Calm Parenting Podcast - 5 Minutes to Change Morning/Bedtime & Save Your Marriage

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Starting point is 00:02:30 listen to you more. And I'm going to try to get that done in less than five minutes. So this is worth it. This is Kirk Martin. I'm founder of Celebrate Calm. This is Calm Parenting Podcast. I'm getting right into this. So I did three phone consultations with couples this past week. And what we were dealing with was strong-wed kids at bedtime, dinner time, homework time, morning time. And in all three situations, here's what happened. Guy told what was going on. His wife starts to speak and starts to talk about something that she could use her husband's help with. And in every single situation, the hubby spoke up and said, hey, Kirk, can I give a little context to that? And I said, no. No, you may not. Here's what you need

Starting point is 00:03:12 to do. You need to listen. Because I've noticed throughout the course of this conversation, every time that your wife speaks up, you don't really listen. Here's what's happening. When your wife starts to speak, you start formulating your response to her. So you are not really listening to your wife. You are trying to prove your point. Now, I didn't say this part because this may be unique to me as a guy, but I have a certain amount of a hero complex of like, I want to be seen a certain way. I've had that in the past, and I think that's true of guys. Sometimes we're a little bit fragile in that way. And so they want to provide context of like, oh, I'm not so bad. See, really, it's my wife because she has control issues and because she lectures too much. And I was like, no, you don't get to

Starting point is 00:03:58 speak. Here's what I want you to do, hubby. I want you to listen, to really listen to your wife without formulating a response, without getting defensive, without trying to prove your point. I want you to validate what she's saying and listen to her and then ask questions and say, so what specifically can I begin doing differently? What specifically would help you? Now, I know inside you're gonna be like, yeah, but she's got her issues. Yeah, on all of our phone consultations and all of our programs, we go through what each person needs to do. It's never one person in a relationship. It's we all have our things to work on. But this is specifically for the hubbies out there, the dads.

Starting point is 00:04:46 I want you to work on this this week. I want you to listen to your wife. Ask her, honey, what is one thing I can begin doing differently? And then listen to her, validate it, and then begin doing it. Now, this goes for both of you, right? I want wives saying, what could I begin doing differently? And then you listen and you do this. But I'm focusing this a lot on guys. And what I want you to know is this. During these phone consultations, when the wife

Starting point is 00:05:17 stopped speaking, the guys all wanted to say their part. And I said, I forbid it. I don't want to hear what you think right now. I don't need you to prove your point. My whole goal right here is I want you to listen to your wife, because if you don't, one day she is going to leave you. And not only will you lose 50% of all of that money that you have earned and invested over time, you will also in many ways lose your children. And it is damaging to children when that happens. And it is preventable in most cases. And it's little things that matter. Because if you don't start listening to your wife, she will feel dismissed. And I know this from personal experiences. One of the hardest things I had to work on was learning how to just listen and validate and not prove my point. And I can tell you, your wife will appreciate it. It's

Starting point is 00:06:13 the best Valentine's gift you can give her is to say, I'm going to begin working on that because I want you to feel heard and I want you to feel validated and I want to change because I value putting as much energy into our relationship and into our family as I do into my career, into sports, into all the things that I'm into. That will change your family. That will change your child's behavior quicker than anything you can do directly with your child. It all relates

Starting point is 00:06:45 and it will change your friendships because I guarantee you you prove your point to your friends and to everybody that you talk to. Let's work on that. If we can help you, look you can always do a phone consultation with me and I'll be honest with you and I'm very good at listening now and I'll help you out but if you want a cheaper route than that get the Calm Parenting Package. We have a special for Valentine's Day. We're including our marriage program, which you do right from home. It's very, very practical, simple steps. We're including that free with a Calm Parenting Package. It's cheaper than any therapy you'll ever do and less expensive than roses. Find it at

Starting point is 00:07:18 celebratecalm.com or email kccasey at celebratecalm.com. Love you all.

Calm Parenting Podcast - 5 Minutes to Change Morning/Bedtime & Save Your Marriage

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