Call Her Daddy - Rachel Bilson: From People Pleasing to Knowing Your Worth (FBF)

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Father Cooper sits down with Rachel Bilson. The pair reminisce on Rachel’s days starring in the hit show, The OC, and Rachel shares what it was like to date co-star Adam Brody. Let’s talk about sex. Alex and Rachel discuss bringing a toy into the bedroom for the first time and how to combat when sex begins to feel like a chore. Rachel addresses the infamous headline for the first time…that her breakup with actor Bill Hader was more difficult than childbirth. Reflecting on her dating history, Rachel details her journey from people pleasing to knowing her worth within a relationship. To hear more of Rachel check out her podcast Broad Ideas.

Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome to Flashback Friday for Call Her Daddy. This is something I started to decide to do because I recognize that Call Her Daddy for three years almost has been exclusive to Spotify and now Call Her Daddy is officially available on all podcast platforms. So some of you may have missed some episodes while I was exclusive. This week, I am re-releasing one of my favorite episodes from the past three years with Rachel Bilson. I saw so many of you absolutely loving the Misha Barton episode this week on Call Her Daddy, and so many of you actually DMed me being like, oh my gosh, please have Rachel Bilson on next. I'm such an OC lover. Well, Daddy Gang, lucky for you. Little did you know, apparently,

I did have Rachel Bilson on. So we are having an OC week. Also, if you have never watched the OC, I highly recommend it. It is one of my all-time favorite television shows. Daddy gang, I hope you enjoy this episode with Rachel Bilson. I just remember Rachel was such an incredible human being. Her energy was infectious, and it was just an all-around great episode where we talk about the OC and relationships and sex and dating. So Daddy Gang, enjoy. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Rachel Bilson, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much for having me. I am a big fan of early 2000s TV shows. Oh boy. And not to freak you out, but I am the biggest OC fan, maybe not ever, but like kind of ever.

Are you serious? I still watch it to this day. You know those shows you go back and like re-watch a little? The OC always through and through to the core. Love it. that's so awesome so I'm happy to have you on today thank you very fun thank you I'm flattered for my problematic listeners you know who you are if you've never watched the OC you have to watch it to give them like a little background it's basically these rich kids living in Orange County California

yeah drugs sex relationships family, all the things. And you're doing a rewatch podcast. Yes. Yes. Which is amazing. Oh, thanks. What is it like going back to relive the OC phenomenon? Oh my God.

So it's so interesting. I was 21 when I did the show and it was my first real big job. Um, watching it back, honestly, the the first few episodes I had such an emotional reaction I got like depressed I was like oh my god because it's like 20 years later basically right and I'm like so much life has happened what did I do like what did I do like when and when you say what did I do like do you mean like in terms of like the show or just like. No, just life. Just life. Yeah.

You're just like, whoa. It's just more like you're basically playing back the last 20 years ish of your life. And you're like, it's all just going through your mind as I'm watching this. Because I'm like looking at this like little like pudgy face, like 21 year old with like a lot of bronzer on and like questionable clothing, which is coming back, which is also very confusing. But like I'm watching it just going like oh shit you know and my boyfriend at the time was on the show with me and so it

brings up all that about life behind the scenes when you're that young and you're on a show and you're dating someone on the show and you're like the it girl on the show everyone's obsessed with you but then you're saying like i'm looking back and like that was still me as a young woman like and I'm watching back so there's like emotions for you and then for sure yeah yeah and then everyone still wants to talk about it all the time to you which how does that feel well you know what I will say I wasn't like Misha Barton was obviously like the it girl and she was 16 years old and I can't even imagine what that would have been like to be 16 with that kind of attention and every magazine cover like I still had a lot of anonymity in my own life and my boyfriend, and we were very domesticated and kind of like grandparents at the time.

We were like old people, like newspaper in the morning, same breakfast every morning. It was really – So you guys were like the couple on the show. You know what? I guess you're right. But Josh Schwartz, the creator, would always take things from your own life and incorporate it into the into the show like Golden Girls huge Golden Girls fan he put it in the show we sing the theme song so there was so much you had to be careful around Schwartz

like what you said or did because he's like that's the next week's episode absolutely what is like the most common question you're asked about your time working on the OC? I mean, a lot of it was just like, what was it like, you know, getting that much attention that quickly and working together and how was everyone on set? I know there's been like mixed things out there. Yeah. We had a great time. We had a lot of fun in general together, personalities hanging out. Um, but yeah, a lot of the things are like, how did it feel to have that much success that quickly it is kind of a unfathomable feeling at that age like I know what I was doing at 21 it was not that I was drinking in college being a full degenerate having sex and making bad decisions with my life oh yeah oh I did that just earlier okay

but still on a on like kind of a pedestal of people watching you and so I'm interested to know like when the OC became popular, how did it affect you, your family, your friends? Well, you know, like I said, because I was in a relationship, I was definitely on a different track and going through it together. So having that support really made the difference. Okay, so to anyone that hasn't watched or the OC stans that are just like, just say the name, Summer Roberts, your character,

was hot popular rich she was the it girl and then she starts basically getting into a relationship with seth cohen who was played by adam brody yes and so you have an on-screen relationship and then you start an off-screen relationship yes when was the moment you knew you had feelings for him oh my god it's so funny i feel like on screen was kind of playing off screen. Cause in the beginning there was a triangle between another character, Anna Stern played by Samira Armstrong and then, and myself and Seth. And I felt like it kind of played into real life a little bit. Like Samira and I were both like, wait a minute. I'm like,

I like Adam. No, I like Adam. And like it kind of was happening off screen. And, you know, that that competitive side of you, like with a guy and you're like, no, no, no, no. Like, hold on. It was like I don't know if that heightened it. I obviously thought Brody was super cool. I knew him before the show. A friend of ours had dated him, actually. I know. So we knew him a little bit and he was hilarious. Right. And I'm a sucker for a sense of humor. Like. Absolutely. I mean, that is my weakness.

So was there like a moment on set that immediately you were like, I'm going to go for this? I remember standing in the hallway. OK, I don't remember anything. And the fact that I remember this is kind of insane. I was standing in the hallway and I was dating someone else at the time. And Brody like talked to me about the relationship and gave me advice on why I shouldn't be in it and it was like this moment of like oh I I want to be with you you know and it was like this this pivotal moment and there was like a Halloween party I think it was a Halloween party and he kissed me for the first time and that was it like it was like okay

and that was off camera that was like that kiss you're saying off camera I'm like that was it like it was like okay and that was off camera that was like that kiss you're saying off camera I'm like wait was it Seth and Summer but the first time he kissed me on screen I think that was like the first time like oh is there something here right but that can be confusing you know if you're doing a show or a movie and that happens sometimes you get confused like oh do I really like feel this way am I feeling something or is it just is it true I've heard from actors like you can tell a little bit if someone's more into you because there's like an appropriate way to kiss a co-star there's no tongue in television okay if someone tongues you you're gonna be like oh either like oh no or like oh wait a minute oh

yes no I'm just kidding you guys ever tongue on camera no no no no okay wait so that's really fun and then do you have any advice for someone who is newly dating someone in their work environment oh my god oh advice you know it sounds like I should probably be a pro with my track record um I think that just be friends first because I think that'll help yeah because usually it ends sometimes I you know what I love you being realistic about it yeah we love we love the realistic side oh yeah I'm very real like to a fault yeah so when you're on set was there ever an instance where dating someone you're working with like was there ever something that was like hard about that aspect um when we

broke up like that's the harder. I don't, you know, and then we both dated other people on the show while we were together in real life. So sometimes you can be a little jealous. I mean, he was kissing. Were you dating people on the show for your characters? The characters. Sorry.

I was like, wait, who did you date? Like he was like kissing Olivia Wilde. And like, of course, I'm going to be like, well, fuck, you know, but I also get it. Like, can I kiss her? Was that when you guys broke up? No, we were together. We were together while that was happening. That would be a hard one.

That's a hard one, right? Oh, then your wild walks in. Yeah, you're like, and so cool. And she's the coolest person in real life, too. So you're like, well, I love her. And you're like, wait a minute. Your boyfriend's kissing her and then it can be confusing. Yeah, it's just that kind of stuff.

But that's normal. So how long did you guys date for I think like three years and was that three seasons yeah we dated pretty much the whole show it was such a huge show that blew up and everyone was obsessed with you guys like the four people that were like the main kids on the show yeah and to have you being able to have a relationship with someone to be your rock and your go-to person while like your life is kind of changing before your eyes that's a I'm sure like a bond you guys will always have and like yeah yeah and even reconnecting with him I spoke to

him he came on the OC podcast yeah it was great I love seeing him anytime I see him nothing but fond like loving feelings and great memories so So fun. Yes. Okay. Your character, you were so lovable. I'm wondering how was your personal, like real life, Rachel Billson high school experience compared to the OC? Oh man. Um, school for me, I wasn't so much like an academic, I would say. I just, it just didn't interest me. It's not like I couldn't do it. If I sat down and really studied and focused, I could do it. But my interests were like all over the place. And growing up in LA, I think I grew up a little young, like at 15, my friends and I, and Olivia is here with me, like we'd be getting into the clubs, like,

you know, that's just what life is like. That sounds like Summer Roberts. I mean, a little bit, a little bit. I still remember exactly what I was wearing, where I was, the time of day, who I was with for the season three finale. Oh, like I've got the chills. I've never and I still have not recovered from it. I haven't. I don't. I mean, spoiler alert.

You know who hasn't? Marissa. To anyone that hasn't watched the show pause and go watch it please spoiler alert the main character dies tragically like the most tragic like fuck you volchuk okay but he was so hot oh my god he was so hot olivia dated him sorry what you've dated him oh my god absolutely as you should we have someone in the audience and god bless you because I had his like poster this guy uh Cam Gajande is that how you say his name I don't know Gajande

Gajande yeah okay well I was obsessed with him anyways Marissa Dyes yep Misha Barton's character yep what was your reaction when you learned that Misha's character was getting pulled off the show it was very traumatic everyone felt it it was it was so somber on set and you really because you're a family and it is like a family member is leaving or dying and it was brutal um I mean still I can picture it in my mind and it's it's just it was traumatizing literally yeah yeah and I don't remember like behind the scenes really like the last time she was on set or anything like that but it was definitely a dark time did you talk to Misha about her decision to leave the show I don't think I ever had a personal conversation like

why are you leaving I think it was a joint decision I don't think it was like her decision like I'm gonna leave or Josh and Stephanie's decision to be like, we're getting, you know, you're being killed off because whatever. You know, I don't know what really happened behind the scenes as far as, like, who made the actual decision. I think that Josh felt like a lot of her storylines had run through. I mean, what else could you put the girl through? Totally. She literally, like, overdoses, shoots someone.

You know, I mean, every possible storyline was done with that character. You're right. And it didn't seem fitting for her to like go. I think it was like she was going to go work on her dad's boat or something. I mean, that's not Marissa's not going to work on a boat. No, absolutely not. Like she's going to Fashion Week. Right. How did the cast dynamic change for season four? Towards the end, I started to work on something else at the same time simultaneously so I was so distracted that I wasn't really in it all the time presently so I wasn't feeling all the things and you had broken up with Adam at the time towards the end okay so I guess it kind of felt probably like time to move on like by season four yeah especially like

working on another project and it was a film feeling like, okay, like let's, this is ending. Like what's happening. Totally. What's next? we are both the daughters of therapists but in your case you were raised by a sex therapist yes so my mom's always like i'm not a sex therapist i'm more like a sex counselor and whatever the woman will talk about sex to your blue in the face like as a daughter like I know your mom's a therapist yeah yeah but just like really coming with it no problem I'm like I remember going on the Wendy Williams show

and I think I used cunnilingus and they like blurred it like they had to bleep it out I'm like is that a bad word like what did I say you know because my mom's always like cunnilingus and you know like all the proper terms and right and you're like that's what I grew up around like isn't that what it's called oh sorry eating eating me out like what you know I'm like was that would that have been better Wendy I totally get it I that's I think fascinating where when you grow up usually you're hiding everything from your parents you're like I don't even want them to know and to be raised by a sex counselor or therapist how do you think having your mom have that profession impact the way you handled relationships growing up you know it was always like a very open household like

nudity like all of it you know so feeling like really comfortable in your skin which was great and talking about it all like the night I lost my virginity I was very young um and my mom the next day sitting me down being like let's talk about sex I'm like how did you fucking know like how do you know these things like you know it was just like that all the time Rachel you're glowing sweetie I know honey there was like a weird crunchy towel in the bathroom no that's not real not real condoms only I was like very young okay Okay. Okay. So you, so did you then tell your mom in that conversation you lost your virginity? Yeah.

I was like, yeah, mom, I did it. She's like, how was it? I'm like, it was very quick and like, whatever. I mean, who is like, I had the best sex of my life. My first time. No, you don't enjoy it. No. You don't even know what your vagina is supposed to feel like.

No, you don't enjoy it. Like I didn't really enjoy sex until I was like much older, you know? And I respect you for saying that because I think a lot of women, I've said a lot on my podcast. It's really, it's almost like you feel shame if you don't experience an orgasm or you're not enjoying it right away. And so there's like this weird thing. And then women don't want to say they're not because like I had a lot of teammates.

I was on a soccer team in college and everyone would just be talking about like oh my god like I had the best sex last night and meanwhile I'm like out of these 12 girls talking there's no fucking way every single one of them just had an orgasm no there's no way there's no way like so it's like you lie about it almost because you're embarrassed and you want to like fit in for sure and you're like what's wrong with me but I love that you're normalizing like hey I didn't know to later I've always been brutally honest I've never faked an orgasm like I'm not that person to lie to put on airs or whatever it is like it's like no I know never faking it uh no I can't do it it took a very long time for me to be able to and I think it's important why would you lie what is the best

sex advice that your mother has given you? A.K.A. give it to us. A.K.A. share it with us, Rachel. Oh, God. I'm trying to think. I mean, she's always very into like relaxing, like to the point where your first, you know, your gyno appointment, like envision your vagina opening up like a flower and take breaths. And like, I'm like, all right, I'll try it.

Like, here comes the rose. Like, you know what I mean but it's helpful because it makes it so relaxed and just even having those visuals which is like super weird to some people can be really helpful you know I was like 13 the first time I went and you're young like it's hard to do that oh my god you're so in your head and that's the thing about orgasms too like you're so in your head and if you have that pressure or whatever it's never gonna happen never ever and it's so but it's so hard and I just want to normalize that it is hard and like you're not alone if you're listening and you haven't had an orgasm absolutely you are not alone no you're not alone I feel like in the past I know I have definitely faked an orgasm I know most women have that I've spoken to I think that there's an there's

two parts number one and maybe if I was in college and I was like I'm never having an orgasm I'm gonna fucking fake it so it can be over which I know is so bad and I don't do that anymore but there's another way to get them to finish like you say the right things absolutely here we go oh my god here we go and then I think the other part is like there's also sometimes where I know like I'm having such incredible sex but I just know that I'm not going to get there right and so I'm gonna fake it because I genuinely like you know what I had great sex but I'm just gonna fake it at the end because like I he probably is gonna keep going because he thinks I haven't finished yet and I know he can finish so just go go ahead. Right. Just like what do you do, though, to like if a guy's like, have you finished like

the pressure? Like how do you tell guys basically, no, I didn't finish. You know what? I am so honest. I can have great sex. It's hard for me to orgasm. But after all, it's like, oh, my God, like, you know, that was great or whatever you want to say. Like it felt so good. And it's hard for me to orgasm has nothing to do with you. Like, obviously, I think we can get there or sometimes if you can't you don't say those things but but if it feels good you want to give them props obviously the phenomenon of like porn and guys being obsessed with trying to like get a girl to squirt and like get a girl to like come yeah they try so hard and they're almost have you ever had a guy be so focused on trying to give you an orgasm?

Like, how do you go about that? Basically being like, like tapping his head, being like, okay, calm down. Right. Like, what do you do? Yeah. I just pull them up. You pull them up. Oh yeah.

Like it's just not, yeah. You know? And I think a lot of guys, if they know what they're doing, they can tell if it's not going to go that way, you know? And I think that comes a lot with experience and age like with a younger dude they might not really know you know but a guy who's been doing it for a while he gets to him they know what's up I agree I think sometimes ladies if you're listening and you're struggling with that like that's such good advice of like sometimes you literally don't need to say anything like I've done that so many times where I'm like okay like come fuck me like basically

just pull them up and like for sure let's go and then they'll be like, oh, okay. And then it's, it'll just move on. Yes. Okay. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner had different sex drives than you? And how did you guys handle that? For sure. You know, that's an example of getting in your head. Cause I have been in one where like, or maybe I haven't been as interested after a while in having sex with the person. And in my head, I'm like, okay, I had sex today. If I wait two or three days, okay, maybe I can do it again on Thursday, and then he'll be okay, you know. But then you're in your head, and then you're like, oh, fuck. And I had that for a while, like even after a relationship,

being stuck in that and overthinking. Like we had sex today. Okay, when do I have to have it again to, you know. That is the most relatable thing. Just to pause you right there. I can't imagine how many women are like, me too, Rachel. What the fuck do you do to like combat that? Right.

It's, yeah, it's so tough, right? Because battling your head and your body, because there's totally different things. And even if I want to have sex, my head could be like, no, I don't really want to. And then you're stuck in that pattern of like, okay, I'm going to calculate this. Do you feel like when that happened to you with that partner? Cause I hear what you're saying. Like that, that specific, it felt like you're kind of like,

I'm not sure if I'm in this anymore. And like, I don't know what I'm doing. Right. Did it go on for a while? Did you end it? Did you find any like remedy for it? Yeah. It was probably like the last year and a half of doing a pattern until it finally broke off yeah you know and just sticking to that and being like because I'm a very I'm a people pleaser that carries over into relationships but I feel like I feel like in those moments I feel like that's a good red flag for yourself to know like hey Henry no I'm letting he needs his space there he goes oh my god thank you I think in those moments what I would say to women is number one it may be a good red flag for you to be like hey maybe I'm not as into this person as I thought yeah like listen to what's

going on also I would say I've sometimes had moments where I'm just like out of it with my sex drive and it's not my partner and so sometimes like maybe finding time for yourself to masturbate right maybe which is way easier like if you need the orgasm it's so much easier and quicker yourself because you know your body so well and then I feel like sometimes for me and I don't know if you feel the same but like sometimes then when I do that like maybe I'll be a little bit more horny that day and then like I'm like oh I kind of would want to have sex tonight. Like, right.

So just making sure just checking in with yourself is really what it is about. And it's really not about your partner. Yeah, it can be either. There is a difference. Totally. And I've been in both. How do you approach bringing a toy into the bedroom for the first time with a partner? OK, so I have very little experience with this.

I didn't even have a vibrator until a few years ago like I was gifted one from a guy I was dating I was like fuck yeah like that's awesome like okay he's totally open and that I feel like that shows a guy with awareness right and I had I've only used one with that person uh and I haven't really brought it back since but I would like to. Did you like using it with your partner? I did except there was like one thing we were doing and it like really hurt like it was not the right like maybe this isn't the right way to be doing this but I think it can be totally fun and it should be more accepted and I know there are guys out there that would feel like their ego hurt like oh why do you need this like I can give you this it's like no no but your tongue can't buzz like that no like it doesn't actually vibrate

but like just having guys that are aware and they're like oh this is gonna help her and then they actually are about you being pleasured as well I think is awesome have you used it alone eventually without your partner sure and I think they're great and I feel like I actually it's funny I was gifted one as well back in college like your first one yes I was literally using a toothbrush at the time that was an electric toothbrush the back of the head hey you know and my friend Lauren was like I went through a breakup and she was like Alex come with me I'm like where are we going and she brought me to a sex shop and she was like we need to get you a vibrator because stop using your toothbrush I'm like I don't brush my teeth with it please let me clarify right but I think it was a it was a cute moment because then afterwards like I definitely enjoyed time

alone with myself and I enjoyed time with my partner more but I agree like you have to find the right one for sex right and I think you're right it takes a certain partner someone that's confident in themselves and wants to make sure that they're pleasing you. If maybe even if your partner was like, oh, Rachel has mentioned, like sometimes it's hard for her to orgasm. Like, let me think outside the box because I want her to enjoy sex as much as I'm enjoying it. Like, let's get her a vibrator.

I think that's someone that's really confident in themselves and the relationship and wants you to enjoy yourself. You recently mentioned that your breakup with actor Bill Hader was worse than childbirth. Okay. I did not actually say that. I'm happy you brought that up. Woo. Let's clarify. I said, okay, obviously he and I were not still together. So we broke up, but, um, it was during, you know, a time where you could not leave your house. Okay. You had to sit in whatever it was that you were going through. So I had to deal with this. I had to deal with being alone and taking care of my kid and like everything else. And I'm like being isolated and not being able to connect with any humans, not being able to help myself. Like I got into a depression,

like all of these things that time having to be forced to face all of your shit, I said was harder than childbirth. Is anything more painful? Fuck no. Maybe kidney stones, which definitely is a close second. But like, no, I didn't say that. You know, all breakups are hard. Of course. You know, like especially when you are in something that you're really into and things happen, you know, and fucking things change. And, you know, there was a pandemic. Like there were so many things going on. Yeah, so it was a hard time. I cannot imagine. I think I know a lot of people messaged me

going through breakups and pandemics. I mean, people were going through so much in the pandemic, whether it was almost like a breakup within yourself of self-realizing something. There was a lot. And so I completely understand what you're saying with regard to that. Think about it.

And the first thing you want to do like after a breakup is like get out there and, you know, socialize and be out with your friends and like, you know, do your thing. And you literally can only sit in a house with your child that you're taking care of. You can't even take care of yourself first, you know, and just sit with life and everything that comes along with it totally so it's just like about being isolated and going through the pandemic with all the things in life when you broke up because it was a pandemic was it like a phone call like did you even get to see this person in person when you guys broke up it was not yeah it was not in person yeah well because you know in the beginning when you're so isolated and you're so scared because you don't know, like you're like, oh, my God, I looked at someone like, am I going to die? And, you know, he has his own family.

He has to think about I had my own family to think about. And like, obviously, Briar's dad, like, you know, it was like our bubble. So like, we're not going to see anyone. He's not going to see anyone. So it was definitely done and not like your normal like in person way what helped you ultimately heal from the pain of that heartbreak with bill you know what was so interesting having it was almost like a blessing in disguise so having to be alone with all of the shit and your thoughts and not leave the house like i had to look at everything, and I'm like, okay,

I've been in therapy for years, which I love, big fan, big advocate, and, like, do therapy, like, right if that helps you, like, I was reading books, I was doing things that I never had time to do, and it gave me that time to just really do things for myself, like, yes, I'm looking after my kid, but there was obviously shared time, so I would have time absolutely alone, alone, alone. And I got to do the things that I always wanted to do. And it really helped me. And it was like, oh, I'm focusing just on me. And it's not about the guy or, you know, the relationship. It's literally just about me as a human. I was happy that I was forced to sit in like the pain or the, the hurt or, you know, all the feelings that come along with it because I got to get through it. Some people will hold onto that for years, like because they'll distract themselves. So you don't actually face those feelings you're

feeling. I mean, if we can talk about that a little bit, cause I think a lot of people can relate to that topic of like kind of knowing something maybe isn't right but and again being in a pandemic like how did you or I don't know if it was your decision but come to that decision of like I'm this is gonna end even if it's a pandemic like how did you get to that point to end it or whoever ended it I think it was the stress of the situation in the world that led to it. No one knew how to be or react, you know, and I think it was just a result of that alone. The stress of it all. Oh, really?

Yeah. Because do you think if the pandemic hadn't happened, maybe? I mean, I would think it probably would have went on maybe a little longer. But then in retrospect, looking at it, you're like like obviously it would have ended because it did you know like it's not but maybe almost ended faster yeah yeah so I guess that's kind of like a good way to look at like a positive because I think a lot of times like we get deeper into it and more time goes by but ultimately it's not the one right so it was I said, blessing in disguise in many ways. Have you through relationships now, like when you think of the one and like what your wants are, how have you found that through what you've gone through with your past relationships?

I think that's everything. And I think people and as you get older, you know, I'm 40 years old. You go through all these experiences and you're like, oh, I'm taking things from each thing. Right. So there's always a positive because it's like I recognize something in this relationship that did not work for me so the next time I need this and I've gotten to a place now where I know exactly what I want what I need and for the first time I'm not afraid to say it can you give us an example of something from any relationship you've ever been in that you're like this is something I know personally for me that just like doesn't work for me in a relationship and then also a need like someone controlling is never good you know and I like I said people pleasing I was definitely weaker and I could like be subjected to that and be like okay like yeah I'll just do whatever he

says and that's a pattern with me in a lot of the relationships I've had. So that's something like huge that I'm like, no, I need to make my decisions and I need to stick to what I know and be strong. Like the strength in me would always be a lot weaker in relationships when I was younger. And now being older, I know exactly like how to speak up for myself, I should say. Have you gotten to a point though, where like you can recognize when it's happening and then know how to get out of it? Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things because when you're in something and you don't see it, but then you get out of it, it's so clear that now that you can recognize it, cause you've acknowledged that you can recognize it. Anytime it comes up, you're like, Oh no, he's doing this thing. I'm not okay with it.

What does it need? What are you like these, oh, no, he's doing this thing. Yep. I'm not OK with it. What does it need? What are you like these? This is something I definitely need in a partner. I need someone make me coffee in the morning. Like, fuck. Yes. Thank you. Honestly, I create just like on top of me missionary, like some dudes that like aren't down with that.

I need a man on top of me sometimes. You know what I mean? And like, that's another thing sexually. I'm like, yes, like own it. I need a man on top of me sometimes you know what I mean and like that's another thing sexually I'm like yes like own it I need to feel it like like Carrie says in sex I need to feel the weight of a man on top of me it's like I can so relate to that guys if anyone's listening Rachel needs coffee and missionary I mean I feel like it's doable are you currently single I am not okay okay is he bringing you coffee in the morning and is he doing missionary yeah that's actually great okay great is there anything that you look back and you're like

there's a theme throughout people you've dated a theme I do I have noticed this isn't this is a generalization right I think I've dated quite a few actors and I do think that some of them not all have very like self-involved tendencies um and I think that just kind of comes along with the territory a lot of the time right I'm not saying all of them that I've dated have them but it is a theme um and I don't like it do you think you would ever stray from the actor oh yeah for sure really I always tell myself like never again and then of course you know you're in another project another person um but no you know and I will say you know with respect for my daughter's father he is not like

that I get what you're saying of like it you don't want to fall into that tendency and then you're on a movie set is it hard when you're um single and on sets to like not get involved in that kind of stuff well for sure because think about it any workplace you're in you're surrounded by the people you're around them every day and you'll meet different personalities and sometimes you'll really have chemistry with someone it doesn't matter where you are yes it's a set but it's literally someone you're spending mostly 12 hours a day with. So you're going to get to know these people better than you would get to know someone you're just casually dating in the beginning because it's literally. That's why I feel like a lot of people do get into like workplace relationships. I'm not encouraging it, but like any job you're at, if you work in sales,

real estate, it doesn't, it doesn't have to be entertainment. And you are with that person all day, every day. And it starts as a friendship, right? It starts as you're cordial. You're going to get to the coffee together. You're going to craft services together and then talking about your life. And all of a sudden that blossoms into like, wait maybe you could be no though it could always end of course and if it's gonna potentially always end be friends be friends and like protect yourself and like make decisions of like before you jump in i think some people that have maybe like i think actors are lucky because it's like then you're off to your next project right it's like summer camp a lot of the time yes yes and if you're in a nine to five sweetheart that's not

summer camp that is all day round baby so make sure you're gonna. And if you're in a nine to five sweetheart, that's not summer camp. That is all day round, baby. So make sure you're going to be cozy if he's in the cubicle. And like a couple of weeks later, you guys break up. Yeah, for sure. Because that's difficult. Way difficult. Okay. You get very personal on your pod.

Has it been cathartic to talk about your personal life on your podcast? It has. Like I'm still a very private person. Like I won't like name names or, you know, but I want, we wanted to create a space that, and you know what, before we started, I listened to your first call her daddy and I was like, Oh my God, any podcast? Yes. The fact that you were so just transparent and like, didn't give a fuck. Like you said every you know what I mean it was just texted me and I said I want you to degrade me yes oh my god that's awful god bless

I remember that recording that to this day you do oh my god I remember going in there just being like I'm just gonna say everything that happened this week right I had no idea what I was doing I'd never listened to a podcast in my life before I recorded that I think my voice was so affected so fake I was like hi guys this is Alex like I can't listen back so it paid well I get it it's like watching your first project you're like oh my god like what is that I get it but that being said just the very like transparency and just being super honest and open I fucking loved you know and so my best friend Olivia and I were like, we want to create a safe space where women or even men, you know, we have men coming on now,

just being open and honest and getting into it and not afraid to speak whatever's on their mind. Like, obviously we go there about sex, but it's life, right? And we're moms and it's a whole different thing and it's a different phase of life, but it feels really good to have our own platform to do that. I love that.

And I think that, listen, I have had some where I come up with fake names for people and then people still find it out. So don't do that. If you're private, Rachel, I'll give you that tip. Don't come up with like, oh, this one's door number three and this is Slim Shady. And don't do that. But when you talk about the themes of what you're going through that is relatable because we all can relate in some capacity we're all human beings going through depression anxiety happiness stress sadness like hard times with your romantic

with your family with your friends and so I think like it's cool to have anyone sit down in front of a microphone and be open like I think everyone can appreciate that. I would hope so. And I think it's accessible and people like kind of crave that authenticity. Yeah. And I think for me, it's like, okay, I can speak personally about my own experiences, but I don't want to like bring other people in that don't have a mic in front of them and can't either defend or share their side. That is the catch 22 of it all. And I'm still trying to figure it out. You right you gotta like push the boundary but it's also like respecting I get it respecting people in your life absolutely I think I read you don't introduce your child to people you date I've learned yeah from you know

mistakes in the past that you don't want to do it too quickly yeah but luckily you know she's only seven now and she was a lot younger before and whatnot so it probably didn't resonate as much as it would now per se um but yeah I think that's super important because I don't want it to look like some revolving door or I don't know how it's going to affect her and she's number one for me like totally hands down before work before men before anything um and so I don't take that lightly have you had a lot of people that are respectful of that yeah I've only had positive experiences luckily but also that speaks to like me knowing what I need and want now so I'm not going to entertain anything if they don't understand the kid comes first and I think that's great and it's also like ladies be fucking

confident like you did the most incredible thing in the world which is bring a human being onto this earth and like if someone is not going to be positive and accepting of however you want to handle the boundaries tell them to affect themselves and find someone better for sure and a lot of women have those insecurities i think absolutely moms or whatever age you are at that point and just thinking like oh are guys gonna want it's like oh fuck that yeah you know totally being a public figure most of your life is there anything that you would like to share that you think maybe is like a misconception about you or people maybe think about you that you're like oh I would like to like clarify and kind of just say my piece on that god you know I feel like I've been fortunate enough to have mostly a positive response and I think you know I love that.

It's important to me, like how I carry myself, setting an example, whatever, but I'm super fucking crass and like have a dirty sense of humor and I'm not afraid to show it. And I think it'll come through on broad ideas, like the new podcast. Um, but I feel very fortunate. Like I feel like I've gone through this time in my life where I've been you know working or whatever um in a decent way where I can be proud that my daughter will see how I carried myself what do you attribute that to because I think a lot of people like fuck like this shit like I got me fucked up by being in the public whether it was maybe they didn't come from the best family to give them values or whether that's yeah like what do you think you why you just end up having

such a good like straight and narrow path of there's not a lot of drama around you I think that the support system you have around you is huge all my best friends are my best friends since high school and before in junior high never strayed from that I don't make new friends often and my family I have a very supportive family and I grew up that way and a loving, open mom, clearly. Um, and I think that is such a big part of it. And people around you that know you so well, they can just, if you have a moment, you're like, no, no, no, no, no. Like get the fuck back down here. What are you doing? And I have that. And we trust that. And it's like the friends are like, no, you can't borrow my new dress. Like it's that comfortability of like, I haven't worn it yet.

You know? Yeah, you can be real with each other. You can be real. Totally. No, I really respect you saying that. And I feel like it's really cool to get to sit down with you because we respect your work so much. And so now it's cool to be able to like sit with Rachel Bilson and talk with you and get

to know you. I'm such a fan of yours. I was like, oh my God. Like it was just such a cool thing. And I think this is so beautiful what you're doing i love it and inspired me to you know just be able to go there like you gave me the confidence it's like you can be who the fuck you are and say what the fuck you want and still be a successful woman in this world and it's awesome rachel thank you so much. Woo!