Call Her Daddy - Fuck Me with a Dildo

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

This week, Father Cooper is coming to you live from a secret snowy location…and she’s not alone! Big Al is currently sharing a home with her ENTIRE family and Mr. Sexy Zoom Man (the sexual frustration is real). Alex details her plans to creatively and secretly get it in without her father finding out her true identity – the throat goat. Alex’s problems are so big this week she phones an expert – sex therapist Dr. Castellanos. What’s our new favorite thing on Call Her Daddy...some role play! Alex and Dr. Castellanos play out a variety of scenarios you have probably encountered at some point in your life. What if your partner doesn’t turn you on? What if you like masturbating more than sex? What if you’re flat out just too stressed at work to even think about sex? Dr. Castellanos gives us these answers and more. For all my horny daddies, let’s ramp this conversation up a bit. Let’s discuss dirty porn, giant dildos, and erotic fantasies! I guarantee when this episode ends you will be reaching for some lube and your clit – enjoy ;) 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy ho ho ho merry fucking christmas daddy gang oh my god can you hear me in your ears your little beautiful beautiful merry christmas happy hanukkah happy holidays whatever you believe in wherever you are in the fucking world it is the holiday season wait can i just play for you guys the banger, eight. Oh, I'm dreaming of a white. So anyways, happy holidays, everyone. I hope you are having an amazing week. And you know what?

It is just another week in the week of our lives. You know, if you are like, I actually fucking hate the holidays, that is actually probably a more normal response than holiday cheer. Everyone's probably depressed or you're happy. It runs the gambit. But the point is, is it's another Wednesday. How about that? Get through these next two weeks. Ignore your family. Ignore your fucking friends. Binge some Call Her Daddy. Eat some fucking pie. You're more of a summer gal. I understand. I, however, want to shove gingerbread cookies up my fucking asshole. But then that may be also be your

fucking nightmare. You're like, no, I actually loved last year that I didn't have to go see my fucking family. So let's just be all happy. Let's be really nice to everyone. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little more cunty during the holidays. I am in a winter location with many a people right now, which, you know, why does it always sound better than when you actually get there? You're like, I need to get away from everyone. No, I'm actually having a really good time. A bitch can ski. What? Oh my God. I actually just realized something. I remember whenever I would mention like, oh yeah, my family's going, we're going to a mountain. When a guy or someone would ask me like, oh, like do you snowboard or you're skiing? I think I would say snowboard. Oh, I can do both. But like I mainly snowboard. That's a lie. No, I can't. That's a bold faced lie that I would use

in the dating game. Turns out that skiing is a little bit more suave. And as I've come into my adult years, I've realized that having two sticks does not make me inferior to the people that are rocking with one stick. If you don't snowboard, don't feel like you have to create a compulsive lie that runs through certain years of your life

in order to portray a cool girl vibe. This is dumb. No, it's not. Nope. Nothing I say is dumb. I'm podcasting. Sorry. My mom is, well, you know, she's clinging onto me for dear life. She is extremely excited that she's getting to watch me and my boyfriend interacting. I think that she's really wanting to understand like, hey, is he the one? Mom, why don't you go fuck my boyfriend? I don't want to speak for my mom, but I can feel the sexual tension between her and my- I get angered when my parents are asking me if he is the one. I simply cannot reply. And if anything, probably he's not. Nope. He may be. He absolutely could be. He really may be. I mean, I may be in a relationship

that could last longer than my average relationship. That doesn't say much. That's also something I wanted to update you guys on. My relationship is going great. How fucking boring is that? Hey guys, my relationship is so fucking healthy and great. Snooze fast. No one gives a fuck. I will say that being in a house with my entire family over the holidays is definitely putting a little fucking damper on my sex life. I am a little bit sexually frustrated. So that may be why I'm ranting. It's not about you. It's really, there's nothing. I'm not daddy gang. I'm never taking anything out on you. And I'm not even taking it out on my family. I'm taking it out on the fact that

my pussy hasn't gotten fucked as well as it usually does. We're doing that like slow, soft shit. Cause this, the beds in this house are rocking. And I know that my, listen, my parents listen to the podcast. I know that my dad knows that I threw up French onion soup on my boyfriend's dick. I know that my mom knows that I invented the gluck gluck. I know that my parents are probably uncomfortable

that I am the throat goat. No, do you know what I mean though? It's like, I want to get it in. And there's something about this, like being in this location, it's snowy and ooh, let's's like I want to get it in and there's something about this like being in this location It's snowy and oh, let's cuddle Let's get good in the sex game and my boyfriend can't fully fucking go to pound town because my mom is to my left With my dad fucking snorkel boy

And then my my sister is to the fucking right and my brother and both of them are going through their own fucking relationship shit So I don't want to rub it in like hey cooper family I'm getting that good dick and And I also don't want them to know that my boyfriend has that good dick. There's a lot of things going on that I'm trying to mitigate the damage between my family, knowing that I've got a healthy sex life, but I'm also fucking losing my mind. I'm going to have to do it on the gun. If you see me and you make eye contact with me while I am on the chairlift and I'm actually sitting on my boyfriend's fucking dick on the chairlift. Look away. Mind your

own fucking business. You know how I went through my French onion soup phase? I guess that never ended. But I'm obsessed right now with chicken pot pie. I didn't Spencer Pratt go through a period during the pandemic that he was obsessed with them. That could be blasphemy or that could be true. Advice for anyone. Don't ever go cold to hot. I'm going from the ski location to a tropical location. And the fact that I've been eating like a fucking house and hot I'm going from the ski location to a tropical location and the fact that I've been eating like a fucking house and then I'm gonna go on the beach like a beached whale I should have utilized the stress that I felt coming up on the holidays use that stress bod to allow me to get on that beach and look like a snatched fucking queen but instead I chose to go

to the fucking winter location first eat my face off and now I'm about to have to get on a plane and go to the beach. Boo hoo, Alex, your life is so fucking hard. Yeah, it is. Although I want to limit the amount of chicken pot pies that I'm taking down during the holidays. No, I'm not going to. I'm just going to Photoshop the shit out of my photos on the beach. I'm really fucking done letting in all the morons on the fucking joke. I'm joking. I

don't even, you know what? I'm going to even stop saying I'm joking. Be self-aware enough to get it through your head that I'm not going to Photoshop. I'm just going to get a shit ton of fucking work done. Ass, tits, Botox injections, the fucking works. Let's get a little fucking tummy tuck and a BBL and call it a fucking day. Merry fucking Christmas. So why don't I stop talking and hand it over to someone that gets us horny, gets us in the fucking mood because what's better than spending the holidays getting fucked, getting absolutely railed up the asshole, railed up the pussy, shit in your mouth, shit in your every hole. We are fucking, the point is, is that I have a sex therapist on today. Yes, you bitches thought that I was just going to not give you a Christmas gift. the Christmas cheer is fucking here and I am handing

you guys over to a sex therapist Dr. Castellanos we role play um we role play we talk so much sex all the way from what to do with regard to porn also to like what if you're not in the mood to have sex and it started to feel like it's kind of an obligation and then when you're having sex you're not having pleasure you're not orgasming what the fuck is going on what do I do with my partner have no fear Dr. Castellanos is here daddy gang I love you happy holidays enjoy this grab your vibrators grab your clits grab your dicks and get excited because after this episode you are in fact going to want to fuck. Hello. Hi. Thank you so much for doing this. Absolutely. Very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too, virtually. So just to intro, Daddy Yang, listen up, because Dr. Castellanos is a psychiatrist, which means she has a medical degree and is a sex therapist. Dr. Castellanos, welcome. Thanks. I think this is a lot of fun. I think this topic is fantastic. So I'm really excited to talk about it with you. I am so excited because we need help with all the issues that we're all having in the bedroom and you are the perfect person to talk to you about this. So if we could start, I just want to ask you, what are the misconceptions that people have regarding sex therapy? Oh my God. So I get all kinds of people to call me. I mean, you wouldn't believe what people think are afraid of. Obviously there's some people that worry, like they're going to have

to get naked in the room or that there's like, it's like a sex surrogate or something. Those are few and far between, but I have gotten those calls. And then I've got, of course, I've gotten the really dirty calls of people who are just trying to get off on the phone. But I would say the biggest misconception, yeah, there's all kinds out there. In fact, people think that they're going to sit down and be like, do I need to get naked? And you're like, no. Some people ask me that. Yeah. Some people actually ask me that. But I think the biggest misconception is that I'm going to make them do something they don't want to do. You know, like if a partner, especially like with desire, if they're, if they've had a rift in their relationship, they're not really having

sex very frequently. Then I think one person might worry, oh gosh, I'm going to go to this therapist and they're going to make me do something when I go home with my partner that I'm not ready to do. And that's absolutely not the case. I guess that's also with therapy in general, like you're nervous to kind of start on that journey because you're, you know, that you're going to have to potentially start implementing things into your life. And you're basically saying like, no, you don't have to go like home and have sex. Right. Exactly. Well, you know, just like therapy, people are going to have to deal with their issues. Yeah. And sometimes people don't want to deal with their issues and they say, Oh, I'm not ready. And when are you ready that you're ready now? Just start. I know that's one of the things

like I am in therapy and I not sex therapy, but I'm in therapy. And I always like say that I said it to myself before I got it. And I was like, how many more times am I going to say to myself? Like, it seems like this is a good week to start. It's like, it's never going to feel right. You're never gonna be like, this is the day that therapy is such a perfect, it's a Wednesday. It looks good outside. Let's go and do therapy. Like, no, do you see patients more individually or as a couple? So for couples therapy and for problem in the relationship, I think it's always better to see the couple together because in the end it's their problem. It's not one person's problem. Right. Right. And to solve it, they have to work together in order to role play a little bit here. I'm going to kind of read a scenario. Let's say a woman comes into your office and says she loves

her boyfriend so much and he is such a great guy, but she is never in the mood to have sex with him. And she knows that he has noticed and she feels guilty. She feels like sex has become an obligation. And even when she does have sex, she doesn't have much pleasure and never orgasms. What initial questions would you ask this patient? So my first curiosity about her is, has this always been the case with her partner or did she have feelings and desire before? Like were things okay? And then something happened to change that trajectory or has she just never really had interest? Cause that makes a big difference, right? And that helps me understand, is there something that happened, something that she's responding to in the relationship, in her own

psychology, or just, did she just really not like him ever in that way? So, okay. That's helpful to know, like almost two paths. So let's go down the path of, she was like, I've been with other men also, and I've never really had that pleasure. And I love my boyfriend and like, I want to be sexual. I want to want to have sex with him, but like, I'm just, I'm not getting turned on while we're having sex. Right. So then I would ask her about her own sexuality individually. Does she masturbate? Does she enjoy just touching herself? Because sometimes what we experienced with ourselves, it's easy. We can idealize whatever a fantasy is always idealized. Nothing ever happens that we don't want in our fantasies.

And we can go places that perhaps if you're anxious or you're self-conscious or you're so focused on maybe pleasing other person that you don't listen to what you want and what you need, that can derail your arousal because you're, you're not really present there. You're somewhere else. So I would want to find out, you know, does she masturbate? Does she like it? Has she experimented? Does she have sex dreams? Like, you know, people can have not just guys, but women can have sex dreams while they're asleep and actually orgasm. They can come in their sleep. Oh my gosh. That's incredible. Okay. It's pretty fun. How often, cause I think like I've had a lot of people write it and then be like, I just feel like I'm never horny. So how often is the case that someone's lack of sexual

arousal and desire is due to asexuality? So I would say that's so very rare. I think the estimates are like 1% of the population and people who are asexual, like they know it's like, they're like perfectly happy with it. It's not like they feel bad about it. Those people never come to my office because they're like, what? This is not a problem. This is who I am. And this is who I am. But there's a lot of things in our society that messages put out there about sexuality, just imbalances in your metabolism, like alcohol, horrible. I mean, we could talk about that. That could be very problematic.

Stress, our society now has higher levels of stress than ever before. Our dopamine levels, which is what's important for attention and reward, that threshold is totally set off by all of the tech around us. I mean, we're challenging now our systems to set our point for arousal attention way above where we've evolved. So we have created this culture and this technology that far exceeds our evolution in our neurotransmitters. So I would look at and see what are the other things that could be off for this person, anything from guilt

about sex, feelings like maybe they're not supposed to show that their desire is because that's not proper and explore what are the other reasons why they might not be having that desire. And that's helpful to know, like someone that's asexual is like, I am accepting myself and I don't have these desires, but someone that is wants to enjoy the sex with her boyfriend, but can't figure out the disconnect. It's usually in the mind, right? Like there's something like you just said there, and it can be so many options, but you have to begin that process of looking inward within yourself. Absolutely. So, you know, our psychology affects our physiology tremendously because everything that we think, everything we experience, everything that we feel immediately gets

translated into physiological response. So if you're scared of something, you're going to have a fear response. If you feel guilty about something, you're going to block that and resist it. You're going to avoid it. And that's not going to be very helpful to get into sexual arousal. It's going to take you away from that. When would you suggest someone get their hormone levels tested? So when they become symptomatic, then I would suggest that they get their hormones tested. So if they feel that everything was fine and suddenly something dropped off, I would get their hormones checked. If they're having irregular periods or problems with their period, I would get their hormones checked. Problems with conceiving,

like fertility issues, if they're losing muscle mass, if they're depressed, if they're super tired, metabolically, if they're off, if they're growing hair in weird places, you know? So there's a lot of, there's a lot of symptoms that can tune us in to the need to check hormones. And when you do check your hormones, I don't know if this is like a dumb question, but do then what happens if there is an imbalance? Like, do you take medication? It depends where you're at in your stage of life. So there's some women that are greatly affected by birth control pills and that plummets their testosterone because it's kind of, it's a chemical castration really. So we talk about what can we do? What are our options? What are you using the pill for birth control? Or is

it for acne or is it for mood regulation? Like what are you doing and how can we get that done, but not give you these side effects that you're having. Some women do do a little bit better with a little bit of progesterone that they take at night, natural bioidentical progesterone they take at night before they go to sleep, especially if they have something like PCOS, that could be really helpful to reset their communication between their ovaries and their brain. And if people are in perimenopause, so that would be like late thirties, forties, reaching menopause, their hormones can be like late thirties, forties, reaching menopause. Their hormones can be like up and down like a rollercoaster and sometimes stabilizing them by giving them a little bit of natural bioidentical hormones can be really helpful. And of course, after menopause,

when estrogen drops off a cliff and you're like, everything's super painful. I'm waking up at one o'clock in the morning. I can't go back to sleep. I can't have sex because it burns. It's driving me insane. Bioidentical hormones can save a relationship and a woman's life. So, wow. So there are solutions. And I think just hearing that is so helpful. Just knowing like, if there is a woman listening to this, it's like, I now haven't been horny or in the mood and I really want to go off birth control. Like there is, if you talk to your doctor, there are ways to get your sex drive back. Absolutely.

Look for a doctor who really is going to listen to what you have to say, because there's a lot of doctors out there that this is not their specialty. And they're like, I don't understand why would you want to change? I'll just put you on a different birth control pill. And that might work for some, but some people just need to have a more natural approach. What are the more not like if I was to go off birth control and a natural approach to then like get that sex drive back, like what are some of those approaches? Well, it would depend if your testosterone has plummeted, right? approach to then like get that sex drive back? Like what are some of those approaches?

Well, it would depend if your testosterone has plummeted, right? Then we want to see, does it bounce back after you get off the pill after several months? So naturally that might happen on its own. Are there other reasons why your hormone levels may be off? Like are your minerals off? Are your vitamins off? You'd be surprised how just having low B vitamins can mess up and you're not going to produce the hormones that you need to. Low zinc levels, you're not going to produce testosterone and estrogen like you're supposed to. So I'm going to look at every aspect of your metabolism and see what's causing the issue. How do we change that? And sometimes just getting off of the pill if you're young and then supporting the metabolism naturally through vitamins and nutrients can be all you need. So another role play situation is a couple comes into your office because recently their sex life has been suffering. They used to have sex multiple times per week, but recently the woman received a promotion at her job and she's been working longer hours as,

and has been more stressed when she comes home at night. Sex is the last thing on her mind. It has begun to cause a disconnect and tension with her partner. What is the connection between stress and sexual arousal? Yeah. So you want to think about like the gas pedal and the brake happening in your brain all the time. And there's stuff that adds to sexual desire and arousal. And then there's stuff that puts the brakes on it. Stress is one of the things that puts the brakes on it. Of course, when you're stressed, it takes more energy out of you.

So now you're more tired. That just kind of exhausts you. And sex sort of starts to come down in priority. And then if you get pressure from your spouse, or if you feel like you have to perform at work, that could add on to that stress. Plus if we're really stressed, we're not going to be relaxed enough to think about sex. Oh my gosh. I've had sex before when I am so stressed and I am like, I don't even, I couldn't even like feel my clit if I wanted to, like there's nothing happening down there. Um, like I literally had to, even if I tried to like

masturbate, cause I'm like, maybe like this will de-stress me, but like, I will literally have a vibrator and nothing is happening. And it's so clear to me when it's like, this is the cause of stress. Then if I'm having sex with a partner, like if I can't connect with myself, how am I going to connect with another human being that doesn't even know really what I'm going through internally in my mind right now. When you're stressed, brain is filtering out all that information, filtering it out. And when people are super, super anxious, like someone can touch them and they might not feel it. They could be numb or they could feel it like pain. And that's all because the brain is filtering all that information out and you're not receiving it as pleasure because you're not in the state to receive

it as pleasure. With this couple, because I know you had said like, if they're feeling pressure from their partner, should this woman's partner accept that during this time of anxiety for her, they should put their sex life on pause? Like what would you suggest for this couple? Well, so, you know, I have a lot of questions for them. Like, is this a temporary situation? Is this something, is this promotion something that both members of the couple have decided is a really good idea for them? Whereas one like super opposed to it and the other one's like, no, I have to do it. They are partners and they need to operate as partners instead of adversaries, right? One? It's not

one against the other. Your guys are working together for a similar goal. And so I want to find out how has this promotion been received? Is she able to set boundaries with work so it's not interfering at home and how can we better set those boundaries if she wants to set them and find out how we can work, both of them work together to get that done. Yeah. That's really helpful to hear also just like you're on the same team. And I think sometimes the person that's not having the sex is like the gatekeeper. And then the other partner is like coming at them. And then the person that's not giving sex feels guilty, but then they kind of like pull back even more because the other person's coming to them. And it's like to try to get back to that equilibrium state, it needs to be like come together. And honestly, communication has always

worked for me. Hey, obviously we're both on different pages right now. Like let's talk about it. Yeah. No conversation is worse because then it just builds the anxiety. But what you're describing is called pursuer-withdrawal syndrome. So imagine like a turtle in a hailstorm, right? The harder the hail falls, the more the turtle is going to pull in his shell. And that's kind of how it is. And it's not going to pop its head out of its shell until the hail stops. And the person who's the pursuer can't really see this because they just think, if I just ask more, then I get the answer that I want. And so each person in a pursuer-withdrawal dynamic has to make a little bit of a shift, but they both need to be aware of that dynamic.

So it's pretty common because every person has obviously their own identity, right? And when you come into a relationship, that relationship has its own identity also. And you can't change the other person. You can't. They have to change themselves. But if you work on you and you shift your position just a little bit, you change the equilibrium of that relationship. And it forces the other person to make a shift. As you said, very astutely, that's happening with conversation to sort of bring it on the open. And you're talking about it so you can understand where the other person's coming from and reframe it in that way. You actually could be the person that gets the change started by you actually changing. Inevitably that person is going to now have to

have a different reaction because you're now doing something different. And so that's kind of empowering to know that if you have an issue in your relationship, you can always be the first to make a change. If you're recognizing there's an issue, that's great. So what is the difference between sexual arousal and sexual desire? Okay. So sexual arousal is a physiological thing, right? It's what happens when you start to either get physical stimulation and your body responds to it, or psychologically, you're having all these sexy thoughts, erotic thoughts, and then your body responds to it. So when your body has that response, right, that increased blood flow, your erectile tissue gets all filled, and women have

erectile tissue too, probably just as much as men. Ours is on the inside. Then that would be sexual arousal. You have physical changes in response to either psychological thoughts about something that's exciting or physical stimulation. So desire is like an anticipation. It's a wanting that happens maybe even before you have that sexual contact. I mean, you could be standing in line at the post office and be thinking about, oh, I'm going to get home. I'm going to call up my boo and whatever it is. So that's desire. And that can happen independent of arousal. Now, typically desire is reinforced by having pleasurable experiences because you can't really desire something until you've actually had it. Like if you never kissed anybody, you can't say, oh, I really want to kiss somebody because

you don't know what it's like to kiss somebody. You just desire the idea of kissing them. And then once you've kissed them, you're like, oh, I really like that. I want that. And now you can have desire for that thing. So desire is more psychological anticipation. And then arousal is actual physical. Yes. How can porn negatively affect our expectations around sex? Oh, wow. We could be here all day. I mean, look, I tell people porn is to sex,

like the fast and the furious is to your DMV test. Okay? So porn is, first of all, it's actors. A lot of them are like either surgically enhanced or chosen for their anatomy. They're taking drugs. They've got fluffers backstage. The scene is edited. I mean, it's a very unrealistic view of how sex is. And it shows a very, very narrow range of what kind of sex you could have.

I mean, I'm old enough to have seen porn in the 70s, right? You had to go get like the VHS tape. And there was like flirtation. There was a storyline. There was negotiation. People started with their clothes on. It was a completely different animal. And now there's no figuring out how they got in that position. They're not even talking to each other. They're just fucking. So I've had people come into my office, very self-conscious about their size. Women that are like, I don't understand. I'm

broken because it takes me a long time to get aroused. And I watch porn and they just touch her and she's like, oh, oh. I'm like, it's a movie. Yes. Like, no. So body image, behavior, like what you're supposed to like. And it doesn't give you any idea about the nuances of sex. It doesn't give you any idea about negotiation, about flirtation. And it also completely jumps over the fact that you can have really slow, super sensual, soft touching sex that will blow your mind. And then half an hour later have super hard, like animalistic.

You can do the whole range. It's not just that one way. I feel like specifically for women, there's so many positions in porn that it's like, that is in no way, shape or form stimulating the woman's G spot or clit. And so how is she currently squirting or orgasming or screaming? Like I screaming out of pain, maybe like I'm sure why she's screaming. And so I know when I was younger, like I would watch and just be like, is that what I'm supposed to be doing? And it's scary because there were some hookups that I would go into and I felt stuck because I was getting almost reinforced by like, if I do exactly what they're doing, these guys are losing their mind, but I wasn't enjoying it. I've had women say to me, there's something wrong with me.

I feel like I have to act like those women act in order for the guys to think that I like them or I'm aroused or something, because otherwise they completely lose interest. And so now the guys are expecting the women to respond a certain way, which she will if you freaking give her, you know, 20 minutes of oral sex. But porn is skipping over all of that. And the expectation is that you're going to go a hundred miles an hour and you're going to be there in like 60 seconds. It's like, they want you to be like on ludicrous mode with a Tesla. And that's not how it works. I mean, unless you've been anticipating and having foreplay and flirtation with each other all day long. But it's so frustrating when you watch porn, it's like a two quick seconds of the girl, maybe getting eaten out. And then all of a sudden it's like, she's having an orgasm. And I definitely never really enjoyed receiving oral sex until my recent boyfriend who is really great at it. And he is like, he understands the assignment where he's like, okay, like I know

you need 25 minutes before I even get my dick touched. And it's like, I've never had such a giving partner. It's changed my perspective on sex. And I would say to anyone listening, like you have to articulate, like it's it almost, you can make it a joke of like, you over there are like a quick five minutes. I'm a 25 to 35 to 45 minutes. Okay. So start on me first. I feel like statistically men can come way faster than women.

That's just like how we work. Absolutely. But also when they're portraying oral sex or even manual stimulation, like what you're seeing is designed for the camera shot, the angle, like what they're doing, the force that it's all very sensationalistic. And that's not necessarily what a woman wants to feel. And they're doing it in such a way that you can still get a camera in there and see what's going on. And it's not always going to be that way in real life. foreplay benefits men tremendously because the amount of oxytocin that's produced during foreplay just makes their erections stronger, harder. And men are at a disadvantage with a penis. I got to

tell you, because since birth, they have this immediate biofeedback mechanism that they touch all the time. And women aren't touching their erectile tissue all the time because it's internal. So guys, they're so genitally focused that most of them, most of them, I can't say everybody because there's guys out there that have explored their whole body. They don't realize that they could be super sensitive

over their entire body. I have guys come see me because they feel weird because they're like, man, my nipples are so sensitive and I just want them stimulated when I'm having sex. And I think that's really weird. I think it's like a woman. And I'm like, no, it's just like a human being. You're just in touch with that part of you, the inside of elbows, knees, toes, ears, neck. I mean, men don't usually allow themselves over their lifetime to develop that sensitivity because they go right for their dick. Solely focused on the deck.

Very interesting. Are there instances where porn can actually help someone's sexuality? Oh, sure. So we're designed to respond to erotic images. I think it can be helpful for people to see different things that they never thought of before. I think that it could be great erotic material for a couple. I like using it in such a way that a couple will look at different scenes and then they will talk to each other about the scenes and variations on the scene. So they start to create this fantasy between them that they then talk about. I don't like to use it as something that they just go to every time. I wanted to use it as sort of like a way of priming their imagination and then using that to fuel their imagination. You know, if you're just going to get your iPad and prop it up on the edge of the bed and watch have porn there playing while you're having sex, you're missing the whole point. You're missing the point. You're

focusing on someone else's fake sex and not your own real sex. Like let's be in reality. How is audio porn different than visual porn? Oh, I love audio. I love a lot of women do, you know? So, so, uh, it depends on whether you tend to be just much more sensitive to sounds and stories and things. And women tend to be much more sensitive to stories. But in reality, like human beings, we're just so primed to see visual and movement. We're very drawn to the visual. So the audio porn stimulates a whole different part of the brain that has to do with stories and eroticism. And this is how cell phones and all these things have really kind of hijacked our brain because we are so focused that we will, it's like, it's a very passive thing to just be

taking in visual information. So yeah, I, I, I agree with you. I think the audio is fun. Cause the audio also allows you like to use your imagination, which I think is really important. Do you suggest that people learn to masturbate without a vibrator? So I always think that they should learn without a vibrator first because vibrators can be so intense that it just overwhelms your senses. And if you learn only to stimulate yourself that way, it might be more difficult to just have soft stimulation, but there are some very soft touches that can be extremely intense. You can't get that with a vibrator. I mean, there was a time when I didn't even own a vibrator. I just had a bunch of dildos. Cause I was like, I just would rather touch myself and not have the

vibration. It just takes over everything. I love a vibrator, but I also, I remember one of the first times that I was having sex and I didn't have my vibrator. And I was, I had that same thought, like, all right, I need to teach myself and need to hurry up. And so I remember the next time I masturbated, I made it a point for the next like month to kind of like go off of the vibrator and just use my hands. And it's such a different experience because like you're actually putting that work in and I'm not saying which is better or worse. I just think it's good to experience both because it is a different outcome and experience. It's a different level. It builds up more slowly. And you know, like you said, a vibrator is great, but you already come with like 10 fingers. So, and a tongue. So between you and your partner, there's all kinds of combinations you can have without introducing a toy. And then the more you have on your sexual repertoire, the more you can change it up. So teach him how to use his fingers while he's inside you. Like there's so many different things. Yeah. Cause the point is, is like, ladies, the last thing you want is your vibrator mid sex

dies. Oh my God. I don't know how to use my hands. No, that's not the goal. I think in terms of talking about sexual pleasure, why should people be responsible for their own sexual pleasure? That's fantastic question. And it's because their sexuality belongs to them and that's power. Why would you give that away to anybody? You learn that you have the ability to turn yourself on and turn yourself off. It's not somebody else that turns you on. It's how you interpret what somebody is doing in your own head that you turn yourself on. Learning what turns you on and taking responsibility for that, I think is super empowering. Do you have any advice for people that are sort of in that head space that they

can't get out of like literally feeling uncomfortable and awkward and embarrassed when they're alone? So I'm really curious about what is it that makes it so embarrassing for them? Are there expectations around their sexuality? Is it something in their upbringing that they're not supposed to touch themselves, right? Or that's somebody else's job. And those are just made up rules that don't really belong in our sexual world at all because it belongs to us. And when we know that we are in charge of that power, nobody can hold anything over us. What about when you're talking with people who are single, can you kind of explain the idea of the use it or lose it that you describe in your book?

Oh, sure. So the whole human body works on a use it or lose it principle that includes our mind, sexual desire, sexual thoughts. So basically anything that you do in the body is supported and reinforced, right? So you've heard like whatever you've focused your attention on, you get really good at. If you go to the gym and you work out a certain muscle, that muscle is going to get bigger and stronger. It's the same way with thoughts. And if you are thinking, like, for example, if someone's thinking negative thoughts all the time, all the time, they are reinforcing that pathway, which is literally electrical connections in the brain. And the cells that support the neurons are like, oh, these neurons are really getting used a lot. I guess we better support them and build them up and make them stronger.

So literally they are increasing that information highway. So it becomes easier to think those anxious thoughts or angry thoughts or whatever it is. So everything that you practice, you get really, really good at, and it could be something positive or it could be something negative. One of the exercises they give women in the office is to give themselves three minutes a day where they're alone from everybody and they can just think of, recall sexual thoughts, anything that they want to. It could be just a fantastic memory, a fantasy, just something recently that happened, something that's on a movie, something they've read in a book, anything that's really, really positive for them

and allow themselves to call in as many sensual details as they can. Like, where are they? What do they see? What do they smell? What do they taste? What do they hear? And I want them to be completely alone so that if they get some crazy look on their face, no one's going to be like, what the hell are you doing?

So don't do this at work. Close the door, pull the shades down. And you know, some people might start like breathing heavy, whatever, because that's, that's really what happens when you allow yourself to really get into those thoughts and you're reinforcing your brain's ability to get into arousal. And it's a really strong exercise. And I've had women come back. They're like, I'm just thinking about sex all the time. Now. I don't know what's happening. I'm like, Oh, it's working at least three minutes every single day.

Just do that and see what happens. I love that advice. And I'd love to hear more in lines of like, how often should people be exercising their sexual brains and bodies? And is masturbation the only way to exercise these parts of ourselves? Are there any other examples? You know, if you're not having sex with your partner, then probably masturbating several times a week is a great idea. You want to keep blood flow to your tissues because so the use it or lose it phenomenon applies to your body too, right? If guys have erections more often, they're going to have better erections. The same thing for women, the more aroused they get,

the easier it is for them to become aroused because they're reinforcing that erectile tissue, the nerves, the blood vessels, everything. You've seen people at the gym when they exercise, they're like all vain and cut up and stuff. That's because the body's like, man, we're really using these muscles. We better increase the amount of blood vessels going to these muscles because we're using them all the time. The same thing happens with our genitals. So when we use them all the time, we have better blood flow. It's really important. Women that are in menopause and don't have a partner, one of the things that I tell them is you just get one of those, it doesn't have to be super big, just one of those small old school, hard plastic vibrators, a little bit of lube, put it in,

turn it on. I don't care if you do the crossword puzzle or buff your nails for 10 minutes, but that vibration is creating a blood flow. And it's also stimulating the pelvic floor muscles. So all of that is really getting reinforced because otherwise when the body feels like it's not using something, it wants to be as efficient as possible. It'll take away blood vessels. It'll take away muscle tone. And you don't want that to happen down there. Put it in there and just like start for yourself of like, this is just like, get yourself in the mood and like accepting that sometimes we, it takes us longer, but that doesn't mean that like, um, we can have better orgasms. So like that we can multiple orgasms. We can have as many as

we want. And you know, when God, as guys start getting older, they need more and more time between orgasms and erections. So we don't have that issue. We could just keep going. We're like a little energizer bunny. Like we are superior. Absolutely. How do you know if someone is addicted to sex? So addicted is a kind of an overused word. Okay. What I like to tell people is are you doing things that you know have negative consequences for your life and you're doing them anyway? Are you missing work? Are you spending too much money? Are you hanging out with people that are toxic for you or using you or trying to get you drugged to do like, what are you doing? If you know something's bad for you and you're doing it anyway,

because you want to have the sex or the contact that's, that's problematic behavior. Okay. What advice do you have for someone who comes into your practice and who is having difficulty having sex with their partner because of past sexual trauma? Great question. So it depends where they're at because like some people, there's just certain things that trigger them. And then other people, just the thought of having sex and they're just in pieces. So it depends, number one, where they're at, how significant their trauma is, does their partner know, and is their partner someone who's willing to work on them with that? Are they at this point where they can slowly work at stuff

with their partner or do they need to have individual treatment for their trauma first? You know, that's really depending on how severe their trauma is and how they get triggered. What does it signify if someone prefers to masturbate over having sex with their partner? So it could be that they're too anxious or self-conscious with a partner. They can't reach orgasm because they're, you know, thinking whatever judgment about themselves. They just can't go there, but they can relax much more easily with themselves. So it could be that, you know, I, that's usually the case. It's not usually, I mean, sometimes they just don't like to have sex with their partner. I mean, right. Right.

Explain to them what you want them to do. And if they can't figure it out, you know, three strikes you're out. Yeah. What, this is like, we can talk forever on this, but what do you advise couples who come to you and say that they have naturally different sex drives? For example, one partner wants to have sex five times a week and one other is good with once a week. So this happens, this is a reality, but first I want to find out, is it a real, what we call desire discrepancy? Is it really that you guys are really that off or are there things that one partner something's killing their desire or the other partner that's how they get

their validation so they're looking for it looking for it and what they're really looking for is validation or feeling of acceptance and not necessarily sex so first i want to find out is it really a desire discrepancy and then if it is a real desire discrepancy i want to find out, is it really a desire discrepancy? And then if it is a real desire discrepancy, I want to find out with that couple, how much are they willing to negotiate in their sexual activity? Like if one person says, well, I don't want to have sex five times a week, but I'll kiss you while you masturbate or I'll masturbate you and kiss you and talk about fantasies, but I don't really want to have sex all the time. You know, so how much are they willing to compromise in that area to meet each other sort of halfway? Some people are like, yeah, sure. That's great. I can, I can do that.

And others take it really personally. First, I want to find out if it's really a desire to discrepancy and then how much are they willing to compromise on that? So many people write in and talk about how medication they are taking drastically lowers their sex drive. What do you advise patients with this issue? So this is a complicated topic because different people get medication for different reasons. There's some people who really medication saves their lives. And then there's other people that get medication prescribed to them when they're like, I'm a little anxious and the doctor's already writing

out the prescription. So I want to find out how severe are their symptoms? Are there other ways to manage their mood symptoms other than medications? Because medications are, they're just infamous for messing with sexual desire. You put on weight. It just messes with your brain chemistry, of course. So that's what I want to find out first. And the other thing I want to mention is there's other things in our environment. I mean, I mentioned alcohol before. Alcohol is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor and it wastes dopamine.

So some people who are very sensitive to that will become clinically depressed because they're using alcohol. Alcohol interferes with your sleep architecture. So you don't recover from stress as easily. You don't repair your body as easily when you drink and you get a rebound anxiety. So anybody who's like, well, I drink because I'm a little bit anxious. What they don't understand is that when they drink, yes, they're going to be a little bit more calm. But when that wears off, their heart rate is higher, their blood pressure is higher. And in the severe case of people who drink a lot, that would be withdrawal symptoms, right? You get this rebound where you're like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And some people don't realize their anxiety is coming off of alcohol. So I really want to question what's going on in their life carefully to find out, do

they really need to be on these medications? And are there other ways to address their lifestyle? Do you think even the examples you gave us of like taking that time during the day to like really try to stimulate your brain thinking about sex? Like, have you found any of those working? Oh yeah. Again, it depends where the person's at really also really get into like what's happening with their metabolism and their nutrition. You know, exercise has the same or better efficacy for depression and anxiety than medications do, which is really interesting that

we just prescribe medications because most people are like, just give me a pill. Also gratitude exercises, gratitude exercises force you to look at the positive things in life. So we have something called the negativity bias, which means we always look for problems first and we always look for what's wrong first. But if we get into that loop and we never get out of it, and then we're always looking for problems, always looking for problems, and we're reinforcing that in our brain. So gratitude exercises do the opposite. They force you to say, what was good about today?

What's good about the situation? What's good about this relationship? What's nice today? So you are exercising that part of your brain that focuses on the positive stuff. Then there's other things like make sure you make yourself do stuff. You're not sitting at home just ruminating about negative thoughts that you're keeping yourself busy. If you're having a lot of negative automatic thoughts that you're distracting yourself with something that's much more positive.

So there's a lot of different strategies, but you have to really know what's going on for the person to tailor it to them. And that's really helpful. Even just having this conversation with you, like I now I'm like ready to go have sex. Like I'm like, okay, it's exciting to hear how positive you talk about sex and exciting also the different ways that you can reinvigorate your sex life. And I feel like I'm officially going to do that this week. And I'm going to report back on an episode of like three minutes a day. I'm going to think about some sexual moment or whether it was with my boyfriend or a movie or whatever it was and like, see how it affects me. Like, it's really exciting. I want to hear the follow-up.

I will tell you the follow-up. No, I seriously, this was so incredible. Like I thank you so much. I feel like I just learned so much. So I'm so excited for my listeners to hear this and hopefully this is not the last that we hear from you. I would love to have you back on and keep the conversation going. Absolutely. We have so much more to talk about. I'm sure we do. Some of the topics I was like, we could do an entire episode on this. So I'm so happy to have met you and let's keep in touch. Absolutely. Absolutely. Thanks.

It was a pleasure. Okay, Daddy Gang, that is it for this week's magical episode i hope that you are closing your eyes and getting yourself fantasizing about that huge long cock going in and out of your pussy. Guys, I'm seriously going to start doing at least, at least, bare minimum, I'm maybe going to do a little bit more, like 20 minutes of just fantasizing per day about that fucking sexual situation that I want to act out with my boyfriend and that will have to come once I fucking leave where I am with my family. But maybe I'm going to implement that when I get to the tropical location I'm going. So a couple of updates. Number one is that next week's episode is going to be

the official call her daddy breakup guide. Listen, I've been getting a lot of DMs, daddy gang. People are getting broken up with and I'm not going to leave you hanging. This episode, I'm getting into detail, okay? I'm giving you lines, verbatim what to say. And it's just going to be a great fucking therapeutic moment for all of you fucking losers that just cannot stop getting fucking broken up with my god, daddy gang. Get it the fuck together. Remember who you fucking are. I'm just kidding. It fucking happens to all of us. It happened to me publicly. Got fucking broken up with via a tweet from a guy's fucking agent. I mean, it cannot get worse from that. Okay, Daddy Gang, I need to go. I've been basically sitting in the laundry room doing this episode, hiding from my family, just trying to fucking survive the holidays like

the rest of us. I love you guys. I hope you have a merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, whatever the fuck you celebrate. And daddy gang, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, daddy gang, you know, the motherf motherfucking drill i will see you fuckers next wednesday