Calm Parenting Podcast - A Special Message For Kids Who Feel Different (Dedicated to Poppy!)

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Starting point is 00:02:03 Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. So I wanted to record a special podcast for kids who think differently and don't always fit in because my son was that kid. I was that kid. And I'm dedicating this to my friend Poppy, who's an amazing girl half a world away who listens to the podcast and knows how to expertly mimic and mock like my different man voice and phrases I use. So Poppy, this is partly for you because you're an amazing kid. And if I could speak to my 8 or 12 or 17. So Poppy, this is partly for you because you're an amazing kid. And if I

Starting point is 00:02:46 could speak to my 8 or 12 or 17 year old self, this is what I would tell him. And I hope your kids find this helpful. So does it ever feel like you're not really made for the kid world? That you wish you could just go straight to being an adult, right? Because you're kind of restless going through the motions of doing what is expected of you as a kid, but you always thrive when you're in different environments with other adults and when you get to do grown-up type things. And other adults already notice this in you. You've heard them say, wow, you're so mature. You're so awesome at that. Well, the good news is you get to spend 80% of your life as an adult and you are uniquely gifted to crush it in the real world. Now, you may struggle in school even though you're

Starting point is 00:03:34 a really bright person. You are. You're smart. That's because schools and teachers don't always reward the unique skills that you have, right? You're a really good thinker. You are. You're good at critical thinking, asking questions. That's partly why you're so good at arguing with your parents. You're curious about things. You like to do things differently than everyone else. You see patterns in life. You see how things work. You like to tinker with things. You've got a great imagination. And one day, a company and the real world is going to reward you for those skills. So don't beat yourself up and do not let that inner voice say that you're stupid because you're not. Now, you may also struggle to fit in socially with kids your own age.

Starting point is 00:04:16 That's because you're an old soul who cares about different things than your classmates. And so you're going to wrestle with this because simultaneously, you're going to think that what they are talking about is kind of dumb, but you still want to be included because it doesn't feel good to be excluded. And it's normal to think you're the only one who feels this way, but you're not. Every single kid in your class is insecure, even the popular ones, especially the popular ones. By the way, almost every adult I know is insecure in some way. So relax. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just placed in this weird arbitrary system we have in which you're surrounded by only kids your own age, but real life isn't like that. When you get

Starting point is 00:05:04 older, you're going to be around older people you can connect with and younger people you can help because look, many of you younger kids look up to you, don't they? So don't worry about being popular. Don't even try. Just make one or two close friends you can trust, right? And reach out to another kid because there's another kid that probably feels just like you. And look, I'm an older guy. I don't want a lot of friends. I have a few very good close friends and I can rely on them. And man, they can rely on me.

Starting point is 00:05:32 And that is very, very meaningful. So there's nothing wrong with you in that at all. Just relax. Now, at times, this is going to lead you to feel a little sad. And you're going to feel misunderstood, but I want you to use that as fuel. I want you to feel things deeply because that's going to make you empathetic and compassionate and help you help lots of other people in life who feel misunderstood.

Starting point is 00:06:00 You can also use it as fuel to become a better writer, a better builder, a better artist. All those things, man, are really, really good inside of you. Now, you don't like people telling you what to do. And this is going to be a lifelong battle because you're going to want to tell other people, well, you can go, well, you know what I'm saying, go leave you alone and let you do your thing. And I get that. I often want to do that. But sometimes it's a sign of immaturity. I don't want you to fight and battle the world around you. People aren't out to get you. They just don't understand you. So this is a really neat principle. Don't fight people.

Starting point is 00:06:50 Fight obstacles that are in your way of achieving your dreams. I don't fight people. People are not my enemy. I fight the obstacles. And usually, here's a trick most adults don't know, the obstacles to my happiness and success in life are usually within me. My own self-doubt, a lack of confidence, anxiety, things I struggle with. Overcome those, but don't waste your time fighting people. Now, you're going to want to fight your parents. Don't. All it does is cause you to lose all your stuff. It's not

Starting point is 00:07:21 worth it. Instead, I'm going to challenge you. I'm going to treat you like an adult and challenge you to act more like a grown-up because you already feel like an old soul and you're more comfortable in the adult world than the kid world. So let's act like it. Stop the whining and complaining and blaming others. You're better than that. So I'm going to challenge you to do a few things and let's start here. Sometime this week, go to your parents and say, Mom, Dad, I understand what you want me to do. Would it be okay if I did it this way as long as I still get it done? Or Mom and Dad, I disagree with your decision. Could we talk it over respectfully?

Starting point is 00:08:06 See, that's a good way, healthy way of respecting your parents and doing it in a grown-up way. But I want to challenge you to go further than this. And I'm going to dare you to do this. So you're having a talk with your parents and they want you to do something. Instead of arguing your point, try this. Listen to your parents. Like really listen to them in ways they don't listen to you or other people sometimes. Because sometimes grownups, we don't listen to each other. We just talk all over each other and I'm not really listening to the other person. I'm trying to think of, well, what am I going to say in response? Don't do that. Instead, say this. Mom, dad, I understand why you'd think that. I know you just want the best for me. Acknowledge that. Don't act immature and say you don't understand. Look, your parents are

Starting point is 00:08:53 not always right, but most of the time their motivations are right. So here's the killer strategy. Then say this, okay, I don't agree with you, but I'm going to do what you say because I trust you. Then walk away and do what your parents asked you to do without whining or complaining. And your parents will probably fall over from shock that you did that. So do it. And here's why. Because you're building their trust. Here's what you're demonstrating. Mom and dad, you don't have to control me because I can control myself. When you show your parents that you are capable of controlling your own behavior and emotions and reactions, you will earn so much trust. Don't demand things from them. Earn it

Starting point is 00:09:47 from them. Do it a few times and just say, you know what? I don't agree, but I'm going to go ahead and do that. It is so different. Very few kids ever do that. You will stand out. Then guess what will happen next time? You're going to be able to say, hey, I understand your decision. Could we try it a different way this time and see how it goes? Because you'll have earned their trust. Do it. Try that. So look, here's the deal.

Starting point is 00:10:16 You have a great future ahead of you. If you were a stock in the stock market, I would invest in you because you already have every trait inside of you necessary to be successful in the real world. All of those gifts, talents, and passions are just waiting to be expressed in the adult world. And you're going to crush it one day. You are going to have a great life. And I know it. So thank you for listening. Look, we need more people like you to make our world a better place. You come up with creative solutions. You have a great imagination. You know how to think. Man, those skills are so great and we need that. So don't let anyone or anything hold you back. Remember, we're going to fight obstacles, not people,

Starting point is 00:10:55 and we're going to freak our parents out by actually doing what they say this week without arguing. All right. Thank you for listening. Look, if any of your kids want to email Casey directly, sometimes it's nice to hear from another kid. It's Casey, C-A-S-E-Y at celebratecalm.com. If you don't have it, Casey has a program called Straight Talk for Kids that your kids can listen to. And he teaches them how to control their own emotions and impulses and do all of this stuff. But just let us know how we can help you. Love you all. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye.

Calm Parenting Podcast - A Special Message For Kids Who Feel Different (Dedicated to Poppy!)

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