Call Her Daddy - My Husband’s Insane Birthday Request

Episode Date: April 28, 2024

Father Cooper sits down this Sunday for a much needed touch base. SHE’S A MARRIED WOMAN NOW and what did her husband want for his birthday? A magical trip on the Orient Express to Paris (a bold choice considering we all know how motion sick Big Al gets.) She finds herself fighting for her life on the train, but still ends up the life of the party among the 80 year olds, committed to giving Matt the best birthday ever. After a long and turbulent filled ride, they arrive in Paris just in time for questions of the week - and Daddy Gang, these are some wild ones. Big Al talks about drinking habits, cheating, chlamydia and gives some hard truths about growing up. Get cozy for this extended Sunday Session of CHD.

Sunday morning for this call in do do do do do do do do every Sunday's for this day. That was pretty good, right? Hello, daddy gang. Welcome back to another episode of call her daddy. It is your founding father. Back at it again. I am a married woman. It sounds so crazy to say that. I think most of you probably follow me on social media and saw this past week that I posted a lot of the photos from my wedding and it feels so surreal. But it also feels really good to be back in front of a camera and a microphone and talking to you guys because I missed you. And I know technically you guys only missed me for like one week, but I had like pre-recorded some of my interviews so that I could be like really present leading up to my wedding. So I feel like I haven't gotten to be like, hello in the flesh. I'm back.

I'm present. This is like being recorded right before Sunday. And yeah, let's do a little life update. So I got married, like I said, and it's so crazy that to even be like, I'm a wife, like I have a husband. He's not my boyfriend anymore. I feel like I skipped the fiance phase. I like hated using the word fiance. I don't know why it kind of like gave me the ick, but I have a husband. It was actually weird. I, um, I heard Matt say out of context, just like, Oh, my wife, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I think we were talking to someone at a hotel and he was like, yeah, can my wife have, and I was like, Oh my God, it's like weird to get used to it, but it feels great and nice. But also it is a bit, it's a bit strange. Like it's, it's fun to get used to and I love it, but I'm just like,

oh my God, I feel like being a wife and having a husband and being married. Like, I feel like, oh my God, I'm really adulting. Like, oh, oh my God. What we, oh wait, this is no joke. Like we're actually fucking doing this and I have never felt better and more ready for it, but it's just taking in a fun way, like a bit to get used to. I have so many thoughts on my wedding and I know that I had not really shared too much with you guys leading up to the wedding because there were just some details that I was honestly just trying to figure out myself. And I didn't really know if I was going to come on here and say one thing one week. And then the next week, I literally changed my mind in the wedding planning. So of course we have incredible pieces online and things written up but like there are so many things that happened at my wedding that I am giving the

exclusive to the daddy gang here on Call Her Daddy and so I'm not going to do that today because there's so fucking much that I need to literally like sit down and do a formal call her daddy main Wednesday episode where I collect my thoughts and my stories and video footage and pictures and all the things. So bear with me because today is not going to be like a full wedding story update because I need to like actually get my life in order, which is weird to think about like, oh my God, one day, can you imagine like my fucking kids watch a color daddy episode yeah that's terrifying anyways I feel like I'm on like cloud nine I have never been happier in my life and oh my god I'm getting emotional but like I feel like I've never been happier I'm just so elated it was the most

incredible experience the wedding was amazing I can't wait to share everything with you guys. But this is what I will say when I was sitting down to get ready to just give you a quick life update. I want to just talk to you guys for two seconds about, yes, I am so happy. But I also don't want to ignore the fact that you may not be at that point in your life. Like there's been so many times when I've done Call Her Daddy and I have been in really the trenches and at the worst lowest places of my life. I've literally gone through while I was on the show and maybe I wasn't fully speaking in those moments or maybe I was speaking about it. But then I would have people writing in like from the daddy gang being like, oh my God, I'm getting married. Can you give me advice on X, Y, Z? And like, I was like, bitch, I'm so fucking depressed. I don't want to tell you

how to have fun at your wedding. Fuck you. Or I don't want to tell you like there were moments where I knew, oh, I know I'm really low right now, but there are other people in the daddy gang that are high and feeling good. And so let me give them advice to people that are in a really good place in their life. And so I just want to acknowledge like, I know right now, someone could be literally listening to this being like, so happy for you, Alex, that you're happy, but like, I just got broken up with or I am struggling at my job, or I'm think someone's cheating on me, or I feel lost, like whatever it is is I just want to acknowledge that as happy as I am I don't want you guys to think it's like I have forgotten that we're all going through different experiences this show is about you guys and I talk every single week to make you guys feel heard and

also to connect with you guys and so yeah my life is so fucking happy right now but tomorrow it could all go to fucking shit knock on wood literally we all are going through different shit and so if you're fucking going through it right now just because I got married and I'm really happy like I see you and I love you and you're gonna get fucking through it because what I can say is part of me is so happy because I know how much I've gone through in previous relationships to get to this point with Matt. And there's this like elated, happy, light, free feeling. Like I feel so free and happy and just I feel like I'm in just like a state of bliss because of my past and because of what I went through and because I was literally convinced that

I wouldn't find a Matt Kaplan one day. And so let this be your sign, daddy gang. Like, I've literally been in the trenches. I literally at one point thought, like, I will never fucking get married. Let me just freeze my fucking eggs and I'll have a baby on my own. Like, fuck these men. So if you are out there feeling low, trust me, I've been there. And I do truly believe it always gets better. And it didn't even need to be that I got married. Like I was happy before this. And like, I've found happiness first independent of Matt. And then now I'm so much happier in this partnership, obviously, that we've built together in this life. But it gets

fucking better. So I love you all. And let's get into this week's episode. you guys quick um side note i just needed to get Bruce so Bruce is completely codependent with Henry and Henry is not codependent with Bruce Henry is like loves Bruce now thank fucking god but Henry was an only child for so long so Henry's like love you brother but also like I need some alone time Bruce is like I don't know how to walk unless I'm literally directly attached to Henry's asshole and so Matt and I decided that Matt was going to take Henry to the office today and Bruce was going to stay home with me. And Bruce has been being the biggest fucking baby. He's being so dramatic. He keeps crying and whining and he's acting like we literally just like took away his breath and his air and his oxygen. And that would be Henry. So we're going to make him try to feel like a little cozy. We're going to invite him into this episode.

So everyone say hi to Bruce. Hi, Bruce. I've literally become that dog mom. Just shut the fuck up. Okay, I'm happy. Okay, I need to tell you guys about Matt's birthday. So I feel like I've lived so many lives and I haven't gotten to talk to you guys. Okay, so I went on my honeymoon and I'm going to give an entire other episode on that. But during the honeymoon was Matt's birthday.

Okay, and for Matt's birthday, obviously obviously it was like kind of right after the wedding. And I was like, Oh my God, what am I going to do for his birthday? What am I going to do for his birthday? And then, you know, I feel like when women think about men and getting them gifts, we probably immediately, our brains go to a watch, you know, like Matt doesn't have a Rolex. Matt's never wanted a Rolex, but I'm like, if I'm going to get you a watch, I should get you a Rolex. Like let's go fucking big I'm going to get you a watch, I should get you a Rolex. Like, let's go fucking big. So you would think maybe a watch, maybe something with golf, you know, maybe like a new golf

set, like a golf. Is it a golf club? A golf club set? Something about golf. You know, I never I don't know what he does for eight hours, but he's out there. He's doing his thing. I kind of want to take up golf. I'm going to be honest.

But like, that's doing his thing. I kind of want to take up golf. I'm going to be honest, but like that's for another time. So you would think golf or like a nice new sweater or like some new flip flops. Oh my God. Don't wear flip flops. Absolutely don't know where, but you know what I mean? But Matt is a little interesting fellow. Okay. Because this year he had a very, very, very special request for his birthday that really threw me for a fucking loop. Matt for his birthday wanted me to bring him on the Orient Express. I'm like the Polar Express. He's like, nope, the Orient Express. I'm like, what the fuck is the Orient Express? Now from something I've seen recently, I think there's like a new movie called out like on like murder on the Orient Express like that's the most recent thing I have any correlation or thought towards what is the fucking Orient Express and so Matt told me oh my god I want to go on the

Orient Express for my birthday we were going to be leaving this one location in Europe and then we were going to Paris um to finish out our honeymoon but also because it was honeymoon transitioning into work mode because I had to be there for Olympic prep because I don't know if I told you guys, but I'm going to be going to the Olympics this summer, which is so exciting in Paris. It's going to be so fun. Honestly, I feel like my entire life I grew up and sports was my identity. I didn't really have another identity.

It was just a soccer ball and sports. And my dad worked in sports with the NHL. I feel like as I've gotten older and I've talked to certain athletes about this in the past, like it's a really weird identity crisis that you go through when you finish playing sports because it was such a major part of who you are and your day to day. Like I remember when I stopped playing soccer, I was like, so I don't have to go to practice. Like there's this like twitch in you that you're like, Oh my God, it's four o'clock. I got to go to practice. Like, Oh my God. Like what are we

doing on Saturday? Obviously we have a soccer game. Like, and then all of a sudden you don't, and you don't have anyone screaming at you telling you you have to work out. So like sports have been a huge part of my life. And I remember growing up and watching the Olympics with my family. And it was such a big deal. I even remember one year, my dad was producing the track and field Olympics in Europe when I was super, super young. Oh my God, I have pictures. It's fucking crazy. But like, sports have been in my life, right? And so I am so excited to go to the Olympics. So Matt and I had to go for it was 100 days out for the Paris Olympics. And it was so cool to see what they're building. And it's, it's going to be incredible. Like, I don't even know how to mentally wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to be

able to go and bring my team and be with Matt. And it's just going to be fucking amazing. So Matt figured since we have to go to Paris, Paris, um, ciao, that's fucking Italian. Um, oh, what is, how do you say hi in French? Merci is thank you. Uh, whatever. Hello. We're going to Paris. So Matt wanted to go on the Orient Express. Okay. And I'm just like, you know, I feel like, I feel like I should just get you a watch. Here's the thing. I am down. Always am down. I want to make Matt happy, but I just was like, is that really what you want for your birthday? And he said, yes. So first of all, this fucking train is the most expensive motherfucking train I've ever seen in my goddamn life. Okay. Booking these tickets. I was like, you sure you don't want to relax? Like, are you fucking sure you don't want

to relax? But honestly, you know, as long as he's happy, I'm happy. So let me give you guys a little backstory on Matt and trains. I have grown up on the East Coast. And I don't know if this is if people that don't live in the United States, if you guys like live near trains, where you live, that sounds so fucking stupid. What I mean is like, I know that on the West Coast versus East Coast, East Coast, we have so many more trains. This is, I just need to stop. Okay. Growing up on the East Coast, I was constantly getting on trains to go into New York City, to go to Boston. There's Amtrak, there's New Jersey Transit. Like I was constantly on trains. Every time I wanted to go into New York

City from Pennsylvania with my family, we would get on the train. Every time I wanted to go back to Boston, I could get on the train. And so I was used to trains. And Matt was like, I have never been on a train in my life until when we went on the Unwell Tour. When I was on tour, I remember we were going from New York City to Boston and we could either drive, fly or take a train. And Matt was giddy. You guys, Matt was like, I want to go on the motherfucking train. And all of us were like, why, Matt? Like, why? And he's like, because it will be so fun.

It will be an experience. And I was like literally flying because we were like taking our whole team. I was like, I'm pretty sure this actually randomly flying was cheaper that time. And he's like, we're going on the train. So we get on this train and I will never forget. I'm sitting next to Lauren and we're watching Matt across from us. And I have never seen this man happier. Matt is elated. He is thriving. He's in his, he's in his prime. Okay. This man starts ordering. He's like, Oh my God, they have drinks on the train. He starts ordering bloody marys for everyone it's

like 8 a.m we're on the train everyone's like shut the fuck up also east coasters like people from new york are like bro shut the fuck up you're acting like you've never been on a train before and matt's like i have never been on a motherfucking train before so matt's thriving and i'm like i'm so happy for you honestly but like literally shut the fuck up and so he was beaming like i think i have a picture of him and he just looks so happy and he's having the most fun and when we got to Boston I remember Matt was like babe like I love the train like it's so fun like and it's relaxing and it's you can move around and it's great so Matt fell in love with trains when we went on tour and so for his fucking birthday he wanted to go on another train obviously this train was quite more expensive. Let me take you guys through this fucking train experience because it was the bane of my existence. Literally wanted to die. I

was like, why am I here? Okay. So we get to the train and you are, we were going to be on this train for 18 hours already. Like I don't want to be anywhere for 18 hours other than my bed or my house. I don't like to be confined anywhere. I don't want to be, I don't want to have to be anywhere that I can't immediately just like constantly be alone, lay down, get horizontal. And I just didn't want to be on something that was moving with other people on a fucking train. It literally, it literally sounds like my nightmare, but again my love anything so we get on this train and I'm not kidding you it reminds me of Harry Potter like it that was the one thing that I was like okay I could get down with this I'm a huge fucking Harry Potter fan okay and platform

what is it again fuck I love how I say I'm a huge Harry Potter fan platform six six four and a half seven and a half four and a half I'm not even gonna be able to continue this episode if I don't fucking look this up because it's gonna bother the fucking shit out of me platform nine and three quarters yes motherfuckers platform nine and three quarters okay it literally reminded me of Harry Potter because you see all these normal ass trains get to the train station. Okay. We get to the train station, Matt's thriving. I'm already like, I literally want to jump out of the window. Like get me out of here. We get to the platform and every other train is like, just looks like a normal train. You know, it's just like this like silver or brown looking thing. And our train is this like dark blue, gorgeous train with like golden crusted rims and like numbers on it. And there are these like bellmen, essentially these like

train bellmen that are standing outside of each cabin of the train, each car cabin. I don't honestly don't even fucking come for me. I don't care. Okay. Daddy gang, these men are wearing these like gorgeous, some would say gorgeous, I would say maybe a little corny, but it was fun. It was like fun. It was for the effect. They're wearing these like Navy blue kind of like cobalt actually blue suits and they have like gold encrusted little buttons. And then they have these like hats happening almost like top hats but not really I felt like I was like literally in a different fucking era okay and so we all aboard the train we get on this train and we are brought to our cubby or what someone would refer to as their room let me let me be really honest with you daddy gang Gang, okay? I first booked us this room, okay? And I didn't, I'll be honest, I didn't really look much into it. And so I booked us a room. And then I

shortly soon after realized, as I got my confirmation, that I booked us a bunk bed. I, on my honeymoon, it wasn't on my bingo card for Matt and I on our honeymoon to be bunked up literally in a bunk bed. And when I tell you it's a bunk bed, like you open the door to these rooms and it's a closet. It's an actual closet. It is the closet. It's almost the size of the closet that I lived in in New York, but smaller. Okay. And then you just have these bunk beds.

And at first they don't appear as bunk beds. It appears as one little thing that also acts as where you just sit. You walk into this tiny room, there's nowhere to go. And you just sit on this little bunk and then you just like touch the other side of the wall. There's no bathroom. There's no windows. There's nothing. Okay. Once it's time to go to bed, they will pull down the top bunk that comes from the ceiling. And then someone's got to climb up there. I said to Matt, babe, you're going to be up on that top bunk. I'm going to be down underground. Okay. You fucking go up there. And I don't think

there's even a ladder. So I'm not actually sure how people get up there. New York city. When you are fucking looking online for an apartment in New York city, you are like, Oh my God, bang from actually no one ever said bang for my buck in New York city. But you're like, Oh my God, this kitchen looks so gorgeous. Little did you know, they took it not only on wide on the iPhone camera or on a professional camera, they took it on triple, triple X wide. And I don't know how they get that setting, but they make that shit look so fucking large. And then when you walk in there, you're in a shoebox and you're like, where am I? This doesn't look anything like the fucking pictures.

Yeah, it's an optical illusion. OK, that's also what this train was. I see that I'm going to do bunk beds and I'm like, okay, I'm not going to be a cheap ass on my honeymoon slash on my husband's fucking birthday. I'm going to get the next upgrade. And so the next upgrade to the room is you get two little twin beds in your room and then you can fold up the beds and then there's like a little like seating area like and then you have a little seat and you do have your own bathroom um and there's like a shower in there but again like I know it sounds luxe but let me be very clear like a little claustrophobic okay and then the best tier that we could get was I think it's a fuller queen bed in like a suite room and listen like I'm down to be cash money daddy, but like the amount of

money that I would have to spend to get us a little larger bunk, I would rather buy myself some nice fucking earrings or mad a fucking watch. Like I said at the beginning of this episode. Okay. So I decided not to go for the deluxe deluxe. And I went in the in-between that was still so fucking expensive. And so we get onto this fucking train, you guysuxe and I went in the in-between that was still so fucking expensive and so we get onto this fucking train you guys and I'm shitting on it but like I will talk about the fun parts okay but it's just so funny to shit on it because how happy Matt was and I was like who did I fucking marry like I thought Matt Kaplan was like LA boy that like liked the finer things in life baby wants a train ride for his birthday all about the train okay i'm like there's no way

we're having sex on this fucking train but we'll try i like brought my little white lingerie just wondering if we'd get jiggy with it on oh my god jiggy with it i'm literally an old woman at this point okay we enter the train and we go into our room and our bellman brings us in and he's like welcome mr cooper caplan lady ma'am whatever fuck. We're so excited to have you here. Here's your room. And it looked really cute at first because like the door was open. They had a setup with like champagne glasses. There was like some cheeses.

There was caviar. Like it was looking super cute. And he was like all aboard. Thank you so much for coming. We are going to schedule you for your lunch. Would you want to do the noon lunch or would you want to do the three o'clock lunch? And at this point it's like nine o'clock in the morning and I'm like, oh, I want the noon lunch. Like I'm fucking starving. And so we book ourselves for the

noon lunch and the man closes the door and then Matt and I are just sitting in our cabin for the next four hours. Now I love Matt so I could be in a fucking cubby with him and we will have a good time. But I was just cracking up that like, this is how we're spending your birthday, baby. Matt starts reading. He had like a script to read for a movie. And I start like doing a little bit of work on my iPad. And we're both just sitting there. And Matt is going to town on the caviar. He's drinking the champagne. And he's having a great time. And then I fall asleep. I get awoken. It's time for lunch. Now listen to me. We are in cars, you guys. Okay. So you have to go from car to car to car and there's different cars and each car has like a different situation in it. Okay. So some of it's

bunks. There are bunk bed cars. There are twin bed cars. There are in suite cars. And then there's the dining room, which is the green room. They have another dining room, which is the yellow room. And then they have a bar, which is like a really pretty gorgeous car bar room where there's like a fucking piano. Okay. How did they get the piano in the train? Make it make sense. Okay. And so we go to lunch and this is where I was fucking cackling my little fucking titties off. We sit down and they present us the menu on this train. I will eat something if it is literally dropped onto the ground in the mall and my like burger fell on the ground, I'd pick it up and I'd still eat it. Some may be so disgusted by that. You may

be like, you're disgusting. I don't give a fuck. Okay. My mother raised me where like, she'd be like, rub some fucking dirt in it. That's why you don't get sick that much. Cause you ate a lot of germs and a lot of dirt. Okay. Matt, however, he verges more on the OCD side. Okay. Every single time that I am on a plane ride with Matt, it enrages me because there's something about getting on a plane where you're, I don't know, you get like excited for the meals. Okay. If I'm going to buy myself a first class ticket, I want to really indulge. I want to get the full experience. I want to get fucked up. I want to have four glasses of wine. I want to see what's on the menu. I want a little schmooze a little bit with the flight attending. I want to really set the seed. I want to feel out,

probably actually not schmooze because I hate fucking talking when I'm on a plane, but I want to indulge. So I want to indulge on all the finer things. Every time we get there, Matt's like, I wouldn't eat that shit if my life depended on it. To Matt's credit, what I will say is anyone, anyone that eats fish on a plane, you deserve jail. When they're like, Oh, would you like the tilapia for dinner? I'm like, no, I'm good. Especially when I'm like coming from like Kentucky to like Arizona. I'm like, where'd you get the tilapia? You know what I mean? Like make it make sense. And so when am I ever going from Kentucky to Arizona? Exactly. You know, but it doesn't matter. The point is I will never fucking eat certain things on a plane. That's fair. it doesn't matter. The point is, I will never fucking eat

certain things on a plane. That's fair. I agree with Matt. But when they're serving me meatballs, baby, I love Stouffer's. Okay, I am a microwavable Stouffer's bitch until the day I die. And Matt looks at that shit. And he's like, that is literally not food like that is fake food. And I'm like, it is good. I don't care if it's fucking Play-Doh. I'm eating it. Matt, since the day I met him would always joke like, Oh, you're going to get the salmon on the flight or like, Oh, you're going to get the, uh, you're going to get the curry. And so we get on this train ride and I am in my brain thinking Matt Kaplan will not touch this food. He'll maybe have a little bread with butter. And unless it's like, maybe, maybe a pasta, which Matt like never eats carbs or pasta. But if that was probably the only

thing he would eat on these types of situations and we get handed the menu, we open it up and I start cracking up because the first thing on the menu is the scallops. Okay. They are just raw fucking scallops on a plate with a little sauce drizzled over them. And in my mind, I'm like, there is no way Matt is going to order these. And then the next entree that you get, so that's the appetizer. And then the entree that you get is either chicken or a fish. I think the fish was like a fucking sea bass. And I just sit, you guys, I sit back, I take a sip of my martini. Yes, it's like noon at that point, whatever. I was on my honeymoon, fuck off. And I look at him and I go, what are you going to do? And he looks at me back in the

eyes and he goes, what do you mean? Oh my God, we're going to get the scallops. We're going to get the chicken. And I'm like, who the fuck have you become? I look at him and I say, sorry, what? He goes, oh yeah, we're getting it all. We're going to get, you want to get the sea bass and I'll get the chicken or whatever. I said, Matt, or what am I in literally a fucking simulation? What is going on? And so the man comes up and Matt's like, I'll take the scallops and the chicken. And I'm like, I'll take the scallops and the chicken question mark. And I start cackling.

Who is this man who all of a sudden what this man gets married and he's obviously like has my fucking palate. I'm like, you're about to eat scallops on a train, motherfucker. Who paid you? Who paid you? The scallops come, you guys, you know how scallops usually come in like these little round, like the little round things that you like cut into. These were not even those type of scallops. This was just slimy. It almost looked like sashimi. Like if you guys know what sashimi is, it's just raw fish in like a a like just like a slippy form and it's like flat and it's a little puffy and

Matt starts going to town starts going to town I take a bite of the scallop even though I'm almost about to vomit because I'm like something about the train scallops it's just giving it's giving it's giving mildew like it's giving, it's giving mildew. Like it's giving, like it's giving, like this didn't come from the sea, you know, this came from a can and it was manufactured next to the fucking people that manufacture my motherfucking Cheetos. Okay. And so he starts eating this up and he's eating his plate. And I'm like, I take one little bite of my scallop and I'm like oh I'm out I'm out and I love fish don't get me wrong but like this wasn't it okay and again I don't want to

like shit on the orient express because it was so beautiful but like what you have to understand the juxtaposition of my entire fucking life watching Matt Kaplan shit on me for eating anything on a plane and we got on a train and for some reason this man's brain because we're on a train that he's excited about, thinks this food is going to be any fucking different than how it was prepared on a fucking plane. Like you gotta be fucking kidding me, Matthew. So he downs it. Then the chicken comes and you know, you would think a chicken is going to be like a chicken breast or whatever. This chicken comes and you know how like a corn dog looks like that like it's a hot dog but like that type of shape this comes this this chicken and I say chicken lightly I don't I don't really know if it was chicken you know we got this piece of chicken and it is in the shape of a hot dog

and then there's drizzled sauce on top of it and it arrives and i look at it and i'm like there's no way this motherfucker's gonna eat that like what he starts diving in finishes the whole thing before i can even take a fucking bite and he's like smiling while he's eating he's down he literally is downing the entire bottle of champagne they gave us he's like oh he's smiling i need to post pictures you guys this man looks like and also Matt was making the place look like we were literally in one of like the bougiest places in the world he's got his sunglasses on it's sunny out he's chilling he's happy he's eating his fucking scallops and his chicken he's like what's for dessert to be fair the chicken actually tasted quite good but it did have a little bit of that like rubber element that

I was like hmm like where you know like what, what is this really a chicken? Like, what are we, what are we really working with? And I ate it because you know what? I'm going to be a good fucking soldier. And I'm going to show this man, I am your wife. I will go down with you. And if we're going to fucking blow out that bathroom together tonight, so romantic, happy honeymoon, you know? So we finished our, our, our food and I let him just kind of like go I didn't say anything I was being pretty quiet I was just observing like huh you really switched up on the train but not for the planes finally after we finish our lunch we go back to our room I I don't even remember what we fucking did we played like cards we it was fun though

this part was fun where we were like having a good time. But this is where it actually went fucking haywire. Once we were done our meal, I really started to feel like, huh, I kind of forgot. I kind of get really bad motion sickness. I get it from my mother. I'm not great with boats unless we're like speed boating like anything with like When a boat is sitting and we're like on a lake if it's like Like do you guys want to know I mean if it's like rocking like if we're not going so fucking fast I am going to get so seasick I'm gonna get motion sickness and i'm gonna like want to actually fucking end it all like dig my grave and put me in I don't want to be here anymore And so I'm starting

to feel just like a little, just a little odd. When you're walking on this train, it is not going 80 miles an hour consistently. We are stopping. We are slowing down. We are like sometimes jolting stopping. Like I really, when I envisioned this train and also the price of the train, you know, I thought we were getting more like rocket jet vibes, like boom, like we're on the Acela route. Like we're just going until we get there. This was more of like, we took the scenic route and every other minute, this train was really, and we would be walking down the hallway and all of a sudden there would be a little motion to boot and I would be like, oh, and I'd fall back and I'd hit Matt. And then we start getting ready for dinner. This is where

it really hit me. I decide I would like to put on a little makeup. Here's the thing. What would, what would I say the demographic, the age demographic was on this train, let's just say Matt and I were about three, three to, well, I would actually say we were about four decades younger than everyone that was cruising on this train. Okay. Every single person was about 70 years old or pushing 80. And we were the youngest by far on this train. So we were really, we were bringing that youth. And I was like, you know what? I still want to look cute. Even though I don't know if I need to impress the grannies. I want to be one with the people and I want to look cute for dinner because what I have been told you guys is on this train, it is elaborate. It is

lavish. It is beautiful. It is an experience. And some people, again, you could get on a, just to give you guys context, we could have gotten to Paris in an hour on a, on a plane, but decided to take the 18 hour route to Paris on the train. So it's an experience, you know, it's not the fastest route. It's, it's clearly not the easiest, but it's the most beautiful. They say, they say. They say. Who's they, Matt? I start getting ready and I go into the bathroom. Our bathroom was similar to that of a bathroom on an airplane.

So you are tight quarters, you know, shoulders are cozying up to the door and you don't have much room to move. When I get in there, there's no windows and I had built I had truly been building on my motion sickness for quite some time and the minute I got in there and started to try to fucking fix my eyebrows the train starts jolting we're jolting we are I am smashing the door my eyebrow is now at my fucking hairline at the top of my head I've drawn an entire line I'm like what the fuck is going on and in that moment the jolting and me not being able to see outside not having a mirror and me focusing so hard on my face I'm moving I'm moving everything starts to spin and I immediately know oh my god I have hit the threshold where like I am so fucking motion sick right now I could cry like get me off this fucking

train I immediately tell Matt put down the window put down the window I go back into our cubby where there is a window he puts it down I shove my head out the train I'm like fucking Matt what the fuck he's like oh I forgot you get motion sick I'm like, fucking Matt. What the fuck? He's like, oh, I forgot you get motion sick. I'm like, oh, fucking did you? I am like on the verge of tears, but I'm like, it is Matt's birthday dinner. Like I got to get it together. I got to get it together. And I say, give me a nip. He hands me a vodka nip. I fucking chug this vodka nip because I'm thinking like maybe alcohol. I don't know really, you know, I don't know what I was thinking. I thought maybe alcohol could bring me to the light in like a different direction. Like make me woozy, but in a different

light, like, Ooh, vodka hitting me. You know what I mean? Like, you know how people tell you like carbonation when you're feeling nauseous can like really hit you like ginger ale or like have a Coke. Maybe that's, that's what I probably should have done, but I went for the vodka. Okay. But then we go to dinner and we are walking down the corridors of these cars and it is swaying. It's swaying. Everything is moving and we are moving and it's swaying and swaying. And I am like I am on the verge of a mental breakdown because I'm starting to get claustrophobic. You know, I'm starting to feel like I don't like this game.

I don't like this game at all. And I don't really want to be here anymore. We get to dinner and every single fucking 80 year old man is in a mother fucking black tie suit. There is a man in a three piece suit. There is a man in a general's outfit and he has completely been retired, he said, for 30 years. But he wanted to pull it out of the closet to really show his wife. It was actually really cute. And Matt is in just like a button down. And he's like, fuck, I guess I thought I was too dressed for a train. We didn't dress up enough.

You're literally supposed to wear a fucking entire three-piece suit to this motherfucking thing, OK? And so we sit down. And I'm like, Matt, I can't. It was a beef Wellington. There was an option. What is beef Wellington? There was an option of beef Wellington. And then there was an option. What is beef Wellington? There was an option of beef Wellington. And then there was the option. It was a, um, it was, uh, uh, no, it was something white fish.

It was, it wasn't a sea bass. It was something, it was something that I didn't want to fucking put my mouth on. So I looked at Matt with heavy, heavy eyes and a heavy heart. And I said, you going for the beef Wellington? And he goes, no, baby. Okay. Listen, I know you're really struggling. Let's get you a martini and let's just get some caviar. And I said, thank you. Let's get some caviar, bread, butter. And maybe we split. We asked him like, do you have a steak? Do you have anything? They're like, yeah, yeah. We have a steak. We asked them like, do you have a steak? Like, do you have anything? They're like, yeah, yeah, we have a steak. We have a steak from lunch that we didn't end up getting. Great. Okay. Okay. So we end up ordering and I am downing my vodka because what ends up coming to my mind is like, I'm so fucked. I cannot get off this train. I cannot fucking fix this. It's

too late to take a Dramamine. I'm an idiot that I didn't take a Dramamine earlier. So all I can do now is try to subsidize like, how can I make something stronger than my motion sickness gets so fucking belligerent and blackout to the point where I'm like, I'm a little woozy dizzy from the booze, you know? And so one martini after another, one martini after another, I'm fucking lit you guys. And honestly, like, I felt great. martini after another, I'm fucking lit, you guys. And honestly, like, I felt great. All of a sudden, I didn't feel motion sickness anymore. I was kind of thriving. I was feeling good.

And I have a little video playing. This is how you know I was so blackout. I never want to like, if I'm in public, I'm like in those situations, unless it's like an event with the daddy gang. Like, I'm not going to like naturally try to like just draw attention to myself in a public setting unless I'm like meeting you guys and we're like oh let's rage together when I was with the seven-year-olds I was like you know I I'm just gonna let them have their fun like we're I'm already so fucking lit but then a mariachi band came in I don't think it was a mariachi band actually but it was a man with a guitar and another man with like a saxophone I think it was and they come in and I'm again like I'm not feeling my best on a little bit of a merge of event. I'm on the verge of a mental

breakdown. So I'm just like leaning into everything. Do you know what I mean? When things just get so funny and you're like, I am about to cry, laugh. So I have to just like lean into everything, like over drink, over indulging, like smiling at the couple next to me. They literally probably thought I was a fucking psychopath. And then the man comes with the guitar and it's game over. You know, it's game fucking over. Do you guys remember when I told you I have a thing for stages? Like remember when I said at the on a well event, Oh my God, if I have a little liquid courage, put me on the stage. Something about music when I'm drunk, if it's live music, like I'm getting in there. Thank God I did not take

any instrument out of any man's hand. Um, but they start singing and I start clapping and I'm starting clapping. And I think Matt only got the beginning of it, but I start to really get into it. And all the old people are staring at me. I think they may have been entertained. Honestly, people were, I think, liking that I was participating. But when I say that, I also want to be really like self-aware that like, I don't know if they were liking that I was like clapping and singing and vibing, but I think I brought the vibes up. I honestly, I really do. I think the people were like, oh, this girl's making it so fun. And then I blacked out and I don't really remember what, what ended up happening for the rest of the dinner. But then Matt and I went to the bar and I kind of went from brown out to coming

back in. And, and then I was also like, I don't know if I'm browned out from the alcohol or if I'm literally browning out from the fact that like, I'm going to pass out. I'm so fucking dizzy. Finally, Matt and I get back to our room after we go to the bar for another drink and I'm feeling sauced up. I'm feeling good. And Matt and I are fucking hammered. I'm dying laughing like all these old people keep coming by our door being like, good night. Good night, kids. Now they're calling us kids.

I'm like, oh, my fucking God, get me the fuck out of here. I kind of felt like I was on the Titanic I'm not gonna lie like I kind of felt like we were what were their names not Kate and Leo but what were their names in the thing Jack and Rose I felt like those young loving kids were just thriving we're playing and then we wake up and we get to Paris and we are we we wake up it's like seven thirty in the morning and everyone and the guy comes over and he's like, hi, Mr. Mrs. Cooper Kaplan. Like you guys can stay on board if you want to have breakfast here. And we're in Paris, though, so you can get off. We're leaving at eight thirty. So you have an hour to hang out on the train. I look at Matt. I said, fire drill, motherfucker. Get up. Let's go. I was, you guys, I got off the train and I stepped foot onto the platform and I smelled fresh air and everything was moving. Every single thing was moving. I wanted to cry. I literally looked at

Matt. I said, did you have a good birthday? He said, that was one of the most fun experiences. You were being so funny last night. Like I was cracking up at you. And I was like, good, because I literally am about to fucking vomit. I sprint for a trash can. I'm losing my mind. I look like a lunatic.

I'm running away from the train and everyone else is staying on the train for the hour. Like everyone's waking up. They're really getting the train experience. They're having a little bit of tea. They're having a little bit of coffee. I'm out little bit of coffee I'm out the Orient Express this is what I will say I think aside from my motion sickness had I not got motion sickness it really was fun I know I'm joking I think I'm more just joking because it's so fucking funny to see Matt in

these moments because he's he doesn't really usually like to do stuff like that we'll never do it again but I would I would actually recommend it unless you get motion sickness and absolutely do not do it. But it was fun and it was memorable. And it's one of those things that now we look back on from the pictures and everything. It was one of those things that I'll never forget. And for multiple reasons, because I've never felt that sick and also because it really was fun. And so that was Matt's birthday. And you know what? It was, it was a success. okay enough about me well not even me kind of matt this whole episode is about matt i'm about to switch some gears over here okay and we are gonna do some questions of the week okay because i was just in fr. And it does not feel appropriate to not go to the place that I really like.

When we go to France, we cannot be friends because I am in a different place. I feel like a new woman. I let my worries get away. And I feel so gay. I'm jelly. I'm in France. Bonjour. Oui, oui. Merci beaucoup. What the fuck? We're going to France. I hope that really just fucking grinded your gears, you little shit. Okay, we are going to France. I'm going to answer some of your questions because it is time to reconnect. It's time to get the daddy gang back on track. Okay, a daddy gang member wrote in and said, I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. And I truly feel like we are really, really best friends and perfect for each other. The only issue is when he gets drunk, he screams at me.

At first, I thought it was just a one-time thing, but now I'm realizing it's every single time he drinks. I'm so paranoid of being around him and alcohol that I purposely try and avoid any situations where he could drink, which means not going out to dinner or happy hours with our friends. It's also really starting to affect my mental health. I've been having panic attacks and crying myself to sleep. Oh my God. When he's sober, he is the best, but when he's drunk, he's honestly a monster. Is this a deal breaker? What should I do? Okay. First of all, I'm so sorry because I feel really bad because there's nothing worse than having that pit in your stomach and feeling like, oh my God, no, people just don't get it. Like the best parts

of him I love so much that sometimes you try to say like that has to outweigh the bad. And it seems right now like the outweigh is completely outweighing the good. Like the fact that you avoid going to dinner with your boyfriend, the fact that you can't have a nice like date night without freaking out and getting anxious and thinking he's going to scream at you and like basically be verbally abusive. in reality, you try to make it work because I feel like we, we already put so much work in, especially like, it's almost like how people look at businesses. It's the same thing. It's like, literally like how much sweat equity have you put into something? And it seems like you have this like wonderful life through the hours of like nine to five. And then at five o'clock your boyfriend potentially can turn into a fucking monster if I'm being like just really direct I think the short answer is you need to leave this person I know that's not as simple as it sounds and I can sit here on my couch and tell you that but I don't think that's just the reality you can't be like okay thanks Alex I'm leaving him

obviously you're writing in you know like you're like I'm having panic attacks. I'm crying. I'm sad. Like, you know what you have to do. I think it's not even the question. Is this, this a deal breaker? I think it's more for you. You're asking like, how do you move on from someone that like, you're so in love with a part of them, but the holistic view, if you really like zoom out, that's not the type of partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You shouldn't be hiding in your room, like praying to God he's not opening a bottle of wine that night because you know, in turn, it's going to basically mean you are going to be in hell for the next few hours. I think that we sometimes

have to look at things from like a third POV. Like if this was your friend, what would you tell her to do? And I know that when we're in it, we have the good parts that we can romanticize and cling to. But like this isn't going to get better. And like unless he literally goes to rehab, which I'm not like over exaggerating, that literally would be the only I think conversation that is to be had is like you. He has a drinking problem from what you're writing this is a drinking problem this is someone that like completely turns into a different person the minute that they have alcohol um it's like similar to people that are addicted to drugs like

they can't control themselves on these substances and I think unfortunately this person probably needs to go to rehab or you need to find a better partner for you. And I'm not saying this person's a bad person. Like addiction is, I mean, that is a whole nother fucking topic and that could be a whole nother episode. But like addiction is something that is, it's everywhere. And so I understand not wanting to like just pick up and leave. Like people can get healthy, people can change. But I think that the first step is acknowledging that change needs to be made. Like, I don't know if you've had any conversations with your boyfriend. I don't know if you have let him know it upsets you. Like, does he know you're avoiding going to these dinners?

And have you ever shared with him, you turn into a complete different person when you drink and I don't like to be around you when you're drinking. I think there can be a really honest conversation that sometimes like I've learned in relationships when I look back at past relationships, sometimes you actually can approach a conversation even in your head if you know this relationship may not work out. Like maybe this person like really needs you and it's not your job to make this person not ill anymore. But like even if you do leave, there is something you could at least just like articulate your feelings.

Like maybe you've never said this to him and maybe again sit him down when it's daytime. Maybe you're at brunch like you're in a private setting in your home. You guys are having breakfast together and maybe you can say all of this to him and it may mean like you're closing a chapter and that's the end of the relationship but I feel like it will give you closure of like you do love a part of this person and there's an awful side to this person but you love this person and they clearly have an addiction and so that's not on you to fix but I do think you could come forward because it will probably like lift a weight off of you to be like this is what

the reality is and this is what I've been struggling with and I haven't been able to say it to you because quite frankly when you wake up you don't even remember you did it and that is what is like the hardest part of dealing with people with addiction is like they wake up in the morning and they're like acting normal and you're like you literally don't remember what you did to me last night like I can't like and then you just bury it down inside and then you start to want to fucking scream at this person but then all of a sudden they're like making you eggs in the morning and they're a complete different person it's a mind fuck and you don't deserve to live in this hell so I would say short answer is you should leave this person um you could have a conversation

and maybe he is like oh my god I'm I'm mortified. I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to get help. I want to change. I would still say if someone is going to go on that journey, you could still push back. This isn't your husband. You're not married. You also deserve to have your youth and live and you don't have this problem. And I think that you could still be close to someone. But I think when someone's in recovery like the best thing for them to do is focus on themselves and you should also focus on yourself don't let yourself be brought down by something that like this is again it's so tough because it's like there's so many complications when you're talking about addiction but like if you're

just taking care of yourself at this very moment he is becoming verbally abusive the minute he touches alcohol and it seems like it's quite frequent. You need to get out of that situation and then you can try to get him help. But like first you always have to focus on yourself. That's just the reality of life. Everyone's looking out for themselves. So I'm really sorry. I love you.

I know that like fuck it's just it's bleak like and what sucks I can imagine is you don't share too much with your friends and family because you get embarrassed because you also love him during the day like I said so you're like fuck he's he's great when he comes over to my mom's for dinner and like no one's drinking but the sad reality is just like that's not sustainable it's not sustainable to be like okay he didn't drink this Friday like we're good we're good well no babe then he's gonna pick it up the next weekend you know it's like you can't try to like mitigate damage and like quickly like do this tap dance if this is a trait of this person if this is an addiction of this person whatever it is now I'm just talking like holistically for like anyone listening if you have something that is like

constantly bothering you about your partner either address it head-on and look for change but like I I wish I knew this when I was younger and when I was earlier in relationships like I just wish I knew like sitting and ruminating on things by yourself it's going to do nothing but like prolong the problem and probably make it fester up and make it bigger and make there be more instances and more pain and more problems the better the faster that you can address something head-on if someone is hurting you and not even just hurting you if if you want to end a friendship if a friendship is upsetting you if you did something wrong and you need to be the one to

apologize and take accountability that i think is the best thing is to always just address it, like address it head on and just don't let it continue to sit there and to cause more problems because then you have 10 times more issues than you did when you first thought about addressing something. Love you. I hope you're okay and keep me updated. Next question. Let's see. My ex and I decided to stay close after our breakup and naturally that turned into us being friends with benefits oh sweetie don't I

know that so well we've been hooking up for a while and everything was going really well until he got a new girlfriend at first I didn't really care about this girl and kept fucking him like usual. Wait, what? He got a new girlfriend and you kept fucking him? But recently I've started hanging out with her. Hold on. Rewind. You've been hooking up with your ex for a while and everything's going really well until he got a new girlfriend. At first, I didn't care about this girl and I kept fucking him per usual. But recently, I've started hanging out with her and she's actually become one of my really

good friends. As if this wasn't messy enough, me and this guy never use condoms and I just found out I definitely have an STI, which means so does she. I want to come clean, but how do I tell my new friend that not only have I intentionally been fucking her boyfriend behind her back for months, but I also gave her chlamydia. Please help. Okay. I love you so much, but like, girl, this is so fucking messy on so many different levels. Here's the thing. This is just like self-destructive behavior. And I am sad to say that because I wonder like what like 22 year old Alex would have said to this. Probably I would have been like, like oh my god like hit the road and run like just go just have a

threesome with them and then blame them both that one of them gave you an STI and you're not to blame you know we um we we are maturing over here daddy gang okay this is what I would say listen the first problem in the first offense is the fact that you are still having sex with your ex-boyfriend when he got a new girlfriend. I get it. Friends with benefits with an ex is so common. I think I've talked about that multiple times on this podcast. It's so easy to just go back to an ex when you break up and it's that comfort zone. And now there's kind of like oddly no strings attached but there's still that emotional piece where if you're going on dates with new guys a lot of times you're missing that emotional connection you're not going to go on a first date with a guy and

fuck him and be like god i fucking love you like so fucking an ex is always more familiar and cozy you also just know each other's bodies and the sex is probably just better the problem though is the minute he got the girlfriend there's multiple things going on number one you can never go back to this man because he's literally showing you he is comfortable cheating on his girlfriend so my first question to myself would be like if you're so comfortable and you ask no questions when you continue to fuck me and you got a new girlfriend how many times did you cheat on me while we were together so that's my first thing for you to just think about for your own self-worth it's like babe if he did this so casually with you imagine how many times he cheated on you because like look how casual

cheating is to him number two to to to be friends with his new girlfriend I feel like this is like a sick game you're playing with yourself where you're like getting off on this secret and I feel like this is like a sick game you're playing with yourself where you're like getting off on this secret. And I feel like you need to like look inward of like, why are you enjoying having this secret with your ex who has a girlfriend? Like that's just like mean. And I don't think that you can create an actual real friendship with someone if the entire relationship begins on a lie. And not only just like a lie lie but like a lie that like would actually just genuinely hurt this person like you're actively every single day making a

decision to infiltrate this girl's life and like make her think that she has a friend when really you've started this all on a lie and you're fucking her boyfriend so like i think what i think what i've started to learn more and having more experiences in life is just like our actions have such consequences. Sure for ourselves and you can be a fucking asshole to yourself and be hard on yourself is one thing. But like this girl is now like going to have trust issues forever because of how mind fucking crazy bat shit the two of you are acting right now like I'm putting myself in that girl's position and I feel really fucking bad for her that she's sitting there and has no idea when she finds out that girl for the rest of her life and and I think like that is not an overstatement like I still to this day like I have like moments where I'm like because

I have been cheating cheated on in my past and so like it rarely comes up but if Matt does something I'm like oh my god that just kind of reminded me like of like a feeling I had once and it's like I never want to feel that way but like when you have that type of like trauma of getting cheated on and lied to by someone that you thought you were in love with like it stays with you and you remember those little things and you find yourself like having reactions that someone that had never been fucked over and lied to and deceived would not have those reactions so like you are actively fucking with this girl's life and her trust issues and like I I having been cheated on like I just don't fuck with it and I think it's just like

it's not it's not cool like I don't know why you would think it's just like, it's not, it's not cool. Like, I don't know why you would think that it was just like chill to do to a woman. And I get it. If you're so madly in love with your ex, like put it on him to draw the line, like either break up with your girlfriend and let's keep doing our friends with benefit thing. Or you also have to recognize your self-worth of like, Hey, I love you so much. But think about this girlfriend. He's fucking you, but he just got a new girlfriend so how much can he really love you you know it's like I feel like we waste so much time in life and I look back and I have some time I definitely wasted and I know we're all like no regrets and whatever but like there's definitely some like there's a at least like 50 days of my life I

could probably like justify like, no, I'd take him back. No, I would actually undo that for sure. And I think for you, it's like, what are you doing? What is the end goal here? Are you madly in love with this person? Then be an adult and go talk to him about it and set a boundary and set an expectation of what you want and see if he's going to reciprocate.

Or is he literally just fucking you because he wants to keep fucking you and he's enjoying being a piece of shit fucking two women at the same time and then when you start fucking around with stds it's like i don't know i just think it's like really grimy and i feel like you can do so much better for yourself and i get it when you have a relationship with someone and they get into a new relationship so many emotions come forward so many emotions are like you have jealousy that you never felt before you have anger you have more lust you're confused I get that but there's different ways to process that other than going and actively hurting someone that's just like

an innocent bystander that like really didn't deserve any of this so I'm sorry that you got chlamydia and you have an STI and that's awful. And I think that one is enough for someone, you know. I would just say like maybe go get tested, get some medication and move on and let these two figure out their own relationship and stop being the third and have some self-worth and actually move forward in your life like it's too messy you deserve better and you need to like lead your life in a way that you're more confident because like you can't keep putting yourself in these situations because then it becomes a pattern like I know it's funny like I could sit here and be like oh my god bitch this is crazy but I actually like want you to thrive and I want you to succeed and this situation that you just wrote me is like so many reasons as to why you're not putting yourself

first and taking well you are putting yourself first you're definitely actually putting yourself first and being a selfish piece of shit but no daddy it's like you gotta do better you gotta like you have to look at what you actually want in life this isn't what anyone wants maybe you're seeking attention maybe there's something going on at home I don don't know what it is, but look in word, this ain't it, girl. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. On our anniversary, he blacked out and passed out as soon as we got home. I have never done this before, but I had a gut feeling. Oh no. So I went through his phone. He told me that he didn't have a Snapchat anymore and never used it. But when I checked it, I saw he had a 30-day streak with some random girl I've never heard of.

Of course, there's nothing saved that I can read. So I have no concrete evidence. But what the fuck? How do I ask him about it without giving myself away from snooping okay honestly fuck giving yourself away I think that you immediately address it and I think this is where I've learned not that I've like gone through Matt's phone but if I was ever going to go through Matt's phone in the past. I think that when you act very calm and mature and level-headed in conversations, even if you made a mistake, you're going to get a positive outcome

for yourself. So this is personally what I would do if I was in your position. At this point, I would probably have confronted him the next morning. now that you're writing in this in like I'm sure like weeks have gone by and you haven't said anything let's assume so I would say you sit him down you either I don't know I think you guys you said you live together so if you say you want to have a dinner at home that night you order in food and you sit down and you say hey I want to have a serious conversation that has been eating away at me. And I'm mad at myself that I've let it go this long because I wanted to say something immediately, but I'm going to be honest. I was scared. I was scared because I didn't know how to bring it up. I was scared because of what the conversation was going to be and how was

I going to address it. And it's just like, it's been weighing on me. And so I'm just going to bring it up. And I really need you to have a conversation with me because I literally am losing sleep over this and I feel sick. Immediately you're setting yourself up to say like, hey, because all you know what has happened to me before in a really toxic ex-pass relationship. I know the first thing he would say is like, why didn't you bring it up immediately like you're what the fuck like you've so you've been holding this over me no you need to explain like this has been emotionally wearing you wearing on you and this is not something that you've enjoyed holding on to by yourself but it is like again your sense of reality has completely shifted you have probably

gone down the longest rabbit holes. And if I'm going to be honest, like he may not be physically cheating, but if he's talking to a girl for a 30 day streak, some shady shit is going down, whether he's cheating on you, whether he's emotionally cheating on you, something is happening. And in my opinion, if Matt had been on a 30 day streak with a woman who was constantly talking to a woman, that would have been the end of our relationship when we were dating. Like I would have just been like, I'm good on that piece. So once you set the conversation up, this is what I would say. And I would be honest. I think you say on our anniversary, I had this gut feeling. I know you so well. We've been

together for four years. I'm not an idiot. I know when you're sad. I know when you're happy. I know when you're upset. I like we know each other. Like we're in love. We're together all the time. And so when you passed out on our anniversary, I was wide awake because I was like, how did our night end like this? Like, this is so strange. How does he pass out? Like what's going on? And I sat in bed and I, I made the decision that I never wanted to do because I want to trust you with everything in me. But I just had this awful feeling like you've been acting a little strange. You've been acting a little off. And so I went through your phone and I'm heartbroken because immediately I am finding lies.

And I'm so lost on like how we got here in our relationship. You said you don't have Snapchat. I see you have the Snapchat app. Okay, that's fine if you have Snapchat. Then I open the Snapchat app. Like weird though that you told me you don't. Intentionally making a point to tell me you don't have Snapchat. I open Snapchat. What do I find?

You have a 30-day streak with a woman. What am I supposed to think about that? The only rational answer is that you are having a relationship with another woman, whether it is solely based online or you've met this woman or you're having sex with this woman. In some capacity, you're cheating on me. And so I need answers because I'm sick to my fucking stomach so what's going on and you leave it there like I think that it's not manipulative but I will say I've learned the calmer you can be in situations where you are confronting someone the better it goes because first of all if he's being shady what is actually going to happen is he wants you to escalate so he can immediately turn it back on you and be like,

why are you being so fucking crazy? Oh, no, no, no. I'm being so chill. We're good. Because I'm either going to walk out this door and I'm done. Or you're going to tell me this is your fucking cousin. But like maybe, maybe he's from West Virginia. So like, I don't know like what he's doing with his cousin, but like, do you know what I mean? Sorry. Do you know what I mean? Like you staying calm provides no escape for this man. He either has to just blatantly lie to your face and you just stay super calm. And then you would say, so that doesn't make sense. So now make it make sense. Or, okay, now open your phone and show me this phone number. If you're like, you have ways

that you can just continue to get answers and answers and chip away at his lies. But if you cannot escalate the situation, that's what I've learned. You're going to always succeed. And you're always going to have a better outcome than if you like, I get it. Trust me when I was, oh my God. In my teens, in my early twenties, I would literally be rip shit, like hysterics. Like I would rip a man's face off with my words and I would get off on it. I would be like you little fucking piece of shit. Like I would go so off. And now I've realized like by you going up 10 notchesches it only gives them an escape because then they'll be like you're being so over the top like oh my god like what's wrong with you like why would you go if he says why did you go through my phone say I just explained to you that's the last

thing that I wanted to do but I was sitting up sick to my stomach because I knew something was off and the saddest part is I was right and so I wish I I wish I was sitting here saying I'm sitting up sick to my stomach because I knew something was off. And the saddest part is I was right. And so I wish I, I wish I was sitting here saying, I'm so sad. I went through your phone and I felt like piece of shit and nothing was there, but I was right. My gut was right. Your gut is always right. So the issue is not that I went through your phone. The issue is I went through your phone because I felt you were being shady and voila you were being shady so go ahead explain to me what's going on the honest truth and again to please write back in and let me know if anything is not what it seems but I would say this is probably the end of your relationship I think

that when I think that there's something really fucked up about social media that makes me really sad for dating nowadays in general is like people have such crazy relationships online and I feel like people can form relationships online that are just completely online based and people can almost compartmentalize those online relationships as not reality like I had a relationship with someone where they were not physically cheating on me, but they had this like texting, sexting relationship with someone and they had never met this person in person. And you're like, and then they were like, I didn't even think about it like that. Like it's like, it's so fucked. And so I think that

there's a world where he could deny it and deny it and he may have never met this woman. But to me, any type of emotional intimacy, you don't have to fuck to be cheating. That's my barometer. Some people it's like, oh, you can have emotional relationship, but like as long as the peepee didn't go in the V, like we're good. Like that doesn't work for me. If you are emotionally putting yourself out there with another person and constantly needing them to fulfill you, that is emotional cheating. And what the fuck is wrong with our relationship to the point that you need to go and feel fulfilled? So I would say confront him, but I don't really see what the excuse of a 30-day streak with a woman could be. And you didn't say, but I'm assuming you know it's not his cousin because you didn't recognize the woman's name so I'm really

sorry see this is why I started this episode being like I'm so happy that I got married and I'm happy at this point in my life but like this doesn't negate the fact that shit's fucked up out here daddy gang okay so we can be happy for a day but then like time to fucking catch these little motherfuckers and all their lies and beat them down and let them know you cannot fuck with the daddy gang okay we will always find out we will always come for you um but yeah i'm really sorry and i really i really hope that you can get closure because again, and that's almost why I hope I wasn't too hard on the girl that said she was cheating with her ex-boyfriend on her new friend, whatever the fuck that situation was.

I hope I wasn't being too harsh. I think this is what I was trying to say is like, our actions have real repercussions. And I think through experiences in life and more experiences in life, you just start to see that more clearly. And when you're younger and you haven't had as many experiences, it feels kind of just like this fleeting, fun little thing. But like, this is going to hurt someone. This girl just opened Snapchat and she's like, I'm literally sitting up on my anniversary sick to my stomach. And so anytime you're going to make these decisions, like you do have to put yourself first in some capacity because everyone's fucking doing that. And hopefully at some point you can

find a partner, any, everyone that's listening that, that puts themselves first, but also is completely mindful of you and putting you first because they're viewing themselves in a partnership, not in this individuality. And I think that's something that I've learned in my relationship with Matt is like, I'm, I still have such independence in my relationship because of our respect of the partnership. If there's no respect of the partnership, there's no communication. If there's no love, if there's no respect, then individuality is actually just like disrespecting him and going out and not answering him. Like having respect for your partner then allows you to have independence but like and and i think that sometimes that's i mean that's a whole fucking

episode i could do because i've learned a lot and in therapy and through this relationship and i it took me a really fucking long time to figure that out um but i'm really i'm really really hopeful that like i said there's always a fucking sun and rainbow and over the mountain and hills, you just got to get through the lightning bolts and storm and thunder. And sometimes, you know, the hail comes through and you're just like, what am I saying? The point is, life fucking gets better. And I love you guys. And I promise it is not the end of the world. Pieces of shit cheat, you're gonna be fine, bitch. Move the fuck on. Go find a fucking guy that is going to treat you like the motherfucking daddy you are. So daddy gang,

I love you so much. I'm so happy to be back. I have a like, I don't even know how to describe this episode coming out on Wednesday. Let me just say this woman is someone that so many of you have recommended. I have been waiting to have her on. There is something recently that she was, she was out there. People wanted her on. We are finally doing it together. And I think you guys are going to freak out when you find out who she is because she's fucking incredible and it's going to be a phenomenal episode so you know the drill i will see you on wednesday goodbye