Call Her Daddy - It’s Time to Ask About His Past… (ft. My Boyfriend)

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Join Father Cooper this week for a SOLO episode. A turn of events leads Alex to dig out her “ex-box” - you know the literal box where you keep possessions from your exes. She takes us along for the journey as she reads STD results, love letters, cheating apologies and a few other surprises. The real question…is it okay to keep possessions from an ex-partner? Alex hits us with the hard truth of why we should all be asking our partners about their exes. Let’s phone a friend (or two!) Alex calls Mr. Sexy Zoom Man and Harry Jowsey to hear the male perspective on learning about our exes. Last but not least, Big Al reveals an accidental voicemail she received and how someone she thought was her friend was shit talking her. Enjoy!

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy so i was just talking about how i have an x box not an xbox like the gaming system an xbox as in a box that has a bunch of shit from my exes so currently i'm walking into my closet hold on let me find it is this it i have two of them wait this is it i think okay i found it it's in a shoe box a bougie gucci shoe box i'm pulling it in here. Oh, there's my passport. I've been looking for that. Let's kind of go through and see if there's any good stuff. Oh, there's a vibrator in there too. Okay. I'm going to shift over to a microphone. hello okay the fun part of this is i have not opened this in so long and so if my boyfriend is listening to this episode because i think he sometimes listens to my podcast just so you know I have no idea what's in this box like I have a little bit of

an idea but I don't really know because I don't frequently look at it um is this an STD test oh my god I thought these were my chlamydia results in college shout out Anthony thanks for that STD okay let's see what's happening I have a lot of baseball tickets and hockey stadium tickets in here what is this I think this is from my mom okay I need to stop mixing the shit from my here we go this is about to get disgusting there's a letter there's a handwritten letter in front of my face right now this is from Lauren we don't need to read from Lauren here we go okay this is the infamous letter from my ex-boyfriend hockey player my freshman year my sophomore year he says I cheated on him I never cheated on him because I never called him my boyfriend officially which really upset him but I did that for a specific reason so I could sit

here today on the podcast and say I have officially never cheated on a boyfriend I'm reading this message from the hockey player at BU he typed this up on his computer printed it and gave it to me June 17th hey there comma since I have nothing to lose at this point, I should probably tell you how I feel. Just know I'm over everything you did to me and I do not hate you. But this letter does not have a fairy tale ending. I love how he's like, I just want you to know I'm so over you, but here's a three page letter. Yeah, these are like really sad. the u.s open i kept this because that's when i found out and cheated on me guns and roses concert this is where i met dave portnoy with slim shady that was the first time i met dave this one says oh venus let me start out by saying i just love you

wow what the heck have you turned me into you've've created a monster. Dot, dot, dot. A love monster. He sent that from Port St. Lucie. Oh my God, my spray tans. I would always turn the sheets orange. He left me a note on the bed. I don't care what color the sheets are as long as you're in them every night for the rest of my life. I love you, Alex. This one is on an envelope. Dear Alex, I really need to find a notepad. I love writing you letters and I'm going to continue to write you letters for the rest of my life. I know we're taking things day by day. I'm more than okay with that. Take your time. I'll support you every step of the way. Uh-oh, running out of writing space, already counting the seconds till I see you again.

Another one is on the envelope. I'm literally taking it envelope by envelope. Couldn't find the notepad. Just wanted to say thank you for not giving up. Reading these now, I'm like, there's clearly, why does he keep apologizing in these fucking letters over and over? And the extreme of like, I will do anything to keep you.

Oh, because you cheated? He's like, take as long anything to keep you. Oh, because you cheated. He's like, take as long as you want for me to get over you cheating. I'm like, oh my God, these are so sweet. He's writing. I don't know why I thought this would be funny. This is actually sad. Trigger warning. Be prepared to feel like shit when you open your Xbox. But why did I open my Xbox? Let's rewind. I was in the spare bedroom at my boyfriend's house, which he has given me as a place to store my clothing. I was in that room tidying up and I came across a box. Naturally, I opened the box. So now that I'm thinking about it, it was a sealed box, but I unsealed the box and I open it and I find photos. One of his ex-girlfriends is very famous. They're like high school sweethearts. So I'm thinking I'm about to see some pictures of a

girl that I was like obsessed with when I was younger. I'm like, oh, can't wait. But then in the box, it's not just the girl that was famous. There was other ones and their relationships. It's basically an Xbox. In that moment, think about yourself. If you're in a relationship and you find your significant other's Xbox, it's a weird feeling. I think if I'm being honest with myself, had this been any of my older exes, I would have been so wildly insecure. But because I'm in a healthy, stable, normal relationship in which we communicate, I didn't even feel jealous or insecure. I guess the word is curiosity and intrigue of trying to picture the person you're in a relationship with in a relationship with someone else in the past, seeing pictures of them kissing and hugging and with the families and all of it. I said to myself, I would be such a fucking hypocrite if I was like, why do you still have this? Or why are these here? Which I will say

it did kind of make me happy that I had to basically crank it open. He clearly hadn't opened it. We love that for him. I opened it. I took the liberty of having the opportunity. Oh, I live in the house too, basically. Let me open this shit. Looking through his, mine is way more emotional. I have a lot of flight tickets that meant something to me. I have baseball games that were memorable, football games that were memorable. And I have handwritten letters from these men. They wrote love letters to me and I have them. So the question today, look inward, folks, is would you be upset if you find out that your partner still has their Xbox? And if you asked me this, maybe five years ago, I would have been like, yeah, that's why do they like what to this day?

Now, it doesn't bother me. If anything, it gives me insight into his past. There's a huge difference here. You guys know that feeling when you find something you're not supposed to have found. And you get that pit in your stomach. What the fuck did I just find? And you don't know what to do. And the panic and the upsetness. Let's rewind. Do you guys remember when I started dating Mr. Sexy Zoo Man and I found his ex's pictures that were framed photos in his nightstand? And I was like, oh my God, did I come over to fuck? And like he quickly just put them in. And then when I leave, does he put them back up on the nightstand? Like, is that actually his girlfriend?

Like that was a moment where my heart dropped of like, oh, this feels like I shouldn't be seeing this. Also, mind you, we weren't even dating. So I had really clearly no fucking right. But this is a different circumstance. This is a long term relationship. So for people in relationships, there's two feelings you could have. It could be betrayal versus finding something

and having this like, oh, I'm excited to kind of like look through this. And like, but it's not actually like a serious offense. Like my boyfriend's not gonna be like, how dare you invade my privacy? Like he did when I found the shit in the nightstand and he barely knew me and I was going through his fucking house. That, an offense this one though it's like it's the difference

between being in a very unhealthy relationship versus the security of a loving relationship this is someone that like I trust so much that if I wanted I could plop the fucking box down in front of him. Like, wait, can we go through every single one of these photos together? Like he would be like, I hate you. Fine. It's cool to see the evolution for myself of having gone through his stuff prior and it being that pit in the stomach feeling. And then now finding this when I found the box the other day, I spread out.

I was on the floor. I got myself a cocktail. I was putting those pictures all over the floor. I was relaxed. I took a pee break. Because I wasn't scared if he found me going through them. Now, what could I find in that box that would make me like oh actually upset I think it would be if then I'm gonna be a hypocrite I was about to say I think it would I would be a little like oh what

if he had kept like love letters which but no my love letters are not even love letters they're like apologies when i posted on social media a lot of you were like why the fuck would a partner keep an xbox i'm his future i'm his now i am the light of his life why does he need to remember his exes those bitches should be dead in his mind if you asked me this five years ago, I would have said, sweetie, you're so right. Fucking break up with him. It is not appropriate to keep those bitches in your fucking life. But now when you ask, why would someone keep it? I would then ask myself that, right? I have one and I love my boyfriend. So why the fuck do I have one? I think the answer for me personally is because it's a part of my life and it made me who I am. Not to get fucking corny, but

the thought of throwing away into a trash can parts of my life that were so instrumental in my development and my sense of self and making me realize who I want in a partner, what I want in a partner. All of those moments led me to my now boyfriend. Like I would not be able to be with him had I not gone through what I went through. It's not like I'm looking at it every fucking day. If you're pulling this shit out and fucking masturbating to it every fucking night maybe maybe look inward maybe you've got a little bit of underlying subconscious shit you got to work through so that would be my number one it's like how fucking often are you looking at this shit also this is something i was thinking about what is okay to keep what's not okay to keep again i'm just personally telling my opinion. You could have a different opinion and that's fine. No, it's not. Slim Shady got me a Cartier ring. I had to do a lot of

sucking to get that shit okay. And I had, I got out of college and all I ever wanted was a Cartier ring. It was kind of like when I, all I wanted when I was younger was a Juicy Couture sweatsuit. My parents would never get it for me. Then I got into my twenties and I was like, oh my God, I want a Cartier ring. And my boyfriend at the time got it for me then I got into my 20s and I was like oh my god I want a Cartier ring and my boyfriend at the time got it for me I do remember Slim Shady being like should we engrave it and an a forever you know that gut feeling when you know like oh this shit's not forever you kind of know there are those relationships that you're in because it's fun and he's rich or whatever it is that reason that you're staying but you know like this shit ain't fucking lasting so anyways when he asked I was like yeah maybe yeah like

maybe we could go engrave it eventually but like let's just keep it like this for now I love it like I just want to immediately put it on I don't have to go to like get it engraved and like not have it for a minute whatever I fucking lied to him I knew I didn't want that shit engraved so the Cartier ring does not have his and my initials on it. And so I still wear that shit because I'm like, it's stacked with other rings. Like it looks fucking cute. Cartier is not meant to be put in a closet, but I've got a bunch of fucking rings, a bunch of necklaces and bracelets and watches. But a man, if my boyfriend was wearing a bracelet that his ex got him and it's like the one

bracelet he wears, I think I would rip that shit off. I think for women, because we have so many accessories. However, actually, now that I'm thinking about it, let me let me just call myself out. The reason I still wear the Cartier ring is because it means nothing to me. It's actually just looks like a nice Cartier ring on my finger. Door number three, for those of you that are new here, that was like one of my more healthy, serious boyfriends that I did actually love. He got me a ring and I don't wear it anymore because I did think of him when I looked at it. This is another thing. Look inward. Are you keeping from

exes like the fucking teddy bear they got you for Valentine's Day and it's like in the corner of your room while you have a new partner? Throw that shit away or put it in the box. What a concept. If it's pictures and it's notes, I think it's totally acceptable to keep all of it, but you also have to gauge is it healthy unhealthy? How much you're looking at it? Like, again, like I said, it's not like, ooh, I miss my ex and you're quickly running and reading the love letters. No, that's problematic. For me, you guys heard me in the beginning of this episode. I was doing an unboxing. I don't know. I don't think there's a problem having an Xbox. If your mindset is that was a part of my life that feels so inappropriate to just

like throw that shit in the trash. It doesn't mean I'm still in love with those guys. It doesn't mean I want to be with them and it doesn't mean I miss them. It does mean that maybe I'm an evolved human where I'm at my life right now where I'm like, damn, thank God for that one ex because he taught me this. And thank God for that other ex because it reminds me of how much I should not be treated like that. And all these apology letters of him cheating on me, like, damn, thank God I'm now in a healthy relationship in my life. So I think it's just a reminder. Dude, also, you bitches definitely fucking still have old photos of your ex probably on your fucking iPhone. What's the difference? I saw some of you girls, some of you in my DMs being like, oh, I would light that shit on fire. Or like some of you were like, oh, I found my partner's box. And then I threw it out. We, Daddy King, you can't do that. You just threw out his personal

belongings. Is that allowed? Isn't he going to find out? I took it out. Trash day was Tuesday. daddy king you can't do that you just threw out his personal belongings is that a lot that he's isn't he gonna find out i took it out trash day was tuesday sorry no don't throw out your partner's personal belongings that's actually like really fucked up you could have a conversation about it i think if you're initially feeling really like insecure when you find it or if you see it the first step is not to eject it out of the home some of you may now be like okay Alex now I'm kind of twitching and I'm looking around my apartment or I'm looking around my house and like I would say don't go out of your way to be like hey babe do you have an xbox and he like chucks a controller out your head you're like not that. I think if you've

never discussed exes with your partner, there's a couple things you should think about. I've learned that it can actually be so healthy to be able to discuss past relationships with your partner. And if you can't, that's maybe a sign of where you could grow in your relationship or where you're at in your relationship. And I get everyone's different. But overall, this is the thing. When I say ask about their exes, listen, the old call her daddy would be asking the info on the clit size, the info on how good they were fucking. And you get the info and be able to snoop and be petty. That's not what I'm saying. When you're dating, the goal is to learn more about your partner. The way you act in a romantic relationship is going to stem directly from childhood and

from their past relationships. Yes, college me wouldn't have maybe been able to like actually ask about exes without being maybe a little insecure or jealous because I would just ask petty questions. But I do think that it's actually really healthy to a certain extent. When do we bring it up then? Number one, at the very, very beginning, the start of a relationship and not even when you're like immediately boyfriend and girlfriend I'm talking like fifth sixth seventh eighth date when you guys are if it goes really quickly and you're like fuck like I'm really falling for this person I really like them but you're also not fully committed and you can be like wait okay so tell me about your past like have you ever been in love like how many relationships have you been in? Even if this is on the third date, you could say that. You're not coming off crazy or insecure.

You're genuinely wanting to get to know this person, right? So you could broach the topic then at the beginning. Then I think, and you're kind of in that honeymoon stage, sometimes it's hard to ask because you're actually just trying to form the bond between the two of you. And even if you lightly bring up little things about exes, you're not doing the deep dive, you know? But as time goes on, little trickling moments of things that you guys bring up. Oh,

yeah. I remember my ex did that. Those are you're learning about your partner, right? The biggest conversation you can have, though, is when you are in a secure stable and safe relationship where you guys are so confident on your relationship that talking about exes is actually more informative of you learning about your partner rather than triggering and makes you feel insecure and makes you feel like oh my god like was she hotter than me oh my god i feel insecure i need to go fuck him so much better tonight in the bedroom. You know what I mean? Orna Guralnik from Couples Therapy, she said on the episode she came on last season,

she was like, you're not just dating the person that is in front of you, you're dating them and what's happened to them in the past with their past relationships. So for example, wouldn't it be helpful to know that if your boyfriend has serious trust issues and is being super overbearing and freaks out if you don't call at night or all this and you're like, oh my God, this dude is so fucking controlling. Hold on. Wait, why is he like this?

And all of a sudden you find out, oh my God, his ex seriously cheated on him in the most fucked up way. And he has such trust issues and he's projecting those trust issues onto me, even though I've given him no reason to not trust me. But having that insight on your partner and understanding his past relationship will help you understand like what makes him move and tick and what is a trigger for him and vice versa. My thing was like, I had a really hard time committing to anyone. I had this defense mechanism of never making it official with guys. It worked for me for a while until my current boyfriend was like, hey, we got to make a

decision. You in or you out. I'm looking for something serious. I'm not trying to pressure you, but like you are keep acting like you're one foot in. It was the fourth time I had slept over his house and I was in L.A. and I was like texting right after we had sex. And I was about to go meet up with this musician. And he was like, if you want to leave, leave. But that's not what I'm about. I don't just like fuck and then expect someone to just like stay, sleep. We just had sex, like stay at my house. Like, what are you doing?

And it made me realize in that moment oh shit and slowly throughout us dating he started to poke holes in like why do you do this and then I started to open up to him about what happened with my exes and then it was less of a turnoff to him but more of like oh so this is a solvable issue but now I'm not taking it personally I get why she's doing that. Again, don't have this sit down after you listen to Call Her Daddy and you're like, hey, babe, sit down.

Write every single girl's name and their Instagram handle, please, so I can go stalk them. Write it down on a piece of paper. And I want you to tell me word for word, detail by detail, fuck by fuck, of everything that happened with that ex. No, it doesn't all have

to happen in one conversation. It can be a slow throughout your relationship as you get comfortable with each other, as you gain more trust and rapport. Slowly, hopefully you guys will open up about it. And again, you're still finding shit out about your partner once you get fucking married, you know? So be patient with it. But if there is someone that's like, I don't want to talk about my exes. First, maybe have a little bit of empathy and be like, okay, wait, hold on. That probably means something seriously traumatizing happened. Maybe you open up a little bit, you know? And even if they don't open up in that moment, hopefully eventually they'll feel safe enough to open up and share with you about their

past because it's all you just wanting to get to know them better so that you can be a better partner in the relationship I shock myself every day I realize that I used to say the complete opposite of this also I would say it's also really healthy to hear it from your partner as opposed to social media. I had a really bad case of this when I was dating some of my exes where I have the skills of an investigator. I am in the CIA. When I find out someone had an ex, even if they don't even have social media, I will find that person. I'll find the LinkedIn. I'll find a friend that has posted them. I will find it. When you find out that your current partner had an ex and you go and stalk them, you are going to come up in

your mind with the whole narrative. Did they go parasailing together? She's wearing a corset. She's a freak in bed. She likes to get tied. Like you're coming up with all these crazy fucking ideas. And it's like, wait, wouldn't it be? That's actually fine. I actually condone stalking. How do you not? But wouldn't it be healthier and smarter and make you feel better if you hear the entire story from your partner instead of imagining and putting clues together from pictures of what their relationship was like. Here's another thought also. There is something about men.

They hate hearing about their girlfriend's exes. What is that? I want to inflict pain on myself. I want to know everything. That's why when I open these boxes, I've had some friends that are like, no, I wouldn't even open it. I'm like, what? What? I want to visualize it. I want to see it. I don't like to not be in the know. You know, I can't fathom not knowing when guys are like, I don't want to know. I don't under, I want to like call a guy and ask like, why don't,

let's call my boyfriend. Maybe it's really hard for them to envision like you having sex with another man. Like, I don't know. Why do men not want to hear? Let me text my boyfriend right now. I'm going to voice note it. Why do men not want to hear about their girlfriend's past relationships? Okay, let's see what happens there. Should I also send it? Who else could I send? Maybe I'll ask like Harry Jousey. Hello, Harry.

I'm currently podcasting and I thought of you immediately. I was like, why do men not really want to hear about their girlfriend's past relationships, in your opinion? So we'll see what my boyfriend and Harry say. My boyfriend said, call you in 15. We are going to wait. We're going to wait for the answers from the men. I don't really like that Harry Jousey kept my voice message. Is he gonna try to blackmail me? I don't really like when people save my voice messages. It really gives me anxiety.

Julia Fox just DM'd me asking if my episode was about her julia julia julia harry jousey don't you dare save my voice messages messages messages harry jousey no harry harry this is an actual investigative journalism moment hello little sausage um I think it comes down to a multitude of things I think first off I personally like I don't hear about your ex because like I don't even want you to be thinking about him I don't want like if he's so amazing then then why did you not stay with him like if, if you want to talk about him, then stay with him. But for me, like, I would rather not know because, like, it's going to either trigger, like, some sort of, like, insecurity or spark, like, a conversation or a competitiveness that, like, I don't necessarily want to bring out of myself.

Like, I want, I don't want to look at his Instagram and see that he's worth, like, 100 mil. And I don't want to see out of myself like i want i don't want to look at his instagram and see that he's worth like 100 mil and i don't want to see that stuff i don't want to see if he's like on the cover of meds health i'm like the most jacked dude on earth like it's gonna make me feel inadequate and it's it's like a dick size competition you know like it it comes down to that like i don't really want to see any of that stuff because, like, I'm going to feel maybe, like, I'm not doing enough. Or it just puts, like, unnecessary pressure on. And also, dudes are like fucking dogs. We're like fucking cavemen.

If we get a little bit territorial. I know a lot of dudes that, like, get weirded out if they find out about someone's ex or whatnot. Or find if they're, like, rolling in the same, I don't know, in the same studio, the same city or the same parties and they're always gonna have like weird energy and a weird rift between them like the girl i'm seeing right now is really close with all their ex-boyfriends which is fine i don't think it's an issue because i know i'm fucking i'm a hoot i'm a great time but i know like other dudes for example her ex before me is like really weirded about it and i didn't want her to even have any guy friends or whatnot but i i just think it comes down to dudes just get a little bit insecure and a little bit worried about if they can't provide as good as the last guy

um yeah i hope that answers it oh my god harry is a fucking hoot i'm gonna voice message him back and ask him if he has an xbox harry last question do you keep an xbox not the fucking video game i'm talking about like do you have a box of stuff that you've kept from x's stuff in the past that whether it's letters or whatever and do you keep any of it and if yes or no tell me why slash would you care if your girlfriend had an xbox okay while we wait for harry to answer that question here are my thoughts on his first voice message i do think it's interesting to hear harry say that it's like a territorial thing because I as women I completely agree with that I have that exes are a sore spot again because you don't like to think that being with someone else but I do

think that I have this theory that like there's so many exes I wish I could send like a thank you card to like of course there's always that little tinge of like, oh, hate seeing it. But wait, was that, is this Harry again? Do I keep an Xbox? Great question. Maybe I've been living in LA too long, but I have an issue with stuff that holds like past energy. Like whenever I was like one of my girlfriends or like friends that have vaginas i've broken up with someone i tell them like yo it's a good it's a perfect time to like get new

bed sheets maybe get a new mattress like get new stuff like get rid of any anything that has like another like your ex's energy attached to it like i personally think like if you really want to get over someone you get rid of anything that can link back to them i but i'm also like terrible like deleting old photos like i kind of once i'm like done with someone like i don't want to go through my camera roll and like delete photos and like look at photos of them i kind of just want to let it be like let it sit so i don't have an xbox i don't have anything that relates to my ex because i want to get rid of that old energy and that old old like voodoo stuff like i just want it to be gone fully and would i care if i

found one you know what i think a little bit, I think I would be a little bit upset. Like, a person I'm seeing right now, like, she has a diamond ring that she got for her ex. And when they broke up, she went and got it back from him. And she's been wearing it. And I told her, I was like, hey, like, that's got, like, bad juju hanging off it. Like, you're going to think about, you're going to look at that ring and think about him or think about like how you felt in that moment and like if you really want to let go of this person like you have to sell it or like melt it down into something else or just get rid of that energy altogether so i think yeah like a little bit like it does play a little bit on your mind because like now i'm i know i know that ring was for that other person so now it's like kind of on my mind as well i'm thinking about him you know fuck it we

should all just date him um they're not we thinking about it but yeah yeah if i found a box for someone's old shit i'd probably be a little bit standoffish and want to put on ice thank you harry he sounds a lot of breath it makes me think about how yeah if she's wearing a huge diamond ring on her finger oh who is that from that's like a statement piece statement piece is like a huge diamond ring but i then would be like hey you buy me one not an engagement ring just like a sexual little big big sorry not little big diamond ring but that's where the difference is I talked about my Cartier ring from Slim Shady I forgot it was even from him when I look down at it it means nothing other than like I got a Cartier ring on my fucking finger it's

interesting to hear from Harry it's interesting to I'm excited to hear from my boyfriend like his hello i'm gonna record this but you're obviously not gonna be on the podcast or i'll fully change your voice but i just want to hear your thoughts okay men don't want to first know about women's backstory because most men ultimately don't have the emotional intelligence of women, holistically speaking. And so they don't really want to go there because they think a lot of their emotions are much deeper to find for them. And so opening up the can of worms of why they're with that person, why they weren't with that person is then opening the larger conversation. I don't think men are aware of that, but I think that is the real reason why. And whereas women, from my understanding, are deep diving, you know, in Instagram and going

deep to understand the psyche, because I think women are typically more thoughtful than men of wanting to understand their partner. And so they're looking at it as it relates to who they are as a person. And is this person the right person for me and I think speaking from when I was younger guys just don't do that because I don't think they're as in touch with themselves it was interesting because I voice messaged Harry Jousey and I was like can you give me your perspective and he's younger than you and so like he was like I think it's because like I like it makes me insecure like I feel like I may be inferior that's what I was gonna say so the younger version of that is because you are insecure if I had met you with your past and we were closer to the same age I would have not wanted to ask because it

would have made me feel insecure that you were going for these older guys who are successful and it would have made me feel less than I don't feel that way anymore I'm more comfortable with myself on our fourth date I literally said to you I was like oh my god pull up on Instagram every single girl you've ever dated I want to see a picture of them and I want to know their backstory and I want to know how it ended and it started and like you were like what the fuck but I was it was at when we were at SVB and I was so forward with you because I wanted to just know also what your vibe was and like who you date and I think that's interesting thank you thank you yeah love you bye I'm going to tell you guys a story. I told part of this story two or three years ago,

but when I was in Hawaii, I received a text and this text brought back all of the memories and all of the feelings of what had happened. It was back when I was living in New York City. I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time and I was working at this sales job. It was probably like the lowest point in my life. I was living on a mattress. I had found these three random roommates that I found off of Facebook Marketplace before I could move in with Lauren to the 301 and And I was miserable. Every single relationship I had was tied to my boyfriend. And when we broke up, I was basically stripped of all of my connections and friends in New York. So I was alone living with three random girls. They

were already best friends from childhood. So I was like the Facebook marketplace rando. Okay, I need to find my own life here in New York City. So one day, my boss at my job came into the office and basically told everyone how they were doing. Oh, you made this many sales this month, you made this many sales. And then she pulled me aside and was like, Alex, you haven't made one sale at the company yet. I fucking hated this job. All I would do all day is I would sit there and write down YouTube ideas. Boss comes in. I am on the Excel sheet. I've never worked harder in my life. Finally, when she says this to me, my like competitive athlete nature kicks in. And I was like, oh my God, I'm at the bottom of the barrel.

I got to go make a fucking sale. I put on a lot of makeup. I push my tits up and I hit the streets of New York. So I show up to this random place. It was like my 15th stop of the day. And I walk into this fashion shop and it's a speakeasy. And so at first you walk in and there's like belts and socks and you're like, okay, this isn't that cool. But I start talking to the guy at the desk and I'm like, I would love to meet the designer. And he's like, oh, I'll bring you downstairs. We walk down these stairs and I enter what looked like the ultimate gentleman's club. There were these leather red couches.

It was a dim lit room. There was a bar. There was a pool table. There were mannequins. I meet the designer and he is this suave 55 year old hot guy. And we immediately hit it off. I convince him to advertise in the magazine so I don't lose my job. And from there, this relationship starts where this guy becomes my full mentor, my friend.

I would go there sometimes when I was feeling lonely and like he would introduce me to people and try to get me more sales for the magazine through this guy I met this woman she was like a movie character she would walk in in the most elegant outfits but I was 23 20 I think I was 23 so I'm looking at this woman like oh my god she's got it figured out she's got a child she's got a husband she's so rich she sold diamonds as a living and she was just the most glamorous woman always in heels always dressed to the nine and she too became my friend and my mentor during this like really awful time in my life and And it started from me, her talking kind of about her skincare routine to me some nights when we were over drinks. And I kind of opened up to her how I was really struggling with my skin. I didn't know if it was my birth control. I didn't know if it was the stress from the breakup. I was feeling depressed. I didn't know what it was. I started to mention things to

her like, hey, I don't know if you notice, but like I'm super insecure about my skin. And she was like, yes, I do. You know, when you're out at a bar and if you have a pimple, you'll hold your glass high and like literally try to cover or you'll like hold your hand a certain way when you're like sitting at your at the table to cover the pimple. And so she brought up to me, she's like, Alex, you're so beautiful. You don't need to be doing that. And if anything, you're drawing more attention to it because like why is that girl holding her glass so high so we started to have conversations like this and so I text the woman and I'm like what do I do and she says send me pictures of your breakouts I remember I immediately send them I send like four because there's so many different angles of in the different light, whatever I say, I cannot believe I just sent

those to you. Obviously, please don't show those to anyone. She was like, of course, I just need to see it so I can like get an idea of what you need to do in order to fix it. Never thought anything of it. Next time I see her, she brings me this like topical thing. She's like, I swear by this, it's going to help. So life starts to kind of look up at this point. I move into the 301 with Lauren and my skin is getting a little bit better. I'm feeling a little bit more confident. Then I start Call Her Daddy. And I kept seeing these people throughout, but my life got so crazy with Call Her Daddy, just like working and grinding. And I had even told them, like, I think I'm going to be super busy. Like I'm starting this new show. Like I got to really and grinding and I had even told them like I think

I'm going to be super busy like I'm starting this new show like I got to really invest time I don't know how much I'm going to be able to see you guys anymore because at this point we've been hanging out a lot and they were like do your thing we support you and then one night I get a call from the guy and he leaves me a voicemail and it's like a long ass voicemail like what like what is he saying I click on the voicemail and I can tell it's a butt dial and I can hear the woman is there that I'm friends with he's there and there's like two other people and they're talking about me. And then all of a sudden I hear the woman start to talk about, yeah, well, she's actually not as confident as you guys would think. And as she appears, she's actually a very insecure girl. Let me show you these pictures. Her skin is a disaster. Let me show you. I've basically helped

that girl get her skin intact, but it's awful. Her skin is so bad. Like it's awful. Let me show you. Proceeds to what I hear, show the men in this room, the photos that i sent her of my acne and then proceeds to say her face you have no idea what she looks like without makeup on to hear a woman using my biggest insecurity as like a party favor in a room to entertain men, I wanted to throw up when I heard the voicemail. I've never done anything to this woman. So I decide to put them in a group text because a part of me was like do I just never answer them again and then I was like you know what I want them to know that I heard this first I send them the voicemail and I put them in a group text and I said this was hard to listen to from people

I considered my mentors and friends ultimately I'm glad I didn't answer the phone and got to hear your honest feelings. Wishing you nothing but the best, as I always have. And then I say the woman's name, addressing her in the next text. Blank. What you failed to mention while sharing those extremely intimate photos I trusted you with was that I had broken down and cried and confided in you over a serious insecurity. It's so sad to see you're using another woman's pain for your entertainment. The man just responded, wow. The next day, she sent this long thing basically saying, I just saw this. I apologize. You should know me me better than this I haven't listened to the

voicemail I haven't listened to the voicemail a day later like why but everyone was a tad drunk I'm sure you can tell nonetheless just remember the two of us are old friends and when we talk with one of one another it goes nowhere we just speak candid with each other trying to justify her fully talking shit and I also knew it was not just him in the room like there were multiple people in there so I never wrote back to that throughout the next few years she just randomly would text me as if nothing happened hey you busy hey you around hey thought of you today. Hope you're doing well. Call me if you have a few minutes. So now fast forward to my time in Hawaii. I'm laying on the beach with Mr. Sexy Zoo Man,

having a pina colada, enjoying my vacation. And I get a text from this woman and I open it. And this is what it says. You used to respect me and I have a few years on you if you really did value our friendship you would have spoken to me over what happened I don't have a younger sister and you felt like one I'm with my family in blank I thought of you so I get this text and I was angry when I got this text because she's trying to turn it on me she's like if you really valued our friendship you would have spoken I'm like you showed a group of men the photos of my acne and were making fun of me you should see her without makeup on I was expecting when I saw her

text I genuinely thought I was going to open it and it was going to be like hey I know we don't speak anymore during the holidays I was thinking of you I know it's kind of far gone but I just wanted to say again I am so fucking sorry for what I said and what happened. And like, I wish you nothing but the best. If you're ever in New York, I would love to connect, whatever. It dawned on me that when people talk shit for a living and if you're around people and they're always talking shit on other people. So what the fuck do you think they're saying about you when you're not in the room like this woman was always stirring the pot and talking drama i think i looked at her like oh she's sharing wisdom now that i look i'm like she was just a mean girl talking shit on these people and and putting other women down and acting like she had this right like i'm the only woman that's allowed in

the den and now you have this privilege and like i'm like this is so fucked up now that I look back so if this is someone that you've seen talk shit this is not an accident this wasn't a one-off like this is what these people do oh when you're talking shit to me about all these other people that's just what you do talking shit is so fucking easy and when I was younger I want to be so clear in high school I would fucking talk shit like the best of them college too and I think as I've had more experiences in my life and surround myself with people that don't do that I've realized talking shit is so tired and really just an indication that you're insecure. When you're just shitting on people and putting people down, does it make you feel better? There is a huge difference between talking shit on someone's physical appearance versus

talking shit on someone that did something bad or hurtful to you or a friend or a family member that really upset someone and you're talking shit to let off steam. Like think about it. When you walk into a Sunday football, everyone's pre-gaming, everyone's eating wings, we're all hanging out. It's at a bar or it's at a house or it's at an apartment and you see a girl that is trying too hard, is wearing heels and a skirt and a little top, it is so easy to talk shit. And yeah, maybe she is trying hard. But what someone else is wearing or what someone else looks like has absolutely nothing to do with any of us. We don't know what she was thinking when she got dressed that morning. I know that I absolutely overcompensated with trying to act overconfident because it's not for

anyone in the room. It's for myself. When I was in high school and when I was in college, I was overcompensating so hard to be that fun, cool girl like looked like she doesn't give a fuck and she's the fun party chick and she's the hot blonde girl with the tan skin like I was spray tanning because of my skin I was highlighting my hair because I hated the natural color of my hair I was so insecure about certain things that I was trying to change myself not for for anyone but myself. And I want to be the first person to say, I have talked shit on women. I have said shit on my podcast that I regret. Even in the early days of Call Her Daddy, my old co-hosts and I, it's crazy when you don't have a huge platform, you start to say shit because it's getting clicks and people would come to listen and be like, whoa,

I can't believe these girls are saying this about this one influencer about that. And now I look back and I'm like, I'm embarrassed. That's that's so fucked that I did it half the time that I was doing it. I don't even think we fully believed in it. We were just saying it to get attention. And then our show name would be out there. Like, I do regret that. Why are we doing this? Like Bravo Network. they made an entire network millions and millions of dollars franchise on spinoffs tv shows the whole thing and the foundation for bravo is women mostly women arguing with each other and talking shit about each other behind their backs and who consumes that content other women enjoying watching women tear each other down their backs and who consumes that content. Other women enjoying watching women tear each other down. It's all over the country. We got women in Atlanta. We got

Beverly Hills. We got Orange County. We got Salt Lake City. All of it is women shitting on each other and then the women in the world consuming it. Imagine how entertaining the real house husbands of Fort Lauderdale would be. Lots of golf, snooze fest. It's women fighting with each other over what they said behind each other's backs. And then all of us are eating our popcorn, watching it at home. And when I say all of us, women. So back to shit talking. I would say when you catch someone talking shit on you, what the fuck do you do? We should look at it as an opportunity to re-examine the relationship with that person. You got all the time in the world. Sit there and ask yourself, is this person worth having in my life? I think there's two ways to go about it. Number one, my situation,

I felt like I did not have to respond after my initial text to them because I do not need to have a relationship with them moving forward. But if you got a text and your friend accidentally texted you something they meant to send your other friend, there's two ways you could go about it. If you're at a point in your life where you're like i don't really need these fucking friends they're just my party friends they're assholes anyways you can cut them off but if this is your actual friend group i would say this were you surprised because that will tell you kind of the character of the person you're dealing with if you are like yes i was fucking shocked like this person i are so fucking close i think you can have a conversation

and I think you can come back from it but let me be so clear it will never be the same and the minute that you get that text you now are in the power position because you basically get to decide do I want to be friends with these people or not you don't fucking trust that person but you don't have to let it be awkward you did nothing fucking wrong you fucking walk in to the pre-games and the parties and everything and let her fucking feel like a piece of shit that she sent you that text you don't need to holster that like negative energy and also you shouldn't have to lose your friend group because some asshole sent you that that's on them but in order for you to move forward and stay in that friend group and feel comfortable the the conversation is more for you it's not fuck that person if you could go on and not have a conversation great but if you need to have it if it is someone that you

are shocked then you can have a more in-depth conversation of like i'm gonna be honest christina like i was shocked can we please talk through this like what happened are you okay are we okay what happened so you have to gauge like the level and most of the times when you get that text it's really not from your best best best best friend it's from someone that's in your friend group that's not as close to you there's something going on within them that's making them want to send that text to another person to talk shit and you have now the power to redefine the boundaries and also I know we always say like something happens for a reason everything happens for a reason

no actually think about it thank god you fucking know knowledge is power even if it feels like fucking shit in the moment daddy gang you now know something and it can help you and it can help the way that you're now going to move forward in your life, whether it's not being as close with someone, whether it's trusting someone even more, whatever the fuck it is. Knowledge is power. I need to go. Daddy gang, you know the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Bye.