Call Her Daddy - How I Glucked My Way to the Top.

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

Welcome back daddies. This week, as we kick off a new season of Call Her Daddy, Father Cooper wastes no time spilling every ounce of tea - starting with a “business meeting” in Harvey Weintstein��s office, to signing with Barstool Sports and the details of the show’s new home at Spotify. Daddy Gang, get ready for an episode full of big announcements, big stories, and big green dick energy. ENJOY.

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy oh we're fucking back baby what the fuck is up daddy gang it is your founding father For a new season of Call Her Daddy. Daddy gang? We fucking did it, baby. Call Her Daddy. Everyone wants us. Everyone wants to fuck the daddy gang. Not that we didn't already know that.

But I will say, it's pretty fucking nice to have it in writing. So you want to know who we're crawling into bed with this time? And it's not Slim Shady. And it's not door number three. And my God, it is not the Canadian. Daddy gang, we are now officially in an exclusive relationship with Spotify. What? Spotify? Alex, are you fucking the head of Spotify? You whore. I knew it. Yes, I am. And so are you. Are you guys ready for this fucking episode? There's so much going on. But you've come to the right place for the facts. Today, I'm gonna share a part of the Call Her Daddy backstory

that you have never heard. The crazy story that led me from Harvey Weinstein's office to bar, stool, sports, and how the fuck I ended up at Spotify. Daddy gang, get fucking ready. But first, let me explain to you the Spotify setup and how this is about to work. Starting on July 21st, in a few weeks,

the only app you can listen to this podcast on is Spotify. And for all my fucking hoes that are like, you're fucking out of your mind if you think I'm paying for it. It's free. You fucking assholes. You don't need premium. Save that for your fucking porn addiction, you whore. It is free. It's free, free, free, free. Fuck me, fuck free. If you already listen on Spotify and you're like, what has changed, you fucking asshole? I'm listening to you on Spotify. What's the difference? Shh. Don't do anything. Don't move a muscle. Stroke your dick. Pop your pussies. keep doing what you're doing. You're doing amazing, sweetie, okay? But if you are that asshole and you don't listen on Spotify, well, you better get on

board and join the fucking orgy. The Daddy Gang and Spotify are about to be the hottest motherfucking couple of the year. this matrimony is bigger than the royal wedding fuck you megan markle and this matrimony is bigger than the spice girls reunion fuck you victoria i actually love these women um bigger than the biggest cock you've ever taken sorry ben and j-lo fucking benifer what the fuck they call you, you're irrelevant now. Introducing Spotted Daddy is here. How about Cauliflower? How about Cauliflower? Cauliflower. Listen, we'll figure it out. We'll workshop it a little bit. Listen to Call Her Daddy plus your other favorite podcast, but fuck that. Listen to Call Her Daddy free only on Spotify starting July 21st.

Okay. All you probably care about now is give me, inject me, Alex. Fill my fucking veins with the motherfucking tea. What happened to Barstool? Is it about to be another internet war? What's going on? Listen, bitches, you all know about my infamous three-year deal with Barstool. I talked about it a bunch. But what I didn't talk about and what I couldn't talk about, and now I can,

is the past three months leading up to the end of my time at Barstool with, this is a huge disclaimer. Everyone pipe yours up a little bit on this one, okay? We really need to spread this shit. I did all of this, what I'm about to explain, with Dave's knowledge, okay? No shady backdoor deals this time. There was no cheating. Dave and I changed our relationship status to an open relationship status. If you missed that one on Facebook, well, you fucking missed it, but that's what we did. And so by changing our status to open relationship, I was able to take meetings with the heads of the biggest podcast networks. I was most often the only woman and I was sitting in front of all these men and negotiating one of the biggest deals

in podcast history. Whoa, I get chills fucking saying that. I mean, that's fucking wild. And my journey to earning a seat at that table, I wouldn't change a single decision that I have made along the way. And for anyone who is confused, because I waited a year and honored my contract with Barstool, waited for the deal I signed to end. I own 100% of the Call Her Daddy podcast. It's mine. And when you're a woman in your 20s running a business, one thing I've learned is everyone's going to have an opinion especially the old fucking men all the men always seem to have an opinion alex this is what i alex this is what i think you should do young woman for your podcast i just went from like british to old fat ass dude alex this is what i think you should do with your podcast oh really have you sucked dick like I have?

Have you sucked dick on the streets like I have to perform the Gluck Gluck 9000, to put it into a fucking iconic episode and to spread that shit nationwide? I don't think so, fat boy. Sit down. Okay, the point is, a lot of men have been trying to tell me

what the fuck to do. And I kindly said, I think I got this. And I'm not going to lie. It was pretty fucking amazing to be sitting in those meetings and to be able to look these men dead in the eyes, knowing that I owned what they all wanted. Fucking victory. This is what I fucking worked for. Yes, of course. Guys, listen, I kind of always had this goal. You're all like, oh, wow. At eight years old, you knew you were going to be a podcaster. Good try, Alex. Spotify didn't exist when you were eight and neither did podcasting. That's true. But what is true is I always knew I was going to do something big in

entertainment. I was going to be either on the pole or I was going to be on TV. I was going to be doing something. I just knew whoever was going to be with me on that journey needed to fully buy into the vision I had. Barstool did it first. And then when I got on the phone with Spotify my underwear was sopping wet it was love at first sight and you know my definition of love baby big dick energy and oh boy did Spotify fucking bring it? You want to know about the ex. They always want to know about the ex. This ex to me will always have a warm place in my vaginal walls, okay?

I've been waiting to say this for three years. Dave Portnoy, I am in love with you can you fucking imagine I'm like and the big reveal of Mr. Sexy Zoom Daddy is Dave Portnoy you're all like fuck you no okay I'm actually joking but on a serious note I need to come on here before I do anything further and I talk about fucking hot girl summer and popping the pussy. And I need to say this. I am so fucking thankful to Barstool Sports, specifically Dave Portnoy and Erica Nardini. They have been such unbelievable partners. They believed in me since day one.

And I believe them. Last May, Dave Portnoy said to me on that rooftop that he was going to give me back the IP when this deal was up. And I trusted him, even though a lot of people told me I was crazy for just taking his word. And Dave came through and gave me back

sole custody of the podcast and IP. So to clarify, this isn't like a 50-50 deal with that. I own it. And now to update you guys, Barstool and I have a merch deal and we're on good terms. And if you want to take a quick walk down memory lane with me, I will never forget the day that Dave Portnoy DM'd me saying, do you want to fuck? Dave is like, Alex, where are you fucking? He did not say that. No, I will never forget. I cut a video trailer of the first episode of Call Her Daddy and I put it onto Instagram. A couple hours later, Dave Portnoy slides into my DMs and he says, what is this? Like what? He's like, what is this? Like,'s like what is this like thanks Dave really really nice what is this

and I didn't reply because you know leave him on read let him work a little and after that DM my life forever changed I walked my ass into the old Barstool sports offices, I sat down one-on-one alone with Dave Portnoy and I pitched him, call her daddy. When I left Barstool Sports after that meeting, I never looked back. And the craziest thing is, and I've never actually told this part of the story, that meeting meant everything to me in that moment because I actually had a business partner before Dave. That business partner had helped with the logistics around the podcast of getting the studio, giving me the equipment, giving me the space to record in. This man was also Harvey Weinstein's right-hand man for many years. And sadly, the apple doesn't fall far from the fucking tree. He was creepy and verbally abusive.

The first time I met this man, he took me up to Harvey Weinstein's offices at 10 o'clock at night for a business meeting. This man's idea of a business meeting was over serving me at catch and then taking me to Harvey Weinstein's offices. I remember when we got there, the elevator doors opened. We're at the top floor. All the lights are are off and no one is in the office it's just the two of us I remember feeling paralyzed asking him where the bathroom was because I thought if I can get to the bathroom I can call my mom and she can help me get out of this and thank fucking god I remember the elevator doors opened and someone came running in and it

was an assistant who had forgotten their computer it was a Friday night they forgot their computer they come in and I remember just latching to this person. Oh my gosh, my name is Alex. Oh my gosh, yes. Oh, oh, we're going to leave with you. We were, we were just about to leave anyways. I knew that was not okay. And then when this man realized that I was speaking with Barstool, he looked me dead in the eyes and said, and I quote, if you pick Barstool over me, I will make sure you never work another day in this industry. And yes, Alex, that is a threat. So when I walked into Barstool and pitched Call Her Daddy, I was also going in there knowing I need to get the fuck away from this creepy ass man that was a huge fucking turning point for me because when I walked into barstool people may be listening this being like oh you know I'm sure also you had the same experience at barstool

I walked into those doors a lot of people would probably be expecting the worst and I probably actually, I don't try to recall, like maybe I was too after the experience I had just have with Weinstein's right-hand bitch. Then I walk into Barstool and the experience was the complete fucking opposite. It was pretty fucking great. And maybe to people's surprise, yes, Dave was my boss, but every single other person that I interacted with at that company was a woman. That was my experience. The CEO was a woman.

The CFO was a woman. Head of production, woman. Video editor, woman. Intern, woman. That is incredibly fucking rare. And so what I will say is I know moving forward, closing out this chapter with Barstool, I will look back at those three years as the fundamental years to helping build my career. So I woke up this morning, a new chapter has started,

but I'm not going to lie. I really wish that I didn't have to wake up at 8 a.m call my publicist and say hey can you try to uh have them remove my gender from every fucking headline I don't think when a man signs a fucking contract, every headline reads, one of the biggest male podcasting contracts. Like, hear how weird that sounds. It's because you never fucking hear it. All I can say is, Daddy Gang, we still have work to do. Now, because I keep making jokes about Dave Portnoy and me fucking you can tell the sexual frustration let's talk about my fucking sex life now here's the thing if you guys tune in once a week you will remember that a few few episodes ago I told you guys I was dry I hate to use it

because ever the Sahara what's a better fucking joke for I was a Sahara desert? Sandpaper, sandbag. My fucking pussy has not gotten fucked and it was my doing. It was my doing. My boyfriend is crying, begging, please, please give me something. I thought dating the caller daddy girl meant more. You thought wrong, bitch. I'm trying to get my bag. I'm not trying to get fucked. But once I get that bag you see where I'm going with it daddy gang I was so stressed about closing this deal and closing my legs to one partner you guys know me I got commitment issues but let me be very clear. The minute that this big deal closed on a Friday night, and I will never forget this Friday night,

and neither will my fucking boyfriend, because I finally fucked the absolute living shit out of my boyfriend. Rubbed his dick raw. pain open source he's begging me not another round he's bleeding he's like baby please please stop i'm like clock clock or die he's like no and i'm not gonna lie call me fucked up but as I was fucking my boyfriend the entire time, I was imagining a big, giant, green, thick dick sliding in and out of me. Ah, the Hulk ripping me open. Spotify, I fucking love you. Let's do this. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I kicked off my hot girl summer. I signed a deal and I fucked my boyfriend. How about you? Did you just say hot? Yes, bitches. It's hot girl summer. And I know everyone already feels the difference.

We're all horny. We're all excited and no shit. We were in captivity for a year and now we're free. And hot girl summer is officially here. And I know that because every single Instagram and TikTok bitch is shoving it down our throats. And I love it. I love the energy. I love the attitude. And to clarify, hot girl summer, it's not a look, it's not a body type, it's not a relationship status. It's a motherfucking vibe. It's a vibe. Q 2 Chainz, come on in first guest of the year,

you imagine. He's not at my house, but he will be here next week guys huddle up okay because now we can actually fucking do that let's rub our faces together let's really breathe down each other's throats people are like fuck off Alex I don't give a shit swallow my fucking spit and close your eyes I want you to imagine that you are in a locker room surrounded by daddy gang. Okay. Keep your eyes closed. Clear that heart, clear heart, clear hearts, clear minds, clear whatever the fuck, clear water, Florida, just clear your fucking ears. Okay. Because you are about to get your summer pre-game pump-up speech from the most trusted gang I know, aside from the Crips, Daddy Gang. Take it away! You're about to remember who the fuck you are, and that's a badass thing. You did not survive a freaking pandemic to fake an orgasm.

Give out as many handjobs as you can. You don't need a hookup to have a hot girl summer. Handjobs until your hand is cramped the fuck up. Strut your fucking sexy ass. Give them out left and right like no tomorrow. Handjobs. Don't trip yourself over someone who probably has a small dick. Call her.

Call him. Call them. Go put a crystal on your fucking fupa. Why the fuck are you not out there living your best life? You slay, hot girl summer. Pooper. Don't be afraid of rejection. No matter how ratchet you look, you tell yourself you are so hot.

I live my whole year like it's hot girl summer. Post with the hotter guy. Having the best sex, but like with yourself. I'm calling it fat girl summer. I crushed that fucking hot girl summer. Yeah! Shoot your motherfucking shot, girl. Summer.

Yes! Fuck yes! Mic fucking drop. Thank you, Daddy Gang. It's time to establish our plan of attack this summer. There is no plan. Ha plan. And I'm serious. There is no playbook. There is no rule book. The only advice that we are following is from the hot girl summer pioneer herself, Megan Thee Stallion, who told us hot girl summer is about being unapologetically you aka do you bitch and actually let me just say one more thing okay for the love of god do not treat this summer like new year's eve

and you know what i'm talking about we put so much pressure on ourselves for New Year's Eve. It's like, I have to have the best night ever. And then it fucking sucks. It always fucking sucks because you put so much emphasis on the plan that we're not actually fucking enjoying it. There's so much buildup and there's way too much letdown. My advice would be try to remove all expectations from the summer, throw it out the window

and just fucking relax. Relax? Who the fuck just said that? Alex? It is me. Listen, I understand this may be very, an emphasis on very different from what you have heard me say in the past.

Rewind with me two summers ago. I would have looked you all dead in the eyes, although this is a podcast, and I would have said, here is your 20-page manual. There's absolutely no room for deviation from the playbook. Study it, annotate it, highlight it, footnote it, and report back tomorrow because there's going to be a fucking quiz. It used to be slow play it. Don't act desperate. Leave him on read. Make him think you're going to fuck his dad, his best friend, his brother, his mother, his dog. We love a good little bestiality woman in this family, guys. Throw it all together. More the merrier. Cheater be cheated on. The cheating Olympics queen,

you got this. But oh, have times motherfucking changed. People are like, no, Alex, come on, let me fuck his dad. Listen to me, bitch. You can still fuck the dad. Maybe leave the dog alone, but we're still fucking the dad. I want to be very clear. We are fucking the dad always, but it's for a complete different reason. We're not playing games anymore. We're not fucking the dad to piss off the guy that we're chasing to get his attention so he'll be more into us, which I don't even know if fucking his dad will get his attention. It will definitely get his attention. I don't know if it'll make him like you more.

But we're fucking the dad because we just want to fuck a dill. Independently of his son. You just want to fuck a dad. That's it. That's the moral of this story. Games are over, bitches. That's what I'm saying. We have no time to waste. Be aggressive this summer. Be aggressive. Be, be aggressive. Is that from bringing on? I

don't even know what it's from, but you get my fucking point. I don't care if it's 8 a.m. on a Monday, you walk into a goddamn coffee shop in your period panties and you walk in and you see a hot ass human that you would approach at a bar a few tequilas in you're absolutely going up to him but you're like oh no i can't let them see me in the daylight alex the sun burns you're not you're not you're not a fucking vampire bitch you're a daddy okay rewire your fucking brain with me here bitch it's time to seize the moment okay go back with me to classic caller daddy 101 you grab a pen okay if you're not gonna fucking dunk in donuts you don't

got a pen you go in the back you suck the dick of the man making the donuts for a pen you go back to the front you grab a napkin you write your number on the napkin you go up to this person you get your flirty face on you look at them and you say, hi, hope you're having a great day. I think you're super cute. Hand them the napkin. Say, do with this what you want. I'd love to see you later. Little smile, walk away. this summer that is the fucking point of this entire episode but daddy gang listen the reason I took you on that goddamn Dunkin Donuts trip is my way of saying treat every room you walk into like an opportunity no matter how busted you think you look hot girl summer is inside of you that's actually the dunkin donuts man goodbye um alex quick issue i want to suck a big fat d i want to suck that dunkin donuts man's dick for a pen but I'm scared and no shit we just survived the global pandemic Betty no one is blaming you for not having the confidence but good thing your father is here to help Betty why don't you role play with me for a second okay what is the worst that can happen? Think about it. You go, you shoot your shot.

It doesn't hit. OK. OK. And I think we've dealt with a little worse this year and it's going to be OK, Betty Buns. We all have an excuse if that line doesn't hit or that timing wasn't exactly right or you read the room slightly wrong or you accidentally bite the fucking dick. As long as you doesn't need stitches, baby girl, and it's just chipped beef, life goes on. And if that little confidence boost

didn't pump you up enough, well, all right, let's keep it going. I'm gonna take some accountability. I fucked up. And this is really hard for me to admit right now. It was the summer of 2019 when I canceled high-waisted bikinis. And I was wrong. And I want to correct my wrongs.

And I want to correct my wrongs. And I want to correct myself. I fully support wearing whatever the fuck makes you comfortable, confident, and feeling like that bad bitch. Because that vibe that you're going to portray is so much sexier than a string bikini. And to men and women, I want you to wear that t-shirt on the beach. If you feel more confident keeping your t-shirt on the beach, great. If that makes you happy and you feel better doing it, do it. If you want also to put on the string bikini, but social media is making us all think that, oh my God, we don't look like Bella Hadid. How will we ever wear a bikini. No, every single body is a bikini body this summer, this year and moving fucking forward. Wear whatever the fuck you want. We've had a year to reflect, to learn, to grow.

If some guy or girl still has those shallow ideals and beauty standards, bye bitch. I don't fuck with you. Two chains again. No, isn't that like Big Sean? Big Sean, thank you. Big Sean once said, I do not fuck with you. We don't surround ourselves with shallow people anymore. Daddy gang, we have perspective. COVID has matured us. Like I don't want to fucking hang out with people that think that way.

Nobody is getting canceled this summer. The only thing that is getting canceled is negativity. And it's time that we enforce hype culture, not cancel culture. That's what we're starting to do today. Daddy gang, we are going to be the ones we're implementing hype culture. So when you're getting ready with your girls, hype them the fuck up. Okay. Everyone is everyone's hype person this summer. Yes. Hot girl summer is living for you, but hot girl summer is supporting your friends and making them feel confident too. All right. This is the one we've been waiting for. All my daddies in a relationship. Here we go. There is this stigma around hot girl summer, even literally just fun in general, that you can't have fun. You can't partake if you're in a relationship.

And my God, my God, that is the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard in the farthest thing from the truth. Let me tell you a little story. Me and my boyfriend, Malibu, we're driving down on the PCH. It's Memorial Day weekend. I'm so excited. Okay. I'm ready. We had gone on to Airbnb. We booked this amazing luxe ass three story beach front Malibu property. It was amazing. There were three different decks to tan on. The top one was like one of those that's like unconstricted. It's directly accessing the sun. Perfect opportunity for some melanoma. I had a fucking dress on. Let me repeat. I had a dress on walking into this home with mermaid hair. I looked like Aquamarine.

I had him take photos of me. I didn't even facetune them. I just threw them up on the gram. I was feeling myself. I was in a good fucking mood. When you don't facetune them. I just threw them up on the gram. I was feeling myself. I was in a good fucking mood. When you don't facetune your shit, you know you're fucking either blackout or you're in a good mood. So we end up going to this party. It's late night. We get there. There's about 30 people at this party. And my boyfriend and I start doing our thing. We're walking around. We're talking to different people. We're not together the whole time. And in that moment, I remember immediately thinking, oh, wow, like, here we go. We have never been to a party together. I started dating my boyfriend at the beginning of COVID. So immediately, this is different for me. I'm out of my element with him. I'm like waiting for him to do like a weird fucking party foul.

Oh, fuck. I have to break up with him. we fucking go again so we're doing our own thing at the party and I remember specifically it was like 15 minutes of him talking to a different group of people and I'm across the room talking to another group of people and we keep kind of making eye contact and I start to notice there's a lot of women around him and if you know me and the way that I've spoken on my podcast before I am a little dark and twisted when it comes to my sex life and I really get off when other girls want to fuck my boyfriend what it's true it's fucking hot to date someone that you know other people want I don't want to fuck I don't want to hate I don't want to date someone that you know other people want. I don't want to fuck. I don't want to. I don't want to date a guy that nobody wants to fuck.

Like, what the fuck? So I remember almost starting to fantasize and elevate the situation and the girls around him talking to him. I started to pretend in my mind that they were flirting with him and that they were potentially about to fuck. So I'm sure my boyfriend can tell my eye contact has gone from like flirty to like I'm about to fully fucking fuck you right now. I kind of lean more in and I'm like okay well there's men around me so I'm gonna keep talking to the guys around me and I can tell now he's getting turned on and it's literally this like through a group of people us just making eye contact and letting the sexual tension build I watched Mr. Sexy Zoo Man put down his drink and walk over to me and like at this point it felt like we were the only two fucking people in the room I'm like getting sweaty

I'm getting hot I'm like holy fuck like I'm ready to fuck my boyfriend because at this point I'm getting hot. I'm like, holy fuck. Like I'm ready to fuck my boyfriend. Because at this point I'm realizing we're using social settings as foreplay. He comes over to me and he grabs my hips and he goes, get in the fucking car. So we leave the house and we walk towards his car and his car, if you've ever been to Malibu everything is on the highway slash ocean so literally this car is parked on the pacific coast highway we go to walk in to get into this car and instead of getting in the car to drive he opens the back seat car door I kind of like climb in so I'm like almost already in doggy and he like quickly like hikes up my fucking dress and we immediately start going fucking at it my boyfriend knows I like it rough so as he's fucking me from behind he reaches around the front of me and pulls out the seat belt so it kind of like catches on my neck and as he's

fucking me he lightly is pulling on the seat. So it's kind of like jerking me backwards and choking me a little bit. Also definitely a new one for me. And it was so fucking hot in the car. The windows are fogged up. We're both dripping in sweat. There was so much sexual tension also leading up to this moment. So the moment that we got in the car, we banged it out. It was spontaneous it was chaotic and I fucking loved it we finished fucking in the car and the best part is we then didn't turn on the car and just go back to our house in Malibu we're out of quarantine motherfuckers there is no time to waste we walked our asses right back into the party and continued to party for the rest of the

night. And I will say being in a relationship in that moment, I realized like, oh, this is fucking amazing. I just got mine in the fucking car. And now I'm coming back with this like dirty secret that now we're both turned on. We both fucked and now we get to like kind of be in this together and for the rest of the night he kept like replaying moments of our sex and like dirty talking my ear like fuck that was so good bending you over like I want to do it again like

let's go back to the car like it was really fucking hot and so I remember leaving that night being like damn if anyone and I will admit you know me guys usually single I will say this has already been one of the best fucking summers of my life and we're not even like halfway through it because I have a boyfriend aka I already have my teammate when I'm out I already know who I'm fucking and now I'm just getting to play with the social aspect now to just ramp up my fucking sex life. And that, that is what you should be fucking doing. If you're in a relationship this summer, you're ahead of the game. You've got yours.

Now just figure out where you want to do it. Daddy game. That is it for this week's episode. I'm realizing I think the single father era is over. I feel like, you know, I got my footing. At first it was like, how do I even be a single parent? What am I doing? And now I'm like, okay, now I got this. We got this. We got our footing. I kind of am now leaning into the whole fatherhood thing. So what is this new era? And as we figure that out, let me give you a little taste of the new season. This year, you are going to be getting a whole lot more of Call Her Daddy.

Every Wednesday, a new episode will be dropping. But now, you will also be getting two shorter mini episodes of Call Her Daddy a month. What the fuck are mini episodes? They can be whatever the fuck we want them to be. It could be a 20-minute long rant about how my boyfriend's dick was shoved so far up my fucking pussy and I loved every second of it. Or if you don't want to listen to my erotica, fuck off. We can also do behind the scenes. We can debrief my big interviews.

We can release bonus content because you guys know I love to fucking talk and usually the interviews end up being three hours. But you don't get to hear that three hours. So that could be it. Or we can just shoot the shit and break down what's going on on reality television and shit on The Fucking Bachelor and how awful it's turned into. We can do whatever we want. Okay. But the point is, it's all elevating. And oh, there's more. I saved the best news for last. There will be another podcast that I will be hosting this year. Daddy gang, I am officially bringing you a sex crime podcast. What? Yes, I know. I am never going to sleep again, but it's fucking worth it. I hope you

can feel the energy. I am so fucking excited because this year is about to be one hell of a fucking year. And I have you guys to thank for that. You guys really think that I would just kick off an entirely new season without a little thing I like to call Chuck? I'm nervous. Serena, why? Why are you nervous? Because I'm afraid they're going to judge me. Dan, Dorota, get over here. I'm telling Chuckalk that I'm nervous. Miss Arina, Miss Arina, why are you nervous? Because silence suffers. Chalk, give me moral support. No, Serena,

you can do this. But what if I can't? Chalk, Dan, Dorota, Serena, Rufus. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. To all the silent sufferers that have missed me, it is 2021. And I am back. I am the Terminator. Let's go to a little place I like to smoke and call friends. Let me introduce you to one little thing that I like to do. Oh, question. call friends. Let me introduce you to one little thing that I like to go. Questions of the week. We're fucking back, bitches. Questions of the week. Okay. We are kicking off questions of the week with someone so close to my heart. I'm in the mood to do charity work.

Okay. You guys remember Big Lair. Everyone's like, who's Big Lair? It's Laren. I started calling her Big Lair because, you know, Big Al, Big Lair. Okay, whatever. So she called me on the phone the other week and she was like, I need to phone a friend. And I said, sweetheart, I'm here for you. What do you need? So Lauren basically has moved to Chicago, as you guys know, and she's been out and about experiencing that Midwest dick.

Ew. And so I asked her, okay, sweetie, tell me your issue. And this is what the situation was. Lauren went to a house party. There was about like 20 people there. Okay. They're all chilling. They're outside. They're on the roof. Everyone's inside. And so this guy that Lauren had not spoken to within maybe 40 minutes of being there, he walks up to Lauren and he says, hey, do you want to go inside and get a drink? Lauren was like, what a great move. Trying to isolate me from the crowd, get me one-on-one, start the convo. Loving it. He brings her inside.

And he takes a little detour from the fucking kitchen and somehow winds up in a bedroom. And Lauren's like, oh, Al, like in that moment, I was like, oh my God, like he's probably bringing me to the good stuff. Like we're going to get the 1942. Like, ooh, he's probably got like champagne, you know, like fucking rosé all day. And all of a sudden he points to the bed to lead her in. And it's like, let's go in here and Lauren was like wait what and he was like I thought this is what you wanted Lauren was like wait why did what I'm so confused and he was like oh are you mad at me no sorry I just that was the I got the impression you got the impression wait what are you fucking talking about Lauren immediately texted me in the

heat of the moment telling me this I I say, Irish motherfucking exit. Get the fuck out of there. Abort mission. And all of her friends left because this douche was a fucking loser, creeper, chester, the motherfucking molester. So I wanted to bring this story up because I was thinking about it. And I'm like, OK, this episode we were talking about, like, be aggressive this summer. But I want to be very fucking clear. There is a fine line between being

aggressive and being a fucking weirdo. And this dude took it way too fucking far. Yes, be aggressive, but I'm not telling you to go up to people in the middle of the fucking bar and be like, hi, do you want to fuck like right away? No. The sad thing is when I reflect on this story, is his initial approach was a great first step. Had a lot of potential. Again, the operative word being first. There are many other steps that are required before asking someone to have sex. But the like, hey, want to go get a drink? Great first approach.

Love it. The issue lies within the deceptive detour to the fucking bedroom you idiot I think you're really taking anyone you're really taking a gamble if you're trying to jump from the first last step that quickly maybe if you're Brad Pitt sure if you're a 10 go for it try to Try to shoot your shot, lead with your D because usually your personality fucking sucks anyways. But if you are not Brad Pitt, and many of you are not, which is okay

because neither was Chester, okay? His name's also not actually Chester. I'm just calling him that because Chester the molester. You have to lead with your strengths. If you're strengthening your face, okay? You're gonna lead with the strengths. If your strength ain't your face, okay, you're going to lead with the personality, sweetheart. Okay? Self-awareness, people. Read the room.

Lauren just moved to Chicago, Chester. So Midwest Chester may be coming and say, hi, hiya, hi, I'm Chester. I just happened to have a side job as a tour guide. That's literally like Minnesota. I just happened to be a tour guide. Let me show you around Chicago. Also emphasize that's your fucking side job, Chester, and say, I'm also an investment banker, Lauren, and I make six fucking figures. Lay on the comedy, Chester. Give her your best bit. And if you don't have a bit, you better fucking get a bit if you're below an eight. And if you're not funny and your face sucks,

I don't know what to tell you. I guess I would recommend become a good dancer, learn a card trick, learn a card trick, although there is truly nothing fucking creepier and less sexier than being a magician or a clown or a fucking break dancer. So I don't know what to tell you folks. Play to your fucking strengths.

All right. Learn how to suck dick. Go back to episode three. Here we go. Okay. This has never been an issue for me in the past, but recently whenever I deep throat, I tense up and end up releasing a massive fart. I've, I've tried to go to the bathroom before and farting there first, but nothing comes out. Father Cooper help. I want to deep throat the d but i also i don't want to i don't want i don't want to squeeze i don't want let the fart i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to let out i'm sorry i don't usually do this i'm editing this right now i'm gonna leave this in this is the product of speaking for a straight fucking hour I'm literally looking at the words on the fucking computer and I can not read this question for the life of me goodbye I don't want to let out I don't want that I don't want to let the fart

squeeze out the cheeks sweetie I'm so happy you came to my podcast because I actually have a perfect, everyone's like, of course you do, Alex. You know how to make sure you're not farting while you're deep throating. Listen, when you're out in the field and you're doing the constant research, you find the little nooks and crannies of how to move and groove, especially when a dick is down your throat. This is my answer to you, okay? It sounds weird, but this has also happened to me before. Listen, it's our bodies. We love to fucking see it. If anything, throw it back and fucking fart in his face. But no, what you're going to do is when you're going to deep throat, what is something that naturally happens when you're deep throating? You make a huge gag noise unless you have no gag reflex.

Well, now you're faking it, okay? Now, bitch, one thing that's great, you don't have a gag reflex, now you fucking do, okay? Because it's going to save you. You're going to go simultaneously, take your left or your right hand, whatever one's not on the dick, and you're going to slide it down behind your back and you're going to put pressure on your asshole with your fingers okay and on the count of three in your head you're going to be going a little lower a little lower here we go you're going on the dick down down down and all of a sudden and you do the big gag on the dick and you release the fart at the same exact time so it's like he couldn't even focus if there was a loud like huge fart because your gag noise was so intense and that he's definitely going to be focusing on and even honestly this

is so funny I was just thinking even maybe the fart could help like bring out it will make the gag noise sound even larger than life and so it really amplifies the way that you're taking the dick to the back of your throat. There you go. So daddy, I'm 25 and I recently lost my virginity to my first real boyfriend and he was a virgin too. But I of course lied because I was embarrassed. Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, what? He now looks at me for guidance in different positions and I have no idea what I'm doing. I also don't think I'm good in bed yet. I have a friendship with an older man who I trust. What? And he said he could teach me a few things to help me become more comfortable with my sexuality. I'm sure he would, sweetheart. I'm sure he would. And I'm really insecure. So I think I need that literal

instruction on how to fuck in order to feel confident in it. I also really want to learn how to please my boyfriend. Is cheating worth it if it improves both of our sex lives? What a guy. The generosity. There's an older man who you trust that's willing to just quickly teach you a couple sex moves just so you can go back and have a good sex relationship with your boyfriend. What a nice guy. Sweetie, stop looking on Craigslist for men to fuck you so you can learn how to have sex. No.

The answer is no. Pretend I'm above you. Look at your ceiling. Pretend my face is scolding down at you. No. That is, not only is it weird, it's fucking creepy. Whoever this man is, you don't trust him. There's no trust. There's't trust him there's no trust there's no

love there's no trust I would go ahead and say I think if your boyfriend is a virgin or was a virgin before he met you and you're you were also two I actually think it could be a really good bonding moment for the two of you to number one, I bet your boyfriend is insecure that you know more about sex than him and he thinks you're so advanced. So you have an opportunity to get closer to him, be honest and lower like, and even the playing field. So by you addressing it to him, and I think it's actually like a completely fine, normal conversation. I don't think he would be mad. You can almost go into it and being it being like hey throughout just like my past I felt pressured to act more advanced just because I felt like guys were more into that and can I be completely honest you were the first person I also had sex with I actually

now that I'm saying that loud I think that's fucking brilliant because I think your boyfriend would like literally fall more in love with you like that's hot to me knowing that like you both were each other's firsts. So I think the honesty route is better. I don't think you need to fuck the older man who you really trust, who's going to really teach you how to work the pussy, sweetheart. That seems like a red flag to me. And I don't know why you trust an older man who's like, I will quickly teach you, sweetheart. He's grooming you. It's weird. Don't do it. I would be honest with your boyfriend with your boyfriend okay daddy I have been talking to a guy on hinge and the conversation has been pretty fun so far but we've only been talking for a day and he's already asked if I want to go on a date on Friday or Saturday is this a red flag does this mean he has no friends? I was under the impression you save

first dates for Wednesdays or Thursday in case they suck. Am I the crazy one here? Oh, that's actually a really interesting question. Okay. My initial thought process is it is a red flag. If you go onto his social media and you see little Peter Pecker and he has no pictures with his fucking friends and it's just like his mom, his grandma, and his dad. Listen, don't get me wrong. Love a family man. However, we need the man to have some fucking friends. So if on his Instagram, it's just like the fish pictures and like pictures of his new New Balance sneakers and then like his car. I'm going to go ahead and say that weekend date is absolutely because usually his weekend dates are just like with him,

his hand, his Kleenex and his fucking lotion. But if you go on his page and it's so clear he has a guy group of friends or like friends in general, friends in general. That's actually like a good sign. I almost think because that means like, oh, wait, he's really into you. He's willing to miss a Friday out with the boys to take you out. So I know it's crazy, but I think literally social media immediately will give you your answer. And again, men, if you're listening and you're like, wait, I actually have friends, but I never post them on social. Well, post a group photo and just make sure you're the best looking one in the fucking group. And if he doesn't have social media, there's two things that my mind goes to. Number one, so fucking hot. Number two, he's going to fucking kill you. Father, help. I've been in this relationship for a little over a year now.

I was on birth control before we got together and in the beginning of our relationship. I got tired of being a hormonal bitch, so I decided to stop taking it. He was supportive of my decision and didn't have an issue pulling out. Fast forward six months or so, I scheduled and paid for my surgery to have my boobs done and a few vacations planned, also paid for, with some girlfriends coming up. We love an independent woman over here, okay? So I have had to take four plan B pills this month alone. Oh my God, my heart aches for your inside, sweetheart. I feel like this is reckless slash selfish and maybe even toxic behavior on his part,

AKA, is he purposefully coming inside me? He says, it was an accident. However, for months, it was never an issue before. And conveniently now that all these plans are approaching, it's a reoccurring issue. I really cannot tell if i'm being paranoid or is he trying to trap me he has mentioned kids before and i made it very very very clear that this is not something i see anytime soon if anything at all he also has been stressing over me getting my boobs done worrying about me wanting to show them off too much help am. Am I overthinking this? Absolutely fucking not. Let me be very clear with you. A man can be inside of a woman's vagina and it doesn't

it could be Angelina Jolie. We could be fucking something so glorious that a man is like, this has been my dream girl. I've wanted to fuck her my entire childhood when I was four I jacked off to every fucking picture of her on google and if he didn't want a kid he would find the willpower to pull his fucking Peter Pecker out of her fucking pussy and splooge on her fucking ass cheeks okay let me be very clear a man always has the willpower sweetheart okay listen I'm not denying I'm sure you have that bomb fucking pussy I honestly love it okay but there is no fucking chance that he's it was an accident I couldn't do oh you couldn't no fuck yourself this is him fully trying to trap you also what a little bitch boy imagine your girlfriend getting a tit job and your boyfriend's first concern is that you're going to be showing them off too much he should be celebrating your tits not nervous what are you a

little bitch boy you can't take your girlfriend having attention to me the splooging in the pussy um that's really reckless of him basically knowing that he's making you put something in your body aka plan b because of his fucked up decision that you know you aren't wanting i don't fuck with that i don't like that at all i met the hottest guy on vacation in miami and had the hottest hookup probably of my life yes bitch after i was back home i asked if he wanted to meet up again and he said yes and even invited me to come stay with him. He told me he would text me his schedule and what dates work for him, but I never heard back. He hasn't texted me but responded to my Instagram. I'm so confused.

Is he just not interested? Why did he tell me he would come stay with me? What do I do now? He's not interested. He's only interested if you guys ever like back in Miami or like a mutual place. That's the hard cold facts right there you just said listen to what you just said I asked him if he wanted to meet up again totally fine hot girl summer we're being aggressive instead of saying do you want to meet up again you need to set a time and date if you ask a guy if you want to meet up again and he says yes and then he never follows up that was him being nice to you he's saying yeah sure yeah you could come stay with me if you didn't get a plane ticket before you even left Miami you're never going to fucking see him that's the way you got

to look at it so instead of I remember Lauren was asking me this the other day she was like I really want to see this guy he's in town what do I text him and I was like text him and be like I better be seeing you tonight and then I was like wait let me think about it there are three different tiers and she was like wait like I don't I should I be that aggressive and I was like okay the first tier would be old Alex like high school college Alex would have been like am I gonna see you tonight no never ask a question be assertive don't ask him because then it leaves, it gives them the power. So don't ask the question.

Then the two tiers, the middle tier was like, I better see you tonight. And then the top tier was, I wanna see you tonight. Lauren was like, I love that I wanna see you tonight, but like, I think I gotta bring it down to like, I better see you tonight. Cause like, I don't really know if I'm, and I was like, that's totally fine,

but at least be assertive. So instead of, so I think that's the approach you got to take. If you're going to be assertive, that was a great idea of being like, let's meet up again. But now you got to like change your verbiage. Unfortunately, though, sometimes regardless of your verbiage, if he doesn't want to see you, then that's just what it is. So but also who gives a fuck? Like, yes, it's not great, but it's also like, wait, but who gives a fuck? There's so many dicks out there.

You should be choosing which one you want, not waiting for them to choose you. It's hot girl summer, bitch. You know the fucking deal. Be aggressive and take fucking charge of your own life. You're not waiting for a flight, okay? Maybe you also don't wanna pay for it, that's fine, but you're not waiting for it. He's getting it for you or you're not fucking going. You'll

just get the local hometown dick and that's fine. Daddy gang. Okay. That is now finally it for this week's episode. I hope you enjoyed this first episode of the new season. And like I said earlier, I cannot wait to roll out all the new content for you. Thank you to Spotify for allowing all of this new content to happen. And thank you to you, Daddy Gang, for coming along on this wild ass journey with me. I fucking love you guys. Oh, it feels good to say this. Here we fucking go. Daddy gang, you know the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.