Call Her Daddy - Keke Palmer: Codependent Relationships, Child Fame & Insecurities (REVISIT)

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Call Her Daddy will be taking a brief break this week, but we'll return on January 11, 2023 with a brand new episode. Please enjoy this older favorite from Call Her Daddy in the meantime. Father Cooper sits down with Keke Palmer. Keke shares the effects childhood fame had on her life - and how achieving early success left her feeling completely alone. Alex and Keke discuss a shared insecurity - debilitating acne - and how they still struggle to find confidence during breakouts. What are the signs of a codependent relationship and how can you recognize if you are in one? Keke shares insight and advice from her own experience - she’s been in multiple codependent relationships and gives us the signs to spot one. Then, the duo address common dating dilemmas. Can you date your friend's ex? Should you ever go through your partner’s phone? Once a cheater always a cheater? Join Alex and Keke for these topics and more on this episode. Enjoy!

Hello, Daddy Gang. It is your father, Alex Cooper. Call Her Daddy will be taking a brief break this week, but we will be returning January 11th, 2023, New Year, with a brand new episode to kick it off. Please enjoy this older favorite episode from Call Her Daddy in the meantime. I hope you guys enjoy your holiday break. I love you all. I cannot wait for you to see who is kicking off the new year for Call Her Daddy. Until then, enjoy. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Kiki Palmer, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Kiki Palmer, welcome to Call Her Daddy. We just started just like this.

I love it. I love it. I love this. What's up? Guys, we're so cozy right now. This is literally the best vibe ever and I'm like not just gassing her because I'm here with her. I'm letting you guys know I'm so happy right now.

The chairs are comfy. We got Kiki her tea we're like kind of done today we are and i just what i love about it so much is just that it's not what is expected like i imagine we were going to be like at a round table for some reason like i don't know what i thought no but this is what i needed yeah this is not red table talk this is like good vibes chill yeah you're like cool like i wasn't ready talk about intensity yeah no we're like in our cozy big chairs we're gonna have a great conversation so kiki walks into my house and i was like listen i don't want you to get like

freaked out but i'm a big fan okay for multiple reasons okay akilah and the b jump in come on jump in like iconic movies growing up oh my god so it's like a cool moment like be in a room with you that's literally so cool thank you so much but but the best thing I think that like really did it for me was your song bottoms up it's still a banger I listened to it before you got here I always hear that it was very much so like a getting it round up song. Like I remember this lacrosse guys, lacrosse team was like, yo, we used to get pumped up in the locker rooms to bottoms up. Like the stories that I have bottoms up, like continue to amaze me each and every day.

It's such a good hype up song. And you're re-releasing the song. Yes, I'm doing the whole re-release gag. She's giving everyone what we need, which is a re-release. Okay, so my question is, how did that come about? Like, how did you decide? Well, you know, it's so crazy because Bottoms Up, life continued to grow. And it was probably like the biggest song on that, you know, my first album, So Uncool.

But the label didn't really like feel it. They didn't really love it. They weren't really necessarily into the rapping. They felt like it wasn't all the way age appropriate like they had all these things that they felt they really couldn't market it but I'm like the kids was getting it so after all these years I think I was kind of just like well I'm older now like what would I what kind of video would I give like if I were to do bottoms up again it's like I you know have my own label I do my own thing now like I'm very independent I'm solely independent so I was like you know what I'll just re-record it you know do it again and do a video and kind of like give this bottoms 2.0 type vibe and do it as an as an adult did you

change anything about the song no everything was literally the same like I mean I changed the part where I was like only 13 because I'm not 13 right we what did you what are you saying like you're so i say um wrote this at 13 now your girl's a vet because she's a vet now how is the young Kiki that originally wrote this song different from the woman who is releasing it today that's such a great question I'm a lot the same but I'm also different I think in ways of just like when I think about the whole music experience and my recording that song experience and just my life at that time there was so much weighing on me in terms of like who everybody wanted me to be. But now at 28, I think I'm much more confident in believing that whatever I feel is right is right. I'm not struggling with trying to prove so much to the people around me.

I'm kind of like either you're going to get it or you're not going to get it. That's a great way that I feel like I've changed because that would have just driven me crazy to keep living like that. The evolution of your career is incredible because you started so young you grew up in Chicago did you always want to move to LA and like be in LA and Hollywood you know I didn't ever I never knew that LA represented that like I didn't know you know being from a small town like I'm from you know where it's cornfields farmlands you know I only knew art I knew performing like singing I knew acting because I heard about it from my parents but my parents were theater people so you know the theater you think

New York if anything I never heard the idea of like Hollywood you know or you know that's where stars are made I just kind of thought to myself I want to be in entertainment I want to sing and then eventually when I found acting I was like I really want to act and then from there you know my desire to act and to perform on film and television was how we found our way to oh the place to be is California and pilot season happens here and do you remember your first acting job yeah my first acting job was a barbershop too I played Queen Latifah's niece I had like four lines um wait that's like a pretty huge role though like to like the fact you just feel like people like i did this commercial you're like that's so casually that's like your first

role what yes i i've heard this before and i'm like thank goodness because i mean i i it's so funny my mom used to say when i was younger i think she started saying it like after i had started getting work because it would have scared me maybe if she had said it in the beginning but she was like you know people wait all their lives to get one line and I'm like oh hell I'm like thank god thank god I wasn't waiting my whole life for you know but obviously it's a process you know and um but yeah that was the first role I did four lines and yeah okay so you obviously have siblings you have your family you guys eventually all move out to LA because your career is starting to take off what was the conversation do you remember like with your family about that move because it's like a pretty big deal yeah you know I think it was like

man that's so interesting I'm like what did we all sit around and like kind of discuss I think we did but I was a kid so like how much of it I remember I don't know but it was kind of as if the way the framework that I put it in is like what you would do for an athlete if your child would love soccer or basketball or whatever the sport would be it's like the family kind of just all gathers around it's like this they got this going and we got to support them you know this is their hobby this is their skill and it's rolling and we got to support them and everything with us was very like support family it was always we're doing this together this is for you know her success is our success you know our success is each other's success and so

I think that was just the kind of identity that we had going out there was you know what we're doing this as a family she's loving this we all love entertainment and arts and this is an opportunity for us to go to California see something new and different and who knows kind of vibe you're right it is kind of like everyone's success if like if you're succeeding but I also know like that's a lot of pressure and especially if like your whole family also you have an older sister right I do I do too and I'm sorry but what's the age difference we are four years apart mine's two and if my fucking older sister my family was like we're up and moving I would be like I hate you like yeah but that's exactly how she was okay no yes

for sure like like the consensus going there positive, but like all the emotions in the midst and aftermath were not like that sound. When you're that young, you can't help but be like, oh, like you look at your sibling and you're like, you're still a young kid. You don't, they don't see you as like successful or famous. Yeah, they don't even care about it. Like let us also shine and let us have our time. So I can imagine that like, that's like a big move for a family.

Yeah. So I can imagine that like, that's like a big move for a family. Yeah. So you all move. How did that move and like that success affect and change your family? A lot. Like, I mean, we went through so many different phases. It went through the phases of, you know, how do we deal with the fact that I'm making so much money?

You know what I mean? Or how do we deal with the fact that, yeah, the other siblings don't feel like they're getting enough attention or my parents had to do a lot of switching off for that reason because after a while it would kind of feel like mom's not around enough because she's always with Kiki and so then they started really implementing that this movie my dad goes with me that project my mom goes with me which I think was helpful you know and then the whole fame thing you know me being popular when we going out oh that really became a thing like you know I know

everybody thinks the famous thing is cool and I think it has some cool perks but it really is also like very traumatizing in a lot of ways and I think it really traumatized my family for a good long period of just having to deal with how people treat them to get to me you know the kind of the the thing of like oh this person was only my friend because they wanted to get to you I think that causes like feelings of resentment or just frustrations and so we had to work through a lot of that stuff it was just a lot I don't think anybody is prepared for that there's no like guideline or handbook someone hands you like this is exactly how you do it so this your life is going to change at this date and then I can imagine oh my gosh I think I'm about to write that book right you should by the when you when when it all happens this is how it goes guys girl you done

gave me a new book you know what i mean like straight up write it down because i've always thought about it i'm like don't come for my money i will you you can have it you heard it here kiki palmer you have all the rights to that idea because you've lived it. Think about how like how are the parents supposed to act? Like even hearing you talk about that with your mom and your dad, it's like at the end of the day, you are one of your siblings. And so like, yeah, to the world, you're like Kiki at the time, famous and successful. And everyone's like obsessed with you.

But like, what about your sister? And like, what about your younger siblings? And so everyone has a different way that they're affected by it oh my gosh yeah and no one can relate you know the thing that I envied the most in that situation was they all had each other to relate to and I had no one to relate to my experience right so it really made me feel so isolated in my family after a while because it's like all y'all together get it and feel the same way about how all this is affecting you but who can identify with my experience if somebody thinks you are successful or they think that you have the things that they

wish that they had they immediately think that means that you're exempt from any human feelings and it's like to me it's I wish I know I wrote a book before where I talked about this where it's like I hope I can show people that no matter even if you have all the superficial things that people think that you should have you are not still going to just be happy I'm I've you know I've had to deal with depression all type of things all my life and it's like if I'm somebody that you look at and you think has it all let me tell you right now I still don't have it all you know it's just it's not how life works hearing you talk about 13 year old you for like 12 like very young age to be like experiencing this type of fame I mean how old were you when you actually popped off like

yeah popped off for like 13 I mean if we're talking about popped off popped off 15 true Jackson vp 15 I had braces I was on Accutane. I was awkward. Girl, I did Accutane too. The shit came back. I did it literally like. Yo, yours is perfect though still. Yeah, you're catching me on a day where like, yes, I'm happy about it.

She's like, she's smiling by the way, guys. She's like, I know, I know. Three plus rounds. Yeah. You did three rounds. Probably something's wrong with my inside by now. But that shit. But that skin is thank you but it's like you know i get it babe i get it when you're breaking out when someone says like oh you have a nice skin day like it's almost like you don't feel it yourself because you're i'm waiting haunted by the pimples now that's also let me write that down no i'm

kidding but that's the thing right you know waiting i hate how that happens for a book. No, I'm kidding. But that's the thing, right? You know, waiting. I hate how that happens as a human being. Once things are habitually terrible, even when they're good, you can't even be happy about it because you're waiting for the terrible to pop back in. I hate that. I'm just like waiting, like I can feel something coming.

I'm like, just don't. And like, I, and I still see like the scars. And like, I relate, babe. I relate. But what I was saying is like at 15, it's not normal to have that many people looking at you and then i also heard you what you said and that was my next question was you're making a shit ton of money at that age which again is not really a normal thing for a 14 15 year old

to be doing how did being the breadwinner of the family affect young Kiki? Ooh. I think it did both ways. Because there was one time where I was like, I'm making all the money. And I gave a little attitude. But that was like, I can literally tell you, that was like, if not one time, a handful of times. Because I mean, I grew up in a black household

and a very strict household. So they had just popped my ass back. So I didn't really go too crazy with the whole but I will say more than anything it made me feel like I had to be so in my place all the time they do this to child actors all the time where it's like don't be like this person and I forget there was like a child actor that like it was a popular line that ended up in or I think he admitted or he said it where his mom was like go to your room and he said they're all my rooms it's like that's the thing that haunts like every child actor is like don't be the asshole don't be the asshole on set don't be the bad like don't don't make everybody else

feel bad that you're making more than them kind of vibe so it ends up making you just feel like you got to be a people pleased all the time and like you don't have any moment to like really you know step into your own dignity because everybody is always feeling so insecure about you making so much money and it's like damn I'm like what do I do like I can't really know what to do with that it makes for some great therapy sessions I can only imagine it's a crazy crazy world it is it's hard and then it's like everybody want to judge your parents so then it's like you now got to defend your parents to everybody else. You know, it's just such a, as much as I love the fact that I started so early, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm so happy that I was able to start my career at age nine and was able to experience the success I've experienced.

And the fun, great memories that I've had, you know, it's really something that I think people really got to be prepared for and really got to try to, you know, do as much research and things as they can, because it's not fun. You know what I mean? Like it's not a, it's not an easy ride. I can already feel it. Like you're not saying at all, you're not grateful for everything you have, but I do think that sometimes like it's helpful to peel that lens back because i think social media especially recently like everyone wants to become internet sensation famous and then it's like you're looking at the kids that become it and like they look pretty fucking miserable yeah and so like we're all human beings we're all going to go through the same emotions of sadness you know stress and no and no one really wants fame everybody just wants to be seen yeah but

they think that that's what fame is going to do them but fame actually doesn't is you're not seen right you're actually more unseen because you're famous based off of perception that other people have for you so you know and then and then it's the whole thing of oh you know what you asked for this right well we have so many different categories of performers all I asked for was to be on a damn stage cry a little bit on cue laugh on cue make somebody else laugh like that's really what draws me into it and so I feel like just like most people except for people that genuinely do want fame they're drawn to what they do for different reasons they want to express they want to emote they want to get their feelings out they want to you know make someone feel a certain

way they want to give in some way I think there's also that aspect of being a performer is you're giving constantly yeah want to be famous and they finally get there they look miserable is because oh shit I'm even more unseen yeah than I was before what do you think the reaction from your family would have been if you had announced that you needed to take like a year or two off from acting when you were like 15 16 oh my gosh that used to haunt me girl I used to I this is gonna sound really dark but it's fine okay because I I am owning my humanity and I think it's important for people to hear because as a kid I used to be like I wish a car just hit me right now just so I could you know not feel the guilt of wanting the day off

like I would literally want stuff like that to happen. Like, let me just break my leg. Like, wouldn't it be great if I, I know that sounds so terrible, but that is literally how horrified I was and how guilty I would feel to take a break at that age. And that's something that still haunts me to this day. Like where it would be like, I would feel like the only way that I could take a break

would be like a tragic thing happening. Why do you think you felt that? I think it was just a lot to process. Like being a child entertainer and knowing that my family uprooted their entire lives for me to do something. And, you know, if I stopped, like I think it's also like maybe an unrealistic level of responsibility. Thinking that it was like, oh, my family's just going to fall apart without me. I think it's also like maybe an unrealistic level of responsibility, thinking that it was like, oh, my family's just going to fall apart without me. I think I also was like, that was a little bit, I don't know what you would call that, but I think that was a little bit maybe ego-ish, like egotistical in a light way

where I kind of felt like they're not going to survive without me on top of just feeling like I'm going to let everybody down. It was a bunch of things mixed up you probably also felt that way again because you're so young and like you're being probably made to feel that way it's like Kiki's gotta work Kiki's going to work like Kiki's doing this and it's like although they're not like forcing you to do it but like it almost becomes routine and I think like a lot of people can relate in any aspect of a life when like a routine gets formed in a family of like someone does this another person does this like if I don't do my

part oh what all happens what all happens yeah and then it was oh my gosh I was thinking something that I was gonna say but oh it's also like what you were saying like uh before about something else where it's like I do love performing I do love performance so how do I explain and how do I tell you how do I get it across that I just don't want to do it all the time like it was hard for me to believe that the two could exist yeah that I could turn down an opportunity or not want to do something and still love it the way that I do did anyone ever ask you like hey Kiki do you want to take a break yeah but it was always like okay if you want to take a break yeah but it was always like okay if you want to take a break then it's like we got to call the folks and let them know that i guess you

don't want that opportunity and everything they designed hopefully they didn't go through with it already and then so i'm and so i just was like fuck it like i'll fucking do it if it'll shit y'all asses up like that's how i felt like i felt really old. You know, like a very old, old lady. Like, you know what? Just do it. Just book me in there. Fine. Here we go.

I'll shut up. I'll show up. What was the most difficult aspect of being a child star? Damn. All of it. The most difficult? I think feeling so alone. I felt so alone. I'm telling you.

It's such a loneliness. I would not wish on my worst enemy. There's no way out of this. It was just really a sense of hopelessness as it pertains to human connection and interaction. And that's something that I thrive on. It's what made me love performing. And now I can barely connect to people and people can barely connect to me oh no what's I can never go back you can never go back

once you're famous you can never go back Justin Bieber doesn't have to do a song another day in his life it's still gonna be like oh that's Justin Bieber not doing a song a day in his life like it's gonna always be it's gonna always be Kiki Palmer did that. Kiki Palmer's not doing that. Kiki Palmer's, you know, it's that realizing that you can, like there's most things in life. I mean,

except for the past, most things you can, you can come back from, you can, you can like, all right, I'm out of it. Or I moved on from this,

but fame, you can never go back. Looking back now as a wise grown-up that you are what advice would you have given younger working child star kiki just keep living and my mom used to always say that to me and i would just be like what the hell hell? Like, just keep living. You know, like, what does that even mean? But like, I think it really means like, just keep living. And I'll say this to anybody that has dealt with depression or suicidal ideation or just wanting it to be over. It's like, just keep literally and metaphorically living. Because what ends up happening is motions fade and things change you know life is about

highs and lows and when you're the kind of person that really deals with depression and things like that you really what happens in those moments is all you can focus on is the low all you all you know it's very black and white it's like I'm happy or I'm sad and once you're sad you can see like that's what depression is it's hopelessness it's not seeing the end of something it's like I'm happy or I'm sad and once you're sad you can see like that's what depression is it's hopelessness it's not seeing the end of something it's not seeing over the edge and knowing that there is going to be a better tomorrow but what happens when you keep living when you don't shut the door when you don't call it quits is you able to look at your past and say I know it is going to get better right now I, I'm depressed. This might last a year. This might last 20 minutes. This might last an hour.

But guess what? I know from the past that it's going to be okay. Such good advice. Okay, Kiki. Let's discuss relationships. Ooh. let's discuss relationships you have been open about a codependent relationship you were in you also wrote about it in your book yes i've actually never really talked about codependent relationships on this podcast so this is like a great topic to help a lot of like younger women or men listening.

How do you define a codependent relationship? It's a relationship where I mean, there's a lot of different ways that you can define it. I think if I'm just trying to give a stab at it is kind of like a relationship, whether it be parent, child, lover, or friend, where you kind of need that person or look to that person to provide your own, like, security within yourself. Like, an independent and a healthy relationship would be you having boundaries and not looking for somebody else to be there, make you feel good about things that you have to make yourself feel good about. It's like you having the ability to kind of do things on your own. You know, and when you're sad, making yourself feel better. When you're mad, calming yourself down.

It's like it's the being codependent or having a codependent relationship is the opposite of you exercising your personal autonomy. It might drop. I bet like your definition is better than google's like stop no but it was so that's so because you're speaking from experience and exactly yeah it hits right when were you personally in a codependent relationship oh all my life with my mom okay all my life all my life all my life um all my life been grinding all my life no kidding uh yeah all my life with my mom my mom is like my life, all my life, been grinding all my life. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, all my life with my mom.

My mom is like my, you know, I always have to fight the codependency of that relationship. I mean, because, you know, I leaned on her for everything. You know what I mean? And it was just like no clear boundaries are set. You know, when she's upset, I'm upset. When I'm upset, she's upset. It's like it's too much. Like we're just, you know, when she's upset, I'm upset. When I'm upset, she's upset. It's like, it's too much. Like, we're just, you know, and it's literally like that. Like, I could get into a fight with somebody and she's calling him crying.

And it's like, Sharon, you can't do that. You don't even know them. You know, she's like, what you did to her. And she's like, she feels it. It's like crazy. So, yeah, that's my, like, I've had other ones. But I think So yeah, that's my like, I've had other ones, but I think like that's, you know, my introduction. I think that's most people's introductions

to codependent relationships. It's through their, like where you learn your first relationships is with your parents. And mine was a little bit codependent because of just the way it was. Do you think that you, when you got into a romantic codependent relationship did your codependent relationship with your mother adjust because you were now in one in a romantic

relationship no I just had two yeah I just had two I just had two codependent relationships you know and then they and then they it's the danger is in that is also like it's such a hindrance to the intimacy that you can build with the partner because I just go to instead of dealing with us or dealing with me, I'm going to my mama. Let me tell you what this motherfucker did. And I'm just doing it again. Got it. You know, instead of doing what needs to be done, which is either saying, I'm going to set this boundary with you and I'm going to deal with this on my own. I'm going to talk to my therapist.

I'm going to write it out. I'm going to come to my own conclusion, understanding. It's like now I'm then asking my mama what to deal with this on my own. Or I'm going to talk to my therapist. I'm going to write it out. I'm going to come to my own conclusion and understanding. It's like now I'm then asking my mama what to do with you. And I know so many people listening are probably like, am I in a codependent relationship? I think a lot of people are. I would guess that most people are. Like at least 50-50. Or at least if it's not 50-50 or shit 100, then it's like you might dip in and out.

Because it's hard. Like being the whole human thing, that's the thing. Like it's hard to do that shit alone. Like it's hard to know the right choices to make and the things to do. And it's so much easier like if you just like let go of the will and let somebody else decide for you. 1,000%. Specifically for like romantic relationships. If someone's listening from your experience, what are like warning signs that you can kind of be like, you know what,

I'm catching myself that's indicating you're in an unhealthy codependent situation. I think the number one thing for me that lets me know is like if I'm if I'm afraid to go hang out with my friends. Like if I'm afraid to like, like oh I don't want to hurt their feelings because you know I know they want to spend time with me and you know what I'm not gonna hang like so once you start abandoning your own personal desires for the relationship out of like you don't want to hurt their feelings or you're afraid they'll get mad at you or you are already thinking about when you might need them so you're gonna do this to make sure like when you gotta do stuff like that it's like you should feel

comfortable in your relationship to be like I'm gonna go hang out with my friends bye totally you know or I'm gonna go do this bye so again obviously you can continue to work on like your relationship with your mother for the rest of your life but when it came to romantic relationships obviously those relationships come to an end and I can imagine those relationships are really hard to break up with someone especially when you're in a codependent relationship can you explain like how did you come to realize like it was time to end it and like how did you mentally get there to end a codependent relationship that's really hard it's really hard with a codependent relationship? That's really hard. It's really hard with that codependent relationship to move on because there's too many intertwinings and everybody is like so, so upset.

It's all a lot of guilt tripping and shit. So good luck. But I think for me, I kind of just like, what happens is, I haven't been setting many boundaries, which is why we're in this position. And so what I do then is set every damn boundary I got. Like, it's like,

it's like the boundary wall is like made out of titanium. I don't know if titanium is real. It's like, it's made out of titanium. We're going to return. It's like, it's such a huge boundary wall where it's like I can't even tell you we're done like my boundary is now so high that I don't even have to I don't even want to tell you that it's over because it's for my personal best interest to not speak to you at all and so I just literally go cold turkey like that wow because I remember in

your book you talk about how like you kind of almost knew for a year and oh yeah a lot of mental preparation as well but I don't know that's very Virgo of me a lot of mental preparation I leave a relationship about six months before I actually speak totally and that's also such a good first of all I would like to say like I think we need to be easier on ourselves when it comes to getting out of a relationship if you are in a relationship and you know you want to leave and you're having a trouble like having a hard time getting out of it for yourself and you're like trying to gain the courage I think the first step is like do not beat yourself up it's so fucking hard and like I think like especially as women sometimes we get like

really down on ourselves of like when you look back you're like did I stay in that too long no like don't look at it that way it's hard to get out of shit and and it's hard to like mentally wrap your head around how to leave something that like you did love and and maybe you still do have love for so were you in therapy during that yeah so therapy I'm big on I'm big on therapy I always have a therapist at some point you know what I mean and so I was in therapy and the therapist usually will help give you tools you know what I mean if you talk to them honestly about what you're going through and really are trying to work through it then they'll be able to give you some helpful tools but yeah I think the mental preparation like you said being easier on yourself and giving some mental preparation

for what you're about to do is it's important you know nobody just jumps into a backflip or splits they stretch first you know what I mean they do they do right or you're gonna strain your ligaments and it's gonna hurt like a bitch it's gonna really hurt so when I do all that mental preparation it does help for when I do actually make that decision I'm like boom yeah you know and it and it it seems like cold turkey but it actually has been mentally in my mind and that's how I do anything I that's why I hate when somebody brings up work to me like for the foot for the following day when it's like by the way do you want to do this tomorrow hell no I need to mentally prepare so I think mental preparation in general is like whoo I agree it's important so we kind of touched on this earlier and you wrote about in

your book you've been open about struggling with acne I have been open about it on my show when I was younger in high school it was awful and it's really debilitating and you can't explain it unless you just feel so stupid like I hate how like as if it's a personality trait yeah like as if you want that to be happening like it oh I could just start crying thinking about the amount of days of school I skipped, like faking that I had period cramps. I wasn't even on my period and it was like fully just because of like the breakout. But you have been open about it, which I really respect. How did you make the decision to just like open up and talk about it? Like you said, it's so debilitating that I think I was just looking for a way to make myself feel like I was loving myself.

You know what I mean? I wanted to make me feel like you don't have anything to hide from anybody. You're beautiful. So I think that's just really what it was for me, was me being like, I'm not going to be ashamed and keep this kind of energy in the dark. I'm not going to feel I have to like prove anything to anybody I'm gonna you know stand here with my arms stretched wide and be open and be accepting of me let me know that I love me regardless which is hard at times and it is when you experience a

breakout how do you combat the insecure feeling the anxiety feeling of going through a breakout how do you combat the insecure feeling the anxiety feeling of going through a breakout man oh I really sometimes just let it out you know what I mean it's different vibes different times like sometimes I'll like you know you know what we're gonna work on this and we're gonna do a nice little mask and we're gonna blah blah you know I try to do a nice little mask. And we're going to blah, blah, blah. You know, I try to do a bunch of stuff to turn into a damn esthetician. And then other times I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to stay inside. And I'm going to just, you know, really not even just talk to anybody. I'm just going to be like let myself be sad about it. Put on a good show.

Other times I'm like literally crying in the mirror looking at myself saying, you're beautiful. I love you. It's okay. You know, you're going to get through this. It's's gonna be all right it's gonna get better you know other times I'm looking online for the nearest doctor you know I'm gonna be active about it you know what I mean so it's like there's always a different energy but I think most importantly the thing that's common about all those things is that I do what I need to do in the moment that you know I mean

with that I try to be real easy on myself and just let me feel and do what i need to do in that moment because it ain't gonna there's no quick fix for the skin shit there's not it's like y'all motherfuckers done figured out how to make people have huge asses and shit like but not how to fix the acne come on like that pisses me the hell off right how we got all this plastic surgery people can change their eye color right you can get fake ass teeth you can't get my skin clear. What the hell is going on? It's so like, I remember in high school, I used to like coat my face with makeup. And in college, I would play sports.

And like, it's not cool to be like wearing makeup when you're playing a sport. But I was doing it. All of a sudden, I started just being like the first one in the room to be like, I'm breaking out so bad. So it's like I owned it. Yes. yeah instead of like I know you're all staring so fuck you I'm gonna own it first it can't get to me because I'm not hiding anything yeah so it's like a freeing of yourself something else that you made me think of too was I also believe that there's an element of like spirituality to the skin thing and like when we talk about all the stuff like me as a kid and everything like that, I feel like I feel I felt so unseen. And I felt like everything was covering me up in the same way that I felt about like my skin.

Like we'd like feel like how I felt inside is how it was like the physical expression was like the acne kind of just like covering me all up. And I will say although I'm you know I'm not taking any pills or anything now my skin is definitely getting better I go to see an esthetician I do my routine I do my thing that I can I try to stay away from the foods that I know that trigger me but more importantly I'm doing a lot of personal self work as it pertains to like owning my boundaries and and saying what it is I want to say and being true to myself and I do feel like in a lot of ways that's you know relieving me of my skin problems as well like I think that also was so stressful trying so hard to be everything and holding everything in you

know I mean like that it really physically became like a manifestation as well like I mean that's just my spiritual feelings about it as well as actively doing things to change it but it's like I do feel like there's something to be said about it this is not a decision you made that you're like it it has nothing to do with you yeah I think that's beautiful and a great way to look at it as well changing your relationship with the acne is a way to also you know and i will say we all know we're so much more hyper focused on it than someone else so it's really all in our head a lot of the times not to diminish and know it but it is and no one is perfect yeah you know it's just like

fuck it i'm the girl with the skin shit fuck it you know what i mean fucking person i'm like yes like it doesn't define who you are it can't it can't at the end of the day and by the way let's be real did it stop anybody from liking you when you had acne it ain't stopped me yeah so it's like people really don't give a shit like girl you still gonna get laid ain't no ain't no dude saying ah the one thing she had was a pimple i mean he that would be nuts so it ain't it don't it ain't really stopping nothing, you know? Such a good point. Look at us.

We're just empowering over here. Let me check. We're still recording. Oh my gosh, thank gosh. Okay, so let's do some girl talk because my listeners are called the Daddy Gang and we need help. What's more important to you in a relationship?

Physical attraction or emotional attraction i mean definitely emotional yeah emotional attraction i mean i definitely want something nice to look at but it needs i need the emotional don't you also feel like when you have the emotional it no matter what makes them more attractive do you know what i mean it's like if someone is you can connect on such a deep level immediately, they become so much more physically attractive, not actually even just their looks, like by like your attraction sexually to them.

It's like, damn, you're a cool ass human that I connect with. It's true. Okay, next. If you are best friends with a couple and you know one of them cheated, would you tell the other partner? Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

I would not do this. No, I wouldn't do it. I would think long and hard about it. And, you know, if push came to shove, maybe I would do an anonymous note, anonymous email type thing. I know that's cowardly, but it's like, how am I gonna single-handedly be the one who brings it you know that I don't want that kind of I get that because I think if you're I think if you're friends with both of them equally it's like this is a messy situation maybe you could have a conversation with the person like listen obviously I know I'm just wondering if you're like gonna

ever share this like because I'm in a weird position. But most of the time, I feel like whenever someone gets there's a cheating situation to get involved with it is so messy. Because somehow it always blows back on you. And you're like, they're going to get back together. Right. And you're the messy bitch. They're going to say caused it all. They're going to the person who they cheated with.

They're not even going to be in the situation anymore. It's going to be you. Totally. Because you you told and it's different if it's your like best friend you're like bitch i know he cheated on you exactly different but if it's like a couple that is in your friend group you're like stay out of it it's messy yes i agree with you okay what is worse physical cheating or emotional cheating emotional cheating for me it's emotional always yeah one yeah oh no no no no emotional oh no oh no it's so sad i'm like tiktok yes no you're right it's really disheartening to think about but like i agree with you i think that it's just like to conceptualize like a partner that you're so close with like feeling the need to like emotionally open up to someone else that means that you are emotionally not have

not been available enough it's I mean there's no way not to take that personal I mean obviously physical cheating can be personal as well oh you you know I feel emotionally not safe in this relationship or I'm resentful and holding something back so I cheated or I cheated because I just was weak in that moment there's things with the physical cheating there are ways for it to not be personal I think as much as I feel like emotional is always personal we're getting all down in the dumps we're like oh my god this is depressing yeah thinking about that it really made me so yeah right Right? It's sad. What are your thoughts on once a cheater, always a cheater? I don't think that's true. I rebuke that kind of thing.

I agree. In every aspect. Once this, once that. You know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Yeah, I think it's just kind of like you cannot hold people in their sin, quote unquote. You cannot hold somebody in their worst moment you know or their past or who they used to be like I just think that's so unfair to even put that over people's lives to

be like yeah once you did that you're done it's just a very bitter way to look at life I agree uh you know I think that kind of phrase or that kind of thinking that then is applied across the board and what you're essentially saying is you don't believe that anyone can change and I do believe people could change I agree with you sometimes my detriment okay can a friend date your ex under any circumstances now you know the answer to that girl he's staring at me like why are you even asking you know that that is a hell no across the board it's so sad to me like i have a lot of women that will write in being like my one of my like really

good friends is dating one of my exes that like i used to be in love with in college burn the bitch on fire literally it's like what the fuck i'm like that's also just like friend code of like then that's not really your friend i feel like there are millions of men in the world i know women are more and more women but it's like god damn right it's like come on you didn't have to pick this guy yeah it's like so you was waiting on him to become single was you waiting on the timeline of oh you have five years so he can be dateable to you like there's so many other guys I agree like if someone's listening and you were struggling with that like I've had women write in being like is it unreasonable for me to get upset the answer is no and I think if anything it just gives you an indicator of what that friendship is yeah and into the people that thinking well me and him just click and it's just like you know I deserve to be happy too it's like bitch you could be happy with anybody stop playing and stop lying because everybody always say that then they break up with the dude two years later or a year later or five months later and it's like you fucked up your friend and your relationship over this dude that you didn't even really continue with so it's

like just stop lying to yourself he's not the one I agree you know he's not the one you're looking for a moment and it's not worth it yeah okay how early on in a relationship if ever do you talk about whether or not you want kids in the future oh I'll talk about it quick I mean I feel like also like I'm 28 you know what I mean I'm not getting any younger and my thinking is kind of like I don't really want to waste my time with somebody if they're not even you know on the same page with me as far as something like that goes I agree with you I think obviously it can go you can go about it like I could see sometimes people could go about it the wrong way of like so how many kids do you want like well I want them soon the delivery is a

little aggressive and like pressureful but I think you can also like own it like that you're it's your decision I want this many kids like do you want kids yeah I don't yeah I think it's not like it's so funny to me how some people can't be chill yes and they are like that but it's like I feel like there's nothing wrong with it but how you just did it is exactly how it should be done like like um yeah so you know like I was talking to my sister like I don't know one thing's for sure like I definitely want kids she has the best kids ever like just breeze into it yeah like a chill convo don't go about it too aggressively because it can really scare him and like maybe you're not trying to come across that way but like check yourself before you bring it up okay kiki have you ever gone through a

partner's phone oh yeah yeah me too oh my god yeah we're not proud i hate when people are like i would never like i've never done that shut the fuck up shut up you are not human literally okay you probably one that need your phone going through talking about you ain't ever been to nobody's phone so have what did you find shit when you did uh yeah i've been in situations where i found stuff and there's been situations where i was i sleuth day and night and found nothing man that's the worst that's the worst you feel like shit you're like and then you almost like can't stop because you're like well eventually i will find something so you just like keep digging and it's like sweetie stop you need to stop and then there's the moments where you take your hand off his face

trying to get the damn face thing to come up it's like do not have him do facial recognition at night like just go to bed go to bed because every time you've looked since nothing's there but i've actually had a relationship where i was like i have this feeling and he was like no and i was like okay pull out your phone show it to me and it was like kind of a moment where i was like i could do this while he's asleep because i can do that but i'm gonna just actually ask him to pull pull it out and not his penis his right right that was funny right and then he pulled it out and it was right there everything i thought so like trust your gut trust your gut wait a minute wait a minute he really did people

so he listened to you when you uh-huh I did that one time too like let me see your phone type vibe and the guy first of all he was like six eight or six nine yeah some weird shit and he's he's like he's like you want to see my phone you want to see my phone and like reached his arm back like this I'm like how the hell I'm gonna see your phone from over there you got a wind span of like yeah what your wingspan is like holding it above his head you're like seven feet right like how the hell am i gonna see and like at that point i'm like motherfucker you're you think i'm stupid like why would this be the what i would go for okay do you have any advice for people listening on how to get over getting cheated on? Do I have any advice?

Oh, my gosh. Like I'm here for you? Yeah, I think after something like that, I think it immediately attacks your self-esteem and your confidence. So I think my thought would be like try to get back into like doing things that make you feel really good about yourself you know really really just pour into yourself at that moment in time um to rebuild whatever has been fractured because of that kind of betrayal like really go out with your girlfriends you know get ready for a little trip go on a trip you know maybe if you don't want to do treat yourself that way then just do a whole week

of pampering you know get your hair done get your's done you'll get you a massage you know or you know what I mean like I just like whatever it is for you that self-love and that self-treating you need to maybe just spend time doing that to really try to remind yourself uh that you love you and to just help you get through feeling just that betrayal take care of yourself whatever that looks like for you yeah love it okay only a couple more can exes be friends I mean I think they can be I think they can be but no ex wants to be friends with me you know because no it's like all of a sudden it got personal I'm like I wanted to be friends but they never want to be my friend why do you think that so I don't think it's personal actually I think it's just just that well you know what let me let me put it like this so I think that most of my exes don't want to be

friends with me because they feel like they don't like that I'm like okay with being a friend I think it's kind of like it's like a weird feeling of like they almost feel like they're being patronized uh-huh by the fact that I'm being their friend like it doesn't feel like it's a genuine friendship like they just feel like I'm trying to be their friend to show them that I'm good without them and they're right but that's besides absolutely right and you've got it figured out but besides that petty ass point I've had a guy want to be an ex want to be friends with me and I didn't want to be friends with me and I didn't want to be friends with him and I didn't because I was in a relationship so sometimes people feel like

it's inappropriate you know what I mean to be cool with your exes after that your friend you know I mean whatever or you know so it's like I get it sometimes you know it doesn't it doesn't happen to me all the time like maybe in the beginning of our breakup I don't want to be friends everybody but eventually I'm like we cool you know yeah and I also think like it's good to specify of like what friends means because I do think it's like yeah maybe it's a little strange if after a breakup you guys are texting all the fucking time and still facetiming it's like set boundaries for yourself because you need to move on and take care of yourself you broke up for a reason and you're gonna have no opportunity to find someone new if you're still like hooked on that past yep we're best friends like we're no no there's no need to

be besties with your ex you they've been inside of them or you've been inside of that there's no exactly it's like no no no no we don't need that okay kiki what is your ideal first date oh yeah I'm very like throwback very casual or very eccentric so it's like I would either like love to go like to like a museum or like a pop-up shop like I think that kind of stuff is fun like an experiential type of date I think that's kind of fun but then also I like to just do regular like something very like classic like going to the drive-in you know something like this something chill because you also want to gauge like I feel like you can keep conversation with anyone okay and I feel the same about you yeah but if you have that if you're able to know what is your vibe maybe if you know you're awkward on first dates

maybe you go on more of an experience so that you have like something to talk about if you're a talker then you could go for a more chill like drive-in and just like chill and hang right up we talk talk talk when we're watching a movie watching a movie yeah so fun yeah speaking of movies as we wrap up daddy gang kiki is going to be in a huge movie this summer okay this summer you're starring in jordan peele's next movie he directed get out he directed us and the name of the movie is nope yes i am so excited i looked at the trailer there's already 22 million views on the trailer itself i'm like holy shit this is going to be huge i want to ask what is it like working with Jordan Peele who is doing some of the most groundbreaking work in the industry right now man I really love Jordan Peele working with him is the best experience of

my life thus far like he's such a smart down-to-earth you know genuine creative with the with the true love for characters and a true respect for filmmaking and screenwriting and I think when it comes to being black and representation a lot of times you know the expectation and obviously specifically because of him and also I think because people sometimes don't know any other way to do it like for instance with Get Out they expect that because black people are the lead that it it ends it in some way is the gag of the whole storyline like the reason why they're black is because they're black it's like always some it's like always a gag to it um and with Get Out

obviously he did that in a very genius way um but then when it comes to Us like Us was about capitalism and classism like it was they happened to be black but it that to us like us was about capitalism and classism like it was they happened to be black but it that was not what it was about you know and I feel like uh just the way that he's continues to represent in that kind of way where it's like there's no think piece to the black piece right they're just black but this is the story like I really love and appreciate him for that because I think you know that's that's that's really what representation is whether it's being you know black people or women or you know the gag can't always be guess what she's got a vagina right like it's got a you

know what I mean right so I love that he that he's doing that you know and continuing to push the envelope as it pertains to like black people is just some people you know what i mean and this is just a movie and this is who we chose as the actor for this part this person's in this role and this is the movie i'm so excited but i'm gonna be honest with you i am a fucking little wimp and i always want to watch scary movies and i'm like i'm gonna cry when you're filming a horror movie does it ever go to the point where you actually get scared when you're filming? Yeah, I mean, it can happen, but it doesn't happen like I'm really scared. It happens like in the moment of the performance.

Like it's just like if you're crying or in a movie, if you're hyperventilating, eventually you could pass out. It's just because like literally our bodies, our breath is that like our breathing has that much control over like how we feel and how we respond so it's like unfortunately that is the kind of dangerous part of acting you know when you're driving your car you're wasting gas regardless whether you're going a long way or a short way it's like the gas is still wasted it's still being used that's the same way that emotions are like even though you're acting and they're not real like your emotions are still going through that like you're still going through the pain and the exhaustion and the worry and the fear and so after a while my brows being furrowed long enough and I'm breathing in and out real fast and

looking around so I decided shit I am gonna be scared I'm like shit am I scared when you're filming these type of movies do you have like weird ass dreams and like nightmares or no no I just be stressed got it I'm just stressed yeah I'm stressed more than anything it's like no nightmares it's like can I get to sleep got it you know what I mean Got it. I'm just stressed. I would be so stressed. Yeah, yeah, I'm stressed more than anything. It's like no nightmares. It's like, can I get to sleep? Got it. You know what I mean? It's like I'm just so stressed about making sure, like, did I give the best performance I needed to give?

And, oh, my gosh, what's going to happen tomorrow? And then, for me, I think this is a good thing. But, like, in most of my productions, once a director pushes the envelope with me and they see that I deliver, oh, Lord, I done fucked myself. I might get ten more lines the next day or I might end up getting a whole new scene. The director first wanted you in one scene. Now you're in every scene. I'm like,

you're like, that's such a compliment obviously, but I get it. You're like, but it's like that. So then I really get on edge. You know what I mean? Because I'm like,

Oh shit, now he sees that I'm willing to go there. And it's like another crying scene another guess what she's gonna jump off a bridge this time like oh my gosh oh so then i get really like just like i have a lot of anxiety about it totally really it really is a high pressure job i know it doesn't like everybody just imagines as an actor you just sitting on set and going to crafty yep but it's not like it really like acting can really put a number on you yeah i can only imagine emotionally like when i watch especially horror

films i'm like i cannot i'm scared sitting here being completely horizontal laying in my bed watching i can't imagine being on set doing it so i have i have so much respect for you everyone listening please mark your calendar it's coming out july 22nd i'm so excited to see it also kiki just congratulations like overall on your success you're like such an inspiring human to be around you have such an amazing energy being in person with you it's really crazy like knowing you on screen when i was younger and being like wow like she's so cool on screen like getting to know you in person i wish you the best i really do thank you so much what sign are you i'm a leo august or august oh my god what are you i'm uh virgo august 26 oh my god so we're kind of close we're kind of close look at us kiki thank

you for coming on caller daddy thanks girl Woo! Girl, that was so cool. Really good.