Call Her Daddy - Owen Thiele: Threesomes, Facetune & Ozempic

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

Join Alex in the studio for an absolutely hilarious and unhinged conversation with Owen Thiele. Owen tells some truly chaotic stories like the time he fled a threesome to do his skincare routine, was literally hit by a car but ran away to make it to his nail appointment on time, attempted to fight a ghost with the frying pan he sleeps with, and when he tried to facetune his drivers license. This episode is so fun and I promise you’ll be dying laughing… Enjoy!

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy owen theil welcome to call her daddy thank you let's talk about your childhood wait actually let's dive in i'm not kidding let's actually dive in okay okay first of all yeah we have to explain to everyone what the fuck is going on okay because we have been friends and then as we've been friends we decided why the fuck are we not working together and obviously well that's not what really happened i think i pressured you into working with me no this is not true okay kind of a little just a minute okay admit it for the cameras at least okay that would

be a lie though because let me tell you something. I will never forget. Obviously we've hung out and like, I'm like, he's so funny. He's so funny. He's so funny. Then we are at a party and you start talking about how you never, like you're always on the phone. You're calling your mom at 3am and I am hysterically laughing and people are laughing at you, but

I'm in the corner. Like no, no one's laughing. You are laughing. Everyone else is like, okay, Owen, I need to find the video for you I start filming you at the party like and I'm filming you because I'm thinking you're so funny that I'm like I need to remember this in the morning like oh in my mind you're filming to send to people to be like this man is seriously needs help like take him away oh no I'm like I need to show this to my company because he needs to fucking work with us you are so funny you are so talented and now you are officially launching a show on the unwell network it is like full fucking circle however i couldn't

remember this morning when the fuck was the first time we met it was at a uh a party a a uh a young hollywood party and yes and you were sitting at a table i remember this so distinctly and i walked up to you because you were sitting with a friend of mine, and I walked up to you being like, hi, pretending. Do you ever do that thing with people that you're obsessed with? Do you pretend like you don't know who they are? So I was like, hi, someone's sitting here? Literally like, okay, whatever.

Literally, and then I was like, I remember performing. I remember performing. I do remember that, and I remember being like, why am I at this party? I didn't know anyone. And you made me feel so comfortable. Well, I was performing. I was obsessed with you when I I at this party? Like, I didn't know anyone. And you made me feel so comfortable. Well, I was performing. I was obsessed with you when I was performing. You were like, I was literally auditioning for the part.

I was auditioning for Unwell, obviously. And then the last time we were together, we were at a party. And we were playing charades together. And we were so fucking bad. And I was peeing my pants though with you. I was horrible. I was so bad. But I can't play charades because I'm.

OK, is that the game? Wait, what's heads up? Heads up. Heads up. Heads, what's heads up? Heads up. Heads up. Heads up. Heads up. So I'm playing heads up. Okay, this is what I do in heads up.

And you drop the phone. And then you go, oops, drop the phone. You see the name. Then you pick it back up. You're like, didn't see that. And then you're like, wait, Ellen DeGeneres? It just comes to you. So you're cheating.

Bad Bunny? No. Not Bad Bunny? And then everyone's like, yeah. I always cheat. I'm crying. I always lie too on podcasts. On podcasts especially, I lie. So I might. Are you just going to lie here today always cheat. I'm crying. I always lie, too, on podcasts. On podcasts especially, I lie.

So I might. Are you just going to lie here today? 100%. I'm going to lie 100%. I'm going to lie through this whole podcast. So I was on Love Island season two. You might not have seen it. So I just lie the whole way through.

No, I do. Yeah. I cheat and I lie. My boyfriend watches this and is like. I cheat and I lie. However, you always have good lip gloss. That's so true. Right.

I think the first like couple of times that I've ever seen you in like person, I always saw you holding road, um, peptide serum. And you're like, you're not even like putting it on your lips. You're eating it. No, I squirted in my mouth. You can, I be honest. That's actually how you stay thin. I'm not kidding.

A little bit of road. It does taste good, good but i i'm serious i've asked hayley i've said can you eat it she goes i think it's fine i was like think i i know i was like i'm alive i'm standing um you look amazing today you're not i'm wearing so much oh well you know my thing about let's talk about the ozempic okay. So, I am not on Ozempic. I just want to put that out there. I want to make a statement to everyone who cares. To all my fans who know me. To all the people that know me.

But I think a lot of people will think you are because you look so good. So just... Tiny. I'm wasting away. No, I am not on Ozempic, but I did purchase Ozempic. Okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

And so I haven't shot up because I'm afraid of needles. I'm afraid. I'm like, what iszempic but i did purchase ozempic okay i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and so i haven't shot up because i'm afraid of needles i'm afraid i'm like what is ozempic what is this white stuff what is what is this white cream creamy liquid you're ingesting it's like horrible so anyways i haven't shot up but every time i open my fridge i see the ozempic so i'm like i think i'm on that i can't it's not a placebo effect it's emotional ozempic. So I'm like, I think I'm on that. I can't. It's a placebo effect. It's emotional Ozempic. I'm coining it. I'm coining it. Emotional Ozempic.

Every morning you see it, you're like, oh, I'm skinny legend. 100%. Okay, so Owen. I actually don't even look that bad. You're on Ozempic, which we love for you. Thank you. I remember that you posted a picture. First of all, you are doing a television series based loosely on your life?

It's based on my life. It hasn't been picked up yet. So it's based on my life it hasn't been picked up yet so let's knock on every knock on our wood knock on wood that amazon is watching this being like we need to pick that up let me just tell you something yeah i don't know exactly what it's going to be about but one of my favorite movies of all time is cheaper by the dozen and when i was scrolling through your instagram and at the last you guys go to owen's instagram and it is like an amazon picture of like potential show about to run of your life. You scroll and there is a family fucking photo of your family and it is giving cheaper by

the dozen through and through. There are so many of you. So many. All white. All white. Yeah. And then there's you. Yeah.

Can you explain like the feels? Like what is happening? What is your family vibe? Okay. So first of all, my grandma and grandpa have been divorced so many times and remarried. So like we have a lot of step half. Like just there's a crazy family. My grandma's legs.

My grandma gets down. She's actually just passed away. So I love you. She would actually love that. I'm not kidding. She's looking down me like I do fuck. Anyways, so she remarried a lot of times and we had a lot of i have a lot of aunts and uncles i have like eight aunts and uncle or nine aunts

and uncles it's insane i'm sorry i'm not over your grandma can we have a moment for your grandma wait what should we do a moment of silence yeah i don't know if can i tell you something i whenever i do a moment of silence i have to talk through it through it okay like grandma let's do a little seance for grandma grandma i don't know it's your grandma okay i'll start it nanny that's what i called her nanny you're fucking iconic you were always so nice to me and you always let me wear your lip gloss she did actually she's obsessed with it she was obsessed with me being gay it's like a thing um you fucked a lot of men and i think you were honestly fluid i think you were queer and i don't think you ever told me that but i'm just guessing so grandma i love you i love you queen queen i love you lesbian

queen no i do think she's fluid really do you think any of her partners were women? No, a lot of her partners were gay men, which makes sense, right? And then she loved you so much. It was like she felt connected. Oh, my God. Wait. No, not in that way. She's trying to fuck me? Wait, I just had a –

Wait, now I'm freaking out. Now I don't feel close to her. I'm like, oh, my God, now I know why you were touching my leg. I'm sweating. Oh, please. Are you sweating? I'm not sweating yet, but I will. Can I get it down to 67?

Wait, what is it now? 69. Oh, my grandma. My grandma's like opening her legs in the air. In the inches in heaven fucking. 100%. Okay, so we have grandma. She was fucking.

She was fucking a lot. Was grandpa a hoe or no? Grandpa wasn't a hoe. Grandpa was like a quiet hoe. Do you know what I mean? Oh, those are kind of the best. No, obviously. He was hot when he was young. He's watch this actually he's actually you're fully objectifying

your grandparents he's also 97 years old this will be his he will watch this and we will be taking him to uh yeah no we will take we will be burying him he will watch this and we will be ultimately digging a grave uh he's amazing so yeah so i have a lot of aunts and uncles but my story is that i was i was adopted at birth from houston texas shout out so beyonce's from houston texas i secretly think that tina knowles is my mom so i think that she gave me up because she was like i have two stars i have i have solange and beyon. I can't have another. That's my theory. Because if you look at my face, it's very similar to Beyonce's. Very similar.

I really see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. No, there is something that's similar. Also, the aura is just so similar. And the voice, too. Get us with the voice. Get us with a little hello, hello.

Hello. Can I be honest? I actually sing. Oh. But I'm not going to sing right now. Do it right now. No, no, hello. Hello. Can I be honest? I actually sing. Oh. But I'm not going to sing right now. Do it right now. No, no, no. You piece of shit.

It's your moment. Make a wish or not. Like, do it. No, no, no. My make a wish is this. Yeah, and now. I don't need another thing. Do you know what I mean?

I don't need to become a pop star, too. Can you guys bring Beyonce in? I do have a surprise for you. Oh, flying Beyonce. I have a surprise for you. Bring her in. No, you're kidding. Oh, my God, your face.

Oh, my God. Can I actually bring in the mom? Tina, she's my you. I have a surprise for you. Bring her. No, you're kidding. Oh, my God, your face. No, I'm actually bringing the mom. Tina, she's my mom. I'm not kidding. If I saw her, I would start to cry because I'd be like, I would have a, what's that thing when you, I would have a maternal instinct. Oh, wait, she would have the maternal instinct. Her uterus. I don't have a uterus.

Okay. Anyways, so I'm from this big white Jewish family. I was adopted at birth. Yes. These white people picked me up. They were like, I'll be your white saviors. Cut that. And what are you in line of?

How many siblings do you have? Zero. I'm an only child. The golden child. Wait a fucking... But I have so, so, so many cousins. I have like thousands of cousins. I can't even name them. I have too many. But I'm the only so, so many cousins. I have, like, thousands of cousins. I can't even name them.

I have too many. But I'm the only child. How crazy. I think only children are going to cure cancer, and I think they'll also kill your brother. Kill your brother. Do you know what I mean? They're hiding bodies, and they also will do something.

They'll also write, like, the next great American novel. I was about to say, like, were you, as a child in your house, like, bored, or, like like what were you up to? Because you're an only child. No because my mom is my best friend but it's it sounds like oh my mom's my best friend. No no no like it's different like my boyfriend broke up with me

first year of college. Okay. Okay. And my mom comes to New York. I went to NYU. Okay. For a day because of I was so emotional from this breakup I ultimately had to drop out but my mom came to came to New York okay lived in my dorm with me for two weeks and was like just like she was like I need to be your comfort animal I need to be your spirit did you have a roommate no I oh well that's another story oh okay we'll get there we're gonna go we're

gonna go we're gonna start okay okay and then we're swarming okay okay so where did you grow up here here yeah how sad. Oh, how sad. Oh, kind of love. Do you meet people from LA? Do you meet LA natives and are like, I hate you? Okay. So I remember when I lived in New York city and I had a lot of like, um, things online that I was trying to like, look up, like, what is the vibe of LA?

And a lot of people were like, Ooh, like the people that have from LA are like fucking pieces of shit. They're like losers, whatever. And I was like, I don't know. Then I met Matt, my husband. And I was like, wait, I actually, shout out. And I was like, I actually feel like the people that are from LA are way more normal.

And normal is uselessly, but normal. Because in the transplants, like we're all just trying hard to like be here and like fit in and everything. You guys are try-hards. We're the originals. Yes, I'm a fucking loser. You're cool.

Matt's cool. Now I'm cooler by association because I'm married to a guy that's from the Valley. So wholesome. Wait, where did Matt grow up? Literally the Valley. You're cool. Matt's cool. We didn't want to say that. Now I'm cooler by association because I'm married to a guy that's from the Valley. So wholesome. Wait, where did Matt grow up? Literally the Valley. Like Encino. He went to Campbell Hall.

Literally Matt went to Campbell Hall. Bring in Matt. Fly in Matt. Fly in Matt. Ding, ding. I'm Maddie. That's amazing. Campbell Hall and,

wait, is Oakwood young? That's where my mom went to Oakwood. My mom went to Oakwood. Wait, are they in the same grade? Oh my God. That's literally 50 years younger honestly he is an older man okay um can i spit a fact at you and tell me if this is right i read recently that your grandpa yeah the hoe himself was marilyn monroe's agent yeah does that make you an epo babyaby? So, and my grandma, the one he was married to, the hoe, is, bless, bless up, was Grace Kelly's bridesmaid. Like, iconic bridesmaid.

You're literally an Epobaby. But I don't think I'm an Epobaby because what else did they do? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Has my grandma helped me? No. Marilyn's been dead for 50 years. That man has another job and I don't know how long.

Trust me, I go to, I've begged trust me i go to i've begged you back i've begged like come on i was like before i went to it was either college or start my career and i went to my grandpa and i said what are we gonna do he said college he looks at me he goes college and you're like you don't want to like you know pay for my apartment and set me up exactly get me a little okay so you're not a nepo but But it's kind of fun to pretend. I think, can I be honest? I think I'm a nepo friend. My friends happen to be very talented and famous. So true.

So I think that by association, I'm a nepo friend. I'm always asking them. I'm knocking at their door. Will you put me in that? Right. But you're kind of like a social climber. I walk out. I storm out.

I leave. Yeah, no, I'm a social climber. 100%. No no but 100 i would love to do a psa being like i think it's okay to be a social absolutely how do you get ahead in life sorry you fucking know but also i will say the people that i've technically social climbed on are like the most amazing like i would love like i would choose them if they were we're joking we're joking if they were peasants we're joking and did you not They're literally like some of the most famous people in the world. It's fine. No, no, no.

Okay, listen to me. Tell me. Because of your big family. Yes. How did it go introducing like a boyfriend to the family? Like when Jared met your whole family, like did he like them? I had a boyfriend before Jared. Obviously.

But. In high school. Okay. And. Is he your second boyfriend? Jared's my second boyfriend. And you've been together for? 10 years. It'll be 10 years this year. second boyfriend and you've been together for 10 years

it'll be 10 years this year it's so scary 10 years 10 years and you guys whenever i see you guys like you're so in love that's so nice no it isn't like you should see us at home yeah not like that we're like um i'm gonna sleep in that room tonight you're gonna sleep on the couch perfect love you kiss like this we hands. We don't even kiss anymore. And we're gay. And I feel like in a gay community, everyone's open and having fun, which I love and I respect. And I just personally can't do. You can't do it.

I've had one threesome in my life. And I got so overwhelmed. And honestly, I was like, I'm not even attracted to you. I was looking at him. Like I was looking at his pores, his eyebrows.

I was like, nice nose. I was like, Oh, I can't. So I left Jared in the room and I went to the bathroom and did my whole skin routine. So I came out with a face mask on.

Literally looked at the guy. I said, he come yet? Jared said, not yet. I said, I'll give you guys five. I left. That's great. Came back. He came.

He was on the bed. He was like, literally, the guy was cuddled up on the bed. I looked at Jared. I said, he's not sleeping here. Jared said, I was like, get the fuck out. He heard the whole conversation. He was like, I'll leave. I'll leave.

I'll leave. I was like, no, that wasn't about you. That was about my dog. No. Don't have a dog. Hold on. owen re-fucking-wind mid threesome yes you're where did you guys meet this guy on an app oh okay so this is the story we met him on an app okay i was on an app called field for one second but what is field field is like this like i think you're like you're exploring you're having threesomes you're you're you're into bdsm you're you're a brat tamer i just turned

that i just i just uh found this out brat tamer what is a brat tamer it's like when one person's a brat in bed and one's the brat tamer oh how hot what are you well i think i'm always kind of a brat right if i'm leaving the room during a threesome, I think I'm pretty much a brat. You're a fucking brat. You're not the tamer. I think I'm a brat. If I was the tamer, who's the brat then? Oh, my God.

No, so I, yeah, so I left during the threesome. Okay. Okay, so you met. So we met on field. Okay. Okay. But I only used Jared's photos because I was like no i was in theater camp i was i'm i'm famous literally three minutes of a movie i go i can't be on this app but you're like i am

by the way jared emma chamberlain stylist got more comments being like hey love your work i put my face up no one says anything you're literally like jared you're nobody i am like i'm making no i'm massive i'm cute they're gonna want to use us to get my connections to get in the industry exactly it's literally sitting there like if you go to his instagram it's like sabrina carpenter emma and you're like jared it's me it's me they're looking for so you be the front facing okay so you put jared also hilarious i've been pictured with emma who i love so dearly and sabrina who i love so dearly in the back and Jared's next to me and everyone's like Jared Jared and I'm like I'll comment from fake Owen I'll literally try anything you have 17 fake accounts like oh my

god Owen looks amazing they're like rat tamer 212 says Owen Owen fan club 418 goes Owen Owen You run your own fan club Literally Wearing those jeans again Owen Ugh Change your outfit girl Um No

We met this guy Okay Fuck Whatever you get to her story He really I think thought He was just Meeting up with Jared Which ended up being

Kind of what happened So good luck Good luck babe Um No so he met He came to the house we were talking for a second and then it just starts well it was so awkward do you drink at all i was like no so i i drink of course but i didn't drink that night so i was like but i offered him and he said

he was sober so i said obviously me too yeah just plain lie i was like no i'm sober for years but uh i lied to him about being sober fully of course and then we sat next to him on the couch and he was sitting in the middle and i was looking at jared and jared was looking at me we were both like and jared was like i was like no he thinks it's you he thinks he's only saw your face he now thinks he doesn't know what's happening he doesn't know yeah exactly he's like who the fuck is this you you two times us you brought two random freaks here i'm like no i'm the boyfriend of 10 years anyway so i'm sitting with this guy then we start making out do you initiate it as jared i initiate because i'm like fuck it is jerry gonna freak out that you're telling the story not at all he's like ah get it

i don't recall him um he will probably okay love you jared but it's my story so he they we i start making out jared and him start making out then I'm like okay I'm just gonna elevate this so I like straddle him right boom boom we're making out horrible kisser so I'm like I'm just done I get and then I like back up and I do this like cute romantic thing where you like look at someone's face but I've been in a relationship for so long that I realized you shouldn't do this in a threesome but I look at his face and I'm like you're so cute do you know what I mean? Like, so Sex and the City vibe. Meanwhile, in your head,

you're like, I literally hate you and you're not cute. A hundred percent. But as I'm saying, you're so cute, I'm looking at his face and I'm like,

no, he's cute. He's cute. He's cute. He's cute. So then I'm like, Jared, take over, babe. Jared takes over. We move to the bedroom.

On the way to the bedroom, I peel off. No! Owen! I take a right hand and turn into the bathroom. I go, I'll be right in. Peeing. Peeing. I to the bedroom, I peel off. No, Owen! I take a right hand turn into the bathroom. I go, I'll be right in. Peeing.

Peeing. I'm so hard I have to pee. I'm peeing. I'm like, fuck it. I'm not going to deal with that. That's not for me. So I go, actually, I really wanted to take my skin more seriously. So I was like, and now is actually the time.

Is Jared like, babe, get the fuck in here? Or he's just like, oh, and? I actually think Jared was having the fucking time of his life, which is actually a problem. Right. Which is actually, now that I'm retelling the story, I'm like, well, Jared and I will be broken up by the time this episode airs. You're like mid-scrub looking in, and he's like not even wondering where you are. You're like, what the fuck, Jared? I'm actually calling it him, saying, all good.

He's not responding, because he's getting mouth fucked jared's gonna have a panic attack jared is gonna have a panic attack i'm gonna lose all my clients your clients are gonna like you even more don't worry yes it's a good thing i don't think about fuck are you kidding i was like look at sabrina she sings about that's that me espresso that's that me espresso honey um i so oh my god would have been a really fun song to to god you like like turn it up and you're like, oh. Woo! You walk in the room and you're like, oh. Hey, I go, LA, get up.

Woo! I'm straddling it. Woo! Okay, anyways. Anyways, so you don't do the threesome. No, I'm like, I'm done with that. I don't want to do that. And afterwards when you kick him out, is Jared like, what the fuck happened?

Or he's just like, I don't even care. Jared says, do you want to talk about that? And I say, talk about what? And then he, of course, but he's like, talk about what? And I'm like, yeah, what the fuck happened? Or he's just like, I don't even care. Jared says, do you want to talk about that? And I say, talk about what? And then he, of course, but he's like, talk about what? And I'm like, yeah, what? And we look at each other. And then he's like, night. And he crawls into bed.

We go to bed. Happy as a clam. Wake up. Forgot it happened. And then that man, then I went to, I was invited to one event. I've ever been invited to one event. No. The one event I was invited to was this gorgeous event in palm springs i'm like i'm invited i'm like holy shit right so you gotta

go i'm like i have to fucking go so i go obviously they invite me to palm springs one i have to drive three hours they're like it's for palm springs locals but you can come so i drive three hours i i i'm sitting there and this guy goes can i I take a photo of you? And I go, yeah. And it's the guy. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck. What do you say? Nothing?

I look at him. He looks at me. And we both choose to not acknowledge each other. No. To ignore it. So I go, of course you could take a picture. He goes, takes it. And he goes, I think this angle is going to be better.

I go, you know my angles. You probably know my angles. Owen? Literally, we ignore it. And you just move the fuck on. I text Jared being like threesome guys here. Jared's like, what? What are like, he's like, so he's like, I want to come.

So I'm like, again, red flag. Wait, you're like, no, I'm not fucking him. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Just taking photos of me. Um, yeah. So that's him. And is that the last threesome that you had?

That was the last threesome we had jared's angling for another and how are you feeling obviously like i kind of want to do my skin routine i'm kind of bored i'm like by threesome it's like you have sex in the other room and i will be on my shit okay so jared has never jared i'm his first i'm his first of everything so i really do think i want to be the partner that's like get it out of your system and i'm so lucky that i can kind of be there while he's doing it do you know what i mean because he's not falling in love wait that's what i was gonna say you don't get jealous no not at all no i used to my ex fun i was so jealous we what changed

is her crying no you're like you know um no i uh i don't know what changed actually i think i just i'm so secure in my relationship now that i'm like i think if you fuck someone else you'll still kind of come back right like you're fine like you know that like what you have is stronger than that and you also are like able to separate the like insecurity of him moving on where you're like no no i actually want you to have fun and experience other things but i know our emotional connection will never beat that and by the way he i i think that now and then i'm like i'm he could meet somebody tomorrow and be like but i think for right now 10 years 10 years yeah 10 years so crazy are you interested in marriage

or no you want to just like be in of course oh you are are you oh my god i want your wedding can i have your exact wedding yeah i will like literally plan i'm not kidding i got you i i i really want marriage i'm very like traditional in that way like i'm like i want to have kids i want to i want i want to get married i want to wear that white gorgeous dress on my aisle um no i won't wear that but But you won't. You would look so cute. So cute. And like a like a fun princess, like big like ball gown. Oh, OK. So you would. I want to. I want a wedding.

OK. Can we talk about your late night situation? So tell me when Owen and I, like I was saying earlier, when we met. Well, no, when we were at a party together, you were talking about how you would always call your mom at night. And I was dying laughing and I thought it was the funniest thing. And so when we had some of our first meetings about like what your show was going to be about it was not even a question that like you were going to basically do

a podcast at nighttime because what you're fucking nocturnal okay so first of all I I sleep like this isn't a bit okay this is not a bit and i feel like doctors do watch this and doctors are not going to be reaching out to me being like i i think they're fans they're actually not they're actually worried about me yes um i i sleep an hour and a half to two hours a night oh like seriously three to five is when i sleep it's three to three to five in the morning three a.m to five a.m yeah and sometimes it's like 4 30 and i'm up and i'm like whoa i'm like up i'm like soul cycle you open girl coming to you like riding the bike no one's in there it's 4 a.m um i i'm up like i'm really up are you tired no i don't get tired what and i don't take naps what what is wrong oh my

god and you look are like so young and vibrant like what is happening i think i'm gonna age really rapidly Ultimately the collagen will sink And then the Botox And then I'm pulling my face Someone's holding my face back in Idaho So what do you do during the night while Jared is sleeping Oh my god I call everyone

Also I've made I've made friends in different countries So that I could call them So one of my dear friends Who's a 60 year old woman Is in Peru I've made friends in different countries so that I could call them. So one of my dear friends, who's a 60-year-old woman, is in Peru. Hold on. She's in Peru. So I'm like, hey, Jill.

She's like, hey. I'm like, what time is it? She's like, 2 p.m. I'm like, woo! It's 4 a.m. Wait, who is Jill? Jill is this random 60-year-old woman who I've become friends with. How? So her kids went to my high school and i just became

friends with the mom oh it's weird i feel like you have literally so many random things like i'm obsessed with like 60 year old women like 60 year old women are like my like that's like my niche really that's the only people gonna listen to to listen to the podcast. Six-year-old women. It's giving demographic. 100%. You are pulling in a new demographic for Unwell. Thank you. The six-year-old women.

Fuck Gen Z. I'm going to turn them on to Harry Jousey. Absolutely. They're going to be loving Alex Earl. Oh my gosh. It's six-year-old women.

No, but I do have friends. One of my friends is in Paris. Is she 60? No. No. She's just my age. She's actually my age. But she lives in Paris and I talk to her all night. Is she 60? No. No. She's just my age. Okay. She's actually my age.

But she lives in Paris, and I talk to her all night. And your mother? And my mom, I call all night. Okay. And my mom stays up because I'm up, which is so unhealthy. Mom, get help and get sleep. What is a normal conversation at 3 a.m. with your mother like? Well, we're so close, and we talk every second of the day that it's kind of just like, she's

like, are you in bed? I'm like, yeah, are you? And Jared's next to me, by the way. So you're in bed. Yeah, Jared uses earplugs. So you're rolling calls. Oh, also watching TikTok. Also, by the way, I'm calling places in different countries.

I'm making, I do this thing now. It's my favorite game. It's my favorite game. I will call London. I'll call hotels. I'll call hotels. I'll call restaurants. I'll call anywhere and be like, hi, I'm coming in tomorrow.

Is there, wait, tell me about your menu. I'm just like, wait, I'm like, talk to me about that. And they'll be like, hi, we can't, we're kind of busy right now. I'm like, you're slammed, right? 6 p.m. I'm like. But this is why the podcast is so genius that you are going

to be able to first of all let jared fucking sleep and you're going to be able to go into your other room you have this new set you're going to sit down and you can just you can even roll calls on the podcast i will i would listen to you fucking asking what the like option for dessert is at the fucking sushi place in London. A hundred percent. That's what I do. That's literally what I do. And my mom, I think would love to sleep. I think she's actually getting to the point where she's like, Hey, at two 30, she says to me now, she's like, and I'm like, what?

She's like, nothing, nothing. I'm like, she's like, okay. I'm like, good. Yeah. And are your parents still together? Yeah. Is your dad in bed? Yeah.

We do the same thing. And he put on the earplugs. If you cut to both to both of us split screen it's both of us like this zoom out both our boyfriends and husbands next to us i think i would have to divorce matt if he was doing that oh 100 you need to marry this man i need to marry this man what is the weirdest late night phone call that you have ever made in your life it's recent. Okay. Okay. This is so weird. What? Okay. So it's not actually not that weird.

Actually it is. Okay. So I was, I'm a really bad driver as everybody who knows me knows. I'm, I, I'm very bad. Okay. Which I feel like is like a gay thing to be like a bad driver. Maybe not. Maybe that's homophobic.

But I'm, I'm a horrible driver. Horrible. Okay. Bad. Okay. that's homophobic but i'm i'm a horrible driver okay bad so i was looking through my contacts and i found a thing that said hit and run carl so i called it in your phone you have hit and run carl carl okay and you don't remember so i do remember because he explained it to me okay i'm literally friends with her now we can literally call him um hit and run Carl. So what happened was I hit him.

No, sorry. He hit. Okay. What happened was he hit me. Okay. In your car. Car collision. Car collision.

He hits me. Okay. I run. So I get his number. So I guess. Yes. This is a true thing. So I get his number.

How do you get his number? Out of the window. He comes up to my car. He goes, I'm so sorry I hit you. And I go, no worries. Can we exchange numbers? I had a nail appointment. I had to get to number. How do you get his number? Out of the window. He comes up to my car. He goes, I'm so sorry I hit you. And I go, no worries. Can we exchange numbers? I had a nail appointment. I had to get to it.

My car, by the way, I didn't even get out of my car. I didn't get out of my car. Are you like? I didn't see the damage. But I know there's damage because my car is now actually, it's kind of horizontal at this point. It was like, it's now not in a lane. So I'm like, hmm, that's weird. So he comes up to my window.

He goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I go comes up to my window. He goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I go, what's your name? He goes, Carl. Kind of hot, honestly. I was kind of like, Carl, you sure you hit me? I'm like, hit me again. He goes, so I hit you.

We need to exchange insurances. And I go, of course. I go, what's your number? He gives me his number. He walks. I go, get your insurance. He walks back to the car. I speed away.

My bumper. I had to get to my nail appointment. I had to get to Y the car. I speed away. My bumper. I had to get to my nail appointment. I had to get to Yuka. So I sit down with Yuka. Yuka, of course. You always have nice nails. Well, I just took them off. I used to have acrylics.

Took them off. You always have long nails. I've never seen you with short. Short. It's my new thing. Hot. Hot. Okay. Anyways, I was in my acrylic phase.

Yeah. Had to go to Yuka. Sitting down with Yuka. Yuka's like, what happened today? I'm like, actually, nothing. It's been a boring day. Meanwhile, my car's completely destroyed. It's totaled. In the parking lot.

She's looking at the car. She's like, nothing. Nothing happened. She's like, good job. She actually got brain damage during the collision. So then I forget about him. He's elated.ated he's like i don't have to pay for shit he's obviously he's thrilled this this man just won the lottery he just hit well actually not really because his car's total too but he just hit this car i forget about this you're good i'm good

um i forget if i we put the bumper back on there was still a huge dent but i was like fuck it i was like sometimes it's cute to roll up with a damaged car right you're like oh you're relatable you're like yeah i'm like my car's totaled so up but you know what i mean well you're like that cool girl from like the movie totally she gets out and she's like oh and everyone's like oh stunning you know i mean her hair is blowing for me it's a little different i have like stuff in my teeth i'm like picking it i'm like but you're playing the role you're playing the role anyways i uh where was i you call him oh so two years later i call him two years it's been two years jesus i call him and i go hi he goes hi i go so i have you my phone is hit's hit and run Carl. So I just do want to know what that was about.

So I've forgotten this. And you're just bored at night. Yes, I'm bored. And he's like, I don't remember. This is a random number. He was like, I don't have your number. He's like, what the? Owen.

And then I was like, oh my god, Carl, Carl, Carl. And I literally went through a time warp where I was like, Carl. I was literally, I was like, Carl. Suddenly I'm in the car again carl carl anyways i'm now realizing that this man has hit my car so now i'm on the phone asking him for money so i'm like and he goes i live in mexico city now no no owen i live in mexico city i'm not going to give you money for a car that was totaled two years ago i don't even

have that car and i'm thinking yeah neither do i actually i turned in my lease i'm like but it was i'm like i'm like well it's probably the damage was like two thousand dollars so if you could just pay me that he was like no he kept hanging up i kept recalling did you actually think you were gonna get the money or just fucking around i was fucking around but also at a certain point i think you actually get into it where i was like i kind of want the money now right you know what i mean jerry's asleep next to me i'm like uh he's snoring i'm like well he's we're gonna have to get his nose fixed i'm like he's gonna have to get some kind of rhinoplasty i'm like i'm gonna have to pay for this shit with that 2k will go a long way exactly so i i i love carl he's actually become a fast friend hold on no how did he become a fast friend no just during

the call he kind of laughed at a few things i said. I laughed at a few things he said. We actually had a spark, honestly. We had a spark. He lives in Mexico City. He's straight. And I think he's like 60. Another 60-year-old. Wait, wait.

And so do you keep in touch a little bit? No, but I texted him today. What did you say? Hi. And he's like, Owen? And then you just like send the Venmo request again? 100%. You just keep saying no but i need i need people like this in my life like i need these random connections okay i'm like

weird didn't you say i remember another part of the podcast we were like you were going to potentially then interview people because you've done this before on a live spotify thing but you were going to interview people that quote unquote hate you but they don't actually hate you so carl so carl would be a perfect person to interview and like talk this through because it makes no fucking sense. Or my ex trainer who. What? Who absolutely.

Wait, your ex trainer, like physical trainer. Okay. So I had a physical trainer. First of all, I just want to say. I don't, I don't know why I was paying for a trainer. Okay. Like what? Go to a gym, Owen.

Oh, okay. Go to a gym. But if you're, if you're not motivated. Which I'm not. Okay. Then you need to get a trainer. That's like yelling at you to do the but if you're if you're not motivated which i'm not okay then you need to get a trainer that's like yelling at you to do the things exactly you're not self motivated exactly so i had this ex-trainer or i had an ex-trainer i had a trainer um who i he we would set times during the week and i would always cancel oh you're or would you have to pay like a little something so i would make up excuses. I would do this, do that.

I wouldn't pay. Give me an excuse. Like what are your kind of excuses? Are they obvious that you're like obviously not? No, they would be like I got in a car crash. They'd be true. Yeah, but after the third time you say you're in a car crash, you're like, Owen. Well, that one actually is believable, but everything else.

I'm like, I would be like, oh my God, the craziest thing just happened. I ended up on a flight to Puerto Vallarta. I just, I don't know where I am. send help and he'd be like what and then i would actually text a picture of me kind of going to prove it no i'm joking so you could you would interview someone like that yeah i would interview someone like that he he we ended he ended up cutting ties with me he was like i can't work with you anymore this is a toxic work environment he said this is really toxic and he ultimately said i can't he was like anymore. This is a toxic work environment. He said, this is really toxic. And he ultimately said, I can't, he was like,

I don't want to watch you gain weight. He was like, you don't work out. He was like, I like, and I was going around being like, I'm, I don't want to say his name,

but let's say his name is like, uh, Rob, let's say his name is Rob. I'm like, I'm, I'm trained by Rob body by Rob. And I was literally like getting fatter by the day.

Cause I wasn't working out. And he was like, body, not by Rob body. So not by Rob. So he was like body not by Rob body so not by Rob so he was like this is really toxic and Owen

so yeah so I would interview him do you have any like teachers that you like that like would hated you what were you like in school

can we talk about you in school I was like I was a goody two shoes in school but you were yeah but I also said what I wanted to say so I had a French teacher who really...

On sait, on sait, on sait. Well, I thought I was amazing at French because I really can get at the accent. Oui, oui. So I'm really bad at French, to be clear. Oh, okay. But I thought I was good because I would be like, monsieur, d'accord. Oui, that's good. D'accord, d'accord.

Oh, it's hot. Oui, merci. So all I knew, the only thing I knew how to say was, d'accord, monsieur. What does that mean? Okay, mister. Oh, you're so annoying. My teacher was a woman. So she pulled me aside one day and she goes, it's madame.

Madame. And I said, in 2016, I said, we're all, come on, gender. I go, another boomer dealing with gender. I was like, come on. Come on. You're they another boomer dealing with gender. I was like, come on. Come on, you're they, them. What are you? She was like, a woman. Please, madame.

I was like, it's not even a hard word. I couldn't say it. All I could say is, d'accord, monsieur. It also kind of sounds better. It sounds hot. But I would literally write that in my tests also. I was a horrible French student. But I would get out of tests by, and I'm gonna do it so don't ask me but i used to do a shakira

impersonation how do you come on call her daddy and say that you used to do a shakira impression i can't do it anymore i've lost it i've lost it they're not wanting to i keep starting to lie and i'm starting to have hair go i can't do it go i actually won't look go no no i i'm not kidding i actually can't do it why i've lost it's something in my it's something in you it's something in me can you do any impressions like any of them come on no but you do a really good jennifer coolidge i like her a lot so i just want she's amazing she's even on the pod no i want her let's manifest it right now okay why won't she come on i actually just i guess now. Okay. Jennifer Gould on the pod. Jennifer Gould on the pod.

Why won't she come on? I actually just got a text. She's swimming on the pod. And so is Beyonce's mom is coming over. Wait, Tina Knowles. Okay, so you don't have any impressions. I don't have any. Okay, talk to me about when did you know you liked boys?

I'm in a... I'm sorry. I meant when did you... Excuse me? I think... Would anybody watch this and think I'm straight? That meant, I meant, I meant, when did you? Excuse me? I think. Would anybody watch this and think I'm straight? That's for you guys. Yeah. Tune in.

Comment below. I'm gay. What's the question? When did you know you liked boys? Oh, Zac Efron. High school musical. High school musical. And what's funny is that I looked at this man who obviously was so

attractive right but i liked his soul i literally liked his soul i go a man who sings and wants to treat gabriella nice i go that's what i want literally good he could have been the ugliest toad and i would have been like his soul is fucking sweet his soul his. His soul. Yeah. Did you have a crush in school? And like were you someone that if you had a crush in school when you were younger, like would you be upfront about it or were you shy? Upfront. Oh. Immediately.

The crush came. I go, I have a crush on you. No. You're not. I have a crush on you. And then they'd be like, what? That tracks. Yeah.

I just, I think I'm falling in love with you as we speak. When was your first kiss? Um, I kissed a girl first okay how was it i think she would say it was horrible and i would say like actually amazing was it a kiss or a makeout it was a makeout fun and how did you were like you were like no shout out what's your name hankin eden eden eden what a fucking fabulous la name eden eden Eden Hankin I was in love with her I was in it was 8th grade I was madly in love with her she was

a dancer and I was like I would look at her and be like I want to dance like you I was like how do you do that again do the split iconic me so gay I was like that's hot everyone's like that's so hot she's so flexible I was like yeah it's really hot she can put her head behind she can put her feet behind her head.

I'm like, wow, so hot. I want to be able to do that. Literally. I was like, me tomorrow. I'll learn. She is so nice. I haven't seen her in years, though. We love you.

We love you. Thank you for putting up with Owen. We do love you. Okay, and then when was your first boy kiss? A man named Miles Jordan. What? I know. Wait, is that a basketball name?

Is that a basketball player? Michael Jordan. What a name. I know. Wait, is that a basketball name? Is that a basketball player? Michael Jordan. Let's cut that. Hey, guys, let's cut that. Hey, everyone in this house. Hey, so I just want to let everyone know that we're obviously cutting what I just said. Not the most famous. The most famous basketball player in the world.

Even if you don't know basketball. 100%. You know that. Miles Jordan is a good name, though. he we made out and i was like i didn't know what i was doing right so i was like where are you gonna i was like are you gonna stick it in we're making out like literally making out i think we were at like a like a formal honestly or something and we were making out and i was like what like when are you gonna do it now and he was like what he's like no he had been out for months years maybe he

was like that's not how it works it's like totally never heard from him again obviously i then but i fell madly in love with him i was in love until i found another person to be in love and then your first boyfriend how long was that that was about two years i feel like your jaw just clenched what was that like well because that was one of those that was like you'll never forget my first love i'm still like different it doesn't mean that you're still in love with them it's just like jared's like no we're really done exactly i'm like yeah exactly jared comes and breaks up with me. Even when I talk about my first love, it's a different type of like, whoa. Because it was your first of something. And you'll always remember that.

And then it does get better. But you'll never forget it. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And I feel like here's the deal. I don't. We're friends.

Yeah. I don't ever see a future with this man. Like, I'm with the person I love. Wait, you're friends with him to this day? Oh, well, I forced him to be friends with me. Owen? Obviously. I'm like, we can't be exes.

No. He's like, well, we can be exes. I'm like, okay, then we need to be friends. He's like, okay. Does he live in LA? No, he lives in New York. Okay, that's healthy. But he's in LA a lot.

I actually got coffee with him two days ago. Wait, Owen! Does Jared not care? No, doesn't care at all. I, oh, so, okay. I unfollowed him on Instagram. Why? But I made, because I'm just like, I don't need to see your shit.

He has a new boyfriend who seems lovely. Yeah. Go off. Actually, I don't need to see it. But I made Jared follow him. So now they follow each other. So now. Is he private?

So he, yeah, exactly. He was private. So I made Jared follow him. Now he follows Jared back. They DM. They're totally fine and cordial and i'm like this is fucking weird i'm like you don't follow him jared's like no you're now you've made me friends with you're getting jealous of your current boyfriend talking to your ex-boyfriend 100 i'm like this is so fucking weird i'm like what are you gonna do fuck him he's like no i wasn't you asked me yeah you made me do this ohen so anyways i really i was coffee it was actually

great but you're like friends yeah so you go to nyu yeah we need to go all the way back to the beginning of this episode you casually said that you went to nyu for a month a week no so i was technically enrolled for i was technically enrolled for like a year. Okay. But I went to classes for a week. And then what the fuck did you do? Two weeks maybe. Why? What? I was done.

I was like this. I'm done now. No, my parents had paid so much fucking money and I'm so disrespectful and uncritical and I'm a cunt. And I was like, I can't. I'm so obsessed with them. And it sounds so, people are going to be like, this is so weird. But I was like, I just don. I'm so obsessed with them. And it sounds so, people are going to be like, this is so weird. But I was like, I just don't, I need to be home. I was like, I need to be home.

Because of your parents. Yeah, and because I just like, New York was like, I was over it. You were like, I don't need to do this. I was there for two weeks. No, and my boyfriend had just broken up with me, the first love. So I think I was like emotional. And I was like, there was a whirlwind and all a lot of my best friends actually went to nyu with me um which was really nice but i was like no i was lit i i felt like carrie broadshaw where i was like

everything i was like walking and i was like will he text me or is it just another day and down the rabbit you know what i mean i was literally carrie and did he live in new york at the time or no who your ex-boyfriend no he no he he lived in ohio he went to oberlin shout out shout out so you go back to la post breakup what the fuck did you do after you left school literally i wish i knew i wish i knew i was sitting there like what am i doing with my life i had like so many right like i just had midlife crises at 2020 do you wish you had stayed in college of course and so does my dad and your grandfather okay we're gonna play a game go i'm gonna give you a scenario

and i want you to know like how you would respond okay you are at a sleepover okay well now i feel like i know who we're contacting but let's not contact nanny okay you're at a sleepover and they pull out the ouija board who are you contacting and what are you asking them wait i have a really dumb question what what's a ouija board no obviously i know that i've fucking seen the movie is that the movie the ouija ouija is that what's called ouija we ouija i keep saying it like it's going to come to me. We G. Um, anyways, there is it only dead people? Yeah. Let's just say,

yeah. Yeah. For sure. Who am I contacting? Just not nanny. Not nanny. Who am I contacting? Who's dead?

Do you know anyone that's dead? Honest? I don't know that many people that are dead. Who are we going to say? I'm so lucky. Oh, shout out. Um,

I keep saying shout out. So anything. Shout out to no one. Shout out to absolutely no one. Uh, I would come. Ooh keep saying shout out. It's my new thing. Shout out to no one. Shout out to absolutely no one. I would. Ooh. Ew. No.

Okay. Wait. Okay. I would contact. You would contact a celebrity. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Like. Oh, I'm.

Yeah. I'm like. I don't. You don't need to contact anyone. You're so at peace with your. No. People on earth. I'm not.

I need to contact the. I would. Contact the dead. I'm not. I need to contact the... I would... Contact the dead. I would contact... This game doesn't need to be this... I would contact William Taft. William H. Taft. He's a president.

What's worse? You wanting to contact a random president or me not knowing that that was a president? Wait, you didn't know that? Can I be honest why I would contact him i was like he sounds familiar no i know what would contact no but first answer why no no i i taft because he's just iconic and he was like was he hot oh well look him up look him up tell me if he's hot what is it what is his name robert taft william h taft no i swear to God I'm not dumb. I don't know why he came to my mind.

Because I think we're talking about school. I have seen this man before. I would love to contact him. He'd be fun to talk to. You have a thing for old people. Yeah. Me calling my therapist after this. Why am I sexually attracted?

Is he kind of hot? Oh, he's hot. Also, that looks like a recent photo. I'm not kidding. Wait, pull that back up. I've seen that on Raya. That's recent. That is fully recent.

Do you see what I'm saying? When you're that old, it's usually blurry and grainy. It's giving iPhone 10. It's giving pores. I'm not kidding. It's giving portrait mode. That's gorgeous. That's a gorgeous photo, giving pores. I'm not kidding. It's giving portrait mode. That's gorgeous. That's a gorgeous photo, Taft.

You're not dead. I'm not contacting you. William! Okay. Who else? Who would I contact? No, no, no. You were about to say something else.

I know. Is this hard? I don't know why this is hard for me. No, I don't care anymore. You did a great answer. Taft, shout out. If you were... Okay, wait.

Have you had any paranormal experiences i haven't personally no no okay if you were in a horror movie do you think you would survive till the end no first of all black people die first so i die first my love i would be the first to go um no and here's the deal this is what i would do i would reason with this i actually think about this all the time because jared is always away so i'm alone. Oh, and are you paranoid? Always. Owen, when Matt's gone, we have to have sleepovers because you don't understand. Please, any day. I am buying everything on the internet.

I've had people install things into my house. 100%. Do you sleep with a pan? Owen. No. Sorry. Me trying to relate. Owen, you sleep with a pan?

Of course. That's actually way smarter because you get the swing curvature i have those things from amazon that i open all my boxes with that are like little cutters and i have one that's scary open you sleep with a box cutter you sleep with a box i do no no because i used to sleep with a knife and then matt was like you won't win the fight because you don't know how to stab with a knife but if you have a, you won't win the fight because you don't know how to stab with a knife. But if you have a box cover, I could hit the carotid artery. Isn't a knife the same thing? Yeah, but I feel like the knife, it's easier to slip back and it could maybe cut my whole hand open.

I've thought about all of this. I've also practiced. I do like little Olympics in my room. On Matt? Yeah, we're into that kinky shit, you know? Yeah, totally. You're like, I'm into blood. I'm into blood play.

Okay, so you have a pan. I have a pan. have a pan i sleep with i i'm obsessed with objects in my bed i always have objects in my bed like what a pan i'm obsessed with um pepper spray uh i don't sleep with a knife yeah pepper spray is really that's actually really smart but also what if they've gotten but what do you think they're coming to do to you because i'm always thinking a little like fondle fondle kidnap rape kill that's the thing i think i don't think they would this is so i don't think they'd want to rape me we need to talk to your therapist about that you're hot they're coming for that d they're coming for me um no i want if you want if you want cut that um want. Cut that. So, okay.

So, anyways, I sleep with objects because I'm so paranoid. Okay. So paranoid. But I do think. Paranoid about what? Paranoid about somebody coming in and not knowing I'm there. Like, my fear is that they're not going to know I'm there. They're going to try to rob the place.

By the way, we have nothing in the house. So, like, you'd be robbing. You'd be taking me. I'm the most valuable piece. And my pan. Literally. And my one pan that, by the way, we clearly don't cook in the house. I was about to say.

There's pans in the bed, love. So you are just thinking that they're going to kill you accidentally almost. I think they're going to kill me accidentally. And I'm so nervous about us being face to face. My fear is that they're going to be like, ha. And then I'm going to be like, ha. And then they're going to be like, ha. Do you know what I mean?

I'm going to be now dead being like, huh. Eyes closed. Up with Nanny, we go. Literally. So I've thought about this so much and I think I could reason with them. Okay.

Okay. So I think what I would say to them is this. Okay. You came in for something. You didn't think it was me. I take what I take out. No. No.

I go, you came in for something. I have, I'll give you whatever you want. And you're so calm like this in for something i have i i'll give you whatever you want and you're so calm like this i'm so calm i'll give you whatever you want i'm not gonna tell i i i can't remember i lie to them i go i have face blindness when you walk away i won't be able to remember it so totally fine right you're back to your liar days like you can easy swing this even if you're my neighbor i wouldn't tell tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me. And then I'll tell them secrets that my friends have told me. So then I'll be like, trust me.

Trust me. My friend Zoe, she just told me the best secret in the world. And I'll actually tell you right now so you believe me. So Zoe. And then they're literally like, I'm leaving. Okay, so you're like garnering. You're like getting this person to really believe that you don't give a shit. And you're like, I promise I'll keep your secret. So I think that's the way to do i think that's why i would survive but i think in a horror movie i would have to die first because i think i

could almost die before you because i actually think okay hold on although no you you would die before me why no no because yeah i am so paranoid i would kill myself. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. No one's going to. Because I do think I have narcissistic tendencies. For sure. So I would definitely be like, not doing that. Only child, parents are obsessed with you, adopted, golden child. Do you want to hear what happened to me the other night?

Yes. Oh my God. Scariest thing in the world. Why? I'm sleeping in my bed. Is this going to scare me? No. Oh.

3.30 a.m. I'm asleep. Finally. Finally. Finally. 30 minutes in. 30 minutes in. I'm in REM. Oh my God. REM is happening. I'm like a.m i'm asleep finally finally finally 30 minutes in 30 minutes hitting rem i oh my god rem is happening i'm like i'm asleep like this i'm asleep babe suddenly alarm goes off in the house nope nope nope i go no no i stand up i go no no what do you want who are you

who are you don't come in here no i go if you're gonna come in here. No. I go, if you're going to come in here, I have nothing. You're like, my dick is out. Yeah, literally. Literally. I was like, but I'm naked. So come in. So nothing happened. No one moves. I check the alarm.

I'm checking. I'm checking. I'm checking. Are you by yourself? I'm by myself. Oh, I'd be done. I'm by myself. The door, I'm watching in the alarm, the ring, that the door opens, but no one's there.

But the door is locked and open. I get, I start crying. I have chills. I have chills. I'm crying. I go, what? So then I thought someone's crawling. So, but then I go, maybe it's a short person.

Cut that. I go, someone is clearly in my house. Or it's a ghost. But I didn't even go there. I was just like, someone's in my house. And they have some kind of cloak that they're wearing that they are invisible to the ring cameras. I go out. I take my pan.

I go out. I walk into the living room. I call Jared. I face him. Jared. Jared's on set. Shout out. Jared's on set. I go, Jared, someone's in the house. Jared goes, what? I face him Jared's on set shout out Jared's on set

I go Jared someone's in the house Jared goes what I go someone's in the house he goes I have to go I go the last time you saw me the last time you saw me

I'm holding a pan like this I look around I go whoever's in here I have a pan and then I thought gun gun

I have a gun I check every closet nothing nothing no one was in there no ghost no little person And then I thought, gun, gun, I have a gun. I check every closet, nothing. No one was in there. No ghost, no little person, no big person, no caller. I sit in my car because I was like, I can't sit in my house. I sit in my car for two and a half hours, three hours. I look up sunrise, LA.

It's like 6.30 AM. I'm like, so I sit in my car until then. I'm wired. I'm like, wait i so scared the next day my mom comes over looks around the house with me goes in the corners she's like offline we watch the ring camera again genuinely the door unlocked and opened please somebody like who deals with ghosts like come to my house maybe we should have an episode where we deal with that oh i totally think we should we do like a little paranormal. Totally. Like a seance. Bring Nanny in.

Can you imagine? Owen, I'm not kidding you. I would probably have to move. 100%. Or you have to like, have you changed the lock or something? Or like, So I've changed,

no, so I've changed the lock. But I'm going to be honest. I do think that now that they've entered, they're in. They're in. Do you get what I'm saying? They're in. They're in.

You're like, but maybe it's a good thing think about yeah okay you're on a deserted island okay you have to post but i still have to post you have to post this regardless you go in memoriam you go he was so he was i promise he was funny it was gonna funny. It was going to be a great show in your dreams, bitch. People are like, that guy got – I'm canceled and dead. Okay, keep going. Oh, my God. That would be so sad. No, I would speak well in your name.

Okay, you're stranded on a deserted island, and you can only bring three things and one celebrity. Who are you bringing? What are you bringing? I'm bringing road. Okay. Just, God, you might as well die with good luck. But that makes sense. Yeah, oh, for sure.

That's like a – also, it's edible. Right right so you eat it um of course okay exactly road um road okay this is hard i'm bringing road i'm bringing smoked almonds yum i'm dying for them ah put them in my mouth have you ever had smoked what kind just smoke doesn't matter i think i like the sriracha ones delish so good but not as good as smoked have you had smoked i don't know no seriously i feel like i probably have no aren't they in that little tin yes yes i've had all the yum oh they're so good literally are they bad for you gobble are they good gobble gobble what are they good for you bad for you um so i haven't looked into that okay let's not we're bringing the smoked almonds we're bringing road and we're bringing.

A thing called Yoli. What the fuck is that? That I'm plugging on this podcast. What is Yoli? That I'm not sponsored by them. What is Yoli? It's an electrolyte drink. I don't drink water.

Okay. So I don't sleep and I don't drink water. Okay. Owen, how are you alive? It's so bad. I'm not. And you have so much energy. Thanks.

So you're bringing a drink so i'm bringing yoli it's so delish because i figure like if you're gonna have to like drink ocean water celebrity oh fuck am i gonna bring someone to fuck this is what i'm thinking about i'm feeling like my answer would be my vibrator oh fuck oh i can use my hand oh for sure i was gonna say we could share we're not there together. And also. Also, I don't know how that. Oh, I bring a. I bring.

Anal vibrator. I bring a two in one. Yeah. Totally. And then my iPad. But I would have. Oh, I didn't know you could bring electronics. I would obviously bring my iPhone. Oh, my God.

Had I known you could bring the Apple Store, I would have brought the Apple Store, love. That's so unfair. That's like being like, who would you be? It's like Steve Jobs. So he could invent me anything it's like that's unfair you played the game wrong you ruined the game i'm like my ipad but i knew i was gonna be stuck on the island so i could download love island i had 62 episodes i could get me through and then maybe my dog can i bring my dog yeah that's fair and then celebrity oh i think i would bring bill nye why you would bring Bill Nye no

Bill Nye the science guy don't you think he could like get us out Bill Bill Bill wasn't that the song that was so good Bill Nye the science guy Bill Bill Bill

woo that's a banger why haven't they remixed that when they would bring into school the thing why haven't they remixed AJ Cook

AJ Cook put it on TikTok Charlie anyone Bill Nye the Science. And then it's like Charlie being like, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. Wait, we should do that.

Do we know any DJs? I met one in Peru. No, I'm joking. Yeah, seven-year-old woman in Peru. Yeah, exactly. Okay, who are you bringing? I just thought Bill could kind of like get us, get us through it.

Get us out. I think I would bring my best friend who happens to be a celebrity i think i'd bring emma chamberlain because she's such a comfort for me i was supposed to say yes and then i was like wait oh she would just talk you through it she would just talk me through and she's like emma's not getting you off the island no but she's like yes she's like comforting and she's like she has great style and she just like is hot and fun to talk to why would i say that i want taylor swift to just sing to me till we die i want taylor swift imagine she somehow is like no i'm taking you left your typewriter in my apartment

wait that's a great album oh i think everyone slept on it for a second because they were nervous this happens with every taylor album you're like can you beat the next can you beat the last like how do you beat 1989 how do you beat it and then it just but she's always she's my favorite always one-upping herself and it's so funny because you don't think she can because i also think she can here's the thing when i was growing up i was the biggest taylor fan i had the most embarrassing music video of me doing um love story and I'm in this like awful like dress for my cotillion and I'm like walking around um Bucks County Community College and I'm like um it's a love story baby she said and then my poor friend Kristen is under a tree being like the

acoustic person she I made her always look like boys because we needed like a boy I totally whatever and so we have this awful thing and so in my mind i'm like there's nothing that can be like fearless or love story or our song nothing and then she tops it and then she tops it and then she tops it and then she always tops it and then you get to torture poets department and everyone was like oh i don't know i don't know so what did you think of midnights i loved midnights but i will say i think torture poets department is one of my favorite. Is it better than Midnight's? No. Come on.

Okay, this is my problem. And I was actually listening. Have you listened to Gracie Abrams' new album, which I'm so obsessed with? And I'm not even heartbroken. Let me just explain this to you. I love Gracie. I love that girl as a person. I think she's an amazing human being.

And I also think her music is amazing. Hello. I have never met her. I would love to meet her one day. Introduce us. Get her in here. Fly on in. She's here. i brought her for you listen to me i am not heartbroken i'm married and happy and in love right now i cannot stop playing that i can i am which one well how do i how do i begin so i went through this whole thing where first of all obviously

um i love you i'm sorry i love you i'm sorry you were the best and you were the worst I love you. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. You were the best and you were the worst. It's the given sounds. I love you first. I'm obsessed. So good. But all of them are so good. And so I've been listening to all of it. And I'm like wanting to have something to cry about.

Of course. But I'm like, I don't care. I was one of those girls growing up that was like obsessed with like the depressing music. But I went through an alternative stage where I like really liked Mayday Parade. So what were you obsessed with? Mayday Parade. What is that? Oh my God.

You don't know what Mayday Parade is? Mayday Parade. Mayday Parade. Oh my God. You don't know what Mayday Parade is? Mayday Parade. Wait, I don't know what you're saying. Mayday Parade. Can I play this for you? Hold on. No, you have heard the song. Mayday Parade. Mayday Parade. Listen to this. You've heard the song. Don't cry. Wonderwall? No. Is that the song? No. My Mayday mayday parade girls please comment down below i was obsessed katie don't cry oh my god not me trying to do it i know stunning no no wait also the way you grabbed the mic you're trying you're like it was so hot no listen to me great i i really should that's coming. So I've always been obsessed with like kind of depressing music.

Totally. And even if I'm happy, I find a way to be sad. Oh, same. And Gracie and Taylor's albums, I'm alternating between. If you literally go on my Spotify right now, it's just those two albums and I can't stop doing it. And I'm like, I'm not even sad. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. Say it.

So I might have to cut it. Okay. But Jared, who is Sabrina's carpenter stylist yes so i'm the biggest sabrina carpenter of course i'm like she's iconic i pray to her at night um i've always been by the way like since sue me since like she's so hot i'm obsessed looking at look and her fashion is amazing so shout out jared it looks amazing shout out jared she looks great um so i heard the album shut up Shut the fuck up. Is it life changing?

You're going to die. You're going to fully. I hit the mic. You're going to fully die. No, you're going to die. Un-fucking-lievable. I'm just so happy that there's good music coming out. There's all this good music that we get.

How lucky are we? How lucky are we? Also, I feel fortunate because when i was chapel everything is hitting right now and i feel like we went through a dry spell right before taylor came out with new music and then like billy everyone's coming out with it's insane billy we forgot about billy i don't even know how we started so your pop girls are billy billy taylor i'm like gracie i'm newly obsessed with gracie i will say like she's amazing i when i saw this album coming out and oh did you see the music video for I love you I'm sorry it's so fucking good like so cute how do we get here can you be proud of a pop star like I'm so proud of Taylor Swift I'm so proud of Taylor

Swift because I feel like she is a very influential person for women and like anyone that has felt like an underdog and like of course I just feel like she does a really good job of making it not about her and making it about good job of making it not about her and making it about like this is well it is about her but it's also about us if that makes sense well yeah she she also speaks to she's basically like this is my experience and i know for a fact it's your experience which is and it is my experience i know all too well is my experience actually not quite but you know what i'm saying? Okay, let's move on. Okay, keep going. Okay, you can trade lives with a character in a movie. Who is it and why?

Andy McDowell. That's not her. Who? Can we look up? No. What? Look up... I've never used my phone in an interview.

Here I am. Andy McDowell? No, that's an actress, I think. Who are you? What movie? Phineas and Ferb? Phineas and Ferb. Yeah.

Candace. Ashley Tisdale. No. I'm obsessed with her. Ashley Tisdale specifically as Phineas' sister? Yeah. Candace. Candace.

I don't know why I know that. Me neither. I'm really unwell. How are we here? I would, how to lose a guy in 10 days. Andy Anderson. Andy Anderson. Andy Anderson.

Obsessed. When I was younger, I wanted to be Miranda Priestly. Oh,. Andy Anderson. Andy Anderson. Andy Anderson. Obsessed. When I was younger, I wanted to be Miranda Priestly. Oh, that's iconic. But now, no. Who would you be? I'm just thinking of movies I like.

And I'm like, I don't want to be that. Well, that's what I did. Well, my favorite movie is like The Proposal. I'm like, oh. Oh my God, that's one of the best movies. Is there any better movie?

That's one of the best movies. Hilary Duff in Cheaper by the Dozen. I forget Cheaper by the Dozen. I forget it. You know what I would love to be? Go watch it. Lizzie McGuire in Cheaper by the Dozen. I forget Cheaper by the Dozen. I forget it. You know what I would love to be? Go watch it. Lizzie McGuire in the Lizzie McGuire movie. Paolo.

Sing to me, Paolo. Sing to me, Paolo. I would love to. Have you ever seen such a beautiful night? And then he comes in and he can't sing. He's like, I could wish the stars. And then remember the other girl's voice is a little bit, it's shining so bright.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I see you smiling, I i see you ever oh oh oh my god and that scene from the movie where she comes out in all the different outfits when she's like trying on oh oh my god of course when she comes in the ice ice igloo igloo dress um so good i would love to be her too have you ever seen love is blind of course okay if you were on love is blind what questions are you asking the person behind the wall? Are you the guy that's trying to get to know what they actually look like secretly? Or no? You're going for love? No, I would be going for love. Oh, yeah, because

you like the soul. I like the soul. So I would be like I would be like, what if you if we called my mom right now, what would you want to know about her? I'm on the other side and I'm being like, what would I ask people? I'm like, tell me about your childhood trauma. Let's go back to the very beginning.

Totally, totally. No, I think you need to know that, by the way. I would want to know. I think you need to know that. Okay, what if you saw them and you weren't physically attracted to them? I think I'd be fine. Really? No, I think I'd be like.

You'd push through. I think I'd push through for the show. I think I'd be like, I'm madly. I think I would push through for the show. I think I'd be like, I'm madly in love with this guy. It just can't help. Every confessional, I'd be like, the love grows stronger and stronger every single day. There's nothing to even say.

I'm so attracted to him. And then obviously behind closed doors, I'm like, this is so ugly. You do your skincare routine. Literally, I'm like, yeah, exactly. You never go to bed.

I literally have shinies. I'm actually breaking out now at this point. Because you're over exfoliating. Because I'm always over exfoliating because i can't have sex with him and then it's cut to the confessional you're like it's a slow burn that has just been building and i'm waiting for the sexual aspect because i want to be respectful of both of us and you're like acting like you're this religious freak meanwhile you're just like no i don't want to fuck him no but also have you noticed this are there any gay people on love is blind no but i think that's because you'd have to do like a gay oh like think you would version well actually you could just have gay people in the wait but hold on but then when say we're sitting across from each other and there's a wall and i'm like oh my god it's like tell me about yourself

no well i'm not gonna be sitting with you because you're gonna be like you're like you go into your confession you're like so i think the man I just was speaking to isn't into a man, but I want to give him a chance. Then the producers would have to get involved and just make sure. Right. But I feel like the producers are already involved. I nominate myself first gay client. First gay person on Love is Blind.

You are in a relationship. Jared would let you. No, you're going to find your third. Jared and I in a room together finding our third wait that's just a show that is another show pitch it done um okay who is the most famous person in your phone right now probably hayley bieber oh is she it right who's the most famous person of yours probably hayley or miley oh can you give me Miley's number? Honestly. Airdrop it.

You don't understand childhood Alex like just like not like just randomly on days sending her a selfie like missing you. You do that? It takes everything to not do it. No I don't do that.

Oh I was like what the hell? No no. She's my favorite person in the world. I'm so obsessed with Miley. Endless Summer Vacation that's another album

that's unbelievable. Anything she releases. Anything. Okay because I was going to ask you but I don't think we should do that to hayley because she's gorgeous and pregnant and she doesn't need your drama i was thinking call someone in your phone right now yeah and pretend to have a freak out and be like i just found something shady on jared's phone what do i do should we call emma she's on a plane fuck who should we call who should we call we want to

like pretend you basically call them anything call them and be like i'm freaking out right now i just found who would believe you being like are you gonna you're a good actor you're an actor be like i'm not good be like i'm i found shady shit on jared's phone i'm freaking out i don't know if anyone's famous who do you who should we call let's call um name someone who would be funny with this fuck i wish emma was not on a plane should we try her try her just see if she answers come on emma come on emma it's on speaker it's just quiet i don't know why my phone is quiet come on emma fuck who could we call it like you could just like fake like bitch you have so many famous friends who else what about um shay mitchell yes but i don't know her it's gonna be weird okay she's gonna be like this okay okay break up with him um who should we call your mom

my mom won't buy it she won't if you're like mom i'm freaking out like i i found something really shady on jared's phone like i think he's been like fully having an emotional relationship with someone and i'm like freaking out right now she won't buy it she'll be like this i mean i have so many random friends call a random friend this. This may be bad, but who's this? Getting married. Oh my God. I just found the scariest thing on Jared's phone. I think he's having a full-fledged relationship, like actually full-fledged relationship with

someone else. Wait, what? I think Jared's having a full-fledged relationship. I don't know what to do now. Wait, what did you see? What was it? I saw a text and photos, and I'm not kidding he's like he's he's saying he's saying to him like I I've been I'm in love with you I've been in love with you for years like

I don't know I don't know what to do wait Jared was saying that to the guy the guy was saying both both both both oh my god how did you find is he not there where's no he's he's he went to he went to to work to work to work and i just saw his ipad on his ipad he was he was he was even i'm sorry i have covid what do i do what do i do what do i do oh my god i literally this is i'm like i'm actually gonna be sick i know i know i it's it's literally horrible what do i do what do i do what the fuck i don't know do i tell him i saw it do i tell him i saw it yes obviously and do i just say do i or do I do? What the fuck? I don't know. Do I tell him I saw it? Do I tell him I saw it? Yes, obviously.

And do I just say, or do I just move out, move all my stuff out? Couch on the sidewalk. Where are you going to go? I'll put the couch on the sidewalk. It's not funny. It's not funny.

You're going to move him out of the house? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. Well, hilarious. I'm dealing with a... Warranted. Oh my God, that's like literally fucking insane. Okay, hilarious? I'm dealing with a... Warranted. Oh, my God. That's, like, literally fucking insane. Okay, wait.

Let's think. Is there any, any, any rationale, like... For him to cheat? For him to cheat? No, no, no. No, but, like, for, like, just thinking about, like, in terms of... She's getting married literally tomorrow. Say I love you, bye.

It's her bachelorette. Tell her. Okay, here's the deal. I'm on Call Her Daddy. You've just been pranked. You've just been pranked. Jared's not. Are you kidding me?

That was really good acting. Wait, really? You got the deal. I'm on call or daddy. You've just been pranked. You've just been pranked. Jared's not. Are you kidding me? That was a really good acting. You were so good. You got the role. Yeah, I'm like sick right now. Oh my God. Wait, I love you so much. She literally is having her bachelorette tomorrow. Oh my God.

Wait, you're getting married. We love you, queen. We love you. Okay, I love you. I'm so confused that this isn't real. But are you okay? Yes, are you? Yeah, I'm totally fine. I'm okay. Love you. Love you. I'm so relieved that this isn't real. But are you okay? Yes, are you? Yeah, I'm totally fine.

I'm okay. Love you. Love you. I love you. She's getting married. You just ruined her life. 100%. Okay, I will say that is a good friend because you can tell that she loves you guys together

and she was trying to be so supportive and not immediately like, fuck him, leave. Totally. She was being a good friend. Is there any reason that you would do that? I was like, uh. And I start listing the reasons. reasons i'm like i don't sleep i wake him up the fact that you also like move him out i put myself on the couch outside go she's okay that was a good fucking friend she's a great friend that was good thank you for doing that what is the most la thing about you that you have ozempic in your fridge that yeah that i have are you would you say we're getting to dan i promise um would you say that you're

good at being an adult like are you adulting no what am i talking about you're absolutely about adult are you horrible are you still on your family's phone plan are you on your own no no my family the way you just said that to me as insinuating you're like no of course i have my own thing no i'm no mommy no i'm still in my family's um yes i'm still why would i why what that's the one thing i can i give advice to to the caller daddy to the caller daddy fans out there yes universe daddy gang stay on your parents phone bill for as long as you fucking can are you kidding me ride that wave ride that wave that's like the one thing that i think they don't like that's the one thing that they forget yeah yeah you know what i mean oh my dad didn't no i know

my dad didn't either but but he would jab me a little bit finally i think when i signed my spotify deal he was like you want to pay my bill you want to pay my phone i was like you're in a different place than me my love you want to come on my bill yeah i'm like uh you'll be paying for me i'm like mom daddy literally daddy. Literally daddy. Literally daddy. My original daddy. Hi, daddy. I got your phone bill. Don't worry.

Okay. Can you give us a response to the allegations that you're, you FaceTune your driver's license photo? Is this true? How did I see this? Yeah, that's online. I FaceTune everything. Every photo that you see on the internet is FaceTuned.

Every single one. Stop. What are you going with? Like a little like, um, I'm proud. Sudden kiss one, two. What are you going with? Like a little like, I'm proud. Sunkiss 1-2. What are the things? I don't know.

Isn't there like a thing that you can press like a, wait, oh, FaceApp versus Facetune? Oh no, I don't FaceApp. Okay. FaceApp I used to do if you really scroll back.

Wow. I'm adding lashes. I'm doing a lot of stuff. It's really fun. I'm like making eyebrows thinner. I was actually before Gabrielle was Owen. Thinner brow. Thin brow. I'm'm not kidding it was like iconic okay so but you're face tuning so we'll face tune these photos that we put out don't worry oh oh 100 do you want to face to them or

should i give it well i send to me i'll face to me i'll send to you do you face tune i used to and then i got caught and then i had to stop oh i i see i. I'm just like, Who cares? Who cares? Oh. And by the way, I have one person out there that knows me and that follows me and that one person that follows me knows that I love Facetune.

So their comments are like, go off Facetune, not like you Facetune. Because to be fair, I feel like a lot of times that I look better in person and then I'll take a bad photo and I'm like,

but that's not how I looked. Totally. Like I feel like my glam was cute today, but like it won't, it may not look good in photos. Totally. And also, even more than that that I actually think that if you I

can't post a photo that I don't feel good about like I and I don't feel good about any photos I don't feel good about any photo ever so I need to make myself look different okay and then you face up was it you face up or if you face tuned the photo on your license that you posted on the internet or you asked them if you could face I asked them if i could facetune the photo they said no so so like the government you mean they i was in the dmv and i said i literally said to them can you send me that i will send it right back they said no they said you could take another i said let me take another i took four they were like we have a line i was like are you sure you can't send that to me there's a quick there's a quick airdrop i like, literally airdrop that.

It's one sec. I'll be right here. I was like, it's the fastest smooth pull. Done. You're done. I'm like, lip a little bigger. You're done. You're done.

He's like, no. No. So I had to post a driver's license. Every photo that I send of my driver's license is face-tuned. Face-tuned. 100%. Somebody recently was like, you're flying to this. Send me your driver's license.

I was like, face-t like you're flying to this send me your driver's license i was like face tuned okay to be fair i had one of the scariest passport photos that i took when i was 14 years old and i didn't have eyebrows at the time because why well i had eyebrows but you couldn't see them they were translucent they okay before bleach was alex cooper naturally born with just white eyebrows couldn't see them so i had a five head it was a whole thing so then when i figured out that i could just tint them i'm like oh my god it looks so much prettier like i'm so much when i look at younger photos of myself i'm like you guys have to understand people are like oh my god your face shape changed absolutely you look amazing you literally are stunning stop thank you like if you saw her in person you got you would be scared okay keep going

stop so you have to say that so no i had this just a really bad era of my life whatever and i have my passport but my passport it lasts 10 years right so i'm like 15 at the time then i'm 25 so around my like college days i was fucking these professional athletes we were having fun and they would take me to like mikonos circuits and geckos all these places and they would ask me to send them their passport so they could share it with their agent who was booking our stuff and i'm like no they're gonna say no no send me your passport who is that that's how bad it was owen owen i looked like a fucking like i looked like an awful awful troll oh okay my own mother said never show anyone that photo okay that's how you know it's bad because my mom's like you're gorgeous you came out of me horrible so i would face app before face app pick monkey do you know pick monkey no pick monkey is

a web browser that you go on to do and i started to just morph my face and you know how like the lamination in the passport there you you could see the poles and totally 100 you saw it all you saw the whole thing but the men are so stupid these straight men had no fucking idea totally they're like wow bad photo right and i was like and i would preface it being like oh it's such a bad photo but it looked like so much better because I like completely facetuned it. And then, when I went for my new passport photo, fully did glam. That's,

you have to. I need to start doing glam. My photo that I send to people, I look like, I've made myself look like Michael B. Jordan. Like, I'm like,

I'm like suddenly like, hot straight man. No, you can't get to the airport and they're like, this is not you. No, 100%.

It's like insane what I've done to my photo. My new thing is this, I don't carry my ID because I hate my ID photo. I just have a photo of it that I FaceTimed. So even for the bouncers, I'm like, I'm sorry, I lost my wallet. This is me. And they're looking at it.

They're like, you look so gorgeous. You look like a white woman. They're like, what the hell's happening there? Why did you, what the hell? They're like, what did you do to your face? I look completely different you look like every no i look like lisa rena i'm like they're like the hell's happening there i i i'm not kidding i look amazing you look like lisa rena i've done i've done the lip i've

done everything in the in in the photo but i can't of course like the wig i can't do i can't do it in real life because i'm too afraid of needles or anything. No, no, no. I'll get you set up. Don't worry. We're going to ruin your face. It's perfect. Okay. As we are finishing, I just had the most fun ever. Wait, I had so much fun.

I don't even want to finish. Well, we have to also go downstairs and talk about the other shit. We have so much to talk about. We have a lot to talk about. We have to dive in. We haven't even started. No, no, no. By the way, this is a pregame.

I'm not kidding. I'm coming on next week. So I'm actually doing three color down can you imagine it's a three bar series all unfollowed they unsubscribe everyone upsubscribes but this is the best part owen of in all seriousness i'm so happy that you joined the network because it's about it i'm so happy it is like i'm happy that we got to do this because this is just like a tease into who you are like you are the funniest person i know you are so good for podcasting because you can never shut the fuck up just like me we are right

like people are like oh what are you talking about tell you to shut the fuck up all the time my family at family dinners is like alex stop talking shut the fuck up get like my brother's like give me a chance question what about your mother-in-law now do they tell you to shut the fuck up no she actually loves how like crazy i am she loves it my mother-in-law now? Do they tell you to shut the fuck up? No, she actually loves how like crazy I am. She loves it. My mother-in-law thinks it's like so amazing that I'm so kooky. She'll send me videos of myself online and be like, you're so funny in this. Like, oh my God.

Like, let's talk about this at dinner. Like she's, she loves that I'm kooky. Okay, I'm upset. And cause she's insane. She's fun insane. Oh, she's like not insane, like bad insane. No, but she's like, she's like somebody I should call probably. Oh, you would love Lisa.

You are going to meet Lisa. You're going to fucking love Lisa. I'm calling i'm calling lisa you're calling she will she loves to schmooze she's like done let's talk all the oh my god done i'm calling her i love it anyways okay your show in your dreams can we talk about it yeah please what can the daddy gang expect like talk about your show just a little bit of like excited. What are you hoping that people come and why are you hoping people come and listen? Like, what can we expect? Well, you can expect literally what you've seen in this episode. I think you could expect times 10. Yes. Which is so scary.

Right, because I'm not going to be there to keep you on the guardrails. Which is really scary. But it's going to be so good. It's scary. I think it should be on, like, Patreon so people have to pay for it and they can't actually, like, screenshot. You know what I mean? Like, it's this is we're getting some dangerous stories right here and i think you have so many random good stories from la that like are so random like whenever i'm at dinner with you you're just like telling random stories that i'm like you're just giving the tea that everyone wants to know but it's comedy that's so you're hilarious

i think it's gonna be fun too because your set i'm obsessed i just saw like the picture my set is well it feels like my childhood bedroom it's my childhood bedroom I think what people can expect from this is like feeling like you're on a sleepover and I feel like now that we're all older I mean some people are still young but we're young

I mean I'm 10 I just turned 11 no but I think now that we're a little older I think sleepovers are rare for us. So I think like get into bed with me. Do you know what I mean? Let's talk. Get into bed.

Get into bed. Let's talk. We won't do hand stuff. No. I promise. We'll just talk. We'll just talk. We'll emotionally fuck each other.

Yes. No, but I think also there's something really fun about um being because i'm doing this late at night when i can't sleep i think we're all loopy at that hour even if you don't realize it yes so it's just like fun things come out you you it's just like random shit and i love i personally love podcasts that are a bunch of random shit because i want to be listening while i'm like cleaning my closet on a friday night if i don't go out or a sunday and i want to like feel like I'm laughing with my friend and I you're so right about the sleepover aspect because I just went on a to a wedding and I stayed in a house with my three best girlfriends and we were like so you got belly laughing like I had not laughed this hard in so long and we said oh

my god it's so different when you have a sleepover versus you just get dinner because the weird shit happens at night 100 right when you leave six also it's like why are you brushing your teeth like that you know what i mean like it's like weird shit like that where you're like no no that is weird that is weird you find out weird shit and you just get loopy and i'm so excited for you and you have also so much other shit going on tell me about everything tell me about everything brag brag well i have the amazon show that knock on wood let's let's like knock on everything knock on wood it's gonna happen it's gonna happen let's like knock on everything. Knock on wood. It's going to happen. It's going to happen.

Let's pray. Your life is insane. It's going to happen. Let's pray. It's going to happen. I have that. And I'm on this FX show called Snowflakes that's really fun that I think everyone will like. It's about like Gen Z culture and cancel culture.

And it's really fun. Who for your, would you, you wouldn't play yourself in your Amazon series, right? I would. You would. That's so fucking iconic fun fun really fun i mean here's the deal who would you want to play nana or is nana dead in the plot oh fuck no she's not actually she's she's there um i would love jane fonda oh how fun oh but you this is right no it's dream dream crazy no i know like jane fonda yeah jane fonda will do my little show it's like no shit this woman is way bigger fish to fry yeah but you know parenthood is one of my favorite shows when i look back at the show you have do you ever watch parenthood oh my god it's fucking iconic and they have iconic people

in that show you can get huge people we're gonna manifest it because of you because jane because of you because jane we'll call jane we'll call jane you call jane maybe she'll listen um i i don't know i think i have that going on i have this i have this podcast which i'm so excited about there's just little fun things that i think i'm just so happy if anyone is like being introduced to you today i think this was like such a good like little starter moment to just kick you off because you are truly like i love podcasts i really do but your podcast i know, is something that I will genuinely want to listen to at all different times of the day. And I think sometimes you have those podcasts like, well, I kind of need to listen to this like on my way to work or it's not or it's a late night thing. Yours is at all times. And I'm really excited.

Well, I hope people feel that way. They will. I know you do. I trust me. They are going to feel that way. Owen. I love you. This was this was literally my

dream no this was my dream we could have gone for five more hours no and we should and we're going but this is my thank you for having me i love you it was an honor i'm so happy i love you welcome to the family oh my god and also your shirt oh i signed an nda clearly not i signed an nda clearly not in case you ask me some questions you were like because i have so much drama in the zeitgeist. I have so much drama. Well, because I'm dating Nick Jonas. Right.

We cut there. Cut. Cut. Goodbye. I love you. I love you. Dude.