Call Her Daddy - How I Knew I Needed to End a Friendship

Episode Date: September 18, 2022

Bonjour! Buckle up - we’re going to France. The classic dilemma, you fuck one person in a friend group and then you realize you want to fuck another…what do you do? Father Cooper is here with the answer. Let’s talk about texting, is it a red flag if a guy sucks at texting? Well, Alex’s boyfriend also is not an A+ texter and she’s here with advice speaking from personal experience. Work, sleep, repeat…how do we break the cycle? Making new friends is hard enough, but making new friends when you’re also in a serious relationship? Big Al is here to answer all of your questions and more. Alex gets vulnerable and discusses her experience navigating a one-sided friendship and how she reconnects with her partner when she notices that they are drifting apart.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Daddy Gang, welcome back to another mini episode of Call Her Daddy. It's just you and me today, baby. Okay. Sometimes when we don't just personally connect for a minute, I feel estranged. I feel it's like when your mom doesn't answer your text message and you're so triggered because you have ignored the past 20 of her text messages. But when I text you, mom, where the fuck are you? Answer now. She's like, you literally have not spoken to me in three weeks. That's actually the worst when you have your parents texting you 24-7 and you don't answer them and then you need them and you're like, ring, ring, bitch.

Hello. And if they don't drop every single thing for you, it's criminal. So today, I know we're kind of in a transition. We're getting closer to getting back to fall. People are going to be going back to school. But I wanted to go to France this summer and I didn't get to go to France this summer and neither did you guys. Maybe you actually went physically to Paris, but you didn't do it in the way that usually we do it here on call. You did not get to go to Francis. I did not get to go to Francis.

Henry is looking at me like not again, bitch. Questions of the motherfucking wake, baby. Questions of the motherfucking week baby questions of the week questions of the motherfucking week baby um if you're new here oh my god i just snorted if you're new here questions of the week we like to go to france Okay. Hey, dad. Oh, hey, daddy. Hi, daddy.. Hello daddy. I made friends with this girl and she introduced me to her boyfriend's hockey team. Being a single girly, they are all over me. I already slept with one and after that didn't go well, I completely cut off any new possible romantic connections. But there's one guy who I know has a crush on me and I really like him. Should I go for it or look outside of the friend group? Baby girl, baby girl, go for it. You

absolutely should go for it. Here's the thing. The only time that I think that it can be problematic to go for someone in a friend group is when you've dated someone in that friend group extremely in a serious matter. You have dated this man for 10 years. If you've only dated him for eight years, fuck all of his friends. But you get what I'm saying? Who is anyone to ever deny us of a potential connection? That's what we're looking for in

life. Okay. And so little butthurt Bruce can get the fuck over it and go find someone else. But I think the issue comes when you've had a really serious relationship with someone in that friend group. Even if you date someone for a year, two years, you've been around then his friends, right? You've been around the person now probably that you're talking about. And I know that's not your case. I'm just saying to anyone listening, it's really hard when you've had a real relationship and then you try to infiltrate and fuck someone else in the friend group. Because it is kind of like get your own fucking friend group, right? Like these are my friends on my hockey team.

Like go fuck the football team. And we love fucking the football team. But in your situation, it's actually perfect. You fucked one of the guys. You didn't date him. You don't owe him jack shit. And it went nowhere. No one's feelings will be hurt. The only person's feelings that will be hurt is if you go and have sex with this guy and it doesn't work out. And the guys are fucking assholes as guys can be. are like, oh, she's a fucking slut because she fucked around on us. And guess what?

Who gives a fuck? Because then you're fucking done with the hockey team and we're moving on to the lacrosse team. Well, I don't know if you should move on to the lacrosse team, although sometimes I feel like the lacrosse boys are always like have rich daddies and they have maybe less concussions. Actually, probably not. I just feel as though you have to do what you want to do and don't be afraid to infiltrate multiple people in a friend group if it's for

a fun hookup if you like this guy and he's the second guy you've hooked up with in that friend group absolutely go for it sweetie you said you have a connection he likes you you like him that sounds way deeper than just the casual fuck you had with one of his teammates at one point. So I say go for it. And I would always use humor if anyone fucking dares, dares put you in a position to make you feel uncomfortable. If you're at a hangout, someone makes a comment. Let's say the new guy you want to hook up with. His name is Jeremy. And the old guy that you hooked up with is Josh. Oh, look, double entendre, two Js, put them in your fucking V, make it feel good. I think that if someone's like, oh, Kaylee, you're really fucking getting

around, huh? You like Jeremy and Josh. You almost have to use humor sometimes to combat when especially men try to be dicks about something that they are doing just as well, if not better. Okay. You can play the game. So can we. Sorry, it's upsetting you, Brad, that I'm getting my fucking pussy wet. And clearly your little fucking dick shrine over there has not gotten even fucking hard in a goddamn semester because no one wants to fuck you, Brad. Maybe not go as hard at him as that. But if someone says something to you at a pregame or your hangout and he's like, oh, you really get it. Be like, oh my God, Brad, are you keeping tabs on who I'm hooking up with?

I don't even know your fucking last name. I'm honored that you're that invested in my sex life. And let me tell you, it's great. Hope the best for you and your sex life too, Brad. Cheers. Like you got to sometimes be like a little funny with it and don't come off butthurt. I don't know, but I love to fucking emasculate a man right in front of his fucking face and be like, oh, pull out your fucking dick. Cause guess what? There's a reason

I'm not fucking you. I know you're upset. It's okay, Brad. Let's go take a shot together and let's try to get you laid tonight. So then you're not as focused on my sex life. Um, but yeah, no, go, go for his friend. There, there's no, there's no boundaries there, um, then you're not as focused on my sex life. But yeah, no, go for his friend. There's no boundaries there that you're crossing because you weren't in a relationship with the other guy. Hey, daddy. First of all, I love you. That is amazing because I love you too. My question is if the guy I'm talking to isn't the best texter, but in all the other ways is a true gentleman and is amazing. Should it bother me? Let me tell you a little story about my relationship, sweetie, that will make you feel a lot better about yourself. I remember in the beginning of talking to Mr. Sexy Zoom Man,

I wouldn't say I thought he hated me. Well, I really was not sure which way he was swinging with regard to his feelings towards me. And then slowly I got to know him and he hates his phone and he does not. He's just not a texter. And even still in our relationship, we like FaceTime or we do phone calls. I had to get used to that. Oh my God. He'd FaceTime me and I'm like, I've got my fucking pimples, no pimple cream on even pimples look better with pimple cream on. I had no pimple cream on. My pimple was popping out for the world to see. I've got my greased hair. I've got my roots. I've got the whole thing. It was just so awful. And I'd be looking like a full fucking Gollum adjacent person. And I would just be like, oh, fuck, he's FaceTiming me. I had to get used to that he's

a facetimer but to answer your question no this should not be an issue if anything I think it's kind of hot because I think it's annoying and I've had past relationships where texting all the time like let's let's move on you know like let's let's save something for the fucking dinner tonight and I find sometimes it's like little fucking texting fingers like, hey, hey, what's up? What are you doing? And then we're sending long fucking paragraphs. And it's like, we're going to run out of things to say. I used to talk to this guy on the LA Rams, shout out. And he lived in LA. I was living in New York at the time. And our texting was fire fuego. It was amazing. Like

we were sending paragraphs and paragraphs and paragraphs. And all of a sudden, like third week, I would just kind of dip out and not answer him because I'm like, I'm getting fucking bored. Stop sending me paragraphs because, well, I was to my default, I was sending him paragraphs back. But, you know, I was trying to give, give, give. And then I gave too much and I couldn't give any more. And we hadn't even met in person. And I was already done with things I could fucking come up to talk to this guy about, which I get it. Like, how many times can you talk about football and working out? And it's just it's a little fucking vapid. But the point is, is I feel there's something really hot and sexy about not. I hate that I just said that, there's something so sexy about not texting. I get home from a day of work and I have no idea what my boyfriend was doing all day. Don't worry,

I have a tracking device on his car and on his phone. But aside from that, isn't it sad that I have to clarify if I'm joking on this podcast? Bitch, fucking thrive in the moment. Who gives a fuck about some text messages? That shit's boring anyways. What are we gonna do? What are you doing now? What are you doing now? What'd you have for lunch? What are you doing now?

What are you doing? Shut the fuck up. I'll see you later. How do you get yourself out of a funk? Currently in a vicious cycle of work, paying bills, and going home. Help. Oh, sweetie.

I have lived this over and over and over and it's something I talk about with my therapist all the time of like I feel like all I do is work I feel like all I do is work all I'm doing is working and I then just want to be home and watch Netflix on weekends and to decompress and then just hang out with my boyfriend and then it's like my friends have to drag me out of the house to go to dinners but I'm just so fucking exhausted and I will say this it's not easy I'm not gonna give you this like remedy of like you do this this and this and poof you are back and you're a bad bitch that's not realistic sometimes it can be really hard to get out of a rut. And I think that my actual advice would be once a week. Actually, that's actually too much. Nope. Once every two weeks,

start with that. Push yourself to do something socially that you would rather die into. Like, I remember I had to go to this event and I don't go to events. Every time my publicist calls me, she's like, I know you're going to say no, but hear me out. And I'm like, nope, I'm not going. I just don't like going to these events a lot. And finally I was like, you know what? I'm going to go to the event. And I went and I fucking hated it. I was so miserable. But I will say, just having gotten out, it didn't even make me want to, well, it did make me want to run home. I literally ran home afterwards. This is not a good example, but it actually is because what I will say is next time that I got invited to an event, I said, fuck off. I'm basically telling you to stay inside, delete social media, don't talk to anyone,

and just stay in your rut. No. What happened was as much as I didn't really want to be there, there's something inside of me that was annoyed by the event itself, but happy that I had the best time getting my makeup done. And the people that I get my hair and makeup done, I had so much fun. We were laughing. We were joking. We were drinking. And that to me was like, damn, I had a great night before I had to actually go outside. But I hung out with people and I was having a good time. So I would say push yourself to do something because even if you don't enjoy the whole aspect of it, one part of you is going to find something that you like from getting out of that rut and pushing yourself to do something.

And when you get in this rut, you get you get comfortable of I know my work routine and I know what I'm doing when I get home and comfortability is something that I worship and love and it's definitely hard for me like my boyfriend went to four dinners this week and was like do you want to come with me and to to every single one, I said no. Now, finally, next week, I asked him if he has dinners and I said, I will go with you to one of them. And I know that sounds not great, but it is a step for me because I am a homebody. I love staying inside. I love being alone. I don't give a fuck. I love it. I love eating ice cream, eating some pasta, watching fucking Netflix with my dog and my boyfriend. He does exist and have a good night.

So my answer in a very long winded way is sometimes you have to know you're not going to enjoy the whole experience of whatever you're going to force yourself to do, but there will be one tiny thing. And I emphasize tiny because it may not be the whole thing. It's going to be uncomfortable. You're almost going to get anxiety too. Like, well, I, whether you have work tomorrow or you need to prep for work, it's a lot of stress of getting out of that rut. But one little thing may happen that night that could just switch it up a little bit. Hi, Daddy. I'm in a difficult situation. We all know the struggles of making new girlfriends in your 20s. I am 25 and just met some really dope girls around my age. The problem is, is that I'm in a relationship and literally live with my serious boyfriend. I found the most bonding

moments for girls are wild nights out. You know, the ones where you're blacking out in the bathroom, know them too well and bonding over guys slash the chase, et cetera. I'm not in the place of my life where I'm clubbing or in the dating hooking up phase. And I'm learning it's hard to find moments to really connect with these girls and form that sisterhood bond. Please help adore you and the pod. Oh, child. Oh, child. Things are gonna. Listen, two parts to this. Number one, when I moved to Los Angeles, I was hanging out with some girls. Lovely, lovely, lovely women. Okay. But they were always wanting to go to Delilah and hide and the nice guy or whatever the fuck some of these clubs are called in LA.

And I was at a point in my career where I was just working like a crazy person in the best way. I was so happy about it. I was, I am still, I'm just really focused on my career right now. And I was just kind of like, you know what, I have licked and been fucked and done a lot of really inappropriate things on the floor of every single New York City nightclub. And when I moved to LA, I really was kind of changing a little bit. I felt like I was growing up not that you can't be grown up and go to clubs because I have gone to a few since I've lived here. but it was every single weekend and there was never just like a not boozy brunch or something. And I found that it didn't take away from the fact that I love those girls. They're great girls.

But I realized for myself, I wasn't happy because the whole time I was just stressing out about like, I don't want to be hung over for work. And I have responsibilities that I really just want to be on top of and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I know I sound like a fucking snooze. I don't give a shit. I'm really fucking invested in my career right now and in my relationship. My boyfriend, I was like, you know what? I really just moved here.

I'm trying to figure my shit out with him. And like, I don't need to be going and getting fucked up at clubs because like, for what what I come home and I'm hammered and like, I didn't even want to get that drunk. So I started to just kind of keep in touch, but Oh, I started to pass on going on nights out. And I will say, I'm not as close with those girls anymore. There is no love lost. I think they're amazing. I love them. And on the occasion that I want to pop in and go for a crazy night, I am down and they are down. But I feel like sometimes when you're in your 20s, there's this part that you have to accept. You're not going to be on the same page as a lot of friends around you. And a lot of those friends aren't going to feel on the same page as even the people

in their friend group. I guarantee you there's one other person in that friend group that feels the exact same way as you, but they're holding onto the concept of having a friend group and having plans every weekend. Even if they're plans that they don't want to be doing, that doesn't make them happy. They're holding onto it because the fear of not having plans of not having friends in your twenties, when we've been completely stripped of the concept of being at school and being around everyone 24-7, it's a really disorienting feeling when you're now an adult and you're living in cities that you're like, uh, well, wait, no, I need plans on Friday. Actually, you don't. You really don't. Because all of a sudden, we're all going to wake up at a certain age and some people

are going to move at different paces. I don't feel like I'm fulfilled anymore by going to nightclubs. And for a while in my life, I couldn't have felt more fulfilled. I was thriving. I knew every fucking promoter. They've seen my labia. Like I knew what I was doing, but now I'm like, ah, been there, done that. I'm actually excited. And oh my God, I sound like an old woman, but like it excites me to be designing a house and going to dinners with people in the industry with my boyfriend and connecting with coupled friends. And it's just because I'm at a different point, right? It doesn't mean I don't go out with my single friends occasionally.

But I think for you, you have to almost realize I love that you put yourself out there and that you tried to find a new friend group. But they're clearly not moving at the same pace as you. You have a boyfriend. What if instead you do find couples that you can be friends with and that you and your boyfriend could go out with? And let me be so clear. You need independence from your boyfriend. There's something so positive about you forcing yourself to go out with the girls and not with your boyfriend. But what if you do find some friends that are coupled friends or have relationships and are kind of on that same wavelength as you? And then some nights you don't invite the guys and the girls go out and have a

good night, but all of you are in relationships and it feels more like let's have a couple cocktails. Let's have good conversation. Let's talk and not just be getting blackout and trying to go find dick let me please again clarify there's nothing wrong with that i lived most of my life doing that but people are at different fucking places in their life and there should be no hard feelings around that i bet the girls can feel it from you of like what they're gonna try to convince you to cheat so you're on their level no it's like there's sometimes you just have to accept that you're at different places and maybe one of them will get in a relationship and all of a sudden she'll come hang out with you because

she doesn't want to go get fucked in the bathroom by a promoter at Hyde that weekend. Do you know what I mean? And let the girl that's getting fucked by the promoter at Hyde thrive and keep fucking thriving, bitch. but you're just at different places um and I think that's really normal but I think sometimes it can be really draining if you keep trying to make it work when it's like hey you in your dm to me just said you don't really feel connected because you are not wanting to do what they're doing and that's what they do every weekend I'm gonna go ahead and say probably the not the right fit for friend group, right? I have a best friend who I've been friends with since high school. She always has good intentions, but it's definitely a one-sided relationship.

She seems like she only, it seems like she only calls me to talk about her problems, but when I need her, she's nowhere to be found. I love her, but I really don't know what to do. Oh, I've had one of those. I've had multiple of those. One of my really close friends in high school, actually one of my best friends in high school, we ended up not, I kind of ended the relationship before I left for college because it was all about her. And I felt like I was just like her little minion and I would just follow her around. She was like everything I thought I wanted to be.

Like I was still going through my awkward phase and she was just like the perfect girl next door all the guys wanted her and I was the fucking girl that they handed their gum to before they walked in to go make out with her in the fucking room for seven minutes in heaven okay that never happened but the analogy gives some contextual clues as to what was going on and so for my freshman year my sophomore year I started to finally come into my own and my junior senior year I was like okay I don't need to be stomped on by this girl I love you to death but every fucking time I have a guy issue your eyes are literally on your phone or on the computer or on the tv and you're not listening to me and meanwhile when she would come to me with her problems I was like okay sit down let me let me solve this with you here we go I'm gonna stay up crying with you all night like I was there for

her like more than almost for myself and I poured so much into that relationship I think a part of me because I wanted I loved being her friend I guess that sounds weird but I loved walking into rooms with her and her being my best friend and she made me feel like complete shit half the time but without her I thought well I will just like I won't be as cool I will no the minute I actually fucking disengage from that relationship is when I actually came into my own and I was like who the fuck are you stop trying to live in this girl's shadow and so I think what I started to realize is like you can always love someone especially when they're from your childhood and that they are just like there's always going to be history there there's always going to be

love there but there's something so so toxic about a toxic friend because you're choosing to be there every day and you're choosing to support each other and try to help each other through shit. And I feel like in a romantic relationship, it's almost easier to spot when something is extremely unbalanced. But when you're in a friendship, sometimes someone's going through more, right? Sometimes someone's going through a harder time, the other one's fine in life. And so that one's kind of picking the other one up and then vice versa the next month. But what happens is if you feel like every single time you're talking, this person could not give a fuck and they're so self-absorbed, you got to move on. And it doesn't mean you even have to end the relationship. What I did actually was I just kind of stopped

putting in as much effort. And when she would start to reach out with her whole drama of, oh my God, like this drama with this boy or whatever, I would be way less appeasing to be her therapist for five hours on the phone. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, but I got to go study. Like I'd obviously give her like five minutes and then I'd cut it off and be like, I'm so sorry. I got to go study. I've also dinner with my family. Like I got to go downstairs. Love you. Like you're going to get through this.

And so that was my first step of setting boundaries of like, you don't have to completely go cold turkey if you don't want to have like bad blood, you know, if they're a fucking bitch, obviously be like, okay, go fuck yourself. I'm standing up for myself. Goodbye. But if you kind of just want to, I think it's best to wane out sometimes because it will give you some clarity and also it will just show you eventually it's always all about them like I knew when she was going through shit she would always reach out to me but then all of a sudden

I stopped getting invited to some of her parties because like I wasn't sucking her tit anymore and I was actually okay with that because I remember a couple years later I ran into her at a bar and one of her best friends was with her and we were drinking and her friend was drunk and I just said something of like oh how are you guys like oh it's so fun that you guys are friends and something and she was like yep I'm a right hand woman and I was like what she was like I feel like I kind of just took your place like it is all about blank and I was like whoa that is dark and so someone like that is always gonna find a way to just go to the next person and use them and talk with them about their life and not give a fuck about yours

and so it's kind of like prioritize yourself what are you getting from listening to her bullshit 24 7 and I am not saying like I said earlier It is so different if your friend is fucking going through it And you just have to be a good friend in those moments like you gotta fuck it Sometimes it's like you're the best point of your life and your friend's fucking going through it Get the fuck down there to their level and help them get through it because they're gonna do the same for you when you're going Through it, but when it's just so unbalanced all the time It's like that's just not a healthy relationship. And it's not going to make you feel

good about yourself. And if you keep that relationship going, it's not going to help you moving forward in other type of friendships. Know your worth and know that friendship should be 50-50. Because you ain't fucking your friends. You know what I mean? You ain't getting it's like, oh, I can put up with it because it's like good sex. No, no, no, no, no. It's 50-50. You're there to support each other and love each other and It's 50-50. You're there to support each other and love each other and be there for each other, but also not to the point where it's like there's anything that you owe these people or you feel beholden to them or you feel, I don't know, the last time she made me feel good. If that's the answer, get the fuck out.

What to do when you feel you and your boyfriend drifting apart or busy or not connecting. Okay, so I have had this with my boyfriend. He travels a lot. He is in the movie industry and he is constantly traveling and he could be gone for weeks on end. He was just in London for two and a half weeks and I didn't see him. And there are purposeful efforts that we both make to stay connected. But when you're in a rut, there needs to be something and it doesn't need to be this crazy grand gesture like, I'm going to buy her jewelry and I'm going to buy him. No, it is still simple. It's just a little bit that I've found. And this is the trick for me. And it can be different for everyone.

But when I feel like we're disconnected, I do something that shows my partner I'm really fucking trying. And what that means to me is doing something completely out of the norm for me. I am not the most domesticated bitch, okay? But I bring other things to the household, okay guys? Like my personality, my bod, and my charisma. No. So when we are going through something, I will try to cook my boyfriend a meal and even if the food sucks okay it usually doesn't though but if it does he knows damn Alex is making such an effort she's trying she's going out of her way to do something that is going to be nice for us to sit down have a meal together get time to talk usually I'll take our phones and throw them out the window and we'll sit down and we'll have a meal together, get time to talk. Usually I'll take our phones and throw them out the window

and we'll sit down and we'll have a glass of wine while shit's. Well, everything's burning in the kitchen. We have a couple of glasses of wine or tequila and I get it literally cooking to some of you. Maybe like I do that every night or that's so easy, but I'm just saying for me, this is something that shows my boyfriend. Whoa, she's really making a fucking effort. So maybe for you, it's something completely different. Like when's the last time you wrote your partner like a card? I don't give a fuck if it's not their birthday or if it's not a holiday. Think of things that, you know, maybe other people do. And I don't care for ripping shit from other couples. That's fun to like ask your friend what they do that's cute for their

partner and rip that shit from them. OK, I showed one of my friends was in town and I showed them this book that I made for my boyfriend for his birthday last year. And I will say so myself. My friends were literally like, who knew you were fucking romantic? And I'm like, don't tell anyone. I love writing letters to my boyfriend, whether it's in a card or whenever the fuck. And so I do it not on holidays, but maybe that's your thing. Maybe you are fucking OGQ, always making cute little meals and you're always thinking of, but when's last time you wrote your person a note? It's just about finding the thing maybe that you don't do

often that just gives your partner the indication, I'm trying. Because hopefully what's going to happen is they are going to recognize that and they will then reciprocate. They will appreciate it. They will value that. And they will then also find a time that they push themselves out of their comfort zone and they make that effort back. And all of a sudden you guys start doing things that you didn't used to do. And there are these little things, again, these do not need to be grand gestures that break the bank or stress you out.

And then all of a sudden the rut's no longer there okay daddy gang i think that was an extremely nice therapeutic conversation we just had um i love you guys i hope you guys enjoyed this mini episode have an amazing amazing amazing amazing sunday that was so many mazings okay love you fuckers see you next wednesday goodbye