Call Her Daddy - Nick Viall and Natalie Joy: Couple Goals (Summer Series)

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

This week, Father Cooper is joined by Nick Viall and Natalie Joy. But first, Alex has a solo chat with Nick and the two obviously have to discuss…Bachelor Nation. Nick reflects back on his time in the franchise, his transition into podcasting and offers up some dating advice of his own. Once Natalie joins the discussion we learn how their relationship began and how she played every move correctly - without being toxic! Now two years into their relationship Nick and Natalie have some things figured out and offer up advice on how to navigate arguments, overcome lulls in sex, and work through any baggage from previous relationships. While opening up Nick describes the vulnerable feeling of being “all in” in a relationship…and maybe even sheds a tear?! Enjoy! 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy nick vile welcome to call her daddy thanks for being here thanks for i'm seeing i'm like wow thanks for being here no because you're a podcaster you're already gonna interview me i'm like i must be nervous right again i've accepted thanks for having me i'm so excited to be here i guess thanks for being here is also an acceptable way to say that to someone because i'm happy i showed up today too yeah this is good thanks for showing up wow the last time we saw each other we've only seen met each other twice right yeah we met each other once back way back in the day when i back when I had you on the podcast.

Yep, yep, yep. And then two, which we'll get to, I ran into you with your now girlfriend when you guys were like not really public. I don't even know if we were fully dating. It was like right on the cusp. It might have been right before like we decided to date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or also it might have even been on like a weekend where like we had stopped talking and then i and i kind of like i decided i i kind of panicked and i was like i'm fucking

this up and then i had her come out and like i think it actually might have been that trip where i was like we need to like let's let's do this. Okay, I read that you are one of 11 children in your family. I have never met someone that is one of 11. I need you to name all of your siblings for me right now. Jess, Nick, I'm the second, Maria, Sarah, Sam, Jacob, Luke, James, Teresa, Olivia, and Bella. That is incredible. Where are you on that line? I'm the second oldest, oldest boy. Damn. So how do you think that affects you as like who you are being the oldest of basically 10? Well, according to my therapist, Darlene, it really matters. The birth order, apparently,

I learned through Darlene that it's significant. And I'm surrounded by sisters. So I have an older sister and then I have two sisters young, who are younger than me. So like in my earlier days, like when I was like seven, eight, nine, my memory is, was only like being the only boy. And so I definitely was like a very independent child younger just cause I just had sisters and other than like playing Barbies with them, I kind of did my own thing. And then when I had younger siblings, I probably had a more maternal type of approach to being a sibling, which, you know, if you ask my siblings, they probably got annoyed with at times. But like, you know, maybe giving advice is something that I started doing at a younger age. How young is the difference age wise between you and your youngest, youngest sibling?

A lot, like 25 years. I'm close. So you could be their dad. I'm six months closer in age to my dad than I am to my youngest sister. Damn. So no wonder you have this like advice giving maternal feeling. Maybe. Maybe.

That must be why. Maybe. You became famous for cornering the Bachelor Nation market. You were runner up of the Bachelorette twice. Twice. Silver medals all around for nick never finishing first first time loser we love an underdog um and then you had a stint on bachelor in paradise and then finally the main event you were the bachelor in 2016 what is the most common question fans ask

you about your experience on the bachelor and The Bachelorette? I mean, the most common one is always around, is it real? Yeah. And they like to talk, ask about the sex, the fantasy suite stuff a lot. That's mostly the most common one. And then it's just, they want, they always want you to talk shit about other people. But other than that, that's the most common stuff. When they ask you if it's fake, what do you say, Nick?

I say it's, the words are real. So it's not scripted. It's incredibly staged. So the environment is an incredibly staged environment. It's controlled. And they do that deliberately because it's perfectly designed to elicit the maximum amount of emotions that anyone could possibly have with anyone. So, yeah. But the words that people say, it's for the most part incredibly real.

In fact, I haven't done, well, I did Dancing with the Stars. But other than that, The Bachelor is my only experience in reality TV. But I have a handful of friends who have done other, other shows. And it's my understanding that The Bachelor is probably the least scripted reality TV show out there. On The Bachelor, everyone's just kind of clueless. You know, you don't know what's going on. You have all these like weird scenarios, like group dates. Like what the fuck are you supposed to do with that?

And you don't, you have a bunch of strangers. So it's like a combination of like summer camp and prison combined with, you know, trying to fall in love all at the same time. You're saying it's staged rather than scripted. And I agree with you. Incredibly staged. I understand now the difference because they make it be like, these are your only friends. They act like these girls don't have any other friends.

Where you guys are like, no, you actually don't have anyone else you're dating. They're all the women in this house. Like, you're going to watch it unfold. There's no outlet to decompress or talk or unload. Everything you're focused on is that single thing you can fall in love with a wall if you had nothing else to focus on which you didn't um what do you think your four appearances within the bachelor franchise like how does that affect how people view you well i mean i went on four different shows and probably had four

different edits and four different audiences. Right. That's the thing I think sometimes even I forget is that the show's been on for 20 years and they have new fans every season. They have fans that drop off. And so I think it's a variety of opinions of me. Were you ever the nice guy? Yeah. On Paradise, I was like the big brother in fact like paradise it was like that's who the only time i ever watched it and thought me that's me i saw myself the bachelor is harder just because i don't think any lead ever really sees themselves because it's not really their job like they're the star of the show but their job is to facilitate

and allow you to get to know other people so like your job is the lead is to fall in love hopefully but also like ask questions so the audience would be like so if we're like on a date i'd be like oh tell me about your story tell me more like the idea is you already know about me so i'm not really important people can be fucking ruthless obviously and i think especially when it comes to bachelor contestants people are like these people are pathetic blah blah meanwhile every fucking Monday, beep, they're turning it on and they're watching. And so I'm interested to know,

what are the behind-the-scenes conversations past contestants have with each other about dealing with the hate? Yeah, there's a lot. I mean, I think the show has done better recently. I think they actually have a team a team of I think like professional therapists and anyone like I think honestly if I called now and said like I'm struggling with my mental health they would help facilitate that I think that's something to their credit they've

really taken seriously the past couple years before that there wasn't much and yeah I think alumni really lean on each other too especially you, you know, like Ben Higgins, for example, is someone like we're close friends. We've become closer friends since going on the show. Like while we were filming, we're on the same season and we were like, it was like, you're nothing like me and I'm nothing like him, you know, him. So we just didn't really see eye to eye, but like we were like friendly, but we've went through it and we relate to each other and we've, we will call each other, especially when we're like,

man, fuck, I'm struggling. You know, like I'm, I got caught down a rabbit hole, like looking at like shit, people talking about me.

And I've always said, and I'm curious what you think too, but like, I always try to remind people who come to me and ask for advice is like, you can't, you can't read anything. And the reason is, is that you can't read the positive comments.

And I actually am always grateful because like I got criticism first before I got praise because it gave me a level of perspective. You see people really struggle when they're like fan favorites. And it's just like, yeah, you're the fucking best. You're queen. I love you. Heart emoji, blah, blah, blah. And you start reading it.

You're just like, fuck, yes, I'm awesome. And then out of nowhere, someone hits you with, you're a fucking loser. I fucking hate you. We found this about you. And you're just like, fuck yes, I'm awesome. And then out of nowhere, someone hits you with, you're a fucking loser. I fucking hate you. We found this about you. And you're just like, oh my God. And the thing is, is if you read any comments

and you don't know any of these people. So like if you start reading the positives and you start believing it, it validates comments in general. And that subconsciously means you have to believe the negative stuff. And then you will go down that rabbit hole and it's just such a toxic thing. It's's also it's not natural to have so much negativity to read about yourself but it's also

not natural to have that amount of validation being given to you on a daily basis that's just not natural i mean i always try to say like what other people think of us is none of our business but we're exposed to like everyone's opinions of us i mean it is anyone you don't even have to be a public figure these days like oh 100 i mean how many people are walking around with like 200 friends like they actually talk to but like you go on your instagram account and you have access to like you post something and now diane down the street is like giving her two cents about like how you you know brushed your hair that day and it's just like fuck i should have i should have not parted my hair you know like whatever the fuck what for you nick is

something that like gets to you like when you're reading those and you're like fuck man i'm kind of spiraling like what is it i mean i have i have like you know with my show like i have a large audience of women which i really like i don't take for granted i'm really grateful for um and i try to listen as much as talk to my audience and so it can be like i guess hurtful when you get like certain critics who are like why the fuck would i listen to this guy like this you know and stuff like that which i totally get i like i've expected it at certain times but it's this i think when you put a lot of effort into doing it the right way, or doing it a certain way, and you know, your critics probably have no idea what you're doing. Like they're not actually listening to your stuff, or they're maybe they're,

you know, they're taking snippets out of it. And you have this, like, sense of wanting to convince all your critics about who like, no, no, no, no. Especially like my first season, I was the villain. And I got a ton of criticism. And I would meet people in person. And so they would be like, oh, my God, you're so much different than what I expected. Or you seem nice. Or you're taller than I thought.

Or whatever the fuck. And so I kind of became obsessed With meeting as many people as I could and I realized I'm just trying to convince everyone to like me and it was such a like an empty feeling and I kind of started reminding me of like in my 20s of when I was dating because Going on the bachelor for me just like was like a relapse for for me because for me I was the kid or the 20 year old who spent most of my 20s like chasing love chasing relationships I put like you know I'm so lucky that I have these amazing parents right still together they have this great relationship and so it was like I want to be like them or you want to watch all these movies

and this idea of what love is and so I felt like i needed that validation that i was going to be a good partner and so i finally like grew up and everything i talk about on my show now is based off all the things i learned about myself then but going on the bachelor you have to you go it's it's basically engineered to be like old school dating. Right. So when you go on, I kind of had this thought of like, well, fuck it, I'm here, I'm going to go for it. And so I went for it and everything I like learned and taught about myself about like controlling my ego and not chasing validation and like,

that was all out the door. And so then I went into this world and fell in love. I mean, I had real feelings. And it just threw me. Because when I got out, I felt like I relapsed back to the person I tried so hard and put so much work into getting out of. So that was... You go on The Bachelor and you become the villain. And you're like, wait, I'm the hopeless romantic kind of. I want the relationship and somehow you're the villain.

In fact, most of the villains in Bachelor Nation, I think, are the more interesting people. Not across the board, but they're people who didn't go in obsessed with being liked. That kind of mentality of authenticity transfers over into the real world. You also have to respect it a little bit because that's also someone that's not consumed by the concept of caring about what the public are going to perceive it as and that's why i think any reality show that's why i

always have a different outlook on the villain like i was just saying to you before this like christine quinn like she owns that show without christine quinn there is no selling no show so you gotta have a little bit of respect for the villain always. And I mean, you were once you have a little soft spot. I do have a soft spot for villains for sure, because I'm a big believer in whether it's on reality TV or in life. If everyone likes you, then you're not authentic. Like you, you know, if and I it's nice to be liked.

I love being liked. Don't get me wrong. But if you're out there and and everyone across the board's like yeah great awesome like then you then you at some level are trying to adapt to everyone's personality and you're not really being your truest self because like we're all different we have different preferences of personalities and people and like some of us just like aren't meant to like be enjoyable for other people and that's okay i agree with you if everyone likes you you're also

probably then again maybe a people pleaser and you just want to like be a chameleon and you're trying to find your way to just fit in rather than like just be yourself and see where that gets you which is probably a better spot 100 i feel like especially so on usually if i meet the quote-unquote villain from itv i feel like i know them faster and i feel i trust them a little bit more did you ever at any point believe through all of those four stints that you would truly find your soulmate on the show i was open to it okay yeah i mean i was always realistic you know i always say like the first time i went i went for the experience. Like, everyone else are like, hey, you might go to Spain.

I was like, cool. I've never been. You're like, I get to travel. Totally. Like, that sounded fun. And the second time, like, I actually went for the girl. Like, we had a relationship. I showed up in the other paradises, like, going on the beach with friends.

That's like summer camp. Although it kind of looks, like, gross. It's actually kind of fun. Really? I mean, it's sweaty and it's sandy. Yeah. And, like, that part like gross it's actually kind of fun like really i mean it's sweaty and it's sandy yeah and like that part but it's fun but it's actually kind of fun and then the bachelor like it is what it is like you know it's an incredible opportunity i was really nervous i really wanted it to work i know that much like i only care about who they casted because i didn't

care about like what they pay me or things like that I really wanted it to work and but it's a it's a long shot it's a huge leap of faith okay so with those four appearances across bachelor nation you were practically the face of the franchise at one point but with the launch of your podcast the vile files in 2019 you had a very successful rebrand when and how did you come up with the idea to start a podcast? I think like, I don't know, like most people like you, it was like everyone's doing it. And I always enjoyed talking, I suppose. And I was always the friend. Like I said, like after I got out of my own way and out of my own bullshit and like checked

myself and recognized that I had an ego and tried to figure out what are the things I can control that are like stopping me from like being happy with my personal life. I've always been kind of blunt and like I feel like maybe it's because I have sisters or what, but I've been able to kind of figure out how this combination of empathy while like hitting them with a little like truth was launching the podcast a conscious effort by you to reframe that like bachelor bad guy narrative that most people had about you no I mean I think after that because I was I was it was that was that was after me being done with the bachelor and at that point I, I felt pretty confident about my public persona. Like when you're considered the edgy guy in Bachelor Nation, that's not very edgy. That's actually such a good point.

Like Nick's such a bad guy. I'm like, no. Like, okay, but sure. Like for the first time in my life, I was edgy. I was like, cool. That was a good point. Yeah. So I didn't have this like, I didn't feel like i was trying to like it there was no

like goal of rebranding it was just i wanted to do this i had friends who had done it had some success so i just kind of waited for the right situation um you know it's interesting because when you when you started call her daddy like it was a big idea for me to like own my IP. And I remember like when I followed your story very closely, just because of like, I was just kind of involved, like on a personal level, like I've learned a lot from you just watching you from afar. And but yeah, so like I started the show and I think it was just, I loved doing it. One aspect of your podcast is giving advice because you've had a lot of dating experience, I do think that's why a lot of people listen to you and trust you.

What is the number one piece of dating advice you would give to young women on the hunt for a relationship? I would say be mindful of your energy that you put out. And I don't mean to sound like, you know, go buy some fucking crystals or anything like that that well you know how like do you know people say and i say this a lot be like don't give away your power right like everyone's saying that on the internet and it's i've realized it's a little vague right because what does that mean because i feel like a lot of people will say well don't give away your power so does that mean oh i should never chase does

that mean i shouldn't even show an interest? Do I play hard to get? Do I not respond? Do I wait? And so we start playing games with ourselves. And so when you are in any type of relationship or a situation or a dating thing, you need to be mindful of the energy you put out, the energy you give, right? Because that doesn't mean don't chase.

I think everyone, the excited person i don't care what your gender is you should chase you should go for what you want right so people are spending too much time deciding who they like rather than thinking about like how that person makes them feel right so if i'm out there like chasing this fuck boy or i'm in a situation ship why do i feel confused all the time why am i feeling like insecure why do I feel confused all the time? Why am I feeling insecure? Why do I feel unhappy? This is this person you've told yourself you like, that you don't know a ton about, but you're giving all this energy. And the reason why you feel so depleted is because they're not giving anything back. If you're in a relationship that's generally healthy,

you give them some love, they give it right back. And you, and that's why it works. Giving away your power. Like, look, what does that mean? I think some people start saying, well, I should never chase or I should never do this, or I should be difficult or hard to read. You know, I used to think that too. And it's like, I agree with you. I think that's a great point. It's more just about like you overthinking and then you start projecting your wants onto someone and you haven't even checked. Like, do I actually like this person no and so i i love love love that advice let's talk red flags um you know i'm sure you have single friends you were single at what one point you kind of have an inside look as a man as a man what are some red flags that women will notice and tend to try to paint white i tell

people to make a hopeful and gratitude list especially like if you're like dating something like in a situation ship or a relationship you're just like i don't know if i should stay like hope is a great thing yep but not in a relationship totally if you have a lot of hope i hope he does this oh i wish you would do that. Why don't you ever do this? Well, that that's you telling yourself and admitting yourself of things that you don't have. And it's also things that you want. So there's a ton of things. If you can, like all the things you hope for your partner relationship, that's you acknowledging you want it and you don't have it. So ask yourself why you keep going forward in this thing that you get

so little from, but you want so much. And then make a list of things you're grateful for. Like, what am I truly grateful for? He or she, like, really is considerate. They, like, go out of their way to make me feel better when I'm down. Like, well, that's a great quality to have that's hard to find. And I think when you make those lists, it can be very telling, telling like how you actually feel about a relationship and a person rather than like chasing that like dopamine hit of validation which we all want to do where it's just like think of all the times in a situationship or

like a dating where you just like they're just like no I don't want a relationship right now like it's just and then you like negotiate yourself like you know what I just want to fuck I just I just want sex and then you do and yourself like, you know what? I just want to fuck. I just, I just want sex. And then you do. And then afterwards you just, you feel like depressed or sad. You feel like almost hung over because you're just like, I didn't want that. And I know they've already told me no. And now I have to like go back and like, because you, you wanted that validation that they cared about you. They were still thinking about you, but they've already told you they don't want a relationship,

but you like, but you went for it it anyways and then you almost have to like recover you know it's a really sad feeling but it's also like a really good moment to have those because then you will never forget that feeling and sometimes you got to go through the shit to be like you know what you really do make that mistake again um you are speaking like a man in a committed relationship i mean nick i learned a lot from her yeah i was just thinking should we bring well first why don't you tell me how you and natalie met and then i think we should bring natalie okay she slid into my dms love i love again i think fucking chase ladies fucking go for what you want and And that's the thing with Natalie. I've never met a person who is so amazingly confident about herself while having the right amount of humility while knowing her own value

and not being afraid to go for what she wants, which is a really intimidating thing and really hot. But, yeah, I mean, she slid into my dms um we i finally wrote back uh after like trying to figure out if she like wasn't a catfish right of course the classic just like a little investigation like uh no um and then i had a work trip in new york and um i was like i want to be there for work and now i used to live in new york so. So at the time, I didn't know much about her. But she was like, oh, no, I have friends up in New York. And I think we both kind of knew that we were just like meeting up.

But we both pretended that we had other things going on. And we met up and went from there. How long have you guys been dating? Well, we've been like boyfriend and girlfriend for gosh probably know this um it'll be two years in july august okay well let's get natalie up here so we can continue and have the first couple conversation on color daddy great welcome you guys are the first couple that has ever come on color dad really wow yes feel honored natalie welcome to color daddy thank you so I basically asked Nick how you guys met. That's just kind of how we started it. We know that the sliding of the DM, which I love and I respect, but I want to kind of get into because I know you guys

have kind of an interesting beginning story that I think a lot of people will relate to. So Natalie, how do you describe your dynamic during the first few months after you met Nick? After I met him, I mean, in the beginning it was sex and I enjoyed having sex with him. So that's kind of what it was for the first few months. And then just being a human being, I caught feelings for him and expressed that to him. I didn't really ask him any questions. I didn't want to know anything he had to say. I was just letting him know that I like you.

I want to date you. And he said no. He said he did not want to date me. Nick, it's not your turn. Wait, Natalie, that's really interesting because was there a reason you were like, I don't even want to know what he has to say. I'm just going to tell him. Well, it was more so like I didn't want to go to him and be like, what are we?

I didn't want him to have to come up with a label or something. That's not really what I was looking for. I just wanted him to know that that's what I was looking for. I just wanted him to know that that's where I was at and that I did like him and I did want to date him if he happened to be feeling the same way. So Nick, you said no. Um, I mean at first, at first when she said it, I was, I just remember being like, wow, like you're not used to that. You're used to the, what are we? I think a lot of people in these situations where if you're like hesitant or you're just like have nerves about like, if it's something you should do, you're just, you're waiting for that. Like, what are we conversation? But like,

Natalie walked in and she's like, so listen, I'm just going to tell you something. I'm not really, I think we should date. And here's why, you know? And I was just like, that's hot. You know, I was very intoxicating. Because, you know, what we talked about earlier, like, she went for what she wanted. She knew her worth. But she still, like, chose to put herself out there, show vulnerability.

And I just saw, like, this really powerful person. Like, the reason at the time, I just was, listen, I think I had been single for a long time, like, outside of the show and you know that's the downside like I got really comfortable with being single I think single being single is an amazing thing that I think people should have to stop apologizing for uh but at the same time you know I got a little cynical and a little uh I started every dating situation, I had this habit of like poking holes in it, you know, like, we're looking for ways it could go wrong. At the time she lived in Georgia, I lived in LA, you know, she is a surgical technologist, I'm fucking doing podcasts,

just like, I don't know, like, what is she gonna move to LA? Like, are we really ready for that? So I just had a lot of anxiety about like all the ways it wouldn't like work out so like I've I'm really incredibly thankful that she had the the well this the belief and I guess us and the confidence to really put herself out there because that notes again I just remember because at the time I was like I just don't I don't think we should and she just goes okay I'm I'm interested, Natalie, with you, though. Like, when finally he said no, you then started dating other people. I mean, I was kind of dating other people throughout. Right.

And, I mean, nothing serious. I just was talking to other people, going on dates, whatever. And I kind of just every couple of months would check in with Nick and be like just letting you know like I do still want to date you like you're at the top of my list and how did he take that usually um it there was a couple more no's okay involved it's so harsh with the no also it wasn't like no it was just like I just don't you're not ready I'm just i just don't think i can do it you know it was a wall i had to get over i just knew the whole time that we we would

work and that we would be compatible and so i was like all right i'll just i'll wait until you can figure that out but i know that we're gonna work together so can you kind of walk us through lightly you're like because i love how people we're gonna call work together. So can you kind of walk us through lightly? You're like, because I love how people, we're going to call it a game. Because it is a game. Dating is a game until, you know what I mean? What was your game, Natalie, through that process of like him saying no and you continuing to date? Like how did you mentally keep yourself emotionally in check? Because that is, like that is technically rejection.

Like that is hurtful. You know what I mean? Like how did you go about that? I always made sure I was in control of my emotions I think in the second that I felt like I was losing that is when I would kind of step back from the situation um but with Nick I just knew I always knew I wanted it to be him so when I was talking to these other guys I wasn't giving myself fully I wasn't opening up fully because I knew I just wanted it to be with him um so they were getting like half of me got it uh and then I just eventually I think I asked him one last time

and that's when he was like I really just don't think that I'm there. And I was like, well then now I am done. Like I am so much involved in wanting us to work that now it's to the point where like I won't be okay if we continue doing this and you, we don't date. Yeah. Um, so that's when I kind of walked away from us and I think he realized very quickly. And then I, I called her up like a week later I was like what are you doing she's like I'm getting ready for a date he like facetimed me and I was like getting ready and he's like whoa where are you going I'm like oh god just gonna go grab dinner

with this surgeon with this lawyer did you know exactly like what he was calling for did you feel it okay okay yep and you were like, take me back. I love you. I was like, let's talk. Come to LA. And I was like, if you still want to, like, let's do it. I really respect though, Natalie, because I had a similar situation with someone that I was before dating them that that waiting game can be perceived as, oh God, you're just

waiting for him to pick you and you're just sitting around. And it's like, so not that. Because you continue to live your life while being like, I know what I want. I really like you. And I was content. I'm down for this.

I was happy. Like I wasn't sad that he was, I mean, of course I'm bummed that like the person that I'm interested in is like, I don't want to date you right now. But I was still like, I had interest in these other people and I was having a good time. She doesn't waste her energy. Totally. I want this. I'm going to go for it. All right. You don't want to give it to me. Fine. Now I have my answer. And like, it was just like,

well, there is a pretty substantial age difference. Nick, how has the age difference nick how has the age difference impacted your relationship uh well at first it was something i think i was having a lot of anxiety about you know like are we going to be compatible like and i think early on that was uh part of the like things i would worry about but just the more i got to know her, the more I was just like going to her for advice or like just checking in with her. I just felt like we just met each other on the same wavelength. And I always felt like she was my equal. And so other than that, it really didn't affect, but early on, it was something I had to get over and it was like a me problem and she just every step of the way I just I just always remember like talking to certain friends and I would be like

you know like you know wishing that that didn't that gap didn't exist because I would feel like less nervous about it but then I always like I'd always just like talk through like all the things that like I loved about her or that she would like do for me. Or I just felt like and I'm a big personality, you know, like I I like I don't always feel like people, you know, what gross of age that I feel like I can connect with like on a level. And with her, I just always I never felt that disconnect. Did you have any concerns honestly no we had spent so much time the distance I think helped but we had spent nine

months like getting to know each other and seeing if we were compatible that we realized we were on the same stages of life and we were ready for the same things and I think that is just what was most important to us is making sure that you know I'm I'm in a place where I want to get married and have children and he's also in that same place where kind of we both have you know big careers and aspirations and jobs and stuff that we both love and I think it just took finding someone who we have a mutual respect for each other um um and i think that's all that we cared about when i was saying no and she finally got done the person she was going at this like because she knew i was self-conscious about it and she's like it's not a thing and i was like

all right and then the why was he a surgeon yeah Yeah. But he was like, he was like 47. He was also. You're like, I'm going on my date with my surgeon guy. What are you up to? Podcasting. I was like, you're, you're such a, you're such a boss. I love that for you. Okay, guys.

Every couple's got it. What are some pet peeves you have about each other? Oh, my God. The list. Definitely. Natalie, go. I was like, where do I begin? She has way more than I have.

Nick is just very aloof. And he doesn't, I mean, cabinet doors are open all the time. He refrigerates, the, like, Advil will be put on the refrigerator. And you're like, what were you, how put on the refrigerator and you're like what were you how did what happened here like what were you thinking there's advil in the refrigerator i'm thinking about something else like i don't know if you do this like podcast i'm always like thinking about what i want to talk about yes and half the time she'll be like so what are you guys talking about i'm just like pacing in my backyard having a conversation with whoever the fuck right okay so he's a little aloof sometimes you're like

hello hello yeah and did you notice that mostly when you've now started living together yes see that i also like would notice stuff when i would come and visit him when he lived in this very small apartment in venice but i was like I can't start cleaning up after this man I am not there yet are you messy or just like messy okay okay not filthy but definitely messy okay Nick when you guys argue do you have any patterns like does the same issue keep coming up like what are your arguments not really I mean thankfully we don't argue all that much uh that's not to say we haven't but we really don't um we're both stubborn and and strong-headed individuals which we've realized which is fine i overall love that about her but what when we do fight like we've realized

that um we know when to take a time out which is something I've never had in a relationship before, partly because that was my fault of, like, we've got to fix this. Like, let's fix it. And so if we're fighting early on, we can kind of see each other getting worked up and getting frustrated, and either one of us, and sometimes it's not like always one, it's like one or the other. Someone's just like, all right, time out.

Like we're tabling this. Let's not talk about it. And then we'll just come back to it. But there's always like a I love you. Of course. You know, we're five, but like I'm mad. Yes. And I definitely don't feel like you understand me.

But like there's always that point where like if we don't take a time out for the next 45 minutes, we're just going to be saying the same thing and not listening to each other. And I used to do crazy shit like that. But we don't. And that's something that she kind of started that really worked for us. What is some baggage you brought into this relationship that you've had to work through? I have really bad trust issues just in my past. I've been in very terrible relationships where the person who I

thought loved me and cared for me and had my back, you know, ended up beating me up or ended up cheating on me or whatever the situation was at the time. And so I would, any relationship I, after that, I really struggled. But with Nick, we kind of found this like safe haven within each other where with that distance and with all that time, we really learned, you know, he, he got me to open up and to accept the things that have happened and to not hold the grudges anymore. Because I was for sure a grudge holder. I mean, and he has just very much taught me to let things go. Do you mind sharing like how you broached that topic with Ney?

There's really no like secret sauce to it. You just it's just one of those things that you just have to say. And as hard as it was, I did wait and wait until I was comfortable with him, wait until I did feel that trust within him. And then I was like, listen, I've been through a lot of stuff. And, and if we're going to continue this, you need to know what I've been through so that if anything were to happen in the future, you know where I'm coming from in these situations. And he was, the response I got from him was extremely comforting and what it, which isn't the case. In the past, I've gotten boyfriends who've blamed me for it or told me it was my fault or, well, what did you do to deserve it? And it kind of breaks you down to

where you're like, I don't ever want to tell anyone this ever again. Right. So his response was really important to me to make sure that we could continue this. She actually told me before we even started dating, too. Yeah. Nick, do you remember, like, in that moment, how you decided, like, in your head,

what was going through your head and how did you know how to handle that? Yeah, I remember we were walking. We were just on a walk. And I just remember being like, just listen, you know. And I just wanted her to say what she had to say. And I just tried to focus on being empathetic, you know. Totally.

I didn't try to fix anything. I certainly wasn't my moment to like offer any perspective or I just tried to be someone that she felt comfortable listening to and trusting with the thing that she shared me. And just kind of apologized for what she had to go through and just that was about it. I just tried to be there. I think, again, like hearing both of your sides are helpful because I do know, obviously, like there is a right way to do it. And it's like when you get that information, listening, like you don't, and I think sometimes men think they have to solve everything in the moment. They're like, okay, this is what we're going to do. It's like, no, no, no, just listen. Yeah. And then like, you know, as we talked about it down the road more, like I would ask

more questions about like, you know, how did, how do you, how does that make you feel now? Like, how do you feel like it affects you? But it was just more me wanting to show like an appropriate interest and I just I always wanted to convey like in an atmosphere where like that well we could have trust I mean trust is such a big deal to me I just remember when we first started dating and I mean I kind of joked but I was also half serious for it was just like listen I don't I just want you to be honest with me like if you go on a girl's trip you know and you're off to like Ibiza and like you meet some guy and you're like YOLO like I would I honestly would rather have you like ask for a hall pass right and like then then cheat on me or lie because I you know

there's a world where I can be like i don't know yolo because to me like having trust and having a connection you can kind of get through anything you really can because like when we were not when we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend and we were dating other people like again we were very open and honest they weren't like when we would ask questions and when she would tell me about stuff she was doing, it was like this really weird thing because I really trusted her and I knew how she felt about me. So I had both trust from her and I had like the confidence of knowing how she

felt about me. So in the time where like I would get annoyed by what she would tell me, but at the same time I felt like she's just, yeah, I just was really turned on by her honesty and it was like this weird thing where even though i was like getting annoyed that you know she's dating or like hooking up with other guys i just really respected that she was very a matter of fact and like i knew where she stood and knowing where someone stands in a relationship was just great so when she was

willing to share these things with me and just i just wanted to make sure that she could trust me with that stuff and then just ask more questions. I think that's also really an interesting concept when you get into a relationship. I found that as much as it's hard in the beginning to be so honest about everything, almost sometimes being overly honest in the beginning sets such a good foundation

because one, it builds trust. And two, it almost prevents any lying in the future. Because you guys don't know how to be anything but so open and honest that you'd rather hurt the person with honesty than lies. And it creates like a really healthy foundation. It really does. Because I feel like so many times, at least in my past, you know, it's, yeah, those little things where you feel like, well, it's not really a lie. I'm just like not telling them because I didn't want you to get mad or whatever. And it's just like when you know you can be honest with someone you love in your relationship and they can still get mad, like, or they can get frustrated.

That's okay. But like the, how, but they respond in a way that doesn't make you feel like you're the worst person in the world or judged or shamed, especially if you didn't do anything wrong, you know, where it's just like, yeah, I guess I know I'm, I'm definitely annoyed right now, but it's not your fault. Like I would say, you know,

like this is, this is a me thing, but like, thank you for telling me, you know, that's a good point. Like in the relationship where you're like, I love you so much because you were so honest,

but I hate what you just said, but I know you were being honest. So I have to love you for it, but give me a minute. It's about me now, not you. Cause you gave me the truth so it's like and that and that's okay but once you get through it you're like god it's just like a freeing feeling to know that you're just honest with each other totally i mean do you guys know each other's love languages all of them mine are all of them it hurts her all okay i Okay. I love gifts. I love touching.

I love... She will receive love. I love gifts. How do you... Because you know there's giving and how you receive. Yeah, for sure. So, Natalie, how do you give love? How about that?

I think I give it with physical touch. Okay. And I think, Nick, that it might be his last. No, you're not very affectionate. I mean, I am just like, I want to be in his skin. You know? Like, I want to be in your pocket every day. Like, I like it, but I just didn't realize that maybe I don't after, like.

No, but do you like how it makes you, is it making you more affectionate? Or are you like, Natalie, get off me. Well, I've always thought of myself as affectionate until she was like, I to be in your school and i'm like oh okay that's a little like right okay no but i i mean i i love being yeah like cuddling with her and close to her and i i like it but she does like it more than me and then natalie you like to receive by giving. No, I definitely, well, like I said, all of them. She's really open to receiving love any way you give it. Honestly, any way you can give me love, I will take it.

But what do you prefer probably the most? Like what has made you feel? From him, it's been acts of service for sure. Because he, I have to wake up really early for work um so he will get up with me and while I'm getting ready he'll make coffee he'll go start my car and so that way I'm not like turning around and looking at him peacefully sleeping in bed and being like that's the worst when you get up and your partner is like snoozing looking so cute yeah no he gets up with me and he makes coffee it's so i think that is definitely how i feel it that is a great answer how do you so you give oh i'm an acts of service guy for sure how do you like to receive

uh how do i like to receive where's my notepad words of affirmation i think think, is the most. I like something good I have with Natalie that I was never used to is that, like, she really is, like, a cheerleader, you know? And I used to, like, I always told myself, and I always was, like, I've always been very attracted to, like, women with big personalities. But that's a spectrum of what that means. And in the past for me, it used to be, you know, we would compete about random things, you know, compete about anything, honestly. And with her, she's just really supportive.

And like, I, you know, I've always been a really confident guy and sure of myself. And for whatever reason, I think in relationships, I had dated people where that was almost like a bad thing. It was like, you know what? You don't need me to compliment you anymore. But I have my insecurities, and I have ways I get down, and I feel more comfortable sharing that with her because she's really been

like a cheerleader for me and and that is something that like I've I hadn't had and I realized I really really appreciate it have you guys ever hit a lull in your sex life I think now that we live together, we do, because before when we were seeing each other, like once a month for a weekend, we're like going nuts. It was great. It was just like,

whoa. The anticipation, you know, totally. Now that we live together, we're like, I'll see you tomorrow. Like we'll just,

we'll circle back. You know, I think that I, someone wrote into me recently and they said it so well. They were like, can I get advice on when you go from the stage of driving over to your boyfriend's house or flying across the country to see him, you get so excited. But then when you live together, how do you prevent feeling like roommates? Because it can become so like, I'll see you tomorrow.

And so I get that. So you guys have had to try to navigate the living together. Yeah. I mean like I think we're both pretty happy with it but there have been times well also part of it too was we went from like not being able to keep our hands off each other to being like oh we haven't had sex in like four days yeah for five days and I'm like, oh. And then, like, there's – it's a weird thing to be in a relationship, especially as a guy, to be like, I'm, like, really tired, you know?

I love that. Because I don't – like, and then it's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, but I'm, like, really sleepy. And so, like, is that okay? And it's a weird thing, you know, but – Totally. But I like that you're normalizing it cuz are you kidding me my boyfriend? I do that all the time people probably think I have sex 17 times a day

And there's so many nights where like either here I will be like I'm exhausted and we haven't had sex in four days And I'm like Kate see you tomorrow and like this weekend We'll have a great date night and like but it's hard when you're living together cuz you feel that stress and you wear I'm sure more The stress of each other's careers now because you're in it together. And so it's like it ebbs and flows. I think that's normal. Natalie, what single word would you use to best describe your partnership? Probably.

And like an adventure I think we not only like find out new things about each other every day but I think we just are learning to like accept the other person's um quirks and weirdness I think my weirdness is coming out more. And I will always refer back to our time when I was just seeing him for the weekend. And I would be like, I would never, like the way I talk to my dog, I would never do this before. I would never. And so I think we're just like on this constant adventure that's getting better and better and we're both evolving not only like in our personal independent lives but in our life together our lives together um and so i think adventure a really great adventure such a good answer meh no pressure no pressure

torture torture mine's more boring uh i would say safe yeah um yeah she really makes me feel safe which is a big deal for me you know like as someone who i mean i have i've felt unsafe in a lot of relations for different reasons but like or even just like after you have a relationship that fails and again if you're single for a long time you know i i'm a i am a big believer that you have to like choose your partner every day like i'm not a big believer in like destiny or one and only you have to wake up and like not like literally actually say it but like you're you're making a conscious choice and to that end i feel like you know if someone breaks up with you you'll be fine and you'll get over it.

And there's a little bit of a cynicism there too where it's just like I look at Natalie and be like, you can have anyone you wanted. And so I just hope you don't figure that out to a certain – I'm kind of joking. And if she – when she does, I will – I've got through it before. I'll get through it again. And we were actually at Coachella, like, you know, intoxicated or whatever. And I just remember, like, being aloof and zoning out and feeling, like, this sense of, like, maybe I won't be okay for a while, though. But that feeling of, like, you know, like, I finally have finally have like really given my heart to her

where it's like, sorry. I'm going to start. Are you fucking kidding? Sorry. But like it's a weird, vulnerable feeling to like tell yourself you're not, like I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Like if she leaves me, I'll be fine.

Because like I've always had to prepare myself for breakups to be like, you know what? No, fuck it. I'm in. But I feel safe. Like I feel like safe enough to to do that if that's i know i got chills for you because through this interview like understanding now both of you but like hearing you from the beginning of talking about how like you really have always had a hard time like fully mentally committing because like you want the best

and you've always wanted that fairytale love, like your parents, but you're like, but it may not come. And so now that you're like, Oh, I'm fully in this and I am, if she leaves me,

I won't be okay. Yeah. I mean, not for a while, you know? And it's, yeah, it's like this weird thing to like really feel like you're in your,

it's, it's a real thing to be vulnerable. And like, I, yeah, I'm like, I'm weird. You i'm like i'm weird you know i'm a weird guy like i have weird things and i i feel i can tell her anything i can ask her this i'm not you know i you know you feel like i always like talk to people like you know you're not like

like why did he do this it's like well you don't really have an emotional connection they're like well yeah i do like i've we've been hanging out for three months and i'm just like no you know a little bit about each other but like do you still worry about how they think about you or feel or whatever like that's that means you have places like you have room to grow and for me to like not like i can sometimes do or say things where i'm like embarrassed but i there's a love that that's still there is a is a nice feeling to have being able to be completely yourself is the best feeling in a relationship freeing oh like you just don't have to think about what you're doing you just can be and then you only a lot of times want to be with that person because you're quite literally like oh my god this is like these yeah the safest place

i feel and i love this feeling you guys have talked about trust issues feeling it we all have them in some different capacity do you have each other's phone passwords i've shared it with her multiple times yeah i don't i think he's like seen me put it in but we haven't been like yeah yeah i think write this down yeah write it down let me also have your she has a photographic memory so oh so she's remembering that shit have either of you ever gone through each other's phones i'm not no i've given her my phone to go through and i'm like i need you to look this up oh right right right sometimes if he's on instagram like wait go back to your dms oh okay just kidding it's me yeah like who is that oh it's me it's your mom never mind i get that too where like my boyfriend will see like blue check marks and he'll be like it's me. I'm like, who is that? Oh, it's me. It's your mom. Nevermind. I get,

I get that too. Like my boyfriend will see like blue check marks and he'll be like, who are you talking? Oh, that's a woman. That's a woman. We're good. We're good.

Her inbox is full of blue check marks. How do you guys have like a joint friend group now in LA? Uh, yeah, we actually had a game night last night. Oh, um, game night.

Yeah. You want to come next time? Guys, where was my invite? Um, yeah. We actually had a game night last night. Oh. Game night? It was really fun. Yeah, you want to come next time? Guys, where was my invite? Um, yeah, I think, and that's the thing. We, uh, it has been kind of fun because we're, like, making friends together still. Like, she moved out to L.A. A year and a half ago. A year and a half ago. I've been out here for seven years.

But as you know, like, L know like la is kind of a weird place and also like some of my friends they're more sporadic you know where now that she's out here we're starting to like slowly like make friend groups and like friends that like couples that we also like to hang out with and things like that i mean we uh we went to a party for the Oscars. And we were so out of place. And I was like, why am I here? It was the only A-list celebrities. Oh, my God.

And I'm like, cool. And Natalie would just, like, walk up to people, love you on this show, or, like, whatever. if i only knew the show like their name on the show so i'd be like nick this is damien right from vampire diary but like that's how we met that's how we met chloe cherry that's how like she came on the podcast is because like natalie went up and said hi to her and became friends with her and if it weren't for her i would have been fucking lost but like she was totally i think that's a really good way to live life. Okay, we're wrapping up.

You guys mentioned. I was going to ask you, but you guys said it first. You guys mentioned you guys are kind of at the same place in life. Do you guys talk about marriage and children? Yeah. I think we're talking about it more. Okay. And kind of having those conversations that everyone is scared to have,

but they're definitely needed. So, you know, like finances and children and where we want to live and things like that, we are definitely starting to open up and talk about more. So there's no timeline, you're just talking about it, which I think is great. We're just, you know, we're not trying. We're not trying. We're just living life. Okay. Her For You page is a lot of engagement stuff. Got it.

Because she asked me once. Because, like, she's very playful. Yes. And so it's like she'll also, like, great. She, like, gives me the information I need to be successful. Love it. I love that for me. Right?

Love the directness. Super. You can't fuck up. Okay, Nick, you've seen what she wants on there. But she was also like, is this like, am I too, is this too much? I'm like, no, actually you walk the line very, like you've told me what you want. You told me where you're at. Now I know this is good to know.

But I don't feel like, I think it always, like as a guy, it gets to the place where you don't want to have to, like, reassure them. Like, no, I want to marry you or I want to get engaged. But, like, you know, like, I don't think any guy wants to have to. Now, some, they're dragging their feet too long. But you want to, like, I think we, she wants to tell me things. But I think we both have a level of, like, we want it to be, like, romantic or a surprise rather than being like,

like, so like, Oh, here we go. I'm so happy for you guys. Also like very, I didn't know how this was going to go with a couple. And I think this was a very successful episode and I think people are going

to love it because it's aspirational a little bit, but it's also, you guys are in a new relationship and you're, you still have the fun growing pains of you guys learning about each other. I feel like we were kind of a part of that journey of seeing like from the DM to now. Nick and Natalie, you guys are thriving.

Do you want us next week? Yes. I really appreciate you guys coming on Call Her Daddy. This was really fun. So fun. We really appreciate it. Yay. Woo!