Calm Parenting Podcast - Finish School Strong: 5 Tips

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

Finish School Strong: 5 Tips It’s been a long year and everyone is frustrated. Instead of spending all our energy trying to fix a child’s weaknesses, take these 5 simple steps to end the year building your child’s confidence. I want your child going into the next year feeling confident and hopeful. Get a FREE PARENT WORKSHOP for a limited time when you let us train your teachers. Email [e-mail] with the name of your school/church and city. He’ll show you how easy it is to help hundreds of kids see themselves as confident and able. If you want 50 more tools like the ones Kirk mentioned in the podcast, learn more here: https://www.celebratecalm.com/celebrate-adhd/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey moms and dads, you know that our goal is to raise curious kids who love to learn, and iXL makes that so much easier. iXL is an online learning program that enriches your homeschool curriculum from K-12. iXL encourages students to be curious and empowers them to choose how to learn. No matter your child's learning style or knowledge level, IXL has video tutorials and learning games to guide your child in the way your kids learn best while meeting them at their level. On IXL, kids can explore any topic in any grade level. They're not forced into a single learning path. Kids love IXL's positive feedback and parents love knowing specific skills that need work.

Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. Calm Parenting Podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.com slash kirk. Visit ixl.com slash k Kirk to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. So you know we are very purposeful about how we manage our emotions and take care of our bodies because we only have one body and one skin. That's why we love OneSkin. Their products make it easy to keep your skin healthy while looking and feeling your best. We use the face topical supplement and love that there's no complicated routine,

no multiple step protocols, just simple scientifically validated solutions. The secret is One Skin's proprietary OS1 peptide. It's the first ingredient proven to switch off the aging cells that cause lines, wrinkles, and thinning skin. OneSkin is the world's first skin longevity company. By focusing on the cellular aspects of aging, OneSkin keeps your skin looking and acting younger for longer. Get started today with 15% off using code Kirk at OneSkin.co. That's 15% off at OneSkin.co with code K-I-R-K. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. So please support our podcast and tell them we sent you. Hey everybody, this is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us at celebratecalm.com. Pretty easy. So I wanted to talk to you about this. We've only got a few more

weeks while the school year is left. I know some of you, you're done with school. You're done with fighting over homework. We were just training teachers last week at a school and I said, hey, does anybody know how many days are left in the school year? And a teacher actually knew the number of hours. So teachers are done, students are done, everybody's done. But I want to close strong, right? Because many of your kids have had a really tough year. And I'd like to end strong so that we end the year with some positive momentum, so that we can go into next year on a positive note, feeling at least a little bit hopeful, you know, that school can be not necessarily awesome, but at least doesn't have to be a horrible thing that drains everybody of energy and steals your kids' confidence,

you know what I mean? Because that happens a lot. So this is going to be kind of short. I just want to give you a few tips, some things to do, maybe five. We've got five different things to do to close the school year strong. So look, just to set this up, there's two ways to handle behavior issues. One, typical way is we just wait until a child misbehaves. Then we react and we give a consequence for the child failing, right? But it's all kind of reactive, and it's dependent on the child failing, and then we give a consequence thinking that's going to actually help them be successful next time, and it never works. Or second approach is, let's say I know that a child struggles in a certain area.

What if instead of waiting until he messes up, I proactively give that child practical tools to succeed, and then I'm able to respond with positive affirmation like, hey, nice job. I kind of like number two approach because it builds confidence. Look, it trains a child's brain to seek intensity from doing good things because kids aren't really after your attention. They want intensity. Wherever they get intensity, they will seek it most. And unfortunately, we fall into the habit of giving our kids intensity

because this is how we respond and they start to do things wrong when they do things wrong, right? And so their brain starts to learn, oh, if I want my mom and dad to put down their cell phone and pay attention, give me some intensity, just do something wrong. And I want to completely reverse that. So here are five tips to do that. Number one, create successes. And I encourage you, write that phrase down. Start creating successes with your kids. Many of you have kids who have been in trouble since they came out of the womb, and that's why they lie. They've got a lot of shame and they kind of give up. So I want to purposely and actively, proactively create successes by giving kids tools. And I've mentioned some of these a number of times, so I'm not going to redo the whole example. But if I've got a child who I know he needs to move in class because I see his leg just going a million miles a minute,

well, I'm going to ask him to refill a water bottle for me halfway through the class. That way I give him an opportunity to get up and move a little bit, but it's within my boundaries. And I get him to complete a specific task and that's helpful. I let a child, giving them the little sensory strips that we've made up or that you can make up yourself, just a little textured strip with double-sided tape. You put it underneath the child's desk, and it's got some little textury things on it that you can get from like an arts and crafts store, and that allows him to play with something that's appropriate, right? It doesn't make any noise because research says when you play with textured objects, it actually improves concentration, right? This stuff is not, look, it's not brain surgery, but it is brain science, but it doesn't have to be that difficult, right? This stuff is not, look, it's not brain surgery, but it is brain science,

but it doesn't have to be that difficult, right? That's why we like going in and training teachers. Last week when we were training the teachers, I had so many teachers come up and say, we just didn't know this. Like nobody's ever explained how strong will kids or kids with learning disabilities, how their brains work and so we've always assumed that they just kind of like the neurotypical kids so they're just being difficult and teachers as well as parents end up saying things like you just need to apply yourself and why don't you right and that causes a kid to shut down and and what they kept saying was, it's not that hard once you understand why the child does what he does. I'm like, yeah, it's not brain surgery. It's just a little bit of brain science and what we're

really good at doing is giving very practical tools to help the child's brain and to help them be successful in school instead of always being behavior charts that don't work. Another tool, chair push-ups. I love chair push-ups. Hey guys, here's the deal in my class, new tradition. For the first 27 seconds of class, I am going to tell you what we're doing, but everyone in here is going to do chair push-ups. So palms down on your chair, lift up. And what it does, especially with younger kids, is brings blood flow to the brain, gives them some sensory pressure, also relieves anxiety. It's just good for them. And you don't have to single out any of the kids, right? Because the whole class is doing it. But when using those tools, I'm creating successes so I have a greater chance to say, hey, nice job with that. Number two,

help overcome kids' anxiety by giving them specific jobs so that they feel helpful and needed. I want teachers giving kids jobs to, hey, I really use your help in my class. Magical words for strong-willed kids. They love feeling helpful. Number three, show off your child's natural gifts and talents and strengths in class. This entire year has probably been spent focused on trying to fix your child's weaknesses. So why don't we spend the next few weeks actually showing off his strengths in class, right? So figure out, what's your child, what's your student good at doing? Is he good at drawing, creating things out of Legos or clay or wood? Is he good at playing an instrument?

Fine, then let the child complete a school project, maybe building a replica of an ancient Roman Colosseum. Why can't he do that? That way he gets to show off his skills in class, other kids get to see. Wow, kid's got some energy, gets in trouble a lot, but man, he can build. That builds confidence. Number four, for the next two weeks,

for the rest of the school year, measure and recognize your child, your student, every single time he makes a good choice, right? So notice the nine times a child stopped blurting out instead of the five or 50 times he did blurt out right so as a parent i'm going to make up a little sheet of paper just a uh just kind of like a narrow sheet of paper that can go on the side of the child's desk and then every time the child makes a good choice or does something well, teacher can walk by and just put a little check mark. So the kids get come home for the first time their entire lives and say, mom, I got seven check marks, right? That's a lot better than coming home every day ashamed of

yourself because you blurred it out four times or you did this the wrong way. You weren't listening everything else. So I'd like for the next two weeks for your kids to come home feeling proud of themselves for making progress rather than hanging their heads and making excuses for it. Number five, create your own report card. Look, parents, you've got to do this, but teachers, I'd love for a teacher to do this sometime. Look, a school report card is useful. It measures whether kids can sit still in class and memorize information and follow directions, whether they're on the right reading level. All of that's good, but I'd really like you to balance that out by having another report card, your own report card, that measures the skills and traits necessary for success in real life,

right? Traits like creativity and initiative and leadership and boldness, compassion, the ability to build or create things, entrepreneurial spirit, right? Persistence when you want something. Create your own report card so the kids get to see, yeah, you kind of struggle in this area, but man, you rock at this. See, I love when a teacher, and this is something I challenged the teachers to do last week. I said, I know you're worn down and you don't want to focus on the positive right now because you're so exhausted. But I guarantee if you go in to tell a student, listen, I know you're going to struggle with certain things in school. I know that. But man, you've got a lot of gifts and great qualities that are going to make you wildly successful in life. And once you get out of school, see, that's a powerful thing to tell

a child. And coming from an authority figure like a teacher is huge. Every kid needs to hear that. Every kid deserves to hear that. And your kids need to end the school year on a positive uptrend so we can begin next school year with confidence and hope. So I'm going to give you a couple more tools here, but I wanted to let you know, look, email us. We do, I'm not bragging. Look, I'm recording this kind of late at night, so I'm kind of tired. And so it makes me a little bit more vulnerable. I don't have a need to prove anything anymore. I'm 53.

I know I stink at like fixing stuff around the house. I'm not that great with new things all the time. I struggle with anxiety. I'll tell you all of my issues. But what I can tell you is our live workshops are life-changing. They literally change lives. And they change how teachers see kids, how parents interact with their kids. They save relationships with these strong-willed kids.

And so I do encourage you, reach out to my son. His name is Casey. He was the original strong-willed child who struggled in school, right? Just struggled with everything your kids do. His name's Casey, C-A-S-E-Y, at CelebrateCalm.com. Just put in a subject line. Just put in there. Just come to our school.

I don't care. Don't even do a subject line. Just tell them the name of your school or church or synagogue or foster care agency, whatever it is in your city, and he'll send you information. And we're doing a little bit of a promotion here at the end of the school year, which is this. whoever it is, to sponsor a teacher training, professional development teacher training next year, the beginning of the school year, which is an awesome way to start the school year. We'll give you a free parents workshop. But we're going to limit this because we don't like giving away everything for free, right?

You've got to value this stuff, and it's really good. Look, I am not kidding. You know what happens at teacher training? Teachers come up and are like, we wish that would have lasted longer. They never say that about professional development, partly because we make it fun and they laugh, but they learn practical stuff they can actually use in the classroom. And then parents and teachers are on the same page to start the school year. So do that. So I wanted to end with a couple things from ways to kind of apply what we just talked about. Ways a couple parents, a parent and a kid did it because we were doing a workshop a couple weeks ago.

And I hear this family walk in and the kid's complaining like, why do we have to come to some boring talk? This is going to be dumb. Right? And I kind of smiled because I know that's what our kids say. And, right, I get that. But here's the thing within like three minutes, two minutes of me starting to speak, that kid's face was all lit up. You know why? Because I was letting everybody know the quickest way to change your child's behavior is to first control yourself. And I was talking about a parent,

holding parents accountable for lecturing too much, yelling, talking too much. So that little kid kept pointing at his parents like, yeah, they do all that. So, yelling, talking too much. So that little kid kept pointing at his parents like, yeah, they do all that. So he got a little full of himself. So I looked at him and said, dude, you need to chill a little bit because it's your turn next, right? And he's an oppositional kid like most of yours. So I know they like the challenge. They like to direct us. And so I was pretty tough on this kid. And he came up and talked to me during the break. And he said, you know, I always thought there was something wrong with me, but it's really nice to know I'm going to be okay in life. And then he said, he had this wry little smile and he said, yeah,

after kind of like a short stint in jail, because sometimes I joke about that in a live workshop. And so I told him I'd been pretty tough on his parents, but then I asked him a question. So what are you going to do to step up and be responsible for yourself? Because we don't do excuses around here, right? So your brain is a little bit different, and it's going to cause you to have some challenges in school. But what I know is you have a really great creative brain, strategic brain. So how are you going to use that creative strategic brain of yours to overcome your natural challenges with short-term memory and following directions, right? Because

he's got a great future ahead of him, but he's got to learn how to do this. And so I actually got an email from him, and that's partly why I'm doing this tonight, is he said this, Mr. Martin, look, look how respectful that was. See, your kids will never say yes sir to you as a parent or yes ma'am, but they will do it to me. Other adults. Your kids are awesome for other adults, just not you. I like that you said there's nothing wrong with my brain. I always thought I was dumb, but you told me I just needed to use my brain differently. And this is cool. So I talked to my teacher and tried to explain how I learn best. And I told her, I want to be a good student, but I need some help. So she let me use that little fidget thing, that little sensory strip thing you gave me.

And I've been sitting underneath my desk to take tests and do worksheets, and it's helping. I actually almost like school. You can hear the little irony there, right? But thanks for understanding kids like school. You can hear the little irony there, right? But thanks for understanding kids like me. And that's part of the reason we love doing the live workshops where my son does school assemblies is so that kids know there's nothing wrong with you. You just got to use your brain in different ways and advocate for yourself. And that's a really cool thing. So if you want more insight, look, we've got a program called ADHD University. It's fantastic.

If your kids have brains that are a little bit different, just look that up on our website. It's CelebrateCalm.com. And I believe it is, oh, CelebrateCalm.com. You look up in that little tab up there and you'll see podcasts where you learned about this. ADHD, it's an awesome program and I'd encourage you to do that over the summer so you're prepared for school. And we've got it on sale. There's no BS program. And you can see more on booking events and coming to live events. So anyway, oh, by the way, I don't want to miss this too. I've been mentioning this a little bit. We're starting to fill our dates out West kind of quickly. So if you want us to come West of the Mississippi, you better get on it because we're running out of dates and that's what tends to happen. I'm not coming out a second time, like within a short period of time, because I don't like to fly and

I drive and it's a long way. And so sorry to be a jerk with that, but it's just, I don't like to fly. And we carry a bunch anyway. You don't care about that. Here's the important part. We've got a date left like in Kansas, Oklahoma, I think in Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, California. California, we'd love to come there more often and open up some more dates, especially like January. But Casey just booked, what did he just book in January? Michigan and Kansas City. And I was like, dude, not good. It's cold in January. Let's go to California

and Florida and Texas in January and save the cold states for when it gets better. But anyway, we go wherever we're asked to come. So reach out to us, CelebrateCalm.com, Casey at CelebrateCalm.com. If we can help you in any way, let us know. But here's your final encouragement. Let's close this school year strong. Let's create successes for your kids and end the school year on a positive note. If we can help you in any way, let us know. That's what we are here for and exist for is to help you out with practical stuff. Oh, by the way, these teachers asked last week. Sorry about this.

I'll do a separate podcast for this. Kids who struggle with writing. The teacher's like, oh, how do we help these kids? Because they are really smart kids, but they don't like to write and they really struggle with it. And I taught them a three-step process for teaching kids how to overcome all of that anxiety and wanting to shut down and just like, they never want to write. And so we taught them that. So look, bring us into your school. We'll teach you all this stuff. It's really, really, really cool. Anyway, thanks for listening. Thanks for being a good parent and hope to see you somewhere live soon. Bye-bye.