Call Her Daddy - The Official Breakup Guide

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

It has arrived – the official Call Her Daddy breakup guide. Haven’t recently gone through a breakup? Well, a little birdie told us you are about to be broken up with, no one is safe, so listen up daddies. Father Cooper walks you through every step of what to do in the moment when you are broken up with (and no…it actually does not involve fucking his dad OR his brother!) Breakups are hard, and sometimes what’s even harder is getting closure. But have no fear, Big Al gives you 5 specific questions to ask to help you get the answers that will ultimately help you to move on while also keeping your dignity intact. Let’s pump up the party a little with a pep talk from your daddy. We are viewing a breakup as…FREEDOM! Father Cooper may directly call us out in this episode, but trust me Daddies, you need to hear it. 

what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her daddy we are back we are back we are back what is that be our guest be our guest daddy gang hello it has been brought to my attention that there has been a rapid increase in breakups leading up to the holidays. It's the holiday season and whoop-de-doop. Your ass got dumped. Listen, it happens to the best of us. It's happened to me and apparently it's happening to a lot of you right now. Like a lot. Alex, please stop calling me out. Baby girl, listen, if you just got broken up with, I promise you it's going to get better because I'm giving you the 101 of how to deal with this shit. And also let me be clear. If you are listening and you haven't gotten broken up with, you probably are about to. So let's also deal with that. Let's walk through how to actually in the moment handle yourself when you're getting broken up with, when they're fucking kicking you

to the curb, and then the aftermath of how to recoup and how to really rebuild post breakup. Let's be real. You thought I was going to jump on the pod this week, say, hasta luego, motherfuckers. Good luck. I'm going to go on my little ski trip. Sorry. Mend your broken hearts alone, you fucking losers. Daddy Yang, I am nothing but an empath and a giver during the holidays. I'm here to solve your problems. Let's fucking role play. Let's fucking role play. And I'm going to start with the people that are about to get broken up with. Who is that? Bottom line right now, no one's safe. Okay. So everyone's ears perk the fuck up. It could be you. Anthony sat you down on the couch and he looked you in the eyes and he said, we need to talk. Fuck. Those four words is that four we need to yeah four those four words can never mean anything good usually you were privy to those words and handed those by your parents when you were younger

and usually you're going through your web of lies what have i done that is going to warrant me getting my fucking ass kicked by my parents then Then when you get older, when you hear those words from a partner, there's two options. You either think, fuck, I'm getting broken up with or fuck, they found out I'm cheating. Don't we wish we were on the ladder right now? God damn, I wish I was fucking cheating. That's not the case. Daddy gang, listen to me. You are getting broken up with right now. Let that shit sink in, okay? So again, setting the scene, you may be at their apartment, you may be at their house, you may be in their mobile home, the RV, you're in their Honda Accord, you're in the Civic, maybe you're at the park. And let me be very clear, if someone fucking breaks up with you in public, that is the type of person that is actually enjoying watching your pain.

He wants little children to be running past you trying to get their ball and stopping in their tracks, watching you wheeze out of your fucking nose and your mouth at the same time simultaneously, crying tears of fucking pain. And he's enjoying that. If someone breaks up with you in public, that is a motherfucker. Or, you know, some people aren't always sadistic. It could be on the other spectrum where, and this is honestly probably the more common reason, they're just a coward. And they don't want to be held accountable for their actions and their decisions. And more importantly, they don't want to deal with your emotions. And honestly, if someone does that to you, I think that's a clear indicator.

Why the fuck would you want to be with someone that can't hold your fucking emotions and be accountable? Next. But hopefully that's not happening. Let's be more realistic. We're in the apartment, okay? He sits you down. He looks at you, upper lip quivering a little bit. And he says, we need to to talk I want to break up in this moment

you are stunned you are completely blindsided and you have no idea what to do right now so I'm going to walk you through a little checklist. Step number one, ask yourself, should you stay and have a conversation or should you get yourself up and should you immediately leave? Here's how we're going to decide that. If this is someone who just completely blindsided you, right? There's two outcomes. Number one, this person is going to be a fucking asshole. They don't have rhyme. They don't have reason. They're not going to tell you about the new bitch that they're already fucking. They are not going to give you your answers. And so if you know that this is the type of person you're fucking with,

with they're an asshole and they don't really respect you, I would say there's no point in trying to beg them for answers and reason and how this happened, I would leave. However, if this is blindsided by someone that you've had a pretty decent relationship with and they're a good person, you deserve some answers because I would say if you can make this breakup the final conversation and time you have to see this person. That's ideal. Because if you immediately run away and then you have to text and be like, hey, we both need closure.

Let's have a you don't want to have to keep fucking meeting up for conversations, conversations. So understand, are you dealing with an asshole? You're not going to get your answers. Or could you guys have like a 30 minute to sometimes listen? I know it sounds long, but like in our conversation, wrap up the relationship, get your stuff and leave. Who are you dating? Okay. Do you have that answer? Okay. Next. This is something I need you to check and it's sounds silly, but it will affect whether you're staying or leaving. Where are you at on your level of emotion with regard to your tears like are you sobbing uncontrollably are you not crying at all that is also going to dictate whether you stay

or whether you leave because like listen if you are really like emotional and you know you're crying and then it keeps going and then there's the snot and then you're kind of doing that dry heaving thing you're like if they were unattracted to you to the point where they want to break up this is now solidifying that yeah girl you got to get the fuck out i never liked you and that will be their lasting memory of you listen i get it tears are an actual like genuine human emotion but i'm just saying if you are at that point where you can't control your convulsions, leave. Okay. Maybe don't drive your car. Okay. Maybe wait, but get in your car at least. Okay. Or call the Uber, which would be great. But if you drove, let's, you know, prevent it all ending that day. You know, let's try to keep it together

here. Get in your car, maybe kind of like let it roll down the hill a little and then stop, put on the emergency brake and just wait there for till the tears subside. But for the most part, I would say if you are a wreck, you leave. Why would you leave? If you are that emotional, in all honesty, like you're not going to be able to actually access an ounce of logic to any type of productive conversation right you probably won't even remember what this person is saying it's going to go in one ear and out the other and you're just fucking sitting there sobbing and again listen old call her daddy I would be like you're such a fucking loser that you can't keep it together for a fucking second but now we're healthy sort of and so I would be like, you're such a fucking loser that you can't keep it together for a fucking second. But now we're healthy, sort of. And so I would say like, I get it. You're going

to naturally fucking cry. And again, it's a difference. Are you tearing up? Are there light streams coming down? If we could reach the level of that like Lauren Conrad perfect mascara teardrop moment, that is what we're aiming for. Because emotionless doesn't make them feel like any type of shame or guilt. If you could get that little trickle and then keep it right there, that's a sweet spot. So if you're a mess, you can't stop sobbing. You are leaving. What do you say when you leave? You're just not going to just sprint out and like body check the door and like run down the hall. No, you can look at them and say, listen, this really caught me off guard and I need to take some time for myself to process this.

And all I ask is that we have one more follow-up conversation so that we can both get closure. But I want to be clear. I hear you and I'm not trying to change your mind. I just want to be in a better place when I have this final conversation with you. Something along the lines to basically show them the maturity that's oozing through those tears. It's not you being like, Jason, it's really you just do this is heartbreak is fucking awful. Okay. And I'll say that now. I know you used to not be able to be like, even acknowledge that you can get your heart broken like this shit sucks daddy gang and I'm actually really sorry so showing that maturity and also key is I'm not trying to change your mind but like I can't have this conversation right now I'm like let's just wrap this up at a different date they should respect that because again they've had time to process their decision

you haven't you pick yourself up you get your you leave. Now for the stragglers that haven't left yet. If you are not sobbing and you are in a position where you are mentally prepared to have this final conversation, let's get into that. You now are about to want to ask for answers. Why? How did something happen? Is there someone else? Can this be fixed? Your mind is going through all of this while he literally just said, I want to break up. In like a split second, your mind goes to every fucking possible question you could have. So how do we hone in and speak after this person says, I want to break up? I'm going to give you a step by step of how to go about this. But I first want to say, listen, there are some people going to be like, no, Alex,

like don't ask these questions. Be a bad bitch. Like throw your purse over your shoulder and strut out of there with your pride. Absolutely go ahead. But I think as I've gotten older and wiser, vomit, I've realized that sometimes it's not about proving you're so strong. I would argue you're stronger by being able to sit there and have a conversation and not storm out. I don't know. I just feel like old me would have been like, we're not even giving him the satisfaction. Like, no, you know what, what I'm about to lay out for you in these steps, this isn't for the person that's breaking up with you. This is for you. Like, why are you going to cause yourself pain and storm out of there just

to leave a lasting impression that I am that bitch? Like, no, you're heartbroken. Like this is life. This is someone that you were in a relationship with and they're ending it. Like this fucking sucks. Let's not try to like be a bad bitch and pretend that like this fucking is hard and you don't have to come off cool to this person in the moment in order for you to be able to move on and feel better about yourself once you leave this person's place that is going to probably come with some answers from this person right and again every situation is different but like i feel like having those answers and that clarity and again the level of closure will depend on certain things but but like, don't feel like a fucking loser for staying and asking questions that you're entitled to. You're not a loser. This is actually healthy. And this is

you taking care of yourself. So if you don't storm out and steal his Rolex and drive off into the sunset, which again, totally, if that's your MO and if that's like the relationship, go for it. And you don't really give a fuck about the answers, fucking walk out that door and leave, bitch. But if this was a serious relationship and you actually cared about this person, I'm going to give you five questions that you are going to ask in order to get answers

that will allow you to walk out of there and move on and have that closure in one sitting. I understand your initial reaction when he says, I want to break up with you. Your mind may go to what? What? Last Wednesday when we went to the park and we were happy and we got the cheese plate and you looked me in the eyes and you said you loved me. Did you know Ben? Yes, he knew. He knew then. And you're like, how did you sit next to me?

Because he was trying to find the right fucking moment to fucking tell you. He probably knew two park visits ago. When someone is fucking premeditatively breaking up with you, they put thought into this. Okay. So don't ask dumb ass fucking questions of when did you know? They probably always known. OK, so don't ask dumb surface level questions. That's wasting anyone's time.

Act as if you only have five questions to ask. We want them to be of substance and we want them to warrant a very thought provoking response. And again, Daddy Gang, I want to be so clear about this whole like, let's get substance. You are not trying to sit there and be like, well, I know our last fight that we went up. No, no, no. You already have those answers. You are a part of that fight. You're privy to that information. Don't waste your time asking things that you already can go home and know yourself. We're asking questions for information that you're not privy to. Number one, can you explain to me the feelings that led to this decision? You're not asking, why are you doing this? And then they're going to be like, because it's just not right anymore.

And I'm unhappy. No, no, no. We want to get under the crux of like, wait, wait, what do you mean you're unhappy? So don't ask why. Ask, can you explain to me the feelings that led to this decision? That allows for elaboration instead of him to be like, I was unhappy. He may look at you and say, I feel like we're really not aligned on our goals or I really want to be single. I'm not happy anymore. I don't feel fulfilled in this relationship. I don't think you're my person. Like these are the things, the tangibles that you need and asking the feelings behind the decision will warrant hopefully one of those responses. So question number one, we're giving them the space to talk openly about their feelings

and their emotions and daddy gang please try really hard don't cut them off what do you mean you're unhappy i but no no let them get their peace out and just focus then on listening and then going on to number two step two is for your own good you need to have some idea. Is this a temporary situation or is this a long-term thing? Like, is this a break or is this like a full breakup? And so number two, I would say you ask, are you set on this decision? Like you want to completely end this. This is over after today. Because if that person looks at you and says dead in the eyes, yes. Daddy gang, I know that is like the most heart wrenching feeling to have someone so resolute in that decision that is cutting you out of their life completely. But you need to hear it.

You need when someone looks at you and says that you need to hear that information and don't try to change their mind and listen I think I get that's kind of like wait they just told me they're breaking up with me that's kind of an obvious yes but there's something about you asking almost for them to reaffirm their decision and them looking at you and saying it like, yeah, this is over. It's more for you. And I'm not, listen, I'm not trying to pour salt in the wound. I just think when you're getting broken up with, your reality has been shaken up. And so hearing it a few times within the conversation, as much as that seems like you're inflicting pain upon yourself, it enables you to start processing it right there in the moment. And then more importantly, it will allow you to have that

moment to look back on and have no doubt in your mind that you're not crazy. They 1000% were ending it. They weren't leading you like, do you know what I mean? It gives you that resolute rather than like a, but then he kind of like hugged me when I left. No, think back. He said, this is over. This is not a break. Hear it and then go on to question three. Number three, I would say, and I'm going to give you this. Everyone's going to be like, thank you. Yes. You can say, is there anything I could have done differently that would have made you want to stay in this relationship? When you ask this, like there's two parts to that question and why you're asking it. Number one, that will hopefully give you closure. And again, they may give you such a

concrete answer that literally is going to keep you up at night for a few months of like damn like we didn't fuck enough or like the emotional connection wasn't there or you know what I mean but getting that answer can help you moving forward one be a better partner in your next relationship and number two and this is a huge one and sometimes daddy gang this actually may be what you get from this question is they may not even have something they'd be like no it literally wasn't you like it's just the overall that answer if they can't really even give you something that you could have done differently that means it's really over like they don't really even have a tangible for you it's kind of like it's just it's just like not it and that is something to hold on to of like,

don't be hard on yourself. Like it really isn't you. That's like a misalignment, misconnection issue. And you then can literally have closure knowing it wasn't a specific thing you did. It really is just this wasn't working and meant to be. Now question number four. And again, this is going to, the way you ask this is going to depend a little bit more on your personality. But the overall arching question is, what are the communication expectations moving forward? I want you to understand that this is an obvious answer. Okay? We're not going to talk anymore. We broke broke up and if for some reason your head is going to like well no we may sometimes check in I may send him a happy fucking new year shut up no what no daddy

gang you are getting broken up with you're not gonna go fucking text this person in that moment though I would say asking can we just put it out there I think it's probably healthy for us to do and just say out loud like moving forward we no longer are going to communicate right and almost saying it like you could say it like that because listen I get it you're like this was your best friend this is someone that you did everything with you that you're texting buddy I know that sounds so fucking lame but like you go from someone being in your life every single day talking to this person every single day that is weird to not have that person all of a sudden the minute you walk out that door so what I would say though is it's really healthy for you both to have to look at each other

and both to say we are not going to talk is it. I also want to be very clear, Daddy Gang, this step number four is empowering for you. You are drawing a clear fucking boundary right now. Hey, you're the one breaking up with me. Totally. I'm not fucking pitching a fit. I'm not begging for you to take me back. I am though asking that you respect your decision and you do not contact me again. And I know that will be really hard in the moment, daddy gang. But if you can get to that step, once you walk out those doors, the process of moving on is going to be 10 times easier knowing you're not waiting up at night for that text or wondering if they're going to text you, blah, blah, blah. No, you set the boundary. It's time to move on a clean cut. And that brings you

then to the fifth, which is logistics. And yes, you, some of you may be like, no, no, no. I like, I'm getting broken up. I need to leave. No, no, you are having a logistics conversation over my fucking dead body. Are you going to be like, well, just text about it? Nope. Daddy gang, keep your fucking fat ass on that cushion and do not get the fuck up until you discuss logistics. happens if you don't go through every single detail of ending this thing it will then prevent you from sooner being able to move on with your life so you sit there and you figure out logistics whether do you live together do you have stuff at this person's place is there mail coming to this person's apartment are there certain things that are going to continue your life being entangled and intertwined that needs to be completely cut off. So figure it the fuck out in that moment as hard as it is. If the person that just broke up with you lazily is like, oh, and I know like we can figure out logistics. That's where you,

and this is a little bit of mind manipulation, but like take your power here, baby. No, no, let's just figure it out now. Cause I don't want to have to go through like texting him. Like once we end this, like we, this is over. That person is going to be like, whoa, okay. Figure out your logistics. Maybe it's, if you do get a package sent here, that's like some of mine, you can text Casey, your friend, and then she'll let me know. You are never to have a dynamic where this person needs to text you again and you should give that person in the moment. Say, you can text Casey if anything comes here. You can text her and she'll let me know. That is how serious you're getting, okay? That is number five. So the whole point of those five questions

was to help you walk out the door with some type of closure. But I'm gonna be honest, they aren't for everyone and every situation is obviously gonna be different. Closure. The amount of closure that you are owed in a breakup is really dependent upon the amount of time you've spent in this relationship. If you have been dating for a month, let them get their sentence out.

And then I honestly, I think you respectfully just leave. I get it. Thanks for doing this in person. Good luck with everything. Please make sure you're not being like, okay, well, good luck with that. And like throwing water in his face. Like we're just chilling. Peace, love, happiness, happy fucking holidays. Like there's no anger there. However, if you've been dating for years and I feel like the daddy game, like, I don't know. I feel like this is a lot of you in my

DMs being like, I was blindsided. We've been dating for three years. Like what the actual fuck? I would say it's fair to say this conversation, maybe a few hours. And it like pains me to say that because I want to be like, fuck it. Like, okay, they told you they're breaking up, leave. But like, no, I get it. And like some of the five points that I just gave you to ask underneath the feelings question, literally the first one asking like what feelings

led you to this breakup there may be some subcategories under there and that is okay I just urge you to stay away like Esther said when we had that episode stay away from the petty questions that are just going to hurt you and keep on the constructive questions that actually give you closure and substance to the why rather than the how. So now you've had the conversation, daddy gang. All right, there we go. We've wiped our hands clean. We've got, again, somewhat of a gauge. And I will be honest with you. You may go through this and this person just may not have this depth where you're like what are the feelings that led you this and they're like it just doesn't feel right and you're like well can you get a little bit more specific pal and he's

like it's just like I just don't know anymore like I'm just not happy with this like you may you have to also set your expectations in that moment that they may not meet your expectations with their answer, like with an answer that satisfies you. You got to be ready. You can only control yourself. So you just want to know you went in there and you asked the right questions and they were unable to give them to you. Just keep in mind if they're kind of giving you nothing, that also is kind of an indicator

of like, do you really want someone that can't explain why they're breaking up with you and like doesn't really have much there there? Maybe it's for the fucking best. He's dumping you because eventually you probably were going to dump them. Now, this is a huge part of a breakup. And I really need you guys to hear this because sometimes you cling on for dear life and you really need to let it go. When is it time to leave? You've been sitting there now for an hour. You're crying. They're crying. It's emotional. You're going through it. When the fuck do you decide, all right, this is it, here we go, we're officially done, walking out that door, never seeing you again, when do I leave? I would say the indicator it's time to leave during a

breakup conversation is the moment you start to feel the conversation become repetitive or go in circles, get the fuck out. This is no longer productive. You're both going in circles now. You've got your answers. If there was any more information, they would have shared it with you. And now they're just kind of like waiting for you. Use that moment. Respect yourself. Get up and leave. Now, this is also important on the other side of it. If you kind of are like, I get it at this point, and they keep trying to go in circles, they're trying to make themselves feel better and make themselves not feel as guilty. That, daddy gang, that is the moment that you absolutely stand up and say, I understand this is over.

Good luck with everything. Time to go, right? Like, no, no, no. Let me be so clear. We are not nursing anyone's emotions other than our own. You just got broken up with. You do not need to make them feel better before you leave and go take care of yourself. You are number one priority. Let that motherfucker

deal with their decision. It's time for you to pack up your shit and get a move on with your life. We no longer are responsible for their happiness. You are number one, bitch. Overall, in this moment, the goal is to preserve your dignity. And I want to be so clear. Again, old collar daddy, I feel like it was very like how you're perceived. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying preserve your dignity so he doesn't go to the bar later that night and be like, she was a fucking mess. No, no, no. I'm saying so that when you leave and you look back on how you handled yourself I promise you it's actually going to affect how soon you're able to move on because there's nothing nothing worse than looking back and be like wait why did I why did I

do that and why did I act that way like you will be digging yourself a hole to climb out of. If you have to think back to that moment while he was breaking up with you, that you were on the floor groveling and dry heaving and you quickly took off your top because you're like, maybe if he sees the tits, I want to fuck and it'll all be good. No, keep your fucking shirt on. Remember this, okay? Respect yourself and respect that dignity. If you can control yourself, you're gonna be able to look back

and be proud of how you handled that. And that actually does affect your self-esteem. Now, I need to do a big fat PSA for the daddy gang. And this one may sting, but I really, really, really need you all to hear this point because it's not even a point. It is the words to live by and the mentality to ingrain within your body. The moment someone wants to break up with you, are you listening? Trying to convince them otherwise or begging for an explanation daddy gang it's not happening we're not doing that okay one side of this relationship okay has decided it's over

and this is the conversation in which they are telling you this information. This is a premeditated breakup. If someone is sitting you down to tell you they want to break up, this is not the first time that they have thought about this. It is probably the hundredth. Ow, Alex, you didn't need to go there. Some people think if I beg, if I beg them to just stay in the relationship, if I ask just for one more chance or let's give it another go. I see where I was wrong. Let's try that. Daddy gang, do not be the person begging to stay in a relationship when the other person definitively wants to end it. Why would you ever want that for yourself?

You wouldn't want that for your best friend. And you don't want that for yourself? You wouldn't want that for your best friend. And you don't want it for yourself. Even if you convince this person to stick it out or to just go on a break or give it one more chance, you need to respect yourself. If someone doesn't want to be friends with you, this is like a concert moment where I want everyone to say it back to me.

Why would you want to be friends with them? Exactly. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, this is like a concert moment where I want everyone to say it back to me. Why would you want to be friends with them? Exactly. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, why would you want to be in a relationship with them? I remember getting broken up with. You're trying to comprehend everything at once and it doesn't make sense. Everything you knew and thought and your expectations for your future with this person are ending in that very moment. And it was decided by someone other than you. A relationship that was based off of two people making decisions. Where are we going to dinner? Even if they were a little fucking possessive and psycho, we're going to dinner here. You had to say, yeah, you know, there, it was a mutual,

you had to agree. And now this person made this decision. I'm not going to say like behind your back, but kind of, they made a decision outside of the relationship to end it. I want everyone to hear this. When you are getting broken up with and everything is swirling, our objective, Daddy King, should really just be to just keep it together. Not to change anyone's mind in the moment. And it's about getting out of there as intact as possible. Closure may be something that you have to arrive at on your own. And I am here to tell you, Daddy Gang, you can do it. And if you actually can do it on your own, you are going to feel 10 times more empowered than constantly texting and looking for answers

from the other person. Baby, you were in the relationship too. Take a little bit of time, get out of that vortex that you're in and like, hold on, let's journal. Let's talk. Let's talk to our therapist. Let's talk to our friends. Like what went wrong? The answers are probably all within yourself. All right. Now it's time for the fucking fun part. Daddy gang, you have been broken up with and now we've gone through the breakup and now it's the aftermath, which usually is like tears. And of course you can cry, but I actually want to put something in your brain. You've gotten broken up with people. Look at the concept of getting broken up with as rejection. I actually want us now to look at getting broken up with as freedom.

She is health. She is wellness. Woo! Woo! Woo! Daddy ain't get. This is our fucking pump up song. We are free from that motherfucker. And listen, in old Call Her Daddy style, I would usually tell you to go find a specific peen, that being his father's and his brother's, and maybe even suck on the mother's clit. I would tell you to fuck them all. You don't need to get back on the horse that soon. There is always time to fuck the mother and the father and the grandmother.

The grandmother could be a good fetish fuck. It can come. You need to just be patient and focus on yourself first. Then that revenge fuck can come later. Listen to me, daddy gang. This is good. This is fun. Say it with me. This is good. This is fun. We love getting broken up with here on Call Her Daddy. No, it's not, Alex. It's the holidays. I'm sipping on cocoa. Shut up. Listen, the holidays are actually, if you convince yourself and trick yourself, just like you can trick yourself that you're a fucking 10 when you're really a two or when you can trick yourself and convince yourself. No, the holidays is actually the best time to get broken up with. And here's why. We have time. You have time off of work. You're around family and friends and you can really get yourself in a better mindset, right?

Now, a lot of people are probably embarrassed, right? Embarrassment is a natural reaction you feel when you get broken up with. No, not us. There's two parts to this as to why we welcome the big slap to the face. Hey, you fucking loser. I don't want you anymore. Good, good fucking riddance. If you get broken up with baby girl, hello, hi, look in the mirror, look at those tits, look at that ass, look at that face and think to

yourself, oh my God, I am, I am quaking. The world is quaking. I am unleashed. I am free. Who is going to be my next victim? Why are we acting like the person that broke up with us has any fucking power over us anymore? No, no, no. If look at it as you are unleashed, you are ready to get back into the world and you are the baddest fucking bitch that ever fucking lived. And it is time to unleash that single version of yourself. When you are single and when you go through a breakup, you have the better opportunity

to get back out there rather than the person that broke up with you. When someone breaks up with you, there is a little bit of that remorse. And if they don't have remorse and they're a psychopath and then they're just going to go date someone else and break their fucking heart again you are in the driver's seat you are the one that has that fire lit under your fucking ass to now be like you know what I deserve better and I'm going to fucking get better and I'm going to start by looking at it in a positive rather than a fucking negative You can literally trick yourself into fucking believing this is the best fucking thing that ever happened to you. And I'm not fucking kidding, guys. I promise you that when you get broken up with, it is truly a fucking blessing. Fuck that fucking

loser. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to fucking be with you. Great. I don't want to be with you either because I'm really now starting to rack my fucking brain with a couple of things that actually I'm realizing not a life partner. Bye, bitch. Bye, bitch. Also, I think maybe you're like, oh, you know what? I'm a little too fucking young. I got a lot of life to live. I got a lot of fucking dicks that I want to go sit on. And this fucking A1 pussy deserves to try out all the fucking dicks in the fucking East Coast or the West Coast or the fucking Mid Coast, wherever the fuck you live, wherever you are, you've got a fucking lot to do and we cannot be bogged down by little fucking bitch boys. Now that is one side of how we can look at it as a positive.

The other side of it is this, listen, I get it. Again, breakups are hard, but holiday breakups are so fucking awful, right? You're thinking, God damn it. I'm now solo dolo. I fucking hate this. How am I going to tell my family? No, no, no, no, no, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. This is the best part. Okay. The daddy gang actually welcomes the controversy that comes with letting people know, hey, I'm a fucking loser and I just got dumped. We manipulate here, okay? Listen, if you are nervous to tell your family

or your friends that you got broken up with, this is how we're playing it this holiday season. You're in the driver's seat. You have control. You are going to send a mass text to your family. Hello, family. I wanted to inform you that I will be single this holiday season. I was dumped. I will not be accepting any questions at this time. Happy fucking holidays. Honestly, it's not that bad of an idea to send a mass text because you'll get the sympathy vote, but you also don't have to accepting any questions at this time. Happy fucking holidays. Honestly, it's not that bad of an idea to send a mass text because you'll get the sympathy vote, but you also don't have to have the immediate response of, oh my God, we're so sorry. Shut up. They can all start a

separate group text and they can all fucking talk about you in the other one, but you let it be known that you're not willing to can talk about this shit and they should fucking respect your boundaries. Okay. And that's another part. Listen, the holidays are hard. People are going through it and now count yourself in. So are you. And you can play that sympathy vote up, right? Oh mom, you want me to set the table? Guess what? There should have been another seat next to mine and I don't have a boyfriend. So no, I'm not fucking sitting the table you can lean into the heartbreak in a way that gets you out of those chores and oh I just had an idea you can dress like the biggest whore for new years and instead of your friends be like oh god Jessica I feel

like that's like a little much they're gonna be like clit out oh my god or clits out oh my god your clit is beautiful everyone's gonna tell you your vagina is the hottest your tits are great you might as well go out naked you have the ability to capitalize on a breakup and the empathy and the sympathy that people are going to give you fuck i want to get broken up with this sounds fun it is it is it's new beginning okay daddy gang that is what i'm saying and i know it's it's again easier said than done but i hope this is kind of getting you in the mood to get broken up with because the epitome of this eat pray love journey of leaning the fuck in do you know when you're at the point where you say if I have fuck if I have one more glass of wine I'm gonna yak

do it do it drink it drink the wine it's the way to live because listen, come new year, cue Ariana. Oh fuck. Put your hair in a high pony, baby. Okay. We, I hate doing this. We, we have no tears left to cry, but do you get what I'm saying? We, I think January 1st, new year's, it's such a stupid fucking restart for people that they use in order to be like, I know I haven't worked out all year. I know I didn't start that. I didn't start being a good friend, but now I'm going to use this one stupid fucking arbitrary date in order to really jumpstart my fucking character and moral compass. Shut up. If you actually really wanted to fucking do it, you would have done it eventually. But for the people that got broken up with, I am giving you the go ahead to use this date as an opportunity to kickstart your new freedom up until New Year's, Daddy Gang.

Go as far left or right as you want. Eating, drinking, fucking or stay in your bed. Don't do anything. Cry to Adele over and over and over like you can do whatever you want in order to mend this broken heart I give you full freedom to go off the deep end but then this is the best part of the holidays we're gonna use this stupid fucking date to our benefit come Jan 1 when you see that fat fucking ball drop. The beginning of the rest of your life has arrived. You aren't mad. You are not bitter. You are not resentful. We are freeing ourselves

from those feelings. You are rising from the ashes. The end of the year is always a time for reflection. We discover new things about ourselves, make plans for the upcoming year. And what we may discover is that we like this new version of ourselves. Maybe you're really actually getting to know yourself. How many people get comfortable in a relationship and start to just move with their partner and you almost lose part of your individual sense because you start to just fold into the relationship. This is an opportunity for you to figure out that person didn't want to be with me. So if they didn't want to be with me, why?

What do I want? What could I have gotten more from someone? Maybe they didn't want to be with me why what do I want what could I have gotten more from someone maybe they didn't please you maybe your fucking sex sucked maybe your sex was amazing but the emotional was lacking I promise you daddy gang you can have both you just have to be willing to wait and find the right person and I refuse to let anyone listening settle. I think the moral of the story is we look at breakups like they're so fucking depressing. If it's meant to be, it will be. If someone doesn't want to be with you, we let them go. We let it end. And we look forward to the next person coming into our life.

To give you a little fucking ending here of a personal note. I went through certain breakups where I was like, fuck, like I actually thought that person I was maybe going to spend the rest of my life with or fuck, I thought I was I thought I was so happy. When enough time passes post breakup, every single fucking time that I have ended relationships, whether I was broken up with or I broke up with them, there's a clarity moment. You realize what was wrong. You realize why you were staying and you realize why it wasn't right for you. And then eventually, I promise you are going to find that person that everything feels right. But before you focus on that, focus on rebuilding yourself and actually figuring out

what do you want? Don't give that power to anyone else but yourself. Daddy gang, you fucking got this. I love you. This new year is going to be fucking amazing. And also for anyone listening, if it's after the new year, just set a date. It doesn't actually have to be Jan 1st. I honestly would prefer it not being fucking Jan 1st. Just give yourself a date, but also again, give yourself enough time to grieve. And then we move on and we fucking look at the future as an opportunity and we don't let the past bog us down.

We really let it fucking fuel us. Okay, that is it for this week's episode. Sadly, there is not going to be an episode next week. I'm taking a vacation, a concept that I love, and I will be back on January. Let me pull up my calendar. Guys, mark this in your cal. We will be reunited on the 12th.

So next week on the 5th, there will not be an episode, but the 12th, I will be back at it again. So daddy gang. Oh, this feels kind of weird. Although I will not see you fuckers next Wednesday, I will see you fuckers next year. Bye.