Call Her Daddy - The Roast of Dave Portnoy

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

When Alex and Dave get together, it's always unhinged. Get ready for the roast of Dave Portnoy.

What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Dave Portnoy, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thanks. When's the last time you were here with me? I haven't been on. You haven't invited me on your show since you've been on your own. My Spotify deal.

I did. Since I own my IP? Yes, correct. Which we gave you, yes yes so we're at the kentucky derby yeah you brought your new girlfriend not my new girlfriend we have to get into it immediately you went viral because you were at the celtics game and you brought a date right and you idiot i show up today to do this interview with dave and he what is her name you're not gonna say are you gonna sit in silence the whole episode I if if it's gonna be like that yeah I am how did you decide to bring this amazing

beautiful woman here today in my presence and think I wasn't gonna bring it up well because it's like well we're friends so are we Are we friends? You and I? Friendly. How would we define our relationship, Dave? You didn't invite me to your wedding, but I guess you didn't invite any of the crew either, so that's fine. Okay, it was a small wedding. Yeah. Would you invite me to your wedding? Absolutely.

Are you ever going to get remarried? Probably not. You would invite me to your wedding? Absolutely. Really? Yes. I don't believe you for a second. I would.

You're saying that because you know you're never going to get married. Hands to God, if I get married, you will get an invite. You kind of like me. Yeah, we're friendly. Do you miss me at Barstool? No. You miss the paycheck? Yeah, sure.

Call her dad. He made us a lot of money. Okay, so I feel like there are so many celebrities here. Who have you randomly hung out with that's such a random celebrity? The first time I met Tom Brady was here, so that was big for me. Guess what I found out last night? He's not coming? Tom Brady was supposed to come to the Unwell event last night, then he canceled his entire trip. Why?

I have no idea. He had like ten tickets and he canceled everything. To the Unwell? Where was it? Or just to the Derby? To the whole Derby, but he was coming to my event last night. Well, yeah, he's like- Does that make me cool give me like well no he didn't come i mean coulda woulda shoulda you get no credit for like he coulda come but he was going to has he ever come

to one of your fucking parties has tom brady ever been in super bowl parties uh to one of our personal event parties i don't know that he has but i don't care i don't know the last time he threw a party okay let's circle back are you a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio he's a good actor what else what else do you have in common though if you have anything in common any similarities Dave I think I'm more outgoing probably like he hides himself well you also have something in common where you like to date young women well i don't know if that's always the case but i mean i was married for a long time you are married no i was you did you get a divorce no that's true that technically is

true we tried to our defense we tried and it got denied that is the biggest crock of motherfucking shit you said that to me on tour and i don't believe you for a second you're like i tried to get divorced hand to god you want me you you want me to text her right now say did we file the paperwork did we go to the judge and the judge looked at it and said nope yeah call renee. Let's go. I don't fucking believe you for a second. This was a ploy for you. No, you're not actually doing it.

This was a ploy that you tell girls so that you can't marry them. I'm convinced. There's no fucking way. Let's call Renee. Text her. Say, I'm on a show right now and I need to clear my name. Alex Cooper wants to. Why would you not be able to get a divorce?

Clearly you don't know the first thing about law because it's the truth. Why aren't you divorced? Because she and I have a great relationship. Well, I don't know why I'm holding this. You don't want to give her your money. No, no, no.

It, she, we have the perfect relationship. We're best friends. So the, and the judge looked at it. We didn't want to split. We didn't want to change how we were doing things. We want a legal divorce and the judge said nope he has too much money

and wouldn't accept it no literally play that back you have too much money you can't get divorced said who the fuck ever you little piece of shit because they're like he's trying to screw you and it i wasn't no this doesn't make sense. Go ahead. I'll give you a minute. Text her. Wait. By the way, I just got a text from Tom Brady's people.

Was Brady actually going to the show to Alex's unwell event last night? Laugh my ass off. That's one of the funnier rumors I've ever heard. I didn't say it. Alex is swearing by it. He was 100% coming, canceled the whole trip last minute. Where'd that come from? I mean, I know she's well-connected,

so maybe some mutual friends had told her something I don't know about. But no, he had an F1 event last night. You better come stronger than this, Alex. We have connections, too, my friend. This better not be on the cutting room floor. Who is texting you that right now? Tom Brady's right-hand man used to be my right-hand man. Dave, I haven't said this publicly yet.

I haven't even said anywhere that he was coming here so who said that someone over there what do you mean you just said it to me and so did you text someone yes no it was texted over there so you motherfuckers texted someone to see yes you little piece of shit i swear to god he was coming uh direct from tom brady not true tom was coming to my party shoulda coulda woulda you were gonna get a divorce shoulda coulda woulda bitch fucking bitch i'm gonna get it right now okay let's talk about the celtics all right how old are you i have don't answer that 20 don't answer that way young 21 way up you're way off 24 24. Way off.

Give me a little nod. No. The girls stick together. No. Your girls do not stick together. We're not talking about it. 25. Thank you.

My girl over there gave me a little. So I'm on a date. Who cares? Okay, I have a question. So you go to the Celtics game for anyone that lives under rocks. Dave was at the Celtics game. And he chooses to bring this gorgeous blonde woman right on his arm to the game

and you sit directly behind the announcers and you look like you're going to shit your pants when it goes live. The guys are like, here we are at the Celtics game and Dave is like, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Correct.

Why did you bring a date to the Celtics game if you didn't want to be seen? So I've already explained this. But no one listens to bff yeah that's not true everyone listens to what i say i'm just kidding love you josh okay i usually if i go to celtics games i sit on the court like center court i'm very vocal very like yeah it is a flex so um i always go celtics games i'm from boston i'm a diehard celtics fan okay celtics ended up playing miami playoffs i live in miami i did not take courtside seats i turned them down i bought seats in the corner such a martyr yes i bought seats in the corner they fell through okay mb who works for us bought replacement tickets it was a deal game

time bought the tickets i had no idea where they were. Walked in. You know, you show the usher. Where are we sitting? We sat down. I said, oh, fuck. We're right behind here. Two minutes later, we're on TV. We got up and left.

Okay, question. How many dates have you had to have been on with a woman to bring her out in public to an event like that? Like how many have she and I been on? Yeah. Be honest. We've hung out a decent amount. Okay, what does she and I been on? Yeah. Be honest. We've hung out a decent amount. Okay, what does that mean?

We've hung out a decent amount. What does that mean? Hung out a decent amount. Like she lives in Boston, so we do births. She was here for the week. That's why she's here now, which I thought you'd have some decency

and not bring it up. But we got to entertain the people. This isn't entertaining. I think this is so entertaining. This is amazing. So if you were on a first date, would you ever bring a girl to a Celtic date? No.

So this is serious. No, that doesn't mean that either. You said you hang out in bursts. Correct. Who says that? Well, if you don't live in the same area. So I've known her for a decent amount of time. Okay. How would you describe your type other than young who said it was young i don't know dave your track record

it'd be like saying like i liked athletes no listen i don't it's i you are attracted to who you're attracted to or hang out who you hang out with but i'm in a young world so i tend to meet younger people i'd love to listen. If, if she was 35 or anyone's 35, I don't discriminate. Okay. I'm going to play a little game with you.

I'm going to give you a scenario and you're going to tell me, I thought you were going to be a lot nicer. We were talking before. I'm like, maybe don't come. She was a fan. It's like, no,

trust me. Me and Alex are friends. She won't mention it. This is good. This is good. People will love this. Sick. Sick.

This is, this is good. You guys hang out in spur it. This is good. This is good. People will love this. Sick. Sick. This is good. You guys hang out in spurts. This is one of the spurts. We got to capitalize. Like, I got to get those views. And who better to use for views than you? Okay.

I'm going to give you a scenario and you're going to tell me how you would react. You walk in on the girl you're talking to going through your phone. What would you do? Break up with her. Immediately? Yes. Would you say something? Like, get the fuck off my phone you're like what are you doing oh we'll see you have something to hide no just there's no trust yeah how do you think she got your password do you have an easy password yeah i mean i get hacked all the time is it zero zero zero i i don't

i i don't really try to hide things so yeah I'm easily hackable and I've been hacked many, many times. Yeah, yeah. We've seen. Okay. She asks you to buy her a Chanel bag after the seventh date. She asks? She asks you. Break up.

Really? Yeah. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought a girl? A G-Wagon? Yeah, the G-Wagon. That was fucking crazy. But for that example, like she never asked for that. You were just so generous? Well, I want to get her something nice yeah good boyfriend she asked you to hire her as barstool talent uh no chance no chance no not even if she was so fucking i have

a lot of girls who who in my dms at one point waver between like wanting a job and wanting to like have sex go on a date i didn't say sex as a date that's i said sex yeah yeah yeah separate business pleasure okay she's really into toe sucking no not my thing i won't break up i just beg no thanks you sucking your toes i don't like any of that would you suck her toes i'd rather not she has a passion for making sex tapes and says come on one more won't hurt would you do it for the love of your life even if you knew it was going to get leaked again? Oh, yeah. I don't care.

I don't care about being leaked. That's not me. I care about the girl. So if the girl's fine with it, I don't care. Okay. Let's talk about Taylor Swift. Love her. Okay.

You're a huge Swiftie. Huge. When did your love for taylor start so it really started um when kanye and kim her with that uh editing her like voicemail about the lyrics uh that was the big i always liked her music but that really made me team taylor and then i really hate kanye so much that the more i hated kanye the more i started liking kim uh I hate Kim. So it all played together and then I just became a bigger Taylor fan. So would you say that you're a big Swifty fan because of like the personal shit rather than the music or you do like-

It's a combo, but I feel like a lot of, I feel like I've had a lot of, I can feel for her message of like when people are lying about you and making stuff up. I feel like that's happened to me quite a bit. So I resonate with that and I am a very like vengeful person. Okay. Aside from Kim, if you had to pick like who would be your favorite Kardashian? Well, Chris is a savage, right? Yeah. I mean, she basically whored her daughter out to start an empire. Now, D just because you make a sex tape me being example doesn't guarantee you endless success lots of people had sex tapes and turn nothing she's brilliant yeah smart savage so she's an interesting one she may be the one i'd like from a business side really be like man how'd you do

that i would like to have a martini with her yeah she's brilliant yeah Yeah. Like, people, I don't like them. You can't... Deny it. ...poo-poo their brilliance, their business geniuses. Okay, so do you feel like I'm shitting on you too much? Did you tell me, like, a sad story from your childhood? I don't think you're shitting on me. We're just having a little fun. Yeah, I mean, I... Did you want the Call Her Daddy treatment?

Like, Dave Portnoy, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Let's go back to the beginning. Tell me what happened in your childhood that fucked you up so hard. I don't have anything like that. Yeah, you do. I was actually wondering what you were going to talk to me about, and then I gave you. But I did think you would not talk about her. Why?

I don't know. You're making me seem like a bad person. You've never had an ex that it's like, well, you don't want to make them upset? No, for sure but i also like we're in the public you gotta fucking if she's not yes she is there's 19 cameras in this room and she's sitting in the room they're not on her well we're gonna leave her in the rain it's pouring rain we were out there on the racetrack yeah but you you know you're gonna be filmed here filmed boom what do you mean filmed i've come to the kentucky derby six to ten times i've never been on tv never nothing at the derby they treat me they're

treating you guys better than they treat me which is bananas because i'm like the biggest horse fan in the country first of all films as in yeah no tv no one gives a fuck about tv dave iphones internet i don't care about that okay so then you don't care about being seen with her so why do you care about me talking about there's different platforms like being on the celtics game and call her daddy well she did she's not on the couch should we bring her over no definitely not she come on no shot no shot when did you lose your virginity can you tell me your virginity story late late yeah it was freshman year college okay tell me the story no yeah what the fuck let me tell you this story tell me the story it was my girlfriend

we had sex like that's the story it wasn't anything so when do you think you turned kinky anyone says not watching he's like fiddling his toes at that question i'm trying to think about take your time probably like i don't know after my marriage maybe oh we weren't overly kinky yeah okay so you don't you don't have any sad stories you can tell me from your childhood so we can really make this a full 360 episode I'm not one of your sad like rehabilitation yeah yeah we gotta do a little therapy

I have not no you never sat alone at lunch I was popular all the way through no you fucking weren't of course I was you were popular in high school with this personality no shot like always a funny guy and you didn't get bullied in high school no i was the kid at like growing up recess i pick who plays recess in elementary school yeah that was cool kid okay back to taylor do you think she knows you exist yes really yes really yes why i i know she's seen videos that I've made, like, defending her.

Yeah. And, like, Travis Kelsey kind of runs in circles that aren't too different from some of my circles. Okay. Does that make you excited? No. What? Why? I mean, I want to meet her, but I want to say it makes me excited.

Yeah. It's more like, as much as I talk about her, I love to meet her. And she's so talented. But no, it doesn't make me excited. Okay, do you think Taylor and Travis are going to get engaged? Yes. Okay, what's the timeline? Like, when are they getting engaged?

Year, within a year. How do you think he's going to do it? Well, I have no idea. How did you do it? We went to a resort in Cape Cod. And I had a nice little thing Yeah Was it a nice ring?

Yeah I mean I was broke then I actually bought My buddy there One of his friends Like family friends Had a ring store So I got through him

Okay What do you think They're gonna name Their first kid? Do you think They'll have a kid? Travis and Kelsey Yeah

Travis and Kelsey Travis and Taylor I have no fucking clue Let's bet Amy That would be great That would's bet Amy That would be great That would be fucking crazy That would be great

Let's guess right now So what if we get it right Just pick names out of a hat Is it a boy or a girl It's a boy It's probably gonna be like What's Mahomes' first Patrick

Probably named after Mahomes Shut the That's fucking weird isn't that a little weird I think Taylor has like more class than that she'd be like we're not oh I mean she's into like Travis is a meathead like she's into the whole meathead thing right now everything she's doing she hasn't done before do you like it like do you think I like her whole story like that's as i become more of a swifty like the latest album and swifties go crazy which i don't know as much of her but

every lyric everything like has a story to it which i like i like it's not just the music it's her storytelling the lyrics oh my god the smallest man that ever lived yeah i like that song do you think an ex would ever write a song about you like that bad like have you ever fucked over someone that bad that's like a really dark song i don't think i've fucked people over like that i'm sure maybe other people think i don't know i i feel like i'm pretty straightforward you know that you people can say whatever they want about me i'm pretty honest and straightforward. Do you think a lot of people hate you? Hate? No. Do you think anyone hates you? Yeah, I know some people hate me for sure.

Who? We have some mutuals. We have some mutuals? Yeah, we have some mutuals. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, which is your doing, not mine.

That was your doing. They fucking hate me because that was my doing. That was your doing. How is that my doing? That was your doing. Nothing is ever my fault. This is all on you. How is it my doing?

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Are we talking about the same thing? I don't know. Are we talking about the same thing? I feel like we are. Are we talking about like a little. No, there's two people.

Oh, a man that wears a suit like you no not him oh oh oh fuck him fuck him all right he actually who did i meet who did i meet who did i meet you who brought trash into my life you that's a fact okay i did bring trash but then you took the trash out and you tried to get rid of me too no that's a lie i'm just kidding that's a total lie yeah that's a total lie okay i did bring trash into your life i sat in a room and looked at a rum oh my god i don't like him but i guess we have to bring him along I was right

because I have good character judgment and I actually regret that to this day yeah I like vouched for him and then he shit on us yes do you think people know what we're talking about I don't know are you still looking for your court documents

I'm going to just text her okay let's take a pause and you just text her really quickly. Why am I so obsessed with your divorce? Probably because I think you're using it as like an excuse to not get too close to women. Like you use it as like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't move forward with you because I'm still married. That's just not true. That's your trauma. Let's dive into it.

Did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge? Divorced. And please explain why we got denied. We weren't. I was trying to buy a house in Nantucket. Okay. Most expensive house ever sold in the history of Massachusetts. Okay.

Your dick is so fucking big. The judge wanted me to give her half of everything I had. And why wouldn't you? Because we have been separated for 10 years and we exist. And if she wants something, she gets it. Like she has access to my bank account still. So she has access to it. If we do that, it changes everything on how we operate our lives.

She didn't want it. I didn't want it. So why didn't she tell them that? She did. And they said. No, fuck you. No fuck you no no divorce why don't you just give her half your money because then she we both want the best for each other like i couldn't get the house if we did that i couldn't do this it we didn't want it how much was house again 40 million yeah 42 million how much are you worth a lot a lot yeah do you think i'll get there one day see how your barstool junior for women goes i mean that's what it is right i can't believe

you just made fun of me i'm doing a great job how did i make fun i'm running a fucking company how did i make fun of you i said it's Barstool 2.0. That's what I did. Okay, you're a Swifty. I haven't seen these. You're right. No, I actually haven't. I haven't. We're about to play a game. Yeah.

Okay. I don't believe you. So why did you hand me this one? I don't know. Do you want a different one? Just want to make sure you give me a fucking card. I got it. I'm good with it.

You're good with yours. Do you want to trade? Nope. I'm good. Okay. So we're going to read a lyric to a Taylorlor swift song let's see who knows the lyrics more oh this is gonna set me up for failure yeah well fail um okay so when it's where it says read we're gonna read it and then the other person has to answer what they think the rest of the lyric is from a taylor i'm gonna suck

okay ready new money i'm not a lyric guy everyone knows i can't do this yeah this game sucks just play just have fun dave i i can't have this. This game sucks. Just play. Just have fun, Dave. I can't have fun. You were that kid on the playground. That was like a little fucking shit. Well, I don't. I didn't get my team. So I don't want to play.

I'm Andy Bernard. I don't play games that I know I can't win. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine take a guess blank actually that's yeah blank space yeah but i don't know lyrics take a guess i i don't know lyrics dave you have to play i i have nothing read me one let's fucking see if i can get you'll be the prince and i'll be

the princess oh that's easy you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. Oh, that's easy. You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby. Just say yes. Right. So you're a huge Swifty? Yes. Dave, what do you think I was doing crying in my bedroom when I was in high school? Crying in my bedroom when I was in college?

I'm absolutely, I'm glad you brought that up. Okay. Because I was part of your live show. I am calling absolute bullshit okay that you were the ugly girl crying in your room i was no you weren't you were pretty you you put up these pictures you're like i was the ugly girl and then you put up like a stunning picture she was crying in her room in college not in college college i was hot college i was hot end of high school i was hot. College, I was hot.

End of high school, I was hot. It was like elementary school was really tough for me. Elementary school? Elementary school and freshman year of high school. And then I got a glow up. Okay. But like, you had a glow up. So you know how it feels.

I said I was always immensely popular my whole life. But you weren't cute. No, but I wasn't being picked on. What age did you get cute? When I got money. Yeah, you got that new hair. Your hair looks so good. This is not new hair. Well, how long have you had it?

My life. Fuck you. This is my, this, what you're looking at is my hair. No, but you re-implanted it from the back. Not on the front not on the front on the front no where back oh the front this is my real hair hair i was ahead of the game this is my hair you were nothing has been touched on the front of my head really i don't remember that hairline in some old pictures you know why because i was working a hundred hours a day eating baguettes

and sitting and grinding. So you could come in and be like, I want more money. Like five seconds into it when I had been doing it for 20 years. That's why you don't remember. Okay, but yeah, you weren't good looking either. So we're both little fucking. But I never have complained like, oh, woe is me. Yeah, but you got roasted online for it. Yeah, I don't care.

I still get roasted online for it. People don't say I'm good looking now. I think people think you're good looking now. Hit or miss. Better. Better. Well, it's not saying much. They'll try to find pictures and be like, look, she was busted.

Yeah, I don't care. They're like, look what money can buy you. I'm like, exactly. Yeah, I have no problem with that. God fucking bless. It is what it is. A little bit of Botox. Have you ever had Botox?

No. Would you ever get it? No. Raise your eyebrows. Huh. You have like a good sized forehead Thank you Okay back to our game

That's very nice No that is I know Okay Now I'm Oh okay You fucking know this This is from the new album

Now I'm down bad Crying at the gym Now I'm down bad Down bad I'm down bad That's the name of the song I'm down bad Down bad

I'm down bad Finish the fucking lyric I don song I'm down bad Down bad I'm down bad Finish the fucking lyric I don't know lyrics Just guess Okay you actually Have to say this one Now I'm down bad Crying at the gym

I'm down bad Then you think That's the next line I don't know what The next line is I just know the song Is called down bad Okay just try

Down bad You think the next line Is down bad I'm crying I'm down bad I don't know the lyrics Everything comes out Teenage petulance I don't know Like I'm Jimmy. I'm down bad. I don't know the lyrics. Everything comes out teenage petulance. I don't know. Like, I'm Jimmy Buffett fan.

I've listened to a million zillions. I still sometimes don't. I don't. Lyrics don't work in my head. Do you like pina coladas? Getting lost in the rain. Is it getting lost or getting caught in the rain? Getting caught.

Oh, you're really fucking bad. Yeah. Like music. Can't carry a beat. Can't do anything. Mr. Bajoukas told me I had to lip sync in my elementary school graduation. The trauma is coming out now. Mr. Bajoukas?

Yeah. He told you you had to lip sync? Yeah. Isn't that the antithesis of what a music teacher is supposed to like? No, because I'm loud too and off beat. Give me a beat. Go. Sing Do You Like Pina Coladas.

Do you like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain yeah definitely lip sync i'm not good at that okay do we give me one i stay out too late oh you're getting the easy one okay i haven't looked at this page give me read this all right this one's harder okay sometimes you just don't know the answer till someone's on their knees and asks you oh man this is from evermore answer until someone's on their knees and asks you. Oh, man, this is from Evermore or Folklore. Someone's on their knees and asks you, you would have made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's fucked in the head.

So you're a huge Swifty. I'm impressed. You'll pack up your tapestry that I had. So what kind of Swifty are you to be like, I want Kim Kardashian on this show? Bang. No, no, no. I was thinking i i rarely pause let me think about that you have me speechless yeah because if you're actually a real swifty you know how she feels about kim this is the thing i don't think i'm like intertwined in like taylor's personal life

i love her music is that fair yeah and i feel like you're intertwined in like Taylor's personal life I love her music is that fair yeah and I feel like you're intertwined in her personal life and you don't know as much clearly about her fucking well I'm bad at lyrics no that's not fair you're bad you don't know her songs no no I know her songs but not as well as hardcore Swifties for sure I'm open about that okay if you are an actual Swifty you can get this one I want to be your end game go i need to picture taylor's in the room right now i need to hear i want to be your end game nah i want to be your wife dave you're so fucking bad at this game i could have told you i'd be bad do you think that's problematic if i would want to have taylor and kim on the show oh my imagine if i got them for a sit down i would call

you i would call you like the greatest to ever do it if you did that if you got the two of them together that would be you can't top that no and i know i could never do that because they would never do that if you can do that you can do anything are you having fun oh i don't know if it's fun that won't be the word are you feeling entertained yeah it's entertaining let me see if i got the text yeah yeah yeah text did she answer is she awake all right i have a ridiculous question i'll explain later did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge yes twice oh can I read your text miss peaches paused up when she answered the phone so cute awesome video but oh you two would you ever get back I feel like you guys are ending no she's got a boyfriend i kind of like ship you guys i don't i don't have a girlfriend she has a boyfriend she's had for a long time but maybe best friends but maybe she's waiting for you to come back get be done with all the youngs come

back are we just going to ignore the fact that i was dead ass right no pretend that i was just dead ass right fucking wife and she knows you're always up to like weird shit so she knows the game. So no matter how that was answered in the exact way I described I wasn't gonna get crazy. No I need to see

the documents. That would be like if I texted Matt being like I'll explain later I didn't kill someone right on this day. He'd be like

absolutely not babe love you so much. I'm sure I have the documents in my phone. You'll find it and then I'll post it on social media, okay? It's crazy.

This is like my first derby. Can I go bet with you? Yeah, if you want. We bet a lot. How much? Hundreds of thousands. Do you have a gambling problem? No.

Do you think you'll go into debt? No. Gambling's made me all my money. What's the most you've ever bet? On a single game? A million dollars. What the fuck is wrong with you? What?

We won Michigan beat Alabama. Oh, wait. You went viral recently for that, right? Or was that a while ago? I've won $5.4 million this year. Were you literally clenching your asshole the entire game? I was with my mom. So I went to Michigan.

So I'm a Michigan grad. Oh, you went with your mom? So it was the Rose Bowl. Were you holding her hand, squeezing it? We tight yeah it was uh it was very exciting and i have a lot of money so it's all relative have you ever given someone a million dollars yeah we just gave a cop who got uh killed in line of duty two million oh my god yeah wait that's fucking amazing and suly's raised half of it i matched what are you worth like 400 million no not that much 300 200 probably yeah

probably a little no more than that probably like 250 something like that 243 i don't know um so how much money should i bet are you cheap i don't know what is cheap well like do you care about money like i'm easy i if i lose 100 grand today i don't care what i mean i care but i don't know. What is cheap? Well, do you care about money? I'm easy. If I lose 100 grand today, I don't care. What the fuck? I mean, I care, but I don't care. Why don't you care? I don't know. It's just money.

Did you grow up rich? No. Middle class, but not rich. My parents, when they walked in the first time they see me, they cry. Wait, when your parents see you they cry no like the first time they see like walked into my house miami montauk my mom like just starts crying oh because she's so proud of you yeah it's just like you can't really imagine it it's like a crazy well no i'll give you credit for five seconds and stop fucking around for two seconds i think what you everyone can try to like discredit what you do and like people can be like

oh he's like a piece of shit and he's a misogynistic fuck and like he's crazy and like he's a piece of shit but i think you're really smart and what you've built is like no one can discredit that like you're really you may want to discredit the misogynist stuff since we've had like the most female success of any company like ever. Miss Peaches. The best. She's the best. She's the best. She's also wildly famous.

Okay, do you think she's more famous than Henry if he had an Instagram? Is that a real question? Oh my God. You don't think Henry's nearly... Oh my God, Dave, I can't walk in New York City when I'm there without every five seconds being stopped and people are like, oh my God, Alex, I do love you, but sorry, I want to say hi to Henry.

Same with Miss Peaches. Okay, so we should walk around the block together. I would quite literally put my life on Miss Peaches. Okay, Henry's cuter. Sorry. Absolutely not true. Absolutely. Miss Peaches is more popular than you guys were at your prime.

At PMT was at our prime. At me, she's more popular than anything we have. Are you monetizing it? Everything goes to charity. Oh. Yeah. Okay, do you think Miss Peaches and Henry could date at some point? No.

Why? Because Miss Peaches had a life of too many men being forced upon her and like multiple litters so she's not dating i'm very protective of that are you gonna go get another one i'm thinking about it what are you gonna name it i don't know are you gonna do a girl or a boy the girl probably it's up to her i i don't i gotta see how she'd be with other yeah like if she wanted it's not for me it would be for her but it doesn't make you sad when you leave her at home very much so and i when we got bruce it made me so happy because henry fucking hated bruce at first and now they're best fucking

right so that's why i would say i really don't leave her very often like she comes with me almost everywhere who's watching her now uh danielle my assistant um okay as we're wrapping up i want to talk about my wedding really quickly. Which you didn't invite me to. You were the biggest hit at my wedding. What? You were the biggest hit. I wasn't even at your wedding. Yes, you were.

What's that mean? No, you were the biggest hit. What does that mean? Okay. Let me explain. You're going to fucking die at this. I died. So Friday night is like the rehearsal dinner and we're sitting outside and all of our friends

are giving speeches and everyone's coming up and they're sitting outside and all of our friends are giving speeches and everyone's coming up and they're giving speeches and then matt's best friend was like okay we have one final like surprise and we have one person that couldn't be here but you ai'd me no dave yeah yeah we no listen so it was the biggest mind fuck i'll show you it was actually really fucking cute so he brings up this giant fucking television onto the lawn. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And your face comes up on the screen at my motherfucking wedding, Dave. OK, and I'm like, why would Dave have made me a wedding video?

Like, what the fuck? We're close, but we're not that close that he needs. He can like text me and your fucking face pops up. But it was like it was like a joke. And you start talking for two seconds and then it cuts out and then Matt's grandmother who's a hundred years old comes on.

But look how funny this is. Imagine my face when I see you pop up. All right, I'm on my hot boy walk here. Sweating bed head. Congratulations, Matthew and Alex. And then she comes on so i was at your wedding you were at

my fucking wedding i knew that does that make you happy i don't know what that makes me but it shows that i'm still relevant i guess that i showed up at the wedding i think that's like your husband's ripped by the way yeah matt did say to invite you it was kind of a no-brainer oh wait did you have a wedding of course tell me everything you're going way back in wait this is fun though picturing oh my god you walked out i was poor oh wait where was your wedding newport was it nice yeah how many people it was small like 100 are all those 100 people still your friends yes okay that says a lot about you yeah how about the fact that i'm still like best friends with my ex-wife yeah that may say something okay but don't keep looking at down but it actually may be like hey maybe he's a good dude

i think it's amazing but i also like you have you didn't really say anything when i said i think you use it a little bit to like keep women at a distance. No, no, no. I did. I actually said, well, I tried to get the divorce and it got denied. And then it was verified that that happened. Okay, but before you tried to get divorced, that is a cop out. You would be like, oh, I'm sorry. I can't take it any further because. No. I haven't even had serious.

I've had like one serious relationship since then. That's not true. What do you mean it's not true? Didn't you have SoulCycle? That was not serious. And that wasn't even a family relationship. Didn't you have SoulCycle? That was not serious. And that wasn't even- You were devastated that she cheated on you. Yeah, I liked her a lot.

I was a young pup, like just out of marriage, dump. Young pup. Yes. And now you're an old pup. Yeah, now I'm an old dog. I have wedding merch for you. Oh, he's blushing again doing his B thing. Should we give it to the crew?

Okay, I think I'm kind of like, how do you feel? Do you have anything left to say? I have nothing left to say. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. How do you think this went? I don't know what your crowd will think, but your crowd loves me. Okay, hold on.

They do. They do? Yeah, they do. I think they like you. No, love. Oh. They love. Why do you think they love you? love oh they love why do you think they love you

i'm not quite sure they've ever since i hijacked your i know your stream oh you got so off on that you were like oh my god you fucking grew an inch you were so fucking happy that was fun no that was good time oh your ego was out the wall and then i was on you when i did it after and you saw the reaction i got at your show they love me oh people fucking freaked out i got some messages i felt bad people were like are you fucking kidding me like they got dave i loved it that's like the swifties when it's like oh those two songs she played that meant like night one motherfucker yeah i was reading all the comments like right because wait you came to philly you were in philly did you enjoy my live show yes it was different than what i didn't know what to expect but it's more like a broadway show were you impressed yeah it was very well done thank you

yeah i appreciate that raunchy oh like i thought you kind of left the raunch when you left barstool i had to stay true to the beginning and then we we started in the raunch. And then I sat down and did an interview. Yeah. And also it's fun to be raunchy and have fun, you know? I do appreciate it. I've seen interviews for the most part. Not as many when people try to trash us to you. You've defended us for the most part.

I always defend you. Yeah. I always remember where I came from. Yeah. I'm never going to be like, fuck Barstool. Although I like have a couple like qualms still with like my data and like my bonuses. But like other than that. Do you still owe me money you think fuck no why not what were you doing before us i was unemployed i was on unemployment checks blogging it up

yep okay do you want your wedding merch sure dave thanks for coming on color daddy wait rate it one out of ten what am i gonna do with this i'll give it to your assistants am i just gonna hold this for two days straight at the track never mind never mind don't give it to him ungrateful okay rate this interview were you impressed yeah i the The lyrics thing. You really fucking flopped. I can't do lyrics, so that was an F. Oh, clearly. Lip sync.

It was like A minus B plus. You have trauma. I'm going to find it. Next interview. Next interview, we're going to do Dave Portnoy. Welcome to Colorado. Took you long enough to invite me on. What, did you have no one else here?

I thought you were going to do a whole thing of interviews here. No, you're the only person I'm doing. They told me. I think you'll do good numbers. Thank you. All right. Bye. Bye.