Call Her Daddy - I Hate My BFF’s Boyfriend

Episode Date: May 12, 2024

Join Father Cooper for a cozy Sunday session where she takes us all to Big Al bootcamp with questions of the week. Alex gives her take on whether or not you should tell your partner what type of engagement ring you want and reminds us why we should never leave important decisions to men. She walks you through how to tell your BFF that you don’t like her boyfriend and also gives a PSA about being too old for hickies (it’s time to knock that vampire shit off)! Then, she reflects on the ways her life has changed over the past few years and why growing up should be exciting instead of scary. Finally, she shares her biggest takeaways from her wedding and how she and Matt managed to stay present and be in the moment throughout the weekend. Enjoy!

Sunday morning for this call in do do do do do do do do every Sunday's for this day. That was pretty good, right? Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of call her daddy. It is your father Alex Cooper back at it again. Oh my God, wait, that just reminded me. So this past weekend, I was at the Kentucky Derby and I'm sitting outside with Matt and Lauren and a couple other people and we're waiting for our car. And there's this girl walking through the parking lot and there's these two security guards. They're like older women and they're sitting there and this girl starts freaking out. She's like, father, like father, I love you father. And the security guard women turn around and they're staring at me. And they're like, do you think that girl like, like, who is she talking to? Like,

there's no men over there. Cause like Matt was off doing something, talking to someone else. And the girl's like, no, that's my father. And then these two older women are like, damn, like people are so confused nowadays. And they had no concept of like what was going on. It's really funny to see out of context, people in the daddy gang use the terminology that we have in the show, like daddy or dad or father and people that have no idea, like literally what the fuck is wrong with you guys? Nothing is wrong with us. We're fucking phenomenal phenomenal you should join the motherfucking club so So today I am going to answer questions because we need to talk things through right now. I feel like there's a lot of like emotions going on. It's right before summer. We're all trying to

make some life decisions. We're all trying to check in with what's going on in our lives. And so I am here to answer all your questions. So daddy gang, it is just me and you on this Sunday, this lovely, lovely Sunday. Let's get into it. Okay. Question one. Hi, daddy. Me and my boyfriend are at that stage where we know we will get married, but I would like to pick out my own ring rather than be surprised. He hasn't really brought up the subject but talks about our future all the time should I trust him to know what to do or have the ring talk with him I personally without a doubt would say have the ring talk with him you have to wear this thing for the rest of your life I don't think you should leave it ever up to chance for a man to just know what you want.

And not that I'm saying he has bad taste. I just think everyone has that like visual in their head of like the ring that they specifically want. Like I knew I wanted like a very, very, very, very tiny, simple band with a rock on top of it. I didn't want like, I don't know what you even call it, like a crown or like any other diamonds around my diamond like I just wanted a big rock and a tiny like my band is so fucking so small every single person that tries my on my ring is like Alex your band is tiny and I was like I know I didn't I don't like to wear that much jewelry and I wanted it to be so thin um and I knew I wanted I didn't want an oval but I wanted something like an oval and so Matt found this vintage it's like oval circular and it's a vintage diamond that he found but he had a vision

because of me because I was the vision and I handed him the vision and I've said this before on the show like I think Matt has incredible taste if not way better than mine sometimes. So I knew Matt wasn't going to get me an ugly ring, but was he going to pick me out the ring that I had envisioned? Probably not. So tell him. I also think sometimes we underestimate, like people want direction. If someone is going to get you something, I bet he'd be so elated to know like, oh, this is kind of what I want because then when he goes to the jewelry think about this roles reverse he goes to the jeweler and he's like I'm picking out a ring I'm so excited I want this woman to marry me she's the love of my life and the jeweler

at I don't fucking know Tiffany's looks at your man and goes okay um well there's so many rings what do you think she wants and then he he loses all faith his face goes flush white and he answers I don't know so then if you really are honest with yourself what's really happening is your man is picking the ring that the jeweler is suggesting. He probably doesn't even have an opinion, right? So like, don't feel bad for giving instruction to someone on something that is going to be on your body essentially for the rest of your life. That sounds like really intense. But you know what I mean? Also, I would say, and this is like my last bit of advice. Yes, you can tell him and give him little hints.

But again, just be mindful of the way that you tell him. Like, obviously, don't be like, I don't trust you to pick out my ring. So I want to tell you what I want. Like, no, Daddy Gang, we know better than that. We're going to be like, babe, I am so excited. Like, I know we're talking about things. So maybe I'm going to text you a few things that maybe is kind of in line with what I would want, but maybe obviously you pick though. Right. And so like, you can be cute and like fucking send him a couple pictures or like if you're ever shopping for something for someone, like maybe you're getting your friend like earrings for her birthday. Like when you're there, be like,

should I try on a couple of rings? Like make it fun and make it light. But obviously also at the same time, you can make a comment like, I know you'll do such a good job, but like this is really like what in line with what I'm looking for. I've been hooking up with this guy and we said we were exclusive, but he's really weird about giving him hickeys. Should I be concerned? Should you be concerned more so? Not him. You shouldn't be concerned that he won't let you give you hickeys should I be concerned should you be concerned more so not him you shouldn't be concerned that he won't let you give you hickeys why do you want to give him a hickey why does anyone want to give anyone a hickey other than staking a claim and making a point to be like I I own this person or like oh this person's spoken for like oh this part like I just hickeys can

happen in the moment but like when you're in it seems like you're intentionally trying to latch on motherfucking vampire suck this shit and like stake a claim I think that has more to do with like are you insecure about the relationship are you guys going to parties where you're seeing girls and you want people to know like that's your man like I think I would reel it back because unless you have like a hickey fetish which I don't know why the fuck you would like just go suck some dick do you know what I mean like if you love to suck that skin just go down south so at least he can come you know what I mean but a hickey it's just like gonna leave a mark that's not cute it's going to be publicized and no one needs to know you're fucking like if you need to prove that you're fucking then you probably shouldn't be fucking you know what I mean okay oh my gosh would you say college era Alex has changed a lot up until now

oh my god hello is this from my therapist who I haven't spoken to in three weeks um yes of course I've changed since college um I don't really know where you want me to go with this question, but I will try my best to answer it. I think college era Alex is one of my favorite eras in my life. I think I had some of the most challenging, but formative years of my life. And I feel like the years that I, my friends that I made, the life lessons that I learned, the career things I learned, like so many weird ones happening with like professors, like telling me I couldn't do something and that I shouldn't be in this industry. And like, I should go go like change you can go to business school like and now knowing where I'm at like there were so many weird things whether it was like overcoming adversity or just literally having fun and being a degenerate and like not even being a degenerate like that's exactly what I should have been doing in college you know I mean um but now I'm gonna be 30 soon and I love to have fun and I love to go out.

My body, I'm just like, I have to slow down a little bit because the hangover feels fucking different. And I have different priorities. Like I love relaxing. I'm like, I put in so much fucking work partying for so long that like I'm now like I literally enjoy sometimes on a Saturday night knowing that like my friends are going to a dinner and I'm like I can come but like I have to be home at least by 11 o'clock at night like I can't stay out till midnight because I have to get up tomorrow and and work and I'm gonna be exhausted and back in the day are you fucking kidding me I would be out till 5 a.m.

I'd uber home I'd shower I'd get ready and I'd go to practice. Like life was different and both are exactly where I would want them to be. And both were amazing. So whatever phase of life you're in right now, like I wouldn't compare yourself to your younger self because so much of growing is like embracing change and embracing where we're going and what feels good and what's new and like of course I miss things about my like college and those years but I like reflecting on them I'm not like trying to stay in that phase of my life like I want to grow like I don't really want to be as toxic like I have a man that I love now and like and if I hadn't found Matt I think regardless of Matt and my relationship, and

I want to say this for everyone listening, I've had a lot of people write in being like, I'm 31. I don't have a man. Like I really, it is okay. Like, sure. I'm really fortunate that I found Matt, but like I would be making the same changes in my life at this stage with or without Matt. Of course, there's like specific

changes I'm making because we're in a relationship. But like it was time for me to switch up my lifestyle a little bit. Like it was time for me where I was like, I'm so exhausted with playing games. Like I now just want to go on a date with a guy and like be dead ass and like tell him what I'm looking for. And like I don't want to like not text him and then like blah, blah, blah. I'm like, fuck with his head. Like I had so much fun doing that in college, but like, there's only so much that I could have done with that before I was like, okay, now let's write a new playbook. Now let's write the playbook of how to have a healthy, happy relationship and feel fulfilled and confident individually and also confident in a partnership. And so it's okay if you're in your

thirties or your forties ladies and you're single and you're like freaking out. Like I get it, but I'm telling you like start just making decisions for yourself and then you'll find a partner. But like make the effort to better yourself and look for what makes you happy and look for things that like genuinely fulfill you. And I understand it's hard if your friends are ahead or behind you. Like I remember someone wrote in the other day to my DMs being like, my friend's pregnant and I'm single and I'm in my 30s. And obviously I'm happy for her, but I don't know.

Like it's kind of hard to be happy for her. And I'm trying to figure out like how do I show up for her when like I'm a little jealous and like a little bitter. Like I want that and it's like I truly believe that if you were to force yourself just because you want to have a kid with someone like you're not going to be happy like you have to genuinely let things happen organically like you have to let yourself go at your own pace like comparing yourself to someone else's timeline is not the fucking move. And don't throw yourself into something because the timeline's freaking you out. Fuck a timeline.

What do you feel is right for you in that moment? Don't just go on a third date with that guy because you're like, well, fuck, like all my friends are married. Like it's hey, it's OK. Guess what? Not to be a dick, but I'm sure there's a lot of your friends that are in married relationships that aren't that happy and maybe settled. And even if they're not, don't let yourself be the one then that settles.

Fight for something that is worth your time and worth your energy and worth being with someone for the rest of your life. Like these small moments, I feel like I got so stressed. It was like right before I met Matt, I felt like I was really freaking out. And I definitely kind of slid back into like reaching back out to exes and thinking like, what if? Because it was towards the end of the pandemic. And I felt like I had grown up a lot from like, just like work stuff and life stuff

and family stuff. And I was just like seeing things differently and I was like oh my god like I think I want a genuine relationship but like I don't where am I going to find that like I don't even know how to look for that that was all just coming genuinely from a place of me feeling lost and anxious and stressed and unsure. And so I was trying to be like tough and protect myself and act like I didn't want what I now have. All I just needed to do was be patient with myself, though. When you open your phone and you see your friends posting that they're getting engaged or there's a pregnancy, these are amazing, gorgeous, beautiful,

like milestone moments. But underneath milestones, it took so much to get there. You don't know how long it took that person to get pregnant. You don't know how many fucked up relationships this person had before they were getting engaged and getting there happily ever after. You don't know what these people go, you know? So so it's like be easy on yourself that the things that you're struggling with we're all fucking human we're all fucking going through it but sometimes we get two in our head that we're the only ones like fucking our shit up we're all fucking up trust me like I fuck up so much and I go to my therapist and I talk to her about all my fuck-ups and then I come on here and I try to help you guys with your stuff but I hope you guys know like my life is not perfect

and I have so many fucking things that I work on every single week and Matt and I have a beautiful relationship but that doesn't mean that our relationship is perfect um and so just keep that in mind daddy gang I love you where you. Where the fuck, what the fuck was that question? Oh my God. Has college Alex era changed a lot? Yes. Yes, I have. And I'm going to still be changing. Like I imagine like one day if I'm going to, you know, start a family or whatever, like I'm going to be a different version of myself in a couple years. Like even in a year you change so much. And I think that's like exciting.

I really feel excited about it. Okay. I need to shut the fuck up and answer another question. next question i hate my best friend's boyfriend and it's making me not be able to be around her is this a me problem how do we tell our girls that their boyfriend sucks and she's the only one who can't see it? Okay, well, you'd never tell your friend that her boyfriend sucks, even if this is quite literally like the most extreme situation where it's like a toxic or abusive situation. Like we never, we never do that because you guys have to understand, like if someone is in a romantic relationship with someone that is like their primary partner.

And as much as you're their best friend, like that is now their primary partner. And so they are going to defend that person, even if they know you're right, because there is like an instinctual thing where it's like, don't come for my relationship. So you have to be really careful about that. Listen, if your best friend's boyfriend sucks, this is what I would say. I'm sure that your friend has recognized that the vibes aren't great between you and her boyfriend. And if she hasn't, I think that you can make more of an intentional decision to be like, if she invites you places when it's just the two of them, you can be, you can like politely decline and be like, Hey, like I, um, no worries. Like, I think you guys can just go alone. Like, why don't you and I like grab dinner this week? Like just the two of us. And you can kind of start like that. I don't

think that's being passive aggressive. I think that's trying to like boundary set for her in like a loving way. Because then if she's like, Oh like oh like why don't you want to hang out with us I think you can then say like listen I think I'm sure you've noticed it like I don't really think let's pretend his name is like Jared like I'm sure you can tell like I don't think Jared and I really get along and I obviously love you and I want to support you and I don't want to put you in an uncomfortable position so I think we can just be more intentional about like finding time for the two of us. I think if it's a toxic situation though, that's where it gets really, that's where it gets tough because if it's toxic, then what's going to happen is when the boyfriend finds out that you're trying to have a one-on-one with a friend, he's going to try to push back and yell and scream and be like, why are you going out with her alone?

Because I feel like most of the time when it's toxic, the boyfriend always knows to alienate the girlfriend from the best friend. And that's like the toughest thing. But if this is not toxic and your friend's boyfriend is just like kind of a dick sometimes, I think you can have an honest conversation of like, listen, I know you love him and I am so happy that you're happy I definitely think I struggle because and then maybe you can give an example that's not like too aggressive like I think sometimes when we're out like whether like he makes just like inappropriate comments about you and like puts you down and obviously I love you so much and so it's hard for me as your best friend to be like hey like don't speak about her that way but like I don't want to get in the middle of things but because it's he's doing it in front of all of us like it's hard to not get upset and get defensive over you and it's hard

for me so like that's like I don't know if that's exactly obviously I'm making this up or maybe he's a dick to you specifically so you could again say like listen I love you so much and I just want you to be happy and so I first and foremost I just want to check in, like, are you happy? And like, how are you doing with this relationship? And then listen. And if she says she's happiest she's ever been and say, okay, and I truly hope you know, that's all I want for you. Cause I know that's what you want from me when I find someone, but I have to be honest with you. Like, I'm sure, obviously I'm sure you've noticed, like Jared makes like really aggressive comments towards me and I don't want it to get awkward. I don't want it to get to the point where we can't

all hang out. And like, I guess I just don't really know where to go from here because at the end of the day, it then is kind of on your friend, your friend who has this dick of a boyfriend needs to be like, I am so sorry. I'm going to talk to him because like, I did notice that in the past couple of times and maybe I was too drunk to him because like I did notice that the past couple times and maybe I was too drunk and I was like whatever it is um if this person is like genuinely like a little piece of shit and it's coming between you and your best friend you can voice this I just think you need to be very very very delicate about how you do it because here's the way that you shouldn't do it if she's like way that you shouldn't do it.

If she's like, hey, I feel like you've been distant lately. It's like, yeah, can I be honest? Like, I don't know why you're dating Jared. Like he's such a dick. All of our friend group thinks that we all talk about it. He's constantly putting you down. He makes you look dumb and he's so rude to all of us. Like I literally can't be around him him you're basically giving your friend no way to go you're pushing her actually more towards him because if you want your friend to eventually come back to you and break up with this person is basically what I'm thinking you want you have to lovingly show her that you're the reasonable one and you're trying to come to her and let him keep being the asshole you know and maybe he will change and's like, sorry, like sometimes she pisses me off. And maybe you can own something like maybe when you're drunk around him, like you're always like pushing him and making annoying

jokes. And so he's a dick to you. Like, I don't know the dynamic, but I think when we all know, when it comes to friendships and relationships, you have to tiptoe and be very cautious. And this is not to say that you should like bite your tongue and never speak up for yourself because that's not what I'm saying. It's just you have to be mindful that confrontation with friends and adult relationships, it needs to be thought out and you need to come with concrete examples that are like slightly diluted the problem is is when your friends like I don't know what you want me to do like I feel like you're being really dramatic like I love him and I feel like you're just like jealous blah blah that's when a friendship probably is

like not going to be able to sustain because it's not fair to you then to just like again bite your tongue and not say anything and put up with someone being it's not fair to you then to just like again bite your tongue and not say anything and put up with someone being like literally so rude to you just to maintain a friendship that what isn't even real anymore because you're not even talking like your friend is dating this dick who's basically like being so verbally aggressive towards you in moments and your friend won't stand up for you that's not a friend again I would need more context but I hope that gives some insight into like whenever you're talking about someone in their relationship ease into it like I know so many people in my life that have had friends say shit about their partner and it's

like that's just awkward and they're never going to forget that if you're really aggressive so think long game not short term how can you ease in speak about it in a way that's like smarter than just like attacking because that gets no one anywhere and makes everyone feel like shit okay any advice for soon-to-be brides on wedding day I, in certain aspects of my life, I'm like very, very chill. But then on a day-to-day basis with like work and stuff, I am very type A. I need things down to like the millisecond to be perfect. Like if I am editing something and I see like a tiny linger of that, like this went too long, I like freak out and I'm like, that needs to be fixed. And everyone's like, we don't even see it. I'm like, no, I need to fix it. Like when I'm working, I'm like, I'm, I wouldn't say I'm uptight. I'm just like very, very particular about my work.

And then in other areas of my life, like I would say aside from work, I'm like very chill and relaxed. But when it came to my wedding, I, when Matt and I are like doing anything like throwing Thanksgiving or throwing a party or throwing an unwell event for our company, like we are perfectionists and we like everything to look perfect. We like everything to go perfectly. And I really, really worked hard leading up to the wedding to mentally get myself in a place where I knew I was going to be able to be relaxed on my wedding. And how did I do that? I basically like wrote down a list of the most important things that I wanted at my wedding. And every single thing I would say in the top five was like Matt and I to have like a good amount of alone time throughout the wedding weekend to really be present with each other. Matt and I to before like the wedding

ceremony, like that morning, Matt and I spent the entire morning by ourselves. Like because on Thursday and Friday, we hung out with all of our friends in the morning. We had brunch and everything and the guys went and golfed. But on the morning of Saturday, Matt and I saw no one basically. And we just sat on our balcony. We had like a brunch date together. And then we laid in bed together and we just like laughed and talked. And we both like silently were like in the corner writing our vows. And we had just such a peaceful, calm morning before the chaos. So we were very intentional about like being focused on our feelings and being present rather than like if the whole fucking tent collapses the morning of Saturday, it's okay. It's okay. And like, I know Matt and I were talking about like all these logistics because Matt was basically planning this whole wedding. And I was

like, Matt, like once we get there, like who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck if someone gets too drunk, if someone's annoying us, if a speech is inappropriate, if the stuff for the wedding like doesn't look as nice as we wanted it to look who cares we are so in love and we are celebrating our love with the people we love so much and who have made us who we are today for a weekend in a beautiful tropical location there's a beach there's margaritas there's tacos and there's us and so my advice to you is try to not stress about the little things. And I know I can actually say I know it's possible because I just did it. And my friend, it was really sweet.

My friend who is getting married, she's one of my best friends from childhood. We went to elementary school together and she was so sweet. After the wedding, she texted me a picture of Matt and I and we were sitting. I was like sitting on his lap and it was on Thursday night, like opening night. And she texted me and said, this is one of my favorite pictures of you from your wedding weekend. And I was like, why? Because it was like kind of a random photo and it wasn't like either of our best photo. And I'm like, wait, why? And she was like, because you can tell how happy and relaxed and present you are, both of you. And I am envious because I want to make sure I channel this at my wedding.

And she was like, you were the chillest bride. And my dear, you are my good friend. You are not the chillest when I know it comes to stuff like this, like planning and executing. And the fact that you were present and you were chill like a chill bride she was like I genuinely know like I have hope for myself and I think I can do this you're gonna have the most fun if you and your partner are connected and then if a fucking mother-in-law or sister-in-law or cousin or whoever goes off the rails you guys can turn to each other and crack up because let me be so clear there was a couple weird ones that happened at my wedding. And Matt and I just would turn to each

other and like pinch each other's fingers and be like, this is this is fucking everything. This is everything. Like we were so present that even when something was going wrong, it was funny to us. Like there was something that happened right after our ceremony as we were walking out that we saw together and Matt and I in the middle of everyone rushing out with us, we look at each other and we start cracking up. We're like, of course, of course. And so I know you guys saw my wedding on Vogue and it's like, oh, everything was perfect. It was perfect because I was happy, present and chill. And so it was Matt. It looked amazing. It felt amazing. But like, of course there were fucking problems. So be present and

be chill. And I know it's like a weird thing, but I think you can be really intentional and talk to your partner before this, but you're not going to enjoy it unless you almost act like you are the guest of honor. Like it's, you're not the host. And so everyone can take care of their own fucking shit because roles reverse. What I always think about it's like no one like really gives a shit when they're at someone's wedding like obviously if like who gives a fuck if the food sucks I also thought about that I was anxious about the food and Matt and I were like wait when I don't go to a wedding and ever expect the food to be good or like I don't all I care about is alcohol and like if I have whether my partner with me or if you don't have a partner and you're single like finding finding a good group, like half the time, people don't even expect

the bride and the groom to even like interact with them. So I think when Matt and I were like thinking, like working overtime to make sure everyone had time with us, no one fucking really cared. Like, they're like, you guys go have fun, like go make out. Like, I think that's also important. it's like recognizing how you feel when you go to someone else's wedding like not gonna be a dick but like half the time I'm at a wedding for someone else like I don't even notice fucking shit maybe now that I've gotten married I'll like notice more details because now I know the process but like no one gives a fuck when they're at someone's wedding like oh like this isn't well organized. Like, okay. Like you kind of are just

like mindlessly at a wedding when you're at a wedding. You know what I mean? So think in terms of that, your stress, you're probably the only person that cares about it. And that I think was helpful for Matt and I to be like, everyone is getting a gorgeous weekend at this gorgeous resort. Like who cares? And even if it's not not a resort even if it's in your backyard like everyone's coming to chill and drink and hang and schmooze it up and talk and chill so yeah okay daddy gang that is it for this week's episode I hope you enjoyed I know I answered only a few questions because I went on a lot of rants but I hopefully feel like it was good I feel like in a lot of the dms that I'm getting recently, I'm noticing,

and it feels nice because I'm going through it as well. I'm noticing that I feel like we've really just like grown up together. Obviously, if you're new here, maybe you don't feel that way. Hello. But I know there's a lot of OGs and I feel like we've grown up together from like the toxic days and being in college and making decisions that are not maybe the best for us but they feel right in the moment and and I feel like we've gone through a lot together and I feel like now I'm at this place where a lot of you are writing in questions that feels very synonymous with what I'm going through in my life and stresses and concerns and excitement over certain things. But I am really happy that we're at this point together. And I also, again, want

to remind you, like, you can always write in questions that maybe aren't as in line with where I'm at in my life because I've lived it and I've done it. If you're in college, if you're in high school, if you're just out of college, like that was my bread and butter for a while, but now I'm entering this new phase. And I think what's also fun is like, I feel like in this new phase, there's going to be questions that I have for you guys. Like, I know there are so many daddies that are married and have had successful marriages for a while. And I would love to know like what has worked in your relationship what hasn't I know a lot of the daddies are parents and mothers which is crazy to even think that that would be in this like his next chapter of my life to think about so it's an exciting thing to have a show like this

where I get to just talk about things and then also don't even think about it for a second there are going to be some episodes where I regress because I think of a hilarious thing because I see a picture from college and like, I just love you guys. And I thank you so much for the support. And yeah, we have a lot of good episodes coming up soon. So get ready. I love you. I'll see you next Wednesday.

Goodbye.