Call Her Daddy - My Trust Issues Are Ruining My Relationship (Solo Fatherly Advice)

Episode Date: May 7, 2023

Father Cooper is here with a solo Sunday episode. Alex begins by letting you in on some of her initial wedding planning thoughts. She answers questions from the Daddy Gang and provides some fatherly advice. Alex discusses how to overcome a fear of commitment in relationships and how to shift your outlook on dating in college. She talks about what to do when you bring trust issues into a relationship and how to avoid accidentally pushing your partner away. Enjoy daddies!

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Hello, hello, hello. Is it you? It's me. It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. Hello, everyone. I am impressed with myself and it's kind of pathetic. So I'm a night person through and through. I don't like to wake up early in the morning. I never have in my entire life. When I was younger, my mom actually reminded me of this. When I was younger and I had to go to elementary school at St. Andrew's School with my little plaid Catholic skirt. Not sexy, really not sexy. I know it sounds sexy, but it's not. I remember I would be so miserable getting up at seven in the morning to go to school. And so I would sleep in my uniform

and so I could roll out of bed to go to school. So I would have the skirt on and then I would wear sweatpants underneath it. And then I would have my thigh high socks on and my polo on, and I would put a hoodie over it. And you might ask yourself, well, why that, that doesn't sound comfortable to be sleeping in. Yeah, no, it wasn't, but you know, it's more uncomfortable as having to get up at fucking seven in the morning and get ready for school. And so I, I afforded myself an extra 30 minutes to sleep in, roll out, go to the bus stop, say hi to my fellow neighbors and get on the fucking bus and hate my life at school. But I hated my life a little bit less

because I got a 30 minute extra sleep rather than my siblings who were getting up early and getting their breakfast in. No time for breakfast. I'd pick sleep over fucking anything at any point. So I'm not a morning gal is the point of this story. And I have been watching my disrespectful fiance get up. Matt gets up at 530 every single morning by choice. Let me clarify. No one's making him do this. No one is telling him he has to do this. He gets up at 530 every morning. He goes downstairs to our kitchen. He starts drinking his coffee and he reads the New York Times and the L.A. Times and every fucking news outlet and everything that he needs to read, to learn, to ingest

something, to educate himself and to become fucking smarter while my dumb ass is just sleeping upstairs. And then he goes to our gym and he works out. Again, I'm still asleep. And then he comes and he's ready for his shower. And he's already on calls with people at his work that are already up. And I'm still asleep. Now, I'm starting to feel bad about myself. This is what the point is, is this is all Matt's fault. I feel like shit about myself because Matt is up and Adam and by the time I wake up, he already had half of his day going. And so today I decided I'm going to force myself to wake up at 6am and I'm going to go

record in my office and I'm just gonna, I'm going to give it a go and I'm ready to record some questions. I haven't done questions of the week in a really long time. And I think sometimes when something's a great thing, you gotta, you gotta give it a break. You gotta make people miss it. And back in the day, do want to remind you that a lot of you bullied me for my questions of the week voice. And I'm not pointing fingers and I'm not going to say that you're the reason that I don't do it anymore. But you know, I'm a very sensitive person. That's not true. But yeah, no, a lot of you did not like my glitch. You didn't like it. And so I said, Okay, you don't need to have it. But then when I took it away, some of you were upset. So I figured, why can't we just do a little reminiscent of Chuck, dorota what are the other names i haven't watched gossip girls for

chalk no blair dan rufus lily i promise dan i love you vanessa shut the fuck up daddy gang we're gonna do some questions of the week because i asked you guys to send in questions to my instagram and you guys said oh alex i, I'll send you a fucking question. But only if we go to a little place I like to go. Questions of the motherfucking week, baby. Questions of the motherfucking week baby questions of the motherfucking week questions of the motherfucking questions of the week let's go to France questions of the week um you guys asked me to answer your questions in my dms this time and I screenshotted them so let me pull them up and let's get into it. Okay. Have you started wedding planning? Fuck off. Okay. So you guys, I didn't understand what it was like to be like an engaged gal. You know, I never dreamt of it. Like I told you guys in my

engaged episode. Also, if you guys have not listened to the engaged episode, you guys should go. I happen to be engaged. If you missed that one, it's totally fine, but I am engaged. And I, I've heard people before be like it's so annoying when you get engaged like everyone just asks you when is your wedding gonna be and I didn't really expect the immediacy of that question I thought people meant like three months after you're engaged quite literally the next day after Matt and I got engaged everyone at brunch was like so when is the wedding and I'm like I despise you and I don't I everyone at brunch was like, so when is the wedding? And I'm like, I despise you. And I don't, I mean, you're actually not invited to the wedding because you're asking about the wedding the day after the fucking engagement, you piece of shit.

Anyways. So Daddy Gang, I'm not saying you're a piece of shit, but I get what you're saying, which is when is the wedding and what are we doing for the wedding? I will give you guys a little insight where my head is at, which is I, I don't know. I was convinced for, I would say about 72 hours that I wanted our wedding to be in a winter snow location. I grew up always loving the snow. I love, I used to love sledding, snowboarding, skiing. I loved it. And then my family and I, we would always take winter trips over summer warm trips, which I don't know if that's normal, but we love the snow. And so anyways, I was thinking my wedding could be somewhere winter vibes. I thought, ooh, what if we can all be skiing and snowboarding the day before and like, or we have to like ski to a certain point and I'm like in the dress or I don't wear a dress.

I don't know. And it all sounded really good to me until I really started to picture it. And as much as I love a winter vibe, I don't like to be inconvenienced. I don't like to also be uncomfortable. I love to be inconvenienced. I don't like to also be uncomfortable. I love to be comfortable. I mean, that's where I wear sweatpants all the time to meetings everywhere. I just want to be comfortable in life. We're alive once. Why would I ever be uncomfortable? If I'm eating a dinner, I'm going to unbutton my jeans. I'm not going to keep my jeans digging into my rib cage. Like we're opening those things up and we're letting our stomach and our body breathe and enjoy the meal rather than trying to keep my pants on. Even if you've got a crop top, you know, at a restaurant,

you're going to unbutton and maybe you'll just place the napkin over your stomach to ensure that other people don't feel insulted that they're looking at maybe the top of my thong. But the point is, is I want to be comfortable. So I'm thinking about a winter location. And I was like, that just sounds like a lot of work. Or if there's like a lot of snow that day, and people are having a hard time and we get snowed in. Although that would be my dream that no one shows up to my wedding and Matt and I just have to do it alone. That's another thing I'm working through in therapy. But I, I think my thought was, yes, winter. And now I'm off that winter vibe thing I'm working through in therapy. But I think my thought was, yes, winter. And now I'm off that winter vibe. I'm like, I want a fucking beach situation.

The point is, I don't fucking know. And I'm kind of just going through all of the thoughts again, because like I said, in my engagement episode, I really have never pictured myself getting married and I've never pictured what my personal wedding would look like and what would make me happy. And so it's, you know, it's a process and I'm not stressing out about it because I can just push and not get married at a certain date if I want to just keep thinking about it. But what I did say is I think I just need to take an edible and lay by myself one night or day while Matt's golfing or something. And I just need to envision it and it will come to me. You know, they will come. If you, what is that movie with Kevin Costner?

If you, if you, if you something about it, they will come. Field of Dreams, great fucking movie. Go watch it. So let's answer some of your oh that was a question okay but that was about me i want to help you guys oh next question is also about me um do you feel relief that you can say matt now and everyone knows his identity officially anyways because the real ones knew lol that's true i knew a lot of you already knew but every time daddy gang would comment in the comments like we already know who he is a majority of the human beings watching the show had no fucking idea who Matt

was and it was only the real ones that were like we know who he is I will say it is definitely a surreal feeling I feel very happy that I can just say Matt's name because he is a huge part obviously of my life and I've been so open with you guys about so much of my life and it did feel really strange as obviously in past boyfriends I didn't give a fuck about it was fun to have nicknames for them but Matt is such a huge part of my life and it started to feel weird that I was just keeping him to a nickname and not really telling you guys what was truly going on with us. So I'm very happy to have him now out and about. I will say that the amount of photos that I personally paid to have taken off of the internet is, yeah, I spent some money throughout this past specifically year, killing a lot of photos of Matt and I,

not because I didn't want you guys to see us, but I just was like, again, I was really enjoying having something to myself and making sure that none of my feelings towards my partner and our relationship and our decisions were being influenced by anyone else other than me, Matt and our family and our friends and like real life rather than internet and people saying whatever they were going to say. So it's now nice because I do know some of you called me out and you're like, oh my gosh, Alex, you did tell us that if you ever posted your boyfriend on social media, we should assume that you were being held hostage. And to that, I say, yeah, if I ever posted a boyfriend.

He's not my boyfriend, Daddy Gang. Once we made it official and we were like, okay, we're getting married. I was like, I think now the world can know who you are. So I appreciate you guys always being so respectful because it was a journey to get here. And I want to make it very clear. I know that Matt and I had a really romantic engagement, but it's not always been roses and candles and perfect. Like we have gone through our own things together that are just like what every couple goes through of growing pains and fights and arguments and trying to figure out if this was the right situation.

So as much as it's been amazing, we really have worked hard to get to where we are. And so don't just compare yourself to the video that you saw online. It's also a real relationship that doesn't always have happiness every single day. Someone said, I'm so scared of serious commitment slash marriage for many reasons what's the best advice you have for getting past the fear and not self-sabotaging or pushing away a good partner that's a great question because I feel like I can really relate to that of not being ready in certain situations where like I've had some well well, I wouldn't say all, but I've had healthy relationships in my life that just weren't the right timing and just didn't feel like I was in a place to partake in the health and the wellness. And I think that what you have to do is first be

easy on yourself of like, if you're not, if you're scared of serious commitment for many reasons, you can't then be like, and I'm worried to push someone away. You have to do the work on yourself. The only way that you're actually going to be ready to engage and be ready for a serious commitment is if that you change yourself in terms of your fears and your insecurities and whatever is freaking you out. And maybe at the end of it, you realize, oh, I'm really not someone that wants to be in a monogamous situation and I don't want to get married and that's okay. But you using the word scared, like anyone listening, it starts with ourselves. And if we're not actually working on ourselves, then how are we ever going to know if

the thing in front of us, we're giving it a true chance. Because when I was younger and when I was in living in New York City, I was just not being the best version of myself. And that's okay, because I was trying to play out scenarios in my head and I was trying to work through certain things and insecurities and that's fine. But I also was trying at times to like fit a fucking, whatever the saying is, a square into a circle or whatever with people that maybe were like great suitors and they were healthy and they felt right but I didn't feel right so I guess my advice is it's normal to be scared of serious commitment because if you're also not fully there with yourself individually and you know what you want and you know what you

stand for and you know your values and you know what you won't put up with and you know what you want, and you know what you stand for, and you know your values, and you know what you won't put up with, and you know what are non-starters in relationships, and you know what you like, and what you don't like, and things that you're willing to compromise on. If you don't have all of that within yourself, then it's going to be really hard to even think about a serious commitment. Because like I said in my engagement episode, it's fucking scary to not just worry about yourself and to feel like, wow, I have to, I have another person in my life that is, this is a partnership and we're in this together and I can't just run away from this and I can't just give up on this. And I, because I don't want to give up on it. But I really suggest like taking time within yourself to reflect on what about your

childhood made you maybe think and be scared towards commitment? What past relationships have influenced you into feeling like that's just something that you're scared of? Because it's normal to be scared, but also to a certain extent, if you're being destructive to your own life daddy gang like you have to just start to look inward and sometimes it's being single for a little bit and taking a break from being in situations where you're having to constantly give to another person sometimes you have to be selfish and just be alone and be single and figure out who you are, what you want. And then next time you can meet someone and be like, I'm so good with myself. And I feel so much more clear on what I'm looking for in a relationship that then you're going to be able to say,

oh, and you know what? I don't want that person in my life. I can tell we're not compatible or wow, that person really helps me and also is a great asset to my life. Let's do the damn thing. So I think it's just, it starts with ourselves and being scared is fine, but why are you scared? And start asking yourselves those questions. And the only way to not be scared is to work on yourself and to change those things or to get into therapy or to talk to family members or friends and open up about things that you're scared about. Whatever works for you to get centered with yourself. To be like, what do I need to get to a place where my past traumas or my fears are not influencing my decision? Because I have worked on those myself.

We're obviously always going to have shit that's lingering from our childhood or whatever it is. But if you can get a grasp on it and you know how to handle it and you don't allow it to affect you when you're in a relationship as much as maybe it used to, that's the first start to you being able to be like, okay, I'm down for commitment because I'm committed to myself and I know my boundaries. And now it's just about finding someone that makes me happy

and is a good partner towards me. Okay, someone said, I'm in college and relationships are so immature right now. Do you have any advice? Oh, sweetie. Welcome. I love this question because I think that you have to set your expectations and be realistic. In college, everyone is being selfish. Everyone's trying to have a good time. And everyone's also slightly having different priorities that maybe you're not all saying out loud, but there are people that are way more focused on their studies and their career. And maybe they're still going to parties, but like they're, they're so clear on what they want to do after college. There's some people that are like, I have no fucking idea. And I'm

just using these four years to ball out, have fun, party my ass off. And both are amazing. But when it comes to relationships, I think a lot of people in college look at college as if it's a bubble. And it's like this period of your life where you feel like you're an adult, which you're not fully an adult because you are living in this bubble and it is great and it's amazing and it's fun. But there's no actual feelings of the when you get out of college, where are you living? How are you paying rent? Where what is your new job? All of you are dispersed.

Your friends aren't in one location. You're not all going to the same classes. You're not all congregating in the dining hall. You don't have this sense of camaraderie and this ease of's a lack of responsibility that you have in college. Although I remember being in college and thinking like, I have so much responsibility. Just life is, and that's how life is, right? Like at every stage we're like, oh, if only I knew back then, like, but I will say college relationships, you have to get underneath the point of like, I think sometimes we look back and there's a lot of friends I have, and I've talked about it too, where you just wish you would have been a little bit easier on yourself in college because college really is this like filler time for you to just start figuring yourself out. I think when you're in college, you have to just realize that this is like a intermediary moment towards really becoming fully thrust into the real world. And I think why relationships are immature is because

people aren't looking for richer relationships as much as you may think it's a mature relationship. You're not talking about finances. You're not talking about logistics. You're not talking about logistics you're not talking about family shit as much like there's not a pressure to progress a relationship further than where are we going on Saturday night do you want to come over on Monday and study all of our like the most drama in your relationship is friend groups and where people are going out and who's talking to who and what your reputation is and so it's kind of a lot of surface level shit, which then allows for just more immature relationships. So my advice is recognize that and be okay with that because all of a sudden life gets so fucking intense and it is not casual and it is not

immature. And it all of a sudden you wake up one day and you're like, holy fuck, I need to have a job and I need to figure out my shit and I need to figure out where I'm gonna live and I need to figure out if I want kids at some point and do I want this person to be the father the mother the person for my child like there's so much that happens so enjoy the immaturity and if you don't feel like you're enjoying actual relationships with people that are immature, then be by yourself and enjoy single life and I want to have this person. No, let yourself enjoy what college is, which is social and fun and experimenting and getting to know yourself and understanding friendships and dynamics and heartbreak. And I think it's normal for someone to wake up one day and be like, I feel like this is so immature. Like, what are we all doing?

And again, it's so fun if you're not on that side and you're like, I'm partying my fucking ass off for four years and I don't give a fuck. I think this is so fun. I just would reset your expectations to be like, have fun. Don't overthink it. Life becomes so serious and so intense. I would embrace the immaturity and have fun with it and just know that like you can kind of do whatever you want and you can make it whatever you want and no one's really judging you because everyone else is just in that same phase of their life and and enjoy it is it wrong to get upset about your boyfriend following and liking girls who they don't know that post provocative photos. I feel like this is the most repeated question that people ask and I totally get it because I think it's such an issue and so many girls are like

why the fuck is my boyfriend liking these girls photos? I remember being in a relationship with a guy that would always try to gaslight me And whenever I would see he was liking some hot girls photos or whatever in my mind, I'd be like so fucking annoyed that I'm in a committed relationship. Why is he putting me in a position where I have to feel like I'm snooping and being weird and seeing that he's liking a photo and then I'm the one that's going to have to bring it up. So the first thing is like, it's so disrespectful because you feel like this like creepy annoying person that's like snooping on him and it's actually not. Half the time you're just fucking scrolling and you just see like oh my boyfriend's name is on this bikini photo like what the fuck is going on. So I empathize so much

because I've gone through this and the other side I remember my one of my ex-boyfriends would whenever I would confront him, a lot of the times he would be like, oh, my gosh, like I don't even pay attention when I'm on Instagram. Like I didn't even notice I liked that photo. And it's like, no, it takes a physical motion to double tap. Like it's so much easier to just fucking scroll right past the nudies. But somehow you're like, pause, stare, double tap, Like it's so much easier to just fucking scroll right past the nudies. But somehow you're like, pause, stare, double tap, unless you're like double tap, double tap, double. Like that's just not the case because you know what? Half the time he wasn't liking my fucking photos. So I'm like, liar. So I think the point is, I think it's really hard to, this is what I will

say. I think it's so inappropriate to have someone that you're in a relationship with liking the sex that they're attracted to's photos. And when they're in a committed relationship, there's just no need. I think that there's a lot of gaslighting and manipulation that these people are doing in order to make you feel like the crazy one and making you feel like, oh, maybe I did overreact or like there's, let me just say this. If your partner's reaction is anything other than I'm so sorry. And I, I didn't really think about it. I'm going to be honest and I am, I'm never going to do it again. And I'm going to be way more mindful of that because I'm so sorry that hurt your feelings. And I can see how that would upset you. And I'm so sorry. And there's just no need for going to be way more mindful of that because I'm so sorry that hurt your feelings. And I can see how that would upset you.

And I'm so sorry. And there's just no need for me to be doing that. If there's any other fucking answer other than that, you're not in a respectful relationship. Like, why would your boyfriend be liking girls' photos in bikinis? Like, I'm trying to think if Matt was doing that, I would be like, why? Like, there's just no there's no reason. And especially if you're saying it makes you feel uncomfortable and they don't immediately say, OK, you're more important, obviously, than the fucking girl that I'm not dating. I'm going to respect my partner and I'm going to make sure that I don't do that again, because the point is, if, if it doesn't mean anything to them, then why can't they just stop?

It's a disrespectful thing to do. And I think that it also is just something that is so overly asked because a lot of times guys have such a sneaky good way of just making you feel fucking crazy and overreactive. And I'm here to tell you, you're not being fucking crazy and overreactive. And I'm here to tell you, you're not being fucking crazy and overreactive. You're actually doing the exact right thing by bringing it up because you don't want to holster resentment

and be like, I'll just like, whatever, whatever. Cause then what happened is one of my ex fucking boyfriend was fucking those people that he was like, it just so happened that my finger clicked it and I didn't even know. Shut the fuck up. Like, no, that's not what happened. You knew exactly what you were doing because you were fucking inside her on Monday

while I was getting my nails done. You were quickly getting a quickie with a fucking Instagram chick. And let me be clear. I love my Instagram chicks. I love all the girls that are posting their hot photos. But when you have a fucking partner, there's a level of respect. So what I will say is the first conversation should be giving them the benefit of the doubt because sometimes they're just fucking stupid and you have to be like, hey, I just want to bring this up in a non-confrontational way that you feel like I'm being anything other than just wanting to be communicative in this relationship. I have found when I'm on Instagram and I'm scrolling, sometimes I see your name is liking these girls' pictures in bikinis or these girls' pictures that I don't even know. And it makes me feel disrespected. I don't know why you're doing that. And for our relationship, number one, I would ask, is there something going on that I'm missing? And if number two, if there's nothing going on, then I would ask that you please stop because it hurts my feelings and it does not make me feel safe in this relationship.

If they cannot fucking respect that answer and they're not immediate, like, oh my God, babe, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm an idiot. Before we started dating, it was just a habit. I still follow these fucking girls. I'm going to unfollow them. Like they mean nothing to me. I literally don't know these people and I'm just like being an idiot at work scrolling and tapping

I'm so sorry it will never happen again if it's anything other than that daddy gang you fucking deserve better okay done with these fucking assholes okay Someone said, how to be cool and chill when you have trust issues and you told him and he is so kind and does everything and not overthink all the time. Okay. I think what she's saying is like, you've told him he's respectful of it. He tries to make sure that you don't feel like they're being shady or whatever. And they're trying to be like a good partner, but you sometimes can't control yourself even as communicative as they're being. And even

if they're being respectful and they're kind of giving you nothing to be freaking out about, but you just can't help yourself. I would say that it's great that you told your partner that you have trust issues, but I would also say you really need to work on yourself because it at some point does come down to you having some accountability of your trust issues. And if your partner is being nothing but supportive and keeps making sure there's nothing that they're doing and it's all from your past, at some point they actually can't alleviate that pain and that stress for you. You have to do the work outside of the relationship in order to be able to be good in the relationship because it can create some resentment. And I've had a relationship like this where you're like, I'm literally doing nothing. And I just keep telling you, and like,

this is so not about me. It's so about your partner. And you're like, like, I can't keep doing this. It can drive your partner crazy if they keep feeling like you're doubting them, because that also is a reflection on how you feel about them. And I know it's really not. But to them as the other human being in the relationship, if you quite literally can never give me a moment of not feeling like on edge or thinking I'm doing something shady or looking at my phone or whatever it is. So I would say the first step is try to take your partner out of this and start doing whether you're fucking, I know people are always like, think it's so lame, but like maybe you start journaling about every single thing that you feel has contributed to you having trust issues and write it down on a piece of paper so you can see it.

Like maybe you were cheated on. Maybe your father, your mother cheated on each other. Maybe you had a really tumultuous upbringing where it was a lot of instability. And so the concept of trust is just not even something that you can fathom. And so it's really hard for you to maintain something that's healthy and equal. And you feel like there's reciprocacy in the dynamic of your relationship where your partner is like, I love you. And you're like, they're lying. And it's like, no, listen to me. They're not lying. I would say starting with writing down again, I understand therapy. Not everyone can get into therapy and I understand it's a privilege. And so if you cannot afford therapy or you cannot find a way to financially get into therapy, whether it's through your insurance, I would say start by taking time out of your week you almost have to make it like a routine for yourself where you're

forcing yourself to look at yourself because if you are not doing the introspective work and being like okay why am I so triggered why do I have these trust issues why am I always lashing out at him when he does xyz if you can be working on yourself every week then you'll catch yourself being like oh I wrote about this. No, he's not doing it to me. It's me thinking about my ex partner. And this is why I'm getting, I'm getting triggered because he was five minutes late, but there was traffic and he texted me this and he told me this, but I still was convinced that he was in someone else's pussy. You know what I mean? So it's like, if you work on yourself outside of the relationship, then you're able to come to the relationship with a little bit more of a tough skin ability to be like, nope, this is on me. This is not on my partner. And I think again, you said you've talked to your

partner. So there's of course things that your partner can do to help you on this journey. I hate that word on this journey of like, I've got trust issues, bear with me, then there's also something that it's like very much on you if they're doing everything they possibly can. So I would journal what your trust issues you think stemmed from. And then I would journal progressively about like each one underneath, write about how they make you feel. And when you think back how it made you feel, and then look at those feelings, and then write down anything that your partner does. And then actually get underneath it. Hopefully you're like, I guess nothing. I can't think,

or maybe there's something. And then you could share it with your partner of like, you know what, babe, I was thinking about this. I've been really working on it because I know you've been such an amazing partner and I'm just working on my personal trust issues and I don you're super busy with work, sometimes I, you'll go on your phone and I know in my mind, I think that you're just busy with work and you're, you're still listening to me. But from past relationships, there's been a disrespect where people don't value my voice and I don't feel safe and I don't feel the trust in the relationship that the person even gives a fuck about me. Like, I don't know, I'm making up random shit. You know what I mean? But be like, so I just wanted to talk about like that one incident. I was trying to think of like, what, what is something that triggers me?

And I just want to talk it through. And maybe your partner's like, oh my God, babe, I'm so sorry. Like I half the time I'm like looking at where Uber eats order is or whatever. And I, if that's such a trigger to you, I promise you, I will work on that and I will make sure I don't do that again. But again, daddy gang, it does kind of go back to your partner. There are some people that may be like, get over your fucking trust issues, you piece of shit. Like, I'm not doing anything. You're fucking crazy. Well, that's not a loving partner. Your partner should know that we all bring our own baggage to relationships. And it's about how the two of you are able to deal with baggage together and embrace that, oh my God, we had passed before we were together. How are we going to handle this? And if you don't have someone that's willing to work through it, it makes it really difficult to get anywhere further than just the standstill of you having trust issues and your partner doesn't respect it. And you're just kind of doing this endless cycle of going at them, they go at

you, then you make up, then you go at them again, because they do. And it's just an endless cycle. So I know it's really hard. And I know that it's not easy to break patterns from your past that were so ingrained in you because of things that either were done to you happen to you, or you are part of. But I do think it takes like a lot of accountability. And if you're so sick of yourself, if you're like, why the fuck do I always let this happen? I get it's so hard. But also guys, like, it just starts with you actually working a little bit harder to be like, take 10 minutes out of your fucking day before you sit down at your computer for work that day and just write. All of a sudden you're going to feel lighter and you're going to feel

better in your relationship because when you don't talk about shit or when you don't write things down, when you don't express how you're feeling, you start to just build up this unknown thing. Like you don't even know you're building it up. And then the person that you talk to most is your partner and you're taking shit out on them. then they're like hi good to see you after work why are you being so testy and moody and weird well maybe if you were like being introspective throughout that week you wouldn't be as on edge and you wouldn't be as triggered by your past because you're thinking about your past you're're writing about your past. You're talking to your therapist about your past. It really is little things that don't require therapy that you could do in order to just gain a better understanding of your

triggers and things that make you tick and things that just rub you the wrong way. And it allows you then to know yourself better and also to take some accountability and catch yourself when it's like you know what he literally didn't do anything and I just came in hot I was triggered by someone at work talking about an affair that they were having and then I came home and I was convinced he was having an affair and it's like and he was making dinner for you when you walked in the door you know what I mean like again every situation different. And I'm just making up scenarios right now. But I just think it's, I think it's important to just pause sometimes, when you're in a relationship, a lot of times you can just look at your partner and try to figure out like, what are they doing wrong. And a lot of times it's like you actually before going to your partner, you could do a lot of work on your own in order to like mitigate the damage that you're about to do putting it onto your partner when they kind of had nothing to do with it and they obviously will have something to do with it because if you're in a partnership you need your partner to help support you but first you need to know what are they supporting you over how can you articulate to them in a better way other than I have trust issues I need you to be mindful well

you don't also want your partner feeling like they're walking on eggshells every fucking minute with you. And so you need to find some in between of taking accountability, working on it, and then being like, you know what? I just came at you. This is on me and I got to work through it. And then you can talk about it with your partner, but it doesn't feel so accusatory to them that it's all on them to solve your trust issues. I have trust issues. So you have to be a home every single time, the exact time that you say. It's just not realistic and it's not sustainable for a healthy relationship.

Oh, OK. I hope you guys enjoyed this little episode that we had today. I appreciate when you guys write in questions. It's always fun to help you guys. And let me just also reiterate, like when I'm giving advice, I hope you guys know that I'm never coming from a place where I'm like, I have all the answers. I actually really fucking don't. And in my real personal life, there's so many things every day that I'm working on and trying to be a better person and trying to figure shit out and trying to figure out what makes me happy or why am I feeling anxious or whatever it is. I'm going through very similar feelings and themes that you guys are going through. And the only reason I feel fortunate to be able to talk to you guys

is I just hope if anything that I've ever gone through can be helpful for you guys and you guys can either be like, oh, I'm going to take that advice or oh I'm definitely not gonna do what Alex did because that experience doesn't whatever it is I just always am hoping that me sharing my experiences may help you figure something out that you're going through so I appreciate you guys listening to me always I love you guys so much and I am just very excited because I hate when people fucking do this. But there is so, so much that I am going to be telling you guys of what's happening in the world of Caller Daddy and other things with me. And I'm just really excited because we've now been doing Caller Daddy for almost five years and it just feels very surreal to start to think about more things of how we can connect and all the good things I don't even know how to say it without giving it away but I love you guys and I'm so excited and just be ready because we're we're only getting bigger

and better here and I love you guys and daddy gang you are what keeps me fucking going every single week thank you guys so much for always supporting the show. It truly, I like literally will never be able to put into words how much it means to me. And I love you guys and I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Goodbye.