Call Her Daddy - Getting Older, Hotter, & Wiser (ft. Heidi Klum, Laverne Cox, Aly Raisman)

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

Daddy Gang, it’s time to change the way we think about aging. Hear from Alex and three iconic women - Heidi Klum, Laverne Cox, and Aly Raisman - about how their perspectives on getting older have evolved over the years and why we shouldn’t be afraid of aging. 

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I am so excited for today's episode because as many of you know, I recently just turned 30 years old. And I have a lot that I want to talk about today because my perspective on turning 30 is so wildly different from what I thought it would be when I was younger. 30 years old sounded so freaking old. And then when I got into my 20s, I think I really viewed the number 30 as, oh, that's probably like, that's kind of just like when the fun ends. Like this is where it all ends. You turn 30 and it all changes. And I will be honest, I found myself in

my 20s getting slightly anxious each year that I got closer to that number because when you think of 30 it feels like there's this connotation that comes with it and an expectation of once you hit 30 you essentially need to have everything figured out right everything needs to be settled and lined up and if you don't have every single aspect of your life in order by 30, you're fucked. And through this show and therapy and talking with my girlfriends and just growing up in general, I have learned that truly that could not be farther from the truth. But I'm aware, obviously, that like our perception of aging as women is so warped and so fucking negative.

We all feel it. We all have experienced it. It is so wild and disturbing to me that there are literal middle school girls on TikTok doing nine step anti-aging skincare routines. Okay. Did you just hear what I said? Not high school, middle school, young girls are doing nine step skincare routines on aging. Like I didn't even know how to put fucking lotion on my face. I don't even think I put lotion on my face in middle school. I use some water, a Dove soap bar, and we kept fucking moving. Okay. I didn't even understand the concept of aging, but it feels like, unfortunately, I feel like each generation is just getting worse because of the accessibility, obviously to the internet and all the procedures. And there's like

19 million fucking products available now. And just overall anti-aging, the pressure is everywhere. But ironically, I realized it kind of takes just aging and evolving to grow out of giving a fuck about it, if that makes any fucking sense. And that's kind of what we're going to talk about today because honestly, now to me, 30 feels young and I feel like I'm just getting started. So today I want to have a conversation around aging with a few women who have sat in the Call Her Daddy studio with me. They all have very different opinions and experiences and I think there is something

to be learned from every single person that you're going to hear from today. So, Daddy Gang, let's get into it. Allie Raismverne cox heidi klum welcome to caller daddy thank you so much for having me hi everyone as women we are constantly judged the older that we get the harsher the criticism becomes everything from how we look how we dress who we're dating what age we're dating at and men don't experience the same ridicule that we get and so i'm curious what your experience has been as a woman in the public eye and out of the public eye with age I get the miniskirt question all the time like so how long are you going to wear miniskirts like that is always like a question like a miniskirt is always very you know it's very it's very much a thing I guess

and I've said many times I'm like I probably will be walking around at 70 if I feel like it still with a miniskirt if I want to show my legs you know I don't know I feel like this is the process so I look at it very how it is yeah you know what I mean I see all my flaws when I well not so much anymore because my eyesight is getting worse but I see my flaws you know and flaws when I well not so much anymore because my eyesight is getting worse but I see my flaws you know and especially when I have the magnifying glasses and I you know obviously but this is it that's the that's how life is you know you climb you get older and then you it gets it goes down the hill again you know with our looks and not being plump anymore and this,

that and the other. But at the end of the day, I still look in the mirror and I feel good about myself. And, you know, I still have the passion for shopping for fun things and, you know, putting on fun outfits and doing my hair and do my makeup. You know, maybe if that passion for dressing up and making yourself look cute or what do you think looks cute you know maybe then that's different then but I don't have that yet I still have the fire in me even though I'm 50 now and I can see the 60 over there you know turning 51 in June but it's still like I love fun things and I'm still running around the beach with my boobs hanging out and I don't really care. And yes, do they look like how they looked before I had kids and they sucked the living

daylight out of them? Like they are different now. And that's and yes, thanks for pointing it out. It's true. They're different because I had four kids and I breastfed them. And yes, you know. So when someone asks you that about the miniskirt, does it annoy you or is it just like you don't even think about it anymore like how does it affect you when people do objectify you to be like no you're too old to be doing that like how

does it feel if they think that so be it i don't care again you know i i feel very strong with myself that even though people say those types of things, it doesn't really get to me. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't see it that way. I look at myself and yes, my legs do not look like your legs. You're in your 20s. So it's very different, obviously. But I still feel OK with my legs, you know, and therefore I go for it. And who knows, maybe when I'm 60 and we sit here again, I might might be like i'm done with the mini skirts because i don't feel it anymore right but as long as i feel it i don't really care what people think or say to me i don't i really don't

what i'm getting from you is like you don't give a like people can say oh heidi's gotten older heidi's done this or when you hit 40 maybe when you hit 30 like everyone had something to say especially because you've been so public and your job has been a lot of it is like your looks I always love when I pull up photos and they're like oh look at you here look at you there you kind of chubby here and then you're super skinny I'm like yes also what you Also, what you don't realize, I have four kids. So I've been pregnant. And then, you know, once you've had your baby, it's not like your stomach is flat immediately.

So you deflate a little bit. Everything is still a little bit pudgy or whatnot. And I had that four times. So in, out, in, out the stomach. I mean, it stretches to beyond and back. So, you know, I love always when they get pictures out and they're like, look at you to beyond and back so uh you know i love always when they get pictures out and they're like look at you here look how plummy you're here and i'm like yes i'm pregnant here you know when you i guess my question is like when these things are

happening like someone pointing that out like does it bother you at all or you genuinely you don't care no that's what i was gonna say is like i feel like you have such a unique energy that i think is enviable truly from women like i feel like a lot of us in the industry feel so frustrated by the fixation on i get comments of like you're too old to be doing that now and i'm like i'm what like what do they tell you you're too old like if i'm if i'm going out and like drinking um and like having a fun night at a party it's like that's kind of really immature and like you're too old for that now and i'm like i i've said it before i'm like i know what you're 27 i'm 29 yeah this is crazy so now we now we're dead or what

right 50 you're dead you're almost 30 you're gonna be dead dead i'm dead i'm literally dead i'm not allowed to drink alcohol now or no they want me to sit at home and drink my alcohol. Yeah. Don't dance. I mean, sometimes I will be in the club and literally I might be the oldest person there. I love it. You know, but again, I really don't care. That's what I think is is something that I think is a unique perspective.

And I think we're really fortunate to have you as one of the people that's going to speak on this, because I feel like the more we can have that mentality as women of like i don't give a fuck oh my god my legs aren't that obviously why aren't we we all have one thing in common we will all die there will be an end to all of this so why listen to all this negative noise surround yourself with people that are great, that are positive, you know, shake off all the nonsense and just do you. And do you, however big or small, how you want to do. Some people want to cover up, great. I'm not, some people want to be religious, some don't.

Do what you want to do. We only have that one life until we die. Marry who you want to marry. Yes. Be with who you want to do. We only have that one life until we die. Marry who you want to marry. Yes. Be with who you want to be with. Wear as many miniskirts as you want to pick and wear. Yes. And rock it.

I mean, I understand you have to do whatever is allowed to do. I would never go to a country and obviously behave like that. You know, I'm always very respectful of every, you know, I don't want to step on anyone's toes but you know no i think truly like it couldn't be a better answer and i think it i hope a lot of women take that from like when i get a lot of women writing in of like people are saying like i'm either dressing too sexy at my job and i'm just wearing a pencil skirt and it's like no it's because the men can't control themselves because you're dressed appropriately it's like no it's because the men can't control themselves because you're dressed

appropriately it's like not we can wear what we want to wear and it shouldn't be like you're a slut because you're wearing that like that has nothing to do with anything it's just like why do we have to judge women on what they wear what they look like let us just fucking live yes amen yes so the main thing that i took away from he Heidi is how she essentially fully rejects anyone's opinions around aging. And she has so much self-love. It is infectious and it was infectious when I was in the room with her. And I want to also be very clear, like, it is not lost on me that Heidi Klum is a freaking supermodel. But I do think it's important to note that if we've learned anything from women sharing their stories, it's that I do not care how beautiful you are or how

successful you are. Every single woman experiences the universal feeling of being objectified, of being shamed for aging and being told what we should and should not be doing when we hit a specific certain age, right? Like there is no right way to tackle each age and there is no right way to act at each age. No one is too old to do anything. Like in my opinion, I feel like we need to stop saying someone is too old to be doing something or too old to be wearing something because and I know this is like a really simple concept because we but because we don't speak about it this way it does sound kind of funny when you say it like isn't the goal to get older no like isn't the goal in life to get older we want to live a long, happy, healthy life. Why are we shaming people for doing

that? And I know I personally have not experienced motherhood, but it was incredibly empowering hearing Heidi talk about embracing her body, changing throughout having children. Like I feel like a lot of women experience the stress on some level of wondering what will happen if I get pregnant, right? How much weight will I gain? Will it be hard to bounce back? Will I be sexy anymore? Will I be able to return to my pre baby body? Like what I'm realizing is all of our bodies will change every single year that we're alive. And every day that we get older, no fucking shit, that is life. It is a privilege to age. So I don't know. It's just really odd to me that this concept is made to feel so fucking depressing and scary for women, obviously. Like no man hits 30 and everyone's like, oh God, it's going to,

no, they're like, oh, he's entering his prime. like 30 for women verse 30 for men is just different as is every fucking thing in life men have an experience and everyone is like yay and women have an experience and there's like 19 different daunting facts that someone's gonna fucking give you right um something I want truly everyone to walk away from this episode gaining is more of that Heidi Klum self-love energy. Like again, I am aware I was in the room with a supermodel and yet I'll be real. I remember feeling so confident in front of Heidi and that day just being around Heidi, because the way that Heidi spoke to me and about herself and women in general was really inspiring and I left wanting to just treat myself more that

the way she does right like be more confident wear whatever makes you feel good embrace changes in your body and essentially do what makes you happy and fucking enjoy yourself okay so I'm very excited to get into my conversation with Laverne Cox now because with Heidi, we were talking about essentially rejecting this fear around aging and Laverne does an incredible job of explaining where this fear comes from. so i just wanted to talk to you kind of about like the fascination of women as we age and the fixation on our looks and our bodies and our sexuality and how we express that and how you felt about it with society and also within yourself i have internalized so much ageism for years until maybe three or four years ago i lied about my age i started lying about my age when i was 27 so i think so this would have been like 20 years ago and it took took me many months, years really in therapy. But I really started working on it like in 2018.

I started like really trying to like unpack the stories I told myself around aging. Part of the narratives I said is that I'm not hireable. I'm not fuckable. I'm not dateable over a certain age. And that age was like 35, honestly. So I was like, I just won't be. I'm not dateable over a certain age. And that age was like 35, honestly. So I was like, I just won't be, when I turned 40, I wasn't 40. And I started to unpack all of that, how I'd internalized that. And then I started looking around at my life and I was like, well, I'm over 40 and I'm working. I'm working a lot. I had a boyfriend at the time I was having sex you know so I

apparently was fuckable dateable and hireable and so all of the myths I had about being a woman of a certain age weren't actually the reality of my life I've had conversations so far and and this is really helpful where a lot of women including like myself it's like there's this like fear that we are like our worth is predicated on the way that we look as women and a lot of it we've just been like objectified and people will be like oh you're not hot anymore oh now you have wrinkles or oh you're saggy tits or you're this or that it's all that's real from all that's real for me I think that like even if I weren't an actress working on in film and television in high def that would be an issue for me I'm 51 years old I I feel really blessed that melanin is such a wonderful anti-aging um um thing but

I'm also afraid of aging I'm afraid of look I'm not afraid of aging I'm afraid of look, I'm not afraid of aging. I'm afraid of looking old. I am. That is the truth. That is the reality. And when I, you know, there are little things, there are things that are happening as a 51 year old woman, even though I think I look pretty good for 51. There are things that are happening that I see and I'm like, okay, I'm going to have to deal, I'm going to have to address this. And there is a lot of anxiety that I have about getting older and looking

older. And. And when you say that though, Laverne, like just to explain to people, like as a woman, like what, why do you have anxiety? It is, it is tied to the patriarchy and misogyny that I've internalized around my value for sure. It is definitely tied to, you know, being commercially viable, being sexy, still being, you know, photogenic and, you know, all of these, all these things, being on magazine covers, like runways, red carpets, it's tied to my work, but it's tied to my sense of feeling

attractive. Well, I mean, I have a partner now who just like is so turned on by me, which is like so awesome. It's great. But it's, but that's not, I've learned too, that men have always been attracted to me, not to be, I'm not that I'm fooling myself, but you know, I've been getting dick hard for 30 plus years, honey. It is what it is.

So that's not, there's no, I mean, I don't like, when I was younger, I maybe valued that, but I'm a grown woman. I don't, that's not, it's not about that. It's about how I feel about myself. It's what I want to see when I look in the mirror, honestly. But it is about, so much of it is about viability. It's Kimberly Foster, who has this great blog, YouTube channel called For Harriet,

talks about like social beauty hierarchy and talks about beauty as capital. I interviewed her on my podcast. And beauty is capital. There is, when you look a certain way and you, and the hierarchy is a white supremacist beauty standard, it's a young beauty standard, it's like, you know, it's fatphobic, it's, you know, all the things, right? And when you're higher on that beauty hierarchy that is determined by sort of capitalism and age and racism and all fat phobia and all these things you there are things that you may or may not have access to um beauty isn't enough there's so many

beautiful women who don't get access to those things so there's it's not always enough but there are things that you might have access to because of that. So it's about capital. It's about having capital in a capitalist society. And luckily for me, I didn't feel beautiful growing up. I always wanted to feel beautiful. I feel like I was a late bloomer. And so the beautiful thing about my childhood is that the emphasis was about my talent and my intelligence.

And I know that I'm not on magazine covers just because like you know I can quote you know bell hooks then you know intersectional feminist thought um that I I'm kind of cute you know I can take a good photograph and I know my angles because I practice and watch America's Next Top Model and so like yeah a lot of my work is about how I look but I also like know that like there are younger women there's always a younger woman who's prettier than me there's tons of women who are younger and prettier and what else is there so I I don, so it's like, it's hard. And I haven't, I don't know if I have an answer. What I do love is that at this age, I'm going to be 52 in May,

is that there's less, I get fewer fucks at this age. And that's amazing. And I'm able to care for myself better and set better boundaries. I have resources for skincare. I'm grateful that I, you know, even the black don't crack thing, but I've taken good care of myself. I've never done drugs. I've never drank in excess.

All those things age you. I stay out of the sun. So I'm grateful for all that stuff. But like when the age starts showing, I'm probably going to have a facelift or do something i'm probably gonna do something of course i'm like oh i think i would want one too and then i'm like pause why and i think that's where there is no answer today and i think there's great facelifts too like there's there's there's it's really interesting like the early maintenance facelifts allegedly according to laurie hill some of the celebrities who were like in their late 30s getting facelifts allegedly i'm like girl and

they look good but hopefully i won't need one anytime soon you look so fucking amazing thank you i i feel i you know i think i clean up nice i think i look good in the morning too sometimes but it's something i'm it's on my mind i'm over 50 it's like it's on my mind I love what you said though and we can even like just end it on that because I I agree there is no solution because it is rooted in the patriarchy and you're right there is like social capital that you can gain like if you're more attractive you can get these things that's not gonna like fulfill you in life but it is a fact but I do think like you're so right oddly as much as it's been told to us as women like when you get older it's terrifying i have found about to turn

30 and everyone's like oh my god are you so nervous about being 30 and the work that i've done on myself in therapy i'm finally like absolutely fucking not i'm not scared because i've never felt more sure of myself i've never felt more confident in my own skin. I was so insecure when I was younger. I was, you have a career too. For me, so much of my life is about a career when I turned 30 and I had not made it yet. That was my, that was my trauma. I was like, I, that was the age, the big age thing for me was that I hadn't achieved my goals yet. When I was 30, I was supposed to be a superstar by the time I was 30 and I was far from it. I wasn't one when I was 40,

you know, I was going to quit acting when I turned 40. So a lot of it was about around success and like milestones around success that I had set for myself that didn't happen on that timeline. God's time, not my time. So a lot of it was about that. But,

you know, when I'm, I just, I was just on the cover of British Vogue with some amazing women. And Selma Hayek, we were talking, and she was saying how wonderful it is for her in her 50s and that the opportunities are different. There is something wonderful about this age. There really is.

There is wisdom. I know better. I treat myself better there are certain things that I will not abide I I have seen some of the fruits of my labor and that is unbelievable I own I own a home I own two homes um which is condos but still I'm a condo girl I couldn't deal with a house. Houses are too much maintenance, especially when you're traveling. Life is good.

And I'm so blessed and so grateful. And what I'm most grateful for is I've done the work. And when I say the work, because I've done a lot of work, I've done the work on myself so that I can actually be in my body and be like that kid who disassociated because of trauma. I've done specific trauma resilience work so I can be in my body. So I'm sitting here now. I feel my feet on the floor. I feel myself in this chair. I am in my body and inhabiting it and at peace in it.

And that's amazing. I love my body. So powerful. These are really wonderful things. And it's so funny because when I'm looking back on 30-year-old Laverne, who just was constantly picking myself apart, and I look back at pictures and I'm just like, bitch, the metabolism. Just the metabolism. You should have been so fucking grateful for that 30-year-old metabolism,

that 21-year-old metabolism when you were beating yourself up. It was such a waste of energy. It was such a waste. But, you know, the only way you know is to go through it. daddy gang I think that Laverne did such an incredible job of explaining women's worth being so heavily tied to their appearance as Laverne said there is always going to be a younger prettier hotter woman out there so how can we build ourselves into someone that we're proud of outside of our appearance right like when I look at my life no matter what the fuck my face looks like. I have built this career. I have built amazing friendships. I have built a healthy, incredible marriage so far. I have interests and passions and perspectives that could never be taken away no matter how fucking saggy my tits get. Okay. These things

could be rock bottom. These things could be to the motherfucking ankle, slinging it low. OK, but I still have my well, maybe I wouldn't have my career. No, I'll just start doing more audio. I'm just kidding. The point is, I will still have my career. I will still have those relationships. It doesn't fucking matter. And I want to say to the daddy gang, like if you're stressed about aging and how it's going to change the attention that you get from men or the way that you're treated in society, my advice is to first acknowledge that you cannot avoid aging. You need to build out the aspects of life that have nothing to do with how you look and find self-worth outside of your appearance, right? Like building a full life for yourself is, in my opinion, now that I've turned 30, it's how you build confidence. Like as I'm going to continue to age, I pray, when someone is describing me, I hope that my appearance is the last thing they

mention. If anything, I'm happy if they don't even mention my appearance. Like at this stage in my life, I would be so honored if someone said, oh, Alex Cooper, she's super smart, hardworking, fun, great to be around. Not just like, oh yeah, she's so fucking hot. There is so much more to me. There's so much more to all of you than just the way we look. Like don't allow anyone to reduce you to a visual because bitch visuals get boring. Okay. We're always like, what else is there? What else is new? We don't want to just rely on the exterior. And I think that gets lost on us a lot. A lot of it has to do with vanity. I myself constantly find myself being like, Alex, like, stop. Why the

fuck are you like dissecting what you're looking? Do I need more Botox? And what is that? I know I need to do a better job. And that's why this episode is so important to me right now. So I am so excited to have you guys listen to Allie Raisman on this topic. Allie talks about how her life at 30 is not what she planned and not what she expected. She thought she would be married with children at this point, but she is currently single. And I think so many women can relate to the concept of you have a certain idea and plan and milestones that you want to hit. And then all of a sudden the plan is out the window. You didn't hit any of those specific milestones. Your life looks way different than

what you thought it would be. And it's hard to not feel like you're doing something wrong, but it's so inspiring to hear Allie talk about while it's not what she expected, she has never felt more sure of herself and she's never felt happier as someone who just turned 30. I feel like maybe my experience might be different than some other women. And I feel very grateful that I feel like the older I've gotten I think the more confident I've gotten in myself and I actually hope that a lot of women or all women experience that but I think that as you mentioned there is like ageism in our society and people are really critical of women and I feel like as I've gotten older I have more figured out who I am. I feel like I've kind of like come into myself more.

Like I feel like I'm more in my body. I'm more comfortable. I feel more relaxed. I still obviously have many days and moments where I still have so much work to do on myself. But I feel more confident in how I look now than I did when I was in my early 20s and I think that maybe that just comes with time and age and maybe just doing a lot of therapy and also recognizing like if I go on a date with someone or I'm friends with someone and they don't make me feel good they're being mean to me like that's not someone I want in my life and so

I think learning the importance of like support system and community and surrounding myself with people who are there for me and challenge me in ways that's healthy and help me be better I think has been very important. Wow that's beautiful I appreciate you sharing that too, because I think that gives women something to like be hopeful for that they can get to that point also, because obviously I know in media, it's just like when women get older and we're just like, oh, she's old now or whatever. It's just frustrating. But I remember I wrote down like your teammates called you grandma Allie at your first Olympics, even though you were only 18 years old you were the grandma of the team and I think the industry of gymnastics as a whole it

like views your worth basically in its prime as a teenager and so aging I think becomes like a little bit more exacerbated in that community and in that field how has has that complicated your relationship to aging like to be called a grandma at 18 years old I'm like what you couldn't even have a legal drink you couldn't even rent a car I was actually it was in 2016 when I was 22 they called me grandma which is still 22 but still it's you know it's funny yeah I think that that is interesting thinking about and I feel like they still joke and call me grandma. So I think I always maybe felt this pressure to be like a mom figure. And I didn't want to let anyone down. And I always like wanted

to just make sure I was like saying the right thing and doing the right thing but I feel like even at 30 I feel like I'm 22 now or how like I wish I felt at 22 like I still feel young and I feel good and I feel like I'm just I'm excited to get older because I feel like the older I get the more I like figure out my style or what I feel comfortable wearing what I want to wear like I feel more comfortable in my body as I already mentioned I just feel more comfortable speaking up for myself so I think that it is something I think about though or sometimes I'm like I can't believe I'm 30 where I feel like I think society is hopefully changing where like 30 doesn't feel so old anymore but it felt like it was so old when I was younger and now I still feel so young and I have so much of my life but I don't know it's funny when I hang out though with people who are like in their early 20s like depending on who it is I it's funny just to see like the age

difference or like seeing myself in them like it's just interesting I feel like with gymnastics I had teammates and friends at like all different stages of life so I had some friends who are much older than me some who are much younger and so it's just really cool I also feel like age doesn't matter at the same time like if I'm hanging out with one of my teammates who's like 22 and I'm 30 like it doesn't feel like yeah or maybe in a good way I feel like I'm 22 with them and we're having the best time together. So I feel like as I get older, it doesn't really matter, but we make it matter so much. But there is so much pressure like with how we look. And I like admire so much the people who are like as they've gotten older, like they just have been so honest who are in the public eye as women of like what their experience is because it's hard to share their their experience and I also think like you and I were in a time where it's more it's so much more acceptable to talk about things and it's like

cool to be vulnerable where like I can't imagine you, 15, 20 years ago being so famous and the things they used to write on the tabloids and maybe 10 years ago isn't even like maybe that's maybe it still is happening today. People are still brutal. But I just like sometimes when I look back at some of the articles that they used to write about people, it's just horrific. And I can't imagine what so many female celebrities have gone through through like the trauma of that like I through my life like my weight has fluctuated and people of course have like written mean things online which is just it's terrible but for the women who are like literally gain a pound and they're like in a bathing suit and they write the nastiest things about them it's just so mean

and I can't even believe that's something that is allowed that people do that it's just like no wonder women's feel so much pressure you're so right and I even think when you're saying that about like those tabloids just like the the effect it then had on like more young women that are sitting at home like looking up to these women and they're like this person is fat and it's like or this person is so anorexic and it's like how are we writing this on tabloids because then if a woman if a young girl looked at those things and was like but I look like that so am I fat or am I anorexic or do I have any needs like whatever it is whatever the tabloids felt so comfortable to write I agree with you I think it's it is there's so much emphasis on women's looks from everything externally.

So it's hard as a woman to like not think like, oh my God, am I getting older? How do I look? And we all will have a moment where we deal with that. But I love what you're saying. And it made me like excited and happy for women if we can look at it this way where you're like, I feel so much better and I feel so much more myself and I feel the same. Like people keep asking me like, how do you feel when, you know, you're going to turn 30 soon? And I'm like, I feel like I'm already 30. Like, I feel like I'm 35. Like, I feel like I'm 40. Like,

I, I feel like there's a shift that happened recently for me where I feel so much more sure of myself and I feel so much more like aware of what I want and who I am and what makes me happy. And I look back at my younger self and as amazing as I like was, and I want to cheer myself on back then. I'm also like, girl, you had no idea of so many things. You allowed certain things to happen to you. You wouldn't speak up for yourself. You weren't self-assured. You weren't confident. Like there's so many things that like came with experiences and growth. And so it's like when we look at all these younger women and sure at like face value when like what, cause men are like, oh, those 18 year olds are so

hot. Like, okay. But I feel so much better now than I was at 18. And I, not to say that 18 wasn't fun, but like we have more to look forward to as women. And I think if that is what the narrative can be, more women will celebrate each other rather than like comparing and freaking out and wondering like, what do I have to get done? Or, or should I not get anything done? Or how do I look? And what am I like embrace that? Like aging is a privilege and it's fun. And it's like, oh my god, I feel better than ever. And we're both about to be like, in our 30s. Like, let's go. I feel like this is going to be the best decade yet. Yes, I'm so excited. I also think when you're younger, like you did the best that you could. And we're all doing the best that we could. So I feel like we're often so hard on ourselves, but like we all did the best that we could with

what we knew and what we had at the time. But I think like to people's questions too, and people are like, how do you feel about turning 30? Like, why can't we just be like, congratulations. That's so exciting. Like, you know, making it more of a positive because it is such a privilege to be able to be 30 and to be able to be 30 and to be able to feel good and to be healthy and I think you're right I think there is this like fear that a lot of women have where it's like oh my gosh am I still gonna be like attractive as I get older but like I think it's sexy and attractive and it should hopefully be to other people like when you're more comfortable in our own like bodies and in our mind and we're like

that is more yeah exactly it should be more attractive when I see like a woman that's like in her 40s 50s 60s that is like walking around just like confident I'm like oh my god I want to be her you can feel it but again it's like because she's gone through shit and she now like you said I don't care anymore like you don't care about those little things that just like growing up you do and like your frontal lobe isn't even developed to like what like 23 so like yes I'm excited and I think that you're right it's instead of saying like how do you feel about turning 30 it's like oh my god I can just see it on you like this is about to be your best year yet yes like you just feel so like I can just tell

you're radiating oh wait are you telling me or yeah but I'm telling you and everyone okay okay I'm telling all of us and like girls yeah it's about to be the best ever and so every year that we continue to live and get new experiences like it just gets better yeah and also like people don't talk enough about when you're in your 20s it It's like you're figuring out who you are. So I also want to normalize that, you know, when you're dating in your 20s, like it's important, it's cool. And it should be like the cool thing to like empower each other to like ask for what you need and be supportive. And if you both realize like, this is not a fit, that's also cool. And you both wish each other the best go on your way. But like, I want young girls and women to whether they're you know 21 or 30 or 40

to like feel empowered to know that what they want is is allowed and it's okay and it's important to find people who support that and like a partner in dating who makes them feel good and they should also empower their partner to also speak up too. I just love Allie's mentality on this entire topic because she feels like a breath of fresh air with her view on turning 30. Like a lot of my friends are turning 30 and they don't all approach it with such excitement, understandably, but I feel like Allie was able to put into words the beauty of taking the time to figure out who you are and truly getting to know yourself because working on yourself and discovering who you are does not stop at 30. in my opinion, 30 is like a fucking awakening. Okay. 30, in my opinion is right when you really are starting to get a hold of what you want, what makes you happy, who you are, what you value in life. Like confidence is a really big word that I like in and of itself, I could do like 40 fucking

episodes on confidence. But I think when it comes to aging and confidence, there are two ways that you can look at it. You can look in the mirror and you can go, shit, I have wrinkles now and I'm not as young as I once was and I will never look as good as I used to and I need to do everything I possibly can to stop this, which is allowing, again, aging to just completely destroy your confidence and own your life. Or you can do the Allie approach, which is to look in the mirror and go, damn, look at everything I've accomplished, everything I'm equipped to do, and what an amazing life I've built for myself. And it's just going to keep getting better. And I love that Allie takes this approach into dating too, to all my single daddy gang out there. Like when you get

older, you are not going to accept the same shitty treatment from guys at 30 than you would when you were 20. Having all of those years of experience means years of recognizing red flags, maybe engaging in some of the toxic and being like, no, no, no, bitch, you literally couldn't, you couldn't trick me into your trap if you fucking tried. I know what toxic looks like and smells like. I'm not fucking interested. I know that red flag. I've been there before.

Like we go through shit and we learn from our experiences and years of dating will lead you to know what you don't want to put up with in a relationship. Right. So Daddy Gang, I hope hearing from Heidi Laverne and Ali just like, I don't know, maybe it helped shift your perspective on the importance of accepting and embracing getting older like it is so deeply ingrained in us to fear aging and to want to avoid it and feel the need to put ourselves down and feel like we aren't as valuable the older that we get I think this is especially true if you grew up in a household where maybe your mom was always picking herself apart maybe making like very negative comments about her body and her wrinkles, like not liking the way that she looked in the mirror. Like it is really hard to break out of that way of thinking.

And if it's not coming from your household, you're definitely seeing it on social media. Every single post these days feels like, it's like, buy this, put this on your face, like sleep with this thing on your head and like get this procedure. And here's a 10-step program of how to basically not look like yourself it is everywhere and it is all too much life goes by so fast I don't want us spending the majority

of it feeling insecure and dreading if not the most beautiful aspect of life which is getting older having more life experiences, having more time with friends and family and holidays and all of it. We just get to experience more. I hope when I'm 40, I look back at turning 30 and think, wow, I had so many amazing things ahead. I didn't even know how good it was going to get. And that's how I feel now looking back at my 20s. I also know there's a lot of women listening today and we could be at complete different points in life, right? You may be listening and you may have three children or you may be listening and you are currently single. I want to make sure it's clear, this specific conversation I'm having today with you guys does

not revolve around the specificity of your relationship status, your dating life, your home life. That's not what this is about. It's a mindset. The point is after listening to this episode, I hope that you can completely change your view to reject anti-aging culture, reject the negativity you see online, reject the ads and the constant fixation on the external things and choose to focus on being happy and being present and living life the way that you want to and not allowing yourself to feel defeated every single year that you get older but instead which I'm trying to do now is feel so grateful and excited to get to know yourself a little bit more every single year so daddy gang I love you um you sexy, beautiful, spicy little bitches, cheers to getting older and to being alive. Like

I, I think that it sounds so crazy, but it's like, when I see these things on social media of people like judging someone for getting older, I'm like, bitch, you would be so blessed. You would be so blessed if you're looking at like, look at the way we look at our moms and our grandmothers. Like I sat with Matt's grandmother the other day and she's a hundred years old in December she will be 101 years old and the way that she talks about her life is so fucking inspiring and she has that thing that I admire so much when I was talking about Heidi like that confidence of just like I fucking love my life and I love my family. And I'm just so grateful to be here and not letting these little things like make you feel like you're in a cage and you're uncomfortable

and you want to get out of your body, like own it and have a good time because we're fucking here once. And I know it's corny to say, but like, I think we fucking miss that sometimes. I think when we're all on social media all day, we're like writing these things down and like, I need to get this done. You don't need to do anything that you don't want to do. And so next time that you're feeling insecure, pause and go touch some fucking grass because I have been doing that lately and actually really fucking helps. Okay. I love you, gang. I hope this episode was what you needed to hear this week. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.