Call Her Daddy - Infiltrating a Girl Group

Episode Date: December 26, 2021

Hello you dirty daddies - let’s cuddle up together and ease our Sunday scaries. How might you ask? Two words…cruise control baby.  Alex is providing the roadmap to getting through yet another week of work hell. Big Al opens up and shares a vulnerable side of herself, telling a story from her past that embodies rejection and desperation…haven’t we all been there. This week is filled with story-time and advice…breaking the ice with new friend groups, navigating a night out without drinking and drugs, and crushing a night out at the bar when you are single. Enjoy! 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy ho ho ho man jesus christ it's over it's over it's literally over christmas is fucking over to a lot of people's happiness and to many dismay my dis. Is it not now acceptable to keep singing fucking Christmas songs? Not anymore, Alex. Daddy gang, hello. Welcome to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I hope that your boyfriend got you the pearl earrings you wanted. I hope that you got that fucking Mercedes from your parents, you fucking spoiled brat. Just keep in mind that I didn't have a car growing up, okay? And when I wanted to drive a car, I had to drive my nana's fucking bunker. That's not even a word for a car. I've told the story. I called it the dingbat.

It was embarrassing. I parked it blocks away from school and I truly believe it built and shaped my character as a human being rest in peace Nana that woman was a badass motherfucker and her car was even fucking better I don't know how I started this episode talking about my Nana's old dingbat but the point is is that I hope you guys got whatever you wanted for Christmas what else would some of you be doing maybe some of you have the Sunday scaries right now because you're literally getting ready for work this is probably I would actually like to say this this year does fucking suck that Christmas and New Year's are on Saturdays what the fuck is that? What the fuck? But don't worry. It's almost like you should look at it like this.

This week does not matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't even actually count. And let me set the scene of really how you cruise control through this bitch of a week. Self-care. Okay. This week at work is self-care week at work. You don't have to tell your boss that you're implementing that. Just know it within yourself. We are going to be doing all the things that we've wanted to do for ourselves, but we haven't gotten to yet. You need to make some returns. You need to make some doctor's appointments. This week is the perfect week to really set yourself up for the new year. You got all your doctor's appointments made. Hell, maybe make a couple extras. Check out your gastro situation. We make it make an extra gyno checkup. Check your

fertility. Like let's just go down the rabbit hole. This is a time to really get everything that you've needed to get done, done. And you're doing it all while someone is paying you to do a complete opposite task. No one is going to know. No one is going to know. Okay. And then before you know it, all of a sudden it is going to be Friday. And I want everyone to look at it like it's a Friday.

And I don't want you to look at it like it's New Year's Eve. Everyone's like, why? It's New Year's Eve. Just because. Okay. everyone's like, why? It's New Year's Eve. Just because, okay? I've been getting a lot of DMs from Daddy Gang not happy about their plans for New Year's Eve this upcoming week. And, you know, before I get into answering some of your questions, I'm going to take you back to a time quickly that hopefully will make literally every single person listening feel better about their new year's plans. It was my

junior year of college and technically, socially, I was thriving. Like I had gotten in with a lot of the guys in Boston. I was looking good. I was peaking or so I thought. And I have these plans, but I took a little bit of manipulation but I took a little bit of manipulation and I took a little bit of that like oh make him jealous yeah well I took that way too fucking far and he disinvited me the audacity but you guys know me I don't just roll over okay what did I do last minute ditch I went to Aspen or so that's what my social media said daddy gang a humbling moment is I spent that new year's eve cuddled up on the couch in good old Pennsylvania with my mom and my pop, just the three amigos fucking in Pennsylvania together. And while my parents were earnestly watching Ryan Seacrest and Anderson Cooper on TV, there I was a little bit strategically behind them so they couldn't see my phone and I was on Google searching Snapchat Aspen photos and I was double tapping and I was saving

them to my camera roll and then I was going to my Instagram and then I was pressing upload and I was geotagging Aspen, Colorado and I was flexing that I was in fucking Aspen for New Year's baby. No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. No, I fucking wasn't. It still pains me to this day, Daddy Gang, I fully fucking lied because I wanted the guy to see, oh, you disinvited me. Newsflash, buddy boy. I can fuck any dick I want. And like he knew I didn't have the funds. Like clearly someone had to fly me to, now I'm remembering. I'm pretty sure I posted a fucking private jet and like, I'm not fucking kidding you. I literally remember, oh my God. I texted my one friend who had been on a fucking PJ with this like sugar daddy dude.

And I was like, can you send me that photo of your legs? She had taken a photo on a PJ. And I was like, can you send that to me? And I fucking posted my friend's photo on my fucking Instagram fucking story. And I fully flexed and pretended that I was in Aspen. I think the moral of this story is embrace your plans. If you don't have plans for New Year's Eve and they're not cool and you're not city slicking through and you don't have that fucking

hot dress and you don't get your makeup done and you're actually staying inside for New Year's Eve, let's not go on Google and try to pretend like we're somewhere else. I can also see a lot of you listening to this and say, that never crossed my mind. I never was going to do that. I respectfully understand that you may not be as big of a loser as me, but the point is, is that have no shame in whatever your plans are. It's just another Friday night. So let us get into a little thing I like to call questions. Here we go. Hello, Father. My friends are annoyed because i'm going away with my boyfriend of six years just the two of us for new year's they want everyone to go to my friend's lake house but i hate new years and kind of just prefer doing my own thing okay your friends are fucking weird who gives a

don't go away with your boyfriend we want you to fucking hang out with us and we want to take shots together. Listen, if people have problems with what other people are doing on new years, that is where I draw the line. I am so for people making plans, having so much fun, getting so excited for new years. But if there's someone that doesn't want to partake, why do they want to force you to partake? If you're literally being like, I want to go with my boyfriend. If my friend said that to me, I'd be like, oh my God, absolutely, girlfriend. Go get pregnant. Love you, bitch. What is the issue? I would say, listen, I think you can solve this by talking to them and just being like, guys, I love you. You guys know I love partying with you, but there's just something about New Year's that I, it just

rubs me the wrong way. I've literally said this to my friends all know that I hate New Year's. I think it's the dumbest fucking, I don't, it's not even a holiday. This is not a holiday. This is a random date that people decide has so much weight on who you are as a person, who you're going to be as a person, where you're going to take your life, what your goals are, what your mission statement is like, why, who deemed new? Like it's so dumb. So I think that your friends should understand if you're like, listen, guys, I love you and we can party when I'm back. But like, this is what I would say. It's I promise you, it's not about me choosing my boyfriend over you guys. If my boyfriend set sail and left and went to Madagascar tomorrow, I'm actually still going on this trip by myself. I do not want to party and like indulge

in New Year's. It's just not my thing. Because I think sometimes I get it. Like friend groups can be like, oh, like she's obsessed with her boyfriend. And so I think you should let them know that like kind of like compliment them like you guys know I'm obsessed with you. This really has nothing to do with my boyfriend. Also, I would just like to say this to you, girlfriend, because I got a lot of DMS and you are one of the few the select few. Okay, there's some daddy gang that's getting excluded. You girlfriend should take this as a compliment. These girls are fiending for your participation they want you around that is kind of fucking great you i mean because you know there are other people that it's like oh i don't want to

fucking invite her she's the worst fucking time clearly you're a great time your friends want you around so keep that in mind that this is all coming from a place of love and i think you should just reciprocate that when you explain to them back why you're not coming from a place of love when it comes to New Year's and it has nothing to do with them. Next. Okay. Hi, Father. Can you talk about how to cope with New Year's when you may not want to drink and everyone around you does? This is one of the biggest questions that I got written in. And one, I just wanted to say that so you don't feel alone. If you are someone that wrote this in and you're feeling, I hate that people are like, I feel like a loser, like indulging in alcohol or not indulging in alcohol should not make you feel like a loser. But I understand socially when you're not drinking,

then people look at you and it's like a big thing. So yes, I have some advice for you. Number one, I would say that I have actually had some times where I'm not drinking. And I mean, we all have seen it when the one person is not drinking and then you see everyone trying to be like, come on, no, just drink tonight. So number one, I would say is have an actual firm excuse as to why you're not drinking. Now, I hate that I even have to tell you to have an excuse. Like you don't owe anyone an explanation for why you are not going to be drinking. But I do think something like New Year's Eve, like, and just people are fucking annoying, dude. Like socially, people just get so riled up that like come on have a fucking

drink and like though if also i would say this is a little tangent but like if you're hanging around with people that are so adamant about you drinking and are so pushy and annoying come on have a drink have a drink like don't fuck with those type of people like why do they care so much about your alcohol intake worry about. But number one is having a firm excuse. I know sometimes people use the work excuse. Like, no, I have an early morning tomorrow. I think for New Year's Eve, fuck that shit. Say you're on an antibiotic.

Every single time that I've said that, that is like a actual firm excuse that you will get so fucked up on antibiotics. You'll start hallucinating and vomiting and like vomiting. Yep, that's what you're gonna start doing you're gonna be vomiting so I think just saying I fucking wish like I know again you don't need to play it up but you could just so that people feel it you're like I fucking wish I could dude I'm on antibiotics like it's fucking fine like I'm I'm having a great time anyways. It's totally fine. And like, just give them that excuse. Number two, I would also say aside from having that firm excuse is the classic

holding a drink in your hand. If it, if they do have clear cups, I would literally just put water with a lime or a lemon in it with ice and no one is going to know. And so that I think is half the battle. If you literally just have a cup in your hand and people see you with a cup, no one is going to know. And so that I think is half the battle. If you literally just have a cup in your hand and people see you with a cup, no one's going to be like, do you want to drink? And the most they'll do is like, do you want a shot? And so many people that even are drinking that night pass up shots. It depends how far you want to take the lie. You could literally be like, no, I'm good. I just took one. Or you can be like, no, I'm good. I'm not doing shots tonight. Like I'm trying to like stay alive. But having a drink in your hand, so that's number two. And then I would say number three is

maybe have an accountability partner. And I know that sounds kind of lame, but let's not call it. Just have a friend that you share with why you're not drinking, whatever your reason may be. Or you don't even have to tell them what your reason is. Just say, hey, I'm not going to drink tonight. And I think sometimes having that accountability partner, it's really hard sometimes. Like, let's be real. When you're in a pressureful situation, peer pressure, people are trying to be like, come on, come on. It'll be so much more fun if you drink.

I think that sometimes if you have someone, even if they're not voicing it to you, even just having one, that one person that almost keeps you accountable and you even look at them and it reminds you of why you're not drinking. Or number two, that person can be supportive of you and be like, no, she's not drinking. Come on, let's go over here. And your friend pulls you over. Find that one friend that can be there for you. And then the fourth I would say is this. If you are really adamant about not drinking and you're just feeling this like pit in your stomach about this new year's and just all of these things, you're like, thank you so much for that advice. But like, I still feel like I'm going to be stressed about being the one person that's not

drinking. I would maybe reconsider like who you're surrounding yourself with then. Like, don't put yourself in that situation. And I get it, it's easier said than done. You wanna enjoy yourself, but I do think like if it's gonna really stress you out, again, it's just a Friday night, it's just another night in the books. Like maybe you fake sick, or maybe you go hang out with people

that you know will not put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable drinking. Maybe you go with your other friend group that you know they're all just like hanging in the house. Some girls are gonna be drinking, a situation where you feel uncomfortable drinking. Maybe you go with your other friend group that, you know, they're all just like hanging in the house. Some girls are going to be drinking, but like you're watching it more on TV and you're all kind of just chilling. Or sometimes it's not awful to like have a night for yourself. Like I know it maybe sounds lame, but I have had New Year's moments, not the Aspen one. I was fully chugging, but there have been New Year's where I actually

am like you know what I want to wake up tomorrow morning and feel so fucking great and maybe do like a full self-care night the point is is that you should not feel so embarrassed or feel peer pressured to do something that you don't want to do and I think as I've gotten older I've really recognized like let's actually dumb it down to like hold on you don't want to drink. And I think as I've gotten older, I've really recognized like, let's actually dumb it down to like, hold on, you don't want to drink and you're completely fine not drinking. And the only thing that is going to make you feel insecure about not drinking is other people wanting you to put something in your body so that you are engaging with them on their level. Like what? What? It's so it's so fucking dumb when you really dumb it down to like, why do they care? And same goes for drugs, I would say. Like, I'll just be honest. Like I get New Year's, people are fucking doing Molly and all this shit. Like

if you're someone that doesn't do drugs for a huge majority of my life and even still to this day like I'm not a big drug person I will be honest I've done drugs before but um I just haven't ever really been that into drugs and there's a lot of times where people are like come on Alex like just try it like come on it will be so fun and I always just had this line where I was like trust me I am on already another level when I drink like I don't need drugs to have a good time but I've had a lot of times where people like want me the people almost that resist people then like want you more to do like the shrooms or the molly or the ecstasy or the coke or whatever the fuck it is and it's like no no bro chill I'm good also I will say and I just want to make everyone aware, and I don't know when this became

a D.A.R.E. program, but all I've seen on the news lately is like, please be careful with drugs during this New Year's because like so many fucking people are like thinking they're doing coke and then all of a sudden they're like fucking dead because of fentanyl. So just take care of yourselves, Daddy Gang. And like, I know that's like a that's kind of like a downer and you all want to go like snort your fucking whatever the fuck. But like, is it worth it? Like, just please take care of yourself and know where you're getting stuff from. And it's better to not than to do because I would rather you be alive than to not be with us. So love you, but please stay safe. Hi, Daddy. New year's plans. I'm going out for dinner with my boyfriend and his friends and their girlfriends, but the girlfriends are already friends and I feel

so awkward going into it. Like, will they leave me out? I'm anxious and I'm dreading this. Sweetie, we don't dread anything. We don't dread anything because you are going to fake it till you make it. Especially on New Year's, this is going to be an easy fucking peasy situation. Listen to me. Everyone has a trait and it's called the narcissistic trait. Everyone is interested in themselves. And so step number one for you walking into a dynamic where there's a bunch of girls that are already friends and you're the odd man out, you are going to ask them questions about themselves.

People fucking love to talk about themselves. So that's a one. Oh my God, I'm obsessed with your outfit. And obviously don't be the girl drooling like, I love your outfit. Where'd you get everything? And you're like being creepy. Like, oh my God, your dress is so cute. Where is it from? Maybe actually don't even ask where it's from. Nope. Take that back. Girls are like to gatekeep their outfits. Let's keep that. Nope. Oh my God. I'm obsessed with your outfit. So cute. Done. Oh,

and she's gonna be like, thank you. It's from Zara. And you're like, I fucking know. I saw it on the fucking site. It's hideous. But do you know what I mean? Ask and, and just and just make a compliment. How about that? And then ask some questions like, oh, where are you guys from? Like dumb questions and let them just talk. Number two, and I think this is a huge part. If you are in a dynamic where you don't know any of the girlfriends, you have to understand if you were a single girl walking in here, this is a complete different ballgame. You would look like a fucking predator and they would be willing to fucking do anything and everything to make sure you feel so insecure and uncomfortable. Sweetheart, you have a boyfriend. You are no threat to these girls. You are literally no threat. So what you should do is stick with your boyfriend, but show that you can also be a girl's girl so like when the guys

are all talking go stand by them and like joke about the guys like kind of use the two groups as a way to like cling more to the girls when you're near them like oh my god the guys are like like the guys are chugging whatever like do you guys want to take a shot or like what are you guys drinking like should we all go get another round? Like stupid, arbitrary little moments that you can build up. And again, less is more. Don't be like, hey girls! Like we are not trying to be the life of the party in a group of girls that's already a defined group that already have their inside jokes. Don't laugh at their jokes that you all of a sudden see you're clocking everyone else in the group, get something that you're like, that doesn't really make sense, but I'm going to laugh. No, that's an inside joke that you all of a sudden see you're clocking everyone else in the group gets something that you're like, that doesn't really make sense, but I'm going to laugh. No, that's an inside joke

that you're not privy to that information. Shut the fuck up. And if one of them looks at you and starts to like you, this is how you know that they like you. They'll let you in on it. Oh my God, we're talking about this, but if they don't let you in on it, you're still on the out. So just sit there and sip your fucking cocktail. And also, dude, chill with your fucking boyfriend. New Year's Eve is about if you do have a significant other, like chilling with your fucking boyfriend who gives a fuck, like chill with him. And this is another opportunity. One offs. If you if your boyfriend is talking to one of his friends and his girlfriend is like hanging on his arm next to him, talk to the girlfriend that's talking that your boyfriend is talking to his friend do you know what I mean so there can be like a foursome moment where you're with your boyfriend he's talking to

his friend what is his girlfriend doing standing there strike up a combo you just can't overthink it and I think sometimes I get it going into a group of girls is so intimidating but especially when you have a boyfriend, you really have nothing to worry about. Just smile and be nice and like have a little bit of fun moments that you bring to the table. And immediately they're going to be like, oh, this girl's chill. Also use your fucking boyfriend. Like if your boyfriend is a good guy, tell him this before you go to the party. Be like, babe, I'm obviously a little nervous. Like I don't know all these girls. Like, do you mind like introducing me to a couple of them

when they're with their boyfriends? Don't have him be like, hello, everyone. This is Cassidy. And everyone's like, Jesus fucking Christ. Have him do it suavely. But again, like half the battle is not overthinking when you are in a social setting. And specifically when it is New Year's, Daddy Gang, if I can give you one bit of advice, is just get out of your head. Everyone is looking to have their personal best night on New Year's and almost everyone is let down having that best personal night. So people worrying about you maybe being a little awkward and not being in the in crowd, that actually is not at all happening on a New Year's night. Everyone is fucking trying to get their best photos and get that fuck and just have a good

night. Relax, take a deep breath and go give your fucking boyfriend a handjob in the bathroom. Huh? I thought this was going to be a New Year's one. I just read this from Daddy Gang. Hey, Daddy, my best friend slapped me in the face a few months ago. We were out one night, blackout off some sake that we got from an old man. Amazing, sweetie. You're doing incredible. Always get the free booze from the big old men that are so old that they're gonna croak and they'll give you all their money okay so anyways we got into a little argument and out of nowhere she runs up to me and slaps me in the face it's not funny but it's like

funny do you know what i mean it was so unexpected because i've never known her to be a violent person and it wasn't even that bad of an argument that we got into. So weird, lol. Anyway, we're cool again. But I'm still just like, question mark, question mark, question mark. What was that? Question mark, question mark, question mark. I'm going to try to put myself in your shoes because I've never had a best friend slap me. I never even had a friend. I've actually never had someone slap me in the face. So like that, let's just start there. I can't, um, I can't imagine. I cannot fathom. I'm trying to picture Laren and I in a room together and all of a sudden Laren gets a little liquid courage and she just fucking backhands me. I, I don't know. I don't know. I really, I think I would definitely have a conversation about it post-slap. Obviously not heated in the moment under the influence, but I definitely feel

like you can't just like move on from something like that kind of abuse. I also would be nervous that maybe there was a little bit more behind that slap. Like it wasn't just indicative of the fight that you were having in that very moment. In order to pick up your hand and slap the shit out of your best friend, there may be a little underlying problem that's also happening that you may not be aware of so maybe opening the conversation like hey girl um i just want to put it out there you know when you know i actually think you could kind of ease in and do it not like a full joke but kind of go in as a joke like um tracy remember when you slopped the shit out of me you fucking bitch like if you guys have that vibe you can joke with her at first and be like no i actually in all seriousness though Tracy, remember when you slapped the shit out of me, you fucking bitch. Like if you guys have that

vibe, you can joke with her at first and be like, no, I actually, in all seriousness though, was thinking about that. And I want to make sure we're good. Like, obviously we've never gotten into like a physical fight before. Um, you're my best friend. I love you, but I just want to make sure like, are we good? Was there, and again, you can almost joke, like, was there more to that slap or was it just like an in the moment? You know i mean what we want to prevent and why i'm saying you should bring this up because i could see a lot of people being like let's just slide this one on the rug like let's just like you don't want to make almost her feel embarrassed what i actually see it as is there's a um safety precaution that you need to take because what i don't want is you

to write in next week and say, oh, fuck, daddy, I should have taken your advice because now I got knifed. The bitch pulled out a fucking knife at dinner. All of a sudden I said one wrong thing. I took a fucking extra sip of the sake and she didn't get another fucking round. And all of a sudden this bitch fucking had a knife out and she fucking knifed me in the side. I'm in the fucking hospital. That would be really actually awful for you and everyone involved. The families would have to get involved.

The police, the police. I love how I say families first. Police would be involved and all of a sudden before you know it, your best friend is a convict and you're sliced and diced and you forever have an actual permanent scar from a relationship

that could have actually been solved had you just brought up a conversation. We have to go to these lengths in our mind. really think about that. A slap to then a knife to then who knows, you know, like then you keep going, then what's next after the knife. So I would bring it up and not let this one linger any longer because that does to me actually sound like very aggressive behavior. And I, I'm thinking of you. Okay. New Year's resolution, confront your friend that slaps the shit out of you. Boom. How do you approach a random man at the bar or whatever at midnight when you're solo?

Do I say, are you single? And go for it. Say nothing and grab their face. Classic daddy gang, just like ruining marriages left and right. You're like, do I even ask if they're single? Even if I say a ring, like, should I just go for it you know this is the thing new year's is really weird because everyone is just either single or in a relationship and everyone in the room like I don't know I feel like new year's is a weird time for single people when you go out because you're looking for other single people to like have a new year's kiss like it is kind of fucking weird like it's not even like I want to have my new year's fuck it's literally a new year's kiss like that's so fucking like come on Jeremy you want to have a little pecker

like it's weird let me just tell you I think that anyone that's single um I love a good you know sloppy fucking make out with a rando and like it's good for the story I think that anyone that's single, I love a good sloppy fucking make out with a rando and it's good for the story. I think you should absolutely go up to someone. I don't think you need to be like, hey, I'm single. H-B-U. You don't need to fucking give them that information. I would say you're kind of giving them the cue that you're single by going up and talking

to them, you know what I mean, and being flirty. But I do think when you're solo and it's New Year's, I would say you can be 10 times more aggressive. Everyone in the room is on the same page. We're getting wild tonight. This is one of the biggest nights of the year that everyone's partying. Everyone wants to have a good time. So if you're single, I think you go absolutely up to anyone that you want. Oh, and last but not least, I will just say, and this has nothing to do with what you just asked me, but to anyone listening that is like recently going through a breakup, which I will be discussing on this upcoming week's episode of Call Her Daddy. But I would say like really try to hold yourself accountable.

Do not text your ex. Do not do it. Don't allow the ball drop to really then allow you to drop the ball. Ba-dum-bump. Oh, zinger. Sorry. And don't let yourself to like fully cave and go emotionally text someone that you are missing. Like, why are we doing that? And I think, listen, you can do that then like Saturday. How

about that? Do it on Saturday. But it's so fucking cliche. And it's this is the issue that my heart breaks for you. If you text the ex or you text someone you're missing on new year's eve your night is going to absolutely be fucking ruined if they don't answer or they leave you on red like why are you putting why are you making yourself susceptible to a full night crushing situation just leave it till the next night because then if you get fucking ghosted on a saturday who gives a fuck but again the weight of new year's eve like let's just not put ourselves in that position. Daddy gang, from the word of your father, we are not sending any emotional texts this New Year's Eve. All right, daddy gang, you know the fucking drill. There will be an episode coming out that I'm really excited about for you guys to hear

on this Wednesday, this beautiful, beautiful upcoming Wednesday. Take care of yourselves this week. Again, click clacking through the week. We have no responsibilities. We take no accountability. We're just trying to make it through. I got you. Okay. I need to go because my jokes today are so off. I'm just a little starting to get on vacation mode. You know how the rest of you are like a little brain dead right now? So am I, so give me a break. I'm personally already click clacking,

but my version of click clacking is speaking. So I'm kind of drifting away. Under the sea, under the sea, where the bed is down, where it's better, take it from me. I'm gonna go have my dad make me some fucking pancakes oh yeah and I'm going um away to a tropical location this uh this week which will be fun so daddy gang I'll keep you updated but I've got nothing left I've got nothing left to give and I hope you guys have a great fucking Sunday. Self-care is the best care. And, you know, have a great week. I'll see you guys.

I'll see you fuckers on Wednesday. Love you. Goodbye.