inward and be like, hold on. Imagine saying this out loud to this person because they are not on the same page as me. You're literally projecting your wants and that has like it's literally probably has nothing to do with actually who they even are. So I was projecting that I was going to have a sex marathon. And this man literally. And now looking back.

He could. That was a big projection and fantasy that I was spinning in my head that was not going down in real life. You were the rebound and he didn't want to have sex with you. My therapist said it's first. It's fine. Yeah, it's true. going down in real life you were the rebound and he didn't want to have sex with you my therapist said it's first it's fine yeah it's true so daddy gang when you're dating out there just be aware of your projections verse reality you fucking psychos i love you daddy gang that is it for this week's episode i hope you guys don't feel too low and down it can't get much worse than uh me and big

lair this week we're low we're low we're down but we're coming back up baby we're gonna hold each other because i am just counting down the days till i get my ass back in fucking vegas i want to go to miami dude before vegas i know you want to go back with kygo before we before we go to vegas before we go to vegas actually we're going i think to new york okay for new york fashion week and you know what i'm not gonna do when we go to new york text your ex i'm not gonna text my ex i'm so proud of you goodbye director's cut i'll tell you a little something i got to the dentist today and they told you you've been sucking too many dicks they told me that tmj strictly from the amount of dicks that i've sucked in my lifetime listen caution side effect of gluck gluck 9000. Dick sucking. Can you guys hear this clicking? This is my jaw.

Whenever you eat, I'm like, oh God. Dude, when I make out. Oh wait, no, but this is the fun part. This weekend, which will have been now last weekend when you're listening to this, we just found out. The eagle has landed. and he's back and he's fucking richer than ever richard guys richard is back is now in los angeles yeah so we have a group text me big alan richard and richard and marshmallow are in la this weekend and now we're like whoa so the last episode richard and marshmallow were in vegas and now they're back in la so now vegas is coming to

la this weekend and we're going to rage for two straight days again with richard and marshmallow and what we do know is self-awareness and what we do know is that what did we learn from last trip times are fun that and i learned don't eat scallops when no it wasn't the scallops it was the espresso shots right and then you just vomited scallops but the moral of the story is um we're about to go out this weekend again even though i shouldn't be like i was like i'm not going to drink this weekend but i am so we're about to go out this weekend again, even though I shouldn't be like I was like, I'm not going to drink this weekend, but I am. So we're about to have like a situation. I'm still sexless in case you thought you were literally about to say I'm still sexy.

In case you were wondering if I've had sex from the start of this episode until now, I have not. Maybe this weekend. With Richard, maybe you'll meet someone this weekend. That could be fun. Sorry, Richard. I love not. Maybe this weekend. With Richard? Maybe we'll meet someone this weekend. That could be fun. Sorry, Richard. I love you. I think we got to call it what it is. And we're just a good make out.

Yeah, facts. Hello. I need Lauren McMullen to get the fuck out of Los Angeles, California immediately. You guys, I was going to end this episode in the director's cut talking about how Lauren and I, oh, Richard's in town. Richard has never been more in town. Let me be very clear. Lauren and I went out.

We had a very fun night. We brought Las Vegas to LA. It was, um, we can't speak of it. Literally. We can't talk about what happened last night. That's how bad it is.

And we talk about a lot of things that happened, but we literally cannot speak of the events that unfolded last night. We literally said that we would never discuss what we did last night on the podcast. That is when you know. Also, everyone out last night was like oh my god like flirting with richard and richard told us that he got his dicks that while listening to the last episode about him he was getting his dick sucked and then we started chanting richard richard he was like honestly it's really helpful thank you and there's and then we met a girl who was like country club man was talking to a girl before vegas who was her friend

and she started list and the girl heard the episode that i got my nipples licked and she was like what the fuck and lauren was like oh sorry he called me so that is that was the beginning of our night that was the harmless stuff that was literally at the very beginning of our night last night at nobu richard jumped onto the table and started dancing and kicked off a candle and shattered it. Also, yeah, we gotta stop there. Yeah, we can't say anything else. There was a lot of... A lot more went down. There was a lot of weird shit that happened.

Also, it started in the bathroom. What bathroom? When we met that girl when i thought i lost my phone and it was just in your pocket the entire time and then fun time jesse came over she wanted a little something something to take the edge off and then we said no and then we said, yeah, we just won't podcast about it because we're not going to glamorize drugs anymore. And that is how this story goes.

Let's just say. Lauren, got it in let's just say my streak of no sex summer might be over I literally got it in the last week in the summer wow I just made it in the nick of time

and that everyone is how we are going to officially end book club shut the fuck up shut the fuck up what Shut the fuck up. What the fuck? We're talking about my shit and you're just casually like, oh, yeah? You had sex? Yeah. What is this dick like? It's a good dick. you