Call Her Daddy - How Social Media Ruined My Life

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

This week, Father Cooper sits down with her longtime best friend Laren, who recently deleted all of her social media accounts. The two reminisce on the evolution of social media throughout their lives, including Myspace top friends, Snapchat nudes, Facebook party albums, and the ultimate beast…Instagram. Laren tells all regarding her decision to completely delete her social media and reflects on how her life has changed since going off the grid. Alex and Lauren discuss online bullying, body image, relationships…and how social media influences basically every aspect of our lives. Even if your social media is private and you have less than one hundred followers, this episode is sure to raise some questions that everyone can relate to.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. All right, all right, all right. We are fucking back for another episode of Call Her Daddy. Hello, you little fickle friend. What? Hello, daddy gang. Today is a good day. I can smell it in the air. I can whiff it. Lair, big Lair is in the motherfucking house. My childhood best friend, my longtime roommate, my wing woman, my partner in crime, my sister,

my family, my person. Can you tell I'm madly in love with her? Lauren, Lauren. Have you guys missed her? She's a friend of the show. We go way back. But you probably have missed her, not just because she hasn't been on the pod in a minute, but because Lauren deleted all of her social media accounts and today she tells us what led her to this decision and how not having social media has impacted her life. It's so interesting to hear what life is like without it. Personally, I am quite envious and it's crazy because you you'll hear it it affects so much shit that you wouldn't even think it affects like your workout schedule and your dating life and your family life and your friend life like literally every aspect has changed for Lauren since deactivating Instagram

TikTok etc so daddy gang I am excited for you guys to listen to this episode. I'm really proud of it and it's a great one. Lauren's incredible. And I think the themes we talk about in this episode, every single person listening, you will be able to relate. Whether you have a private or public account, whether you have 500 or 500,000 followers, the stresses and anxieties and comparisons that come and surround social media are universal. So without further ado, here is Big Lair. I'm looking at you with printed interview questions in front of you right now. It's so weird starting this segment by treating you like an interview guest. I was trying to think, have I ever been interviewed before?

And like I've never been interviewed outside like the context of a job interview. Oh, it was one job interview. I'm thinking back to it and hopefully that's not the vibe I carry in today. If they were trying to like start off like light, warm me up, and they're like, what's your favorite book? or like what book had the most influence in your life i completely blanked i couldn't think of a single book i have read in my entire life do you know what i said what the bible who's gonna question if i say the bible was the most influential book i'm not religious but i got the job that's honestly a great answer like ask me

any questions do you know psalm 87 verse 2 okay that is not how this is about to go good i'm not gonna like black out and like forget everything i know why does it feel so much more intense that i have a piece of fucking paper i was gonna put the questions on my phone but I figured let's get profesh Lauren Alex Lauren hey you deleted social media I did how long has it been now maybe a little less than two months maybe a little less than two months yeah and I want to talk to you about this big decision because we are the first generation that's really had it like not our whole life but almost our whole life and for you to just be like peace out is pretty bold because I don't know anyone that's done that have you ever had a friend that's completely deleted social media I know one other person who's deleted

her social media and like I know guys who like just like never really got into it yes but like I don't know many other people who like don't have it at all I wanted to have you on the podcast one because you're my friend and I just wanted to see you but two to talk about this decision so I want to go all the way back like I would do in any other interview and I want to ask you what is your first memory of being on social media? Are we counting aim as social media? Like, Oh, I guess no, because like, that's kind of like, it's not images in your face. It's not like curating an image and like a profile and like, it's just you like sexting little. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we're not counting Island girl, nine, nine, nine, eight. We are not counting

Island girl. Although that username is fucking fire yeah um so my space my space so i got my space in seventh grade my parents were like completely completely forbid it they were like you can absolutely not get a my space you could not get social media and obviously that made me want it more totally so i remember i was at sandport noise house and i still had like the clunker like you know what i mean the big like dell yeah and she had this like that computer right over there like a brand new like mac uh like desktop and she's like let's make a myspace and i was like i'm not allowed and she was like you can just keep it hidden and so i made a myspace my parents didn't know about it.

And like I had to sneak around so much, like go downstairs and like sneak on at nighttime. Like when I knew they were sleeping and then I had to be like so meticulous to like clear my internet history. Yeah, so they couldn't find it. I didn't clear the trash or something. And they found out I had social media

and I was in so much trouble. And then did they make you delete it? Yes, but then I got back on again. You didn't let that stop you. Okay. So MySpace is your first memory. MySpace in seventh grade. Yeah. MySpace for me was the first moment that I remember feeling like, oh, wow, like I'm not like as pretty as those girls and they're like, and just looking at their profile pictures. So that was probably the first like comparison I started to feel. Yes. I felt the exact same way. I went to public school. So like before high school, there were like three different middle schools. And then when you go to high school, all the middle schools converge. So in seventh grade,

when we got my space, I was able to see like all like the really popular girls at the other middle schools. And like, it was that comparison moment of like, I was able to see like all like the really popular girls at the other middle schools. And like, it was that comparison moment of like, I was already having this middle school classic coming to age moment where obviously popularity was the biggest thing on my mind. And before social media, I'd only be really comparing myself to the girls at my school. But now with social media, now I'm able to see all of the girls and all of the middle schools around me this is like multiplied by 10 now I'm comparing myself to every single girl in every single middle school in the area would never have happened because I would have never known these people if like myspace wasn't a thing what was your first like trauma around social media

that's a dumb fucking word to use but like when did it ever like make you feel like shit in your young days or do you not remember that oh well the fucking obvious the myspace top friends yeah that was horrible that was horrible like you would get in like a petty fight with someone just like remove them out of your top and you'd be like uh like what happened yeah that's interesting like ranking your friends that's horrible yeah that was so toxic the idea of publicly declaring who your best friends are like what oh my gosh you're triggering so many memories right now remember snapchat used to also have the best friends concept and like you would click on someone's profile and it would show like who they're having their snap streaks with and like rank them i had my high school serious boyfriend and I remember I remember so vividly I'd rush home from high school I would get on the computer Facebook on the computer

Snapchat in my hand it was like right after school you know everyone would kind of like be online I would click on my boyfriend's Snapchat and while I would be Snapchatting him I would be watching me and this other girl trade places for one and two and one and two and one and while I would be Snapchatting him I would be watching Me and this other girl trade places for one and Two and one and two and one and two I'm like But you're my boyfriend But this girl that you're like what and I remember Like feeling insane And being like why are you Snapchatting this

Girl and me and it was just Like I felt crazy Dude I forgot about the Fact that you could see who people's tops were I forgot that too that's not a thing anymore snapchat served the purpose of like just breeding shadiness shadiness you could use your snap messaging the messages would delete yeah I feel like that like exacerbated like sending nudes 1000% I think the first nude I ever sent was on snapchat yeah we had I remember

we had an assembly because it became such like an epidemic like a nudes through snapchat epidemic that we had an assembly sending nudes even though you think they disappear they won't disappear this is child pornography like our high school had an assembly about it dude it's fucking crazy it's essentially an app where the messages and photos disappear and if someone screenshots your photo it sends a fucking alert like what else is that supposed to be for other than sending nudes sexting and being shady yeah absolutely so that was snapchat then comes the rise of Facebook. Facebook was a whole new beast. Facebook basically paved the way for what is modern social media. The idea of curating a profile and curating how you want people to perceive you.

Yeah, this was like the beginning of documenting your social life in order to prove your status. In high school, cue the red solo oh my god you go to like a basement party yes and you take photos in your basement party and you upload like 25 pictures of like you underage holding a red cup and like stumbling around the basement i because we were friends in high school but everyone reminder lauren and i didn't go to the same high school yeah and your friend group i feel like was more advanced at first than what my friend group was doing and so I would see you guys always with like the red solo cups and drinking because of Facebook and I then remember starting to then post on Facebook like at the drinking parties yeah like did you ever make a decision because of social media yeah I

think that's what like got me into drinking when did you have your first drink I remember so vividly I I'm pretty sure when did you first get drunk freshman year of high school freshman year like one of like my friend groups I was really hanging out with were like anti-drinking like weren't drinking had no interest in drinking like yep like if someone were to drink someone would get mad at the other person most likely got it and then like the people who were drinking my freshman year were like posting like these red cup pictures and like wearing these cute outfits and like that kind of like sparked my interest like I like wasn't like itching to drink at all and then like Facebook really erupted like our freshman year of high school and then like I went to one of these parties and like I drank right

I agree with you I would say that the catalyst towards my interest in drinking was Facebook I was really innocent going into high school yeah you were I was really innocent like I don't think freshman year me would have drank freshman year if it wasn't for Facebook and like seeing the older kids doing it that like fucked us with like drinking I really don't I know for a fact without social media I would not have drank my freshman year we were some of the first people to show up to college with digital profiles about ourselves before even stepping foot on campus tell me how social media affected you going into college like were you looking at your social media and curating it before you also got onto campus or no so there's I think there's like two pieces here is Tulane I

went to Tulane if you don't know in New Orleans um and I did not know anyone from my high school like I was the only person yeah I was the only the only person in my class going to Tulane. I didn't know anyone going. The first aspect for me was finding a roommate. I remember they made a class of 2017 Facebook group. They're like, if you needed a roommate, you start posting, like, I need a roommate. Then you start stalking everyone and sizing them up

based on their Facebook to see who you want to be your roommate there was this one girl who like we kind of like agreed to be roommates and then like this other girl came in who her profile looked cooler so I made up an excuse and ditched the first girl and chose the second girl to be my roommate Lauren you vain ass bitch I don't know blame it on social media you're like honestly you seemed cool until i saw this other fucking chick okay so you get to college yeah how did social media play a role in greek life oh oh my gosh wait i don't know i think i can say this i probably can say this okay tumblr okay oh my gosh i'm remembering so much so each sorority had their own like tumblr because instagram still wasn't that big at my freshman year yep each sorority like there were

seven or eight to choose from going into rush you would like go to each sorority's tumblr and see what sorority had like the funnest vibe the hottest girls and when curating the tumblr it'd be like the same like 15 girls over and over in all the pictures and i remember like later on like my junior year i'm like well why am i not in my sorority's tumblr like why am i not featured on this like what am i not cool enough am i like not hot enough am i like not a representation of like my and i'm the secretary of the sorority i'm like on the chapter council but like publicly i'm not on really on the instagram i'm not on the tumblr what kind of girl was like on the tumblr like the skinny blonde like right classic right and so wealthy i hadn't been exposed to this level of wealth yet like in high school

and now like i'm like whoa like these people were like vacationing in like the hamptons and martha's vineyard and posting all about it and like on yachts and like spending summers in italy and all you had to fucking show for was the goddamn basement i was running those basements though this is like what i was like i don't know if i can say this but i think it's public knowledge and i didn't sign anything yeah um yeah okay so before rush we would have to go to our sorority house we'd be there for hours upon hours and it fucking sucked it'd be like hundreds of people sitting on the ground a giant projector projecting pictures from someone's social media and we have clipboards and we have notebooks and we're taking notes and if someone knows them they stand up and they're like I met this girl I'm gonna vouch for this girl like I met this girl

and like we hate this girl we're blacklisting this girl and you you're flipping through this notebook taking notes and then like during rush everyone has this notebook and you you're flipping through this notebook taking notes and then like during rush everyone has this notebook and you're kind of looking at it it's like if you're matched with a girl like you're looking at this notebook like what people say about her what was her profile like and again a majority of these opinions came based off social media the system was so obvious that when I got dropped from one of the sororities that I wanted to be in it came down to like oh so they in the 10 minutes they met me I either wasn't cool enough or I wasn't hot enough because that's

all they know about me fuck them Lauren okay um okay so you and you ended up loving college oh I loved college and I live with one of my college roommates now and like I it was just a sorority life yeah sorority fucking fuck toxic sororities so let's talk about social media post-college so then i graduate oh yeah lauren graduate she doesn't drop out it's like she was fucking so miserable because those fucking cunts so you graduate college everything is fine yeah exactly henry fuck them fuck those bitches post-college social media after college i remember kind of feeling self-conscious because in college i had like the same six best friends and like so like i was so used to having like such good girlfriends around me and then i moved to new

york city right after college and i remember like being self-conscious like I didn't have enough girlfriends was this when you were living in Hoboken living in Hoboken yeah got it well right after college I moved home for like a few months because I didn't know where I wanted to live yet yeah and then I moved to Hoboken with random roommates I found on Craigslist that was like a a dark time I remember me and you both being like we have no friends here yeah that's like the weirdest thing about like post-grad like you're so used to being in like this like world with so many friends and then like people move dude we used to talk about it we would literally sit in slim shady's apartment and we would be like

we have no fucking friends yeah we would go on the snapchat the snapchat map when you zoom out and it would like show like a heat map type of thing where like if there were a lot of people in one area of new york city it would be red and you could click and see what stories people were posting in that area of new york city and like we would go to that area of the city. The fact that you can click on a map and put yourself in and see like who's at what bar, it's psychotic. And also I think you're saying, Lauren, that is a good representation of that first moment that you felt shitty after college of like your college friends. There's nothing like it where you're like you shit together, you eat together, you throw

up together, you're sleeping in the same bed eat together you throw up together you're sleeping in the same bed you cry your heartbreak like all of it then when you leave the fact that you were looking it was social media that was making you feel like you were missing out on a life and you were regretting being in one of the greatest cities exactly i was like did i fuck up should i have not gone to new york city but then all the same time i felt a pressure like right i'm living in new york city i'm making it in new york right prove this like new york life that like look at me i live in new york city and it's interesting to think back because i bet you never were like posting in fucking hoboken no whenever you came into the city the stories would start going up right and so imagine then people

that stayed let's say in two lane or dispersed somewhere else in the country that and we're looking at your stories they probably felt the same of like wow Lauren really made it she's in New York City and mind you you're over there like fucking miserable I'm living in Hoboken with two 30 year olds who I found on Craigslist dude you and I would talk about it like we were like how do we get you the fuck out of there because every time that slim shady was on the road you would sleep on the couch i had his away schedule posted on my fridge so i knew exactly when i could leave hoboken and get into new york city and as cool as it was at times to have this like slim shady lifestyle like it wasn't

real like then he would go to games and like i wanted to like go pre-game in like a small apartment like a group of people yes that type of and have like a group point of our life we sound like fucking losers like all we wanted to do is have more than one friend lauren's like getting on bumble bff i was because you wouldn't go on bumble bf you're like we have to whore you out on bumble bff line and you get invited to a pre-game the thing is is like i remember because it's just hard being a loser dude this episode people are gonna leave and be like so the moral of the story is those girls are fucking losers but you're not a loser if you call yourself a loser first but the point is too is like remember we would see like those penn state girls i was

envious like how do you have seven friends in one city yeah like how there would be like seven girls in line in the lineup like always where are they coming from can we borrow a few I remember we would always like how many different ways can you and I take a fucking photo together we don't even have someone to take the fucking photo for us okay glad we established that now we're up to date and we're still losers yeah yeah yeah okay so what is the big turning point like why did you delete your social media so what is the big turning point like why did you delete your social media uh my account was always private I didn't make my account public until we did that first episode together the third roommate

speaks and that day when like we were filming that episode I was like I'm not teaching anymore I'm in grad school now I can technically make my account public if I want to like let's see what happens right in one day I made my account public and it went from 4,000 to 50,000 followers and it was like this dopamine rush and sensation of like refresh refresh refresh watch the number grow watch the number grow that's like a new chapter of like my social media journey like because i remember we did have a conversation you were like should i make my shit public and i was like i just remember being like get ready if you do like here it's a fucking it's literally the wild west lauren like get fucking ready and then i remember when you left and i think we were texting

and you were like alex look at my page and it was like growing by like the second and then like when the episode dropped and then people started like i posted a picture of us and people started like commenting like oh my gosh i love you lauren like love lauren and alex like and then like then that took our friendship into like a new chapter of like being like a public friendship what did that feel like because you had never felt the public validation in terms of comments and dms no until that point in your life yeah so what did it feel like a fucking rush yeah like addicting yeah i literally i the episode came out right after i took my final exam and like i had pulled an all-nighter like two nights in a row one first through the podcast and then then to study so I was so exhausted and like wanted to sleep but didn't even go to sleep

and stayed awake continuing to read all the comments and they were really positive yeah there were like a few meet one slipping in yeah oh I remember that was the first time that like oh my gosh I remember that so vividly like my first mean comment I got someone commented and was like, hope to never see you on the podcast again. Like you're so boring. And like, I like, they commented like on my public page. So you go, you get a lot of love the first time and then a couple mean comments.

Yeah. After that roommate speaks, your following continues to grow. And then it started getting into like, oh, I was getting like some free sweatshirts here and there and like stuff like that. I'm like, well, I was getting like some free sweatshirts here and there and like stuff like that. I'm like, well, this is fun because I was still in grad school. I was nannying and like I was like making ends meet in New York City.

So I'm like any free thing that comes my way, like give it to me. Yeah. Then we move here. Yeah, we moved to L.A. And then it happened again. Yeah. Where it was like literally the first day of living together in this house i think i gained like another like 40 000 followers in like a day yeah dude that's fucking and i remember like being like alex i have a hundred thousand followers right now and like i remember like people from like college texting me and being

like i just looked at your instagram like what the fuck I'm like I don't really know right like I literally because we hadn't even I remember it we hadn't even moved into this house yet because our furniture hadn't arrived and we were staying at your boyfriend's I was staying in the guest room and I woke up in that bottom guest room and I looked at my phone I was like I literally went to bed and like now my Instagram is like I have a hundred thousand followers i also remember that and i'm not an idiot i'm i'm self-aware like i know people were only coming and following me because i lived with you and like i was posting you and like they wanted like a backdoor look at like alex cooper's life oh and they let me know that like people were ruthless they were so fucking fuck you you're not

interesting like i'm only following you because you live with Alex noted got it point taken loud and clear um so I was sifting through that like oh like do they actually following me but like they are and I'm getting this validation and like this these positive comments and keep in mind for context at this point I was a few weeks yeah like a few weeks out of a seven-year breakup so like all in all, it was just like a nice distraction. Absolutely. And I feel like anyone would fucking feel that way. I think anyone would have reacted exactly how you did. Thank God I got into therapy pretty soon after that because people were ruthless to me.

And yeah, I had seen you experiencing experiencing this but you really don't understand what it's like until it's actually you going through it yourself and getting the comments and the hate yourself that was my first therapy session you would have thought that my first therapy session you would have thought i would have talked about all this other shit my first therapy session i said i'm really stressed about like trolls and she's like huh and she was like okay before we address the trolls tell me your life story and i did that and she was like she's like so but the trolls i'm like yeah but the trolls she's like so you're telling me all this shit has happened in your life and you're coming to me first session and you want to talk

about internet trolls you're like yeah how does that make you feel thinking about that now like fuck them that like they had that much influence and weight on my like happiness in my life and like delayed me from like opening up my other more important stuff because I had to focus on like their like bullying but on like a real note for context if people haven't listened to the season finale that we did last season um I opened up how my sophomore year of college my dad committed suicide and I had never gone to therapy for it I had never professionally discussed it with anyone I had been like dissociating it my entire life and because these internet trolls were like bullying me so intensely like my first through my

first few therapy sessions I couldn't even like even like comprehend like going down the route of like mourning my own father because I was being bullied so intensely like these people were literally just like kicking me while I was on the ground and the fucked up thing Lauren that made me so angry I remember the week that we released that episode and you just had an influx of people being honestly there were so many genuine people being like holy fuck thank you but then you found that maybe that week people were a little nicer yeah I was getting messages from people like hey like I'm a reddit user and like I'm not gonna lie like I was one of those people who were bullying you and like now knowing what you're going through like I want to say sorry fuck you fuck you because I didn't

change a single thing that I was doing I shared an aspect of like my trauma and now you feel bad about bullying me I was that same person the entire time you were bullying the girl with a dead dad the entire time and i didn't change anything and now you feel some sense of compassion fuck you you don't know what anyone is ever going through don't bully people don't bully people dude it's true it's like you the fact that it took you telling a traumatic event for people to be like oh maybe i should be nice to her it shouldn't take you having to open up trauma. No, it shouldn't take that at all.

People should just not fucking bully people on the internet. Unfollow me. Looking back on this, like the social media experience, that was like the first time in my life like I had officially been bullied. Can you walk me through that evolution and relationship with getting bullied and how it's affected you? I remember Super Bowl Sunday. There was this one guy who for months and months and months, everything I posted was saying horrible shit to me. And he wasn't the only one. Like there were a lot of people at that point like dming me like

fuck you like fuck you you have no personality like get off the internet like i never had my nails done like even now like i have one nail missing and like i'd post like a picture of me like my hand in it and they'd be like that's disgusting like why don't you go get your nails done like commenting on like the smallest shit like one time i remember i posted like a picture of like my suitcase like when i was packing something and they're like you're so disgusting and dirty that like you don't put your shoes in a separate bag before putting them in your suitcase like personal attacks on like everything i was i can't even imagine like you oh yeah personal like attacks like everything i was like doing in like life I remember Super Bowl Sunday I

snapped and like started like snapping back at this guy and I just remember the feeling being like it was so much like anger of like how like I just like couldn't wrap my head like around I had literally never been bullied before like it wasn't like growing up like in middle school like I learned like I never had like I never sat with that feeling of like wow some people are just miserable and mean in the world and like don't let them get to you and like don't let them like show they're winning by like I had never gone through that experience right so I'm 26 sitting with you on Super Bowl Sunday had a few drinks and I'm like I can't like I can't imagine like I can't conceptualize someone just being that mean for no like I had never done anything to you unfollow me stop

yeah like looking at my page like I just like literally couldn't wrap my head around it and I had this such like like reflexive response of like stop leave me alone like I'm like wanting to like hurt them because they were hurting me like the most like instinctual like response was like I had never experienced before it fucking hurt and it sucked what happened after you responded to him he like that pissed him off even more and he ended up taking it to the point of like no longer like we're interacting like my Instagram DMs like he started harassing me and like other aspects that like I'm not even gonna get into I remember that yeah that was horrible that was so bad it was on a Tuesday and you had an episode that wasn't edited yet and I was sobbing and we called my mom called your mom we're on the phone with your mom for like three hours I was sobbing I'm like I don't know what

to do this is horrible like I also want to say for you and your defense because i can see people people say it to me people say it to i'm sure you have a responsibility when you have a platform one that and two just turn it off like just don't read it just don't read it you have to understand getting these followers you just started by saying like it was the craziest dopamine feeling like you your body. Oh no. So I can answer this question from like a neuroscience perspective because I was like, hit us. Yeah. I'll hit you with it because I was like, I want to read about this. I'm like, love it. Yeah. But like it literally is like basically behaviorism classic back to this, uh, the dogs, the Pavlov's dogs and the rats and the cage, the Skinner box,

but like positive and negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement when I get positive comments. Negative reinforcement when I get negative comments. The positive comments are far outweighing the negative comments. When I get the positive comments, dopamine, I feel good. So I'm having more dopamine rush. So I want to keep doing this thing that's potentially going to have a positive effect and like a positive feeling for me.

It sounds backwards, but you would think like, oh, once like you have a certain number of negative comments like you want to stop but like the research shows like even if it's like an unpredictable like reinforcement schedule that even pushes you to want it more because like your brain's not picking up a pattern searching for a pattern and i can see like you're saying the amount of dopamine you're getting from the positive the minute you see a negative you're gonna then go back into the dms and refresh to look for a positive to bring you back to like equilibrium and not feeling like exactly on top of like rationalization that like oh it doesn't actually affect me like i'm not actually upset by that that's where it's so frustrating when people say that when you're putting yourself on a public platform there's

moments where you're vulnerable lauren and i'm public platform there's moments where you're vulnerable lauren and i'm sure there's been moments where you used to post on social media something and immediately you go to the dms to check like do i have the right pulse on that like was that funny was that cute do i look good and so the reason we have instagram and we have social media is literally to prove something for public approval and validation validation so it's like you posting something you're not gonna just be like i don't care i'm just gonna look away like even since i turned off my comments and my likes like i admit i definitely still look at my dms it's not that

i'm completely stripped of the experience of getting feedback and validation and if it's out there it's so hard it's like it's like the like the forbidden fruit like yes how do you like not yeah it's like out there and it's existing you know it's there and like people are and it also it's about you yeah how do you not look when you know hundreds of people are in a little box that you can press on and there's an opinion about you how do you not and you can do it in secret and private like yeah like all right i'm gonna look at my phone like oh you know i'm not looking at dms i'm not reading anything i'm fine but like meanwhile like in bed at night like I'm opening it and I'm reading it and I'm letting it like affect me so you have this experience with

this guy which I remember so vividly yeah was there a breaking point ever like after that guy like did it continue to affect you I was making so many strides in other aspects of my life that was like it was feeding my like rationalization with myself that like I'm so great right now like these trolls aren't gonna affect me like they're not gonna bring me down like they're not hurting me and like kept rationalizing it like I even had like like my best friends in Chicago being like at certain points like are you sure like I don't get how like that doesn't affect you like you know like it has to have some effect on you and I was like no no I'm like really great right now like got it so you were trying to rationalize and the thing that was the like catalyst of me deleting my social media was the fucking iphone notifications where it tells you your screen time elaborate um one morning i got

notification and it said my weekly screen time for that week was six hours and 45 minutes and five of those hours were averaging on social media that's almost a night's sleep literally i literally wanted to throw up and throw my phone across the room. When you realized that, did you immediately bring it up to your therapist? Yes. And her reaction surprised me. Okay. She was like, I didn't realize social media was that big a part of your life. Oh, so I guess subconsciously I've been like not really telling you everything about this

social media thing because I guess subconsciously I knew that like I probably should delete it. It is really concerning that we're looking at something for that long that's literally not real and then it's like so how does that affect your mental health and also how does that affect your real life it affects so it's wild I feel like I'm like part of a social experiment right now well that is what I'm excited to get into I feel like it's expect I feel like it has affected like every aspect of my life take a guess what is my what is my weekly screen time like around nowadays oh my god like two hours an hour and a half and like of the hour and a half an hour of that is like text messaging so like I'm like having like conversations with like

my family and right real people right not like random people I know on the internet wow the hours and the day after deleting it were a little freaky and like scary to me honestly because of like the things I was realizing how much a part of my life I had become like I literally had like phantom social media finger like I would instinctively without thinking unlock my phone and my instagram wasn't on like my first home page it was on like my third home page and you know i thought that would like make me to check it less um we always think that and i multiple times without even thinking would unlock my phone scroll to that third page and go to click where the instagram icon used to be and i'd be like what the actual fuck i'm opening the app without even purposely consciously

thinking to open the app wow and that was terrible that's terrifying that is terrifying people joke that machines are controlling us i'm like oh my gosh instagram has taken control of my thumb and like literally like you're sitting on the couch fully cognizant of the fact that you just deleted social media yes and then all of a sudden you pick up your phone going to where it used to be on my hand my phone how long did that last you're like I'm still doing it yeah um probably like a few days wow and like in that like few day period there would be like times where like I'd be doing something be like oh this is like a really pretty view or this is a cool thing let me post a story of it and I'm like well fuck it's almost like

withdrawals yeah a little bit like a little bit withdrawals and like it that took a lot of like introspective moments of like hitting those like deeper questions and like it that took a lot of like introspective moments of like hitting those like deeper questions and like going to therapy and like I was I was journaling this stuff and I would like be like I was doing this and I wanted to post it and like I would tell my therapist I'm like trying to like unpack classic let's unpack this Lauren yeah I'm like unpacking those moments and like kind of realizing it like that's when like we kind of coined that term like the party trick that had gone too far like it was bleeding a little bit more into like like my identity a little bit okay like I live in Chicago like Instagram is like not really a thing

and like I became like the girl with the Instagram and so you're meeting your new friends in Chicago and you're trying to build a life and then it's bleeding into that and like i'm like that's not who i am like that's not like that's not what i want my life here to be right and like it kind of then at that point i'm like ah get away like i hate like get away get away get away like i don't want this right that's really interesting too because like at one point you used to be like posting like you're at the bar and you're at like, and so people knew your every move. Yeah. And now not being on social media, like, do you feel at times like, like really disconnected or no? That first week was interesting. And like, I leaned into it with my fucking godsend of a therapist and like unpack unpacked like every little like i felt like a

little sad here i felt a little like whoa what the fuck is going on here like why did i feel an urge to post this like was it meaning that i'm lonely was it meaning that like xyz like i was like kind of like exploring all those things with my therapist and then like after kind of like a week of like intensive social media like introspective with my therapist it hit a point where I'm like whoa my life just feels like quieter and like I felt like this piece of like the sense of like serenity and like peace and like quietness and like silence and I'm like I love that no one knows what I'm doing I love that I know that no one else is doing unless I ask them what they're doing and that was kind of like this like unveiling of this new like superpower i'm like holy shit i

fucking love this and i never want to have social media again i'm jealous you already know that yeah I'm interested for you to try to really paint the picture of what you mean by this quietness. I'm glad you asked that because I think that's like my favorite part out of all of this. And I'm trying to think like what is something like what's a feeling that describes this quietness that someone can relate to oh you know when you go to like a spa or like anywhere and you get a massage a massage a massage you get a massage and you silence your phone for an hour however long the massage is and you put it away and the lights are off the tranquil music's playing and like you're just like in a different world for an hour and like you come back from this massage and like you have no idea at all what's been going on in the outside world for that past hour that is what i feel on a day-to-day basis like to a large degree i don't even like know what to say that i'm like drooling i'm like wow it seems good over there and

I feel like people are gonna be like oh well like you had 200,000 follow like 200,000 people like viewing your life but like I still think it applies to like oh totally like anyone like it's not even like it's not even like people having access to my life like I get it people be like well I don't really post that much but like it goes for like what we were talking about in the beginning of the episode you're viewing viewing and having access to like people all over the world all across the country it's not natural models influencers that random person who you had one class with that random person you had that one job with like it you're so right and this is something that I have been thinking about it's like we are fully being influenced by a pretty that's the unnatural amount of stimuli and like storylines

and people and like and what ifs and comparisons and like your brain is just like taking that all in and like subconsciously like every action you do you have all that like wrapped in the back of your mind and i feel like i've just like cleared out the trash in my brain fucking trash yeah and like cleared out that like trash folder and like i'm just cruising down the highway you cruise every way yeah i was waiting for that one i was talking to my mom about it because i whenever I'm having a lower moment with my relationship to social media, I'll talk to Lori. And my mom made such a good point where she's like, you need to understand that there's no reciprocity with regard to social media. And what she means by that is it's not a two. It's not really a two way street as much as you're like, well, I post and then they like it and then they post. No, it's like you are being fully influenced by this thing. And in order to have any chance of control over your life, you need to be cognizant of the control and you need to decide how you want to use it as opposed to how it uses you.

Exactly. And I think there's like this like baseline level of anxiety that we all carry around social media, whether it be how people perceive us, whether it be FOMO, whether it be comparison, whether it be like self-judgment and self-criticism, one of any of those things, a combination, all of them, like you carry that do you feel though like i think everyone would like yes lighter amazing i may have gained weight but i feel lighter post thanksgiving dude i want to know i know you look amazing but i did thanks i did want to ask you loser loser fucking losers i did want to ask you because i feel like everyone listening would be like yeah

but like don't you just feel like just so then like not a part of like the world and like in the know like in regards to like current events and news or in regards to like what my close friends are doing or in regards to what like my extended social circle see that you already just answered it that it made everyone think about that like what do you really consume when you're on social media like news articles like right instagram is not like an official news source right and so that's why i'm saying like if i really i just asked you that and i can now almost answer it myself of like what do we really consume when we're on tikt we're on Instagram? We're consuming other like influencer kids that we don't fucking know. And it's not like you're actually like you're not missing out if you remove yourself from that.

I might be like one pop culture reference or two behind these days, but like I'm that's endearing. Yeah, that's fun on a day. Yeah. but like i'm that's endearing yeah that's pun on a date yeah okay so let's get into the fun stuff of like how the fuck has your life changed since deleting this shit yes but before we do that i think we should close out the troll chapter the trolls the trolls um that is also a huge aspect of this quietness yeah these people just don't have access to my life anymore and like in my mind they literally like have ceased to exist like these people have been like in my mind i'm referencing the marvel movie um oh god uh not endgame oh no

she's obsessed with marvel it's honestly killing me i could be less interested in marvel dying what is avengers what is before endgame oh my god am i even a real marvel fan well the one where half the world just goes poof and they cease to exist okay all the reddit people have just gone poof and they've ceased to exist in my mind and i think that it when you kind of say it like that too because i do have like we can shit on them all day but I do when you say what you just went through like to all of the time that now they have spent trolling you and and shitting on you and coming after you like now you're gone and so now they're just on to the next person but it is crazy to think about like how much time did

they spend trolling you that like i would urge you if you're one of those people like what do you have to show for that in your life like all that time now lauren's gone let's like even open up the conversation more like beyond just like my personal trolls like trolls in general internet bullying hate following someone yeah the innocent thing of like someone posts something and you deem it to your friend oh my gosh look what they just posted right like shocker i was reading something because i have all this free time now not the bible not the bible i was reading on this book five or seven arguments for deleting social media i read this after i deleted it and like there's one part was talking about like social media. I read this after I deleted it. And like there's one part was

talking about like social media usage like shapes your brain to like be more judgmental. And like that's like your snap reaction is to judge people and like size them up and like criticize them because like that's how you view social media. You view social media with a critical lens and like find a flaw and like you're training your brain like that's how i want to observe and like analyze and think about things so what would you say to people that are being negative on the internet is that really how you want to like view the world oh my god we're getting philosophical what about also like comparing it almost to your social media usage yeah yeah like i would view it to like that like

is it making you happier is it making you a better person what i guess i'll just urge you to like look at your trolling the way I looked at my social media usage. Like what is it really masking? Yeah. And I like I urge you to sit in that quietness and see what you find about yourself. Let's raise the roof let's get high let's get high and let's talk about the the positives and the fun shit and like what the fuck have you been doing since not having social media i was noticing that it changed what i was wearing because like every time i'd go out i'd post so i'd be like fuck i posted in that outfit like

even if it was just a story like i have to wait a few weeks to wear it again the first weekend not having social media i wore the exact same outfit out friday and saturday it was just a plain tank top from forever 21 that i love makes you feel great and my favorite pair of like made well jeans the most simple outfit and i wore it friday and saturday because you felt great i felt great and my favorite pair of like made well jeans the most simple outfit and i wore it friday and saturday because you felt great i felt great and i wasn't like oh i posted in this like i can't wear it two nights in a row the fact that that is like a thing a thing that you wouldn't even notice yeah but now you're like oh my god i'm so excited i get to wear my favorite outfit whenever the fuck i want because the only people that are gonna see it i'm going out with even if you were going out with the same group both i went out with the

same group but they don't fucking care they're my best friends no one literally no one cares okay that's interesting what else um my personality i'm very very like outgoing and extroverted and like i can like be with people 24 7 and like don't really feel like i like need a break right i'd be like alex let me let me know whenever works for you like i know you need some alone time but like i'm out here in case you you know i love it though um you get me out of my hole yeah um but i noticed it was just like easier to like be alone and like because like i wasn't sitting alone on my couch scrolling through instagram scrolling through everyone's scrolling through the feed it's going through the stories like talk tick tock if i was alone i was

watching a movie and like my phone was charging across the room if i was and like i didn't know what anyone else was doing unless i was like explicitly like text texting them like if i'm alone like why do i need to be like what are you doing right now i remember like that sounds so weird like I'm sitting alone but let me go text someone and ask them what they're doing so I can compare me being alone on my couch to like whatever fun like why would you ever put yourself in that situation you I forget when we were talking and you that's why I was like oh my god you need to if you're down say this on the pod because it's so interesting when you brought that example up to me it was like you look back at a lot of the shows and the tvs and like the movies or the books you were reading or watching and you felt like i look back and now i'm realizing like i wasn't even paying attention

to half the shit i was doing because there's certain movies i'm like wait i know i watched that but like how did that end again because you were on your phone yeah and when you told me it was one night that you were like didn't have your phone literally while you were on the couch like having a you night and a saturday night someone had called you and was like yeah someone called me on a saturday night and like i was staying in the saturday night which was so much easier to do because i wasn't looking at social media right and someone called me and they're like hey like we're out right now like do you want to come meet us at this bar and i was so content with the movie i was watching and you didn't have social media to see like oh what she's doing is fun she told me they were at this bar but like i hadn't been watching all this group out

on social media all night so like when i made the decision do i want to go out and meet them or not it was solely based on like am i having more fun and enjoying myself on my couch or do i want to leave and go be with people and i was like no I want to stay right here and like I wasn't using anything else to like influence my decision based on like what do I want to do right now and like I stayed in and had you been looking at that story I think it would have been a lot harder been like oh fuck maybe I'll just go for like an hour and like have a drink and like it looks like there's fun people there and like they look like they're having fun I don't want to miss out like oh it looks like like a lot of people are there tonight and then you had a great night alone with yourself yeah and like oh we speaking of being alone we we've talked about like how I've been like going to

dinners alone more so proud thanks um but going to dinner alone with social media and without social media is a very very different experience like when you're going to dinner alone before her I will not lie I was sitting there alone and like I was aware I was doing this I was like oh this probably feels like cheating but like yeah I can't help it if you're sitting alone like scrolling through social media but now I go to dinner like when I go to dinner alone like I don't have anything to scroll through right like and like i'm not just gonna sit there and like text like that seems like okay like yeah like but like when you're actually alone at dinner with like your own thoughts like i remember i was watching who was i i was listening to some podcast

sorry cheating on you oh my god um i was listening to manda knox oh yeah there you go um and she was saying based on like her prison experience like being alone with your own thoughts versus like being alone and like if you're alone watching tv if you're alone and reading something your thoughts are interacting with someone else's thoughts so are you technically alone no so like going to dinner alone and like literally like i'm sitting there and like at first i was like this like literally like i'm sitting there and like at first i was like this is weird like i'm literally sitting here like what do i think about right and i a good exercise that i did was i was like okay what do i want to talk about in

therapy this week oh and then that kind of like shaped my thoughts because it is really weird to like literally be sitting there and being like it's so fucking weird and i was gonna ask you for advice for people i'm sure there are people listening being like I've never gone to dinner alone Lauren how do you do it so I like I guess like even if you don't aren't in therapy I was like what do I want to talk about in therapy this week right and like that kind of made me like evaluate my week and like kind of like think about like how like it was almost like like journaling in my head I was about to say even say you're non-therapy so say you're sitting there and like if there's something that's been bothering you with your partner or a friend or something that like you had a great week and you want to just like take a minute to reflect on it as corny

as it sounds like just forcing yourself to have a private thought within yourself is like very powerful yeah because it's like such an exercise for your brain to do within yourself it's interesting to see like when no one's listening or like when you're not with anyone or like nothing's influencing you or you're not saying it to someone like your mind will go places because you know you're not being judged exactly you'll like you'll realize things that like oh maybe i wasn't letting myself like go there and yeah don't you feel like closer to yourself yeah and like i'm not sitting there for like the entire dinner like deep in like let me analyze my life like i zone out and i people watch too like people

watching is fucking fun right absolutely i would ask you i think like are you more present with your friends when you're out oh my gosh there's been so many instances where like i've been like at a bar with people and like i look around i'm like wait everyone's scrolling on their phones right now i'm like not no shade that definitely used to be me right but like it's fun not no it's it's interesting because like if a conversation hits a lull i'm not gonna pick up my phone and scroll right i'll like be fine like sitting like being in silence like if i'm in a group and like the conversation shifted and currently no one's talking to me like I'm not gonna pick up my phone I'll like bop to the music all people watch I'll let my mind wander to like random thoughts like it makes you like more aware of like what's going on around you right yeah because it's not like oh

like things are weird like let me like put my phone in my like my nose in my phone and like go into that world it's like no let me stay in this world and like be in it and be present yeah have your concept what a concept I would want to ask you I have speaking of that my mom because I would be posting so much my mom would like have tabs that like yes I was still alive and kicking and like now she's a little more paranoid if I don't text her back fast she's like hey Larrick just get like you you go over there just like let me know like otherwise I have no idea like oh my god you are like what you've been doing that is one thing with our parents I feel like they love the social because like I know my mom is my biggest stalker like and she has no like shame about it but like

it is probably difficult for them if like you stop posting your mom's probably like wait I was also like concerned like am I gonna like stop's probably like wait I was also like concerned like am I gonna like stop taking pictures like am I just gonna have like no documentation of these years of my life and like have like a void of like like memories but that hasn't been the case like because my mom is like hey I want to know what you're doing I literally like my friends laugh at me and they joke now and they're like oh is this going for your mom I'm like wait guys let's take a quick picture it literally is for my mom but like that's like the perfect memory I remember you talking about that it's the perfect buffer because I'm not being like okay let's take this six times like or like I'm like I just want to capture this

moment of me enjoying myself with my friends yes I'm gonna send to my mom makes my mom happy and like oh I am happy to like look back and have this photo that was purely based on like this was a good time and let's just make a little note of this and it's like you can look like shit exactly you could look beautiful it literally doesn't matter the moment still happened the moment still happened and it's cool to have the picture just for yourself and not for random humans to prove that you went to the bar that night who gives a fuck yeah um i think a lot of people would be interested and we're not also telling anyone like what you're what you should or shouldn't do but hearing from you of like how the fuck is this affecting your dating life because

when people don't have social media on dating apps i feel like it's like you're a serial killer or a catfish yes which you're neither of no i'm not a serial killer and i'm not a catfish i would like i would you're not um i haven't been on hinge since deleting social media okay and i'm in a unique situation before where like if i would match with someone on hinge like i didn't have my last name on hinge and i didn't have my instagram connected to my oh okay because i didn't want them to google me yes and like yes yeah see these fucking them to Google me. Yes. And like. Yes. Yeah. See these fucking random articles about me on the internet before like going on a date

with me. Smart. So like this is actually like a little beneficial to me because people, if they, if per chance like there's, I've gone on dates a decent amount where like people have like found my Instagram before we got on the date and they have these like preconceived notions of me. But recently a friend was like, can I give a friend of a friend of a friend your phone we got on the date and they have these like preconceived notions of me um but recently a friend was like can i give a friend of a friend of a friend your phone number like i think you guys like should go like go out and grab a drink right sure and the person texted me um last week

and they were like hey so like i was given your number and like i hear you're a great person but like i know nothing about you i think it's kind of interesting and cool you don't have social media right like here we go we're starting from a complete blank slate like yeah no nothing i was like wait this is kind of cool like this guy knows nothing about me besides like what i tell him and then like what he'll make like what he'll make assumptions yeah from when he sees me in person and interacts with me human to human do you regret going on public that's a great question um and i've had this conversation before because i think in life there's always this like what if yeah and especially moving to la i was exposed to this like instagram world and like i think it's a it's kind of I don't know if powerful is necessarily right necessarily the right word but I think it is like a part of my like life journey to be like

I've dipped my toe into that water I've had a glance into that life into that world and to be like no I don't want it I think it's just like another experience to say like it validates the way like I want to go with my life if that makes sense I think that's that's a great answer I literally how often do I say to you like I'm so jealous yeah and you would say that before I deleted my Instagram you're like I fucking want to delete it I'm like you can't really do you want to but now I'm like oh shit you get it I'm waiting for you to join the other side now that you've done it and the conversations we have and how healthy you seem and i know you are and how like much happier and like the word lighter is actually a thing like like lighter and like my life is just like quieter quieter like sunday scaries are whatever you make it to be for yourself is there anything you miss about it i miss the memes

do you want me to start sending you me yeah you want to start you start i'll just like text yeah text me memes like there'll be mornings like this past weekend like when all my friends were together like i knew people were posting instagram stories of like us doing things and like we'll we all had like we all had to sleep over and saturday morning i was like can i see your instagram story yeah like what's going on what i look like yeah and exactly um and like that was kind of like a oh like this is this bad like can i see your instagram story like wait like i'm not like an addict like i can like look at an instagram on a phone you're like okay now you do a redownload yeah right um oh my gosh I forgot about this um a like three weeks ago maybe it was yeah I think three weeks ago um I was out with a small group and they were like why don't you just make like a burner account like don't you feel like

you don't know what's going on like your close friend's life like do you feel like a little like in the dark um and I was like I guess I can make a burner account like and like i had kind of set some rules for myself like with making the burner account i was like i'm not going to post any stories right like i'm just gonna like if i do like a big life if i like have something big happens like i'll post about it or like i'm just gonna watch people's um and i also read an article recently that that's the most dangerous type of instagram usage when you only watch stuff and don't post stuff yeah you're not like active you're like passive user or is that is that was Eileen yeah yeah like the voyeuristic yeah yeah yeah yeah that is kind of scary if you think about it listen to you even even thank you and like I

made it with like my close friends and like it was like a burner thing and at first I was like barely checking it and then like I was following just my close friends and like I realized like well one my close friends don't actually post that much right and like two I kind of already know what everyone's up to like when it's when all like the noise is out of the Instagram I'm not following like the Instagram models or celebrities or those random people from like a job that I had in high school that like aren't your friends anymore like I have a pretty good pulse and like what my actual friends are doing and like I was like I don't need this and like that was like really it was a great moment I'm like wow I made the best decision

wow that's pretty incredible that you ended up like re-downloading to then again just be like I don't need it yeah what do you think is the most toxic thing about social media i think comparison i was about to say that yeah comparison yeah of something that's not probably real yeah and like it just like it robs you of like your own present experience that was beautiful my god um has your relationship to your body and self-image changed since prior to like having instagram oh it's funny you asked that because i don't just say i don't really think about my body often why is it so funny i don't really think about my bod um but i didn't realize i followed like a ton of like the instagram models and like the kendall jenner's love her great body but like

i didn't realize that i was subconsciously like being like oh i want that i want that and like i want to wear the crop top and like i've, I've never, like, really, like, I, like, go through phases where, like, I, like, work out, and then, like, if I, like, don't work out for a few weeks, like, I don't really stress about it too much, but I didn't realize I kind of was stressing about it, like, even if I was going through these, like, weeks of, like, like, a week or two of, like, not working out, because I was, like, on a trip or just, like, extra busy with work that week I'd be like fuck like I feel guilty I didn't work out today because I was like having those Instagram models in my mind like now that I don't see them if I don't work out I'm like I know that I'm still healthy oh wow that's so like you're the fact that you're saying that yeah you had a very

unconscious thing like I wasn't yeah based off of what you were seeing yeah that was gearing you towards wanting to maybe do a workout so you could try to attain something yeah because I like unconsciously like had that image of like the crop top girls in the back of my mind and being like oh like I do want to look like that or like oh like if I do post something I do want to look skinny right do you ever think you'll get back on like as like a burner account or like the big one i guess answer both the big one the big one the big kahuna yeah The only moment that, like, I was like, oh, look, I wish I had the big one recently was I went to a cheese class on Sunday. And it was this really small local cheese shop.

And the guy was a complete gem. And he was talking about, like, supporting, like, the local cheesemongers and, like, the local cheese business. And I was like, man, like, I really wish that, like, I had my platform to, like, shout out this, like the local cheese business and i was like man like i really wish that like i had my platform to like shout out this like amazing small business lauren that is the most genuine nice kind thing like what the fact that you're like this cheese monger like i really wish i could have like been like this was a great yeah um i'll post him yeah i'll send him okay great great i'm like in honor of lauren's cheese addiction wow okay one the big one like that's not my career trajectory yeah and like if it's not like sell it can you do that yes we'll talk about it oh um the big one no like the big one

like if anyone i'm holding myself accountable to a lot of people right now. If anyone sees me get on the big one, be like, Laren, abort, abort, abort. Literally, you can see the DM. You're like, Lauren, what are you doing? Lauren, what's happening? Oh, God, crisis. Okay, interesting. But a burner. A burner, like, maybe.

I would put, like, restrictions on it. Like, I'd do the thing where, like, I'm not going to post stories. I'm not going to, like, fuck it it might be the fucking voyeuristic one just because like i don't want to miss like people getting engaged and like having babies like i don't i think it was just like general like i think it's more along the lines of like oh like i don't want to like accidentally like be like a bad friend a bad friend to people and like not know what's going on in people's lives but that takes us to another conversation that article that you discussed with Hannah and Paige I read it oh okay um the Atlantic one yeah about friendship and about how social media keeps

friendships on life support yes and like I've like noticed now like who are like my like 20 like people versus like who are those people who are like skirting along the outskirts. Right. But the thing is is like I think the people fear that they're going to miss something if they're not on social media. Like miss like a party or like an event. But then think about that. If they're actually your friend. No you're not.

If your friend gets engaged or has a child. If they don't text you about it that's not actually your friend no you're not if your friend gets engaged or has a child if they don't text you about it that's not actually your friend if you had to find out that your friend had a child I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not your homie but if like you maybe okay if maybe if someone had a reunion with a friend that you're like oh my god wait you still talk to that person like I don't know just like a little random thing that happens that maybe would have been a cute quick conversation starter yes you may miss those moments you know what i did miss out on what i was a few hours like like five hours late to the game to realize kravis got engaged oh my god lauren if that is all you're missing i was at a bar people were talking about i'm like they're, they're engaged? They're like, how did you not know that?

I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. You know, that's actually probably the main reason to stay off. The fact that you were not privy to information right when it hit, like, you are one of the lucky ones. You are literally one of the few that are so lucky to not be overburdened with the amount of posting that they've done you're not missing anything literally i need like a sip of water it's a long podcast to people that

it's literally mind-boggling to them that you do not have social media can you kind of just wrap it up by your thoughts of this experience or like what we said experiment so far I'm peaking good night goodbye I'm peaking peak alert put a peak alert out I am peaking wow okay so you really feel like you're peaking I'm peaking I'm so happy like I think like the biggest feeling that I feel is just like this like quietness about like my life and like more in control of my own life and it's just me and my thoughts and whatever i choose to be wow that's no it's not corny it's not corny no it's true lauren the fact that you just said that you literally used to work out because you would see pictures of kendall jenner and then have that in the back of your mind and then go to the gym because of that you are that it is that is exactly it you're more in control yeah and like it sounds like so corny to say i'm more in control of my life and

like i'm not saying that like instagram was like manipulating me like the little puppet on a string like maybe but like it's like it's like an unconscious an unconscious level that i would never have like you can't say it's not affecting you and I would have never have realized it wasn't until I got rid of it Lauren you were just phenomenal and such passion like Lauren I feel this way Bye.