Calm Parenting Podcast - ADHD & Medication? A Unique Approach & 10 Tools.

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

ADHD & Medication? A Unique Approach & 10 Tools. May 1, 2018 This is one of the best podcasts Kirk has ever recorded. Even if your child doesn’t have ADHD—but struggles with focus, attention, impulse control, executive function, writing, organization, sensory processing, social skills, anxiety, or short-term memory—Kirk’s perspective is novel and incredibly helpful. Learn how to use 10 different tools to help kids develop confidence, lifelong skills and the ability to advocate for themselves. Get even more practical tools at http://www.celebratecalm.com/adhd-brain-boosters/. If you want your child’s teachers to have this insight, email [e-mail] with the word TEACHERS in the subject line. Tell us the name of your school/church and city. We’ll send a one-page proposal you can forward. It’s easy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And even if it's, if a child is not struggling and you don't need help with the medication issue, I think you'll find this very, very helpful. And what I want to do today is give you some very practical tools and frame the discussion in a way that I think you'll find very, very helpful. And what I want to do today is give you some very practical tools and frame the discussion in a way that I think you'll find very, very helpful. Let me use this analogy. If I go in and talk to my doctor and he says, hey, Kirk, listen, your cholesterol is a little bit high. I wouldn't want him immediately saying, hey, I'm just going to give you this pill and you're going to take that. Instead, what I want to do is work with my doctor and say, hey, let's change your diet. Let's change exercise. Let's reduce your stress level. And then after

three months, come in and we'll check your cholesterol levels. And if it appears to be working and they're going down, then let's continue to refine and make more changes and see if we can get this under control naturally. If, however, no matter what I'm trying isn't working, so maybe it's something hereditary or genetic, and maybe the medication would help, I would want to start with a low dosage and, again, keep measuring to see is this working or not. But I want to try all the other tools first before I go to the medication. I think that's what most of us would want to try all the other tools first before I go to the medication. I think that's what most of us would want to do with our kids with medication.

Listen, I know it's a heated debate, and I'm not into people judging each other. We're like, you should never do it, or if you don't do it, you don't care about your child. I'm not interested in that. So just honestly, just let's handle it in a mature way, right? So here's what I do want to do though, is first understand what's really going on inside your child's brain and also in their heart, but mainly in their brain with us. So if you've ever been to our workshops, you'll see this chart that we use with three columns. And the first column is usually about this. It's kids. And look, I'm going to use the non-technical language because I want this to be approachable and so everybody can really get this.

First column, I talk about kids that have very busy brains, right? You know this. Their brains are moving a million miles a second. They're always thinking about things. And in many ways, when you have a brain like this, it feels kind of disorderly inside. And that's why order and structure is so important. But you'll get kids who are disorganized and forgetful. They struggle with executive function, right, following through on directions.

Sometimes they struggle with short-term memory. They're slow processors of information, which makes it really tough in school because when the teacher asks a question, sometimes kids like ours and people like me take a couple extra seconds to process and then answer the question. You'll see this in kids in school at times if they're taking a test and they notice all the other kids are turning the paper over or turning the test into the teacher and they're still working, well, they feel stupid. And no kid wants to feel like they're stupid. And so they'll go ahead and just scribble and hurry through their test and turn it in just so they're not the last

one to do it. You'll get kids who are sometimes controlling and bossy, kids who can't play games with other kids because they have to change the rules of the game, cheat or quit. And that all comes from this. Kids who eliminate unknowns. They'll wear the same clothes, eat the same food every single day. Enforcing justice and fairness is a big one. These kids are like cops, judges, and attorneys all rolled into one. Difficulty organizing thoughts and writing.

And sometimes that's because they have very busy brains and it's hard to organize it in their brains. And it may even be mixed with dysgraphia, which is difficulty with fine motor skills. You get anxiety, easily overwhelmed, right? Meltdowns over little things. So you have a lot of things going on with that busy brain. Now, also in that brain, at times, you have kids whose brains are physiologically understimulated. So they don't get enough blood flow to the brain or they don't get enough dopamine. So their brains are physiologically understimulated. And so what the medication is usually doing, it's usually a stimulant medication. So what do kids do naturally to

stimulate their brains? They fidget, they tap pencils, they bounce their legs, all good and normal things, nothing wrong. In fact, we're big fans of fidgeting when done appropriately and when it doesn't irritate or interrupt other kids, right? Chewing. Some of your kids, they chew on their tassels on the hoodie sweatshirt that they've worn for 14 straight days. They will sometimes chew on their sleeves on their shirt. Humming, singing, talking loudly, the constant movement, distractibility, impulsivity, I think comes from here oftentimes. Procrastination. Think about this. The reason we procrastinate is it's a negative tool to help us focus because when we wait to the last minute and there's pressure,

we get an adrenaline rush. That adrenaline actually brings blood flow to the brain and helps us focus. I think it's partly why some of your kids like hanging off the sofa upside down because when blood flow rushes to the brain, it's actually a great way for them to do homework. And some of it is a sensory issue as well. They tend to work in spurts. They argue and pick fights with siblings. Why? Because it stimulates the brain. Because all I have to do is look at my sister or roll my eyes at my mother. And now all of a sudden, I wind the whole home around my little finger because everybody's getting upset at me. Not a good thing, but I'm controlling the behavior of another human being. That stimulates the brain, right? Oppositional kids, they get bored easily. They like to do

things the hard way. So all of these things happen because the child's brain is understimulated. And then the third column, we talk about sensory issues, whether your kids are hypersensitive, things are too loud, lights are too bright, right? They're really sensitive to smell, sensitive to touch. You get hyposensitive kids who are looking for pressure on their joints and muscles. So they're pressing up against everything, right? And sometimes it manifests as aggression. And you get kids with dysgraphia with fine motor skills issues. So that's kind of the backdrop of this is what your kids are dealing with. And so sometimes we go right to medication instead of stepping back and saying, hey, if I know this is the way the brain works, what are some very natural ways that I can help overcome or minimize

some of these issues? Because look, I don't like changing who the child is. The first name of our organization was actually Celebrate ADHD, because I've come to believe that there are so many advantages that come with ADHD, that it's something that we can actually utilize to our advantage, right? But we, in schools and in society, we only focus on the negatives. And there are some true negatives and challenges. Not denying that at all. But I don't want to send the message that something's wrong with you and we need to change who you are. I'd rather send the message of, man, you've got some great advantages. You've got a great brain, love how your brain works, but with every strength, there's also a corresponding weakness. No matter what it is in

life, it's always there. So I want to give you some tools to help you overcome these weaknesses so that we can make the best use of that amazing brain. So here's what I encourage you to do. Get out a sheet of paper sometime. Down the left-hand side of that sheet of paper, write down specifically. Look, I want this to be specific because here's what happens. Child is struggling in school and a teacher or someone else or maybe a grandparent says, you know, I think your child maybe have ADHD. You need to put them on medication. Well, that is so broad that it's not helpful. In fact, it's often harmful. And so I want to make this specific. So down the left-hand side of the sheet of paper, you may list this, the different issues. Focus, attention, executive function, following through on directions, impulse control, writing may be difficult, slow processing speed, organizing, social skills, sensory issues, anxiety, short-term memory, whatever it is, make the list down the left-hand side of the sheet. Now here's what I really like

about this approach. Across the top of the paper, we're going to list as many tools as possible in order to help with these different issues along the left-hand side of the sheet. And so I want to bring to bear every possible tool I can give this child to help with the different issues. And at the very end of that list on the far right-hand side of the paper, I will write down medication because medication can be a helpful tool to help with certain issues. But I want to make sure that it's very specifically focused. So let's make our list. And this isn't exhaustive, but if you listen to our ADHD University program, the Brain Boosters program, you will hear this in great detail. I can't do that here because it's three hours worth of information,

but I'll give you some highlights. So nutrition, let's change the child's diet, right? I mean, that's kind of a no-brainer. Again, some of you are very, very busy. I don't want you to feel guilty because you're not making organic food in the backyard for your kids and everything, but it's really important because obviously what you put in your body affects how you feel. It affects how your brain processes. Now, again, I'm not a nutritionist, so consult with your nutritionist as long as they're not horrible and completely wrong and believe that the food chart that the government food pyramid is right because that's pretty much backwards. But we're big fans, obviously.

Get rid of food dyes. Processed food, we don't want in the diet. As much as possible, eliminate that. As many fresh foods as possible, right? We're not big fans of sugar and carbohydrates. Much bigger fans of more protein, good healthy fats, good vegetables and fruit. I like getting rid of the fruit juices, soda, energy drinks are all, I think, probably pretty horrible stuff. So however you want to work that, change their nutrition and their diet

because it will have an effect. It won't fix everything, but it does have an effect. Exercise. It's important because exercise, good intense exercise will release endorphins in the brain. So one of the times where we do homework with kids is after they have just done some intense exercise because oftentimes it helps them focus better when they do that. Exercise works off anxiety. It is also just good for general concentration and just stress relief, right? So adding that to your daily list of activities is really important. So impulse control. Let's teach impulse control, right? And so look, part of my intent here is that everything in our society tends to be a quick fix. Well, we're just going to take this one energy drink that has

100,000 vitamins in it, and that's going to fix everything. And it just doesn't, right? You've got to get to the root of things. And what I really want to teach is lifelong skills. And so teaching impulse control is an awesome thing because they will use that for the rest of their lives. And we do that whether it's through food, right? Like sometimes with my son when he was young, I'd say, and when we ate at Red Robin, which we don't anymore so much, but we ate at Red Robin, I'd say, hey, how many French fries are we leaving on the plate today? And he'd be like, well, why would you leave any on the plate? They're really good. And I'd say, so that we can show that we can, because there's something powerful that happens when there are two French fries sitting there and we choose not to eat them.

And by the way, with nutrition, we went in steps, right? We didn't go total cold turkey with everything, right? From pizza and fries and chips and all of that to spinach salad and grilled chicken. It didn't happen overnight. We gradually eliminated one bad thing and added something positive over time so that we kind of worked into it. By the way, you may want to look into an alternative doctor, someone who can deal with gut issues in your child.

Always look a little deeper. Some of your kids, you may look up PANDAS, P-A-N-D-A-S, an autoimmune disease that affects some kids and sometimes masquerades as OCD. Always look a little bit deeper, right? So we would just, we would start to teach kids impulse control. I'd tell kids, hey, here's the deal. Tonight you get 27 minutes to play your video games, but if you turn off your video games two minutes early tonight, just two minutes early, I'll give you an additional four minutes to play the next night.

It was a short, small way of teaching kids delayed gratification and impulse control, but you have to start teaching that. Focus and attention. Man, there are so many different ways to help your kids with focus and attention, whether it's using music, those sensory strips we mentioned, doing homework upside down,

doing classwork, taking tests underneath the desk, chewing on things, doing homework in different and odd ways. Definitely listen to the ADHD University CDs because we, doing homework in different and odd ways. Definitely listen to the ADHD University CDs because we go through that in great detail. All these different tools that they can use in the classroom to do that. Stimulating the brain. How do we stimulate the brain in natural ways? We've talked about exercise. We'll do that a little bit. Listening to music can do that. Here's something else. Motivation. Finding something that motivates your kids because you've noticed this. Your kids

don't really have focus issues. They have motivation issues because when they're motivated to do something, they actually have a gift. They can hyper focus. So when I give kids a purposeful mission and a larger goal, or sometimes I make things a challenge or make it more difficult for these kids, it actually stimulates blood flow. There's a part of the brain that gets stimulated and it actually helps them focus and attention. We want to use their energy in positive ways. Another thing you can list across the top is things that help with sensory issues. Building an obstacle course in your basement or backyard. So first thing in the morning, your kids have to eat their breakfast out in their obstacle course. They've had to climb

through, over, under things, put pressure on their bodies. Simon Says games at the beginning of class. All of these things help because, look, kids who have sensory issues get distracted easily in class because instead of paying attention to their teacher, they're actually thinking about how their bodies feel. So when we give teachers and parents proactive tools to meet the sensory needs, some of that distraction goes away. I hope that makes sense. Focusing on a specific job, giving kids specific jobs to do at school. That's a great one on the top of the chart. When kids are overwhelmed, breaking things down into smaller pieces and getting a success or a win can help. Kids who struggle with organization. One of our favorite tools, which some people like, some don't, is,

hey, you come home, do your homework. Child saves some money, buys a little $10 scanner, scans it into their computer, emails the homework off to the teacher. We just help that child a little bit with the organization, right? And so that's not all, but that's a good list to have. And so here's how I want to work this plan. Slowly begin to implement all of these tools in your child's life. And so what we start to notice is with this chart is we can say, hey, that exercise is really helping in these two areas. Changing his diet helped this way. Giving him some sensory tools really helped with distractibility. Giving him a specific job, stimulating that brain

in natural ways, letting him listen to music while he does homework. That helped with the focus and attention, a little bit with the processing speed. So now here's what we're able to do. A couple good things come out of this. You start to see, hey, there are some things the child can do naturally by himself that actually help him be successful. And that will help him in a couple ways. One, he can begin to advocate for himself with you and with teachers and say, hey, Mrs. Teacher, I want to do well in your class. I've got this really great brain, as you've noticed.

I'm really smart. I'm curious. I've got a lot of good ideas. But I do struggle in these couple areas. I've noticed that when I do X, it really helps me focus better. Would you mind if I began doing X, Y, and Z as long as that doesn't distract any of the other kids in class? Do you know how beautiful that is to know how your brain works, to know that there's nothing wrong with it? In fact, you have a great brain, but you know where you struggle, and now you have your own tools and you can advocate. And here's where else this comes in play. Their entire lives. When I was in the corporate world, I knew this. So when I interviewed for jobs, I let people know, I'm awesome in these areas,

but if you want me to do this, probably not your guy. Or when I got into a job, I would go and talk to my bosses and say, hey, I know this may look a little bit odd, but do you mind if I do my work this way? Because I just tend to focus better that way. And as long as I was being upfront with them and I was performing, everything was great. So I love that part of it. And I really love developing lifelong skills. For example, impulse control. I want kids to have impulse control when they're four, when they're seven, when they're 13, 17, 27, 37, 50, right? And so it's beautiful. But here's the other part we use

with specificity. Now we can go back to your doctor or psychiatrist, psychologist, whoever you're using, alternative doctor, and say, Listen, my son struggles in these eight areas, but we've been putting into place these ten different tools, and it has helped in these six areas, but he's still struggling with X and Y. Is there a medication that specifically helps with those two issues? And if so, would you recommend that we try them on a trial basis, starting with a low dosage, and see what happens? Because now instead of going and saying, I think my child has ADHD,

can you give him a medication? Now I'm going in and saying, my child struggles in these two very specific issues, two specific issues. I want to know if there's a medication that deals with those two things. Then what you can do is I want you to keep just a little diary, could be in your phone, right? Of if you do start medication, let's keep a diary for a couple reasons. One is I want you to keep just a little diary. It could be in your phone, right? If you do start medication, let's keep a diary for a couple reasons. One, I want to just track performance. I also want to track moods because when we tried this with my son, he had a really adverse reaction to his medication,

and his moods changed very significantly, and we could track it specifically to the day you started medication and so we took them off and we ended up doing all these natural things but some kids will very much benefit so you can either see hey look this appears to be working really well on these two areas so we keep doing all the natural tools we've added the medication as a tool, and now we're having some really good success. It will also help you later if you decide with your doctor's insight, if you want to wean your child from medication, you would kind of just reverse this process. I would begin doing all the practical tools first, and then with your doctor's help, wean them off the medication and track and just see, hey, it appears that he's able to function at whatever, 80% level that he was doing before on the medication without the medication. And now, of course, we don't have the side effects with it.

So we're pretty happy with that. I would encourage you to talk to your kids about it, especially if they're old enough to ask them, how does this make you feel? Right? And I put it in terms of this is another tool that we're going to use. But the framing of this with your child is critical because I don't want them going through life thinking there's something wrong with them. And if you get the ADHD university CDs, I want you to listen to them first and then think about letting your kids listen because we go through how to frame this and explain their brains to them so that they don't go light through life or childhood thinking there's something wrong with them. We're just helping them and giving them tools.

So I hope that makes sense to you. A couple more things, ways we can help. We cover all of these tools in our teacher training. And I'll just say this bluntly. Most teacher training stinks. It's boring, theoretical, and it doesn't work. And you know how I know that? Because I've had about 10,000 teachers tell me that. And the reason they love our teacher training is because we give them very, very practical strategies they can use in the classroom. And plus we make it, plus it's funny. Our training is funny and it's enjoyable and they get insight into these kids and it really helps them understand the kids inside and out. So they take a more positive approach to your kids. So if you're interested, email us. Email my son Casey.

It's C-A-S-E-Y. That's CelebrateCalm.com. And just send them a message with the name of your school, your church, your city, and we'll send you information and make it very easy for us to come train your teachers because teachers just need tools as well. They don't know all, they don't get trained in all of this. And that's what our job is to give them tools. If you're interested, get the ADHD University program. We have it on sale right now. In the early days when we first launched ADHD University, we sold it for $297 alone.

And you know what? It was worth every single penny. And it is because it's phenomenal and comprehensive. And it will change how you view your kids and give you so many strategies for homework and school time. We're doing a special and we're also giving away with it a download, the Brain boosters for school success download that you can share with teachers. And you get all these physical copies and downloads that you can share with the grandparents and teachers. And we're doing it for $99, which is phenomenal because that's less than it costs you to go to the doctor or therapist. It costs less than a plumber coming

to your home. So if I'm being, yeah, I'll be blunt. There's no reason not to have it, right? There's no reason not to get that one. It's fantastic. So email Casey at Celebrate Calm. You can call us at 888-506-1871 and he'll help you with that. You just even put like ADHDU in the subject line and he'll send you a link for it. It's really easy. But if we can help you with anything, let us know. But thank you for listening. Thank you for loving your kids. Keep enjoying your kids and let us know how we can help you.