Calm Parenting Podcast - 5-Minute Valentine's Day Message: Say This To Your Spouse

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

5-Minute Valentine's Day Message: Say This To Your Spouse Do you think your wife is too soft and coddles your child? Do you think your husband is too rigid and reactive? These are common narratives that will derail your family. So Kirk wrote a new, more honest message you can tell your spouse that will get you on the same page, even if you haven't liked each other for a while now. Questions? Need help? Email [e-mail] and Casey will help you personally.  Get the tools you need to FINALLY stop the yelling and power struggles at https://celebratecalm.com/products/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. So if you have been married for any length of time, you have likely built up a narrative in your head about your spouse. Here are the two most common ones we experience. Husbands often say, well, our child wouldn't misbehave so much if my wife wasn't so soft and lenient and let him get away with things. She just coddles our child. Wives often say, our child reacts and has meltdowns because my husband reacts angrily, can't control his emotions, and is too harsh.

Now there's likely truth in each of those statements, but it's not the whole truth. And these kind of narratives serve to place blame on the other spouse and make me feel justified in my own actions. But they will ultimately lead to the disintegration of your family and your marriage, and you don't want that. So for Valentine's Day, I have actually written a Valentine's Day message for each of you and challenge you to say and write some version of this to your spouse instead. For men, what would it feel like to your wife if you were to write this or say this to them? Honey, I am so glad that I married a woman who loves our children so much that she does everything

within her power to make sure they're happy. Sure, sometimes she's too lenient and soft, but I know that she wants them to know they're loved unconditionally. Perhaps I could learn to be a little bit more understanding and flexible as well. And then ask your wife, how can I be more like you in just one way? See that's an honest statement. Guys, if you want even more honesty and to really impress your wife, substitute this instead. Sure, sometimes she's too lenient and soft, but I realize that's because sometimes I'm too harsh and I only point out what our child is doing wrong. So she wants to protect our child.

And she does that to counterbalance my reactivity. So this week, I am going to begin affirming our child for what he or she is already doing well and lifting them up. Honey, will you help me with that? See, that's really good honesty. If you really want to touch your wife's heart, you could add this. Honey, I'm sorry I've put you in this position of having to manage my emotions for me and keep the peace between me and the kids. This week, I'm going to begin learning how to control my own emotions so I don't react angrily.

See, that will change you forever, men. That'll change you inside, and you will earn the respect that you desire so much from your wife and your kids. And look, it's nothing more than pure honesty and accountability. That's exactly what you ask of your kids. So write that. Say that. Wives, some version of this. I'm so glad I married a man who loves our children so much that he's willing to say no. He's willing to be the bad guy at times because he wants them to be successful and not make the same mistakes he made. Sure, sometimes he's too rigid or tough, but he loves our kids more than he loves himself. And he isn't afraid of them being mad at him when he makes the hard decisions. Sometimes he's too rigid or tough, but he loves our kids more than he loves himself.

And he isn't afraid of them being mad at him when he makes the hard decisions for their own good. And perhaps I could learn to be a little bit more firm and expect more of the kids as well. And wives, you could add this. Again, whatever is true to you in your marriage. Honey, I'm sorry that sometimes I put you in the position of being the bad guy all the time because I have a hard time saying no, and I'm afraid the kids may be upset at me. So beginning this week, I'm going to learn to be more firm with X and Y. Will you help me with that? Do this.

Write this in your Valentine's Day card. Nothing says romance more than copying something off the internet, right? But I promise this will change your family. And look, I'm lighthearted with some of this, but this is deadly serious. Some of your families are falling apart. Your marriage is falling apart. You don't respect each other anymore. And if you just be honest with each other and say, yes, I do that. Will you help me change? And you both own something and work on one thing together. See, that's a beginning.

That's enough. You don't have to change your entire family, your entire marriage. Pick one thing. That's what we go through. We have a thing called Calm Couples University. And one of the things we call is do one thing. Just do one thing, just do one thing and get a success there. And then you build on it because now you're working towards something

together. So get that program at CelebrateCalm.com. Guys, don't be cheap, right? Or get the everything package. You know why you get that one? So you can get on the same page with parenting as your spouse because that's partly what's happening as well. It's worth it. You'll never regret doing this kind of work. If we can help you, reach out, email Casey, our son Casey, C-A-S-E-Y at CelebrateCalm.com. We'll help you with these things, okay? If you need help with the programs, let us know or just go on the website. Look, you can get this for Valentine's Day because it's free download right to each of your phones. Guys, I can tell you this as a guy, you invest in changing yourself and your family, your wife, your wife's going to love that. It's going to be the best gift and a lot cheaper than flowers that

are overly expensive on Valentine's Day and everything else. Anyway, if we can help you, let us know. Love you all. Thanks for working so hard at this. Bye-bye.