Call Her Daddy - How do I tell him I love him?

Episode Date: April 17, 2022

In a highly anticipated trip, we are heading to France. Let’s talk about the L-bomb and when to drop it. I’ve been with my partner for a year, is it appropriate to say I love you? What if they don’t say it back? There are so many questions surrounding this moment and Big Al addresses them all. We all know about Only Fans, but what about when your boyfriend is the one who has one? Let’s pause for a little PSA. No one should tell you to put your vibrator away during sex, you deserve all of the clit stimulation in the world. Alex also provides advice on how to reset your relationship and escape the “ick”. Buckle up for a little story time, Big Al takes us on a journey that begins with a purity ring and ends with a google doc coordinated sex spree. Enjoy!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. I mean, it's another episode and it's me. Do you guys remember me? Hello? Are you there? Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I'm in a really interesting mood today. I personally haven't gone on a vacation in a while and I don't know about you guys, but vacation's fun, right? Like who doesn't like it? Honestly, fuck vacation. I want to fucking sit my ass down at my desk and work. What? What's a wee? Who? Wee? Wee, wee, wee, wee. Why don't we go to a little place? I feel like I haven't gone for so long. It feels like I have neglected, neglected, neglected, neglected, neglected.

I have not given you the opportunity to go to the place that I like. Questions. Questions of the motherfucking week, baby. Guys, questions of the week. What makes you the expert, Alex? Sometimes you need to listen to someone else other than your own thoughts. And sometimes whatever I could say, even if I say something today that may not be the advice that you would want to hear, maybe it's going to spark an idea in you. okay question one daddy i have been in a relationship with this guy for one year coming up in april i'm in love with him and i think he feels the same way, but we have not said I love you to

each other. What is the right time to say I love you? We both have crappy past relationships. So I'm just curious. What are your thoughts? It has like a timeline, right? Like sometimes when you're in a relationship, I remember with two boyfriends specifically, you get to the point where it's like weird to be like, I really like you. Like, no, we're past that. Going from like to love is such an intense statement. Okay. Like I really, really like you. Like good night. Have a good night. I love talking to you. Like it's like on the tip of your tongue, you almost have to make a conscious effort to not say you love the person when you're in that deep and neither of you have said it, but you kind of both know you want to say it and you both are on kind of that like

we're past the point of fucking liking each other. But are we ready to take that step to saying I love you? My advice would be this. One year is really for me and for every friend I've had or every sibling that I've watched and anything I've seen, the one year mark is really indicative of where the relationship is going to go. Is it going to progress and continue? And is it going to be way more serious? Or has it plateaued? And is one of you realizing this may not be for me something about that one year mark sheds light on a lot more than just the day-to-day it has you thinking about long-term

it has you thinking about are we compatible in life children like you just start to get in your fucking head I would say this when I was younger I probably would have been like, no, until he says it to you, you're not saying it. I now have a different outlook on life through experiences. I feel like there's just no time to waste. If you are coming to me and you're like three months in, I'm in love with this person. I would be like, well, write it in your diary, hire a therapist and go fucking write it on your walls in your bedroom. But you do not tell this person because three months in, you don't actually fucking know someone in three months. You know them in the infatuation stage. You know how they make you feel for three months. And there's no

denying like you can know, but you don't actually have the background to be like, I'm in love with this person and I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. You just like you need more time. But because you're at the one year mark, if you really, really, really want to say it and it's like at the tip of your tongue and you're just kind of like, fuck, maybe we're both not saying it because you mentioned you guys have crappy pasts. I would say go for it because what do you have to lose? Imagine you do another year with this man and you don't say it and you hold out and you wait for him to say it imagine year two ends and you finally like fuck it I'm ripping

off the band-aid I'm just gonna say it and he looks at you and he says oh you know what I'm not really sure that's where I'm at I'm really having fun but like I'm not look I don't know if that you know what I mean like can you imagine why not rip off the band-aid a year in is an appropriate time and if he treats it like you're insane when you say that that's such a good fucking indicator time to move on sweetheart we don't have time to waste on people we literally have one life i hate when i say that but it's so fucking true we're literally alive once why are you gonna dwell and stress and wonder should i say it should i not say no if he loves you back after a year you and wonder, should I say it? Should I not say it? No. If he loves you back after a year, you both should have an indicator if you're there or not.

And if he's not, that's okay. But you deserve that answer. So what I would do is when your one year comes up, and it doesn't have to be on the one year mark, but you could use it. You guys go to a dinner. It's a romantic night. And then you lay it on him, sweetie. Listen, I'm so happy this year with you has been so incredible. I know we both have had such crazy pasts. And I really feel so fortunate to have met you. I'm in love with you, dude, because you're past the fucking point of falling in love after a year, right? You could say I'm falling in love with you in the four month mark, right? But since you guys haven't used the L word at all, I would just say you have to prepare yourself for what to expect. You can feel fully heartbroken because if I said I love you to a man and he didn't say it back,

I would truly not be in a great place because that feels like rejection but I think try to be mature about it recognize he may be caught off guard he may not be fully ready he may have been thinking he wanted to say it but maybe because he's who knows I mean men get all in their fucking heads in different ways but they he could be like oh god I feel awkward that she's the first one to say it I wanted you never know. Hopefully he grabs your fucking face and is like, oh my God, baby, I've literally wanted to say this for so fucking long and makes out with you and be like, I fucking love you.

Holy shit, it feels so good to say that. That's the goal. But again, remind yourself, he may not be where you are and what is the answer to that? That's okay. And if anything anything thank fucking god you said this at the year mark instead of wasting five years with this person this is my ending statement on this because i've been talking about it for too long when you say you love

someone there is truly like an acceptable timeline that you can say that and you should have zero fucking anxiety about saying it because the time that you've spent with that person warrants that type of progression. I do hesitate when you guys write in and you're like, we've been together for one month and I know that I love him. I mean, that can happen for sure. But I do think because it takes two to fucking tango, you need to be self-aware enough to gauge, are they also about to say it back?

But if you are having these crazy, intense infatuation, early stage feelings, and you want to say you love the person, edge on, don't bring it up that early also because that's such a fun thing and and why are you rushing to then enter the I love you stage and then enter like the fucking married couple stage like enjoy the beginning months of dating enjoy feeling the unknown and the giddiness and the infatuation there's such a difference between infatuation and actually loving someone. These feelings are exciting. We're two months in. We've had this whirlwind romance. You're probably infatuated and heading towards love. Save some shit. Give yourself an opportunity to be able to have that big kahuna come out in a moment where it's built up and it's passionate and it's kind of like sex like you can absolutely fuck on the first date and I have nothing against that but is there something

to be said for like waiting and this mystery but I don't want to get it twisted if you said if you've said it earlier I said it earlier with my boyfriend than a year for sure but not two months in and I think listen if you are really like, I am word vomit, Alex, I fucking can't hold this shit in, then just tell the person you're falling in love with them. Okay. Cause that doesn't, they don't need to be like, I love you too. No, they could say they're falling in love with you back. But if they don't thank fucking God, you didn't tell them you love them. Ease in with the, I'm falling in love. But girlfriend for you, you're a year in it. You're either fallen or you're not. Next. Hey, dad, urgent. So I found out that the guy that I'm dating has an OnlyFans. His roommate told me

what a great fucking roommate. Jesus. Do I confront him about this? And how would I go about it? It makes me really uncomfortable. I have no problem with OnlyFans, but I just didn't expect him to be on there, nor did I think guys posted on there. I guess I need to educate myself. LOL. Love you so much. Okay. I mean, the guy that I'm dating. So there's, again, I need more context around dating. Is this your boyfriend of four years? Is this your, you know, kind of new recently dating, but like not exclusive guy that you're like seeing, but you're not his official girlfriend yet? Like what is the vibe? If this is something that's going to bother you, I think you've got to bring it up because this is one of those things that if you never bring it up, it's just going to be on the

back of your mind and you're going to then start to act weird and you're going to have all these opinions and you're going to jump to conclusions without actually speaking him. For my POV, I do know guys that have OnlyFans and they make such bank. They're literally doing it to make money. So I think for you, you need to gauge of one. If you're uncomfortable with your partner having an OnlyFans, then I think that's like a line and a boundary that you need to be aware of of where is too far for you. But if you're kind of like, I'm down, I just kind of need to understand more, talk to him. My advice would be next time you guys are together, hanging out, do not do it when you're intoxicated. Just be like, hey,

Joshua mentioned to me that you have an OnlyFans and I had no idea. Maybe you could be like, I'm so pissed you never told me. I would have subscribed and I would have thrown you a couple bucks so I could have seen the good content. But whatever your vibe is, obviously be true to yourself. If you would never make a joke like that, then maybe just be like, hey, Joshua brought up to me that you have OnlyFans. I didn't know you had an OnlyFans. And kind of just start the conversation like that. Do not, though, do it in a judgmental way. Don't do it in like a confrontational. It's more like a, hey, like if I had one, yeah, you'd probably want to know and like, let's talk about it. And then I think whatever his reaction and his answer are,

I think you go from there. I don't think you need to go into it like looking for an answer. I think you actually, the first step is just to gauge what is his, what is his vibe when you ask him about it? And if he is seemingly defensive, then I would ease up a little bit and maybe drop it. Like if he's really defensive, then maybe you have to make the decision for yourself. If he's open to a conversation, maybe have some questions ready for him. And yeah, but I don't think it's an immediate turn. Like I don't think it should be an immediate, oh my God, I can't date this person anymore. I think you need to understand where they're coming from. What is the purpose of it? Do they buy other people's content or is it just them being a creator, et cetera. Next one. I can't tell if my boyfriend is giving me

ick on and off for months straight or if I'm not attracted to him anymore. We barely have sex because of it. I'm 24 and this is the longest relationship I've ever had. I don't know what to do. Okay, this sucks. If you don't know what the ick is, it's quite literally when you see someone do something and you actually physically cringe, your body like cringes a little. That's the ick. What I would say is, although the ick is awful, as humans, we are all comfortable with ourselves. And when we're alone, even if you're a fucking awkward person, when you're alone, we are 100% can be ourselves by ourselves. So when you get into a relationship, sometimes you have to realize that you're not going not only love, you're not going

to like every single thing about someone. And you need to gauge if those things make you annoyed, but like, okay, I can kind of sympathize and I'm going to be able to get through them. Or do those things actually make you hate him? Because listen, there are things that even in my personal relationship right now with my boyfriend, I remember when we both had those moments being like, oh damn, this is how both of us are very different. Okay, there is no human being you're going to like every single thing about. So find your barometer of what is a no-go and non-compromisable. It seems like though for you, if you're 24 and this has been going on and you don't have sex and it's been going on for a couple straight months, one thing I would do before you break up,

I would say maybe really try to change your routine. Do you guys live together? Are you together all the time? What is your dynamic? And switch it the fuck up. Sometimes my boyfriend and I are together a lot. And whenever one of us has to go away for work, we always are like, oh, I'm going to miss you. But we both secretly know. And now we always joke about it. We know it's going to suck that we're going to be apart, but it's so fucking fun when you come home and it feels like it's exciting and you get butterflies when you're waiting for them to come in the door. You're excited to fuck. There's this new like intense energy, sexual tension, frustration, having something be away from you that you like. Sometimes if you haven't been away from your partner, you literally need that distance to remind you, oh, wait, I actually do like that

person. And yeah, that's, it gives me the ick a little bit, but like I can find a way to look past it because I'm sure I do shit that icks him. You know what I mean? And then unfortunately, if that doesn't work at all, I would say, then this probably isn't the relationship for you. Because if that is that intense for you and you're not having sex and you're 24 and it's been for months, maybe that's a sign that this has been your longest relationship. You're really trying and clinging on to something that maybe you're just holding on to it because it's been your longest, but maybe it's also not right. Eventually, it's going to be time to move on.

And now it's just a time clock of when are you ready to do that? AKA, when are you ready to continue your life? Why would you stay with someone that you kind of are grossed out by and you don't want to fuck? If it's for security reasons, that's not a good enough answer. next how do you get clit stimulation mid fuck like what can i do and what can i ask my partner to do it makes my orgasm a thousand times better, but it always feels awkward. Okay. I think you're in your head. If you're having sex with someone, I think it's common knowledge. Well, maybe it's not for some people, but I mean, play them this fucking episode. It is common knowledge that a woman has a clitoris. Yes. A woman has a clit and it exponentially enhances your experience during sex

if that is stimulated. What feels good during sex? Do that. You have a finger or you have something on your body that you can rub your clit with. And what you need to do is take life into your hands, take life by the clit and start rubbing it during sex. I get it. Listen, it can be awkward if you're just in your head over sex. I don't want to be like, it's so easy. Just start rubbing, tugging. It sounds so easy, but I get it. Sometimes in the bedroom, if you're a little in your head about shit, it can be fucking awkward. I'm telling you, there's no one that you're fucking that is going to be like, why are you touching yourself? And if they do that, you say, because you're not touching me.

So number one, don't be awkward because what's awkward is if it's not getting rubbed and if it's not being stimulated, because are you really enjoying sex if your clit isn't stimulated? Sex is 10 times better with it happening. So number two, you could grab his hand and be like, fuck baby, like rub my clit. That feels so good. Or you could start and look up at them and then grab their hand and be like, fuck, like rub this for me. Like that feels so good. Or my favorite is no shame in the vibrator game the minute my boyfriend and i have sex i lunge towards the bed stand and i pull out a giant 17 inch dildo no i grab my fucking vibrator

and i shove that shit on my clit we've gotten to the point where i'm having sex and my boyfriend's like do you want to get your vibrator what a giving man a plus catch that i fucking managed to wrangle does he sometimes hold it for me yes but do i actually prefer to do it myself yeah because i know exactly what's happening where i'm putting it the speed vibration this is your psa to anyone that has been feeling a little insecure feeling a little like fuck i fuck i don't know how to integrate this into the bedroom this is your sign take life into your own hands if someone is acts at all any other way other than excited that you're bringing something into the bedroom that is going to enhance your experience get them the fuck out of your life or you could educate them

but that probably isn't your job but you could be like baby this makes me feel so much better like your dick is so good and i love the i love to also have my clit have a vibrator on it. Like men that cannot take a sex toy in the bedroom need to fucking reevaluate their fragile ego. Sorry, bud. You need to educate yourself that your dick cannot be stimulating my clit and fucking my pussy at the same time. Get out there, girls, and just make it fucking happen, okay? Next. Hey, Alex, I love the podcast. Thank you for everything you do. You are amazing and helped me through the toughest times with your breakup episode. Oh my God. I love you. Okay. I was dating a guy for a year and a half and he gave me a promise ring. One month later,

he breaks up with me and says he's very attracted to me, but he isn't ready for marriage and doesn't want to waste my time. I never asked him for marriage, so I'm not sure why he said this. A few weeks later, I went through his Google Doc files, because they were saved on my computer, and found that just one day after we broke up, he started a spreadsheet where he lists every girl he goes on a date with each week, their name, age, and notes about their date. He puts them in green if he closes and has had sex with them, white if they went on a date and didn't have sex, and orange if they're being flaky, and red if it's over. What? He's dated around 50 girls since we broke up and has had sex with at least 20 of them. So much for the fucking purity ring, you piece of shit. Will he come back after he gets all of this out of his system, sweetie? First and foremost,

don't even ask will he come back if he gets it out of his system. Well, he's got a whole system now and you don't want to be a part of that. All right. I think this there's a couple of things. I don't want to shit on the purity rings. I do think it's a little bit of a red flag. I think for you, a year and a half is a long fucking time. So I would say if you didn't have any red flags that he was like had a different separate life while you were dating, I could see sometimes people go through a fucking breakup and they realize I need to switch it up and I need to do something completely opposite of my past relationship. And therefore he went from purity ring to I want to fuck every single girl. Damn. I gave someone a purity ring. I was in love with this girl. It didn't work out.

So now maybe he's trying to go the opposite direction i don't fucking know what i know for you is if you're seeing this document the last thing you want to do is be another fucking notch on that belt you had him for a year and a half let the world have him and move the fuck on you deserve better it's kind of fucking hard though i get it i'm broken and you've already fucked 20 people slow down cowboy listen i think this is a really hard situation i also would say as hard as this sounds and trust me you're you're working with the queen of i want to know it all close the google doc and i don't think you should look at it again because the only thing that you're going to feel is pain every single time you see oh there's another green one he fucked another chick here

we go like no you don't want to continuously be refreshing his google doc that is going to make you feel so shit every single time you're like oh well he had sex this week with two girls and then he also registered one of them as white because they didn't have sex but oh my god a couple girls have been flaky because they're registered in the orange category like you're gonna become his fucking accountant over there and you're gonna accidentally message him and be like maybe we should re-follow up and text this one because she's been flaky but i think like i bet he was in love with you i bet he truly did see a future. He gave you a promise ring.

He cared about you and he did see a future. And at some point during that relationship, something changed. And what I've talked about on that mini episode with Guy Winch, if you guys haven't heard it, you guys should go listen. It's How to Fix a Broken Heart. Guy talks about, he's an expert on this, and guys should go listen. It's how to fix a broken heart guy talks about he's an expert on this. And he just talks about how it's like, someone that breaks up with you, they had time, time to think about the breakup. And then after that time to almost grieve the loss of the relationship before you even know, you guys are sitting on the couch, and he's already kind of decided when am I going to end it?

And so for you, you have to realize as hard as it was that he ended it, he must have at some point realized, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this person. And that's not fucking fun to hear because then you think, what did I do wrong? What could I have done better? You're not going to let your head go there. He realized something in himself that realized this is not a correct fit for me. Be easy enough on yourself to realize that has nothing to do with you. And unfortunately, as blindsided as you felt, and you don't have to discredit your entire relationship, and you don't need to look at the way he's acting right now as an indicator of anything about your relationship. You don't want to be with someone that wouldn't want to be with you. And so you

need to spend enough time for yourself to grieve and to go through this process. But looking at this document is not going to make you feel any way other than shit. People feel like shit when they stalk their ex on social media. You have a absurd amount of information right now that you technically should not be able to see. No one is going to feel good about that. No one, unless it's zero. Then fine, yeah. Don't put yourself through the pain, but being the nosy bitch I am, I do not want you to feel bad for looking at that. Who the fuck wouldn't? But maybe set a date where you press exit and you decide, hey, he's moving on with his life. It's time for you to make yourself number

one priority and recognize how do you feel every time you open the Excel sheet? Like shit. If you have to do something in private, you don't want people to see you doing it and it's not making you feel good, then why are you doing it to yourself? And let me be the first to say I am the worst offender of this. It took me so fucking long to delete my fake account. Why am I following these people? It doesn't make me feel better about myself. I also, who gives a fuck? Focus on yourself. So maybe your goal that you should set for yourself is I'm only going to look at it two times this week. And then the next week it's one time I get it's really hard but you have to prioritize yourself and life is a roller coaster live and let live uh and you know what daddy gang you know

the motherfucking drill I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.