Call Her Daddy - Lauren Graham: Lorelai, Love, & Life Lessons

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Join Alex in the studio for an interview with Lauren Graham. Lauren reflects on her iconic role as Lorelai, unpacks the most memorable Gilmore Girls moments, and spills some fun behind the scenes tea. She also discusses how important it is to advocate for yourself in relationships, why you shouldn’t make yourself smaller for your partner, and how to find the joy in getting older. Enjoy!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Lauren Graham, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much. I am such a fan. This is so epic and so fun. And I think that my fans, the Daddy Gang, are going to freak out that we're in the same room. That's really, really nice of you to say thank you. I'm excited too. How are you doing today? Listen, I was running a little late. It's raining in California, which always

freaks everybody out. But I am otherwise good. No, everyone acts like we have to all stay home from work when it rains. It's like no one leave your house, or none of us also can drive, apparently. No, everyone gets very stressed out. And it's hard to, but it also looks really pretty and, you know, it makes the air feel healthier.

True. Okay, you live in LA. What is the most LA thing about you and the least LA thing about you? Well, I live in LA and New York. I still have a place in New York that I've had for a long time. So I'm endlessly asking that question. I think one extremely LA thing is to be really freaked out by one inch of rain. And it is a thing to really have long conversations about what freeway you took and why. And it's just very LA to be like, oh my gosh, it's 70 degrees, I'm freezing. Like that has become, like now I go to the East coast

and I can't, I don't know how I ever lived there. I feel the same way. My parents recently have been like, Alex, shut the fuck up. You literally grew up in Pennsylvania. You went to school in Boston. You lived in New York. Why are you cold?

It's like 60 something degrees. I'm like, I need like a parka. I think it changes your body to live here. I'm like, I need like a parka. I think it changes your body to live here. I don't think it's our fault. I think that you just do become more of a wimp. I agree, but like we're so fortunate to have this weather. Like I want to stay in it forever.

And then the least LA thing about you. I don't do yoga. I try, I've tried, I'll try again. I just can't, people were like, oh my God, the yoga, I don't know why I'm making impressions of my friends, making them sound like ding-dongs, but like, yeah, I can't do, I don't know. It's so slow and-

It's too slow, I also can't do it. I don't also do hikes as often as I probably should whenever I was like hiking, but yoga, I'm the same way, I'm like, and hot yoga? Yeah. Truly fuck off. Right. Okay, and hot yoga. Yeah, truly fuck off. Right. OK, when you aren't working, what is your favorite way to spend an off day? Well, I really have enjoyed because I worked for a big chunk of the year

and I'm I'm in kind of a newish house that I haven't like gotten. I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time there. I really love doing very little. And my favorite thing about my house is I put, because I put the coffee machine where the bedrooms are on the bedroom level. So I get up, I get out of bed, I go boop to the coffee maker, I get back in bed, and do like every New York Times puzzle,

I'll read, I'll like, I just, the luxury of not having a 5 a.m. call time is just really a wonderful place. You saying that just made me realize like we're all doing it wrong. It's like why is my coffee machine not- On another floor. We obviously you played historically like a character that was obsessed with coffee.

What is your coffee order? Well, it's gotten, it's pretty, it can be anything. First of all, I'll drink coffee from the gas station. I don't care. And also I'll have like really coffee with like a lot of footnotes on it like you and also, but the thing that I do around holiday time, so the coffee is just coffee. I like this vanilla creamer and then

I've started being this person, which is I have whipped cream in a can and I put whipped cream on top of my coffee and cinnamon. It's the best thing you've ever had. And the whipped cream was just like for holidays. I was like, certainly no one can just have whipped cream on their coffee, that's just decadent. And then I just kept it from Christmas, it's so good. No, every time my husband sees me, he's like, you're making a milkshake, that's not a coffee. And I'm like, shut up, watch yourself.

I'm having a nice morning and he just drinks it black. And I'm like, you're insane. Okay, wait, so then was that like a huge part that you just like randomly brought to Lorelai? Like, did you, or was that already written as the character? It was all written, it was all there. The coffee's, I mean, it's in the first episode, right? She goes and he's, you know, demands more coffee,

and he's like, you've had enough. No, that was just there. And, you know, like it was one of the many kind of serendipitous aspects of that part and that time and that character is like, we just shared a lot of traits. Okay, I'm gonna move my coffee machine upstairs. I don't know how I'm doing it, but I'm doing it. When it comes to beauty and fragrance, I am all about the fearless, unapologetic vibes and that is exactly what you get in YSL's newest fragrance, Leib Lonew.

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experience something new, trust me Daddy Yang. Lieb Lownew A refreshing twist on the iconic Lieb Oda Parfum. I personally have this fragrance and I will say my favorite thing, although yes I love my husband thinking I smell good, there is nothing better when women or your girlfriends compliment you and every single time I have worn this fragrance my girlfriends are like no are you wearing? Give it to me right now. That smells so freaking good. And Matt is obsessed with it. I'm always looking for something that has a fresh citrus floral scent, but it needs to still be that perfect balance of not overpowering, but still bold. And this has exactly that. So daddy gang, if you want to try it out, shop now at Sephora. Before your acting career took off, you worked a lot of different jobs. Can you share some

of your favorite ones? I mean, none of them. They were all on the, you know, it's hard to do something in service of the thing you want to do, but you're not there yet. But I didn't hate being a waitress. I liked anything where you're moving and the time goes by really quickly. I liked being an apprentice at Summerstock, even though during the day we had to clean the bathrooms

and paint the fence and stuff, work the box office. But that was just like, we were all kind of in it together. It was like a fun community. I liked being a tutor. I was a tutor for the SATs and stuff. Oh my God. Yeah. Wait, that's a flex.

Wait, no, Lauren, that's like, whoa. It was a little bit, sure. I mean, really the reason I got the job is because I had a car in New York City and they were like, oh, we'll send her to Far Rockaway or whatever. But I like working with kids and we weren't even that far apart in age.

I was like right out of grad school and I'm working with like high school kids. So they were all kind of okay. I worked retail, I worked at Barneys. Oh, you did it all. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about Gilmore Girls. Okay. I'm the biggest fan. Like I, you did it all. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about Gilmore Girls.

Okay. I'm the biggest fan. Like, I feel like I go back and forth. It depends. Usually time of year. I'm like, it just is end of September. It's about to be October. Boom, hit it again.

And I just saw that according to Netflix, people spent 500 million hours watching the show in 2023. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm 100 million of those hours. people spent 500 million hours watching the show in 2023. Like, I'm like, oh, I'm 100 million of those hours. How does it feel to know that this show is still just so loved? It feels really good. And also it's hard to comprehend.

It's like, I feel really lucky. I feel like honored and it's just kind of crazy. Because where does it go from here? Like how many generations, you know? I feel like though it will have, like it has this lasting power because the themes are so relatable and the world that was built

is so genuine and safe feeling, which I think like, depending on what's going on in the world, like for me, like when I need a show that's gonna make me feel good, I'm turning it on. And I think especially in the next couple of years, people will be like, replay, replay, go back to episode one.

Like to me, that may be like, everyone has a different experience with it, but like, why do you think it resonates with so many people? Everything you just said, I think it's a safe place to visit. And, you know, it's aspirational without being saccharine. I mean, this mother daughter relationship's really fun you know, it's aspirational without being saccharine.

I mean, this mother daughter relationship's really fun and positive, but it has its bumps on the road. But I do think it's the writing as well, which is kind of meets you, sorry, meets you wherever you are. If you're a young person, you might miss some of the references and get some of the wit of it kind of as you get older. But I think there's a, it's almost to me,

and this is what it was like performing it, it has a musicality to it. It's almost theater in a way, I feel like, how densely packed the dialogue is, but how kind of it takes you along like a song does, you know, and so I think it's something in your brain that like playing a song again, like you can kind of listen to it again.

That's such an interesting way. Did it feel like that when you were, it's like its own world essentially of what you guys have created. Can you explain the moment to me that you realized, holy shit, this show is a hit. There was no moment because it was a very slow burn and continues to be like, like, you know, I remember driving,

I guess my window was down or something. I was at a stoplight and like, I'm more trucky driver guy was like, go more girls. And I was like, unlikely, sir, you're an unlikely, but I love it. And so it was a really slow burn. That is the best where you're like, not the demographic I thought we were hitting. You can't believe how many men are like,

I know it's not for me or it's not designed for me. And I'm like, it is for you. You should start a support group. Like, you know, there's a, yeah. Okay, when you got the script initially, what was your first impression, like now in hindsight of Lorelai? Like in that moment, do you remember?

I was really struck by the sense of humor in the writing and that it was, cause you have to remember this was a, we now have many more dramedies than we did then. And I don't even know. And even when the show started picking up steam and getting submitted for things, there was always a discussion every time of do we submit it in comedy or do we submit it in drama? It doesn't really, it is its own kind of thing, but it's that tone that I love the most. And it did not occur to me, although it occurred to many other people in my work life, that she was a mom. That wasn't

the thing that struck me because a lot of people then, I turned 32 on the pilot, I think, or right before. Um, and people were like, don't play a mom. That's the end of your career. Like you should, you know, play whatever girlfriends, you know, until you can't do that anymore or whatever, you know, that was more like play the, the play the girlfriend. And, and I was like, oh, I don't think of this mom is not mom can be so many things, you know, and, And I was like, oh, I don't think of this, mom can be so many things, you know? And I just really, I recognized the language. Like it was somebody speaking to me.

I was like, I know that person. Well, I love how you brought it to life though, because even you saying that, you're right. I guess someone could read on a page and be like, Lorelai is a mom. But I'm like, the way that she had this youthfulness about her, not even saying it, yes, like you're young as a woman at this point and still,

but it's like the energy you were bringing and her independence and her own storylines were so, she was an individual and she was a mother at the same time. And I think you brought that to life and it was very inspiring as a woman to watch that character because her life didn't just revolve around Rory, even though it revolved around Rory

and it felt very refreshing to see a single mother who had her own life and her career and her struggles. Like it, I loved it. Like I loved watching two women of different ages work together to this common goal of trying to find happiness with each other and individually. I loved it too. And I think the aspect, because you could have just stopped at the premise being, oh, she had her as a teenager, but it was also therefore allowed for them to have a more truly pure relationship except for when, you know, somebody needed to put their foot down and we did it for each other in a way.

And you buy it, I think, because that's the whole thing of the show. They're friends who are also mother and daughter, their mother and daughter who are also friends and beautiful. Yeah. In what ways did you relate to Lorelai? And like, how does that work in a script where you're slowly learning more about the character and you're learning about yourself? Like, what was the through line for you? I'm trying to think now there was one in particular

in the maybe first or second season where I was like, are they just like stealing from my life? Like, and it was probably in I mean, of course, there are some besides I was not a mom, but many parallels of like, dating, career, you know, setbacks dealing with parents. I mean, it's just all relatable. It is the wonderful evolution in television where the more the writer gets to know you, I mean, you're always playing hopefully the best thing you can get in, especially a TV show that's going to go on is you want to be the voice of the creator of the show. You want to be that character

who, you know, is them speaking through you kind of, that's where you get the most juicy kind of material. But also as they get to know you, they start writing for you even more. And that's really fun. Fun and scary where you're like, wait, no, you just heard me gossiping over here. How is that in the script this week? Get away from me. I've like sat with actors sometimes were like, I had to like stop talking about my personal life because in the script and I'm like, no,

you always hear that about like Sex and the City and friends and stuff. Yeah, I felt that less on Parenthood, where, which I loved that character, and I loved that show too, but I would get frustrated on her behalf sometimes. I'd be like, what, can't she not have a win? Like, what, I mean, she did have wins,

and had, you know, such a beautiful relationship to her, that family too. But- Sarah Braverman, come on Sarah. Sarah needed more wins than Lorelai. Yes, right. Different, different. Okay, what was it like the first time that you met Alexis, AKA Rory Gilmore?

Well, it was literally on our way to the table read because they had waited for me because I was on another show. So by the time they cast me, they were ready to go ready to shoot. And we went to Canada and I met Alexis in the lobby of the of the of the hotel. And we just always really got along. Oh, my. I was really lucky. That is kind of incredible and also hilarious of like this relationship that we all feel like we grew up with, whether people wish they had that relationship with their mom

or they find similarities or differences and it was like such a heart string puller, then it's like, you're like, oh, we quickly met and then we got off to the races. It worked. What do you remember of like those first few scenes shooting with Alexis? Cause like, did you feel the immediate chemistry?

Were you guys trying to figure out your vibe together? No, I mean, I think we did just feel the immediate chemistry. You know, we are very different energies. She is a shyer, quieter person, which isn't perfect because I think if you had two loud me's, you'd not have a good balance. And I just really liked her and she just had like a lot of natural ability.

Okay, I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire Gilmore Girl questions. Stars Hollow is so iconic, obviously. What was your favorite place there? Not the town hall, because it was so hot in there always. And it's like 50 people. You know, Luke's was always fun. The scenes in there were always fun. It always just had a lot of like energy. I used to get phone calls from like my cousins who'd

be like, how many times you're going around the gazebo? Like, you've been like, we would just walk around the gazebo a million times. So you know, you just get such a sense memory of all these places. My house was always fun. And the kitchen was always good, good scenes in the kitchen. It tended to be, you know, in the house where like, we'd have some good watching TV sitting on the couch with giant cheese puffs in front of us. So they were all really cozy.

The damn town hall, I'm dead. Okay, which castmate is most like their character in real life? Kelly, well, no, gosh, everybody is and isn't, you know? Like Kelly has that part of her, but she's warm. She's regal, but way warmer than Emily, who had warmth in there. Yes. Okay.

What Lorelai line is most often quoted back to you? I mean, oi with the poodles already, I guess. That's good. That's good. OK, Lorelai has some amazing outfits. Did you ever use your own clothes from your own closet? I think I did. I think that everybody loves an Irish girl t-shirt that

was my introduction to Instagram. Yeah, guys, I haven't even been on it a year yet. Really was really waiting to just make sure it was gonna stick. I think that was mine and occasionally, but you know, you're gonna work at five in the morning and like, so I wasn't bringing in anything good. Also like my clothes are not,

her clothes were more fun than my clothes are not fun. So fun. Okay, what storyline was a little hard for you to get behind? There's a year when Alexis and I are in a fight, then my clothes are not fun. So fun. Okay, what storyline was a little hard for you to get behind? There's a year when Alexis and I are in a fight, Rory and Lorelai are in a fight for a long time and we would talk about it and Amy was like,

you know, you can't do a show for this long and not have conflict, but it, I forget even what the conflict was, but it went on for a while. And that's the one that I would hear from people that they didn't like. I agree. Which of Rory's boyfriends do you think

was the best fit for her in the long run? You know, you can't get me. I won't be gotten here or anywhere else. I'll never say. They were all a good fit for her at the time because they were a learning experience. Oh my God, you're so... That's the right answer.

We all learn from even the frogs. You know you're, the frogs. Okay, which of Lorelai's partners did you like the best? I mean, Luke is the right answer for sure. Yeah, Luke. Yep. Okay, you previously said you did not date Scott Patterson,

obviously who plays Luke in the show, but you did date a couple of the other guys on the set of Gilmore Girls. I know you're not gonna tell me. Can I ask though, was it anyone that Lorelai ever dated? Yes. And dating's a real big word for some of the experiences, but you know, you're there, 14, 15 hours, who else are you gonna meet? is a real big word for some of the experiences.

But you know, you're there, 14, 15 hours, who else are you gonna meet? No, are you kidding me? I love that for you. Okay, quickly wanna go through some memorable scenes. Can you tell I'm a fan? I'm like, hold on. I hope I remember though. I'm like, wait, just one more time.

No, actually it's good if you don't. Like, let's get through it. Okay, I'm gonna give you a moment, tell me what you remember, any behind the scenes, how you felt, whatever it was. Okay. When Lorelai and Rory get hit on by the same guy at Luke Steiner first scene of the pilot. Well, that really was the scene that was the hook of the show, weirdly, or I had never seen that scene before in anything. And I thought like, that's really creative, that's a great way to introduce that these are people who

are close in age. And I did feel like that's the, I can remember it really well. It was one of the first scenes, if not the first scene we shot, at Luke's diner. I don't know. I felt like that that was really fun. The kid playing the kid was really cute. And Alexis was like, are you my new daddy?

Like speaking of call her daddy. And I don't know, it was just really fun. It was like the hook of the show. It was amazing. Okay, when Lorelai and Luke finally have their first kiss. When was that? You guys are like on the porch. I think it was a season four finale.

You guys are on the porch. Did we kiss that early? Season four, you like pull away, you're like, what are you doing? And he's like, would you just shut up for a second? And then he goes in. That's so hot. I know it was. I don't remember that.

Oh, it was so hot. I like, was like rewind, rewind, rewind. Cause like the build, I love how you say that soon. I'm like, I was waiting for day one. Yeah. Day one. Okay. When Lorelai starts dating Rory's teacher. Well, I think we've learned both from Lorelai

and Sarah Braverman, don't date your teacher's kid. When I was getting ready. Your kid's teacher, rather. No, I forgot about that. I was like, Sarah and Lorelai both dated. Doesn't work out. No, it does not. Okay, when Rory slept with Dean after he got married.

She did? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I remember, I remember, I remember, I remember. Oh, I mean, there are these things where, yeah, that was bad. That was very out of character for her. It was, but sometimes you had to switch it up. Okay, when weekly dinners with Richard and Emily

were the price for Rory going to Chilton? I mean, it's tough because I don't want to wreck anything for anybody. I loved those scenes. They were a real bear to shoot because somebody's eaten here and somebody's eaten there. So in here, you got to move the camera all the way around. And so they would take a really long time and you'd sit in front of that like fake fancy food and you know, but we would just, that was also so key to the show, so, you know, so we loved them while they took a long time. I didn't even think about that as like when you're in production, like you're like, I'm, which I guess could then kind of in a positive way, like add to your annoyance.

Exactly. Where you're like, shut up, mom. And you're like getting annoyed. Well, and it does, it's an interesting exercise in continuity because as the hours tick by, what's your emotional level? Where did your elbow go? So there was a kind of, you're right, constraint in there or something that like,

you had to keep doing this the same exact way and yet keep it fresh. Which is kind of indicative of how you were actually supposed to be feeling while you're shooting that scene. So, okay, there we go. I used it in my work. Okay, you talked about how you did not realize that the season seven finale was the end of Gilmore Girls.

And I cannot imagine emotionally just being like, see you guys tomorrow or see you guys next season and then it ends. Like what was that last day like for you? It was really emotional. We had our wonderful director Lee Charlotte Schemmel who was like guys, you know, I'm going to do a shot at the end that mimics the shot that that is in the pilot that sort of pulls away from Luke's and we're like there in the diner. She's like, in case this is it.

And the whole year had been really emotional. We were very lost without as good as writers we had that we were kind of lost without Amy and Dan. The show just didn't feel the same. We couldn't even, it was like, what it, should we try to stay? Should we try to keep going? Like it, you know, and it's not up to the actors.

So there were many, many, many conversations and it just did feel like you want to be able to say goodbye to something and we didn't get to do that. Obviously the show came back for a revival, but like when you did walk away, how did you feel knowing like, wow, the Gilmore Girls era of my life is over? Well, it didn't happen until a few weeks later. There were still conversations going on. Who

knows how that decision ultimately got made. But I was at a restaurant and the waiter came over and was like, your agent's on the phone, which was very dramatic and glamorous. I was like, oh, excuse me, my agent's on the phone. And I went and picked up the phone at the bar because I guess, I don't know what was going on with cell phones then, or why he knew where I was, or like why, I don't know any of it,

but, and he said, it's over. And I didn't know how to feel, and I didn't know, you know, later, different, a couple of different cast members said, it's over. And I didn't know how to feel. And I didn't know, you know, later different, a couple of different cast members said, you know, you didn't call me. And I was like, oh God, I didn't, wouldn't even have thought it was my job or my place to call anybody and tell them.

No, and that's what I think is like nice though to hear, cause I think people would be like, what do you mean you didn't know? And you're like, no, I'm literally sitting there and I didn't know. So you guys come back for the revival. What was it like playing Blur Lai again? It just made me so happy.

It's so, God, it just made me so happy. I was like on a little cloud the entire time. Because it was such an opportunity that you don't get very often to do it, not a do over, but get to return to something with people feeling enthusiastic and you know it's going to be completed. It's not a pilot. It was just an incredible opportunity. And I don't know everything about it was just, it was the most probably fun I've had at work. The show ended on a bit of a cliffhanger.

Do you, the bigot, I was like, wait, what? How are we, wait, do you think that it could ever come back again? I think this is just my theory I do not know. I'm, this is how much I'm superstitious or in love with the show is like, there are questions I could probably get an answer to that I have never asked.

Like I never asked because Amy said from the beginning, she knew what the final four words of the show were. She knew from the beginning and she didn't get to do it in season seven, it had to wait until like, she knew was the the the those are the final words. I never asked her. I didn't even ask her when we were shooting that episode of the of the show. I don't think I asked her until because it wasn't in the script.

Because it's what mom I'm pregnant. Mm hmm. Mom, what? I'm pregnant. And she didn't put it in the script because she didn't want it to leak. So she just told us when we kind of got there. And so it did feel like a cliffhanger. I think it was. I think maybe the thought was we would go into another season then,

but I have never asked and I don't know. Why don't you ask? Because I don't know, because I'm asked and I don't know. Why don't you ask? Because I don't know, because I'm scared. I don't know. Because I guess I feel like if that didn't happen, was that like, I don't know. Like, I don't wanna know, I don't wanna see behind the curtain of like,

did they not feel like doing it? Did Netflix not feel like doing it? Did, were they waiting? What were they waiting on? There's just a little bit of movie magic that I would like to maintain. That's fair. Yeah. Do you have your theories of who you think the father is? Are you going to tell me?

Well, there are two theories and either one, I'll just speak as a producer type now, could could send the story forward. It could be the Wookiee, who she fools around with in that storyline. It could be Logan. And either way, it's juicy. Either way, it's juicy. Yeah, that's fair. I know. It could be some one night stand, which then what does that do to her relationship to the guy she's maybe you know was gonna go down that path or it could be could be him. This is good tea.

Okay, you obviously also starred in another one of my favorite shows, Parenthood. I can't tell you how many times I have rewatched that show. Really? Oh my god. That's what I was gonna wonder is, is that a rewatch in the way, it's not in the same way, but I don't hear that as much, the people rewatch it. Different, I have to really want a show and I, that I want to like dive into and like feel something.

Yes. Like I can't do that when I'm like stressed with work and I'm like, I'm like Gilmore Girls. When I, I go through it like every few years. Yeah. My mom and I will be like, are you starting it again? I'm starting it again work and I'm like Gilmore Girls. When I go through it like every few years, my mom and I will be like, are you starting it again? I'm starting it again. You're starting it? Oh, well then I'm gonna start it again.

You playing episode one tonight? Okay, I'm playing. And we like live on opposite sides of the country. So I'm like, go, go. And then we like gush over it and it's the best. How would you describe your relationship with that cast? Well, I mean, varied. with that cast? Well, I mean, varied.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but predominantly, like just it was, it was the most easy filming experience, which you bond to some degree no matter what. But when something's easy and you just have a lot of time to just sit around and chit chat, like that's just so fun. How lucky were we that we got to make this show where it was a very different way of working and it was a much where it was a very different way of working and it was a much looser kind of way of working and they each have their merit and they each like belong to the kind of show it is and I just love I just love everybody truly and and you know in particular had the fortune of May and Miles being

had the fortune of May and Miles being a child of mine adjacent. Like, incredible friendships that have lasted. And, you know, my friendship with Dax, I don't see him as much, but like, there's just some really wonderful people. Every scene was so much fun to do. It was just really fun. I was recently with Dax and Kristen, and I was like, Dax, can you just give me 20 minutes? Just give me 20 minutes.

And Kristen, I apologize, we need to talk about parenthood. He's like, ask me anything, let's go. I'm going one by one. I'm like, ask me anything, let's go. I'm going one by one. I'm like, tell me this, tell me that, because it's as a fan, that world that was built of that family and the chaos and the beauty and the pain and the fun, like you can't help but feel one, parts of yourself

and your own family in it, or two, it really does kind of take you out of your own bullshit that you're dealing with and you're like Oh, this family is fucking insane. I love it like but you also want to be a part of it and there was such pride I'll say amongst the cast everybody in their own family unit really had their own thing and their own kind of language their own way they did things and and You know, so it was easy when we'd all get together to have these sort of organic conflicts and you know, ribbing and kind of fun and like it's a really good group.

Okay, I know this is a little broad, but if you have anything that comes to mind, like looking back at your time on that show, is there any memory or story or moment you can share with us that really sticks with you to this day when you like think back at that time of your life? I mean, there is just a strange thing May Whitman and I have, which is like, it's like we are speaking some twin language

and there were many, many scenes with her almost to the degree that I was like, this must stop. We cannot continue. I'd have a tiny little maybe tear in my eye. She'd be like, no, no, don't do it. Don't do it. And like, you know, I think of like when we're singing, playing guitar and stuff and like, you know, she improvised a line one day where she said, she said, you're my hero.

And I'm pretty sure she just like came up with that. And like, it's just a weirdo kind of connection that, you know, we're having right now, both of us start crying. If you're listening to this, we both have tears in our eyes. Oh my, I was wondering like how much in parenthood and in Gilmore Girls are you kind of improvising certain lines? Gilmore Girls never. Okay. And parenthood sometimes and you for being single and not dating. How did those comments back then affect you?

Oh, God. being single and not dating. How did those comments back then affect you? Oh God, I mean, always feels weird to be asked and many times I was lying because it's such a strange thing to talk about, which I still mainly don't talk about, like something that you don't know what's going to happen. I think some people are built for it. Some people don't find it personally vulnerable. And it was also, I have to say, it wasn't my focus at the time. So it felt strange. Like I'm a working person and I'm in a career and like, I don't know, this was odd.

Would you consider yourself a very private person? Or would you just consider the career that you're in? To public? Yeah. Yeah. I think a little bit of both. I also think I have led in some ways, you know, an unconventional like certain there, there's a age at which most a lot of people do the same thing. There's an age at which a lot of people get married. There's an age at which a lot of people have kids. And then there are, there are people who just are not on that timing. And so I don't know whether to be the spokesperson for that or like apologetic about that or like, I don't know.

No, I could see that being annoying because what I appreciate about what I do for a living is I get to sit down with like mostly incredible women. I mostly interview women. And something that I talked about recently with, I forget who I was just talking about this with, which was timelines and how we all have something in our head growing up of this is my story.

And I was always the person that was like, I'm never getting married. I'm never getting married when I met my now husband, who I just recently got married to. I literally said to him, we will never get married. And he was like, okay, like chill. And I was like, you can't change my mind. I just wanna be really upfront about that.

And then what changed your mind? I think because I recognized that when I knew he earnestly meant it, that he would be with me for the rest of his life without us signing a legal document, without me having a physical ring on my finger, all of that. And it was months and months of him never bringing it up. And he would even say like, my partner, like this,

that I saw the level of respect that he had for what I had initially wanted. And then I went into therapy and reevaluated why was I so intent on not wanting to get married, and I would consider myself a very strong, independent woman who I've always been career-driven. I'm gonna go for this until the end, and I'm gonna still be working then

until someone rips me out of the chair. And I was always worried that, especially as a woman, it would threaten a man. And I didn't think I could do both. And when I started to have a partner that allowed me to do that, I was like, fuck. I think it's interesting because I did not have a timeline. Until like, I just didn't have a timeline.

I think a little bit growing up the way I did with my mom, not that mothers give this necessarily to people, but now I'm like obsessed with timeline, you know, in a way I think is really positive because I'm now at an age where I want to be planning what else I would like in my life. I want to be thinking really actively about that. I think I was mainly in relationships where it didn't really occur to me to say, this is what I would like, this is not what I would not like. I thought that happened just organically and it doesn't always. And like, I love all the matchmaking shows. Hard left.

And I love them because there's like, it's, you know, we're all working within a system, right? Like we're all learning the way a podcast works, the way a TV show works, or what we wanna do next, or how you create a show or all that kind of stuff. Everything has a system, including being a person on this planet, including being in a relationship,

including being in a career and juggling that with what else you want to do. And I don't know why some fundamental, I don't know whether it was, I just didn't think that you had to say those things out loud. And I think like you're describing the process of the two of you kind of, what you did in that, in your relationship

is you met over a shared value and you didn't have it at first maybe, or you had a different thought about it. And then you grew and changed and I'm sure he did too. And that's relationship. And that's the one thing you cannot predict when you go in is are we going to grow and change and have values that keep aligning?

And the only way you have that is by talking about it, being open about it, being honest about it. And I think it's why, again, hard left, why so many Housewife shows. I love this. I love it. Why you see these things, you know, you're watching in sort of real-ish time or whatever degree we believe it's real. You can see things crumble when people did people change, people change, and you don't know and you don't know. No, that's such a good point of like when people are so perplexed by like, well, how did it not work? And it's like, oh, I think it makes complete sense every time something

doesn't work because either one person's not growing with the other or they're both growing in complete opposite directions or they're the exact same, and life happens, and you can't stay the same if you're not like, you know what I mean? It's like a pretty sad feeling when things end. But in my opinion, when I look back at previous relationships I had, I was never asking the questions. And then this was the first relationship I actually was like, oh, I think I'm going to be honest with him and see if he can handle it.

Because the men I dated prior to him, I knew I could never be honest with him and see if he can handle it. Because the men I had dated prior to him, I knew I could never say that. Because it wouldn't have worked for the men that I was dating. And I think I'd be curious to know from you, like I struggled a lot of being a woman with a career and really loving my career and being confident in it. And I know a lot of women listening experiences,

like men can be terrified and emasculated and feel like, how can I handle such like a competent, competent, competent woman? Like how has that impacted you? I just, I tended in the earlier days to, I dated maybe guys who were great but who weren't as in their careers. And I would feel apologetic about that

more than I don't know. So I would maybe tamp my thing down a little bit and not try to, not compete, but like I didn't want them to feel bad kind of thing. It is, it's really tricky. But I will say, you know, like I think I was supportive to one of my sisters when, you know, she was dating her now husband.

I was like, ask for this, that and this. And it's like the TV show thing. If we all knew how to do it perfectly, every relationship would be perfect because there's also giving something time to grow. And there's also, you know, not going in guns blazing. Like, this is what I want when you haven't established like a foundation yet, but.

That's so relatable what you just said of like trying to not intimidate the person you're with. And I do feel and I know this is like not every statement is just like 100% but I bet it's rare that a man is like trying to dim his success to make the woman feel comfortable that she's maybe not as high up in her career of who they're together, but you sitting here, I've done it too, where I'm having such success and the guy that I'm dating, I'm like, oh my God, he is gonna actually,

he's not gonna be able to, you just feel it. You know their threshold and you have to dim yourself down and you don't come home and say, holy shit, I had the best fucking day at work. Because they're like standing there like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you shining so bright? And I'm over here feeling like a piece of shit. Which is another thing that I wouldn't have thought,

like I don't feel that way. And like I'm happy for my friend's success and happy for my partner's success. And, but I get it. I get it if I get it, especially in your 20s and 30s and maybe even 40s when like, you're still trying to get to the thing you wanted to get and it's hard when you see somebody else shoot ahead

and it's not that you don't want it for them, you want it for yourself. And now I just, I really wanna have a good day at work. I'm like not, I don't have the, whatever that drive was that I really, really that put me in all those jobs and I didn't care. I was going to kill myself at work until I could get to an audition until I could get something like, I think it's age appropriate not to have that as much anymore. I got beyond my wildest dreams. Isn't that

incredible that I can say that? I just thought I was gonna be like in a regional theater company in Washington, DC, which still would be a dream. And I got this part that we're here talking about. Like that is so moving to me that I just kind of wanna just enjoy my days now, of work and now I'm more interested that I just kind of wanna just enjoy my days now,

of work and now I'm more interested in the creative vision of something or like, I wanna direct my friend's book, then turn it into a movie. Like it's just, I wanna be in partnership that is in every way that is fun. I think that's an incredible place to get to because I do think like that in a lot of people, we all feel it where you're like,

everyone's got that thing individually that you're like, if I get this, I know I worked so hard and I deserve it and I'm gonna get it. And then once you get it, then you're like, okay, now what's next? And it's a beautiful thing to keep going. But it's also, it's a lot, because then once you get what you want.

You gotta move the needle. And do you ever feel like you're like, when you were in that kind of race with yourself, did you ever feel like, shit, I need to, not slow down, but did you ever feel like people were like, you did it? Like you accomplished it? Like, no, I don't think anyone gives it gives you that I think you have to give it to yourself. Like I remember, I was dating some actor, and I was in a really busy time. It was maybe like second third year of gum or girls were

not only were the days really busy, but then weekends and doing talk shows or whatever else was going on at the time. And I was like, I just don't I'm tired. I don't want to do it. And and his advice was interesting. And we were sort of peers. He was like, don't you kind of have to write ride this while it's happening. You can't step off this train because it's hard to get back on. Go do the photo shoot. You don't feel like doing it.

Now, is that great advice? I don't know, but it was when something's going, that is an opportunity. It will come around again, probably, but there are times when you're working harder than you want to. But it's like the relationship thing. You have to keep reevaluating. Does this feel good? I have my friend Jenny Han has this thing that I always forget what the third one is. It's basically like, am I doing this just for fun? Am I doing this as maybe an act of service or somebody I want to help out, is it worth it? And that can mean financially,

that can mean it's gonna help your career, that can mean, but you don't have to just say yes endlessly. When you're talking about like reevaluating things, like I agree and I think that's great advice for people listening of like you always have to be like rechecking in with yourself. And if you are dating or you're in a relationship, what is something that you've realized

that you're not willing to compromise on? I mean, so many things. First of all, I think in the beginning, something should be easy. It should not be, I don't know, they're going to call a lot, like any of that kind of gamesmanship. I think, I think I have a great sense of how I connect to somebody. physically, intellectually, humor. I really love a certain level of back and forth banter. I know that and I think the thing I know now better is also like, how are we going to live this life together? And it's interesting, all my friends my age, some are still married for a long time,

some have been in the dating world. The people who are the happiest are doing what they wanna do and being really clear upfront. Like, I have a friend who's like, I don't really think I'm gonna get married again. And I just wanna be having fun and out there. And so I just think and that is a gift of age. If you let it be, which is, you can just say what you would like. And there's no amount of of you can't love somebody into being who you want them

to be or wanting the same things. And I think not to put women in a stereotype, but I think it's easy to be like, if I just dot, dot, dot, then he'll dot, dot, dot. And I don't think that works. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't.

It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't.

It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't.

It definitely doesn't. It definitely doesn't. We need your advice. People listening, we can use your wisdom. I'm going to give you a scenario and you're going to tell me what advice you would give the person. Okay. What is your advice for someone who feels unfulfilled by their job and wants to make a change but is too nervous to start over? Well, is there something besides starting over that can give you fulfillment that is a project you have that is not dependent on outside validation? I really,

as a writer, have gotten an incredible amount of satisfaction in just the practice of putting these books together. You get better the more you do something, no matter what, no matter what. Like you don't have to be, I just took up tennis this year. I'm terrible, but I practice and I get better. And that is such a basic thing that really, because of tennis, really became new to me. And the writing is that too, I just get better with

doing more. And so job, you're nine to five or nobody works nine to five anymore, but your job is one piece of you. Can you give yourself something else so that, you know, I mean, it's hobbies, it's, you know, travel, it's reading, it's whatever else. It's great advice. What would you tell someone who is struggling to connect with their friends because they're all in different life phases? I really get that. It's, they will end. I talked about before when I finished Gilmore Girls and I was like, anybody who's up for dinner?

No one? Everybody had children while I was gone? Like everybody was in a different life phase. That's what I mean. I have often been out of that step. And I think one thing is you have to meet your friend where they are and like go over to the house and play with the toddler and like understand

that you guys don't have the same hours, but the kids eventually go to college. I thought you were saying the kids eventually go to sleep. You're like, college, those fuckers are gone now. Well, I have like all my, you know, when I get to go home, my high school girlfriends are like, their kids are gone now. And like, it's almost like it's one of the many, many things I loved about the Bridget Jones movie and books. But this most recent one is like,

she's back in the dating scene because you know, she, for happy and sad reasons can be. It's always the same. We're all, you know, it's like you keep meeting the same challenges and in life. True. Okay, what would you say to someone who feels like they put all of their focus on their career and is now worried that they're falling behind in their dating life? I mean, there's really just no, the only falling behind is in your mind. You know, I used to, I skipped a grade when I was little and for a long time I was like, I have an extra year.

There's no such thing. Like I was like, I have an extra year before I'm the same age as people who are a year ahead of me. Like there is only what you tell yourself. And if you've seen any Nancy Meyers movies, you know that people come around at different ages, but it is hard when you're not with your peer group. Can we talk about the essay

that you wrote for Time Magazine about aging? And you talk about how you found the humor in aging as a woman, which I thought was such a unique, beautiful take that I loved reading. What inspired you to write a piece like that? I guess being asked about aging. that I loved reading. What inspired you to write a piece like that? I guess being asked about aging.

Like I was talking about this today with some people. You and I are having this experience, we are having this conversation, we are different ages. Someday when you are my age and you are talking to someone who is now your age, you will not feel the difference as much. I think the younger person feels the difference more than the older person. I am the same person. I think it's psychotic, the number of years I have lived on this planet. I'm like, surely that's a miscount. Surely that's wrong. It genuinely does not feel that way. As opposed to when I was 30, I was like,

I feel 30. I understood 40. This now is like, I just don't accept it. And that's funny. And the stuff that, because mainly I'm just living the same life. There are some things where you go, Oh, I fell and broke a thing and the recovery took a little longer or whatever. But I am amazed at the people I know who are giving into a sense of sadness about getting older or not feeling the same way they did. I meet that by not in a brutal way, but like I fight that. I fight the urge to be like, ugh, I just even don't even like when, you know, friends are like, oh, well, I'm so old.

I can't remember that, you know, whatever. Like it's I think it's just also my mom passed at age 61. Like I'm not that far away from that. Like I don't want to be living in in worry. No, I completely agree with what you're saying. And I had a conversation recently with Ellen Pompeo. And she and I were talking a little bit about how women obviously were the ones that it's like,

oh, she's getting older. And then you hit 30 and it's like, oh, oh. And you're like, what? It's like, I've never felt better. And from what I'm taking from every woman I keep talking to is, holy shit, 40s are the best. Oh my God. And if you had told me that in 20,

I would have been like, wait, 40s old and what? But it's like, every person I'm talking to, it feels like women are just getting better with age. And it's what society is freaking women out about of like how you look because of course, that's the only thing they think that we care about is our fucking looks. And it's like, what do you think is the best part

of getting older? I wrote this in another essay, which is, I know what I want and I'm grateful for what I have. That is the best thing about it to me. And the fun, you can make it fun if you plan what's next. As much as you can, you think about so that it doesn't, cause I think the, you know, I went to the theater on Sunday here in Los Angeles, which is unusual. And 90% of the audience was older,

like way much, much older, which you don't see in LA. And I just found it fascinating. Like, what is going to be like? I like to think about that. I like to plan for that. I like to imagine what kind of, well, that's a stylish lady in her perhaps 70s. How do I want to approach that so that I'm not scared by it, I'm not freaked out by it, and I'm not depressed because it truly is all the things people say of like, you should be so lucky to be in all those places. And yeah, and the how you look thing is like, I don't know.

It's so tired. Yeah. Like it's, how do you think men and women handle aging differently? I've actually heard from, I think it's a vulnerable thing for guys too. And there is like popular opinion would say they have it easier, but I think it's,

if you identified as a beauty, either a man or woman, as a younger person, I think it's, the loss might be greater. My mom was a stunningly beautiful person who literally turned heads on the street. I did not grow up with that. I'm not saying whatever. I just didn't have that identity. That was not my thing. So it's not still not my thing. I don't feel the loss of like that being treated that way. And even in relationship,

I never like met someone across a crowded room. I was friends with them or I worked with them or it was organic. Like it was just, I would fall for the person and they would fall for me. And so I think that makes it a little bit easier. Yeah, why I wanted to bring this whole conversation though, up about aging and the different generations is obviously because of your new show. I think there's this like huge conversation,

obviously about like Gen Z and it's like an interesting, it's interesting. Like even just like us talking about you even saying like, we're a different age. Like you take on the Z suite, like what drew you to this role? Cause this is different. I'm so, it was different. That's what was one of the main things. I liked that this, first of all, it's a comedy. This is how I would like to spend my days now.

I feel that I cannot touch the beauty that is Gummer Girls. I really love that dramedy parenthood space. I did start in half hour and it was so fun to just do something that was a little more big and look at female bosses, because it's a trope of a kind and like that was there. But I was also like, this is so relatable to anybody when the thing you have worked for is taken away, whether it was your fault or somebody else is coming up behind you or like,

or somebody's better at it. That is just evolution. That's just being a human on this planet. Like, nothing lasts forever. And, and so, and then I love the showrunner, you know, now, again, like I said, it's putting all the pieces together. I'm not just responding to the part I'm responding to what's this experience going to be? Do I get to have a say in creative conversation and like, and also that it was, you know, we're the first scripted programming for to be original scripted programming. And I was like, that's fun. And I just want to say, probably the kids know,

but people still say to me, Oh, I can't have another subscription. It's free. You just download it. You put your email in if you want to save stuff, but it's so easy. The interface and it's very, it doesn't cost you anything. I love that you're talking also about the character of like being good at something, but then questioning if you're good at it, because if you're getting replaced or what's happened,

that's again, a conversation that one, I love the point of a woman being at the top because we still don't see that that often still, how crazy. And two though, being pushed out in a moment where you're probably also feeling like you're at your best. Right when I feel like you're starting to hit your stride is when they want to then replace the women with a younger woman, which is such a crazy fucking concept

because you're like, no, I just had to get, wait, how am I already not in the conversation anymore? Endlessly, and it's not just women, we are not to be real esoteric, we will be replaced. You and I will not be here forever. Bye. And that is, that's how it goes.

And so that's true in work, in life. I remember I did a pilot that didn't get picked up and one of the younger cast was like, she was like, so is this going to get picked up? And I was like, Oh, I have no idea, you know, and she's like, what do you mean, they don't tell you? And I'm like, no, they don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody tells me. And she's like, so you could see her like things. She was like, so this just keeps happening over and over, where like you do something, and then you see if it goes. And then, you know, you don't know how

that's going to turn out. And I was like, yeah. It's my life. You don't get to a place where it's just a slam dunk in life, in relationship, in work. What do you hope people take away from the show? Honestly, I just hope they have a good time. I mean, I've seen, it truly makes fun of everybody. No one is woke or doing a great job. That's to me a fun comedy if

everyone's silly. And I think there's something there that is in the zeitgeist of like, do kids know? Not kids, but I call them the kids on the show. I'm sure they're so irritated. I'm like, where are the kids? Are the kids coming to lunch? They're all like, you know, 29 years old. But so, you know, there's something there because we're living in various kinds of times. But on the one hand, a really expressive time where, you know, people can bring themselves to work, at least they do here. And like, I, this character does not understand what language they're speaking. And I just think that's relatable. No, Lauren, thank you so much for coming on. This was a pleasure sitting down with you.

You're so incredible. You, your life is so inspiring and everything you've done. And I feel like whenever I get to sit down with someone that I have admired and been inspired by, and I get to watch, and then I get to like get to know them as like a real human being, it is why I do my job. Like this is so fun for me.

And I just thank you for taking the time because I know you're a busy woman. Thank you. And I love this conversation. And I just loved being asked these questions and being included in this whatever this journey is going to be for you so congratulations and thank you for inviting me. Thanks to Lieb by Yves Saint Laurent for sponsoring today's episode. Make a statement with Lieb Lonew, the fragrance that sets you apart.

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