Calm Parenting Podcast - A Message For Kids: You Don't Need To Be Fixed

Episode Date: May 15, 2021

  A Message For Kids: You Do Not Need To Be Fixed  A lot of young people feel misunderstood and judged. They go through life feeling like everyone is trying to fix them. So I recorded this short podcast to tell young people the truth:  (1) You do not need to be fixed and there is nothing wrong with your brain. (2) You have unique advantages that others don't have. You can hyperfocus on what you are curious about, and possess the initiative and strategic skills necessary to be a leader. You have everything you need to be wildly successful and happy.After you listen to it first as the parent, let your kids listen. We think they will find it helpful and insightful. Questions? Email [e-mail] and he'll be happy to help out!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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need to try your best. And that makes you angry because you're not a lazy person. You're just not motivated by the same things that motivate other people. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, that's a good thing. And you don't do things the way everyone else does it. You're not a joiner. You don't want to be in doing the most popular things with everybody all the time. You're your own person. You do homework. You learn. You think your best in alternative different ways. And people aren't comfortable with people who are different from them. So they, and I'll call it teachers, society, sometimes parents, try to change you or label you. And so if you're a young person who feels like this, it feels like everybody's trying to fix you. And what I want you to know is you don't need to be fixed. You don't need to be fixed. You need to play to your strengths, but you don't need to be fixed.

And there's nothing wrong with your brain. And I don't care what label someone has given you. It doesn't matter to me. I've spent 55 years on this earth. I've traveled to about 25 different countries. I've met a lot of people all over the world. And what I've noticed is the most successful people, the happiest, most fulfilled people that I meet have traits that align with yours. They're people that are like you. They've chosen their own path. Sometimes it's the harder path. They do things differently. They're more creative in how they do things. And I want to go through five different misconceptions about you and about your brain. By the way, my name is Kirk Martin. It doesn't really matter. I'm founder of an organization called Celebrate Calm. It started out as being called Celebrate ADHD because I got tired of everybody saying that my

son, who's 28 now, and an amazing young man who is is like this, he's the kid I'm describing and he's probably a lot like you, everybody was labeling him and saying like, oh he's gonna have a terrible future. Not true. So five misconceptions. One is this, you often, if you have a certain label, it's called attention deficit. And people say you can't focus. 100% not true. The truth is you actually have an advantage over other people because you have the ability to hyper focus. Look, this is the way the brain is supposed to work.

If you're not interested in something, your brain knows that. And so it doesn't focus on as well. Are there times in life where you have to focus on things that you don't care about? Sure. But it's not the huge focus of your life. Look, there are no parents or teachers tonight that are going to go home and pick up a book and read it if they're not interested in the subject, right? They're not going to watch movies about like, well, I'm not interested in that. I think I'll waste two hours doing that. Your brain works just fine. The brain is designed to follow what you're curious about. And the advantage you have is, and you've seen this, when you are curious about something, right? Whether it's building with Legos or some topic that you just love, you can focus on it for hours at a time. True? So there's nothing wrong

with your brain. It's just that your brain isn't always interested in what other adults want it to be interested in. And so they label you. You've got to counter that in your own mind and be confident of the fact that you have a very good brain that's doing what it's supposed to do. And I want you to follow that curiosity. Number two, people say, look, well, you can't follow directions. Again, 100% not true. You just choose when to follow directions and from whom you want to follow directions, right? That's the way you're supposed to be. Now, this doesn't mean that you just get to do whatever you want, whenever you want. No, you're going to have a boss, you're going to have parents, you're going to have other people, and sometimes you have to follow the directions. But what if the situation calls

for a leader who's got some initiative, who has to lead, and who has to direct other people? Then I want you in that situation. And people mislabel you of like, oh, he's just bossy. No, it means you have initiative, you've got an agenda in your brain. You've got a vision of what you want to carry out. You're a purposeful person and you're a leader. And I will promise you anytime in life that I am in a certain place and it's a difficult place, I don't want a follower. I want a leader, someone that I can rely on, someone who confidently moves forward with a plan and who's decisive under pressure. That's who you are and that's a great skill. Number three, sometimes people say like, well, they just, you know, they struggle with social skills.

No, you know what it really is? We're just not interested in other people who aren't interesting. And in your case, if you're a young person, maybe your peers aren't that interesting. And so you go through 12 years of schooling with kids your own age. But the truth is those kids your own age, they're not usually that interesting. What have they accomplished in life and what are they really talking about that's really challenging? No, you probably are more interested in older kids and adults, right, and older people and sometimes you get along better with little kids because they look up to you because you're a good leader and some of you are really good with animals. So good,

that's the way you're made. Go with that. I'll just tell you, I'm 55. I don't want to have a lot of friends. I'm kind of an introvert in a way and I like to think a lot and I have friends, but most of my friends are a lot older than I am. Why? Because I like to learn from older people. They've done more things. They've traveled more places. So there's nothing wrong with you. Stop letting people define you. Number four, this you will feel at times in school. You probably have a brain that is very, very busy. Lots of ideas up there, which is awesome. It's part of the reason some of you in school blurt out. It's not that you are rude. It's just you have a busy brain with lots of ideas like a junior Thomas

Edison, right? And so you have all these ideas, but you struggle with short-term memory and you're afraid you're going to forget what's really interesting to you, so you blur it out instead. That just means you're a curious person. You have a lot of ideas and you struggle a little bit with short-term memory. The only time you need short-term memory is in school to memorize information for tests. Once you get out of school, you don't really need to do that ever again, right? And so sometimes you're a slower processor, so it takes you a little bit longer to do homework or to take a test or to write an assignment. There's nothing wrong with your brain. You know what the opposite corollary of that is? It's because you're a deeper thinker

and a more strategic thinker, right? And that's why you're good. If some of you are good at Legos and chess and checkers, you're good at tinkering with things and seeing how things work. You're good at pushing your parents' buttons, right? That's all the same part of the brain. Nothing wrong with that at all. It just takes you a little longer, but that doesn't mean you're dumb and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with your brain. It means you're a deeper, more strategic thinker. In the real world, what does the real world value? Someone who can hyper-focus, who gets locked in, who's curious about something and can follow it through, who will push through, who will take risks at times, right?

Who is a leader, who has an initiative, someone who is a strategic thinker. You make a lot more money being a strategic leader than you do just following someone else's directions. And the fifth and final thing is this. I don't want you to give into this thing that life will push down on you. Everybody wants you to follow their path. I want you to follow your path. It may be a more difficult path, but follow your curiosity. Take the harder path. I know for your parents, it's going to be harder for them because they just want you to do the safe, easy path. But I want you to play to your strengths for the rest of your life. Play to your strengths. Sure, you have to work on

a few things. It's always good to improve yourself and shore up some of your weaknesses, but most of your energy should be playing to your strengths. What are you naturally good at? What are you curious about? And I guarantee you, if you just stay true to who you are, because you don't need to be fixed, there is nothing wrong with your brain. Use the brain you're given. Use that personality, all of those gifts and talents that you have been given. Use that. Put your energy into that.

You will be wildly successful in life. I will bet on that any amount. So thank you for listening. If you ever need help from us, email my son because he's a young person like you. And his name is Casey, C-A-S-E-Y, at CelebrateCalm.com. And if you need a little bit of help or some encouragement or some wisdom, reach out to us and we'd love to help you anytime. But you have a great future ahead of you and we can't wait to see it unfold.