Call Her Daddy - Nikki Glaser: Foreplay, Fetishes, & Face Lifts

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

Join Alex in the studio for an interview with Nikki Glaser. The girls reflect on their best sex conversations from their early careers, unpack Nikki’s favorite fetishes, and get real about plastic surgery and comment culture. Enjoy! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Nikki Glazer, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much, Alex. Girl, I don't even know where to start. You've had, like, a crazy couple of years. You have become a household name after I feel like the Tom Brady roast. It felt like your life changed forever. Yeah, that was it. Then you have hosted the Golden Globes twice. You just signed up to do a third one. Yep. You have a new special coming out.

Yep. You've been busy. So busy. Congratulations. Thank you. But how are you feeling? When it's like you work for so long and then when finally people start asking you do stuff you like can't say no because it's always ingrained in you early on like don't turn down anything

because that's how you get good. And so it's like I just have to say yes to everything because you also are like you know you look at other people's careers and like they have this you know people will have a pop and even the most famous people in the world go through a dip and you just think like okay that dip is just coming so I just got to do as much as I can now

while people like me. Isn't that such a weird fucking feeling? You're like stay relevant at all. all costs. At all costs. But then you're like, am I a whore? Like, where do I draw the whole? You feel like it sometimes. And you also feel like, like, and then sometimes people go, because I always tell my team like, hey, let's just enjoy this because it's not always going to be this great. I hope you guys like stay with me through like the leaner years. And they're like, no, it's never going to fade. I'm like, name one person whose career hasn't taken a dip. Like I'm talking about any, there's

even the biggest side of my face. It has to be that way. There's going to be ebbs and it. Does have to be that way, but you're not in a lean moment. I don't need to worry about it yet. I don't think. I think I got a couple years. You're thriving. Okay. Yeah.

I didn't know this until I started researching you that you're from St. Louis. Yeah. And then you move to L.A. And then you move back to St. Louis. Oh, yeah. Like after, so I went away to college and like started doing comedy and realize, oh, that's what I want to do. And by the time I, you know, my senior year of college, I got on last comic standing,

which was like the American Idol for comedians. And I was like, you know, I just got to the semifinals, but I was like, this is enough to, like, move to Hollywood. So after college, I was, I did L.A., then I went to New York, then I went back to St. Louis a little bit. Then I went to New York, then I went to back to L.A. So I was always kind of jumping L.A. and New York. And then COVID hit. And I was like, I'll just go back to St. Louis and, like, hang out with my family.

And then I just stayed. How does your family feel about you being in St. Louis? They love it. They love it. Like, we're so close. And they, and I'm on the road all the time. So I'm constantly going out and flying here to shoot something and coming back. So it's like always fun to just get back with them on like a Monday.

Tuesday and like kind of rehash what I just did. You're not really giving Missouri. Thanks. Like you're, is that I don't know, is that a compliment? I don't know. Based on what most people think Missouri is like, thank you. But based on what I know it's like, like, like, fuck you. Like, okay. St. Louis is like, St. Louis is cool. What is the best and worst thing of like St. Louis? I would say the best thing is just the, um, the chill factor and like just feeling like, you know, it's just like where I grew up just being familiar with it and people are being, people are really nice in the Midwest. Like I get that a lot when people are like, you are so nice. And then they find out St. Louis and they go, everyone from St. Louis is so nice. And so I really like that

St. Louis is known for like nice people. It's also interesting that you just said that you're like, everyone's like, oh my God, you're so nice because meeting you today, like, you are. I can tell your vibe. But I've only ever watched you on your fucking specials and your roast. So I'm like, not that I think you're an asshole, but you're so known for like roasting people. It's so weird. That it didn't even like cross my mind to be like, oh, my God, Nikki Glader's like this like nice person and like, oh, you are. I really do. Like, it's weird to be like, I'm so nice. But I do pride myself on being a nice person.

I think it's like a something that I would want. If I pass someday, I want to be remembered as nice more than any other thing, more than popular, more than talented, more than funny. Like, just nice because I think, I don't know. I just really take pride in that for some reason. And I do feel like I'm really nice. And it does like juxtapose so crazily with. how I am on stage and especially roasting. Like I feel like the roasting stuff comes from like a place of like the way I feel about

myself. Like I have low self-esteem. And so like I am, I bully myself so hard that I am able to do it to other people because I'm able to do it to myself. So I think that's where I kind of when I think about what I'm going to write about people, I'm like, what would devastate me if I was this person? I was going to say I remember reading somewhere where you were like, I just think about like, if I'm in a room and someone's going to roast me and I'm like, please don't say that one

thing. And then they say it. Like that's where you're coming from, which is great. thing that like devastates them. But I think this is good. This is a good PR to let everyone know. Like you're not an asshole. You're good at roasting.

But you are a nice, sweet Midwest lady. Yeah. You being from the Midwest also, I can't help but think because I know your guy is from the Midwest, right? What is a Midwest man like? Love sports, wholesome. I mean, like, I think every guy, like just I like, I like a guy that, I don't know, like kind of a little bit like collegey,

immature preppy like I don't know it's good you kind of are I think you're attracted to whatever you were attracted to in high school and for me like the popular boys were like played soccer lacros like preppy like white hats like you know like I don't know I think it's just a good smile I don't know I love how you just said you're like I'm the like you know like the immature like frat boy I'm like all of us are like yes but also like we've tried to move away for back we're working on I'm leveling up. Thank God I didn't marry the guy that I was attracted to in high school. Is he some version of it though? Like can you see like... Yeah, but...

Is he like an elevated version of that? A more evolved? Maybe I took it a little too far in high school. Okay. So you, you OD'd on that kind of guy. But like basically. That's the best thing to do. Like burn out and be like, I can't do it anymore. And be like I'm done. We're just like disgusts you the thing that you once were addicted to do. Did you see this season of love is blind? Oh, yeah, I did. Ohio. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So, like, that to me is like a Midwest man. Yes, I think so too. And they, I think that they thought that Ohio was going to be like, this is going to be so fun. And I remember

Nicholas Shea in the reunion being like, I'm mortified that you guys are representing me as an Ohio boy, because I guess he's from Ohio. Yeah, yeah. And that Midwestern man, like, didn't come through as a gentleman. Yeah, but would you ever do love is blind if you were like a regular girl? I was thinking about like, like, no, would you because you were going to. I think I would. You were, because you said if they were if I was single. You would, you know, I would, I would be really, because I am, I, this is the thing that I don't like about that show is that they, they go, you know, like, this would have worked, but I have a type.

type. You don't go on love is blind. Love is not blind. But that's not for you then. If you, if you were someone, and by the way, your type, clearly it hasn't worked for you. So maybe let go of your type. Don't you think, though? The only people that work is yes, if there was love, but then they actually like, oh,

and I am attracted to the person. They're like, fuck yes. I got lucky. The people that work. So it's not blind. It's not blind. We've determined that. And it's...

But it's still fun. It's great. But it's still fun. And I do, like, you would... You can just hear if someone's hot. Like, I feel like most of the time they... It's really rare where someone's, like, really taken aback by what they get. I feel like there'd be clues.

Or, like, just a voice. I think that's important. That's why I think, like, I guess Hinge has, like, where you can leave a voice message. You can hear their voice because voice is huge. People don't think about voice. That's a good point. No one's ever been. So taking it back.

Yeah, that would be my biggest, that would be my biggest fear is like the wall parts and he's like And then you see their face kind of sink and they're kind of like gently touching you. But you've got a good voice. You'd get far. Okay, thank you so much. Okay. We both started our careers kind of talking about the same topic. Yeah.

Which was sex. And we talked a lot about sex. Yeah. Was that extremely intentional for you in the beginning? You don't know. I think it was like what was easiest for me. It was like the thing I felt like I wanted to talk about. Is that the same for you?

It was at the forefront of my brain. Every day. And people would always, you know, people often dismiss female comics because all they do is talk about their vaginas and sex and it's so easy. And I go, it's easy for me to talk about that because, but why would you want me to do something that's not easy? Do you want to see Paul McCartney play pickleball or something that's hard for him? Don't you want to see him do what's easy for, you know, a musician to play? Why do you want me to talk about something that's do clean material, which would be hard for me to do? I don't know why it just at that time of my life.

And I always said as soon as I'm not interested in sex, I'll stop talking about it. And I kind of have, as I've gotten older and my libido is like kind of taken a dive, I do talk about it less. Like it's become less and less a part of my act. And so I stayed true to that. But I just want to talk about what I'm interested in. And no one talked about sex when I was coming up. No one talked honestly about sex. So to like it was I grew up before podcasting.

I would have been all over podcasts listening to girls talk like conversation, have conversations, frank conversations about what it's like to have sex. And so when I first started doing comedy, I was just like, I want to talk about this thing that I've been so scared of. I didn't have sex I was 21 because I was scared. I didn't know what I was going to be bad at it. I was scared. Like, what do you do with a penis?

What do they look like? How do you even start kissing a boy? Like my friends would just hook up and they'd be. And we made out and we, you know, he went down on me. And I'm like, but how do you even, like, he walks in your room. Then how do you make out? Like, who makes the first move? Does he put your hand on your shoulder?

I wanted, like, the mechanics of it to be prepared. And nothing prepared me for that. So when I was able to start talking freely about anything into microphone, I was like, I'm going to start telling girls like me who are scared what's up in there. I think that is so fucking normal. And then some people are so, like, disturbed by the concept of you being so comfortable. Yes. Speaking about sex.

which half the time for me also, it made me more comfortable with sex the more I spoke about it. Some of the times I was even overly talking about it and I wasn't actually as confident as I was presenting. Oh no, me neither. But it made me more confident. Yes. It made me feel like when I was having sex, it was almost like I was collecting data to not like make fun of the person but to just maybe make fun of myself.

Like I felt like, I mean, I still like sometimes during sex I'm like, this is so weird. we're doing. It's so funny to me that we, like, just so, you know, the idea of going on a date with someone and you're just getting coffee and learning about each other, but it's really to determine if you're going to, like, flick each other's genitals pretty soon, like, which is so crazy. That's where you, like, pee from. There's, like, pee and poo down there, and we're going to, like, put our mouths on it. Like, that was what, like, in high school, I remember my friends started, like, blowing guys, and I was like, you did what? Like, putting your mouth where a guy pee's from. I couldn't even comprehend it. No, it's crazy. I cried. I couldn't, I thought my friends had

like gone to the dark side. I didn't understand how you could do that. And it still fascinates me to this day that we get so animalistic. We get so horny that makes us dumb enough to be like, I want to put my mouth down there. Yet I wouldn't share a soda with a friend because they might have a cold, but I'm going to lick this guy's asshole. That's funny. The licking of the asshole, you're so right. It really takes it to another level where you're like, what's wrong with us? But everyone's doing it. Well, maybe not the licking of the assholes. But you know what I mean. Yeah, but like you, but that's what I learned.

I used to have a bit about it that like I used to, the way I was able to initially have sex was I drank. Like I finally got drunk enough where I could get comfortable and feel at ease to like hook up with a guy because it was so scary to me. And then I quit drinking when I was 27 or something. I forget, it's been a while, but 2011. I quit drinking. And I just stopped hooking up because I was like, I just couldn't do it.

I was too nervous. Like, and then I realized that I have to get. horny enough to get drunk brain because when you're horny enough you're just like like if you've ever hook guys get horny so fast they act like cavemen when they're they'll go from like having a normal conversation and then they're like so gross and they're but they in their right mind they would never make that face if you're like make a funny face they would never even make that face because it's so humiliating yet they become that because their brain become stupid because their horn their horny chemicals do exactly what drunk does to you so you have to then to actually for me to hook

up, I would have to actually get horny, which was a foreign concept to me because I had never allowed myself to do it without alcohol getting in the way first. Well, and because half of the time when you're so young, and if you are hooking up with boys, it's happening so quickly for them. And as a young girl, you're like, oh, I guess I'm supposed to be enjoying this. Meanwhile, like, nothing is happening downstairs. Girls, like, shout out to all the girls out there that are hooking up for the first time. I'm talking like girls in their 30 sometimes who have not had an orgasm. I have a friend that was like, I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. And I was like, That's normal.

Then you haven't because you would know. You would know. I used to be that way too of like, I mean, it feels okay. It feels good. Because he's not going to give it to you. You can't rely on him giving you your first one. Okay, you got to find it yourself deep in with because they don't care. They're going to be done before you even were starting to get in the mood.

It's crazy how fast they get into it versus us. Like it is truly insane. Like I, and it, there, I have done so many stand up bits about foreplay and how important it is. And almost like how hacky that is to even say like, ladies, I always felt like an 80s comedian like, we need for play, men don't do, because I would even hear about for play and women complaining about it before I ever had sex.

And I was like, guys hate when you joke about that. Like guys always go like, oh, foreplay, I have to wine and diner. And so I was always like, I'm not going to be a woman that complains about that. But then you start having sex and you're like, how are you guys not just like rubbing over my jeans a little bit longer before you go in for it?

Foreplay to them is a blowjob. And you're like, but I'm still, my pants aren't unbuttoned, Jeremy. Like, where am I in this equation? It's like please any men who are listening just like bring back dry humping. Make her beg you to put it in. That's when you put it in because she will when she's ready. But it's so awkward when they try before and you are not greased up and you feel like insecure like there's something wrong with me.

I'm menopausal or something. I had a boyfriend once who like really couldn't do foreplay that he then like sometimes would take a shower after sex and then I would like bring out my vibrator after and like do it to. Yeah. And he's like fully gone thinking of me at the time of our like. and I'm like, all right, here we go. Because right as he was finishing, that's when I just started getting into it. It literally, it happens, I'm not kidding you, like almost every time.

Like, it is really rare we sync up. And I have a, you know, a partner that I'm able to communicate with and has seen my act a thousand times telling, like, I need more. And like, I just, it's, but then you just, I think we're so conditioned and I still am is to like, a man has a boner, like, do something with it. Like, don't inconvenience him when he has a boner. like he doesn't want to like kiss your neck and like whisper sweet nothings when he has a boner. Like this is a this is a problem we have to take care of right now.

And I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. It's always so much about like I don't want to make men feel bad or angry at me or resentful of me. And I can see so many women listening to this. And it is so annoying that no one talks about that. We're like, I bet a majority of the women who are watching today if they are in heterosexual relationships, they're like, yeah, I would say like the past like eight times I faked it unless you're with a partner who's like, I'm going to go down on you for 20 minutes.

Then we're going to get your vibrator out. Then we're going to get in it. Bring toys into the bedroom, please God. Like it's men, I always say like, don't be threatened by it because it's like your dick alone is great. But your dick, like is it, let's say your dick's a B plus, like in terms of just sex with just us. Like, and if my vibrator alone is probably an A, but together, A plus. I can't get to the A plus with a loan. I need your dick too.

So you're contributing to the A plus still. You're part of it. You need to be there to make it an A plus. Don't think it's just about the toy. But so does my vibrator. But together, we can change the world. Like together? Like, toys need to be necessary.

When women are having sex without toys, I don't understand it. And maybe it's, I'm dependent on it. And like, I can't. If I didn't have a toy, I wouldn't be able to masturbate. I couldn't just do my hand. Oh, no, no, no. I don't know how I'm going to do that. I've had like some like dark days where like it dies and you're like,

we got it. get through this. Looking at your toothbrush and like, is that, can I use my pulsar or it be? Like, it has a vibrate on it. I've done it. But I've been happy, like, I've tried with the fingers like a couple times because it got so dark. I know.

Can you not? I've done it a couple times where it was like, I really had to take my brain to an imaginative place. And I did it. But I don't choose that life and I don't claim that way. I couldn't do that. When girls are, I'm really like, it's like speaking another language to me when I find out like, you've ever found out a friend like speaks fluent Spanish or Russian.

or Russian or something. You're like, what? Like, you're like, why haven't you been busting this out everywhere? Like, that's how I feel about women who can masturbate with her hand. But I feel like those are the girls that were fully having, like, squirting in orgasms in high school. And girls who were like, my friends were all masturbating in middle school and none of them told me about it.

And I felt so betrayed by like, you know, in my 20s, I finally was like, I started masturbating and they're like, oh, yeah, I've been doing that since I was 11. I go, 11. Why didn't you? We talked about everything. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't even, it didn't even occur to me. We, I was the same as you.

No one told me. And then in college I was telling my friends to like, and I was like, oh, wait. But I went to Catholic school. Yeah. So everyone was like hush, hush about that shit. Yeah. But did you not masturbate because of shame? Or were you just like... A little bit of both. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. I thought it was just sex. I didn't know there was massabating. And then when I started to like really understand, then I was like, oh, there's a thing called masturbating. But I thought it was only for men. Yes. So I didn't know there was like an option for women. Totally. I didn't either. And like, even if I would like, sometimes I would like scratch my vagina, I'd be like, like, like, that feels good, but it was never good enough for me to like keep going and figure that out. I just feel like I was kind of desensitized to my body. Although one time I do remember like sitting on a railing. I still like drive past the railing sometimes in St. Louis.

So my friend's front porch and it had like one of those like things on top of the railing that's like a little bulb. And I remember like sitting on it and it like went up my butt a little bit. And I was like, that feels so good. Like I remember feeling that like that feels good in a bad way. Like you're a sick person. like a butt plug. Like it was like a butt plug on the like we were waiting for our mom to pick us up and I was like, I just remember that was the only memory I have of having a sexual feeling that was like that's naughty.

Like I just got a feeling from something in my butt feeling good. Pictureing you every time. Like love anal sex. I do. I was going to say I feel like that was like a little precursor to like what was to come for you. It was foreshadowing for sure. I'm also dying at you and your friends and their mom wondering why every time does she come to our fucking house. she's like sitting her fucking ass on top of our fucking dude.

I'm just like alone out there. She's not even home. I love how also I brought this up more to say like we both don't talk about sex as much anymore. And then we're like, let's just fucking go. Let's just go. Because I don't really talk about it as I don't know. It's just I've gotten it shamed out of me being in the business.

I know. The more popular you get, the more you have to kind of like tone it down and be more like TV friendly. I know. Even when you're doing things that aren't censored. I know. To like be like if I want, if golden gloves. Lobes want me to have me back. I can't be talking about anal all the time, but it's like I'm not saying kids go out and do anal. You know, like, it's just something that I think it is. And I do think we're both lucky though that we did it in the beginning of our career. We're like, I do feel like I'm tapped out. Like I can't. I'm like, I'm having fun with you right now because I can tell we're both on the same page. We're like, we're like, about our old days. I'm like, I'm bringing up bits I used to do like 20 years ago. Truly.

But it's like it's not at the forefront of my brain or my brand anymore. But I did. Okay. I did get some quotes from both of us from our OG days. Stop. And I want you to tell me if it's a quote from me in the early days of Color Daddy or do you think you said it in an OG like stand up routine. Okay. Okay. Oh my God. Because I do forget so much of what I said. Trust me, me too. I had my team pull this and some of these I was in shock that I said this. Okay. Number one. I just want to be a whore. I think that's me. That's so you. I feel like it was just like sometimes. I don't yeah I do relate to that like I just I like to I don't want someone to look at me like a

horror when I'm like walking down the street but like when I'm in the bedroom I want a guy to be like what the fuck is wrong with you like I really like to let my horror flag freak flag fly in the bedroom the way you were just so proud you're like that's me that's me you're like don't even think that's you for us I'm sure we could find somewhere that you've said without a doubt No, no, no, no, but that was so you. Okay, that was you. Okay. I'm feeling light, tight, easy, breezy, beautiful vagina. Okay, at first I was thinking that was you and then I was like, I, I feel like I often put in the like the cover girl tagline to things. So I'm going to say it's me. We are the same person. It's me. What? Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, we're the same person. It's me. I do. No, no, easy, breezy, beautiful. I do the same thing. It's me. Oh my God. See? I would have bet so much that was me. It's pretty good. Do you remember what you were. I. I just remember.

I do remember saying that one on Caller Daddy. I have no idea why I was saying it. Yeah. Context. Yeah. But it's like it's such a girl thing to say. Like a easy, breezy. Read it again.

I'm feeling light, tight, easy, breezy, beautiful vagina. Yeah. Okay. So you're just having a good vagina day. I was feeling so good. And some days they're not. Like there's. Oh, well, next one.

Ready? The cobwebs have formed and my pussy feels like it's sewn shut. The next time I have sex, I'll be a born again virgin you what the fuck was i on when my team pulled this quote i was like the cobwebs have formed it feels like it's sewn shut and next time my no it got too tight you were tight but tight and light easy breezy and then it got so tight it got sewn shut and cobwebs had formed when i'm rereading these things i'm like no that's these are fucking funny this next one sounds like it would be you but it is me but now after that context i said put

Put it in the ass so I know what we're working with. Wait, you said that? I said that. But it feels like you would say that. Now, no, you like ass play. It does sound like I would say. I think I already know what I'm working with by the time I say that. But I put it in the ass.

You must have been referencing someone else or something. Without a doubt. I think I also just did it to like rage bait people. Like I didn't like anal and I would always just be like put it in my fucking ass. Like, I love that. I thought people thought it was just funny. And I'm like, oh my gosh. And people would get so bad about that shit.

People get so mad about stuff. It's like you don't have to do it. and also it's like I just yeah I mean I could go on and on about okay this one's you oh wait no I'm not supposed to tell you oh yeah okay well I'll read it to you okay I swear to you you can squirt I didn't think I could and now I know I can do anything yeah that was me and I haven't since that joke I don't think because it's like it's not like I can control it just has it has happened a couple times and you were like by my own hand I will say it was always my own creation I don't want to give anyone else credit for that. That is so important to clarify. It's been, it's been, it's been, it's happened

where you're just like, has that ever happened to you? No. Sorry to pry. Like, I don't know if we're there. Is it a safe space? No. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, one that I can remember, it, it was, it was, like, you literally feel like you'd spill a glass of water. I thought that once that I just peed myself. Yeah, because you're like, oh. It might and sometimes men are so stupid, like, you could pee a little and they'd think it was, yeah, yeah, that's, that's smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can fuck with their head. My water broke. They'd also believe that. They're so fucking stupid. Okay. I have a vagina that resembles

a hastily packed suitcase. That's me. What? I mean, that was just a joke about like how I have like lips. And like sometimes when you like shut a suitcase when you're in a rush, there's like stuff hanging out of it. And so that was just that's a descriptive way of describing my vagina that has haunted me forever. Like people always are like, hey, sleep. back suitcase. So it's like, so, but it's, you know, it's, it's, it has good days and bad. That was stuck with you. Yeah, it's definitely, I shouldn't have shared that. Like people don't, but I keep doing it. And it for some reason, I feel like it gives, it makes, you know, you make fun of

the things that you're insecure about so that you can take control of them. So if you make fun of it about me, I gave you that. So you don't really get to like win. Like when people come after. So like, shut the fuck up. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And anyone that has. And anyone that has. no complaints. Like I it's well reviewed. So now that we're done with sex, like do you have any topics that you're really thinking of like exploring in the future for your career? Because we got a long way to go. You know like it's the stuff that I've been into, you know, I'm obsessed with like beauty and aging and what it means to be a woman and like how we are how just the struggle of like wanting to, you know, be your own person and like establish who you are on the inside.

and like that should matter, but also being like, well, a big part of any kind of brand when you're in show business as a woman is like how you look and presenting fuckable and trying to get to both women and men, you know, like women like it when you look fuckable to men too. And then men will say, well, we don't like big lips and we don't like a lot of makeup. And it's like, well, the women and the gays do and they are determining what is marketable. And so we're trying like it's, I'm very fascinated by, you know, psychology and sociology. but also just beauty in general. I think it's fascinating. Well, it's fascinating because, yeah, you kind of can't win as a woman. And there is obviously such a double standard that's like it's tired of talking about at this point, but it's like for women and our bodies and our looks,

it's just such a fixation that you constantly are trying to pivot because you don't know where to meet. And when you are in this industry, you do have to kind of appease the people to some degree. Or you just have to lean out and be like, I'm just going to be completely fucking railroaded by everyone and told I'm like an ugly fuck if you don't give, if you don't try. And then they're like, she doesn't care about herself. So you're like, where do I or if you're trying too hard or if you're getting too much done. Yep. You like, and then there's, you know, people will always point to like, well, Pam Anderson doesn't wear make it anymore and everyone loves it. It's like, well, we love that as a reaction to what she used to be. Like if she came out of the gates like that, we wouldn't know who she has. No offense. She's, we should. She's an amazing talent. But that is. We love that because it was reaction to that. And then people will always cite some woman who doesn't wear makeup and say, you know,

I had a joke about, you know, people would say, well, you're a comedian like you don't need to be hot. Like you, why do you care about looking hot? And I'm like, well, I'm a brand too. And also, I like being on TV and I know what I'm smart and I know what works on TV. And people would say, but you're like Joan Rivers. Like, you don't need to be pretty. And I'm like, Joan would be so fucking offended by that, by the way.

Joan was so smart. One of the best joke writers of all time, best comedians of all time. And she was obsessed with her looks, obsessed because she knew that's what mattered. And she felt ugly coming up. And she would make fun of her looks. And people think she's ugly because she would call herself ugly. And they felt like they could. And my joke was like, I do want to be Joan Rivers because I plan on dying on an operating table too, which she did.

She died undergoing a medical procedure and to stay, to look younger. It was on her, you know, vocal cords. But it was like about appearing younger. And it is important, unfortunately. I want to read a quote to you because another female. comedian Ali Wong said about you. She said, for the longest time, we were led to believe that physically showing any sort of sexiness was going to work against you in stand-up. She's pulling off what some of us might have thought was impossible and she's talking about you. I love her so much. Do you

agree with that? That is so nice. I would say, I'm not trying to be like a trailblazer of like, women can be sexy and funny. I just, I like, I like pretty girls on TV. I always wanted to be one of them. and I wasn't in high school. Like, I always, like, aspired to that. And so it's just when I have the ability to dress up and hire stylists who can elevate me and glam teams to, like, make me the best-looking version of myself,

why wouldn't I utilize that? Like, it's kind of fun. But I will say that I, you know, the first comedian that I saw that I was like, I want to be like her was Sarah Silverman. And what I loved about Sarah Silverman was that she was stunning. She was so pretty.

And, like, every guy I knew was, like, I fucking love her. And, like, wanted to bang her. she was adorable, she was so approachable to women too. She was so pretty, so stunning, so cool and nice seeming, but she also said horrible things and like really dirty, crass, like things, but she also had this likability. And I was like, I'm really attracted to that where it's like you can, you can look a certain way, but the stuff that comes out of your mouth is almost you get away with more because of how you present.

Not that it was ever intentional, but I, I always, you know, know, I have to admit, like, it was important. I never felt pretty when I was young. And it was always something that bothered me that I felt it was unfair and unjust that my sister was the pretty one. And I wasn't. And I really resented it. And I have a complex about it. And so it's something that when I have the means to do so, I pursue. I'm not doing everything I can. I'll tell you that. Like, there's a lot of stuff I'm not doing. Okay, hold on. Because you, yes, you have been so open about what you, like some of the things that you've gotten done. What is on your wish list? I mean, a facelift for sure is going to happen in the next, you know, two to five years, like, without question.

Because, I mean, I went the other day that I got a little filler in my upper lip. And I haven't done filler for a while. I do Botox filler and stuff. You know, every year, six months, you know, Botox is more regular. But, and he was just like, can I just show you some, like stuff that I would maybe, like, I didn't even ask. I've gone in for the facelift consult before to multiple doctors and seen what they could do. But he was showing me some stuff. and I was like, that's pretty great.

Like, it's, it's, it just takes 10 years off your face. It's not that noticeable. The problem is, is the recovery. Like, I just, I don't, I think it's, does not talk about enough. Women are just like, yeah, she got a facelift. And I'm always like, she went, she had to be off camera for months and months and had to stay inside and had drains in her face. It's painful.

Like, it's, that's the part that I'm like, yikes. Like, I know you're so right. Everyone's talking about facelifts nowadays because it's like, get rid of the filler, get rid of the Botox. Just get the facelift. And I'm like, they don't talk about the recovery at all. Like even people have done it. I'm always like, tell me about the recovery.

And they kind of, it's almost like childbirth. They kind of forget the pain of it. And they go, just do it. And you, but I recently, someone really close to me just went through one. And it is brutal. And is, and, you know, I was hanging out with someone who had a facelift two years ago. And she's like, oh, my face is still numb all over here. I can't feel anything.

I mean, she looks stunning. But it's like, there's, it's super risky too. I'm, I always look at people who have facework. I'm never like, oh, they, like, I've never. never been one to judge any woman that's done facework. If anything, I'm like, she's so brave to have your face cut open and it might not look good. What if it doesn't look good? But even you hearing all these things, do you think you're going to do it? Yeah, because I'm going to pick someone that is like never failed and has done all the women that you just, you pick the guy. I know who you're talking about,

I think. Yeah. I mean, there's a couple of them, but I know who who were both thinking of. Yeah, yeah. And you pick the guy who it's this new thing that has happened with facework in the past, I would say, two years, two or three years where it's just an actress. that has been around for like 15, 20 years. And she's always been pretty, but something happened. And red carpet, and you go, huh, I never realized she was a supermodel. People, like, don't even think, because it looks so stunning and natural. People just go, I guess I've just been missing the boat on this one.

And then they go, you know, I got to take whatever probiotics she's taking. That's a facelift, babe. It's always a facelift. And that's why it's so funny to me when people go, don't get facework. It's going to look horrible. I'm like, but that's a bias that you have because you're only noticing the bad stuff because you don't nose the good stuff, you just think she's drinking more water.

It's so, because that's what she told you she did. Because they have to lie, because if they tell you the truth, they'll get shamed for it. Completely. You know, having a face that is manicured in that way is just a status symbol of I'm wealthy. So it's not a way to show people

you're beautiful or fuckable, is to show people, I have money. Even a fucked up face. I have, it's a way to, it's like a car. I have money. It's the new status symbol to not have a normal face is to tell people I have money. which is very important in our society now to just promote how wealthy you are.

And that's the new way to do it. That is a really good point. Do you think there is a thing as Botox blindness? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that because for Botox, I feel like, well, I guess I've seen it if people like pull it up too high, but I feel like those are like brow lifts. Like Botox, I don't think, like if you can't move your forehead, like who cares? I don't think it matters.

I feel like when girls, there's so many girls friends of mine from, you know, like high school in college who are just, they won't do anything because they're so scared. I'm like, it's like, girls, back in the 40s and 50s, people, women were so embarrassed to find out, to like, reveal that they dyed their hair. And Botox is the new that. It's like, it's not shameful anymore. We're all doing it. And it makes you look better. And it is expensive, but it's, it's, you would never imagine, like, having to hide that you got highlights. But that used to be a thing that women were ashamed of if they, like, did a box die on their hair. And now it's like, who gives a, like, I remember, I remember girls will post online and be like, oh my God,

I told my boyfriend I was getting Botox and he started freaking out. And then I came home and he's like, when are you going to do it? And she's like, well, I did it. Like I thought if a guy freaks out, they're just scared. You're going to leave them. They're just secure that you're going to leave them because you're going to be too hot. That is like such a red flag. If guys like, no, you're beautiful the way you are.

I get that. And I do believe that some guys are like, I don't change your face. I love the way your face is. But there's a secret part of me that thinks when guys are like, don't get anything done is like, don't upgrade because I can only have you if you look this way and you would leave me if you good upgrade because I'm not good enough for you. It's so fucking true. And that's what's going on most of the time. Like, I always just see like, this is a separate issue, but like, you know, like, I've been in relationships like this before where you get really dressed up and the guy like

won't say anything. And you know he notices. Like you look stunning and you've just worked on it. It is because they, and I know so many girls listening right now have been through this where you're like you put in so much effort and you see them see it and they don't say anything. They are not saying anything because they're insecure that if they build you up too much, you'll leave them and you'll have too much self-esteem and you'll do better than them. It is always that girl. It's not that they don't think you look hot.

At all. Or they might be like, what's that red lip? It's because they're literally threatened. I promise you. No, the red lip. It's never like they think something on you is, what's such a good point?

Your spray tan's orange. No. And this goes for girls too. If anyone is ever insulting any beauty thing you get, they are threatened by it. And you have to remember they're jealous. Otherwise, they wouldn't say anything. If they really didn't like it,

what do you do when you don't like something that your friend is wearing. You don't call it out. No. You don't say anything. You talk about it. Maybe your friend behind her back. But you don't say it to her face.

The only reason anyone ever insults you is because they like what you did and they're threatened. It's such a good fucking point. And you need to remember it because girls are always like, she said the meanest thing to me. And I'm like, it's not because your hair's busted. It's not because you look bad. It's because she's jealous. Dude, a boyfriend like that can take you down. Down because you, like you're looking to him.

for all your confidence because he has created a world in which no other men can compliment you. So he's your only source of getting any kind of positivity about your sexuality. Because if you posted a bikini pick on Instagram and guys commented he would call you a whore or be jealous of that. So you can't search for anywhere else. You're completely beholden to him. And your only person that's giving it to you isn't. And you feel like I must be disgusting. And so then you're trapped in that.

Let's talk about your boyfriend. Yeah. Chris. Yes. You guys have been together for over a decade. On and off, though, right? On and off. Yeah. Why have you guys been so on and off? Because I think if any couples being really honest, they would be on and off too. If you could really take a break from your husband, not you, but like in a general you, you maybe would. And we just do. Or at least I will call for one when I see it's necessary to like. How do you call for one? I just say like I don't want to, you know, do this right now anymore. Like I'm not. having fun in our relationship, you know, like, when you're going through a phase of, like, I don't really want to be around this person. Like, and he will feel that way too. Like,

it's, you know, I think. And also, like, I didn't, he's like been my first boyfriend, like, ever. Like, I had some, like, stuff before. We met when I was 29. And I'm 41 now. So he's been the only consistent thing. And I had some flings when we would be, like, you know, in our off years. But he's my only, like, boyfriend. So there's sometimes that urge of, like, what if I haven't experienced the best that I could have and like this is hard right now so I just don't want to do it can we just put this on hold and like and if we're meant to be we'll come back together because we always do when we haven't found found anyone else or like there isn't something better like I don't know I just feel like I would like to be in a relationship that I could call off whenever I want and take a

break and not have to like keep in touch all the time and talk but do you when you take a break and you're like okay let me go see if I like like anyone else have you ever then like gone on dates And Ben, like, it makes me miss him more because this person is such a fucking loser in front of me. Yeah, well, like, I used to have a joke that was like, you know, we break up and then I date other guys. And then I look back at him and I'm like, oh, my God, he's the best I can do. And that's kind of what you realize sometimes is like, I thought I could do better in whatever way, like not looks wise or whatever, but just like he's not doing this for me. So I'm going to find a guy that does this. And then you realize, oh, no, he's lacking all these things that he had.

So, yeah, that has happened. I have definitely, because we've been like broken up before, not just like a break. and I've like had other things. But yeah, it's like we got back together after being broken up for like four years because I moved back to St. Louis during COVID. He's also from St. Louis. And we were both back there and we're like, let's just hang out. And then that just turned into.

It worked out. Yeah. How does he deal with? Because even though he's a producer like you make some crazy jokes that are great jokes, has there ever been one that pushed him over the edge where afterwards you guys get home and you're like, okay, this is. For sure. I think there's a bit, you know, I think there's.

There's been times for everyone in my life that's been close to me where they've gotten stung a little bit by something I've said that just was a little too honest. And like, you know, I was watching hacks last night. And, you know, Gene Smart's character was like, said something that hurt her daughter's feelings. She was like, I don't know why it's so much easier for me to say this stuff to strangers than to the person that it's for. But sometimes I like would air out an anger thing that I was resenting and I put it in a joke. Not even thinking I hope he hears this and he gets it. But it would just like. I would realize after the fact, he would be like, that one joke, like, kind of seemed unnecessary. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, I think subconsciously I was trying to hurt your feelings. Like, I would never do it consciously. But there's been stuff like that. But he actually kind of, you know, has always said, which is something I'd really admire about him, is that if it's funny, you can do it. Like, as long as it gets a laugh.

If it doesn't, and you're just like being a dick. Yeah. How did he feel when you said that you would shoot him in the face for a chance to blow Tom Brady? He was there when that joke was written. And I turned to him and I was like, is that okay? And he was like, yeah, it's great. And I was like, are you sure? And I was like, but I'm going to like reference you and look at you and like do like a thing like, like, you're my boyfriend.

I love you. And then I'm going to shoot you in the face. And he was like, it's, he was like, let's try it out tonight. Like, you know, I was try. He was like, and if it works, of course. Like, he didn't care at all because he knows. He's like, it's genius. And it's such a clear joke too.

I think that's the other thing. Yeah. That's the good thing about comedy is that even stuff that's real that might be insulting to him. As long as it's getting a laugh, it's okay. by his definition. But even if it's like his parents see it or his friends see it, there's always the guys of like, she's just joking.

Yeah, that thing that might be real what I'm talking about. That's just a joke. Yeah. Oh, that's nice cover. It's always a cover. That's good.

And that is nice. Because sometimes it is a joke. Sometimes it's, you know, a hyperbole. I'm exaggerating. But a lot of times I will say people think things are jokes. And I'm like, that's absolutely true. Like that was 100% true. Or someone thinks it's real.

And I'm like, that was so made up. Like, obviously it was. Oh, you got it made. Yeah, like, yeah, there's, there's, but that's, that protects me for sure. Do you have a celebrity hall pass? Um, you know, I think like, you know, I think there's, as I'm like, I wouldn't want to say who it is because it would just like, I think that would actually be mean that it was eliminated because he would be like, well, that's you trying to

make it happen, has to happen naturally or something like that. Do you think you could hook up with this person? I think that it, I think he's a really good guy and he would, he was always said like, you know, especially after the time Brady rose and after my star kind of rose to these like new levels of like being around A listers he's like if there is someone that you your whole life have

longed for and they want to fuck you like you should like that's too good like and not that he wants that and he would get turned on by it at all like there's none of this like cuckold stuff he's just like wants me to have the experiences that and that is like that's like asking someone to not collect their lottery

winnings like it's so rare to get to where I am in life where that would ever happen and it hasn't happened and I wouldn't even want it to because like the circumstances in which it would have to happen. I'm like, well, could I DM them? He's like, no, you can't pursue it. It has to be like natural. I'm like, well, that's never going to happen for me. So have you ever met your hall pass? Um, I'm trying to think of the what. Yes, I have. And he is like married with kids, but he's like my whole pass from like my crush in like high school. Okay, okay. So there's one on my mind, but there's like probably another one that I would be like, oh yeah, but he would never be into me

because of like age stuff. Younger or older. I don't know. But I'm, but I like, in a relationship, I don't really care if my boyfriend were to hook up. Okay, I read about that. Yeah. We need to talk about that. But that is not a two-way street. Like, I'm not someone who likes to hook up with I'm in a relationship.

I'm not really like, I don't really care about that. I, you know, but I don't care if someone else were to. Hold on. In fact, I like kind of like it. It's kind of, it's a problem, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we need to talk about this. you told Howard Stern that commitment felt like admitting defeat or settling.

Do you still feel that way? No, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel, no. I mean, innately it is settling. You do not know that the person you are with is the best person for you. You haven't, there's too many people on this planet. You haven't met on any of them. You never will.

So you have to settle. Okay. There could be someone better for you. And statistically, there probably is. There's, you know, like there is. The odds that you met the person out of 8 billion people on the planet that's best for you are kind of low. But I do think that whoever you end up with, luckily people end up in like the top 10% of people who are most compatible for them in the planet. And that's like a win.

But there's other people that would be good for you. And I don't believe in soulmates. And I do believe you have to go like, you know what? This is the best I can do right now. And I'm going to just cash in my chips because. I probably could do better, but who knows? How does Chris feel about that? He totally understands it.

There's someone better for him, too. Do you think you're the love of his life? No. No. I mean, I'm a love of his life, but I would not even, I just think that he has many loves of his life, probably, and that there's probably a woman that is so much more compatible for him than me, like, would be so much better, like, truly.

And that doesn't hurt your feeling? No, I don't care at all because, like, he's not going to meet her. Like, what are the odds? And if he does, I would be like, like be with her. Go to her because I want you to have the best life ever and I don't want to stop you from find and then I'll probably just have to go find someone that's better for me. But like it would suck for me to see him have a connection with someone that I'm like, God, she would go hiking with him and she would go to Machu Picchu and all the shit I don't want to do. And like she's also funny and

cool and like they're the same height. Like that would be good. Like and she like if I saw things that was a better compatibility, I wouldn't have a problem letting it. I mean it would be hurt, but it wouldn't be the end of my life. Do you think, though, that this is you being a very, very evolved, mature human being? Or does this fall in the category of, like, kind of like, dark comedian shit where you're like a little fucked up? And I want to be clear, it is not pick me, because this comes off pick me of like, I don't care if my boyfriend fucks another girl. I'm cool at that cheat on me. Like, I'm, I know how lame it comes across.

I sometimes don't like to tell guys about this thing that I have where I'm like, you know, this is separate than the soulmate thing. like I don't care if a guy has a sexual connection with a girl and like he was to use protection and just have sex with her for a night like I don't I literally wouldn't care if my husband did that I don't I don't know why I don't know why if he were to like watch the wire with her or like do crossword puzzles or like text up but like send memes and stuff I would be like what the fuck are you doing like that's our thing like emotional cheating would hurt me but like physical I'm just like I kind of I just feel like I understand how sex is for men. most of the time outside of a relationship. It's just kind of transactional and it's just like they just want a nut. And it's not about like I want to spend my life with this woman. So it wouldn't feel I just, I don't know. I just wouldn't care as much. So our barometer is no emotional cheating.

Yeah. Totally physically cheating is good. But I understand emotional cheating. Like if something were to happen where I would want them to tell me about it, I would be obviously hurt, but I would understand being drawn to someone else that you have a good connection with because it's like it's hard to, when you just find someone and it's monogamy. Brian doesn't turn off.

He's still going to be attracted to other women. He's still going to be interested in other girls and have good conversations and stuff so I could see something developing and I would be heartbroken that happened, especially if it went on without me knowing about it. But I would always ask anyone I was with to be like,

if you develop feelings for a while, let's tell me and we'll deal with it. Like, I just don't want to be blindsided. But if you want to have sex with someone else, also tell me about it because I want to see what she looks like and like ask you about it. Okay, wait, hold on. So do you identify as like poly or like,

open relationship girlie? I don't want like another girlfriend. I don't want and I don't want to like be in bed with you guys together. Okay. Not even in the room. No. I don't want to like be and I don't want to be in the chair in the corner like cuckolded like you know like watching my boyfriend.

I just want to hear about it later. Okay. You call this the hot husband fetish. Yes. Which is essentially when you want your partner to have sexual experiences with other people outside of the relationship. Yeah. So when did this start for you, Nikki.

Let's go back. This started with my, my boyfriend when I was 29. because I really hadn't had a boyfriend before then he would tell me about like I would always ask him about like past hookups and girlfriends and how they got together like I was like the beginning like how did you guys first know you liked each other

like I love that like our legs were touching on our table and neither of us moved our leg or stuff like that I would be like so like I don't know it would make me like horny to like think about him doing that with other girls and then I would so I'd ask about all of his like girlfriends or anyone he had hooked up with like all the details about it and I would really be like a foreplay

for me like I would get like revved up talking about it. And then it reached a point where he was out of stories. Like he had gone through all of them. And I was like, and it's almost like he was telling the same ones. And I was like, I know this one. So it wasn't as exciting anymore because I was getting the same stuff. So I was like, I know this is, I like, I had never heard of anything like this. I felt so weird. But I was like, I think I need you to like get some more stories. You need new material. Chris. Yeah. I was like, I need you to like go out there and just do just have a flirty moment with someone, like anything where I can feel like maybe it's my competitive nature like I want a guy who other

girls want like I like I like something that is like you know you want a handbag that other girls are like oh my God I'm dying to get that that's relatable that is relatable like I like I have experienced that like masochism to a certain degree where I'd be like tell me about every X tell me about all the things like that part of the beginning of the relationship or were you like I want to know because I hate this girl no it definitely like made me be like okay now I'm going to like fuck you 10 times better tonight yes yes okay yes yes But then it's like showing their value that they are valued by other women. Because I respect women.

And women's opinions. I do. This all comes back to hating men. This whole thing is like men are discussing and they need to get their boners fixed immediately. And I don't really want to fix your boner, but I love women. I want my boyfriend to fuck other women because I just love women so much. I'm such a feminist. Hold on.

This is all about, this is not pick me. This is pure feminism. Hold on though. Exactly. Thank you for getting to the root of it. So you then tell this to Chris? And was he like, this is a trap? Yeah, they always think it's a trick.

Like, like, you know, he was just, he knew that I was a sincere person and wouldn't, and wasn't the type of girl to like, I wasn't a jealous person up into this point. So I don't think he was like getting any of that vibe of like she's just trying to test me. So it was like, are you serious? You really want that. Okay. Like, how should this happen? And like, and so I, I was like, you know what?

If you do it and I don't like it because I don't know how I'll feel. Like, I've never done this. before. So I don't know how I'll feel if my boyfriend, you're my first boyfriend ever. And so how will I feel if you have a flirty moment with another girl? So just like try it. And if I don't like it, we can stop. And just don't do, like, don't kiss her. But like see if you, like, if you could, like if you get to a place where you like, maybe you even go, I can't I have a girlfriend, like something like that. But I don't make her feel bad about it. Yeah, yeah. And don't make her feel like she's being like actually, you know, like I was very careful to like always let the girlfriend,

girl know you have a girlfriend. So she's choosing to do this and just let her know that I'm okay with it. I'm picturing you having this fucking conversation with Chris. I remember it so well. And another thing. And he's leaving me. And one more thing. What if you also like wear those jeans that I like?

And what if you tell her? And he's like, oh, anything else? I remember it so vividly. It literally was like that. And I remember the first time anything happened. I did feel like a thing of jealousy came up where I was like, I think it was about I hadn't communicated that I need her to know. know that I exist. And I think I felt a little bit sad that maybe she thought there was something

with this guy that wasn't going to happen. And I've been that girl so many times, whether the guy's lying about having a girlfriend or he's like just casually dating someone. He's making it seem like it's not serious. But he just, that he's leading moment and I don't have a chance. Devastating. So I think that tripped me up a little bit. But I was kind of into it. I really was. Did he hook up with a girl? He's done some stuff. Yeah. He probably wouldn't appreciate me elaborating on that, but like, there's, there's been interesting things that have been, like, really fun for, for me to, like, hear about and experience. And, like, and fun for him, too, because, you know, you get older. He's 45. And I'm like, get out there. Like, get some,

know that you're a sexual being again. Like, sometimes I'm, like, too busy to be really sexy. So I'm like, get out and get some attention. Does it freak you out to be open about this? Like, do you think people judge you guys? Um, yeah, every time I bring it up, I'm like, God, here she goes again. Because women, I think women, I've never, I have not yet. I maybe met one woman that felt this way, like exactly how I feel in my whole life. And I've talked about this extensively. So it's very rare for women to feel this way. And I feel like I want to be very clear that I know that this is not how many women feel. And I'm not encouraging any other woman to do this. Or I think this is like the right way to run your relationship. I think honestly, it probably is

detrimental. I remember Dr. Drew telling me, like, after he heard me say that I don't mind, he was like, I need you look me in the eyes and repeat, I am enough. I am enough. And I'm like, no, it's not about that. I'm like, maybe it is. Maybe I'm not enough and I feel like he has to have more. But it's, it's, there's probably a sadness to it. But I just, it's just what I'm into and I can't help it. And I'm not trying to be cool. I am, I believe me when I've been single. Guys are not into this. It sounds like a dream like, I could date a woman and fuck other girls like that sounds like a dream guys really like to be like they like girls to be jealous and to like kind of boss them around like I want you right you're like go ahead have free they're kind of like

like what like they don't like they think they like it but I assure you this isn't getting me guys like this interesting it's never like been a pitch for me to be like look how cool I am why don't you date me because you can do it every go back other girls they don't like it we what are your friends think about this they're used to it at this point they're just like they they they marvel at it because I have one friend who has, you know, been cheated on before. So she, like, experiences a lot of jealousy in her life. And she has this, like, amazing husband who would fucking never cheat on her. Like, we, we just, I just know that about him. He's like the most decent guy, but she still gets jealous about, you know, him hanging out with past girlfriends

or like a therapist who's a little too touchy or stuff like that. And I go, hold on a therapist that's being too touchy. Yeah, like just a creepy therapist that I'm just like, get her out of his life, like immediately. But he's so casually. It happens all the time. Like a, like, a, a masseuse or like a literal therapist? No like a literal therapist. Wait what? This one friend, this is a friend of mine. She also went to a couple's therapist one time. And I wanted, I put this in a script once because it was so funny, but she was going to a couple's therapist to like save her marriage. And they divorced eventually. But this therapist was so into her husband. At one point, they asked her, the therapist asked her something. And she's like,

well, I don't know. Like my friend answered, like I don't know. And the therapist just put her hand on his leg and goes, we just can't get through to her, can we? And they both had like a moment. I was just like, ugh. So anyway, this friend has had jealousy before. And I said to my friend, I go, if you could make it so that no women were attracted to your husband, you flip your, snap your fingers, and no woman on earth will ever be sexually attracted to your husband would you do it. And she was like, in a heartbeat, I would love that.

And I was like, that would be my nightmare. Like that. No, no, no, no. I would hate that. No, no, no. But she would love it because it would give her freedom to not have to worry about him being taken from her. And see that though worries me because then that's also plays an insecurity of like why are you so worried that your husband's going to get taken from you. Like I don't I know that people think my husband is attractive and that I like and you know that I'm not he's not running away. You're not worried about it. No. He's an off leash dog. Yeah. You don't need to be like no. Stay with me. You're just like, hey, come over here. He can go smell a bush. And he'll like come right to you. Like there's nothing cooler than an off leash dog. And that's what I want in a boyfriend is like I know I'm. I know I'm.

the master. Like if my boyfriend were to like fool around with someone else, I would need that girl to know like, do you know who's in charge though? Like who he's coming back to? And I would love to see you try to get him. I would love that too of like, oh my God, she thinks she's going to, because I've been that girl before that's like I, I'm going to win this guy over who's dating, you know, like, and you don't win. You're so competitive. I think that's it. I love it. And I really, I wish I wasn't so much because I always feel like that's a good negative trait in a woman. But I realize I am. It's okay. Yeah. I actually really respect it. Speaking of your friends, you have a group chat with your nine best friends. All of these girls, though, you brought together, right? They came from like different eras of your life. How did you merge them all? I, so it's like my best friends since fifth grade, fourth grade, my sister, my old podcast producer, a comedian that I know and my my boyfriend's friends, ex-feet, ex-wife. Like, I just collected all these girls.

that I just knew were cool as hell and funny. And we just would do, I would do girls trips with certain groups of them. And then I would just be like, I think I want to add a girl to the girls, girls trip. Because she's like down. And my friends just trust me. I've known them for my whole life. And they are all best friends now all through me. Like I've been the nucleus of this group.

And we are constantly chatting 24-7. Like they know I'm here. Like it's the best, it's my most proud creation is my girl's job. I was going to say like that is, as you get older, it's so hard to have. adult girlfriends in a large group capacity. Because it's like sometimes you met someone in college or sometimes someone's from childhood and then someone's from and to merge them. Merge them together because they should be able to merge.

You should be consistent with your friendships. They should all like fit a criteria of like, you know, sometimes we have friends that are like good for just one on one. And like we have friends for different things. But like I and girls are so desperate for girlfriends. It's really hard, especially in the Midwest if you're working a desk job to like to meet people. I feel like I meet a lot of people.

So I'm like, I'm so happy to. give my friends who might not meet these other interesting girls, like new friends. And like, it's incredible. It's the most fun. I like, I met a girl yesterday who I had lunch with and I was on Girl's Chat. Like, I think I have a new girl for our girls trips. What is the group chat's name? It's just called Girls. Oh, no. It's called Angels Angels, Angels, because we went on a yacht one time that my friend got us and the captain's name was Angel. And we were Angels Angels for the day. Okay, I'm going to ask you a couple questions about the group chat. Yeah. What is the text that if it got leaked, you would get canceled. Or like, what's the content that you're speaking of?

What was something that we said? Like, I would say, I would say just like making fun of people that have wronged us, like going really hard and saying some really mean stuff that I'm like, that we have to sometimes start doing like a code name because it's like that. And it only would get canceled because people would be so shocked at how, like, they wouldn't be shocked at me because I roast, but like I roast. But like, I roast. pretty hard in there, like stuff that I would never say it, like an actual roast. But it's a safe space. Yeah.

What is the most insane relationship advice that's ever been given in that group chat? Oh, my friends thought she broke her husband's dick the other day. Okay. And she said it was like a train car pile up. She like sent a picture of like when a train derails and it's like, and that was really funny. And we were all giving her advice about what to do for that because he was like, I don't want to get it checked out.

Like he was so embarrassed. And she was like, I heard it snap. I think it broke his dick. What the fuck do you break a man's dick? It like slipped out and she like went in and it like went against her stomach and like was like, but you can do it. She like Googled it and it was. So we gave her advice about like telling him to go get it looked at but he never did. I guess it's fine.

It's going to repair itself. Yeah. So there was a lot of chat. That's amazing. Yeah. That was good. Have you ever sent nudes for pre-approval in there? Um, no, not even pre-approval.

That's where they go. Okay. You know, like that's where they're ending up. Like that's where, yeah. Like, you know, the other. day my friend was talking about, you know, I have a lot of friends who have had babies and like their stomachs are just like not going back to the way they were because the muscles get pulled out. And my friend is like, I need to get a tummy tuck, but they can't even fix this. And

she was showing her belly. And it just looked like she ate a skinny girl who ate a sandwich. And so there was a day on chat where we were all just taking the gnarliest, pushing our stomachs out, distended as much as possible. And that was one where I did crop off my head just in case something leaked that I could like deny that it was me. But you could probably tell my faded spray tan that it was. You know, it's good though is when you are getting older. I'm like, I do the same thing where you're like, I'm not sending nudes to my husband. I'm doing with my friends being like, what does this look like? And like my friends and I literally would like, like my friends have sent me pictures of

vagina being like, oh yeah. Is this normal? Like that's the nudes. Is this herpes or a ingrown hair? I've many of those. Yeah, that is that's, it's like medical diagnoses are the new. Perfect. Do your friends think you're funny? Oh yeah. Yeah. But they're like funnier than I. I'm like truly like the funniest people ever. Like I'm, I'm obviously trained at being funny. It's like something I've worked at and is my career, but they are so, so, so funny. No, I love how much you talk about how obviously you've referenced other comedians, you've referenced your friends, like women. And also you're just like a huge feminist because you let your man like fuck other women, but it's really about other women. Like this is about feminism here. You are in a pretty

male dominated field, obviously. What is a time in your career? Because obviously you're thriving, right now. But like, what's a time in your career where you really felt the weight of being a woman in comedy? Alex, it's so weird. And I hate saying this because this is so unfeminist of me. I, like, never really noticed that I was different. If that makes any sense. Like, I never was like, I'm a female comic and this sucks and I'm not being taken seriously. I look back and there's so many instances where that was taking place. But I really didn't notice it. I was just like, because to me, the best, my favorite comedians were female comics. So I thought, it was always like a cooler thing to be.

And I never felt, you know, there, it was almost safer because I, maybe I noticed that men were always getting things. So when I didn't get things, I wouldn't take it personally. I was like, it's just this thing beyond my control because only one woman can get this roast. And so if I'm not getting a roast, there's, you know, there's only one woman per roast. There's maybe, you know, they're giving out specials that year or, you know, stand up specials. It would be like two women get them. And I know which two, those girls are in the class above me.

They deserve it more than me. So it was always kind of like. And like it's an unsaid thing that's like it shouldn't be that only one woman's getting it. But it's like, that's just the way it was. And so it was easier for me to be like, that's why I didn't get it because there's not enough spots, not because I'm not good enough. And so I, you know, and then I look back on and now I think I notice it more where like, you know, a comedian will come into a show that has like, you know, seven comics on the lineup. And there's like some famous guy dropping in. It's called dropping in.

He just drops on wherever he wants because he's famous enough that like he bumps anyone. So and I'll get, he'll go up before me as opposed to anyone on the set. And I'm like, is it because I'm a woman or is because I'm nice and he knows that I don't care and I'm like whatever. But like it always happens to be, I feel like it often is me. And I'm like, I think it's because they don't respect us as much or like it's it. And now I'm noticing it. It's just easier when you get bigger for them to just dismiss what you do and say like, well, oh, she only killed the Golden Globes because she had writers. And I'm like, what award show doesn't have writers, motherfucker?

or like why is it suddenly pointed out that I get writer like every award show in the history has had a writer's room but now it's like that's why she's funny because she had such killer writers but they'll never they'll not say that they'll just say things like oh nicky glazer has the best writers and i go okay i know exactly what you're doing your dog whistling to your fucking fans that i don't write my own stuff which is so untrue and i and or they'll say you know um or all she does talk about sex and that's all she does and that's easy for her and i'm like yeah but it's not easy for you because you're disgusting and no one wants to hear about it and you are ashamed of your sexuality. So yeah, it is easy for me. You talk about what's easy for you and I'll talk about what it's easy for me. It is easy for me, but not everyone. Who else is talking about? It's not easy to talk about sex. That is so fascinating hearing you with the writer thing because it's like they're trying to discredit you. And they always say it like they're like praising me like you you hire the best writers like I'm supposed to take like and I go, yeah, I do because I have great taste and I also write the like jokes. A ton of like people, but it's It's the quickest thing to, they always do it.

And as if every, like you just said, every single live show is, it is to the second that you have practiced this. They know the exact word that then gets you to the transition to the next thing. Because that's how it has to go. That's how you run live television. Talk about singers. No one has ever like, but, you know, yeah, she didn't, so many singers don't write their own music and they never get discredited for that.

Or they have male, you know, let's just talk about men helping like, producers in the room producing a song and no one else gets taken away credit for their song. I mean, I'm not going to say no one, but it's just very interesting to me that, um, for some reason, stand-up comics, like, call each other out for that stuff. They don't call men out. It's like we, it's like every late night show, they all have writers, but we say, Conan's the funniest, Colbert's the funniest, Fallon's the funniest, but we don't talk about the, writers.

But when a woman does it, I swear to God, it happens every time. And it's given me a complex where I'm like, I can't, I can't ask for help. I don't want to. I need to write a better joke than that one because if I use that one, I can't really claim that it was me that did that. And it's made me kind of insecure about like, well, I only got far because the Golden Globes is only good because the writer's room. It's made me feel that way. But I'm like, wait a second. When there's a home decorator that puts together a beautiful room, people don't go, well, she didn't make that couch.

She didn't make that book. But she put it all together. What about that? We give credit for that. And I'm actually making the chairs. I am writing the jokes, but it's like if you don't do it all, you're not allowed to claim credit. And it also is aside from even just that, it's like the amount that you have to pour into it to think about. But because I am a woman, inevitably, I'm going to get this backlash.

So how can I think about this in a way that will also mitigate the damage of people saying this because I'm away? And it's like, as soon as you ask me about this and I start talking about writers, I'm like, oh my God, now this is going to be out there. And then that's going to be something that I'm like, I'm giving them something to now say. And every man that you have seen on those stages has a fucking writer. Every single one. And guess what? A lot of them are women. And guess what?

Yes, a lot of them are. It really, really irritates me. And it's something that I wish I wasn't, it didn't get to me as much. But there was just a couple fucking clips from friends of mine that went out right after something I did that was like, she's got a murder's row of writers. And they were talking about my writers. And I'm like, first of all, I know you don't know any of my writers. So you're just saying that just to let people know how your male fan base can take me down as a female comic who they're mad at because I talk about my vagina or whatever. I just think also that the more we do talk about it, and I get it, I get you're going to sit here and you're like, oh my God, did I just start this whole thing up again?

I've been there. But I also think it's important to talk about because, again, we're putting them right next to each other the same amount of writers, the same amount of people that do it for the men. So why is it even a conversation for you? And I bet most people genuinely didn't know that men had writers. And they think that they're these genius people. And then because you're a woman, they're trying to nitpick. And they're like, there has to be something behind it. Yeah, for all of them.

Whether you have a dick or a fucking vagina, there's writers behind all these people. There was a joke about me having writers done at the roast of Tom Brady. That really irritated me because it's like everyone up there has writers. By the way, every single person that does a roast has a, and there's a, by the way, they hire a writing staff to work on the roast. so if you don't hire writers yourself, which everyone does, they give you jokes. Yes.

You walk in, they give you jokes. No one, and by the way, I wrote the bulk of my jokes. Like, you know, you have them to help you out and shape it because it's a lot of work. And there was one joke about me that I had writers. And the guy that told the joke had that joke written for him. And I was like, the irony here. Like, I know the guy who wrote the joke for this guy that was making fun of me for having writers. And I'm like, it was so irritating to me because that's just,

not something that I would ever call it another another comic because because especially if I was using writers, I wouldn't call it something for something that I was doing. So it was just, that's one that really gets me. And I like that we're talking about it because I can, again, like I can make fun. I can say the thing before people say it. But it does it, it will be a thing that follows me the rest of my life probably. Not only that, I think it's like we have to, we have to be aware of it as women because you read this shit and we care about our careers. It hurts when people try to put us down off of things. are a prerequisite in the industry that are things that have been happening before us.

Yes. And by the way, people bomb when they have writers. It doesn't mean that you're going to be good. People choose bad jokes. Also, it is so exhausting the standard that we are held to as women. And it is true, though, a lot of women are holding other women to this insane standard because I think it's like, we want to have this like moral high ground that we are like, no, you have to do this. Like, you watch certain people getting crucified online for certain things. And then you're like, Wait, but what about the Epstein files? Like, what about those guys? Like, the way that we crucify women for something that is 0.0% compared to the men who are doing what to these children.

Like, you don't even get me started. It's like, guys, put your energy towards that fucking shit. And I really, I can't handle it anymore, especially with Epstein files and with a deep dive that I went on that. I was like, this is more, this is, you know, I've always been like, well, politics are more important than celebrity stuff. There's always been that like, well, Trump's doing this. But when the Epstein files came out, that like was so insane to me. that I was like anything other article about celebrity calling anything else is just shut up. Like even the capacity at which I wish people put the amount of energy they put towards being

like obsessed with Chapel Rhone. And like the-chapel Rhone thing. It's like, why don't we focus on the living, breathing men who are in the Epstein piles? And Chapel Rone just like did something with like not wanting to say hi to her fans. Like let's focus on me. And these are trading children in emails that is like not even in code words. And that, but that though, I do. think what's so crazy is all women, we get off.

But Chaparone's security was mean to the cousin of someone. It's really important we address it. And then this man read to child. And that she, like, yeah, I mean, well, child rape aside, we have to deal with Chaparone in this tooth that she has. Ever since she got famous, she thinks she's better than people to tell them to leave her alone and Ante Pitchers when she doesn't want it to be taken. That's what's important.

And I would like a list of that. I want the list to be all the times that she has snapped at paparazzi. It's more important. It's so much more important. It's insane that they can even exist. Like, I don't even understand how we talk about anything else. If you haven't done an Epstein deep dive, I know it's a little too late. Oh, I've done it.

Like, not you, I know you have, based on like, to you listening at home, guys. Guys. I am scared to even say the name because I might get murdered. We're dead. We're literally dead. This is our last episode. Call her daddy's over. But it is true.

Like, how, I love that you just said it because I had to disappear. I've had that realization the past couple of, weeks of like, why is this a headline? It is. What's going on? It is so shocking the way that women are reprimanded in comparison to what is actually fucking happening in the world. And you're like, how? We cannot keep fucking doing this. Women, if you look in the comments, it's just fucking women tearing other women down. It's you got, like, let's redirect our fucking energy. Let's stop commenting. The men are laughing at us. I want to stop reading comments. It's really hard. But comment culture, I talk about this all the time, but I have to say like, I'm so sick of it.

like it is literally destroying art like the fact that people because even when I'm watching something I will read the comments before I watch it just to see how I should feel about it. Do you ever do that? Yes. And it's how to other. And it colors how you watch it. And you're a savvy consumer. So what are dumb people doing?

They're just going off of what the comment is. It is so fucking dangerous. It's really bad. I can't. I don't even know the last time I consumed anything without finding some kind of review about it before like feeling how should I feel going into this? It's true. I need to know.

People on TikTok have talked about how there's people who only the minute you scroll you just open the comments. So you get like a brief analysis of what's going on. But all these people are like sick in the fucking head. The sickest people ever. I've never commented anything except like fire emojis and like, you queen or like sleigh. Like only telling another girl she looks hot is the only thing I would ever comment. And like I think I guess the life of a showgirl was the last thing I consumed where there was no there was no reviews out yet. And I was just consuming it without comments.

And like, you don't know. And then you open TikTok and you're like, oh, I guess maybe people didn't like the album. Exactly. And then you're like, am I wrong for. But I think this is the last pure like thing that I just needed to blow up. I'm just like, I just don't want any more comments. No, I know. Now we just can't read them anymore.

But then people get so mad if you disable them. They're so mad. Let's talk about your fucking special. Yes, please. We're like, wait. But one more thing on Epstein. So I just you bring out a full fucking pamphlet. Pizza.

Why are they always talking about pizza? and like cream cheese No the fucking no the fucking codes the fucking blurs like every like why are we what's going on

we need some but it's over like people don't talk about it it's over it's so true they read it they checked off that list they checked it twice gonna find out who's naughty or a psychopath and we're moving on and they're like got it okay him anyways Can't. Good girl. Let's bring some positivity.

Okay, yes, my special good girl. If we are alive by the time this is release. I want to make it clear, I have, I do not want to self-harm. I have no suicidal thoughts. If anything happens to me, I was murdered. Someone is gunning for us. Yes. But I'm not cutting this out.

We're saying, we're an example, Nikki. But Google the stuff we said. Yeah, yeah. Like those keywords. Get that on your Algo. You're not getting it in like, MSNBC or whatever. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Cream cheese. Yes. Like the people, the Reddit. Go to Epstein Reddit. Just Google Creamchee. Yeah. Okay. Your new special.

Good girl. Yeah. How did you decide that's name? And like what can you tell us about it? I decide on the name because it's a joke I have about like the porn I consume. I really like when there's like a guy who's being almost like a coach kind of person that's like making a girl do something really horrid. That she's kind of like, I don't know if I can do this. And he's like, you can do it.

it like be oh and then she does it and he's like good girl and that's like always when i'm like i climax is when the guy's like praising the girl oh what do you search for that i search um gang bangs i know that's not what you want me to say but it's true gang bangs forced orgasms um forced orgasms yeah yeah okay that's where girls tied up and like and and i really like that because i have a hard time orgasming because i feel like it's just like so embarrassing and it's like a lot of control that I don't like like like because I like to be in control. And so I've always felt like orgasms were hard for me because I was like, I just look so stupid. I don't want to look like, like, like it's just, it's so embarrassing. And I would try to push them down and not have them.

And so I discovered this genre of forced orgasm where girls like tied up and like wants it. But the guy's like making her come. And she's like, it's like almost too much. And then she comes a bunch. And then he says good girl. And then it's not her fault that she looks stupid. He like did it. Do you use the same video? No, I like, I honestly need new stuff. Sometimes I'll like repeat after like a year. I'll be like, oh, I kind of remember this one, but I don't know how it ends. But let me guess. This was filmed during the last leg of your like, what headlines are going to go? I'm so sorry. It's like, what did we do today? I don't know. I am like this. You filmed this

during the last leg of your tour and you did it in your hometown in front of your friends and family. Yes. Is that like harder to do? Or are you like you bitches will fucking laugh? No, it's much harder because I, you know, like growing up, I think, you know, when I was in high school, I always wanted to be like the popular girl. I felt like unseen. I felt like, oh, God, these people don't even know my potential and they never will know it because I wasn't like, I would audition for plays. I would never get like, I would audition for like the diary of Anne Frank and I would think

I was going to get Anne Frank and I would get like Jewish townsperson B. Like I was always like way under what any, like, I would think. So I was like not being shown any reason why I would ever be successful. and I had this secret dream of like, I want to be on TV. So there's a part of me that is like, look at what I did. But like there's this other thing of like I just project them being like, this isn't that good. Like almost like seeing the real me.

So there's this like kind of. And also I don't feel like I'm a star. Like I don't as much as like, yes, I know that I've earned the status and like other people might see me that way. I really don't think it's like I can think of a million reasons excuses for why it happened. And I'm like, I feel imposter syndrome. So there is a part of me that feels like stupid, like making all these people come to this big theater and like give a standing ovation. And they're like, you know, girls I take Pilates classes with or like my hairdresser or like, you know, girls I went to high school with.

It's like kind of embarrassing. But overall, like I loved it because they're just so supportive and they're so, they are excited that someone made it. And like she's bringing this home and like she lives here. And they can tell that like that I don't think I'm better than it. Like I think they really get that I don't think I'm hot shit that I like. am the girl that they knew. And I, and that's, I think I get that feedback. I'm so excited to have everyone watch your special because I also think like you, you are right when you were saying, like, you are a conductor of storytelling through the beginning, middle, and end. And like,

we've watched you at the Golden Globes. You've done such a phenomenal job. Like I, when I went this year and I was sitting in this. I know you're there. First of all, I was like stressed for you because it is like, I, I think that you make it look. easy, but I can only imagine before you get on that fucking stage, you have every fucking A-lister in that room staring at you, wanting you to like lightly stumble on like the joke that's about them or like not maybe hit it. And like they don't want you to fail. But like people aren't, they just don't want me to make a joke about that. Exactly. You just want to get through on skates. But you also kind of want to be acknowledged because you're a celebrity and you like are a big deal and

you have an ego. So it's very interesting. I give you all of the flowers because it's like the pressure that is put on you like you said to land the joke to go. out there execute timing with everything that you do like you've done such an incredible job and it's really been awesome to watch your career rise I love that my career can have different facets I can be a freak on the stage at live shows and in my stand-up and then I'm like more wholesome on TV because I am both I am a raged person okay you have range I'm a wholesome girl with lots of holes isn't that what wholesome means Nikki Glazer thank you so much for coming on Colorado thank you so much for having me. It was amazing.