Call Her Daddy - What Happens in Vegas - Goes on Call Her Daddy. (Ft. Mr. Sexy Zoom Man, Marshmello, Kygo, Logan Paul, Richard, Laren & Country Club Man)

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

I am still too hungover to write one of these. The title says it all.

Hi, it's Lauren. It's been a crazy weekend. We are in the hospital. Alex is in the back. We've canceled our flight. I have absolutely no idea what's going on right now. I'm so hungover. Are you really recording this right now?

She told me for the podcast. Guys are so crazy. So you're probably wondering how did I end up in the hospital and how we got here. Let's go back to the very beginning of Vegas. Babe, I love you. Cheers. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Oh, baby. birthday what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper with call her holy fuck what the fuck is up daddy gang it is your founding father fresh out of the fucking hospital. Back at it again for another episode of Call Her Daddy. All right. I assume that you all know by this point that this past was my birthday and I was celebrating in Las Vegas. It was an absolute shit show that yes, in fact, landed me in the hospital. We will get there. But first, I want to set the scene for you guys. Hello, hello. Welcome to another episode of Call Her Daddy. You are about to relive my Vegas experience, Daddy Gang, through live audio snippets. You got some fun fucking people that you're about to party with along the way, okay? Number one, Mr. Sexy Zoom Man. Babe, I love you.

Yes, you heard that fucking correctly. My fucking boyfriend is on this episode. You're also about to hear from Country Club Man. You guys remember him? Big Lair, my brother, my sister, my friend, some local fucking favorite DJs. You ever heard of Marshmello and Kygo? Logan fucking Paul.

Fuck you who tried to ruin my fucking relationship this weekend. And last but definitely not fucking least, he is the main fucking character of this entire episode, Richard. Who the fuck is Richard? Oh, you will know him very well by the end of this episode. Daddy gang, it's chaos. But don't worry, your father will guide you through this Vegas experience. So raise your fucking glass, daddy gang, and let's go.

Because our private plane is about to take off. Cheers. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Oh, baby. Vegas. Vegas. Great song, Lair. Lauren's playlist is on fire.

That was a fantastic landing. 10 out of 10. The plane landed and you did hear an applause. No shame. Fuck off. Daddy gang, we landed. It was 3 p.m. We were not sober and we headed straight to the hotel.

The win. We made it, baby! We fucking made it, baby! We love our fans! how about that ride in baby all right all right all right yeah this is pretty fucking nice did you have sex on the pj no lauren you know i didn't have sex on the pj my i just wanted you to say it out loud my siblings were both on the PJ. I felt it was very incestual, but I am now ready to fucking go. My boyfriend is literally holding his dick in his hands. He's like, Lauren, please leave our suite. I want to fuck my girlfriend on her birthday.

Okay, poor Laren is one of the only single ones on this trip. You're a sister. I can fuck your sister. No, please. We are going to find you some dick on this trip. I know it to be true. I'm not worried. I'm not worried.

I'm going to go gamble. You do you. I'll see you on the other side. All right, Big Larry. Bye. Hey, Daddy Gang. It's me, Big Larry, live from the casino. I just won fucking $400.

Ma'am, can I actually get an espresso shot instead of a vodka shot? Well, there's a sexy man. I... I... A Russian man. Sir! Sir, you got a wife? Oh fuck, I just got kicked off the table. I forgot I can't have my phone in. This crap table's on fire. It's hot, it's hot, it's hot! Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, I... Can I play this game in my... I think people think I'm losing my mind. I'm the crazy lady in the casino. You can't stop me! How many kids you got, sir? Daddy gang, you wanna know why I'm losing my mind. I'm the crazy lady in the casino. You can't stop me. How many kids you got, sir? Daddy gang, you wanna know why I'm winning?

Because I'm studious. I'm a scholar. I study. You wanna know when to split your cards? You always split aces and eights. You never split fives and tens. You split two, three, and seven on two through seven. Yes!

Red's hot right now! Hey, guys. It's me. I'm back again. I just fucking lost it all. I'm gonna... I'm gonna go study. Bye.

Okay. lost it all. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go study. Bye. Okay, Laren and I were separated for three hours. And here's where we reunite. I lost all my money. Country Club Fantasy. Alex, Alex, I'm coming i'm putting on a robe although you don't give a fuck if you see me naked naked naked naked naked where have you been i just took a shot literally just took a shot um Literally just took a shot. Country Club. Wait, come in here because. Oh, fuck. I have really streamers in my asshole. Country, I was in bed studying blackjack and I got a FaceTime from Country Club man. And he was like, do a phone charger.

And I was like, look, I'm carrying a phone charger. No, wait, wait, wait. Country Club man is here. In our hotel. He's here in our hotel. Wait, I'm carrying a phone charger. No, wait, wait, wait. Country Club Man is here. In our hotel. He's here in our hotel. Wait, I literally am like... He literally immediately gets naked. Immediately gets naked.

He just takes off his clothes. All of his clothes. Did you hook up? We made out. He kept being like, oh, I love your nipples. Rips my shirt off and was like, oh, I love your nipples. And then he had dinner just now and he went to dinner. And he's like, I'll see you in your nipples later. I'll see you in your nipples later i'll see you in your nipples later

why do you look like shit what happened to you or like my nipple why is your hair like matted and like why are you in a robe and wet what what the fuck my hair is like literally slicked back i just had the best sex we start having sex i have my period currently fuck it and he just shoves it in my asshole and oh well if there's any time to have anal it's vegas i know well that's what i would have anal tonight well that's what with country and the nice nipples i need to get like a piece of shit i look like a piece of shit and i have to get ready for dinner you have hard nipples like will they ever go down no i think they look good i think guys like that so we're okay hello everyone um we're going to delilah tonight so is country club what are you gonna wear the pink corset

i'm gonna wear the seat of your pants oh we need to break this down we get to vegas i lose 500 and i get my nipples licked i get to vegas and the first thing i did was get fucked in the asshole i would say the first leg of the trip was pretty solid daddy gang as you heard lauren received a cold call from country club man who the fuck is country club man for those of you who haven't heard of him let me give you a little fucking reminder Lauren met country club man at my boyfriend's country club when she was living in Los Angeles they instantly hit it off they hooked up had two dates and the last time I saw him you and your mom and Mr. Sexy Zoo man dropped me off at a club we're drinking until 2 a.m. I look at him I say hey you want to

go back and have sex he says hey logistically it's not gonna work i say okay i'm gonna go home and that is the last we ever spoke i love how you just say like oh you can't have sex peace the fuck out so that's the last time you spoke until then he cold calls you in vegas he drops his pants licks your nipples and then we find out he is going to be at dinner let's go to delilah we are at the same club as country club okay country club it literally comes over to lauren is like licking her nipple in in person it's like oh lauren lauren lauren and then my nipples are good yeah and now we're literally looking watching him across the club. He's literally pouring a drink at the bar. He left his table and he's at the bar.

Oh! Oh! He's pouring a shot down her throat. His tongue is down her throat. They're making... Oh, I'm not making out with you again, sir. Do it! You've had enough of my nibbles.

My nibbles are off the limits now. Oh, you think her nibbles are hot? Yes, that is my surf and turf, thank you. Surf and turf. Oh yeah, we're getting our food. Okay, so for those of you who didn't understand that perfectly clear English,

Country Club Man found another set of nipples 40 feet away from us at the bar and Lauren gave no fucks. In fact, she moved on quickly. Richard!

Richard! Richard! We're at Delilah and there's a man named Richard! on quickly. I think I was more swamped. I think I was more swamped. Yeah, you were very swamped. Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard!

Where's Richard? Where's Richard? Richard, did you listen to Call Her Daddy? Because you infiltrated our friend group. Welcome to the fucking friend group, Richard. Dude, he was literally on a different tilt of a human and we fucking loved him you know those people you're just obsessed with immediately it was richard dark and mullet mullet fucking sexy baby yes i did that say that

in the same sentence so literally two minutes after we're like okay country club man go fuck yourself all of a sudden this man with a mullet struts over to our table and everyone is moist. And every head turns. And looks because it's Richard. And Richard literally comes up and it's like shots for the whole table. Hi, I'm Richard. He's like another round. Another round.

Another one. Another one. And we're like, OK, we fuck with this dude. And Richard's like, we're going to Dylan Francis. Turn of events. We're going to the club. We thought we were with this dude. And Richard's like, we're going to Dylan Francis. Turn of events. We're going to the club. We thought we were going to gamble. Let go.

All right. I think this is copyrighted. Always be rolling. Always be rolling. I can hear a dick. We're at the club. Dylan Francis. Dylan Francis. Dylan Francis, how's yours been?

And then I tried to go to Aspen and then I died. Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard!

Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard! Oh, whoa, Richard! This guy is a legend!

Hello? Dude, I'm in bed with my boyfriend, but I'm going to just read you this text from Lauren. Oh, fuck. I forgot to bring her. I think she asked me to bring her shoes home. You don't put that on someone in Vegas, Lauren. Okay, let me read this for you guys. I'm awake.

This is from Lauren. It's 7 a.m. in Vegas. I am awake. This is from Lauren. It's 7am in Vegas. I am awake. I feel great. Threw up everything. My bathroom is just absolutely covered in vomit. Honestly, maybe it was the five espresso shots. Let's podcast and get weird i do not feel my best i do not feel um what what is happening in this group text rich my brother's missing josh's boyfriend is already ready to go rage at marshmallow oh fuck ew lauren then put this in the group text i feel amazing because my bathroom is covered in vomit there is nothing from yesterday inside of me wow how do you feel um i just ran a 5k i like want lauren to come podcast but i'm not ready for her yet did you ever picture in vegas lauren would you feel like in between us in bed yes you're like that literally yes i actually anticipated it

i fucking love that yeah 100 you're like i'm surprised she wasn't here with us while we were having sex yesterday. Dude. I brought my bread. Dude. Are you smoking cigars in here? No. Do I smell like that?

Yeah. Maybe I did. No, you get in the middle, Miguel. Okay, yeah, I'm coming in. Yeah, wait, why? Was I about to have you literally get in the middle and my boyfriend is naked in this bed with me so last night lauren looks at me which i will give this to you we are okay so we did not intend to go to this club and then my beautiful beautiful beautiful boyfriend was just like offered to get us a table and so we said yes obviously you're thriving last night yeah you were thriving last night

dude the fact that yeah lauren looked at me at one point in the night and was like you're so professional about it you literally like did like a little like a finger motion and i was like what and you like whispered it to me you're like alex i'm about to throw up everywhere and I was like oh also do you remember like I kept taking a bucket for you and putting it near your face you were like staying I was like just throw up in the bucket you took the bucket and dumped everything out of it it was like the ice bucket and you're like here this morning the toilet was splattered and throw up and I had to poop and I'm like fuck I can't even move because the whole toilet is covered in vomit. And the wall has vomit on it.

And the sink has vomit in it. That is honestly disgusting and so awful and I'm so sorry. Is my brother missing? I had to take a washcloth and clean off the toilet this morning so that I could poop. Dude, my brother came to the room yesterday as we started drinking brother walked in and just sees the dildo and the tampon on the wall the dildo was on the wall too dildo didn't stick to the wall country club man called me at three in the morning like five times oh fuck him and texted me i'm like i just watched you make

out with the entire restaurant and we podcasted while you were doing it dude we oh my god i forgot we podcasted recorded him making out with everyone we were like spotted dude he called me five times and was texting me where are you where are you at the end of dinner looked at me and lauren's like oh yeah like by the way like i've been tripping on shrooms this whole time. But I was so normal. Nobody could tell. And finally, at the end, you're just, like, casually, like, this was lovely. Oh, yeah.

I've been on mushrooms this whole time. I'm like, what? How did that happen again? Country Club man gave them to me. I'm like, thanks. I'm like, cool. See you around. Bye.

Everyone just loves to give me free drugs. I know. Because you don't, you handle them so well i didn't even know you were fucking tripping i was like like having the best night with you we were literally sitting i was sitting at dinner and just like oh you did keep trying to kiss me and i kept touching your boobs and you like were like you let like oh i'm kidding i kept being like alex you were beautiful yes i'd be like you are a lucky man yeah i definitely did not black out i didn't either but i was i don't know how i was always at the right level last night same i

was a really i was like always at a 7.5 oh that's the best i mean maybe an eight but like i was never past an eight but i was also never below a 7.5 yeah i actually ate my entire i threw up so many scallops i've literally never learned that much in my entire life and richard was like oh we're like are you ready for marshmallow tomorrow and i was like is richard coming with us dude i think richard's coming to marshmallow you need to get marshy on the pod that's the goal you heard it here first marshmallow is the next guest to call her dad oh my god can you imagine interview with marshmallow okay so lauren stops vomiting dude lauren stops vomiting scallops and we make our way to encore beach club i have been to a lot of nightclubs but let me tell you a day club tops a nightclub people half naked i think i watched a lot of people have sex in those pools it was std filled and it was amazing

let's go to the fucking date party marshy's coming on the pod apparently marshy wants to come on the pod. Lauren, I'm here with Richard and... Richard's been checking me out today. There's no fucking mac and cheese for Richard. I've been watching him check me out. Richard is here today, he's cruising down the freeway and he's just enjoying his nice slice of chicken fingers and some fries. Richard, say hi. How you doing? Fucking daddy game! Richard! Richard! Richard! Richard!

What's your vibe? What's your vibe, Richard? We're on a gambling vibe, you know know the vibe is over at the pool yeah we're gonna go run red and black we're gonna put it all on red i'm gonna go jump in the pool we're at an empty pool party yeah we gotta go we were the last assholes at this pool party but we had a great fucking time okay i met so many daddy gang members by the time we left the pool was time. Okay. I met so many daddy gang members. By the time we left, the pool was fully yellow. I'm just kidding. So we went and we got ready for dinner, extremely fucked up. You guys know how that goes. It's a disaster. You realize on a Saturday when you day drink and then you keep going into the night that you've been drinking for a solid 14 fucking hours

and everyone says it's a marathon, not a fucking sprint, but Oh baby, we were fucking sprinting. So we go to my birthday dinner it was at carbone it was a lovely dinner i'm a loser and i didn't fucking record it because i was living the moment but um lauren gave a lovely birthday speech to me that made me cry and then we got a text from richard fucking richard and he says come to Delilah after dinner. There is a table waiting for you guys. We get up. We go to Delilah. And Richard comes over to me and he says, Alex, Marshmallow is here.

And he wants to meet you and take a shot with you. So I get up and Lauren and I go over to the table and we meet Marshy. And listen, maybe we were at like a 7.5 the night before and we didn't fucking black out but i want to be very clear this night this night we were encroaching on a solid 11. lauren and i are on a mission we literally said tonight is going to be disgusting i'm on the hunt for drugs fashion i'm on the hunt for drugs and a little bit of like a Little dick. No, I don't want a little dick. I want a big dick A big dick and also like a little I want some drama

I want him to eat my asshole. I want some drama. I want some drama I want to talk around the rim I'm a little wet Because I'm sitting next to the legend marshmallow and the hat is off what the fuck is up daddy gang yo what's up it's marshmallows okay we're about to have a good night so once again what the fuck do you guys think happened not enough not enough not only not, like not enough partying, not enough in the terms of we needed not one fucking DJ, two DJs. The minute we got a whiff

that Kygo was fucking performing, we said, hey, Richard, get us a fucking table at Kygo tonight. We want to get him on the podcast too. Richard said say no more and he not only brings us to kygo but he plops our fucking asses in the dj booth with kygo and that is where my life ended no but well kind of the drama began let's go kygo we're podcasting live from behind the scenes. Daddy! Daddy! Woo! Daddy Gang in a dog scooper! Back at it again! As you can tell, I'm definitely on a different tilt. Behind the scenes.

Pass it, pass it. Behind the scenes with Richard. It's a fucking Daddy Gang! I'm here live. Lauren is getting finger banged in the back of a club. It's fucking Kygo. It's fucking Kygo. What the fuck is the song that you fuck to the most?

So you probably didn't hear Kygo's response to the song that he likes to fuck to the most because Kygo was working so you see Kygo was in the middle of a live DJ set and I had my little dinky iPhone underneath his chin saying hey Kygo what song do you like to fuck to he's like sweetheart I need to fucking do my job he then did answer as a sweetheart and he told me that the songs that he likes to fuck to the most are his own every girl is wet kyko i would fuck to your songs lauren's like i love kyko yeah i love kyko and i wanted to hook up with kyko and when i realized i couldn't naturally i hooked up with richard oh yeah so daddy gang lauren fucked richard i'm just kidding lauren hooked up with richard it was a beautiful moment however I didn't experience as much of a beautiful moment you got cock blocked daddy gang you may have seen it on the internet and you're here for the story

I was standing in the DJ booth and I see someone with a blonde mullet walk into the dj booth area logan paul has arrived i am standing in the dj booth and this dj booth is tiny like 20 fucking people can fit in there compact if that so we're in the dj booth and i look and i see logan paul and mike maljack come up on stage naturally i'm friends with them however i also know oh my boyfriend knows that i have sucked logan paul's dick so like and the whole world knows and the whole internet knows okay thanks lauren you're like oh yeah every single person knows including your father which is my i love how i'm like sad about like no i literally told the world so logan gets on stage and i'm just like whatever vib, vibing, like not going to rush up to him and say hi. But Logan lays the groundwork for you.

Apparently, my boyfriend turns to me about 15 minutes into Logan Paul being on the stage with me and says, just look at you and have the most intense emotional reaction to seeing your face. To which I responded, what? He said, Alex, I just watched the guy turn around, see you, and look at you as if there's clearly something going on between the two of you. He was convinced in that moment, I think, that it was so intense that this whole Vegas trip, you had been side texting Logan and at night sneaking off to Logan's room. Literally.

It was that intense. It literally looked as if we planned, like, I must have known that he was coming and there was something going on between the two of us. And I tried to put myself in that position in that moment, Daddy Gang. I was like, okay, if a girl that fucked my boyfriend walked on stage and gave a crazy reaction to seeing him I would be like wait something's missing like they're probably fucking like why is she freaking out so I kind of was sympathizing and so I just like we got in a light tiff like my boyfriend was being very mature about it yeah I think that's also why I hooked up with Richard you guys were in this tense

yeah tense yeah and like I wanted to give you your space so you were like naturally put my tongue My boyfriend was being very mature about it. Yeah, I think that's also why I hooked up with Richard. You guys were in this tense space. Yeah, tense. Yeah. And like I wanted to give you your space. So you were like naturally put my tongue down with Richard. Yeah, to buy myself some time. Classic, classic. So I tell my boyfriend, I'm like, I promise you, like literally nothing is going on with Logan and I. I don't know why he had that reaction.

But he's like, so why then didn't you go up to Logan if you're just friends? Why didn't you say hi? And so then again, Daddy Gang, I'm trying to put myself in his position. And I'm like, again, if a girl that he had fucked was on stage, would I want my boyfriend introducing me to a girl that he has been inside of? Probably not. Logan's been inside of you? No.

No. Well, we haven't had sex. But I've sucked his dick. You know what I mean? Like someone you've hooked up with. Oh, he's been inside of your mouth. Yeah. So someone you've hooked up with. It's like weird finally I'm like all right I'm gonna like mitigate the

situation and find an in-between I'm gonna introduce him to Mike so I go over to Mike Maljack I'm like Mike like this is my boyfriend they hug they dab it up they're like what's good and then I avoid Logan finally my boyfriend I leave and he's like I still don't understand why the fuck that dude had that reaction so finally Logangan paul texts me the next day and he says want to hear a fucking hilarious story i feel you'd find funny i say sure and then he sends me a paragraph okay why don't you have him explain it hold on logan alex i will literally do anything for you read your fucking paragraph that you sent to me the other day and explain yourself you piece of shit wait do you want to do it right like am i coming clear because it's like raining in fucking Puerto Rico. It's shit, sir.

It's like... I actually hear you beautifully. All right, ready? Go. So obviously, I was fucked out of my mind. We went to the DJ booth, and I had no idea that you were there. I wasn't paying attention to anything, you know, just vibing. But then I turned and saw you and had a very visceral reaction,

like, oh, fuck, a reaction of surprise and terror. I'm very dramatic. So then I looked up up and right next to you was some incredibly handsome man, and he was staring right at me. There was a slight smirk on his face, almost imperceivable, like looking through me. And then it hit me, holy fuck,

that is your mystery man, that's the guy. And then I realized he just watched me real time react to you React to me seeing you within three feet of me. Yeah. Oh, yeah Why was he smiling at me because you were acting like a fucking weirdo? He was like, what am I missing? Like why is that dude reacting like this? You literally looked at me like you saw a fucking ghost and started freaking out. I Did see it goes i haven't seen

you in 12 years the last time i did hear about you you were fucking saying that you sucked my peepee on a podcast you know what logan it's it's honesty that i live by and so i'm going to always tell the fucking truth that's um that's really admirable and you're very noble and I can see why people are in the daddy gang. Thank you, Logan. The moral of this story, daddy gang, is the Gluck Gluck 9000 is unforgettable. We are two years removed from said Gluck Gluck and Logan Paul is still speechless. The other moral of the story is if you tell the world who you glucked be prepared for the repercussions in my case i was lucky that mr sexy zoom daddy is a grown-up and is able to use his words unlike logan paul thanks for the fucking nft apology gift logan so daddy gang here we fucking go this is why you're all goddamn here the drama

does not stop there cue my sunday morning on the bathroom floor oh my god. Oh my god. Fuck. Hello. Oh. My back hurts so fucking bad. I'm currently laying here. It's 6 in the morning. Please close the curtains. Can you please close the curtains? I'm going to vomit. I have thrown up. I am literally... What do you feel like? Are you okay? No. My back is literally...

I've never been in this much pain. My back hurts so fucking bad. And I'm sweating. I definitely have a fever. Come feel my... Feel my... Feel my neck. Baby.

I know. Hello? Hello? Hi. It's Lauren. It's been a crazy weekend. We are in the hospital. Alex is in the back.

We've canceled our flight. I have absolutely no idea what's going on right now i'm so hungover are you really recording this right now she told me to for the pop for the You guys are so crazy. So, that fucking sucked. And was terrifying. Yeah. My Vegas birthday weekend ended in the hospital. Started in a private jet, ended in a hospital bed with an IV, struggling to pee in a cup. And as you heard, I was on the bathroom floor and I knew that it was not like a normal hangover. My body was shaking. I was vomiting profusely and I was drenched in sweat. I had a fever and it felt, it was the weirdest fucking feeling it felt like I had pulled a muscle in my

lower back I could not get on a plane that's when I knew it was like serious when we like we missed the flight and canceled the flight yeah so we missed the flight and my boyfriend Lauren my sister and I all went to the hospital and because of COVID they basically ended up getting kicked out and I was all by my fucking self in a Vegas hospital I know I felt so I felt horrible about that right yeah I had we had no idea what was happening well I also felt that for you guys because you were extremely hungover too sitting on the then at one point side of the fucking road so I at least got a bed but um I am sitting there all by myself. And I was really lucky. I ended up getting an amazing doctor.

She fucking saved my ass. I was immediately hooked up to an IV. And they did blood work and had me pee in a cup. Drug test? Basically. They're like, you definitely don't pass the drug test, sweetheart. But they had me pee in a cup. And then they gave me a COVID test.

And it felt like I was sitting and waiting for the results forever because at this point I was convinced I had corona because like I was like well what what the fuck else could it be and then the doctor returned to the room and looked somewhat confused by my lab results. And proceeded to tell me that there was E. coli in my urine. A.K.A. shit. Yes. You heard that correctly. There was shit in my urine. That's what E. coli is. Folks,

okay. You learn something new every fucking day. E. coli. Okay. And she then says, Miss Cooper, do you think there's any chance that you like in an excessive way, in, I can't even say this straight. Do you think there's any chance in an excessive way that you wiped back to front which I proceeded to say no I'm not a fucking moron I'm like no ma'am um I didn't accidentally wipe I did not smear that fucking diarrhea into my vagina thank you very much I wasn't that fucked up disgusting so I'm like no like there's just no way like I wipe front to back my whole life I've done it that way there's just no way that I would be wiping back to front randomly no matter how fucked up and she's like well what do you think it could be as she's on her chart Looking through the options, I have an aha moment. I say, oh, ma'am, put your pen down.

You know what? Turns out I actually do know what happened. I didn't wipe back to front. I fucked back to front. In that moment, I remember we got off the fucking pj i went back to my hotel room i was fucked up on champagne tequila and vodka the minute i got into my vegas suite with my boyfriend we started having anal sex on the fucking bed and then i wanted to have vaginal sex so i said let's get into the bathtub so we can wash off your dick bathtub transfer the classic bathtub transfer of E.coli and I thought maybe if I wipe off your dick in the

bathtub you can then put it your fucking big dick into my vagina and we can have some good vaginal sex for a good birthday fuckings little did I know that my shit was still on my boyfriend's dick and it went right inside my vagina and there i was getting fucking e-coli in my bloodstream in my bloodstream there was fecal specimen in my bloodstream and i was then diagnosed and left with ma'am you have a kidney infection i start bawling bawling i was bawling my eyes out i think just because i was emotional i was just so hungover i was like and also i think a little bit of reprieve i was like that's why my fucking back hurts because she was like that would explain your back injury is like ma'am you have a kidney infection so I walk out I would love to hear your reaction of what you guys thought because it's my sister which honestly thank

god it was my sister over my brother I just didn't need my brother hearing this he was on his way home I walk out let me tell you from my end being hung over in a hospital is not the vibe it's not good vibe at least you had a bed back there yeah this was like the creatures of vegas like in like a folding chair and you're like struggling and so i walk out i'm sobbing i my boyfriend starts freaking out yeah he stood up immediately he's like what's wrong like he's so protective he's like oh my god baby like what's wrong what's wrong and you just look at me lauren looks at me she goes what like pissed off she's like what can we leave and i literally look at her and i go i have a fucking kidney infection and i'm like oh boom let's get on that plane i've had three

kidney infections in my life you'll live you're like dope dope not covid fuck off get your antibiotics let's fucking make the 4 p.m flight i'm like okay great we got the 5 30 flight yeah we got 5 30 we couldn't make it my boyfriend is coddling me my sister's like what is it who is my sister like wow what is going on and so i get um prescribed antibiotics um which i am already now feeling better i will say the back pain has subsided and i feel a lot better um when we posted at the hospital every single person got on the plane because we both posted and we got on the plane and like obviously turned our phones off and we got off the plane with like 25 text messages being like my mother and my boyfriend's mother

and your mother and every single person in my life um spotify people literally everyone in my life was like are you okay alex even the group my brother was like, are you okay, Alex? Even the group, my brother was like, bro, you good? We just left you. Like, how could something have happened? What was the most common thing people were guessing was wrong with you? People would DM me that I broke a bone. Yeah, people actually thought it was you. People thought it was you.

Yeah, I'm very accident prone. And then other people thought I had alcohol poisoning. I was like, no, I'm not a fucking rookie. Classic sex injury. I left Vegas with a classic sex injury yeah I left Vegas with a classic sex injury which I will say definitely probably was like a great way to end a fucking Vegas trip with big lair and big al yeah overall we'll be back in Vegas in three weeks dude this is the craziest part is as we are coming down off of this journey.

I'm literally having a come down today. And that's what I am too. And we have to fucking put this episode out. We are having a full come down. And as I'm sitting here with this microphone in my hand, I just got a text from David Portnoy. And I just found out for a very specific reason that you all be finding out soon. That Dave Portnoy and I will be going to Vegas in September together. And you best believe I'm bringing a big layer with me.

We're fucking coming back, Vegas. And I will definitely tell you guys what fucking weekend so you can book your fucking flights. Daddy gang, that is it for this week's episode. I will see you fuckers next Wednesday. Oh, also, there's a mini episode this week. And it's going to be coming out on Sunday because I'm a little too fucked up to get that shit out on Thursday.

Bye. Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard, oh yeah yeah yeah let's director's cut director's cut um we're coming back we're doing a little director's cut a little sitting down with the um with the talent the stars the stars of the weekend so um i was just finishing editing this episode and i'm sitting here and first of all i would just like to say i am very aware that in that last um run that I was having of describing the kidney infection and shit in your urine I sound drunk and I just want a disclaimer I wasn't fucked up fully um that was back in LA yeah I was back in LA that was Monday morning but clearly the z-pack is fully kicked in by now. And I'm hoping I don't sound fully fucked up.

We were just wanted to come on here and just say, hey, guys. And just kind of like debrief without the vlog style quickly of like that entire trip quickly. I think it will never get old listening and reliving drunk nights. That's true. I sincerely urge you to do it yeah it's cringe if you share it with your friends you can like not feel cringe i will say it's a little cringe sharing it to millions of people but i've gotten over that fact um i've convinced my mom not to listen to these types of episodes yeah you have my mom listens to everything in one

i will say it's it's still not hitting me that I just have my boyfriend on this episode I don't think he's it's gonna hit him until he's like oh shit dude he okay so daddy and I'll give you a little behind the scenes what did you yeah what did you do to convince him to go on so I well first of all classic it was like it's my birthday like shut the fuck up like donkey punch to the head um but I was just like hey babe like I obviously we're going to be kind of doing a vlog style podcast and I want to be as authentic as possible oh yeah you know authentic authenticity yeah and um I was like that's what makes this whole thing thrive like that's what's paying for this trip um and so I was like so

there's probably going to be moments where like you know you're gonna naturally as my boyfriend give me a toast right yeah um and I'm gonna be recording everything and he's great like I think at first he was just like good luck with that and now I think he's like I love you and like I support you and I think you're so whatever the fuck I don't need to share the intimate details how obsessed my boyfriend is with me but he was just like i'm down as long as you don't paint me in like a bad light well today's your anniversary happy anniversary oh you just sounded like you had a lisp i literally just watched your mouth happy anniversary i don't know what's happening right now yeah so um my boyfriend just showed up in a suit as we're editing this

episode and he brought me the biggest flowers and like lauren is just fucking sick are you okay no i'm triggered you know know why? Yeah, tell us. Because the amount... Dude. People are going to think we live with two drugs. Okay, go. I'm third wheeling your anniversary tonight. The amount of third and fourth and fifth and sixth wheeling i have done recently yeah it's become the theme of my life dude we were gonna put this in like the main podcast but you know drunken nights are

priority no fucking emotions over here no no real talk but it was crazy to also give you guys another uh behind the scenes so before we went on this trip lauren was definitely like i don't know you were just not nervous but you were open to me about like fuck like is this gonna be weird that like this is like a is this like a couple's trip that I'm going on especially because we had another two other couples yeah it was originally supposed to be there was three it was supposed to be five couples yeah and me and so Lauren naturally was self-aware enough to be like, yo, like I can only like fist pump in the corner.

Like I'm good at like bopping and do my own thing. But like when you look up and like everyone's like making out and I'm like, okay, how long can you guys make out before you run out of breath? My arm's getting tired and cramping. Right. Like you're like, I don't want to be in the corner by myself the whole night. And so I think we had a really good conversation about it. Like one, I would.

We brought your sister so I could hook up with her. Absolutely. And so they fucked. And then I think we had a really good conversation about it. Like one, I, we brought your sister so I could hook up with her. Absolutely. And so they fucked. And then I was kidding. No, I think it was good. Cause, uh,

I talked to Lauren and I just said like, number one, life sucks, man. No, no. I said, Lauren,

number one is definitely, it's definitely a, it's a group trip, not a couple's trip. Why is this so funny? It's a group trip, not a couple's trip. Why is this so funny? It's a group trip, not a couple's trip. And Lauren, threesomes are great for content. So you have three couples to pick which one you want to have your threesome with.

And so, no, and so Lauren was like, no, you're right. It is a group trip um and so basically i think but no in all seriousness i can't look at you just look away and then i'm gonna go for a year okay the moral of the story is lauren i think ended up actually having an amazing trip speak for yourself though if that's not the case you're like i literally didn't want to hook up with red shirts thanks for literally whoring me out but I think Lauren had a great trip and I think tell us about your revelation um well the first revelation was that I haven't had sex once this summer oh yes that's the negative

and that's the depressing one I was saying the more uplifting one but yeah you haven't had sex all summer and that fucking sucks and and i will say no no no you've had opportunities for sex yeah i've made out i've oh i've had a lot i mean i had two makeouts this trip you have i think i've had like a solid 15 makeouts this summer you have and fingers in your asshole let's not discredit the finger in my asshole in the hamptons yeah and i think that you were just saying like your roommate just got into a relationship she did congrats congrats but you know fuck you fucking bitch and i think everyone in chicago basically has relationships they do and then i'm over here in a relationship you are and everyone's in a relationship pretty much but i do think you had an amazing time in ve Vegas and because it was definitely panned out to be

more of a group trip I feel like at the end you were taught we were having an off microphone discussion which is so rare um and she you were just saying what it was just like a moment of like I I guess I can live without sex you little sound so fake. You're like, it's fine. And you're like twitching your eyeball. You're like,

you're at Bain. No, you were just saying like, no, you want to have sex. But Lauren was just saying to me that like the trip ended up for her. She realized like, instead of focusing so much on like,

who am I going to hook up with? And just like living in the moment, it was 10 times more fun. And freeing. like there was definitely a pressure because of like this world's back up again hot girl summer this is the first summer i've been single and like who knows how long oh i bet so many people felt that this summer like if you were like recently single or just single in general you had all these expectations like you better get fucking out there and then lauren's fucking turning the corner on August. And she's like, well, I haven't fucked.

Sometimes you just look up and the summer is gone. And you're like, damn, I've got no dick. But the good thing is that we are going back to Vegas. Richard will be there. And Lauren's got an opportunity for round two with the fucking mullet. Do we think Richard has a big dick you write it and you tell me well richard i think richard does um what do we the real question is what are we doing this weekend because i'm not going home dude mr sexy zoom man is going back

to vegas dude my boyfriend literally has to go back to Vegas for a bachelor party, and he's staying in the same fucking suite that we stayed in. He's about to relive this all over again, and we're alone in L.A., and what are we going to do? He's terrified. Like, I'm not even nervous for him to go to Vegas, and I think he gets terrified that we're going to be here. I think I'm ready to drink again. I think I'm feeling ready.

Let's go. Oh, we have to wait until you finish your antibiotic. Oh, yeah. But then let's... That doesn't fit in with our schedule. No, let's fuck shit up this weekend. We're going to do something this weekend and we may be getting on a flight

because the beautiful thing about this job is I... Expense it for content. No, it is encouraged to travel and get fucked up for the content and I'm fucking here for it. Also, it is guaranteed, not even a doubt, now that I've thought about it, Richard's got a big dick.