Call Her Daddy - My Plastic Surgery Story

Episode Date: January 16, 2022

Father Cooper is back with a vacation recap. She details a fight with her sister, a non photoshop fail, the moment Mario Lopez appeared mid fuck, and how a teammate spreading gossip landed our father face to face with a plastic surgeon. And, because she is the greatest podcast host of all time, Alex reveals the controversial first guest of the new year. Enjoy daddies. 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy hello everyone it feels truly like a gift that i have a microphone in my hands and back in los angeles i love my fucking podcast? It's like my therapy sessions. My therapist and I were like, peace, love, happiness, see you in the motherfucking new year. So I've been really just sitting with my thoughts, feening to get back to podcasting. So let me give you guys an update of my life and what has been going on. I actually got a DM from someone. They were like, the only way that I know that you're still in a relationship is that you post Henry. I've never seen your boyfriend. We don't know who Mr. Sexy Zoom Man is, but we do know if Henry's around, the boyfriend's still around. Maybe I'll

stop posting Henry. Maybe I'll let you guys wonder, are we on the outs or are we married? First on my excursion, I told you guys I was going to a winter location. I ended up going to Park City, Utah. I was staying in Deer Valley. Skiing is the most therapeutic activity because I realized this, If you're running on the treadmill, you can like semi still look at your phone when you're working out, et cetera. Skiing is truly like, except for swimming, maybe. I'm not going to start going through the gamut of like all the different sports where you can't look at your phone, but it's one of those things where like, I don't know, it was very therapeutic being in a winter location, being with my thoughts, thinking about

what do I want for Call Her Daddy for 2022. I did end up wanting to leave towards the end. My sister and I got in a fight. And then by the end, I was like, I need to get so far away from my family that I forget this ever happened. Sayonara, motherfuckers. So I left and my boyfriend and I did plan it pretty well. We then went to Hawaii. So I left and my boyfriend and I did plan it pretty well. We then went to Hawaii. So I left and my boyfriend and I did plan it pretty well. We then went to Hawaii. My whole point of going to Hawaii was to try to literally not speak for five straight days and just literally lay on the beach. My boyfriend was like, do you want to go snorkel? I was like, no. He was like, do you want

to go see a waterfall? I'm like, no. He's like, would you want to go up to the pool? I'm like no he's like would you want to go up to the pool I'm like nope I sat my ass on the beach for five straight fucking days and did nothing and I ran into two daddy gang girls that live in Hawaii and they came up to me they're like oh my god daddy like can we take you on this helicopter ride like we live in Hawaii like come out come on an excursion with us and I was like sadly it's my last day I'm actually getting on a plane today and they're like oh fuck like well what did you do while you're here oh let me tell you first I went snorkeling then I went up to the pool then I went paddleboarding then I went and saw a waterfall then I swam with the dolphins then I went on a whale excursion what are those things called the whale I went on a boat excursion. What are those things called? The whale? I went on a

boat. Then I went whale watching. Then I swam with the manta rays. I have been bopping around the big island like it's my fucking job. Actually, I've been sitting here the whole time. You know, I'll go back to Hawaii one day and I'll paddle around. Paddle boarding to me sounded like the worst fucking option. I'm like, why would I want to have my arms working just to move me slow motion through the water? Like my boyfriend worked out every single morning in Hawaii. I slept in. I got some comfort food. Like I was really really enjoying myself I actually will tell you an interesting sex thing that I did with my boyfriend we were in Hawaii oh really Alex we were in Hawaii and one night we were in bed watching tv and my boyfriend like comes across obviously those like

porn channels adult entertainment that's what it is 15 to watch like a 15 minute like hi to my stepdad awful acting and i will say having it on the massive large tv and like watching porn literally as the girl started like sucking this guy's dick i just went down on my boyfriend and the girl kind of looked like me. So I really felt like I was like kind of getting fucked by two different people at the time because I was like watching the person on the TV and I was having my boyfriend fuck me. And the whole situation was just very stimulating. I don't know. I feel like sometimes people are like, well, is it awkward? Like if you watch porn while you're fucking, like when there's sex noises happening and like quote unquote pros doing it in front of you, it makes you loosen up.

And I feel like it also made us be like, try different things and like get nastier. And also if you're kind of like, oh, what should we do next? Do whatever they're doing. There was one semi awkward moment. My fucking ass hit the remote while we were mid fuck. And so my boyfriend tried to like pick up the remote while he's mid fuck thrusting me to try to like get the TV back on. I'm having the best orgasm of my life. Unfortunately, the porn ended right as I was having the orgasm, which you would think perfect

timing. Then Mario Lopez pops up and he's like, hi, there's a huge wide selection of shows just for you today. Why don't we start with the comedy section? Oh my fucking God, Mario, get the fuck off my fucking TV. And I had the best time in Hawaii. I mean, I did nothing. Like I had the best time doing nothing because I feel like I was well rested and now I'm back and I'm excited to be back. But of all the happiness and all the bikini pictures and all the things just to give you guys my life update, I have not worked out in over four and a half months. That does not make me feel happy. I'm not being active. I'm not working out like that's not okay. Why am I not working out? I don't know. I'm just in this rut where like I cannot get myself to start working out again

And it's one of those things where it's like just start tomorrow start tomorrow So i'm going to hawaii And I know i'm going to be in a bikini i'm like so comfortable with my boyfriend in terms of like I'm literally now past the point where my boyfriend can see me eyebrowless. Okay, you guys know that is my biggest fear I don't even give a fuck anymore. That's how comfortable I am with him. But I was more just insecure about like being on the beach in front of other people, you know, not him.

So I get to Hawaii and he takes a picture and I was like, oh, I actually like was happy with how I looked. And so I post that picture on the Internet and it goes great. The next day we go to the beach and I ask him to take a picture for me again the next day when we're on the beach. And it's kind of from like this perfect below angle that will make your ass just look phenomenal. And he hands me the phone and I'm so happy. Then slowly as I start to like scrutinize the picture more, I notice this thing underneath my butt. It's called a banana roll. Okay. Just stick with me here, people. I'm going all the way back to college.

I will never forget being in a college locker room. There was this one girl, I'm not going to say her name, but she was like friends with everyone. But one of those girls that just outwardly put other girls appearances down just to like make herself feel better. And so she would always point things out weirdly when girls were like naked in the locker room. And one day my roommate told me like, oh, she brought up to me that like you have this like roll under your butt. And I was like, wait, what?

And I was like, wait, what is a banana was like, wait, what is a banana roll? Like, what the fuck is a banana roll? And she was like, I think it's just like this like little like literally slice under your butt that looks like a little like fat roll. And I remember her telling me this. And this is the saddest part of the story is I remember I have opened up to you guys about how insecure I was about like my legs growing up and how they were like abnormally skinny to the point where people thought I like had problems and that was an issue for me so the fact that I had a fat roll under my butt I was like yo this shit looks good like I thought it was like extra like it looked good you know

wait this is it's bad because obviously I had noticed it before, but when this girl pointed it out and was whispering to girls in the locker room about how I had this role, which means, mind you, when she's changing, she's looking at my ass as I'm staring into my locker. Also, let's stay in the locker room for a second. Revelation moment, absolutely.

The girl that's talking shit about my banana roll to the rest of the team while I'm not there that is not okay but PSA to my roommate it's almost more problematic that her approach wasn't to stand up for me while I wasn't there and be like okay bitch Alex is a great fucking ass. Let's see yours. Like, shut the fuck up. Why are you talking about her? Like what? Because instead she's coming to me basically to make me feel bad. This was a one-off. You don't turn around and come to me and be like, this person said you're fat. Like you're bringing me a problem, not a resolution. That makes no sense. That's not what friends do and

if anything she could have been like oh my god yo we should not trust her she keeps like she talks shit to me about like your fucking ass like I don't even know what she was saying she said like oh well I don't even know but like she's not to be trusted you're so fucking hot you know like do you know what I mean there's a difference between providing your friend like a hype up like I'm on your fucking team your job as a friend if you're gonna bring someone some fucking shit about them is to be an ally not a liaison for the asshole I don't know if that makes any sense as a friend don't fucking throw them the problem and give no hype up no fucking comfort you're just oh yeah, she said you got a fat roll under your fucking ass.

Cool. Flash forward to me in Hawaii. I am looking at the photo and at first, like I told you guys, I did like the photo a lot. And I'm like, ooh, should I post this? And I noticed my banana roll, I can't even say it seriously, is like extra pronounced in this photo. Because usually if I'm posting a butt photo, I strategically pose with the banana roll as like the farther cheek away so you can't really see it but in this shot it's like the up close cheek yes this is like something that's literally distracting me on my vacation and I'm not proud of it but I just want to be real with you guys I text my mom the picture and then I say but I'm sad my butt has that roll under it. She goes, oh yeah, looks like an extra appendage.

Photoshop. Oops. Can't do that anymore. I'm like, fuck you mom. But she's like joking. And I said, okay, mom, is it postable? And she said, ha ha ha. Absolutely. So my mother tells me to post it. And this is where my head went. Just to try to like bring you guys into like my psyche. I got shit on for photoshopping. I tried to make my body look a specific way and I got exposed and I promised everyone that I wasn't going to photoshop again. In this moment, I didn't even want to photoshop. I really wanted to post the photo because I felt like I looked good. I just knew that it was going to be ruined for me how I felt about it just because I was proud of how my butt looked. I knew someone was going to comment on that thing under my butt and the photo was going to be ruined for me. And so I talked to my boyfriend about it. I'm like,

should I post it? Should I not? And he was like he was like yes babe you look fucking amazing like post it do it we love a boyfriend that hypes you up post the naked photo the next morning my boyfriend goes to the gym I'm laying in bed it's like 8 a.m. and I'm like fuck it I'm just gonna post it I don't have comments on and I don't have the likes on but I have DMs still on. Obviously, that's how I get my information from you guys. I post it and literally less than 30 seconds after posting it, I start getting DMs from people. Looks like there's a lump on your ass, question mark. What is that lump underneath your butt dude this made me so mad hey i think you made an editing mistake on that butt pic you posted just giving you a heads up

maybe she thought i was like photoshopping it was photoshop glitch and then i posted on my story being like everybody's so concerned with this lump underneath my butt i know it's there and then she was like oh just saw your story disregard myregard my message. Like fully thought I was photoshopping. What's that thing underneath your butt? What is that thing? Ew, what is that? So many people doing exactly what I was so nervous about having happen was me posting a photo, it not being photoshopped, and then people shitting on me for my actual natural body and then it made me want to literally delete the photo immediately and like not fucking ever post on instagram again like the anxiety this is where i'll take you into this and it's like embarrassing for me to admit

i laid in the bed that morning while my boyfriend was at the gym and i'm in bed by myself scrolling through and reading these dms tearing up and got emotional and like was upset. I knew this was going to happen. Like, fuck. And then I was like, why am I letting myself get upset? But it was like someone like DMed it to me and it was like they said it pretty well. So daddy gang shout out. But everyone wants everyone to be their true selves on social media.

But then when they are, someone is always waiting to criticize when you're honest. And then someone was like, people say like, oh, don't Photoshoposhop but then when we don't photoshop people are just shitting on us so then I just started posting honestly after this I started posting on my story and I was like this has been something I'm really insecure about it's called a banana roll to everyone asking to tell you how insecure about it I am and I've never told anyone this when I was living in New York City I had another friend mention it to me when we were getting ready to go out oh my god babe like you should get that removed and I didn't know that was a thing so I made an appointment with a plastic surgeon when I lived in New York City and I went to a consultation and she came into the

room the plastic surgeon I like turned around I was standing up against the wall they took pictures of my butt I was like people have told me it's called a banana roll but I don't even know if that's what she's like yeah it is a banana roll can I get it removed and she basically walked me through how I would get it removed like they would like inject something that would like dissolve the fat I was going to be somewhere where I needed to be in a bikini and she warned me she was like there could be minimal bruising and then I left because I was going to be somewhere where I needed to be in a bikini. And she warned me, she was like, there could be minimal bruising. And then I left because I was like, no, I don't want to do it because like, I don't want to have a bruise on my ass. So I never ended up getting it done. And now I'm kind of like on the fence of like happy I didn't get it done because it's like

after I posted this on social media, I just started posting people's mean shit just being like, this is why people Photoshop. I'm posting a natural body thing, but people literally aren't used to seeing that because no one fucking posts that now. It's all airbrushed and Photoshopped. So then the amount of women that started DMing me and they were like, Alex, I have that. And I have it under both cheeks. Or some girls were like, Alex, I have it under my boob. All the women that started coming forward, just like like babe me too and like that's so normal I

literally was like crying on my fucking Hawaii vacation sad that people were making fun of this fucking role under my asshole and I was so upset because there were multiple people thinking that I photoshopped it and it was like a botched photoshop which made me even more upset because I'm like I made a commitment to stop photoshopping and then these are the repercussions of not photoshopping thinking back to that college self like I literally kind of liked it about myself and then to then have people babe you want to check out that lump under your ass uh what's that like line under your butt it just then reinforced why people do photoshop something that i used to actually kind of find like cute about myself now i'm in a surgeon's room considering

getting it removed because what no man has ever seen my ass and been like what's that line it's just women on the internet scrutinizing other women and like tearing their bodies down but really it's also probably coming from a place because all they're seeing all day is fake images so the minute they see like what's that lump i don't know go look in the mirror i bet you have one too i had a lot of dms of people being like i have that and i've hated it so much and you just like talking about it is helping me like embrace mine i I have one on my left cheek. I've always called it a double cheek. I never was self-conscious until now. And then I was like, fuck, now people are like going to go check. Like it just, and then this is also something that I thought was really just rude. But then someone DM'd me this, girl, you can't be this insecure. Your net worth is more than a resounding majority of the planet. When

you walk into any given room, you're the hottest, prettiest, whatever, 9.9 times out of 10. You seem to have a healthy family life, like you would know. With all that in mind, I'd feel closer to invincible if I was in your shoes. But your transparency I guess is fine so she's saying like I shouldn't be upset because oh your family life is perfect and you have a really nice big net worth what I don't know the whole thing was really strange and actually I will say this I ended up deleting the photo and re-uploading it with a slide so that you see the photo and then you slide. And I screenshot a DMs of people saying like, what is this lump? And I was like, this is called a banana roll, something I've been very insecure about my whole life. And now I think back and

one, I'm happy I did that. But two, I'm also mad at myself that I did that because you could look at it and be like, oh, you re-uploaded it. So when people go to that photo, you're like explaining what it is to them. If I'm actually being being real with myself I think the real reason I did that is because I was nervous that after 24 hours when stories are gone if someone sees that photo like this week and they think like what is that role I wanted to have this slide so you could like read me explaining it and what does that say why do I feel the need to explain myself and my fucking ass roll to anyone but I do because when I posted it everyone was claiming I was either photoshopping or I basically had like a contusion on my body what I've realized is when people are photoshopping it's because they're insecure about something they

see in the photo and when people on the internet spend their time investigating and scrutinizing to put people on blast for Photoshop fails, what these detectives are doing is highlighting and exposing the Photoshopper's insecurities. People that Photoshop aren't bad people. People that Photoshop have insecurities. And so do I. And so do you. Here at Call Her Daddy, we're always looking on the bright side, right? My biggest takeaway from the banana roll scandal is the more I'm criticized on the internet the less I fucking care and now a lot of you may say well Alex actually sounds like the complete fucking opposite you made a whole fucking episode about it so clearly you give some fucks but like I said in the beginning of the episode I fucking love my

podcast and talking about what happens to me helps me take ownership over what happens to me. Since I started talking about internet drama and shit talking, I'm realizing this shit is so fucking stupid and we're all affected by it. So let me make another promise to you. No plastic surgeon will ever lay eyes on my banana roll again. I am keeping that shit. It's cute. It's my friend. And listen, the reason I talk about this shit is because when I open the stupid fucking Instagram app and see an outpouring of other women with the same exact insecurities DMing

me, it gives me courage to get vulnerable here. So that happened in Hawaii. And my boyfriend was like, put your fucking phone down, Alex. Like, it doesn't matter. Also, I would like to just give some credit to Mr. Sexy Zoom Man. I'm more confident around him than I ever thought was even possible with a partner. And that is a sign of a viable boyfriend. I didn't know that was the case until now. I used to have boyfriends that would be like, why are you posting that? Like my boyfriend was like, you look fucking incredible, which I realizing I could probably do

a whole fucking episode on that. I still stand by like, I really think my butt looks great in the photo. I am aware I feel pretty I feel so fucking hot when I'm dressed up and I'm walking into a room like I at times love the way I look but I think it's fucked up that I'm having these like very pervasive negative thoughts about my body. And I'm so aware of it. I will I had um a therapy session like a few months ago and I said to my therapist I was like I've never said this out loud and I'm just gonna say it and like I don't know where to go with this I think I have body dysmorphia and my therapist was like okay like let's talk about it like why do you think you think that? I was like, well, it goes back to like, since I was young, like I, like I've constantly like hid at times so that people can't see parts of my body. I will also now admit I'm not embarrassed. I'm actually, it makes me nervous

to say this because I think people will be like, okay, Alex, like you make money off of your ass. Like you make money off of your looks. That doesn't mean I'm immune to feeling shitty about myself. If you think that my life is perfect and if you think that like those bikini pictures are me just like quickly taking it and posting it and then running off into the sunset with my boyfriend and fucking all night, like that's not the case. I will say this, something that stuck in my mind was like the anxiety that I had about, should I post this photo or should I not? I didn't post it the day I took it because I needed to sit on it that long. I was like, should I post this? Should I not? Should I post this? Should I not? I literally had anxiety. I have so much anxiety before I post an Instagram now, if it's at all showing my body. If it's like me in a hoodie and

sweatpants, I'm like, oh, how does my face look? But other than that, I'm like, okay, whatever. But if anything could be highly scrutinized and picked apart and zoomed in on and stuff, the anxiety that I was getting from posting these photos reminded me of why I just keep posting in my hoodies and my sweatpants because it's like it's exhausting so that was the end of my Hawaiian trip and then I came home and my entire house is under construction so if you guys hear drilling and sanding and all the things in the background we're just making do with what we have but I did get a new dad pad which is very exciting I moved from my other house and I got a new house for work and I love it

and I'm currently in the process of creating the call her daddy studio to have guests on and as I'm recording this I am taking a break from editing this week's episode the first call her daddy guest of the 2022 year came to the new dad pad and sat down with me for a three and a half hour interview. And because we sat down for almost four hours, Daddy Gang, you will be getting a two-part series and because i am a generous motherfucker instead of making you wait a week in between each drop i will be releasing part one on Wednesday at midnight. You are fucking welcome. And because I've come to realize my voice is only half the goddamn package, you can listen to this interview and watch this interview. And because I am the greatest podcast host of all time, I will not make you wait another fucking second to find out who this guest is.

Jamie Lynn Spears, welcome to Call Her Daddy.