Calm Parenting Podcast - 7 Ways to Motivate Kids

Episode Date: October 28, 2017

7 Ways to Motivate Kids How do you motivate kids who are bright, but not academically motivated? Bribes and consequences never work. So Kirk shares 7 real life stories applying his three-step process for sparking a child’s internal motivation. This is an emotional podcast because we don’t want to crush these kids’ spirits. To learn more about the innovative Camps Kirk references, visit www.CelebrateCalm.com/Camps. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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They're really bright, smart kids, not always academically motivated, but they're bright, right? And they have these great critical thinking skills, their brains are always running, it makes them really good at arguing with you, picking out your inconsistencies, and are awesome at pushing your buttons, which is a cool trait because it means they understand human nature, right? They tend not to sleep at night because they're up all night thinking of ways of getting out of doing stuff that you want them to do, right? And the real reason they don't sleep sometimes is these kids have a lot of ideas and that brain runs and I want to take advantage of that. And you'll notice these kids when they wake up, they've got an agenda in life because they know what they like and they know what they don't like. And what they don't like is anything that you want them to do.

And so it's frustrating. And you will spend their whole childhood saying this. If you would just do what I asked you to do, you would be done in seven minutes. But you'd rather argue with me for seven hours or days or weeks or years and lose everything you own. Right? How many of you have those kids? And so here's the deal with them. Right? Consequences just don't work. You've tried that.

You can tell them, hey, I'm going to don't work. You've tried that. You can tell them, hey, I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap. And they'll say, oh, can we use Irish spring? Right? It just doesn't work. And so you've tried everything. Consequences mean nothing. Bribery doesn't work. And you've tried lecturing them endlessly. And all it does is cause them to resist more. Have you ever noticed that the more you try to get them to care about school or chores or anything you want them to care about, the more they push away, the more they shut down. So the truth is this. Some of these kids just don't fit in. They're not good at school. And look, we can give you a lot of different tools. We've got an ADHD university

program, which is fantastic. Lots of different tools to help your kids with focus, attention, sensory issues, anxiety. And you need to do all of that, right? You need to give them tools. But for some kids, they're just never going to fit into the school system. And it's when we try to push them and fit them and force them to be like all the other kids, that's when we crush their spirits. That's when they begin to shut down and they begin to get even really defiant because they know they just can't do that, right? And so what I want to avoid is fighting, you having to fight with this child during their entire childhood. Now, I know some of the time it's the kids fighting you, right? And they push your buttons and their power struggles.

Some of your kids are very particular and no excuses for it. Sometimes it's the kids, but sometimes it's because we're just trying to force them to be like everybody else. Because we have, look, we've got this thing in our brains as parents that there's only one path, right? And so if you don't do this path and you don't have good organization skills and study skills and you don't get good grades and good behavior, you won't be successful in life. And that's absolutely not true. And so what happens is we push our kids into the system partly because there's not really any other way, right? It's tough. So here's what I want to talk about today is sparking their internal motivation first. See, we try to get our kids to care about what we care

about first, and they never will because they need to own it themselves. And what we need to do is find out what they care about. We need to spark the internal motivation and then your kids will have reason to go to college and do schoolwork. Or in some cases, some of your kids, in fact, many of your kids are simply born entrepreneurs. They are. And when I'm at workshops and I say, hey, raise your hands, how many of you have kids who just love money? So many hands go up. And I will tell you, it's not that they just love money. They're not greedy kids. These kids are kids with really big hearts. And I guarantee you when you teach them how to make their own money, they will give a lot of money away. And it's a really cool thing. So some of these kids will never go to college and they don't need to. And you know what you

need to do? You need to get down on your knees and thank them for saving you $100,000, right? Because then you don't waste it getting some useless degree that they're never going to use anyway. So as parents, here's the hard part. You are going to have to raise these kids differently. You can't raise them like you raise your compliant kids, the kids who are really great at school, who know what they want to go to college for. You can't, you can't, you can't. Otherwise, you will be frustrated.

Your child will be frustrated. You will spend their entire childhood basically trying to change them and fit them into a system that doesn't work. And look, it will hurt your relationship with this child. It will cause him to shut down. It will destroy his confidence. So here's what I want to talk about today and where we're going with this because my heart breaks for these kids. This is the reason we originally developed this original, you know, the original name of our company, our organization was Celebrate ADHD, because I want to take advantage of the positive qualities that our kids have. So we started out by having these

camps. I wanted kids, instead of coming into a therapeutic office for one-on-one work, I wanted groups of kids in my home where I could teach and mentor them to show them how to control their emotions and control their impulses. I could teach them social skills, right? And how to get all these skills. And so we'd have 10 to 15 kids at a time in our home and we'd work with them. And over the course of a decade, we had about 1500 kids come through our home. Now we stopped that because we got really busy and I started getting invited to speak literally all over the world. And I found that by working with the parents directly, that way I could give the parents tools and I didn't need to work with the kids, right? But here's what we're going to

revive. We're going to revive our camps, but they're going to look very different. And the reason I'm really excited is this. I originally had written down in one of our newsletters from back in 1999, it's almost 20 years ago, I had mentioned one day opening a school of entrepreneurship. And people love the idea. It's about 18 years later. I'm not opening up a school, but I'm going to do some camps and boot camps. And here's why. I want to begin teaching your kids how to become entrepreneurs. And I want to teach them how to use their unique gifts, talents, and passions to serve and help others and to make a good living, right? So what your kids often need is this. They need someone who

believes in them, someone who mentors them, someone who shows them how to use their advantages, their gifts, their talents, their strengths to serve others and to make money. And that's what we're going to do. And so I want to show you first some different ways to do this that you can do it yourself. But if you have a pen and paper, if you can remember this, go to celebrate calm.com backslash camps, C-A-M-P-S. And we're going to have all the information on there about these different camps that we're going to have in different cities across the country. And this is a really cool thing that I believe can be a turning point for many of your kids that will set them up for success now and later in life.

So let me give you some examples of how we motivate kids and spark that internal motivation. For me, it's a three-step process. Number one, we need to identify their gifts, talents, and passions. What are they good at doing? What do they naturally love? What do they gravitate toward? You've got to find that because the problem in our society is we tend to spend 85% of our energy trying to fix all of our kids' weaknesses just so they can fit into an arbitrary school system. But what happens is their gifts, talents, and passions

begin to atrophy. And the number one way to build confidence in any human being is to get them doing what they're good at doing. And usually it involves serving another human being, whether that's volunteering or to running a business, providing a product or a service that helps other people, right? So I want you to think about that. What are they good at doing? Number two, I want to get them using these gifts and passions. I want to find opportunities to use these gifts and passions outside the home, right? Somewhere, whether it's in school, your church, synagogue, neighborhood, your community, in a community theater, wherever it is. And then the third part is I want them to be accountable to another adult. And

this is critical. One other thing to consider, with whom do your kids connect really well? Some of you have kids who are great with animals, so we need to get them working with animals. Some of you have kids connect with senior citizens, some with younger kids. So here's how we put this together. And I'm going to give you about six or seven examples that we have used, real life examples of what we've used in the past. And this is part of the process we're going to go through at these camps where we work directly with your kids so we can identify their gifts and passions and begin to stimulate these thoughts in their brains and actual action plan to get them involved doing purposeful, constructive things. So first example, there's a boy named Scott

that I worked with back in the DC area. He was 16, big, tall kid, right? But so unmotivated. Really bright kid, but really unmotivated and very anxious. This kid had a ton of anxiety just oozed off of him. And so he wasn't doing his schoolwork. His parents would take away his cell phone. They'd take away video games, take away the car, give it back. That whole thing went on. And so I worked with Scott. I said, Scott, you know, what are you good at doing? What do you really enjoy doing? And he said, actually, I really like to cook. And he liked mixing ingredients. And you'll find a lot of kids with ADHD kind of qualities. They like the variety. They like picking things and making their own recipe. Just watch, though. They're not going to follow the recipe. They're not. And they shouldn't follow the recipe. These are kids who don't color within the lines. And I

hate it. I hate it that we force kids to color within the lines. I want kids who color outside the lines. You know what I really want? I want kids who refuse to color at all. And instead, they draw something else that's interesting to them. And we need to start applauding some of those qualities instead of just trying to make everybody fit into this box, right? So he's like, I love to cook. And I said, well, who do you connect well with? And he said, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for senior citizens, for older people, because I was really close to my grandparents, but they died when I was little. So I had an idea. So I go to this retirement home, Senior Citizen Center in Leesburg, Virginia, near where we live.

And I found the director and I said, listen, I've got this big, tall kid, right? Teenager, really bad attitude, nasty mouth, listens to nasty rap lyrics. Hey, would you mind if he came by one night next week and just cooked dinner for all your seniors? And she's like, sure. We'd love that kid with a nasty mouth to come in. But anyway, I hooked it up for him, right? We got connected. So here's what happens. Scott ends up making this meal. It

was about 20 senior citizens. He's prepping for it all week, right? He's nervous. He's anxious. He'd call me every day, Kirk, I don't know if I can do this. I was like, I know you can do it because I've seen you cook before. You're good at this. Not very good at school and a lot of other things, but you can do this, man. So he pulls together this meal. Now watch what happens. He goes, he serves 20 senior citizens. You know what happened for the first time in this kid's life? Other adults saw something good in him. 20 older people looked at him and said, man, that's a good meal. Man, you're good at that. Love how you mix those ingredients. Love how polite you are. Love how you mix those ingredients love how polite you are love how you served us love how it's all neat and orderly see every look in every other aspect of his life Scott was not organized right

he didn't follow through poor executive function bedroom was a mess but when he prepared this meal when he served it it was beautiful the way he laid it out because he took such great care and because he cared about it. Now he has 20 adults saying, hey, are you going to go to school for this? You're going to open up your own catering business? What are you going to do with this? And by the way, could you come back next week? Because the food here really stinks and we'd rather eat yours. Now, when Scott went home that night, do you think he had any attitude problems with his parents? No. Do you think he picked on his younger sister? No. Why? Because he was on cloud nine, because he had just used his gifts and talents. He was affirmed for it. Now, here's the really cool part of it. Two parts. One is that the little lady, and she was a tiny little lady,

she was like four foot 10, looked up at this big kid and said, you can come in here one night a week, and maybe we'll do it more, but one night a week you can cook for my seniors, but here's the deal. If I hear that you're mouthing off to your parents, you're not keeping a B average, and you're not doing your chores at home, you are not cooking for my senior citizens citizens because we're looking for responsible leaders. Got it? As big, tall kids said, yes, ma'am. Now, here's the beautiful part of the story. Scott went on.

You know what he's doing now? He owns a catering business. And I taught him how to run a catering business. And I taught him how to build a business so he gets to do what he loves. You know what one of the beautiful parts of this is? I want kids to make a lot of money. I know some of you are offended by want kids to make a lot of money. I know some of you are offended by that sometimes. Oh, money's bad. It's how you use it. And I want a generation of kids with big hearts who grow up and know how to make money. You know why? Because

they're not going to buy a lot of stuff themselves. You know what they're going to do with it? They're going to hire other people. They're going to create jobs and good jobs. They're going to be good to their people, right? And they're going to serve people and they're going to give a lot of money to charity. And it's a very virtuous little cycle that goes on. So number two, I love, love, love this story. So we're in Texas one time, a kid comes up to me, he's about 10 years old. And he says, I've got an idea for a business. I said, go, what is it? He said, I want to pick up dog poop in the neighborhood. So the mom's standing there and she's rolling her eyes. And I'm like, come on, mom, seriously? You wouldn't be proud to be the mother of the dog poop kid? And of course

she's not. But guess what happened? I encouraged the kid to do it. And you know what's happening today? The kid is making a killing. He has no competition because nobody else wants to do it. Here's the beautiful part. It doesn't bother him. Smell doesn't bother him. He doesn't mind. For whatever reason, he doesn't mind doing it and he actually enjoys doing it. And what you're going to find in your kids is many of your kids have weird obsessions. They're different and they don't mind being different. And instead of trying to change them all the time, we need to use those differences in constructive ways. But think about this. Here's the really cool thing. We're using his gifts and passions because this kid is good

with ideas, right? And he's good at marketing because he's very persuasive and he doesn't mind going and knocking on people's doors and saying, hey, I don't know if you have an animal or not, but you need to pay me some money to clean up your yard. And he started expanding from dog poop to now raking leaves, right, to cut it now that he's older, cutting grass. Because I taught him you need to have multiple revenue streams. Because if you knock on a door and someone doesn't have a pet, they still have a yard, they have leaves, they have grass that needs to be cut. What else can you do to serve other people and make their life easier? Again, here's where his mom now has leverage. When he comes home from school, and in fact, one of these kids, I believe it may have been him, was a homeschool kid. So watch, guess what mom gets to say. Hey, listen, I know you've got clients and they need the dog poop picked up

from their yards and you make a lot of money doing that, but rules of the house are you don't get to do your job until bedroom's cleaned, chores are done, and your schoolwork's done. Again, they'll be held accountable and the child's never going to say, okay, I love doing homework. I love doing my chores. I don't need them to be happy. I just want it done. And what they'll do, they'll do, okay, if I have to do my homework in order to go do the other thing that I love, I'll do it. But see, that's motivating because I'm getting them to care about something. Guess what else this 10-year-old kid stopped doing? Picking on his brother and sister. Why? He was too busy getting new clients and doing his job, and he felt good about himself for the first time in life because he had something. See, all those brothers and

sisters, like many of your kids, the brothers and sisters are so good at school, and they're in an honor roll, and everybody loves them. The grandparents give them money because they get A's and everything's great. And they're going to go to college and be successful. And your child, he's kind of floundering. He doesn't feel good about himself. And that's partly why he picks on his siblings sometimes. So final part of the story, guess what this kid's doing with part of his money? Because I told him in our home, now don't be offended however you want to take this, we started by giving 10% of our income to charity. Well, I thought 10% is good. What if I made that 20%? Why? I don't need a lot of stuff. We live a pretty simple life, but what if I could give 20% of my income away to charity and help people who are suffering. And then the more money I make,

the more money I give away. And I'm going to put this on a different podcast somewhere. My goal in life, my goal at one point was to become a millionaire. And you know what it switched to? I want to give away a million dollars in my life. How cool would that be, right? To know you've given away that much money. And that's what a lot of our kids are like. So you know what this kid's doing with 10% of his money? He's going to St. Jude's research for kids with cancer. Why?

Because he's grateful. He doesn't have cancer. It's a beautiful thing. So this is a recent thing that happened. Mom comes up and says, listen, I've got a five and a half year old child. Every morning he wakes up with a project in his brain. And the other day he came in, woke his dad up like he does every day and says, dad, I heard some mice up in the attic. I want to go up in the attic and I want to catch the mice and I want to learn how to build a really good mousetrap. Now, here's what happens to most

of our kids. We write that stuff off. We dismiss it. We don't listen. Why? Because, hey, we got school to go to. We've got school, got to do school, got to get good grades, good behavior, good study skills, good organization, got to get all your chores, got to get all your stuff done. And we dismiss all these things and we shouldn't. And I'm encouraging, don't dismiss that. And so here's what's going to happen with that five and a half year old and what I told his parents, because you're going to have to parent him differently. Listen, this is a kid. He's like a junior Thomas Edison, man. He's got ideas in his head all the time. And here's reality. What do you think he's going to be doing in preschool and first grade and second grade and third grade and sixth grade? He's not going to be paying

attention in class all the time. Why? Because what's in his brain is much more interesting than anything that a teacher, even a wonderful, amazing, sweet teacher is going to teach him. His brain's always going to be thinking of ideas. This kid is already wanting to, he's already expressed an interest. He wants to be an inventor. And the very best thing you could do for this child, not every day, but once in a while, is for dad or mom to take off work. Just say, you know what? I'm taking a day off from work. And

you know what, son? We're not going to preschool. We're not going to school, third grade, eighth grade today. You know what we're going to do? We're going to climb up in that attic and we're going to find those mice and we're going to study mice and we're going to build a mousetrap. And you know what this five and a half year old is going to do? And you're going to laugh at this, but you know, it's true. He's going to breed the mice. He's going to breed all these mice. And then he's going to let them loose in the neighborhood and then put them in people's houses so his whole neighborhood is infested. Why? Because then he can go and sell his new mousetrap to all the people in his neighborhood. Now, kind of a funny example, but it's partially true, right? That's the kind of thinking that an entrepreneur has and your kids have it.

And so I want to have a place now. This is partially why I want to do these camps. These kids have a tough road because if we don't give them avenues to use their gifts, talents, and passions, they will struggle and struggle and they will have zero confidence and they will just shut down throughout their childhood. And you'll fight with them forever and ever. And I want your kids to have an opportunity to do this. Look, I don't know what age group I'm putting on the camp shed.

It may be seven. I don't know. I may give an exception. I may have the five and a half year old come to my camp. You know why? Because he doesn't have any limitations on his brain because he hasn't been told no, no, no, no yet all the time like most of us have. And he probably infused the group of other kids with his enthusiasm because he knows if I set my mind to something, I can do it. But I want this kid. If you're a parent of a kid like

that, you've got to really parent them differently and give them opportunities, right? Does that make sense? So let me switch, go with an older kid. And I've had a lot of experience with kids like this, but let's say it's a girl, later teens. And again, smart kid, smart mouth, but smart kid, right? Part of the reason they have a smart mouth and they're sarcastic is because they're very bright kids, right? They're good thinkers and they're already five steps ahead of you. Well, she's shut down now. And so the sad part is for the smart girls and smart boys who are teens, they tend to at times fall into the bad crowd or they might get into, you know, other boys or girls

and kind of throw themselves into that because, well, if I'm not good at school and I don't feel like going to college, well, what else am I going to throw myself into? Well, so I'm working with this girl, name's Melissa, and I said, okay, got it that you're shut down. I'm not interested in making you go to college or develop good study skills. I want to learn two things about you. And this is what it is. What do you care about? What do you love? What brings you joy? What brings you passion? What melts your heart? What inspires you? And she said, animals. I love animals. Animals, they're innocent. Animals have always, look, this is what she said and it'll make you cry if you think about it. Animals are the only thing that has ever really truly loved me unconditionally in my life, because I know that

other people don't like me because I'm difficult at times, but I know that animals love me, and they respond to me differently, and I'm good with animals. I said, okay, we can use that. So here's what I did, and that solved two issues, right? She loves animals, so I found out what she cares about and who she's good at connecting with. So we took her to a local veterinarian. And look, you're going to have to do this at times. It'll be uncomfortable. But I did it with my son throughout his childhood. I just went up to people and said, hey, I'll give you free labor.

My son will do an internship with you this summer. You don't have to pay him, but you've got to teach him some skills. And so we found a veterinarian, and we went and said, hey, got this summer. You don't have to pay them, but you've got to teach them some skills. And so we found a veterinarian and we went and said, hey, got this girl kind of shut down, but man, she's good with animals. And she's willing to come to your vet's office and clean out the cages and do grunt work, whatever you want, as long as she gets to be around animals. So watch what happens. And this one has happened multiple times you know throughout our time working with kids so now melissa shows up to work for at the veterinary clinic guess what she's got a good attitude right she doesn't have a good attitude any other time she's got a good attitude

because she's doing something she loves she works hard she works tirelessly she volunteers to do extra work for the veterinarian, something she has never, ever done for her mother or father, but she'll do it for someone else, right? And that's why we want them accountable to other adults. So she's in there, and after a few times visiting, here's what the veterinarian says to this girl. Hey, Melissa, you've got a gift. You're really good with animals. I can tell by the way they respond to you, they settle down. Now, you're not very good with humans, but you're, I'm kidding, but not really, right? Not great with humans, but you're amazing with animals.

Have you ever thought about being a veterinarian? And here's the really sad part. People like, kids like Melissa and like many of our kids, nobody's ever thought that about them. Nobody ever said she could be a veterinarian. Why? Because she's never had the grades to do it. Because she's never really cared about school and she didn't fit in. And watch, this is even more sad. It'll make you cry if you think about it.

Think of Melissa as a little girl. She's a little girl in second grade. And there's a class hamster, right? And that class hamster is in second grade classroom and guess what Melissa thinks about all day long? That hamster. She wants to take it home. She wants to take care of it. She comes in the morning and she feeds it. She cleans out the cage and guess what she gets in trouble for all throughout second grade? Melissa, Melissa, stop playing with a hamster. Leave the hamster

alone. You need to pay attention in class. Look, I have no problem with that, right? She's got to pay attention in class. But again, we just missed it. Her gift was calling out to her when she was a little girl. And we miss it. And we dismiss it. Instead, we try to force her to do everything else everybody else wants. And in the course of doing so, we miss the fact that she loves animals because we start thinking like, oh, that's cute. That's sweet. Do your homework, study, do your chores. And we've got to start noticing these things because finally when she's 16 or 17, another adult comes along and says, you could be a veterinarian. And guess what happens? There in that very moment, her future changes because now she's got some motivation. And she goes home and tells her mother, mom, I'm going to be a veterinarian. And you know what mom

does? She laughs because inside she's like, you're not even going to make it out of middle school or high school. Right? But that very day, Melissa began to believe I could be a veterinarian because someone told me I could. And guess what happens then? She starts doing her schoolwork. And you know this, if your kids care, they can do it. They're smart kids. They just need a reason to do it. And now Melissa has a reason because here's what the veterinarian also told her. Melissa, I would like you here a couple days a week, but if you're mouthing off to your mother, you're not keeping a B average and you're not doing your chores at home, you're not working in my office because I'm looking to mentor a leader and I believe you

can be that. Look, for the first time in her life, Melissa looks at another adult who believes in her and says, yes ma'am, I can do that. And guess what happens? Guess where that, this particular girl, guess where she is now? She's in college. Guess what kind of grade she's getting? All A's and B's. Why? Because she wants to be a veterinarian. Not because mom and dad want her to be, but because she wants to be. Does that make sense? It's a really cool process. Let me give two other quick ones. So look, an eight-year-old, we get this one all the time.

He just wants to make money. So lemonade stand. And what I encourage parents to do is if you're going to have a lemonade stand with your child, don't do a crappy one. Don't do one where it's like, oh, we're going to put it in our cul-de-sac, in our court where nobody goes by. Look, if you're going to do a little business, do it right. And his mom came up and said, oh, he wants to do this, the lemonade stand. I was like, that's a great idea.

And the mom said, this is cool. She said, yeah, he already has a place for it. He wants to do it on this really busy road, but it would be too dangerous. And I said, mom, you know what he's telling you? Look, he's only seven or eight and he already knows that you need to be in a high volume location. It tells me he is a born entrepreneur. Don't dismiss that, right? That would be way, look, some days way more important than doing homework or doing anything else would be feeding that and getting your child to think. So here's what we've done with kids like that, right? We end up teaching them like, okay, so let's research. So here's what that kid started doing. He researches the local sports schedule.

When are kids going to be playing? What fields? Where are they going to be playing? So he picks soccer. Guess who he picks? He wants to go to the games with the little kids. Why? Because parents go to all the games and practices of little kids. When your kids get older, there are not many parents there. So now he's got a greater volume. He's got all these kids and he's setting up his little stand. Here's a virtuous part of this also. I want the kid taking the money that he earns and reinvesting it in his business and buying his own table, buying his own supplies. So he learns this is my money and I spend on it and I bring in revenue and now I have to pay for

my own video games. By the way, you get your kids running their own business, they'll stop playing video games. Why? Because it's far more stimulating and satisfying and confidence building to run your own business than it is to sit and play video games. But anything that he wants now, he can buy with his own money. He's got to manage his money. He gives away money. It's a really cool thing. And so now he's setting up his stand at the high volume places where all the kids are. So we teach him, you've got to have multiple revenue streams, people coming up to your table. Here's a couple of things. Your lemonade better be different and better than everybody else's because look, I'll stop it. I stop at every lemonade stand I ever go by,

even if the lemonade is horrible, but I won't buy it twice. And what I teach the kids is you've got to make your lemonade different, put some other ingredient in it, right? Have something else. And then for the parent, the kid, people who don't want lemonade, right? If you're going to do an early morning, you better have some coffee there and energy bars. And so now people are coming up, instead of just spending 50 cents on a cup of lemonade, they're spending two bucks on something, three bucks, and the kid's making some real money. So don't discount that. This is a really healthy thing for your kids.

Final example is a 14-year-old kid we worked with in Charlotte, North Carolina. Shut down, shut down, bad attitude, single mom, didn't want to do his schoolwork, talked back, didn't want to do his chores. And I went and I said, Evan, what do you want to do? What do you love doing? Love drawing. Really good. He's a great artist, right? But look, isn't this funny? You don't really get graded. You don't really get a grade for being a good artist in school. You may have an art class, but here's the ironic part about our kids. They'll get a low grade in the art class. You know why? Because the teacher wants them to draw from this perspective, but this child doesn't want to do that because they want to own it and be different. So they'll draw from this perspective and they'll get a bad grade, even though they're

the best artist in the class, right? And these kids often get in trouble in class for doodling, even though the doodling is actually keeping their brain awake and helping them pay attention in class. So what do you want to do in life? I'd like to be an architect. I love buildings, right? So listen to that in your kids. Listen to what they're passionate about. Notice this.

Quick side note, Casey, my son, when he used to play Call of Duty 2, the video game, they recreated World War II battlefields. And one time I went in and I said, I'm curious. Casey, I'm just curious. Why do you love playing this game? And one of the first things he said is, Dad, I love the architecture. It's cool. They've recreated these little towns in

Normandy and other places where we fought World War II. And later on in life, when he got older, he actually was a chaperone for my niece overseas. Guess where he went on his own? To see those little battlefields and those little towns because he loved the architecture. Listen to your kids. So here's what we do. I find an architect in Charlotte. I say, listen, I've got this kid. He's kind of shut down, bad attitude, but he's really good at drawing. Do you mind mentoring him? So listen to the conversation that this guy has. Hey, Evan, you've got a gift. You can draw. I've seen it. You can see in three dimensions. You can be an architect. So here's what I'm willing to do. One day after school, I want you to come to my office. Now, you've got to take off the hoodie, sweatshirt,

you're going to put on a tie out of respect for me and my office, and you're going to take out trash, run errands for me, do all kinds of junk work, because that's what work is. It's hard. But along the way, I will teach you how to read blueprints. I will teach you what it takes to be a successful architect. But if I hear that you're mouthing off to your mother, if I hear you're not getting a B average and you're not doing your chores, you're not coming to my office because I'm looking for a leader, someone I can mentor who's going to go on to college, who's going to do well in college so when he gets out,

he's prepared to be a good architect. You up for that? And for the first time in his life, this kid Evan says, yes, sir. I also, by the way, this is Evan says, yes, sir. I also, by the way, this is a boy who grew up without a father. Now I've got a really good mentor for him, a good father figure who can both inspire him and hold him accountable. That was about 12 years ago. Guess what Evan's doing now? He's working now for that guy that we connected him with. He is now an architect. He went on and finished school, and guess what? Finished up on the honor roll, ends up in college,

I believe summa cum laude, because he cared and because someone had a vision. So does that make sense? That's the process, whether it's jobs, internships, even service projects are fantastic for your kids. And so these are the kids we want to mentor personally, right? We're going to have weekend boot camps. We'll eventually maybe even have some summer camps in various cities. I think we're going to start with Northern Virginia outside of D.C., Atlanta, Dallas, and we may expand it. Because here's why. I want to infuse

these kids with confidence, right? I want to identify their gifts, talents, and passions and brainstorm ways for them to use these gifts, talents, and passions. Like in those examples, we just talked about, and I want to teach them the qualities necessary for success in life. Here's where my son Casey, who's 24, is going to come in handy. Because my son was a very unmotivated younger kid. And now he's a beast. He is an animal of a worker, right? And he's got great self-discipline. So he's actually going to teach kids what are these qualities? Self-discipline, right? Impulse control, delayed gratification, how to write down your goals and have written affirmations, right? We'll teach them marketing and branding, right? And how to market, how to identify your target market and create products and how to price them the right way. It's going to be like a mini

business school and I don't care what kids age your kids are. In fact, eventually, uh, watch on the website. It's celebrate calm.com backslash camps. I'll have a link there because I have done this over the years with adults as well. And I will be expanding this with adults who either want to start their own business or if they want to do something like I do, because I have a lot of social workers and teachers who want to go out on their own and go into the schools and train kids in the schools and train teachers. I'll mentor you with that. So anyway, this will take place. We're going to start it soon. And then the mentoring will probably be like a year's worth of mentoring. And look, it's going to cost some money. It will, because this is a lot of my time, but it's so worth it.

It will save you because some of you have spent so much money on counseling, so much money on testing, and all it ever does is identify all of their weaknesses. And we spend up time trying to fix these kids. And what I want to do is show them how to be successful using their gifts and passions, right? So thank you for listening. Remember that process. Identify their gifts, talents, and passions. Find opportunities to use those outside the home accountable to another adult. You can begin doing that.

And if you want help from us, email us or call us. In fact, this one I'm going to give you my personal email because this is very personal and very passionate about this and it moves me deeply. So it's Kirk, K-I-R-K at celebrate calm.com. Email me, uh, put the word camps in the subject line and I'll reply back. And if you want to tell me a little bit about your child, that's fine. If you're interested in the camps, I'll send you an intake form. I want to learn first. I want to learn about your child and know if he's a good fit, right?

And if we can actually help with that and And I'll just send you more information. Part of this is going to be training the parents, right? To be able to raise these kids in a very different way. But we're super excited. This is kind of fulfillment of a vision I had 20 years ago. But now I've actually done all of this myself. I've got the experience to do it. We're really excited about this next step.

So enjoy your kids. Feed their passions. Thank you for listening. If we can help you in any way, please let us know.