Call Her Daddy - Jackie Schimmel: Confident Girls > Mean Girls (FBF)

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Jackie Schimmel joins Call Her Daddy and she has a lot to say. After roasting the CHD studio, Jackie reflects on her personal evolution and how she went from a gingivitis-having, headgear-wearing preteen to the beautiful Bitch Bible creator she is today. Jackie is so recklessly confident that she faked a diploma from UCLA in order to get a job - and it worked. We’ve all encountered a high school or college mean girl, but how do we handle mean girls in adulthood? Alex and Jackie discuss their experiences with mean women and give advice on how to respond with humor. Jackie opens up about the loss of her mom. She shares how she handles grief and advises exactly what NOT to say to someone who is dealing with loss. Jackie comes in hot this episode to defend the ankle boot, praise super-ultra tampons and compare her local Home Depot to the Victoria’s Secret runway.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. OK, Jackie Schimel, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Oh, are we on? We're on. Oh, fuck yeah. I figured. We have Henry.

Leo, can you maybe come into the- Richard! Richard! Oh my god. Richard, come here. Treats? Wait, look at his body. It baffles me. He's so low to the ground.

It's crazy. Look at his body type. How do you explain his body type? Can we get you a camera? Leo, get your ass over here. Come here, baby bitch. I would say that he is reverse pear-shaped. His father is pear-shaped and he's reverse pear-shaped.

Are you talking about his father as in your husband? Yes. Andrew is pear-shaped. He's 100% pear-shaped. He should know. I dated a guy that was pear-shaped once. It's not bad. I don't love the chafing element.

And speaking of chafing, I am wearing burlap pants. It's 100 degrees. I feel like I have a white woman's cocktail reception in my vagina. No, they look great. They look great. Itchy. In the wrong places.

So you're a fellow podcaster. Yeah. And I was thinking about this. Someone, I asked people to write in, what do you guys want us to talk about? Oh God. And people were like, how are you guys friends? And I'm like, how do we? That's rude. Yeah, no, no, how are you guys, how are you guys friends? And I'm like, how do we-

That's rude. Yeah, no, no, how are you guys, like how did you guys become friends? They're like, no, they're not like, how the fuck are the two of you friends? I'm like, it kind of makes a lot of sense. You guys don't get it? Like we're kind of similar at all.

No, and I was like, how did we become friends? Okay, I totally know how this happened. Tell us, also I love that I'm drinking iced coffee. I never do this before, but I figured I'm so comfortable with you that if I need to shit my pants during the interview, I can. A full gallon of matcha and I probably will shit,

but you won't know because I'm wearing burlap pants. What are burlap pants? You know like when you go to like a sad, live laugh love wedding, and they have like those burlap tablecloths at the cocktail hour. Yeah, yeah, you're wearing them. though oh yeah like I get that that looks like beach house vibes actually they're Gucci fuck off I actually love when you're

wearing designer but there you have to clarify their designer they don't appear designer no they're like itchy and like like they you need to pull this down I need to see your face you look great today yeah yeah don't. No, they do. They do. They're like itchy and like, like vage. You need to pull this down. I need to see your face. You look great today. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. Don't you podcast for a living? Yeah, but I don't do video. Oh, that is by clear and concise design, honey. I will say that's one of my least favorite things about doing video

is I've had to start putting like makeup on. Like a little tinted moist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even for a solo, those are I'm definitely I look worse. What's going on with the flowers in here? It's so bad. Like what's happening? moist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even for a solo, those are, I'm definitely, I look worse. What's going on with the flowers in here? It's so bad. Like what's happening? What is this? Let me just be so clear.

Why are they so erect? No. Speaking of Midwest cocktail hour. Let me be so clear. Marrying your cousin. What is going on? Okay, you know what? This is a good conversation to start off with.

Yeah. My set, I started with like a vision. What was that vision? Can we just get some like hot pink orchids? Okay. Aren't you rich? Here's the issue. We start, I started with the vision of like big cozy comfy chairs.

What is that? What is that turquoise vase? This is called like daddy terse type balls. It's like an urn. It's like a sad low bud Shiva in here. What is going on? Okay, let me explain to you. Oh, sorry. I'm so happy someone called out because every time someone comes in here, they're like, it's so cute in here. I'm like, it looks like a grandmother's room no i like this you like this i don't understand

what's happening with your floral concept oh richard it's okay it's anxiety it's okay wait richard is having a panic attack and henry like, get the fuck away from me. Are you okay? Are you about to? Is he okay? We just need a break. Do you want to hold him?

It's okay, Richard. I love how Henry has like zero give a fucks. Okay, we're swerving. Please, it's fine. We're going to get rid of these chairs anyways. Okay, so when I designedving. Please, it's fine. We're gonna get rid of these chairs anyways. Okay, so when I designed this room, I really had a vision where I had a vision where the chairs, I think we need to take your dog to the vet. No, he does this all the time. It literally is like he gets overwhelmed. We went to the Bahamas a couple

years ago, and he was in such emotional distress that we left him that he had like a whole anxiety condition. We almost put him on Prozac. How the fuck are we friends? How do we become friends? Okay, you know what's so funny? I don't even know if you remember this. We met during the pandemic in person and we had DM'd a couple times. Now I didn't know who you were, but I knew that you and your ex partner had this show, I had heard of Call Her Daddy, and then you had DM'd me a couple times, I think,

or maybe your ex partner had DM'd me a couple times, and I ignored them because I'm a lovely person, and then somehow during the pandemic, I think we started talking on Instagram, and following each other, and then like so annoying, met up became like internet friend and then did a podcast swap. I will never forget how bad that podcast was.

You didn't know what a swap was. I had no idea I'll never do again. It was so, who's calling me? This is so unprofessional. I mean, you would never do this with Haley Bieber. I would have my phone in the different room. Meanwhile, I'm like, hold on, let me check. She would have fresh florals.

The urns would be put away. This is some bullshit. You know what? No, you're right. That's how we became friends. First, we started as podcast friends. And then after we podcasted, I remember we were like, huh. We like each other.

And then we had the connection where you know my boyfriend through childhood. And it's like a whole thing. So it ended up working out and then like family, friends and stuff. 100%. But you know, as a podcaster, you meet a lot of fucking people.

I don't fuck with that many people. I really don't. And you keep coming back around to me. Yeah, I like you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I appreciate you coming on because I'm desperate for a guest right now. We're on the holidays.

We can't get anyone. Don't you even look me in the eye and say desperate for a guest or I will shank you in the backyard. Desperate for a guest, Alex Cooper? You are like, I don't have guests. No, you know what? That's, I wanted to say to anyone that is new,

you have balls, oh no, you've got a big vagina. Massive. Massive. And don't you always talk about how you have to put like multiple tampons. But you know what, here's the thing. And if there's one thing that I want to say on Call Her Daddy today is that my vagina is not wide, it is shallow.

So for a lot, I have a very shallow vagina and I'm a woman of extreme efficiency. So like, I don't understand light girlies. Like you go to fucking CVS and you're getting tampon lights. We already have to deal with the pink tax. Now I'm having my Gloria Steinem moment. Get ready for it.

Oh, we love it. We already have to pay the pink tax. All boxes of tampons are the same price price Okay, so why would you go light when you can go? Just from a fiscal Ultras fuck yeah, I will I have fit two ultras inside of me side by side like fighter pilot jets Like fucking top gun one time. I bought I thought I was buying super and I realized I bought super side by side like fighter pilot jets like fucking Top Gun. One time I bought, I thought I was buying super and I realized I bought super plus and I was like, oh, this is like in the big leagues.

I didn't even know there was ultra. I can raw dog ultras and you think about it. Okay. You're either like changing lights every 20 minutes or you ultra that shit you're ready to rumble you could fly to fucking Abu Dhabi have you ever bled through an ultra fuck yeah yeah okay okay that's good came out of me slid down the mountain isn't that the worst when you have a tampon and you can feel it's it's coming out there is let tell you something. I was coming back from Paris a few months ago and I had an ultran because I'm, you know, a feminist and I was going through customs and I

thought I was good to go because I did like a mid-flight switcheroo and thank God I was wearing a jogger pant with an elastic ankle because something happened during customs where I was like She is she has left my body and it fell out and it was just pooling at my ankle Sorry, I know her throat's closing. No, this is really discussed Are you saying that your ultra tampon popped out of your vagina and slow and steady? like a ski toboggan and I was like I was trying to like like tilt my pelvic floor and like keel it back in but it had it the ultra had left and so it's sitting at the bottom of essentially

the elastic pocket of your jogger and what did you do because customs there ain't no moving you You're in that. Well, like I said, thank God I had an elastic ankle and I just moved low and slow. Like I was just like- Were you with your husband? No, I was alone, which is kind of unfortunate cause I would have loved to like have that experience.

I actually agree with you. When something like funny or embarrassing or just like out of body is happening, when you're alone, it can be even worse slash funnier because you're like, you're going through the internal self-dialogue of like, what do I do? What do I do? It would have been 10 times better.

Where are we going? What am I gonna do? Where are we going from here? Do I just like turn a blind eye and like keep on moving with my fucking passport or do I pick it up? Like, I don't know. And I almost wanted to like tell people in the line

cause I thought it was so hilarious. I have never, I will say to anyone listening, if you're having like a bad day, just think that you've never had an ultra slip out of your an ultra twin mattress. Come out of your vagina and slip down your leg. When did you take it out? Oh, I went I like didn't run because I couldn't run, but I did a very slow stroll to the bathroom and yeah. I want you to like take me through iterations of yourself through life.

So like start at like young Jackie. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but like, do you know what I'm saying? Like bring me back to young Jackie and walk us through. So people can really get to know like who you are and the evolution of you. I am embarrassed to say that my evolution has been pretty non-evolutionized. Like I have been like kind of the same my whole life. It was just about what I was able to get away with,

you know, because like when you do have adhesive headgear and gingivitis and you're like, like things aren't landing the same way when you're in seventh grade as when you're 32, you know what I mean? Like it's taken years for me to like fully be like all caps myself in public. But as a kid, I was super obnoxious. I was annoying as fuck. I hated socializing, but I did the thing because I didn't want to be a loser. But I was always like, I loved doing characters,

and I was always doing bits. And I was just annoying as fuck. My parents were like, literally go play on the freeway. I wasn't allowed to be in the house which is interesting because now I have this like weird thing where I can't be home from 10 to 4 like I have to be out of the house because I have like this weird like Nell energy about it and I just don't like festering at home it makes me feel like a loser. Where do you go? Anywhere and I'll sit in parking lots I don't care I do not like being home. Wait what? It's the weirdest thing. Wait, okay. So can you so as a kid my parents were like get the fuck out of the house

And you just go oh I would I mean self-amusement is truly like the rhythm of my dance floor like I Love being alone. I love being untethered. I like doing weird shit I don't care. I never have cared if other people get it or think it's funny. Like you just said, it makes it funnier when nobody else understands what's going on. It's so true.

Someone DM'd me. I posted something the other day where I was like, it's not that revolutionary. Like I'm just alone a lot. Someone messaged me like, I love how like you and Jackie always make me feel better because you guys are just always alone. Yeah. And like doing shit alone, you guys feel so comfortable alone. And I'm like, I love how you and Jackie always make me feel better, because you guys are just always alone. Yeah.

And doing shit alone, and you guys feel so comfortable alone. And I'm like, why would I want to be with anyone else? You have a husband, I have a partner. I'm like, why would I ever want to be with anyone else? I feel like the most myself when I'm comfortable. And yes, I do have slight OCD tendencies as diagnosed by a licensed professional. But I feel so alive and present when I'm by myself.

I don't feel like I gotta start tap dancing. You know? Yes, yes, and I'm happier. Me too. Okay, bye, bye. Bye guys, gotta go. No, I appreciate that. Can you explain what gingivitis is?

And also, did you have to publicly wear an adhesive headgear? No, only, no, no, no. I didn't, but sleepovers weren't a thing. I did have those rubber bands that really, and unfortunately, I've always loved a mixed metal. So I would go gold, silver, brackets on my braces. OK, so you had? Gingivitis is a condition, a dental medical condition

in which you have hypersensitive inflamed gums. So I had an allergy to the cement on the braces, you know? So my gums, like I had no teeth. It was just gum and metal. And then I would have to get my braces off every month, which is why I had them for almost five years because I needed to let the gums breathe yeah and they would just bleed constantly I just always I mean bleeding out of my vagina bleeding out of my gums it's a why do I feel like that made you

this is so insulting why do I feel like that please let me say it. A mouth breather. I probably am. Am I a mouth breather? I probably am. No, I feel like back in the day, you would be a mouth breather. Oh yeah, there was so many fluids and I always had a roll on lip gloss to boot.

So it was so shiny and so like, it was a lot. Okay, so you were a mouth breather. You had gingivitis, you had a head gear. But I was like in on it. And I was also hugged a lot as a kid. So I was like, I would come home, like if I ever had like any type of insecurity or like finally I said that, you know, like in middle school,

I wasn't super cute, but I had, I really like leaned in. You got it. You got the joke. You know what I mean? I was like, whatever. I'm like, You got the joke. You know what I mean? I was like, whatever. I'm like, who wants to be hot in middle school? How embarrassing. That's something where I remember where people

were trying to expose me for my younger photos. And at first, like, as I had like knock on through therapy about it, I was like, I was so ugly. Like I was so awkward. And I was like, I felt like I was doing whack-a-mole to like try to get people to not know what I looked like. And then I was like, how incredible to know that I didn't fucking peak in middle school,

you dumb bitches. Like was like, how incredible to know that I didn't fucking peek in middle school, you dumb bitches. Like, how great, how great, okay? It's so not that big of a deal. And it's like why, when you see people's middle school photos, most of the people, this is so fucked up, sorry, but most of the people that were like- Don't apologize to me, Cooper. Most of the people that were like the hot chicks

in middle school are now addicted to like- Meth. Yes. Okay. It didn't go well. Exactly. And I think, listen, if you're listening and you were a beauty queen since day one.

Well, fuck you. Yeah, I was gonna say we, you know, we, yeah, fuck you. And also like I even now, I don't really think, I don't put like a lot of weight on how I look. Like that's not where I get self-esteem at all. Talk about that. I don't put a lot of weight on how I look. That's not where I get self-esteem at all. Talk about that. I don't know. I think that I'm lucky that I had a good childhood.

And I've always felt pretty secure-ish. And I just have never thought that that was a sustainable way to get self-esteem. I just don't think that's the thing that people should aspire to get attention for. I agree. I think, granted, I'm gorgeous. You're like, don't get it wrong.

I just want you to know, if you're not watching the video, I also happen to be super cute. If you're listening to this, quickly just tune in. You will swerve off the road if you see this beauty sitting across from you. You will get a boner that will go through your windshield. However, no, I have met some of the most beautiful people in the world that I think are fucking busted because they're so boring.

And especially nowadays in 2022, I think we really need to prioritize some fucking personality and opinions because I'm bored with everybody on the fucking internet it's called shelf life have fun when I was doing research for this which was minimal I wrote down something I thought was interesting and I was like I I thought I knew you okay and apparently I don't know you at all okay and I was like, I think Jackie Schimel is subtly a version of Annadelby. Okay.

Okay. And then it really clicked. Cause I was like, this bitch bought her fucking art. They're in on this together. You faked a college diploma from UCLA to get a job. Can you please confirm and clarify? And first of all, I just wanna be clear. I wasn't like going on to Jackie's shit

trying to find out if she's been arrested. It's like on your website. You're like, I faked my college diploma, blah, blah, blah. So first of all, did you ever attend UCLA? No. Okay. But I lived in off-campus housing. Like I somehow was able, it was a different time.

I was able to get to the UCLA like roommate housing site. What? Yeah, and I lived with all UCLA students like in and off campus, like housing. Okay. Establishment. I need you, I think that when I was reading about that, I was like, okay, I have cheated on tests.

Duh. Of course. And I've gone to extreme lengths of like cheating and I got caught a couple of times. But I feel like it takes a certain level of like sick, like no fear of consequences to fake and to give someone a resume that you're applying for a job and be like, I went to UCLA, here you go.

How did you come up with this? How did you make it happen? And are you make it happen? And are you good at Photoshop? You know what? I, Photoshop didn't exist back then, but I did have the paint app, Humblebrag. So you created a fake diploma from UCLA. I had gone to community college for literally one day, couldn't have been like less interested.

I was like, this is terrible. I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA. Wow. It's like my favorite thing to drop in. Wait, really? Literally. Yeah. Just no interest in school. None. None. No drive. No. No concern that like you wouldn't get a job. No, I wasn't like thinking that far ahead. I kind of just figured like, I'll just like get in there and like, you know, whatever. The confidence? Delusion. The fact that you were like one point, whatever the fuck, GPA, how do you even also even get that?

It's actually quite an accomplishment. You basically have to fail everything. It's like straight Ds. And didn't- It's like Ds and Cs, yeah, for four years. So then you go to community colleges for one day. For one day, could not be bothered. I was like, this is not my fucking journey.

So I actually lied to my parents for like a year and said that I was going to college and I doctored. That's how I got my paint app Photoshop skills. I was faking report cards and my parents were like very hands off. They trusted me way too much. Like they like weren't asking questions. They weren't like, how was, like they just didn't ask.

What the fuck were you doing during this time? You know, there was this amazing cheese shop downtown. I was cooking, I was eating, I was drinking boxed wine. I was like going on walks. I was, I don't know what the fuck. You didn't even have a job. No, and then eventually I, while I was lying to my parents,

I got an internship. So then I, and then lied to them and said I was graduating college, but I was only a sophomore. And then they offered me a job. And that just kind of started, kickstarted my fraudulent life. And then you literally just started giving people

saying you went to UCLA. How, I'm interested to know, cause I think when you start a lie it can tumble tumble tumble How far did you were you buying like Bruins UCLA gear like whoa go Bruins like what like whoa? Well, I only was lying to like human resources or like people like super high up that I wasn't with every day So like every by the way, I have no fucking chill. I am like the most, I have borderline Tourette's where I have to tell everyone everything all the time.

So I think that's, it was a real learning curve, but everyone that I was working with, like kind of knew. Kind of knew, interesting. And then HR didn't. No, and it didn't really cause a problem until I started working at like a really, you know, esteemed financial institution where they did this little thing called Hot Tip employment verification.

Oh. So part of that is they call all the admissions offices and then they like confirm your degree. And what happened? Well, the good news is that I was in charge of employment verification, so I just kept taking mine and putting it at the bottom of the list. Stop. And then did you ever get caught? No. I'm gonna honestly say I respect it because I think it takes a level of... I don't know the word. Like it's really a ballsy move that I don't think a lot of people could pull off. Like what would be the worst that could happen?

Oh, no, I'd get fired from my receptionist gig at the financial institution where it was miserable all day. Like, no, you're right. I guess it's actually really innovative and crafty. Where do you get your confidence from? I think that I'm myself all the time and I like myself and I understand that not everyone is gonna fuck with me and that's totally cool. I appreciate that because I feel like it takes I feel like like no one says, like, I like myself. Because now it'd be like, you're a narcissist and you're an egomaniac.

It's like, no, I just like myself. I've got to live with myself here. Totally. I don't think I'm like the prettiest person in the entire world. I don't think I'm necessarily that smart. I don't think I'm the funniest person. I don't think any of those things about myself.

I'm just like happy I get to like do the thing as me. Because what else am I gonna be miserable? I need to wake up and be like, God damn it, Jack, you need veneers. Like whatever, who cares? Like that's such a waste of time. Let's talk about the real reason you're here today. Okay.

You are here, I'm actually sweating too. You're here to defend a woman's right to wear an ankle boot. Oh, yes. For anyone that has no idea what I'm fucking talking about, Morgan Stewart came on the podcast. That bitch. That fucking bitch came on my podcast and had the audacity to fuck up my.

Every single person that works at Call Her Daddy ruined. I've been on team Zooms of people being like, Alex, what am I supposed to do? Do I have to throw up my ankle boots? Let me just clarify to anyone that has no idea what we're talking about, Morgan Stewart came on Call Her Daddy and basically took a hard stance against ankle boots.

I have a lot of thoughts about this. Okay. Yeah. I have known Morgan and love her dearly for years and years. A very good friend. And I know that when Morgan assassinated the ankle boot in early November of 2022, I can close my eyes and envision what she was talking about.

I think she's thinking of like a round toe, Louboutin chunky heel, like club rat one oak shoe. Oh, okay. I will say as a woman with very long femurs, I'm talking about myself, and gorgeous sculpted chins, talking about myself, that I look very good in an ankle boot. Dare I say stunning leg porn only fans. So this is controversial because she said not even Iri- Ireena how do you say her

name? Ireena shank? shank. shank? shank. could look good so you're essentially saying you are more gorgeous on the lower half than Irene Shane. I do suffer with dermatitis on my legs, so I'm working on it. But I fuck with an ankle boot. Now Morgan has since specified. Now I'm- Let's call her. Let's call her. I wanna call her. I just sent Morgan my location.

Come through bitch. Oh wow. Okay, let's call her. That is drama. It's very drama. I'm like, where are you? Roll up. She should be what else is she doing? She just got some kids. Whatever. Yeah big whoop Wow Hi Morgan, hey Morgan My not doing this right. Okay. Here I am. I'm so stressed out, I got it. Tell her she's being recorded, it's illegal. Currently you're being recorded.

I'm being recorded, okay, I like it, I like it. And I'm sitting across from Jackie Schimmel. Oh, we love her. We've been talking shit on you for 20 minutes. Yep. Have you? No, you guys like me too much to do that. Okay, we need you to settle ankle gait, ankle boot gait.

I just wanna let you know the amount of women that have now thrown out all of their ankle boots because of you, it's been honestly an uproar that's happened and I wanna give you the chance to clarify what did you mean? What did you mean? What did you mean, Morgan? This is literally the opress

that she wasn't eating meat anymore. This is what I've done to the ankle boot industry. Like I did not realize. This is- And your friend's closet. My industry. Like I did not realize. This is- And your friend's closet. My DMs are flooded. It's very clear. First of all, to use our dear friend, Jackie,

as an example from dinner, a flat combat boot is not the ankle boot I was referring to. I was referring to the black suede heeled ankle boot with the inner zipper, where the zipper's inside the boot. And the only real issue I have is when that is being used as a heel and it is an exposed ankle boot. Like an ankle boot with a sheer tight and a mini skirt,

not, doesn't work. Doesn't work. Okay, okay. I actually wanna go ahead and say, I agree with you. I agree with that. Thank you. Okay, okay, because I. I agree with that. Thank you. Okay, okay, because I think this is the thing. How many people wear an ankle boot

and then there's like your pant goes over it and you're wearing a boot with a jean? Great, great. You don't know. Fine, no problem with that. But when you're wearing- You've got free shins. Yes, yes, but when you're wearing a dress or a skirt or even shorter jeans-

It's a little 2012. Yeah, it's like Aldo, Steve Madden. We're giving. It doesn't work. We're giving that work. It doesn't. It doesn't. It never elongates. And also just to be very clear, so everybody at home understands,

is you're also wearing a skinny black pant or jean and it fits into the ankle boot, you still don't tuck the pant into the boot. Okay. Okay. Unless it's a baggy ankle boot and it's like an Isabelle Morant style, that works. I was just gonna use that as a counter argument. Oh, oh, oh.

I literally, Morgan Stewart, I was just gonna say as someone with gorgeous shins, you know how Isabelle Morant does that little dip in the front? Mm-hmm. Yep. That little dip dip? Me looking good in the dip dip. Yeah, so Jackie's been bragging about her shins.

Oh, we just hung up. Okay, apparently our phone died. I don't know if I hung up on her or her phone died. Goodbye, Morgan. You've already had your time on Caller Daddy. This is Jackie's. This is about you, Morgan. This is about me.

Okay, so I actually think that clarifies a lot and I do feel better about it. I'm literally not, just now not gonna answer her if she This is Jackie. This is about you Morgan. This is about me. Okay, so I actually think that clarifies a lot and I do feel better about it. I'm literally not, just now I'm not gonna answer if she calls. I think I feel better. I, do you still stand by though? Like are you gonna go to an event

with a dress and an ankle boot? I would never wear a heeled ankle boot. Okay, me too, me either. I would wear like a Western style ankle boot with like a little bit of a heel, but not like a stiletto ankle boot. I agree. Of course not. Now I could never, I mean, even if I was,

I would lie about it. Cause I don't want Morgan to harass and bully me. I, it's really interesting to see how powerful that conversation was. And I'm like, Jackie, are you going to say anything today that is going to traumatize my audience? Probably. Let me get myself some water.

I know, I've been screaming about ankle boots. Ooh, I'll put this in the cute cup. Oh wow paper straws. I'll give you a fucking hot take. Fuck the turtles I like plastic straws. You know what although although I actually agree with you in terms of- By the way, I love that that's like the most controversial thing you could ever say. I was at like a fucking dinner and I said something like,

it was like an influencer dinner. We don't, we'll never talk about it again. I'm so embarrassed. You went to one of those? I only went to one and then I got like basically kicked out. And I said something about like, bring back the plastic straws. And it was like like I had just said

like I had done like a hail hitler or something like it was like it was like the whole like there was like a rogue wave of shame and disappointment and these girls were like that's just like not cool and I'm like I can't make a joke about plastic straws I cut them up when I'm done to save little baby Franklin. You know Franklin? Of course I know Franklin. I think you're right. There's bigger issues of how to solve the issues

with the environment. Like stop going on your private planes. Oh yeah. How about that? Let's like tackle bigger issues. Yeah, yeah. You think you're superior because you suck out of a paper, limp dick straw that's compostable.

Yeah. Me too. I love it. Love it, shout out. No single use plastics guys. Okay, so let's talk about our dinner the other night. We'll start with this. We went to Tower Bar, which is like a great place to go.

Great vibe, dark. We had a great conversation about mean girls and like adult mean girls. And we're not talking about the movie Mean Girls. I'm talking about like real life women that are- Pettily bitches. Yes. I wanna know how do you define a mean girl?

I think a mean girl is probably someone that's dealing with insecurities and therefore is deeply threatened and put off by people who feel like it highlights what they dislike about themselves. I think a mean girl is someone who projects a very different version of themselves to the public and then behind you know, behind closed doors is just like spewing mad shit that says nothing about the other person. It's all about them or someone who someone who can't be friends with someone who's doing better than them

is a fucking mean girl. I completely agree with I think every single dude. Dudes are the same way. It takes like, if you can't be happy for someone that's doing better than you or has something that you want and there's not a... There should never be a sting. I don't feel like there should be a lingering sting. I agree with you and I... Something I was thinking about was like, I agree with you on the mean girl thing. I think there's like such a deep rooted insecurity and there it almost feels like there's like such a deep rooted insecurity and it almost feels like there's this underlying like anger in them. Everybody deals with like feeling like they're not enough

or they're not funny, it's smart, successful, whatever it is, everybody has those feelings. You need to buck up, grab your vagina and differentiate how your feeling has no merit to what other people are doing. You need to be like this. You need to like, what are you doing? Like, I just find that to be, it's so embarrassing. Listen, I think there is a different level of like,

everyone talk shit. It's a bonding technique, A, it's therapeutic, and it's really not that big of a fucking deal. You can tell when someone's talking shit and it's like a genuine like, oh, you're like really upset about this. If you're like bothered. Yes, like it's a joke.

Yeah. Like we're chilling. You're too close to it if you're so bothered. How would you handle a mean girl who you can tell is like genuinely trying to like make you feel like shit? I think in any situation, you have to get ahead of it. And directness is always the best way. It throws people off.

Especially you get one of those kinds of girls that's really trying to whip in Nae Nae and fuck you up. You want to dance, let's start fencing, like the parent trap. You want to play, let's fucking play. I'll stab you right in the eyeball. We're not doing this dance. So I like to nip shit in the bud and let them know what time it is. Like I see we're watching a different movie. You're watching Mean Girls and I'm watching Poltergeist.

You know what I mean? Like I do not fuck like that. So what the fuck would you say to someone? I'd be like, what is your intent here? Are you trying to like, you just have to like get a high beam flashlight and just roll. I'd be like, like what is your agenda here? Just cutting right, cause I think people could also argue

like just killing people with kindness. If that's your journey. That's personally not mine. Also, I will say, I think sometimes with my energy, I'm like, I just like, don't have the energy for you. Like be a bitch. And I'm literally like, this is so embarrassing for you. Then you can just sit like a little Shiva

and you just clip it. You're like, we're not friends. I've had people write in like, if someone's being a bitch to me, you can really just say, hey, Caroline. Like Caroline, I don't know anyone. Caroline, what's the agenda of this conversation? Yeah. What's your agenda here?

Or what my dad always told me to say is, what's your point? Yeah, what's your point? Because then they're like, well, my point, no, no, no. What's your actual point? Where are we going here? And there's something that's so off putting about being very brazen in a conversation when you can feel that someone's trying to mince you,

put you into a corner to say something so you look stupid or embarrass you. Just, you just lean the fuck in. Go harder. And humor diffuses everything and is like the ultimate, like, it's just, it's the card. It's the card that always fucking wins. You're right, you're right. So you can diffuse anything and say exactly what you need to and make it light and fluffy and not drama, because I don't play that game either. There's nothing more cringe and embarrassing.

You don't want to be the girl crying at a dinner, because Katie from Milwaukee hurt your feelings, because she doesn't like your ankle boots. Making it about me. No, literally. I get what you're saying. Just take control of the narrative, make it funny, and be unbothered.

How do we make it funny? How do you make it funny? I think you get ahead of it. I think like self-deprecation always really works. But like if someone said- Say a girl's in a room with everyone and like a guy didn't end up texting the girl back and her friend's a fucking mean girl asshole

and she's like, yeah, well, Johnny didn't text Sarah back. Oh, Sarah. Yeah, it's probably didn't text Sarah back. Oh, Sarah. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, it's probably because I have herpes. Like, oh, it's probably because I have like small tits and no ass and like, it's something like making fun of yourself that you're just. It's probably because I have herpes,

but like I'll just like kill him tonight. And you, Kirsten. You just like get ahead of it. Be like, yeah, oh my God, what will I do? I'm probably just gonna like die alone because I'm just like so unfuckable. And like, yeah, oh my God, what will I do? I'm probably just gonna like die alone because I'm just like so unfuckable. And you say that, maybe not that exact thing, but you say like, yeah, I'm gonna die alone, right?

Kirsten, what's your point? Yeah, Kirsten, do you feel good? Yay, Kirsten, yeah, Kirsten. You're like, Kirsten, you good now? Sorry, Richard, and Henry. You look cooler to everyone in the room. We good now, Kirsten? Woo, okay, let's all go back to having a good time.

Okay, let's all go back to having a good time. What do you think is a character flaw of yours? Oh, without a doubt, no hesitation, I can lack empathy. I can be very, very unempathetic towards myself and towards everybody else. I don't have like an amazingly large sensitivity chip. So sometimes now I've learned to just fake it a little bit. It's good self-awareness. Because it's the best I can do, but I don't really have like the threshold

to sit at a lunch and like hear my girlfriend complain about her boyfriend over and over. And then they break up and then they get back and then she hates him and then this happened and then that. I have little to zero empathy for like and even things that are worse than that like I'm a little desensitized. You're gonna be more like the friend that's like okay so we've had this conversation 10 times we can't talk about this anymore like you gotta break up with him or shut the fuck up. Do you think that comes more with like experience and age?

I think it comes from a lot of things. I think I'm like predisposition to just be like that. I've kind of always been like that, which is terrible. And then I've like been through shit. I lost my mom pretty suddenly. I like, I've been through like a lot of like seemingly traumatic events and I don't use those as a crutch. I don't know. You're not supposed to do this. You're never supposed to

compare traumas or tragedies. I think that a lot of complaining is so counterproductive. I actually can totally see where you're coming from. My best friend had lost her father. And I remember having a conversation with her where she was like, everything now just sounds so dumb. Like, shut the fuck up. Oh my God. And then like, I mean, you'll get friends that call you that need to talk about like something that is so trivial

And if you're someone who doesn't like I and I'm working on it, but I would I'm not someone who like leans on people I've tried I've been better about it. But like I don't like attention for sad stuff Uh-huh. I know that I have a hard time understanding and comprehending and like being a pillar of support for people who are so comfortable getting attention for sad stuff. You know what, I think it's also, there's a lot of people that find like,

almost get fueled and find connection through connecting, being just complaining about everything to their person. Like trauma bonding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually, I am similar to you in that aspect of, I remember, I would be interested to know if this affected you with your husband, but I remember in the beginning of dating,

my boyfriend would always be like, okay, I am your partner. I can tell you're upset about something. Like, do you wanna share it? Totally. I'm like grossed out by like talking about my issues. Same. Because I feel like I'm too aware that they're,

like it's- Trivial. To me, it's big right now, but this is trivial. Like I don't need, we don't need to talk about it. I'm upset about this. Like let's move on. Where then my partner's like, yeah, but like this is like, if you're upset about this, like let's talk about it. Totally.

Does Andrew ask you to be like, babe, can you give me like a little something here? Yeah, I think that he, yeah, my husband definitely like feels close and wants to share and wants, and I'm, I just, I've worked on it a lot. I still have a lot of room to grow because it's just not my thing. Like it is not my default setting.

It is so uncomfortable for me. I get like just, I'm just like icked by it. I'm a self processor and I just it's where I do the clearest thinking and healing and I get defensive sometimes even with friends because I feel like they it validates them for me to dump or to you know emotionally it validates the relationship or that I'm turning to them or I'm leaning on them.

And maybe that's me being like fucked up and guarded, which it could be, but I don't need to do that. So I don't want to do that. I just think, listen, if you feel like you process shit alone, I think especially for women, you almost feel like why do I not wanna like indulge? Or you're being guarded or you're secretive. It's so not, everyone's fucking different.

Like if you don't feel like sharing, you don't have to share. I agree, I agree. Okay, you brought up your mom. Yeah. I have a lot of people write in that are like, how do I handle grief? And I understand everyone deals with it differently.

But how would you give advice to someone that is like recently going through grief? Just like how to even understand it, handle it, move forward? I mean, it really is like case by case. And I think that people who are like going through like a very difficult time should know that literally everything is temporary.

Like everything in the world is temporary. And for me I was, I like went through like a really weird time where I was just, like my whole world was shook. Like everything I thought I knew was different. Like every, like every security anchor was gone and I was like free balling and I was like what the fuck. So in those situations whether you're grieving or not grieving and your life is uprooted and you're in transitional periods, it's like you either sink or you swim. But for me, stagnant is not an option.

So obviously like I go through so many things. It's like a random Tuesday where you're just like crying in a car and you're like, what the fuck? I've always used humor to deal with everything. It makes everything easier. And for people who don't understand, I totally get it. I've got friends that are like, you're so fucking weird. This is so dark. What is wrong with you? I understand that too for me I've always used it. It makes everything easier to digest. It's not like it's not deflective coping. It's kind of like It it is what it is, you know what I mean?

um, and I would say like you kind of have And I would say, like you kind of have to make like an internal decision. Are you gonna sink? Are you gonna swim? For me, my whole agenda, when my mom died, my throat's closing up. Can I drink my juice? I'm sweating. Do you have any vodka? When I like really got in the mindset where I was like, I don't want attention for, I

don't want to walk into a room and get like the loose clutch on my shoulder of people being like, how are you doing? And how's your dad? And are you okay? And your mom loved you. I'm like, no shit bitch. I know my mom loved me.

She hated you. Like, you know what I mean? Like you start getting in that mode where it's like, now people, your whole identity is like, you're walking around with a black veil. Some people love that. We call them grief groupies. This is the problem. There are human beings who are finally getting attention and they fucking love it. So you go through something terrible and then everyone feels bad for you and then everyone shows up with the

casseroles and you feel like you got a little gold validation sticker on your fucking forehead. That's where you get into a weird rhythm of being the victim. That's not the vibe because that has an expiration date and then everybody goes back to work in three months and everyone fucking forgot because it's no longer relevant. To you, still very relevant. To all the other people, doesn't matter. So I think like you have to, other people doesn't matter. So I think like you have to I just always said that I was gonna like commemorate my mother's life with living the fuck out of mine. It doesn't mean that you don't have terrible days. It doesn't mean you don't feel sad or you miss them. That's always going to exist. always going to exist. But why would you not want to experience your, like why wouldn't you want to just have a good day

when you can have a fucking good day? And a lot of that is about like emotional boundaries and people who don't serve you. Like it becomes like this whole aftershock wave. You have to kind of just like dial it in and do the best you fucking can. It's really, I don't even, I feel like I haven't said anything.

No, no, I think you said so much and it's helpful to hear because- It's just a decision. I think that's really, I don't wanna use the word powerful, but like the way you articulate it, you said, you did say so much because I think that there's a mentality of like,

I mean, I've talked to my friend Lauren about this, like her trying to decide like, where am I gonna go with my life? Cause I have my life and my dad has his life. And like, there's just a lot of shit you have to deal with internally of like separating your own self from men. What happened if that makes any fucking sense?

1000%. But also still knowing like that's your parent and you like it's confusing. And there's so many layers to grief and like every instance is different. All I can say is that you just have to like make a conscious decision that you're not gonna walk around with a vigil candle

and a fucking deli platter and Shiva flowers like Alex Cooper. It's all coming for full circle back to the end. Shiva flowers, this is why I was triggered. You're literally like what? Do you know how many funerals I've been to with the sad fucking deli platters? I can't even go to a Valley deli anymore

because I've been to so many fucking funerals and the Jews love deli platters. And then you're're like can you imagine you just put a family member in the ground and then you're making like a pastrami sandwich and then you look around and you see these urns and the fucking shitty ass Ralph's flowers it's terrible. Jackie is fully triggered she's like why did you bring me here I thought this was supposed to be fun no I I really do appreciate my last question about this which which I think is very important, is there are people that on this unself-aware spectrum have no idea how to handle if a friend

is going through something and has lost someone in their life, okay? And can you just quickly explain things that have, like Ben, you don't have to give examples, but you could explain things that have been, you don't have to give examples, but you could have things that are said that you're like, don't say this, you fucking idiot. Please don't say everything happens for a reason

or you will get slapped. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you. Thank you, Katie. Have fun with your mom. Like shut the fuck up. Don't do not anything that is on some spiritual religious bumper sticker.

Don't you fucking dare drop that shit. Don't do it. When you see a butterfly, don't say, that's, I could tell that was your mom. I fucking hate butterflies. You get a fucking fly swatter. I swear to God I saw a rainbow yesterday and I knew it was your mom. I was like do you want to get hit? Do you want to get hit? Do you want to get hit? It's this is this is

what it's a sign., she did this for you. So when I bought my house, I, this is like a whole other conversation. I found my house, it was unlisted, it was off market. My realtor calls me, he's like, hey, there's this house coming for sale. I only wanted to buy it in this one neighborhood. So I go to the house, I break in, it was vacant.

The guy was dead, whatever. Broke in through the back. The guy's dead inside? No, thank God. He had died. Went to hospice in Texas, dead, out, fine, vacant. So I like, you know, jimmied my way in and I was like, oh my God, I love this house.

So I'm talking to my grandparents and they said, oh, how's your guys' house hunt coming? And I'm like, oh, it's good. I think I found a house today. We're gonna put an offer. And they're like, which house is it? We used to live in that neighborhood. And I give them the address

and it was my mother's childhood home. So I now live in my mother's childhood home. Okay. I did not know, I had never been there because when my grandparents lived in a different state, we never went there. I wasn't alive. So that automatically made me hate the house because I was like, oh my god, that's so weird.

Now it's going to be like this whole like butterflies and rainbows and like Bechert bullshit. I'm like, I'm not dealing with that. Oh my god. So I then got into like a severe bidding war where I had to basically bankrupt the entirety of our bank accounts to get this fucking house because I loved it so much. It was locked up in probate, blah blah blah. It took me like a year to get this fucking house. Very ruthless bidding war. So I overpaid by like an obscene amount of money that I can't even really say out loud because it would be alienating and disgusting. Whatever. So I get into this house, I have my family over for like the first holiday and every single motherfucker looks at me with that fucking hand, with that loose little grip,

the little shoulder grip, and the upper, the lip quiver, and says, your mom got you this house. Your mom brought this house to you. And I'm looking at them, and I'm thinking to myself, I've had to spread my legs metaphorically behind a microphone and hawking every product under the sun on Instagram like a shameless, ruthless prostitute for years so that I could buy this house because I bought the house.

I wanted to buy the house. Me, I bought the house. Me, I bought the house. Bled my bank accounts dry, and you have the nerve to tell me that this bitch, my dead mother brought me the house? If that was the case, I would have fucking inherited it. I would have bought it before the pandemic when the housing market was a little more stable, okay? How dare you?

And it took everything in me. I was clutching my martini glass like with a white knuckling it and I just wanted to bash it over everyone's head and I even said to my dad I'm like if one more motherfucker says to me that my dead mom got me this house I'm gonna lose somebody's gonna die in this house and then the property value will really plummet. I will have to borrow your flowers for the Shiva. It's so short. Fuck you.

You are leaving today with them. I'm gonna- I'm not taking them. I hate them. These are real. These are real. Okay. We couldn't go low and tight.

Had to go, couldn't go low and full. He's crying, come here. Sorry. Okay, he's crying, he's upset. Sorry Henry. Because, okay, this is my thought. Shut the fuck up. Like please.

Just shut the fuck up. Just be like, this sucks so bad, I'm so fucking sorry. This is terrible, like what can I do? Okay, that's what I was gonna say. Everyone deals with grief differently. So follow your friend's lead. If it's also not your fucking friend and its acquaintance, shut the fuck up.

Please don't. It was so funny. I had a friend that would weaponize my grief. Like, I wasn't coming to her to cry. Like, I was going to other people and it wasn't like, I wasn't like, like I wasn't like coming to her to cry. Like I was going to other people and then she like, was like, do you not like feel comfortable with me or do you not like feel close to me? And I'm like, you're literally the worst.

Like you're making this about you. How are we- Like you suck so bad. And honestly like I should send her an edible arrangement because I need to thank her because she made the whole experience like so diffusive. Cause I was like, oh wow. Like you just took me out of my grief.

Cause now I just want to fucking headbutt you cause you're so stupid. Wait, like what, what do you mean? How is this, how did we make this about you? What movie are you, what, what? It was like, I had a stroke. I was like, poor qua, do I need to like, do I need to apologize to you

because I'm not like sad enough for you? Yeah. I think that's the wrap up of that is like, if it's, if it's not your shit Shut just just literally you don't like not talk about like it's not like that No, it's like we just read the person read the room do their thing. Yes. Thank you. And that's totally okay That is such an extreme place of privilege To not understand and I honestly think that's amazing and you should just like run with that. It's fabulous, you lucky son of a bitch.

But yeah, it's like an, it's an extreme, it's an extreme tier of privilege to like not understand that. That level of- And that's cool too. Totally, but if acknowledged you don't know it and so don't act like you have any fucking comprehension of what happened.

Oh my God, I love when like a friend, she was like, I know, like I lost my pet kitty when I was three and I was like, cool. Even like, sorry to say this, I need to move these. Yeah, please. Even, and I'm not trying to be an asshole, but even when people are like grandparents. It's the circle of life.

Cue Simba. Let me guess, they were 80, 90 like- Lie down. Go to sleep, as Kelly Benson once, or Bethany Frankel once said. Go to sleep. They had a good run. And that's natural.

What were you expecting? They were going to have a re-vibe and just start? That was how it was supposed to go. Oh my god. My grandpa was literally, I was prepared for him to die for 12 years. My parents were like, listen, grandpa's like not super healthy. He's like totally overweight, like had a terrible lifestyle.

They told me this when I was seven, that fucker hung around till I was like 25. It became like a bit in my family. I was like, you're still here. I've been prepared for years. I grew out of my fucking funeral dress. No, you're so right. It's like I have one black outfit. I don't even fit in it anymore.

Grandpa. Jesus Christ. You're milk in the clock. Turn. So I can put you in the urn. Urn. And Alex can put you in here. He can place you. He need a much bigger urn.

He was a very obese man. It would take up the whole room. Shout out Jackie's grandpa. Love you. Love you. Is he still here? No, he's dead. Wow, Alex. Okay. Long gone.

Okay, we're off. We're moving off the grief topic. Yes. I think my last thing is this. This is actually just out of curiosity. What happened to your Zimmerman dress? Oh, I'm so. This is still on the topic of grief, by the way.

I've experienced so much loss. You're like, fuck my grandpa. Let's talk about the Zimmerman dress. The Zimmerman dress. Honestly, you know, hindsight's 2020. I'm like, I'm too cool for a Zimmerman midi dress. Like I've evolved. Jesus, this is funny. Okay. Okay, give it to us. Well, I was attending a baby shower. Okay. And I was trying to find something like I found this dress. It was a Zimmerman dress. It had like a molded cup, balconyette with a cutout, pockets. She loves pockets. I love pockets. Love. Okay. And it was in my size. I didn't have to wear a bra. I looked cute. It like I had just had a parasite. So I was very gaunt. You were like, winning!

Like literally, my clavicle was protruding and I had like an upper rib cage thing because I was shitting out my colon for weeks. No, this is like, people are gonna be pissed. When we were at Tower Bar, you were like, I'm just feeling like a little like, just like bloated or whatever. Yeah. And Jackie turns to the waiter. She's like, could I get some expired salmon?

I'm like, do you have a raw salmon fillet? That's unrefrigerated. The guy did not get that at all. He was like, pardon? I was like, never mind. I'll just have the brandzino. OK, so you're gaunt. You're ready with your dress. I was like, never mind. I'll just have the brands, you know. Okay, so you're gaunt. You're ready with your dress. I was ready to rumble. I found this dress. I had it hooked in the back of my car and I have a convertible and I was doing a bathroom renovation. I'm very hands-on with my renovations. I love the Home Depot. It makes me feel alive.

Insecure Girls, go to Home Depot. Wear something tight and sexy. You will get accosted. You know what's crazy? It's already cut you off. But I remember back, back, back in the day where I said some controversial shit. I was self-aware enough to know that if I went to the University of Arizona,

I was going to be like a five on the scale. Boston University? It's the same thing at a Home Depot. Give me a 12. If you go to a Valley Home Depot, you've got better odds. If you go to like anything off the 405, it kind of depends. It's all about geography. You could run into Giselle.

So you're going to be the toad. Kanoka Park Home Depot, you'll never feel anything like it. So you're saying you go there and you feel the hottest, most beautiful version of yourself. It is the Victoria's Secret fashion show reboot at the Home Depot before 10 a.m. when all the contractors are there, like there's no like women, like, you know, you're it.

That's it. So I was there at about 7.35 in the morning. Jesus. I know, rise and grind, okay. She's got construction to do. Literally grinding with contractors in aisle four. And I was in a bike short looking so cute, sawing my own fucking trim. I needed like one piece of trim for a door.

I was trying to wrap it up, you know? And the trim was very long. So I had, I figured the only way I could fit it in my car was to put my top down and shimmy it in the front so it could hang out the back. OK? Super safe. In your convertible. In my convertible.

This is like final destination shit. OK? So in the transportation of my trim piece, I had the dress hooked on the back, OK? OK. And I'm driving on the freeway and I'm holding the trim because I didn't really feel like having it.

God forbid. I mean, honestly, in hindsight, I wish that that trim would have fucking high-tailed it out of the car and like punctured the car behind me and I could have kept the dress because I didn't have something to wear to the shower. Couldn't find anything.

Whatever. Okay. I'm holding the trim. I'm driving, like cursing the day that my husband was born because he's like off at a trip somewhere. And I'm just schlepping lumber, literally schlepping lumber. And I look behind me and I all of a sudden, like I'm driving and I just see like a pink, like a pink parachute rising into the sky off the 101 freeway at 7 34 in the morning.

And I'm like, huh, I look behind it was like slow mo. I see my fucking dress, catch wind and fly the fuck out of my car. Okay. So now I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Like, what do I even do? So I call highway patrol, I get off the freeway. I didn't even know who to call. I literally was like, I have a dress. It was $850 by the way, okay? Tags attached.

Oh God. Glad I did, you know, it wasn't my journey aesthetically, but it was an expensive dress that I never got to fucking wear. And it was sold out in the size I needed because everyone kept sending me the certain sizes. I needed a two. Two for the tits. Two for the tits. Sold out. So I pull over on the side of the road. I'm now like pilfering through bushes.

Wait, you get out of your car? I kind of I did a little peruse. Okay, I did a little peruse, but then I thought you know what? I called the highway patrol. They're gonna return it like they're gonna get it dry cleaned for me. I had a massage. In what world are you living in? I don't't know I listen I live in suburbia I figured listen I call these guys I'm like I have a dress that flew out of my car yeah I feel like they get called like no literally you're abusing someone was stabbed yeah usually it's like there's someone on the side of the road someone was stabbed there's an animal that's dead there's a car kidnapping my Zimmerman dress was $900.

Could you guys do a loop? Could you guys do one of those zigzags, where you shut the freeway down during rush hour? I'm like, it has cutouts and pockets. It's like so cute, it's so good. It's so hard for me to find a dress where I don't have to wear a bra. They're like, ma'am.

You're like, no, no, no, size two. I don't know, should I pull over on the, I don't know, I just feel like this is a safety breach. I've already been sexually harassed at Home Depot. I'm not trying to get picked up. And what are they saying? I mean, they were laughing. Of course, as we all are now, Jackie.

We were laughing, we were having a good time. Here's where I live, there's a dry cleaner's down. I was making all the jokes, you know what I mean? So I thought, 100%, they're gonna pick it up, drop it off. So then I like, you know, I had to deliver my trim pieces. I've got guys on the clock. Okay, I'm not fucking around.

And this is all so relatable and likable. Daddy gang's gonna love this. Then I had a massage and I, so my phone was in my locker, whatever. And I had posted all of these stories. In one of the stories that I had posted on Instagram, you can see the dress off the freeway. You can see its exact location, like under a fence, under a pickup truck that was parked on the side of the road.

Like it's like behind you while you're filming. You can see the pink. Someone spotted it. I missed it. Yeah. So all of a sudden I've been getting like so many messages people circling, like, I see where your dress is. I see where your dress is. I knew exactly where it was.

I get back in my car. I drive back. It's not there. The next day, the dress, in my size, tags attached, sold out everywhere, is available for sale for pickup in the Los Angeles location of the real, real. Full price. full price. And I'm like, no.

So some shady fuck, honestly love them. If you did this, I will like, please show yourself. Yeah, we respect you. I respect you. I like you. I will go to tower bar with you and we'll get raw salmon together. Some shady ass bitch rolled up,

because I was giving like very specific geographics. No, I remember you posting about this. I was like, if you get off at Kenoga and make a right. It's gonna be somewhere near there. And you're thinking, these are people that love me and support me. They will bring the dress to me. They will get it dry cleaned and bring it to me.

I thought someone, like I imagine like a bunch of girls 25 to 35 in bitch bible merch and like fucking highway patrol like neon vests with flashlights like searching for this dress. That's in my head where I like just hawking macho with their shitsies He was like patrolling the valley for my dress, a search and rescue mission. You didn't think. No, I never thought, naive. That a little cunt was gonna say. And you know who'd do something like that?

Me. Let me tell you something. When I was 18 years old, if I found out some bitch had a Zimmerman dress go airborne off the side of the 101 freeway, and it was tags attached for 8.50, and I was eating bagel bites for three weeks, you think I wouldn't be tits deep

on the side of the freeway searching for that fucking dress? You are dead wrong. So I can relate and I respect it. I have no words. I guess we have to to we end it by respectfully respecting the cunt that went out of her way. This one's for her. This one's for her. Whoever you are I actually would fucking love if you reached out to us. Show yourself. We would actually really respect you. I will. You're like, well.

No, no, no. If this person exposes themselves with receipt, we need a receipt from the real real. I need like all, like I need a full Manila folder to showcase that it's you. I will take you to Zimmerman and I will buy you a full outfit. It was me.

Alex, we're going to Zimmerman. Jocky. I know. I'm sweating. I'm so sorry to bring the mood down. No Zimmerman. Jackie, I know I'm sweating. I'm so sorry to bring the mood down. No, no, I love how when I'm like grief and then you're like, no, I'm gonna bring it down even more. Yeah. Grandpa. Light your vigil candles. I love you. Thank you so much for coming. I'm sweating. I'm gonna pee my pants. This was a great episode. Henry, wait, let's pull the dogs up for one quick little. Oh yes! Come here! Oh bitch!

Okay can I defend the flowers now? Yes. What? I need to defend the flowers now. Oh, did you do this? I do them every week. They're one of my greatest prides. Okay. A, B, let me just tell you this week. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go ahead. This week, I went to both Bristol Farms and Ralph's. Went twice, bought a pair, still didn't think they looked good enough.

Okay, okay. Went back for more. Those pink ones I hate are the only ones that I could find. And it's been a journey. Jordan, let me also defend you. It's not the flowers. It's the vase. The vase is not your fault.

No, it's not the flowers. It's, it's, it's- The turquoise? No, she paid. She paid for the turquoise. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha a color and Jordan said she's great at... That's amazing, that is the best news. I'm so sorry. We don't take it personally. We need to get it together.